So Long Insecurity Week One!

Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.

We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.

I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.

So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.

OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.

Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.

For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.

No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.

Thank you for coming!

Lord, be magnified.

In His lavish love,


1,429 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week One!”

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  1. 901
    Casey says:

    Murray, Ky

    1)It would be easier to say anytime I think people will be in my home. I haven't decorated or cleaned enough. OR when I walk in to church and don't look cute enough.

    2)I am both. Probably more the second because I get sooooo wrapped up in freindships and then become heartbroken when they donh't flow perfectly.

  2. 902
    Sandee says:

    Driving two hours, both ways, while paying for babysitting to see a guy who didn’t even like/want me there. Who just two weeks before had shown up at my door with a dozen red roses and called me a blessing from God. Kick kick kick myself… gave up on the whole men thing. Hurts too much.

    Self-doubt. Is what I am doing enough? I read about someone else’s tremendous life, ministry, sacrifice, and then I start doubting if being a single mom, working full-time, raising three kids is enough? Am I being selfish to just want to do that? and I don't do that as well as I would like…. or should I be packing it all up and take them to some third world country. I sometimes get embarrassed and feel chagrin over being a “blessed” American when so many have so little. It takes all I have to raise my kids, help my parents and keep a roof over our head and fed. So….self-doubt. Is this, this family, the ministry God has called me to. Because I can’t juggle much else. And if it is, why do I feel less, when I read of noble folks that are walking a different path? And why aren't I better at it?

    Folsom Ca

  3. 903
    Anonymous says:

    I thought I was getting better about this area of insecurity but maybe not. A man in our community was killed in an accident and I read his widow's blog. Recently she received a letter from the receipient of his kidneys. She expressed how upset she was that the person who got them was a single 55 yr old man with no family. I understand this was her grief talking but when I read everyones comments most of them said maybe the man was not a believer and this would give him a chance to become one. I agree that this could be God's plan and if that is what happens then praise Him. However, that is the only reason they gave for this mans life being saved. It just reiterated how I feel and how I know the world feels, that if you are single and don't have children then your life doesn't matter. I know none of them intended to hurt anyone with their comments they were just expressing what they feel.

    Bethany, OK

  4. 904
    karina268 says:

    1.) I come face to face w/ our gender's insecurity in my own life all the time, in all manner of ways but I so clearly see it in lives of the teenagers I work with at my church. The girls deal w/ everything from low self-esteem to peer pressure to eating disorders to cutting to abuse to promiscuity, etc… It all stems from their insecurities and I know b/c I can hear it in every word that comes out of their mouths.
    2.) Honestly, practically the whole definition of insecurity hits me to the core. I don't have strong family ties or close friendships so I always question my worth and value. I feel alone a lot of the time. I worry about ever having meaningful friendships. I am not very confident in my abilities or gifts. I haven't succeeded very much in my life so I worry about my future and how people see me. I just feel like a failure much of the time. Then, I feel guilty about all of my feelings. I wonder if they are valid and if they matter…Lord, help me!
    Baton Rouge,La.

  5. 905
    mholgate says:

    Spokane Wa

    1. Last time I came face to face with my insecurities was at our Leadership Conference at church. My husband is on the Pastoral staff so I usually have to sit by myself at these events and by nature, I am a wall flower. What I realized is that I only know a handful of people at our church, even after my husband has been on staff for over a year. Thank goodness for the little girl at the table I sat down at! She kept me talking. 🙂

    2. "The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships." I always feel insecure when a relationship with a friend/mentor changes. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me.

  6. 906
    Kim says:

    Washougal, Wa

    1. Today in my beautiful daughters who continuously worry about their weight and how they look. My 13 year old is beautiful and with a heart so tender and full of love for God. She is cuddly, thoughtful and fun loving but she sees herself as ugly and fat. Yesterday with a God loving woman who is tempted to withdraw from leading a successful study on Daniel because another woman in the group intimidates her. At the weekend when I was intimidated by a leader who gave me the freedom to organize something and then when I decided on something that was not her choice – she threw a "tantrum!"

    2. That's easy….a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate. After many years in a marriage where family blending was taking place and dearest Mom in Law had way too much contact with her son and involvement in our marriage. Let alone moving from my home in England and finding myself in Ks! That was eight years ago – so getting better but still wonder if it's me that's crazy sometimes, or some of the people around me!

    I love God and because of Breaking Free, I have learned so much that is a lie and I'm looking forward to God speaking through Beth to other untruths that keep me from being a wonder woman for Him….

  7. 907
    Kristina Kory says:

    Kansas City

    1. When my friend hacked into her ex's Facebook account and sent his new girlfriend a message. She told his new girlfriend about how horrible the guy was in order to get revenge.
    2. "Anxiety about relationships." I am currently in a dating relationship and am constantly worried about getting my heart broken and feeling worthless. I have trust issues.

  8. 908
    zarahcochran says:

    I realized that in order for the Lord to dig deep and press in to the areas that are insecure within me, I would have to answer these questions with complete transparency. It's easy to answer with what you see in others, but when you lay your own insecurities out there for all to see… it calls me to a deeper level of obedience.

    1. I was in a room of lots of people, and I realized I was sizing people up and taking mental notes of where I fit in weight-wise [smaller, larger, etc.]. I began to realize that was a major source of insecurity.
    2.Self-consciousness really rang true. I’ve never realized just how aware I am of myself in spaces, as well as other’s presence in a space.


  9. 909
    Anonymous says:

    I think when you come from a background as a child of victimization you tend to have lots of insecurities, and I can remember as young as 7yrs old being insecure about my body and looks. And in some form has affected me today as an adult. Always wanting to be good at everything I do, and always make the right decisions or choices!!!

    2. Insecurtiy = living in constant fear of rejection!! Chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about relationships!! wow this is me , this is describing me ! But Praise be to God, not for long!!!

  10. 910
    Kara says:

    1. Right now, I can't think of a recent specific example but I know I've see and/or heard of many.

    2. I saw myself in most if not all the parts of the definition. Growing up, I was always worried about fitting in, feeling genuinely loved and accepted. I constantly was self-concious about everything I said, did, thought, felt. I never wanted anyone mad at me. Also, if someone was upset, I always thought it had to be because of something I said or did. With Godly counseling, I've worked through a lot of this, but I'm wondering now if I've lost some sensitivity. I'm really excited to see what God wants to show me through this book.

    Streetsboro, OH

  11. 911
    AmyJo says:

    Wildwood, MO

    2) My husband interacts with several women through his position at work. At times, I feel very insecure that they know too much personal information about him (and our life together) and that they will find him as charming and attractive as I do!

    3) Anxiety about relationships – whether it's my marriage or friendships, I do not like when I think someone is upset with me, even if I cannot determine what (if anything) I did to upset them. I also found it interesting that perfectionism is mentioned as "insecurity's best cover" and that insecure people are "usually sensitive to a fault" – I've been "diagnosed" as both a perfectionist and overly sensitive, both of which probably factor into my insecurity.

  12. 912
    creative_chick says:

    1a) Since I could be an Insecurity Poster Girl (or stand in line to be one, according to sweet, honest siestas), I'd have to pick two areas that are my worst. One is looking in the mirror at the poor bod that I've neglected. I need to be healthier and lighter so I can have the energy to do what God wants me to do. My self-discipline is flabby.

    1b) The other area of insecurity is the pressure over still being single/unattached, whether from society, the church, or my own heart. (God Bless the other 45-year-old single siestas who weren't afraid to claim their demographic! Now I don't feel so alone.) Some days I feel so broken, like an escapee from the Island of Misfit Toys.

    2) This would be me: "The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection….a deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate." When feeling rejected by people you love, no amount of validation ever seems to be enough.

    single/never married

  13. 913
    Allison says:

    Houston, TX
    20's and single

    1)The most recent experience I've had with insecurity was during a recent relationship with a man that I love(d) and thought I was going to marry. We were so compatible in so many different ways. There was only one area in which neither of us could understand or relate to each other. I had saved myself for marriage while he had not. And if that didn't provide enough insecurity to last me awhile, he still maintained good friendships with the women he had been with….the insecurity was thick and constant.

    2)The part of the definition that rang most true with me was the part about being chronically self-conscious. I think the word "chronically" really hit home because I know what that feels like to have insecurities plague you day in and day out.

  14. 914
    Amy says:

    Washington D.C.
    1) I encounter insecurity everyday. Today I encountered it when I put on my clothes (wondering if what was underneath was bulging out and if it made me look ugly. Then it crept in again at work when I wondered what others were thinking about me. Sometimes it's loud and sometimes it's quiet. Usually it is silenced when I open the Word and speak it with my mouth.
    2)Where do I begin on this one. You said it best, Beth, it's self-sabotage. This is what I identify the most with when it comes to a definition. I put a check mark on all but one of the definitions and questions. Right now it feels as if they all consume me; especially the self-doubt and self-conscienceness. Oh, Father, good things are coming, in Your name!

    Beth, I bought the book yesterday and didn't really have the money to do it. But I took a step of faith and all the risks that come with losing my insecurity. I've also been listening to "I'm Singing" by Kari Jobe (a colleague of mine) and I highly recommend listening to it. No matter how I feel about myself…I'm singing.

  15. 915
    Amy says:

    Washington D.C.
    1) I encounter insecurity everyday. Today I encountered it when I put on my clothes (wondering if what was underneath was bulging out and if it made me look ugly. Then it crept in again at work when I wondered what others were thinking about me. Sometimes it's loud and sometimes it's quiet. Usually it is silenced when I open the Word and speak it with my mouth.
    2)Where do I begin on this one. You said it best, Beth, it's self-sabotage. This is what I identify the most with when it comes to a definition. I put a check mark on all but one of the definitions and questions. Right now it feels as if they all consume me; especially the self-doubt and self-conscienceness. Oh, Father, good things are coming, in Your name!

    Beth, I bought the book yesterday and didn't really have the money to do it. But I took a step of faith and all the risks that come with losing my insecurity. I've also been listening to "I'm Singing" by Kari Jobe (a colleague of mine) and I highly recommend listening to it. No matter how I feel about myself…I'm singing.

  16. 916
    David and Kelli says:

    Farmington, CT

    1) I decided to spend this week "taking note" of the insecurities that that affected me. I was surprised by the number of times that I felt insecure (way more than I would have thought). I was not surprised, however, that I was most insecure with people I love the most. This made sense to me on a few levels, none of which I'll get into here. 🙂 Perhaps the most "teachable" moment of insecurity occurred around Valentine's Day. My mom sent me a package containing a beautiful card and a cute pair of pink and red pajamas. Bless her heart, they were a size Medium. To her credit, I was a Medium when I got married, but in the last three months of wedded bliss, I have gained a few unwanted pounds that have left me "leanin' on the seams" of a Medium. My husband asked me to try them on, and I casually said, "Oh, it's late, I'll try them on later." He could tell I was feeling insecure, so he made a big deal about how beautiful he thinks I am and how nice the pajamas would look, so I tried them on. He then proceeded to say the sweetest things about my appearance and the pajamas (yes, I have a great husband). I realized in that moment that my insecurities have the greatest potential to steal joy from my husband. What a great responsibility we have as women to guard the joy in our home and families by releasing our insecurities!

    2) The definition of insecurity that resonated with me the most was "chronic self-consciousness". I'm often thinking about my thoughts, words and actions and worrying if I'm right, wrong or somewhere in-between. Oh my, I just realized how chronic I am! I can't even stop at worrying if I'm wrong or right… I'm so chronic I have to worry about the in-between! Hahaha. This needs to cease! Correction, this WILL cease.

    3) I know there were only 2 questions :), but I wanted to mention a part of the reading that was like an arrow to my heart. On pages 18-19, Beth wrote, "Perhaps, like me, somewhere deep inside you entertain the lie that you know yourself better than God knows you and that you've somehow successfully hidden something from His omniscient eye. This could be the only explanation for why He bothers with you…'If God really knew me, He wouldn't like me…'". WOW. I've been battling this lie for as long as I can remember and to see it in black-and-white made it glow for the folly that it is.
    Praise God for how He loves us, and praise God for His blessed Word that speaks Truth!

    Love all you Siestas.

  17. 917
    pinkmommy says:


    1-I sang at church last Sunday. I'm usually nervous doing this. This Sunday as soon as I got there I found out there had been a last minute add of a sweet girl that used to go to our church that was back home for the weekend and singing as well. She has an AWESOME voice. Blows me out of the water. She was singing first thing. I was singing a little after her. And to top it off my super perfectionist former high school choir teacher just joined our church and happened to be sitting in the choir right behind me. Can we say NOT SECURE?

    2-The entire part about unrealistic expectations on page 23. Oh my word. So me.

    BTW, I signed in on the roll call under my real name, but changed my mind and I will now be going with my blog name. Because I'm sure I will have to blog about this sooner or later.

  18. 918
    Julie says:

    I work in an office that is 99% women (approximately 200) – it is amazing to me how many educated, grown women display their insecurities through thier conversations with each other, comments about each other and the one-uptance with each other. I however am so focused on my insecurities within my own marriage that I have not branched out into other areas. A sense of anxiety without real cause? At times I am so anxious and stressed I can hardly function. Do I fear my husband will leave me for someone (something) else? Way more than I care to admit – Is this all in my head and not real? I don't know – I do know it is real in my heart and look forward to saying so long to these insecurities of the world and embrassing the security that awaits me in my Father's arms.

  19. 919
    Revis in Texas says:

    Revis, Leander,TX, 49, Married
    1. Ongoing – The enemy likes to condemn me about my divorce years ago & the fact that it happened as a Christian. It leads to self-condemnation and a battle of the mind and feeling like I so let my Lord down. I use God's Word to battle with and pray for the guarding of my heart and mind in Christ Jesus so it won't affect my new marriage relationship. Self-condemnation and hurting = perfect soil for insecurity to grow it's root.
    2. Lack of confidence & fear of rejection. #1 above makes me anxious about my current marriage at times and fears of rejection set in even though he loves and reassures me all the time. See how my insecurity affects him feeling like he has to reassure me all the time. What a hard burden for my sweetie to bear.

    Looking forward to the rest of the study & working thru insecurities. Looking forward to more.

    Thanks, Beth, for taking the time to walk us through this process.

  20. 920
    Deanna says:

    Chapter one – As I was reading through this first chapter the thing that kept coming to my mind over and over again is how I spent so many years – almost twenty of them – with my value, worth, purpose, and significance tied to every sigh, every frown, every bad mood my husband ever had. I remember LITERALLY following him around the house asking him, more than once, what's wrong? are you mad at me? did I do something? I was so desperate to be responsible for his happiness and make him responsible for mine!!
    I'm thankful-so very thankful-that God has begun a work in me over the last few years transfering all of that over to Him-learning to find my significance, my value, my purpose in Christ alone!!

    on a lighter note but no less significant for me – after attending Living Proof Live last year I was telling a friend about it and mentioned to her that I was sitting so close I could see Travis spit when he sang….I didn't mean it to be critical of him but just a truthful observation!! She said she was glad that I'd been that close because I've always been so extremely self conscious about EVERYTHING when singing or speaking publicly to the extent that I'm relying on ME to be perfect rather than relying on the Holy Spirit to move as He will, even in spite of me.


  21. 921
    Katie says:

    Russellville, AL

    Beth, I believe God knew when He orchestrated the timing of this book's release that I would need it right then.

    1. The first of this year. I was planning to begin seminary, which had been a dream of mine since August 2008 when God's Word became real to me and I begin craving theological training as a result. This past summer I got serious about starting, even though I had fears (everywhere God has ever taken me, I've gone kicking and screaming almost, so this seemed nothing new to me). However, the night of orientation, my fears of not being smart enough or disciplined enough to make it through the program hit full force. Not to mention other major hesitations (like maneuvering through B'ham traffic by myself for the FIRST time in my little life). As I sat there all I could do was whisper over and over again to my husband who was there with me, "what am I doing? Am I supposed to be here? Can I really do this?" I went on ahead and registered, but I remained a wreck even after we left. Over the next week I went back and forth with it, questioning if even my feelings and desires were even legit or of the correct motive. It seemed like I was fully convinced that seminary would be over my head and I was being overly ambitious to even consider it.
    This decision had some major sacrifices that it would take not only on my part, but also my husband. All along he had been very hesitant (which seemed odd for him, because he is a strong believer and follower of Jesus Christ) but had tried to put that behind him and support this. On the way home and the following week he suggested that I wait because he sensed that it was not good timing. Praise God that previous to that week I read a very insightful teaching on Ephesians 5:22- and I realized that in following my husband's leading I was following Christ. I reluctantly agreed, but I still felt like such a dern wimp, and that I totally blew it like them Israelites did in the desert. But, as I keep hobbling with God through the aftermath of it, especially after He urged me to pick up your book, I am realizing how debilitating all the insecurities inside of me are and that God is ready to deal with them NOW and will not let me move forward until I walk through this with Him and get some healing.

    2. All of it. If insecurity is a deadly disease, then its a miracle I'm still alive. The first part of the definition was a biggy for me, "a profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth and my place in the world." Gosh, thats it! It seems like every single day I have to fight hard to realize and believe who I am and what I do are important. I constantly feel less than others. I catch myself comparing my life with others too. I feel like anything I do is insignificant. Every job I've ever had I felt that my part wasn't very important or needed, and I've never sensed contentment with who I am, where I live, who I know, or what I do. That's sad, but that's my current erroneous belief system in a nutshell. I'm seeing now that I'm insecure with who I am.

    Hannah from Alabama and Danae, I totally feel the same way and amened everything you wrote!

  22. 922
    Terrie Jacobs says:

    1. In the church the men have the leadership roles, but this church body could not function without women, wives, mothers, and daughters. I feel like I'm limited sometimes then realize 'What an important role God has given me, us, in his precious bride, the church.' I became a Christian at a very young age, and am thrilled to serve Him everyday.
    2.The part of the definition of insecurity; "chronic self-consciousness". I hate it. I was insecure, painfully shy, and inward, as a girl. When my outgoing, secure, and fun boyfriend came along, it helped immensely. He is my husband now of almost 39 years. the self consciousness is so much better, but a little is still there, I would love to be totally FREE! Did have a girl friend who was totally uninhibited, and wanted to be like her. She is so FUN!

  23. 923
    Joy Christine says:

    1: The most significant struggle I had with my insecurity as a woman was during the Huricane Katrina Relief Effort. I was one of the few women working with much older men in our church (mostly deacons roughly 20-30 yrs older than I in a SMALL town church)that had been turned into a red cross shelter. We had been working for over two weeks. I had been doing what the pastor had specifically asked of me. Mainly social work & getting families back together @ the bigger red cross shelters. As far as I knew, this Sunday things were the same. I knew a few of the deacons were taking over business-like stuff but not the emotional needs of the people. They had left that up to me & about two other women and some of the youth. Before the church service I had gotten a call from the Area FEMA director to come pick up a bus ticket for one of the men staying in our center to join his family who had been relocated to Nashville.
    Unknown to me, there had been a meeting called early that morning to define "protocol" by one of the 'head' deacons in the church.I got my person his ticket and on his way to Nashville,he had tears of joy and was so happy to be on his way. Immediatly after entering the Family LifeCenter, I was confronted by this 'head' deacon in the crowded entry way of the FLC. He grabbed my arm & started yelling at me in front of just about the whole church because it was just after the morning service. He told me that he was in charge now & that I had no right to have gotten this man his ticket. That it should have gone through him first since he was "in charge". Next, he told me if I couldn't follow his rules that he would make sure I "didn't set foot in that building again" (the Family Life Center). Having been left out of the meeting (later finding out that I was left out because I was too emotionally involved with the people who were displaced) I had no idea anything had changed from the previous day. Or I wouldn't have done it. That afternoon, the youth pastor had been asked to call me & actually ask me to not come back & help with the relief effort.
    This was the first time I had confronted the fact that there was a problem with men being in control of things in the church.Which frustrated me & made me wonder what was wrong with how I was doing the job. I was doubting myself & thought I had done something completely wrong. I even tried to apologize a few days later. I hated the fact that I had upset someone & broken someone's or the church's "rules". At the time I didn't realize it but I needed approval that I had done everything I could to make things right. I cried servral times because I was completely confused not knowing how I could of done anything wrong helping people get back together with their families or listening to their problems or needs. But going back to talk with the deacon was a very bad idea because he basically told me I was too emotional & that that wasn't needed around there at that time. I now realize that I let my insecurities of neeeding approval get in the way of doing God's work of loving people! I have let this incident effect my volunteering in other things becaue I have been afraid I will step on someones toes or do something else wrong.This is also doubting myself.

    joy @

  24. 924
    Terrie Jacobs says:

    1. In the church the men have the leadership roles, but this church body could not function without women, wives, mothers, and daughters. I feel like I'm limited sometimes then realize 'What an important role God has given me, us, in his precious bride, the church.' I became a Christian at a very young age, and am thrilled to serve Him everyday.
    2.The part of the definition of insecurity; "chronic self-consciousness". I hate it. I was insecure, painfully shy, and inward, as a girl. When my outgoing, secure, and fun boyfriend came along, it helped immensely. He is my husband now of almost 39 years. the self consciousness is so much better, but a little is still there, I would love to be totally FREE! Did have a girl friend who was totally uninhibited, and wanted to be like her. She is so FUN!

  25. 925
    nancy says:

    1) I have a girl at church that I am constantly thrown together with and I always feel like she's disapproving of me. Or that she's spiritually superior. She thinks she's my best friend.
    2) Self-doubt. Hands down.
    married, 50's

  26. 926
    Anonymous says:

    Dear God, will you please help? My appetite threatens me constantly and periodically possesses me to binge. I just want it to leave me alone and let me eat reasonably so that I may get on with my life. I want it to leave me alone so that the really important things like my art and my family and friends may have my un-distracted attention. I can at least begin to imagine all the wonderful things there are to enjoy free from this captivity. I cant wait!

  27. 927
    Ellymae828 says:

    Long Beach, ca
    1. I am 30 lbs overweight again!! I hate myself when I am overweight. Have not had a date in 16 yrs. I have let men control me.
    2. So I have both self-doubt and an unrealistic expectation in relationships -men and women – a good relationship with men have eluded me and a best "girl" friend as well
    I just deleted alot of baggage I was going to post on here, just don't know how honest I can or should be on here I just know I want to feel secure in Christ.

  28. 928
    Briana says:

    Santa Clarita, CA

    1. I deal with so many little insecurities on a day to day basis but the most recent struggle is I just became jobless. I struggle seeing so many people who appear successful and driven even just starting out in their careers and I sit here wondering what my purpose is and where God wants me. I want to learn to be patient and content knowing that God's plan is bigger than anything I can control.

    2. You described it perfectly by saying "insecurity: self-sabotage." The majority of my insecurities stem from my own thoughts and I let them eat at me! I hope from reading this book I will be able to look at myself more how God and my husband looks at me instead of how I think everyone else might look and think of me.

    I am already loving this book and how honest it is about how we as women can be so silly and yet so horrible to ourselves at the same time. Thank you for sharing your heart!

  29. 929
    Joni says:

    I am the epitomy of "insecurity.' A middle child of five, picked on relentlessly by my two older sisters, and unable to glean parental attention due to two younger brothers, I never could shake the sense I was "unimportant." At 48 Insecuritystill haunts me and nips at my heels at every turn, threatening my ability to succeed. Oddly, when I tell people I am insecure they are surprised. I am so outgoing and friendly… but just hang around an hour or so and you'll see it!! I never considered being able to be free of insecurity. I guess seeing it as a focus on "self" makes me realize it needs to GO. But… then.. would I become prideful? Yeah, its a bad friend…but it seems to be my friend nonetheless. What will replace it if I let go?

  30. 930
    Mrs. B says:

    My name is Mrs. B.
    Lodi, CA
    58 years young

    I forgot to put my name, city and age…I am so sorry,
    If I could figure out how to add this, I would. I'm trying as we speak. I entered it this evening around 10 pm.

  31. 931
    MiPa says:

    2. Valentine’s Day. Our church house group was having our weekly meeting with a twist: the husbands were having a dessert bake-off to honour the wives. The rules were they were to make it themselves. The desserts were amazing. All the wives were reinforcing that we had not helped—so worried that the other wives would think we broke the rules (an inadvertently dishonouring our husbands by implying that they could not have made those amazing desserts on their own).

    3. The description of that unsettling feeling and need to make amends, even when I’m not the person who was wrong, resonated way too closely. I’ve been walking a very difficult path this past year where I know I made the right decision, and have prayed it through and sought counsel to assure that, but the outcome is tense at best, estranged at worst. I am constantly fighting this battle of “if I just apologise in the right way, can I fix this?” when I know that I am not the one who can fix it—and I haven’t been called to fix it! But I hate that unsettled feeling!

    Lancashire, UK
    Married, 40s

  32. 932
    Nancy says:


    2. "uncertainty about..our place in the world" really spoke to me. My insecurity is linked to pride, an ugly thing indeed! I've recently moved to a new church after being in my previous church for 25 years. I've discovered I'm very insecure about my place in this new church, nobody knows my church "pedigree". I'm fighting a battle to lay my self-promoting agenda at God's feet.

  33. 933
    Priscilla says:

    Priscilla from Chesapeake
    63 and single
    1. My last time facing insecurity is as I am writing this! Will I appear more insecure than others? Is it silly for someone my age to be insecure? Beth, I know you said statistics show insecurity wanes in the 60's; might have known I'd be the exception!
    2. Uncertainty about basic worth and the legitimacy of my feelings resonate with me. I think back to the "Believing God" atudy on "I can do all things through Christ", (page 212), and he has enabled me….why can't I see myself the way God sees me?????

  34. 934
    Lisa in Kinston says:

    #1- I know my insecurity is very superficial–I am very overweight.It affects every aspect of my life when I let it. I tell myself over & over & over that I am who God says I am, not who the world wants me to beleive I am. I know that several years ago the Lord told me what I was worth to Him,& I have to beleive it daily. I work on a pediatric unit in a hospital as a Registered nurse. I think people sometimes think when my back is to them that my ears don't work. Being laughed at is hurtful. I feel very safe in my relationship with my husband and girls. Growing up I never felt I measured up to my mom, she was beautiful-perfect figure & hair. She never did anything to make me feel insecure but I just did. (Told you this was superficial)
    #2 chronic self-consciousness
    Thanks for this book Beth, looking forward to the journey!

  35. 935
    Ashley says:

    Huddleston, VA

    1. Someone very dear to me suffered sexual abuse at a young age. Now many years later, she lives as a masculine homosexual and has skewed God and His word to support her lifestyle.
    2. Self-doubt, and like Mama Beth, doubt of God for wasting time on me. The fear of rejection and failure, the obsessive focus on self, even though always negative, the perfectionism…I'm a textbook case. How many times have I cried already, in just the first two chapters??

  36. 936
    Anonymous says:

    I just finished the book and the one thing that keeps me secure now is if I keep saying to myself TRUST GOD. So that whatever happens in my life, I can take comfort in knowing there is a purpose and HE is in charge. Just saying those two words to myself has helped me tremendously. Ive stopped trying to control some specifics in my life and it feels so good!

  37. 937
    gr8flone says:

    1. Oh, my aching feet–could you have stepped on my toes a little more? When did I feel insecure? Yesterday, today, last week. . . all the time. The Sunday school kids sang a few songs for the worship service on Sunday. My youngest was up on the stage "singing", actually making silly faces that communicated singing with all these "little" kids was just beneath his dignity–he's in 4th grade. One of my friends children was standing in front of him, singing ridiculously loud, practically knocking over the kid next to him with his overly ambitious actions. The whole time I wanted to choke my son and I started getting insecure, thinking I must be failing at instilling spiritual things in my son, I must be more spiritually immature than my friend. And that I'm completely failing as a mother.

    2. "The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection." Boy, that's me! I think the thing that really struck me in this assignment was Beth's quote on pg. 11: "the enemy of our souls has more to gain by our setbacks than by our succumbing to an initial assault." How many times have I dredged up old feelings, old hurts, old rejections. . . many that happened 10 plus years ago and rehash them again. It's time to stop giving the enemy such a foothold!

    Burton, MI

  38. 938
    The 5 C's says:

    1. While on our 10 year anniversary vacation, my hubby and I were met with a few "topless" women on a beach. I don't think I need to say more.
    2. "chronic self-consciousness". I am constantly thinking that if I'm not talking to a friend or my husband or sitting by someone we know at a ball game, that everyone else is talking about me or my family or feeling like I don't have any friends.

    Erica, KS
    married with 3 children

  39. 939
    Anonymous says:

    Oh my goodness. I just want to cry. Finally somebody understands me. I too want to leave this bad friend behind. It has owned me far too long. I kept seeing myself over and over again. Thank you Lord for giving Beth the courage and wisdom to do this book. I am going to go and buy my daughter and daughter in law a book. I am always setting myself up for a fall in my relationships. I know it but do it anyway. I want to CHANGE! Love you Beth!
    Age 51 West Milton, Ohio Married 32 years

  40. 940
    Amber says:


    1. My most recent example of insecurity was just yesterday. I absolutely love the women in the new community group my husband and I lead. They're scared, yet determined to be authentic and known. Since the Lord delivered me from the bondage of isolation a couple years ago, He's given me a passion for reaching out to women in the same place. But yesterday as I was about to send an e-mail to one of the girls, I thought…I wonder if I bug them by checking on them during the week? I wonder if they think I'm really needy? I hope they know I have friends – insert giant snowball tumbling down a hill. So insecurity is going to keep me from loving the people God has called and commanded me to love? Good grief, Charlie Brown.
    Sending that e-mail this morning.

    2. Profound sense of self-doubt. I'm not where I was, but I'm not where I need to be.

  41. 941
    Beckycain6 says:

    I am choosing to answer question 2 regarding resonation:

    "…There was a time when I would have been tempted to put away a book that magnified my vulnerabilities, but THESE DAYS I'd rather press through the discomfort of staring at my weaknesses than live in denial….."

    Case in point, I am willing to look like a fool for Jesus, and I am ready to expose myself to myself (under God) to grow toward a real destination of CHANGE, Sisters, TRUE CHANGE! You cannot prune leaves that are hidden in a pocket. You cannot. And if the whole world needs to see it as well, then so be it.

    Oh my goodness, Father, how I absolutely adore you……I exalt You.

    Rebecca Cain
    Richmond Va
    Mom of 4 🙂

  42. 942
    Kaysie says:

    -I feel insecure often when I see any (and not limited to) any of the following on another woman: small(er) butt, flatter stomach, more defined arm muscles (in person or in the media)
    -Also there are a few select people that make me feel spiritually insecure because their ideology is different than mine and I feel like they think they are spiritually superior when I'm around them.
    3. "Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness" resonated MOST with me while I can say Amen to the rest of the definition. The face that I am so 'self-aware', 'preoccupied with self', and always 'taking inventory of my place in the space' is the most debilitating to me in producing fruit for Christ.

  43. 943
    Anonymous says:

    STILL haven't gotten my book!!!

  44. 944
    Kaysie says:

    oops and I'm
    Flagstaff, AZ

  45. 945
    Lori says:

    1- I think the most insecure I get is around my stay at home mom friends. I work full time it's from home which has been a blessing but it's still full time and most of my friends do not work. I feel frustration, resentment, sometimes even anger when I hear them talking about the activities they are going to do, the dinners they cook, the hours they have free during the day when the kids are at school, and the financial unawareness many of my friends have. I feel like we live in two totaly different worlds and the grass is always greener on the other side. Because I do both, take care of my kids all day plus work a full time job I often find myself unable to relate to my friends and thinking "do they not know how good they've got it". I'm sure they are unable to relate to me as well. When invited I always have to say "I have to work" or "we are on a budget". As a result I wall myself off emotionally. It's much easier to take the mommy coffee's they have at coffee shops after the school day begins, and the fun classes they take together at the gym, and all the other fun stuff I can't partake in.

    2- I think I'm a little of all the definition. The ones that hit home the most are wanting to feel accepted and hurt badly when I'm not. And the one about using perfections as a cover up for my insecurities. I am a jack of all trades but master of none… my pursuit for "as close to perfect as I can get" leaves me feeling worse when I don't measure up.

  46. 946
    Gina says:

    Moberly, MO

    The last time I ran into insecurity was this morning at 530 am when I woke from a dream where I had been inexplicably laid off. Somehow I got rehired as a temp for one of the departments I work with… in Iowa. I was so MAD at the whole thing!

    The definition that most resonated with me was the "deep uncertainty whether [my] feelings are legitimate." That's me, constantly criticizing myself with "am I overreacting?" and even "am I reacting enough?" I realized (and maybe this was from a little further on — I'm a reader-aheader) that I've been hanging my definition of normal on having kids, and that made my miscarriage a few months ago very rough. I asked God to hold me, and he has been, but I wondered if I was just in shock because I wasn't completely despondent. It really sounds stupid, but to be honest I have to admit that I was questioning God over him HELPING ME COPE.

  47. 947
    Karrie says:

    married, 38 years old
    Manitoba, Canada

    1) choosing clothes trying to hide the fact that I've put on a few pounds…

    2) that if I were God, I wouldn't have given me a second look…If God really knew me, He wouldn't like me… Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism.

    I think you've been observing me! Here are some excerpts of what I wrote to the Lord in my front cover… "my greatest fear was that the REAL me wouldn't be enough… I hear You whisper that I fear the real me isn't enough for You to love. Whoa! I knew that I "struggled" with insecurity but those words sound somehow harmless. After all, everybody does don't they? And it's better than being proud, isn't it? Oh LORD, I've listened to lies! I confess a stronghold of insecurity and it has a strong hold on me. Confidence does not equal pride and insecurity does not equal humility! I'm ready to be set free by the Truth! Let's go!

  48. 948
    Hope365 says:

    1. Just recently, I had my own insecurity about a situation. I was put in a leadership position for a committee at church. I hesitated asking a certain lady because I felt she might up-stage me. What a foolish thing! I did end up asking her and believe me if I wouldn't have asked her I would have sadly missed out on the blessing she has been to me and the whole team.

    2. Anxiety about relationships resonates most with me. Being a recovering people pleaser, this is definitely a problem!!

    Stacie, 30's, Married, Livonia, MI

  49. 949
    Jenn B says:

    30's Single

    1) When my friends had a guy they wanted to set me up with and they were trying to sell me on him – when all I could think is why would he want to go out with me?

    2) The role that pride and self-centeredness has in insecurity. I was convicted how much mental time I spend thinking about myself. How perfectionism is the mask to cover it up.

  50. 950
    Donna says:

    Thank you Beth for this book. I've really seen myself in these first few chapters.

    1) A friend wanted to show me photos she took, but I cringe because I don't like to see photos of myself because I am overweight. I've even "un-tagged" myself from phots on facebook that friends post because I don't like the way I look.

    2) "lives in a constant fear of rejection and…whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate"

    This has me pegged…always fearing rejection…can't stand it when someone is upset with me. Being a pastor's wife makes it worse..don't want to upset anyone in the church lest they reject my husband because of me and want to send us packing.

    Excited about taking this journey with all of you.


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