Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.
We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.
I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.
So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.
OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.
2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.
Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.
For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.
No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.
Thank you for coming!
Lord, be magnified.
In His lavish love,
Beth
katie from north carolina
20's, married
(and a bit insecure for starting so late!)
i have always been insecure and known it. i am most struck by the fact that it is a problem to live in it..i am so used to it, so "ok" with dragging it around and making room for it everywhere i go. can there really be any hope of living without it? authentically secure? honestly, i have not fully bought into it just yet. my brain is literally wired in insecurity, so thinking of life without it cannot even be comprehended. i get excited about impossibilities..
i know i'm so late… 🙁 book just arrived and i'm going to catch up!
katie, wewak PNG, 20's, single
1. the most recent time insecurity was in my face? how 'bout right now? a close, older friend suddenly seems distant and uninterested and i'm wondering how i've been stupid or what i've said… :S
2. strong desire to make amends or trying so hard to fix or make something what it's not… my subconscious expectations… yikes
definitely got lots to think through and Lord help me, we're going to DEAL with this many-headed monster! thank you mama beth for heading up our journey.
1. So, the COO of the company I work for asked if I was losing weight. Immediately I said "…are you saying I look like I've gained weight?" And of course she said "No, I really think you look like you have lost weight." How insecure is this person that cannot take a compliment when one is given? I have struggled with my weight for years. I wear it as an armor of protection. I know I do not trust God in this area of protection. I speak it but obviously my actions are not bearing that out. I want to be secure in Him. This is the perfect study for me at the perfect time.
Kayb,
I am starting this book just now and reading it with a young lady I use to mentor. I wanted you to know you are not alone in using weight as protection!! Praying for me to allow God to break through this wall so I will be secure in know “He” is my sheild.
Erica
Tennessee
20's
Married
Beth, thank you so much for writing this book. It couldn't have come at a better time. I haven't always been so insecure and I'm not sure how to handle what I am feeling. I'm not totally sure when it all started, but I think my insecurities were like a snowball…small at first and as it keeps rolling along it gains size and weight. I've been dealing with my insecurities by saying "I'm fine" when people ask how I'm doing, even though it is written all over my face that I'm not happy. Bottling up those feelings inside has made me a pretty miserable person and I'm ready to let them go. I don't want them around anymore!
1. I come face-to-face with my struggle with insecurity on a daily basis. I am plagued by that ugly, green monster (read: jealousy) and a serious case of self-doubt. I find myself envious of others for what they have that I think I either deserve or will never be able to obtain (be it a relationship, material things, more free time, etc. – you know, "The grass is always greener…"). I find myself resentful of my husband's relationships with others because I feel like I have to compete for his attention and deeply want the quality time and effort that he is giving them that we do not experience anymore.
2. "Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships…The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable." This is me. I am self-conscious about my outward appearance ("I'm fat and ugly, I've got to look put together even though I'm a crumbling mess inside"), what I think ("I'll just bottle my thoughts up inside so no one has to know"), how I feel ("My feelings are wrong or not normal"), and the kind of job I'm doing ("I'm just not good enough"). I have major anxiety over my relationships…either I want out of the toxic ones and I can't figure out how or I want to stay in the relationship but am unsure of the other person's desire for the relationship. With all of this muck in my mind, I have closed myself off to any new relationships that have presented themselves and could have potentially built me up.
Finally got my book yesterday, having used a Christmas gift certificate and ordering Francine Rivers' book, too. So they didn't send it until both books were out.
I have to answer the second question first, because it defines the first question.
2. "All it takes to be chronically self conscious is to be chronically conscious of self."
1. Because insecurity has not been much of an issue in my life, I really don't see it in others unless it is blatant. But the concept of feeling self conscious–yes ma'am. Specifically in my daughters, who are now 28 and 34. I so wanted to spare then the pain that comes from living in this culture.
Terri
Michigan
50's and married
Well here I go – I just caught up to the group this last week and saw your post about giving our comments at any time and decided to try my hand at answering to help my journey. I am doing this study along with a group study on Jennifer Rothschild's Me, Myself and Lies. I didn't choose either of these studies, just wanted to read your new book and my group picked the other one – think God is telling me something? I don't know – I've always thought I was pretty secure. I'm now realizing that I fall under the pride catagory of covering everything up. OK – your questions: I guess I struggle with insecurity everytime I get in a group of women – so just this week. I worry every time I open my mouth, that what I'm saying someone doesn't take the wrong way, that I didn't sound stupid, that I said too much, that I remembered to say goodbye to everyone,and on and on. Although I always look forward to getting together with a group of women – it can also be exhausting!! Especially bible study because I tend to always say too much – why did I say that? I guess I worry way too much what people think and don't feel like women will want to be my friend if they get to know me too well or if I say the wrong thing too often? Isn't that pathetic? I guess I'm worried about people not liking me way too much so I cover it up with pride and perfectionism. I guess that answers #3 too. I am chronically self-conscious in these situations but didn't realize this as being self-centered? And I didn't realize that I was expecting too much from relationships and then setting them up for failure. But that is what I do! That's what I learned about myself. Now I'm feeling insecure in giving my info, just in case anyone out there knows me!!! Oh boy, am I a head case – I had no idea! I guess God wants me to clean up my act so He can better use me?
Katie
Evergreen,CO
40s – shouldn't I know better by now – yikes!
Married
I'm starting late, but hey, at least I'm starting!
2. Just last week when I had to deal with my 14 year old daughter. I feel so clueless and not confident on how to parent. Honestly, there are times that I think God WAS wrong for giving me 7 kids.
3. I can relate to much of the insecurity definition. I have a chronic lack of confidence in myself, feeling like my desires and feelings are legitimate. I constantly feel insignificant, unworthy of God's love and attention and of the esteem of others. Not only do I feel horribly guilty if I do something wrong or let someone down, I feel as if I must strive to make it right, even if the offense is only in my head. I am constantly trying to do things for others so if I need help, I feel as if I am not taking advantage. In fact, I am so careful being "too needy" that I don't speak a lot about the things going on inside me.
You are right, Beth, about perfectionism covering up the insecurity.
In my relationships, I have some anxiety about my marriage, that he will leave me or find someone better than me. I always feel like my friends secretly do not like me or feel that I'm annoying. I have a hard time taking the positive things that people say about me at face value.
Okay so I am finally jumping in to the conversation.
Cara
Riverview, FL
30's- Married
#2. My current insecurity is with being a Mom. I have a 3rd grader that I am homeschooling. We belong to a program that teaches how to learn and remember the information you are learning. At the end of the year the kids who have memorized ALL the info are recognized. My daughter so wants to do this. It is a lot of work and I find myself worried that if she fails it is because I failed her and I imagine the other parents wondering why I didn't do this or that. Really it is silly because it is about her learning.
When this question was first asked though my insecurity was about getting together was some old friends. Worried about my appearance/weight. All the worry was for nothing we had a great time. I almost backed out of going and I would have missed such a great thing.
#3. I related to pretty much the WHOLE definition. I am a mess LOL! The deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth and my place in the world; anxiety about my relationships; lack of confidence in myself; fear of rejection; uncertainty about whether my feelings/desires are legitimate.
I think I cycle through all the parts of the definition. On different days one part is a bigger problem than another. I think on a most consistant basis question my worth and place in the world.
1.I am currently working at starting a private practice as a licensed counselor. I have been struggling with serious insecurity about being good enough to help others when I am struggling with anxiety about my ability, my appearance, and juggling being a wife, woman, mother, and having a career. Also the need to compete with other counselors, when really my heart is to help those who God brings to me.
2. "chronic lack of confidence in ourselves" since sometime around age 12, and about almost everything
So glad I found this book at this season of my life, and so helpful to read what all these other wonderful and amazing women have written.
Kristi
Belgrade, MT
30's
married
Hi Kristi,
I am so with you on being insecure especially in terms of careers! I am 51 years old and about to get a Master’s degree in counseling. I’m an intern currently and have about 10 individuals on my case load. I had a big attack of insecurity just this morning. I think I just don’t say the right stuff; I feel awkward a lot and even though God has confirmed through people mostly that this is his calling – sometimes I just want to go back to being a secretary, a mom and grandma. Can’t I just volunteer at my church and serve God that way? HELP!!!
2. When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
Weight issues – Why does my self-worth have to be related to body image?? The setting–I received an e-mail from a lady in our Bible study group. I have lost and re-gained a lot of weight over the years. At this point in my life I am in need of losing weight again. She forwarded an e-mail to me that was not so subtle last Tuesday. I know she meant well but all my years of dealing with weight issues came rushing into my mind when I read the subject line of the e-mail – it was an online lecture on calorie counting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
03/14/10–Profound self-doubt….Struggling with that issue just today. In fact I had put this book down several weeks ago due to time constraints and have just now picked it up again to try and get back on track with the rest of the group so I can be finished by the simulcast on April 24, 2010. I had written self-doubt in two different places this afternoon—an additional comment to Jesus the One and Only workbook question and when finishing the journal entry to the inside of the book cover!!!! God’s timing is amazing and awesome!
Johnnie
Wake Forest, NC
50's
I have been following this study since it began, but have been unable to post my comments because I always seem to be a few days behind…and then it's on to the next week…thank you for saying that we could go back and post our comments–hooray! Now I can truly participate fully : )
1) I face this insecurtity issue whenever I see someone else smile…I have never had braces and although I am assured by my family that my teeth aren't bad–to me they are not the gleaming, white, straight teeth that everyone else has…and it makes me self-conscious when I do smile. Why do I care? Do others care?
2) The part of the definition that resonated most with me was found on p 17–chronic self-consciousness. Even when I'm with close friends I'm constantly comparing myself and wondering if what I have to say is "worthy". I know in my head I need to be secure in Christ—here's praying that will change!!
To God be the glory, great things He has done–and will do!!
Rachel
Georgia
20's
single
Heather
Tallahassee, FL
30's
Married
So I've finally caught up and am up to speed with all the weeks, so I thought I would go back and put in all my answers. They've been in a notebook so far. Must be my insecurity keeping me from joining earlier. : )
question #2:
At the gym when I saw all these 20-somethings next to myself in the workout mirror and I suddenly realized I no longer look like them. Ouch!
question #3:
The deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth or place in the world relating to my faith in God's plans for me. Whether He has a place for me and if that place has any relationship whatsoever to my own desires. And how do I have the faith to stop worrying about it and just let Him have it, with the faith that I won't get hurt or that even if it does hurt He's there to help and heal me.
Andrea
Little Rock
30, Single
1) I lay awake last night panicking over what I'd chosen to wear to church this morning, wondering if I would be able to simultaneously suck in my gut and lead worship. And if not that, how could I hold the microphone to somehow camouflage this leftover baby weight? Before drifting off to sleep, I think I might have committed myself to six weeks of 3-a-day Pilates workouts.
2) "a profound sense of self-doubt" Might as well put my picture right beside that one. I think if we can get that one knocked out, lots of other things fall into place.
to Beth,
I am almost done reading your new book "So Long Insecurity" and feel compelled to write you a note. Thank you for being an amazingly awesome woman of God and for being used as a tool for those of us who are lost without Him. I have taken a few of your bible studies over the past few years and am amazed at how God has changed me and what avenues He will use to reach His beloved children. so thank you. You are much loved and esteemed!!
Jen
McHenry, IL
36
Married
Seriously met my insecurity head on today about joining this group and being dead last! Haha! Like joining a lunch table of gorgeous girls and wondering if they'll let you sit with them. I know you will but I almost didn't begin the journey because of that fear. Ok so I am here now, better late than never!
The part of the definition that resonated with me was chronically wondering if people like me. I have now realized I have this disastrous mental ritual after I meet with a group of people by analyzing their body language and replaying exactly what I said a million times to "hear" if they had any basis not to like me. I usually will focus on something I "caught" that I can't let go and hang on to that for sometimes 6 months to forever! Lord help me!
I just recently got the book and just recently started the study- better late than never!
Faith
Mckinney, Texas
Late 20s
Married
1) A lot has led me to where I am today. To name a few…
I have been separated a total of 4 times from my husband in our 3-year marriage (something that not very many people know).
I have lost tons of friends- one memory that sticks out in my mind is my high school friends missing my 26th birthday and after that, things only went downhill.
I never finished college.
I've had too many jobs.
I've filed for bankruptcy.
I have parents who hover and manipulate me, my marriage, my parenting style- who take any and every opportunity they can get to criticize and judge me; who use God's Word to condemn and ridicule me and constantly bring up my mistakes whether past or present.
I'm snippy, moody, cranky, impatient, irritable.
I get jealous of anyone- whether close friends or acquaintances- of how well they can carry themselves and how well they handle circumstances, when I simply just can't or feel totally helpless to overcoming great feats in my life.
2) Probably the most recent encounter was with my parents and our blow-out a week and a half ago. I've never been brought as low as they've made me feel with words too painful to share. I know I'm not perfect but to be made aware of all of my mistakes and imperfections by my own parents is very discouraging to me- it made me question my self-worth even more and it brought up a lot of unwanted feelings of rejection and unworthiness from all aspects of my life- work life, friendships, etc. I also have to mention my marital struggle of discovering who I've been and who I needed to be that God has called me to be as a wife and mother- and trying to take back all the hurtful words that I've ever spoken whether to my husband or to others whom I've badly spoken to about my husband- words that I'll never be able to take back and opinions that I'll never be able to change. Yet in my midst of trying to only please God in what I do- I still struggle with trying to please everyone and trying to prove myself to anyone but God…
3) I think self-doubt resonates louder and clearer than I imagined. I don't always feel like I'm not confident- there are some things that I feel pretty confident about but as I sit and think about it, I always question myself. I'm indecisive to the core! I doubt my choices and decisions all of the time. I pray about it and ask God for peace- yet I'm like the doubting Thomas- still worrying, still doubting myself and essentially I'm doubting God! When I make rash decisions, I always end up kicking myself in the butt and saying "Ugh! Why did I do that?!" I'm impulsive- almost anything goes with me when I react to something, anything, anyone! There's no holding me back. There's no biting the tongue. Whatever I'm feeling, I make it known to anyone or everyone or whoever might've offended me. Pretty much every time I regret it then I start to break apart due to my impulsive insensitive reaction- then the insecurity cycle begins of me trying to redeem myself somehow.
More often than not, I think I not only lack security but also faith in God's ability to change my heart and attitude. I've made plenty of careless decisions and choices, taken too many wrong paths in life to lower me enough to feel like I'm unworthy. I try to hang on to God's promises about His grace being sufficient every morning- yet there's always that self-doubt and unbelief that I'm simply not good enough- I realize I have the same thought process when it comes to my relationships- I'm simply not a good enough daughter, sister, friend, wife or mother; therefore, a lot of times, I'm snippy because I'm trying to make some kind of statement or perhaps I'm trying to prove myself that I am more than worth it…
Dear Beth,
I am one of those newbies that has NEVER blogged that you have been encouraging to join in and post answers to the assignments. So can I be a Siesta, too?
Like many others, I feel very close to you even though we haven't met. God has used your ministry quite powerfully in my life, starting about 9 years ago. There are many awesome God-stories of how your Bible studies, conferences, and simulcasts have been used by God to shape and mold my faith and bring healing to my life; but they would fill a book, so I will have to save them for another day. But they all have a common thread: Glory!!!! Woo-Hoo!! Glory to God!!!! 🙂
Being insecure, I planned to only sign up for roll call and then just read everyone else's blogs. (I was a late addition: #6986, in fact! I am trying to catch up, and just finished Ch9.) But in the assignment for Ch 10&11, you asked us to go back and leave comments for every assignment, so I will do it.
I really didn't think you would still be paying attention to new entries on comments from February. Thank you for encouraging me to participate. I think you are right that I will get more out of the study if I do.
2. Since beginning this book, I have been BOMBARDED with insecure situations. The most recent is that I have started attending a new church, and don't feel like I fit it. But I know that is where God wants me. We will see what His purposes are for me there.
3. The part of Ch2 that resonated with me was: "Loss of favor and approval and harmony is excruciating". It is definitely an irrational fear that can completely paralyze me. I'm already feeling lots more freedom after completing Ch9, but I will save that for another comment…
Thanks for making me feel welcome!
Laura
Spearfish, SD
40's
Single
Lauren
Fort Worth, TX.
20s
Married
1. Just now! My husband said he was going to go to a big game with his dad in a few weeks and the first thing that came into my head was, “No! Those dancers are going to be there with their clothes half off and you will see them and maybe think they’re attractive and then maybe even compare me to them and then maybe not desire me because I don’t look like them! AH!” Horrible. Just horrible. I cannot believe that even after all that God has tried to work in me – I cannot let this go. I cannot. For some sick reason I greatly fear my husband’s betrayal. Even if, or sometimes especially, just in thought. Wow…that is messed up.
2. Probably the deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth. I can honestly say that I do not feel worth anything sometimes. And because of quite a few recent experiences at different jobs and in some relationships it is very very difficult to not automatically have the words, “I am just worthless”, pop into my head.
I am so right there with you! It is so destructive for us to feel this way. I want to be normal and not feel this way! I have been made to feel like I am a freak because I do! I don’t know how to change this other than ask God to heal this in me and remember his promises to me. I also want to help myself and have gotten into therapy and this bible study. I will say a prayer for you and I both. God doesn’t want us hurting and suffering like this.
I am so thankful that the comments section has still been left open for the previous posts. I only summoned the courage to do my first post this week and I feel the urge to spend the evening with God truly identifying the areas He wants to be cleansed. I have the strangest feeling that I am about to embark upon a journey of completely unchartered territory in my life and as though I need to prepare myself for the roller coaster ride of following God's will for me. I pray that I am finally on track this time and my will is finally aligning with God's will for me.
I was faced with our gender's massive struggle with insecurity when I came face to face with my own after my boyfriend of four years suddenly broke up with me and shortly after my best friend's boyfriend did the same. When it all comes tumbling down, the secure mask no longer stays put and I despised who I saw and felt my heart break for my best friend as I watched her own stuggle with insecurity and uncertainty.
The profound sense of self-doubt. I always doubt myself. I always second guess my worth. And I have a chronic case of wondering if my own feelings and desires are legitimate.
Heather
Chino Hills, CA
Single
20's
2. I came face to face with our gender's massive struggle with insecuity last night when I went to my children's elementary school dance. One precious little girl there was dressed in such a way that it looked as though she wanted to give herself away. She was so young, 4th or 5th grade, and I assume oblivious to the fact that she is priceless, precious, and worthy of healthy attention and affection. My heart broke for her as I wondered if she may be struggling with self-worth/insecurity issues at such a young and tender age.
3. My current false positive tells me that if I were smarter, wittier, had a more captivating personality, I would be totally secure.
1. Last week. A great guy whom I had been getting to know for the previous month told me that since he did not "fall in love" with me on our first real date, he didn't want to waste his time with me. Being the second major rejection in two months, I immediately reeled, and my entire flight home (from visiting relatives) was spent trying to understand what had happened and feeling unlovable and forgettable.
2. Whew. All of it. But especially the uncertainty about my place in the world (that's been with me for a long time), fear of rejection, and unrealistic expectations. I'm a mess! I can't wait for God to start scraping this off of my heart…
Rachel, single, 28, Tucson
Darla
Edmonton, Alberta
40s
married
My goodness, I feel insecure every Sunday when worship service starts. I'm the person who does up the bulletins, projection, arranges for people to serve, etc. If something goes wrong it MUST be my fault…! Mondays start out calm and then it gets progressively worse as the week goes on!
Don't even get me started on social events with my husband….
I realize that this is SO late–but man, I am doing the best I can!
When was the last time I can recall coming face to face with our own genders struggle with insecurity?
April 17, 2010-When my husband informed me he was attracted to Taylor Swift during the ACM Awards. Seriously? I always knew that he liked her but until that night he always told me it was because she writes her own music. She is young, thin and blonde. Three things too many that I am NOT. My first reaction was that I never wanted to listen to her music again. Apparently she is more mature than me too 🙂
What part of the definition resonated with me?
“The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection…”
Constant fear?? It is robbing us of our LIVES! It is a trap. We must be set FREE!
Man, I forgot—Lyndsey Newton, thirties, married, Henrietta, Texas
Wow…… this started when I was so young! My father and then my step father, always making comments about other women. Some comments very perverted in sexual ways and some made you feel you could never measure up. Then onto my two very abusive marriages…one was a habitual cheater/liar. I thought God would change him and stayed way too long. The physical abuse healed but the emotional scars never went away.He was always putting me down physically and comparing me to other women. Then my second marriage. Again, always comparing me to other women. I asked why he looked at other women when he was married to me, his response was “would you only want to look at one flower for the rest of your life?” He told me he compared me to other women. He told me he wanted to be proud of the women he was with while walking down the beach in a bikini. (that was said shortly after I lost our baby and had three back surgeries). Then he would make comments about actresses on t.v. and then I wouldn’t want to watch that actress any longer. I wish I could break free of this hold on me. I feel I will never measure up or be worth anything unless I was a super model. I do not value myself unless I look a certain way! That is so sad.
Getting started a few months late here, but that’s okay. Got the opportunity to be one of the 300,000 yesterday at the telecast and was introduced to this book. I’m jumping in with both feet.
The last time I came face to face with this struggle was earlier this week when I discovered my teenage boys had found some of my husband’s hidden pornography in the garage. This has been a near constant issue throughout our 12-year marriage that I HATE. Now, to add to the problem, my boys have become witnesses to it.
The part of the definition that grabbed me the most was “the insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection.” I know have intense issues with abandonment and rejection is just another form of that.
It’s funny. I didn’t think this book was for me. I didn’t think I was insecure. But the other thing that really grabbed me was “insecurity’s best cover is perfectionism.” It’s kind of like if I can keep everything under control, than obviously I’m not really crazy, right? I am tired of trying to convince myself. I know I need more faith. I can’t wait to see what God is going to do!
Sara
Sunny California
30’s
Married
I was married for 25 years to a man who was a deacon in the Lord’s Church. He taught adult bible classes and served publicly. He was, we were, a Sunday morning Christian family. My daughters grew up watching him publicly humiliate me because of my weight, and emotionally and physically abuse me. This was not every day, but often enough to scar my daughters and leave wounds that were not visible to the eye. You see, not only were we living a lie, He was being unfaithful to a marriage I considered sacred and pure. It seems that he was unfaithful throughout our marriage, and even had help from his parents, also “Christians” to hide his dirty little secret.
Insecurity is something I now live with every day. It feels like it is something new as I am responsible for myself and my family…..all alone. But, really, insecurity is something that I have never really NOT known since my marriage to this man. I have been divorced almost 5 years, and honestly can say only the past few months have I really been able to laugh and live again. I never imagined the pain a divorce would cause. I had days I could barely hold my head up. Sleep was my escape, but then dreams would kick in and the pain would begin again.
I am old enough now, that dating is awkward, and kind of painful as well. He has remarried and moved on, of course, but it isn’t so easy for me. I told someone I usually feel like I am cheating when I am with another man, because he was all I have known since I was 16.
That is so sad and makes me so angry for you. I was married to someone very much like this too. Most everyone thinks I am crazy and he was the good guy. Then they move on to the next woman and we are the ones left behind, wondering what we did so wrong. I am still waiting on God to give me some answers and heal my heart. I am going to focus on my kids and myself for now. I have never really been alone! I was married right out of highschool and had baby #1 at age 19. I am now 39 with a 20 yr. old, 19 yr. old and 17 yr. old. I hope the best for you and
I hope we both get alot out of this bible study!
Whoohoo! Can’t wait to start the journ
Hello CBC women, and so long insecurity!
Will there ever be a DVD version of the live May broadcast event availability? I knew very little about it we decided to buy tickets the last available pre-order day after, I simply seen a weekly church bulletin from a dear friend of mine. The insert header began with a simple paragraph summary and I committed, “So is your church hosting this? I think I’ve seen her? We should go don’t you think it sounds good?” When my response to her well its about her new book it further decrease my excitement, but I now must confess, It was probably one of the BEST teachings i’ve ever seen in my 29 years of life and my 2.5 years of being a christian. I am so thankful for meeting Beth so secure in this manor living truly as her as a precious daughter of Christ. I have been pretty hesitant watching many women teachers and my box of online pastors is pretty small as i’m not a big fan of religion due to my many past (negative) experience’s in church rejection or “Godly” mothers who tried introducing a need for the gospel in my jacked up life as guidance of real truth and ways of changing my ways if I was ever not going to follow down the same dark sin filled paths as my own family. Of course they just wanted the best for me ya know!!
I face lots of struggles with my very known past in a fairly small city and everyone (it on those dark paths) thinks its a joke in the ways i’ve really changed. Now beginning leadership this early on with in my church the pressure of bending my faith toward continuing to stand up for my second chance and showing this to the generation below me is important.
I am one of now three members in my family and my husband the only non religious Christian in is his and I honestly I was very disappointed to find out I paid $25 to see a live show on a big screen TV and Beth Moore wouldn’t be anywhere near there. (I didn’t even know it was based on a book) This is one of those I think church folks call them pivotal relationships?
The here kicker was within the first 10 mins of Beth speaking I was calling and texting my suicidal sister bribing her to join me a even the same ticket price wasn’t even a hesitation. I skipped the included 1.5 lunch rushed through Taco Bell trying to hunt her down. No go:( There has still not been a day gone by that I have not talked about this day and recommended the book to someone!! As for me I ordered 2 online the following week after discovering no copies were available other wise and still waiting on delivery!! It will be very soon though! No big rush I don’t i’ve read a thinker book with exception to parable Bible I dove into realizing my husbands childhood God grown raised values were gonna lead me to carrying a son to full term knowing he would prob. die shortly after birth. (Thank You to a pastor who said, We’ll be here for you no matter what you do Amy and Todd Smith and Crosspoint Pastor Pete Wilson for your encouragement leading into the third tri-mester via Viemo video and now book PlanB and Amy’s story: I Will Carry You Book)
Yeah God! Yeah Beth!! Thank you
I want to share your passion with non readers too!!!
Wow real truth may be simply said by saying, “The letter of the law will kill without the love of Jesus” I no longer fear jumping on the religious wagon when I hear fellow brothers and sisters love with, “who does she think she is?
One of your newest and most proud sisters!!
http://www.tosavealifemovie.com.
Am super late, but I am going to post this anyway. Reading everyone’s previous posts has me crying– its amazing that so many women can be as insecure as I feel on a daily basis– how many times have I passed some of these women thinking I was the only one dealing with these issues, thus causing me to feel even more insecure!!
1. The last time I came face to face with my insecurities was last night! I mean, I could name all the times, but fortunately for everyone, I wasn’t asked to do so. Last night on the way home, worried about work, upset over the Judge Rushing issue, and having lingering thoughts about what happened with J., I went over and over everything in my mind, as I tend to do. “Thinking it out” as I call it. I try to convince myself that sooner or later, “thinking it out” will allow me some peace, but I tend to continue thinking it out over and over and over and over again till something new takes its place and I have to think about that! It rarely allows me to come to conclusions that give me peace for very long. More likely than not, I’ll talk myself into feeling better about it or think of some insight into the situation, but in a few short hours, I will be back again, “thinking it out.”
So, last night, I am doing this again, and all the sudden it hits me—how much time have I spent “thinking it out”—over boys, work, family, myself, etc. And I go through the typical thoughts in my head—“what happened with J.? Am I upset about it? Was it something I did? Wish I hadn’t talked to everyone about it cause now that its fizzled out, its just obnoxious that I once again got all excited about it. Why do I get so excited about it? Cause I am desperate for male attention. It’s a vicious cycle and my responses to a tiny bit of attention are ridiculous. What can I do to change this? Why are so many other people lucky enough to have a husband and I’m not? Whats wrong with me? Is there anyone out there who will ever like me even a little bit? I have never had a successful relationship. No one in this entire world has ever or will ever like me! I don’t necessarily have to be married, but it would be nice to have a decent guy like me for more than 3 minutes!”
And then, it hits me. SHUT UP! I am exhausted thinking about all this. I’m SICK of thinking about all this, over and over. My mind and heart are sick of this. I’m annoying myself, how bad must I be annoying my family and friends! How much time, through the years, have I wasted thinking these same thoughts over and over, and never getting any permanent relief? And never making better decisions regarding these issues? How much energy have I wasted? What could I have done with all that time and energy throughout the years? If I could get go of this insecurity, I could literally use that energy and time for good, not evil! Think of what God could do through me, but I won’t let him cause I am so wrapped up in all my issues. Think of how easy it must be for the devil to use these problems. He doesn’t hardly have to do anything—I am doing it all!!
2. The part of the insecurity definition that most resonated with me was the deep uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legit. Actually, the entire definition hit me pretty hard, but I’ve been known, it my “thinking it through” to often think, should I be thinking this? Worrying this? Dealing with this? AGAIN?
Also, the word “chronic”—my insecurity has lasted forever and is often crippling
Lakeside, CA
40’s
Single
1. Reading the chapter I realized I am experiencing insecurity right now in my relationship with my teenage son. We are pretty close but as a single mom I have tried to make sure he has healthy relationships with men. With that, and my work situation, he is spending more nights with my Dad and his wife then with me right now and I find I am fearful that he will like/love Jill (my nearly same age as me step mom) better than me. She is an amazing woman and I love her dearly (as a friend, not as a mom!) but I am battling with the thought/feeling that he will love her more.
2. I am riddled with odd insecurities but I do not come across as an insecure person (according to those that know me–it must be an incredible facade.) I related most to the definition when it mentioned a sense of self-doubt, a feeling of uncertaintly about my basic worth, I lack confidence at the weirdest times too. But I loved your definition, self-sabotage.
My Oh My, where to begin… I had thought of writing an eloquent paragraph or two about my past and my life.. but it really seems to be too much. Instead here is a list.. just spitting it out there..
The History of Me
1) Father terminally ill, died when when I was 10 (declared war on God at the age 10.. for taking my father away)
2) Mother verbally and physically abusive
3) Multiple sexual encounters as a teen, leading to an abortion
4) Married to an abusive alcoholic for 13 yrs (wasn’t good enough for him.. he never failed to remind so)
5) Divorced and entered into another relationship.. (just say frying pan to the fire… physically abusive to me and my children. Oh and not good enough there either)
7) Allowed myself to be physically and financially used to the detriment of my family
Insecurities
1) Not good enough
2) Not smart enough (even though I am in graduate school)
3) No one can ever really love me
4) Sure God loves me but not really LOVES me.
5) Damaged goods
6) Home is never clean enough
7) Can’t really trust other people
8) Not pretty enough, not enough money, not enough period!
9) Needy Needy Needy!!!
Pitiful! Pitiful! Pitiful! It has taken me a long to come to the understanding that in Gods eyes I am wonderful, loved and cherished.. Thanks to Beth. But the voice of those insecurities creeps in and the battle begins…
I can relate to all of the definitions of insecurity.. I found one that stated that insecurity means “Inadequately guarded or protected; unsafe” Interesting, if we had been protected and guarded, would we still have so many insecurities?
I’m so glad you’re taking this journey, Sweet Thing.
Song Catcher… so much of your life has been my walk in life as well! I am sorry for both of us! I see so many women that have such wonderful relationships with parents, friends and family members. I don’t understand why we have had to walk through so much pain. On top of the pain from our past (as if that weren’t already enough)
we still find ourselves hurting from it. Other than the promise of God loving us and healing us, have you found anything else that has helped you recover or heal from your experiences?
I just started SLI this week. At the time you guys were doing it I was Breaking Free, and, well, I could only handle so much at a time:)
Info – married, mid 30’s, Longview
1. Probably when I attended the monthly women’s meeting last week at church. We are new to the church (less than a year). When trying to figure out what to wear, it was did I wear that last time? Yes I think I did. Will they remember? Will they care? How can I look fashionable? Blah Blah Blah…….
2. The aspect of insecurity that perked my ears was relating it to being threatened. It is where I recoginize myself most easily. The feeling I feel most often when I feel insecure. It rises up quick and wants to lash out. It is pretty ugly.
I feel ready to tackle this insecurity issue once and for all. I am in my mid forties, and well into my second marriage. My husband is kind but possessive. Friendly captivity you could say. I had a wreckless childhood that led to a great deal of sex abuse. Being pretty isn’t that great when you are unprotected. The looks from men and women made me feel wierd and ugly. I used to think my god I must be horrible looking. They are starring at me. Then I understood. It was sexuality from the men, didn’t matter if I was a child and curiosity and jealousy from the women. Needless to say a lifetime of being a man’s lap dog has left me with an alcohol addiction (just to get through the sex part) and a sincere longing to start over. I want to push through those pressures that are there from my husband.and in my own mind. He likes me the way I am. But that has cost me years of dignity and I dont want to go there anymore. I want to be who God intended me to be.
Insecure – My definition is someone who doesn’t really know themselves. They never developed an identity. One who looks to others always. It seems to me all of these women have their own personal definitions.
Thanks Beth for your wisdom and leadership
Beth, I have been doing you bible studies for awhile now. I grew up feeling very unatractive, to skinny, to tall, lack a boob(all the women in my family have large breasts, but me), not feeling smart, and other things. I am almost 30 now and just started my second marriage. I have finally gotten to a place in my life that I don’t care what others think of me physicaly, but my charcter is what I care more about. I get my feelings hurt so easily and worry that others don’t like me. Sounds kinda silly, but true. My new husband is amazing, God is continually blessing me and showing me so much to praise him for. I have recently got your book about insecurity,and many of my friends have said it changed their lives. Thank you for writing it, and allowing the Lord to speak through you. Although I have no children of my own, and probably will never be able to, I can relate to most of the stories. I am going to ask if you would please pray for me to grow in the Lord. And to be a “Secure” women. I want to be a strong wife, and Friend.
Continue to allow God to use you in this way, because many people like myself are being changed!
IN Christ,
Sharon
Is there, or will there be, a DVD available to purchase of the So long Insecurity Simulcast? I’ve been looking everywhere!!!
Yes, there will be. Look on our regular LPM home page because I think something about it is already up there. We’re honored to serve you.
I am REALLY late getting in this discussion and don’t even own the book. I am insecure about EVERYTHING. I was recently on facebook and got off because I was obsessed about people never responding to pictures I posted or comments I made. In short……REJECTION! I was complaining about it so much to my husband that he said, “you need to get off facebook because you have become a different person since you’ve been on it. You are obsessing about people you haven’t seen in 25 years and you are not easy to be around anymore”. So I got off and really don’t want to get back on anymore. I wish I could be normal and just do things without making myself so miserable about everything I say. I even feel bad about not being able to be on facebook or being around people that I feel frozen with insecurity. Not pretty enough, smart enough, young enough, don’t have the right clothes, hair, house, just name it and I feel bad about it.
Judy, When I read this, i thought you were talking about me!!!!! I have said many many times that I am so glad facebook wasnt around when i was in high school, or it would have probably sent me over the edge!! The rejection thing gets to me bad…rejection when someone doesn’t add me or ask me to be there friend…and if someone comments on something I commented on, I would read and read and read it wondering if they were picking on me or making fun of me! Crazy!! I swear, the Devil will get us anyway he can! I turned my off to! I it made me feel so judgemental also..thinking yea right, they are that happy…or that in love….and I noticed pride would be in there to…cause I was obsessed with making sure I took a good pic….cause all pics got posted, so if it wasn’t good of me, I wouldn’t post it! It was just a mess!!!!!! Anyways, I just thought I would let you know you are not alone in your facebook drama!!! I would keep on asking myself, why do I keep looking when I feel worse after I get off then when I got on….it’s def an insecurity thing and I stuggle like crazy but I sure don’t need anything that would make it worse! So congrads for making the right move for it not to be able to get to you anymore!!
Jackie
47, Pending Divorce
Have a fiance
North Carolina
I have always know women dealt with insecurities. I’ve seen it in my mother as she struggled through a terrible marriage with my rolling stone dad. I tried all my life to not be insecure by being the life of the party. I now realized how I have buried the effects of sexual abuse as a child. I force myself into a 20 year marriage with a man I hardly knew. I tried to please him to no avail, no matter what I did, it was not good enough. I left with my 2 daugthers 5 years ago. I decided I would let myself heal…I thought. Until I met and feel in love, hook, line and sinker. I through myself into the relationship, breaking every rule in my relationship with God. Then there was an incident that shoke my confidence in our relationship and I have been so insecure in our relationship. He won me back, after a 2 month break up. Now, I am jealous, suspicious of every woman that come around my fiance. I started snooping and doing crazy things and it is ruining my relationship. I don’t like this person I have become. I have been eyeing your book for a while, but did not want to face of with the monster that have been hanging around with me most of my life. I want to be able to help other woman as you do. Especially, young women. I realize to do that I must first be the conqueror that Jesus did for, and kill this giant insecurity. The last incident was I really violated my fiances privacy, and got caught. That is what brought me to you site today. I must deal with this and I believe God has lead me to you, Beth. I still have to purchase the book, which I will do today, and begin my journey to becoming the secure me in Christ I am suppose to be. This will be for me, my 2 girls, who I will take through this journey, and my relationship. I don’t want to loose this relationship, so even if I do, I still want to be secure in me.
The definition of insecurity…is feeling unease about every area of your life, even when to others you have it all together. Not feeling worthy, not feeling good enough even when you do your best.
Group of girls 20s/30s in Houston and we had our first meeting last night! We’re going to meet every other week and are using the discussion qusetions as our guide.
Amazing discussion and how insecurity manifests itself in each one of our lives.
Some key things we found …
– our insecurity hinders our Spiritual Gifts – if focused on self it is hard to love others and utilize our gifts as we are called
– taints the image of Christ in us to others around us because we are giving into the world
– we need to remember that our reactions are our choice, not a result of someone else – we choose how to react and insecurity takes over and likes to blame
So long insecurity!
Our church ladies are starting this week…can’t wait to hear that I am not alone in my insecurities.
well good morning everyone! gosh it’s already one day away from october and this blog came up more than 7 months ago and I’m just now coming to it!? I found this amazing book through my mom last winter, when I really hit rock bottom of my life. I’ve been trying to overcome an addiction to the prescription aderall for around 9 months now, which all started from my own desire (let’s be real, obession!) to be perfect. I felt like if I took it, I would be extremely productive with my school work and basketball, I was on a full ride division one scholarship. Long story short, my insecurities spiraled out of control and I ended up having extreme anxiety attacks and depression. I would not even leave my dorm room because I feared being akward around my peers and ultimatly had to quit the team, which was my life, my passion. The devistation still overwhelms me every day. When I began reading this book, I felt like Beth was speaking to me and reminding me of my once strong faith and confidence. It truly helped me, yet I failed to put my new found thoughts and strength with God to action. I’m starting over, re-reading the book, besides the Bible of course, that will save my life and save me from this dark place. I’ve finally realized I truly cannot do this alone and I know this time I’m ready to get my life back with God and all of you lovely ladies! 🙂 God bless yall and have a terrific thursday!
Ch. 1 Discussion answer:
Oh my goodness the last time I’ve felt insecurity was not even 10 minutes ago, it consumes my life all day long. The last instance was when I simply was talking with my roommate. Inside my head I felt so much anxiety.. am i being socially akward? does she think I look fat? why am i standing so weird? etc, etc… I forgot all of my new goals of telling my negative thoughts to hush, and let the Lord enter and help me.
Ch. 2:
I completely related to the part where the definition said “the insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection” and also “chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety”. The definition basically is what my life is at the moment, and gosh dangit I’m sick and tired of it. It’s time to change and I know that I can only overcome this with God, not alone. 🙂
This book was written just for me. I read the first page, then the second…and well let’s just say that over a week’s time I’d finished it. Actually, it was the ebook version!
Insecurity…well let’s just say God started to speak to my heart LOUDLY as I read page after page. At one point I lost it. I just cried because it was the words that God used you Beth Moore to speak to a Woman who lives in Williamsburg, VA. What were those words that got me so choked up???!! Well let’s just say the scriptures on page 220 got me going…Reading God’s promises and how He will help me with this insecurity was just a breath of fresh air. Thank you Jesus and thank you Beth Moore. Ok, then I have decided to use the words from your book that said “This is the dignity God gave me, you can’t have it.”
This book is amazing and I am thankful to God and you Beth Moore for being mad enough, upset enough, and open enough to write it! Thank you for being obedient!
God bless you,
Alicia Roark
God bless you
56, married with 2 young adult children
It’s been a while since I’ve picked up a book to read that wasn’t a text book. “So Long Insecurity” practically jumped off the shelf and into my hands.
Your words do speak to me. I think of my own huge battle with insecurity that has been particularly difficult this past year, and then I can think about the actions of so many young women around me (I’m attending college…again) and I just want to hug them and whisper words of encouragement in their ear.
Being insecure is incredibly painful. The fear of not being good-enough, of saying too much, or much too little, the fear of rejection, being left behind, not being respected or understood, not having friends. It has helped me stay in a marriage full of the stress of verbal put-downs, too scared (for whatever reason I just don’t know) to draw the boundary lines and then to feel joy in the consequence because it’s by the hand of God it fell out that way.
Thank you, Beth Moore, for continuing to challenge women right where they are. I have always loved these lines from a song by Susan Ashton,
“You give me courage
I didn’t know I had
You move me on
I can’t go with you
and stay where I am.”
Change is gonna come.
I started this book this week on recommendation from a godly friend. I don’t know about the gender part,at least not a BIG moment, I see so much of the pressures… I work within the beauty industry and MOST of the women I encounter dwell completely on the aspects they DON’T like, and many of them argue or dismiss as I pay them sincere compliments about the beauty I see.
What struck me most personally so far has been two things– I feel perpetually “threatened” this last couple of years by women who look like they have it together. We are in the process of moving, selling our home, and watching TWO lines of work we love NOT support us, all because I let my insecurity turn me into a “closet” shopper… a “broke snob” as my Dallas friends say… I spent tens of thousands on credit cards trying to feel better about feeling bad about myself. I grew up with little to none, and so I often equate security with spending on stuff. (And then hate myself for being stupid with money.)
I keep looking for God to FIX me… but I realize now that I have to actively engage in the process, and that is terrifying. I wonder if He can get past my totally messed up self and help me learn better ways to deal with my stress and overwhelm.
I have big “little girl dreams” that I can learn to see me and others like my Father in Heaven sees me.
Better late than never, right?
Lindsey; Kentucky; 20’s; single
This journey started for me rather abruptly. I didn’t see it coming and to be honest it has felt like being hit by a mack truck repeatedly for about a month now, ha. My first face-to-face with insecurity was about a month ago when I was around a guy I am interested in. I was showing interest…rustling the leaves as another great author, Carolyn Mahaney, says…and realized I felt completely, 100% sure in the fact that there was (and still is) NO WAY this guy would be interested in me. Enter self doubt and the feeling of worthlessness. Sigh. Since that weekend God has been pouring into my stubborn heart and I am trying my best to take it in.
The part of the definition I most identify with is “…a deep feeling of uncertainty of our basic worth and our place in the world…”. Who knew it was so hard to be a young adult woman, seeking the Lord, and single?! I wish someone would have warned me! Smile. I’m not a college student anymore and I’m not married with a family yet so I am having some serious issues with the question of where do I fit?? This issue is unfortunately only increased by what seems to be the backbone for worth and value in the modern church – being a godly wife and mother. It seems if one has passed the “student” phase and hasn’t entered the wife and later mother phase they have nothing to offer. What’s that about??!! I am striving to serve the Lord and He has offered some amazing opportunities to me as a single woman so I’ve become very satisfied with where God has me, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being looked at as some sort of alien in the church because I’m not in a serious relationship, headed down the aisle, and making plans for babies. It’s chipping away at my security…what little was there in the first place.
Even though the last two paragraphs seem seriously bitter…I hope the excitement of what God will do also shines through because I’m expecting big things. I can’t wait to read through these previous responses to see what God’s already doing in the lives of other women!
So glad you joined us, Lindsey! Many others have walked your same road. I hope you do enjoy the other posts, and we praise God for His work and love in your life! He loves you so!
I lead a small bible study group on Tuesday nights with some very close girlfriends of mine. Just two weeks ago we started Beth’s new book, So long Insecurity. After just the second week, there is already healing going on in my own heart. I am loving this book and I know my fellow sisters in the group do as well. I’ve never realized just how many insecurities I do have and how much the Lord wants me to be healed from them. I am looking forward to the coming weeks of reading this book. I’ve made it a point to write a blog on this site once a week at the progress I myself am getting from this book. God is so awesome! As hard as it will be to come face to face with my own weaknesses and to actually vocalize them; I look forward to the healing. There are some lyrics of a song I like to post for this week:
My hands are trained for battle and my fingers trained for war.
Fear and rejection you don’t own me anymore.
I can feel the spirit rising….
I will arise…
I will shine…
I’ll stand firm…
I will fight!
Taking a stand against insecurities. As Beth says: let’s wage war!
What are some study guides that you use in your daily Bible study? (other the the Bible) What helps you prepare your studies, and what are some good resources as far as study aids? Thanks
Appreciate it for all your efforts that you have put in this. very interesting info .
I know I’m a year late but I need to do this for me and my healing. I have struggled with insecurity for over 25 years. I never knew that’s what it was until I started reading this book and BAM! I realized that I am the epitome of the definition. I thought I had beat this 10 years ago but insecurity raised itself up again in my life all big and more hideous than before. It knocked the breathe right out of my soul. I felt lost and did not know where to turn when (I know it was God) I was lead to this book. I have read through the first 3 chapters and I am excited to get to the end because I know that I know that I know . . . I need to be free of this once and for all!
30’s … PA
I also am a year late but need this sooooo much…
1) Daily I face insecurity with my husband, my best friend, and with my clients. I am told often about how poorly I communicate (by my DH). I doubt/fear/2nd guess what I said, my facial expressions, my body language, even my thoughts, opinions, feelings.
2) I “swim” in self doubt. I “harbor unrealistic expectations about love & relationships.” I want to be perfect & struggle with the fact that I nor anyone else is perfect. I am sensitive. (This started when I was a child with a critical & angry step father … continued when my husband began to point out my faults & weaknesses & doesn’t let me forget when they show up) I fear rejection by others. I often doubt my husband’s love for me & think each little argument will be the last straw…