So Long Insecurity Week One!

Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.

We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.

I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.

So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.

OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.

Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.

For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.

No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.

Thank you for coming!

Lord, be magnified.

In His lavish love,


1,429 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week One!”

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  1. 1201
    Paula says:

    Description of Insecurity that Most Resonated with Me: "She takes a frequent inventory of her place in space."

    Whenever I am in a conversation with 2 other people, I keep a mental tally of how many times the speaker makes eye contact with me versus making eye contact with the other person. I am rarely the winner in this game. This causes me to wonder why my reactions and input are not as valuable as the other person's. (This scenario happens regularly when my mom is speaking to my sister-in-law or sister and me.) On the rare occasions when I am the one to accumulate the most tallies, I don't celebrate this but feel so badly for the other person that I purposely draw attention to her/him so that they can "catch up" to me in tally marks.

    ~Paula K, Muskegon, Michigan~

  2. 1202
    MOMOF3GOGOGO says:

    So, question 3 from Week 1 was easy. NOT SECURE was the definition that resonated with me. Simple? I think not. I have been dealing with so many different crazies that are all wrapped into the sweet present of not feeling secure. Money, marriage, raising children, work, home, can you feel me? When I was 13 years old, my mother committed suicide. I found her. My father was in a nursing home after surgery for a brain tumor that reoccurred. I had 3 younger siblings. Talk about your whole world crashing around you. I never realized how much security I seek as a direct result of abandonment. Control/need for security, call it what you will, it plays out the same in my real life role as wife, mother, sister, friend. Just as I thought I confronted that monster; I began a bible study right before this one at my church; and here it came again rearing it's ugly head and laughing in my face. I have some work to do as a result of insecurity and it's not easy.

  3. 1203
    Nicole says:

    1. Appearance/weight. Setting; in October I had my physical and when I stepped on the scale found I had gained weight when I had been hoping to lose. My expression must have spoke for me and my Dr. assured me it was muscle from running. However, it really bothers me. My husband encourages me and loves me beautifully but I don't always accept it.

    2. There are a few parts of the definition that resonate. Self consciousness and wondering if my feelings and desires are legitimate. I often don't meet my personal expectations. Are my desires directed by God or are they based on who I wish God would make me to be?

    Winnipeg, Canada

  4. 1204
    Anonymous says:

    1. When I went to a doctor I hadn't been to in 5 years, I found out I had gained ____ lbs in 5 years –
    2. Anxiety about relationships, feeling like I'm not good enough.

    Shara, Somerset, CA
    Married, holding 50's

  5. 1205
    Cheri-Beri says:

    Vancouver, WA

    1) I know someone who is so insecure that in recent months she's become anorexic. She thinks skinny = worthy. I'm heartbroken for her.

    2) Self-doubt. As a homeschool mom, I wrestle with self-doubt on a daily if not hourly if not minutely basis. I'm so sick of it!

  6. 1206
    Anonymous says:


    2. I think it's in the gym. Very few women seem comfortable in their own skin in the gym. Maybe it's all of those mirrors…maybe it's all that spandex…maybe it's just plain insecurity that chases women to the gym to change themselves or be more attractive…for many people, working out isn't really about being healthy.

    3. The self-protective woman may protect herself with plainness and blend into the paint. I never realized I did that, but I do. I keep myself just plain enough to not turn men's eyes. Yesterday, I dressed up and looked cute…and I found all of the attention to be unsettling.

  7. 1207
    battlewounded says:

    Alison 36

    I haven't picked up the book, because I told myself I didn't have a problem with insecurity. Wow, as I started to read these posts, God reminded me of the deep sorrow inside me related to the feeling I have of not being "enough". Not happy enough, not loveable enough, not thin enough, not….you get the idea. I have always been secure in some ways, but there is always that one thing, that one wound that tells you "you're not good enough".

    I am excited to go pick up the book first chance i get.

  8. 1208
    Guatmama says:

    Loogootee, IN
    1)Victoria Secret catalog was brought to work by co-worker – everyone oohhed and awed over the figures on these models, but do we seriosly want all that comes with this type of fame? The food battle, the thought that your worth is based soley on looks, what happens as you age?
    But with all that can't help but want to try it out for a couple of days!
    2)I love love love the comment about our pursuit to God-vested security…

  9. 1209
    Amy says:

    Dallas, TX
    30s, Married, rookie 🙂

    I'm so behind! Oh well, here goes. 🙂

    1. My most insecure moments in this stage of life are raising my kids, especially this phase with a 3.5yr old boy who lives life with passion. He love to cuddle, wrestle and test limits. The testing of limits with passion and the tantrums with passion (full on sweat included). I spend too much time questioning my decisions on discipline and if I am teaching him well, loving him well. The insecurities are especially real when these things happen in public and I do the "sideways carry out the door of wherever we are and make no eye contact." I am a little more of an introvert and although I survive great in an extroverted world, I do not enjoy attention that I don't really ask for. This goes in to an area that I try to combat – daily. I feel that we as moms do more to tear each other down by judging each others actions and decisions than praising each other for caring for our families. Breastfed/bottle fed, cry it out or not, co-sleep or not, home school/private school/public school, etc, etc etc. I think we as women feed each other's insecurities all to often (I know that I am guilty of this as well). I long for moms to just be real with our successes and our mistakes in parenting and stand alongside each other in this phase of life. I love being a mom…but it's still the hardest thing I've ever done.

    2. I fall into the expectations part. I expect myself to have it all together and "pride" myself on being capable all to often. Some of my insecurities just may be the Lord trying to work on that pride part. As I don't measure up to the expectations I put on myself or believe that other's have on me the pit comes all to close.

    Thanks for giving women a place to share.

  10. 1210
    Dana says:

    1. It seems I've found myself face to face with insecurity in reagrd to my husband. He travels a lot for work. SO we don't get to connect as much as I'd like to. I start to wonder if he loves me, if he even still likes being married to me, etc. This is where my thought process goes when I feel self concious about myself. If I lose weight will he love me more, if I allow him to do what he wants and not be around as much as I'd like to him to, will he then be happier. I get insecure that he will leave me – and for no reason at all. No one has really ever left he, and he is such a great husband and dad. I just start making stuff up out of no where and project it onto him.

    2. I tend to be quite self concious about my appearance, though you really wouldn't know it. I often wonder how I am perceived. ALso, I very much do wonder if all of these feelings are legitimate. I want to feel worthy and desired. Lets just say the whole definition resonates with me!

    Birmingham AL

  11. 1211
    A Seeker of Divine Moments says:

    A little late but I just got my book

    1) Turning 30 soon and after a discussion about working out with my husband he said that he read in reader's digest that you have to lose your baby weight now, because when you hit 40 it is all down hill from there. Ouch! Sensitive to a fault, yeah that is me.

    2) I most related to the constant "fear of rejection" That alone has been a spiritual snuffer in my life

  12. 1212
    A Seeker of Divine Moments says:

    I forgot to do this part

  13. 1213
    Kim says:

    I come face to face daily with our gender's insecurities. Thanks to my mom and media pressure I have been on a diet since I was 14. I have issues with my weight and my outer beauty that is psycho. I lost weight in my early 20's to be about the size I am now and it is still not good enough in my moms eyes. I had it all figured out that if I could lose the weight and grow my hair out I would find the man of my dreams. It still hasn't happened. I also deal with it as a nanny in one of the richest areas of Missouri. I see picture perfect women every day.
    Sadly I would have to say that I see myself in most of the description of the insecure woman I would have said before I started reading that I wasn't that insecure now I know that God and I have a lot of work to do.
    St. Louis

  14. 1214
    The Vandevers says:

    26 married
    1. I would say this week. I was praying about when I see it and had some thoughts, but they were about other people. I knew that was not what God wanted me to see. I knew He wanted me to see it in me too. I prayed I would and boy when it rains it pours. 🙂 I see that I am insecure in how others see me. I promise things I don't know how to carry through on and I share too much in order to force a connection with people that may not be there or may be unnatural. I think a lot of us women do it– but I definitely do.
    2.I definitely think I am the mix of confident and self conscious. I catch myself thinking about how people perceive me and if my heart comes out in what I do. And if my heart is right. Sometimes I seek man's approval over God's.

  15. 1215
    Dena says:

    43, Married, Florida

    1. I recently moved away from my hometown for the first time in my life. I was very involved in my local community. It has been a challenge to find my way here and push the insecurities of who I am down deep. Where as when I was at home, I could be so busy and always involved that I no one would have ever guessed that I was ever insecure at all.

    2.A profound sense of self doubt and uncertainty about our basic worth and place in the world.

  16. 1216
    Amy says:

    30s, Married, Rookie

    Apparently the rookie thing is holding true as for some reason when I posted it didn't post…hmmm….

    Hoping to be more on time for Week 2 but here goes!

    1. I am most insecure these days in my role as a mom of 2. Especially the 3.5yr old boy part. Three has proved to be an age that challenges all aspects of who I am and has caused me to question most of those aspects. My son lives life with passion, from cuddling to wrestling to tantrums (sweat included). So when the day is rough and I end up doing the horizontal carry of a screaming child out of a store without making eye contact I am reminded of all those mommy insecurities.

    It's an area I pray about often as I feel that we as women, especially moms, spend way too much time judging each other and criticizing decisions rather than supporting and loving. We feed the insecurities like crazy (and I know I am guilty of this too). Breastfeeding/bottle; cry it out or not; co sleep or not; home school/ private/public…the list goes on and on. I pray that we as women would stop this insanity and start supporting each other.

    2. I am definitely most insecure because of the expectations I put on myself and believe that others put on me. I am realistic in many areas, but there are those times and areas that I am just not.

    Thanks for giving us women a place to share!

    On to next week! (oh ummm, or this week) 🙂

  17. 1217
    Kiki says:

    30's, married

    1) As I read through some new volunteer information and how they want me to share that information with people, I was struck with fear. Fear of rejection.

    2) "Self-consciousness is acute self-awareness and a preoccupation with self…" Thinking about this in a large group setting, always comparing myself and never measuring up to the other women in the room.

  18. 1218
    Jean says:

    Waukee, IA

    I know I'm a few days behind but the one thing that has really had me thinking as I read the first two chapters is this…are insecurity and jealousy linked together somehow? And how do really distinguish between the two?

  19. 1219
    Mollie L says:

    1. Timely question about my last bout. I have in-laws visiting. I thought I prepared myself for the usual comments. However l felt myself reeling with comments like, "I didn't think we could wear that color" or "I bought you a medium last time so I thought it would fit!" I confess to having continued conversations in my head that were not real. Argh! Just when I thought I was comfortable in my own skin, this reveals I am on fragile ground when I should be living like His holy ground! Help me in my unbelief!


  20. 1220
    Jenn says:

    Jennm from Frisco, Tx.
    30's and married
    Catching up w/ y'all!

    1) My most recent experience with female insecurity was during the last Miss America competition. I haven't watched one of those in YEARS, but somehow felt compelled to watch for about 5 minutes. *What was I thinking?!?* All those feelings of insecurity came flooding back from when I would watch as a teen girl and then cry myself to sleep, wishing I was *half* as pretty as those ladies.

    2) "chronic self-consciousness…anxiety about our relationships…constant fear of rejection…" I struggle so much with each of these (and more) and it. is. EXHAUSTING! Even more convicting than these was your statement about perfectionism: "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism." Never would have linked the two together, as I just figured my perfectionism was a symptom of a Type A personality. NOT!

  21. 1221
    Sheila Gruber says:

    2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

    The time that sticks out in my mind that I came face-to-face with our massive struggle with insecurity was when Jim and I went to Parent’s Weekend at UGA last October. We went “downtown”, which is the place to see and be seen. I was surrounded by some of the most beautiful girls I have ever been around…and so MANY of them! All in one place! What struck me, though, was how they dressed…skirts so short that any false move would have “bared all”, necklines down to there, you get the picture. I am used to being around girls that age and even I was HORRIFIED! I seriously felt like I was looking at them naked. The part that struck me, though, was that these girls did not feel “good enough” in their own skin. The tiny, revealing outfits were, for the most part, meant to impress the young men who were also out. Somehow, somewhere, these girls had gotten the message that just being their wonderful selves was not enough to attract and keep a member of the opposite sex…they had to resort to skimpy clothing that would have made me blush if I were someone who could actually blush. For the most part, it seemed to me, they did not dress that way because they were happy about their bodies and wanted to show them off. They thought they NEEDED to dress that way to attract one of the drunk young men hanging about. Insecurity fueled their choice of clothing.

    3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

    The phrase “…chronic self-consciousness along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves…” resonates the most with me. I spent a couple of years as a “chubby kid”, then spent almost all of my adult life severely overweight. I became very embarrassed and self-conscious about what I looked like, and avoided many situations because of this self-consciousness. I allowed this feeling to seep into many areas of my life, and became depressed and somewhat isolated. During this time, my family endured hardships, such as a job loss, subsequent financial ruin, and extremely difficult teen years with one of my daughters, and my marriage became strained as a result of these factors. Although these things are behind me now, I am still acting and feeling like someone who is right in the midst of it. My confidence, which had not been high for a very long time, was completely washed away over a period of about 10 years. I still allow insecurity to keep me from participating in life fully and want very much to say “so long” to it!

    Atlanta, GA

  22. 1222
    Anonymous says:

    Melodie, Orlando, 30's, married
    1. What a great idea about the journal entry! I can't wait to go back and read it at the end of the book.
    2. After a very rocky start, I thought I'd gotten past insecurity in my marriage many years ago. We've been married 13 years and together for 16. I was VERY insecure early on and we went through some trying times as newlyweds while I learned the hard way that I could not rely on my husband for all of my emotional needs. It was rough. I really thought those days were long gone. Then a couple of weeks ago my husband joined facebook. He suddenly came back into contact with lots of folks from his past, most I've never even met. For some reason this brought back many of the insecurities I felt early on in our marriage. I thought I was only going through this book because friends and I were doing it together. Boy, was I wrong!
    3. The part that resonates with me the most – "Ironically, although insecure people are easily and frequently hurt, they are usually unaware of how they are unwitting accomplices in creating their own misery." Wow! Powerful stuff!

  23. 1223
    Anonymous says:

    I have recently gained some weight and I am just shocked at how it makes me feel so insecure, especially in front of my husband. As for the definition wise I feel that I can relate to all sorts at different times depending on the circumstances. The funny thing is that I am really a confident woman and don't really care what others think. How contridicating huh?
    Abingdon, MD
    40 and proud of it

  24. 1224
    LO says:

    Austin, Tx

    1. Everyday when I wake up and look in the mirror. I have never had an issue with acne until last year and thank God I didn't have it as a teen because it would have been down right unbearable. I struggle with even looking people in the eyes at times because I feel they are judging me based on my outward appearance.

    2. I couldn't believe how perfectly the definition summed me up. Self-doubt is the phrase that resonated the most. It is almost as if I need a second opinion on all decisions to make myself feel confident in a choice that I should be making with the help of God. Instead I turn to worldly advice…what a vicious circle.

  25. 1225
    Michelle says:

    Michelle, OKC, Single

    1. The workplace. Where I work, I see insecurity on every woman's face as they compete and struggle for attention, to get ahead, to look the best, to do the best, to SEEM the best and that they have it all together.

    2. I identified with some many things:
    -anxiety about relationships
    -being uncomfortable with the place that i DO have in this world
    -feeling insignificant and overrated
    -I have a strong desire to make amends whenever I think I've done something wrong or even when I HAVEN'T
    -I dread people more than God sometimes

    Some things that touched my heart – "I cannot count the times God has had to tell me to cease trying to fix something that insists on staying broken" and "I feel anxious sometimes for no reason"

    Thanks Beth! I'm loving this book!

  26. 1226
    Rita says:

    Rita, Colorado Springs, 50's
    Last time I came face to face with our gender's struggle with insecurity? Christmas Eve 2009: My long time best girlfriend-and the only one in my town in whom I confided a less than positive male relationship-called to tell me the man had gotten married and it seemed as though everyone in his realm of influence knew of our 'relationship.' Funny thing is, 1) she was the only other person to know and he would never have openly admitted the relationship; 2) that relationship was a few years ago; AND 3) not only had I walked away from it/him almost 4 years ago, but i was married this summer to a wonderful man! I am happy!!! Happy for the man who loved/needed the woman he actually married, and MORE HAPPY for my husband and myself that we have found one another and have so very much in common! My girlfriend can't seem to deal well with the fact that she is not "needed". But need was never a factor to our relationship (in my heart). But not only am i sad about that Christams Eve phone call (and the fact I was literally preparing to sing worship for several services in my church), I'm also wondering what type of friendship we had to begin with. It would seem that perhaps two very insecure women found different things in that friendship and that makes me even more sad!!! I am praying that this book and the discussions will provide me with some answers for my part of all that. . .
    The #2 question: Which part of the definition resonated with me most? "Never think for a moment that pride and self-centeredness have no role in insecurity." Also, "the insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships." Both these comments give me increased insight into my own responsibilities in the above relationship with my girlfriend . . . and with that I continue to lay my heart before God and ask Him to open the eyes of my heart in order that I may be honest with myself in my expectations of all relationships.
    Bless you, Beth, for this book and for the opportunity to look at my insecurities in order to seek God's grace to overcome them.

  27. 1227
    Christie says:

    1)"I constantly feel unqualified, inadequate, and out of my league." Beth, Have you been reading my journal? You say it so well, and it resonates. God is showing me that my competence and abilities come from Him alone. I have taken on the challenge of the SLI Simulcast at my church. Mind you I have never done anything like this before. God is good and He is providing. He is also using this to teach me that my security comes from Him.
    2) The part of the definition that resonates most with me is that I don't feel legitimate. I have to check in with others that I trust to find out if my feelings and reactions are legitimate or CRAZY. I tend to think I am crazy most of the time, but I am learning that my feelings and thoughts are off base a lot. When you have lived through much abuse and neglect it is hard to trust, even yourself.

    I am so looking forward to this journey. Thank you Beth! You have shown me that freedom is possible in this life through a real, living, breathing relationship with my Savior.

    Cheyenne, WY

  28. 1228
    Vicki says:

    Oh goodness! I know I'm late on posting this, but here it is!
    1) Not the most recent, but really opened my eyes to insecurity in the present generation was the release and success of the book (and now movie), "He's Just Not That Into You" Talk about a book that SO many women (including Christian women) related to. It really opened my eyes to just how many women (myself included to an extent) seek to find significance in relationships.
    2) "…anxiety about relationships" resonated with me. Sometimes my emotions (or what I perceive to be the emotions of others) get the best of me in my ability to discern the state of relationships. And, it's just down-right EXHAUSTING trying to make sure EVERYTHING is great with EVERYONE.
    Dallas, Texas

  29. 1229
    Desiree says:

    When I started this book, I had to check myself at the door, dropping my preconceived thoughts about the subject of insecurity so the Holy Spirit could really teach me. Then I had to decide if I was going to write in my book or not (silly, I know, but I thought I might pass it on). I finally decided I was not able to get the full benefit of the book or the discussion if I didn't write in the book (I figured I would end up rewriting the majority of the book in my notebook and that didn't make any sense!) So now to the questions.
    Question 1 – I do think a lot of women draw their security from other people. As moms and wives, I think we get a lot of our self worth/value from our children, homes and husbands. This has been true for myself and many times I felt like I didn't/don't measure up to what I saw in other moms/wives. It didn't have anything to do with my kids or husband but it was all about how I performed in my roles.
    Question 2 – "Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self doubt, a deep feeling of uncertianty about our basic worth and our place in the world." I think those are hard words to admit as a Christian, but this definition rings true for me for most of my life. Other words/phrases I identify with are insignificant, self doubt, I doubt God about myself, insecurity's best cover is perfectionism, complicated mix of confidence and self consciousness, harbors unrealistic expectations (but only of myself, not others), self sabatoge. Not easy stuff to say out loud, but as Beth said "we need to own up to a serious problem and seek serious solutions from the Creator who wonderfully crafted us". Through this study, I am " pressing through the discomfort of staring (sharing) at my weaknesses to become free from the bondage of insecurity, not allowing the enemy of my soul to steal another thing from me! BTW, a small group of us are doing this as a discussion on FB, should be interesting!

  30. 1230
    Anonymous says:

    Please pray for me and my daughter as we go through your Breaking Free bible study. I wanted to do another one but my daughter had never taken a bible study before and asked me to be with her in this. She is going through some anger toward God and please pray for me to have wisdom and show her your wonderful love and who is really the one to be angry with.
    Thanks for all your great studies.

  31. 1231
    Rachael says:

    1. I am expecting the arrival of our first child any day now. Pregnancy has been full of it's ups and downs and plenty of insecurities to go along with it! Does/will my husband still find me attractive/desireable, will I be a good mother, will my child love me, will I be a good role model….these are just a few of the neverending list of questions that I keep coming up against.

    2. Self consciousness and fear of rejection — I feel like these two continually feed off of each other in my life. My self-worth or self consciousness is greatly affected by others reaction to me and the fear of rejection or non-acceptable has been know to alter the way to act, think, or feel regardless of whether that alteration is justified.

    South Riding, VA

  32. 1232
    Kristin says:

    Sorry, I am trying to catch up!

    2.)Most recent struggle: friendships. I tend to keep to myself for fear of rejection. Times I have opened up, I have gotten hurt. "Blend in to the paint" – that describes me.

    3.)"Unrealistic expectations about love relationships."

    I knew I struggled with insecurity a little, but after reading the first few chapters, I realized I have a bigger issue with insecurity than I first believed. Thank you for writing this book. I pray that through this process, I will come out a secure person!

    Jacksonville, AL

  33. 1233
    Traci says:

    The last time I came face to face with insecurity was just last night when I saw the amount of my 20 year reunion tickets and thinking of the reunion itself. High school was strange for me, I fit in, but at the same time didn't. I often felt forgotten or ignored, but have recently been talking to several friends from back then. I want to be a confident woman of God when I walk into that room, I want God to be able to use me to reach people who do not know Him or trust Him. I know I won't be able to reach anyone with the way I see myself right now.

    For the second question…wow! self doubt, uncertainty of my basic worth, fear of rejection. And I am a MAJOR perfectionist!!

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    Amanda Taylor says:

    #1 After writing my heartfelt prayer in the beginning of my book i flipped it shut only to realize I had my book upside down and I did it at the back of my book. Guess God is going to deal with my insecurity before I’ve even begun to read the book!

    #2 Two quotes from this book pretty much sum this up for me.

    “Men are not our problem; it’s what we are trying to get from them that messes us up”
    “We use guys like mirrors to see if we’re valuable. Beautiful. Desirable. Worthy of Notice. Viable.”

    I’ve been married for five years now and due to massive health issues my body isn’t the same as it was when we first got married. Because of the last five years I’ve been dealing with this I’ve lost a lot of that secure, strong person that I used to be. I’ve leaned so much on my husband it feels like now that I’m finally feeling better I’ve woken up and I feel lost. I don’t even recognize who is in the mirror. So I can really see how I use my husband as a gauge. And your right thats just to much pressure for him. He can’t be the one to fulfill me and make me feel secure and whole again. A great example of this is recently I went to get my hair cut. For me getting my hair cut is amazing no matter how I feel about the rest of my body that one good hair cut can make me feel like a new woman for a temporary amount of time. Now I didn’t know this but my husband was dealing with some issues of his own while he was getting his hair cut in the chair next to me. My lady turned my chair around to him when she was done and said “there isn’t your wife beautiful?” He just stared at me blank faced and turned back around not saying a word. I was CRUSHED. Now I know now why and what he was dealing with and I understand but you can see how my placing him as my mirror and basing my security in him.

    #3 “A deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world” Why? It describes the root to a lot of my behavior since I was a small child.

    Amanda Taylor
    Richmond, VA
    Age: 28
    Married 5 years

  35. 1235
    My Household Junk says:

    1. I just spent 2 1/2 weeks with my son in the hospital. He has bacterial meningitis. I keep questioning myself as to whether I should have caught how sick he was sooner than I did.

    2. The part that really resonated with me is wondering if my feelings are valid. Should I be mad about this? Should I feel guilty about that?

    Broken Arrow, OK

  36. 1236
    Momtotyandow says:

    1. My most recent bout of insecurity is everyday at 2:25. It's when I walk to pick up my son from school. We recently moved to a "posh" neiborhood. I don't fit in at all. Everyone is wealthy, skinny, wear the finest clothes, do not work, go to the gym every morning, and look down their noses at an average size 10 woman who recently had a baby and can't get back into her size 6 clothes. I have never walked into such a place. The thing is, I keep up with the latest fashions and have always cared about how I look, but I feel like nothing here. Like climbing under a rock.

    2. Most of the definition resonnated with me. Especially fear of rejection in relationships. Rejection hit me hard about 7 years ago. God has worked a great deal in my life since that time and restored my marriage completely where trust abounds again, BUT….insecurity still pokes her ugly head in from time to time. Rejection almost had her way with me, but my God did not allow it.

  37. 1237
    Kimberly says:

    Beth, I met you at Borders in Nashville, TN on your book signing tour. I wanted to say thank you for being so gracious. You are so humble and your true love for Christ exudes from you. I love that you are so real and fun-loving. It makes me happy.

    Pleasant View, TN

    What was the last time I struggled with insecurity? I have struggled with insecurity for as long as I can remember. I struggle with insecurity with anything as small as feeling unworthy to be at Beth's book signing for SLI to as big as death. I have a tremendous fear of death which I believe stems from my insecurity in whether or not I am "perfect" enough to get into heaven, although I know that I am a Christian and that you do not have to be perfect.
    Which part of the definition of insecurity resonates the most with me? First and foremost, insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. I am acutely aware of my existence in a place because it is exhausting to have to always be on guard to be perfect enough to at least keep a lid on the fact that I feel inferior to everyone in the room which I care about only because of my constant fear of rejection. Lord only knows the havoc that this fear of rejection wreaks in the context of my marriage, where self-sabotage definitely occurs because of the paralyzing fear of being rejected by the one I love the most (aside from God). You know the situation I mean, the one where you want something so badly that your insecurity, fear, anxiety cause you to do all the things just opposite of what you mean to or get the exact opposite results as you were dying for?
    God please help me.

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    The Plum Life says:

    1. I think I live it daily ~ a constant, nagging reminder. When I walk in a store or a business or school or church, I let it "get me". I try to hide behind my Coach, my Uggs, various brand name clothes, perfectly done hair … thinking they might like me if they like my things. I am overwhelmed with that gut-wrenching, mind-clenching, despair as I think how they must dislike me or something about me. Odd, because I have been told most of my life how "gorgeous" I am, how "perfect" I am…blah, blah, blah.

    2. "Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt ~ a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world…" "The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate…"
    It is the description of me…that perpetual and profound self doubt and fear of rejection from everyone. NO MORE IN JESUS NAME!!!

    Leon County, Texas

  39. 1239
    Anna says:

    25, single
    DFW, TX

    1. In January of 2010, my grandfather was in a car accident. He was mostly uninjured, but needed a good bit of help. There was a huge conflict one night between my mom, my Aunt and myself. All stemming from our own insecurities (but manifesting itself in different ways). Nobody won that night.

    2. I completely related to every bit of the definition that Beth quoted. I willingly admit that I am a terribly insecure woman, and it has plagued me for truly as long as I can recall. But the line that truly resonated with me was when Beth said on pg 26 “God is willing. God is able. Let Him get to that terrified part of you that devalues the rest of you.” That struck my heart. My insecurity has me questioning my worth, and yet it is the very thing challenging my worth!

  40. 1240
    Jackie says:

    Jackie, 40's, single, Versailles, KY
    1. In this exact moment of my life, I am dealing with deep insecurity about trying to find a new job. I have sent out dozens of resumes and cover letters and gotten zero responses. So, of course, my first immediate thought is that there must be something wrong with ME – not my resume or cover letter. Pathetic, I know.

    2. I guess the definition that most spoke to me at this time is the part about being able to dish it out but not take it. I am hyper-sensitive about what other people might be thinking/saying about me.

  41. 1241
    The Knights says:

    1. My most recent and current example of insecurity is my weight. I should not complain about this and there are many more important things going on not only in my selfish life, but all over the state, country and world to be worrying about so why my weight… darn insecurity! I gave birth to the most handsome and, yes most brilliant boy 5 months ago and have been trying to squeeze in to those pre-pregnancy jeans ever since! Sometimes I feel it will never happen and I have already lost a good amount of weight but it is absolutely crazy where the weight seems to pile on! I see some people who are bigger and some who go right back to those skinny pre-pregnancy jeans within weeks. I know I don't need to compare myself to others, but I do…
    2. The part of the definition I relate most to is the unrealistic expectations. I seem to live in fairy tale land sometimes.

    Covington, GA

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    Kaitlyn says:

    1) I was talking to an acquaintance of mine and noticed brutal scars on her wrists. No need to explain further. So long insecurities…I'd say!!

    2) Where it explained insecurity as self-doubt and self-consciousness – that's me x10! The world tells us so many believable things, that I worry about how I look and so forth.

    Huntington, IN

  43. 1243
    Brittney says:

    Pflugerville, TX

    2. When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

    Ummm… how about everyday… today – when I stated I was going to work out last night – and I woke up and didn't want to (feel like I will fail)… my husband was pushing me to go and I took it as I'm fat and not pretty.

    3. What part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

    "The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable."

    I think I have done this way too much! My husband is just being encouraging and I'm taking too far.

  44. 1244
    Rebecca says:

    For question 1, there are too many instances to recount here.

    For question 2, I identify with with "chronic self-conciousness with a chronic lack of confidence". I am married to a wonderful man who has always told me / showed me that I am a wonderful/smart/caring person. Why can't I believe him and let it show? Instead I always look critically and find something that isn't right with me. Uggghhhh. . . I feel trapped in an circular argument. . .

    Wise, VA
    Early 40's

  45. 1245
    Jessica says:

    Jess from California
    20's and married 8 months 🙂

    1- I am 6 feet tall and I've always been pretty insecure about my height. The other day, my husband and I were buying snow pants for snowboarding and I almost started to cry because I had to buy boy pants because all the girl ones were too short. He didn't really understand the why I was having such a tragic moment, but I'm sure you fellow siestas can sympathize 🙂
    2-Im insecure just admitting how insecure I actually am. the definition that resonated with me was having unrealistic expectations of others. Being recently married, I think this is so appropriate and eye-opening. I guess I always thought I was "believing" in the other person and seeing their "potential"… but it's totally my unrealistic expectations of them, which are most often unattainable. and because of them, I'm drowning in insecurity. can't wait to read on and have the Lord pull me out this!!!

  46. 1246
    Lonna says:

    I wasn't sure if I could still comment on our first week's assignment because of the "site work" going on?? I want to get my 2 cents worth in though! The thought crossed my mind as I read chapter 2 on page 19 where you talk about why some of us don't seek healing from God. Some of us, or least I don't seek healing because I feel I don't deserve it. I must deserve punishment because insecurity means to me that I must be too wrapped up in myself and I haven't put my faith and trust in my Creator. And.. since I feel blessed that He is even letting me suck air another day, I'm sure not going to ask Him to heal something I shouldn't even have!! (Such insecure thinking isn't it?)
    Albany, OR

  47. 1247
    Jeni says:

    SO late to comment on this…
    Jen Thuen
    New Jersey
    looking 40 in the face

    I hosted a celebration for Gracie's baptism yesterday, and after the last guest left I walked into the bathroom to, well, use it (I have such a shy bladder I can't even type about tinkling!!) and saw that the top of the potty was sporting a tampon. In plain view. No, not in a cute little basket nicely camouflaged for a guest to use in an emergency, just sitting there, OBVIOUS, on the top of the john. And I thought, "Will I never get this right? Will I NEVER have my house clean and presentable for an event? (sigh) Yep, I'm pretty sure never is the operative term." Then I spent a bit battling my thoughts while I cleaned up from a lovely day. Too bad the loveliness was marred by roasting myself for my deficiencies…but how often do I do that? Too often.
    The definition of insecurity was no fun to read…I resonated with far too much of it! One line in particular struck me the most, tho…"a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." (p.17) or to personalize it…'correct/right/appropriate.' Self-doubt will choke me at the most inopportune moments and can train-wreck things in a New York minute! (IE: 25 minutes ago when I said Yes to one kid, not realizing I was giving up another kid's seat on the couch and when kid #2 came back for the seat, actually sticking up for kid #1 even tho they swiped the seat from kid#2 ?!?!? Some days I scare myself when I parent. I'm pretty sure I scare Doug worse!) Wishy-washiness, vascillating in indecision, unsure, ugh. Yep, definitely resonated with the definition of insecurity. And that's just a light example!

  48. 1248
    Ryan & Anna says:

    Anna from Charleston, SC
    20's and married

    Thank you for this book. I am thankful the Lord has ordained words be put to this struggle that so many of us face as women.

    1. I am currently in Physician Assistant school. Last week, I had a male physician tell me that I was wasting my life in my pursuit, that I was lazy for choosing this career instead of medical school and that I would regret it. I immediately felt hurt, resentful and ANXIOUS. Insecure over my career choice and wondering if I had not really heard what God was telling me to do with my life. How is that for some chronic self-conciousness.

    2. The part of the definition that resonated most with me was the portion about always expecting relationships to fail, disappoint or hurt. I never let my hopes be set too high and I am always trying to think ahead to prepare for a percieved disaster. I worry about my husband on the road-will something happen to him? what if I lost him? I worry about friends-what if they are upset I didn't come to visit. This fear of things that may not ever happen is terrible and I hate that my mind goes there. I am ready for some healing!

  49. 1249
    beckyjomama says:

    I know I am a bit behind … SURPRISE! But I am LOVING this book. Having to process every single page and reading most of them more than once. I am letting God set the timing ont his one. I may be on week two for a few months – whenever He calls me to turn the page I will, and not one moment before.

    Here are my answers:
    1. My prayer was long … just sayin.

    2. I don't know that I was ever NOT face to face with the insecurity of our gender. Abused and then abandoned by my biological father I was more than aware of how worthless a person could feel. My mom remarried when I was young and he adopted us and has been a wonderful Daddy, so I KNEW that there were good men out there too, I just didn't always know how to tell the difference. I picked quite a few of the wrong ones and ended up being victimized again and again. And, in truth, besides my daddy, the man I married (at 34) was the only man who ever did NOT scare me. At that point I had told God my "picker" was broke and He was gonna have to put a man right in front of my face if He wanted me to have one. And, guess what He did! I have found some semblence of security in this relationship, but still struggle with all of the body images, social insecurities and struggles that have plagued me forever. Really, how many times can I ask my hubbt to reassure me that he is not going anywhere before he starts wondering himself?

    3. I think the false positive concept hit me hard. I sing on the praise team and people assume that since I do, I must be very secure – I have even told myself that a time or two – and I use that as a mask. Make no mistake, I am praising when I am up there. It is the one time that I let every insecurity go and give my all to Him and Him alone. But, if people want to think that that makes me secure and comfortable, well, we'll just keep that secret between me and Him.

    I cannot thank you enough for writing this book – really, for you to write a book just for me and me alone, that is so sweet.
    (I'm just glad all these other girls are gettin somethin out of it too!)

    Becky Jo

  50. 1250
    momuv7 says:

    Sorry about being behind. Is it OK to apologize or is that insecure??
    Anyway, Chapter 1
    The last time I came face to face with my massive insecurity? My husband travels alot (bad deal for an insecure person but maybe it's God's way of teaching me) When he left for his last trip, the cab pulled up WITH A FEMALE DRIVER! at 5 a.m. Do I have to voice what thoughts went thru my insecure head? Do I need this book or what??
    Trenton, OH

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