So Long Insecurity Week One!

Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.

We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.

I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.

So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.

OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.

Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.

For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.

No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.

Thank you for coming!

Lord, be magnified.

In His lavish love,


1,429 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week One!”

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  1. 1301
    Deirdre says:

    When was the last time I came face to face with massive insecurity? on the ride to the Houston Airport from the SSMT celebration. I started worrying about everything i had said or done all weekend hoping I hadn't alienated my new friend (who had graciously let us stay in her home). It kills me if people don't like me and I so wanted her to like me.

    what part of the definition of insecurity resonated most? That would have to be the fear of rejection, the deep uncertainty that my feelings are real and valid. I seem to need validation constantly.

  2. 1302
    Katie says:

    1. I feel like I could write out 5 without even thinking about it.The girl behind the register today at the stationary store or my best friend telling me about the SLIME BALL she had let her self go on a date with, my sister being put down by her boss at work, or me sending a text message this afternoon and not getting response within an hour and thinking – thats it – he doesn't like me anymore- it's over.

    2. Deep uncertainty about whether my feelings are legitimate and placing unrealistic expectations on relationships.


  3. 1303
    Nadine says:

    I have not had the pleasure of reading one of your books, until now. I was in the bookstore with my sister in law and I just knew I needed to read it.

    1. I have always been insecure. It started young, always feeling like I didn't measure up to my twin cousins (we're 29 days apart, talk about drama). It has spiralled from there. I have been through numerous relationships with both guys and gals, none of which have really stayed strong. I have been blessed with a wonderful husband, which I thank God for daily; however, I'm still insecure with knowing that he loves me as much as he does.

    2. The false positive really rang true in my heart. I have always been a believer in "don't judge a book by it's cover" and that could not be more true for me. I have had people tell me that I couldn't have anything wrong because of the height that God blessed me with or the cheerful outlook on life. But when truth hits, I struggle with depression and anxiety about how I speak and whether or not I'm understood.

    I'm looking forward to digging deeper and really getting the bottom of this. To come out of this with a changed outlook, I'm ready for it!!!!

    Surrey, BC, CANADA
    20's (for one more month)
    Happily Married

  4. 1304
    Allison says:

    Eau Claire, WI
    30's (late)

    #2. I have been struggling with terrible panic attacks while in the company of friends. Panic that makes me want to run away, run out of the room. Panic that makes me sick in my stomach. I told my husband I was going to have to give up friends and be a hermit. I hardly want to go out of my house. It is debilitating!

    #3. Major changes in my life recently have me questioning and doubting my place, my worth, my gifts, even who I am. I feel like I live in constant fear of having to explain myself and not knowing the answers! "What will my friends think of me?" I wonder. SELF-DOUBT should be my middle name!

  5. 1305
    Anonymous says:

    I am late. Finally got my book. I love it so far. Just went back to get questions. I tend to read very fast so I am going back and reading chapters over after I finish. Love it so far….it is getting to me.

    The last time I faced our massive struggle with insecurity was Sunday during Sunday School. I was alone in our class, my husband is out of town. Our class has really grown lately and we usually sit in the same place each week. Habits?! Well the closer to the class getting started the room was very lopsided. I ended up being the only female on "my side" of the room. There were 2 seated a few chairs down and 1 seated a chair down from me. Our tables are in a square shape. I felt so out of place. I could feel everyone looking at me…at every flaw…I kept adjusting and fidgeting with myself. I ended up not allowing myself to really get into the lesson. I came home and really studied it alone. What a terrible place I am at….not being able to relax and be myself at church of all places.

    The thought of how self consciousness plays a part in insecurity really spoke to me. How much time we spend thinking and obsessing over SELF. As an insecure person, it is strange to realize how much time I spend thinking of myself. I would think I wouldn't want to. Most insecure people don't like themselves that much. But….it makes sense now. The other point that stuck out is how insecure people can set themselves up for disappointing situations. I do this often with family. I place myself in a situation that I will always get hurt in. I know going in but still do it.

    Thanks and I am sorry if I got carried away. I think I read we are suppose to keep it brief…

    Powell, TN

  6. 1306
    Marie says:

    Marie, VA
    30 Something
    Married w/children

    I couldn't wait for my copy to arrive at the library so I went to Walmart and bought it last night before church! *YAY*

    1.Last time I struggled with insecurity was Sunday when my cousin called me 'streak.' I had my hair done by a friend whose just learning how to do color and the blonde streaks are very pronounced. Crazy that that bothered me, I know. He wasn't the first person to notice my streaked hair, my brother asked me a few weeks earlier in front of all our friends "why does your hair have different colors like that?" I ignored him, so he asked again and I snapped at him. Making a big deal out of it only succeeded in making me look worse. It's funny to me when I retell it, but it wasn't funny at the time. Why can't I feel comfortable enough in my own skin to laugh at myself when SOMEONE ELSE laughs at me? (it's okay for me to make fun of me, but don't you dare do it) I see/feel insecurity whenever I'm around someone who I feel is smarter, prettier, or wealthier than myself. So it's a pretty constant thing, just to different degrees depending on how pretty, smart, and wealthy the other person (usually female) is. Never been comfortable being 'me.'
    I'm not even comfortable being my kids mom. I'm afraid they don't like me. My oldest son (age 9) fixed me a bookmark for Valentines Day and I'm using it to remind me that he Loves me. Normally he'd fix one for his Dad instead. Gosh I'm sorry this is so long!
    2.The part that fits me best would be chronic self-consciousness and lack of confidence.

  7. 1307
    Kristi Stewart says:

    1. The last time I came face to face with insecurity….This is yucky but true….my husband and I were at a conference where we had to break up into small groups and pray about something. As soon as the prayer was over I looked at my husband and said was my prayer ok. Did it make sense? Do you think the others understood it? Can you believe that???!! I was so worried about what others thought of my PRAYER!! My husband looked at me and said STOP IT…DONT GO THERE! How embarassing is that!

    2. I think the WHOLE ENTIRE definition describs me!! deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world…constant fear of rejection and deep uncertainty about our own feelings and desires being legitimate…HELLOOOOO!! Unrealistic expectation about relationships…..being disappointed in relationships is inevitable….I feel this is what I deserve. All relationships will disappoint…that is just the way it is. Don't expect anything else. I have created this by believing these STUPID lies. Lord help me out of this….IT STINKS!!

  8. 1308
    Kristi Stewart says:

    Sorry…I forgot my info on my last post….

    Knoxville, TN

  9. 1309
    lavonda says:

    Okay, dadgummit, I'm going to do this now.
    I've been putting it off over and over the last few weeks. Carrying the book around reading a paragraph or two here and there… so scared to just do it. It's a mountain, and it's so tall, and I feel so little standing here in front of it. It'll never move. But I'm gonna climb it. This is not a book you can read in front of people (like say, at your son's baseball practice) because when you're bawling and reading a book with 'INSECURITY' in big letters on the front, um, it's embarrassing. 🙂

    1. When I called my mom. She's cut my sister and I out of her life the last 9 months because we don't like her new 'friend' (a man who was saved in prison and is now in a form of ministry – he's rude to my sister and I, rude to my mom's pastor who also disapproves the relationship, and has my widowed mother paying for everything for him). My mom has stopped calling her children and grandchildren, changed the locks on her house, and talks badly about us to her friends. When I call her and she's distant, I hang up – every time – and question my worth as a person, that my own mother can turn against me so easily. How valuable can I be as a person when my mama values a stranger more than her own children? I'm so jealous of my friends whose mamas tell them they love them and that they're doing a great job raising their own babies. Why wasn't I worthy of a mom like that?

    2. The part that said 'insecure people harbor unrealistic expectations about love and relationships" and later where it said "insecurity's best cover is perfectionism". There should totally be a picture of me next to that last sentence.

    And now I'm worried about who's going to read this comment and judge me as being too needy.

  10. 1310
    kerri says:

    kansas city, ks

    i'm so behind! but i just wanted to start at the beginning. i doubt anyone will read this late little comment, but maybe its just for me.

    1. my latest encounter with our gender's insecurity. you mean encounterS? all the time. as embarrassing as it is to admit, the most prevalent encounter is marriage, sex, and my physical appearance. (i hate typing this) comparing myself to women in the media and feeling like i could never satisfy my husband sexually fully because i don't look like a model. i hate that i feel this way.

    2. this is a big one.
    "the insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships"
    i didn't even know i did this!

    beth, you have discipled me for the last ten years of my life! thank for your commitment to the word of God. there were times that you were the only mentor i had. much love to you and your family!

  11. 1311
    Beth says:

    I'm reading them, Kerri! Welcome aboard! May God speak a fresh word to you, Sweet Thing!

  12. 1312
    Jenny says:


    1) I get self conscious every time my wonderful husband talks about an old girl friends.I kind of leaves me feeling like chopped liver.

    2) The self doubt part, for years, especially in my child hood. I would often wonder if I was right in my choices and if they were good enough or even I am good enough

  13. 1313
    Sheree says:

    1. The last time I came face to face with my struggle with insecurity was when I went job hunting this week. My husband lost his job and he's been battling the "bug" that almost all the family has had. So therefore he has not been out looking for a job like he wanted to. So, with my "hotel management" experience that I had I knew I would have a job Monday. I went to several hotels I knew people and noone works there that I knew anymore. I found myself comparing myself-beauty and expertise in cleaning (I use to inspect hotels for cleanliness as well)with the desk clerk. I found many of these desk clerks/assistant general managers as rude and unprofessional. I started comparing myself to them and questioning the thought "and someone hired them to deal with the public?" Needless to say it's almost a week now, and I still haven't found a job and I am starting to think I don't amount to nothing by not having a job. I feel useless and thinking at times I would just be better off dead (I have 4 children still at home and 2stepdaughters grown and out on their own).
    2. The part of the definition / description of insecurity that relates best with me is the deep feeling of no self worth and how noone must like me since I have no true friends in life. I grew up with sexual abuse around 4-5 years old and my parents are atheist (do I need to say more). So, growing up I was a very pretty thin beautiful girl. But my parents would call me fat butt (nicer word used here), and put me on diets at the age of 9-11 (I was still thin at this age), bullied me, verbally abused me. My parents had no friends. I grew up without ever hearing "I love you". We didn't hug, laugh, or cried. I grew up into adulthood with all these mixed up beliefs-feeling worthless, unattractive, unlikeable.etc.. With everything I been thru in life, seems I don't relate to women (especially my age). I feel I have nothing in common and many of times, they seem not to be interested in getting to know and spend time with me. My life has been the opposite of "Leave It To Beaver" family.

    West Columbia,SC

  14. 1314
    Rachel says:

    1) Yesterday when with a woman 20 years older than me who is, to me, more attractive, hip, smart, funny etc. We work with teenagers, so needless to say it's a breeding ground for my own insecurity. Which to be honest, has not been a lifelong struggle but is rather new.

    2) self-consciousness…the constant awareness of how other people are perceiving me.


  15. 1315
    Anonymous says:

    #2 The last time I felt the stab of insecurity was last week at the Doctor's office on the scales, of course. Although I have lost 30+ pounds the number is still too high by society's standards. I am told once again by a well-meaning nurse that it is such a shame because I have such a pretty face. Too bad I don't have the body to go with it. Wow! I guess you know that did not do much for my self-esteem.

    Anderson, SC

  16. 1316
    Michelle Bretschneider says:

    Was anyone else struck by the paragraph at the end of Chapter 2 where Beth said:

    "I'm going to take a risk of saying something pretty bold at this point so you'll have a heads-up. In your pursuit of Godvested security, the only relationships in your life that will suffer rather than improve are the significantly unhealthy ones. I'll go one step further. Those that are the unhealthiest might not even survive at all – and maybe they shouldn't."

    The question that immediately struck me was that if any of my friends/family were doing this study, would I be an unhealthy relationship for them? I didn't really consider myself insecure in relationships (in ALOT of other things yes) but I guess I am.


  17. 1317
    BreadBags to PieTins says:

    trying to catch up…

    Michele M
    Liverpool, NY

    3. Definition – the "constant fear of rejection." Just last week I was realizing that I live in constant fear of getting hurt.

    And the part about whether feelings are legitimate. Once in a while, I physically and emotionally experience the presence of God, only for a few seconds, in such a tangible, real way that it makes me cry. I associated the emotion with a negative thing, thinking that I am not trusting or doing something right.
    Just last week I heard Dr Charles Stanley describe the same exact thing which he experiences. That was so encouraging because it cancels the negative aspect I had associated with the experience. The presence of God can make you cry and that is okay.

  18. 1318
    Anonymous says:

    1)I need prayer. All I have ever felt the Lord "calling" me to was to be Christian wife and mom. Now a mom of 3 20 some year old sons and none are actively serving the Lord. I feel very insecure in my faith and very sorry that although I thought I had done what the Lord told me along the way, I must have blown it and the one thing He called me to, I did not evidently do well
    2) ordering book and praying it will help me….almost too depressed to function

    50's married

  19. 1319
    Anonymous says:

    Well I'm going to give this a try … better late than never.

    2) I realized as I contemplated joining in on this blog, that I am extremely insecure about writing down any of my thoughts in a place where other people can read them … Afraid I will sound stupid … or no one will be interested … or worse, someone will misinterpret what I have written. I have lost friends due to poorly worded, and therefore misinterpreted, e-mails. I decided facing this fear head on would be a good way to get over it.

    2) I could relate to several aspects of the definition, but I think the one that hit home most was the uncertainty about my basic worth and my place in this world. Since my early childhood, I've felt like I did not live up to the expectations of others. It took me the first 38 years of my life to decide to quit trying to please others and start to figure out who God created me to be. I'm still not there yet … but I'm working on it!


  20. 1320
    MOMOF3GOGOGO says:

    Anonymous, March 6, 7:15
    I know this is easier said than done; but…"train up a child in the way he shall go and he will not depart from it…" From what I have seen, heard and read but not yet had to deal with myself… can only teach and lead and pray. God knows the plans He has for your boys/young men. In God's time, he will open their eyes.

  21. 1321
    shelilah says:

    1. Just today I was at a baby shower where one woman was very loud. I figured she was doing that out of insecurity.

    2. The definition of self-conscious as being "chronically conscious with self", resonated with me.

    Ashburnham, MA

  22. 1322
    Anonymous says:

    married 60 texas

    2. the last time I came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity:

    whenever women openly flirt with my huband or make a point to try to hang around him at most any type of gathering, … Lately, he has worked hard to have good boundaries, but it wasn't always so. I am struggling to believe that the changes are real and permanent.

    3. Living with fear of rejection resonates with me because I have been on the receiving end of it many times in my life. Watching my husband flirt back with flirty women and seem to enjoy the attention, have made me anxious, doubtful of my attractiveness and desirability; created a fear of abandonment, and made me feel insecure. Just writing this makes me angry – feeling like I have been robbed of peace of mind and angry at myself for living like this far too long.
    (if this submitted twice, please delete one of them)

  23. 1323
    Heidi says:

    OK Beth- here goes- I don't know why I have been procrastinating so much with this, but it is time for some healing! Thank you for the video encouragement!

    1. I dyed my hair back to its "natural color" after 11 years of blonde and I hated it- my husband, who had never seen me with anything BUT blonde hair hated it, and it had HORIZONTAL strips in it! I wore it in a ponytail until I could "fix" it! No one could even tell unless I told them and pointed the sripes out.

    2. Chronic self-consciousness- and I KNOW no one really cares as much about me as I think they do because they are all too worried about themselves too!

    Heidi, 30, TX

  24. 1324
    Anonymous says:

    Corryton, TN

    1 – God — your timing is perfect again in this season of my life! You have used Beth and her ministry to bring this tool to me when I am at the bottom of me emotionally, mentally, and physically. I feel depressed, paranoid, and great insecurity sometimes overwhelms me — more times than not. I pray that you would make my feet like hinds feet to climb out of this pit and lift me to the rock that is higher than I when I can't seem to climb anymore.
    2– Right now, battling Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSS) and other insecurities. I have a terrible fear of being alone yet large close crowds make me anxious.
    3– Unrealistic expectations about love and relationships — self-sabotage.

  25. 1325
    Laura says:

    1)With friend from HS and college who are married, have 2 jobs, nice cars, own a house and can dres with some of the best. I feel like I've disappointed my husband by not being able to contribue to our financial well being and don't look as good in their eyes. (FYI I've been looking for a job for 2 yrs and have yet to find one in chemistry)
    2) Deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in this world

  26. 1326
    Pam Springle says:

    Suffolk UK

    Sorry to be so late posting this, have ony had book 10 days or so, and thought I would have to miss posting earlier ones until I saw one of Beth's comments that we could still add them, even belatedly.
    1.I was put in an embarrassing situation abt a month ago, by the hostess that 6 of us were staying with for a weekend (commercially)
    at the evening meal, and very much in front of everyone else. I had done nothing wrong and think I handled it as well as I could have outwardly, but felt embarrassed and upset inside. I prayed about it and quickly put it behind me, but wish it hadn't happened!
    2. I resonated with the 'rejection' part of the definition. It's something I have battled with since childhood, but not as badly I think as I used to because God has done a lot of healing in me.

  27. 1327
    MollyDolly says:

    2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

    3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why

    1) Tonight's rehearsal. I am a singer and am still working my way into the industry. I am so terrified of what people thing of me. I worry if I am sing the right things, if I look the right way, etc. I wish I could be happy being me.

    2) Two parts of the definition resonated with me: First, self-consciousness, a preoccupation with myself. I am what Beth refers to as "Insecurity's best cover": a perfectionist. Second, the uncertainty about my thoughts and feelings. I am constantly in an argument in my head second guessing my every thought, feeling, and action.

  28. 1328
    Anonymous says:

    1. Getting older and knowing my husband looks at younger women so much. And feeling like/knowing I could never measure up.

    2. "The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate" And trying so hard to do things perfect.

  29. 1329
    winsomebulldog says:

    Vevay, IN
    I should mention that I've decided to blog/journal my way through this book on my own personal blog. I'm going to reprint my answers to the questions from that blog. A word of warning: these answers are long. I just don't know how to shorten them. Sorry.
    1) Okay, if I'd come upon this question yesterday, I'd have had to come up with some other incident. As it happens, though, I had a particularly disturbing dream last night that went hand in hand with this topic. Maybe it was even conjured up by my insecure subconscious as a result of the reading I did yesterday evening. The point is, I dreamed that Mark left me for someone else. Oh, there was a lot more to it than that. Have I mentioned that I have a very vivid imagination? Well, it conjured up a bad enough nightmare that I actually woke up from it and laid there feeling uneasy and uncertain. Insecure. I was still feeling the lingering anguish when Mark called me to tell me good morning. Now I know this insecurity is unfounded. My husband loves me. I might even go so far as to say he adores me. And I adore him. We are very happy together. We aren't Ozzie and Harriet or Ward and June, we're just us and we fit together perfectly. Kinda like it was all part of God's plan. 🙂 I trust my husband and know he would not betray that trust. But I was insecure because of a foolish dream none-the-less.
    2)Wow. What part resonated most with me? What part didn't? I fight doubt in myself daily. There are times when I know I am worthless. (That's a lie I tell myself or maybe that the Devil likes to torment me with, I know. No child of God is worthless. No person is worthless in God's eyes. But in my own, oh my!) I have no idea where I'm supposed to fit in. I am ever aware of myself, of how I look and sound, of how others might see me. I know I have been gifted with abilities that others do not have, but I am very good at never being satisfied with those gifts. More accurately, how I use them is just never quite good enough. I'm a perfectionist when it comes to myself and I cannot live up to that perfection so I often just stop trying. Though I strive desperately not to, I cannot seem to keep myself from worrying about what others think of me. I worry that they do not value me or want me or that they are laughing at me behind my back. (Okay, the tears are threatening now. Gosh, this is such a miserable thing to do.) I am and always have been afraid of rejection. I'm not sure why. It isn't as if I was abandoned by my mother or father. I was a happy child, a loved child. But looking back I can see that I have always been afraid that if I didn't live up to everyone's expectations then they would not like/love me anymore. I would have done (and did do) anything to see pride in my mother's eyes. I could not abide seeing disappointment or chastisement. What if she got so angry with me that she left and never came back? Oh Lord, where does this come from? Why have I felt it for so long? As for that last bit, I always second guess my thoughts, feelings, and longings. And this I do know the source of. My mother could not and would not tolerate selfishness. She was a selfless person and thought of selfishness as an ugly trait. She wasn't wrong, but she would occasionally compare me to people she (and I) thought of as selfish. And so I have always believed I am a selfish (ugly?) person. Certainly I can be selfish. Can't we all? But even when every rational bone in my body is telling me that I'm being selfless, that I am or have given far above and beyond what any reasonable person would or could expect, there's this nagging little voice in the back of my head that wonders if I'm just feeling sorry for myself or looking for a pat on the back. No matter how much I do or how far I go or even how much anguish I feel, I keep wondering if I'm just focusing on myself.

  30. 1330
    Krissy says:

    I know this is late, and I am very behind–But I'm starting from the beginning anyways. I picked the book up off the shelf at Lifeway the Friday after it came out–However I put it back before I walked out of the store. Then after having a particular hard two weeks, my husband came in with the book in his hand and said "I know you've been having a bad time, and I know you've been wanting this–so please enjoy it" So I started it Tuesday 10 minutes after he came in with it! I am so excited for this journey–I'm not a big one on reading books, but I've done five of your Bible Studies and thought "if it's Beth, it's gotta be good!" I also know participating in the blog will keep me on tract and held accountable for finishing. Thank you Jesus!
    So here go…
    1) I'd have to say the last time I came face to face with our genders massive struggle of insecurity was when I had my gallbladder out two weeks ago. (Besides worrying about the young, good-looking, male surgeon seeing my practically naked body-and being insecure about what I looked like compared to others he's operated on) I became insecure (actually BEFORE the surgery) what I was going to look like with four scars on my stomach. I was in constant battle with this, and asking my husband "will you still love me if I have scars? will you still think I'm sexy?" I mean really…..Why do I have to constantly have affirmation from him–when all I need to be worrying about is being pleasing to the One and Only! After watching a TV show with girls that had flat, perfectly tanned, beautiful stomachs — which made me even MORE insecure that I will never have that again because of gallbladder surgery scars. I am OFTEN insecure about my looks.

    2) The part of the definition of insecurity that resonated with me most was this: "Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack on confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships" I am ALWAYS worried about what I'm wearing-(or NOT wearing (stylish things)) If I have to go out in public with no make-up on (because I left it at work, or in my husbands truck over the weekend) I feel like I MUST walk with my head down-looking at the ground so that no one I know will see how I look without under-eye makeup or foundation on. I have a very public job-and feel that if anyone sees me outside of work with sweatpants and no makeup on, it will ruin their image of me. I also worry often that someone is mad at me for something I've said. I also worry CONSTANTLY that people are looking/starring at me and judgine me-all these things stem from/and FEED my insecurities. You know I never really thought I had so many insecurities until I've sat down and read and thought about them. Hey God–we've got some major work to do! I sure am glad your on my side!

    Thank you Beth, Amanda and Melissa for being such an inspiration to me. God has truly given each and every one of you such special gifts of teaching and ministering to others. I admire that all three of you are Women after God's own heart. Bless you!!!!

    Arab, Alabama

  31. 1331
    Sarah B. says:

    1) I am insecure about my appearance. I discovered a note written by someone close to me pretty much tearing me down to nothing. It absolutely devastated me. I felt I was pretty secure before that point, but have been battling some serious insecurity since then.

    2)I completely relate to the unrealistic expectations for love and marriage. I've been married for a few years and I am just now realizing how I am setting myself up for disappointment when I expect my husband to be Jesus. He's not AND he's not supposed to be – yet I expected him to perfect in all aspects (something I also expected for myself), especially in what I thought a "Christian" husband should be.

    Clovis, NM

  32. 1332
    Anonymous says:

    Ok…so it's a little late, but I'm catching up…does that sound INSECURE??? The last time I came face to face with insecurity was the day I lost my job of 3 years. Just out of the blue, blam, it was over. I did nothing wrong, they just had to save money. Been dealing with it now for almost 2 months…and still not over it. How will I survive, and by the way, will I EVER qualify to do anything else in the field of education again! HA! Is my enemy having a hayday or what?

    What resonated most with me was that the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate. I doubt God constantly about myself too. Does he even have a clue who I REALLY am in all my hypocrisy? He must be nuts to even care about me or for me. On to week two! And determined, in my one little insecure way, to catch up.

    Colorado Springs

  33. 1333
    Happy Mama says:

    Playing catch-up here!!

    1. I come face to face with female insecurity every day when I log on to my Facebook account. I read status updates and little quips from friends and family members who are trying to portray something totally different than their reality. Comments about how amazing their marriage is (when it's really in the tank, sadly), or how well they are doing on their exercise plan to lose weight (when really they just pigged out on ice cream moments earlier). Bits of insecurity posted for the real world to see in disguise as "everything's great here!"

    2."Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. That's where it becomes an art form." That sentence knocked me off my feet! That's SOOOO me, it's scary. My insecurity has morphed into a massive case of perfectionism that is starting to control my life. Whew. That sentence still gets me every time I read it. I totally get it!

  34. 1334
    evydeb57 says:

    1) This morning while dressing, I was very concerned that my shirt was long enough to cover my belly.

    2)The insecure woman lives in a constant fear of rejection …and uncertainty that her own feelings and desires are legitimate. All my life, I have doubted my feelings and have constantly looked for other people to affirm my right to exist. This stems from having been given up for adoption to an abusive alcoholic home.

  35. 1335
    StrivingforFaith says:

    1)A friend behaved terrible toward us over our daughter receiving good news and her daughter didn't at the same event. She has apologized numerous times.
    2) Most of the definition was all me, like it was a definition of my life. If I had to pick a part then it would be "a deep feeling of uncertainity about our basic worth and our place in the world." I have many titles but I still feel like I'm to be doing something more/different but I don't know what it is or how to go about finding out.

    Spencer, IN
    Age: 30's

  36. 1336
    kskivy7 says:

    I felt most insecure when another woman who was not as talented as I was at writing, attacked me, implying she knew more than I did. I reacted by attacking her to member of the group we were in and she was trying to lead. Our insecurities led us both into sin.

    2. I relate to the part about being self conscious. A lady I knew thought a man was disrespecful to her because she was ovverweight. The truth is we don't know why he was so abrupt with her. It probably had nothing to do with her. How often I have made situations out to be all about me. That gets you into trouble all the time.

  37. 1337
    ShannaMM says:

    Chandler, AZ

    First post ever, anywhere!! 🙂

    1. I work with a lot of college age girls and so I hear a lot about relationships. (often more than I would like to know! 🙂 )This past week one girl had her boyfriend tell her that he wasn't attracted to her anymore. They are only just dating, so I asked what she was going to do. Were they going to stay together? She said that she wanted to stay with him, that she loved him and didn't want to lose him. Honestly, I was a bit shocked and so sad for her. I was sad that she would stay with someone, whom she was just dating, that wasn't even attracted to her anymore. I just saw the hurt in her eyes and heard the insecurity in her voice.

    2. I happened to be reading this chapter in my car in a fairly empty parking lot, but I kept finding myself looking around seeing if anyone was looking at me. I felt so exposed! Even if someone did see me, they wouldn't know what I was reading, and could care less at that. But I knew, and felt like I was written all over the pages. My heart was definately exposed!
    The first sentence hit me most. "Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt–a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world."
    The other phrase that really hit me was "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. That's where it becomes an art form."
    Wow! I know I am behind, but can't wait to read what lies ahead!

  38. 1338
    Anonymous says:

    30s, married, Tennessee

    1. The fact I don't feel free to post my identifying information. And, when my boss wanted to make a move that truly was complimentary to me, yet I was hesitant. Her comment, "You don't know how good you are."

    2. Every word of the definition on p. 17. Specifically, "uncertainty about whether my own feelings and desires are legitimate." It runs deep!

  39. 1339
    Anonymous says:


    Saturday evening we were out to dinner some dear friends. Upon arrival they told us their great news that they were expecting. While I was extremely happy for this during this time of joyous celebration, I couldn’t help but think why not me. We have been trying longer and I am older. I was so happy for them but at the same time I was fighting back tears from my own struggles. Why do some people always get what they want? I want a baby why am I not pregnant? I know God has a plan and I must be patient, but it is really hard. Isn’t having a baby what we were made to do. This is something that has really made feel insecure in my womanhood.

  40. 1340
    Paula says:

    Probably the last time someone asked me what I do. I'm a mom of four little people. I"m doing the best I can but I never feel like it's enough. If someone asks me what I do who works and handles the kids like a pro I feel guilty that I don't work, and if a mom who juggles homeschooling comes along and suggests I should be doing that too I feel guilty and insecure about that. I know it's silly I know it's not God's Best to think like that but Boy oh Boy do I struggle.
    I have alot of Anxiety over relationships, one situation I think I've conquered rears it's head over and over again.
    Thank you for this study, I'm praying for Big things, I have a lot of catching up to do but I'm on my way.

  41. 1341
    Paula says:

    I forgot to leave my info with my Comment.

  42. 1342
    Mimi says:

    I am one who is afraid of new situations, of being alone in new situations. Although I have a public personality in business and when I feel a need to protect myself. I am easily hurt by others, and freely "love" someone before there is a relationship I am finding that most of the time I am the one who is hurting my self with the help of Satan who knows my weaknesses. I have become less dependant on the walls and barriers that I have put up in my life and now cry, after 20 yrs of pent up tears as you can image it is a flood on the dry territory of my emotional field. I am waiting for the growth that God will bring forth. I am learning patience at the same time….no small thing. Praise God for his faithfulness MIMI

  43. 1343
    Lynnda says:

    1.almost daily I worry about my husband of 22 years not desiring me anymore. Every time we are around younger more attractive women I cringe inside, sure that he would rather be with them.
    2. Seriously the whole definition shocked me! I am all of it and probably more!

  44. 1344
    becca says:

    Salem, OR

    2. Middle school classroom – eyes darting around the room (who's staring at me?), fidgeting with hair & clothes

    3. Chronic self-consciousness. I am always aware of myself, over-analyzing conversations, remembering silly details about the clothes I wore, what I said… basically just like my middle school days!

  45. 1345
    Anonymous says:


    1.I face insecurity when members of my church continuously ask me when I am getting married to my boyfriend. Then I start asking myself why I'm not getting married.

    2.The part of insecurity that resonated with me was "lack of confidence in ourselves" because that is what I lack- confidence in myself.

  46. 1346
    Beth says:

    Well, I figured I should catch up. =)

    2. recently I had a week where a dear friend and I didn't talk – for many reasons that may or may not be right – and I went nuts-o about it. 'Slightly obsessive' is an understatement. She was upset with me. I didn't know why…and whether or not anyone else knew it, I was obsessing in my mind over it all week until we talked.

    3. the part of the definition that hit me the hardest was "…a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." I struggle with this constantly and I always have. I don't know WHY (yet)…but I do.

    Beth 20 Rome, GA

  47. 1347
    Anonymous says:

    Finally got your book yesterday!

    I had meant to be helpful and the person I thought I was helping acted like I had purposefully stepped all over their toes-even after I apologized.

    Unrealistic expectaions on some relationships but not all of them. In some cases I think because I am willing to invest a certain amount in a relationship then the other person is also.


  48. 1348
    the redhead rambler says:

    1) At Bible study the other night, my friend spotted a girl we both know. My friend looks really young, and is often mistaken as a Freshman in high school, while the other girl looks her age(18) or even older. My friend kept commenting on how she wants to look as old as she is. The poor thing.
    2) All of them? Probably the one that stuck out the most was the definition about unrealistic expectations about love and relationships.

  49. 1349
    the redhead rambler says:

    Whoops. Forgot my name and such on my last comment.

    Houston/Cypress, TX

  50. 1350
    demi says:

    1) i was insecure to start this for one. I was afraid of facing this. iam afraid that my answers arent going to be as good as someone elses or i may have grammatical errors that make me look stupid. Iam deathly afraid to be me. I dont have a clue about who i am because iam so insecure about wether my thoughts or feelings about things are legitimate. i feel like im a happy, smiley, kind of silly person that makes people laugh and doesnt take alot of things seriously. Which infact to the knowledge of my poor husband. I take absolutely EVERYTHING seriously and wear my poor little heart on my sleeve.

    2) i guess my answer to number one kind of meshes with my answer to number two. i am the complete definition of insecurity. i almost wanted to close the book honestly. It makes me so sad that im like this. I have probably pushed these same insecurities onto my daughter who is 12 and doesnt deserve for one second to feel the way that i do about things. i feel like a broken person and i want god to hold me all the time. I love him so much. i know he hears me, im just always afraid i might miss what he is trying to teach me.


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