Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.
We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.
I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.
So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.
OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.
2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.
Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.
For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.
No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.
Thank you for coming!
Lord, be magnified.
In His lavish love,
Beth
Clari
40's
married
Brenham,Texas
1. My most recent example would be where I compare my appearance with other women. I concentrate only on the outside…..looks so much that I forget that what matters most is who I really am as a child of GOD!
2. The part of the definition that resonates with me is the insecure woman live with constant fear of rejection, chronic self-consciousness, along with chronic lack of confidence in myself and anxiety about my relationship-this is a big one for me and because of this definition I have done so many stupid mistakes. So you can say all of the definition.And those are the very reasons am doing this………to get rid of this bad friend that for so long I have let it be my friend.
Karen
Newport, TN
51
married
1) My husband gave me a shirt for Valentine's Day. He ALWAYS gives me jewelry…no…I don't need any more jewelry….but can a woman ever have enough jewelry?!?!?!? A Shirt!! Why am I questioning his love for me over this "dinky" issue. So I question what is wrong with "us"? Nothing? Am I insecure in my relationship with my husband….thought I was over that years ago….maybe not…maybe so! There's a lesson here waiting to be discovered! The last thing I want to be is ungrateful for a gift I have received! Insecurities are creeping up on me…rising to the surface…..WISH THEY WOULD GO AWAY!!! (I wrote this on Valentine's Day. Now as I am typing this entry all this seems so ridiculous-but not so three days ago!)
2) a deep uncertainty about whether my feelings are legitimate…… lack of confidence in ourselves & anxiety in our relationships
Rebekah
Tupelo, MS
20's
Single
This is my first time to do this and I'm so excited!! 🙂
2) My accountability partner and I both help out with our senior youth group (7th-12th grade) on Wednesday nights and recently, we've had a new adult woman that's also helping out. She and I both were feeling sorry for ourselves that a lot of the girls have seemed to gravitate to the 'new woman' and left us in the dust. We mentioned "Were we not good enough? Cool enough? Relatable enough?" It's the first thing that came to mind when I started reading the book, even though I hadn't seen it as insecurity before I started reading.
3) Just like a lot of other women, I never thought of myself as insecure until I read the definition! Chronic self-consciousness (I'm always wondering am I being too loud, obnoxious, wondering if people are actually listening to what I say) along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves. That last part I wouldn't have thought about but at my old job people were always pointing out that I'd give an answer and then apologize if it were wrong (when it was actually usually, right) or apologizing for things that weren't necessarily my fault – You messed up and now I have to do the work? I'm sorry. I should have magically known!
Two last parts: Having someone upset at me…even if I was on the right side of the conflict (HELLO!? Hand raised really high!) and then taking a frequent inventory of her place in the space. I'm always thinking to myself (especially in a group of women): Am I the prettiest? Smartest? Most Biblical? Funniest? The list goes on and on…and it's all about ME.
🙁
Lord help me to overcome this because it's NOT pretty.
Heidi
Midland, TX
40s
Single
I had to help lead singing recently at a worship service and whenever I have to sing up front, I am always afraid everyone looking at me is thinking…who gave that girl a microphone!! I receive compliments often for my voice from people who sit around me at church but my Grandma's old saying always screams at me….well what else could they say??
The part of the definition that spoke to me the most was how you don't feel like you fit in and your feelings aren't valid.
P.S. My perfectionist tendencies make it impossible for me to write or highlight or underline in books. What if someone saw what I wrote or underlined and thought…what did she do that for? Is this book for me or what?
Thanks!
1.I picked up this book because I wanted to discover my own insecutities, one's I know I have and uncovering one's that I have buried over time.Face to face encounter,happens everyday from the media,Hollywood.Pressure to be thin,sexy,ageless,beautiful, successful in everything we try. Having a wonderful relationship with the opposite sex.Pressure to be something we are not.One sided friendships where you give they take and never give anything back,ouch. And wondering the whole time, what is wrong with me, why don't they like me?2.I may not live in 'constant'fear of rejection, but it invades more often than I like.I also have a tendency to have uncertainty about my own feelings and desires are they legitimate or pride. Goals I would love to achieve, sometimes feel like they are unattainable,more often than not,
I put them on the back burner to visit them occassionally and lament about how I am not pursuing them and not asking God to help me achieve what I want to do and what I really want to do is Woman's Ministry and do inductive Bible studies and then write my own Bible studies and share them with other woman. I don't go for it with confidence, I alway seem to settle for less not more and that breaks my heart. Why do I do that to myself? Insecurity raises its ugly head.
Andrea-Great Falls, MT- 40's- married, very happily too.
Becky
Brunswick, Ga
30's
Married
1. The last time I came face to face with our gender's massive struggle with insecurity is quite frankly right now..writing this post! 😉 And that's just for starters! Honestly though I am just married 8 months, have experienced a change in my career with the promise of very stressful days and the list goes on. One thing for sure is that marriage has definitely caused me to want to rid myself of this paralyzing thing called insecurity. I desire to be the wife, lover, friend that my husband so wants, but it's so dang hard at times to get past junk. I am so blessed with a patient man that allows me the freedom to be me. Yet, self doubt, fear of rejection, self consciousness, comparing myself to others, etc. have stirred a mess in my soul and I am so ready to get rid of all of it. To my great King's glory I will one day be free!
2. A description of insecurity that resonnated most with me was "all it takes to be chronically self-conscious is to be chronically conscious of self." Ugh!! That is me! I do understand the self-centeredness of it and it makes me sick. But it's truth. I am in constant comparison of myself with others about everything. It's got to stop.
Loving the book so far!! Thank you Beth!
Julie
30's
Granbury, TX
Single
1)My 20-year high school reunion is coming up, and I am in total shock at the insecurities that are coming up for me. Since high school, I've put on a few pounds, and my hair is just not as cute as I'd like. I'm out of work due to health problems and yes, I'm single! I've think I've decided not to attend but hate that I'm so wrapped up in temporary things. Wow!
2)I can so relate to this, "Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world." I want to live the life God has for me, but I live with the constant insecurity that I have no worth and God is disappointed in me. I plan to close this book secure!
Question #2
My last memorable incident of insecurity was when I was going on the plane to the SMT event in Houston. I am a larger size woman and I suddenly felt too big to be on the plane. I mean I fit in the seat and I could put the seat belt on but I felt like I should apologize to the person beside me for being large! I started thinking how the man must be lamenting that I sat next to him rather than a thinner woman. He actually seemed rather nice but that is all I could think the whole flight! Talk about insecure!
Question #3
I also definately try to make amends, even if I haven't done anything wrong. I hate to have people dislike me or be mad at me. But the one that truly resonated with me was the unrealistic expectations about love and relationships.
I would like to say however, that in my marriage, since accepting Christ as our Savior 10 years ago, we have really learned to lean on the Lord for HIS love, and through prayer and understanding have become a stronger couple. We love each other dearly but know that we can not meet each others needs in every way!
Lori
Mapleville, RI
50's
Married
1. Daily. I weigh more than I ever have in my life, and it's now causing me to avoid people I haven't seen in a while. My precious grandmother makes some comment about it…frequently to other people… almost every time I go to the nursing home to see her, which is a couple of times a month. I hate looking in the mirror. I KNOW in my head that I'm worth more than my looks but for many years that's where I've defined my self-worth. And now age and lack of exercise have robbed me of that.
2. "Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships." And then there's that perfectionism thing too. Growing up I became an over-achiever because that was the only way I could get a positive response from my mother and grandmother (the other grandmother, with whom we lived because my father deserted us when I was four — which really made me secure, ya know). Truth be known, now that I'm thinking about it, it's a wonder I was able to dredge up enough security to be even semi-functional as an adult!
1~ I have realized that I am insecure about something most everyday…if someone looks cute, I immediately wonder if I look cute enough? If someone's lost weight, I immediately wonder do I need to shed a few too? If someone's child has a great accomplishment, I wonder if I am doing enough for my children? And the VICIOUS cycle continues in each aspect of my life and each day…I am reading this book to get over it and to be a role model of security for my precious almost 11 year old daughter.
2~ The part of this chapter that really resonated with me was the part about not only lacking security, but also lacking faith that God can completely do His job in my life…shouldn't that fact alone give me the security I need. I have an awesome identity in Christ…that's ALL that should matter!
Sally
Newnan, Ga
30's
Married and blessed
For me I would have to say the answer to Q#1 was this: I help out with our student ministry at church while there I will be shocked if I find one girl there that feels confident in every area of her life. There are always so many that come up to me in any given day just to have me pray over one insecurity or another. I don't think that I realized that much when I was that age just how many things make me feel horrible about myself or not good enough. It brings out something in me that I think I have been hiding for YEARS!
Answer to Q#2: Definitely where it says, "Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness along with chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships.
I feel like I have ALWAYS been self-conscious of myself. It has just become my "norm" over the years. I always tried to "pretend" that I was one of the confident girls but never really felt that way. And I won't even begin to tell you about how true it resonates in me about my anxiety in relationships. As a young pastor's wife it seems like second nature really.
Can't wait to say goodbye for good to this horrible pastime!
Miranda
Colorado Springs, CO
20's
Married
Juliana
Livermore, Ca
40
Single
1.When I compare myself to other women who are strong leaders. Our culture and my work place puts allot of value on leadership skills. God did not give me those strengths, but I find myself thinking lowly of myself and highly of those women who have those skills.
2. A profound sense of self doubt –a deep feeling of uncertainity about my basic worth and my place in the world. This resonated with me because I am turning 40 in April, never been married, no kids, but still greatly desire to be married and have kids, I question what is my purpose, what is my future. I feel like I was created to be a wife and a mom and that need has not been met.
I have found many reasons to be insecure this week. My most recent today–I am struggling in a friendship. I constantly fear my friend is mad at me. I worry if I have to say "no" to an invitation. I worry if I don't talk to her for a while. I worry if I offended her. Today we went to lunch with a group of friends; my friend did not eat and did not stay long and it was my birthday. Uncomfortable!
2) I related to the whole definition. I wish I could tell you one more than the other, but my picture should be beside this definition.
Thank you, Beth. I laughed so hard I thought the neighbors would hear me. I cried so deeply I thought I would drown. So long, Insecurity!
I am a writer in my books. I underline and write in margins. I consider that my journaling. I have never thought to write a prayer asking God to change me through the reading of it. I enjoyed that!
My recent face-to-face with insecurity has been at church. Women playing "the part", looking like experts, and overall trying to impress others. I've recognized it as our way to cover our insecurities by perfectionism. I've been that woman and feel that God is moving me from that bondage. I felt the "fakeness" of it in my last study.
I honestly felt that God had "begun a good work" on me with this issue. I walked back into that group and felt the suffocation of my insecurities begin to take hold of me. I easily fit back into that "coat" of insecurity. I'm grateful for a tool for God to continue to use to heal me from this bondage.
2.Did I mention that I underline? My entire first and second chapters are well highlighted. The statement that "insecurity is actually a chronic state of self-consciousness" I wrote that it is my doubting God about myself that shows my lack of faith in who He really is.
I already mentioned the struggle with perfectionism.
The focus on the self-absorbed woman trying to blend into the paint. It hit me smack on the head. I've strived to be perfect thinking that would fill my need to overcome my inadequacies to please others. I have been moved to hide in the paint to blend in and not be noticed- all the while swimming in a sea of insecurity. Heal me, Lord!
Sallie
Tupelo
40's
Married
My 6 year old niece came to visit this weekend and I overheard her ask my son who is 5 and ALL male- "Do you think my belly sticks out to much?" to which my son replied "Yup, I like it." I had to laugh until I realized, I had just asked my husband a similar question the day before. I got so mad at myself- I have such huge expectations of this book, myself and even better- my God, to deliver me from some long standing junk and heal some things that are just too old to hold on to.
Amanda
30!!
Missouri
Married to my sweetheart of 19 years!
1. I see friends being insecure about how they look, how other people perceive them, etc. The friend I came with to your book signing and I got to be in the news sitting in line. Her only comment of it was "They got my good side." – because you could only see the back of her head.
2. What resonated with me was that EVERY WORD of that definition (BOTH PARTS) is me to a tee. No question, they could have modeled that definition after me. It makes me so sad to see it so clearly. I look forward to big changes as I move through the book. Thank you for blessing my life, Beth Moore!!
Kristi
30s
Nashville
married
Jenn
St. Charles, MO
30's/Married
Q2: When I came face to face with the struggle with insecurity; about 30 minutes ago, working in our warehouse doing labor-intensive work (I'm an office person!) and hearing the guys objectify women – a co-worker, ladies at the strip club and so on. One even said he could get my husband to go to a strip club. I never doubted for a moment; I replied quickly "Never. It would never happen." But then the mind starts to reel – "Will he always find me to be the most beautiful woman? I've put on some weight recently." No matter how hard you try, it's hard to stop those kinds of thoughts even though it has absolutely nothing to do with not trusting my spouse. He's NEVER given me a single reason to doubt.
Q3: The part about having unrealistic expectations in relationships. I'm pretty sure that described me to a tee. Maybe not so much these days because now I am married and feel very secure in my relationship, but definitely in the past, while I was still searching.
I will come back later tonight if I can to read/share from this assignment. I deliberately haven't read anyone elses comments because I hadn't gotten the book yet – My poor mailman trudged up through so much snow to deliver it to my door today!!!
I did what I always do with new books – fan the pages and inhale…yes I know I'm kinda messed up. 😉 But as I read the very first page of acknowledgements I only got to the second paragraph and my first thought was "eeewwww I hope she didn't print what I said on the blog" so….yeah I think I need to get busy reading! 😉
1. After suggesting that our church host the 4/24 Beth Moore Simulcast, I was chosen to plan it. I am at the same time fighting my pride and sheer terror – perfectionism and trying to pass it off to someone else b/c I can't possibly do this. What an irony that the simulcast is about insecurity! Lord, help me!
2. The part that hit me was on pg. 23, where the specialist spoke about disappointment & hurt in relationships. It hit home, that the root of many of my relational issues comes down to my very own insecurity and shouldn't always be blamed on the other person. Ouch. Praise God for that revelation…let's see where we go from here!
Crystal
Shippensburg, PA
Age: 26
Married
1. After suggesting that our church host the 4/24 Beth Moore Simulcast, I was chosen to plan it. I am at the same time fighting my pride and sheer terror – perfectionism and trying to pass it off to someone else b/c I can't possibly do this. What an irony that the simulcast is about insecurity! Lord, help me!
2. The part that hit me was on pg. 23, where the specialist spoke about disappointment & hurt in relationships. It hit home, that the root of many of my relational issues comes down to my very own insecurity and shouldn't always be blamed on the other person. Ouch. Praise God for that revelation…let's see where we go from here!
Crystal
Shippensburg, PA
Age: 26
Married
I can relate to ALL the definitions of insecurity, but the definition that struck a cord was the profound sense of self-doubt. It has lessened with age, but put me in a situation with new people and I am drowning in self-doubt. It is physically crippling. Friends and co-workers tell me I am smart, but I feel if they really knew me, they wouldn't say that!
Cathy
Houston, TX
1). All the magazines in the grocery check out aisle reveal women’s insecurities about their weight, appearance, desirability, etc.
2). The very definition of insecurity describes me; profound self-doubt, chronic self-consciousness, anxiety about relationships, constant fear of rejection. I try to see myself through God’s eyes, and those of others or even my own, but often fail. Proverbs 31 gives me deep anxiety; I just don’t know how to measure up to all of those expectations.
Marie
Kenmore, NY
Work related issues with a younger woman,who seems to have everyone gather around her,everyone laughs at her,center of attention. Made me wonder what was wrong with me,but realizing she's probably as insecure as me,wanting the attention! I'm usually happy with who I am as a person,but this constant attention toward her,made me doubt myself.
The defintion that resonated with me was self doubt.I am in a new phase of my life,my children grown into adulthood.Girls independant,attending very conservative church,decisions that don't include me,makes me doubt myself as their mom,and their lack of needing me.
Becky Ohio 50's decade.
Linda
Indiana
50's
married
1. Insecurity – I face this, in of all places, my local church! We are a church of young families and as an empty nester, I often fight that feeling of loneliness and being left-out. I have opportunities to mentor young gals and pray for them, assuring them that "this too shall pass" when they are in the midst of raising ornery kids!! which I know is a HUGE serve! I try to concentrate on that aspect, and fight those self-centered feelings!!
2. PERFECTIONISM – that's it in one word! If I can't do it perfectly, I don't even want to try!
Can't wait to get to the rest of this book!
1: The last time I came face to face with insecurity was several weeks ago when a person I considered a close friend was extremely critical of me, my relationship with her and with someone else. Relationships are so hard anyway, and to be attacked by someone I really trusted was extremely painful, and I began to battle much insecurity in regard to all of my female friendships.
2: The part of the definition I resonated with most is "the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her feelings an desires are legitimate." Since I have just been through this… having my fear of rejection become a reality… I was once again reminded of just how much this kind of insecurity can affect me.
Thank you Beth for writing this book and everything thing else you do! You have had an amazing influence in my life the last few years. I'm excited because I am expecting God to do something big through this in each of us. May we know with deepest conviction that in Christ we are completely accepted, totally secure and deeply significant! God bless you!
1) I overheard my coworkers recently asking each other to rate themselves on a scale of 1 to 10. They asked me, and I refused to answer. Sure, I have my share of insecurities, but my spirit felt appalled at the though of shrinking one's worth or beauty to a mere digit.
2) The part the resonated with me was the "profound sense of self doubt" and especially "a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate" I constantly second guess myself and it doesn't help that I have an analytical mind.
Praise God that He loves us as we are but doesn't want us to leave us that way!
Cara
Fridley, MN
20s
Single
1. I was saved as a child and had several years of stupidity from about age 14-23. Because of it I don't feel "pure" enough to serve the Lord in certain roles and often even feel unworthy of being in the same company as righteous women. I feel my youth haunts me and I hate it, I quite honeslty feel filthy even though I no longer live in it. I compare myself to other Christian women and wish I would have lived purely.
I know in the Lord's eyes I have been made new. I wish I could look at me through His eyes once so I could get it through my thick head.
2. UNCERTAINTY ABOUT BASIC WORTH.
Destee, Ohio, 30's, married
Lori
Pueblo West CO
50's
Married
I am still waiting for my book that I ordered online. Hope it is here real soon. Looking forward to taking part in the discussion.
I come face-to-face with insecurity every day in my relationship with my boyfriend. We've been together over a year and it's obvious he loves me and is committed, but if he doesn't call/text enough, is too tired to talk, or anything like that I feel like he doesn't love me. It doesn't help that it's been long-distance for the past 7 months!
These first two chapeters talking about insecurity with men were perfect for me right now. And really, this book has come at the perfect time so I can get a handle on this before my insecurity kills our relationship!
Thus, the parts of the definition that most resonated with me were "the insecure person also harbors unrealisitc expectations about love and relationships" and "creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt…is almost inevitable." Insecurity has plagued all my close friendships and leaves me hurt and alone.
I am so excited about this journey!
Taylor
Dallas, TX
20s
single
Monica
St. Paul,MN
40's
Married
1)I am terribly insecure when it comes to using the phone, as in ALL THE TIME. There are many times when I would like to call a member of my family or my friends – but I don't, because I fear that my phone call would be viewed as an interruption. I would be inconveniently intruding on their lives and, do I really think anyone wants to talk to me. Yes, insecurity at its finest!
2) I think the part of the definition that resonated most with me are the phrases "deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth", "chronic self-consciousness", and "chronic lack of confidence". To look at me, you probably wouldn't suspect that I struggle with all of those on a daily,hourly, sometimes minute-by-minute basis. A college professor with the best husband and four kids anyone could ever ask for, seriously, I doubt my basic worth? Absolutely I do, along with the guilt of feeling this way.
Paula
Brownwood, Texas
40s
Married
1. Making cookies for my son's Kindergarten Valentine's party. Would the other mothers and kids find my decorating skills to be less than sufficient, since I have no real training or practice? And would they accept me and my boy, even with less-than-Food Network cookies? (note the projection of my insecurity onto the next generation. :))
2. The very first words. It sounded like the single, pure tone of a bell resonating my whole being. 🙂
1) I work with women, hundreds of women as I am a sales consultant in the direct selling field…ie, I go into homes and do "home parties" — so needless to say I experience our genders massive insecurites daily, from the women I service, to the women I mentor and train….constant, constant comparisons of homes, culinary skills, decorating skills, clothing and especially, oh especially weight and body types! It is an epidemic.
2)a profound sense of self doubt-a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world….chronic lack of confidence. Put simply, I focus daily on what I "cannot do well" verses what I "can do well".
Dawn
Clinton, PA
50's
Married
1) I’m in a situation at work where my employer has started making sexual innuendo comments towards me; 4 times now. I believe I am insecure about how to handle the situation with a firm word. I don’t want to come across as a prude but rather come across as someone he’d better respect more…and fear a little! I am prayerfully considering all this but I find it interesting to apply the insecurity concept.
2)
a. Uncertainty about my place in this world (could my goals and dreams be part of God’s purpose for me?).
b. Uncertainty about whether or not my feelings and desires are legitimate.
Christian
Capistrano Beach, CA
30's, Single
When I saw the title of the book, I thought I would read it, but I didn't feel as I really had any issues with insecurity. I read the first 5 chapters and had to make myself stop and let the information sink in. Then as I watched how I behaved and responded to people/situations during the course of the last week…I do believe I have some issues that have come to the surface.
The latest encounter with our friend insecurity was at a meeting my husband and I attended this last weekend. A lady happened to walk up to where he was standing and said a few words to him and he replied courteously. Next thing I know, on the way home I find myself saying "I don't think I liked that lady in our class"…Yikes…where did that come from?? My husband kindly looked at me and asked "Why are you wasting energy on someone you will probably never see again?"
This book will help alot of women, myself included who thought it was intended for everyone else!! Ha!
Thank you for making us aware of areas we need to work on even when we think we don't!
Sorry…forgot to leave this info…
Judy
50's
Mission Viejo, CA
Married
Stacey
Sugar Land, TX
30's
Married
1. I was asked to handle a large task that I feel vastly unqualified for. My husband gently reminded me that not only could I do this, but that God has been preparing me for this.
2. I most relate to the profound sense of self-doubt. I constantly feel inadequate for the calling God has for me.
Writing a prayer is so therapeutic for me. I can express myself much better than I can when I'm saying a prayer. And part of that, I think, is an insecurity. I'm afraid sometimes when I say prayers out loud, I lean toward the "vain repetitions" and sometimes may not be sincere about everything I'm saying. I intend to be…I don't take prayer lightly…but sometimes my mind wanders to other things like what I need to be doing, etc. But, when I write a prayer I devote my full attention to it and hang on every word. So, I'm glad you had us write our entry in the form of a prayer! It forced me to just lay it all out there.
1 – I am insecure about my insecurities. You know, as far as "our gender's massive struggle with insecurity", I think (one of) mine lies with my house. I know this will sound so dumb, but if my house isn't clean it makes me so nervous and stressed out and insecure. I would love to have people over more, but I never feel like my house is clean enough to just invite someone over on a whim. You've heard the sayings "a clean home is a happy home" and "if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"….well, I don't know that either one of those are technically true, but I could combine them and say "If the house ain't clean, mama ain't happy, and ain't nobody gonna be happy until the house IS clean." But if my house is dirty, I just feel like a failure as a mother and as a wife. Especially since I'm a stay-at-home mom…..I think, "I should be able to do this" and heap mounds of guilt on myself if it's not clean. Problem is, it's rarely clean. Or as clean as I would like for it to be. So, this sentence of chapter 1 kind of summed it up for me…."As if the battle isn't hard enough, we sabotage ourselves, submerging ourselves with self-condemnation like a submarine filling with water. How often do we think to ourselves, "I should be handling this better"?
Ummm, yeah, story of my life. 🙂
2 – Well, I could have pretty much written Chapter Two. 🙂 I echo the sentence, "I constantly feel unqualified, inadequate, and out of my league. I realized this morning that I not only lack insecurity, I also lack faith. I don't just doubt myself, I doubt God about myself."
Overanalyzing is a gift of mine too….along with worrying. 🙂 The two go hand in hand with insecurity, don't they? When Beth talked about 'if someone gets angry with you, do you have a hard time not thinking about it?' That's me. I dwell and dwell and dwell over something I could have done differently and try to convince myself that I did all I could. I'm a pacifist, so I hate knowing that anybody might not like me. And I even take on when I think someone might be angry with my husband, and worry over that. And I'm so insecure I worry over what I THINK people might think of me….so, I'm just stressing over things that might not even be true.
Reading back over this, it kinda sounds like I'm a big party pooper. But I'm just trying to keep it real here. And I can't wait to see what I'll be saying by the end of the book….I suspect it will be much different from this first post, Praise God!!
Thanks for opening the comments back up!! I've been waiting to post since Monday! 🙂
1. Like so many others, it's a daily thing in so many areas. My current insecurity is getting our house "just right" for our small group meeting on Sunday and feeling like I'm not measuring up (house-wise and hostess-wise) to the others who have hosted before us.
2. The false-positives concept really resonated with me. I tend to look around at what everyone else has that I don't and assume they don't struggle with any of the insecurities that I do. I try not to be a person who thinks "if only I had (fill-in the blank), then I'd feel better" but it just seems that those thoughts come so naturally, I'm well down that path before I even realize how far I've gone.
Elisabeth
Modesto, CA
20s
Single
1. I come face-to-face with our genders massive struggle with insecurity every single day. I work for the high school ministry at a mega-church. For over 6 years I have dealt day in and out with high school girls who are completely saturated with a culture driven by insecurity. They are daily bombarded with messages that are NOT true:
"You have to be thinner."
"You have to be sexier."
"Your face has to be clearer."
"Your hair has to be perfect."
"Your grades have to be better."
"Your scores have to be higher."
I spend every day trying to overcome those messages with a louder one. One of truth. I am vocal and loud about it. I impact girls all the time by speaking and teaching and loving and praying and battling the enemy to freedom with them. And yet, though no one
would know it……
I am in bondage to a stronghold of insecurity and the mess it has created in my life. I struggle under it every single day.
2. I can not choose any one part of the definition of insecurity that resonates most with me. That is because every word in that definition IS me. And I just realized I am insecure upon reading it today. Oh, Jesus, I'm ready. I'm bucklin' up for one wild ride!
stacey
40
Texas
married
1. I have been in the fetal position crying in my bed too many times to count, and I wouldn't want to anyway. Recently I found myself there after a women's event luncheon. (I am the team lead.) Even though I know God has it all under control, even though He has been working on me greatly, I still find myself a big ball of mess at times for "no apparent reason." (And then there was the thought, "Why should I post?" I would simply blend in and disappear anyway.)
2. There were a wide variety of things that struck me about the definition and explanations. I think especially it was the self-conscious aspect. I worry about what people think when I am supposed to be worshipping during church. That is so wrong, and it's a conscious effort for me to drag my mind back to God rather than the other thoughts.
Amber
Fort Collins, CO
30s
Single
1) Insecurity surrounds me most of the time… My biggest struggles: 1) insecure about my past (being divorced by the time I was 22; some single men not even wanting to date me because of the fact that I'm divorced, even though the divorce was 10 years ago). 2) Insecure about my professional capabilities and therefore feeling stuck in a job that I've outgrown yet not brave enough (secure enough) to try for something greater (goodness knows my insecurity will shine in the interview). 3) Insecure about my body 4) Insecure about past major financial and relational decisions; insecure about making future financial and relational decisions.
2) I relate to the entire definition of insecurity… profound sense of self-doubt, constant fear of rejection, unrealistic expectations, deep uncertainty. Oh boy, is this a definition of me or what? That an am an unwitting accomplice in my own misery really stuck out because it's something God's been teaching me in my own quiet times with Him. You know God is trying to get your attention when you keep hearing the same message through different means. Yes, I do struggle immensely with insecurity. Praise God for the timing of this book and this blog accountability group. I pray for healing and freedom for us all! Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory.
Im keepin' it real here people.
a) I found out months ago my husband had been viewing porn. I know it's not necessarily "about me", however, it's certainly made me feel insecure.
b) "deep uncertainty about whether his or her feelings and desires are legitimate."
Karen
1. Insecurity surrounds me most of the time… My biggest struggles: 1) insecure about my past (being divorced by the time I was 22; some single men not even wanting to date me because of the fact that I'm divorced, even though the divorce was 10 years ago). 2) Insecure about my professional capabilities and therefore feeling stuck in a job that I've outgrown yet not brave enough (secure enough) to try for something greater (goodness knows my insecurity will shine in the interview). 3) Insecure about my body 4) Insecure about past major financial and relational decisions; insecure about making future financial and relational decisions.
2. I relate to the entire definition of insecurity… profound sense of self-doubt, constant fear of rejection, unrealistic expectations, deep uncertainty. Oh boy, is this a definition of me or what? That an am an unwitting accomplice in my own misery really stuck out because it's something God's been teaching me in my own quiet times with Him. You know God is trying to get your attention when you keep hearing the same message through different means. Yes, I do struggle immensely with insecurity. Praise God for the timing of this book and this blog accountability group. I pray for healing and freedom for us all! Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory.
Amber
Fort Collins, CO
30s
Single
1. I had a major insecure moment just as I was getting ready to read the book. I caught my own reflection in the mirror…Yikes! I almost scared myself! Hadn't showered or brushed my teeth. My hair was CRAZY. (It was Saturday.) I got so embarassed and could not believe I would even let my husband see me like this!! I asked him "How in the world can you love me like this???" and we were both cracking up! 🙂 He loves me. He just does. And I am so grateful that His acceptance of me helps me to believe more that Jesus really does accept me – even the "crazy" parts! (But what a journey to really believe that!)
2. My major fears of abandonment can cause me to put unrealistic expectations on my relationships with others.
1. Removing the jacket cover of the book (with the big 'ole title of INSECURITY on the front) because I didn't want anyone to think if they saw me reading it that I was insecure…so yes, being insecure about being seen as insecure…NOW THAT's MESSED UP!
2. p.26, paragraph #2 about relationships… the only ones that suffer when we become more secure in the LORD are the bad ones…LIGHTBULB!!!
oops…forgot this part
Sherry
Indianapolis
Single
1.Preparing for my sister’s wedding (on a beach, in January) and realizing I had neglected my planned workout regimen. I was looking at magazines in the grocery store and realized that all the girls in the pictures I was admiring were teeny, tiny, itty bitty twigs, the likes of which I hadn’t seen since my pre-pubescent years. And I’m a pretty petite woman!
2.There are a few (I’m ashamed to admit): deep feeling of uncertainty about our place in the world; chronic self-consciousness; anxiety about our relationships. I’ll admit, also, that at first NONE of it resonated with me when I first read it. But as we continued (you, me and God, right?), I realized that it did. Especially when you said insecurity’s best cover is perfectionism. I’ve been hiding under that cloak for years! I also noticed that what I always considered a strength of being able to assess a room and know the dress code, or blend in like a chameleon in my different friend groups (again, talking superficially), I realized that it’s really me being chronically self-conscious about being the outsider- that’s why I have several VERY different wardrobes in my closet, because God forbid I stand out! And on the slim occasion that I do stand out, I’m so bothered and uncomfortable with it that I can’t enjoy where I am! “Self-consciousness is acute self-awareness and a preoccupation with self, no matter how it’s externalized in life.” UM. DUH. That is so me. I'm so ready to tackle this thing, praise You Father for placing this battle before me! All glory goes to You!
Blaine
Houston
20's
Married
Stacy
Mims, FL
45
married
1)I really related to the sentence, "I constantly feel unqualified, inadequate and out of my league." I've felt that way most of my life. It shakes me to the core, when I feel that someone I value is upset, or disappointed, with me. Then, I question my perception of the situation. Is that person really upset or am I being too sensitive? My first reaction is to apologize–which I did today.
2) The part of the insecurity definition which touched me was "chronic, deep feeling of uncertainty of basic worth, because I often feel intense inadequacy in many aspects of my life. I constantly think, "You're just not good enough."
1)For my son's upcoming wedding, I wanted to lose weight & be at my target (my perfect weight) by the wedding date. As time grew closer & that wasn't happening, I began stressing out & taking drastic measures until I asked myself, "Why? My husband loves me just as I am and doesn't put pressure on me to lose weight, like my ex would do." And then it hit me! I wanted to look good for my ex? After 16 years, he was still controlling how I should look? Talk about a release & breakthrough to freedom! That very day at work, a bookmark was on my desk with Psalm 45:11 on it, "The King is enthralled by your beauty; honor Him, for He is your Lord." That was a turning point for me – realizing just how much God really does value me.
2) Chronic lack of confidence in ourselves – I am very insecure about praying with someone or over someone, or even leading a bible study group because I think there are so many others who are better than I am and I feel like I would be doing a disservice to the recipients.
Linda
Sinton,TX
50's
Married