Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.
We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.
I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.
So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.
OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.
2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.
Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.
For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.
No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.
Thank you for coming!
Lord, be magnified.
In His lavish love,
Beth
SD CA
Married
SETTING: At the Beach taking a walk with my husband (who always has a camera on hand) He is snapping pix to send to friends that will be vacationing there this summer from the North East.
INSECURITY REARS ITS UGLY FACE:
Three young girls in Tiny bikinis step into the scene. My husband thinking it will be funny to send our friends a picture of the girls as a joke to our friends, takes a photo. I immediately felt my walls go up and barely spoke a word to him for over an hour.
FOLLOWING DAY: I tell my husband that I don't believe it is a good idea to send that picture to our friends. I say that it might seem funny but that my girlfriend did not deserve that treatment, dishonoring.
HIS REPLY: He had already deleted the photograph!
MY THOUGHTS: I pray for security about my appearance, I never feel pretty enough. We live close to many beaches and I hate going! I leave feeling so unattractive.
Wow, what timing for this study. This week insecurity has reared its ugly head and tore into my life with a vengeance. This week I found proof in what my intuition already knew, via text messages between my husband of 13 years and another woman. She is older than me and in less physical shape than I am…so my typical false positive of looks doesn't really apply and it leaves me bewildered. But very insecure. Hoping to get my feet back on firm ground by the time I see you at FBC-Woodstock.
Oh I forgot to add,
Hannah
Auburn, GA
30's
married (2 kids)
Beth,
I'm so insecure it took me this long to get up the nerve to type a post. I've been a 'secret' siesta since you started this blog. I've written one other time and the anxiety that followed was so great I determined not to do it again. Well, today I'm letting go and letting God have His way in me!
Pam (not anonymous!)
Lakeland, FL
40's
Married
I'm a little behind but still wanted to post on week 1's discussion.
1. When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting. This is a hard one to answer because I struggle with insecurity on a daily basis. I'm the PTA President at my children's school. We are currently nominating officers for next year. In doing so we've discussed how "perfect" for the positions each of the new women will be. In those discussions my mind started wondering to thoughts like…"have I done a good job this year?", to "have I done anything good for the school this year". I have thoughts like that in my position on the PTA, in my work at church, as a mother and as a wife. I'm SO ready to get rid of all this insecurity.
2. What part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why? The following sentence resonated with me the most: "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. that's where it becomes an art form." I am such a perfectionist. ALL the time. This is a sentence that has stuck with me ALL week.
Whitney Bennett
Tulsa, OK
Married
20's (for another 6 months)
I didn't realize comments had re-opened – here are mine for Week 1:
1) The night in Steamboat after friends got engaged and it seemed like everyone was happy but me. I was happy for my friends, no doubt, but I felt as if I was left behind and unwanted. In my head I know that my worth is not at all tied to the number on the scale or the size of my clothes, but it's the first thing I turn to when I feel rejected (even by those that I would never even want!). I came back to the condo and ended up breaking down sobbing on a friend's shoulder, which is a very very rare occurance for me, but the next morning I knew that this was an issue I needed to tackle head on. I need to first think of my worth as a child of God, not as a product of society.
2) 'The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships…' I know it's not all about my physical appearance, but I currently believe the lie that it all boils down to this extra weight I'm carrying around. If I get rid of it, I'll find my prince charming and live happily ever after… Talk about unrealistic! At that point it would just be something else that pops up…
Reneé
Missouri City, TX
30's
Single
I'm sorry I'm so late in posting this, but I guess that's life.
My name is Melinda. I'm in my 30's, I'm married, and I'm from KC, MO.
2) My biggest struggle with insecurity comes in my desire to homeschool my children. I am constantly fighting the battle of "I can't do it right" or "I can't do it like she does it" or "I am going to totally screw this up, and I'm never going to be able to teach them everything they need." We're almost through with our first year, and I'm still ready to quit.
3) I think the part that resonated with me the most was "harbors unrealistic expectations" that are "often unconscious." That seems to explain why I often feel disappointed in certain relationships. Maybe I've got unrealistic expectations for them?
Okay… on to chapters 3 and 4.
Hugs,
Melinda
Zephaniah 3:17
30's
Married
Houston, Texas
I wanted to leave a comment even though I am a day late (still getting used to this)
1)Chapter One – Face-to-face struggle for me came five pages in – you see, I purchased Beth's book feeling pretty secure -thinking I will read it so that I can be a "blessing" to others that battle with insecurity – SHAME ON ME!! My struggle was very simply admitting that yes there are some areas of insecurity that I must address.
2)Chapter Two – "The insecure woman lives in a constant fear of rejection…." This part of the definition resonated most for me because while I say it does not matter what another thinks, I have that yucky feeling when I can tell someone does not approve of me.
Signing off – I promise to be on time next week – Blessings!!
Susan
Clarksville, TN
25
Single
1. I took SLI with me to the YMCA to read while walking on the treadmill. I am in a God-ordained "season of focusing on my health" right now and usually do what I consider a pretty intense workout for a couple of hours 6 days a week. I am currently doing a juice fast for both health and spiritual reasons, so I knew my body couldn't handle my normal workout. I needed to do 3.5 miles to stay on track for my 1/2 marathon training schedule, so I knew I'd be walking slowly on the treadmill for awhile. I started out reading another book on a very visible treadmill because I wasn't sure I could handle the insecurity of both being the fat girl walking slowly AND reading a book with "insecurity" on the cover. Immediately, I was insecure about how slowly I was walking. "I hope these people realize I'm not normally this slow or lazy! I'm usually in here working my tail off! I wanted to put a sign on the front of the treadmill that read "I'M FASTING." And to make it worse, a lady about my size got on the treadmill next to me and, of course, ran her tail off. She proceeded, about 5 million times, to glance over at that blasted screen that shows your time and mileage, and I could just feel her judgment pouring down on my already insecure little fasting soul. An hour later, I got on another treadmill at the end of the row, where no one could see me, opened SLI, and laughed out loud for the rest of my workout 🙂
2. I really appreciated hearing that insecurity is not the same thing as sensitivity, and that sensitivity CAN be a trait of someone with thriving relationships. I DEFINITELY believe that I am insecure about several things, but I think I'm also sensitive on some levels in a healthy way. I think maybe I was INSECURE about my SENSITIVITY in some instances when that simply wasn't necessary. It'll be interesting to discern when my sensitivity derives from insecurity, and when it doesn't.
1. When I read the roll call of women I was struck by how embarrassed we are about our age, like we can control it or something.
I try to dress and act younger than I am and fit in with my young co-workers. Just when I think I'm handling it well enough, a 20 something co-worker comments on my wedding ring and I mention that I've been married 37 years. Yikes, that's 10 years longer than he's been alive!
2. What resonated with me is the self-doubt, uncertainty about self-worth, self-consciousness, and fear of rejection. I bought the book for a girlfriend and now I'm hesitant to give it to her lest she think that I think she's insecure – aaagh.
Chris M
Seattle, WA
50s
married
1. when do I feel insecure…everyday! I am never thin enough, smart enough, fast enough, or cool enough. I am constantly comparing myself to every person I meet (whether I know them or not!).
2. Chronic self-consciousness, living in constant fear of rejection! I have so much fear that a lot of times when I meet people I don't act like me and they never get to know the real me!
Lindsay W.
Albuquerque
30's
Single
1) I was doing a run on Valentine's Day and it was mind blowing to me how many women's were in full makeup, curled hair and perfectly matching outfits for a Sunday, early morning 5K. It was so sad that there is an attitude that as women (I know men have it too) we can't do anything without being physically "perfected".
2) The part of the definition that really spoke loudly to me was where it spoke about "deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." This is something that I really wrestly with. Even, or especially, in my Christian walk, it's feelings like "is it ok to feel this way" or "am I reflecting Christ in my feelings". The bottom line though is that my feelings are who I am and I am so blessed to have a Creator who knows that I'm feeling this way and wants me to to turn to Him in that. I pray that through this book I, through His grace, will learn to break free from those doubts about myself to have freedom in Him.
Chelsey; 32 from Iowa
Married
1.
Precious Lord,
I come to you with a recent revelation about my fears and what they are stopping me from being. From my fear of gaining weight and food to failing my husband sexually there are so many fears I have that cripple me every day. I used to think this was a sign of a perfectionist and what was the harm in that or that in some way it was a way of being humble (staying away from singing b/c I really was over that part of my life but there is always a little part of me that was afraid of failing).
When I heard Beth Moore say that the Devil will find your biggest fears and work hard to make them true it hit me. God, I realized that I have been giving him so much power my entire life and I have got to give that power to You right away. From the moment I began praying things have started to change, and it started with my relationship with You Lord.
Lord, I am seeking you deeply. I am ready to face those things that have held me captive for so long and I know that you have sent me the tools to get that done. I ask that you be with me on this journey helping me to learn all I can and be a steward of your teachings. I know the fears that plague me and what they can do to me and the relationships I have. I also realize how some relationships in my life depend on my fears to make them successful and therefore may not survive my transformation. This I understand as an untrue friendship and know that the time has come.
I thank you for bringing me this far and ask that you take me further, Lord. I’m ready to go where you need me.
Amen.
2.I’ve discovered that I struggle with this daily. One of the biggest is my body image. It affects where I go, what I wear, and how I interact with my husband. When I was still working it was something that I had in common with everyone else, so I had convinced myself that it was OK. Since I’ve been home my Dad had quadruple bypass surgery and I have found that am making every excuse necessary to not change my habits.
I also found that I have taken much insecurity with me when I left U.S. Cellular. I know that one particular relationship there was base on my insecurities and lasted a long time because I allowed it to. It was a friendship on her terms and full of manipulation. I believe that she was a good person with good intentions but she had a ton of insecurities of her own. This is how our two insecure selves survived with each other.
There is so much more I have experienced since then and am learning to overcome.
3.The first one…Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.
I’ve always come across as a confident person, someone who’s in control but when I read this definition I saw so much of my ‘self talk’ in it (the things no one else hears). I’ve always been so self aware to the point that I make stories up about what people are thinking and feeling me, what I’ve said, do, look like etc.
I’m not sure why…I will have to think about this more…
1. The last time was as recently as this morning in the gym. I looked in the mirror and saw only flaws in myself.
2. Self doubt and uncertainty – I always question myself. I judge how I & what I think, if I'm smart enough. I hate to be rejected and I think that might be why I don't pursue friendships.
Cheryl, NC, Married, 40's
1) Faced insecurity? Every day. After trying for 2 decades to balance career, marriage, motherhood, homemaking, fitness and time with God, I am determined to keep my priorities straight. I don't trust my hormone-driven judgement, and just did to my poor husband what Beth did to hers! I am so easily shaken and swayed by my own conflicting emotions and the messages of the world – EVEN the "Christian" community!
2) "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism." What a scary thought! I have a planner for my planner. I beat myself up endlessly for every mistake, and feel responsible for the happiness of my entire family.
It doesn't take long to pick up on the insecurities that surround us at every turn. Maybe I am more sensitive to them because I can identify them within my own self. Feeling left out, not fitting in, not smart enough, pretty enough, thin enough etc. I do realize that the image I try to project is a covering for my true feelings. I just assumed most everyone does the same thing.
"A profound sense of self-doubt- a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world." This could be my theme song. I know where the roots came from, but releasing the feelings is easier said than done.
Married
60s
VA
I just received my book in the mail yesterday, and couldn't wait to get caught up with all my siesta's! In reading the intro and first two chapters my heart is just yearning for help! Insecurity has been the root of most my battles in life and I'm so ready to BE SECURE! I resonated most when you described being a "confident/insecure woman". I can play the game well of seeming confident and secure–when underneath I am so self-absorbed with what others see in me and are thinking that it completely distracts me from serving God the way I know he wants. Just reading this truth about myself makes me insecure that I am admitting it, and wonder if anyone reading the comments will figure out it's me!!! How Pathetic is that!!! The realization that selfishness is one of the major factors in my insecurity frustrates me even more! I am somewhat of a perfectionist and too often "try to be perfect"! I so badly want to lose the selfishness and be free from the sin of self-absorbed mind-set. I am going to battle with INSECURITY! I am done with this awful plague. I know the battle has already been won–and I'm ready to get on the victor's side and win this battle too!
I love you and thank you for providing a resource to help us grow!
Katy R.
25 years
Married
Tx
I am late in leaving this, but wanted to make sure to do my "homework."
1. I am constantly worrying about my appearance and never feel like I measure up to what the world thinks is beautiful. I didn't have to look very far back because I feel this daily…and feel very vain for feeling this way.
2. I identified with the comment about insecurity referring to a profound sense of self doubt, as well as the association between insecurity and chronic self conciousness along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves. I question every thing I do and say and badger myself afterwards if I think I did or said the wrong thing. I also saw myself in the comment, Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism…no one would ever think that I was so insecure by looking at me, my home, etc. I think that I do a great job "covering it up."
denise
louisa va
married
40's
1. I have recently begun dating a man that is truly awesome. He is not perfect, but definitely someone that I admire, respect and just enjoy being around. Everything has been going so well and we hit the 4 month mark and I guess my insecurities crept up and I found myself feeling like he didn't like me anymore, wasn't captivated with me or whatever untrue thing I could feed myself. Then I found myself trying to suffocate him. That lasted about 4 days and he nipped it in the bud. I praise God that he brought me a man that can sanely, sweetly and sincerely tell me to knock it off.
Why can't I just trust God instead of trying to trust things of this world?? I will definitely say that I am better for now. I am sure the insecurity will creep back in…but I now know that I can identify it and tell it to go away.
2. I am a lot of the insecurities that were mentioned, but none to a massive degree and not all at once. My problem is that my insecurities are sneaky. They surprise attack me most often.
Okay, so I know this is the day after but I had convinced myself that I was going to only read what everyone else says and keep my comments between myself and Jesus since I'm not a "blogger" and no one will really care what I have to say (plus what if someone I know is on here?!?)- how's that for insecurity! 🙂 But I was just convicted when I was reading week 2 and felt I really need to participate fully so here are my Week one comments and I'm diving in with the rest of you ladies! I'm new to this blog site but not to Beth Moore books and studies!
1) I think I just described one above 🙂
2) Here's what I wrote for this one: “A deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world”- I always feel as if I don’t belong or that I have been left behind. Since I was a little girl, when people asked me as a child what I wanted to be when I grew up, I did not say the typical “teacher” answer but “mom”. As a woman in her 30’s, despite success in career and blessings beyond what I deserve, I feel like a failure because I don’t have a husband and a family- especially since it has been a desire of mine my whole life. While women say nice things to me like “Bless your heart, you’re so sweet and pretty, I just don’t understand why you’re not married”, godly men continue to overlook those traits, leading me to conclude that I am not desirable or worthy enough- making me even more insecure. I keep telling myself that I have Jesus and He’s all I need (and He continues to amaze me with His love, provision, and grace) but my heart still wants to share my life with someone and have babies and be desired by a man. So I don’t feel I belong anywhere- I'm not a college age twenty something single and I'm not a young married either! I thought your 30's was when you finally became secure in who you are- still waiting on that one 🙂
Tanya
Charleston, SC
30's
Single
Yikes! I have 2…
I am insecure in being whom others think I should be or been. Having a mother who thought my appearance was more important than my walk with God has played a huge role in my insecurity. When we get older and the looks fade, the flab hangs over, and chins start there you are left with nothing to be secure about.
Glory to my King for teaching me that I am who God says I am (3rd finger)!! And I can forgive my mother for not knowing Him deep enough to teach me Him ways.
The other is my insecurity to my husband's female co-workers. Satan works in my mind so badly with this issue. I feel as if they are smarter, more attractive, and that they see a side of him that I don't get to know. The fear they will know him intimately.. Also in this crackberry world they access to him 24/7.
To others that deal with this. PRAY!!! I pray for a barrier around our marriage and for boundaries to be in place. Also, discuss it with your man.
3. I am all of the things listed about insecurity and they all hit me straight in the heart.
30's married
Sorry.. this has to be anonymous.
Sarah S.
mid-20s
single
Atlanta, GA
1. I see the struggle with insecurity everyday- in myself, in my friends, in women I don't even know. I don't think any of us can go a day without feeling insecure about something. I specifically have a friend who equates her self-worth with having a boyfriend/male attention. She is beautiful and intelligent, yet when she doesn't have a boyfriend she feels worthless and is constantly unhappy and searching for "The One." I always pray that she will find peace within herself and love herself for who she is- not feel like she needs a man to complete her.
2. In my own life, I struggle with insecurity in the form of ANXIETY. The part of the definition that resonated with me most was "anxiety about our relationships" and "constant fear of rejection." I feel blessed that in recent years I've learned to like ME- I'm actually a pretty cool chick. 🙂 But I worry about disappointing others, not doing what is "expected" of me, never finding my soulmate, etc.. I have a great deal of anxiety about things I cannot control, such as the uncertain future, and I feel guilty about this b/c I know that God is looking out for me. What do I have to be anxious about? Page 19 also had a quote that fits me to a "t"- "Anxiety's best cover is perfectionism." I am extremely Type-A and definitely guilty of this!!
I've been extremely insecure for as long as I can remember. In the last 4 years, my husband and I have been in recovery due to his struggle with an addiction to pornography. We have spent a lot of time in couples, individual and group counseling. When I read the definition of insecurity I realized it used to ALL be me and I was so encouraged to see how much work God has done in me in the last 4 years…so much healing He has brought to me. However, I do still often struggle with self-doubt and lack of confidence in myself. Especially when it comes to my profession and also how well I do as a mom.
Something else struck me that I never thought about before. My insecurity is more often around men then women. I think b/c I was so wounded by the verbal and emotional abuse from my father and never feeling like I measured up. I made a vow to myself that I would never allow myself to be treated that way by a man again and it struck me that maybe part of the reason I felt safe around my husband was b/c he was easily controlled. THAT has been a bear to work through!!
Thank you so much for the gift of this book…I know if you were dealing with your own insecurities as you wrote it then it was an emotional sacrifice.
ooops, forgot the bio info:
Rhonda
from PA
30's
married with 3 young children
Girls, I was literally weeping by the end of the ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. So as you can imagine, I was a wreck (in a good way) through chapter 2. So, my answers:
1. I live on a college campus. By default EVERY girl here is noticeably insecure! I guess one example would be the girls in my voice & diction class. The professor is a man and he's pretty critical of "little girl" voice and the overuse of the word "like." Considering both of those things pretty much define the way girls talk around here, you should have seen them (us) squirm in class. We were so nervous during our individual presentations and very careful not to say "like." We wanted to be taken seriously by our professor and the guys in the class.
2. Hmm, would it be a copyright infringement to copy the entire definition of insecurity and post it here?? Since it might be, I'll just choose my top three… or five.
– profound sense of self-doubt
– chronic self-consciousness
– chronic lack of confidence
– constant fear of rejection
– anxiety
The general descriptions that got me:
– "she can be a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness" = Hi, my name is Cait
– "Loss of favor and approval and harmony is excruciating to people with insecurity"
– "Intensity is a key factor in insecurity"
– "There have been times when I've put so much stock in certain relationships that a crash was unavoidable… The very nature of pressure is to blow."
Favorites line at the end:
"No, you are not the only one to blame, but girlfriend, you are the only one you can change. God is willing. God is able. Let Him get to that *terrified part of you that devalues the rest of you*."
I'm ready to quit being an accomplice in my own misery! Come, freedom, come!
I love you guys.
1) I feel like I’m at a point in life where no facets of my life are working. I might go so far as to say I’m feeling like one big old heap of failure. I know I’m of infinite more value because of Whom I belong to. I almost didn’t think this book was for me. On the surface I suspect I appear to be a secure, independent woman. But with the setbacks in my life, do I judge my value and worth on my successes and failures? The answer I realized is “maybe yes”. So I want to open myself up to the possibility that maybe I do have some deep insecurities that I’m not aware of and I want to root them out. I hope this study will help do just that.
2)I struggle with my seeming inability to do it all as a mom, wife, daughter and full time worker. Deep down I don’t think a lot of what I do is good enough. And frankly there are areas that I don’t feel I’ll ever be successful in. I think I have a hard time believing I can be really successful. Although I would consider myself a confident, self assured woman. I’ve actually had two previous bosses that have told me that I don’t give myself enough credit. Especially when it comes to my career, I need a lot of assurance.
I see it so often with my younger sister. She is now in her late 20s and she constantly puts herself down. She has never had a boyfriend yet she is a normal, attractive female with wonderful intelligence and a caring heart. Yet because she is mildly uvuifuucoverweight she can’t conceive that any man would find her attractive. It frustrates me to no end that she sees herself that way. I hate that she cuts herself down. If you compliment her, she’ll pick herself apart. If you give any kind of opinion that can be construed as an insult she’ll beat herself up about it. Oh boy, does she need this book.
3) All of these statements resonated with me: “Chronic lack of confidence in ourselves”, “We feel overrated.” At work “I –often- feel unqualified, inadequate, and out of my league. “ This covers a lot of how I feel at my job.
The one thing that smacked me in the face was when you said “Insecurity’s best cover is perfectionism.” I never felt like I was allowed to make mistakes growing up. If I did it was met with a lot of disappointment. Encouragement wasn’t part of the equation. So I strived to do everything “perfect”. Even here, I caught myself seeking to produce the “best” and “more impressive” answer.
1. At bible study I knew I had a "outside the box" opinion on a certain contriversal scripture. I didn't speak up. I felt convicted all week! This past Wed I opened up to our group and shared my personal thought. It was well recieved…silly insecurity!
2. I expect too much out of my girl friends and then are let down when they "fail" me.
Michelle
Anchorage, AK
20's STILL
Married momma of twin 4yr old BOYS, and a 3yr old girl.
When was the last time I came face-to-face with insecurity? The setting…my home…in front of my mirror. I'm insecure when I look at myself, I wonder what people think of me. I'm insecure when I speak to people because I might not say something just right.
The part of the description of insecurity resonated most with me most was the chronic self-conciousness and the chronic lack of confidence in myself. When I am with others I am always comparing myself to them and I never feel like I measure up.
MaryBeth
Hallsville, TX
53
Married
Beth, Insecurity showed up when I couldn't look at your beautiful picture on the book cover. First, tried laying the book on my bedside table face down. Then I read some comments on the blog and realized it wasn't just me – so I took the book cover off and I am now trying to catch up with the reading!
Auburn, AL 40's married
April
20's (but only for a few more days)
married
GA
1. I agree with the other April from GA (Who is also 29 interestingly enough!). I also didn't realize how insecure I am until reading the book. Sure, I knew I'm constantly looking to see how my stomach/love handles look in certain outfits (I've had 2 children). And then I realized that I am insecure about everything. Our house, how much money we don't have, how messy our home is when someone stops by (a.k.a my housekeeping skills), what others think of me or what I said, etc., etc., etc. This was a huge realization because we moved here around 3 years ago, and before our move, I was very secure in who I was in Christ, how He saw me, my worth in Him. But now I see how I have allowed the enemy's lies to creep in over the past 3 years until I've almost forgotten who Christ says I am. I feel like that young girl who moves to a new school in the middle of the year only to find that she doesn't really fit in.
2. Not really part of the definition, but I most resonated with the part that said "insecurity's best cover is perfectionism." I have been a perfectionist for as long as I can remember.
I have a passion for TV production and broadcasting, and I just graduated with a degree in that field. I really don't know why I put myself through the torture, because insecurity covers me all in it. It's probably the worst job field for an insecure woman. I must be crazy…but I know God will free me from it, should this be His will for me. I've been praying for an on-camera position…just because I think it's fun. However, although people will constantly tell me that I have a TV-ready appearance… I still battled and thought to myself, " what are you looking at." In fact, I would almost get embarassed to tell them that I wanted to be a broadcaster, and after I told them.. I'd be like "I know I have to lose a little weight, and my braces have to come off." (They usually say, "whatever." or something… but that is the norm…I think. I'm not overweight. I'm within my BMI, but I'm not Barbie.
Anyway, recently, my dream came true. I was selected for an on-camera piece of a new web segment to go on gmc's website. We'll be shooting the stand-ups for them soon. I think this week. You'd think that my insecurities would be gone since they chose me… but now it's just intensified. "Will I be good enough?" "Once they see me on camera, will they like it?" "What if they don't." "I don't know if I can do this, I think I'm gonna throw up." Ha! It's all inside my head. Ah!
2. Insecurity…. the 2nd definition was ALL me. I create my own misery. It's all built up inside my head until I think that i'm a crazy person.
Miranda
Warner Robins, GA
23
single
2.I heard a story the other day of a teenage girl who was dealing with her deep hurts with cutting. I would assume a lot of those hurts would have to do with her bad body image of herself.
So sad.
3. I connected with the phrase "chronic self-consciousness". I feel like I can go wherever and always be mentally preoccupied with myself and my weight and my clothes and what other girls are wearing….on and on and on. I don't even enjoy everyday life most of the time b/c I am plagued with mental thoughts of self doubt over and over again.
Kristin
St. Louis, MO
20s
Married
1. Unfortunately, I'm not sure the root of my insecurity, but find myself constantly trying to be good enough to earn the approval of others–I think I find this even in my relationship with my own parents. It's a sad, sad thing that I so desperately want to overcome and at all cost don't want to place on my own girls. Asking God to help me dump this bad friend!
2. Not sure why I fear rejection, but I guess that's a part that truly resonates with me. I have lived my life as a perfectionist, trying to be good enough to keep around!
Jennifer
Tennessee
30s
Married
Susan T
New York
50's
Married
1)I would say just today,a boss had to teach/correct me on a process at work and I became offended,angry,insecure and upset.Maybe her tone was not the best either.At any rate,after being upset,I became furthur upset about the fact I was upset in the first place.
2)I can relate to the first part of the definition about self doubt,lack of confidence,and fear of rejection.I have always been this way since I was small.It may be due to the fact that I was born with a birth defector I felt uncool as a child growing up.Maybe it has to do with immaturity.At any rate I can relate wholeheartedly to being a very classically insecure women who has been that way for decades.
1. I came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity when I had a parent/teacher conference with my son’s algebra and speech teachers. I didn’t realize how insecure I was meeting with these teachers since my husband and I are both teachers ourselves. I didn't hold up well during the conference. However, I fell apart that afternoon in counseling dealing with the feelings I was having when teachers weren’t supporting my son with his learning disabilities. My counselor is the one who realized I was reliving my childhood when teachers weren’t helping me learn the curriculum taught. I have a major “chip” on my shoulder because I also felt my parents were not able to take a stand for me and help me through the tough times of learning when I was in school. My husband attended this session with me as well because he was angry with me and wanted support from the counselor to help us through this dilemma. I was falling apart almost flipping and flopping like a fish in my mind. I couldn't even get ahold of myself to calm down I was so emotional bawling my eyes out. I was sinking deeper and deeper into my insecurities. I felt like I was drowning and there was no way out.
2. I’m insecure in just answering this question because the entire definition resonates most with me. I doubt myself in every area of my life, am self-consciousness at all times, as well as lack confidence in every step I take in everyday life. Through the last four months of counseling, I’ve realized I have a great fear of rejection and I am uncertain about my own feelings and desires at all times. I also have unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. I never thought about how I created situations in which I would be disappointed and hurt in all my relationships whether parent/daughter, husband/wife, or friendships. I now realize how I was an accomplice in creating my own misery. I’m just a mess!
Shellye
Queen City, TX
41 / married
Sherri
Perryville MO
41
single
1. Insecurity has been my constant companion since my husband informed me he loved me, but he loved someone else more, 10 years ago. I have been in two relationships since that have ended up the same, they moved past me to another woman. Tired of letting disappointment define who I am; ignorance is wanting new results while doing same thing. Willing to try something new now!
2. I ALWAYS try tooooo hard to fix things that I feel are broken; can't stand for anyone to be upset with me.
1) My husband and I got into an argument this past week. Afterwards, he went on to work and went on about his day. I, on the other hand, spent the whole day obsessing over how 'oh, it was my fault, how mad is he?, I bet he's really disappointed in me for how I acted…' and so on. Even though I KNOW that, yes I could have acted differently in the situation, but my reasoning made totaly sense. But I spent the whole day worried over what he thought of me after this little argument…over a CELL PHONE, nonetheless!! lol
2)I identify the most with the chronic self-consciousness part of the definition. I am always worried about what people will think of me, about what I'm wearing, or how I look, "Does this make me look fat?" Even after going through a year of treatment for breast cancer last year, I still thought "Boy I bet people talk about the 10 lbs I put on." Even though I know that people probably never thought anything of the sort, I noticed it in myself…and it drives me crazy that it stuck out to me.
Erica
Van Buren, MO
32
Married
Christy
Duncan,BC
30s
Married
1) I bought the book to do this blog study, my husband saw it, and laughed….(what did that laugh mean? does he think I'm insecure? may be I shouldn't be doing this… may be it IS wierd….) HAHAHA lol
2) A deep uncertainty about whether my own feelings and desires are legitimate….because…no support or confirmation? I'm not sure yet, but hopefully the Lord will show me in the next few weeks!
1) The past year and a half of my life has been dealing with insecurity I didn't even know that I had. It's been a transition year, being in a new job…giving plenty of room for insecurities to rise up.
2. "Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves" Yep. That wraps up the past year of my life.
Kristin
Kennesaw, GA
30's
Married
1) My husband is deploying soon and I havent been doing real well with everything- i beat myself up because i cant handle everything by myself- this i have to stop or it is going to be a long year
2)chronic lack of confidence in myself and anxiety about relationships- in the past i have been hurt and dont want to anymore – constant fear of rejection is another
Sally
Rome,GA
41
Married
1. Well, just posting this late makes me
feel insecure! I tried to post on Tuesday night, but comments were closed. I almost didn't post my answer because of insecurity about not following the rules.
Since Tuesday, though, my answer has changed a million times because that's how many instances of insecurity I have had. But I'll start with today. I'm home visiting my family and a friend (a very dead friend whom I haven't seen in three years) called me to tell me she was in town and wanted to see me. I really didn't want her to see me
because Ive put on some weight and am having hair issues big time! But I went anyway and it was wonderful. Insecurity almost kept me from really living today.
2. I identify with the fear of rejection in the definition
the most. I am a people pleaser to th obsessive degree, and my fear of rejection is at it's root.
Chapter 2 was amazing in that it showed me that I am insecure, which I already knew. Both parts of the definition of insecurity were completely me. I am anxious to see the Lord work in my life with the insecurities I have.
Stephanie
Stanford,Ky
Married 42yrs
1.My major insecurity is my appearance,due to my weight. Just participated in my brothers wedding last weekend. I made my way through it but then when I saw some of the pictures of me I wanted to crawl under something and disappear.
2.the first sentence….."profound sense of self-doubt a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth…." I so struggle with the me that exists. I feel like the real me is there..hidden..like if I unzipped me the real me would come out. When your over weight that is what people see.
1) I was last insecure when I had to comment late to this blog. I freaked out a little and almost didn't comment because I didn't want to be judged poorly for commenting late. So silly.
2)The definition of insecurity being a "profound sense of self-doubt- a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world", is what hit home the most with me. I constantly struggle with the feeling that I'm not worthy of good things in my life and I have doubts about my role often. I feel the need to justify where I am at in my life often due to my insecurity.
Laura
Kansas
30's
Married
I had a hard time thinking of last time I felt insecure in a situation with women. To be honest, my last time would be with a co-worker who is male. I have a hard time standing up for myself when being "bullyed", which is probably mostly related to fear of rejection.
J
NC
40s
married
My most recent bout of insecurity: I was in a friend's wedding and all 7 bridesmaids were pencil thin- I have a lot of weight to lose after having twins-I didn't like standing up there in our very form fitting dresses.
the part of the definition that resounds the most:chronic insecurity- I picture myself constantly tugging at my shirt to make sure my belly fat is not showing! Insecurity might be a bad friend-but spanx have become a very good friend!
Amanda
20s
married
Drummonds, TN
I had a hard time thinking of last time I felt insecure in a situation with women. To be honest, my last time would be with a co-worker who is male. I have a hard time standing up for myself when being "bullyed", which is probably mostly related to fear of rejection.
J
NC
40s
married
I had a hard time thinking of last time I felt insecure in a situation with women. To be honest, my last time would be with a co-worker who is male. I have a hard time standing up for myself when being "bullyed", which is probably mostly related to fear of rejection.
J
NC
40s
married
Kristin
Ponchatoula, LA
29
Married
1. I am so sad to say that I am so insecure that I don't even notice other people's insecurities. I actually thought that I can't believe Beth is writing this book. I must be one of the only people who needs to hear this. So refreshing that Satan's lie was exposed that I am not alone in this battle, and most importantly, God is with me and has already won the war!
2. Insecurity definition that most resonated with me: chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves.
Married, 30's western PA
I was thinking that I was reading this for others as I am on a ministry team hosting a simulcast, until an incident this week. The flu hit our house. My husband wanted to hold my hair while I had those "inglorious moments", and I was so afraid to let him see me less than pulled together. Here is a man who vowed his life to me almost 9 years ago and has stood by me in labor. And I'm afraid I will lose esteem in his eyes because of the flu??!! OK,GOD, I'm listening.