Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.
We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.
I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.
So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.
OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.
2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.
Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.
For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.
No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.
Thank you for coming!
Lord, be magnified.
In His lavish love,
Beth
Jeni
NOLA
46
S
I was born with congenital scoliosis to an alcoholic schizophrenic 16 year old mother that certainly did not know how to give strength and encouragement to a child like me. On top of that we moved so much for her to “start over” that I went to 21 schools before I graduated high school. So I was always having to defend myself at every age. So until the last few years I have not had a moment that I did not feel insecure. I got saved at 25 when my son was 2 and God put me in the best church ever with the best people ever that could have loved me. God certainly used a lot of people to show me His love, but that is where I also fell into the definition of insecurity………………I sabotaged relationships and sucked them dry. Now at my age, I have learned to keep a rein on my heart and have learned not to need anyone. Is that healthy? I’m not sure. I am not sure if this is a season from God, or I’m becoming a recluse. I hope it’s a season. I am seeking Him more and more daily out of more desperation than ever. I need Him to fix me and make me whole. And I expect to get a lot out of this book to help my journey.
First of all, this book is amazing. There were so many times, I said out loud – yep yep. I don't do that often with a book…
1. What I thought of first was all the girls I know, especially in college, who go from one guy to the next to the next to their friend's ex-boyfriend to someone they hardly know to etc… etc… just seemingly to be with someone. It is so sad to see how insecurity so many times drives so much more hurt. One girl I went to college with dated so many guys in college and had come from a divorced family with a rougher childhood and seemed to want to do anything to get away from that. I think she was digging herself deeper because of the insecurities she never dealt with. I have my own issues as well, but it's a lot easier to see it in someone else, isn't it?!
2. I guess it would be the questioning whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate.
I resonated with this on pg. 18 "I not only lack security, I also lack faith. I don't just doubt myself, I also doubt God about myself." Wow – Beth thank you for searching your heart to speak to ours. We love you!
Dawn
married, 25, Wisconsin
Here goes!
1) Walking into a resaurant and feeling underdressed, fat, not polished, etc. Never as good as everyone else.
2) Fear of rejection – I often feel like I am being judged and come up short. This is with strangers mostly, not friends or my women at Bible study. I also judge myself harshly.
MaryD from Phoenix, AZ
50's & Married
Beth,
Thank you for signing my book! My husband met you in Atlanta and had you sign a book for my two best friends and me-as a total surprise to all of us! I love you too!
1. I came face-to-face with the issue of insecurity last night at my Bible study (Beloved Disciple). I almost never pray aloud because I'm so self-conscious of stumbling over my words in front of people. I felt I needed to because I was filling in for our group leader while she was sick. It was good that I did but I was terrified and embarrassed.
2. "Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships." The answer to #1 tells the "why" to this question. 😉
Alicia
Rome, GA
29 on Tuesday
Married for 7 years
Is it too late to participate in this if I didn't do the roll call?
Everyday is a struggle with insecurity. This past week has been especially hard with my job (I’m a first year teacher), my little boys (5 and 3) are constantly bickering, and my husband is away most nights because of coaching. To top it off, my clothes have somehow gotten too tight, and the foundation I bought recently does not go on flawless like it advertises.
There is so much planning that goes in to teaching, some days I do better than others. No matter how much time I put into my planning or how excited I am about the lesson, the students in my class would rather be picking their noses than paying attention to me. I’m always wondering if I am teaching them anything at all.
I won’t go into much detail about the parenting breakdown I had over the weekend, but I will say I was starting to believe my 3-year-old son was going to go to kindergarten in diapers (it still could happen…he’s incredibly stubborn!).
Finally, my husband is gone A LOT! But, he is the best father and husband. He does the laundry and dishes, takes the day off to treat our boys to a day with dad, and spoils me like crazy! “That’s a problem?!” you ask. Yes, it is!! I love him dearly, but he makes me feel bad. He makes a better wife than me!
One more thing! I am insecure about my sponsoring duties. The precious little girl from Peru we’re sponsoring through Compassion failed to receive a letter from me because I didn’t want her to be disappointed because she got a crazy person as a sponsor. Thankfully, she sent us a letter yesterday, and I responded quite sanely if I do say so myself.
Rachel
NW Missouri
30's
Married
Stacie, Memphis TN, Divorced
I have dealt with this issue my entire life, even unable to give it to God until now. I so look forward to this journey, but honestly really scared. How will life look on the "secure" side, how will I survive with out all the protective coverings I have amassed?
Question two was a real eye opener when I realized how many examples had happened just since Christmas… A friend, a cousin (two actually), a sister, an aunt, myself.
The part of the definition that strikes me most is "a deep feeling of uncertainly about our basic worth and our place in the world"
1. I am in the midst of releasing the weight I've carried as my "armor" all of my life. In this process, I am releasing the negative thoughts, most of which are rooted in insecurity, which caused me to feel the need to numb and protect with food and weight. Lord, I ask you to speak to me through this book and to use it to bring about your healing.
2. Listening to my Christian sisters sit around and talk about their wrinkles and bodies and the need for cosmetic surgery. It concerns me that women feel such a desparate need to surgically alter the way they were made, but it saddens me when Christian women do not experience the security of knowing that the Lord is captivated by their beauty. And this beauty goes way beneath the surface! Of course, will I face this dilemma myself, once I release the rest of my weight? I am already saggy and baggy from losing 85 lbs and I have 100 more to go. I know I will want to be tucked and tightened when it's all over. Will that be part of my healing, or is the excess skin to be a stone of rememberance of sorts, to remind me what God has done?
3. The part that resonated with me is when Beth describes the part that pride plays in insecurity, which is paradoxical: "Self-consciousness is acute self-awareness and a preoccupation with self, no matter how it's externalized in life." "Never think for amoment that pride and self-centerdness have no role in insecurity."
1)I looked forward to a big birthday and convinced my husband and another good friend to throw a party. Not many people came. Ouch! God is good and opened up other doors of fellowship that night, but it hurt and also stirred up a hornet's nest of insecurity.
2)The part about the definition that resonated most with me was the part about living in constant fear of rejection. I am the queen of apologies and analyzing conversations. I have learned I elevate myself in thinking that other people are constantly thinking about me and my reaction.
Martha
Mckinney, TX
30's
married
AnnMarie, 40's, Tn, mother of 2
As a pastor's wife, I tend to find myself second guessing myself and my actions from time to time. While I am so blessed to be a place where there are not comparisons to previous Pastor's wives and high "expectations". I still struggle with insecurity when I plan Ladies Meetings, even if they are spirit led. To futher complicate things, we live in a very small town and are known by everyone and feel as if they are always watching to see what we do, where we go, and how we act.
Most of the time I do feel free to be me and am trying to minister to many of the younger moms who have things in common – but question myself when always introduced as "the Pastor's wife", never a friend.
May the rest of this book continue to work on my heart and may my focus be on who God wants me to be and not who I feel others want me to be.
April
Blacksburg, VA
20's
Married
2) Today as I was going about my household chores I found myself getting so frustrated because as soon as I finished one task another would come to mind. It felt like the list would never end. And then it got worse, I started thinking about my friends who have kids (I don't yet) and their "perfect" homes and how they never complain about a thing. From that moment on all I kept telling myself was "You'll never be like them. They're so much better than you. They've got everything together and you don't."
3)"a strong desire to make amends whenever I think I've done something wrong"-I'm a people pleaser, always have been.
Pattie G.
Coos Bay, OR
52
Married (5th anniversary coming up on March 12!)
1. My husband is a manager in a fast food restaurant and he works with a lot of younger women. It's amazing how quickly I become irrationally insecure when he is more than a few minutes late coming home and/or when we are working separate shifts and I don't see him for a couple days (like today) — or when he talks about one particular girl more than another, or if he talks about the same girl more than two days in a row! He is 8 years younger than me and even though he reassures me every single day and calls me from work at least once a day to tell me he loves me — for some reason, I have the fear/insecurity that he is going to find someone younger, thinner, cuter, more fun, "perkier", etc., etc. and leave me — proving my fear that there is always someone better who could take my place and then I discover that I truly am "dispensable" or just second best.
2. "A profound sense of self-doubt — a deep feeling about our basic worth and our place in the world." In other words, "if they really knew me, they wouldn't like me any more" and "it's my job to try to be sure everyone else is happy and to not make anyone upset". Sheesh — where do these kinds of thoughts come from? And why do I sometimes get better and then bounce right back? I'm looking forward to discovering who I really am (in Christ) and how I can get out of the way so He can use me the way He wants to!!!
Leanne, Jacksonville, FL, 30's
(2) I don’t really hang out with a lot of woman on a daily basis. So this is hard for me to answer in a way. But I’d say maybe with a dear friend who is recently divorced, her husband left her with their two small children and no explanation as to why. She struggles with wondering why – what happened – what could she have done to prevent it, if anything. And the insecurity of being a single mom and now trying to figure out life with that stigma looming over her head. As well as figuring out how to pay back all the loans she took out to help her ex-husband and support her household when he doesn’t pay child support
(3)Would it be a copout to say both definitions on page 17 and 23 resonate with me because I see myself in each section. I am the insecure person who is trying to find her place in this world – what was I created for? What is my purpose in life and in my failing marriage? I lack the confidence in my ability to make a decision for fear of later rejection or fear of disappointing those around me and even greater, disappointing God. I am constantly battling out my thoughts and emotions and frequently wonder if they are justifiable or am I just being ‘silly’. Should I just settle for what I’ve been given – or should I desire more. Yes my fear and insecurity keeps me bound in a unhealthy relationship with someone who in his own way I think keeps me somewhat squashed so I don’t leave…. Because of his own fear in being alone. Am I worthy of being loved? And not a friendship love – but an intimate love. And yet I do create my own misery a lot of time because of my actions – but I think my undesirable actions are due to my insecurity and fears.
Kelly
Georgia
30s and engaged
1. Everday! but most recognizable is to find that my fiancee talks to his mother who lives out of town during the day time and not really when I am there with him. I beginning feeling as though why can't he talk with her while I am around, does she not approve of me especially after 7 years being with him she doesn't communicate with me and ask me how I am? I began thinking is he not proud to have me in his life enough to share that time with his family with me? this is just a few thoughts!
2. Chronic lack of self confidence in myself and anxiety about relationship; deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate;unrealistic expectation about love and relationship; easily and frequently hurt—–alright ALL OF IT!! 🙂
Patty, Ankeny – 40s
I believe in some aspect I come face-to-face with a woman's insecurity on a daily basis; however, I believe the one unmasking of insecurity that has made the largest impact on me and my two sisters is the abuse my mom took from my dad so many years ago – physical, verbal and emotional. The insecurity controlling my mom's life created the fear she had of leaving the abusive situation.
The part of the definition of "insecurity" which defines my life – can't pick just one. Self-doubt about my mothering; self-conscious about my looks; lack of confidence in my job, and the total, day-to-day fear of rejection. Funny thing is, people who know me on the surface describe me as being extremely secure and confident. I guess I am good at hiding the real me.
Sandee
46
Tulare, CA
Married
1. Right now it is an insecurity of "social status", being able to still fit in with what is the "socially accepted" things to do, drinking. I am on day 30 of sobriety!
2. Unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. I have very high standards and as I am drawer a closer relationship with Jesus, I am finding out how BIG my uncontentment has been. Nothing ever pleases or is good enough. UGH!
I am in my insecurity right now. My life has been a mess since I came back from deployment in Afghanistan. My husband wants a divorce, I can't find a job, I have injuries and PTSD from the military, and it feels like people won't let me forget my past mistakes. I feel like I don't have a purpose, I'm not needed or wanted, I am unable to help those I care about because I can't even help myself. I also struggle with depression and stress.
1. Just today on my drive home from work. Wondering if my temporary position will become a permanent one, and if I have any hope of financial security in the near future otherwise. And for some reason, this always brings up "man" issues for me. I'm single, and while I know having a husband doesn't ensure security (it didn't for my mother or sister), there's always that part of me that wishes I had a man to lean on when things are this uncertain. I'm disappointed in myself for that, but there it is.
2. "A deep uncertainty over whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." And can I add to that an uncertainty about what those desires are? I have some days when I feel a root-level unhappiness, but if someone were to ask me what I really wanted, I'm not sure I could tell them.
Sorry. I'm not always this melacholic, but the definition hit a nerve.
P.S. my word verification is "outches." Spelling is off, but otherwise appropriate
1) Hmm…everyday. Insecurity is probably one of the biggest things I struggle with. I truly believe that God is going to do some incredible things to change that through this book, though, especially after the Enemy's massive attempts to destroy every ounce of security I do have last week.
2)"Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships." Sadly, I feel like "insecurity" could be replaced with "Elizabeth". It makes me see that I've let my insecurity define me. It's not well hidden, either. My pastor's brought it up on several occasions, and the last few months, I have been willing to open up about it, and he's been trying to help me break free from it. This actually started the day before I found out about the book. I so want for God to be what defines my life, but He has been revealing to be that I am letting insecurity to define it. He is also showing me that He is passionate about curing my insecurity so that He can define my life, and I am so thankful for that.
Elizabeth
Escalon, CA
20's
Single
Dear Beth
You are such an inspiration to so many women and I thank you so much for showing us how to stay focused on God and relying on Him for everything. I have enjoyed so many of your bible studies. I am currently studying "Esther". Between reading this book and studying "Esther" I am excited to see what God has in store for me. I too struggle with insecurity, as well as my walk with God, raising 2boys to know Him as their personal Lord and Savior, and praying for my husband to accept Christ one day. Although it seems difficult, I know there are seasons in our walks and God will see us through each and every one of them. Again, thank you Beth for all that you do for us and to honoring our Heavenly Father.
Amy
Charlotte, NC
30's
Married
When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity?
1. Every point since I've moved to Georgia! For now, that's all I really am able to get out to share. I AM in this book more times then I want to count in the first two chapters!
That I am insignificant and if I died nobody would care that I was gone, except they would have to "pay" someone to come in and cook, clean and do everything else a mother and wife does…otherwise I don't exist…if I can't give them something or do something for them, I am not worth having a conversation with… I am in the way…that is how I feel everyday and I live in my home with a spouse, 3 children, my mother, and a nephew…
2.This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
Probably the part about " unrealistic expectations" for people and my life in general.
Again, for the moment that is all I can get out to say. I'll come around Beth I promise!
Meghan
Round Rock, TX
30's, married
1) It was kinda hard to choose just one moment I've felt insecure recently. 🙂 Nearly every time I'm at a playground, a play group, or at a fun music class with my son (1 year old), I feel insecurity creeping up in me to the point I feel like my face is flushed red the entire time and leaving with my armpits wet. I feel frozen in insecurity as a parent, wondering if all eyes are on me and watching how I handle Brennan and certain situations. He's only 1, so here's to praying I stop feeling this way before he's two, when things really start becoming evident he's a toddler! 🙂
2) The things that stuck out about the definition: self-doubt, chronic self-consciousness!!, chronic lack of confidence, anxiety in our relationships!!!; fear of rejection and deep uncertainty about my feelings and desires being legitimate. Wasn't that pretty much the whole definition?? 🙂
And well: "insecurity's best cover is perfectionism"…ouch, ouch, ouch.
Nicole
Holly, MI
20's
Single
1) I'd have to say tonight at my workout class when I'm in my baggy clothes wondering what everyone thinks about me and if I'm doing this move right or not. I know it shouldn't bother me and I tell myself that everytime, but that voice gets inside my head and it won't leave.
2) Self-conciousness hits pretty hard in the insecurity definition. I always feel like I am harping on myself and comparing myself to others. The worst part is knowing that I am doing it even though God made me to be different I still want to be the same as others to be accepeted…
First off, God is either going to set me free this semester or I'm going to die working through it with Him…I'm currently doing this study, Breaking Free, and the new Revelation study…yeah, a little overloaded, but it's SO needed!
1) One of the most recent pictures I have of insecurity is this past Saturday night. I was on a first date with this amazing guy…and like all first dates all my mind could think about leading up to it were the negative things about me that were going to turn him off. I spent hours contemplating how I could make myself look, and feel, skinnier and how I could cover up my past. It was all consuming! I've become a great actor though (through 23 years of practice) and the guy had absolutely no clue I felt completely unworthy and insecure. On the other hand, we were hanging out with some of his friends on the date, one of which was a girl who has a huge crush on him. She also felt insecure…but she wasn't a good actor. The entire night she would not leave my side…in her mind her worst nightmare of being rejected by this guy was coming true…and I was the cause. Looking back on it, the whole night was really a great example of insecurity…from both me and the other girl.
2) The part of the definition that stuck out the most to me was the constant fear of rejection. I have a past much like Beth's…and many days I have a really hard time even believing God can forgive and redeem me. I know in my head that God says I'm beautiful and clean, His pure white bride who belongs to Him forever, but I tend to feel like I am on step away from Him saying "ok, you're too messed up and complicated." I also tend to project those feelings onto other people…thinking that even if God can't reject me they are bound too…because who would want to mess with everything I've gone through. honestly, even right now I'm thinking about how I need to explain myself because I might be rejected by some of you ladies… : )
wow! God, I'm claiming freedom this semester! I can't go on living without it!
Kaila
Missouri
23
Single
1-A challenging experience where my character was questioned with continued issues.
2- unconscious unrealistic expectations w/fear of rejection. I am my own unwitting accomplice in creating my misery.
Jackie
Little Rock, AR
40 this year
Married
Carol, Mesquite, NV 60's and recently married
I have usually felt pretty secure about who I am. But as I began to review the definition of insecurity I could see where it is a part of who I am. There are times that I entertain thoughts in the realm of lack of confidence or a fear of rejection.
Intellectually I know that we are all insecure in some area of our lives. I usually try to psych myself into moving ahead and the fear will depart.
Yet, I wonder where these fears come from. It will be good to discover what triggers these thoughts and how I can recover.
I am truly looking forward to discovering what Beth knows and how she will lead us to realize for ourselves.
As GOD leads I want to follow..
Latrelle from Georgia
40's
Married
1)Two family gatherings highlighted
insecurities that i had tried to deny were still there. Even among people who "love" you i think you can still feel judgement on your life–children, relationships, and our ministry……..
2)everyone who is insecure is sensitive to a fault….God has been working with me consantly….
No one can steal my joy–my hope is in the Lord and joy comes in the morning 🙂
Question #2 this week caused me to review the items I had highlighted in my book and take stock. There were several highlights, but the things that really stood out are:
"A deep feeling of uncertainty about…our place in this world." I have been struggling with this for a couple of years now, praying for God to show me where I am supposed to be and what I should be doing to better serve His kingdom. "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. That's where it becomes an art form." Truer words were never spoken….in my life.
"We can get away with thinking we're secure people because, for a time, we have the important things just like we want them…..We realize we weren't secure, just spoiled." Ouch! Some serious control issues and uncertainty here, girls, and I'm praying that this study will help me find the way to say "goodbye" to several bad friends!
Julie
Idaho
40's
Married
Linda
Houston,Texas
50's
married
Dear Heavenly Father, I have lived most of my life being verbally and physically abused. I was so insecured about myself, I always felt for some reason each time it was my fault, some how I deserved it. 3 years ago, I STOPPED IT! It meant my life. Now I'm an ex-abused woman and it all happened because you, Lord have helped me stay strong. I am now praying Lord that this book "So Long Insecurity" by Beth Moore will continue to help me stay the strong person I know you want me to be. In your precious name. AMEN and THANK YOU LORD for Beth Moore
Janice
Ohio
50's
married
1. I have a grandaughter and grandson. My grandaughter is 3 1/2. She just loves her daddy. A few weeks ago they were at our house and her daddy was playing with her brother…you know boy stuff. I could tell she would do anything to be a part. Insecurity was written all over her face; I felt insecure for her!!
2. Chronic self-consciousness resonated with me. Last summer my husband wanted to take me for a ride on his motorcycle. We weren't going to see anyone; just ride and come back home. Before we left I HAD to put on my lipstick. I mean..c'mon…we wore helmets…
1) Walking into our daughters' school and approaching women that I do not know and wonder what they've heard or said about me….the feeling of not belonging….
2) Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world.
I struggle w/these issues more than I realized. I want to learn how to quit being an accomplice and teach my daughters that they can live without insecurity!
1. I wish it were just ONE story I could relate about an "insecure moment", my problem is it has overflowed into every part of my life and thoughts. Medicine from a chronic illness has caused a big change in my body image so much so that I hate to go out socially and I look in the mirror and the first words to come to mind are "I hate you." I dream of how much happier I would be if I lost this weight. I can't believe how disappointed I am with my lack of discipline to change my situation
2. What reasonates in the definition is the "chronic self-consciouusness" about how I look and how my clothes fit. Along with a great "lack of self confidence" in who I am and what people are saying about me. Even sharing this sounds ridiculous and makes me feel self conscious.
1)I am one who loves all people,
and want to be loved by all people.
I have a desire to help people,especially my family,as much as I can.
My stepchildren only call me when they want something,cause they know I'll ALWAYS say yes!!Everybody else I
do things for out of love. Them I
do things for more out of insecurity, cause for so such a long time I/ve longed to be accepted by them.
A couple of weeks ago, My oldest step daughter needed me to baby
sit her 18mo old baby girl. Insecurity was telling me to find
any possible way to do it, cause
she would be mad if I didn't, but
security was saying it's okay to
say no when you have to, and I
already had an obligation and
couldn't.
She got mad and said some hurtful
things to her dad about me. She's
not talking to me or texting me.
I'm praying through this, because
insecurity wants to paralyze me,
and keep me down.
The Lord knows my heart, and He is
the keeper of my hurts. I will not be held down by insecurity!
2. I have fear of rejection, not
constant but sometimes!
P.S. I forgot to put my age on the roll call. Mid 40's
(1) Recently encouraged and supported a friend who was experiencing a difficult time with her supervisor. Typically a very strong person, I saw her doubts and fears about herself surface. She was fearful for her job and future.
(2)Living in constant fear was an eye-opening statement for me. Also, thinking we are secure people when things are going "our" way. Then change comes along and we fall apart because "it" isn't about "me" anymore! How true!
Tammy, Kingsport TN, 40's, Married
Lisa
Jefferson, GA
30's
Married
1)At work every day
2)"Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships."
1. Recently I've seen women competing over relationships that have no business being a competition. At the root of this competition is definitely insecurity. And I have to ask to what end?
2. The phrases "knee-jerk reaction" and "perfectionism" definitely stood out to me in the discussion of the definition. I can also relate to doubting God about myself. And the whole "complicated mix" definitely fits.
Thank you to all the siestas for their overwhelming transparency here. God is going to do His thang on us….boy do I need it even if I don't know I need it!
Pam
Dublin, VA
30's
Married
1. I mentor a college age woman and she doesn't like to talk on the phone, so we communicate by text. I sent her 2 texts last week and still have not heard from her. She's never not texted me before. For at least a day, I obsessed as to why she hadn't texted me: she's mad at me was all I could conclude. Thanks to your book which prompted me, and the Lord, I haven't thought much about it since.
2. As to the definition of insecurity, I loved everything on pages 20-21: strong desire to apologize even if I haven't done anything wrong (priceless!),obsessing when someone is angry at me, anxious for no reason, intensity…stewing over something for days or weeks. Yep. that's me.
Oh, and as I was breaking the book in to begin reading, I happened upon page 121 and guess what? I am the boot licker! I ran downstairs to show my husband and he read it and said "You've finally got your dream… to be published!" I can check that one off of the bucket list!
Now I just wonder what everyone thinks of me (Just kidding!!!)
Linda
Ft. Collins, CO
40's
Married
Terri
Married
36
Powder Springs, GA
1. I notice my insecurity a lot now. I did not used to struggle very much with it until a few years ago when I had a pituitary tumor. After the treatment I gained nearly 100 lbs that is just not going away. Two years ago I got Bell's palsy and half of my face just quit working and I look like a freak.
2. I had behind perfectionism to deal with my insecurities. Perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect student (4.0), perfect teacher. It is just so hard to stand up under.
1. Everyday… i'm just thinking about when i was driving home from dropping something off at church this afternoon and was thinking in my mind, "how dare i go over there and not look at myself in the mirror before i go." before i had a child i used to look in the mirror before I left home, now… that really doesn't happen. What the heck?! who cares what i looked like. Thank God for a loving husband who when he walked in the door after work- greeted me with the words.. wow, you look great today. that set me back in the right frame of mind.
2. wow, what an eye-opening chapter. the thing that resonated most with me is when you went through the inventory. i went along with you through the book writing my answers beside yours and the results are in… i'm insecure. but, like you said by the grace of God he's gonna get me out of this even if it takes a war. a war I'm sure it will be. I have this book in my hands for a reason… maybe so that the next time i drop something off at the church (p.s. i'm a pastor's wife so this happens often) i won't be worried if i do or don't look in the mirror before i go!
Kristen
Rolling Meadows, IL
20's
Married
1. Everyday… i'm just thinking about when i was driving home from dropping something off at church this afternoon and was thinking in my mind, "how dare i go over there and not look at myself in the mirror before i go." before i had a child i used to look in the mirror before I left home, now… that really doesn't happen. What the heck?! who cares what i looked like. Thank God for a loving husband who when he walked in the door after work- greeted me with the words.. wow, you look great today. that set me back in the right frame of mind.
2. wow, what an eye-opening chapter. the thing that resonated most with me is when you went through the inventory. i went along with you through the book writing my answers beside yours and the results are in… i'm insecure. but, like you said by the grace of God he's gonna get me out of this even if it takes a war. a war I'm sure it will be. I have this book in my hands for a reason… maybe so that the next time i drop something off at the church (p.s. i'm a pastor's wife so this happens often) i won't be worried if i do or don't look in the mirror before i go!
Kristen
Rolling Meadows, IL
20's
Married
miranda
huntsville,al
30s
married
1. TODAY i was reading my book on my break, then went to get my next client and she was BEAUTIFUL and a stay at home mom(the job I've always wanted!) and had gorgeous hair and I instantly felt horrible! I want a family of my own so much! And I'm currently have struggles in my marriage while there are several ppl at work getting engaged or having children, and I'm thinking 'ok I'm reading a book about insecurity and realizing how bad off I am!!'
2. Two of the definitions really jumped out at me, the lack of confidence/anxiety = I feel that ALOT at work, and the unrealistic expectations about love and relationships/creating situations that lead to disappointment. THATS ME!! I overplan vacations then when something doesnt work I'm just miserable and can never just relax and enjoy what I'm doing.
1. My most recent encounter with insecurity was when I was going to a local bookstore to ask them to sell my just published children's book….the person I needed to speak with was someone I knew and they didn't seem interested in either me or my book! Rejection!!! 🙂
2. The part of the definition of insecure that resonated with me….chronic self-consciousness! I am always thinking about how I look, where I am, what people think of me… And I thought I really wasn't an insecure person!
Cynthia, Aynor, SC 49 single
Widow for 22 years,two children age 22 and 25. Raised them went back to school, figured out what I wanted to be Medical Lab Tech 2 year degree, last semester before graduation meet up with this teacher who humiliated me constantly. I failed!! I got to the end and I failed. Two years gone. I have to start completely over to get back in the program. She is the director of the program. I let her make me feel, worthless.
3.Constant fear of rejection now. Am I smart enough ,strong enough to pass this time. Failing made everything else worse!
Linda
Richmond, VA
50's
single
I found it interesting that insecurity is tied to perfectionism!
Crystal
Way Up North WI
Mid 40's
Married
1) WRITE in a Book … AHEM … I'm just accepting the whole highlighting theory!
2) I face someone else's insecurity at work-a woman constantly talking over people; always knows more, been through more, etc.; wears her clothes too tight – a regular 'sandpaper person'. Doing my best to be understanding-unfortunately it has turned out that silence and avoidance is the best answer!
3) Uncertainty that my feelings and desires are legitimate-a verbally and physically abusive dad whose sense of humor was teasingly mean. I am a huge perfectionist and procrastinator. Unconscious unrealistic expectations of relationships-always in relationships that were hurtful-always trying to 'fix' the other person.
Steph
Bolingbrook, IL
44
Married
1) Recently had Lasik surgery and was so excited about the fact that I could see w/o glasses – I have been wearing glasses since I was 10. I saw someone in the grocery store and explained with glee about the surgery – she seemed happy for me and then said in parting, "you look good in glasses." I instantly began to think that I should not have gotten the surgery!!! I started explaining this to my husband and he looked at me with disbelief. As I continued to talk about it, he said, "Why do you let others dictate your feelings!?" Good question…
2) Profound sense of self-doubt-a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world..years ago, I saw the movie "Joy Luck Club", I remember one of the characters finally realized that she allowed herself to be treated so poorly, because she did not know her own worth. This had not been taught to her by her mother and she had not learned it from a Holy God. I could barely move from my chair at the conclusion of the movie, because I was sobbing uncontrollably. This was it…my grandmother did not know her own worth, my mother did not know her own worth and I too struggled with knowing my own worth. I have come a long way, but there are so many demons which hinder my growth. I pray for wholeness.
Karen
Texas
40's
Married
It's not just about me…
Interesting – totally started this because I know that I am hindered more than I like because of insecurity and have been conscious of it recently as a stumbling block. But now after reading through many of the blogs and the depth that this same issue impacts so many of us all I can think of is what can I do to help. God is so faithful and if I listen I know he can guide me in what to say and do to help not only myself but those that I am blessed to come in contact with.
(1)at work where a gal who's half our ages, with no seniority/less than a year there, and less work experience than any one of us on our team has –was mysteriously advanced over the rest of us ladies. It felt so a humiliating.
(2)Uncertainty about my basic self-worth, chronic self-consciousness, as well as deep uncertainty about if my feelings, hopes, dreams are legitimate. That I'm not good enough no matter what I do, say, or think. As for the "why?" part of this question: By the time I finally realized I had been putting up with too much of the wrong things, and I took my kids and we went to the local domestic violence shelter for safe harbor & help –one of the many things my ex used to tell me was that I'm no good to anyone because all I was was damaged goods.
Diane
Ogden, Ut
(barely!)40
divorced