So Long Insecurity Week One!

Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.

We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.

I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.

So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.

OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.

Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.

For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.

No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.

Thank you for coming!

Lord, be magnified.

In His lavish love,


1,429 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week One!”

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  1. 51
    Kayte says:

    Kayte; Wake Forest, NC; 30's; married

    1) I encounter insecurity almost daily. I am a Mary Kay Consultant. I have been building my business for a year and a half. The way my business will grow is by meeting new women, but I let my fear of rejection hinder me from talking with the cute, sharp, sweet women I come in contact with. Then, the ones I do muster up the courage to talk with, I still let the fear of rejection keep me from calling them later. My MK director tells me almost weekly that "everyone deserves 'Kayte' in their lives and that they deserve to know God through 'Kayte.'" It's so hard to convince myself of that though.

    2) The part of the defintition the resonates with me is "a profound sense of self-doubt–a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world." I've struggled with this most of my life (including my relationship with the ONE who loves me unconditionally–my Heavenly Father. I've been on a roller-coaster ride in my relationship with God throughout my life. I want to find stability.

  2. 52
    Big Boo says:

    Scott, LA – Who Dat Nation
    1. When I noticed a guy paying more attention to a friend who was "trying to be somebody" rather than being herself.
    2. "The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships." I actually put a star by it! Because that's what I do repeatedly. I know it, have been accused of it by others and yet I STILL do it even though it continually causing me pain! Lord help me!

  3. 53
    Inksstillwet says:

    1. The most recent encounter with our genders massive struggle with insecurity was hearing some of my 10 year old daughter’s friends say that they were fat. I wanted to scream! They’re 10, for crying out loud! And then I remembered that they most often hear it from their very own mothers. It breaks my heart. The world tells them to be thin and God’s word tells them to love themselves just as they are.

    2.The description of insecurity that resonated the most with me was the prominent false positive because it reminded me of a circumstance I have that mentality towards and I wan my mindset to be transformed about it.


  4. 54
    jan says:

    Hi had trouble with this then got impatient,oops…needless to say am not computer savvy I definitely need this study

  5. 55
    Sara says:

    Wow, didn't really think I needed this book but was hit in the face just last night with huge "issues" that have nagged me for years. So my answer to #1 would be last night at a monthly girl's night out. Leave it to me to not be able to enjoy being with 11 other women for 2 hours. Felt stressed and insecure about who was or wasn't talking to me, how I looked compared to the other 11, how my mothering skills compared with other stories that were being told. As I bounced from table to table, I felt a physical ache and frustration to find my place and see where I fit in and what I had to offer. On the way home I went over and over in my head why in the world it meant so much for me to "fit in"!!?? why can't I just go, have a good time and not try to compare, rank, etc.? Deep inner battle…
    2. I have to totally agree with and echo Deb from Scranton's comment…can I just ditto hers?
    "The part of the definition that resonates with me is a no-brainer…its the very reason I had to read this book, "the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection….a deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate."

    Looking forward to reading this book!

    Roll call:
    sara from louisiana
    early 30's with 2 young boys
    married for almost 9 years

  6. 56
    GlowinGirl says:

    I posted earlier, but realized I didn't explain things the way I wanted to — how's that for insecurity? Wanting to make myself understood. . . I'm always second-guessing myself. Let me try again.

    1. I'm skipping this one — there are too many. Some I observe, and some situations where I'm the leading lady.

    2. I identified most with chronic self-consciousness. I sometimes overcome it and sometimes not — (obviously not with my first post!), but I feel this need to cover it with perfectionism in most ways that I present myself, from my personal appearance to my house — if company's coming :0), to my actions, and apparantly today on this blog. It's maddening, and I think it's partly because some people think I've got my act together (even my best friend and she should KNOW better!), and I'm insecure enough (too stuck on self) to be afraid to show them that I don't. Ouch — that hurts!

    Indiana, 32, Married

  7. 57
    Candice says:

    I resonate with the definition of insecurity being intense self-doubt. For me it comes up very significantly in certain situations and then not in others. This has me so confused but yet desiring God to do a mighty work in those situations, when I experience it, it so debilitating. Playing into that is the fear of rejection or that what I have to offer isn't good enough, which is such a lie. Praying God uses his Word and this book to bring complete security in his design and purpose for my life (and so many others- almost 6000, Praise the Lord!)
    Evanston, IL
    Months away from the 30’s

  8. 58
    Anonymous says:

    Pink Hill, NC

  9. 59
    Patty says:

    This is the first time i have ever blogged, so please be patient. I feel in my spirit that this is going to be an amazing experience. God bless you and your team during this.

    Luray, MO

  10. 60
    Mary Watkins says:

    Roll call!

    West Memphis, AR
    Happily married. 🙂

  11. 61
    danae says:

    oh my dear, "glowingirl" marlo! i love what you just wrote in your second comment. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! perfectionism is my charade, too, and people around me think i've "got it together." not true! glad you were able to be transparent – it was an encouragement to me (and i'm sure countless others). glad to have another indiana girl on here 🙂

  12. 62
    Angela says:

    Angela Nixon
    Harrisburg, NC

  13. 63
    About Me says:

    We've been snowed-in for the past week so no delivery trucks have been by. I'm hoping to get the book soon!
    Insecurities….hmmm. I've got them. I'm not confident when speaking in groups, I fret over my appearance (crows feet, wrinkles, grey hairs peeking out, cellulite here and there) you know how that goes. Comparing myself to unrealistic expectations.
    I want to pull myself out of this "self-focus" and become more Christ focused.

    42 and Married

  14. 64
    Shelia Rae says:

    Mexico MO
    2. in the fitting room trying on clothes
    3. "anxiety about relationships…constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her feelings and desires are legitimate"

  15. 65
    Rachel says:

    To be honest, I can't really remember a time when I haven't been insecure.

    The definition that hit me the most in the book was the first one: "Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate."

    I thought this definition fit me to the 'T'. I can't wait to read more!

    Jacksonville, FL

  16. 66
    Rachel says:

    I've been reading through the comments and this statement by Nicky hit home: "I struggle with is feeling that someone doesn't like me, or doesn't really talk to me much because they think I am dumb, or a hussy or dress inappropriately. *sigh*"

    I feel the same way! Like the book said, when someone acts, in my mind, a little 'off' around me I start to doubt myself and assume that they are having a problem with me.

    Roll Call again!

    Jacksonvile, FL

  17. 67
    Ellen says:

    Hi Beth and my new Siesta friends,
    The definition on page 23 hit home. I sometimes have unrealistic expectations in what my relationship with my daughter (age 22) should be like and I can get easily hurt. I want her so much to love and respect me that I avoid all confrontation with her and hide my feelings all in my heart. Then Satan creeps in and makes me feel insecure again. It happened again this past weekend and I hate how I feel afterwards.


  18. 68
    Double J says:

    1. Through current circumstances going on in my life the insecurities have raised their ugly head but i am grateful for the ability to see them, feel them and seek understanding and freedom from them through our study together.
    2. Anxiety about my relationships. Spouse, friends, co-workers, come with fear of rejection. Thoughts of self-doubt. I believe it is through the circumstances that i am in now and without doubt have a history that needs a new direction of a secure future in myself through Him.
    Fort Wayne, IN

  19. 69
    katiegfromtennessee says:

    Hey Spiritual Mom Beth:)

    I've read ahead some so I'll answer today…to be honest, i have struggled with the insec. that comes from the fear of rejection this past wk and the insec. i feel over the little bit of weight i now need to lose after having baby, also other big insec….the chronic self-consciousness, living in constant fear of rejection, uncertainty about whether feelings are legitimate-that is me right now, but the good news is I've been able to id the prob and now i can change, Lord help me. This book couldn't have come at a better time and I'm not just saying that, i mean it.

    Blessings, Love in HIM, ((HUGS)),


  20. 70
    Deanna says:

    Had to share this. Today, my flip calendar has this on it. "Almost every woman will tell you she wishes she looked like someone else. Which means that somewhere out there in your circle of acquaintances there's a woman wishing she looked like you." Hysterical, don't you think??!!! Thanks Beth for the hug yesterday and for signing my book "BFF", I have had loads of fun with that! 🙂

  21. 71
    Sheryl says:

    1)In a store a few days ago, I ran into a woman from my former church who is a well-known "sharer of personal information" and very outspoken about one's personal appearance, especially weight. I haven't seen her in over a year, and I tried to hide from her! She found me and started questioning me. I held my scarf and purse in front of me the whole time hoping she wouldn't see the pounds I have gained recently and hoping I wouldn't have to tell her that I quit my job. I was so nervous talking with her that my hands were shaking. That's ridiculous!!

    2) The parts of the definition of insecurity that resonated with me is the chronic self-consciousness and the fact that the cover for insecurity is perfectionism. I never realized that my wanting to be perfect is because I am insecure. I want to look perfect, speak perfectly, have a perfect home, make perfect meals, and be the perfect wife, mother, daughter, friend, and Christian. I know better too! But that desire to be perfect is coming from my self-consciousness. It is really selfish and self-centered, and it has to go!!!

  22. 72
    Stacey says:

    S.Wmspt., PA
    1.) I thought I really like who I was but I find myself questioning everything about me. Sounds pretty insecure to me.
    2.) The part of the definition that resonates with me is "the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection….a deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate." I always think my feelings don't really matter, therefore, why do I have them.

  23. 73
    Julie says:


    I have suffered with panic attacks since 1995 and have taken Paxil all these years. What am I anxious about – situations that I cannot control. I am also self conscious about my weight. I have tried and tried to lose it, but become depressed because it is so hard to overcome and stay consistant.

    I live the self-conscious life each and every day, prayerfully this Bible Study will help me learn how to conquer it.

  24. 74
    jessy81179 says:

    God Bless Everyone,

    This is my first time logging on and I have to say that I am so excited to go on this journey and excited about what the Lord will do in each of our lives.

  25. 75
    Jamey Lynne says:

    Thank you for visiting Birmingham! My dad stood in line last night for me, and I am so blessed to have a daddy who would swim in that sea of estrogen for his daughter!
    I can't wait to read the book when my mom comes to visit and brings it to me in a couple months.
    I hope the group study goes extremely well!

  26. 76
    Ann says:

    I just had to tell you that I called Tyndale with a book question. They returned my call until they got me (I was at Tuesday night bible study). This woman, I believe her last name was Wood, was sooooo lovely. It was a pleasure. She was so sweet, concerned, & wanted to know my thoughts on your book, etc.
    I just wanted to pass along some positive comments for a change. 🙂
    May you be blessed with restorative sleep and strength as you travel for your book tour. Eat well & stay healthy.
    God bless.

  27. 77
    srhuntley says:

    1. I'm 40, never married and no children. But God has blessed me with a wonderful man and in His timing we will marry. This man tells me all the time I am beautiful (did I say I am blessed?) yet I do not see it. All I see is imperfect skin on my face and too much skin (aka fat) on my body.
    2. "…A deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth…" I have struggled with/lived with for decades thinking "I am not good enough to be a wife and mother." This message has only gotten louder with each passing year of being single.
    Mableton, GA
    40, single

  28. 78
    Kristin says:


    I was truly honored to meet you yesterday in Birmingham, although I was completely speechless! I wanted to tell you what an impact your Bible studies have had on my life! I hope you did get some rest last night. Our pastor liked the picture with the sign and my friend, Jenifer. Thanks for being a good sport!

    Looking forward to getting started with this book discussion! Thank you for all that you do to glorify God! You are an amazing lady!

    Jacksonville, AL

  29. 79
    GlowinGirl says:

    Hannah from Alabama — I can so relate to comparing self with talented friends and feeling like I don't measure up.

    Rebecca from Ohio — I feel the same frustration that you listed in your first comment about appearance. Great husband who affirms me, yet still this sense that there are impossible expectations.

    Danae from Indiana (yay!) — your #2 about writing is right on for me too. I've had people encourage me to do it (more) for years and it wasn't until recently that I ventured out of a small group setting to do it b/c I didn't feel I had anything worthwhile to share.

  30. 80
    Sharon says:

    Frederick, MD
    50 (+8)

    1. I grew up to be the good girl, translate people pleaser. I don't *feel* insecure all the time, but when it comes it is always the feeling of not being good enough and always apologizing. Not making the grade. which translates into staying in friendships that aren't good for me, but I don't want to be the bad person
    You would think at 58 I would have conquered this completely.

    2. fear of rejection.

    I hope this makes sense.

  31. 81
    cheryl says:

    Im really looking forward to starting this however my book has not arrived yet and I have not received any notice that it has been shipped. Hope its here soon. Im doing this study because I am one of the most insecure women that ever lived especially when it comes to public speaking. Who am I that anyone would want to listen to me?? However, God in his usual way has chosen the thing I am the worst at to use for his Glory. (if anything good comes out of it it will definitly be him not me) I am going to be teaching a womens conference in India this summer. UGH Ive NEVER done anything like this ……Lord help me

  32. 82
    Pamela (His maidservant) says:

    Beth et all..
    1)Gender-massive insecurity: my body. I was 30 lbs heavier than when my husband and I came together. I am so insecure with the extra weight and it has affected our intimancy. We are both on a weight loss plan and slowly it is coming down. It truly is more me than him. He loves me, wants me…I got to get over this insecurity!!
    2)Two things: first, "self doubt" and the concept that I am not only doubting myself but that I may be doubting God about me. Made me fall to my kness quickly and seek His forgiveness. Second, "the insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate". I missed this the first time I read it but something a few paragraphs later made me re-read the whole definition and it then hit me hard. That is me. Oh my gosh….how ugly and how sad. Satan has such a strong control in this area because I made a poor decision in my life a few years back that resulted in complete rejection. I put myself in a very ugly mirey deep pit. Now I live with those emotions and questioning the legitimacy of my own preceived thoughts in so many different ways…"did that person look at me funny because they know my story? I don't fit into this womens group because of my sins. Were we just snubbed?" and on and on it goes. I have been working hard these past six years to be able to see me as God see's me-forgiven, redeemed by His grace. But the reality of a painful statement from a friend about my insecurities and those words in that description have made me realize I have a lot more work ahead.

    Again, the timing of this book is indeed a God-thing and I am striving for "God-fidence" when I reach the end of it!!

    Excelsior Springs, MO
    46 and married

  33. 83
    Anonymous says:

    1. I was SO insecure about stating my season of life issues and the challenges that I taped a removable card to the inside of the book rather than writing in it- I would say that might be a "HINT" I should consider this book valuable!

    2. Bible Study yesterday with a group of very accomplished bright women who struggle with strongholds that rob them of a secure and fulfilled life (no one would guess)-

    3. What is my place and role in the world according to God's design at this age, anxiety, determining if my feelings are legitimate

    PS, I am listening to the book on CD- Chapter 11 is more than POWERFUL! Thank you dear Sister in Christ and all at LPM
    Kathy, Austin, Tx. 60, married

  34. 84
    Anonymous says:

    Oh, Beth. You shouldn't have made exceptions for those of us who just naturally over-analyze everything. I get ahold of a topic and I just go on and on pontificating about it. I post blog comments that are so condensed I can hardly get my thoughts into them, then see them posted and wonder why I spouted off so much.

    Do you think that's my insecurity talking?

  35. 85
    JanRae says:

    #1 – Our company held a summer picnic which "all" employees were invited to attend. There are two Administrative Assistants that think everyone is free to be their targets. They aim hurtful and piercing remarks that come in for a kill.
    Right in front of employees and their families I had the bullseye marked upon me that day and I became the source for laughter, whispers and total humiliation. My weight, my words my presences was under attack. Of all the Admins I'm probably one of the heaviest, I'm the only one who doesn't drink, swear and I'm labeled a Bible thumper. So, I'm no fun and a joke to them. One woman asked me… "Is it worth feeling like an island when you could jump in and party with the fish?" Needless to say I ended up leaving the picnic early.
    To my horror on Monday morning after the picnic they had taken some photos and posted them on the company website. There were many not so flattering views of me.
    #2-Chronic Self-Consciousness – I feel inferior to others. I love this from the book: No, you are not the only one to blame, but girlfriend, you are the only one you can change. God is willing. God is able. Let Him get to that terrified part of you that devalues the rest of you.


  36. 86
    Sue says:

    Just adding my name to the long long list of people studying this new book of Beth's.
    Sue, Mobile, 60's, married

  37. 87
    michellemabell says:

    Woodstock, VT

    1. I very aware of saying to myself… 'I should be handling this better'…in three specific situations but because of space I'll just leave it at that. And I really do believe I should be handling them better.

    2. Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self doubt- a deep feeling of uncertainty about basic self worth and a place in this world.

  38. 88
    linde says:


    1) home ownership. i have believed the lie that people who have homes have money and are therefore secure.
    2) "that she can be a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness" p19. i feel confident in most areas of my life, but where i do feel insecure, holy cow, feelings turn to actions and it ain't pretty.

  39. 89
    The Beach Bug says:

    1. This morning at the checkout I was bombarded with images of women who were partially clothed. They had incredible bodies, great hair, beautiful teeth, and some had lost a lot of weight. They were all screaming to anyone who would listen that "YOUR WORTH IS IN YOUR PHYSICAL APPEARANCE!"

    2. This part of the definition resonates with me:
    A profound sense of self-doubt, deep feeling of uncertainty about my place in the world and uncertainty about whether my own feelings and desires are legitimate.

    Tami, Louisiana
    40s, Married

  40. 90
    LittleWomen21 says:

    Do you know how rarely women talk about their insecurities, even to their closest friends? Even to God? This blog is truly amazing… reading what other women are sharing. I am so thankful you tackled this subject Beth and encouraging us to open up.

    1) I am an introvert and have struggled my whole life with never feeling like I quite "fit in". When I got saved at age 23 I found a wonderful church where for the first time I felt like I fit in as part of group. This latest for several years but then our church started changing – growing! – I no longer felt comfortable. God never lets anything stay the same for too long or let us stay stuck in our comfort zone for too long. I have continued to struggle with the longing to fit in, to feel surrounded by friends instead of strangers. I sometimes wonder if I stopped coming to church, if anyone would notice or care… and I realize how many times other people have left and all too quickly I forget about them. I remind myself that I shouldn't go to church with the primary expectation of being ministered to, but going with a heart to worship and minister to others. And this really does help – but there are just days when my insecurity rules my heart instead of God.

    2) Fear of rejection, and the false positive that "if only I was such and such I wouldn't be insecure anymore" – in my case, the biggest false positive is popularity. Being part of a group and being left out really hurts.

  41. 91
    Lisa says:

    Ok Siestas…this is my first time doing this…so here goes:
    1) first let me say I really understand about Angie from West Bend…my husband notices other women on a regular basis. He has not cheated on me either, but is not very strong in the Lord, and this is very difficult for me. which brings me to #2) Chronic fear of rejection…this has been since I was very young and throughout my entire life I have tried "to look good" and have numerous relationships with men in order to hear that feedback. Why just this morning…I had to get on the scale first thing to see if an extra pound is waiting there for me! Ridiculous, right!? In the past, I would be dating someone and have many "waiting in the wings" in case the current one didnt like what he saw anymore, and now Im married and this is a constant struggle for me. I have done things I have much shame over in order to make sure I still look great and people like me. I just turned 40 and I am so tired of "wandering in the wilderness" with this same issue! I pray God will show me what I need to see, no matter how hard it is to look at. Thankyou Beth for this new journey…I think I have been on it a long time, but through our powerful Lord and Savior I know He can help me change! (Lisa from Madison)

  42. 92
    The Coleman Family says:

    1)It was a month ago that I was at a Bible study, I was extremely anxious and nervous, like never before. I went home and cried for 2 hours, questioning God why I am like this and begging Him to take this away. This was no mistake. I believe it was God that allowed me to feel this SO intensly that I would finally, after 39 years, want to change and realize that I couldn't do it. I needed to lean on Him for change. He started showing me what was going on inside me. A few days later I heard the book was coming out. God's timing is perfect!.
    2)I was shocked by the definition. All you had to do is substitute my name in the definition and you would be talking about ME. I knew I had a problem but it wasn't until I started the book that I realized how much it controlled my whole life.
    I have read on and I'm blessed and praising the Lord that I am able to use the past tense when talking about how it controlled my life. Just yesterday I faced several things that would normally cause an internal melt down. I faced these with no trace of anxiety. Our God is an AWESOME God.
    Highlands Ranch, CO

  43. 93
    Jenny says:

    Angie, I am the SAME way! I could have written exactly what you said…

    "Chronic self-consciousness, living in constant fear of rejection! I have so much fear that a lot of times when I meet people I don't act like me and they never get to know me in the first place!"

    I have such a hard time being myself. I never have close friends because I don't open up and let anyone get to know me from being so scared of rejection.


  44. 94
    Just Me says:

    1) I can't remember a time when I DIDN'T feel insecure. I always feel like I need to do more or be more so that people will like me. I am self-conscious about my weight, my looks, everything about me. I cannot for the life of me understand why the people who say they like me, like me. I don't even like myself.

    2) I can relate to just about every part of the definition you set out in Ch. 1. I fear rejection. I have unrealistic expectations in my relationships. I can fake confidence very well – I've had years of practice. I don't let anyone too close because I will just get hurt. I tried to get close with someone and that ended so very badly – and the worst part is that that person still to this day will not/has not told me what caused the fracture in the friendship. I still feel the sting of it nearly two years later.

    To top it all off, I am a pastor's wife and I am supposed to have it all together – lead by example and all that. I just want to crawl under my rock and stay there where it's safe.

    By far, though, the part of the definition that jumped even further off the page at me than the rest of the definitation is…"deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate."

    I always think my feelings are selfish and prideful and have no place in the Christian walk. I am supposed to die to self and take up my cross. Feelings just don't fit in there. They don't matter because only eternity matters, right? Yet, my shattered heart feels the pain and disappointment and even anger. Throw some guilt in there, too, because I'm not supposed to feel all these things.

    I feel like I am such a wreck.


  45. 95
    Amy says:

    1) last serious encounter with this insecurity/media image was when I was recently with my best friend (who knows that I've been working to lose weight for the 1st time in my life … not because it's the 1st time I've needed to but because it's the 1st time I've been willing to risk the failure I assume is coming- afterall, my father predicted it, my mother was ashamed of it and my husband sees it as just who I am)and she said, "Are you really losing weight or just wearing tighter clothes than you usually do?" wow … I wanted to crawl in a hole.
    2) The part that resonates with me is that part about 'a deep uncertaintly about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate" … i spend an inordinate amount of time weighing whether what I want or need is selfish or needy. Things I can not stand to protray. Consequently I'm 40+ and no longer know who I am, what I like/dislike, want/don't want, enjoy/dislike … the list goes from where or what I prefer to eat to when or if I want to have sex to do I want to go back to work or continue to stay at home to will I wear gray or black. absolutely ridiculous levels of uncertainty and insecurity.

  46. 96
    Faith says:

    Roll Call

  47. 97
    fuzzytop says:

    This is hard… Deep breath….

    I have some legitimate issues in our marriage that I need to confront, to bring into the open, and yet, I don’t. I’m afraid of the conflict and dissension that will ensue, I'm afraid of a fight turning ugly, and so I let too many things slide, and I know this is not healthy. And then I get resentful and bitter. Sad thing is I know my history, our history, and I understand exactly WHY I’m insecure, what things in my past have brought me to this place, but I just feel unable to move past my fear that rocking the boat will capsize it. It’s just irrational!

    This one was easy for me: “The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.” That’s me.


  48. 98
    Janie says:

    50's and still learning

    This is a God appointed place and time Miss Beth…

    1. Hmm, from this morning could it be a star high school athlete showing up at the door, for my son, as I greet him bare faced, disheveled, old sweats and t shirt from trying to exercise 40 pounds of stress from this old body? Not moments before I had rejoiced in completing a challenging workout for first time since injury. With one open door, I felt that pang of feeling bad about appearance… Anyone? Yes, I am on this road with your dear siestas to security… in Him.

    2. Thanks Beth for the lovely jolt up side the head… lack of security—lack of faith in God's choice of me; unrealistic expectations of self and others; insecurities best coverup is perfectionism.
    Much to ponder and search within this week!

  49. 99
    mary glynn says:

    Mary Glynn
    Pelham ga

    I Don't think I know how to really be myself at this point. I am kind and I try to be sweet so that i will be accepted because I feel if I am sweet it makes up for other things almost like earning what can't be earned. Does that make sense?

  50. 100
    Teri says:

    Lebanon, VA
    Married 27 years tomorrow.

    1)I am tempted to post something thought out and do my best to articulate it well. But, the truth is – the last time I came face to face with our gender's massive struggle with insecurity was staring at it or her, in my bathroom mirror around 6:30 a.m. this morning.

    Nothing grips you in fear and dread that fuels insecurity as your own reflection aging. You can self-talk all day long about graceful aging, etc. But staring at that face a day from your 27th wedding anniversary and seeing every wrinkle is just plain sickening. Insecurity is my little life long dysfunctional family bestfriend. I don't like her anymore and I want her to at least have moved out of the house by the time I'm finished this book.

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