Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.
We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.
I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.
So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.
OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.
2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.
Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.
For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.
No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.
Thank you for coming!
Lord, be magnified.
In His lavish love,
Beth
Week 2
I most relate to the constant fear of rejection. I figure it this way…I don't want to be rejected so I look for things that may lead to rejection (warning signs), but if I see a warning sign I question whether it is real or my overactive, insecure imagination. In my mind if I can see the warning sign, I may be able to solve the problem (perceived or real) before I get hurt.
Ironically, and tragically I think, the entire thought process is incredibly painful.
Kim
40's
married
Trenton, OH
momuv7 I feel your pain and agree with you on the rejection thing. I have the SAME issues to deal with and more. With Beth Moore's guidance in a practical way and God's grace, mercy and TRUTH, we can overcome.
I'm so happy to know other women are willing to share openly…it gives my heart such encouragement. I tend to get too deep, too quickly in relationships and scare people off. It's nice to know I don't have to be insecure about that one here. 🙂
For me, insecurity has always been a constant, controlling, ever-present thing…like forever walking on an old rickety foot bridge instead of a concrete side walk. Always timid, always questioning myself, always analyzing (especially conversations after they have taken place and feeling bad about what I said), always wondering and even sure I must be doing something wrong…I know in my head that I have no reason, as a beloved child of the King of the Universe to be insecure and it's high time I start living in VICTORY instead of letting the enemy keep me grovelling!!!
30's
Rural PA
Married w 2 children, 6 & 3
Heavenly Father, I thank you for this book, for Beth, for the realization that this battle with insecurity basically sums up my trouble here on earth. I have so many things to learn from you through this- please help me to keep my mind open and my heart ready for what you will say to me. And also help me be used to encourage other women- my dear friends- reach some of the same conclusions. I thank you that you've given Beth the strength and courage to do these things- while she still feels like you should have picked someone else! Amen
I left myself anonymous because I don't want anyone here to know this is me….
The last time I can think of that I identified with insecurity was this weekend. I met up with a friend- and we started talking about this book…and we talked about what we saw in each other and how we couldn't imagine the other feeling insecure about anything. She's petite- gorgeous, and can wear anything and look cute. I'm very pregnant, have never been super thin, and don't consider myself to be exceptionally "cute." She thought the opposite, of course. She said she thinks I'M beautiful- loves my hair and my…get this…self-confidence!! haha- I hide it so well. She says she has always wished she could be like me and handle life the way I do. So there you have it- we are so clueless sometimes.
1. Putting on my make up before work this morning! And thinking my hair looked kind of ratty, and figuring out when to get my brows tuned up.
2. I loved the section where Beth talks about doubting God about herself. Wow, I do this constantly! I think insecurity permeates more of my life than I realize. I see glaring areas at first glance, but really delving into this makes me realize life would be so much easier & enjoyable with a secure disposition!
Angie-West Olive MI, 20's, married
Carlene
ON, Canada
30's
Married
1.When after talking with a couple of friends wondering if I spoke out of turn or too much.
2. chronic lack of confidence in myself and anxiety about relationships.
Shaundra
Louisiana
Married
30's
1. When trying to decide if I should have voiced my opinion or remain silent.
2. pg. 21 " a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." That is textbook me. I always wonder and sometimes fight for my opinion to matter to others. I want my opinions and feeling to be important to others.
Jessica
Cleveland, Ohio
27
Married
1. journal entry
Answer: My sister asked if I would read this book wth her and I said, yes. When she told me it had to do with insecurities I didn't really believe at the time it was sometihng I was exactly struggling with. But-I was and am open to this study because maybe I am struggling with some aspect of insecurity and don't realize it and even if it's not something that will directly help me right now, maybe it's something I will be able to help others with.
God, help me to have an open heart and mind as I read through this book. I pray it will be a blessing in my life and help grow my sister and I individually and bring us closer as sisters/friends.
2. When was the last time I came face-to-face with our gender's massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting…
Answer: In our small group we have girls that are very cliquey can just be down right mean…like we are in High School all over again and they were comparing each other's size and trying to make themselves feel good by making fun of other people's looks and short comings.
3. What part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why? "anxiety about our realtionships" sometimes I feel like I will never measure up enough in social circles…struggle making new friends and sometimes I feel it's my fault but don't know what to do about it (have been praying)…maybe because we have moved so much and it scares me to think about getting close to people?
Ali
Dublin, Ohio
29
Married
1) Just a few minutes ago as I drew my hand to my face and felt blemishes on my chin. Ugh.
2) Chronic self-consciousness. I am always aware of what I look like or how I feel that I look like, even though I present myself as someone who doesn't care.
Chris
Joshua, TX
48
Single
1. I'm going to lend my book to a friend once I've read it, so I've described this season in my life, with the date, in a journal that I keep, and I will keep all my SLI notes with that journal entry.
2. I come face-to-face with our gender's massive struggle with insecurity & I am, once again, reminded of how much excess weight I have gained. I know my over-eating is emotional & I am disgusted with myself everytime I look in a mirror or see my reflection. I know that losing weight won't solve all my problems, but it will make me feel better about myself.
3. The part of the definition of insecurity that resonated most with me was 'Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth & my place in the world.' I struggle with depression, & some mornings it is all but impossible to get out of bed and face the day because I have no idea what I might have to deal with. I want to belive that my life has meaning & purpose, but I can't see or feel what that meaning & purpose is. I also related strongly to the statements – 'Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism' & 'Insecurity is self-sabotage'.
Jenifer
Lincoln, CA
Married
20's (and expecting)
I identify most with being overly and excessively self-conscious and giving peoples' opinions way too much importance. Also fear being in the spotlight.
My husband always wonders why it matters to me so much what other people think of me. I'm hoping soon that it doesn't anymore.
Ok, so I'm a week late – sorry! But better late than never, so here goes!
I think the most recent memorable time I have encountered our gender's struggle with insecurity was thanks to my 6 year old precious son. He was becoming very upset at not being able to draw a picture and as I helped him with it he commented that I was a much better artist than him. I explained, "Don't you think when you are my age you'll be good at drawing too?" To which he replied, "Yes, I'll probably be better than you since I'm a boy." WHAT??? Yeah, so at 6 he's already contributing to the problem!
The part of the definition that made me so very aware of my need for this book was, "Self-consciousness is acute self-awareness and a preoccupation with self, no matter how it's externalized in life." That's me. I would love to think that I am more concerned with others, but so often it's that I'm concerned with them in relation to me. Are we on good terms? Will we talk or are we going to act like we didn't see each other? I wonder what she will wear? (So I'll know how to dress too!) GAG! I'm making myself sick just thinking about how much I think about myself! It's not intentional, but I have determined to make an intentional effort to make it stop. Thanks for that.
Hayley
Abilene, TX
32 today!
Married
Q. Chapter one : when was the last time you came face to face with our massive struggle with Insecurity? Describe the setting
A. I don’t know if I can pin point the last time but I know this is something I feel I deal with all the time!
Just sitting here trying to pin point a specific time this happened makes that feeling of insecurity start to well up its like duh I am so stupid I can’t even figure out how to go about answering this question! But I know that’s not true one thing I know I deal with a lot is allowing other people the power to control my value I put too much value/ importance into how others see/perceive me & in the last 7 months I am learning the old lesson that it is better to go for something & make the attempt & fail then not to put yourself out there & try because your too scared of the rejection because if you are too scared to get out there you will never find out what you are really capable of this is a big issue & I pray god will help me to quit believing Satan & my fears & I will keep stepping out of my comfort zone! To meet with Jesus where he wants me to be.
Q. chapter two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with me & why?
A. All of the description applies here but the most profound is constant fear of rejection & uncertainty about my feelings & desires being legitimate. I always second guess myself when put on the spot I feel like I will crack under the pressure even before there is any pressure! I have a lack of confidence in my abilities & allow myself to believe Iam not good enough for the people around me to really care about me Iam seeing evidence of God working on several of these areas with me but I still feel like I have a long way to go but I know God is with me on the journey.
Thank you Beth for all your ability to make everything you write easy to understand someone else said this earlier I am echoing it each one of your studies I have done have been at the right time for me to learn some very valuable lessons thank you so much for your passion for our savior Jesus & your passion for us women to be set free from our bondage!
Pennie 30s single Sacramento, CA
Keeping up with the blog & reading has got sidetracked over the past week on Wednesday, February 17th I was in a car accident! ,y reason for bringing this is in the moments right after the crash occurred I felt this peace come over me. Let me try to explain my first thought was oh no panic my parents, the car & the insecurity of that. But no sooner than that went through my mind (two years ago I would have went into total panic mode here) then I felt this calming peace overwhelm me & I remembered something from part of a devotional I read two day before & it said (my summary of it) when you feel yourself sinking say “Help Me Jesus” to draw me close to you so I started Repeating “Help Me Jesus” & I literally felt Him holding me in his arms & my whole state went to calm & focus on what was going on & not freak out & feel hopeless we may not see it this way but God being in control is a very freeing thing even in circumstances like this. There is only so much God allows us to physically do & we have to learn to let him take care of the rest. Praise the lord I came out of the accident with only bumps & bruises & I will be sore for awhile but it will heal thank you Jesus it is just amazing to me what a vital part of our life insecurities can affect but if we trust Jesus he will deliver us from them Amen
Pennie 30s single Sacramento, CA
1. I guess it would have to be the last time someone asked me if I have gotten married yet. It didn’t bother me at first but now that I am in my thirties it does give me sort of a pain in my stomach. I hate to admit it but I do sometimes wonder if I am going to find Mr. Right anytime soon. I am just praying and believing that God knows what is best but I do want to be married but only to the right man. I only want to be married to the man he wants me to be married to.
2. I identify the most with page 33 the quote in the middle “The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships.” As a six year old child I acquired a crush on a TV star that has lasted for years and years. I think that this shielded me from the hurt and disappointment of not having many dates in high school. It gave me something to focus my attention on. As an adult I was able to meet this TV star and strangely enough it empowered me. It wasn’t long after I met him that I turned my life over to God and joined and became active in a church. I am not sure how meeting this person did that. I just know that meeting him changed my perspective on things. Maybe it is because he is a Christian, I am not sure, I am just glad that it happened! I can’t imagine my life over the years since this without God, scary.
Virginia, 30s, single.
Carrie
Minnesota
30's
Married
2. I ran into an old friend unexpectantly at the store and things were pretty awkward and even distant between us. I wasn't expecting that, so the rest of the day I spent trying to figure out in my mind what I had done or hadn't done to cause it.
3. Chronic self-consciousness in relationships because of a constant fear of rejection.
Also, perfectionism that has paralysed me in not making any decisions. I don't want to make the wrong one, I want to make the PERFECT one.
2. "Running" into the store to pick up a couple of things w/o makeup, hair a mess, wearing sloppy clothes (I'd been cleaning house),etc. Of course, this is the time I run into that gorgeous acquaintance that I haven't seen in 2 or 3 years – looking adorable, professional, thin, "fixed up" and all I could imagine into the evening was what she must have thought about me – "wow, she's aged!, gained weight!, let herself go!, frumpy!, etc."
3. As I read the definition/description of insecurity, the words chronic, profound, deep, constant are not words that I would associate with my own insecurity. However, I do know that insecurity is here within me nontheless, especially in the area of "lack of confidence in ourselves" – especially in my appearance as I age.
Georgine
Austin, TX
Married
50's
I'm just getting started on this journey, but joining late is better than not joining at all.. right?
1) I've come face to face with insecurity a lot lately. The biggest example is due to the marriage issues my husband and I have faced becuase of his additction. I'm always insecure and wondering how much other people know (or think they know), and if people agree with our decision to make our marriage better and stronger. I know it shouldn't matter to me, becuase working through this difficulty and keeping our marriage intact is the best (and only) decision we could have made.
2) Unrealisting expectations about love and relationships… pretty much sums me up.
Stephanie
Little Rock, AR
31
Married 8.5 years
1. I recently came face-to-face with our gender's struggle with insecurity by simply observing the sodas my female classmates drink in class. I rarely see any of my slim, beautiful classmates drink a regular soda. It's almost always diet sodas. Maybe that's not the biggest deal in the world. But, it happens so consistently it stuck out to me.
2. I am insecure in expecting too much from relationships. I am also insecure in sometimes attracting people who hurt me. Sometimes I let this go on too long before doing something about it, as my gut had been telling me to all along. Was that perhaps the Holy Spirit speaking to me to get out of those relationships? Probably!
Suzanne
Knoxville, TN
20s
Single, in a relationship
I've been answering these questions on paper in hope of finally getting a chance to type them up… Finally, I'm getting to.
1) I often see it when my daughter gets in the car after school. If she had a good day, without any conflicts with her friends, she's chatty, animated, happy and confident. If something occurred between her and another girl or two she's quiet, easily frustrated, & easily offended/hurt.
Another thing: I've been scanning some pictures to send my brother from when we were young. It bothers me how just looking at some of those old photos brings back feelings of insecurity that I thought were long ago dealt with and dead. Or, how about the anxiety of writing a good answer to these questions? :o) Ugh.
2) What resonated with me most, I think, was the statement about being insecure in the places I do have. Mother, teacher, leader. Although, the definition on page 17 was relatively accurate. Except, I don't think I'm that extreme. Maybe. :o)
Anna
Sullivan, MO
30's
Married
Roll Call and Week 1 🙂 I am SO behind!
1) Valentine's day… All my insecurities seem to be magnified!
2) "The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are ligitimate." I can't begin to put into words how much this spoke to me! I had NO idea that was such a huge insecurity for me. I am so excited about this book and all God is going to do through it. Thanks Beth for your obedience to Christ and your contagious love for Him! Thank you for this blog! I am looking forward to all God is going to speak through it, too.
Shannon
Birmingham, AL
30 years old
VERY happily married
Ember
Borger, TX
33
Married
1) Last night at choir practice…I had a hysterectomy 2 and half weeks ago and this was my first night back since. One of the ladies commented on how great I looked, that I already looked better. Instead of just being able to take the compliment and focus on that, my mind goes off, "Well, how bad was looking before??"
2)…chronic self-consiciousness, along with chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and ANXIETY ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. The relationship part is my biggest struggle with my insecurity.
1)Deciding what to wear to my 4th grade son's class. I volunteer in there every week. 4th graders, common on!
2)"The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships". Didn't realize this was me until I read Chapter 2. Got some work to do!
Nicki
FV, NC
30's
Married
Finally catching up….
1) Every Day! I am a cosmetologist, immersed in the world of beauty! Not only do I get to struggle with insecurities in my professional talent. But, I get to fight the battle of insecurity in EVERY aspect of my appearance! I'm SURROUNDED by beautiful women – more than enough to compare myself to!
2) The part of the definition of insecurity talking about chronic-self-consciousness & anxiety about our relationships hit home – HARD! I am in constant worry that I did, or said, or acted in some way, "wrong". I constantly barrage myself with thoughts of diappointing, or not living up to, someone's expections. It then turns into worry over whether or not someone is mad at me – or doesn't like me anymore. I can turn a single inflestion or tone of a word into an entire dialog with the basic message of "I don't like you anymore. You screwed up. I'm angry with you."
*Whew…this week got to me…
Anne
Overland Park, KS
30's & Married
in responce to teacherjrs01 comment about being married yet!
heres one for you to come back with I was at my local family book store (a christian store) & came acrossed a shirt this is what it says
" I FOUND MR RIGHT,
He gives me eternal life.
He walks on water.
HE'S PERFECT!
He shines like the sun.
He will never leave me.
He is a Prince!
He died for me.
He knows the desires of my heart.
He opens the door.
He LOVES ME!"
Isaiah 62:5
needless to say I bought the shirt & brought it home!
Pennie single 30s (almost 40s) Sacramrnto, ca
I'm seriously late with my very short comment…the fact that I wrestled with what to write or even what to THINK is a clue to my biggest insecurity
1. I last came face to face with my insecurities during week one of this study: what I think is probably not nearly as important nor as eloquently stated as someone else's thoughts; and
2.The part of the definition and description of insecurity that resonated most with me…"Lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate" I wouldn't say that mine is a constant fear, but it's pretty much most of the time…and nobody would ever guess it. Thanks, Beth, may the Lord bless you, your sweet family and your wonderful LPM team – I can't wait to bid farewell to Insecurity:)
Lisa
Greer, SC
40's
Married
The constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legitimate struck me quite hard.
I am a people pleaser, do not like confrontation and because I am so concerned about what others will think and say I often find myself somewhat stuck in my relationship with God.
Fearful of doing His will because I could be out there alone (by the way, which I know is a lie); and fear of not pleasing Him because He means so much to me. I want to live life to its fullest so I may be used to bless others.
It seems I have unbelief due to my insecurity of not accepting how big my God is and being willing to take a risk on Him. This sounds so stupid!?
oops, forgot!
Becky
Fairfield, IA
43
married
Did I get it all? 🙂
1. A girlfriend revealed to me how insecure she is and I never would have thought that she was – Amazing how we all mask it so well.
2. The description was a little too revealing. I think my husband has said to me that I create my own misery – ugh. Wow – do I have a lot of work to do.
Thanks Beth for this book.
Karol
Connecticut
42
Married
Married
Always a work in progress…
50's
Married
PA
The last time I came face to face with our gender's massive struggle with insecurity was my most recent glance in a mirror as I walked by…Married over 30 years and he still loves me, but will he always? I could relate to how you wrote of your husband and you knowing the other's tender targets, and that many times they were avoided, but sometimes… careful aim was taken.
The part of the definition of insecurity that resonates with me is living with a deep uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legitimate. The why is multi-faceted. I was raised on the J-O-Y principle. Jesus, Others, Yourself. The first two were heavily emphasized, not the third. In fact, thoughts or considerations of self were considered selfish, a pity party, and even prideful. Everything, even accidents, were (still are when with them) blame/shame based. My heart is heavy.
1. The last time I came face to face with insecurity would have to be with work. I just feel so "dumb" at times and not sure of myself. Did I say or do the wrong thing? Ugh! And, then wanting to work but not getting the hours. Do they not like me? Why? This sounds so teenagerish!
2. I liked the definition of insecurity that said, "Insecurities best cover is perfectionism." Umm, that's me!
Jennifer
Angola, IN
30's
married
Lori
Magnolia, AR
30's
single
I am behind on these comments (book just arrived; small town)…
1) I am in my early 30's and remain single. Every time I hear of someone's engagement, I doubt myself and my worth because I wonder why the same is not happening for me. I've really battled it since my brother recently became engaged, and he is 2 years younger than me.
2) At the very beginning of the definition, the words "self-doubt" resonated with me. I am constantly in doubt of myself. There is no question that I've had insecurity issues since childhood, in major ways. I think I've doubted myself for about as long as I can remember.
2) I was supposed to pray for some ladies (most not believers…) in Arabic and I was butchering it and one of the women stopped me in the middle and told me to finish in English. I was so embarrassed I had to go into the bathroom so I wouldn't cry. I put WAY TOO MUCH stock in what others think of me. Truth be told I'm probably the only one who thought twice about it…so stuck on me. And this coming from someone who thought she wasn't really all that insecure…ha! The first few chapters have been eye opening! Thank you for writing this book Beth.
3) 'uncertain about…our place in the world' and 'fear of rejection' resonated with me. Sometimes I feel like I don't know where I'm going, let alone how on earth to get there.
Kendra, 30's
middle east
married
The fact that I've waited 3 weeks to post definitely supports my insecurity… part of my "unproductive perfectionism."
1) During a recent situation spending a half day with a customer in some pretty important meetings, I questioned and analyzed my every response, word, and interaction and quite frankly it was exhausting and debilitating! God Almighty's amazing grace covered me and enabled me to come across ultra confident and articulate, but it was a war on the inside and stole my joy!
2) I resonated with most of it, but here's what particularly struck me and gave words to what I often experience but thought I was the only one:
– Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism
– Chronic self-consciousness – being more aware of myself than anyone else in the room (= pride)
– self-doubt – "Am I supposed to do this or not?"
Lauren
Concord, NC
20's
Married
1. A young woman who has made oodles of poor choices in life because she thinks she HAS to have a man. One child out of wedlock whose father is a convicted child abuser. Married a guy but dumped him. Pregnant by a one night stand. Aborted that baby. Living with a guy who would rather drink than work. Now looking to decrease her work hours so she can get food stamps. Need I say more!!
2. The part of the definition that not only resonated with me…it rung my bell hugely is "chronic self-consciousness". Oh my goodness, is that ever me!! I have battled anorexia since my late teens. My body was my god and I was chronically self conscious about my looks. Am I thin enough? Thin enough for what? For a guy to look at me? To love me? How shallow is that? Talk about insecurity.
Leah
Blairsville, GA
40's
Married
Madison
Xenia, OH
20s
Single
-My own insecurities seem to glare at me every day. Over the past year, a wounded and broken relationship has made me question my worth, my value as a young woman, my beauty, my role as a future wife. Slowly stepping into a new friendship/relationship, I now have a huge fear that any minute, this AMAZING man of God is going to walk away, realize that I'm not who he thought I was, that I don't look the way he really wants…I could go on…
-Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether her feelings and desires are legitamate—–>Put my name where insecurity is, and that's me.
1. I actually just posted about this on my own blog – my own experience with my insecurity! I teach a class at the YMCA and get so caught up in what people think about me that when some ladies recently left my class (to return to the class right after mine) I felt like a complete failure and beat myself up for a week and had to get many "pep talks" from others. My husband and I are also on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ and so working with college students I see this all the time in them – It's actually that very thing that led me to find Beth's book. I am speaking on this topic on campus in two weeks!! Pray for me because I AM INSECURE! 🙂
2. Well the defintion of insecurity just further drove home the reality that I already knew — this is a BIG PROBLEM in my life! I lack confidence, I fear rejection, I have a PROFOUND sense of self-doubt (well – I guess not as bad as like high school – but not really all that much better). But then the clencher – the heart wrenching part for me was that I can harbor unrealistic expectations about love and relationships and therefore create my own misery – YUCK!
I am a mom of a 2 year old boy and a 3 year old girl and I don't want them to sitting across from Campus Crusade for Christ staff members when they are in college unloading their baggage from how unhealthy their mom was!! I want to dump this bad friend forever!!
Jen
Wisconsin
30's
Married
An example of insecurity occurred just two days ago. I was worried
when I didn't hear from a friend after I left a couple messages. I began to question myself "did I say something hurtful, did I do something wrong?". It went on & on in my head. In the end, none of it was real and all was fine. But WOW! I had no idea just how insecure I am!
"uncertain of basic worth & place in the world"…this is a recurring theme in my life. I am continually questioning what I am "supposed to do with my life".
Chellie
40's
married
California
I'm catching up and trying not to feel insecure that I'm not on schedule with everyone else. (1) I come face-to-face with our gender's struggle with insecurity every morning when I wake up and start thinking about the day. After going through serious financial troubles due to my husband being forced to close his business, I have doubted every decision I've made because so many areas of our life affect our finances. Even though my husband and I are in this together and have been married for 31 years, I guess I always think it's my responsibility to find a solution and that maybe it's my fault. I am choosing to be secure in the Lord and say so long to this insecurity.
(2) The part of insecurity I relate to best is the profound sense of self-doubt, that deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth and my place in the world. I do wonder if my feelings and desires are legitimate. I feel like what you said Beth, if I were God I wouldn't give myself a second look. I am going to believe God has something good for me to accomplish.
I just want to say Thank you God for opening my heart to hear. Thank you Beth for listening and hearing God speak. I knew I was insecure but I didn't realize how much so. I never feel good enough no matter what and I realize now how insecure that is. LOVE THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS. CAN'T WAIT TO READ MORE. THANKS.
Robin
Monterey,VA
30s
Married
1) The biggest thing is when talking to others, I feel like I have to correct myself or constantly watch what I say so as not to offend someone. I said something to a couple of friends once that was taken the wrong way and was told I was being negative and condescending, so I feel like I have to apologize for things I say, especially if I get a bit "passionate".
Another big one is weight/looks. I have successfully lost the weight after having two babies, but I beat myself up about not being "toned enough", no matter how beautiful or great my husband says I look. I constantly compare to my other friends or to people I see in public and try to boost myself up if I'm smaller or berate myself if I'm not as toned or pretty as another. I compare myself to one girl at church all the time and finally opened up to talk with her last night and she said she wants to lose weight for her upcoming wedding and wishes she didn't have a tummy. I was shocked!!!
2)Self-doubt- thinking I'm not good enough, or don't measure up. Also lack of confidence- I play piano and guitar, but I don't practice as often as I should and haven't been playing at church b/c I don't think I'm good enough or as good as my friend that plays. I am a bit of a perfectionist and don't typically like others to see my faults, but God has definitely been working on this in my life.
Please Lord, open my heart and mind. Come in and change this thinking. May I not be focused on me, but on you. Make me secure in you.
Summer
Fuquay Varina, NC
20's
Married
53
Sterling Heights, Michigan
Married
I struggle with many events of insecurity: watching beauty pagents, the almost-naked bodies at the beach, the tiny little things at the gym, even though I was 5'7" and weighed less than 120 pounds; not being smart enough in a conversation, not having anything to say that people would be interested in hearing, being raised "you don't talk to strangers" (so I don't) etc. Mostly I struggle with how my spouse sees me. I don't feel that I can ever measure up even though we have been married over 30 years. I feel I always have to defend myself with him.
Chronic Insecurity resonates with me. I can remember in the 6th grade feeling rejection by students, teachers, parents, etc. I even asked my mom if I was adopted because I felt so out of place in the family. I never felt that I belonged. I was always the last kid picked for any time and kids even refused to put me on their team even when the teacher made them. I think this is a chronic as chronic can be.
I believe GOD will open my eyes and heart to finally turn my insecurity over to him to work with as he sees fits.
I'm believing GOD!!
We don't know if you will get this or not but here we go!!!!!
1. In my relationship with my husband I started feeling insecure about his feelings for me. We were married in May and he was deployed to Iraq in October Brittany
1. I feel insecure with my intelligence and work because I believe that everybody is out to get me they don't like my personality because they think i'm to happy, it clearly hurts my feelings. KJ
1. I feel insecure with men and about my intelligence and I feel like I always have to prove myself. Jordan
2. I have unrealistic expectations in some of my relationships Brittany
2. I have constant fear of rejection KJ
2. I have unrealistic expectations in love and relationships. jordan
Kentucky
Brittany Married 20's
Kelly Jo Single 30's
Jordan Single 20's
Hi Everyone,
Unlike some of you I "happened upon" this book. But I think in hindsight … not so much. I have dealt with insecurity all my life and in all my relationships.
The last time I felt insecure is here in my neighborhood unfortunately. The ladies started a "bunco" group and kept it on the downlow. When I found out I had not been asked it made me think, "What's wrong with me that I didn't get asked? Am I too fat, too coarse or direct with what I say?" Everything about me came into question. This Christmas it reared it's ugly head again and I hit a true depression always feeling like what is wrong with me and my family that we are not included in things in our neighborhood. I know we are good people kindhearted, compassionate, considerate. So that seems to compound my feeling of rejections as there is no logical reason.
Now having read what I have so far in your book your words are giving me pause to rethink this whole mess. Now there is starting to be a seedling in me that says, "Does it really matter? Who cares. We are good people and if others don't see or like the core value of who we are, then too bad, I'm not going to let that define who we are individually or as a family. Your book is helping me to achieve acceptance of things without feeling the sting of rejection quite as much. I'm okay with where we are … I figure God has decided to put me here and have this happen … so I am where I am suppose to be and maybe feeling the pain this last time so severly is what is helping me to learn to deal with this mess. It's really hard to explain … I just know it is happening and things are changing. Thank you.
I bought this book because I know Beth has good things to say that I want to hear. I did not think I had an insecurity problem. I was just wanting a study that would take me from thinking too much about my husband and more onto God. I am newly married and have been reading a lot of books about marriage. I do realize now I have an insecurity about pleasing people mainly my husband. It's not rejection I fear but the fact that someone may get more of his time than me. By putting my focus on Christ and how I should please Him helps me to be a more secure person.
Dear LPM'ers…. I am new and maybe oddly I found this site and heard about the book and asked my husband for it for Valentine's Day! =) But really, it has been an act of love on his part because he sees my insecurity more than anyone else!
1. Amongst others, this quote hit me in the face BIG TIME! "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. That's where it becomes an art form." BAH! I often call myself a perfectionist (taking pride in it).
2. I am a first year teacher, newly wed to a pastor, new house owner, (aka every single thing in my life has changed in the last year) and I've seen insecurity rear up in my life a lot through my reactions towards my mother-in-law and sister-in-law because I've seen them as a threat towards me as a wife and my womanhood.
Hello fellow Siestas,
I am a military chaplain's wife and I feel all the time like I'm inadequate to the tasks at hand. Like I'm not good enough. Like I will be the hindrance of my husband's ministry. Like I'm not good enough or smart enough to be the mother to my girls. It's a vicious thought cycle, and I hope and pray to break it while reading this book.
Stephanie
From: IL.
Age: 20s
Married with 3 kiddos.
1) I have insecurities whenever my mom or her family are around. I am constantly feeling judged and have a hard time rising above it. I am usually left feeling completely insecure. I have no problem opening up to other people and sharing my heart. With my mom's family and with her, I clam up because I don't want to be judge or misunderstood.
Another recent insecurity comes from blog-world and all of the wonderful mothers that write so eloquently and seem to have it all together. Well, I guess this applies to actual people in my life too.
Oh, and another HUGE insecurity is that people judge me before they talk to me because they think that I'm extremely young. Sometimes they are very rude and I've actually gone to the drastic measure of going out alone or with only one child just to avoid judging eyes. It sounds so silly to write, but its a huge insecurity. I know I'll appreciate my youthful look when I'm older, but for now, it's a curse. It's crippling actually. I avoid situations and some interactions for this very reason. I hate being pre-judged and misunderstood.
2) The first one about chronic self-doubt. I'm constantly worried about whether or not I am good enough. It consumes me and hinders me from just accepting myself and who I am in Him. And it keeps me from doing all the things that I am thinking about doing to improve myself so that I have less to doubt about myself…. It's an ugly vicious cycle…
Kali
Glenwood, Australia (Near Sydney)
20s
Single
1. Today sitting at the kitchen table. My housemate asked me if she was fat. I told her no – cuz she’s not. Then she asked me again. And asked if I was lying. And compared herself to others. It was so sad to me that she couldn’t believe me the first time that I told her.
2. Today sitting at the kitchen table. My housemate asked me if she was fat. I told her no – cuz she’s not. Then she asked me again. And asked if I was lying. And compared herself to others. It was so sad to me that she couldn’t believe me the first time that I told her.
Cecilia
Upstate NY
20's
Married
1) I struggle every time we go to our small group. We moved here 9 months ago so we are newbies and most of the others already knew each other. I get nervous before I go and do the 'replay' thing as soon as I get in the car.
2)Hmm, I can identify with almost all of it, but I have to say the part that resonated with me the most was "lives in a constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate".