So Long Insecurity Week One!

Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.

We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.

I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.

So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.

OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.

Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.

For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.

No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.

Thank you for coming!

Lord, be magnified.

In His lavish love,


1,429 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week One!”

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  1. 951
    Anonymous says:

    1. Wow, everyday is a struggle with me concerning insecurity. I don't have a close or best friend, a husband, a boyfriend, so I always battle with wondering if there is something wrong with me. I always feel that I am not good enough for anyone or anything.

    2. Both the definition and description of insecurity completely resonated with me. I am in constant fear of rejection, and I constantly battle with wondering if my feelings are legit. About two years ago, it totally hit me in the face when I a close friend ended our friendship for no reason. I realized then that I expect too much from those who are close to me. I realized then that I had through out my life set myself up for getting my feelings hurt or being disappointed in those who are close to me. Thankfully, I got help from a psychologist, and am working every day on this.

    Sandie C
    Knoxville, TN

  2. 952
    Angi says:

    1) I face insecurity each day when I walk into work. Because of a hiring freeze, I am leading two sections of people and each day I am terrified that people will discover the "truth" that I am not capable of doing this job – even when things are going very well.

    2)When I bought this book, I thought I might learn a few things that would help me. When I read the definition of insecurity, the entire thing hit me in the face like a frying pan! This is the definition of ME!

  3. 953
    Carole Hanbury says:

    44, Cincinnati Ohio, married

    #1 I was taking my 9-year old daughter to get her first "real" haircut yesterday. Up until now she's had long, one-length hair. She has been wanting it shorter with bangs so we made an appointment. On the way she was in the backseat and said to me, I can't wait to get bangs so it'll hide my big forehead. First of all, she doesn't have a big forehead. Second, why is a 9-year old worried about what her forehead looks like!

    Growing up, my mom constantly talked about how she didn't like things about herself and wished she could change. I feel all of that inside but am very careful to never voice things like that in front of my daughter because I remember feeling awful when I heard my mom talking like that.

    #2. This one hit me like a ton of bricks! Part of the definition was "a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate" I think like that ALL THE TIME! I often think, why did I say that or why am I doing that. It's a relief to admit it!

    I am also thinking as I start this book that i can't ever get over these insecurities and I'll just fail at this project too….like I've failed at so many other things.

    I will fail. I need God to come in and succeed in my life!!!

  4. 954
    Jeni says:

    I posted my comment around 6pm on the 17th, but the posts stop at 4something. Are there more?


  5. 955
    Mary says:

    Cincinnati, Ohio

    1. This AM – it's a daily occurrence, something I'm always fighting. Why do I waste so much energy on this? I know my Lord can free me. I also know that Satan does not want me to be free. When I'm finally free, I'll be able to spend all my energy serving the Lord.

    2. Uncertainty about my basic worth, lack of intelligence & confidence describes my insecurity best. I'm not sure why I've always felt that way. I know my marriage has reinforced my lack of self-worth.

  6. 956
    shelby family says:

    Lovin' this book!
    1: Unfortunately, I come face to face with our genders massive struggle with insecurity too often. I have the privilege of working with school-age kiddos. I often have talks with girls about choices, typically the high school girls – constantly trying to determine their self worth based on others.
    What is so interesting to me, is I am able to offer spirit inspired truths to them – but I am not always listening for myself.
    2: what resonated with me the most, I am constantly taking inventory of those around me. I would describe myself as "aware of my surroundings" but I do it ALL the time. In my awareness, I am comparing myself to those around me – looking for flaws in others and comparing myself to them.
    With the help of the Lord, I can work through this … to move through a mess you have determined what you need to move through! GREAT FIRST WEEK!
    beth, fishers IN – 30's married

  7. 957
    HurstMom says:

    1)For me it was a personal struggle. My husband and I have always been a ministry team. Gradually, my husband faded away from attending church and the family. Although he was physically present, he had "checked out." I found myself going alone to church with our three teens, ultimately joining another church because they had gotten plugged in to the youth group. I didn't know where I fit in. I was in a place in life that was foreign to me. I was very insecure.
    2)The "profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about the basic worth and our place in the world" This describes exactly the place I had found myself.

    Good news, the Lord has divinely intervened in my life and that of my husband in the last 5 months.

    Houston, TX
    40's – Married
    1st time blogger

  8. 958
    Alexis says:

    1. I am face my insecurity constantly…esp when I am around other women who I feel "have it all."

    2. The entire description of insecurity hit home esp the chronic part. It describes me to a T.

  9. 959
    Jen says:

    1. I last came face to face with our gender issues when I was talking with a girl from my Sunday school class who confessed to me that she felt the most pressure to "look cute" on Sunday mornings. Us girls tend to try to "top" each other… and at CHURCH! We put so much weight on what we look like, even when we are supposed to be worshipping the Lord.

    2. The word "self-doubt" jumped out at me in the definition. I am constantly second guessing myself, I always need a second opinion. I am not confident enough in myself and my own decisions, I just get someone else to do it for me.

  10. 960
    Jane says:

    1) Oh my where to begin, the last time I felt insecure? Every day it seems. God is working on this area of my life and I have come a long way, a really long way but this canyon is so deep, only God knows the end of it. I have always been insecure ….. it comes from my childhood, a broken home where a mother left looking for a fulfillment that never came…. a father who loves me and my siblings dearly but was so broken from the rejection of his wife that he had little left to offer a young teen whose home had fell apart and had just as hard a time dealing with peers and a culture that is very unforgiving to anyone who doesn't appear to have everything and everything together…. *sigh* I have come to a point in my life in my late 40's where letting go and let God is the only thing that makes any sense.

    2) What about insecurity resonated the most with me? The fact that I am so needy! and I really hate that about myself. I know only God can fill the void and believe me, He has filled me until I could just burst. He has counseled me and loved me in spite of myself. I know this, I don't just believe, I know. But that neediness still seems to rear its ugly head… I don't despair though because I know He has begun a work in me that He will complete. I hold on to that….

  11. 961
    ktemple7 says:


    1. I am faced with insecurity everyday. The most recent would be last night. I was walking into church (I just changed to a new church after 30 years of attending the same one) and saw several people from my Sunday school class talking in a group. When they saw me, they stopped talking and welcomed me into their conversation. I was so insecure to be the center of attention; I quickly left for my class without taking time to begin building a relationship with these wonderful people. I felt so ashamed and angry at myself. Another missed opportunity.

    2. Self doubt. I second guess my feelings and reactions a lot. I lack the confidence to stand up for my self in many situations. I don't consider myself a weak person and I do not cry easily. However, I will dance around a response if I know someone is not going to like it. I know this makes it worse. People will respect me more if I am just direct and honest. If I know this – why can't I just do it:) !!!

  12. 962
    Candy says:

    heavens to betsy….I can't think of anything I am not insecure about! I compare myself to everyone's everything….houses, cars, clothes, hairdo's, jewelry, weight, talent…I have expended waaaay too much energy on worrying about everyone else and virtually no time trying to do anything about myself.

    Somehow, trying to find something wrong with other people is easier than trying to find something right with myself.

  13. 963
    Tesa says:

    Perry, GA

    1. I came face-to-face with insecurity as I struggled over whether or not I wanted to put "my stuff" on this blog for others to read. I am quiet (my family would laugh at this!) and reserved anyway so put myself out there is hard, and it only adds to my feelings of insecurity.
    2. The chronic self consciousness is the part of the definition that resonated with me. And also the fear of rejection.

  14. 964
    Katy says:

    1. I see it in my sister – a grown, beautiful woman in her 30s, pastor's wife…yet so insecure that she is constantly apologizing for things that are completely out of control. constantly making everyone around her walk on eggshells because of her extreme sensitivity to things. And any comment you make she takes personally and gets defensive about.
    2. The "chronic self-consciousness" part and "uncertainty about whether your own feelings/desires are legitimate" are the parts that resonated the most strongly. Those are so huge – I see them in myself as well as other women that I know. Contantly being aware of yourself in EVERY situation….being afraid to say what's on your mind or voice your opinion for fear of what others may say or think.
    Lexington, SC

  15. 965
    Anonymous says:

    1) My most recent example of insecurity has been when I attend functions at my daughter's school. Some of the moms of her classmates are rather cliquish (sp) and don't seem to want to even give me the time of day. I end up feeling like I am back in school myself and the "popular" girls won't talk to me. Sigh.

    2) The part of the definition of insecurity that hit me the most was about being (very) uncomfortable with conflict in relationships.

  16. 966
    Cathy Davis says:

    1. When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

    I am sad to say that my face-to-face struggle with insecurity happened just this past weekend with my husband. I'd like to blame it on Valentine's day and crushed expectations, but it really boils down to feeling insecure about our relationship and his committment level to me. The setting is just too long to post here. Suffice it to say, my husband is in tune to me and knows when something is wrong, so we talked about it. (I'm so ready to say goodbye to insecurity…can I get an amen??)

    2. What part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

    The part that really struck me was that people I have always thought to be so "secure" were really suffering from "chronic self-consciousness". I have a bad habit of putting people on pedastals and making them so much more important than they would ever want to be made. And when I read this, I was like "hummm wow". 🙂

    Roll call
    Cathy D
    Birmingham, AL
    married :0)

  17. 967
    Pamela says:

    40's (holding on to them for dear life)

    1) i became a first time grandmother two months ago, will turn FIFTY in two months, and will be getting my first daughter-in-law the following two months… need is say more about my insecurity issues???
    2) every single WORD of the description of insecurity hit me square in the face… but what made me want to cry more than anything were the words, 'fear of rejection'… i live that out every single day, and i have most of my life.

  18. 968
    JenP says:

    1. I consider myself blessed to be someone who isn’t “plagued” with insecurities for the most part. I understand I’m only human, and I do my best to strike a balance of achieving a reasonable level of success with forgiving myself when I fall short of perfection. This applies to most areas of my life…with the exception of my art. In this area, I seem to be plagued with insecurities that do hinder me…from just getting started to when I’m viewing the finished product. The last time I felt insecure was after I had finished a sketch after a long break in creating any sort of art, and my family wanted to take a look. I wanted to know if I still “had it”, but I was afraid of the response. This is the most sensitive area in my life and the one where I’m the most vulnerable to criticism.

    2. While the description of insecurity doesn’t actually resonate (strongly) with me now, I do remember a time when it did. When I learned that most people are more concerned with themselves to be judging what I’m doing, I became more comfortable. I stopped worrying so much about how I felt and concentrated on what I was doing—which in turn helped how I felt about myself! I do have twinges of insecurity just like everyone, because it’s a very image-conscious world we live in. I try to remember I can never be the prettiest, smartest, most accomplished…ever! I do believe God loves me…I trust what He says. I know I’ll always fall short. If He loved David, He can certainly love me. When it comes to relationships, my expectations are based on my discernment of the individual’s character. I don’t expect more from them that I’ve determined they’re able to give, no matter what role I feel they “should” play in my life. Saved me a lot of heartache once I learned to accept people as they are and stop trying to force them to fit my ideal image of mother, friend, husband, etc. I’m certainly no one’s ideal either! I sure hope I don’t sound like I think I don’t need this book, because I sure do and I can already tell I’ll learn a lot. Beth’s style has always spoken to me, no matter what the subject, so I know God has healing for me, for all of us, in her words.

  19. 969
    Laura says:

    Strawberry Plains, TN

    1)Wow! Its hard to pinpoint one insecure senerio. I have so many. One of my biggest insecure issues I struggle with everyday is my look. Im a plus size gal and so I try to compensate for that by trying to "perfect" everyday. I spend so much time making sure my hair, makeup, and clothes are just right and fashionable. Then I worry all the time, did I wear the right thing? Does my clothes and shoes match perfect? Is my makeup done right? I don't know how many times I over dress and then I worry about that too. I do all this worrying and my husband tells me all the time that even with no makeup, and sloppy clothes Im still beautiful. But I still can't take his word for it.

    2)The description on page 17 that fits me is "The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection…."
    I am always in fear of rejection. I try to please everyone even if I really don't want to. Sometimes I wear my self thin and ragged trying to accomplish so much for other people just so I wont hurt their feelings. And if I do have to tell someone no I will worry for days and weeks that I have hurt them.

  20. 970
    Anonymous says:

    I find it hard to meet people, what do I say? Will My now grey hair be just to much? How can I fit in to this new group?

  21. 971
    Kate says:

    1) I thought this was a sort of odd question. I wondered…when has it NOT been an issue. Seems like insecurity has always been a part of our lives…can't say I know when I realized it…I can certainly feel it though. I'll give a scenario though 'cause the question asks for it. At work we have a few sayings when people are whispering: "stop talking about me", or if asked what's being talked about the answer is "you, too bad you showed up". It's funny, yet not so funny because we all know the feeling within is the insecurity that drives us to believe we may just deserve to be talked about.

    2) Hands down "a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in this world." I am struggling BAD right now with aging. I woke up one day and found myself closing in on 40. I FEEL as though I have done nothing (though my dreams are huge). I look at the kings in the OT, some lived and did great things, but for many, all the Bible says is they ruled a number of years and then died…what a legacy! I wonder if my story will have purpose or value, or if anything I do will make a difference, or if I'm just spinning my wheels…Lord, if so, show me the exit door. I also struggle with being single in a world that still values marriage…not ever being married kills my worth as well, am I hideous? I swing back and forth between extreme low self esteem and extremly high pride that trys to make myself feel better by thinking that maybe there is just noone out there good enough for me. really. Kate needs help…lol.

    Kathryn Stoker
    Aurora, CO

  22. 972
    Linda says:

    Madison, Ohio

    1. I went to get my hair cut yesterday. These are the questions going through my mind: Will I be able to tell her exactly what I want? Will she think it's the wrong cut for me? Will I be able to speak up if she isn't doing it the way I want? Should I try something different this time? What will my family and friends think if I do? Will they think I'm trying something too young? I could just go on and on, and that was just to get my hair cut!

    2.The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate. Actually, I can identify with all of them, but this one I struggle with daily.

  23. 973
    Kari says:

    #1 – My own personal battle over the past 3 months. I thought I had it beat and it flared back up, bigger than ever and paralyzing my life and ministry.

    #2 – Insecure people are unwitting accomplices in creating their own misery! I am responsible for my own misery!!!!!!

  24. 974
    Laurie says:

    The false positive list on page 38 was the ticket for me…and my teenage girls heard it at breakfast devotions too. God pointed a strobe light at my false positive of financial stability in a way I never saw before…even picking a marriage partner because of it (though not conscious of that at the time.) Yikes, but good. Oh, so good. Some housecleaning took place in my heart from the revelation.

    Atlanta, GA
    late 40's

  25. 975
    Jariza says:

    1) I came face to face not too long ago when I hung up the phone with my friend and felt the need to go back and second guess myself over and over about our conversation. I even went back and apologized and she had no clue what I was apologizing for=
    2)The definition that stuck out to me was chronic self-consciuosness, lack of confidence in myself, and anxiety about my relationships. That had ME all over it. I am excited at what my inside will be like when I am freed.
    Alburtis, Pa

  26. 976
    Medley Family says:

    1 – Chatting with a dear friend on the phone last night, we were discussing how our bodies have changed since pregnancy. We laughed about it, but we still admitted that we need to lose weight, are thinking about plastic surgery eventually, etc. Just the pressure to still look attractive. And how we don't find our bodies as attractive anymore.

    2 – The part of the definition that most resonated with me, was the "unrealistic expectations of love and relationships." It hit me like a freight train. That is always where my disappointment, hurt and frustration seems to come from.

    Oh how I am thankful to be a part of this discussion group. I thought I'd read the book for fun – I mean sure I'm a little insecure, but isn't everyone? Then after reading the first section I was hooked. I really need this at this season in my life.
    Thank you for this opportunity to share.

    Rachel, 29 years old
    Knoxville, TN

  27. 977
    Candace says:

    30 years old

    1)I see the insecurity riseup in me when I am around the women I go to church with. It feels like their identity is wrapped up in their husbands. They wear shirts that say I <3 my husband all the time. Everyone seems to be concerned with if you are married and how many children you have. As a single mother of one, I find this very intimidating because I feel like I am not one of them and am some how defective. They are very family oriented, scrapbooking, wives and mothers and it always rises up in me the feeling of deficiency.

    2)I saw myself in the entire definition. I am chronically self-conscious and I have a deep uncertainty about whether my feelings are legitimate. I also have deep feelings of uncertainty and my worth. I think that my name was written as the word that you were defining. It is really enlightening when you read the definition and have to face exactly how pervasive insecurity is in your life.

  28. 978
    Al's Girl says:

    Week One:

    1. What a neat idea – I had never thought about writing a prayer in the front cover of a book before. I will use your prayer journal in my books from now fo' shah!

    2. I dealt with insecurity just this morning bringing my daughter to school for a special "Hearts for Moms" thing that they were doing. I had to make sure to get up extra early to 'look right.' Sometimes it is such a hassle being a female that I wonder how we ever make it out of our bathrobes, let alone the front door!

    3. Sadly, MANY of the definitions of insecurity fit me to a big fat 'T!' My mother gave me away to be adopted at age 2, I got married young (and dumb) and divorced at 24, then I walked away from the Lord in such anger/desperation about my failed marriage, lived that way for 2 years+, God finally brought to the place that I could turn my heart over to Him again 'for real', I rededicated my life – broke up with my atheist boyfriend – and then 2 weeks later found out I was pregnant and very single. I am since remarried to a good Christian man and am working every day to have a fully redeemed life and walk with Christ but everything that I went through up until this point has pretty much served to make me a walking, talking, functioning basketcase.

    Mrs. Beth – please know that even if you only wrote this book for me alone, that you have helped my Christian walk in such a deep unchangeable way that I will quite literally never be the same again. I started the book last night and I couldn't put it down. I stayed up and read half of it. LOL. Thank you and God bless you.

    p.s. This is probably a 'dumb' idea, but my hubby has told me that I was insecure more times than I could ever count. For Valentine's Day, one of my presents to him was buying your book and promising to read it and apply it to my life. He loved it!!

  29. 979
    Ashleigh says:

    I just started reading the book and it has been great so far!

  30. 980
    Kim says:

    1. When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender's massive struggle with insecurity?

    Several weeks ago, I went on a business trip with six other women ranging in age from their late 20's to late 40's. I am 49 years old. The sales force for my company is mainly women and there are many younger women entering the sales force each year. As I am getting closer to 50, I notice that I am becoming increasingly more self-conscious about my age. I often compare my looks, weight, age and fashion style with these younger women and become discouraged with myself. I've noticed that I put myself down as old, fat and frumpy when I am around them. Of course, these women are all fantastic and these issues don't cross their minds! I know that these thoughts are only inside my head. The scary thing is that I have had these negative self thoughts for so long that they become background noise in my mind on a regular basis without my even noticing! Help me Jesus!!

    2. What part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

    Has to be Beth's succinct definition of insecurity – SELF-SABOTAGE! I do this all the time! The habitual negative SELF-TALK that I engage in each day adds to my profound sense of SELF-DOUBT, chronic SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS and lack of SELF-CONFIDENCE in myself. I don't love and respect myself because I don't or can't meet the expectations of the world. I've resigned myself to my current condition and I don't believe that I can make the necessary changes to be successful. I inflict all of this on MYSELF! Boy do I need Jesus to free me from this mess!

  31. 981
    blessednfavored says:

    1. When I hear from the pulpit the description of what a woman is supposed to be… meek, quiet, never wanting anything beyond a home a husband and a family. (I admit that this could be my "broken hearer"). I often think, I don’t know how to be that…Something must be wrong with me! They are men of God and must be right, therefore… I must not be valuable to God nor man.

    2. "Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt – A deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world".

    I cannot tell you what this book has surfaced in me. I am presently facilitating the revised edition of Breaking Free and this is the thing I want God to break off. Every time I go through the study (8 times now) it's a new thing! Thank you for your tireless efforts to see women not only break free, but continue to walk free!


  32. 982
    Heidi says:

    Cary, NC

    better late than never…..
    I know that God was chuckling when I ordered this book. I wanted to keep my collection of Beth's books current, but thought this one might apply more to OTHER women I know than to me. I wouldn't have described myself as insecure at that time, and I don't think those close to me would use that word to describe me. I have a good marriage, 2 fabulous daughters, and am successful in the primary ministry God has called me to. I've done one line of work for nearly 20 years, and recently God called me to do something different (in addition to what I'm already doing).

    For months I have come up with numerous, plausible excuses as to why I couldn't begin this project. In Jan. I prayed and asked God if really that's what he wanted me to do, or did I hear him wrong. He answered with a swift, divine kick in the butt. Yes, I am called to do this. So I've tried to start, and have come down with an exteme, paralyzing case of insecurity!!!! I am so fearful that I won't do a good job, that I'll let God down, let myself down, that other's will think my project is stupid or poorly done….the list goes on and on. I don't feel insecure all the time, only when I think about doing this or try to work on it. But what I've realized is that I have created a beautiful comfort zone that has protected the insecurities that I felt so acutely in high school and college.

    God knew I would read this book at this perfect season. I know He will use it to help me deal with my "stuff" and move on to do all that He has planned for me. I look forward to this journey (but feel a little like I do when I'm going to the dentist… might hurt some…..).

    So glad to have such wonderful company on the journey. God Bless you all!!!!

  33. 983
    Tanni says:

    Not to get to personal but it is an XX thing….At the beginning of the month I am strong, capable, productive, confident, full of energy…It's like a dam, at the beginning of the month the walls are strong….as the days move into weeks I am aware of very small cracks and water seeping out…..I feel like I am beginning to lose the feeling of security but still have enough of me left that I want to fight it…knowing that the lies, perfectionism aren't reality and that I do have friends, know how to be a good friend, am a good mom…then come those last 10 days…the walls giving way to the onslaught of the surge…I am overwhelmed, defeated, weak, tearful, feelings of guilt, failing in my parenting, marriage, friendships..the list goes on. I just pray that social events happen when I am at a good place otherwise I try on 10 different outfits–none of them look good, go over and over conversations to make sure i didn't offend anyone, question why someone didn't talk to me…etc.UGH! Then, whew, just when I think I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown…up go the walls, the waters are contained and I am myself again…productive, strong, capable, confident. My question, which is the real me? I'd like to think the strong, confident but clearly there are so many insecurities streaming through these veins otherwise I wouldn't succumb to this every single month! Yep, in a nutshell, that is how my life rolls…up and down up and down. I am hoping that the journey through this book will equip me with tools to let go and embrace whatever is needed to blend the two me's into one happy, confident woman who can laugh at mistakes, move on without the world falling apart and get the most out of all the relationships in my life…shake off the insecurities and look at myself the way He looks at me!

    Ok, the definition that resonates most? EVERY single word! I am sooo excited about this book…I don't want to NOT like me anymore! This is crazy! Life is too short to be insecure! I can't wait to finish off this battle once and for all!

  34. 984
    Anonymous says:

    Lexington, SC

    I see our struggle as women with insecurity through other stay-at- home moms my age who apologize for when you meet us out in public without makeup on or when we fret and worry continuously about raising our children by the expectations of this world when really the Lord makes it so simple in as how to raise our kids in the light of the Lord.

    I continuously question my actions, words, and thoughts as far as validity in relation to others. There is nothing that passes through my thoughts or words that is not analyzed a dozen times. I feel as if my thoughts/words could make or break any relationship at anytime.

  35. 985
    Stephanie says:

    1. Last night was the most recent time I was faced with insecurity. I teach Sunday School and I am going too disciple one of our girls who was saved this very week. I am good at social networking, texting, sending facebook messages, sending cards, etc, but when I needed to walk over to her last night and talk to her, it's like I go back to high school in my head and wonder if she'll think I'm cool enough and all kinds of crazy things (yesterday's teaching on Life Today could not have come at a more perfect time). It makes me so mad because I want to disciple her and the Lord helps me to study to even be able to do it. The thought of discipling her brings me so much joy in my mind, then I just almost fold when it's time to do it and meet face to face.
    2. One thing that stood out to me about the definition of insecurity is the chronic self-consciousness and how a better word for that is pride. I really get mad about that, when I realize that worrying so much about what others are thinking about me and even making up scenarios in my head about what I think they are thinking is nothing more than pride. That makes me sick.

  36. 986
    Beth says:

    I'm just going to answer question #1 right now. When don't I come face-to-face with insecurity?! From first thing in the morning when I see myself in the mirror and my bad skin is just as prominent as it was the day before, to feeling insecure about mothering since my almost 12 year old daughter and I seem to disagree much, much more than we ever agree. My marriage is a constant struggle and so I wonder what's wrong with me that causes our marriage to be so tumultuous. I wonder if I'm as good a Christian as the next person since I'm not extremely expressive or outwardly exuberant – I'm basically shy and reserved. So there are lots and lots of daily experiences and regular times of insecurity.
    Johnstown, OH

  37. 987
    Stephanie says:

    I don't follow instructions very well. I didn't include my info in my post.

    Tupelo MS

  38. 988
    jenny hud says:

    okay, so it said answer by thursday morning, so i am hoping i made it under the wire. i live in arkansas and the 3 snow flurries we got, closed the state down and i couldn't get to little rock to get a copy until last weekend. all that to say: sorry i'm so late!
    pine bluff, ar
    20's (for about 5 more months!)
    1. i loved this! especially being able to write it in the form of a prayer – i had never thought of doing that in a book itself. it's like God is starting this journey right along with me…and i know He is and is looking forward to the results!
    2. just recently my husband and i were having the same "fight" about the same things that we always get upset about, and afterwards i went and spent time with the Lord. he gave me a glimpse of myself and showed me that i rely too much on my husband's view of me. i remember reading something a few years back about not letting other people especially other men fill you up with the compliments your husband should give you. like whatever they say is gravy on the meat of my husband's words. well, i think i let the pendulum swing too hard the other way! there is a fine line between needing to hear those things and NEEDING to hear those things. so the example is ME.
    3. the unrealistic expectations i have for relationships that was unconscious. wow, i have had a few relationships fizzle out just because of proximity or timing, and i have mourned those like a death. so much so that i am holding too tightly to some other friendships now. i want to loosen up and be filled with the Lord!!

    loving the journey so far!

  39. 989
    Thompson Family says:

    1. Where have I recently seen insecurity in real life?!?!?! I see it EVERYDAY in MYSELF! YUCK! I so hate to type that. I am an almost 30 year old wife and mother of 3. Our family is in the process of moving and my husband currently works out of state. The girls and I are trying to sell our house before joining him. From the outside I (think) I look like I have it all together. But what a show we put on!
    The most recent example I can think of happened just the other day. I ran in a store to return something (all three girls in tow) and when I got ready to leave I realized I didn't have my keys. I started trying to mentally run through my options just as my middle daughter started throwing up in the parking lot. Here's the insecurity part….rather than ask someone for help and look like I couldn't handle things on my own I just waited and waited and waited for the AAA guy to come and unlock my doors. I wasn't in the town I live in but visiting in a town FILLED with family BUT my pride (or my masked insecurity) wouldn't let me call someone and ask for help. WHY???? Because then someone would know I wasn't perfect and I don't ALWAYS have things together. Because then my carefully concealed insecurities would be laid bare for all to see? What would that hurt? The truth is I don't have it all together. But if people knew that would they still like me? love me? Want to be my friend?

    2.So I guess it's pretty obvious that the part of the definition that really resonates with me is the acute and chronic self awareness. I love (hate) the part that talks about perfectionism being insecurity's best cover because man, that nails me to the wall (and then some).

    Macon, GA
    almost 30s
    Married 🙂

  40. 990
    Sue Graves says:

    The last time I came face to face with insecurity was actually last night and even this morning. AARRRGH! The man in my life quite innocently told me of his desire and intent to begin umpiring softball games again. The FIRST THING I thought of was, of course, what this would do to me. or what I IMAGINED this would do to me. I felt very threatened by the time he would spend away from mr, by the people, more specifically, the women he would be around. It went drastically downhill from there. I couldn't believe myself and neither could he. It actually got to the point of me saying we should take a break and he almost obliged…even through neither one of us wanted that. Thank God,we were able to get through that and make it to the other side. But this morning, I was afraid that I had damaged things…it was my fault…I had "done it" again. And as time went on this morning, and he didn't call…I was SURE I had "done it". But, again, by the grace of God, we were able to make it through.

    As for the second question: Lord, I don’t know if I can pinpoint just one part of the definition or description of insecurity that resonates with me. There are so many that hit the proverbial nail on the head. From “constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legitimate” to “harboring unrealistic expectations”, I see myself over and over again. It’s the constant, low-grade infection of self-doubt that wears me down and causes more self-doubt. I second-guess my decisions which cause me to “third-guess” and so on until I am so frustrated and confused, I give up and feel “I’ve done it again” and can’t ever get it right. This not only happens in relationships but other areas of my life as well.

  41. 991
    Anonymous says:

    To be totally honest I see insecurity in my life everywhere… home, work, church, relationships, Bible study group. Even deciding whether or not to post an answer here has taken me until Thursday morning… should I, shouldn’t I, how will my answer sound, what if someone I know reads it? You get the picture, totally insecure!

    The description of insecurity that resonates most with me is a deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth or more accurately a certainty of my worthlessness. Perfectionism is the best cover and what I hide behind… thinking no one sees the insecurity.

    North Attleboro, MA

  42. 992
    Pam says:

    Pam, Hideaway TX, 40's, married

    Chapter 2: Unrealistic Expectations of Love & realtionships touched me the most and I see it most inm y realtionship with my husband. But over the years God continues to put on my heart that HE is the only one that can totally fullfill my needs and that I need to go to HIM for what ever I need and I shouldn't exspect my husband to fill those needs. God wants us to Love others unconditionally and not exspect anything in return. Unfortunaltely as humans taht is a very hard thing to do. May God through the Holy Spirit help us all to get our sercurity from who we are in Him and may Jesus always be our Frst Love! In Jesus Name!

  43. 993
    v says:

    I just have to say that I officially wrote in the front of my book this morning. It only took me 2 wks to get up the courage. And yes, I even made a mistake. Apparently I survived.

    I refrained from writing out a rough draft before I put my final prayer in my treasured book. I thought that was a step forward in the "winging it" department.

    I have to admit while I was writing I thought how my dog groomer commented yesterday on my handwriting and it made me smile. It's funny how the littlest things encourage us. I need to remember to do that for others!

    So, I made it through step one of assignment #1. I'm ready to move on!

  44. 994
    Cindy says:


    When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity?

    My teenage daughter, she will not go out in public until she spends hours "getting ready", she is very beautiful, but so very insecure.I have watched her walk down a hallway at church, and I know just how very self aware she is, but she does not see the heads of the other girls and women turn to watch her walk by. People tell me all the time how very beutiful and confident she is, but she is really so shy and so scared to really assert herself in public.

    Another place I see insecurity, besides myself, is other women. The one thing that stands out to me is women who are intimidated in a group bible study setting. If they have enough confidence to show up, they are usually so scared to say anything out of fear of being wrong. So many women I know say about themselves. "I just dont know anything like so many other women do, thats why I am so quiet in bible study."

    Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

    Self Doubt, fear of rejection, uncertainty about wheather my feelings and desires are legit. Even my decisions, are they right? Is what I feel to be true in my heart and mind really true.

    Cindy 38
    Indianapolis, IN
    Single Mom of 4.

  45. 995
    epcthatsme says:

    Fayetteville, NC

    1. Recently I went with my sister-in-law (who I'm very close to) and a mutual friend of ours out shopping. For some reason, ALWAYS feel insecure around them. I would even wait to see what types of things they would touch or pick up before I would hold up something to say, "Do you like this?" Or "Now, this is pretty." I was so afraid it would be different than what they liked or would buy. Who does that??!
    2. Okay so the ENTIRE "specialist's definition" should have just had my name in it. "Erica refers to a profound sense of self-doubt…chronic self-consciousness…constant fear of rejection…unrealistic expectations about love and relationships." Yep. That's me. And I've tried this entire week to figure out which one of those is most true but sadly, I think they all hit the nail square on the head.

    And I HATE that I'm so insecure that I've read this comment about 65 times to make sure it doesn't sound stupid or have any typo's. Ughh.
    So happy to have you, sweet Siestas.

  46. 996
    Patti says:

    2. I could relate to all of the definition, but the part about self-doubt "hit home" more at this present season in my life. Ever since a major spiritual victory several years ago, I have felt the devil really playing on my self-esteem. I am looking forward to recapturing my security through this study!
    Patti,40s,Married, Kissimmee, FL,

  47. 997
    danni_marie says:

    1.) I would have to say recently when I was shopping with my fiance. I was struggling with my weight and trying on clothes. My insecurity came out right then and there when I was trying to affirmation that I was beautiful from my fiance, but instead frustration came out of it. I just wanted to be told I was "good enough." I was emotional for awhile after that instead of getting over it right away. We talked it out, and everything is fine, but my emotions run with me sometimes.

    2.)All of the definition of insecurity ran true for me! But the one about relationships seem to be where most of my insecurity is now. Especially with family! When you said that insecurity in personal relationships are "the most painful", and I can't agree more.

    Cokato, Minnesota
    Single (bride to be)

  48. 998
    Lindsay says:

    1. When I had a job interview the other day and kept thinking the other applicants were probably better experienced/better at answering the questions/better dressed/better in general.
    2. Being so caught up in my own insecurities and making sure that I always "say the right thing" or don't offend anyone that I often don't take the time to understand others.


  49. 999
    Kim says:

    Late Roll Call:
    Elizabethton, TN

  50. 1000
    julieanne0709 says:

    Believing God will rid me of my long-time friend-insecurity.

    Lord, I hope you can open my eyes to see what you see in me. I pray that you will show me how to raise my daughter to be a secure young women.


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