Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.
We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.
I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.
So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.
OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.
2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.
Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.
For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.
No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.
Thank you for coming!
Lord, be magnified.
In His lavish love,
Beth
Age 52
married
Winnsboro, Texas
1) Insecurity reigns supreme in the business I am in, we cater to women clients and employees. Last month, we had a client who missed her appointment, and should have called to cancel but did not. When I told her there was a charge, she shamefully came by and paid her fee but did so our of embarrassment and insecurity. You see, she is beautiful, rich and appears self confident…in reality she is in pain and expected to be treated differently. When I read in chapter one that" an insecure woman can look like a mix of confidence and self-consciencious", it reminded me that we all have our insecurities, no matter what the outside looks like.
2) I come from a successful family. Whatever they touch turns to gold and mine turns to mush, seems to happen each and every time. I have grown up in this successful family with the reputation of " oh poor cheryl", will she ever get it right. I currently own a struggling business, have a "refining"marriage and have constant financial issues. None of the above are any less than a normal persons, but you see, I come from that successful family. So , between self-doubt and self-sabatoge, I suffer from them both. I, like you Beth, always appear to have it all together on the outside but deep inside, am on a tightrope, stuck in the middle, flailing my arms to keep balanced . "I don't believe that life is a place where we simply hold steady till we die" but at times, I live like that. I am ready for more.
1. Where DON'T we see evidence of insecurity in ourselves and the whole gender? As a Minister to women, I see this daily…if not hourly. As a Woman of 50+ years, I am determined (as you so aptly put it) to break free of this before those golden sixties.
2. Part of the definition? Chronic self-conciousness. ouch. Was reading the first two chapters while driving with The Hubby this weekend and he agreed. We cloak many insecurities under the umbrella of "humility" and don't realize just how self-absorbed we are. Lord, help us.
Debbie
Mt. Pleasant, SC
Married
50's
Joan
Portage,MI
40s
Married
1- My latest biggest bout of insecurity came a few weeks ago. I had had a bad day at work. I was called into the manager's office and we discussed the day. After she listed all of things that I had done wrong, I started crying. I was told," You don't need to get upset…" I felt SO inadequate at my job. That has been a reoccuring theme in my life, feeling inadequate. I am ready to fight this thing to the death!
2-I resonated with a lot of the definitions of insecurity. Probably the most frequent one is "unrealistic expectations in relationship"
Hannah
Southwest Ohio
18
single
1. Recently, I had my picture taken for my senior yearbook. I went and picked up the pictures and sat in my car looking through all of the proofs(I pick the one I like best and that is the one that is put in the yearbook). My first thought was, "uh, these are awful!" I was assured by my wonderful family and some friends that they were in fact, not awful, but isn't it sad that as women, we never have trouble finding a picture of ourselves that we DON'T like?
2. The aspect of the defenition of 'insecurity' that resonated the most with me was the need to apologize when I think I have done something wrong. I'm like Beth though, I feel the need to apologize when I HAVEN'T done something wrong!
Kitty,Atlanta,55,Married but separated
Face-to-face with insecurity…..absolute God-lover…seeking and studying my whole life….. Oh my! This book is so profound and I am so thankful……apparently opened it INSECURE and hoping for the miracle of "secure" by Page 350. Trusting……thank you, Beth and all who helped write this book.
1. It may quite possibly be easier to tell of instances where I haven't come face-to-face with our gender's struggle with insecurity.
Everywhere I turn it's there. Most recently – a TV commercial with a scantily clad woman in a tiny bikini asking, "how sexy can you be?"… it was an ad for a diet supplement. Another was from an article in a Christian magazine telling of ways single people could celebrate Valentine's Day. Their idea: wear black, eat black food, and throw darts at cupid. (I think that particular insecurity could apply to both single women and men). Thankfully, God has shown me recently that yes, marriage is sacred… but so is singleness. It is no less holy, no less divine.
2. For me it's "chronic self-consciousness" because that is me! I'm determined to use the verb WAS very soon, however!
Ally
Columbia, SC
30's
single
1. The last time…seesch..I can't remember when I'm not affected by insecurity! I am the type of woman that looks at my friends and family members and desire to have their body, their hair or their heart for the Lord! I always go to bed thankful for what I do have, really I do…but then I wake up the next morning and wonder what is going to bug me today about myself? It's a never ending cycle that I am working on breaking through this book! Thank you Beth!!!
2. The definition that resonated with me the most is the second one regarding unrealistic expectations. I am not sure why or when it started but it seems like no matter what I do or what others(mainly my husband) do for me I expect more. I can always think of something to make the circumstances better, even if its a surprise party FOR ME!!! I never dreamed it was from insecurity issues! It has come to hurt my marriage because my husband thinks he can never please me and I in turn think he can always do more for me to show me his love. I pray that by the end of this WONDERFUL book that my husbands love for me is an added benefit to my secure heart and not the reason it is secure.
I was also thoroughly described when you said "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism." I always try to be "perfect" but of course I always fail because my expectations are so high!! AARRRGGGGG….I can only get better from here..right? 🙂
Becoming secure,
Melanie
Dallas, TX
20's
married
1. Done. BTW, I love this idea. However I fear the written record of my insecurities being left behind for my children to read! Yikes! I once had a book that I had done something like this in taken out of my home. It still leaves me reeling when I think of the intimate information floating around out there in the big bad world!
2. Last night at our small group, the theme was sharing something special about our spouse on Valentine's Day as a living example for the teens in the group. My marriage has always been "difficult" to say the very least. (I don't feel compelled at this time to share details, just take my word for it.) Listening to all the men share was sweet, including my own husband's. Then women started talking about what 'Servant Leaders' their husbands are and have been in the course of everyone's 20 year or so marriages…not something I can say! Suddenly the good qualities in my husband seemed to grow pale. I ended up being the last to speak, but made myself because I couldn't leave there and NOT speak for him. I was overwhelmed with the knowledge of his (our) flaws and felt like any good of his just didn't "measure up". Dumb. He is a good man. He's not 'that man', but he's a good man. And suddenly in the light of my own insecurities it just didn't seem to be good enough.
2. The part that resonated the most won't be a surprise after reading the above post….."The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships….The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable…." There my poor husband sat unaware of the disappointment building in my heart! I was in a full blown attack against unseen beasts that are all too familiar to me. I want "more" from him. Our marriage has been very hard and so even though right now things are better than they've ever been, I'm not satisfied; it's just not enough. "Unrealistic expectations"! We have moved the 3 steps forward and two steps back for years! (It'll be 20 in June.) When I allow myself I can see the steps, one-by-one we've taken forward but it's isn't 'fast enough or far enough' for my insecure beating heart. I'm striving to enjoy the step we are on, but it is taking some doing!
As I began reading the book, I thought this has some things that strike close to home, but I'm not doing to bad in this area. Then came the moment that denial was ripped away from me. I was reading and thought I do that. Then I came up with a quick list of about 5 reasons for why I do that. Ouch reality hurts.
Cyn
Okc, Ok
30's
Single
Please add to previous post…..sorry, forgot this.
Tonya
Searcy, AR
40's
Married
Carissa
Long Island, NY
21, single
2. The last time I witnessed insecurity was within myself. I am graduating with my bachelors in May and have recently found out there is money for me to continue schooling. I realized that I could do anything, which I didn't think was an option. I thought that I could actually go to law school, something I always wished I could do. Immediately, I heard myself saying, "No, you couldn't keep up. You're not smart enough." Now, I'm not letting that stand in my way.
3. The part of the insecurity definition that resonated most with me was the part about basic self-worth. I don't feel equal to everyone else. God has made me less.
Kim from Springfield IL
30's headed to 40's/Married
1. I probably come across insecurity a little each day, or at least weekly. More so in my dealings with women, but sometimes I see it creep up on my husband, although differently. My most recent experience was with myself when I got insecure over a friendship that I know is solid. It surprised me, but I just tried to pray through it. I think some of the insecurity came because I had not really had quailty quiet time with the Lord in a couple of weeks.
2. I definitely know that I struggle with insecurity, but I would have thought it was just a little. I am a person prone to pride and selfishness, so I thought insecurity would have almost been the opposite of those two sins. After reading the marks of an insecure person further in chapter 2, I feel like I am so much more insecure than I thought (which is good because I need truth). Now I see that I am bound up more in insecurity than I thought, and I need to break free from it once and for all. Before I read this book, I just thought it was a passing sin I struggle with from time to time, now I see it for what it is.
Love ya, and I can't wait to continue the journey with you…
Julie
Huddleston, VA
30's
Married
1. I came face-to-face with insecurity this week as I stood against a sin that I, too, was a part of some 20 years ago. I was called a hypocrite by a family member and it rocked me to the core. I wanted to blast her and say, "Can't a person change?! God has forgiven me and set me free, why can't YOU?! He has used that struggle in my life to help others with the same struggle. Why can't you see that He has redeemed me?!" I wanted to, but I didn't. All week, I re-lived that awful time in my life, beat myself up, yet again, and sunk into a pit of self-sabotage.
2. I relate to many parts of the definition of insecurity:
self-doubt, constant fear of rejection, deep insecurity of whether my feelings and desires are legitimate.
I can't wait to get to the end of this book! I come expecting God to do amazing things in my life. Thanks, Beth, for seeing the need and being obedient to His call.
Vicki
Greenwood, SC
50's
Married
1) For almost nineteen years, I have been married to the most wonderful man in the world! I've actually made the statement that "I wish I could clone him for other women." He happens to be nine years younger than me. Because of this age difference, I'm scared to death he'll be attracted to someone younger, cuter, thinner, etc. I find myself trying harder than I should, to look younger.
2) Obviously, I most resonated with the sense of self-consciousness, lack of confidence in myself due to fear of not being attractive/young enough looking for a man I know loves me no matter what.
Thank you so much for this book and for the online study. I already blessed.
1. Insecurity. I face my own insecurity, each day: body image. I have always struggled with my weight. I live a pretty healthy lifestyle. However, I am consumed with weight loss and exercise. It’s a little overwhelming to admit. I have absolutely no doubt that our Father loves and adores me. I’m just so hard on myself. And, I would never act like I felt insecure; I have a tendency to act the very opposite to others.
2. I most identify with: Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness. I can so identify with the “Insecurity’s best cover is perfectionism”. page19
1. This past weekend I was at a Baby Shower for our DIL and the only one there from our son's side of the family. (He lives in another state) I felt so self-conscience about ME, the total picture. I wasn't feeling very well so that set me up for failure right there, but my insecurities flowed forth. My body image..and whether I would embarras my son by something I said or did!
2. "Insecurity is associated with…a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves" I have had NO self confidence since I was very young and with each added year in my life it's gotten worse! I didn't have enough confidence in myself to finish college, to get a real job, be a good Mom. I feel like I walk on egg shells around my family so I won't embarras them.
1.When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
I lost about 30 lbs a year or two ago and since then have had just as hard of a time finding clothes to fit correctly as I did when I was heavy. I want to be modest, so I buy clothes that fit at the store. With every single pair of pants I own, no matter the material or the pretty penny that was spent, they stretch out within 4-5 hours of wearing them! I constantly keep having thoughts like:
“These pants are so baggy they’re making me look bigger than I am.”
“Great, now I look like I am a 22 year old with a saggy butt.”
Ugh! Why am I so insecure about my body? I know I’m pretty, my fiancée tells me quite often that he thinks I gorgeous (and I can tell he truly means it), but I am constantly thinking about what other people think of when they look at me.
Also, my fiancée are quite content with just hanging with each other, but we do know that we need to make some friends. So, we went out to dinner with a girl who I have known for quite some time, but never was really friends with, and her fiancée. We had a good time, but before we even went, I was nervous that she would think I was boring, or that the whole double date would just be weird. She was not too nice to me in high school, and since then I’ve seen a real change in how she acts towards people. I don’t know why I am so worried about what other women think of me.
2.This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
“The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.”
From sun up to sun down I am constantly trying to please people because I want everybody to be happy, to smile, to love life, and most of all to be pleased with me. I don’t know if I am constantly thinking about being rejected. I usually suppress my feelings and emotions as much as I possibly can. I don’t want to seem like the typical needy, emotional girl who thrives on drama. If I’m hurt, sad, upset, or really feeling any unpleasant emotion, I tuck it away and put the smile on for the whole world to see. Like Beth said “Insecurity’s best cover is perfectionism.”
2. My most recent face-to-face struggle has been writing this comment. I wanted to write a comment that others would think witty, clever, heartfelt, etc. instead of just being brave and honest in saying I am always struggling with insecurity. From the time my feet hit the floor til my head hits the pillow. Thank you God for sending this book my way!
3. The part which most spoke to me was self-doubt and constant fear of rejection. I also feel that pride is at the root of my insecurity as insane as that sounds. It really is not all about me. God help me see myself through your eyes 🙂
Tina
Brevard, NC
30's
Married
Jeanine
Athens, NY
45
Married, mother of 4
1) Check. My people-pleasing self wrote the journal/prayer entry in the book – because the teacher said to. : )
2) Seems like each morning when I wake up I come face to face with insecurity. I have been aware of my insecurity for many years and working with the Lord toward healing. Three steps forward, two steps back. My greatest insecurities have had to do with rejection and failure (real or assumed). Even in answering these questions I feel like I have nothing relevant to say. Who will read it? Who cares? This attitude has much to do with current life circumstances.
3) The whole cotton-pickin' definition is like my biography. Here's to more steps forward than backward. Thank you again, Beth, for meeting us where we are and journeying with us toward more freedom.
1) During one of the last weeks of the Esther study on the video you stated you had a friend that was getting a divorce & her biggest hurt was that her husband didn't fight for her. That brought up an insecurity that I had hidden 15 years ago — when I found out about an "desire" for an indescretion with my husband (that I still have!!!) He didn't KNOW if he wanted to fight for me or not. I fought and won, but the hurt that he didn't want to fight for me was still there even tho it was hidden all those years
2) What resonated (and shocked!) me most was that EVERY description listed I HAD!!! 🙁
Renee J 52 Colorado Springs, CO/Moss Point, MS Married STILL!!!
Kim
Iowa
40's
Married 22 years
1. I am curretly in 2 different Bible Study groups (one is all women and one is couples)where most of the other members socialize together on a regular basis outside of Bible study. I am rarely included in these outside activities and it makes me feel unloved and unwanted–espeically when they make plans for something while I am sitting right there with them.
2. Sadly, I must admit that the definition of insecurity is a perfect description of me from beginning to end.
Thank you, Beth, for allowing god to use you to teach us. Though I have never thought of myself as secure, reading this book has shed light on my self-doubt. I am blessed to have a wonderful husband who tells me at least once EVERYDAY that I am pretty or hot or beautiful or "lookin' good". Only if what I'm wearing fits perfectly and my hair is just right (and how often does that happen?) can I take in the compliment. Otherwise, rather accepting and treasuring his compliments, I frequently find myself thinking that he's only saying it to be nice or (and I have actually had this thought more than a few times) that he says it so often because he's really trying to convince himself that he finds me attractive. Now what is that but a big old slice of insecurity topped with nutty sauce?!
40's Chicago, IL married
Just when I think I have conquered insecurity- bam! It strikes again…..
At 42, I am re-discovering myself after some major happenings in my life. God is Good all the time but I have some lingering insecurities that I am dealing with currently.
The first 2 chapters hit me between the eyes……can't wait to keep reading and what all God is going to speak to me about.
Married
Thornton, CO
The last time I felt insecure was in a fitting dressing room! I'm about 25 lbs over weight and am mad at myself for not getting the resolve to do something about it!!
I never thought I was an insecure person, only because I felt that only those who seeked attention, or talked about themselves, qualified as insecure.
By golly I'm a humble individual; hence, I didn't think that I was being self centered even though on several occassions my mom and sister have said so.
Here recently, within the last month, through one of your teachings God has revealed to me that the heart of the matter is the matter of my heart. In my "humility" I keep everyone outside my immidiate family at arms length. I have asked God to heal my heart that I may no longer live with a cold heart.
Evie
Cedar Creek, TX
48
Married
Betty
Lexington, NC
60
Married
Asked to facilitate a Bible Study class…can I do it? Will the ladies like me..on and on and on. Finally decided to remember who Christ says I am (well for this moment I am secure about that, ask me in 2 minutes!!)
Insecure about my place in this puzzle of life. Where do I fit in? Just when I think I know, Satan whispers his lies.
Really enjoying this study..
Arkansas
Martha
S…….late 60's
First timer
I relate to the are my feelings reactions legit…
Looking forward to this experience.
1) mine would be daily with a daughter and an eating disorder. (age 20 now, started at 14 or so)
I have a keen awareness of the battle raging all around to undermine our gender.
2) insecurity issues that tend to blare the loudest for me,are a desire to fix things (control) and asking myself if my feelings are legitimate. A deep seed of truths vs untruths here………no wonder an eating disorder has found it's way into my life……….I'm not the cause of my daughters issues, but relate to the issues that the enemy has used her tender sweet mind to indulge in lies. Tasty morsels that turn wretched. For now, I trust My God is so good and will use this all in a profound way in our lives. This insecurity book as well. Thanks Beth. Amen!
Cindy
England
30's
Married
1. Unlike the south where I grew up(Georgia), where people talk about God all the time, there are so many people in England who are just not used to using His name in every day conversation like I'm used to doing. I know the LORD has brought my family (military) here for 3 years for a reason and I am praying for Him to use me in a mighty way here to share His love with these wonderful people. However, some days I struggle with insecurity that my LIGHT for God comes across as offensive or wierd. Oh, but praise Him that He DOES make us look different!
2. The hardest pill I have to swallow with the description of an insecure person is: What my role for God is in life and whether I am fulling it as successfully as He's purposed for me when He made me in my mother's womb. This relates to being a mom, a wife and wanting/desiring so badly to serve Him in ministry. I question alot whether I am doing my best for Him! However, in my heart I know He loves me no matter what, but my nasty brain can sometimes trick me into thinking he's disapproved or disappointed. Gosh, who would have thought my biggest insecurity would be with GOD! Thank you Lord that your ways are higher than our ways and that you love us so much! I pray I can get that into my head too!
This is my 3rd try…hope it works this time!
Roll Call
Sarah
Delaware, OH
34 and Married
1. I see examples everyday, all around me, but a personal one would be: Not being secure enough to go over and get a hug and picture taken with our sweet Beth at the SSMT on Saturday! Didn't want to impose. (just coming was a huge step but came for my daughter, as it was her gift.)
2. The part that spoke most to me:"profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth" I know it stems from sexual abuse and great physical and emotional abuse – but God is teaching me His Truth and healing me in a new way! He has prepared me over the last year for this book. Praise God!
MK
Gig Harbor WA
50's
married
Only one of my many chronic insecurities driven by fear of not being worthy of a faithful man's love … using Webwatcher to spy on my husband's internet use. I read this book last week and I'm going thru it again with this blog. I don't want to ruin a look ahead for those who haven't read thru it, but realizing that I was seeing things that only God needed to see/know has really made an impact on me. I haven't accessed it since last week. It's hard. I know some of the things he looks at every once in a while. But God will show me what I need to know/see. I do not want to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil but rather the tree of life! He's a good man but I've been determined to prove me right! How distorted is that? Praise God for Beth's honesty and willingness to share the truth and love of God with those of us that need it so desperately. This book has and will continue to change my life.
Our relationship has been so much better in the last week it's amazing. I'm happier. More secure (I constantly have to remind myself that my security is in God and God alone). We talked last night in depth about our insecurities and fears. I did not get defensive (had to battle that one). He even mentioned that he's noticed difference.
I expect more miracles and even more freedom!
Q.1: When did I last come f2f with my struggle with insecurity? This morning when I had to answer the door before I was dressed and ready for the world (in sweats w/ no make-up) and – here's the real clincher – yesterday when I came across a picture of my husband and his late wife and thought how happy he looked with her . . . good grief! The poor woman is not even alive and I'm insecure about how he felt about her because somehow in my mind that has something to do with how he feels about me?!? YES, I need this book, this blog and God's help with this crippling problem!
Q.2: "The insecure live with constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate" resonated with me. As did "The enemy of your soul has a tremendous amount to gain if you don't deal with you insecurities." Beth and fellow travelers, with God's help I am working very hard to make sure the adversary doesn't have any more victories in this department!
Lynne, 60's, Oregon, married
Pam
Rochester,MN
50's
Married
All areas mentioned in the definition I am struggling with on some level. Recently a rift in a dear relationship has left me questioning all my relationships! So I would have to say the biggie for me is the lack of confidence,anxiety and rejection in relationships! I want to learn what it means to rest in His sovereignty," as a quiet surrender to His authority -meaning that I acknowledge his as the Author of my story"….I want to rest in the sovereignty of God in such a way that it actually shapes my heart." Paula Rinehart Yes, Oh, Yes!
At 5:00 after a long hard day with a 1 and 2 year old, my husband walks in and says why isn't the house clean? Little did he know that I had been doing laundry and preventing chaos all day. His anxieties about his insecurities can cause me to be insecure!
We went to a marriage conference with our church in Myrtle Beach this past weekend.. when we were asked to talk about things in our marriage.. he brought up that he needs to promote my self esteem instead of causing me to be more insecure! My how GOD works!
Tammie
Columbia
40's
single (divorced)
1.
I'm mostly insecure with my appearance. I feel I need to look a certain way, weight a certain amount, and to be a certain height to be accepted.
2.
I sort of relate to both definitions:
I have failed at so many relationships and have been hurt over them to the point where I never want to be in another relationship as long as I live because of the lack of confidence and fear of beig rejected and hurt again.
Sherri
Pensacola, FL
50's married
I could have answered yes to all the descriptions of insecurity. I have a husband that affirms me constantly. What grabbed me the most was the statement, I am an accomplice to creating my own misery – ouch – because of my insecurity I will find myself doing things, without any forethought, knowing they are things that drive him crazy, and when he responds the way I know he is going to respond, I get all hurt and rejected and insecure. It also has caused a 50 year struggle with my weight – created my own defeat – VICTORY is coming…
I relate to the siesta that said she sat in a marriage conference checking the others out – whether she was taller, thinner, prettier….Satan has kept me bound long enough and it is time to be free.
Thank you Beth for your dedication to Him and your desire to see others free.
P.S. Having a real hard time clicking the publish box – boy it never stops 🙂
Linda
St. Paul, MN
40s
Married
1. Face to face with insecurity: Early last week I went to my 6th-grade son's school vocal concert. Between class songs, several of his classmates played the piano and other instruments outstandingly. Up rose doubts about how I've parented, what opportunities I have or haven't afforded my kids, how much time I've allowed on game systems. Just three evenings later we went to his band concert. My son is one of only two sixth-graders that have earned places in the advanced band. There I sat, not even a week later, battling feelings of pride that my son was in the upper band. Definitely a "complicated mix of (misplaced) confidence and self-[condemnation]."
2. The definition that hit me most strongly about insecurity was yours: "self-sabotage." In explaining why I could use almost every other definition offered. I have believed since I can remember that in order to be loved or acceptable, I have to be perfect. But what is perfect in their eyes? In God's eyes? In my eyes? So then enters self-consciousness (am I meeting the standard?), and self-doubt ("certainly I am not meeting the standard. Maybe if I try harder, or weren't so lazy, or weren't defective…"), and then I'm exhausted for trying and failing… realize it's hopeless and give up. Or worse yet, often sabotage my own efforts because I know they won't measure up anyway. And when by some miracle I feel I might finally be "getting it together," in comes a false sense of self-confidence – which I know deep in my heart is just pride or covering up my insecurity, so then I cycle back to self-consciousness. I'm quite a messy heap of stuff, but I am trusting God to untangle me and set my heart firmly and up-rightly before Him.
Melanie
Tennessee
20's….29… 🙂
Married
1. Faced insecurity last Tuesday leading my small bible study group. It's just a hard group to lead because it's hard to get anyone to talk but feel the Lord has told me to do this but it brings the insecurity up every week. And I wouldn't say I am the most outgoing person so every week I am just begging that God would grant me the strength and give me the words to say to these girls.
2. I am bad about second guessing, understanding my role in this world. Self doubt. Just want to live for HIS glory… but I hold back because I don't feel my personality is good enough.
Debbie
Rochester, MN
50’s (barely)
Married
1. I’m in a Bible study with some precious young wives who are desperately swimming upstream against our culture, trying to be Godly, submitted wives. We regularly talk about the insecurities that pop up in a marriage between two Christian, flawed lovers.
2. Chronic self-consciousness…ouch! Are you going to meddle this much in every chapter?! Up until now I had managed to ignore this trait, but putting such a descriptive title to it sure blew my cover—thanks a lot.
Ashley
Mandeville, LA
38
Married
I had to laugh at myself when I was having to squeeze a trip to the Elizabeth Arden counter at the mall because I was almost out of consealer and powder. I dare not leave the house without these items on my face!!!
The part of the description of insecurity that resonated most with me was "to be chronically conscious of self". The Lord brought this "self absorption" to my heart at the beginning of this year. So when I read this section in your book I knew He was using this tool to "heal" me of this insecurity.
A few weeks ago I went to a “girl’s weekend” with my family. Included my grandmother, mother, sister, ex-sister-in-law, me, and my three nieces. We were all going to attend a social event where my daughter was playing her clarinet with the East TN State Band Senior Clinic. I was so very proud of her to have been chosen to go and participate in the event, but I was not at all excited about going for the girl’s weekend with my family. Not that I don’t love them and think the world of them, but the questions started……what would I wear, what could I talk about, what was their plan, would I have enough money to do extra stuff, …….it was all kinds of frenzy in my thoughts. It seems that all those girls can enjoy one another’s ‘girl’ company and I am always on edge. Not sure why………………..
The description that says: “The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate.” This is me all over myself. I am constantly questioning why anyone would love me or want to be with me…..I feel what do I have to offer and then if I feel I do have something worthwhile, I begin to question that. That feeling of uncertainty comes directly to the surface and once the questioning starts, I can’t seem to douse the flames that have started.
I definitely came face to face with this ugly struggle this year in more ways than one when my husband and I decided to attend church at a different church. He had been on staff of our home church for several years and was no longer serving in either capacity. We really felt God’s leading us to another body of believers in our town. My best friend was devastated and actually in her e-mail to me stated: I don’t understand what we did to cause this to happen. Not only was she insecure, but I actually had conversations with my husband about reconsidering whether or not it was really God’s will for us to move on because I couldn’t STAND the thought of that friendship dying . . . .
The part that resonated most with me is struggling with the fact of whether or not my feelings are legitimate. I can talk myself out of that every time. I can sooo easily convince myself they are not legitimate.
Mary
Missouri
40’s (for a few more months)
Married
Last time I felt insecurity…moving. The last time I moved, I handled it horribly, so I determined this time it would be better. The Scripture Memory Challenge was PERFECT timing!
The part of the definition that resonated the most… unfortunately, all of it. Really looking forward to some freedom here!
When was the last time I cam fact to face with our massive struggle with insecurities?
This morning, when I woke up. I knew my "to-do" list included responding to this discussion. I could just read the book and ignore or "mentally" answer the questions, but guess what! That would be hiding behind insecurity! If I don't write, I don't fall behind, I don't do it "wrong" so I don't FAIL!
I'm tired of playing. I want to get real, I want to heal.
Q.2 what resonated most and why>
Profound sense of self-doubt; deep feeling of uncertainlty about basic worth. Why? In my head, and somewhere deep in my heart (it's gotten buried under "stuff") I know God loves me and values me. BUT, my earthly parents spoke words like, "clumsy" "dumb" "stupid" and other words and phrases that told me I was an "accident". By the way, they had no other children.
I have spent most of my life trying to justify my life in this world and especially to my family.
My struggle with insecurity has always been the most intense with my man. The thought of him losing his love for me or noticing someone else, or someone else meting his needs more than I can. At some times it canbe so intense it has made an absolute FOOL of me. From frantic crying to explosive temper to begging him to love me. Its so humiliating to even think of it. He’s a very faithful steady man who still loves me despite all my insecurity. The last time I felt this way I remember him saying to me in typical manly form “you better take care of this insecurity of yours with the LORD!” I remember thinking how insensitive he was.
But he was right. That answer resonated with me. I had let my time and my relationship with God slip. Little by little I was not turning to the Lord for strength or for security or love. And the result in the past has always been…. Insecurity.
I got down on my face and asked God to forgive me and to be my STRONGHOLD (Ps 27:1) Since that time Psalm 27:4 and 8 is always before my face. ONE THING… his face, his presence and his beauty….
I still get insecure, but I’m learing to go to HIM….
I got this book because I want to STAY in fellowship there. And I think Beth is going to give me some jpointers onhow to do it.
Question 2. To not be secure. In what my loved one thinks of me.
Kerry
30s
Monument, CO
Married
First, I LOVE the journal entry idea for new books! I need to pass that along to my 4 daughters and my Women’s Bible Study group tonight. (We are going through When Godly People do Ungodly Things.) Thanks Beth!
1. Briefly, my current struggle with insecurity is my attempt to write a recovery workbook for women who are partners of sexual anorexics or who struggle with sexual anorexia themselves. I feel called to write a book to share our testimony of God restoring our marriage from sexual addiction. I feel EXTREMELY insecure writing a book, because I've never written anything before in my life. Though I feel strongly called to be obedient, I feel I am constantly attacked by the enemy. I struggle with feeling that someone brighter or more eloquent with a better way of communicating should write this book – not me. However, my husband lovingly encourages me to continue. (He is writing the counterpart workbook for the men.) A quote that has been meaningful to me is “God doesn’t call the equipped, He equips the called.” I just pray God uses me as a pen in His hand to do what He has requested of me.
2. To be honest, I didn’t realized I struggled with insecurity until reading this book. I guess I just love Beth’s teachings and bought the next book without even really thinking about the topic much. The thing that nearly made me gasp out loud was on page 19, “Insecurity’s best cover is perfectionism.” YIKES! I must be really insecure. I could also relate to her comment about doubting God for using me. I think my perfectionism is a way for me to mask my insecurities without even realizing it.
Thanks for taking time to read this post. I’m enjoying reading your comments. They are encouraging and help me realize I am not alone in this newly identified struggle. Thanks Beth for shedding light on another area of my life that needs some attention!
I really enjoyed my first two chapters of reading. Sometimes things resonated with me because of me; sometimes they resonated with me because of a someone I know. For example, my co-worker is a single mom and has been since she was divorced about seven years ago. She works very hard at being self-sufficient (i.e., "I don't need a man.")and I thought of her when I was reading that particular section in chapter one–man issues.
The part of the description of insecurity that hit its mark with me was the 'chronic self-consciousness'. Ugh. I even hate admitting it. It sounds perversely prideful. I think I may need to read a little faster than 2 chapters per week!
Denise/New Market, AL/40's/married
Mama Beth, your introduction made me laugh out loud and cry in frustration and understanding all at once. May God truly have mercy on our poor confused souls.
1) My sweet husband and I were talking a few nights ago, and he dropped the bombshell that if I died he would never marry again. When I asked why he said that while he is so glad he married me and would never change that for the world, that it would definitely be easier to be single. Needless to say, that brought on many thoughts of what I might be doing wrong to make him not want to be married, but God conquered!!!
2) Definitely the part about needing my desires/needs/worth validated as legitimate. I struggle with asserting myself and seeing my needs as worth asking for
Rebekah
Yuma, AZ
20's
Married
Cheryl
Coffeyville, KS
50s
Married
2. I am one of those that's a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness. Or more accurately, chronic self-consciousness. Lots of phrases hit me — fear of rejection, perfectionism, strong desire to make amends, but one of the biggest is fearing loss of favor, approval, or harmony. I've struggled with the performance trap for as long as I can remember…
1. The last time I shared with a women's bible study group my struggle with a mental health issue…I felt like I had just set myself up to be set apart. Even though the leader had just opened the door for discussion on that very matter, I wish that I had just kept my mouth shout. I felt like afterwards , the usual chit-chat with others came to a sudden awkward halt.
2. The part of the definition of insecurity that resonates with me is "the deep uncertainty about whether my own feelings and desires are legit"
Debra
50's
Florida
Married to a great man!
2 children