Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.
We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.
I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.
So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.
OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.
2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.
Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.
For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.
No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.
Thank you for coming!
Lord, be magnified.
In His lavish love,
Beth
1. Journal Entry in front of book
2. There have been so many times recently…we are having a difficult time financially and I am putting my resume out to go back to work…and I feel like the worst mother ever! I want so much to be home with my babies and I feel like this is a total failure on mine and my husband's part…even though my boys are in school 7 hours a day!
I feel insecure at school sometimes with the other moms…they can be gossipy and I really hate that! They tend to try to tear each other down instead of uplifting and helping each other!
3. The parts of the definition of insecurity that resonated most with me were chronic lack of confidence and unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. While I feel that I have a handle on a lot of things I do feel that I lack self confidence for some reason…no matter how good I feel that I do at something there is always that underlying doubt. And I have totally unrealistic expectations in relationships…not so much my marriage…but moreso my female friend relationships. I think at one point in my life I was trying to define myself by them and after a long-distance move and starting over in the friend area I am just stymied and at a standstill! It is hard.
Donna
Franklin, TN
Early 40s
Married with twin 7-year-old boys
1. My most recent insecurity ( I thought I was secure until on vacation this week with friends and had to put a swimsuit on. I never really think much about it on vacation with my husband; but girlfriends was another issue I almost was going to make the excuse I couldn't go. Mind you
I was the only one who hadn't gone
under the knife.
2. Fear of Rejection resonates most with me. My 22 year old daughter just ended a long time relationship with her boyfriend due to the fact he was CHEATING
but she never let us know she kept forgiving him, I think only out of the fear of being rejected. It was painful to me because I felt like a failure that I had a daughter who is beautiful but would take abuse due to insecurity.
Michelle
Holt, MI
40's
Married
Current insecurity? Valentine's Day remembered …'so you won't get upset'…
Concept? self-sabotage for sure!
Barbara
Spruce Pine, NC
60's
married
1.Completed assignment #1 in front book cover.
2.The book signing at Books-a-Million in Bham was a great example as several women critiqued themselves in their pictures with you (me included) – not happy with hair, clothes, weight issues, etc. My siestas and I commented that was all the more reason that we need this book! On the way home, I even played through what I said when I got to meet you and whether it sounded ok! More recently, in the decision-making category – I am currently facilitating the revised Breaking Free study and this week, I had to decide whether or not to call off Bible study due to weather. Major stress because I wanted to please everyone with the decision. Oh, and I've read this over about 10 times (at least) to make sure it sounds ok before I sent it. Insecurity, you have been a bad friend to us!!!
3.The part of the definition of insecurity that resonated most with me was “chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves.” I think the examples above answer why that part of the definition resonates most with me.
It was such a pleasure to see you in Bham and hug your neck. My friends and I wanted to get a group picture with you, but time didn’t permit, so we staged one. That was us stooping down in front of the counter, so we could get you in the picture with us. What women will do! It was such a fun girlfriend day – you being included as one of our girlfriends! So ready to close this book a secure woman with God’s help!
Dianne
Hartselle, AL
50’s
Married
1)Confronting this has been the theme of my life lately. I am learning that I cannot be a people pleaser. If you are a people pleaser like me, there is much cause for insecurity. I am learning through several books(Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend and Shame Off you by Alan Wright) that I need to be concerned with what God thinks of me and not be insecure about what others think of me.
The event that prompted these revelations was a major betrayal by a co-worker. Let's just say that worrying over her opinion of me and her gossip and rumors about me was emotionally more than I could bear. God is teaching me how to be secure when people are not pleased with me. That's a hard lesson and I'm realizing that this book is going to build on what I have learned in the other 2 books and hopefully deal a death blow to insecurity once and for all!
2) Insecurity is self-sabotage. So true! I have to be secure or I can't possibly be full enough to pour myself out in service to my Savior.
30's
North Carolina
Married (to a wonderful man!) 🙂
1. face-to-face: I was working on a project with a woman I had just met. She is in her late 40s an incredibly sweet and thoughtful, even though she had just met me. I thought she must be the most confident woman. We got to talking and she admitted she had onion skin and wished she could get tougher skin. wow!
2. "unrealistic expectation about love and relationships." I have a wonderful husband, an incredible man of God who has integrity running through his veins. I can't believe I read myself in the pages of the cute outfit walking back and forth needing him to shower me with affection and lovey dovey words!
Carrie
Traverse City
30's
Married
1) The last time I came face to face with insecurity was when I said yes to God's calling (not mine) of facilitating the "So Long Insecurity" Simulcast. Eiy Yiy Yiy! That old familiar spirit of insecurity tried to attach itself to me saying, "You can't do this…yah duh yah duh yah duh…yeah yeah yeah." So I just got out my shot gun and called my prayer team who God put into place and it was taken care of in LESS THAN 90 DAYS thank-you-very-much. 😉 No chronic-itis he-ah! Praise the name of the Lord Most High!
2)The part of the definition of insecurity that resonated with me most was "uncertainty about my place in this world" Again, the enemy by the name of Insecurity tries to creep into that old familiar negative belief system that God doesn't see me as significant and has somehow overlooked plans for my future. POW…Jeremiah 29:11… blow off the end of my shotgun and raise up my hands to the Lord! Let the redeemed of the Lord say so! <3 snaps in z formation> Love you Beth…prayin'. Carrie
I definitely have "a profound sense of self-doubt" and "chronic self-consciousness". I replay every conversation I've had throughout the day at night and think of all the things I should have said better and worry about whether I have hurt anyone's feelings. I guess I better add "anxiety about relationships" in there, too!
Sarah
Minnesota
30s
Married
The part of the definition of insecurity that "got" me the most was the word chronic. Have I dealt with this issue for more than 90 days? Then I have a chronic issue. Time to deal with it…starting with the roots.
Thanks!
Laura
SGF, MO
36
emi
white house, tn
40's married
1) This past Sunday our pastor wanted all wives of deacons to sit with them during the Lord's Supper (in front of the church). My husband has to sit facing the congregation, so needless to say I became very insecure about having the congregation looking at me while I sat with my husband and to top it off I had to walk in front of them to the seat with tears coming down my face from the moment of reflection. All I could do was keep my head low, stare at my Bible in my lap and recite verses in my head instead of see God's love for me through my husband.
2)"The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships." Because my current season is dealing with changes in relationships…letting go, huge disappointment, needing challenge.
in answer to your 1st question:
My SEVEN year old daughter in the 2nd grade is devastated that her friend from 1st grade isn't friendly to her anymore. When we spoke about it she told me (crying)she would be a better, happier person if this little girl were still her friend. She is only SEVEN!!!
Cristy
Monroe, Ohio
40yrs and married.
Jennifer from Lakeland, FL
30's and married
I had to start a journal just for this book because I had too much to share in these short comments!
Q1: Just last night I watched a sad display of insecurity on TV. For some reason, I like to watch reality shows like "Toddlers and Tiaras" and "Little Miss Perfect." I watched mom's and grandmom's project their own insecurities on their daughters (Lord, help me not do that!) about hair, talent, eyes, smiles, clothes, etc… It was a room full of people trying to see how they compared to everyone else. A sure sign of insecurity.
Q2: "Whether she feels inferior or superior, she takes a frequent inventory or her place in the space. She may not like it or hate it, but she's rarely oblivious to it."
I am always doing this (maybe that is why I am so drawn to reality TV?). I need to know if I am the fattest person in a room. I do it on positive things too, wanting to know if anyone else nursed her babies as long as I nursed mine. It is one of the first things I do in each new situation and something I am constantly reassessing as the situation changes.
1) Just this week in women's Bible Study — there was a woman sitting at my table (hadn't met her yet) and she was so "put together" that it sent a couple of arrows into my armor.
2) The false positive concept, and for me, it's losing weight. I'll be happier, more desirable, have more friends…..you name it… it will solve ALL my problems. I've know it was incorrect thinking, but it does help to identify it as Beth does in the book. Thank you.
Cathy
Lincoln, NE
Married
50's
Lisa
Cogan Station, PA
50s and married
1)Lately, my insecurity shows up in public, but not on the exterior, when two of my good friends are talking together without me. Wonder what is making them so close? My kids make me insecure too. My youngest daughter is becoming quiet and withdrawn…am I doing to her what my mom has done to me? GOD HELP ME!!! And my daughter!
2)I fear rejection in almost every relationship I have that matters. I do hold expectations in most important relationships. God makes me aware of them, especially since my mother is now living close by and is the queen mother of expectations that smother. I am the poster girl of being the “unwitting accomplice in creating my own misery.”
Sunday morning, my husband and I went out for breakfast at a family-friendly restaurant. My back was turned to a young woman walking by with her 7ish son, but my husband pointed her out to me because of her hair. Along with her hair, I've got a feeling he noticed her very short, very tight black skirt. The thought that raced through my head — poor girl, she wears her insecurities on her "sleeve." When she is older, she will do a better job of hiding them. Father, deliver us from satan's garbage!
Jennifer
Ocala, Fl
20's
Married
1) I struggled badly with insecurity last year after an incident. I had just gotten married and was dealing with a "friend's" betrayal. It made me feel like I failed at a relationship when really it wasn't about me. Now the Lord has filled my life with amazing friends. My Cup Runneth Over!!
2) "The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection"
I want to be accepted. If I am not I take it personally and assume it is my fault. I never stop to think it is not about me! Kinds like my answer to question #1. It is like that for me with my husband and friends.
Hey Siestas'
1) Just last Friday, someone said something at me not directly to me and I just felt awful, I'm so insecure–my goal is to be like a duck and just let it roll right off. Hope this book helps!
2) Chronic Self-consciousness!
Thanks for the book!
Bea
50
Neely, MS
Married
Sandy
Holiday, FL
Married
50's
I am a professional athlete's (retired though) wife of almost 26 years. I've been encountering insecurity for at least that long. Enough said.
Unaware of our role in creating our own misery resonated most with me because I do not want to be at fault…I'm insecure…but, at least I'm heading in the right , direction…Jesus, aka The Truth!
Angie
Goshen, IN
30's
Married
New to the Sistas
1)The setting of my latest insecurity battle was staring into my bathroom mirror after getting out of the shower. I just had my third baby 3 months ago and my tummy just isn't going down as fast as I deem worthy. I stood there wondering if my husband would ever find that flabby tummy attractive although he's already a million times over said I look great. So sad.
2) The parts of the insecurity definition that hit me most were the words: profound, deep, chronic, constant. All I could write in my margin was…"Amen". My insecurities are certainly all of those words to a T.
Lindsey
Dubach, LA
30s
Married
1) Completed
2) Just 5 minutes ago, I was facing insecurity square in the face. Actually, I'm staring at him right now. Although I am 32-freaking-years-old, I don't understand the overwhelming compulsion to be liked by everybody. When someone acts "different" towards me, it's like a spell comes over me and all of a sudden, I feel like I'm right back in 7th grade, with zits all over my face, sitting alone at the lunch table watching the "popular kids" snicker and point their fingers at me.
2)From page 23, I quote…"Ironically, although insecure people are easily and frequently hurt, they are usually unaware of how they are unwitting accomplices in creating their own misery." Hello!! That is me!! That is right where I am now!! I am sick and tired of doing this to myself. There's got to be a better way.
1. A group of us 30-somethings sat around talking about wrinkles, covering gray hair, weight gain, baby pouches that never bounced back, new diets, exercise programs etc. I wonder… how much time does this kind of talk rob us of deep spiritual conversations with friends?
2. The definition that hit the most was a profound sense of self doubt and deep feeling of insecurity in our place in the world. OUCH!! Ever since I was diagnosed with MS I have been unable to work as a Marriage Family Therapist. This was my identity and now I'm scrambling to understand who I am and what my future is going to hold being ill. I see the Lord using this to strip away pride in my accomplishments and getting back to the basics of our relationship…me and Him. Sadly, we live in a world that sees illness as weakness and as a result my insecurities have flourished.
I am also a pastor's wife. So not only do I live with people's unrealistic expectations of me with my illness, I also have unrealistic expectations placed on me being a ministry wife. Instead of being able to identify what is and isn't my "issue" I get wrapped up in trying not to let people down. I constantly have people upset with me because I can't possibly live up to everyone's expectations…its very hard not to take it personally.
sorry forgot;)
Lisa
Surprise, AZ
30's
Married
1. I came face to face with my insecurity when, at age 37 (and never married), I heard the words (again, mind you) "You're not the one." It is in those moments (and the many following) that you just wonder, "What in the ever-loving world is so wrong with me???"
2. Chronic self-consciousness – Literally having myself and how others may perceive me in the back of my mind at ALL times.
Sarah
Millen,GA
37
married to a good man & mother of 3!
God has been dealing with my insecurities a long time. I am a product of divorce/alcoholic father/and alcoholic step-father. I am the oldest of 4 and have tended and still tend to "mother" everyone. I was 10 when my parents divorced. I too, try to "fix" everything and everyone. To a fault. I know that much of that stems from a childhood of having so much out of whack that I want everything in place all the time. Praise God: He is good and is workiing these tendencies/problems/or whatever you want to call them/ out of me one by one. I am not where I need to be but so much better than I used to be. All I want to say right now is thank you Beth for answering the call to write this book. I hope and pray more healing for myself and for others is on the way as we embark on this journey together. Thank you Jesus for giving us this study! Praise Your Holy name. Be blessed. Sarah
1. My mother is the most insecure person I've met. You have to be careful with every word you say to her. Even though I sometimes feel like I'm turning into my mother (AH!), I don't want to be insecure like her. (BTW: I bought the book for her too!)
2. The part of the definition that resonates with me the most is the constant fear of rejection and deep uncertainty about whether my own feelings and desires of legitimate. Even around my friends, I'm always concerned about my looks, my house, my words, my actions…everything. I guess I'm always afraid that they're going to stop one day and wonder why they spend time with me. Although I know that won't happen, the fact that it's on my mind daily attests to the fact that I am indeed insecure.
Stephanie
Lititz, PA
30's and married
1. When the last time you came face to face with insecurity. Describe the setting.
I was reading an article about an actress who has had so much plastic surgery that she hardly looks the same and her own mom hates the way she looks. So sad.
2. What part of the definition or description resonated most with you and why?
Anxiety about our relationships. Constant fear of rejection. A deep insecurity about whether my own feelings and desires are legitimate. My anxiety is related mostly to friendships and stems from doubts that I am being a good friend or if they value my friendship. I wonder if what I am saying or doing is what they need from our relationship. I am always worried about hurting someone else’s feelings. Fear of rejection isn’t very dominant and mostly relates to the fear that someone is choosing not to associate with me because there is something about me they do not like. I am always wondering and doubting myself and my own desires and beliefs because someone might have a different opinion than me. I try to be confident and I do better with my spiritual life because I have scripture to back myself up. When it comes to life decisions I am more insecure. If someone is question my decisions or desires or beliefs I wonder if is because I am doing something wrong
Oops . . forgot my information!
Andrea
Elgin, IL
29
Married
Elizabeth
DC
25
Married
My book was stuck in the DC blizzard, but it has finally arrived! I'm a bit behind, but wanted to chime in before we start a new discussion tomorrow.
The last time I was faced with insecurity? About two hours ago and probably right now as well. Recently I have found myself gripped with anxiety about how others perceive me and constantly worry about what others are thinking about me.
Thank you for writing this book Beth, it's coming at a perfect time!
Leslie
Shreveport, LA
Single
20's
1) One things that I have recently noticed about myself and my insecurities is that I am so insecure with decisions. I feel I always have to have my family and friend's opinions to verify if I made the right choice or said the right thing. I toss and turn and relive coversations I had trying to think if I handled it well. And this isn't just on the "big" stuff. Sometimes I can't decide what shoes to buy! I have to get a second opinion!!!!
2) Rejection in general is what sticks out to me. Being single, that is something I carry with me. "Am I not good enough, pretty enough, worthy enough for….?" I know in my mind that a husband will not complete me, only Jesus and His mercy will make me whole. But I just have to remind my heart that constantly!
Thanks Beth!!! I needed this more than I realized!
1. As a single mother of two beautiful adopted Guatemalan girls, I am constantly insecure that I am not giving them as much love and "man activities" that a two parent, two grandfather household would. Last weekend during the snow all the dad's had their children sledding in fancy sleds and doing daring stunts, while my poor girls and I were feebly attempting to slide on a cookie sheet and raft. Boy talk about insecure!
2) The portion about insecurity causing fear of rejection. I have been in a long term relationship with a man for 8 years and neither one will commit for fear of the other rejecting. How funny, and Sad.
Thanks BEth for all you do. I have a much deeper relationship with God than I ever believed thanks to you and LPM.
Sandy
1) Would have to be a recent event where a friend, who gives the appearance of being ultra-secure, is always searching for new friendships to fuel her need for acceptance and being with the "in" crowd. So much so, that when I confronted her for an obvious offense towards me (for which she admitted she knew) in order to appease more "socially important" friends, I was quickly dropped and blamed for the break in the friendship. I walked away realizing that I was foolish & insecure in who I am to allow myself to be treated this way for years, and that her outward show of confidence was really a big coverup for her own deep insecurities and a desperate need for approval. Interesting how insecurity has different forms!
2) "The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate”. This describes me to at “t”. Nearly every night I have dreams about being rejected by everyone around me and left alone, abandoned. I almost 40 years old and I STILL have these dreams almost every night. My earliest memories are of these types of dreams. I have always questioned my feelings and desires and legitimate. I am always telling myself I shouldn’t feel a certain way, think of myself as an inconvenience to others, try to line up what I feel and desire to meet others expectations so I will be accepted. I have moved away from that thinking over the years with help from some great people and have come a long way (yea!!), but still have a ways to go. Good timing on this book! 🙂
Fonda
Houston, TX
40's
Married
1) As if being too self-conscious to write a journal entry into the front of my book was not enough (I wrote it in my journal instead); I am stuggling over feelings of inadequacy just getting ready for a trip with friends to LA. How much more face to face with my insecurity could I get than the sheer panic I am feeling at the thought of being in the same city as all "the beautiful people"?
2) The part of the definition that resonated most with me: The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate.
1. The last time I encountered our genders struggle with insecurity was at a recent charity event in our town. I felt insecurity from what I was wearing to where I was sitting and who I had to chit chat with. And it made me so sad because it distracted from the main event which was to come together to support a good cause.
2. The part that hit me the hardest was constant fear of rejection. My prayer written in the front of my book is to over come that.
Audra
AR
20s
married
1. At least once a week when I research, study, plan, etc. for my team's practices and it appears to fall apart so I question why I'm there; that it was a mistake; someone else can do better.
2. Self-doubt
Letty
Puyallup, WA
50's
Married
Carrie
Traverse City
30's
Married
1)Front inside cover:
I'm gonna be reeeeeally transparent here and type what I wrote in the inside of my book:
Father in Heaven,
I'm at a place in my life where you and only You, have expanded my territory and I'm finding the familiar spirit of insecurity trying to creep in. The Truth is…You've expanded my territory because you’ve found me ‘faithful with little.’ You wouldn’t have done that unless we, together, have overcome the enemy of insecurity. I’m convinced that when You’ve looked down from Your Throne – You’ve found me faithfully believing You and IN You. Your eyes go to and fro [about the Earth] and You’ve seen it in me!! (2 Chron 16:9) Thank you Jesus for the ability!! To enter into this next season of my life (ordained by You before the foundations of the Earth was made by Your spoken Word – Eph 2:10) I know that new levels = new devils. I must guard against the spirit of insecurity because attached to my confidence is a great reward! (Hebrews 10:35) A great reward for whom? For me, but for others around me by what you desire to do through me. Most of all, a great reward for Your Kingdom! I’ll give it right back to ya Lord. I can do all things that You’ve asked me to do. I will not buy the lie that I am less than what You’ve created me to be. I’m made in Your image and through Christ, I am set SECURELY in Your promised land!
Let the redeemed of the Lord say so!
Amen (so be it)
Carrie Hart
2) The last time I came face to face with insecurity was when I said yes to God's calling (not mine) of facilitating the "So Long Insecurity" Simulcast. Eiy Yiy Yiy! That old familiar spirit of insecurity tried to attach itself to me saying, "You can't do this…yah duh yah duh yah duh…yeah yeah yeah." So I just got out my shot gun and called my prayer team who God put into place and it was taken care of in LESS THAN 90 DAYS thank-you-very-much. 😉 No chronic-itis he-ah! Praise the name of the Lord Most High!
3)The part of the definition of insecurity that resonated with me most was "uncertainty about my place in this world" Again, the enemy by the name of Insecurity tries to creep into that old familiar negative belief system that God doesn't see me as significant and has somehow overlooked plans for my future. POW…Jeremiah 29:11… blow off the end of my shotgun and raise up my hands to the Lord! Let the redeemed of the Lord say so! < 3 snaps in z formation >
Love you Beth…prayin'. Carrie
Donna, 51, Married, Pemberville, OH
1. Well, went on a "girls trip" to the beach in Hilton Head….compared myself to the other "girls" the whole time, felt totally unworthy, unattractive, un, un, un………….was miserable. The thing is, I don't think they would ever think those things of me!
2. Chronic self-consciousness, obviously. At 16 I thought I was fat: in pictures that I look at now I was very thin! At 25, felt "fatter" then ever: pictures tell a different story! At 51, am constantly aware, ashamed at how I look and wonder why my husband would ever stay with me, let alone be attracted to me: and pictures would probably still tell a different story. But really, it's not about the pictures at all, is it??
1) Last week my husband actually asked me how I felt about something regarding our relationship..A FIRST..and I was paralyzed with insecurity…do I say what I think he wants to hear or say what I feel…and what exactly do I feel?! This is such a hard thing for me to figure out, because the message I somehow have gotten from the church is that our feelings lie to us..and that is true, so what do I do with my feelings?
2) The part of the definition that really jumped out at me was the profound sense of self-doubt, a deep uncertainty of whether my feelings & desires are legitimate..I have become numb in some of my relationships that I no longer feel.
Barbara
CA
50's
married
1) p.13 I am a common woman sharing common problems seeking common solutions on a journey with an uncommon Savior. 1 Cor 10:13 has whole new meaning for me now when I look at myself and my girlfriends. Gender insecurity struggle – our wanting to be beautiful. When my roots are showing.
2)the part of the def'n that said deep uncertainty about whether her own feeling and desires are legitimate. The citing of Eph. 2:10 reminded me God created me with those desires to do the work He has called me to do.
Katie
Leonardtown, MD
40's
married
I am sooo excited…this is my first time bloggin with you all…I have read and enjoyed the site before…to say I am ready to say SO LONG INSECURITY… is a UNDERSTATEMENT…I just got my book yesterday…and I was lookin over my shoulder as I picked it up…I am in a season of my life where I am looking for HIM each and everyday and leaning on Him to direct my path…I believe He put it on my heart to begin this journey through here…so looking forward to growin in Him through this study…so reeady to let go of this BAD friend
Lynn
Milledgeville, Ga
43
Single
Michele
Griffin, GA
33
married w/3 children
1) Just last Monday. . .I have a discipleship group in my home with 6 other ladies. The downstairs was clean and I had the Keurig ready with lots of hot tea and coffee to choose from. I thought everything was going great until. . . during the Bible study, one of the ladies gets up, goes to the kitchen, and puts her coffee cup in the microwave to warm up her coffee. She is a relatively new friend of mine. I am panicing on the inside. As everyone is discussing "Respectable Sins" I am thinking "What? She opened the microwave!?! I didn't clean the microwave. . . didn't think it was necessary. Yikes, I remember last week when she toke me she was a clean freak!!! You have got to be kidding me!! What if she doesn't like me anymore b/c she sees all the food splattered over the microwave?" I almost feel silly typing my thoughts. . . but our thoughts are some of the truest indicators of our insecurites, right?
2) The definition . . . "deep feelng of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. . . .lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." Growing up as a child of divorce with an alcoholic mother and father in a nonChristian home can certainly give a good birth to insecurity. I feel God has brought me so very far with my heavy baggage from childhood. However, there are still some accessories still taking residence inside my luggage. . . the main one. . . insecurity. God has blessed me with an amazing husband who constantly reassures me of his love for me, tells me I'm beautiful, etc., etc. Since being married to him for the last 13 years I have certainly become a more secure person. . . however, some of it still lingers. . . I am such a people pleaser to everyone who crosses my path. . . it is sometimes SOOO exhausting!!!
One of the things you said that resignated most with me was, "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism." Ouch, that one hit me in the gut. I've alwyas been an overachiever. . . much of which I blame (yes blame b/c it is exhausting mentally how I beat myself up NO matter what I accomplish or don't accomplish). . I've blamed this on being a child of alcoholics. . .maybe though that is just how I dressed up and accessorized insecurity herself???
I love you Mama Beth. Thank you for sharing life with women you've never even met!
"too insecure to post name"
Kansas City
40s
married
1. Today. I'm a substitute teacher and wonder if the reason they haven't called me the past couple of weeks is because there are complaints about me.
2. All of the above.
As you can see from answer #1 I have extreme self-doubt and lack of confidence in myself. Anxiety in relationships: I have unrealistic expectations about relationships. I'm going through your online study of Proverbs right now, and just listened to the 3 sessions on friends… I don't have one like that. I hear thoughts in my head all day long, constant, telling me that what I'm doing isn't right, I should have done it different…
Kara
Aurora, Il
34
Married
1. I face it everyday when I look into the eyes of my three precious girls and pray that they will be secure woman…and not get caught up in the insecurity most woman feel. They are too young now to know what is to come…and I fear for them.
Beth…I think you should write a book on raising daughters. I know it limits your audience, but I am so impressed with the relationship with your girls.
2. I think I most relate to "chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves." I think I believe that people have placed all these expectations on me: body, housework, parenting, friend…to name a few. And I feel like I can never live up to them and lack the confidence to really "be better".
1. Shopping with a friend and wondering if I looked as pretty as she did.
2. The definition that resonated with me was "the insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." I feel that rejection consumes my thoughts, feelings and affects my behavior – it holds me back, keeping me from furthering relationships and taking a chance on life.
Oh, and I too was so insecure about writing a personal prayer in my book that I wrote it on a green post-it note and stuck it in there so I could take it out if someone borrows my book.
Lisa
Ohio
40's
married
Denise
Newland, NC
30's
Married
1. I see examples of our gender's struggle with insecurity each and every time I stand in a check out line. Seemingly perfect, beautiful women in skimpy little bikinis posed provacatively on magazine covers smile back at us as if to say, "I'm young. I'm beautiful, and I have it all together! Don't you?" It's really hard to walk past those 15 covers and then look at yourself, hold your head high, and say to the world, "I'm just as beautiful as they are!" when you're feeling anything but!
2. Two things resonated with me about the defintion of insecurity. The idea that it is chronic, like a debilitating sickness or disease that will make you very unhealthy over time. And, secondly, how we do try to draw our sense of security from others, who are oblivious to the weight we give their estimation of us. Now that was an eye opener for me!
1) I came face-to-face with insecurity recently when I went to visit my little sister last month. I went to church with her and her sweet husband on Sunday. I have to admit that I was already feeling gross about myself. I turned 40 last month and turning 40 has made me very aware of my age, each time I look in the mirror! I am 12 1/2 years older than my little sister. At church that day, someone asked if I was her mother!!! I must say, this did nothing for my self esteem. I was already feeling like I looked "old" and this statement did not help matters! Why must people always feel the need to say what is on their mind? Why does society always put pressure on us to look a certain way? Why do we feel as though we can age, but our looks must stay the same as they were when we were 18? Ugh! Anyway, I have to tell you that the enemy continues to remind me of this statement daily. Every time I look in the mirror, I am reminded that someone thought I was old enough to be my sister's mother! I desperately want to get past this and get rid of insecurity all together!
Lord, help me to cling to 1 Samuel 16:7b, "The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." Create in me a clean, pure heart. Help me to seek your face and to not let words of those around me hinder me. Help me to see myself as a daughter of the Most High! I love you Jesus!
2) I am ashamed to admit that the definition of insecurity resonated with every part of my being! I struggle with self-doubt, worth, and self-consciousness. Yes, I am one insecure girl! I used to laugh with my Women's Ministry Team, when I would have to speak or pray in front of our congregation. I told them that they did not know that when I was a little girl, I was shy and did not want to be in the lime light. I clung to my Momma's leg and hid behind her each week as she greeted people at church. I was a pastor's daughter, but despised being the center of attention. Wow, did God ever push me out of my comfort zone! Little did I know that He would call me to marry a pastor and I would be in the lime light, whether I wanted to or not. A pastor's family in many ways lives in a "fishbowl" and they are always being looked at and evaluated. As I grew in my relationship with the LORD, He began to do a work in my life. He began to use me to facilitate small groups, speak to women and to pray on Sunday mornings at church. I remember telling our Administrative Pastor that I would pray, if he would allow me to have a microphone at my seat. I didn't want to have to be up front. He agreed and I began to pray. Well, 2 1/2 years ago, we moved to another church and I was asked to pray by the worship pastor. I said I would because I wanted to be obedient to the Holy Spirit. Well, later, my husband and I received much criticism. One of the things we were criticized for was how he preached and how I prayed. I was so deeply wounded. This is an area that I already felt insecure, and this just magnified the point. I have not prayed in front of a group of people since that time. I desperately want to put this behind me. Please pray with me. I just want to be used of God, whenever and wherever HE sees fit to use me.
Elisabeth
Effingham, Illinois
40 & happily married! 🙂
Karen
Rochester, Minnesota
40's
Married
My daughter will graduate from college this spring and is doing a lot of soul-searching about what to do with her life. A guy factors into her wondering — even though they are not dating and he isn't interested in dating her.
My insecurity surfaces in self-doubt and second-guessing my decisions.
Emily
McKenzie, TN
30's
married
1) I stopped nursing a couple of months ago and now my face is full of blemishes. To top it off, all of my life I've been complimented on how clear my skin is. I just can't believe it when I look in the mirror. What are others possibly thinking of me?
2) The part of the definition that stood out to me was, "they are usually unaware of how they are unwitting accomplices in creating their own misery." That statement may have been more closely tied in with insecurity in relationships, but even with my acne situation I can see now how I have been helping to create my own misery when it comes to my complexion. There's no way in the world that another person is spending as much time thinking about my face as I am.
Nelli
Kingsport, TN
20's
Married
1. I struggle with insecurity on a daily basis. I am most aware of it when I am around other people. I care way too much what others think about me.
2. Chronic self-consciousness. "She is ordinarily more aware of herself than she tends to be of any other person in the room". Ouch..that's me.
Ruth
Columbia, SC
married
1)A recent example is running into an old friend that I hadn't seen in years and feeling totally insecure because she looked so great and…well I didn't. Sad because she's not the type of person to be judgemental anyway.
2)The part of the definition that spoke to me was "self-consciousness is acute self awareness and a preoccupation with self"…and "she is ordinarily more aware of herself than she tends to be with others…"I have never thought of it like that. Fretting over myself really interferes with being intimate with others.
1. I see insecurity just about everyday, in one form or another. Working in retail, I see women obsessing about their sizes. It makes a difference how they shop and how they act.
2. Honestly, the entire definition describes me. But, one thing that particularily hit me square between the eyes was where you said that "insecurity's best cover is perfectionism". WOW, so many people think that I have it all together, but deep down, I do not.
Jill
Laramie, WY
40's
Married