So Long Insecurity Week One!

Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.

We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.

I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.

So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.

OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.

Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.

For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.

No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.

Thank you for coming!

Lord, be magnified.

In His lavish love,


1,429 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week One!”

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  1. 851
    Fran says:

    Ok, I'm answering the 1st question. This is tough. I serve on a committee that is lead by a man. This man clearly does not like women and especially women in leadership. The way he talks to me or even talks around me is just enough to make my blood boil. It's so hard because I truly don't like this person, but my heart is telling me to pray for him.
    Oh Lord…don't make me do that! 😉

    I'm learning how to handle this kind of treatment and praying it doesn't get me down and keep me from loving and being so passionate about this committee and what we are supposed to be about.

    Girls, lets do this thing!!
    So long Insecurity…I'm done with you.

  2. 852
    Mrs. B says:

    Well, this book of yours, Mama Beth has hit me square in the head…I am recuperating from major reconstructive back surgery and my life has been turned upside this book is medicine I need.

    My insecurities and your definitions hit a bulls eye, especially since my operation. Your definitions of insecurity that resonated with me very deeply are:
    1. Sense of self-doubt (I don't trust any of my decisions I make anymore)
    2. Lack of confidence (goes hand in hand with my self doubt)
    3. Anxiety about relationships (especially with my spouse…he says his wife was taken away and a whole different person was given to him after the operation. Let me tell you, talk about self worth, confidence, and happy with my body has all flown out the door. I am now battling weight gain due to medication for my nerve endings, and then on top of that I am taking medication for depression)

    My sister call me today and our conversation dealt with everyday things, but she has always to say something negative about whatever I have done and
    then I try to explain and then I constantly apologize to her to try to keep her happy and not made at me…this is a dance she and I have done due to our insecurities with each other..which doesn't make much sense because we both are best friends to each other. Just another attack by the enemy on both of us.

    Mama Beth, I am so excited about this book club 9
    (Bible Study) because I need to deal with this demon of insecurity. Praise God you have the courage to write such a needed book. I praise God for you each day. Thank you.

  3. 853
    Sara J Cook says:

    Plainfield, IL
    30s and Married

    I was quite disgusted with myself just hours ago standing at my pharmacy unable to make a decision on a medicine for my son without calling and asking everyone else's opinion. I believe whole heartedly that this desire for everyone's opinion is deeply rooted in insecurity.

    The description of insecurity that resonated with me most was the reference on page 23 about how insecure people "create a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable." In all honesty, it just hit me that I hide behind the mask that I don't need a lot of friends when the truth is, I
    expect hurt and just don't persue relationships. Lord Jesus, heal this broken heart. Thank you for your quiet and gentle conviction that leads us straight to your arms where the molding and shaping takes place. Forgive me Lord for allowing other's opinions of me to be gods in my life. Help me to grow to a place of security in You.

  4. 854
    Lucy from PA says:

    Lucinda from PA
    30's married

    1. I was asked to play a flute solo during an evening service at my church at the end of March. We have been going to this church for the last 2 years so this will be my first time playing there. Right away I was doubting my ability to play and had thoughts like I can't do this or I'm not good enough and was really nervous about it. I wanted to call and say that I couldn't do it. I had to remind myself that I will be praising my Lord with my music and I don't have to worry about all that other stuff.
    2.What I related to most in the definition of insecurity was self-doubt, lack of confidence in myself and fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legitimate.

  5. 855
    Anonymous says:

    Bellingham, WA
    Question 2: The last setting of insecurity I was a part of was a group of mothers at my children's school. All of our insecurities combined is not a pretty thing!
    Question 3: Self-doubt and second guessing plague me. This part of insecurity is debilitating…really inhibits what God wants to do in and through me not just for myself but for others!

  6. 856
    Family says:

    1)Everytime I think about speaking in front of a group of people about any particular topic the thoughts that come to mind are "How stupid am I going to sound" and "Do I really know what I'm talking about" and "What will they think of me afterwards". I have never had a panic attack but it sure feels like one is coming on…
    2) The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable. "Do I have a strong desire to make amends whenever I think I've done something wrong?" The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate. I could go on and on but these three especially.

    Thank you Beth for opening your heart to helping the world of insecurity!!

    Murphy, TX

  7. 857
    Keri Early says:

    2. "harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships" . . . didn't realize I did this until I read it. Weird thing is I don't place the unrealistic expectations on myself, but on those closest too me. Weirder thing is, they don't even know I have these expectations. It all begins and ends in my own messed up head!

    Rockford IL

  8. 858
    Nancy says:


    1. Each week our Bible Study group meets and each week I feel like I am not worthy to be a part of some of these spiritually superior women. I often feel I do not come up to their expectations with my verbal contributions to our current study. A part of me does believe that this really is my own personal insecurity.
    2. I most relate to the insecure woman who lives in constant fear of rejection and has a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate. I often feel that others believe my feelings are not validated.

  9. 859
    Heather says:

    Praise God for your blog! Blogging and Twittering go against all my social graces! : ) I'm a little old fashioned yet all up in 2010.

    I have my Masters from Union University, 29, former beauty queen, saved at 8, awesome family…
    but I have days sometimes weeks when I'm little insecure. ugh.

    I'm a teacher. I do not have tenure. The state is in a serious finicial crisis. My job is at risk. ugh. I have been praying for God to bring an awesome guy. I have dated in the Christian music industry and a politician. 3 turned gay. ugh. What is wrong with me I say? The thing is about this is I live like I should. Virgin. Scripture quoting fool. I have always been secure until my
    29th birthday. ugh. Total sobbing. a complete come apart. Lots of eating chips and chocolate until my mentor and bible study teacher with my mother refused to see me like this. I am praying, being prayed for. I BELIEVE and KNOW God has a plan. But, let's be honest…it doesn't really look like it. This is exactly where my FAITH has to play a part. Do I believe this lie and take it like a whimp or do I man up play some Chris Tomlin as loud as my iPod will play and dance before the Lord with praises to my Lord believing my Deliverer HAS A PLAN regardless of the outcome. That is one wild ride girlfriend.

    Crying my Latisse off,

  10. 860
    Tisha says:

    Pilot Mtn, NC

    Question 1: My most recent insecure moment was this past Sunday. I was scheduled to give my testimony in church for WMU Focus Sunday. I was sooooo nervous!!! I just know that it was in the strength of the LORD that I was able to even say a word. Thank you Jesus.

    Question 2: "Chronic Self-consciousness" most resonates with me. Wow-I really did not realize how I am constantly aware of myself (how I look, how I feel, how I talk, how I sit, how I eat, etc.). And this has definitely lasted longer than 90 days, more like 12,775 day (that's approximately 35 years, which means this chronic disease started at the mere age of 5). LORD help me!!

  11. 861
    Missy says:

    I'll answer question #2:
    What stood out to me the most was the line "insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves." My self-consciousness drives me absolutely nuts! I waste so much energy being self-conscious! I can't tell you how many times I have prayed "Lord, please help me with being so self-conscious and having such a lack of confidence in myself!" It consumes me sometimes and makes me so mad because I know God doesn't want me to be this way. I want to be set free!

    Sumter, SC

  12. 862
    Anonymous says:

    1. Last week I took my kids sledding with a group of moms. I was in a bad mood because I didn’t have "cute" snow clothes to wear. I looked like a schmuck for lack of a better word and I assumed that everyone else would be thinking the same thing. (My kids looked cute though!) The truth is, I don’t think anyone noticed at all. Pride kept my focus on me- I’m thinking about me so everyone else must be too!
    2. The following statements resonated with me:
    Perfectionism is insecurity’s best cover.
    I have a desire to make things right when there is a problem (and sometimes I'm the only one who perceives there is a problem- the other person has no idea there was an issue)
    I feel anxious and overwhelmed for no reason.
    Trouble discerning if I’m supposed to do something or not.
    These statements describe how I feel at times…more often than I'd like to admit.
    Lafayette, IN

  13. 863
    Suzanne says:

    1) Insecurity, just about every morning when I look in the mirror and I have become very adept at hiding it from everyone or pretending, to myself, that it does not exist.

    2)“The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feels and desires are legitimate.” Rejection of our feelings is the worse feeling.

    Chicago, IL

  14. 864
    vanilla143 says:

    1) Almost every single time I am in a group of women! I am constantly working to throw away weight and feel insecure in my weight anytime I am in a group of women.

    2)"Insecurities best cover is perfectionism." ugh
    "the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection". sigh
    "…a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth…"
    happily married by choice

  15. 865
    Anonymous says:


    1. I unexpectedly saw someone I hadn't seen in a few years. If I had known I was going to see this person, I would have spent a lot more time on my hair and makeup. This person looked perfect. As we talked, I felt so awkward.

    2. "The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feeling and desires are legitimate."

    Using perfectionism as a cover for my insecurity.

  16. 866
    cara joy says:

    1. Some of my coworkers recently decided to question each other on where they would rate themselves on a scale of 1 to 10. When they asked me, I refused to answer. It was appalling in my spirit to try to shrink our worth and beauty to a mere digit. I'm not secure, but I muttered out something about how I couldn't possibly answer that (with a strong sense God would not appreciate an answer I may come up with.)

    2. What resonated with me was the "profound sense of self doubt" and "deep uncertainty..her own feelings and desires are legitimate." I constantly question myself. Being analytical doesn't help. Also, how we're unaware that we are "accomplices to our own misery". How long have we been deceived?? Praise the Lord, He loves us as we are but so much He won't leave us that way!

    Thank you Beth for writing this book and everything you do! You've had an unbelievable influence on my life the last few years. I'm excited to do this and I'm expecting God does something BIG for each of us. God bless you!

    Fridley, Minnesota

  17. 867
    Anonymous says:

    Linda, Chicago, single, 40s
    When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
    Friday. I was in my boss’s office, and we were on a conference call with our sales guy. He was telling about a conversation that he had the previous day with the client. He said that the client was raising concerns about the design for the solution that I had presented the previous week. Mind you, the meeting the previous week ended positively, or so I thought. The client had not expressed any concerns to me, nor did they raise any questions in the discussion with me. But still, here I am a week later, and the sales guy has been talking to the client, and he says they have questions. Then, he suggests that maybe I should talk to some other teams at our company regarding how they have approached similar solutions for their clients. What is wrong with my solution? Is it really that far off? Then he says, “I’m not saying there is anything wrong with your solution, but if it compares with what other teams are doing, we can tell the client that this is an industry accepted solution.” Thanks, bud! Glad to know we are on the same team.

    What part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
    Can I say all of it? Depending on the situation, all of them could fit me to a tee. I regularly question myself regarding my abilities. I enjoy singing, but am I really good enough to participate in the choir? I’m over-weight, do others think I’m not good enough because of that? I have a horrible history of relationships with men, is there something wrong with me? Why can’t I find a nice guy who will love me?

  18. 868
    Anonymous says:

    Wow! Since the book entered the door of my home it has been such spiritual attack. At first I didn't recognize it but then with a friend's help it became all too clear…
    1)Sunday morning, late for church not by my own doing, in my church clothes chasing my husband's ex-wife's dog that we were dog sitting down the road because he was out on his own and is blind and deaf. She was out of town running a marathon. I honestly began to laugh out loud and say out loud…you will not have this Satan…but it still all poured in on me…ALL OF IT!

    2) The questioning if my feelings should even count so to speak

  19. 869
    MikeHolly says:

    Portland, TX
    1.My own fear is what keeps from asking a friend(s) to lunch or coffee. Fear that being a military wife I'm gaining another close friendship, only to lose them to the next move.
    2. fear of rejection of close friendship(s). My goal is to take down these walls that I now see that I've put up.

  20. 870
    Beth T says:

    1. And I thought by this age I'd be so much further in my security! Since I no longer work (in an office) I've been questioning my purpose and path. Especially when someone asks "What do you do?" I used to be so wrapped up in my profession as my identity.

    2.You hit me hard on the part where my first knee jerk reaction to change is not pretty! I feel very threatened when my "little" world changes and I'm not in control. That perfectionist is coming out!

    Great book Beth. I read it and it seems as if you're right there talking to me. Looking forward to what God will do.

  21. 871
    Ellen says:

    1. I come face to face with insecurity every single day as I counsel women in my office. All the while, knowing I have to deal with my own insecurities, too! Self-doubt, wondering what in the world God is thinking putting someone like me in this position!
    2. Beth's definition is the one that I relate to the most strongly:
    SELF SABOTAGE. Not in relationships, but in victory over strongholds. But why? I am hoping the future chapters will reveal insights I am desperately longing for.
    Santa Maria, CALIF.

  22. 872
    Cori says:

    I would have to say the most recent experience I have had with insecurity would be a get together with a group of couples. This is a very odd group in that you could almost physically draw a line in the room between two distinct groups. To say the least this bothered me at the time and still is bothering me today. I don't like the fact that I could not comfortably walk to the other side of the room and feel welcomed. I know I am a likeable and nice person so why would someone not want to get to know me??? I have come to realize it is a combination of my insecurity and also theirs. Why could I not just leave and let something this small go? Probably my obsession with never wanting to "rock the boat" and also wondering "why"?

    As for the description of Insecurity…..I never realized how much I had until I read this. I consider myself a confident person, but quickly realized I am confident only after covering up and hiding the real insecurities with accomplishments and a "public" positive attitude. I really didn't think I was too insecure, and then I read the definition.

  23. 873
    Tricia says:


    2. The biggest thing that stuck out to me in Chapter 2 was the paragraph about the unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. I now see how I have caused all sorts of problems in my marriage, and probably other relationships too, because of insecurities that I did not acknowledge. Wow what an eye opener that the Lord has shown me it isn't always the other person's fault all the time.

  24. 874
    Anonymous says:

    Elizabeth, Charlottesville, 20s, single
    1.) I recently found out my ex-boyfriend is dating someone and is pretty close to proposing. I ended our relationship 10 months ago because I knew we weren't right together and knew God was telling me that he wasn't the one. But upon finding out about this new person in his life, I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. My immediate question was: What is wrong with me that I didn't want to marry him? Followed by, what is wrong with me that I haven't met someone new?
    2.) I related most with this part of the description: "The insecure person harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships." Upon reading this, I immediately realized that it was insecurity driving the expectations I set for relationships, which ultimately set me up for disappointment. In work relationships, friendships and romantic relationships, I set the other person up for failure in my eyes even though they didn't know my expectations.

  25. 875
    Honeydew Mama says:

    My latest run in with insecurity happened today…and this one gets me just about every day. My husband is not working right now, and fortunately, I am able to support our family. He is at home with our small children while I work (which I am grateful for), but his wonderful way with our kids makes me feel inadequate as their mother. He is with them so much more than I and knows much more about their daily schedules and habits…While I'm happy that he is able to be with them during this time, I'm feeling useless in my home.

    The part of the definition that hit home with me- creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is inevitable….I expect to be hurt over and over! ugg. I have never had this spelled out more clearly. Lord, help me!

  26. 876
    Anonymous says:

    1. As the mother of a teenage daughter, I see and hear examples of insecurity almost daily among her group of friends. Sadly, as an elementary school teacher, I see insecurity in most girls in my class, as well as in most of my coworkers. I struggle with it at times myself, and one of the main reasons is that over the years, I've had many harsh comments made to me about the fact that I returned to work after having children. Some of the comments were made by close friends. It has been a constant struggle for me since the day I had to leave my oldest child and return to teaching. It was not a choice for our family; it was a must.
    2.The part of the definition that especially closed in on me was "a profound sense of self doubt". Doubting my parenting (because I was unable to be a stay at home mom, which I badly wanted to be) has become "a very bad friend to me", especially as the children entered the teen years.

  27. 877
    L.s.R says:

    Lydia; OKC, OK; 20s; Single.
    1. Last time I came face-to-face with insecurity–Exactly 15 minutes ago. I looked in the mirror, and gave myself the usual critical eye; exactly 4 hours ago, when I got on the scale. People tell me I am skinny, but I don't think so. My most terrible fear? Getting fat, losing everything I worked for and becoming 'soft' again.
    2. The parts of the insecurity definition that resonated to me where on page 17, about the feelings of uncertainty in our basic worth, finding our place in this world and living in constant fear of rejection on whether my feelings are legitimate. Having just graduated from college and entering the 'real' working world I have been dealing a lot with my worth and finding my place. Also, last year I ended my first, serious relationship due to lies and deception that completely surprised me and caused a different type of insecurity that I have never dealt with, and am still dealing with. Needless to say, I have been very excited about this Bible study. Thank you so much, Beth! And thank you Jesus for never leaving me!

  28. 878
    Lorri says:


    1. Last week when I started a new job in an environment that is very different from where I have been in the past. There is an office bully who brings up practically every insecurity I have. Bless her heart…if she only knew God brought her to me to practice on.

    2. Fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legitimate. This was a very profound statement in that I am constantly afraid of making other people angry and always bend over backwards to keep the peace.

  29. 879
    Jennifer says:

    i'm jennifer…30's…married…lubbock, tx.

    which part of the definition spoke to me?? pretty much the whole thing! God has certainly been dealing with me lately…really speaking to me about my purpose i life, although i feel like i'm incapable of understanding what He's saying. i feel like satan is responding in kind…hitting me right at my weakest point…my self esteem. or lack, thereof. you can name it about me right now, and i'm totally doubting it about myself. maybe that's what's keeping me from understanding what God has to say. not that i let others know any of this…i don't let that side show.

    all this has been going on for months…long before i knew this book was coming out. i didn't even think i would buy the book…kinda glad i did. i've been in a waiting-on-the-Lord cycle for a few months. i'm hoping that there is a message for me in the pages of this book. is that fair???

  30. 880
    judi says:

    Hello ladies, I'm going to answer the question on the second chapter: 'Profound sense of self-doubt-a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world'. I have felt this way from my earliest memories! In fact, it is my nature to assume people do not like me until they show that they do (does that even make sense?). The enemy has used this against me time and time again. I'm on husband # 3 and have very few friends!!! I don't know if you ever read one of my other posts where I said that part of the reason I didn't come to the Scripture memory celebration is that I was sure you wouldn't like me and no one would talk to me!!

    Lancastet, PA

  31. 881
    JULIE says:

    My mother sent me a Valentine's care package (I'm a first year teacher in a new town). She packed candy, a new sweater, & a People magazine describing the Duggar family's challenges with their 19th child, Josie. I was flipping to that article, & I stopped at the story of a 23 year old actress who had 10 plastic surgeries in one day. I was thinking as I read that… bless her heart, she must really struggle with a lot of insecurity. Then, as I thought about it, I am struggling with so much insecurity, if there were ways to surgically change those parts of me, I'd probably jump at the opportunity. I think this is the PERFECT time for me to be reading this book! In my 22 years, I have experienced an eating disorder, struggling to maintain perfectionism with my school work, a very bad dating relationship where I was hurt. These experiences have caused my insecurities to build up inside me, & while I am praising God, I'm also holding a LOT back because of all of the insecurities. My securities need to rest on Him!

  32. 882
    Jacquie says:

    I struggle with deep-rooted insecurities on a daily basis that bring me the greatest pain, which at times turns into anger. It is so much easier to be angry than hurt, but I am anticipating the celebration of God's full restoration and healing of my heart and soul. Glory to Him in the Highest.

    I loved learning that I can't replace or master one thing and expect my insecurities to go away. My main area of insecurity has to do with sexuality in the very immoral sense. In our world today, it is everywhere and I feel threatened never being able to escape from it. I loathe and truly fear seeing women barely dressed on television, in movies, magazines. It hurts me in the deepest sense that I often have felt that I don't want to live on this earth; the pain is unbearable. Even reading Bible stories about "whores and prostitutes" is a trigger o emotional pain. How silly that even words can bring me anxiety. I never want to be in a place where these things are okay, but God wants me free of the fear this gives me, the anxiety, pain and anger too.

    I struggle with unrealistic expectations of my loving husband. He was not created to save me. My Savior, Jesus Christ, has already done that. Womanhood and infertility, relating and fitting in with other women, rejection, fear, abandonment, inadequacy, need for approval. I anticipate the day I am able to say, So Long, Insecurities. Thank you, Lord, for your healing power and for giving me rest. Amen.

  33. 883
    Gina says:

    1. Last time face to face with insecurity? Just this week… my husband is wanting to venture out and start his own business. I just want security and really fear the unknown.(Pray for me-I want to be supportive, but its so hard)

    2. I can really identify with the "creating your own misery" part.
    I am so thankful for Beth and her ministry. Looking forward to our online journal through the book. May God bless.

    Cave City, AR
    Turning 52 in 13 days.

  34. 884
    kctibs says:


    1. I struggle with insecurity over my husband and my fear that he will cheat on me with a pretty woman. There is a girl in our town who calls him on his cell phone for 'business' reasons and it sends me over the moon when I know she has called. I don't know for sure that she is 'hitting' on my man but I sure don't like the vibes she puts off toward him.

    2. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate. (My husband knows this particular woman drives me bananas but he has not cut his ties with her because they have business dealings on occassion with a particular volunteer group. I have told him I would prefer she call the home instead of sneaking calls to his cell phone but he hasn't gone that route yet. Therefore I feel insecure in my feelings and I begin to doubt my right to have them.)

    Kelli in Colorado

  35. 885
    Anonymous says:

    1. My most recent bout of insecurity came at Christmas time this past year with my grown children and some houseguests. In trying to please and accomodate everyone, I ended up feeling inadequate and unappreciated. Sometimes, it seems, that no matter how hard I try, I fall short. I hate second guessing myself and exerting so much effort for so little return. Reeks of insecurity in looking back…
    2. The most resonating part of Chap. 2 for me was having a strong desire to make amends, even when I have not done anything wrong. "Loss of favor and APPROVAL and harmony is excruciating to people with insecurity." Maybe the reason I felt so insecure with my grown children is that I need their approval somehow. MMMM…maybe God will go somewhere with this. I definitely look forward to His divine revelation during this study.
    Lindale, TX

  36. 886
    Anonymous says:

    1. My most recent experience was when I prayed before play practice and it was mostly men. I hoped I made sense and was not being judged but bringing honor and glory to God.

    2. I related to all the definitions. I really need this book and God's healing hand in this area of my life. Thank you, Beth, for being such an open vessel for God to show us a way when there seems to be no way.

    Williamsburg, VA

  37. 887
    Emily says:

    The self-doubt and self-conciousness described in the definition of insecurity in Chapter 2 really resonated with me. These areas are where I struggle the most with my insecurity. At times, I'll find myself thinking "Am I good enough?" "Do I measure up?" For me, the questions of self-doubt seem to go hand-in-hand with my self-conciousness. The more I think about my inadequacies, the more I tend to focus on myself instead of focusing on God's great love for me and on humbly walking with him each day (Micah 6:8).

    Topeka, KS

  38. 888
    Julie Anne says:

    Julie in Clarks Summit, PA
    30s, married

    Felt VERY insecure this weekend as I plotted to "seduce" my husband for Vday… it tanked!

    even commenting on this has me feeling insecure.

    I really feel it most in my relationships, often have unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. lots of anxiety in this area!!

  39. 889
    Karo says:

    Just tonight. My husband has been gone on a business trip getting involved in a new company. He will be working with some men, but also many young women who are all very successful in business. I have been a homemaker and successfully raised 3 sons and 1 daughter (after being a teacher), but still feel like I can never measure up. Also a little concerned about those precious women who are surely more beautiful and capable in the workforce than I would ever be. He's home now and very grouchy and unkind. I know he's tired and had to ride on a cramped plane, but I had hoped for a kinder homecoming. Even though I am in no way responsible for his bad mood, I'm insecure enough to feel that it surely must be my fault.
    Question #2. I probably fit the bill for them all.

  40. 890
    Sarah Pomerleau says:

    1)My husband coaches high school hockey and we had a recent team dinner that included the coach's families. For me, this meant I was headed to a beautiful home with 3-4 ladies who spend alot of time together with each other and just have 'differen't lives than I do. This type of situation screams INSECURITY…will I fit in? what will they think of me? what will I talk about? etc
    2) What part of the definition DOES NOT resonate strongly with me? Oh, I can see I have some work…At this point in the journey I think the following part of the definition grabs me in: "…The insecure man or woman lives i constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." WHOA!! BINGO!!!
    Oh I am so excited! Thank you! Praying that the Spirit keeps you ladies close to Him and drenched in His Word!
    Lewiston, maine

  41. 891
    sharilyn says:

    to juliana~
    your #2 totally resonated with me… as i am now almost 44 and in the very same situation, and with the very same thoughts/desires–that God had created me to be a wife and mother… each year that that dream is unfulfilled is a bit more heartache to sort through. it definitely creates within me a great sense of insecurity, and i continually seek God's heart in this one… i shall pray for you, my single searching siesta! may God speak deeply to our hearts!

  42. 892
    Melissa May says:

    Fresno, CA
    30's – married

    1. Ladies at church being hesitant or out-right avoiding coming to our women's retreat for no good reasons!

    2. The toxic mix of pride and insecurity in my heart that both have their root in chronic self-consciousness. God had already been showing that to me about myself BEFORE I read it in ch. 2. Before I even started the book, I had the revelation that I can't seem to think straight about myself. Either I'm thinking too highly, or too insecurely… so maybe the answer is to STOP THINKING ABOUT MYSELF!!! Pleading with Him to teach me HOW.

  43. 893
    Grandmaof5 says:

    Vicki, Eufaula,AL, 50's – married
    2.Right now! In my church life I am feeling left out and not loved.It is not true – I am loved
    3. "Loss of favor and approval and harmony is excruciating to people with insecurity."
    I enjoy people liking me and my whole family. I do things for people – cook meals etc. – and at the top of my mind I am doing this to help them, but I think at the root of the matter I am in it for the approval of man.
    Is this sick or what?

  44. 894
    Che' says:

    Loved the assignment to write a prayer in the book cover! Great idea, Beth!

    1) Recently a co-worker asked to speak with me and closed her door. I thought I had done or said something wrong (no idea what) or was going to be confronted about somthing. She actually just wanted my opinion, advice, and support for a difficult situation she was facing. Also, I am always second guessing myself, playing situations and conversations over and over in my mind thinking I said the wrong thing, did the wrong thing, just don't fit in. It is an endless internal conversation and I hate it! I just want to be ok with being me.
    2) There were two areas that jumped out at me. First "chronic self-consciousness" and second "perfectionism".

    I'm so ready for God to heal this in me. It seems that I have been praying for wholenss and healing for a lifetime.

    Port Angeles, WA

  45. 895
    jennyhope says:

    Jenny Hope Williams
    Pelham, Alabama

    a. Well, not long ago I was at a bible teaching event (wink wink) in the great state of Texas. I hopped on a plane and flew to meet up with some of my siestas that I have met in blogworld over the last few years…low and behold a group of 20 something women from my church flew to the same event. When I encountered many of them they pretended to not know me, even though they clearly know me as I have been attending church with a lot of them for the last 12 years. It was ok because I thought man this has to be rooted in some sort of weird insecurity issue and I was saddened that we would be miles away in another state and that several of the woman couldn't even say hello or acknowledge a fellow sister, let alone one that attended their own church. I have made it a point to set aside my insecurities and if I recognize someone when I am out or wherever that I am not going to just pretend not to know them. Even if it is inconvenient.

    b. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
    Well, in listening to the audio and reading the book I have had so many things hit me like a ton of bricks. One being my own personal study of integrity. I looked up the word in the greek a while back and it meant whole, one who is the same, not a person of duplicity. I have done so many stupid things out of a lack of wholeness or integrity. Also, succombing to the pressures of this world to feel secure. I got off of facebook and twitter this week as I felt like I had a 1000 connections but I wasn't focusing on the relationships that truly matter. I mean it was ridiculous and I realized I was trading beholding His glory with all of this communicating that became somewhat addicting and I thought if I gave it up that I would really miss out. What a lie. The thing I was missing out on was Jesus. I really got sucked into the over stimulation and could have spent that time with the Lord.
    I have let insecurity keep me from what God's best was a thousand times over. Even if things occurred in my life that weren't fair, it is still my bag to deal with with the Lord.

  46. 896
    Kris says:

    1. Most recent was a work meeting today – knowing a possible solution but being too insecure to say it for fear of criticism. A scene from Ally McBeal maybe ten years ago has always stuck with me. She is sitting in a meeting, but in her daydream/delusion her colleagues are professionals and she sees herself as this small girl in pigtails sitting in this huge meeting chair with a lollipop. I often feel like that on the inside while trying to project a strong confidence on the outside.
    2. Oh my goodness so many phrases just hit the nail right on the head – extreme chronic self-consciousness, fear of loss of approval, insecurity veiled as perfectionism, complex mix of confidence and insecurity. I am REALLY looking forward to this book!
    Kris in AL

  47. 897
    sharilyn says:

    long beach, ca
    43 3/4 🙂

    1. hmmm. maybe not the last time, but definitely a significant one– about two weeks ago, went to a "girls' night out" meeting at a new church (only knew one person). from the very moment i walked in the door, i felt/heard in my head that i didn't belong here in this group of women, or any group of women. i'm not like all of them–not feminine enough, not married, no kids, too big, just am not like all the other women. sad but true. and the real kicker is that i'm a wonderful actress and most people would never know what was going on in my head and heart.

    2. "…chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships." and "insecurity's best cover is perfectionism." (hmm. very much me)

    i don't want "…[my] insecurities snuffing the Spirit until [my] gifts, for all practical purposes, are largely unproductive or, at the very least, tentative." (pg 15)

  48. 898
    Anonymous says:

    I frequent the LPM blog and am too excited about this book and things that God has in store me. I have read the first chapter twice. So often do I laugh out loud and can literally hear Beth telling the tales as she does so well. And other times, I can feel God's presence like never before! BUT, I am too insecure to not post anonymously. Hopefully by the end of this, I will be shouting from the rooftops using my name and not being anonymous. Until then, here goes…

    1. I face gender insecurities everyday. My husband travels a LOT with his job while I stay at home with our little girl. I would not give ONE second up to be in the workplace, but sometimes I find myself being jealous of him being gone.

    My husband is a very handsome man, very handy around the house, can build or fix just about anything, and is quite a catch (if I do say so myself). I am SO insecure about my weight/body. I have never been skinny but ever since I had my little girl, I have been much more insecure and can't get all of my weight off (I'm hoping part of it is because I am still nursing her…she's only 6 months old). All that to say, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is faithful, but I am not secure enough in myself to not look at women and wonder if they are sizing my husband up. As well as sizing me up thinking that I am not cute enough or skinny enough for him. (I have a lump in my throat as I am typing this). Lord, take this insecurity from me! Rip it from my very soul!!!!!

    2. Chronic self-consciousness…if you couldn't tell from #1!

    I am utterly thrilled about this book and where it going to take me!!! We are currently looking for a church home, so all prayers are welcome!

  49. 899
    Pam says:

    1)I am so embarresed to say last night at work I was getting my food set out for supper and had my new book,I was so excited it came in the mail just that day, laid it out with my stuff, then covered the title so no one would think I was insecure. Now what was that !!!

    2)self doubt,obviously self-consciousness,lack of selfconfidence. I don't feel like that when I am by myself I talk to God and I know He is my source and all that is in me and I can do all things. But soon as I am with others there it is . What is that !!!

    Campbellsburg, In
    (50's)late 🙂

  50. 900
    Casey says:

    Murray, Ky

    1)It would be easier to say anytime I think people will be in my home. I haven't decorated or cleaned enough. OR when I walk in to church and don't look cute enough.

    2)I am both. Probably more the second because I get sooooo wrapped up in freindships and then become heartbroken when they donh't flow perfectly.

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