So Long Insecurity Week One!

Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.

We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.

I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.

So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.

OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.

Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.

For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.

No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.

Thank you for coming!

Lord, be magnified.

In His lavish love,


1,429 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week One!”

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  1. 1001
    ginny says:

    You stated something in the introduction of this posting that really resonated with me this, you wrote" ….If you expect little that's probably what you'll get." I have looked at the first two questions for two days now not really sure how to answer. This morning I felt the Holy Spirit speak those word you wrote back to me again. I haven't answered them because I am afraid. There I said it. My mind says"you've never been afraid of anything" but my heart says otherwise. I can sit here and write about having an alcoholic father a physically and verbally abusive mother. I forgive them they did the best with what they knew and who knows what insecurities made them the way they were. I had Foster parents that sexually used me at 16. I won't say abused because I made the life altering decision to allow it because of my insecurities. I was emotionally needy and yes they did take advantage of it but my insecurities didn't allow me to say no. In my mind I had no where else to go and I took their advances as love something I was desperately in need of. I have also given forgiveness there as well. I thank God that he has freed me from the bondage of shame and has begun to instill in me a heart of forgiveness. However my insecurities are still there. I have need of constant affirmation, I have a fear of rejection, anxiety I find I am always defending myself if I think I have said something wrong even if in the core of my being I know I didn't. I have expectations in relationships that only God can give. He's been working with me on that for about a year now and that part of me is getting better. I have eaten my way through every insecurity I have without recognizing how insecure I am. So,Ms Beth I am going to try to expect much in the hope that I will reap a whirlwind. am not living the life of abundance that Christ promised. I don't want to be held back or paralyzed any longer. I do not wish to quell my spirit I want to be a fruit bearer and operate according to the gifts given to me Scripture says the gifts of God are irrevocable. I can't glorify God if I can't get out of my own way I certainly do not want the enemy o have a foot hold here any longer either. OK Now I feel naked

    never married

  2. 1002
    Anonymous says:

    Houston, TX
    single Mom

    When I found my boyfriend was chatting with other women on line while at work. Very sinking feeling. ….why am I not good enough? Beth always says not to expect a man to be God…so I get confused sometimes if I may be overreacting.

    "constant fear of rejection” always thinking he is going to leave. I know he is looking.

    "Unrealistic expectations about relationships" Wanting to be saved. I know that only God can save us! Wanting to be loved forever.

  3. 1003
    Sarah Marie says:

    1) Sometimes i feel insecure about what others think about me, my looks (that guys wont like me) and my weight (even though i know thats silly because i am very petite.) But when i'm shopping, I see pictures of PICTURE PERFECT girls, and wish i was like them, which is CRAZY because i know God thinks i'm beautiful just the way He made me! He Did not make a mistake in making you or me!

    2)The fact that all of those Definitions are all LIES from satan and i think its appaling we believe him! Including myself.

    Knoxville, Tennessee

  4. 1004
    Donna says:

    Donna, Cumming, GA
    Age 47
    Married 30 years

    I finally wrote my journal entry in the front of my book last night. What I thought would be a paragraph or 2 ended up being 2 pages & revealed insecurities that I didn't realize I had! LOL, guess that's why I waited to write it!

    On our gender's insecurity I think the biggest thing is work. I work for a major national insurance company (we are your good neighbors) and it really irritates me when someone won't deal with me but only wants to talk to the only male in the office. I am just as good if not better at my job than he is but yet I just always say OK and transfer them over.
    I don't think I realized how much that bothered me until reading this and thinking of all the insecurities in life that we face.
    I need to figure out how to fix this one.

  5. 1005
    anthonyandbeth says:

    1. i face this daily. in friendships, with my children. there is not a day that goes by where i don't feel insecure about many things that have happened over the course of the day. because of that, i talk negatively to myself most of the day…in my head. analyzing and rethinking and scolding myself over and over again. it's eating at my very core and i can't seem to muster up a pep talk good enough to fix this in myself. it keeps me from being productive throughout my day because so much time is spent thinking about all of my insecurities, all the things i've messed up in and all the ways i can try to fix it. then the next day comes and i start the whole process over again.

    2. the entire definition spoke right to me. i felt a flush come over me instantly. self doubt is a big one for me. seeking approval seems to be a theme in my life and i never quite get the approval i'm looking for. self consciousness. WOW this has bothered me for some time because i HATE that i am so aware of self. it's mostly negative but whether it's positive or negative and i'm consumed with myself, thinking about myself, wondering what other people think of me, thinking everyone is consumed with me…who do i think i am??? really?? i truly HATE that i am so aware of self.

    and last, self sabotage was another that hit hard. i can remember trying out for a singing team at my college and a couple hours after i auditioned went and pulled myself out of the running because i was SO afraid to be told no. i was so afraid that someone would think that i could not sing well that i could not handle the rejection, the idea of rejection terrified me and always has. i sabotaged a chance at a wonderful opportunity to serve my Lord and continued to do so throughout college by never trying out again. this has been a theme in my life. i'm so afraid of failing and being rejected that i will sabotage many opportunities to be used in multiple areas of my life. and because i know this about myself it's another source of insecurity and a way to beat myself up.

    thank you for writing this book Beth, and I'm so thankful to be on this journey right now. i DO believe God is going to something BIG and amazing in my life and am trusting Him for complete healing in this area of my life

    Raleigh, NC

  6. 1006
    campbell6 says:

    Hi. I'm Margie. I'm 33. And shhhhh….I have gray hair. 6. Gray hairs. And my husband would appreciate it if I'd not use tweezers in the van to pull them out while I'm driving. I can see them best in the rear view mirror! I'm a danger, I know. But those gray hairs are in danger.
    The definition – I have a deep uncertainty about whether my own feelings and desires are legitimate – especially around my immediate family. I am pretty darn confident to the rest of the world but I am a blubbering, lieing, self – doubting, anxious, insecure 13 year old around my family. And my hair is turning gray!

  7. 1007
    Melissa says:

    Columbus, OH

    1)I just feel inadequate ALL the time..all the time by never measuring up to being that wife, momma, sister, daughter, friend that I should be to be by now!!! I'll be 39 this year. And, just who is setting this standard of who I should now? My crazy self. I'm always glancing sideways at other folks with regards to how they are doing their thang.
    And, I purchased the book via Kindle so I can't write in the front cover….I can't write in the front cover…
    2)"trap us into becoming posers" This is how insecurity has impacted my life. Sick of it. Sick, sick, sick of it.

  8. 1008
    Edwards Family says:

    1.) The last time I felt insecure? Perhaps a "breath" ago–Yikes! My perfectionism oftens leaves me stung by the lovely insecure feelings that have become a 'norm' for me. I compete against the image in my mind- the wife whose beauty lights up a room, the mom who has everything put together and, the daughter who makes her Mom proud, the sister who is just the right balance of fun and wisdom, the friend who is the model of all friendships, and the child of God who is nothing short of the Proverbs 31 woman. I fall short and feel more as though I am a failure instead of the person who is really giving everything she has-sad isn't it?

    2.) the false positive…and that seems to change on a daily basis–I find myself WANTING to believe the worst instead of BELIEVING Him.


  9. 1009
    Marla Taviano says:

    Columbus, OH

    1. I'm a writer, and one of my books went out of print last week. Definitely brought all my insecurities bubbling to the surface.

    2. Chronic-self-consciousness. Hoo boy. Hate to admit it, but that's SO me right now. Ugh.

  10. 1010
    Deborah J. says:

    1) Besides every time I look in a mirror? Leaving my job of 10+ years(at God's direction) and starting my own business have certainly heightened the insecurity I've always felt. Not only am I having to find ways to sell myself and my work, but friendships and relationships from my previous job have changed. And I no longer have the structure of a regular job or the security and, I admit, affirmation, of a regular paycheck.
    2) "Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness…" God has brought this to my mnind repeatedly since I memorized 1 Peter 3:4 last January ("Your beauty should not come from outward adornment…") I focus too much on how I look…and I am still insecure. I am trying to focus more on "…the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight."
    Clearwater, FL

  11. 1011
    Cindy says:

    1)where to begin…first of all .. writing anything about myself on a blog makes me major insecure. And I think I am most insecure about wanting people to think I have it "together". I believe I try to come across to friends and family as if I am organized and in control. A few choice friends know what a mess I really am but I want to convey to others that I "know what I'm doing" and that I am pretty much "together" and can do it all. Boy is that a farce!!!
    2)Like you said on page 19 – i think I am a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness so I didn't identify myself necessarily as insecure. So I guess in conjunction with my first answer, if people knew how "not together" I am, would my thoughts, opinions, and feelings be legitimate??? Hopefully I'll find the answer by the end of the book.

  12. 1012
    Organize U says:

    1. Four years ago THIS WEEK I was run over by a car while walking across the road. That began a long, but sweet wilderness journey with the Lord these past 4 years as I faced 4 months on crutches non-weight baring, two surgeries, a total hip replacement (at 39 yrs.old) and almost 2 years of rehabilitation. Having been super active (Triathlete for 4 years) this was a "new normal" existence for sure. Without the ability to move like I used to, of course, I gained weight.Oh Joy. The insecurity I have felt these past few years following this season of refining has been more about my weight than about my limitations. And all my friends seem to be getting skinnier and skinnier too!
    2. "anxiety about relationships" – this is where Satan creeps in and levels my heart. I am highly relational and am a natural pursuer of hearts, I always want to please and encourage. When a relationship is ruffled or wounds, it can sometimes paralyze me.
    Kim – 40's
    Orlando, Florida

  13. 1013
    Kim ~ "Mama G" says:

    Well, I ordered my book online and really thought it should be in/getting close to last Thursday when we were supposed to start. I went up to the receptionist and to see if I had received any packages and then said, "sure wish my book would come in." Receptionist had a funny look on her face and pointed to a package on her desk. She said she didn't know whose it was as it came in the day before with just company name and not an individual. She said, "I asked every woman in this office if it was theirs. I didn't even think to ask you….you would be the last person…" Well, it was mine and at first I said, "I'm not insecure" but later walked back up there and said, "Lily, I do have some insecurities but guarantee you when I am done, I'll be set free from them." She looked at me like I was crazy. Oh well.
    3. "Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves…" Resounds with me because right now that IS EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. I am constantly battling weight and just don't have the confidence I have when I'm thinner.

  14. 1014
    Anonymous says:

    Just an added note: I was surprised that NONE of the family members and 'close' friends that I sent the information to about this book/blog availiblity responded! I seem to be the only one (around me) that feels insecure – and those I sent the info to are quite aware that I have this problem! But no response?! Am I surrounded by secure people?

    And yes, I hate to admit it, but I took the cover off to read it at work.

    50's recently re-married

  15. 1015
    Chrissy says:

    Chrissy from Clemmons,NC
    30's/ married
    1) My latest run-in with insecurity( I say latest because they seem to happen daily for me) was during Wednesday prayer group of all places! My children and I had been running around like chickens with our heads cut off that morning just to skid in to drop off before they were tardy. They go to a private Christian school that has a Wednesday morning prayer group that I attend after I drop them off. I of course rolled in at the last minute, feeling like the worst and most disorganized mother ever and my feelings went from bad to worse when I saw all the other mothers talking and chatting looking cute, perky and relaxed! And I bet their houses are neat and tidy too! I could not focus on the prayers and I feel like my insecurity robbed me of fellowship with the other moms,and definitely with my Lord and Savior.
    2) I have to admit I am sometimes obsessively self-conscious and at times it is crippling in all of my relationships whether it is with my husband(he is wonderful)or my friends and family. I definitely fear rejection because I am not enough(the geeky,chubby fifth grader has never left me). Not pretty enough, skinny enough, nice enough, caring enough, organized enough and the list goes on! I have to remember everyday that Jesus will never reject me and that HIS opinion of me matters most.

  16. 1016
    N says:

    Owensboro, KY

    1) My husband is currently a youth minister, so we spend a good bit of our time with students. I'm constantly reminded of our gender's battle with insecurity as I look at girls who are this age. As an onlooker in their "drama", I see the constant fight to be the better looking and most desired from boys. Girls wrap themselves up in a manipulative position where they will almost do anything to get that boy.
    2) The specialist's description of insecurity hit me like a ton of bricks! Especially about how "the insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. These expectations for others, are often unconscious. The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable." Hello… that's ME! But I've never considered it insecurity. Wow… This book has be pegged (and we've only done the first two chapters!).

  17. 1017
    DEBBIE says:

    TEXAS 46 YRS

  18. 1018
    Teri~Facedown says:

    1.) I gained 30 pounds in one year and every time I look in the mirror all I see are the imperfections. The funny thing is, I look at pictures of myself 30 pounds ago and while I see a thinner, more attractive version of me, I know I was still just as insecure. My insecurities about who I am aren't really wrapped up in the mirror, they go deeper. The thing is, I know who I am in Christ. I know, and believe what the Bible says about me. Maybe I'm just not allowing it to flow from the head to the heart? I don't know, but I'm pretty much a mess right now.

    2.) "anxiety about our relationships… constant fear of rejection." I'm a people pleaser addicted to affirmation/approval. Yes, I probably exhaust my friends. I am learning to get my esteem from the Father, and to revel in His unconditional love, but I'd be lying if I said that what people think doesn't still matter to me. I'm a work in progress. Or a piece of work. Or both maybe. 😉

    Teri Butcher
    Romeo, MI

  19. 1019
    DEBBIE says:


  20. 1020
    michelle says:

    Michelle from Tampa
    30s and married

    1.I've felt most insecure recently due to changing churches and found it difficult to know how to be around others, particularly other women, who don't really know you or "get" you.

    2.Chronic self-consciousness-I often feel very uncomfortable in situations where I don't know many people. I stress out about how I'm coming across because I don't have a sanguine personality.

  21. 1021
    bittersweet says:

    1) Most recently I experienced insecurity last night! I was getting ready for church and having an absolute fit over my hair. I'm desperately in need of a cut and I couldn't get it to do a thing. Even the old "up in a clip" standby was hideous. I got myself into such a state that my husband thought I was upset with him and I fussed at my boys over nothing because I was so insecure about how I looked. And the most ridiculous part of it was this: I teach the PRE-SCHOOLERS! As if they care what I look like!

    2)One word: REJECTION

  22. 1022
    Tara is: says:

    Ennis, TX

    1. I have friends who really don't feel like they should be friends with me because of where I live. We are in the historic district, (quite by accident), and that comes with a lot of prestige in this town. We had only seen the town for 1 day when we bought this house from WA state and we had no idea there was any stigma attached to our neighborhood. We have been smart with our money, doing it God's way and so from the outside it looks as if we're really well off, when in actuality, while we are very well Blessed, we don't bring home more than most of the people we know. What's most messed up about this situation is that I honestly feel SORRY that my friends have to feel uncomfortable around me. I catch myself sometimes wishing we didn't have so much or live in such a nice house or do so well with what we have. How INSECURE to want to deny the Lord's lavish Blessings because it makes other people feel insecure. *sigh*

    2. "the insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. These expectations, for themselves and for others, are often unconcious." I don't think I ask for much, but I do have a tendency to put people on a pedestal and where can they go from there? I find myself frequently disappointed when people let me down. I've known about this for a while, but have no idea how to quell it.

  23. 1023
    jen says:

    1) I feel insecure mainly around Christian women (which sounds so weird!) Every time I go to church, I find myself secretly comparing myself to other young women who dress cuter, have better hair, more $, Fill-in-the-blank.
    2) When Beth talked about the prominent false positive, I thought OH MY GOSH! That's totally what I do! I think, oh, if only I looked great all the time, I would feel secure– when I stepped back to think about it, I realized that growing up, there were pivotal moments where I felt like I had to look great in order to be noticed. I often think to myself, oh, so-and-so must have such a great life, she always looks so put together! So then I struggle with the balance between being presentable and wanting to feel womanly and being materialistic and vain.
    Ok, and I have one more! The part about being self-conscious aka "conscious of self" I really related to as well!

    CIncinnati, OH

  24. 1024
    Marcia says:

    I had a friend, when my children were young, with whom I thought I had to compete, for some reason. She was a super gardener, cook, mom, housekeeper. When I realized that I didn't have to be as good as she was in those areas and that I have my own strengths, it was very freeing. When I quit competing in my mind, we became even closer friends.

  25. 1025
    Jennifer says:

    I got my book on Tuesday & even though I was EXHAUSTED after the days events, I just couldn't wait to start reading! I ended up reading 3 chapters on Tuesday night with my eyelids trying to close in sleep.
    I just have to say that I didn't realize how insecure I really was in some areas! There were so many parts that really touched me & I read a few things to my husband. I laughed & cried & grimaced some. Thank you for writing this. I know the LORD gave you the courage & strength to be so vulnerable & He will use it in a mighty way to heal our insecurity & bring us to a place of SECURITY! I am expectant to close the book as a SECURE woman!

    White, GA

  26. 1026
    Debbie says:

    Debbie, 50, Alabama

    1. The setting – March 2009, 600 miles away from my home and family for 3 months, sitting in a hospital room, with my dad lying on his deathbed and my brother betraying me by lying to my dad about me and another brother. The next couple months, I had to endure the staring looks I got from my dad and wondered if he was disappointed in me and believed my brother. What had been a precious time for me earlier, cooking my dad's favorite meals (his love language), and caring for him – the joy of that was ripped out from underneath me and was somewhere underneath all the ugliness revealed. I didn't like the person I became after that… insecurity ate at me and caused self-doubt and wondering if others believed my brother too. Thankfully my other 2 brothers defended me (and my 3 grown children in their phone calls). There were many tears and thrown fists during this time. Now that I'm back home I am still trying to recover friendships that were neglected. I've never felt so alone – even from God "when you hid your face, I was dismayed" – Ps. 30:7.

    2. "You had me at hello". I didn't see you used that until after I wrote it… Didn't really know if I was insecure until now. I'm definitely self-doubting myself now, and have a deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth and my place in the world (did I tell you I turned 50 in January)? Actually, the dreading of it was worse. It's almost liberating now… The last sentence too, deep uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legitimate. I'm married to an evangelist, who travels with his twin, and used to lots of attention…

  27. 1027
    hymn says:

    Married to high school sweet heart for almost 16 years. Living in VA. 7 beautiful children and 1 on the way!

    Theirin lies my most recent struggle with insecurity. Telling people you're pregnant with number 8, even when you KNOW you're walking in the Lord's will for you, is a major struggle. It is really hard when people react badly, or say "cutsie" things that are derisive. Praise the Lord almost everyone knows now! Whew.

    As for the second part, I do struggle with anxiety about relationships. Call it preacher's kid syndrome if you will. Will I ever stop feeling like I'm under a microscope, or will I cease second guessing people's motives for wanting to be my friend? God has already worked on this in my life a great deal, and I am eager to share with our group (starting a week late because of all the SNOW!) in this journey toward saying goodbye to the very thing that keeps us ineffective in the work of Christ, our insecurities!

  28. 1028
    Emily says:

    1. Talking to my almost 10 year old after trying on spring/summer clothes and realizing she feels bigger than her classmates (she's not). I just cried with her and wondered how we as a society continue to compare ourselves with others.

    2. How my insecurities cheat me of the powerful and abundant life that Jesus promised. Also, that my insecurities are snuffing out the Spirit and making me unproductive for Christ!

  29. 1029
    Let's Roll says:

    1. We were sitting around our maternal grandfather ( a really kind and loving man) during a family function. For whatever reason, he started drawing a family tree to better illustrate some family relations to us younger ones. At one point, i asked excitedly, " I wonder where Yile(my daughter) is on the tree?" My mom turned around and said " She's not, girls don't count." It felt like a slap across the face, my mom wasn't even on the 'tree', hence i wasn't and neither are any of my children.

    2. Pretty much the whole first definition resonates. i battle a sense of self-worth, thinking that God being so holy can't possibly love me as much as the bible indicates. At best He is just putting up with me. I fear rejection from others and question whether my feelings are legitimate, or if i just need to 'get it together', or 'grow up' be more 'mature'.

    Tulsa, OK

  30. 1030
    Haley says:

    Orange County, CA

    1. I spent a lot of time this past week observing my issue's with insecurity. For someone who really believes I am a confident woman, goodness gracious did I see insecure issues in my life!
    The example that I know I am grappling with the most right now is a lovely thing brought on by pregnancy…acne! I have struggled with it in the past, and it has always been a severe issue of insecurity for me. (Almost completely went away before getting pregnant). Getting preggars was a intense desire that the Lord blessed for my hubby and I. And much to my worry, it happened fast! So here I am, with tons of woman around me struggling to get pregnant and I am-and I am complaining and insecure about my skin. Some days are better than others, but I still find taking of my make-up and looking at myself in the mirror and going, "man, do I look horrible or what?!". My hubby is always, constantly reassuring me-but his re-assurance doesn't take away the constant cry,"Lord, take this away!".

    2. "Chronic self-consciousness"…I can be very absorbed in myself. My career, my image, my goals and dreams, my status, me, me, me-and what others think about me. I want others to constantly approve my decisions-especially our families.

  31. 1031
    Joanie says:

    Kearney, NE
    30's and Single

    I knew the second I heard about your book Beth that I had to read it. I have been struggling with insecurity since I was a little child. I have memories of struggling with it as early as 5 and 6. So I have struggled with it for 34 years and I have had enough!

    So I am so thankful for your book and thank you for your obedience to the Lord in writing about this topic that He laid upon your heart.

    1. The last time I came face to face with the struggle with insecurity was just a couple weeks ago. I was trying on some new clothes and I saw myself in a full length mirror and was overcome with disgust and shame. I have always been insecure about my body. But now in my 30's I think I am even more insecure because I am still single and feel very undesirable and unattractive. It has come to a point where I have given place to the devil and am struggling with depression over this.

    2. he whole definition pretty much grabbed my attention, but there were a few key parts that really pressed hard on my heart. Let me just list them…

    *profound sense of self-doubt
    *chronic self-consciousness
    *chronic lack of self-confidence
    *fear of rejection
    *deep uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legitimate
    *feelings if being unqualified

    I am so thankful for this book and am believing God to do a beautiful and profound work in the lives of all who are reading this book.

    God bless all of you!
    And Beth, thank you for being His faithful and obedient servant.


  32. 1032
    The Van Fam says:

    Oh how I am loving this book. My mama offered to buy it for me at bible study last week and i said ok because really, who turns down a free book. anyways, i didn't get too excited because as many issues as i may have, insecurity didn't seem to be one. HELLO. how wrong was i. and i am so glad. these little things that are eaten at me here and there are really insecurities and now that they have a name (an ugly one at that) i can begin to deal!!! amen!

    so here's my response to one of the questions…

    the part of the definition that resonated with me the most was – anxiety about relationships, most importantly about the relationship I have between my kids and husband. a small group of my mommy friends and i are doing this read along and discussing together; this is what i wrote:

    I had a rough relationship with my dad growing up and none whatsoever now. I know this makes me parent and DISCIPLINE my kids soooo differently. I also am very critical of hub's discipline techniques and feel the need to butt-in or fuss at him for being too harsh with them. I live with this fear that they are going to be damaged in areas that I blame my dad for. For example, I can't stand to be yelled at. I would rather be slapped than yelled at. The one thing that stands out from my dad growing up was his voice, and how his yell and tone could bring me to my knees. It literally makes me shiver just thinking about it. I don't remember him ever discipling us in a loving way, it was always in anger and I lived in fear of that/him. I have been known to yell at my kids at times, I don't think it scares them but it has before and I have literally almost thrown up b/c of the way it makes me feel realizing what I've done. If/When hubs yells it's the same feeling. I get so upset and want to rip his head off but I also don't want to degrate or take that position away from him. It's a hard line. I don't want to parent my kids based on how I was parented (one of the things I've learned from the love and logic book) and in turn, create other issues but I also don't want to them to be scared or feel the way my dad made me feel. Does that make sense?

  33. 1033
    The Van Fam says:

    well heck, i forgot the info part!

    right past the mid-20's mark
    houston, TX

  34. 1034
    Tiffani says:

    Walla Walla, WA

    1. I come face-to-face with insecurity on a daily basis it seems. I struggle with expecting perfection from myself and others around me. Feeling inadequate or insecure about myself has become a daily struggle.

    2. Fear of rejection. I can't stand to be a disappointment. I hate to make mistakes and when I do, I tend to play it over and over in my head.

  35. 1035
    bgrannaboo says:


    1.A friend's need for botox,lip injections,breasts augmentation, etc.
    My own is as little as caring about a new nail color(crazy, I know)and what my friends will think!

    2.Insecure people have unrealistic expectations of others and that causes pressure on the relationship. I DO THIS! Lord, please help me to stop. Amen!

  36. 1036
    Salina says:

    My recent brush with insecurity happened last Sunday at church. I teach an adult women’s Sunday school class; I’m the youngest in a group that includes our pastor’s wife. Before the class starts, my mind begins to whisper doubts that I’m not smart or mature enough to teach these ladies. What do I have to give them that they don’t already know? Shouldn’t they be the ones teaching me? Although I know these doubts come from the enemy, I’m still racked with the fear that I don’t know what I’m doing.

    I think the definition that most likely describes me is the possibility of being rejected. I especially took note of the sentence on page 23, “harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships.” This is so me. I expect too much from other people. If they don’t feel the way I do, I wonder what’s wrong with them. I sometimes feel like I love them much more than they love me, but I’m beginning to realize it’s not that I love too much; I just forget that they’re also human with their own insecurities.

    Salina, Hindman, KY – 30's

  37. 1037
    Julie says:

    Longview, WA
    32 & Married

    2)The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether her oun feelings and desires are legitimate. This and most of the rest of the definition describes how I feel and have felt since I was a pre-teen, God started to heal this in me this summer through Me, Myself and Lies and I am looking forward to God's complete healing through this study, I am sick to death of feeling this way and thinking this way, it does not help anyone. Praise God he cares about this issue!

  38. 1038
    Kimberly says:

    St. Cloud, FL

    When was the last time I came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Well, a coworker posted a vague comment about work to her FaceBook. My first thought was, "is she talking about me?" How ridiculous is that? Of course, that might be rivaled by whether or not to post this comment using my name or as "anonymous". 🙂

    What part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with me and why? Probably the last part describing the insecure person as an "unwitting accomplice." It makes me wonder how often I contribute to my own insecurities without even realizing it. Probably more often than I'd like to admit.

  39. 1039
    Rachael says:

    I'm sorry this is so late!

    1. The last time I encountered insecurity was probably this morning but extreme insecurity.. Well Friday 5 minutes before I got off work from my great, wonderful job that pays so well my manager came to my desk and told me that well.. this was my last 5 minutes with them. I kept my cool but when I got into my car I lost it I just didn't understand what I did wrong and how I could have done better to keep my job. I just completely rejected the idea that two others got laid off and that it was because of how poorly the economy is doing. I felt like I had done something so wrong that they wouldn't even give me a earlier notice. My heart was just broken and I have been beating myself up ever sense. I'm kinda over it now. I'm just still hurt.

    2. The "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. I always strive for perfection when I’m NO WHERE near it/ never will be then I beat myself up for not being perfect.

    Las Vegas

  40. 1040
    Anonymous says:

    When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting. – Probably at my parents house this past weekend; I'm in the middle of PhD work and balancing family expectations of career and a future family somehow seem more complicated because of my gender…

    What part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why? –
    I'm not sure about this

    H, Houston, 20's, single

  41. 1041
    Katherine says:

    Edmonton AB Canada

    An area of insecurity I struggle with is being a mother. I often feel that I am not doing the right thing or not doing enough for my kids. Many days I feel that I am not qualified for this and that is a huge struggle considering that I always did well in school and have a successful career. Being a mom is far more challenging. As anyone who has ever had a preschooler knows, negotiating with a 3 year old is much more difficult than any adult. As much as I love my kids, sometimes I wonder if I am doing more harm than good.

    The portion of the definition of insecurity that resonated with me the most is relationships and how I may have unrealistic expectations. No wonder I am always disappointed or hurt when it doesn't go my way.

  42. 1042
    Rachael says:

    Beth, I am really getting so much out of what I've read so far! Thank you for writing it. I especially love that you've written from personal experience.

    1. The Prayer on the inside cover of the book. I really loved doing that. Although, I will admit the thought that initially crossed my mind was, "What if someone reads this?!" *grin* I quickly pushed that out in Jesus' Name and put pen to paper (or book cover as it were.).

    2. Very recently, I was with my husband and four children at a local tennis club for a Valentine's party. Already an environment that brings forth insecure feelings from me b/c the other Moms in attendance are all women that grew up with my husband. They're a tight-knit group and I've always felt like an outsider. My 7 year old complained of her tummy hurting. I consoled her, assured her it was due to hunger and went about socializing. It was then that everything moved to slow motion: my DD looked at me and quickly made an exit, as she was turning around to close the door, her eyes got big and she rapidly shook her head in disbelief. Then, you guessed it, she vomited. Three times on her way down the hall to the restroom. I was mortified. Horrified. Shamefully, I confess it wasn't b/c of her unfortunate situation. It was b/c I was concerned about what other people were thinking! 🙁

    3. The part of insecurity I most identified with is "chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confience in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships". I am forever trying to morph myself into the setting. Be the right kind of Mom, wife, woman depending on the situation. I've pondered this since reading Ch 2 and I have concluded that the bottom line is a feeling of 'no one could truly love and accept me for who I REALLY am'. I'm nearly 37 years old and this prospect is frightening! But, I will push forward, with God's help and trust that He will lead me to the right path.

  43. 1043
    Joni says:

    1. It occurred to me that I was inhibiting what the spirit was leading me to do in small things during my worship time, for fear of what others would think of me. If I inhibit Him in small ways, boy am I ever inhibiting Him in big ways!
    2. The few suggestions about worrying about whether people like me, having anxiety over what people think, not liking disagreements. Those are the things that resonate most with me, becuase I do enough of that to bother me.
    Animas, NM

  44. 1044
    Shelly says:

    The last time insecurity showed up…when my brother and his wife wanted to see our new house. I'm totally fine with what God has provided for us, but it is not what they/she would expect or want and I hate being judged by those standards–or at least feeling judged by those standards, whether or not anything is said.

    Shelly, 30s, married, Texas

  45. 1045
    Marita says:

    Maricopa, AZ
    1.) I feel insecure most of the time and then get mad at myself for feeling this way. The hardest it hit was on OCt. 9, 2009 after having just been married in September, gaining a 19 yr old step-daughter (I never had children before), moving to a new state away from friends and family and looking for a new church. Lot's of wondering who I am?
    2.) I ask this question a lot: "How many times must I prove myself an idot?" When am I going to get past this and stop doing it over and over again.

  46. 1046
    Angie says:

    First of all I just want to say that I love this book and Im only
    2 chapters into it!! It is so refreshing to read all of the other womens comments posted on here and to know that I am not the only one with these issues!!

    1) I come face to face with insecurity on a daily basis, weither it is at the grocery store or work or at college. Im always worried that I dont look the right way, dress the right way, that my hair is wrong, my face is wrong, my teeth arent a bright sparkling white, Im not the right weight.

    2)"unwitting acomplices in their own sabotage" Beth said it best-self-sabotage

    I am eagerly looking forward to April 24th. I cant wait to see what awesome things God will do that day, and I cant wait to read more of this book!!


  47. 1047
    Barbra says:

    1. I can think of dozens of examples of insecurity, but the one that sticks out the most in this season of life comes from thinking about or meeting other women at my husband's new job. He is working in the corporate world for the first time in our married life and he is surrounded by smart, business successful, type women. Everytime I meet them, I wonder how "homeschool mom frumpy" they think I am!

    2. The part of the definition that resonated the most with me was "Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt – a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world." All my life I've yearned to have that one thing that sets me apart and makes me special… I'm realizing that I'm still depending on my own righteousness to be the answer to that one glorious purpose that God created me for! Father, forgive me. Keep teaching me that You are everything!

    Oxford, PA
    Married for almost 15 years

  48. 1048
    jewelsbb says:

    It's taken me awhile to get specific here, b/c typing out all of the intro, ch. 1 & 2 as my answers seemed a bit lengthy! 🙂

    1)Facing the reality of my husband of 17 yrs.moving out and wanting a divorce.Total fear,anxiety,insecurity at the prospect of being a single mom to my teenage girls.
    2)In this season particularly,even though insecurity has been present or "hidden"all of my life,these statements resonated with me:"lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate; harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships." #1 answers the why.

    Whidbey Island,Wa

  49. 1049
    Rachael says:

    I forgot one more thing … and my information!

    A place where my insecurities really show up … FACEBOOK! Ugh.

    Married, 4 kids

  50. 1050
    Anonymous says:

    jen, l.a. (california)
    33, single

    1) going to my boyfriend's sister's shower the other day brought up a flood of insecure feelings for me–i didn't know any of the women there, it was a family event & i wanted to be friendly and open, i wanted to look cute (just being honest here ;)), etc. etc. i didn't say anything to him about it but completely worked myself up inside about how nervous i was and of course, completely broke out. argh! that morning came and i prayed and prayed that God would give me peace and that i would look outside of myself and enjoy this celebration and you know what, it was an amazing day. i left completely overwhelmed by his care, love, and beauty. i can't even explain how wonderful it feels to step into a moment all trembling and leave feeling like i wanted to jump up and down with happiness. 🙂
    2) ohmygoodness, what stood out for me was how self-centered i am when i'm insecure. it's embarrassing when i look back in retrospect how i've mentally shut down when i've been intimidated by different women and situations. (and most of these women are wonderful women of God! :/)

    (thank you sooo much for this book!)

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