So Long Insecurity Week One!

Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.

We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.

I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.

So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.

OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.

2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.

3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?

To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.

Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.

For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.

No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.

Thank you for coming!

Lord, be magnified.

In His lavish love,


1,429 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week One!”

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  1. 601
    annoymental says:

    My mom was "prom queen". She still is the woman that women want to be. I'm the jeans & t-shirt girl. Last week, Mom told me my bra didn't support me enough. I'm a 44C. I really don't want the pressure to be "her", the perfect clothes, hair, shoes, accessories… HELP!

  2. 602
    Ducky says:

    Kristi, 36, married, no kids

    2. I encountered this in myself last week when, after finding a large (size of a big grapefruit) mass in my ovary I was sent for a CT scan to determine if it was cancer. Praise God it isn't, but I actually stressed over what to wear to the hospital for the scan! You have got to be kidding me!
    3.Fear of rejection and wondering if my feelings are legitimate.

  3. 603
    Jamie says:

    My husband recently asked a very dear and beautiful friend of ours to sing a duet with him at church. She has a wonderful voice and was actually a traveling singer for a long time however none of that mattered. What she was worried about was not having a good enough outfit to wear to sing in. Fortunately she saw this as a lie and was fighting it…but then Sunday we had a snow day and neither one of them got to sing!

    The words that most resignate with me in regards to insecurity are self doubt and fear of rejection. The self doubt tends to come across in my life as humility but I know the truth that it is not necessarily humility but rather insecurity.

  4. 604
    Dee says:

    I recognized insecurity in myself this past snowy weekend. I became very fearful when my daughter traveled to another state to visit her fiance. In my mind, I could see her stranded and freezing or having a terrible accident. My mother and my sister both died in car accidents.
    The part of the definition that most resonates with me is a profound sense of self-doubt and chronic self-consciousness. I also am anxious over some relationships, having experienced significant loss and also rejection from a husband who left us for another much younger woman many years ago now.
    60's – single

  5. 605
    Amy says:

    1. Right now…I started back to work after being a stay at home mom for 14 years. Insecurities abound right now especially concerning my perception of my job performance, relating to others in the work force, and managing home life.
    2. The part of the definition that I resonate with is the word "chronic". I have felt insecure all of my life…even as a young child. Sad but true. I won't give up until I am free of this ugly sin.

  6. 606
    Cynthia says:


    Gosh when have I not felt insecure. I think it has been a constant friend since birth. One that I am so ready to break the relationship with.

    The definiton made me sit straight up and wide eyed. Nailed me with "The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate.” Rejection has marked my life as a child, a major rejection in High School, from husband as punishment and even recently by staff at my church. Now I even look at things as "another trip down rejection road" and "it is going to happen again let's see where this time". The part about whether our feelings and desires are legitmate really made me think. As long as I remember when I would have the nerve to share with someone about my feelings I would almost always get "is it that time of the month?". UGH!!! That just played the biggest role in telling me that it is not legit, it is just hormones or you just take things to personally.

    This rejection or fear there of, hinders me from living out the purpose and position God has placed me in. I know God has called me to Women's Ministry but how can I minister when I am so insecure myself?

  7. 607
    Faith Joyner says:

    Faith, TN, 30's. married

    1. I am now pregnant with my 3rd little girl and my body is ummm…changing! I feel like I got in great shape after me 2nd daughter was born, and now I see it going all downhill FAST. I know how self-centered is sounds to worry about keeping a great body while creating another life, but when I see my friend at church who is more pregnant than me, but looks exactly like she did before her pregnancy except for the adorable basketball belly, it makes me so frustrated with myself.

    2. Always being self-aware, and not in a good way… I too enjoy being in the "spotlight" so to say, but I can honestly say that when I get dressed every morning I think about what others will think of how I look. When Beth talked about perfectionism being a sign of insecurity that hit me right between the eyes. It kills me thinking about letting others down or not living up to expectations… I want peace at all costs, and sometimes I know that the cost is too great.

  8. 608
    mslex says:

    Steilacoom, WA

    1.I come face to face daily with our genders massive struggle with insecurity. Every time I look in the mirror. The need to be prettier, thinner, taller etc.

    2.The part of the definition I can most relate to would be the chronic self consciousness and lack of confidence. I also harbor unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. Unfortunately my family would be the ones that suffer from this. But also one that contributes to it.

  9. 609
    Mark and Jen says:

    Cincinnati, OH

    I feel as though I am addicted to this book. I know why. Its because every description of insecurity is me. And as I read my hope is growing that maybe I won't have to live like this anymore. I can't stop reading. I actually had the gumption to believe that I wasn't that insecure. Boy, was I wrong. I knew I was wrong this morning when I awoke immediately jealous that our housemates were going to dinner with a couple tonight, ones that we aren't even friends with, and we weren't invited. Wow am I in middle school again? Lord free me from the grip that insecurity has on me, please free us all and let us live confidently in you. Please Lord I can't stand to look at the crazy women that insecurity makes me anymore!

  10. 610
    Tara D. says:

    Stinkaroo! MY BOOK STILL HASN'T ARRIVED! I pre-ordered it…but international mail is, well, international mail! 🙂 So, I'll be late with my first week's response.


  11. 611
    Stephanie says:

    Stephanie T
    Macclenny, Fl
    I decided to answer question 2. The entire definition describes me, but the last part 100% defines me. In fact, my insecurity regarding legitimacy in my feelings, thoughts, and wants have been a painful place of turmoil for me, to the point where I feel like Im going crazy or need psychological help! Im just so desperate for change and healing. Reminds me that I should be singing with hands raised…"And, I, I'm desparate for You. And I, I'm lost without You!"

  12. 612
    Melanie says:

    Beth, I can relate so well to you. I have the same skeletons in my closet. Right now my marriage of 20 years is failing. My husband doesn't want God in his life and he doesn't want me to have him in my life also. It is so hard. I know if he would try to know God we could make it. I also know that God put me with him so I would reconnect with God. I have been doing your bible studies for over 3 years now. You have been an inspiration for me. I keep waiting for God to change my husband while He is changing me. It gets so hard that I want to give up. I want you to know that your bible studies help me tremendously.


  13. 613
    Lori says:

    1. Last week my husband was making the final preparations for his Sunday School lesson for the 4th graders he teaches. He asked me if he could go over it with me to see if they would understand. Ouch. In comes my insecurities about my intelligence level. Although I know in my head that I am at least halfway intelligent, it is no match for my husband, the West Point graduate. I also grew up the younger sister who had to work much harder to make good grades and this was always forefront in my mind. Never as good, never as smart, never as pretty.
    2. I guess what resonated the most with my while reading chapter 2 and the definitions of insecurity was that there wasn't really any part of either definition that DIDN'T sound like it was an exact description of me, rather than insecurity itself. I was stunned. It was actually a little uncomfortable to read, and there were some tears. It was very revealing, and not in a good way. I started this study because I thought it would be a good way to have some time with the Lord, without adding another place to go during the week. I didn't realize exactly how much I was going to NEED it.

  14. 614
    LovedBackToLife says:

    Claremore OK

    Sherry S. – you made me cry. My husband is just that kind of man, my kids like your son and I am just exactly like you. I cried because your husband loves you despite your insecurities and like the Lord does, he gave you what your heart desired. I could hear your son’s frustration that my kids have shown me over the years for my constant indecision. That was a great post.

    I identified with Beth’s description of our insecurity being like a rattlesnake that she wanted to shoot holes in. Rattlesnakes hibernate and choose to withdraw rather than strike. They warn you with their rattle before causing harm. If you are stupid or going too fast – BAM, your struck! That is what my insecurities are like to a “T”. Most of the time I am going too fast to hear the rattle. I am very happy to say that I am getting MUCH BETTER at slowing down and hearing the rattle or letting the insecurity withdraw with prayer.

    My most recent dealing with insecurity was over the weekend. My five year old was invited to a birthday party. I felt the rattlesnake start to awaken. I do not get along well with the world. I am not good with people because I don’t go in for superficial things. This is a huge character flaw since that is what most people are like and not getting into Hannah Montana and spending inordinate amounts of money on birthday parties rattles me to the core (pun intended). It’s possible it is an insecurity because I have never had the money to do that for my children and now that my 19 and 20 year olds are such wonderful human beings I know that such things are not needed to create great people.

    So my Faith and I went to the party and played the game. She didn’t have a good time either because it was a fashion show party and the music was so loud. Not her thing. Guess what songs were playing at this child’s birthday party? Something about wham, bam, thank you ma’am and another said something about being perfect and having a perfect face and clothes. I was so sad.

  15. 615
    Anonymous says:

    1. I am a prosecutor with over ten years of experience. Recently, I was assigned an infant death case…lots of responsibility, both to the child and to the parents, one of whom caused the death. It immediately flashed into my mind that my bosses had picked the wrong person. Panic!
    2. What resonated the most with me was the suggestion that insecure people create an atmosphere where hurt is inevitable. I don't want to contribute to my own vicious cycle anymore.
    Teresa in New Mexico

  16. 616
    Courtney says:

    Courtney H. Married, 28, Milledgeville, GA
    2. I am a small women's bible group leader and I am constantly heart broken for my women who struggle with insecurity. We are actully reading this book together as our current study and attending your Beth in Atlanta.. but anyway, my girls whom I love so deeply struggle with this. One in particular is in a marriage that seems helpless at the moment.. her husband has given up on her and them and her insecurities have exploded..
    3. The sense of self doubt (wondering if I got it right.. or if I'll ever get it right).. thinking my worth or beauty comes from my abilities.. the fear of being rejected if i don't do things right… all surround me and my insecurity. What really hit home was that I cover it with perfectionism! I so do that.. I am a perfectionist.. and I cover my insecurity all over the place with perfection!
    Pray Jesus, that He loves me even though I am so far from perfect!

  17. 617
    Ranelle says:

    1. I must tell on myself to answer this one honestly. Several years ago we changed churches, and I hadn't yet made many friends. I knew some people, but wasn't actively reaching out to others (oooo, I still don't, actually). I spent a lot of time in the nursery with my then-newborn son. There was another new mother in there that I found myself watching. She was always so perfectly put together- makeup just so, hair arranged, beautiful clothes. I felt lucky to have gotten a shower and found clean clothes! Part of me wanted to speak to her, but the bigger part of me just knew she would never want to be my friend.

    2."..a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves…" is a perfect description for me. I am always second-guessing myself, feeling I could have done, been, tried, whatever, harder or better than what I did.

    And I just have to say, I might not live through this. In addition to reading this book, our ladies' group is going through "Breaking Free." I feel as if I'm getting beaten up one side and down the other.

  18. 618
    BillsGirl says:

    1. Lately it seems many time in God's G.A.L.S., we have women dealing with nasty divorces and separations, job loss, chronic health issues, being good parents and deling with aging parents. We are seeing prayer requests on the increase. We are insecure in relationships with other women, spouses/significant others, coworkers and ourselves. I also see many of the same issues in my workplace and in activities in other areas of my church and with family.

    2.A few things resonated with me:
    * "I don't doubt myself, I also doubt GOD about myself." I think I'm hiding something from Him, but deep down I know I'm not. He has a plan for me – a great one – why don't I trust Him?
    * Having a strong desire to make amends? I like to use my company's fitness center over my lunch hours, but then I feel guilty and insecure on busy days when I take the time. I try to make up that time even though I'm entitled to it. I know God wants to do so. I'm a better, more productive employee and person. For some reason, I think my boss will think less of me — even though I just got a good review. How I wish I could be like the smokers not think twice about it?
    * You are the only one you can change. How true! Thanks for the reminder. I must let Him do His work in me. Be in His Word… Be in relationship with Christ Jesus!

  19. 619
    Heather Self says:

    2. Chronic self-consciousness and unrealistic expectations in love relationships both struck such a stong chord in my heart. It was like the Holy Spirit shone a light right into me! After some reflection, I see exactly how these two things play such a role in my life. I thought being "self-aware" as I called it, and having high expectations from other people were good things… until I saw how twisted I have them.

    Thank God He's using Beth's words to set me free from some junk. I'm in for the process of this and expecting God to do some redemption!

  20. 620
    Rae Nolt says:

    1. My insecurity came over Valentine's weekend. I'm 8 months pregnant and my husband and I decided to go out for lunch on Sunday and then go shopping for all the rest of the things we need for this baby. Not the most romantic, but more practical Valentine's Day we've had. Leading up to the weekend, all my friends were talking about what they were going to be doing. Flowers, dinners, romantic candles, AND out of nowhere, (so I thought) I was worried and insecure that people wouldn't think we had ROMANCE in our lives. Being a practical person by nature, and having that nesting feeling, normally, I'd gladly give up flowers for things this baby needs, but for two whole days, my thoughts were on, "What's wrong with our marriage that we are not doing the usual Valentine's Day thing." Finally, I realized that we've wanted this baby more than ANYTHING and I do NOT need to worry what others are thinking about our marriage. In fact, come to find out, some friends would rather be in our shoes!
    2. Basicly, I've never thought I was insecure. Yes, I've had my moments–but I push past them and deal with them. It wasn't until chapter 2 where I was reading how sometimes we don't FIT the mold of insecure, but we still are. Mainly, I want to fit in–I'm a Pastor's kid who thought her whole life that by feeling this way was just a way to show others you care about them. Looking past yourself, and meeting others needs. Our family has always been about others and so, I have come to realize that I might be more insecure than I think! I'm excited to get to read MORE of the book!
    Floyd, IA

  21. 621
    Katybug says:

    Baker City, OR

    1. This last week has been especially hard for with all of the Valentine advertisements and my roommate's boyfriend coming up to visit. There is nothing Satan uses more to make me most insecure that feeling insecure about guys. Satan taunts me with questions and knows my weaknesses and biggest insecurities and cuts me deep with them.

    2. The descriptions that resonated most with me were:
    "A deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth"
    "Chronic lack of self-confidence"
    "Constant fear of rejection"
    "The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships."

    I am excited to keep reading and move from being an insecure individual to secure in Christ's love.

  22. 622
    Leslie Lauren says:

    Answers 🙂

    1) Sadly enough, Valentine's day! My hubby didn't get me anything, nor did he even acknowledge the day or say I love you. The "old me" would have thrown a fit~ he'd have gotten an earful about why doesn't he love me enough to show he cares, and I might have (horribly) thrown in his face what other husband have done for their wives and make him feel awful about it. But I recognized right away that the ugliness that threatened to overflow from my mouth had been based on an insecurity that I've harbored for a long time. And I chose not to give in!! The sad thing about insecurity is that it blinds us to the Truth. The reality of the situation is that my husband got some really hard news at his office last week, and has been in limbo about a severe pay cut that he still doesn't know when it will go into effect. He didn't get me anything for Valentine's for many reasons~ too consumed mentally to remember, worrying about our finances and whether he could afford it…

    But get this~ (this is where God just rules my world and cracks me up). I'd thought ahead and bought my hubby two shirts online from Kohls that I thought he would really like for Valentine's. When I opened the box, sandwiched in between the two shirts were a pair of lacy white undies in MY EXACT SIZE. Without knowing that he wouldn't get me anything (I wrapped mine a few days before Valentines), I wrapped the two shirts and the undies separate, with plans on explaining that the undies were his gift to me that he didn't know about. He absolutely loved it. And as it turns out, I got a pair of undies for Valentines 😉 😉 😉 Isn't God awesome?

    2) As if I had to answer based on what you read above (ahem), the part that definitely jumped at me was harboring unrealistic expectations on others. Holy cow how I have wasted time doing this and getting mad over nothing!! And what a hard pill to swallow to recognize that I've had a hand in my own misery!!! Hallelujah for this book, Miss Beth.

    We love you <3 🙂

    On the verge of 30
    Married 🙂

  23. 623
    Anonymous says:

    Working as a nurse in a middle school setting gives me daily exposure to girls struggling with insecurity. Many girls who end up in my office are there due to high anxiety caused by their insecurity. They may be overwhelmed by a need to perform grade-wise to be considered ok by family or by a need to look “right” to fit into whatever of the many groups that are currently in style. It is tragic!!
    p. 19 “If God really knew me, He wouldn’t like me” has played out in my head for nearly as long as I can remember. Head knowledge of His love for me has just not made it to the center core of my being yet.I hope by the end of this journey it will have made it. Bless you Beth.

    Leola, PA

  24. 624
    Girl's Space says:

    3.) The whole definition, the WHOLE thing resonated with me. I was truly frightening to me to meet almost all the elements of this ugly beast. When I read it I thought YUP! That's me!!! And then became sad because it was me and happy and full of expectancy at what God is going to do in my life through this book. The fear of rejection has become so strong in my life that it has come to the point that I am having feelings of just giving up at relationships with other women. Don't get me me wrong my immediate family is wonderful and loving (I have 2 sistes and 3 daughters) and my mom is one of my best friends so I can relate to other women but I want a healthy relationship outside that inner core circle where I don't need to be insecure and we can enjoy each others company without judging???


  25. 625
    Sarah says:

    Colorado Springs
    40's and married
    1)As a caregiver to my Mom, I find myself face to face with the massive insecurity struggle almost daily….as she ages, she gets more rude and more hurtful – I know that it is a result of aging and medicines and maybe even something more, but as a woman and caregiver, I find that insecurity rears its ugly head during these times, the Lord gave us knees for a reason and boy do I use them alot:)!
    2)The part that resonated with me the most was the part about my place in this world as well as wondering if my feelings are legimate….I have always worked outside the home as a helpmate to my husband as we raised our children, and now as a caregiver to my Mom (although I have always been a caregiver to my husband and children, this is really different) – I wonder about my place in this world and when I become overhwhelmed with feelings of wondering and doubting and hurting are they truly legitimate and should I be feeling them and also how to vent them properly so as not to hurt anyone with words or actions.

  26. 626 says:

    1. The last time I came face to face with insecurity: — While this is a daily struggle for me. Right now, I get to feeling insecure when I’m around people I’ve placed on higher planes — I put them there and then jumped right into the pool with them. I’ve been blessed with some amazing teachers over the past few years. God opened doors I never would have dreamed of knocking on — and I get so insecure when I’m there that I don’t recognize myself. Ever been there?

    2. What speaks to me right now? “the insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection….a deep uncertainty about whether her feelings are legitimate.” — I have a scar here in that my family was kicked out of church when I was only 4. (parent’s divorced). Being back in the church today, married and teaching — I battle that scar a lot. Most days, God wins. Some days, I cave. I remember reading in one of your books – “Baptize me oh Lord to the criticism of man, that I might one day become immune to it.” Silly me, I prayed that. LOL It’s getting better.

    Broken Arrow, OK
    40’s – Married

  27. 627
    Evan and Nicole says:

    1.The last time I came face to face with our gender’s insecurity problem is the last time I ate. Eating, weight, what I ate, how much, is my insecurity and has been since I was a little girl. Suffering from obesity as a child has left deep wounds in my heart that the Lord is finally beginning to heal, but this insecurity effects every area of my life and has for 23 years, from the confidence in myself, to my thought life, how I dress, what I imagine others perceive of me, who I am, the limitations I put on myself. The list is endless. Sometimes I just wish that if this area in my life was “fixed” everything would be better because so much in my life revolves around it. I just recently have felt as though the Lord is telling me He wants me to have victory in this area. I keep holding on to this. In the vision of my life that God has given to me, I see a woman that is set free. She is thin and confident in who she is. She walks around loving her body and taking care of it. She is not ashamed to be naked in front of her husband. She is helping others with this same struggle and giving them the tools to overcome. This is her testimony. In being given this vision, I believe that God is telling me to continue on with my healthy diet, but to stay strong. Stop the little cheats and stay on the course. Ask for accountability and celebrate with the others around you. In doing this I will bless your efforts tremendously and show you the freedom that I have for you.
    I’m tired of traveling down that same road… I want to complete my journey and do it victoriously.

    Spring, TX

  28. 628
    Jennifer says:

    1. Last night… I obsessed about the wording I used in an email with a friend… who I am so self-consious around. My husband and I talked last night about the particular people in my life that I am insecure around. Interestingly they have this in common – they are in some type of position of authority. Must be a root problem there. Hope to read some insight to that.

    2. The whole definition… in different ways, to different degrees, and in different circumstamces. I do question the legitamacy of my feelings… why on earth do I do that?

    This book is hitting me square in the eyes with an issue that God has done a major work in me, but obviously He is not done yet. I hate the way my self-consiousness makes me stutter when around people I am insecure with – unable to articulate myself…

  29. 629
    Lynn says:

    1. At work on a daily basis. I work with 4 women and we have a male boss. Instead of feeling like a part of a family away from home (like I wish it was) I struggle to feel like I fit in. I get along with others well, but there seems to be a wall between us – maybe because of hugh differences in morals and values? I always dread going to work.
    2. The part of the insecurity definition I resonate with is that I tend to be chronically self conscious. While I don't possess every description of insecurity, I fit the bill more than I thought I would.
    Lynn from Rochelle
    Just turned 40, married

  30. 630
    Anonymous says:


    1. Struggle with insecurity on a daily basis. I am afraid of what people think about me and also am afraid many times a day if my husband were to see a beautiful woman in person or in a magazine even one as simple as Good Housekeeping.

    2. The part of the definition that most reasonated with me is: a deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth and lack of confidence.

    I have felt like a vine ripe tomatoe with tender skin that someone in rage and force has hit with a sledge hammer. Feeling crushed, broken, and feeling humiliation of my insides now being seen and the shame of the private places. Broken like the tomatoe, unable to get up, much needing the breath of life from God and to know His tender healing love.

  31. 631
    Anonymous says:

    As to what my latest insecurity was, it is the same one that has plagued me for 49 years, my weight. I have always struggled with weight. I am not obese, however, I do need to lose @20 to 25 lbs. i was a chubby little girl and I still remember the day the Dr told me I was a little pig. One never gets over things like that. There habe been times I have been a size 6 and still have thought I needed to lose weight. Boy would I give anything to be in a size 6 now! The media consumes us with how thin we are. As I have gotten older I realize it is more about health, however, that knot of insecurity still appears.

    I think the description that I can relate to the most is insecurity in realtionships. I am married to a very handsome man and I am always being told that by other women, from women in the Church to women at weddings! It brings up all of my insecurities about my weight, etc. According to the media, we can never be too thin or too young!
    I am so looking forward to having a new strength in my inner being after this study. Thank you Beth for touching on a subject that every woman needs!

  32. 632
    *Lindsay* says:

    Bangor, Maine

    1. The area in which I have recently felt the most insecure is regarding my involvement in my church’s women’s ministry. I’m 25 years old with no children, and I help lead the women’s ministry with 3 other ladies, 2 of which are the same age as me. It can be very intimidating to be so young, with less life experience than many of the ladies that are involved in the ministry. I know that God has called me to this area of ministry, but Satan (especially recently) consistently tries to convince me that I’m too young, too insignificant, that I don’t have anything to offer the ladies, etc. I oftentimes sit back and think, “Who am I to lead these women?? Most of them have lived longer, been married longer, had multiple children, etc.” However, it’s time to face this insecurity head on, without fear or intimidation. Sometimes I don’t fully understand why God has trusted me with this position, but He has, and I’m determined to obey and serve Him with it.

    2. “Insecurity’s best cover is perfectionism. That’s where it becomes an art form.” Yikes! I really didn’t think I struggled with insecurity a whole lot until I read that statement. Since I’m a person who feels lost without total organization and needs everything to be perfect simply for the sake of perfection, I suppose it’s a good thing that I’m reading this book!

  33. 633
    Anonymous says:

    40’s, married
    South Dakota

    1) Writing this post which could potentially be read by hundreds of other women causes more than a little insecurity to come upon me. I feel like I’m in a constant state of self comparison and self criticism. Feeling like I don’t measure up with my looks, profession, faith, parenting skills, personality…. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband and kids, but I'm timid in relationships with other women.

    2) Insecurity associated with chronic self-consciousness and living in constant fear of rejection.

    On page 15 you asked a couple questions that I’ve pondered all week. It saddens me to think about how many times I’ve been prompted by the Holy Spirit to encourage someone or to serve and have refused out of fear of rejection and not appearing perfect. I’m NOT trusting God to go before me and with me. I'm not living out this faith I claim to have.

  34. 634
    Lemonade Makin' Mama says:

    1)The last time I came face to face with insecurity was my own- when I was setting up a meeting with a few blog friends I hadn't met yet. I nearly had a panic attack thinking about all the temptations to compare and compete and a place to fall short and feel like I didn't measure up to the image they had of me in their heads. The stress of that moment nearly killed me. (Then I got a grip and gave it all up and your book arrived shortly thereafter. PTL!)

    2)I related to many of the bits and pieces- I am sensitive to a fault. I am a perfectionist, and you said that insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. Any loss of favor, approval, or harmony kills me. I obsess. I'm more aware of myself than anyone else in the room, and I have unrealistic expectations about everything. I also put massive pressure on key relationships and can trace that as the source for many broken friendships since the beginning of time. (or at least my time…)

    Sasha, clothed in strength and dignity!!!
    Bellingham, WA

  35. 635
    TammieFay says:

    The last time I came face-to-face with my gender's struggle with insecurity? How about now? For goodness sake, I've been staring at this computer screen for 45 minutes trying to figure out which encounter to write about, going back and forth reading other women's comments trying to make sure I don't sound too dumb and be at least as clever and witty as most of them. Heaven help me!

    The part of the definition that resonates most with me…"a profound dense of self-doubt—a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world…AND…a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate." No matter how many times I am complimented or praised, I never feel it is warranted…if they only knew, I say to myself. I constantly doubt my own feelings and desires. I dismiss them in lieu of someone else's, either because I want to avoid conflict or I'm trying to please them. I'm 50 years old, Beth, and this is exhausting…I'm ready for this to end!

    Cleveland, MS

  36. 636
    joyinthecity7 says:

    1) I took a job in a male dominated ministry at a male dominated college Aug. 08 and found that the confident person I thought I was easily crumbled to the floor in a sexist work environment. Every insecurity I had ever had showed up of over the 7 months I worked there and it has taken a year to get myself to the point where my insecurities are minimal and are a battle I feel that I can win.
    2) The piece about anxiety in relationships hit the nail on the head for me. The way you described your type on insecurity put into words what mine are was well. I am a confident woman and am constantly told so, but in relationships that confidence seems to be on a long,extended vacation. My relationships in my life are one of my boundless joys and loves, yet my insecurity is most apparent in them.

  37. 637
    Gayle says:

    Recently, I feel as if the younger members of my family think I'm too old to know anything relevant.sort of a 'pat mom/gramma on the head' mentality. I do not offer unasked for advice or comments.I've lived awhile with a lot of ups & downs and at 61, I know I have learned alot about life. I am mostly concerned with the attitude of the young women in my life, and it is scary to me that we are passing on what the world has taught us: If we are no longer so young and 'with it'. we don't have much value. I keep telling myself. "I am worthy, because Jesus made me that way!"

    'a deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth' is the def that fits me to a "T".

    Anacortes, WA

  38. 638
    JillC says:

    Fresno, CA

    1. I think I face insecurity every single day! I am in a season of life that is full of uncertainty, from the state of my marriage to where I'm going to live. It's hard for me to comprehend security in this life of mine, because it's just a big old mess. I was watching a DVD from your "Believing God" Bible Study last night and you talked a lot about insecurity…so much of it hits home with me and I thank God that I'm exploring how I got to this point in my life so that I can move into victory with Him!

    2. The part of the definition that especially resonates with me is "anxiety about our relationships and a constant fear of rejection" which I'm quite sure is due to the fact that my husband of 16 years chose to have an affair and move to another city, leaving me with two teenage daughters to raise. LORD HELP ME!! It is by His Grace alone that I am up every day and that God has surrounded me with Godly friends who have helped me in immeasurable ways.

    Thank you so much for this book and for all your Bible studies – they have pulled me through some very dark days and allowed me to see the Lord and sunshine ahead 🙂

  39. 639
    Tks2mom says:

    1)Oh, insecurity where do I begin? I guess in myself I deal with insecurity every day being overweight and trying like heck to beat it. I want to. I know I can. So why don't I? Insecure maybe? Not sure. Hope to find my solution in this book. I also deal with it at work every day when you have people that all they care about is themself. I just feel like are they so secure that they need the constant attention? Maybe I should pass my book on to them, too.
    2)Chronic self-consciousness. That's me. Always wondering what people are saying about me or are they looking at me funny? UGGHH!!! Did I say something to hurt someone and keep wondering over and over and over!!!

  40. 640
    Anonymous says:

    I am going to answer #2. Basically most of the definition struck a cord with me as did most of chap. 2. The chap. hit home so much it felt like you knew what was going on inside my head. I have this compelling desire to explain but I think you get the point.

    I am excited to see what God does in my life about this issue. I have been longing for peace in this area for a long, long time.

    Thatcher, Az

  41. 641
    Marie says:


    1. Smack in the middle of the head as my husband recently confessed a year and a half long affair w/ a woman I know and have been intimidated by ever since meeting her.

    2. The idea of the prominent false positive – the idea that one thing would make us secure in all things.

  42. 642
    Christina says:

    1. Insecurity sure sets in fast with me. Sometimes hits me in little waves and sometimes in one big wipeout. The other night my husband was listening to a radio show and then asked me from the kitchen if I ever wanted to be someone else… YES I thought… EVERYDAY! I want to be someone who is thinner, less clumsy, more naturally beautiful, less selfish, more giving, more confident, a better friend, a better wife and mother, and the list could go on and on. I know he was really referring to a specific person that I might have wanted to be, but don’t us women always look at other women and wish in one little way or another we were more like them? We see those qualities we don’t have and desire to be anything but ourselves??? I told him yes and he told me he never really wanted to be anyone else, that he was and is confident with himself but at times self conscious. And that was my moment of wipeout insecurity.. did he see me as unconfident? Could he tell how insecure I have become lately as a wife, mother and just plain woman!? It doesn’t help that an hour after that my daughter (15 months old) fell into a book case while only I was watching her. The egg shape mound soon appeared on her head and my husband of course got really upset, which made me feel like a horrible mother. Is it awful that I feel the most insecure around him? I feel that he is everything I am not and I envy him at times. Shouldn’t he be the one who I feel the most secure around…maybe that is the problem… I should be most secure in my relationship with Christ.
    2. I think I can relate to just about every woman’s answer to these questions! The definition/description of insecurity that hit me the most was about relationships and the way I perceive love in an unhealthy/ unrealistic way. Also, self doubt…I find I always doubt myself and my abilities. I used to tell myself it was the infamous “youngest child syndrome”. I constantly want acceptance from other and worry about what they think of me. I may act like I don’t but that little voice always reminds me that I do. I need to start listening to the more powerful voice who reminds me how special I am in his sight.
    Thanks for this wonderful book!
    Pittsburgh, PA

  43. 643
    Delores says:

    1. I see insecurity around me everyday..from on the job, to our churches and world we have insecure women who need realize who they are in Christ. Personally, I struggled this week as I prepared to lead a small group discussion over the first two chapters…while I lead Bible studies and teach Sunday School, the discussion on insecurity brought out my insecurity.
    2. Chronic self-consciousness. You'd never know if you met me as I'm the outgoing, happy girl.

    Shiloh, IL

  44. 644
    anonymous says:

    Married (1 kid, 1 on the way)

    1. I am face to face with the struggle right now. I am pregnant and to maintain my pregnancies (i've lost a couple pregnancies) I have to be on a medication that suppresses my immune system and causes me to retain water—particularly in my face. While the rest of my body appears in the normal realm for a pregnant woman, my face looks like I have put on 60 pounds. My pregnancy otherwise has been very uncomplicated (PTL), but to go out into the public world, I feel like a monster. I want to wear a paper bag with two eye holes in it. At times I think THIS is more difficult that having morning sickness for 9 months straight! How selfish of me! It has been more difficult for me than it should be, I know. But I struggle, knowing what the mean world must think! I want to be a God-pleaser (not a man-pleaser) and BELIEVE what He says about me in this season. I am SO thankful to have my child and one still on the way. I try to focus on this aspect. Not on my selfish, prideful insecurity. But I can't lie that its not easy when the "problem" is out front for everyone to see. (Praise God that it is only a temporary "disfiguring"!!)

    2. I think the part of the insecure person living in constant fear of rejection hit the nail on the head for me. I know that's what it always boils down to. In the quiet of my house, all alone, I don't worry about if I look beautiful, or am dressed stylish enough. I don't fear other's thinking I don't "have it together". But let one person walk through the door, or me out it, I do! I so want to get over myself and have COMPLETE freedom in Christ!

    p.s. The book is so good, I'm having a hard time putting it down—I want change so badly and NOW, that that is why I don't want to stop reading. I read one chapter ahead last night. oops! I'm so glad you wrote this book! Thank you! Praise God. Also doing the new Breaking Free. They are going hand-in-hand so nicely right now.

  45. 645
    Angie says:

    Nixa, MO
    40 and happily Married

    1. Insecurity seems to have been a way of life for me. So when have I come face to face with it? This morning when my feet hit the floor? LOL! I have worked my way up through the ranks in my job to HR Manager… and sometimes have to give the "tough" answers to people. I don't have all the "book" knowledge and paper to show I know my stuff, but I do.

    The description that says: “The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate.” This is me all over myself. After all the bad decisions I have made, and the mess I made of my life in the past…I am constantly questioning why anyone would love me or want to be with me…. I feel as if my motives and initiatives are in question not just by me but then convince myself others quesiton it as well. I seem to make it bigger than it is, and what starts as an ember of a thought turns in to a burning pasture.

    The fear of rejection often hinders me from stepping out on faith and doing God's will. I'm missing out on His blessings and abundant joy, by not giving it all to Him….

  46. 646
    Amber says:

    30’s Married

    1.The last time I came face-to-face with insecurity would have been last Wed. at my women’s Bible study. In any of these types of situations I never feel as though I belong and I really struggle with trying to open up. Ever since becoming a Christian I feel unworthy to be part of Christian groups. Because of this I have tried being content with my old friendships but now that I’m a Christian I don’t feel comfortable around them either. Needless to say, I’m really in this phase of not being comfortable anywhere.
    2.Honestly the whole definition defines me. I’m even insecure trying to choose which sentence best describes me, but I’m going to….I would say that I feel mostly a profound sense of self-doubt- a deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth and place in the world. I believe it is due to being abandoned by my father…. Before he left permanently he would indicate that he would pick me up but then never show up. After that I was adopted by my step-dad who battled addiction my whole upbringing and caused a lot of emotional abuse during that time. He later remarried and now has a new life with a new family, which I’m not a part of. Bottom line-I never feel as though I’m worthy of the space I’m using.

  47. 647
    Melissa Lynn says:

    I am LOVING this book! So timely!
    So…here goes…

    1. I completely relate to the 50 cent situation that gets a $500 reaction..when some thing happens that might not have been good but did not need the type of reaction I gave it…it didn't call for being devastated but that is how I reacted to it. In looking back on what happened in light of my insecurity, I could see the blaring words INSECURE all over it.

    2. The definition that MOST resonated with me was constantly second guessing myself by wondering if my desires and feelings are real or even legitimate. I constantly second guess any decision I make, suffering over it, worrying it, asking people non stop what they think about it, etc, the realm of being a Mom. That is probably where I am most painfully aware of my insecurity. I feel like I fail constantly, never make the right choices and am scarring my children deeply for life. I've always known that was an area I needed to really let go of and give fully to God but reading these chapters opened my eyes even more to it. I'm so ready to give this to Him and have Him mother my kids thru me. I love you Ms. Beth and love how God is using you!

    Melissa Giomi
    Concord, CA

  48. 648
    Sarah says:

    I'm finding out that "insecure" would be an accurate word to describe me. I try not to show it, but I feel it all the time. We are planning our family vacation, a trip to the beach, and instead of getting excited I find myself worrying about how the extra 10 pounds I've put on the last couple of years will look in a swimsuit.

    Chronic self-consciousness is what plagues me the most. It causes me to fear rejection from every relationship, and I really do have some wonderful friends and a devoted husband. It's frustrating not to be able to relax and enjoy those precious blessings from the Lord.

  49. 649
    Lindsey says:

    Loving this book so far!!!
    1. While watching the Bachelor for the first time in a while and being saddened/shocked at how desperate and needy the women seemed in their pursuit of this man claims to be in love with 3 of them at once. Yikes.
    2. Self doubt and fear of rejection.

    Jenks, OK
    20s, single

  50. 650
    zorhar12 says:

    1) On Sunday night, I attended a Buddhist meditation for the first time. I felt very self conscious because I’m a single mother of one with another on the way. I tend to always feel self conscious where ever I go, especially at church. Some women stared at me (or I felt their eyes on me) and even the monk lecturing at meditation mentioned how some kids have it hard because of single parents. My situation is different because I have a well paying career and I don’t rely on anyone else to financially care for my children, but I do believe that it takes a village to raise a child and surrounding yourself with loving friends, family and confidantes have helped me rear my child and the next. I understand that you can’t stereotype all children from single parents or divorced parents so I do my best to raise mine. I just continued to meditate with metta or peace and loving kindness and the feelings dissipated.

    I have a deep fear of rejection and of being invalid. This goes back to childhood. I’m glad I have a better relationship with my mother (took 15 years) and we are currently sorting through this stuff now as I read the book. I’ve made many decisions based on insecurity that have impacted every single area of my life. I hate to admit it, but sometimes I think I got rejected so much in relationships, I went and had children because that was the only place I felt love (aside from my own parents and siblings) and I didn’t care if I had a partner or not. I realized this after reading this book (Yes, I read the whole thing in one day) but I want to participate in discussion. This admission stings but as Oscar Wilde said, "Every Saint has a past and every Sinner has a future." I just feel blessed that I have the opportunity to see the things that "sting" and make an effort to find my happiness.
    Euless, TX

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