Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.
We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.
I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.
So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.
OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.
2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.
Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.
For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.
No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.
Thank you for coming!
Lord, be magnified.
In His lavish love,
Beth
I was on page 17 when the truth hit me straight in the face – I struggle with insecurity. It was six pages earlier , and only two words, that exposed my unknown ailment. Injury and uncertainty. What resonated with me cleary was my fear of rejection.
May God use this book as a tool to begin healing. I don't want anything to interfere with God fulfilling His purposes and plans in my life. I pray for the Spirit to fill me with the encouragement I need to move forward so I may be obedient. I'm so glad there are 321 more pages ahead.
Traci
Corona, CA
40's
Married (we've been together 23 years next week)
OK – now for my 2nd less serious comment.
I love the written word. I can't get enough of it. I just never thought that I would be holding my copy of "So Long, Insecurity" in one hand and my dictionary in the other. There was even a word in our 1st assignment I had no idea what it meant. I'm up to 3 words I had absolutely no idea existed. I'm starting to feel very insecure regarding my knowledge of the english language. Smile.
I'm going to keep a page in my journal for all my new words and their definitions. I'm calling it "Finding some security in new words." I'll share how many I learn at the end. I'm just too insecure to tell you which words they are.
Beth, just keep challenging us and making us smarter. Gotta love it all!!
Kerrie
30's
Married
Sherwood Park, AB Canada
1) At a hospital. I was working with this absolutely gorgeous Registered Nurse in her mid twenties. She accidently spilled some water on my clipboard. Nothing was ruined, but she kept calling herself "stupid" over and over. Even when I told her that nothing was ruined. I felt really bad for her because, I knew it was an accident, but she kept beating herself up about it. Here was this beautiful, smart woman, and she was just insulting herself, and I could just imagine that her internal self-talk was much worse than what she said aloud. The thing that I found ironic is that she is EXACTLY the type of person that I usually feel the most insecure around, completely beautiful and very smart.
2)I really related to all of the specialist definitions of insecurity. They all resonated with me. As I was reading the definitions on page 17 and also on page 23 I realized that the entire thing could have been written about me at some point in my life. I'm not saying that only one or two things apply to me, but LITERALLY every single thing. Not always, but at some point in time, most definitely.
But as to what absolutely stands out the most. I have unconsious unrealistic expectations about love and relationships.
DeeDee
Albany, OR
40's
Unmarried
Still waiting for books (3) I ordered on Feb 1st. 🙁 but I read the posted chapter. 1)My recent job performance Review cited my "worrying over success of program" when not warrented. Evidence of my insecurities documented. Ugh.
2) Insecure about relationship-especially peer to peer relationships such as at work or church. not so much as home or in family.
Aundi from Washington
19 and single
I just have to say that I just graduated from highschool and am a mess of insecurities. I am surrounded by friends that have gone on and done better things and I am living at home in self-doubt, trying to find a place in this crazy world. I don't think I ever realized how much these zillions of little insecurities plaque my existence. I am SO ready to stop living in fear of what others think!
1) Insecurity seems to be a part of my everday life. I had a rare (but big) fight with my husband this week and talk about insecurity taking over. Wondering if my own shortcomings will make him think he shouldn't have married me even though he is quick to take responsibility for the areas in our relationship where he needs to do better. (not to mention the fact I am the one to point out my own shortcomings….he isn't the one doing it).
2) Chronic self-doubt. That is me.
Karrie; in my 30's; from Indiana; married to a man who lovingly tolerates my insecurity 🙂
Suzanne–Nashville,TN–27–single
1) I have often noticed myself as feeling insecure when in the company of men, afraid that I will sound stupid or childish, or even worse to me, annoying.
2) I identify with having self-doubt, not realizing my worth or knowing exactly where my place is in the world. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin at times, and sometimes that bothers me, other times it doesn't. It should bother me ALL the time!!
Also, sometimes I feel not whole or complete without a husband and children. I am working on that one too!! 🙂
Thank you so much Beth! It's a real eye-opener!
Holly
Williamston, SC
36
Single – NM
1) my own insecurity was challenged yesterday as "i" with my fellow co-leader took our middle school girls to the WinterJam concerts just last night. As we were in that WONDERFUL coffee shop 🙂 (hint has a star in the name :)) we were taking pics. Well, a man noticed our little group and asked if we wanted a pic. I said "yes" and handed my camera. Then to my dismay, and shock of the girls – he says to me, "are these all yours?" Oh, my!!! really i just turned 36!!!! and he meant our co-leader as well b/c she is super petite, so he grouped her in as well!! (BTW – i am SINGLE and NEVER MARRIED :))
2) The part of the definition that said, "Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships." Or even in my case seems to be a lack there of.
Being single, and in the south, has an extreme wearing on a person. I sense this espec even in the church, or at work. And with this – comes the ever wonderful ? – Where Do I fit in? (oh, and yes i serve in the church – children's and youth) .
Really loved the first 2 chapters, not as in oh these are great…. more like OUCH and WOW, that's me. Thank you so much for writing a book that has us facing a real and daunting enemy in our culture.
Dear Beth,
I am on the second chapter of your book and if I could and I will probably compulsively do this, go back and underline every word. You are inside my head sister.
I have started a blog JUST because of your book so that others may share their thoughts.Get that!! Seeing everyone else with a blog pushed me over the edge.
BUT, I don't know what I am doing? The pictures won't load, what if someone reads it and disagrees with me or worse puts me down for my thoughts.
Pen to paper made me feel secure because it was my book. Now strangers may read this blog!!!!. Does this mean I am growing, stretching myself or just plain insecure?
Self doubt enters every situation.
Yes, your book is the work of the Lord. I hope He can reach me too.
1) Teaching 9th grade, I see it almost every day. One day, a few weeks ago, the kids started openly bashing homosexuality. (We are studying The Picture of Dorian Gray.) Most of the kids in the class are Christians, but this one girl is an open lesbian. She looked like she was going to cry right there in front of everyone. I had to remind them that the most important commandment, if they were indeed following the Bible, is to Love God and secondly, to love their neighbors. And that included with their words. The girl thanked me afterwards. (I do teach in a public school, but it's in Alabama!)
2)I didn't think I was insecure at all before starting the first couple chapters. Maybe I was just comparing myself to my former self? I've come a long way. But sometimes, I know that I put way too much of MY identity and value in my children. ie. They are well, so I must be too?
Julie
Pell City, AL
30's
Married
Elaine, Moncks Corner, SC, 48, married.
There is never a last time I came face to face with our genders massive struggle with insecurity. There is a constant time. I am always second guessing choices. I am also always on the outlook for the underlying messages others are sending me (critical ones of course), instead of taking the words they are saying at face value. It always seems like I have little trust in myself and others. Distrust leads me to big insecurities.
The entire definition of insecurity resonated with me. I can't remember a time when it didn't. What I do know now is that it is time to let go. To find the peace and joy in my heart and sould that God wants me to have no matter what season of life I am in.
Gretchen
40's
Single
Thousand Oaks, CA
1. At a woman's bible study, the leader would either consciously or unconsciously try to make herself out to be the only leader. In all that she said and did she wanted the attention only on her. It's easy to recognize now the massive amount of insecurity that led to that behavior.
2. Regrettably, every definition of insecurity applies. Feeling rejected and like there is no place in the world as a never married, no children, 40 something professional woman (who has always longed for a husband, by the way). Mostly, it shows itself as constant, chronic, pervasive anxiety and self-centeredness. Along with a deep uncertainty about whether my own feelings and desires are legitimate. And for the cherry on top, I don't just doubt myself, but I also doubt God about myself. Lord, please heal us as only You can do.
Am so looking forward to seeing and hearing all that the Lord will do in all of us through this journey. Blessings, sisters!
Stacy, Cincinnati, OH, 40's, married
2. women who pretend they can do it all, and wear mask, and I try to share something simple, they come back no way, or try to tell me it can't be done.
3. "the insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate- not all the time, but like my mom before she died and my dad who is living or some of my friends. some don't just listen, and has caused me not to share, keeping some relationship in a very small box
Sandy
Winkler, MB Canada
Married
Chapter 1- I see insecurity in my and all around me. Not sure if it is the water here or the Mennonite background, but it is huge.
Chapter 2-I identify with the self-doubt,feelings of unworthiness,lack of confidence, and fear of rejection.
Rhonda Lima, OH
48
Married
1. I have always struggled with my weight…I have recently lost 70# and am working hard to keep it off.
I watched a program recently that showed how photographers air brush photos to give an illusion…to even super thin models and stars! It was ridiculous!! And I (& I'm sure others) buy into it thinking that looking thin and wispy will be the answer to feeling good about myself!
2. The whole thing! But the part that most resonated with me was "living in constant fear of rejection". That is where I am alot!
1. My most recent example of insecurity happened yesterday. I am so scared of what my daddy thinks of me that I often lie to him when asked a simple question. I seem to always try and answer the question with what I think he wants to hear.
2. The part of the definition that resonates with me… Anxiety about relationships and a deep uncertainty about whether my own feelings and desires are legitimate. I have know that I struggled with insecurity for years but I didn't know how much life it had been sucking out of me until I opened this book. How I long for freedom!!!
I am even insecure about posting this. I loath you insecurity!!
Latest feeling of insecurity: this morning, opening up a picture a friend took of Beth and me at her book signing. Ugh, is that me? And I felt so pretty that day. I HATE MY HAIR! What new makeup and hairstyle can I try next to be able to look like the lady who sat behind me and appeared to be so put together?
Celeste, TN, 50s, married
1) Most recent encounter with insecurity: feeling like someone might not like me anymore because of a misunderstanding that is really no one's fault. This is at church which seems to augment the whole issue!
2) Being completely honest, the part of the definition I identify with is "a chronic lack of confidence in [myself] and anxiety about [my] relationships.
Lisa
Alpharetta, GA
40's
Married
1. I feel and witness female insecurity on a weekly basis. I live in a small community filled with intelligent, well-educated women who for the most part have put their careers on hold to focus on another important job… raising their children and providing a home for their families. We volunteer all over the city.I realize a lot of our conversations surround-What will we wear?, what party did we get invited to or NOT invited to?, Why didn't she include me? Is she mad at me? what charity ball have we been asked to volunteer for or not?, where is our home?, how big?…the list can go on and on. I realize that the same people who I keep comparing myself to are feeling the same way. We all want to be and feel valued and accepted. Women friendships are important to us. I realize when I am more God focused than me focused, I feel less bothered and insecure….if only that was all the time!
2. Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism resonated the most with me. I think you described me when you wrote that a woman can be a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness.
Sylvia
Georgetown, TX
60's single
2) I feel insecure on a regular basis because I think everything is my fault–I could have prevented it, fixed it, or made it better. Any note of criticism from my children and I am devastated.
3) The whole definition describes me. I struggle a lot with a deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth and place in the world because I have attached my worth to what I think others think of me.
Donna
Eldorado, Texas
65 yrs. old
Married
Dearest Beth,First, I apologize for the lengh of my comment…just can't say things in simple terms..don't you wish I had a copy editor? 🙂
I didn't follow your advice about writing a journal/prayer entry in the front of my book, but did write a "two-pager" on this season of my life & why I have chosen to take this journey with you…it is in the front of my book..does that count? I am at such a low point in my life and am expecting something huge & life altering from God through your book.
1) A month ago, my husband & I were at his son's house for supper. We were going out of town together the next day & I ask a few questions about the trip. My husband got angry with me, made a few "snide" remarks and I got angry with him. My step-son said something to me that hurt, embarrassed and humiliated me in front of everyone. This was the second of such remarks he has made to me in several months. In 31 years of marriage, he has never spoken to me in such a tone or manner. My husband did not take up for me and I left. I have not spoken to my step-son since. Insecure? You bet!!
2) What part of the definition did NOT resonate with me? I have a profound sense of self-doubt & a deep feeling of uncertainty about my basic worth & my place in my family & the world. I have chronic anxiety about my relationships and live in constant fear of rejection. I have an uncertainty about whether my feelings are legitimate. Maybe I have unconsciously created the situation in which I have been hurt.
As I age, do I become more secure? No….just the opposite. Is this pathetic,or what?
Precious Beth, I do believe that God had you write this book for such a time as this. Love you dearly….
1. Just thinking back through this morning, I could name several examples for myself as well as other people. The first one that came to mind was the fact that I continuously feel like I am "intruding" upon my in-laws because my family and I usually eat lunch with them and then, because we have a Valentine's dinner at church tonight, I want my husband and I to eat with them then, too. Why can't I just think that other people would enjoy being with me vs feeling like I have to make sure I invite myself into the situation? Gotta get rid of this insecurity!
2. The part of the definition that most applies to me is about being in relationships where being hurt or disappointed is inevitable. Starting in high school, I can name several relationships where I was extremely needy. Thankfully, only one of those relationships actually ended, but I know that is a very big tendency of mine… And I am ready to get rid of it!!!!
Thank you for writing this book, but also for doing this blog discussion! God is going to do some mighty things through it!
Tammy
Clarksville, TN
30s
married
1)The last time I came face-to-face with our gender's massive struggle with Insecurity was This Morning!!
A good friend of mine has asked me to be in her wedding, and its time to order the bridesmaid dresses. We have to send the wedding planner our dress size, and I am overcome with fear what my friend/bride and her wedding planner are going to think. I'm not a small size like many of the other bridesmaids. What are my friends going to think when I reveal my real size? What if when the wedding comes I don't feel pretty enough to be standing beside her at the alter? What if I totally ruin her wedding photos. (I know my friend loves me the way I am, and that is why she has asked me to be part of her day, but still that feeling in the pit of my stomach is not going away.) And it is making me look straight in the face at the doubt I have each wedding season when other friends don't ask me to be in their weddings….is it bc my looks? At least that is the answer I tell myself to help guard my feelings.
2) Self-Consciousness. Perfectionism is my way of control, and when I feel like I'm losing favor, approval, and harmony I will disparately will do anything to hang on to it.
"Oh Lord, I truly want the soul-deep security and I am dependent on your Spirit to bring freedom and victory over these Insecurities in my life.
Kim
Knoxville, Tenn.
30
Married
I might as well go ahead and answer the questions because every day my answer to #1 changes!
1. My latest insecurity "flare-up" was just this morning as I walked into the sanctuary for praise team rehearsal. The other girls were so cute and put together! The truth was that I really looked okay too, but I immediately started second guessing what I was wearing!!! How crazy is that? Yes, we should look nice, but that is not why we are there! As a side note, my hair was great! No insecurity there, because I dealt with hair insecurity on Wednesday at the Birmingham Books-A-Million book signing. (I so loved meeting you Wednesday!) Bad, insecure hair day that day though!!! I have pictures so I have proof! See what I mean? Every minute the particular subject of the insecurity is apt to change.
2. Chronic self-consciousness describes my insecurity best, although that is not to say several of the other aspects are present in my life too. Even now, I'm worried about what I'm writing on this blog! "What will people think?" or "What are people thinking?" runs through my head way to often.
I am looking forward to this study with everybody here! We can tell ourselves all sorts of things to "help" us get over insecurity, but I believe without giving it all over to God, we won't get far.
Matthew 19:26:
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
Trusting God to make my impossibilities possible!
Karen
Hartselle, AL
40's
Married
1) The most recent struggle with insecurity was trying to figure out for the first time how to set up this blog. And then when I got it done, I had misspelled Antarctic and book study. The pressure to be perfect—at least academically—is one I haven’t thought about because I have been in the middle of it for so long. (I retired in December after 30 years of teaching.) Then there was the thing about my age group. I didn’t read all 6,000+ entries but I didn’t see too many “60’s”. That made me feel like an intruder.
And then there’s the number of corrections I’ve made to this entry trying to get it perfect. All of this screams “self-centeredness,” doesn’t it? I will obsess after this is posted.
2) “Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt…with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves….” I know I've missed so much because I didn't have the courage or confidence to step out and do things. It keeps me from praying in public, too.
Debbie
Indianapolis, IN
30 single
1. Today, Valentine's Day, always reinforces insecurity to me every year when I am again reminded that I am very single in a world of couples.
2. The constant fear of rejection was the part of the definition that hit closest to home for me.
Teri
Lebanon, VA
50
Married
2) What part of the description of "insecurity" DOESN'T resonate with me???
When you've experienced sexual abuse as a young girl (or from my perspective, anyway) you might as well have "INSECURE" stamped on your forehead, and " WARNING!!!
IN CONSTANT NEED OF APPROVAL" on your back.
Deanna, 40 married, Anderson, SC.
I have written and deleted 2 times now. 🙂
I'll keep it simple> My areas of insecurity are in how I look, how people perceive me, how people form an opinion of me without really knowing me, ETC…
I beg God to give me the victory with these and so many other areas, so that I can turn right around and help other ladies.
Beth, you have it it right on target! Thank you. My friend and I have had such lengthy conversations on these very things. We are both so glad that you have tackled this for us.
Kim,
45, married,
Jenison, MI
1. I attended a concert at our local Arena and had floor seats. The only bathroom on that level required you to wait in a long line to enter AND exit the same way. As I stood in line, women were exiting and every person in that line, looked at her and you could almost feel the judgments being made about her. I sat there in panic and dread, as I knew when it was my turn to exit, the same line of women would make assumptions of me. What would they be? It almost made me turn around and get out of line but my bladder wouldn't let me:)
2. The definition that resonated with me was the false positive of "you are so tiny". I've been overweight my whole life and even after losing many, many pounds, several different times, I never felt secure. I always thought if I were "tiny" I'd be so secure. I knew the issue wasn't the weight…it was what was behind the weight. I only hope and pray that this book will answer those questions for me for good!
Thank you Beth for writing this book. I wish this was a better time in my life to experience this book. We just had the tragedy of our 18 yr. old son dying in a car accident and I am grieving his loss so much. I know through many of your studies, that God loves us and we will see our son again in glory. I am one of your biggest supporters and ordered this book back in Dec. so I'm doing my best. In Christ's strength…..
Man, this is H.A.R.D!!! Here it goes…posting and NOT anonymously even though I would REALLY like to:
1)In the last 8 months, I've lost 97 lbs. Thing is…I'm still very over weight. And on my way to Houston for the SMT celebration, my first seat partner on the first plane I had been on in 26 years, asked to be moved. I tried to tell myself that it was because I was too talkative, but really, all I could think of was "She doesn't want to sit next to me cuz I'm fat". She doesn't know where I've come from, only what I am…and it hurt.
2)Pretty obvious based on what I just wrote in #1…I "live in constant fear of rejection". Honestly, I would not be friends with me if I were someone else. I never understand WHY people like me, and yet it just kills me when they don't.
Jill
Centre, Alabama
20's married
1. I found myself very insecure today. I was to sing a solo at church this morning and I have had some congestion and felt I couldn't do it, or I would make a fool of myself. But I must confess, I feel that way everytime before I get up to sing for the Lord. I don't know why I still do after so many years of singing.
2. The self doubt and anxiety about relationships and pretty much life fits me. Everyday is a constant battle to fight the negative and the doubt.
1-I am constantly playing the comparison role with women at my bible study, homeschool group and especially my sister. I am 3 years younger then her and have never to this day quite felt like I have lived up to her standards in my moms eyes. It has been a long hard road but I know I will experience the freedom from it one day as I continue to press on in the mighty name of Jesus. So just the other day I was talking to my mom and she mention her, my sister and aunt were all out for lunch together and here it comes….the jealousy the envy, the insignificance and insecuity of their relationship verses mine. I just have always felt like the low man on the totem pole. Also our position in life currently make me insecure around friends. They all have big houses and nice cars and we a re a family of 9 in a small three bedroom trailer. we know we are exactly where God wants us but have felt the pressure of the materialistic world crashing around us for the past 15 years of our marriage and constantly being judged by it. It stinks…so I am looking forward to huge rewards from the book-Lordwilling I can keep up-I am very excited.
2-self worth-again feeling like the low man on the totem pole in my relationship with my mother and sister. Often feeling like our friends are schooling their kids better and are better homemakers, and just doing a better job with their own kids. I just need to stop comparing myself to others-it always me feel so lousy! why do we do that?!
oops…(7bambinos)
heather
lancaster, pa
married
36
1. Just 2 nights ago,at a formal event, sequentially insecure about my outfit, where I was sitting, what I said, how much I ate – luckily I could catch my reactions quickly and not let it blossom out of control!!
2. The part about feeling like feelings and desires are not valid.
Ok here we go!
1. The last time that I witnessed our insecurity was when my 8 year old daughter cried because her brother told her that her hair was a mess.
2. The definition that best discribes me is that I always have the fear of rejection. Also having the fear of never measuring up.
oops!!
Jeanie
Sparta, TN
39
married
Haven't received my book yet but borrowed my sister's so I could keep up.
1) The example would be me everyday.
2) Can you say just pure fear, self doubt and perfectionism?? … fear of what others think of me, fear of failure, fear of my husband leaving for someone else, fear of sharing my feelings with people and them figuring out I'm not what they thought. How's that for insecurity??
And after reading everyone's blog…I can't believe there are so many other women that have the same feelings. WHEW…I'm not alone. Now…can't wait to say good-bye to it!
I usually struggle reading anything that is not fiction. I always have good intentions knowing what the author has to say would probably be helpful, but my good intentions fizzle and I never quite finish. I am thankful for the added support of this online study to keep me accountable and for your great writing – I was hooked after the first paragraph. Praise God for the gift He has given you Beth and for how you use that gift for His glory.
Question 1. I guess my answer would have to be today when I tried out a new class at the YMCA. I begged my poor husband to go with me and then when I got there I compared myself to every other woman in class praying I wouldn't completely embarrass myself at any point.
Question 2. The part of the definition that resonated most with me was about self-doubt and basic self-worth. I don't feel like I do a good job at any of the major role areas in my life: wife, mother, teacher. I often feel overwhelmed and doubt myself questioning the job I do. I would really like some affirmation. I would like a post card from God telling me I really am exactly where He wants me to be.
Angie, 30s
Aberdeen
Married
Kelley
Springfield, TN
47
happily married
1. empty nest…now what do I do with myself? Food has always been my "security blanket" and my clothes have "shrunk" lately.
2. That leads to a request for consensus among my gaggle of how I should feel and what I should do…are my feelings legitimate?
Did you write this just for me?
Donielle, Manchester, PA, 40
1. My insecurity(this is not the only one!) comes from my job in that I am scheduled on a daily base to work or not. I find that when I'm not called to work, or worse yet, when they chose someone else to do the job and not me, I start wondering why I wasn't the one chosen! Mind you, God has already spoken to me on this issue, I just can't seem to rest in His promise! Frustrating!!
2. Which leads me to the "chronic self-consciousness" that best describes me.
Melissa,
You asked us if we thought there were any theological implications in the erotic poetry of Song of Songs. I definitely think so. I think God is making it known that the marriage bed is about passion as well as procreation! Enjoy!!
Dear Beth,
I must tell you I have read chapter one and only part of chapter two and my heart is just sobbing inside. At first I didn't think this subject would apply but oh was I wrong.
You see I'm a pastor's wife and we just made a huge move this past year. Lately I've been so tired and over whelmed. I work a regular job 40 hours a week, plus lead Ladies Bible Study, plus teach preschoolers, plus have a teen-ager, plus serve as my husband's secretary, plus so much more.
I realized today that I DO all this because I am so insecure. I feel I must be able to do everything for anyone to like me at all. I am placqued by "what did the previous pastors wife do", "what are the members saying about me", and on and on.
The madness has got to stop and I am so thankful for your book.
When was the last time I came face to face with my massive insecurity? This morning in church, standing with arms raised, praising God to "Worthy is the Lamb" sat down and the thoughts immediately entered my mind about how I was dressed, did I embarrass my husband, did I bring glory to myself(because that would devastate me), did others think I was radical? Why weren't they standing and praising…and the list and video went on and on until I just had to stop and think on something else(the message).
Regarding the definition of insecurity, they all fit my life and what I feel, just like a puzzle. If the piece doesn't fit right today, if I wait a couple of days, the piece will fit somewhere else in my life.
I am really tired of this insecurity!
Tammy
Mount Pleasant TX
40's
Married
I came face to face with myself. Wondering if I was enough for my man. Setting the scene we have been married for 15 plus years and he has traveled for approximately 5 of those years (meaning 150 nights per year he is absent from the home) We love each other and I trust this man. However my mind gets the best of me and I find myself in the throws of going down a path that terrifies me. I know better. I got a grip shared my fears and confessed my heart to the Lord first, then my man. I am thankful for my guys response.
I need this book and the underlining process from cover to cover is amazing.
"The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships."
This was me for so long. Turning to my savior and letting him in, to do the work so long over due. Beth, your studies truly made me face the ugly in me. I have come so far, yet I know that He is not done with me and for that I am grateful. I treasure the journey that I am on with my fellow siesta's and look forward to process of being the secure women that will come with the end of this lesson.
Celeste
Laguna Niguel, CA
40's
married
40's
single
2.
I feel insecure on a daily basis.
3.
-self-doubt
-chronic lack of confidence in ourselves
-fear of rejection
-deep uncertainty about whether my own feelings and desires are legitimate.
1) The most recent example I have of insecurity concerns a once very close friendship. Not knowing the reason for how/why things are the way they are and not understanding how to proceeed (i.e. attempt to work things out or walk away) has made me quite anxious and caused me to question my abilities as a friend.
2) "Constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." I've always been approval-seeking and I quite frequently wonder if my thoughts/feelings are true, real, appropriate, etc.
Hannah
Lansing, MI
25
Married
1. At 49 years of age and in the empty nest season of life, I find that now is the time to finally deal with insecurity in my life.
God has faithfully, mercifully, and diligently worked me through loneliness, depression, fears, strongholds, critical spirit, and other destructive traits that have taken my joy for years. Earnest prayer, Bible study, and scripture memorization have been crucial in this process. I praise my Father in heaven, for bringing me to a place where I am His and I hear His voice. God alone has been my strength, comfort and only friend/supporter on so many occasions. Thank You LORD!
God has peeled back the layers, destroyed the strongholds and brought me freedom. I believe He has brought me to the point of killing the root that has caused over 40 years of problems in my life – insecurity. My Creator God, I am confident that the work You began in me will be brought to completion by You, through the saving grace of my Savior, Jesus. I submit myself to the work of Your Spirit within me. I want to be rooted in You alone. I ask that you overwhelm my heart and mind with the knowledge of who You created me to be in Christ. Amen.
2. College events with my son (21)and his girlfriend (20). The dynamics of 20 somethings allowing culture to dominate their life and me feeling replaced & worthless. (it's like you see the merry-go-round in your head, but you can't get off!)
3. Description: anxiety & CONSTANT fear of rejection
2. At a recent get-together with two friends working on a church project I felt like I wasn't good enough and like I didn't measure up. I'm always so self-conscious around them with how I look and how I don't fit in because of interests and abilities. I came home crying and then stressed out and overdid everything the next time I was supposed to get together with them… Which God in His great wisdom caused the 2nd get-together not to happen because of my pride in trying to make everything perfect. Seriously!?!? Oh Beth, I didn't realize this insecurity problem was SO BIG!!!
3. What DIDN'T resonate with me from the definition??? The WHOLE thing hit home "profound self-doubt, chronic self-consciousness, lack of confidence, anxiety in relationships, fear of rejection, deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings/desires are legitimate… unrealistic expectations about love and relationships… self-sabotage!"
Katie
Colorado
20s
Married
What a book! I am so happy to be able to be a part of this group and read all the entries. My heart aches to think that we are so worried about who we are and what we do and how we do it and what we look like, sound like, smell like?!? YIKES!!!
1. My relationship with my daughter has been tough this past year. I am having a hard time letting her go, she is 19, has her own apartment and is working and in school. She has made some really poor choices and I worry about her and then wonder if I have a right to worry or if my feelings of worry are valid. That's insecurity!
2. The part of the definition that resonates with me the most is: Anxiety about my relationships and a deep uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legitimate.
One of my favorite thoughts from the book so far was about wanting to go someplace with God but forgetting that in order to want to GO, something has to happen to make me want to leave where I am. That stuck me in a profound way!
Thanks for listening and Beth, thanks for the book!
Kristin
University Place, WA
Married
36
1. I mainly work with women. I see it everyday in our interactions with one another and our interactions with clients. As we talk throughout the day about our personal lives and work lives we all seem to say "I'm not good enough"
2. Focusing on myself and my anxiety. Unrealistic expectations in relationships. Setting myself up to fail.