Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.
We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.
I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.
So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.
OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.
2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.
Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.
For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.
No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.
Thank you for coming!
Lord, be magnified.
In His lavish love,
Beth
To everyone else with a little "extra" on their formerly-skinnier bodies:
Have you asked your husband if he likes you a little "rounder" than before? My husband surprised me by saying that "Most men like their wives to look like a woman, not a girl."
Here's to looking like a Woman, not a Teenager!
Fresh moment of insecurity: opening my email account this morning and seeing a message from an old high school boyfriend asking to be a "friend" on facebook….telling me that I was just the cutest thing back in high school and asking how is my life. I have been literally paralyzed for the last couple of hours. How do I respond? I DEFINITELY don't feel "cute" any more (not that I ever really believed that I was), especially since my husband of 25 years divorced me and a "friend" told me my family reacted to my divorce the way they did because they were so glad to "see how far my star had fallen!!!" Shades of perfectionism rearing its ugly head. Instead of feeling imperfect ergo unloveable…why aren't I feeling human and redeemed and loved by the Creator of the Universe IN SPITE OF ANYTHING I DO OR DON'T DO….boy do I need a core belief overhaul.
LeAnne
Apex, NC
20s
Married
1 – Constantly analyzing my body "after children." I was at the gym this week and was taking notes in my head during a class on how I "sized up" compared to the other women.
2 – Chronic self-consciousness – thinks about the need to workout, eat healthy, etc. to maintain a certain "look." I know I am healthy and I am in decent shape, but I just want to stop thinking about it so much. Also, the need for everyone to like me hit home.
1.) my husband of 16 years, last year started a new job that takes him away from home more than he is at home. Altho i know that God has us in His hand, it seems all my insecurities from my youth resurfaced, i started to become fearful, angry, rejected, and less of a person. My children and job consumed my time, desperately wanted to be with you all in houston..no way that could happen. My insecurities almost destroyed us as a family.
2.) about 80% of the description of insecurity resonated with me, and i am thanking God that they do not all raise thier ugly heads all at once! Never really thought before about self-consciousness being a form of pride…dang i need God to rid me of that.
my prayer is to get everything out of this that God has for me, altho i know HE has healed me of lots, i need to not be insecure with a secure God.
Darla
Mount Joy, PA
40's
1. Just this morning! My husband's mood dictates mine… if he seems upset about anything… I think it is my fault… what did I do wrong? I feel I need him to tell me exactly how I contributed to whatever is going on inside him.
2. Page 17. "A deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." In my family of origin, two common statements were "Just get over it" and "Quit crying or I'll give you something to cry about." Wasn't really encouraged to face my feelings… so I think that still follows me today.
Sheri
Portland, Oregon
40's
Married (happily for 21 years)
http://theleakingwindow.blogspot.com/
1.) Yesterday at work I experienced the insecurity of our gender. A student intern who is working towards a same position that I am, but he has the college education that I don't, had asked for help from me and I was tempted to not answer, but then recognized it as me being insecure and not trusting that God would put me in the position that He wants me to be in. I didn't have to try to force anything. I felt much better about helping than trying to sabbotage.
2.) the "Self-Conciousness" is the definition that resonated with me. I think of myself quite a bit when I get into a "crowd" situation, but didn't recognize it as insecurity. The example of going to church and being so distracted with self, where I sit, who's there, etc., that I miss out on the teaching. Been there more times than I would like to admit.
Holly
Michigan
40's
Single
1~I found out about a coach who is a poor example of a leader with his mouthy(maybe filthy would be better)language to the athlete's from 5yr – 18 yrs old; and others he talks down to…and nothing is being done…and I was told nothing will be…he is degrading those children and others, esp women, including his wife, and that is not right!
2~ I 'fear' other's reactions – esp if I have upset someone! I want everyone to like me. I think about the things I've said over and over; about what I should have said and didn't or shouldn't have said and did; the 'fear' of what 'may' happen because of something I said or did…my sister says I think too much…
Juli from Webster SD
50 something and married to the most wonderful man!
k. from washington, married, mid 50's. I have been dealing with insecurity all of my life that I can remember. My dad left my mom and I when I was 4, thinking it was the best thing for him to do for medical reasons. I realized many years later how hard that had been on me, thinking something about me wasn't good enough for him to stick around for. Mom was at times distant and unloving. Much promiscuity followed, you know, "looking for love in all the wrong places". The result of that was huge guilt. Even tho I wasn't a believer, God blessed me with a wonderfully loving husband and 3 children. We both came to the Lord early in our marriage. However, two children are not walking with the Lord. I often feel that I failed in my mothering; why else would two of them choose destructive lifestyles, and one or two of them seem to dislike me often? I know this is a lie of the enemy, but the feelings are awfully hard to get past.
I need to be careful that I don't let these relationships contribute to feelings of low self-worth, being uncomfortable in my own skin, etc. I am excited at the prospect of getting healthier! I am so thankful for the work the Lord has done in my life so far, and I know that as long as I'm breathing, He will continue what He has begun in me! Thank you Beth for what you have done for women!
Champaign Il
I am 37 not married, don't have a boyfriend, so when I go out with a group of people – I always think they are thinking why is she not married or have a date?
I thought the part of the description that was speaking to me was that insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. – I want everyone else to think he is wonderful also – I think we will never fight and go out to nice dinners and go on lots of vacations.
1. First of all Mama Beth I have never thought of writing a prayer in a book before…it was like a new adventure for me.
2. The last time I came face to face with insecurity was last week. I have always felt I was secure in my life. I have a great job, hubby, children, etc. But I had a fundraiser to go to last week and wanted to not wear the same dress as the year before and wear one in my closet that I thought was cute and would match up with those I had seen all week from those going. Imagine my surprise when I couldn't fit into that dress. It was so tight I couldn't sit down without choking. Now I am five feet tall on my tippy toes and while I am not overweight, that 10 extra pounds in my hips and butt just about crushed me. All I could think about was that I was going to be wearing the same dress as the year before. It looks nice on me and I got compliments this time when I wore it. Talk about my eyes being opened to the fact I have some insecurity in my looks…sheesh…My hubby gotta love him said I love you as you are…and you are lovely on the outside and inside…but I still was wondering what the other girls were thinking of my dress.
3. The part of the definition that resounded with me was being perfect. I have always fetl being the oldest in the family I had to uphold the rules, be the best so as to not let anyone down. I still do that now…think I have to be super woman and perfect and wonder how did I get here.
Mama Beth I have marked up two chapter so I am sure God is taking me on a road trip. I do have to say I had to giggle about you praising the Lord in one hand, and carrying a rifle in the other. What a picture that brought to mind
Love you
Tammy
44
Howells, NE
Happily married nearly 19 years
1) The last time I was face-to-face with insecurity? Earlier in the week when a co-worker, for the umpteenth time, asked why I am still single. I am repeatedly being told by various people that I need to hurry up and find a man before it’s too late. The thing is, I’m only 25!! However, after having been told so many times I am starting to believe it myself. It seems that every other person my age that I come across is already married and having babies. I am on my knees praying every night about this, but I know that if it’s God’s will, then in HIS time my Mr. Right will come along.
2) The definition that resonated with me the most is fear of rejection and self doubt. I grew up in a small, legalistic church where there were only a couple handfuls of kids and literally only 3 others within a year of my age. My sister and I were the only ones not home schooled so I never fully fit in with those kids. I went to public school where it was not cool to go to church. When I did tell people, I was often teased for it so I finally just stopped telling classmates that I was a Christian. I never fit in there either. I have struggled my entire life with friendship and am at a season where my only friends are my sister and my co-workers. I don’t have any girlfriends to run around and do things with. It is my own insecurity that keeps me from getting out there and meeting people. I pray that this book will help me overcome it.
Joni
Florida
25
Single
The most recent episode of insecurity came in like a double barrel shotgun ready to blast away. In a recent work situation, (new job) I felt the wave starting to come over and then halted before it could take me down all the way to the pit. Self doubt about what I do, or what I know is a crippling thing, since so much of who I am is defined by what I do. I'm ready for God to continue to heal this part of my life and be free and secure.
Pam, 50ish, in San Diego
This is something that I even hate to admit, that I even have insecurities. The Lord has long been helping me in this area of my life and I want to continue the healing.
1. Last week at work I felt the need to apologize for something that was not my fault just to keep harmony when really, I should have let it go.
2. Your statement Beth that "I am a complicated mix of confidence and self consciousness resonated with me. The part of the definition that jumped out at me is that I have a strong desire to make amends whenever I think I've done something wrong. I have many times of confidence and then "bam" here comes the self doubt and insecurity.
Looking forward to working through this book together.
Denise
Deming, N.M.
50's
Married
Deborah
50 (soon)
married (34 yrs this year)
New Milford, CT
Beth, when and if you make this into a video and workbook Study, It would be nice if you, in your voice and strength of faith pray the chapter 9 prayer…and make it available with the workbook… there is just something about the learder/teacher praying over her students…I am not saying that it will have extra or more power than the sincere heart who prays it, but I am saying it sure would be nice to put the cd in and pray with you as you prayed that prayer…I don't know if I am making any sense…
Learning and growing out of my insecurities and yes there is evidence already that I may close the book securer in my Faith and in as the "new Creatation in Christ" he made me when I close the.."So Long Insecurity: you've been a bad friend."
Here goes!
2. I must say that I have so many instances of my own insecurity that they blot it out in many others that I see. I think and rethink almost every conversation that I have, thinking I could have said something a little more clever or a little more helpful. I know it must be draining to be my friend sometimes…okay so there I go again. The quote: "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism. That's where it becomes an art form." describes me to the fullest extent. I am a perfectionist and the reason I try so very hard is because I am so afraid to fail. This is the root of my insecurity I believe because I was brought up as the perfect little girl who does so well in school, never gets in trouble, etc. My father passed away almost 14 years ago and I still feel at times like I fail him and he is up there in heaven cheering me on for heaven's sake! So I am looking so forward to getting rid of this constant feeling of trying to be perfect! Lord help me!
3. The part of the definition that resonates the most with me is "constant fear of rejection." That says it all…no discussion and no drawing it out..it is fear. My fear has kept me from so much good I could do and should do..it is an effectiveness killer!
Thanks for allowing us to be very real here! Blessings on us all!
#1 I thought the idea of writing and entry in my book was so great…until I had to sit and write it. I was insecure about writing something. I was worried that God might not like what I wrote. I was worried someone else might read it. YIKES! I guess I really do need Him to work on this in me.
#2 Parent conference. two weeks ago. I'm the teacher. Crying in front of the principal and parents, becuase I just don't know what else to do; I just don't know what they (parents) want. Insecure becease I don't know what to do. Insecure because I'm crying. Insecure because I'm in this meeting in the first place.
#3 self-conscious, lack of confidence, rejection. I hate the thought of someone not liking me or disagreeing with they way I do things. I like the way you put it: We can think we've murdered that moster once and for all, and then it rises rom the dead and it has grown another head."
oops…i forgot my info.
Sarah, Texas, 20's, married
I have already posted but had to get back on to let you know one more thing. I host (lead) a Bible study that features one of your studies, Beth. I have three women in the study that have recently gone through a divorce. I get almost angry (at their husbands) to see the self doubt and insecurity that these women deal with and go through daily and have also seen God's miracle of hope and confidence return to them little by little as they are surrounded by a group of ladies (imperfect as we are) that time after time listen to them, love them and affirm their place in God's sight and kingdom. After all we are children of the King, what could be better than that. My joy in seeing their confidence return to them always leaves me praising our Lord and grateful to be a part of their lives.
Denise
Deming, N.M.
Stephanie
California
23
Single (in a relationship)
1. Recently, well a couple days ago, I completely flipped out at my boyfriend for not calling me for one whole day. Now I see it was ridiculous, but at the time I was really upset and worried. I thought he was avoiding me or annoyed by me or even bored with me…sigh…or maybe he was busier with more interesting people to talk to. I look back at how I had been an emotional wreck that day, and I wonder how such a serious and steady person like me could turn crazy like that. It's insecurity through and through. Deep insecurity. It would be so great to say "SO LONG!" to it.
2. The part of the definition of insecurity that jumped out at me was that insecure people will often question (obsessively at times) whether their thoughts and feelings are even legitimate. I get that way a lot, wondering if my feelings are relevant or just silly, if my experience of a situation is meaningful or somehow 'off the mark.'
My name is Diane O'Connor & I'm from Central Wisconsin. I just turned 60, and I'm happily married – 38 years – 4 kids and 9 grandkids! I serve as the Director of Ministry Development at my home church, and I'm a Life Purpose Coach and Instructor through Life Purpose Coaching Centers, International. The Lord has me starting a network – a movement – of Christian Women in Leadership called WiLDfire. I am using this simulcast as a project for leaders to reach across denominational lines, building trusting relationships while doing something to make a huge impact in the lives of women in our community.
I had a SERIOUS bout of insecurity right after I called to purchase the simulcast! (I had asked my husband if I could put it on our MasterCard, and had visions of being the only one there to watch it!!!) But wonderful woman from many churches have stepped forward to join me, becoming a strong team to impact our community.(Now I fear turning women away!)
Looking forward to the journey!
Diane
http://www.oconnorcoaching.com
Shareese
Hughesville, Maryland
30s & Married (Newbie)
Oh…Can i read ahead please!!! I knew this book was for me, when I found myself crying (and a little anxious) before I got to the first chapter 🙂
1) In the past 6 months I have been noticeably struggling, fighting, warring with 'insecurity'…It has shown up very aggressively and outwardly most recently. (although I know it has been here for years and years). Whether its me wondering and warring in my mind of why my husband seems to enjoy “Facebook”, work, the gym more than me right now or my feeling different and awkward now that I finally have close girl friends, something that I desired, but don’t know how to adjust for fear of rejection, or being a mother of two toddlers who are very strong-willed and feeling inadequate and a teenager that was just disagnosed with Clinical Depression…Insecurity by definition for me is failure in a tightly secured bubble; once the bubble burst it operates at full speed!
2)I underlined EVERY sentence in that definition, with an exclamation point and an asterisk on the right side! I wont expand of this because my first answer was quite long, but that definition hit it right in the bullseye for me!
Thank your for this book, Beth.
Sorry Beth, I'm joining late!
I'm Sandy Ten Hoeve from Grand Rapids, MI. 50's and happily married! I'm also a first time grama! Wow!
I think I was in my late 30's when I finally was in so much pain from my insecurity (and I was about to end my marriage!) that I was ready to change.
The part of the definition that most resonated with me is the last part…the self-sabotaging our relationships part. I've finally taken my husband off the hook and don't think he has to meet all my needs. I love the song "All of You (Lord) is more than enough for all of me! For every thirst and every need. You satisfy me with your love, and all I have of you is more than enough!"
I still have bouts of insecurity, but not like before! Thanks for the book, Beth!
1.) I spend a lot of time thinking. Thinking about anything and everything. Lately, I have been thinking about what I expect from my husband. Beth, you referred to them as unrealistic expectations. At times, I think up these things in my head about what my husband should be doing or not be doing. And when reality kicks in and those things don't happen I am left disappointed and upset. And that's when insecurity sets in. I know in my heart it's not fair to my husband, but my thoughts get the best of me at times.
2.) I related to the definition: "The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." This is definitely me.
1. Well as I start this study today I'm sitting here having just had a chemical peel on my face because I am self-conscious over my acne marks. I look in the mirror and feel ugly and then assume everyone else thinks I am. I'm insecure about not looking how I think I should and it effects my attitude.
2. What part didn't resonate with me…ooooh that's sad to admit!! I could see myself in the whole chapter not just the definition and description.
I would say that being "chronically conscious of self…whether I feel inferior or superior, always seeing where my place is" and how I measure up in all areas of my life. From my appearance to work issues to relationships I'm always comparing myself to those around me.
I also always seem to use unrealistic expectations as the bar to which I measure myself and others too. So I can never be satisfied and I continue to set myself and others up for disappointment.
I'm so blessed to be going through this book. I am hoping that God is going to use this book to bring about the change in my heart & mind I've been praying about for years!! I want to find my worth in Christ and be consumed with HIS opinion only!
Erin
Glendale, CALIFORNIA
32
Happily Married
1.) I recently had a little bit of extra money to spend on updating the walls in my house – I've been taking pictures of my kids the last two years and had printed very few. One wall I added to is particularly lovely seen from my eyes. It is probably my favorite wall in the house now. Yet when someone I care about, and in whose relationship I am not at all secure, commented on everything but THAT wall, I found myself hurt and running through all the reasons she might not like it. What's funny is I know we have totally different taste, especially in decorating. And if I know I LOVE it why do I care if she MIGHT not, Im not even sure she doesn't. But no word one way or the other left me an insecure mess.
2.) "everyone who is insecure is sensitive to a fault"
"Insecurities best cover is perfectionism"
"A deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate" – I regularly question the way I feel and try to justify it or convince myself to feel another way.
"Intensity is a key factor in insecurity" – sometimes I think I feel things far too deeply. Ive always been told that I'm incredibly empathetic. But I also take the slightest comment so personally. Ive come along way in the 10 plus years I've known my husband but there is still a lot for me to learn.
Oh and I forgot to add:
Kim
Jacksonville, FL
30's
married
Deb
Montezuma, North Carolina
50's – Married
Question 1 – I am a small business owner with an all women officeand this past summer I began dealing with one of my staff who was being outright rude to other staff & clients and everytime I brought it to her attention she immediately laid the blame on someone else. I began to wonder if she was even aware of what she was doing or just plain mean spirited. When the meltdown finally came one morning when we were alone in the office I realized that this woman was not the confident, has it all together woman she was trying so hard to protray. We've had several open discussions since then and while she still cannot seem to say the words "I'm sorry", life in our office has become much more relaxed.
Most recently in my own life I discovered that I had failed to make one of our estimated tax payments for the year. I stressed myself out for several days trying to find a way to tell my husband. When I did finally tell him, my sweet husband's response was, "Oh, well, it's no big deal."
Question 2 – I related to the self-doubt part of the definition. As I mentioned above I have 5 staff working for me and I have seen God do amazing things through our firm yet I find myself constantly saying, "I can't let these people down, they depend on me for their livlihood." I can definitely relate to your statement on page 18about not being comfortable with the responsibilites I do have. It is scary to have families depending on you.
1. I face it on a daily basis. Most recently: last night my husband and I attended a marriage seminar, where we sat with a group of friends. Instead of being able to focus on this amazing seminar, my thoughts kept wandering to how much older, heavier, less in style, etc., I looked than the other ladies in our group.
2. I could relate to every part of the definition. But the part that resonated the most was "chronic self-consciousness." I spend way too much time thinking about ME, and I'M TIRED OF IT!!!
Thanks so much for providing this forum. It will help me dig deeper, stay focused, and be encouraged that we are all in this together.
Lois
Manchester, MO
50's
Married
#1 – Journal entry – Thought I'd share what happened as I attempted this assignment by sharing a brief part of my entry – "Although I mark up my book and often keep a reading journal, I have never written on the inside cover. In fact, I'm a little insecure about it. What if someone reads this one day?…I suppose blackmail would be out of the question…It's more like someone seeing my bra and panties. It isn't that big of a deal on one hand, but a little embarrassing on the other because they are seeing something about me, something revealing that I wouldn't ordinarily volunteer to show…unless I was shopping with a friend for the purpose of finding new undergarments. Okay, so I'll pretend we're shopping together for the purpose of finding new undergarments.
Truly that is what I want!" I realized after writing this how much truth is in this analogy! I want some undergarments of security instead of that nagging feeling that something is so wrong with me. You know that feeling that takes you by surprise sometimes just when you think you are overcoming it.
#2- My young 15 year old cousin's Facebook page that screams her need for love as she attempts to find in appearing to be a sex object. It breaks my heart. My thoughts have since been filled with questions of how to reach out to her. Which, ironically, is connected to my answer to the next question.
#3-I actually "declared war" on my own insecurity some time ago. Part of my war began with the "Me, Myself, and Lies" study. (Thank you for doing that study.) Although I identify with almost everything, this particular season of my process has been dealing with "a deep uncertainty about whether [my] feelings and desires are legitimate". Doggone it, I have had such insecurity for so long I'm working on trying to identify my feelings and desires in some areas and looking closely at the ones I do have to divide "light from darkness", if you will. It ain't an easy job, Sister! But I'm sure it is worth it!
Hollie Johnson
Cumming, GA
30's & married
Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
A past relationship. . . long story there and I won't share too many details. He continues to struggle with insecurity. But, that is not my issue.
Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
"The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. These expectations, for themselves and for others, are often unconscious."
Ok, God is totally speaking to me with this quote. . . It is so me. . . I have my list of expectations in the opposite sex and sometimes I think no guy can live up to that list. . . maybe no woman either if the list was written by a guy.
1) [not sure if I'm supposed to share this? talk about insecure!!] "Lord, on this Valentine's Day Ever, I realize that I have many insecurities to deal with. Instead of a pity party, I want to rest in Your strong loving arms. I want to desire You far more than I desire a man or a baby to love. I want to hear You above all the chaotic noise in my heart. Help me,Lord, my Forever Love!"
2) I was in a Body Image Group and one girl in our group was probably in her mid 20's. She was very pretty, always dressed impeccably with hair and makeup done. She was a lap-band recipient and now a lap-band seller. My heart hurt for her when she talked and revealed her paranoia of being 100 calories away from being "fat again" and not being noticed by men.
3) The one on page 23; I have unrealistic expectations–in general, specifically in relationships and then self-sabotage (page 27)…yeah, that's me!
I originally was doing this book club because of the blog, but the Lord has revealed to me just in the beginning of this that I REALLY am insecure and need this book. Thank you, Mama Siesta!!!
Sarah
Dallas, TX
30's, single
Keri
California
30s
Married
1. My sister whom I love dearly and would do anything in the world for recently let me know that due to her pregnant, hormonal state she doesn't want my whole family of 5 staying at her house the weekend of her baby shower. It's really no big deal and she wasn't cruel or mean about it, just honest, but it still got to me.
2. "Loss of favor and approval and harmony is excruciating to people with insecurity"(Chapter 2). That pretty well describes me.
1. In my journal entry at the front of the book I wrote this phrase: "I'm willing to be open and honest and allow You to peel away anything that is hindering me from walking the freedom that You have offered me".
So here are my answers to questions 2 & 3:
2. I would have to say that coming to the SMT Celebration in Houston, without having actually met anyone else first did throw me a little. But not just the SMT Celebration. I think it probably happens any time I am in a group of women, no matter how large. I have never really recognized it before, or called it what it was. I also figured I was the only one who felt that way, but I'm discovering I'm not. Who knew that we were in a room filled with 500 other women who felt just as insecure as we did?????
3. When I read the definition on page 17, I felt like I ran into a brick wall! Phrases like "chronic self-consciousness", anxiety about our relationships" and "fear of rejection" all resonated with me. At what point does chronic self-consciousness become self-absorption? I think there is a really fine line.
Also, the spot on p. 18 where Beth says: "Maybe I suc-consciously doubt God for using me……..I don't just doubt myself, I also doubt God about myself". WOW, that describes me to a Tee!
Example: We have a Living Proof Live event coming up in Toronto in 4 more weeks. I've put together a package that includes bus transportation from my area (1 1/2 hrs from Toronto) and a night in a hotel. I prayed about it first, I believe God's given me the gift of administration, I truly want other women to experience LPL and Beth's teaching. But just before I started reading the book I was obsessing about it. Women have been kind of slow to sign up, and I was worrying that if we didn't have enough women, I'd either lose money on it, or have to cancel the whole thing and disappoint the women who are already signed up.
Then I realized that if He's called me to do this, He's going to be faithful to work it all out. Either He fills the bus, or He shows me how to get the women there another way that will still honour His Name. After reading chapter 2, I realized that I was doubting that God could use me, and doubting God about myself. That was a HUGE revelation to me!
Judi, Orillia Canada, 50's, married
Kim
North Carolina
40
Married
This is my very first time to blog. Thank you for taking me out of my comfort zone and letting me try something new. Beth I can never thank you enough for your ministry. God is using you in a huge way to make a spiritual difference in my life.
I didn't think I was insecure until I began reading this book. My eyes were opened to some of my thinking. God can be my only security. I need to seek His truth more and filter that through my life for my security. Eph 2:10 in chapter 2 meant so much to me. This helps me focus on what God wants me to be and do and not what others or the world place on me to be and do. This helps me overcome some of my insecurities and place my security in Jesus because I am doing what He wants.
1. Unfortunately, I feel like I come across insecurity almost daily in my professional and personal life. I was in a meeting on Friday and a co-worker walked in late. Afterwards, she accused us of talking about her because we got quiet as soon as she walked in. I tried reasoning with her (until I was blue in the face) but she was convinced that we were gossiping about her. It broke my heart for her to think that I would do that to her.
2. The part of the definition that resonated the most with me is that I have harbored unrealistic expectations about relationships in the past (and, Lord knows, I probably STILL do today). The expectations have come in all different shapes and sizes, and the lessons have been oh-so-painful to learn.
Mandi
Houston, TX
20's
single
Dear Beth,
I was "officially diagnosed" with INSECURITY on february 12,2010 after reading chapter 1 and 2 of your book.All my life I have struggled and been at war with SELF.Just to name a few "self-doubt,self-hatred,self-sabotage,self condemnation,negative self-talk,unrealistic self-expectations,poor self-esteem,distorted body-image and the list goes on and on.So often I have cried out to God to set ME FREE FROM SELF.Never did I realize it all stems from insecurity.Unless you can be born with insecurity I really do not know the cause of my insecurity or what would have triggered me to become so insecure.But now having the diagnosis I can begin the much needed HEALING AND RESTORATION.Insecurity has robbed me too long of the abundant life God has for me.I am excited and I am eager to take this journey.I already had a different bounce in my step today,I dressed cute today,bought myself some fresh flowers,got a pedicure and enjoyed some chocolate.I am tasting freedom and will close this book SECURE.
Michelle
Magnolia
40's
1. The last time I saw insecurity was when I was talking to a co-worker and she was having trouble leaving her boyfriend who was treating her really bad. I don’t think she thought she could find anyone else that would love her.
2. The part of the definition of insecurity that resonated most with me was the constant fear of rejection. My dad quit making a living for my Mom and me when I turned five years old. I was born 15 years after my brother, so needless to say I was unexpected. My dad didn’t want me and he didn’t want to be responsible for me and make a living for me. It was obvious that I was not wanted by him. My Mom loved/loves me dearly and feels like I am a blessing from God to her. (That has been my saving grace.) I avoid the spotlight in social situations. I had rather be in the corner at a party. (I usually talk to other people who are in the corner with me.) I have a STRONG desire to make amends whenever I think I’ve done something wrong or someone is mad at me.
I am so excited to go through this book and close it a secure woman!
Devanee
Kansas
late 30's
Married
Ok, Beth:
1. I haven't worked up the courage yet to write my prayer to God in the inside cover of my book. When I die my loved ones will probably see it, and I feel quite insecure about that, actually!
2. Chapter One-I am faced with massive gender insecurities every day (school drop-off, sports activities, etc.) Women are always sizing each other up, and I am just as guilty as anyone else. I am NOT a snoot, but I am a people-watcher, and am VERY aware of which moms have to work, which ones don't have to work, which ones appear to have money, which ones don't, which ones are thin, which ones need to lose a few pounds, which ones are available for PTO work, and on and on and on. I am obsessed with my desire (and my apparent lack of ability) to be one of those wonder-moms who "has it together" day after day. It is my daily start-fresh goal, and my daily disappointment.
3. Chapter 2–Yep, I definitely qualify as insecure. The one that most resonated with me is my constant need for approval from EVERYONE in my life. I cannot stand it if I think anyone might be disappointed in me–and I know that that very thing drives them crazy, but I can't seem to stop!!
Michelle,
Rsvl, AR
30's
married
1. My job. I left something I loved and knew like the back of my hand to step out and try new things. Well, I'm "doin' the new thing" and am constantly frustrated and embarrassed by feeling I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like God has let me jump in the deep end of the pool without floaties. I miss my nice, shallow kiddie pool. 😉 And relationships. We gals value our relationships and Lord, have mercy, if something goes wrong with any of them. Talk about tail-spin!
2. Constant focus on self. I am SO aware of how I look, move, act, sound in social situations. Would love to not care if I have whispy bits of hair sticking out at all angles or my eyeliner is not as symmetrical as I'd like. I give other people a break, why can't I give myself one?
H.
Rome, GA
Single
30's
I really want to thank you Beth for this discussion group. I am a mom of a two year old. My Husband is not very social with me. It's always been this way. We have been married for 16 years. I have struggled with loneliness, and infertility for years. My best friend move to Texas about 3 months ago so i am very insecurity with myself lately. I really am trying to strengthen my relationship with God due to the experiences I have had with earthly relationships.
Karen
Tn
30's
1)The first chapter has struck hard in more than one area. My struggle with insecurities has invaded many facets of my life, but the hardest blow has wounded my relationships with men; or as it has been pointed out in Chapter 1, my expectations of men. The last relationship I was in ended very messily. I have been torn between drowning myself in blame or poisoning my view of men by thinking “once more, they are all the same.” Sitting down and facing what I did wrong is very uncomfortable. I unloaded a lot of my insecurity on him. I wanted him to undo past wrongs and give me the hope I needed to survive. I think that God removed me from that relationship because I needed to trust Him instead. Truthfully, I felt as though a steel veil had been lifted the day of the break up. I could see God in a way I had not experienced for probably 10 years.
2) It all applied to me, but the second part of the definition hit quite hard. I think that I do set myself up with completely unreasonable expectations. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that it is connected to my depression. I am a perfectionist and I cannot abide falling short. Every day, I wake up with unreasonable expectations. Usually I feel like a failure by the time I am walking out the door to face my day.
1. My last encounter with insecurity was standing in my closet. What to wear? Will I look fat? Will I look put together? Who will I see? Each time I do that I can see how I am constructing a wall around my hurting heart. If I can look put together I will feel put together.
2. The significance of PRIDE and Self-Centeredness in insecurity is HUGE for me. So much of my life is about striving and gaining approval that it is exhausting. It dominates my thinking. It causes me to never be satisfied. I causes me to think, do I have time to love the people around me…really love them…or is it about pleasing ME?
30's
Married
California
I'm glad I'm not the only one who forgot to do this. lol
Sarah
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada
24
Single
If anyone is interested in being able to do this as part of a small group, please join us at http://www.siestasite.blogspot.com We are all still participating with this big (I mean Huge) discussion group, but being part of a smaller group makes it easier to have some interaction and discussion.
Absolutely anyone is welcome!
Judi – Orillia, Canada
Mary H
Spanaway, WA
66 yrs, Married
Question #1. I would say this is the most recent time I've come face to face with our gender's massive struggle with insecuirty. Just being a part of this blog makes me feel somewhat insecure….you'd think after 66yrs of life I'd have a handle on it. Which I do know I've come a long way, but some little insecurities crop up from time to time when I least expect it.
Question #2.The part of the definition of insecurity that resonated with me …Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt–a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Especially the last part….I've been encouraged from time to time especially in the other Beth Moore studies I've been in….it pretty much says it all to me on page 18, at the bottom of the page where she quotes Eph. 2:10. I have to remember that I am meant to have a serious impact within "my"your sphere of influence
1.I come face-to-face just about every day with my struggle with insecurities. I have lots of acquaintances, but no real friends that I socialize with. I won't allow myself to get too close because I don't want to get hurt again. I tried to have a conversation with one of my co-workers twice last week. Both times, she seemed distant and bothered by my taking her time. I kept asking myself what I had done to make her mad at me. Was I imagining it? I was going to confront her and apologize even though I had no idea what I had done to upset her. I talked to God about everything and I'm trusting Him to restore our relationship and show me how I can best demonstrate His unconditional love to her. I am not going to allow myself to fall into Satan's trap of feeling guilty!
2. My insecurities involve a lack of confidence and anxiety over relationships. I have been hurt deeply too many times by people that I trusted. When I was in my senior year in college, my fiance was serving in Viet Nam. While he was there, he had a relationship with a girl there and she got pregnant. When he came back home, he broke off our engagement and, 40 years later, he still has never told me why. I found out the truth later, from his family. He re-enlisted and went back to Viet Nam to marry her.
A little over 25 years ago, my best friend "stole" my husband. They dated and married 6 years later. I can't even begin to tell you the meanness that was dealt out to me over those years.
I thought that was the very worst rejection, but it wasn't. The deepest rejection I've ever felt was when my 12 year old daughter called me from her daddy's house to tell me that she wanted to live with her stepmom and daddy. She lived over 300 miles away from her 8 year old sister and me. My daughter, who is now almost 31, lived there for a year and another year with her daddy when came back to Lake Charles because his wife had left him for another man.
I guess maybe you can see why I have "trust issues" in my relationships with people. It's been hard to let go of the hurt and rejection.I can't do it by myself. I don't have any "issues" in trusting God, though. Can I tell you that He has always been there for me through everything? He has never ever let me down! I praise His Might Name!
Judy
Lake Charles, LA
60
Single
Jodi
33 yrs old
Single
My most recent bout with insecurity was at a bookclub with some ladies. I knew these ladies but not REALLY knew them. I admire alot of them as well soooo, we are talking about the book and everytime I spoke I felt extremly foolish and stupid, like I could not say what I wanted to say right. Each time I opened my mouth I felt worse. On the outside I was ok but inside was a wayyy different story.
I kept telling myself to be quiet but I am not a great be quiet person at all. I usually am not sure what I am going to say until it is out of my mouth which is not always a good thing. I am working on that though.
I related on the insecurity definition on a few levels. One being "the profound sense of self-doubt", I doubt everything because I am so afraid of doing the wrong thing, especially about who I am and what I am supposed to be doing in my life.
"Lives in a constant fear of rejection and uncertaintly about whether their own feelings and desire are legitimate". YESS, I was so thankful you placed that in your book because I have felt that way practically all my life and thought I was just weird for it.
Here is my post and I am a newbie on here so I have not learned how to read the comments from on page to the next so if anyone could help me out I would appreciate it.
Happy reading and God Bless! 🙂
In the last year I have had my feelings crushed. A shock of what I thought I was doing to achieve approval of those around me has been a source of disappointment and pain that the Lord has allowed in order to show me that is not the way. So now I am having a massive struggle to find my place. With the struggle of my pain, I am not seeing or hearing what the Lord wants for me and wants me to do for Him. I praying for a revival through this study. TC in NC – 50's & Married
Roll Call and new to blogging! Looking forward to participating in this study with you all!
Becky
Clinton, MO
30's
Single
To Lynnette:
Tell anyone insensitive enough to say you 'did this to yourself because you're fat' that they are just WRONG. Obesity is a RISK FACTOR for high blood pressure, but it is NOT the cause. If it was, I would have high blood pressure since I have been morbidly obese for 20 years and have had high blood pressure for NONE. If people are right and being fat is the cause, shouldn't I have it too? Yet I don't. Neither does my sister who has been overweight just as long. My mother, on the other hand, does–although it drops into the normal range when my sister leaves town. (They live together.) That should clue you into the one main cause of hypertension–STRESS.Consider if you have added stress lately–especially if you have a lot of people around you likely to say what you fear.