Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.
We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.
I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.
So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.
OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.
2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.
Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.
For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.
No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.
Thank you for coming!
Lord, be magnified.
In His lavish love,
Beth
Mary
Dixon, IL
50’s
Married
Well, here goes another adventure with the LORD. I need His guidance and wisdom and help to forge forward. I invite Him to come in and pull out all that is a stronghold or hindrance or stumbling block in my sanctification process that is “insecurities” or a relative of it. At this point in my relationship with the LORD, “intimacy” has been pointed out by the Holy Spirit and needs to be dealt with in my life. And I know that these two, Intimacy and Insecurities, are related.
Chapter 1 Yesterday, Feb. 11, 2010 was the most recent time I came face to face with insecurity. I was shocked that it was so recent…lol! Yesterday was my sister’s birthday and she is 10 years younger than me. She is of a different faith than me. Many mistake us as twins. She is really cute!! Ha Ha! I had a gift and a card for her, BUT I did not want to see her face to face because of the way she makes me feel when I am around her. Hum….sound familiar? Insecurity is not what I would have called it before reading chapters 1 & 2. I blamed her for how I felt about her. Duh! So I took the gift and card to her house and put it on the kitchen table. Tada! No see her, no feel yucky! I LOVE her, but I do not LIKE her. So, our journey begins…….Insecurity….you are NOT my friend and the LORD and I are coming for you.
Chapter 2 a) insecure is usually sensitive to a fault. b) Insecurity’s best cover is perfectionism c) a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate d) unrealistic expectations about love and relationships.
In His Grip,
Mary
Regina
Henagar, Alabama
40's
married
1. I would have to say daily. I can't think of a single day that I haven't had those insecure feelings. At times I might "pull my self together", only to realize that I feel like a fly on the wall surrounded by a swarm of butterflys, who don't seem to suffer from these feelings, nor care if anyone else does. My insecurities deal mainly with relationships (parents, childhood friends, co-workers, etc…). What is so funny is that, just like your book states, you might actually think that I have it all together just by meeting me! That made me feel better that there are other women who feel the same way that I do. Thank you…
2. Self-Doubt!(chronic)
Fear of Rejection (also chronic)
I haven't started the book yet (later today!!), but I just had to tell you that I laughed out loud at your comment about seeing every color of hair you can buy in Birmingham. I guess my purple hair in Nashville made you eat your words??? Loved meeting you and getting a hug. I am very excited to start another journey with you.
1. My most recent struggle with insecurity happened at a church function. I have twins who were born prematurely. They have had developmental and speech delays due to their prematurity. We were in a group at church with children and adults. The kids were in a circle and asked to do something that was quite simple for all of the children that were my girls age. My girls could not do what they were asked to do. I grabbed them and ran from the room because of fear of what would come next that they weren't going to be able to do. I felt completely insecure as a mother since it was in front of other parents from our church.
2. The insecure woman lives in constant fear of rejection stood out to me the most.
1. I am an ob/gyn…I'm surrounded daily by other women and have the privilege of hearing a lot of their insecurities. Body image,sexuality,infidelity,fear of the unknown..you name it, I discuss it. Like you, those discussions allow me to help others and learn a lot about myself.
2. I hate to admit it, but most of the definition applies to me. From the outside I work very hard to portray the completely put together, perfectionistic, dressed to impress professional woman who on the inside is just hoping you will notice. I've been told many a time I have unrealistic expectations of people and I don't do well with rejection. I know this stems from my childhood. I've had some victories with this in my faith walk but I so long for God to be my source of security because I know so many other things would fall into place if I could be free of this type of thinking. Thank you Beth…we do have a lot in common.
Week 1
1) Last week at dinner with my husband. A young, beautiful, curvaceous, blond walked in the restaurant and my husband says, "SHAZAM!" He would have had to be half dead to NOT notice, and he tells me constantly how much he loves me, how beautiful he thinks I am, etc, but I was crushed inside. I even thought she was gorgeous, so why shouldn't he???
2)"harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationsips." I often think if my husband really loves me he should know what I need/want without me telling him.
Kathy W
Mansfield, TX
40's
Married
Sheri
KC MO
Age 30
Married
My most recent bout with insecurity was with my husband. I am very secure in my relationships with others, but sooo insecure in my marriage. I am so afraid that he would "be fine without me" and that he "just tolerates me". I try to maintain a perfect home, cook perfect meals, and be the perfect wife, and when i do something less than perfect, I am so afraid he will withdraw his love from me. I did not realize that could be insecure in some areas and secure in others, until I read chapter two. I am putting too much pressure on my poor husband to make me feel good about myself. I am so afraid that my imperfection will make him reject me, that his love for me can't possibly real, but based upon my works. Logically I know this to be untrue, but my insecurity tends to take over and make me a clingy needy basket case.
I guess this comment really answers both questions! Hope its not too confusing and rambly (there is that insecurity talking again).
Until next time!
S
40's
Married
West Harrison,In.
I have struggled with insecurity all my life. I struggle with EVERYTHING -how I look, how I talk, how I'm dressed, what people think of me, am I good enough at this or that, etc….Can anyone relate to me here?!
I am about to confess to one of the darkest places emotionally I have ever been. Only a handful of people know. I am having to pray for strength even as I type this…
Recently I was diagnosed with a skin condition known as Vitiligo (some of you may be familiar with it from Michael Jackson). Anyway, it's a rare skin condition that only affects about 1% of the population – lucky me!! 🙂 I have an overactive immune system that is basically attacking itself and I am losing pigment in my skin. I have white patches all over and it keeps spreading. As of now there is no cure. There are several treatments but they increase my risk of skin cancer so I'm not jumping on that. To say that this disease has rocked my world is an extreme understatement. I used to be insecure – now I don't even feel that word does justice to how I feel in my heart about myself.
It's been a really dark few months. I have felt secluded from friends and family because I don't want them to know, or worse to see. I cover my hands when I go out in public. I feel like people look at me like I have leprosy or something. And, I am not looking forward to summer with tank tops, bathing suits, and shorts. And worst of all, it's genetic. I fear that I will pass this dreaded thing on to my wonderful son or any other children we may have.
This has also been taking a huge toll on my marriage. I no longer feel adequate for my husband. I feel broken, ugly, ashamed, and I don't even want him to see my body like this. Let's just say I am in a huge state if "self-hate" at the moment.
I know in my head that God sees me as beautiful and wonderful. But in my heart I am having trouble believing it. I desperately want to take hold of the TRUTH. I am really looking forward to reading this book and praying for God to do something that He alone can do!!
The part of the definition that sticks out most to me is, "…a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth." At this moment I will be completely honest in saying that right now I'm not sure what my worth is. And that breaks my heart. I feel like I'm so focused on my "outer appearance" that my inside is crumbling. I need help. I need God. I need release from this. I desperately need to be reminded of what my worth is in Christ. I need to be reminded again and again and again until I have no choice but to believe it!!!
Thanks Beth for writing something that so speaks to my place in life right now. Looking forward to experiencing this with all of you!
Sara Grace
20's
Nashville, TN
married
Well, I've been depressed since at least junior high school. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and pschotherapist all to tell me what I've learned in just the first two chapters of this book. No amount of antidepressants or sleeping pills, or therapy is going to "fix" me. While they may definitely help, only God will be able to permanenly do so.
Elaine
Katy
50's
married
1. My most recent run in with insecurity was during a discussion between me, my mother in law and my sister in law about childbirth. My mother in law had 4 perfect natural(meaning no meds) childbirth experiences. My sister in law has had two. I on the the hand ended up having a c section for both of children. The first one I had pre eclamsia. And the second one she really really pressured me in to going for natural vaginal childbirth. And I thought o.k. I am just as tough as them I am going to do it. Well my little one and God had other plans I went into labor 5 wks early and had another section and he was in the ICU for a little bit. Well during our discussion my sister in law makes the comment "well I would NEVER have a c section" Wow and I took a blow to the heart! I felt like I was wearing the scarlet letter of childbirthing!
2. Ouch! Is all I can say, I related to both definitions and I was SHOCKED, because I really never labeled myself "insecure" A honest look in the mirror of my soul and it is SHAKING with insecurity.
Cindy
prairieville,la
30's
Married
2. Whew- Family pictures last November! 3 grown daughters, plus husbands, mom & dad. I as the oldest made "encouraging" statement to younger sister on what to wear, she took it badly and related back to $, and I went back to grade school insecurities about my looks and blah appearance… both of us reduced to tears over stupidity! Thankfully we worked it out and grew closer as we shared our respective hurts.
3. The definition resonated with me not thinking my desires are valid or worthy. At Christmas I struggled to determine what I want – yet I play the martyr because others have the gall to want expensive items that break the budget!
PS – I relate to some of the other posts, all kinds of YUCK has been dredged up and we're not at the healing part, so I'm walking around with a raw heart (especially trecherous on Valentine's weekend, a key time of attack by the enemy of even the best relationships!)
Bridget in Phoenix, AZ
Married – 30's
1. I live in southern California, and my church feels like a Barbie doll convention. My husband is a pastor, and every woman he counsels, helps, befriends, etc. feels the need to gush over him on Sunday morning. Or, they "sweetly" tell me how lucky I am to have such a wonderful man. Which I am, and I'm proud of him. But I sure wish there were some unattractive women for him to minister to sometimes. 🙂
2. "Constant fear of rejection." Describes me perfectly. So much of what I do stems from that.
Amy Storms
Santa Clarita, CA
33 years old
1. This past week my sister was in town visiting, my much skinnier, very successful job-wise sister. Will there be a chapter on sibling rivalry induced insecurities? (:
2. Two parts of the definition really resonated with me: "constant fear of rejection" and "deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate".
My fear of rejection has been crippling me. I have always wanted to obtain a graduate degree, right now is the perfect time for me to pursue it. The fear of not doing well on the GRE and not being accepted to a school are holding me back. The uncertainty about whether my feelings are valid and legitimate effects me daily. Just the other day I took a situation I felt offended by and posted it on a message board for other military wives just to get affirmation that my feelings were justified. Why did I need to do that and did it truly make me feel any better? I can't wait to dig deeper into this book. Thank you and God bless.
Paula
30's/Virginia/Married
Jody H.
60s
Graham, WA
Wow. Reading the comments makes me realize how true the saying is that "we each mistakenly believe we are just a common women with unique problems. In truth we are amazingly unique individuals who share common problems.
It's disconcerting to realize that we don't reach some particular age when alas we are "finished" (unless we're dead). When I read the comments about questioning whether my thoughts and feelings are valid, I thought good grief, after all these years that's still a huge struggle.
Thank you, Lord, that you are still at work and thank you, Beth, for being a willing instrument of healing.
Beth, I praise God for you. Thank you so much for writing this book. As soon as I saw it, I knew "I HAD TO HAVE IT!" I think it was written specifically for me (but I'm more than willing to share).
I've battled insecurity my entire life, it's sometimes paralyzing. I can't even pinpoint a specific event, it's too much of me and my life. The definition on page 17 describes me exactly.
While I see me in every part of the definition, I'd say the one that describes me the most is "a profound sense of self-doubt–a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world." And you wrote of your own experience out walking when you realized that you didn't just doubt yourself, you doubted God for using you. This is also me.
Reading through the posts, I was so struck by 3 particular posts:
With Kayte, who posted "I've been on a roller-coaster ride in my relationship with God throughout my life. I want to find stability." This describes my Christian walk. I too long for stability in my faith but I just can't seem to get there. It's always just out of my reach, like a precious dangling carat.
Like LittleWomen21, no matter where I am, I never seem to 'fit in'. She posted that she "sometimes wonder if I stopped coming to church, if anyone would notice or care." I find that it's hard to make myself go to church lately, my insecurity makes it too painful – paralyzing. My biggest fear is that I'll be judged by "Christian" women, this keeps me from sharing in the fellowship of other believers.
And I have to comment directly to Robin in Irving, TX, who is insecure about how easy her life is. I wish I could give you a big hug. I'm on the flipside. It's so ironic, you're life has been easy and blessed, but you're feeling insecure about God's feelings toward you, that He didn't trust you enough. While I have experienced many hardships and more than enough hurt in my life, and I'm insecure about God's feelings toward me, why He didn't love me as much as He loved others that didn't have to go through so much difficulties. I felt that somehow it was my fault, I'm doing something wrong. That no matter how hard I tried to live for Him, I was just never quite good enough. I thank God that you're life has been easy and blessed, and even though mine hasn't been easy, it has been blessed in more ways than I can count.
The truth is we have the same enemy and he will lie to us no matter what our circumstances. Now if I only I could get that knowledge deep in my heart so I can't stop believing the lies. Robin, we'll get there together by the grace of God.
Katiebug
Married
40's
Hayden, AL
First time participant/blogger
Typo "so I CAN stop believing the lies."
1. At the beginning of November my husband and I found out we were expecting our third child. Then just a month later, I found out that my husband had been involved in an affair. As soon as he told me the affair ended and we are attempting to work things out but needless to say, I am a walking example of insecurity right now.
2. The description of self consciousness resonated with me instantly. I was that 7th grader changing into gym clothes w/out first removing my dress. And now as a grown woman I can confess to taking "frequent inventory of my place in the space."
Also, the part about false security. This applies more to my marraige. Where I felt so confident and proud even of my family, husband etc. We had almost reached that "just the way I want it" perfection and then I definately was "thrown into an emotional loop".
Jennifer
20's
Niceville, FL
married
Insecurity this week was when I heard another church already sold their simulcast tickets and we hadn't started on ours :0(
I ordered my book 1/20 and it is 2/12 and I still do not have it. I want to read it before I comment. Anyone else missing theirs?
Jeni
NOLA
Kingwood
50's
married
1st time to blog at LPM:)
2.I don't have to look back very far for 'last experience' with insecurity, I think my insecurities mostly have to do with how I look or sound. I just bought the book yesterday, and I've done several of Beth's studies in the past, always with great benefit(!) and my first thought was, wow(!!) I know that I am very close to her in age, but she looks like 15-20 years younger than me!! Sick, I know!! I'm hoping to grow to be glad for her and not focus on being sad for me:)
3. What most resonated with me was the phrase "she can be a complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness." Also the phrases: chronically conscious of self, acute self-awareness and a preoccupation with self. Looking forward to growing more Secure and others-conscious through this study!
Karin F
Rural Manitoba Canada
50's
Married
I most recently noticed how much insecurity women walk in while reading tweets and messages from bloggers getting ready to attend a conference. The nervousness of thier preparations showed through all the talk of thie excitement to go.
What resonates most with me is the definition of a woman who doubts her self worth and her place in the world. What my head knows and what my heart truly believes seem to be millions of miles apart.
I constantly second guess if I said the right thing to someone, did I handle the situation right, was I to nice, to mean. This is the first time I realized it was an insecurity.
I used to be insecure about voicing my thoughts and opinions during a Bible Study. I have overcome this insecurity, YEA.
Charlene
49
Married
Colorado
Beth, is there some way we can help those who are unable to afford your book?
Charlene
Colorado
Chris
PA
50ish, 🙂 Married
I fight insecurity every day at being my age and being an administrative assistant for several much younger precious ladies. My brain and memory have a difficult time keeping up with the details. I do a great job and I love my job, but I don't bother to remember insignificant details. Not sure I could with remember anyway with my workload and responsibilities and interruptions being what they are anyway. I feel "left out" of their conversations -and respect- sometimes. I fight the insecurity over it.
I am loving the book 🙂
1. My most recent insecurity was TODAY! I was in one of my classes at the gym. I had set up my stuff, when I came back someone was sitting on my ball. I stood there for a bit and didn't say anything, I set up more stuff in another area. That lady was just sitting there her stuff was in front of mine. EEK I was too insecure to tell her that was my stuff.
2. False Positives— I have a couple.. I never looked at it that way before. Now my eyes are open. I am working on them. From the inside out, and with God 🙂
Thank you so much for writing this book.
Angela
Hampton, VA
30's
Married
Like many who have commented on this blog, I feel insecure every day. Most recently, I feel like my intellect is never quite enough to handle my job. Or, I change my hair color and wonder just what I was thinking that it would make any difference. Sigh.
The part of the definition that I responded to most was the two times it uses the phrase "deep uncertainty." That really captures how I have felt much of my life.
I look forward to this journey to unbind some of that deep uncertainty.
Kathy
Springfield, MO
40's
married
1) Due to severe miscommunication and unkindness a friend and I let our very close friendship fall to the wayside-about a year ago. Since that time we have talked only once or twice. Despite apologies being made and Christian love and forgiveness talked about the friendship has not been able to resume. From time to time over the last year I have found myself asking the question, "What is it about me that is not worth reclaiming friendship?" "Was my friendship that disposable." I consistently have to take charge of these thoughts, but very often not before they have caused resurfacing of pain.
2)These phrases resonated deeply with me: "profound sense of self-doubt…chronic lack of self-confidence…anxiety about relationships…constant fear of rejection" I know these things are extremely true about me to a point of obsession at times. I ignore it. I don't know how to deal with it. I very much think I should be able to "act myself into a better way of feeling." While this concept can be so true in many areas, when it comes to dealing with my insecurity I am not dealing with the root issue.
My heart and mind are feeling extremely open to how the Lord wants to minister to me and heal me through this book. I am thrilled to be on this journey.
Julene, Oregon City, 50's, married.
1. Art class and while sharing a creation infront of the other women.
2. Uncertainty about my basic worth.
I used to be excessively insecure, but through the power of Jesus, I've learned to be secure in Him. Yet, I was still shocked to read how ferociously I still cling to insecurity. I battle with having a strong desire to make amends whether I'm in the wrong or not. I apologize for situations that I didn't cause just to maintain peace. I'm not sure when I'll be able to get rid of this one, but it's a battle I'm still in.
MB
married
40's
Debbie
Parrish, Fl
30's
Happily Married
Only God knows the rewards that await you in heaven Beth…for your obedience to our precious Father and your transparency to the women you minister to.
My eyes are filled with tears at the posts I have read. (This is my first time on a blog site) So many precious women and all the things that we have to deal with on a daily basis. My heart is overwhelmed with compassion and love right now for my sisters in Christ.
I think for the first time I feel like I am not alone in my insecurities. I am at a loss for words as to sum up all of my insecurities-I have felt 'broken' for most of my life.
I am so overcome with gratefulness at everyone who shares their heart-it gives me hope.
Shanna, Petal, MS; 2 weeks from today I will be 36. blechk!
But today, I am not! yay!
First, I am shocked (and I don't know why) that women in their 50's are suffering STILL! BIBBY….I DON'T WANNA BE INSECURE IN 14 YEARS STILL!!!!
(I hope I have not offended you by calling you Bibby…I'm so sorry, I fear I may have!) …SEE HOW INSECURE I AM????? LOL..LOL… I do crack myself up at times…
1. Sigh… What was question #1 again? Oh, yes, well…I have so many insecure moments. Beth, I promise the more I read your work (and not just this book) the more I see how alike we are in personality. I just think you and I would have the most fun together! =)
My most recent insecure moment:
I think I asked my very manly, stoic, non-emotional husband "are you mad at me?" every single day of our marriage up until well…today. Goodnight! I'm STILL doing it!!! I've been married to my sweet man for 11 years, 1 month and 10 days. (Jan 2, 99) Didn't want you to have to do all that math in your head.
I need to lose a fair amount of weight and that, dear Sister, is MY most prominent false-positive!!And I am thankful, happy and ecstatic to report that God is STILL performing miracles in our marriage even to this very day! We are in the minority category and I give HIM all the Glory, Praise and Honor!!!
2. I tell ya, Ima have a hard time picking just one that really describes me!! That section on p. 23…man-alive…like you said, "That's Me"! Well, it may not be you anymore but right now…it sure enough is ME! And God's going to change that too, thank you very much! I asked Him too already! Grin.
In choosing JUST ONE….without a shadow of a doubt….(drum-roll please)…introducing the number one insecurity that most resonates in my life….(the envelope please)….
(the audience is void of clapping, just chirping crickets)…
CONSTANT FEAR OF REJECTION……Please come down and accept your award!!!
Enjoy your spotlight Ms. Prominent Insecurity of 2010…it won't last long…
….because soon your sash will be jerked off and stomped in the dirt! And your stupid little rhinestone tiara will crush like bug when MY SAVIOR gets through with YOU!
Breathing a nice deep breath…I feel so much better!
I don't suppose you'll be writing a book on anger management anytime soon, huh Beth? ….(crickets)…Beth?….Why you running so fast???
When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
The last time I came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity was today. Some people I know had visited the lady who lives behind me and I had asked this lady to tell them that I wanted to see them. Well, they left without stopping by. Of course, I start having thoughts like, I’m not good enough for them to visit, or what’s wrong with me? Do I have the plague? You know all the usual thoughts and feelings which come with feeling insecure about who you are.
What part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt—a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world. Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate. The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. These expectations, for themselves and for others, are often unconscious. The insecure person creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable. Ironically, although insecure people are easily and frequently hurt, they are usually unaware of how they are unwitting accomplices in creating their own misery.
I have a very deep sense of self-doubt. Whenever I am not invited to go somewhere with the “gang” I feel left out and very hurt. Like I am not wanted in the “gang”. I fear rejection at every turn. The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships, which are often unconscious. HELLO can we jump up and down and wave say Mischelle?!?! I can not count how many relationships I have sabotaged and was unaware of it.
Mischelle
Greater Nashville, TN (area)
46
Divorced and very insecure about herself and life!
The city of Huntsville, AL (and surrounding areas) needs prayer…last Friday a 15 year old male shot and killed another 15 year old male at a local school.
Today, Friday, a local university professor shot and killed 3 other professors and wounded others.
I'm afraid the enemy is hard at work. I would imagine there are some insecurities in both of these cases…maybe even hate….SO SAD! Please pray for this community as they try to heal and move forward.
Thanks!
Beth you have so blessed my life with your insight on GOD and all that he is capable of and all that he is willing to do to help lead us on a full and happy life once again Thank You
1) Most recent insecure moment – When I went to post a quote from this book as my facebook status cause it spoke to me….then I almost didn't do it because I didn't want people to think I was so insecure that I was reading a book about insecurity. A convicting moment for me
2)Mama Beth's definition of self-sabotage hit home for me. I don't set unrealistic expectations for relationships – I just make most relationships nice, safe, and surfacy so that I don't open myself up for disappointment because they are disposible. – YIKES did I just type that?
Karen
Mebane, NC
30s
Married
Becky in Brentwood, TN. I just read your post and can relate so well to you. I feel like I am always on the outside looking in on everything. Just thought I'd let you know that you are not alone! :0)
Mischelle
Greater Nashville, TN (area)
46
divorced and very insecure about herself and life.
Sharon
Navarre, FL
40
Single
1. Our first question ended with "describe the setting"… I AM the setting. I take my insecure "setting" with me wherever I go and frequently bump into the "settings" of my dear "Siesta".
One specific "setting" was at the post office this morning. I was going to slip in and slip out, get my business done, and return home without anyone noticing me… NOT!!! I ran into several people I hadn't seen in a while and was unable to truly focus on them because of my lack-of-make-up-self-centered-self was in the way.
2. Hmmmm, which insecurity resonantes most with me? Many are resonating with unusual harmony and I seem to be intently listening to them. If I had to choose a top one, it would be a constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether my feelings and desires are legitamate. I love the way the you, Beth, have put the clear label on these insecuties… BAD FRIENDS, BAD FRIENDS!!
Joyce
North Carolina
51
Married
Last time I came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Try, 2 seconds ago when debating whether I wanted to write my name, age and where I am from, lest someone who knows me reads this. I want so badly to be candid and feel secure about it!
The definition of insecurity that resonated most with me and why? It has to be chronic self-consciousness and anxiety about relationships. My insecurity is so bad I can't even pray my true heart's cry out loud when I know others might hear me. I'm like Hannah in the Bible (lips moving in prayer) but God help me, I'd be mortified if anyone around me could read my lips! Where does that stinkin' pride come from? I KNOW I need this study because this insecurity "stinketh by now."
Linda
Grand Rapids MI
Late 20's
married
1) I can think of two perfect examples I deal with daily. All my closest friends are fit and skinny. Why did I pick them or they pick me! When we go places together, I wonder if people look and see me as the odd man out!
2)I HATE it when people don't like me. I apologize to a fault! I begin every line with, "Not in a mean way, but…." Just in case I MIGHT say something offensive! Sick, I know!
1. In a heart-to-heart conversation w/ someone I deeply love, I came to realize that I will never measure up to the expectations they have put on me to be a loving mother and disciplinarian to my almost 6 year old son. As a single parent, it is tremendously difficult to be the nurturer, disciplinarian, teacher, example, etc. that others looking from the outside in think that we should be.
2. I had already marked in my book the things that stood out…self-doubt, uncertainty, lack of confidence, anxiety about relationships, and uncertain whether my feelings are legitimate…pretty much everything listed described me! In the margin, I had actually written "WOW" because it said it so perfectly.
Amanda
33
Munford, TN
Divorced/Single
1) I struggle with insecurity on a daily basis. I can't remember a time in life that I wasn't insecure even as a little bitty girl. You name it, and I probably have an insecurity about it. For the life of me, I have no idea how a small child who was well loved could become insecure but I was. I have been insecure about my parenting, my marriage, that I am not as good of a Christian as the other women in my Bible Study, and whether people like me or not. One time the Holy Spirit whispered into my soul that my worth was not determined by whether someone liked me or not, but my worth was determined because He loved me. Wow, you'd think that a word from the Holy Spirit would have been enough to completely end any insecurity I might have! And I call my faith into question and that causes even more insecurity. It's exhausting.
2)The entire definition of insecurity was like it was written about me. Self- doubt, my worth compared to others, where is my place in this world. Being chronically self-consciousness takes its toll.
Cindy
Georgia
late 40's, married
ok…here goes
#1) The last time I cam face to face with insecurity was right now as I am writing this comment. I wonder if people will like what I have to say or think I sound stupid. I have felt insecure this past week at work because I have made some scheduling errors and wondering why I can't get organized. AND I am insecure because I am looking at turning 33 and I'm single and I was asked this week what is wrong with me…What is wrong with me?
#2) The part of the description that hit me the hardest is that I have tried to convince other people and myself that I am a secure women, this is my greatest insecurity, that people will not buy my lie and they would really see how insecure I truly am. As Beth said, I am a "complicated mix of confidence and self-consciousness".
Kate
Concord, NC
30s
Single
Tammy
Wingo, KY
Married 40's, newbie
1. There isn't a day that I don't struggle with insecurity. It doesn't matter if I am picking my kids up from school or at the grocery store, I will see someone who looks so put together or has more friends and I always wonder what they have that I don't.
2. The part of the definition that I related most to was chronic self-consciousness along with a chronic lack of confidence in our ourselves. I am so self conscious about how I look because I am overweight and because of that I doubt my ability to do anything or even doubt that people would want to be friends with me. It really hits me when I hear people talking about other people who are overweight and that makes me doubt myself.
robin
Matoaca VA
50s
After reading only the Acknowledgments and Intro of "So Long Insecurity", I ran out and purchased a copy each for 2 of my 3grown daughters! Anticipating how God will speak to each of us in different ways.
To My Fathers Daughter:
Loved, loved your comment. Thank you for making me laugh (not at you, but at myself). Tonight after getting home from a night with women at church I was feeling so insecure. For the life of me I didn't know why until I read your comment. Then it dawned on me, I want so badly to be accepted and fear rejection.
Now I'm repeating your words to myself. . . Enjoy your spotlight Ms. Prominent Insecurity of 2010…it won't last long…
….because soon your sash will be jerked off and stomped in the dirt! And your stupid little rhinestone tiara will crush like bug when MY SAVIOR gets through with YOU!
Oh to fully accept that we have been accepted by the ONLY ONE that really matters (with all our imperfections). Lord grant that I might know that I know that I know you have loved me with an everlasting love and you will cast me out. You have redeemed me, loved me, and call me by name not for what or who I am you simply love me for who I am and the ONLY ONE I need to please in this life is YOU and YOU ALONE. To You Be the Honor and the Glory Forever
If anyone can not afford the book cost and has a computer you can download a free ereader from Barnes and Noble and then download the book to your computer for less than $7. Only bad thing is you can't highlight or right in it like I like to do.
1. Every moment I am awake. I am short for an adult. We're no talking jus 5'2". I'm talking short that buys petite and has to come home and cut 5-6 inches off. I feel inferior some about that and weight. I love my job, yet I second guess myself so much that the joy has been stolen away so many times.
2. The part of the definition that resonated the most with me is the part that talks about how we create a situation in which being disappointed and hurt is almost inevitable. That way I am correct: I am unworthy of love. I must say I am not as bad as I used to be (before Believing God). I know what I want in relationships with men, women, and even God. I even know what it takes to get it. Yet, I don't do what it takes so I then don't get what I want. Oh, I need this book!
Jan
50's
Single
Topeka, KS
1. The most recent moment of insecurity was when I found out my husband was having an affair… for the second time. He said he didn't say anything because he was "trying to decide what he wanted." Apparently it was not me. Talk about insecurity! I knew her so comparing myself to her can be somewhat of an obsession.
2. I struggle most with "chronic self-consciousness". I thought it was just me… seriously. No matter who I am with I'm constantly comparing myself and wondering what other people think of me. I've never liked that about myself. I remember it starting in High School when I realized I was not as skinny as some of my friends. I realized a few years ago that most of my very close friends over the years have been heavier than me. It was an unconscious thing. Now, that is not true of my friends but I still continue to compare myself and hope that at the end of this book I will be FREE from ALL of it!
Sheila
Texas
40's
divorce pending
1. The last time I came face-to-face with massive insecurity was when I was reminded, again, of the importance of witnessing for Christ. Why am I so afraid of or reluctant to share the Truth of the Gospel? I'm ashamed to admit this, but I'm too insecure in my faith to trust the Holy Spirit to give me the rights words at the right time. I'm afraid of at least two things: not doing it right and/or rejection.
2. The part of Beth's description of insecurity that resonated most with me was this: "Insecurity's best cover is perfectionism." I also identified with "acute self-awareness," "pride and self-centeredness," and "unrealistic expectations."
My Mom tells me my reluctance to witness is because I over-think it. I'm sure she's right. Instead of focusing on the message and the reason for witnessing, I focus on me and my presentation of the message. I want to do it right, I want the listener to be receptive, I won't know what to do or say if the listener isn't receptive, etc. This is obviously where I see the perfectionism, unreasonable self-awareness and unrealistic expectations.
I pray this study will minister to all of us and free us from our insecurities.
God bless!
Paige
Overland Park, KS
50
Married
Whew! You should see my book. Only 27 pages in and it's already marked up! I have a feeling that God is going to have a "field trip" with me on this one. Better get packed.
My answer to my most recent insecurity would have to do with my brother. We come from such a dysfunctional family. We grew up together, but we were always pitted against one another because of our Mother's insecurity!! So, my relationship with him has always been one that has had it's ups and downs. When our Mother passed away 4 years ago, we have tried to re-start our relationship, but to be honest, I'm not satisified. I can cry and cry over the times that my feelings get hurt. It's really painful. I am hoping and praying with all of my heart that the Lord will help me release some of this insecurity!!
My answer to #2 was the part of the definition of insecurity where it talked about how people are usually unaware of how they are unwitting accomplices in creating their own misery. AMEN!! That really hit a nerve. Going back to my relationship with my brother, I have to say that this is a hallmark for me. My brother is oblivious to how I feel about my insecurity with him. I know he loves me very much, but I don't FEEL his love like I want to. It's so sad to me. Why am I like this?? I am a happily married (25 years) woman with 2 great adult children. Why does my brother's notice of me matter so much to me? Even as I type this, tears stream down my cheeks because it is just so hurtful.
Julie
'40s
married
Cypress, TX