Hey Sisters! To say that you are on my mind right about now is an understatement. I’m posting this on Thursday, February 11th but I’m writing it at 10:00 PM on Wednesday from the backseat of a rented Ford four-door “Edge.” My trusty (hard working) assistant, Michelle, is sitting right across from me and Todd and Maggie from Tyndale House are up front. We have had a break-neck day in Birmingham, Alabama at three different bookstores where I had an indescribable blast with women just like you. And, in fact, a number of them actually were you. What a great way to begin to picture roughly 6000 of you! All ages. All shapes and personalities. And every color of hair a woman can buy. I do dearly love a group of happy girls. Just in case you are under the impression that women who love God can’t have fun, stick around a while. We’d be delighted to help change your mind.
We are on a three-hour drive to Nashville and, by the time you read this, we will have checked into a hotel around midnight. We will get up on Thursday morning and head out to several bookstores and see many more of you face-to-face. An unspeakable privilege.
I am ecstatic that you guys have joined us for this journey! You are our particularly welcome guests if this is the first time you’ve participated on this blog. There’s just nothing like doing something healthy TOGETHER. When we go solo, the temptation to set a goal aside when it gets confrontational or challenging can be almost too much to resist. The accountability and community you can experience in a group with a common objective like this can make the difference between really doing the thing or wishing you had.
So, what’s our goal? As a matter of fact, a cameraman from a local television station asked me that very question today. I’ll tell you what I told him: the goal is for an insecure woman to open the book and a secure woman to close it. Nothing less than that. Humanly speaking, fat chance. But, if somewhere in these pages, we hear God speaking instead? Ah, then, for those willing to believe what He says, fat chances lose their weight and real changes takes their place. We’re not just looking to read a book here, Sisters. We’re looking to discover the kind of soul-deep security that stands fast in the floodwaters of this image-saturated society. It is time for a change.
OK, let’s quit talking about it and start doing it! Here are your assignments for Week One:
1. Write a journal-type entry on the inside cover of your book describing this present season of your life and why you’ve chosen to read a book like this. If you already have a relationship with God, write it in the form of a prayer. I do this almost every time I begin a book that I think could have a considerable impact on my life. When I finish the book, I always go back and read it and it ends up meaning so much to me. Listen, Sister, if you expect little, that’s probably what you’ll get. But if you expect something big from God when you start a journey and you posture yourself to receive from Him, even when frail human beings are thrown in the mix, you’ll end up with something huge. Something life altering.
2. Read the Introduction, Chapter One, and Chapter Two. Our first question is based on Chapter One: When was the last time you came face-to-face with our gender’s massive struggle with insecurity? Describe the setting.
3. This question is based on Chapter Two: what part of the definition or description of insecurity resonated most with you and why?
To stay on schedule, you will have until next Thursday morning, February 18th, to answer this week’s questions so don’t feel that you need to rush. You have plenty of time. You will write your responses in a single comment to THIS POST. You’ll see other posts about other subjects follow this one over the course of the week. You’ll still return back to this entry to make your comments regarding Week One. This will be true each subsequent week.
Each time you enter into the discussion, please include the same general information as your initial sign-up: first name, city, age-decade, and whether or not you are single or married. You’ll find that our answers will be even more insightful as we set them next to our basic biographical information. Try to keep your responses succinct so that we can read as many as possible. Since there could be hundreds of comments – or even several thousand – you might consider reading the ones surrounding the same general time frame as your entry.
For all the rule keepers, no, you don’t have to respond every week or to every question. Grin. When you have something to say, say it! Don’t feel like it needs to sound profound. Don’t try to over-analyze unless that’s how you normally process information. Just share what’s on your heart and how God is dealing with you.
No matter your background, you are so welcome to take part in this journey with us. All we ask is that you treat your fellow sojourners with respect. I am honored to serve you here. My prayer and deepest hope is that you will encounter the One who came that you might have life and have it to the FULL.
Thank you for coming!
Lord, be magnified.
In His lavish love,
Beth
1. The setting for MY INSECURITY was at the mall today. I rarely shop anymore since I have put on thirty pounds. However, I am in desperate need of some new clothes for an occasion so I set out today in hopes of finding the perfect ensemble. I quickly was reminded of why I no longer shop when I viewed the horror of the my backside while bending over to pull on some pants. My thighs looked like the hood of a car that had been through a hail storm. That just set the wheels of self-loathing in motion. Why can't I lose weight? Why am I such a looser that I have no will power? (I won't bother to write the other 500 self-loathing questions I berated myself with) I could not focus on anything positive about myself. It made me think of high school swimming class. All the guys called me "thunder thighs." I always envied all the girls with slender legs that did not have to wrap a towel around their lower halves in shame.
I witness SOMEONE ELSE'S insecurity firsthand on a daily basis when we eat together and she excuses herself from the table to vomit. Her husband has always been highly critical of her weight. However, She recently lost about seventy-five pounds by having bariatric surgery done. The problem is the surgery is causing her food to come back up and her teeth are all chipping off from the stomach acid breaking down the enamel. Sure her thighs don't rub together but at what expense?
The saddest thing is that while I was shopping today I beat myself up for not being able to make myself throw up so that I could be at my ideal weight! That is sick!!!!!
2. I guess the chronic lack of self-confidence is the part of the definition of insecure that resonates with me.
Anyhow, I am praying for a healing over my insecurity issues. Thanks to Mama Beth for writing this book.
Have you ever heard that Perfectionism is the highest form of abuse? I thought of that when I read chapter two. It made me think of how I am abusing myself by expecting myself to be perfect. I should love myself but instead I am putting down what God has created. It's sad!
Tamara
Kelowna, BC, Canada
late 20s
single
The last time I came face-to-face with our gender's massive struggle with insecurity . . . last night at an engagement party. Both of my sisters have gotten engaged in the past 5 months to really amazing guys. Last night my parents hosted an engagement party for both of them (since my one sister and her fiance who live 16 hours away were here). Being the oldest of the three of us and the only one still single, and not having had even a date with a guy in almost 8 years, I found myself facing insecurity over not having a man in my life most of the evening.
The part of the definition of insecurity I resonated the most with . . . "anxiety about our relationships," "lives in constant fear of rejection," "insecurity's best cover is perfectionism". Many times growing up I found myself in the situation of having the people I thought were my friends tell me they didn't want to be my friend anymore and so I live with a fear that my current friends will do the same thing. I also felt (still feel) like I always had be good enough for my dad to love me, so I spend a lot of time trying to be perfect – to earn his love (and, ultimately, the love of others).
1) Today, at the mall. Feeling frumpy and grungy in my too-tight-from-the-baby-weight T-shirt and mismatching sweater I wore to try to hide the bulge. Plus, I don’t like my new haircut with bangs, so I was self-conscious about that. I noticed every sharp, cute, thin, perfectly accessorized woman that crossed my path and wondered, “Why can’t I look like that?”
2) Pg. 22—The self-conscious woman. Self-consciousness is acute self-awareness and preoccupation with self…she is ordinarily more aware of herself than she tends to be of any other person in the room. Whether she feels inferior or superior, she takes a frequent inventory of her place in the space…
Allison
San Diego, CA
30s
Married
1) The last time I felt insecure was when I visited my sister-in-law. She weighs about 20 pounds less than me (and I'm a size 6!), and she has breast implants. When she walks around the mall, people notice! I felt invisible next to her the whole time we visited. And I love her dearly. And to top it all off, she admitted to me that she got the implants because SHE was insecure!! We're such messes!!
2) The part of the definition that resonated with me was the "deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." I never really think that I matter. That my feelings are important. God is changing that in me, but VERY slowly. I even wondered if I should write in this blog, because does it matter what I say? Wow; I need some healing.
Sue
Ohio
40's
Happily married
Apparently my post from yesterday did not take, which is "ironic" because since then I have very clearly been reminded of an area of insecurity in my life. Beth referred to this as a false positive. My false positive is intelligence/education. So I ask myself "Exactly how smart and how much education would I need in order for me to feel secure in this area?"
Lori
Syracuse
40"s
married
1) I come face to face with insecurity almost every day and it's gotten so bad that it's affected my marriage. Your book is speaking directly to my heart like it's been written just for me. I got mad just last night when I heard our friends were not going to join us for an event but instead go to dinner with other friends. Now mind you, this was not a plan set in stone in any way so they did not have to commit to going out with us. My immediate reaction to the news, however, was feeling slighted and unappreciated. How dare they make plans with someone else even though it's within their rights to do whatever they want!! My immediate thoughts go to this: we will be ousted as their friends now because they are making new ones. It's so ridiculous and I hate feeling these feelings but they are so knee-jerk now and common I have such a hard time controlling them. My husband doesn't understand what I go through in my head because he is a very secure person and thank you God for giving me someone who is secure to share my life with!! But it's driving him crazy and I take a lot out on him because of it.
2) Insecurity being associated with chronic self-conciousness along with lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships really resonated to me. I have such anxiety but put up a front for the world to see while my insides are reeling. It's so exhausting!!
Thank you Beth for this book you have given us and the study to go along with it. You are speaking right to my heart girlfriend!!
1. Well, one massive struggle with insecurity I have is writing this blog..so many other "siestas" are so well spoken, and as I read their posts, I relate to so many of them! Thank you everyone for those posts! I face insecurity every single day. From the moment I wake up I "argue" with myself about whether or not I can measure up to the day's tasks and expectations. Will I be an effective teacher in school and meet the ever changing standards? Can I keep up with my "athletic" friends on our weekly bike training rides, or will I slow them down? Why do I continue to have bad hair and skin days in my 40's? How can I meet God's expectations on raising my 3 kids…a daughter, and 2 adopted sons with high needs (cerebral palsey and fetal alcohol syndrome)? I always feel unworthy and unable to meet the challenges of life. It can just shut me down! My precious, understanding Father sets me straight every morning, too! HE IS the reason I can face each day. God has taken care of me and is constantly patient with my insecurities. I just have to let Him take control (easier said than done sometimes!)
2. Chronic self consciousness and self doubt definitely describe me. I am my own worst enemy most of the time! I have a very hard time trusting people. However, I too, can put on a front that makes me "appear" confident and that I "have it all together". Wow do I need this book study!
Thanks so much, Beth!
Kimberly
New Port Richey, FL
40's
Married
Beth, our Lord really Blessed me when at a conference you took me in a room and i tearfully prayed with you over my illnesses and not being able to walk. with your prayers i was able to sell my bookstore of 25 years. i still can't walk or drive, but i try and do Baptism interviews along with other stuff for church. My fantastic husband of 49 & 1/2 years really is "MY ROCK" i do get feeling so worthless and hopeless, but i then daily pick up my Bible. I pray to meet or hear from you again someday. Hugs & God Bless you & Keith
Katie
Long Island, NY
30's and engaged
I struggled with being single for a looooonnnnnnggggg time. I spent a lot of that time single with a few short, insignficant and/or painful relationships sprinkled in. Not much success, but trying to find my value in God, trying to deal with normal human female desires, and trying to find contentment. Prior to meeting my fiance- I made a lot of headway in that area – felt free from a lot of all that stuff. But when I met him and the relationship became a real possibility, then probability – then reality – all of those insecurities I thought I had conquered came out again. And honestly, it's been about 2 and a half years, and I am still waiting for myself to level out emotionally. This book is timely.
2. "Chronically conscious of self…acute self-awareness and a pre-occupation with self, no matter how it is externalized in life"
This is me. I just feel like I am always measuring myself – how I look, what others think, comparing, just very self-conscious. Always wondering what others are thinking of me.
"harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships…creates a situation in which being disappointed and hurt in relationships is almost inevitable."
This is true, but mostly in my romantic relationships. I'm pretty gracious w/ friends and family, but I'm extremely sensitive in romantic relationships. That scares me, b/c I am engaged and I do not want to sabatoge our relationship.
I am doing a blog discussion group on my blog, too : http://www.onegirlsjourney-wedding.blogspot.com
I am thrilled to be part of this wonderful study.
1. Today I was cleaning out storage boxes of purses, yes 4 large storage boxes, and realized how many of them I bought because someone else had it or told me that it was a great purse. It made me sick, not about all the wasted money but because I wasn't secure enough in my self to realize that I really hated that purse and would never buy it if I wasn't looking for approval from someone else.
2. The outward me is very put together, certainly not plain and dowdy, the inward me is always looking for approval from others and fearful that they won't like me.
Mary Ann
North Stonington
50's
Divorced
1. My team at work had just finished a big presentation to the rest of the staff. Afterward my boss walked right past me and told his daughter good job. Wow. That stung.
2. "a profound sense of self-doubt" and "a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships." Retrospectively I can see those 2 things written all over my life. And what you said about perfectionism. If I can't be "perfect" at something it makes me not want to try. What if I fail? Will I be rejected, not liked, or worse yet ridiculed? I have recognized these issues in my life and have had some victory. But now knowing what it's roots are – insecurity – I can go to scripture and begin the process of allowing God to set me free.
Thank you for writing this book!
Tammy
Indianapolis, IN
40's
Married
1. When I bought this book. The looks I got from the bookstore clerk and the conversation I had with a couple of ladies. I felt insecure and the two ladies asked what I had to be insecure about. One of the ladies told her friend you are insecure and the other got angry and said I am not.You are right, we all have insecurities, some of us more profound than others.
2. I was drawn to the part of the definition that we create situations that we know will hurt and disappoint us. I do that about 98% of my relationships. I knew it but it stings when it is pointed out to you.
I am anonymous because I am insecure and afraid someone I may know might find out.:) married 52 Iowa
I'm not sure of anything as of now, but I pray that God will open my eyes and direct me this beautiful Sat. Morning.
1) Well I've been wanting a nose job so bad. The desire has not went away. I struggle with is this insecurity or self absorption or just a desire like having braces or some other cosmetic issue? I REALLY WISH someone could tell me.
2)What jumped out the most to me was 3 steps forward 2 steps back but isn't that still one step forward?
I grew up as a preacher's kid and I'm such a rule follower. Growing up I was often reminded of how I was to act the right way because my behavior reflected my family and the church. I'm beginning to see how this mindset has morphed into chronic insecurity into my adulthood.
I can relate to the part of the definition that states "Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves."
Dear Beth, God is so speaking to me through you! It is rendering me in such awe. Praise be to you and the God that lives in you…and me! 🙂
confused
late-30's
married
Southern Ohio
Siesta's, Insecurity is so overwhelming in women that it leaves me frustrated and confused. I am a part of women's ministry at my church. We are trying to get a group of women together to go to a WOF conference and the power struggles leave me about to cry. Why? We have women who are trying their best to organize an event to go learn, grow, build community and everyone wants it their own way, so it defeats the whole purpose of us going together..some dont want to ride the luxery bus so they are driving, some dont like where we are staying so they are going somewhere else, some dont like our seats all together, so they are sitting where they want. Some dont like the lunch choice, so they go their own way, As a leadership team we feel called to pour our love onto the women of our church and it feels like a slap in the face.I personally feel like a failure. I am so hurt. Everything we have poured our hearts in prayer over for months asking His direction as we plan isn't even going to work now. It appears that their are such control, insecurity issues that we are left with a hand full of women, so now we dont need a bus, everyone wants to go their own way. The purpose of this event was to build unity and relationships within our ladies at our church and I am left to wonder if that is even possible..Jesus please break this cycle..in my life time this is the 3rd WM team I have been a part of and its always the same..sometimes it happens within the Wm team..I recognize that some people have "real" reasons for not participating with the plan, but honestly it feels like a rebellion of not wanting to let anyone else control the schedule..is this rooted in insecurity among women?..is this my own insecurity?..so confused..why? Is their hope for a group of women to come together with pure motives to build one another up in true, authentic unity and the genuine love of Christ? Help!I am so discouraged..my faith is so shaken.
The other day I asked one of my sisters in Christ what she saw in me, what the Lord shows her about me when she is around me. Her response was, you have the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met. She said but there is this small part of you that is insecure and God wants that out of you so that He can do even more through you. When she said it I thought well yeah every woman I know is insecure ( I am a Christian counselor so I am in the middle of others lives all the time) taht was only a couple of days ago and I have been asking God what He wants me to do with what my friend told me. I had no idea Beth had this book out. GOd really led me to it so here I am.
Sarah
Port St. Joe, FL
20's
Single
1) I seem to be facing it everyday here lately as I'm trying to make a decision about moving (physically and educationally) to a new area in life. But my singleness whispers – can you really do this on your own? What are you thinking? The deluge of self-condemnation then takes over and I get overly annoyed with myself that I can't seem to pull my big girl panties up and step out on faith.
2)"The insecure person also harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships. These expectations, for themselves and for others are often unconscious. …Ironically, although insecure people are easily and frequently hurt, they are usually unaware of how they are unwitting accomplices in creating their own misery." As well as your's Ms Beth – "self-sabotage."
1. The man I am interested in let it be known that he wants someone younger than me. I have been journaling to the Lord for three weeks. UGH!!!!! Jesus, it is amazing how every Beth study I do is in perfect timing with the season I am in.
2. What resonated most with me is loss of favor and approval…and deep uncertainity about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate.
Maria
NY,NY
50's
Single
As I sit here in the local McDonalds watching my 2 daughters age 4 & 7 just playing their little hearts out. They have both just had a chocolate sundae and never wondered if it would make them gain weight nor do they care that they have chocolate from nose to chin. it tears me up to read these entries and realize I want MORE for them!!! Not insecurity at every turn—freedom like they have right now.
2.After leaving my post in November on the blog asking specific questions about insecurity, I began to notice specifics in my relationships with other women on a daily/weekly basis. How much more I think they have it together and how much I will back down in their presence.
3.Definitely the constant fear portion. I have used those exact words so many times in my prayer journal. Also realized I fit into many of the "Do I" categories and hadn't realized they would have their roots in insecurity. Big Eye Opening Moment. Gotta' dig the roots.
Janae
Riverside,PA
40's
Married
2. The part of the definition that resonated with me was "deep uncertainty about whether her own feelings and desires are legitimate."
The entire definition applied to me, but this statement is my hallmark symptom. It describes the theme of my insecurity. I am obsessed with the way I "should" be. I repeatedly doubt and question how people think and feel about me as a wife, woman, friend, coworker, daughter, etc, etc. Everyone is a mirror. I am ashamed to admit this, but much of my "personality" is just me manipulating others to respond to me in a way that makes me feel good about myself. But in the end it just makes me feel bad about myself for being fake. "If they really knew me…." Oh, my. And everyone thinks I am genuinely sweet, quiet, and unassuming. No wonder I avoid social events and close friendships! It is exhausting to keep up my charade at that level.
Christena in Alabama
20's
married
Katherine
Allen, TX
40s married
1. Face to face with women's insecruity – watch the Batchelor and its right there in your face. Its like a modern day Esther except these women VOLUNTEERED to be there.
2. My definition – anxiety about relationships. I am SO incapable of feeling like I can be a friend to anyone.
Dawn
Cleveland, Ohio
married
late 30's
1)My husband commented on the way to a party, last weekend, that my hair was a little flat. That was all I could think about the rest of the day and often since. He apologized later, but I "knew" he didn't really think my hair was fine. Does he know what he does to me, how it makes me feel, not likely!
2)Even though my marriage, by the grace of God, is light years from where it was 4 years ago, I think I inwardly still fear rejection from him. Why do I place such importance on my hair? I think it is his reactions, over the years to my hair, and his saying I don't care enough about my looks. His expectations seem so high. But after reading that definition, am I bringing this on myself? This is what I thought about when I read that definition.
Jen
Antioch, CA
30's
Married
I see insecurity every time I wake up. I went from being a teacher to being a SAHM 3 years ago when my son was born. I wanted to be a SAHM with all of my being but was completely unprepared for how much it would rock my world to go from feeling like a useful member of society to completely insignificant. I quickly became–and am back to this awful place of being–unable to make even the simplest decisions without feeling like it's the wrong one or double-checking with my husband. This seems to be my 'comfort zone' then it occurred to me, why do I keep coming back to my so-called comfort zone when I'm so uncomfortable here?
I most identify with the self-consciousness aspect of insecurity. I spend far too much time in my own head, over analyzing situations. Assigning motives to others as if I have any clue what's going on in their heads. My desire to please everyone so they like me has become a stumbling block and makes a lot of tasks take so much longer than they need to or even should.
Such perfect timing–thank you God!–for this book!!
Ginger
Hudsonville, MI
40's
Married
Roll Call
Wow, I'm glad to see I'm not alone! I need to keep reading, that's for sure!
1) Yesterday at work I found out that a task I always get asked to do was given to someone else. I immediately delved into self doubt. What had I done wrong? Why her, not me? Did I not do a good job last time?
2) I struggle with "self-consciousness", never feeling like I am "enough", (pretty enough, good enough, smart enough….,).
Lisa
Marion, IN
40's married.
WOW!
1) Yesterday. Always being alone @ the end of the day. All my girlfriends have someone; new boyfriend, fiance, husband. Always being asked 'what's wrong with me; why I don't have someone'!
2) Self Doubt!; Not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, whatever enough for a wonderful man-but always have my guard up. Why God doesn't come through for me-perhaps I'm not good enough for Him either or don't deserve. Don't always want to feel like the 'odd one out'.
WOW!
1) Yesterday. Always being alone @ the end of the day. All my girlfriends have someone; new boyfriend, fiance, husband. Always being asked 'what's wrong with me; why I don't have someone'!
2) Self Doubt!; Not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, whatever enough for a wonderful man-but always have my guard up. Why God doesn't come through for me-perhaps I'm not good enough for Him either or don't deserve. Don't always want to feel like the 'odd one out'.
2. Valentines Day- Insecurity makes me feel like a loser because I dont have someone to share that kind of relationship with. But that stems from thinking i have sinned against God so heinously that the consequences of my sin may deny me any blessing of that type of relationship.
3."A deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feeling are legitimate" resonated with me. Among others. My feelings make me feel unsure. They often feel wrong.Often made fun of by others. At that point you just bury them instead of feeling them. Sooner or later they erupt and you wonder whether or not they are legitimate or unfounded.
Laura
Centerline, Mi
40's
Single
1) First encounter, that I can remember, was grade school; 5th or 6th grade. I was made fun of for my crooked teeth by two girls walking home from school one day. They were very mean. I remember, starting that day, putting my hand over my mouth when I'd smile or laugh.
2) The part of the definition that resonates most with me: Lives in constant fear. I had to stop right there. My life is based of fear. I may not look that way to the physical eye, but inside I'd rather be hidden.
Sarah
Colorado Springs, CO
30's
Single
1. Everyday, everywhere I go and in everything I do I am self conscious of my weight and how I look in clothes. It is exhausting to try to appear “thin” and in shape and talk the talk of exercise and looking a certain way. I am insecure all the time about this. It never ends. Bad eating habits are also something that make me insecure. I loose weight and then gain it all back and begin the yo yo cycle all over again. I am so tired of this.
2. Beth, your comment that insecurity's best cover is perfectionism resonates with me. I am ashamed to admit it has become an art form. Chronic self consciousness also describes me and relates hand in hand with my insecurities regarding my weight. I am ready to lay it down. Lord make it so. I am willing.
Kendall
Simpsonville, SC
30's
Married
1. My most recent bout of insecurity game before Christmas when a group of my very good girlfriends went shopping and did not invite me. (This is a group of 5 of us that does ALOT together). It really hurt and it has spilled over into why doesn't my phone ring, what have I done to upset them, why don't I have any friends. (when we all do talk on the phone, go to lunch,etc..)
2. The definition that really struck a cord with me was about anxiety about relationships and fear of rejection. I've been rejected so much in the past by my in-laws that I get so anxious when i am around them. I do not want to see them in social settings and I don't want to go to social functions anymore for fear that they will be there. And I used to be a huge social butterfly. Used to consider myself to be very confident, someone that did not really care what others thought or what others were doing. I guess I was wrong!!
Sharon
NC (small town where everybody knows everybody)
40's
married to a wonderful husband with 3 beautiful children
1) I have always considered myself very secure; great marriage, great job, house, precious grown sons, a beautiful daughter-in-love (a friend calls her daughter-in-law this name and I am stealing it for my precious Yella) but 10 months ago on the way home from Spring Break my husband breaks it to me that we have had issues and he felt disconnected (What? Why didn't you share this with me after 27 years? We were the married couple that others would come to and ask how we kept our marriage so strong..) Really, then it was the "it isn't you, it's me.." then it was he has a "friend" trust me..she is no friend to me (or him truth be known). Insecurity gave me a huge kick in the heart..How did this happen, what did I not do that this chick can? I really try not to go there….Is she younger, prettier, funnier? (I doubt that ever)…Boy did insecurity hit me face to face.. Miss Beth, we are the same age and this would probably not be a compliment to you but to me it was probably the nicest thing anyone could say to me but people think you and I are twins split at birth (they think we have the same looks, body type, personality-even at your book signing in Georgia, I was there earlier than you and some got out their cameras..LOL..(I was first in line and briefly told you my situation and you said he must be a nut..how sweet!!!) You had something online and I cannot even remember where it was but you were looking directly into the camera and practically yelled to me (that is how I heard it) GIRLFRIEND, DO NOT GIVE UP!!!! This is during this storm that I have been writing about… Oh how that helped me…I pray this book will help too and I know that it will..thank you twin siesta..
2) I think what hit me was that I dress myself to perfection and stand squarely in the spotlight (but also as in chapter one I am muffling my thoughts of insecurity with my Coach bag) and I now realize that I must have been harboring unrealistic expectations about love and relationships…like in the movie Legally Blonde..Everybody likes me…don't they??? If not, why don't they? What is wrong with me that they don't like me? Please…I did let too much ride on my relationship and a blowout is inevitable…too much pressure..I was placing my security in the wrong place which is why I now have insecurity…God is my only security and He alone has hope and a future for me…No plan of His can be thwarted..
Thanks for this book..I have my pink highlighter and am coloring away like a first grader…Will I stay in the lines? I hope not after this book…I want to have God in an "out of the lines" way…totally and completely..filling my life like a page in a coloring book..
Whoo…I got so carried away that I forgot to put the info.
Linda
Dacula, GA
50s
Still married and hoping it keeps
Liz
Lubbock, TX
40's
married
1.) The freshest most recent! (last night) ha
A group of couples hang out quite a bit and do dinner out on the weekends. Last night I get a text at 10 after 6. "where are you? they won't seat us if you aren't here" I text back that I "didn't know what she was talking about". Then I didn't hear back from her. Well, you can imagine where my vivid imagination went! They went without us etc……Well, turns out she meant to text her daughter~who happens to be a K right by L. :)and ugh.
2.) The part of the definition that got me was. CHRONIC SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS. I think about self way too much! (positive and negative) I recently went to a women's event, I had all ready read the first few chapters of the book. That night instead of worrying about ME: (who will talk to me, who will sit my me, who will reach out to me)I focused on the women there and I reached out~knowing we are all deal with this beast of insecurity. It made a huge difference that night! thanks all ready!!!
#1. Been bombarded lately as I prepare to homeschool our children. I realize that homeschooling families are a rare breed, but the ladies look at me as though I have three heads. I almost find myself apologizing when answering the questions of other women as to why my children aren't in preschool like theirs. It hurts when I feel them mentally size me up as "one of those."
#2. Definitely a) Self-doubt; b) Trying to hide it by making perfectionism an art form (I'm a master craftsman); and c) Living "in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate." I generally question ev.er.y.thing I feel and want and will condemn myself as being selfish for wanting an $8 t-shirt from Target.
Ugh! Sorry…
Tami
Tyler, TX
39
Married
beth
lakeland,florida
50's married
(3) The part of the description of insecurity that resonated most with me was, "to be chronically conscious of self" which I experience in my life as self-absorption, whether I'm absorbed with how wonderful I am or how miserable I am…I am asking the Lord Jesus to give me a heart that longs to glorify Him, to turn my eyes upon Jesus, and away from my self-absorption.
Valerie
Scott City, MO
50's
recently widowed
1) I was "consciously" aware of my insecurity this past week at work. One of my coworkers seemed stressed and aloof, and my first thought was accompanied by a pang in my chest wondering if I had upset her. I stopped the thought as soon as I realized what I was doing and lectured my mind a bit about being totally ridiculous. The Lord is my Strength, not the thought that I think somebody likes me all the time.
2) I fit the entire insecurity definition, but the part that jumped out immediately was "chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships." I am so much better than I used to be, but it is still there. I am more than ready to face this and give it a resounding kick OUT!
I guess a situation I encounter most frequently is with family. Their insecurities cause them to react angrily if they feel insecure about a situation. For instance, our younger sister feels so insecure around me she reacts angrily when we discuss our children. She feels like I am criticizing just by asking how the kids are. I on the other hand feel insecure about not having the education she has and feeling I fell short at being a Mom. I have even told her this. I feel like I am always trying too hard to be her friend. I hope I explained that right so you understand.
The part of the definition that hit me was the constant fear of rejection. I feel so insecure I try too hard to befriend people that will hurt me like a magnet for that. Carla, Iowa, 50's, Married, Mom & Grandmom
Sharen
Flowery Branch, GA
50's
Single
1. Everyday is a battle. I have been unemployed for 13 months and turned 50 in the midst of all of this. I never wanted to be single in the first place nor unemployed let alone both at the same time. Everyday, I ask myself "what good am I", "who would want someone who is old and worn out"
2. The phrase that meant the most to me in the definition was 'the insecure person harbors unrealistic expectations about love and relationships' because I so often fill my mind what thoughts of what would it be like to be loved and am constantly belittling myself about my inadequacies.
Hi Everyone!
2)A friend is going through a very hard time in her marriage, and I have seen her believe that it's because of her weight, and that if she would lose some weight, it would be fixed, or if she would get some new outfits, it would be fixed. . .it makes me sad.
3)What most resonated with me was uncertainty about my worth and the legitimacy of my feelings/desires. At 40 & single, I often feel that I obviously must not have worth because no one has chosen me, and that my desires must not be legitimate because they are not being met.
I intellectually know that Christ is supposed to be the one Who fulfills these desires, but I haven't figured out HOW to get my needs met through Him. Praying God will use this book to get me further down that path!
O'Fallon, MO
40's (barely)
Single
1. Everyday, everywhere I go and in everything I do I am self conscious of my weight and how I look in clothes. It is exhausting to try to appear “thin” and in shape and talk the talk of exercise and looking a certain way. I am insecure all the time about this. It never ends. Bad eating habits are also something that make me insecure. I loose weight and then gain it all back and begin the yo yo cycle all over again. I am so tired of this.
2. Beth, your comment that insecurity's best cover is perfectionism resonates with me. I am ashamed to admit it has become an art form. Chronic self consciousness also describes me and relates hand in hand with my insecurities regarding my weight. I am ready to lay it down. Lord make it so. I am willing.
Kendall
Simpsonville, SC
30's
Married
Elaine, Moncks Corner, 48, Married.
I am so looking forward to this study. Insecurity has been my first, middle and last name in the four years since my husband passed away. I have since met a wonderful man and married him this summer. He is nothing like my husband of 20 years which is a plus, but also does not communicate very well since he has never had to consider anyone on a daily basis but himself. So my insecurities have increased instead of decreased. I somehow think that my main issue is that I have lost my way in where my security should be coming from and can't seem to find my way back. I pray that God's guidance, Beth's book and this on-line study will help me to turn myself back more to the Lord instead of putting unrealistic pressures on my new husband. Prayers are going up daily for all of you siestas out there trying to find your way to the security and freedom that we can only find through Christ!!!
Is anyone single?!?!
Beth, I'd love it if you picked a memory verse to go along with each chapter.
Wow, I didnt expect that this book would hit me so hard!
1) I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and dont want anyone to know because I know that they will immediately "fault me" for it since I am overweight. I feel a great sense of shame for it and Satan loves to use it to make me feel even more insecure about myself.
2) I hate to admit it but I burst into tears when I read the definition of insecurity…"a deep feeling of insecurity about our basic worth and our place in the world". Pretty much sums me up although you probably may not know it as i appear competent in my job, friendships, etc.
I sooooooo am praying for healing in this area and am looking forward to this journey with all of you.
Lynette
50's
divorced