Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
Anonymous 
Jariza
33
Married
Alburtis, pa
1) It was difficult to choose two because I could identify with several but the two that stand out the most is Rejection and dramatic change. It was hard not measuring up because there was ALOT of favoritism in my home and I felt like and was told I was the "black sheep". We also moved around alot up until the age of 12 so there was alot of instability amongst other things. But I gotta tell ya ladies I was so encouraged and comforted with the Personal Disposition section!!!! WOOHOO, it's ok to feel VERY STRONGLY one way or another, GOD MADE ME THAT WAY. WOW!!!! I always questioned and put myself down because I figured that was a negative way to be. Although I desperately want the chronic insecurities to be gone from my heart I too want to hang on to my heart and I actually can. HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! God is doing something so special I want to treasure this closely.
1. Instability in the home was the first influence.
Second, is pride.
The thing that stood out to me is that I want to be the "the" woman in my husband's life, but there are many other women in his life because of family and his job. I think I worry that my husband may leave me just like my dad left my mom.
2. This week God really has spoken to me about what you wrote on pg. 184: "Then instead of looking for ourselves in God, we look once more for God in man…" This week, my husband was saying he was going to share some photos with a few coworkers (women). My first reaction was, "I don't want him sharing his personal life with them because I know of one that acts real weird around me and him. She acts like she really likes him and she stares at me constantly when I see her, even if I'm talking to someone else. Anyway, I am fixing my eyes like a flint on God and not the circumstance. My husband has the Holy Spirit who can convict him not to be emotionally tied to someone else better than I can. My job is to trust the Lord.
You also wrote that pride keeps a heart from healing. I think that's true. I am real good at reopening old wounds and not letting God heal them once and for all.
Kristy
Shelby, NC
30s Married
1. My 2 main roots of insecurity are Personal Disposition and Rejection.
2. The section on pride was huge for me. To be honest I always thought pride was thinking you were better than everyone. I thought it didn't apply to me because I was so insecure and felt I wasn't as good as others. But now I'm seeing that I have a lot of pride (especially perfectionism)and it's keeping me from dealing with my issues and is hurting my marriage.
Jaime
30s
Married
1. Instability in the home and Rejection–because I could only pick two (Pride was a runner up) My whole life, and even now, I have been rejected by my Mother.
2. Melissa's quote at the end of ch. 5 "He knows it's scary to be us." really struck me hard, brought me to tears. O, how I needed to hear that! I needed to be reminded that "we do not have a High Priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses…" Heb 4:15. Melissa's quote stopped me in my tracks and opened my eyes up to all the fear that I have been carrying. Seeing it, looking at it, admitting it is there instead of trying to cover it up. Freeing!
Kate
Baker City
20s
Single
1. Two primary roots:
Rejection
Our Culture
2. Rejection: in the past I have wondered what is wrong with me that no one has even been interested enough to pursue me. But after reading these chapters I realized that God has chosen me, He is interested in who I am, and He would love nothing better than to pursue my heart. Quite the "Aha" moment!
Our Culture: I am bombarded every day with illusions of what the world thinks I should be – the perfect weight, flawless complexion, the perfect body – and because of this I compare myself to woman who seem to have it all. But one constant thing I am realizing more and more is that I have God's beauty & perfection surrounding me, not the world's ideals regarding beauty.
"Good morning! You're beautiful with God's beauty, beautiful inside and out. God be with you."
Luke 1:28 The Message
Maria, 24
Engaged in Ohio
1. The two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are: instability in the home and rejection, with a large emphasis on dramatic change as well. (They all go together!) I grew up in a divorced home, where I was not wanted, with one parent addicted to drugs and alcohol, and grew up way too fast.
I really relate when Beth says “At the root of chronic insecurity is often the primal fear that no one will take care of us.” And “….it also affirms that those who are supposed to take care of us will instead harm us.” I feel like I often have to figure out life on my own, not let people in because they will harm me, and that anything can change at any time. This gives way to frequent anxiety and much pride, thinking my hope is in my own “strength”, and that I don’t need anyone. What a bad mix!
2. Some things God has been teaching me are that I need people, whether I believe or see it, or not. Since becoming a Christian, I have been humbled over and over by this. I am still learning to allow people to be a part of my life (I often don’t talk about myself and am a “good listener”) and I think I come off as having it all together and people don’t usually see my brokenness. It’s a wretched goal I find myself pursuing by default and try to catch myself at it when I recognize it and often force myself to share myself. I need a lot more growth in this area, I think.
Since being engaged, I am also learning how God is the Great Redeemer and can redeem ALL of my past! I am not limited by it and can overcome it by the power of the Holy Spirit. Furthermore, I can break this cycle in my family and have a marriage centered on Him, and raise my children in a loving environment where they’re wanted and accepted and loved and know about Him. And even teach and encourage others to do the same.
I love this blog and this discussion group. It’s helpful to write my thoughts down and respond to questions. I’m so glad I became a part of this! 🙂
Ali
29
Dublin, Ohio
Married
1) Instability in the Home (From birth to age 10, my parents had an ugly marriage. Jesus redeemed their marriage when I was 10. They separated and renewed their vows one year later.) and Pride! The Pride portion of this book spoke directly to my heart and soul.
2) Oh gosh, too many words and not enough space to describe how greatly I was affected by the Pride chapter. God is definitely using that chapter to change me. I know I'll be re-reading that chapter again and again and again.
The devil has been working VERY hard to tear this gal and her darling hubby down this week, but as my hub said yesterday, "Just keep remembering, "Anchor, Anchor, Anchor!" (He was referring to Hebrews 6:19 – "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure…" THAT coming from a man that I have longed to share the gospel with and have let myself feel insecure about because we have been "unequally yolked" for so many years…Can I get an AMEN???? Adonai is on the MOVE!!)
1.) So easy: Rejection and Personal Disposition. Beth, when you shared the story about re-parking Amanda's car, it made me want to laugh AND cry. As a little girl I remember the neighbor kids making fun of me, and when I went home and told my mom, she came tearing out of the house and said all of the things that I wished I could have said to those hateful kids. It tore my heart in two because on one hand, I was happy that they were rebuked, but on the other, mortified that I was now going to be known as the girl who had to have her mother stick up for her. That still cuts me to the core just remembering it.
2.) You mentioned the high premium on youthfulness in Chapter 6, and it seemed appropriate to me since I am turning 30 this year. So many people have said "I can't believe you're going to be 30" that I could very easily turn that into an insecurity. My husband and I started dating when I was 19 and he was 25. He's always enjoyed the fact that I've been significantly younger, and I think me turning 30 has actually given him some new insecurities about his own age. I'm a firm believer though that age is just a number. There are days I feel "old" but then there are a lot of days when I don't feel old at all. I still watch cartoons when I want to and even decided that I would throw myself a birthday party this year with all of my girlfriends "just because." When I mentioned it to my mom, her immediate response is "Come on, don't do that…" but really, why NOT??
I heard something the other day that brought this full circle for me…the older we get, the closer we are to seeing Jesus. For me, that's not a bad thing at all. I'm embracing it!! 🙂
Although they all have affected me in some way, the 2 that are most prominent are Rejection and personal disposition. I feel everything deeply yet I have developed the coping mechanism of "if I can't (or choose not) to see it, it doesn't exist", therefore it can't hurt me. No wonder I can't bear to watch those commercials of hungry children in Africa or animals in shelters with noone to love them. I've also tried to clamp down my emotions but soon realized I will never experience deep meaningful relationships if I'm not willing to risk great pain and loss. So, I choose to feel.
Rejection is prominent because my parents divorced (around 1975) before divorce became the norm. Noone else I knew had parents who were divorced. We had attended church my whole life so this was quite embarrassing personally. After the divorce, my parents both pursued their single lives and often, as a child, I felt rejected and unimportant.
I like the statement that our need to be noticed actually is meant to drive us to our Creator. The Father who never rejects us, always forgives us, lovingly teaches us and loves us eternally!!
Thank you Jesus for becoming more real to me everyday!
I am doing the Daniel study right now. I love how God ties all of our study together. Thank you Beth for your ministry.
Jennifer
20's
Florida
Married
1. As I was reading, I was concerned because I could identify with each root of insecurity…however I think my two primary would have to be personal disposition and PRIDE.
2. I felt God speaking to me through these chapters so strongly. Especially concerning my own state in handling my husbands recent affair. Here are some things that I felt Him screaming at me:
– Time doesn't heal. Only God truly heals….time only tells.
-Attitude is everything!!
-Dont become psychologically dependent on crisis….Dont create crisis just because you dont feel it at the present moment.
-Make your disability/crisis your freedom….You can let this situation make you insecure or unstoppable
-We are entrusted with a brief amount of time here on earth. We are to be living abundantly, effectively, powerfully, and pricelessly/
-Stop reaffirming how inferior you are…YOU ARE NOT!
-Pride does not keep a heart from breaking..it just keeps it from healing.
Thank you for reminding me that there is purpose and HE is the reason we are here!
1)I think the two primary roots for me are: instability in the home and personal disposition. I feel that I had a relatively good home life, but things were brewing that I didn't know about until high school that split my parents. My dad had an affair and a child out of wedlock. While neither of my parents re-married, I sense that my dad betraying my mom has had a lasting sting on me. Even though I have a great marriage and I know my husband would never cheat on me, in the back of my mind I want to be worthy of his continual love and affection so he will "stay around." My personal disposition is sensitive and a people pleaser, so that brings insecurity too.
2) God is not only showing areas of my own insecurity, but revealing some roots of insecurity in others in which I have relationships with. The roots are helping me realize why some people respond the way they do. It is helping me understand where they are coming from. I don't know what to do with it, maybe just pray for them that they would be healed from their insecurities as I am being healed…maybe it is just to produce more compassion from me in relating to them.
I definitely think the pride section was great. I am finding that when a certain someone tries to compete with me and her pride rises up to want to be better than me (because of her own insecurities), then mine rises up to defend myself. Isn't that crazy? I don't even want to compete with her, but it's like if she's gonna start it, than I am going to show her that she is not the best after all! I despise that. I want to be able to just love her and refuse to enter into the competition that she wants to win. Why can't she just be secure and not always have to one up me? It drives me crazy and it sure brings out my pride. I'll have to pray about that.
30s
Married
East coast
Susan
Long Island
50's
Married
1) My two primary roots to my insecurity would be personal limitations and rejection. I was born with a minor birth defect which effected how people saw me as a child and also my physical ability in gym( I was never good at sports). I did not feel rejection from my family as much as my peer group at school. I have spent my life trying to fit in.
2) God is speaking to me that altough my insecurity is deep rooted that with him I can overcome this. Take it slow..This did not happen overnight so it will be a process. He created me and knows what I am going through and the good plans he has for me. In summation, I was created insecure for a purpose…his purpose so I can depend on him.
My two primary roots are Pride, and Personal Disposition. When I read about about personal disposition It was just what I go through, can't pick out a greeting card with out tears, let alone watch a sad movie, some people don't understand the tears and think you are just too emotional.
I have come to know God made me to be sensitive and to try to use it to God's glory.
Linda
Bartelso,IL
50's
married
Cathy
Rhinebeck,NY
Married
40's
1. My two primary roots of insecurity are Instability in the Home and Personal Disposition. I once had someone refer to it as my "sensitive constitution."
2. I had never seen my sensitivity as a root of insecurity all by itself. I always saw it as something that complicated the other insecurities. Now I believe God is showing me that this is one that will have to be dealt with by itself. But also, that He created me with this sensitivity and therefore it is good and He will help me to live securely with it.
1.My top 2 primary roots of insecurity are: dramatic change, and PRIDE.
2. Well God has been dealing with my pride issue for a year now. I think in some aspects it is better but others it is the same. I am a slow learner. God spoke mostly to me about dramatic change. I have stayed in a job that has bad hours and annoying paperwork for 5 yrs now just to keep the good insurance. I know I am a control freak and try desperately to hold onto certain things and people just to have security in something. I have become addicted to dread just waiting for that next bomb to drop. It keeps me from enjoying the present. God help me to enjoy the here and now and not dread tomorrow.
Julie
Bardstown, Ky
30's
Married
My primary root of insecurity was so obvious: rejection! I experienced an INTENSE period of peer rejection in late elementary and junior high school. It was brutal! And I've been scarred and insecure ever since.
The next primary root was harder for me to discern. Several fit. And I think my parents' divorce and the aftermath of that spanned several of the roots. I think I'll go with instability in the home. My parents argued before they were divorced. And my dad was an alcoholic, even though I didn't know what alcoholism was. I had to visit my dad twice a month, which I really didn't want to do. And our financial stability changed so much with the divorce as well.
What surprised me about the roots of insecurity were the inclusion of personal disposition and ego. I definitely have a very tenderhearted disposition. (I'm so with you on avoiding movies where animals die!) And my oldest daughter, who really has had a life devoid of the external roots is very tenderhearted and very insecure. I guess she inherited it from me! I never saw how my own pride and ego contributed to my insecurity until now. Not pretty, but oh so true!
April
Lake Charles, LA
30s
Married
"We always marvel that God shows an interest in us, but in heaven it will be clear that every earthly thing happened so tht we'd show an interest in Him." Joni Eareckson Tada – Heaven Your Real Home
Wow, I came across that yesterday and find it so profound…even in dealing with my insecurites…especially in this place. For years, I've heard God wishper…"It's not about you." I don't know if this makes sense to anybody…but it's got me thinking.
1) My first root of insecurity comes from dramatic change. My father was in the Air Force and his job took him away from home frequently for weeks at a time. And then he was in Vietnam twice, for a year at a time. I can't tell you what this did to me. His second tour in Vietnam, we moved, adding to the tumult. I remember constantly thinking about the fact that he might not make it home. There was an incident when my mother received a phone call telling her that my dad's crew had been on a rescue mission and had been ambushed. There were casualties, but they couldn't let us know whether my father was alive or not. I was 8, my sister was 5. I have been insecure and anxious all my life and the Holy Spirit pointed out that this is a big reason for that.
2) Personal Disposition is the second root of insecurity. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and personalize everything.
Wow, for the first time I feel like I am beginning to understand where the insecurity is coming from and believe that God is telling me that it is time to deal with it and I am so ready to deal with it!
Cindy
40's
married
I'm loving the book. I'm ahead & had to slow down & try to participate in the questions. I missed the 1st week commenting, but will try to make up for it here.
I grew up in a very stable home, so don't have a lot of reasons to be insecure & even thought I was NOT so insecure, until I began reading the book and realized, yes, I am.
I think wanting to please men came early on for me & I was shy & didn't get a lot of attention from guys in high school, so in my 20's that need drove me. To get attention & affirmation. I didn't rely on God to give me that & sought it elsewhere. Thankfully, I'm happily married now, but like you said, we can't even get our affirmation from our mates. It has to come from the Lord only. So, I guess rejection would be some of what caused my insecurity going into adulthood. My parents gave me plenty of stability, I just wanted more attention, I think.
Pride too is at the heart of insecurity. When we see others getting more than we do, jealousy comes out. One of the biggest sources of insecurity for me has been in blogging. Crazy to say, but it's there. There are so many talented women out there & it sometimes feels like we get lost in the masses. I don't want that to be an issue for me, so I'm working on that in particular.
Love the book, Beth! It was a pleasure to get to meet you & hug you in person at the B'ham book signing at Costco. Thanks for your sweet spirit.
Forgot to put this down:
53
Married
AL
Oh, that youth thing too has us all in a tizzy. It's so hard to accept the aging process gracefully, but I sure am trying. All we see is air-brushed beautiful & perfect women in the media and who can live up to that? It's hard to be happy with what we do have & we tend to want to change certain things about our physical selves.
1. My father's seeming lack of interest in me. With two sons to teach how to be men, I found myself craving any of his attention. Few compliments he gave were followed with "but why can't you do better." It was a terrible feeling to never feel like I was quite good enough for him to be proud. Love was not in question, however, so as years have passed I have seen him soften. He is more affirming at 80 years old than ever at 30!
2. Moving around enough that I always felt like I was the new kid in town. Striving to fit in and very self conscious about my looks. I, too, could eat corn through a picket fence so they said.
Insecurity is often born from outward influences, circumstances, etc. but left to fester they become our pet diseases. Our excuses, reasons, loopholes, whatever we like to call them for all kinds of ungodly habits, thought processes and strongholds we have. I have FINALLY learned that my affirmation is in Christ alone. Not my dad or mom, not my friends and their opinions, not even my wonderful husband.
"Therefore we do not give up; even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day.
For our momentary light affliction is producing for us an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory! so we do not focus on what is seen, but on what is unseen; for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. II Cor.4:16-18
Melanie
Marks, MS
married for 27 years
48
1. The two roots of insecurity that I identify the most with are rejection and our culture. I am a people pleaser by nature and I can't stand the thought of someone not liking me or being upset with me. Beth, boy do I identify with the section on temperament too. I am a theatre girl. My family teasingly calls me the dramaqueen. Us theatre people are wired with what they call an "octave heart". We experience intense emotion from high highs to low lows. Failed relationships and the demands of our culture are enough to make this sensitive heart bleed red.
2. It is so encouraging to know that my insecurities came from somewhere and that they are not something that I just have to live with. I don't have to be a sitting duck for our culture's lies and false images of beauty. The Lord is challenging me to avoid things that heighten my insecurities. The coolest thing of all, since I've begun this journey: some days I look in the mirror completely depressed and that's when I hear my Father whisper, "Love, you look beautiful today." It's so unreal it gives me chills!! I love Him!
Rachel, 23
Single
Jupiter, FL
What didn't speak to me!
I think reading these two chapters just drove home, to me, the point that so much in our lives can affect how we live and think and what we belive. I think every one of the points hit a spot with me (could be because I am one of those that, Beth, you talked about on pgs. 83-84. Matter of fact I had to write you a little note next to that paragraph on page 84. That's so me.)
A few things stuck out to me, as I was reading. One, was how we could possibly project that feeling of "of those who are supposed to care, will instead harm me" onto people now in our lives that don't mean to do us harm, but we fear they will because of how people did when we were younger. I was especially thinking of my husband. He surely does not intend to harm me, but I think, in the back of my mind, I fear he will because of others in the past that have. Does that make sense? God, I think, was telling me that I need to realize how things in my past have affected me and realize that, that is not who everyone in my life is now. Especially, my husband. God doesn't want that to get in the way of growing us closer and closer together and closer to Him.
God spoke to so many things; culture, personal dispostion, huge changes…and so on, but something that I thought was really interesting and so helpful in understanding why we feel so insecure, was that the insecure feelings don't have to always stem from our childhood years. I have been shocked with how I struggle with so many things that are happening in my life, right now. I am so glad we are going through this book. I am looking forward to God using it to change me and how I view myself, in Him, and how I view, what is happening around me, everyday.
What didn't speak to me!
I think reading these two chapters just drove home, to me, the point that so much in our lives can affect how we live and think and what we belive. I think every one of the points hit a spot with me (could be because I am one of those that, Beth, you talked about on pgs. 83-84. Matter of fact I had to write you a little note next to that paragraph on page 84. That's so me.)
A few things stuck out to me, as I was reading. One, was how we could possibly project that feeling of "of those who are supposed to care, will instead harm me" onto people now in our lives that don't mean to do us harm, but we fear they will because of how people did when we were younger. I was especially thinking of my husband. He surely does not intend to harm me, but I think, in the back of my mind, I fear he will because of others in the past that have. Does that make sense? God, I think, was telling me that I need to realize how things in my past have affected me and realize that, that is not who everyone in my life is now. Especially, my husband. God doesn't want that to get in the way of growing us closer and closer together and closer to Him.
God spoke to so many things; culture, personal dispostion, huge changes…and so on, but something that I thought was really interesting and so helpful in understanding why we feel so insecure, was that the insecure feelings don't have to always stem from our childhood years. I have been shocked with how I struggle with so many things that are happening in my life, right now. I am so glad we are going through this book. I am looking forward to God using it to change me and how I view myself, in Him, and how I view, what is happening around me, everyday.
What didn't speak to me!
I think reading these two chapters just drove home, to me, the point that so much in our lives can affect how we live and think and what we belive. I think every one of the points hit a spot with me (could be because I am one of those that, Beth, you talked about on pgs. 83-84. Matter of fact I had to write you a little note next to that paragraph on page 84. That's so me.)
A few things stuck out to me, as I was reading. One, was how we could possibly project that feeling of "of those who are supposed to care, will instead harm me" onto people now in our lives that don't mean to do us harm, but we fear they will because of how people did when we were younger. I was especially thinking of my husband. He surely does not intend to harm me, but I think, in the back of my mind, I fear he will because of others in the past that have. Does that make sense? God, I think, was telling me that I need to realize how things in my past have affected me and realize that, that is not who everyone in my life is now. Especially, my husband. God doesn't want that to get in the way of growing us closer and closer together and closer to Him.
God spoke to so many things; culture, personal dispostion, huge changes…and so on, but something that I thought was really interesting and so helpful in understanding why we feel so insecure, was that the insecure feelings don't have to always stem from our childhood years. I have been shocked with how I struggle with so many things that are happening in my life, right now. I am so glad we are going through this book. I am looking forward to God using it to change me and how I view myself, in Him, and how I view, what is happening around me, everyday.
1. not being wanted by a guy…seeing all my friends in church and Christian groups getting hooked up or married…it led me to travel to the other side of the world to be married…and then he left me…
happy aside…i have 4 beautiful children and am learning to love like God wants me to in a marriage that has struggles…
2.
forgot to add my info about me the other day…LOL.
Thelma age 42
Married 10 years
3 kids, ages 9,6, and 3
live in Tn
oh and my insecurities made me come back and do this…LOL. Just in case…LOL even days later..yep that's how we roll sometimes.
1)I think my first root of insecurity comes from me growing up in a broken home. Neither one of my parents wanted to be parents after I got to be a teenager so I went looking for love in all the wrong places and until I got saved 5 years ago I never found in those places.
2) The second is my lack of education and a reputable job.
I know my God is working in this situation, because I would never before have sit down and send something to Beth to read. Still satan is saying you are not up to these women's level, to be online blogging. But I'm doing it anyway.
Christine 40s married England
1) Mother dying when I was a child and coping (or rather not coping lol) with an alcoholic father
2) Still working on this but it's good to know the insecurity does not have to be permanent
Wow! Beth my friend, I just finished reading chapters 5 and 6, and before I post my answers I just want to say thank you. Thank you for writing what our precious Father wants us to hear.
1. My first root of insecurity is rejection. Many rejections from a young age to even now, even from my mom. I realized today that losing her when I was 19, after feeling rejected from her for many years, that also felt like rejection. Also feeling rejected by my dad since her death, he tends to put his girlfriend and her family far before his. But the most wonderful thing happened while reading the verse from Isiah 41, even though I have read it before, it was as if God was speaking it directly to my heart!
and the other root (this surprised me!) is Personal Disposition. I never would have thought of this as a root, but now I can see it without one ounce of doubt. Thank you because now it has been brought out into the light!
2.For the second, definitely pride, humility is something I have been asking for but I realized today that I have not been very sure what that exactly was. I grew up with a mom that was either telling me I was perfect (which I knew even very young wasn't true) or ignoring me completly, alcohol and high emotional state were contributers.
I am going to work on these and pay attention to how I am feeling ( or over feeling) and watch the pride-filled self that I am.
till next week,
Love, Traci
37 yrs. old
two precious teenagers
married
Tonya
40's
Married
Searcy, AR
1. My primary two are life long "friends"….personal dispositon and rejection.
And doesn't that first one just leaving you looking for the second?
Sara Groves sings a song, "A Lot Like Me", where she sings to her tender-hearted son that he is a lot like her. I, tearfully, dedicated this song to my thrid son recently. He's the one I see this same trait in and have since he was SO tiny. I've had to tell his older brothers and teachers–You have to be careful what you say to this one, because he takes each of those things you say to him (or worse, call him) and he tries them on, spins around in the mirror a few times to see how well they fit and how he looks in them. All too often he (and I) keep the rejecting words and put the affirmations back on the hanger! I could see it SO clearly in him that I am understanding more about myself. It's what I've done my whole life, childhood till TODAY. Because I think now that I recognize it I will much quicker to toss those things aside—but I'm not taking them to GoodWill. LORD knows, no one else needs those out-of-date hideous garments!! Instead I will intentionally put on 'radiant garments' given to me by my loving Father. And, though, he's 'A Lot Like Me', I'm going to keep a sharp, pray-ful eye to raise a warrior who's armour bears only minor dents but is otherwise BULLET PROOF!! (to Your glory Father, may it be so!!)
2. Culture. I have judged myself against every airbrushed beauty and found myself wanting my entire life! It is a struggle now not to feel envy over youth because I realized too late that I WAS beautiful and didn't enjoy my season in the sun because I never felt like I measured up……..it's tough. I am, however, gonna work what I've got now–if you know what I mean! No more! No more, not good enough. No more. (I think I can hear some chains starting to rattle as God and I work our best Houdini to get me out of them!!)
OnYa!
1) Personal disposition and pride were the two roots that impact me the most. For years, I've wondered why I struggle so much with insecurity and after reading the section on personal disposition, it brought some understanding. Also, by looking at insecurity from the perspective of pride, wow! If I'm really honest with myself (and the older I get, the more honest I get w/myself and others!), this root has been buried deep but so glad to recognize it now.
2) God opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of rejection that I felt in the past was "perceived", still painful but again provided a deeper understanding in how I tick. The fear of perceived rejection still affects my personal relationships. Thanks to the Holy Spirit for pointing that out, I hopefully can improve the health of those relationships.
Beth
Knoxville, TN
30s
Married
Oh wow, this is deep stuff! I believe that the two main roots my insecurity come from – instability in the home and rejection. I couldn't say that there are "huge" events in these two categories, however I really appreciate you showing us how, if our hearts are so sensitive to something we can be effected as if "it" were something catastrophic.
I sense that my Father is validating a little line you spoke in Esther: "God knows, God sees, God acts." He really does care about all things against us from the little to the big, and He is there to redeem!
LOVE THIS BOOK Mama Beth!
Kate in Virginia
Married, 30's
Sarah Vint
Ames, IA
20's
Married
1. The 2 roots of insecurity that I think are most prominent in my life are "Instability in the home" and "Dramatic Change". And if I can, I am going to include Pride because it is huge. My parents marriage was always wishy-washy (my Dad had a huge problem with cheating on my mom and looking at porn). God has radically changed them and it is great to be a part of, but sin still has its effects. Because of my Dad's job we moved a lot as kids and never could form roots anywhere and this year I've experienced a TON of change (though all good, still nuts when you're now working on being an ex-perfectionist) such as graduating from college, being a 1st year teacher, newly married, and new large home, amongst being a pastor's wife of a large student ministry.
2. Oh yes, well the section on PRIDE (caps are required) made me cry big time and it produced MUCH confession! Oh boy, do I often think I have to be "the" rather than an "a". OOFTA (yes I am from Minnesota originally)! Wow… I feel the need to be the most attractive, hard working, congenial, noticeable, spiritual, religious, and exhausted, most gifted, the ONLY woman in my husband's life, and so on…. Talk about exhaustion! I recently found myself actually just sitting and being COMFORTABLE with who I am! I finally see the PRIDE and no longer have to be "addicted to action" trying to prove myself the "THE" in everything! Praise God! I can finally be comfortable in how He's created me (though still TRULY a work in progress) and WOW! W.O.W! How wonderful! What joy! Thank you… thank you for me and everyone that encounters me!
Cassie
30s and engaged
I think the two main roots of my insecurity presently come from rejection and (perceived) limitations. One really hard break-up was enough, but the second one that came next felt like it flattened me. I'm engaged now, but it didn't come easily! In our dating, was living as my own false prophet, ready to be broken up with at any moment, and almost not resting until proven true. There is much more confidence now, but I'm still having to fight some lingering doubts. In fact, I've been praying that I'll trust God more fully again. I've been waiting for bad things just around the corner. I know that growth comes through hard things, so I keep waiting for another hard blow to come in the name of sanctification.
I'm still chewing on the second one–personal limitations–because I think pride has a lot to do with that. I think I may be dissatisfied with the gifts God has given me because I'm not "The" best at any of them, so I end up feeling just mediocre. It's like I'd feel significant if I could be "the artist" or "the caring one" or "the wise one" or "the skinny one" instead of being "driven by the certainty of God-given identity and the conviction that nothing can take that identity away."
1. My first primary root is the big Rejection word…I had one of those horror childhood stories tons of abuse neglect, no one wanting me, growing up so fearful of everything I was scared of my own shadow. I have had to fight my whole life to be loved and accepted. Rejection is huge for me and just recently good friends walked away from me. So it's been hard lately.
2) Pride is hard for me as well. I want everyone to like me and if they don't it hurts my pride. I want people to notice me, I sometimes go as far as showing off which is another form of pride.
God has been doing some awesome things with me, he has been humbling me in ways I didn't even know you could be humbled in. I love Psalm 139:1-6, 13-17 about the Lord knowing us before we were even born all He does everyday for us how he loves us no matter what. You said it " we were made great." We no longer need pride to drive us.
This makes me cry when in rejection —-I need to let God tend to it, to feel His peace, to let Him know I'm worth wanting, loving, liking, pursuing and fighting for. I have been memorizing the verse
" I have chosen you and not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God." – Isaiah 41: 9-10
My name is Lyndi. I am 46 and live in Ohio. I am married and this is my first time to ever leave a comment on a blog. I am starting late because I just got the book last week. It's so good that I can hardly put it down. I see myself in so many descriptions in this book. I'm so very thankful to have found it written by a lady I admire and trust so much. Thank you Beth for validating feelings I've had all my life. Thank you for the help you are giving me and my family too.
Kim
Iowa
40's
Married 22 years
1).Dramatic change/unstable home. My parents went throug a very messy divorce when I was a teen b/c my father had a long string of affairs the entire 17 years my parents were married. My mom fell apart and seemed unable to care for the family and my dad refused to help or pay child support. My mom turned us (me and my siblings) against my dad in her own way of trying to cope with her situation, so I haven't had a father figure for most of my life.
My other root of insecurity is pride. I want people to admire me and think I am good at something, so I try to act as though I am good at things, but deep down inside I know I am a fraud, b/c I don't really believe I am good at anything. I have very low self-esteem. So, I am a perfectionist and I am boastful about it in my attempt to be noticed and convince people that I am worth something.
2). Insights gained—"No outside force has the power to betray and mislead us the way our own egos do. Pride talks us out of forgiving and steers us away from risking." Yes, my ego is in my way and I do struggle with unforgiveness. I just didn't realize the extent to which pride was standing in my way.
One final insight—"Humility is a crucial component in true security." I struggle with humility too.
Patty
Colorado Springs, CO
50's
married
1. To lock into two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity is very hard because of the abuse and trauma I experienced as a child. After reading the chapters I understand so much better why I have these insecurities and that, in itself, brings some freedom. I think that the loss of innocence and rejection are two very big roots for me. Self-loathing comes naturally out of that. The media and the value of youthfulness doesn't help.
2. I am beginning to understand that God did not reject me but chose me, and loves me unconditionally. He created me in His own image and what He creates is good. I am in the process of believing this not just in my mind, but in my heart, of letting it soak into my being and bring healing. As I find more and more significance in God, I will also see Him bring freedom from, and healing to, my many insecurities and working in me to fulfill His purpose for me.
1) Well since the section on Instability in the home and the one on Rejection are almost completely hi-lighted, I'd say they are top 2. Significant loss is almost a tie. My step father who adored me died when I was 15. Had to change the "or" to "and" in the sentence "An alcoholic (dad) and mentally ill (mother)". I started dealing with much of this topic while doing the Believing God study. I then went through some Christian counseling which was very beneficial. But reading this book has been so enlightening. I find myself "yes, that's me", "Ohmygosh that was me". I feel like you've been living in my body for 46 years and your telling me about me! I guess that is why you say, you love women because you have been so many of them.
2) God has been speaking to me. He wants me to know that He is my parent. He will love me and take care of me. I can trust him and he won't let me down. I can depend on him because he will always be there for me no matter what I do or how horrible I act. I needed to hear that. To embrace it and receive it.
In the radiance of His greatness, we are made great.
Thank you Beth for articulating my thoughts.
Sharon
San Antonio, TX
40's
married
Shannon
Brimfield, IL
married
30's
1. Definitely rejection and pride.
2. I have hurts again and again in friendships to the point where I have shut myself down from them for a number of years. This was easy to do since I am intraverted and like to be alone. However, I am seeing recently that God wants me to break away from my self-presevation/self-protection and reach out. I may get hurt again, but I am going to trust that God will heal me. My pride has aggrevated every area of my life including this. I have been too worried about my temperal self-worth somehow. I have been asking God to help me mortify this in me. And He is:)
Amber
Castle Rock, CO
30's Married
1. My 2 primary roots are instability in the home and rejection.
2. I really felt I needed to focus on where it talked about becoming addicted to dread and how you learn to live life with the constant expectation that something bad is about to happen. I really need to work on this! I am constanting trying to prepare for every possible bad thing that may happen to me and it prevents me from doing anything except worry. It has become hard to trust others and God because of it.
1. My two primary roots are pride and rejection. The rejection I felt most strongly for the first time happened in the 3rd grade. A girl I had been friends with up until then, all of a sudden decided she HATED me. I was dumbfounded as to why.(I still am). I wrap my pride in a thick cloak of false humility, so even those closest to me don't recognize it.
2. I have always felt like I was never good enough, no matter what the area. There is a lot of criticism in my family, and I am trying to model a different pattern for my girls. God has shown me that I don't have to be better than someone else at anything, He just wants MY best.
Sorry.
Joan
Portage,MI
40's
1) Rejection and Pride
2) I think I am most troubled by these and the most aware of them because as I read through them I thought "Oh, that's my mom" or "That's my step-dad to a tee." So I guess there's more than a little Instability in the Home as well.
But I also had the realization that I have come a long way from that crazy insecure cycle of controlling-inferiority-arrogance-selfloathing. It still raises its ugly head, but much less over time. And the reason for that as, you pointed out, is not just "time" but a combination of first turning to God and relying on him for my security (at one point He almost audibly told me "I am the head of your household.") And then God brought me a wonderful, whole, godly, gentle and secure husband.
1. Pride and personal limitations.
2. Last year I took the Strengths 2.0 test. One of my "strengths" is Significance and I have seen it tied to Pride all along. I have not been able to see it as a strength at all. I can trace much of what I do back to Significance. It wasn't until page 102 where you actually used the word "significance" that I began to get it. I AM SIGNIFICANT to THE ONE whose opinion matters the most. I need not seek the approval of anyone(friends, media, any one!) but God's. Psalm 139 1-16 NLT was a Route 44 drink of water to this soul. Praise HIM!
Stacey
McKinney, Texas
40
My insight was that the perfection others imposed on me, I imposed on God thinking He expected the same thing. When I realized I couldn't reach it I ran far away. While I came back hurt and still confused He has been growing me and teaching me more about grace than I thought was to know.
1. My two primary roots – Instability in the home and pride.
2. I am a perfectionist and never really thought about that being pride. Ouch! Praying for help in that area!
After many years, God is helping me put my past behind me. I did your Esther study last year and the following statement really spoke to me: “You can’t amputate your history from your destiny.” I knew God was speaking to me through your study. I pray that my past can change someone's future. May God use me for His Glory!
Kristin
AL
30's
Married
Linda
Webster, NY
40s
Married
1) The two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are Pride & Rejection. Until I read this book, I didn't think I was insecure at all. I was just reading it because I love everything Beth writes, and I thought I could help some family & friends who I think are insecure. Boy, was I wrong! I am getting so many answers and I've only read through Chapter 6!
2) The biggest insight that I've gained so far is that I am insecure (and didn't realize it!), and that "pride talks us out of forgiving and stirs us away from risking". This statement made me realize this is what I do over and over again.
1. I believe that my 2 main roots of insecurity are 1) a significant loss and 2) personal limitations. As far as a significant loss, I had a loss of innocence from being raped 2 weeks before my 14th birthday in a church none the less. So I feel not only did I lose my innocence, my childhood; I also lost my faith. It was too large of a burden for me to bear on my own (a lil' pride/perfectionism issue there). I was ashamed and felt like lil' miss independent, as I was known, should have been ready and able to handle it on my own and I did for many years. Looking back boy was I wrong, it led to a viscous downward spiral of self destruction. As far as personal limitations, I get furious even saying that because for me I now most of mine are things I impose upon myself. For example, my lack of self confidence causes me to not be able to work or hold down a job for more than 2-3 years (and it used to be much shorter than that). My extreme self critical thoughts keep me captive of my own home and my fears. There are many more, and of course the one I cannot control i our struggle with infertility, which limits me in many ways mostly due to my own attitude, self pity and self reliance. I let it control me instead of letting God control it.
2. I feel that God was speaking to me through many parts of these chapters. As much as I hate to admit it my pride is sill in nee of a lot of work. The ability to admit when I am wrong is so difficult for a recovering perfectionist, and it is holding my healing back. When Beth said that in our culture we are drowning in un-chartered waters and we can't keep up, she hit it head on. I have always wished I was born in an earlier era when life was more simplistic. Also, the hypersensitive disposition describes me perfectly. I hate that I cannot control my emotions as well as I wish I could. And again when she said "we are desperate for significance," wow, that struck a chord big time. It was like God was saying to me that my worth and value is not based on whether or nor I am a mother or not. Devastating as it is to me since I long to be a mother, that was some form of relief in that revelation. There were multiple more things that spoke to me, but now it is putting them into practice that is the difficult part.
Lisa, 30s, married, Shawnee, KS