Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
Tara 
(1)Primary Roots:
I hate to write “instability in the home” because I feel disrespectful; however, the words on page 65, “A parent’s physical illness can also create significant fear and insecurity for a child – even if that parent would give anything on earth to be the best possible caretaker” could have been written by me at any time from age 5 until my mother passed away 20 years later. “The primal fear that no one will take care of us” still bothers me significantly although logically, I know I can survive (as in “keep breathing” & financially anyway) in the event I become a widow.
The second root would have to be Rejection – first by a best friend (during elementary school) although during the summer she would be my friend again, just never at school, like she was ashamed of me. This root progressed in adolescence as: not being invited to parties or even to enter into a group or conversation; later in the workplace: not being included when groups would go to lunch together; my ideas not being considered as worthwhile, then someone else presents them as their own and it’s like the greatest thing; and personally, when spouse puts his work, his friends, affirmation and or attention from others ahead of me/mine.
(2) Insights:
I would re-word a favorite scripture from 1 Corinthians 10:
13No insecurity has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you feel rejected, abandoned, and insecure beyond what you can bear. But when you are insecure, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it and feel worthwhile.
On page 77, I was comforted to know that “God knows exactly what happened and what a toll it took.” Thank you for telling me to let God tell me that I am “worth wanting, loving, even liking, pursuing, fighting for, and keeping.”
Texas 60s married
Cara
Riverview, FL
30's Married.
#1. Two primary roots are: Instability in the home. Parents divorced and it was NASTY and left so much hurt and confused feelings and insecurities. Rejection. Which I think goes back to the divorce. Both parents put up a fierce fight for the kids but one faught because it was the best for us and one faught because we came with a child support check. It wasn't really us they wanted. Guess what? Child support checks end eventually and so does being wanted.
#2. PRIDE. Wanting to be known by someone for something. I am known. I am known by Christ.
I am behind in my reading, but it is because of lack of time, not interest. I am being so challenged by SLI. In answer to question 1, I don't really know what the roots of my insecurities are. I am 21 years old, I grew up in a great home, with no major losses. The fact that I don't know what the roots of my insecurities are, only makes me feel more insecure and to be honest, a bit frustrated. However, I am am determined to continue to pour myself out to God in prayer, as well as read the chapters of SLI with a hunger for freedom. My goal is completeness in God.
I am still playing catch-up, having received my book late. I read these chapters last night and started to give surface answers, then gave it some pondering time.
I just didn't have much insecurity in my childhood. I was the much loved oldest of five kids who could have lived down the street from Beaver. From that came some self-entitlement–having things go my way was my due. Also what my Mom called laziness–I was content to be average. And in that fertile environment, the root of pride prospered.
I went to college in 1969 in the midst of much social change. I got caught up in it but found it to be shallow. I was looking for purpose and praise God, found in Jesus Christ at the end of my sophomore year. And I wanted to be a good Christian, which led to performance, which inevitably leads to rejection.
I could add far more detail, but the Lord Jesus and I will work that through. I really bought the book because I have benefitted from all things, Beth Moore. And I love the book cover, because to me it says, "You go, girlfriend!" But without these assignments I would have just quickly read the book. With the assignments I am READING the books!
Much gratitude and love in Christ,
Terri
Grand Rapids, MI
married, 50's
I know I'm posting this a little late, but I really want to post it.
The heart of my insecurity is fear to be myself and I guess the root of that is rejection.
Always doubting if what I am doing/who I am is OK or wrong. Trying to please everyone and having no idea what would please me. God has shown me that the enemy began attacking and reinforcing this lie in many ways throughout my life. Rejection by peers in middle school, experiencing continued intimidation and meanness by other girls, having a boyfriend for 4 years in high school/college that squashed who I was and continually crushed my spirit all set me up to feel like I needed the approval of others no matter the cost to myself, while being incredibly self-conscious. Also, my mother was depressed a lot while I was growing up; she had a lot of wounds from her life that desperately needed to be healed, and I felt like it was my job to heal her and make her better. She was not loved as she should have been, did not know who she was (as a child of God, therefore she was not free) and lived in fear in many ways…and I absorbed all that.
Forgot to say:
31
Single
1. Hard to sort it all out. Probably rejection and perfectionism/pride.
2. My insight from this probably came when recently spending time with family (whom I love dearly)…alone. It had been a while since I had done this and I could not believe the flood of feelings and emotions and insecurities that rose to the surface. The memories of being told that if I didn't live a "perfect" life that God would not be happy with me not to mention family/friends disappointments. More of condemnation than forgiveness. We have since been freed from that denomination's teaching, but it is hard to get rid of that mindset of God being the condemning judge and that I need to be perfect to be accepted by He and others. Praise God for the truth of His word that can set us free!
Tammy
Indianapolis
Married, 40's
Alison, 30's, married
Norman, OK
My two roots of insecurity are Rejection and Personal Limitations. And of course it's all wrapped up in Pride. Because, I don't have any major limitations such as the ones you described. I perceive that I do. I am not as intelligent as I think I should be, I "can't" lose weight, I have struggled with acne my entire life from adolescence. Are these really limitations? Or are these perfectionism? Can I change my answer?
Anywho, the insight that I have gained while reading and thinking about all this, is that one insecurity feeds another, curiously. When I feel insecure about my looks, I tend to also feel incompetent, or when I feel insecure about my house and how I keep it, I also tend to feel insecure about my relationships with other women, and on and on. And the reverse is also true. When I am feeling accomplished, I also don't mind as much that I just ate a bag of chocolate chips. I'll just work out a little harder tomorrow.
I think I better keep reading. =)
Amber
30s
Single
Fort Collins, CO
1. I believe the two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are rejection and my personal disposition – I'm pretty sensitive. Rejection because of a failed marriage which sadly seems to be the scarlet letter, the unpardonable sin amongst the Christian community. I was 22 and divorced. Not only had my ex-husband rejected me but he also rejected reconciliation with me. I felt rejected by my church family. Then I felt everyone would reject me so I kept my past a secret from a lot of people, which only made me more insecure. When I re-entered the dating world, many Christian men wouldn't date me because I was divorced. A crazy tailspin of insecurity. Another area of rejection in my life is with my career. I want something better so badly but feel stuck in the insecurity of past rejection and even the fear of future rejection.
Dear Lord, deliver me.
2. Something the Lord has been teaching me through many ways is to not be so focused on what others think of me but to focus on what God thinks of me.
Rachel
Athens, GA
20's
single
My primary roots of insecurity stem from the following:
– Significant Loss
– Dramatic Change
I don't deal with change very well, yet I know that change is inevitable. When change occurs I build up this whole horror story of all the bad things that could happen, when in reality I should embrace all that GOD has thrown my way and let HIM guide me.
– Personal Disposition
I am extremely tenderhearted, which is not always a good thing.
The biggest insight came at the end of the chapter–He knows it's scary to be us–HE KNOWS! That just jumped off the page. I praise God that my Father isn't just sitting on his comfy chair in heaven oblivious to what's going on down here–HE KNOWS!
Thank you Beth and LPM Team for all that you do : )
Heather
Tallahassee, FL
30s
Married
My two primary roots of insecurity are:
1. pride, pride and more pride
2. dramatic change
Insight about these roots from God:
I believe God in revealing to me the nature of my insecurity is allowing me to depend more on Him for healing from it. Recognizing it is the beginning of the battle. Also I believe He is allowing me insight into how far He's already taken me to healing these roots of insecurity. He's also given me insight into who He is– how compassionate and caring and how gentle He is in prompting us to deal with ourselves so that we can become more like who He wants us to be and see ourselves as He does as though looking in a mirror.
1. What do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity?
1) Instability in the home—-Several years ago God began a healing in this area for me when I saw an article in a Christian magazine that listed the characteristics of an adult child of an alcoholic. It was like a huge “AHA” moment for me towards understanding why I was feeling and behaving the way that I did. Among one of the things that helped was going through the workbook, Making Peace with Your Past by Tim Sledge. He helps identify the painful feelings of childhood and to work through them to allow God to heal. My strongest motivation was to break the cycle of family dysfunction for my son’s sake and I wanted it to begin with me.
The statement on p. 64–Recognition is the first step toward letting God get to an issue and healing it—-spoke volumes to me because of its truth. I had A LOT of emotional poison that needed to be drained and cleansed.
2) Significant loss—loss of innocence; didn’t get to be a child; forced to grow up too quickly.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it?
An insight that got my attention and I put two stars in the margin beside the following statements on p. 66: The gender of an abuser also has a strong connection to the direction the insecurity grows. If a female … we will tend to struggle more with security around or with women. I had not identified that as the root of why I am so ambivalent around women—I never felt women liked me or that I fit in with them, jealousy issues, and just did not feel any connection to women in general. It has only been within the past two or so years that I have developed close female friendships. Hopefully, God is showing me I am growing in this area of trust and relationship.
Johnnie
Married
Wake Forest, NC
50's
1. Probably a combination of instability in the home and rejection. One feeds off the other!
2. Rejection was not by men, but by women/friends – huge junior high fiasco that lasted several years afterwards and has remained with me in every friendship I've made. Really rediculous actually when people have such bigger problems they have to overcome! What God opened my eayes to was my way of dealing with it – Pride, perfectionism, being judgemental of others! I knew those were things I needed changed in my heart and I had been asking God to help me with them even before this study – came out of the Esther study for me – but didn't realize that insecurity was hiding behind it and THAT was what I needed to first deal with! My insecurity needs healing for the transformation of my heart from pride into humility to take place next.
It just reconfirms in my mind that God was leading me towards this!
Katie
Evergreen, CO
40s
Married
1. Rejection and personal disposition. And it helps to read that others struggle with these two.
2. I had a pretty stable life growing up, and my mom always marveled how I could have a confidence problem. It was so helpful to realize that personal disposition plays such a big role, and it alleviates the need to try to dig deep for something that really is just part of how God made me. I had the insight that part of the reason I became a counselor is because God made me this way, so I realize that getting rid of this part of my personality is not the answer, and that there is a way to handle it, and that God is about to show me what that is! Pretty exciting!
Also, recognized the intertwined nature of pride and cultural pressure, and how this plays such a big role in my insecurities. It renewed the leading I feel to try to help teenagers and young women to navigate this culture with God's perspective.
Kristi
Belgrade, MT
30's
married
katie
north carolina
20s
married
1.rejection and dramatic change: my dad was emotionally absent, but also verbally abusive. his lack of affirmation in my small feminine heart made it "justified" to shut everything up inside and not let anyone (males) in. this coupled with moving every year or two (army brat) and never having the chance to experience lasting friendships or a place to call home, i retreated inward and perfected the art of withdrawl. ironically, i did this for my "self-preservation" but all i got from it was relational and emotional death.
2. insight: how much more i focus on my smallness and weakness than on the greatness and vastness of our MIGHTY KING. my prayer is to cling to Him and His healing truth, until everything within me that has been broken and bruised no longer matters in the light that it has brought Him glory. the process of healing has brought me to Him and now i have so much more to offer those hurting around me.
Sorry I'm so behind. Between this book and Breaking Free, I'm really getting my behind kicked!
1. Instability in the home and rejection are, I believe, the biggest roots of my struggle with insecurity.
2. When you said, "I believe with all my heart that every adult still has a need to be loved like a child." My insecurity is so wrapped up in my childhood that I can't separate the two. But God is showing me His truths, not the lies I have believed for way too long. If I can learn to leave them in the past, where they belong, and look at myself through His eyes…
Ranelle
Ohio
married
1. My two primary roots of insecurity are instability in the home and pride. I love how the causes of insecurity are divided between the scars left by hardship and the ones we need to own – like pride. It is so easy to fall into a victim mentality but if I am honest with myself, the pride/perfectionism is causing much more insecurity in me than things that happened so long ago.
2. Insights into the roots: The first thing that touched an area of pain in me was the comment at the bottom of pg 65: At the root of chronic insecurity is often primal fear that no one will take care of me. I was once asked by a Christian counselor what my earliest impression of life was and that was my answer – that I was all alone and if I survived, I would have to do it by taking care of myself. He asked what age I was when I felt that way. It was at 3. He was amazed and said something must have happened to me before I was 6 months old to give me the impression that I couldn’t trust my mother. I didn’t think so, but later found out that my mother was deeply grieved by the tragic death of a family friend when I was 4 months old. Just being able to understand the situation from her perspective brought great healing between my mother and me – kind of like chopping off the weed that grows above the ground. But the resulting insecurity has remained. I am excited to pull this root out!
The other huge insight is the connection with pride. I would never have guessed that in a million years, but it all makes sense to me now that I have seen the pieces put together. What a bunny trail I have been on – thinking perfectionism would give birth to security!
The third insight was on pg 105: “We end up looking in to look up instead of looking up to look in. We get fixated on every self-gain and every self-loss until, in our inordinate self-protection, we end up licking our wounds to the point that they can’t heal.” I do that more often than I can say. I find it very difficult to quit obsessing about hurts that come my way. This insight impacted me because my little dog once had a sore on his front leg that he kept licking, making the sore grow worse and worse. The vet’s solution was to make a collar for him out a jug so he couldn’t reach the sore anymore. He looked so funny with that jug over his head, but it worked! I am asking the Lord to put jugs on our heads while we complete this study because it seems like the opportunities for insecurity have multiplied since I started reading the book. It’s time for some healing and I’m willing to be a jug-head to receive it!
Laura
40's/single
Spearfish, SD
My roots of insecurity definitely stem from instability in the home and a significant loss. From an incredibly insecure mother to a murder-suicide and my father taking his own life, my childhood was ravaged with pain. To make matters worse, I lost God along the way and felt more alone and insecure than ever.
While I was lost and searching for an answer, I picked up, of all things, a Cosmopolitan magazine. After reading about self esteem, I discovered the name of my suffering. I think God was throwing me a bone – even through Cosmo! From there, I vowed to work on my insecurity. I am so fortunate that I am in such a better place.
Some of the greatest gifts God ever gave me to lead me back to Him, and ultimately find some security, are my girl friends (two weeks ago our Bible study group started a book club solely about So Long, Insecurity).
Already dealing with insecurity for such a long time, I am acutely aware of how it can cripple a person. I strive to be who God says I am so I can be a positive influence on my daughter. And that's what spoke to me the most in reading chapter six about the media. My daughter is four and she is already cognizant of her clothes and hair and other things a little child should not fret over. I want to throw the TV out the window! And I would if it weren't for The Office and 30 Rock. 🙂
I loved the reference to 1 Corinthians 13:11 about children being children. I pray that God give me guidance that I raise my daughter to always seek Him for the validation and love she needs.
By the way, thank you Beth and LPM for all that you do!
My two main roots are rejection and pride.
Rejection is such a hot one for me. Since I was a little girl, I've felt rejected. My school years were horrific (especially elementary school) with teasing and rejection from my peers. I'd have nausea, throw up, and asthma attacks from anxiety about going to school.
this has led me to take all the normal misbehavior my children do personally. Like they are rejecting me. The pain I feel when my 14 year old daughter doesn't want a hug or refuses to talk to me is ridiculously heartbreaking. I know it is not personal, that it is a part of growing up in my head, but in my heart, wow, it hurts.
Rejection leads to a lot of jealousy in my life. I feel rejected by God because I don't have a nice house like so and so or get to go on vacation like that family, etc.
The Lord showed me this morning that He has given me back what the enemy stole from me during my early years. I now have many friends, a great support system. I am well-liked and accepted by everyone I deal with regularly. In fact, some are even intimidated by me because I am the mom of 7 and I get straight A's in college.
But I notice that there is still something in me that wants to rise above the pack and "show" everyone who rejected me that they were wrong about me, that I AM significant and important. I always joke that I want to be the next J.K. Rowling or Stephanie Meyers. Or have a job that others look up to. Somehow to have those people that rejected me come crawling back and want something from me and then I can be gracious and forgiving to them. That's my pride rearing it's ugly snake-head.
The Lord is showing me that my life is not about me and how I feel and how things affect me. My life is about Him and bringing His kingdom to others and that I will be happiest when I can focus on what I can do for others, not what others can do for me.
Forgot to post my info:
Dawn K.
Hamilton, NJ
30's
Married
2 main roots for me would be insecurity in the home and dramatic change – I don't do well with any change and my life is full of it (because God in His sense of humor called me to be an overseas worker!0)
Insight: Holy cow! CULTURE and the effect it has on us – I've been keenly aware of it but you put it so poignantly, and I've never thought about the fact that our generation is the first one having to deal with it – God reminded me that I've got to be alert!
Glad to be back – – took a break to go to Africa.
forgot my stats…
Kendra
30's
married
middle east
Juley, 30’s
Spicewood, Texas
Married
I can see that I am a miraculously healed redeemed perfectly recovering wrecked mess – As God has brought me THROUGH many hardships covering every “root” from chapter 5. However, healing may not reflect all “scars” yet. I still seem to find a scab where a gushing wound used to be and find myself “coping” as I pick at it to see if I am healed under the scab to realize I’ve caused myself to bleed again. Lord, help me!
If I had to pick two “scabs” that still seem to plague me at this season in my life, it would be P-R-I-D-E and Personal Disposition
Insights: False prophet anticipating bad change and missing the good of life (p.80), Insecurity resulting from coping rather than healing (p.83), perceived rejection vs. a real rejection (p.72)
1. Instability in the home and pride are the primary roots of my insecurity. As a victim of childhood sexual abuse those roots are so intertwined that I can’t really separate them very well. Your statement on page 102 really hit home. “Pride cheats us of intimacy, because intimacy requires transparency.” Cannot be open and transparent and keep the secret and the secret must be kept at all costs… even now.
2. I have trouble trusting anyone with what’s really going on in my life. It’s taken me a long time to see just how much impact those years of abuse have had on all aspects of my life. Thought it was all behind me, a chapter in the past to be forgotten… it was just something that happened long ago. Never really thinking about it and not realizing my way of relating to everyone was learned way back then. Relationships suffer even now
60’s
married
1. First, I believe pride is the largest root of insecurity I have. For whatever reason, I’ve always been so overly concerned about what others thought of me. I’ve always been the upstanding, “good” kid/adult and I’ve always been so terrified “what if” anyone thought I was bad, self-servient, etc. The profile you quoted about the perfectionist? Oh, so embarrassingly ME! I think so highly of myself that I hold myself to these standards- if someone else doesn’t hold me to those standards I’m offended. And if I don’t live up to those standards, then I’m frustratingly incapable and either way, I’ve set myself up for a horrible case of insecurity. Lord, I’m here to give that one GLADLY up to you.
Second, I think my personal disposition has set me up for insecurity. Like you, I’m so tender hearted; although (back to the pride thing), I’m so focused on letting people know that I’m tough enough to handle it all. Little things and comments hurt and bruise my heart so easily, that it’s easy for me to be insecure when my poor husband giggles when I stumble with words, which then makes me insecure about the way I speak. My sweet husband probably had no idea what he was getting himself into (praise Jesus). I just feel so deeply for people, situations, animals, etc. that sometimes it’s hard to just get over that little passer-by comment or the angry driver in traffic. I want to give up that insecurity, but keep my heart too. Lord, if you’d so kindly take that one too, I’d sure appreciate it.
2. I felt connected with God in a big, big way during the discussion of pride. I feel that through my career, and personal life, God has been saying, “Whoah girlfriend. Put a muzzle on that thing!” It’s been a progressive theme that I’m finally yielding to Him that He controls my reactions, emotions, etc. instead of letting me run myself into a tizzy! I’ve found more strength and inspiration on my personal walk with Him when I’ve let Him show me how best to react, instead of letting my pride take the reins.
Blaine-23-Married-Houston, TX
Playing catchup:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
8 Roots:
Instability in the home, Significant Loss, rejection, dramatic change, personal limitations, personal disposition, our culture, pride
1. Our culture. Period.
2. Pride
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
~I already limit my media that I watch, listen to, or buy – but I know I still compare myself to the super moms that I look up to and turn to for cooking, recipe, gardening, parenting, etc advice. And I know it makes me feel inferior as a mom and homemaker. It is hard to do it all, I need to focus on getting my rewards and affirmations from God, not myself or my husband or anywhere else. Do it all for him, stop the comparing, even when I’m not trying to.
tula – houston, tx – 30 – single.
i’m wondering were SO LONG INSECURITY: WEEK TWO blog entry went. i’m not sure if it’s posted anymore. i’m one of the late comers to participate in this blog. i’ve already read the book but desire to dig deeper & be more challenged by answering & reading the blog questions.
help me!
Here you go!
http://blog.lproof.org/2010/02/so-long-insecurity-week-two.html
You can find the older posts by typing “So Long Insecurity” in the search box on our sidebar.
you’re the best! thanks, Amanda! much appreciated. 😉
1- significant loss of a relationship & permanent loss of a loved one by death. rejection of a parent & a friend.
2- for rejection: our minds are so powerful that we can perceive that we’ve been rejected when we really haven’t been. also, my feelings of insanity are not far-fetched in the midst of rejection….interesting insight indeed.
for pride: it talks us out of forgiving & steers us away from RISKING & it keeps us from HEALING….yikes! we are perfect messes….pridefully insecure….everybody’s got a pride problem.
katie, single, 20’s, wewak PNG
1. my most prominent roots were instability in the home ~ being intimidated, defenseless, unprotected… it’s created a distrust especially for older women in my life; not that i don’t trust them or open up, but i do so with fear and trembling and “expect” to be bruised and left. the other was rejection ~ sorta went along with the first… not in any big and dramatic way, or necessarily from one event but it was an overshadowing fear and perception. and i read it into WAY too many friendships since 🙁
2. gained insights?! how shall i count the ways? just HOW insecurity sprouts from pride… such an unsuspecting agent! i never would have connected the two but WOW mama beth, when you’re right, you’re right! yuck! also the whole personal disposition thing. when you share these kind of things about yourself, i feel like you’re talking about me!! it freaks me out! i am totally a sensitive person and things mean way more than they do to others… and i’m excited that while that makes me a bit more vulnerable to insecurity, it doesn’t have to be a bad thing and the answer isn’t just to “care less!” as i’ve been told! i’m challenged to swallow this: “let Him tell you you’re worth wanting, loving, liking, pursuing, fighting for and even keeping”… and how sweet that He knows exactly what happened (every little stab) and the toll it took, and He knows it’s scary to be us. lots of tears were falling on these chapters, with His sweet confirming in my heart that the words were from HIM and we’re going to get through this once and for all, me and Him!
1. Since it has to be 2, I will stick with just 2, but most of them apply. Definitely rejection and then pride. Rejection just has to be from lack of friends in school (or my perception of lack of friends). I didn’t realize how prideful I was until I read that chapter. It’s the pride that was being a perfectionist because I hate being average.
2. I discovered that my main root is not instability in the home, which I believe is part of my insecurity, but more pride and rejection. Pride surprised me I think. Rejection was a given.
1. The thing that hit me the most about this chapter was how MANY of these examples hit home with me. Of course, I haven’t had these same exact experiences, but most of them triggered a memory of a similar example from my own life. As I kept reading, it just made me MAD. Mad at myself. Mad at Satan. Mad at this crazy world that we live in. Even mad at other people who have contributed to my insecurity. I don’t want to continue holding myself back or putting myself down or looking like a complete idiot because of insecurity! No more! It stops here!!!
2. A. For myself – Seriously, I don’t like feeling like this. And I’m ready to be done with it.
B. For my marriage – The more I think about it, the more I realize what a terrible impact all of this insecurity has on my marriage. As newlyweds, we have plenty of struggles and piling on my insecurity isn’t helping. I want to have a HEALTHY marriage that reflects the glory of Christ in my life … this is a step in the right direction.
C. For the children I will one day have – Whether I have daughters or sons, I want to make sure I get this right. I can see now that my mother struggles with insecurity … and my grandmother struggles with insecurity … and from the stories I’ve heard my great-grandmother probably did as well. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if I could teach my children how to have a healthy sense of who they are in Christ and help them tackle these issues before they even get deep roots in their lives?!
3. So many to choose from … but one that immediately pops into my mind was when I took my car to get the oil changed recently. The guy told me all kinds of things that were wrong with my car (that we don’t have the money to fix right now). I left feeling scared to death, driving 30 mph all the way home (another 20 minutes!), and bawling my eyes out. I totally gave into the insecurity of being in a place that I was unfamiliar with and not knowing much about the topic at hand.
4. Dignity isn’t a word that I’ve really ever thought about before reading Chapter 8. I guess to me it means being strong, put together (but not in a fake way), able to deal with whatever life throws your way, able to ask for help when you need it, not letting petty things make you look like a complete idiot. I guess too, it’s really about trusting in GOD to help sustain you and put you together rather than relying on YOURSELF (which we all know isn’t really going to work anyway!). And after our discussion last night, it’s about being WORTHY. Worthy of respect, worthy of being loved, worthy of being secure.
Brooke – 20s – Married – Alabama
Oops! This was meant to be a response to Week 4’s discussion.
Emily
Battle Creek, MI
34 Married 10 years
My biggest root was significant loss. Infertility gives you a ton of loss–loss of the ability to conceive, loss of the purpose of your love making with your husband, loss of the ability to relate to your pregnant friends, loss of self everytime some one asks “when are you guys going to have kids?”. After coming to terms with all of this loss, we opened up ourselves to adoption, brought home a beautiful baby girl, and before the adoption was finalized, the birthmother reclaimed her. Although we were told this was a possibility, I never could have imagined having that I would suffer again in this area. The social worker came to our home and I handed my heart to her in that infant carrier.
Since that time, the other root of perfectionism grew stronger. I went straight back into career and did it amazingly. Interestingly, it wasn’t until the last few months that God finally ripped that scab off to allow real healing. I have begun counseling and finally had the epihpany that the two roots were related. Until now I had no idea. I really believe that SLI will be part of this healing process. Thank you, loving Jesus.
40’s married disabled
1. Personal Disposition…limitations…couldn’t I just be more a life of the party, motivator, type naturally. Well no, because He didn’t make me that way and if we were all, well, like you, Beth, hmmm, I’m not sure what that’d be like. My point is we are all part of a body and we need each other’s differences and I’m grateful to be able to appreciate my own and others contributions. I have further to go in appreciating myself especially.
2. Pride, pride,pride, Such an ugly thing with so many faces. It seems kind of like the more you learn the more you know how much you have to learn.
Lyndsey, thirty, married, Texas…
Two primary roots of my insecurity-
1. Rejection, at an early age
2. Significant loss, once at age 8, once at age 14
**Slightly painful to realize that I have multiple roots—and that the ones I thought were more responsible…it actually goes deeper-to a much earlier age.
I am adopted. Most people are adopted as a baby. I was adopted at age 8 after my grandparents couldnt raise me anymore. Did I feel rejection? You bet.
A long story that led me to giving up a baby for adoption at a way too early age–significant loss..check…rejection from society, family, church members, babies father…check…
Based on CH 4 what Biblical character resonated most with you and why?
I would say it is a toss up between Sarai and the woman at the well. I have related to the woman at the well for many years. But in this current season of my life, Sarai’s insecurity hits home with me more. I know that times were different, but I cannot imagine my sisters having my babies as Leah did….but I understand Sarai’s insecurity about not being able to have a child, making her feel less of a woman and not being able to have them herself and give that to her husband.
I am sorry, I was so tired when I posted last night and I knew I had messed up. My entry was supposed to go on Week 2. I apologize for messing this up.
I’m insecure because I as told all my life I couldn’t do it. After awhile you believe them. Them when you get older your church keeps moving you to something else until you aren’t doing anything. Now I know I’m not wanted. So yes I have insecurities. I have prayed and I’m doing this bible study and I’m trusting God to help me not to hate me so bad. He made me and he loves me and that has to be enough. your sister in Christ.
1. Dramamtic change. I, too, moved to Texas from Arkansas when the summer I was 15. Probably the hardest summer of my life. The enemy wrecked havoc on my mind and my self-worth went lower than it was. More recently, we left the only church my husband and I have attended together during our marriage. A decade of relationships and memories gone in a matter of hours. That has hurt, and hurt a lot. It has caused me to doubt many things about myself. On the other hand it has been used by God to grow me in many areas as well. It is still hard and I miss what was there, but what was has long since disappeared.
Number 2 cause (and truthfully the number one cause) – PRIDE.p. 102 really hit home. If I couldn’t be this….then I will be the best at that….
2.Like I said p. 102. I could look back over my childhood where I wasn’t the prettiest so I would be the smartest. I was not the most popular so I will be the most callous (so they won’t know it hurts so bad). I was not naturally the sweetest so I ‘ll be the meanest. Sarcasm was used as a defensive weapon and one I am quite masterful with, even today. Passive aggression is easy for me to use. What did God show me- that I need to be confident in Him and with Him. What others do or don’t, what they succeed at and I don’t, takes nothing away from the plans God has for me. I definitely need to be more conscious of looking up before looking in.
1.)
1.)It would be difficult to delineate the root causes of my insecurities. They all seem so intertwined and symbiotic. Each thriving as the result of the other… As a child in rural Appalachia, we WERE the stereotypical backwoods family. Poverty, poor education, alcoholism… you name it … we had it. Heck, we didn’t have indoor plumbing until I was in middle school (1980’s). But I digress, living with a terminally ill parent and losing that parent at a young age and having a mother who did her best but…. She was a product of her upbringing. Physically and emotional abusive… I was an only child.
2.)It can be very difficult to see the positive in the hurts of the past… but He keeps reminding me that He has a greater purpose for us all. I have made a list of attributes and have posted them on my bathroom mirror and in my car… Assurances from God that I am Loved, I am Beautiful , I am Amazing, I am Intelligent, I am Brilliant….. because God made me that way… and no man or woman… not even my self loathing can alter or change what he has given me.
I did not know that this blog existed before now. I borrowed So Long Insecurity from the library but had to return it before I finished. There was a quote that made the most impact on me that I was wondering if someone can remind me of: It said something about being wary of the saying that time heals wounds, that only God heals and time only tells.
Please someone who owns this book, quote it to me again!
Thank you.
Hey Amanda! I was reading in chapter 5 today and ran across the quote you are looking for. It is on page 74 and reads “Be careful not to give too much credence to that old adage that time heals. Mark my word. It’s God that heals. Time only tells.”
Hope you’re doing well!
– Lindsey
Lindsey; Kentucky; 20’s; single
Oh my, what a self-searching couple of chapters. God is using this time to teach me and stretch me and I have to say it’s rather uncomfortable, smile. Absolutely worth it, but it hasn’t come easy and it’s not over yet….
Anyway, trying to identify my two primary root causes was more difficult than I thought. I plan to give it much more thought even after responding, which is why my response includes only categories from the book. I’m not so sure that later they would be any different, but I really want to let God have free reign in me to show me more if He wants to. My first is instability in the home. Like so many others I grew up in a home that was not only rough around the edges, but rough right down into its core. To boil it down….father is an alcoholic – has been all my life; mother is exhausted from trying to keep it together for all the different reasons – mostly “for the kids”; parents fought ALL the time and finally divorced when I was 16. I thought because I was older that it would be easier…nope. It still shook up my world. The thing that most resonated with me in this section was this quote “If you’ve lived your life looking for someone to take care of you but always end up taking care of everyone else, your search is over. God has what you need, and you’ll never wear Him out”. I so want to just trust that, but I never have – really. I have more often than not been the “parent/adult” in my relationship with my dad, which is exhausting. I struggle with seeing God as Father because my relationship with my Father is nothing like what I know of God. This is something I so desperately want to be healed of, but at the same time is one of those things that I can’t yet see the light at the end of that particular tunnel.
My other root cause is rejection. I’ve not experienced a lot of it, but what little I have has taken it’s toll. Most of those things on page 73 I have thought to myself recently. Mostly about not being wanted or worthy. It snuck up on me though. I didn’t think I struggled with it until very recently, but in actuality it’s been there all along. Starting with my dad who chooses, daily, to think alcohol is worth more than his daughter and moving into other areas of my life. Searching for truth and healing.
I guess the insight I’ve gained is just in naming this hurt and then allowing God to take it from me in His perfect way. For me to put aside doing all the right things to be healed of this and to start living in the grace that Jesus Christ has offered to me, which allows me to be healed and set free. I don’t want to DO any more I just want to BE.
It’s me; the year-tardy lady but apparently it is God’s perfect timing. Oh my, how I feel something happening inside of me and happening quickly. I will continue through all the weeks because as I said, “I NEED to do this.”
I discovered, first of all, that insecurity has been the stronghold that I have wrestled with for over 25 years. I always knew it was something but I could never put a name to it, but know I have one. . . insecurity! My mind (and heart) immediately recognized that an unstable home and a great loss were the primary root of my insecurity and boy that alone offered me more relief than I can express. It is unsettling to fight with something for so many years and not know where all it commenced.
I’m not sure if this answers the second question but I feel that by pointing a direct finger at the roots of my insecurity God was saying, “See there, that is where we will start.” A flood of emotions and memories have come roaring out from within me since this revelation. It felt like memory upon memory of every single insecure moment I have ever experience I was being brought back to my remembrance. He, yes He with a capital “H”, was saying, we will deal with them ALL. I feel like my compass was broken and I have found my truth north.
Just passing by to thank you for the great read. It was really worth my time reading this post. Hoping for more wonderful posts soon! I added your feed in my reader!
I want to leave a message for Lifeway and Beth Moore. I am reading “So long Insecurity”, thank you for the powerful and insightful prayers in the book! I know it has changed my life! Beth, you write my heart and I know I am not alone when I say God is using you in a powerful way to facilitate healing! Be blessed, my sister in Christ! Don’t allow the nay sayers any place.
I hope this site is the appropriate place to write. God Bless,
Barbara (a very blessed Messianic believer)
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I got your message, Barbara! I am so thankful Christ used it to speak to you. He is so merciful. Thank you for your encouragement!
I just started this study–was invited by a woman I know from the PTA. Wouldn’t you know it–all the women ended up being super cute, beautiful and thin hot mamas! 🙂 I on the other hand, have been struggling with 35lbs to lose. Quite a leap from the hot mama label! oh Lord, you do have much to teach me through this! All were pretty much strangers to me, and now, five weeks into this, I am so blessed that God called me out of my comfort zone and placed me with your words, Beth, and with those hot mamas!
As for the question at hand, while I know we are almost 2 years past when you started this blog, I’m jumping in anyway.
For me, it would be rejection and change. I went to 13 schools growing up. Nothing ever stayed the same. It definitely hits home when I think a out how you wrote about waiting for the next bad thing to happen. That’s me. Though I’ve mustered the determination to say it will be ok no matter what, I’d love to start trusting that God has good things, too, and enjoying the good I know have.
Rejection–college sweetheart turned husband leaving me when 4 mo tha pregnant with our 3rd child for another woman. Again, God granted me the faith (or band aid!) to know I’d be ok, but ok doesn’t mean scars and fears don’t abound and leave me in an insecure heap of shards.
So grateful for the healing that I didn’t know I even needed. For your words, Beth, and for the this place in time. I bet my now husband will be, too, as while through his love I know what God meant by “giving me more than I could think or imagine”–I know I’m carrying some baggage wrapped up in rejection and now clothing me in insecurity.