Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
Debbie 
Thank you Beth for the "NO INSECURITY ZONE" My root of insecurity is rejection (MOM) even though I've come full circle in the journey with freedom of forgiveness with her, totally from God. This book has helped me realize how it still has affected my life and my daughters lives, 21 & 24. Thank you Beth for following God's leading and sharing your life in such transparency with us. He is at work in my heart and life that is for sure and I am so thankful. I've finally been brave enough to pray for my "want to" to be changed. 1 of 100
married, 49
california
Betty
60s
Married
VA
1. The two primary roots of insecurity are Instability In The Home and Rejection. My mother was mentally ill and my father was an alcoholic. I came from a very large family and there was much dysfunction. I didn't find out until I was almost fifty that my mother had an affair with my father's best friend and he did not think I was his child. I truly feel that my mother never bonded with me for fear that my father would be jealous. I never knew why I was not accepted, I just knew I was not loved. So therefore I surmised that something was inherently wrong with me. My mother died before my father told me the circumstances of my birth. He did apologize for how he treated me and I did forgive him, but I knew he truly thought I was not his daughter. His last words to me the day before he died were very sarcastic and hurtful. Because of the lack of acceptance and love from my parents I had a very hard time believing God cared about me much less loved me. I believed what the Word said but thought that it applied to everyone but me.
2. The insight I gained concerned Pride being a root of insecurity. I put on a great front. I do not let anyone know they have hurt me, I turn away from any situation that feels like rejection before I get rejected. Pride will not let me be vulnerable to the pain that is coming in the form of rejection.
My two biggest roots are culture and pride. PRIDE!-Goodness, I could've done without that entire section. 🙂 The perfectionism quotes nearly did me in. Ouch! 🙂
Amy Storms
Santa Clarita, CA
33 and married
Tami
DS, LA
40s, married
1) I believe the biggest root of insecurity in my life is instability in the home. I definitely see evidence of the fear that "no one will take care" of me. It took me about 20 years to stand up to my dad for things he said and did in our home. And it wasn't very well received. Even though my mom and sisters knew I was right, they still wanted to have "peace" at all costs. Once again, I felt like I was standing alone. I spent years being defensive when my husband and I had conflict, and still struggle with defensiveness at times. Having said all that, the LORD has done a great amount of healing in my life as a result of standing up for what is true.
My second root of insecurity would be our culture. This is the big one for me right now as I have settled into my 40s.
2) I'm trying to learn how to be comfortable in my skin, and how to pass that on to my daughter.
I don't want to just take thoughts captive, and retrain my eyes…I'm hoping for a change in my perceptions and I'm looking for that "new window" to look out of. I'm ready for changed thinking, processing, feelings, and relating.
(My word verification is "ex prity"!)
Beth, you have the gift of zinging. The Holy Spirit uses your questions to zing right to the heart of an issue. It's not just every once in a while, it's all of the questions in all of your work. Talk about being under conviction. And I keep coming back for more although they make me squirm. If I can make it through this study, my security barometer is bound to be on the upswing.
1. I've known all my life I have felt rejected, but I didn't really analyze where it originated. I occasionally brag (there's the second issue, pride) about having attended 11 schools by the time I was in the fourth grade. My dad was in the Air Force. We moved constantly. My parents even moved into a new house while I was away at college. I really didn't know if I was in the right house when I caught a ride home for the weekend and walked in when no one was home. I don't remember the early years in school. I don't remember making many friends. I never felt like I fit in anywhere.
2. I never thought about pride or perfectionism as an expression of the desire to be better or feel superior to someone. That one really slapped me in the face. Last year I realized sarcasm is a form of putting people down by making them look inferior. I can see the connection between sarcasm and pride. I realized today I can stop trying to be perfect. I never achieved it anyway, and letting go of that goal will relieve a great deal of stress in my life.
Forgot my info, too
Lahna, married, 60's in Burkburnett, TX
I can't even explain how much light this book is shedding on the person that I am today.
Question #1
I think that the roots of my insecurity are both rooted in my childhood. First, I was molested by a friend of the family when I was 4 and although I think I have forgiven and moved on I realize that all of my destructive relationships were related to it and my feelings of being less than. I settled for less just to have someone in my life.
Secondly, I always felt second best in my mother's eyes. My brother was the oldest and I felt that I spent my whole life trying to measure up and fight for my mother's love. Again, I felt less so I tried to be the perfect daughter, wife, etc. and couldn't measure up to that either.
I feel that the first part of healing is acknowledging that there is always Someone there who is holding your right hand and I do believe that God is that Someone. Finally, it only took me 50 years to get to this point.
Beth, thank you for making yourself transparent and by doing so allowing me to be transparent to.
Mary Ann
North Stonington, CT
50
I read chapter 5 and kept looking for my insecurity. After it was done, I "prided" myself for not having ANY of those. Little things here and there…but nothing BIG. TIL chapter 6. My name was ALL over that chapter. from the 1st word: "Let's" to the last word "Away."
1. PRIDE and CULTURE would be my two: BIG TIME. I remember when I was in college not having the CUTE shaped body the other girls had…or the style of clothes…or the hair. I remember thinking, "Well, my youth is fading from me and I'll never be that cute and tiny like the others.
2. Also, I think God is working on my pride to reach out to others and not be soooo judgemental. I need to LOVE the hard to love people out there. I tend to stay away from them for more than one reason or another. God is helping me!
Thank God for His mercy and grace! Excited for chapters 7 and 8!
Rachel
30's
Married
Floyd, IA
Sister Beth I'm not part of your group but I did purchase the book today so far I've cried I've been mad and I just really want to slap somebody LOL ok not really but you get my point.
I'm 42 years old have four kids and I still feel like a fat mess and try so hard to get people to like me so it's safe to say I'm sitting in the same boat
I've been married and not to a Christian man first mistake but I was walking with the Lord I was saved at sixteen and severly back slide.
I cried when I read the part that we have to dress up in order to please our men. The Lord showed me over a year or so ago my Husband was heavily involved with porn I found it all and felt like someone kicked me in the stomach.
I so admire your Hubby for saying you couldn't even trust him. I don't trust my Husband and I sure as heck don't trust any other man out there.
I'm trying to trust the Lord. Thank Thank You for writing this Book!
Your Sister in Christ
1. I believe that there are 3 primary roots from these 2 chapters…but the 2 main ones would be, rejection and pride. Rejection by my mom (she's always been in my life…just disappeared during the day when she couldn't take any more), and by friends, boyfriends and other family members. And the whole pride/perfectionism issue is big for me, although I never attributed it to my insecurity. It plays itself out in me through that old adage "Jack(ie) of all trades, master of none." I'm good at lots of little things, but never THE BEST, #1, top dog, winner…so, I am perfectionistic to the point that very few people know who I really am. I am ALWAYS in control, of my emotions, reactions, everything! I NEVER want to be seen as out of control because that could lead to REJECTION by someone for not measuring up!
2. I know that God has been speaking to me for several months about the pride and perfection area. It has just taken this book and your insights (and scriptures) to bring it into focus for me. I have been systematically destroying my 30 year marriage with it…because I fear that he will find me lacking and leave! OH MY GOODNESS!!! after 30 years he knows who I am no matter how hard I try to make it look different!! Thankfully he is a very secure man, who loves me in spite of me!!
The statement that you made about "chronic insecurity is often the primal fear that no one will take care of us" really resonates with me!
While this process is hard, I am so thankful to be doing it with everyone!!! Just knowing that we are all struggling yet striving to overcome by God's grace is so encouraging!! THANK YOU!!!!
Rhonda
Lima, OH
48
married
1) My first root of insecurity would come from instability in our home as a child. My parents adored me, and I felt loved, but my older sister was/is severely mentally ill, and we all "danced" around her to get through each day. I became the "perfect" daughter in order to help life be more peaceful in our home, and to try and make my parents feel better. They had no idea what to do with my sister; mental illness wasn't something you talked about 35 years ago, you know? We went to doctors, counselors, hospitals, etc.; there were never any answers. I learned that I couldn't express my feelings because my sister might harm me. So while I KNOW that my parents loved me so much, their focus was on on my sister and her tremendous needs. Subconsciously I believe I came to the conclusion that my needs and wants just didn't matter. I never learned how to develop healthy boundaries with people, and I had my heart broken over and over in my twenties. I'm not blaming my sister; she has had an incredibly difficult life. This is just the situation, and it's not pretty. It was hard being her sister, and it still is to this day. I no longer feel the need to make everyone okay around me, but I have to ask God to help a lot with that!
2) In addition to the whole instability in the family, I was rejected by my first boyfriend when I was 21 years old. And that experience sent me reeling. I made such dumb decisions after that that when I look back I can't believe I was ever that person. It's amazing what insecurity will make you do!
Again, God has done a LOT of healing in this heart, and I am NOT that girl anymore, thank You Jesus!!
Thank you for this book, and for this blog. It reminds us all that we're not alone.
Sue
40's
Happily married
Took 80 pages but got me finally! Change–ugh!! As I told Adrienne, I have scars on my feet where I have nailed them to the floor and refused to budge! I know the moving the ministry has afforded me and an autistic son that also loves, thrives and demands routine has fed my great dislike for change. My family are "roots" folk and stayed where the trees grew tall, the creek always flowed and the sun set in the west!
"GOD uses change to change us!"
Sarah
40s, married
My first comment
1) The two roots I identified most: Personal Disposition and Pride. Sigh. I am definitely a perfectionist and the whole section you wrote on that really hit hard. I hated to see so much of myself in the section about pride. I am definitely an ego-maniac with an inferiority complex. And as much as I hate to admit that I am eat up with pride, I know it is better to see it and confess it and hopefully be freed from it…than to live in ignorance and bondage. And freedom is definitely what I am hoping for…
And as far as my personal disposition, I couldn't have related more. I will almost wreck the car to avoid hitting a squirrel. I, too, cry over smashed froggies. And it is a running joke between my husband and stepson how long it will take before I start crying during worship at church. When I took the Meyers Briggs personality test, I scored 99% as a Feeler. No lie. And while I don't want to lose my tender heartedness, I don't want to be ruled by my feelings either. They are often a gateway for insecurity to pass through.
2) Honestly, I am not real sure how to answer this question right now. I don't really sense God speaking specifically at the moment. Yes, I have definitely learned some things about myself through the course of the book so far. What I have been sensing a lot lately is how often I feel like a fraud around other Christians, like I don't belong. But, I go to an awesome church with loving, supportive and encouraging sisters in Christ. So that isn't because of who they are, its because of who I am. What makes it worse is that I work for the church. I even do some writing for them. And every time I write something, I am scared to death to hit the publish button. I really think this has been something God has been showing me over the last few weeks/months since I began working there.
Chrystie
Piedmont, SC
Married
30's
1.) all but one, but i am going to narrow it down to two. Instablitliy in the home growing up with every kind of abuse, Rejection through a great loss…suicide of a spouse.
2.) God has already begun to heal me in many areas over the last ten years, and it took me a week to read this chapter, so many emotions, and talk about mood swings, and then guilt..then HE reminded me..
HE has set me free, and i am free indeed! the enemy is kicking to stir up these insecurities to cause me to curl up in that ball again..and in Jesus name I am loosed! HE reminds me to just keep believing HIM, and each time these emotions start to raise thier ugly head…i need only to lay down at HIS feet..
I don't know if we will ever be fully healed of these things that they will not ever show up again, or that the enemy will not try to kick us in that area, I do believe that its going to worth it, and the beauty of God wiping the tears is priceless.. LOVE HIM!
forgot my info..doh!
Darla
40's
PA
1. Primary roots: Culture – definitely the big one for me. Pride. Rejection may tie pride for me.
2. The media exploitation discussion is one that is so important. I think you are so right in saying that our grandmothers did not deal with so much media driven insecurity. For heaven sake, the Good Housekeeping women were decently clothed and not airbrushed. Have you looked at a Vogue or Cosmo recently? They are hideous.
This is an issue that, if we want to salvage the next generation of young women, we must find a way to overcome.
Leah
Overland Park, KS
Married
50
1. Two primary roots of insecurity: personal disposition and pride.
2. I do sense God is speaking to me in a specific way – answered prayer. I have asked Him to show me my sin and help me deal with it through the power of the Holy Spirit within me. I have prayed specifically for humility and received a big dose of it at work this past week. It hurts, but like Siesta Mama says, "There is power in persecution." I guess that can be true for self-imposed persecution . . . namely PRIDE.
1) instability in the home/significant loss. I was raised in a single-parent home. I also spent from junior high, until I moved here from NY, watching over my younger brother as well as being a constant referee between our mom & him. And also trying to mediate between the school truant officer & my mom & younger brother at the request of his truant officer(who used to be one of my junior high teachers)because our Mom refused to help him or listen to any of his teachers' directions and as a result he spent a number of years "wandering" that could have been avoided. When she repeatedly refused to listen to them, she didn't see that she was blowing up chunks of bedrock and between them –and to this day he deeply resents her and doesn't want her near him, his young family when it can be avoided.
2)Overall personal insights from these two chapters: God has already brought me thru a much needed, extended, time of healing over the past two years. During the last few months He's been leading me to need- and situation-specific scriptures –and through some of those scriptures I believe He was strengthening & encouraging me ahead of some tests I've already gone thru…He's already started some heavy pruning, and it hurts.
But that's not necessarily a bad thing.
I just wish God would have let me have just a little more time. Some tests He's allowed me to go thru lately- I feel I've passed well, overall. But others, I know I've failed badly. But by the same token, in those failures I don't "feel" like a failure unworthy of God's attention (because of those failed tests). He's, so far, allowed me to see His healing in how I haven't taken the very issue of "failure" personally while at the same time enabling me to see where I still need His pruning and/or refining fire. No, I'm not saying "bring it on" I'd be a fool!
However, I do know without a doubt, He's actively working on me -steadily- and for His purposes and plans.
A pitfall I also find is still a huge struggle: I learned early on in life that I am on my own in this world and had to get a backbone as well learn how to use it. Fast-forward to the present, my son is afflicted with bipolar disorder & adhd and I'm a single-parent trying to cope with/through all that. Now, trying to figure out how to not let the stress overflow & invade all the other areas of my life when my son has had an episode —it's still hard. Finding balance is not an art form, sporting event, or even a dance. It's outright impossible because my son is his own person in both his right choices and his wrong choices. Letting go is painful, and it's not easy. But with God's help in my remembering I'm to let go to Him of that which I have no control over, while still holding on to my son in heart & prayer, is something that I am strong enough to do because of Him. And it's in those times that I need to keep working on a group of scriptures God "armed" me with at the beginning of this year: Deut.30:11-14; Psalm 23:1; Romans 15:13; Matt.16:24; and Ps. 91:1. Be obedient, pray, listen, wait…REPEAT.
**Also: I wanted to apologize for not doing a final proofreading before posting! It's discombobulated to read and I'm so sorry!!!!
After reading week 3's info (no intimidation zone), I went back & reread my week 1 & 2 answers! It was late the night I typed my week 2 answers and had tried to keep it short & simple, and cut some things out, in the process so as to keep it short but didn't proofread again before posting. From here on in, I give up keeping it short & simple if it's not turning out to be short & simple!!! Life's too complicated as it is lol.
Diane
40 and glad!
Ogden, Ut
divorced
Beth,
Thanks for the encouragement to post. My first root is Rejection. I see that I put rejeciton on myself even when I am not being rejected in anyway, and usually end up believing what I think about rejection. The second one would be Personal Dispostion. I am senstive to what people say and take things to seriously at times. I have also prayed to have "thicker skin" so that I wouldn't be so senstive to what people say. Reading this book and going through the questions helps identify what needs to be surrendered to the LORD and allow healing in my life.
Jennifer
20's
Bluffton, SC
Single
Just heard a great quote that reminded me of our discussion on insecurity and it came from one of my favorite shows, "The Andy Griffith Show". Andy says to Barney concerning their new female inmate, "Lock her up and buy some pink towels!" : ) We are liberating our insecurities!
Beth,
I have been waiting a long, long time for what was revealed to me in Chapter 5. On the blog last week I stated that my false-positive was thinking if I had enough money, I could retire and do the things I always wanted to do. After I wrote that, I was convicted that I was skirting my real issue with insecurity. But we know that the first step in healing is facing up. So, here it is…
My true core false-positive is that I would be whole and secure had I not reacted to my husband's divorcing me (and obtaining custody of my 2 boys) with the destructive behavior that pages 73-74 speaks of. I think of myself as a "grown woman with a comparatively successful track record personally and professionally" up until that time. But,the rejection DID nearly send me over the edge, and DID muster up some temporary insanity. In fact, that is what I named the 5 years that followed my divorce, "temporary insanity". And yes, I did do the craziest, most uncharacteristic things I have ever done in the wake of rejection. However, I do not want to sound at all like I am not assuming responsibility for my actions or in any way blaming here- I am just understanding what rejection can do!
This "insecurity with a high fever" has been in a process of healing for the past 11 years, beginning with my turning my life over to God and falling on my knees and asking to know Jesus. Prayer after prayer, Bible study after Bible study, time after time with our loving Father have brought me to a precious place of redemption and recovery. I have been single for all of those years, growing in my relationship with Him, and experiencing so much healing. But seeing these words on page 73-74 that speak so personally to me, answering so many of my "why did I DO that?!?" questions, made me feel like God was letting me know my answer at just the right time with just the right guidance and just the right support group. How grateful I am for this revelation tonight and for His Faithfulness. And for yours, Beth, as well as all of the other dear Siestas on this blog. You are all do very dear to me. I am praying for you all as we deal with our insecurities together.
Love to you all,
Fran
Gulf Shores, AL
50's
single
P.S. This was not so easy but I am glad I posted and am now going to click publish.
Hello again. I have posted earlier, but of course I wanted to hit send before I really thought through..I am sooooo over this, really.
I wanted to say that there was something else I wanted to say, but didn't give my scaredy cat brain a moment to let it process. My husband is starting to squirm with what God is doing. We have been doing our co-dependent dance for 12 years and I am so done with ALL of my junk. My baggage is so not pretty. I used to be able to conceal it like a nice Chanel or Kate Spade, but now it is down right K-Mart, and my husband is nervous.
Beth, I have been doing Breaking Free since Jan, and now this book. I am really making some people upset. I am not doing anything other than claiming my freedom and sharing what God is doing and they aren't liking it. I knew it was coming. I have a counseling background (not just me on the couch), so I knew it was coming.
I am so thankful there are a "few others" who are just as ticked as I am!
Thank you. Seriously. My tears are finally thankful.
Michelle,
I so can relate to your reaction to perfectionist! It totally ROCKED my world. Now to change it!
Thank you Ms. Beth for writing this book.
Tina
Houston, TX
1. Well, number one would very blatantly be instability in the home. With the sexual abuse, the verbal abuse, divorce, anger issues, etc. going on there really wasn't much stability in my life. I find even now I feel a little weird when things get calm…I keep waiting for the bottom to drop out. It makes it hard to sit back and just enjoy God's Blessings in my life. Every day has to be a crisis. I've gotten better, but it's hard.
The second would probably be rejection, and that really shocks me, because if I ever heard someone come right out and tell me, "you're not worth wanting/loving/liking, etc" I would probably tell them exactly where to go and not waste another moment past ripping her a new one to my husband. But…to read that section gripped me. "I'm not worth keeping…I'm not even worth noticing." I find myself feeling this way a lot. God has revealed to me a couple of ways I've even tried to subconciously drive my husband away because one day he would find me out and hate me, right?
2. God is always speaking to me about our culture. I struggle with how to balance being "in the world" and not hating it. I know I need to be close enough to show Christ to the lost and understand what they're going through, but I struggle because I really want to just buy 40 acres, build our farm and never leave our little compound. The Lord is trying to teach me moderation, but I still haven't learned what that looks like yet.
Tara
27
Ennis, TX
married
I am new to blogging. I have read the entire book, and am quite speechless. Before beginning this journey, I would have told you I was not "Insecure" only to realize that was an outright LIE. I am relieved to know that there are many out there working through like issues.
The Lord has been stretching me out of my comfort zone, and Beth, your book definately did! I am very insecure with my family, and working through some tough family relationship issues, that I just don't know how they will turn out. I am so appreciative of your book, and all the hours of effort that were put into the scripture. THANK YOU for being a faithful servant! Praying for you!
Kim
30's, married
Michigan
1) I think I'm insecure b/c I NEVER win any giveaways on any blog.
Okay, sorry :-). The two main roots of my insecurity, I think, are rejection (probably some of it perceived), especially rejection or lack of attention from men.
2) God is all over me right now in the area of faith, specifically engaging my heart with hope in Him–like when we wrote a prayer in the front of this book. Will I really trust & believe that He wants to do this in my life and go for it, or just dip my toe in and have no expectations that He will really do anything?
He is also at work trying to root out the lie that my value is based upon my performance (related the pride stuff, I guess). My identity and worth is very linked right now to the service/roles I do/have at church. I feel God pushing me to let go of some things (dreading my ministries instead of enjoying them–some study somewhere talked about that 😉 ) and I need to have the faith and SECURITY that He will make a way for something else. I am really trying to put my heart and faith out there.
I picked up a book at the book store, would love to participate, where are the questions that some a refering to?
Oh. I think I forgot that pride was one of my root insecurities? Or maybe I remembered and now I'm repeating myself. Whoops. Glad it's a no intimidation zone 🙂
My pride is something that I HATE, because I don't know how to get rid of it. I have prayed and prayed for God to, and it doesn't seem to work–which then makes me feel insecure that I'm not doing something right.
Oh, and I forgot:
Single
40 (barely)
O'Fallon MO
Sorry. Long day and too many cake balls.
Hey Just Me–
I can so relate to your post that you feel insecure because it seems God is working in others' lives & not yours. I have been there and felt similarly–like God liked everyone else better, and that I must be doing something wrong or He would work in my life too. He is at work in You, whether you see it or not. I just prayed for you, that God would show you (somehow, in His timing) the work that He is doing in you. Keep persevering and searching and You will see Him. I wish I could wave a magic wand and show you.
A hug to you. . .
1) My main root of insecurity is rejection. It has seemingly followed me my entire life and not just a perceived sense of rejection, the real thing. I can remember as a child being rejected because of my looks. I remember children telling me that I wasn't "black" and others reminding me of the opposite. It gradually turned me into a recluse and I clung to books inside the safety of my house. My mother thinks even now that I read so much because she's a reader. Initially it was because I really didn't have any friends. Of course, not playing outside much led to gaining weight and then the rejection escalated because of my weight. I have a memory that haunts me to this day of my grandmother making fun of me at a church dinner because I had an extra piece of cake, of her calling me names in front of other people. I tremble within me sometimes because of the thought that someone may do that to my son. He's not overweight by normal standards, but I can feel the pressure of our culture on him. My second root of insecurity is pride. Those statements about being the best at something, that's me. I'm not married, so I'll be the best at my job. I'm not the best worker ever, so i'll be the best mother. The cycle just keeps repeating itself.
2)The revelation alone that pride was a root of my insecurity had to come from God. I have struggled with insecurity for most of my life and as God has continued His good work in me, these revelations only reassure me of His love and His desire to see me free of this. I have also heard His voice telling me that I can finally let some of the hurtful memories I talked about above, and many others, go. I have carried them in my heart long enough. That brought me such peace… Beth I thank you for this book. God, I thank you for using her.
Okay, this is a late funny___
I don't know if you can call this insecure or not, but this is just too funny not to mention.
I was in OKC at JC Penney's in the mall. They were doing some reovation and rearranging in the men's department. Some of the younger guys came over to the sales rack and pick up some shirts to try on. They wanted a place to try the their shirts on and sales clerk told them to go over to the room in the corner of the store.
Well, this room could be seen before you even got in the doorway good and it was painted bright pink. You should have seen these guys backing away and waiting to see if anyone else entered in first. One guy commented "That room is pink." I could not help, but laugh. These guys were really afraid of entering in a pink room.
It might have been a good thing, because they may have thought there were girls only in there although the rearranging cause a change.
This is not only my first comment for this blog adventure, but the first time I have been a part of a bloggers community! So, here goes…I picked up the book the first day it came out and read it cover to cover in a couple of days….not that I thought I would relate to it in any way:) I am a woman who has been working on freedom from insecurities for some time now. It started for me when I read a book by Henry Cloud that described my life…I began to understand that I was not alone…..that there were other people who lived in the place of isolation that I do. This began my journey with God, another believer and Beth (Breaking Free)…to identify and begin to believe God about my captivity. About a year ago I decided that I needed to get a professional involved because I was still stuck and beginning to entertain, regularly, very destructive thoughts. The lack of bonding with my parents that took place early on in my life because of a tragic accident, coupled with living in a very unstable home, as well as experiencing physical, emotional and sexual abuse created a recipe for a very insecure girl that grew into an even more insecure woman. Add to that hundreds of wrong choices and you've got a picture of me. But glory to God, he first rescued me with a man who loves me well, then rescued me HIMSELF! Although I've been saved for over 20 years, I am just beginning to receive love from God in ways that I never thought possible because I have worked hard to tear down the walls that I had erected around my heart. I also decided to believe God about who He is and who He says I am. These two chapters have articulated the lie that insecure people believe..that no one will take care of us…BUT MORE THAN THAT, they articulate loud and clear that our God is a perfect ABBA who takes care of His kids no matter what life brings! I sit here so grateful that I serve a God who is so much bigger than all of the things that have caused my insecurities. Praise HIM!!! I also want to thank you Beth for your willingness to obey Him and work hard to be vulnerable and communicate His messages of truth and love!
Okay, after all that I forgot to leave my info…
Kari
40 years old (how did that happen)
married
Seattle, WA
P.S. About having a ranch…my dad was raised on a boarding-farmstead in Lufkin, and I have a picture of him as a little boy standing in front of it(but behind the train tracks)!!! Common food staple of his childhood: pig brains-yuck!!!
Diane
40 & glad
Ogden, Ut
divorced
Dear Karen in Louisville ("So long, insecurity blog"),
I'm so sad to hear that you have settled for the belief that you are not loveable! (Did I 'hear' that right?) Because that ISN'T true!! When no one else is there, God is just waiting for you to lean on Him!!! (learned that from "Get out of that pit" by Beth.) No, I don't know you, but I know what it's like to feel unloveable – and I have learned it isn't true!!! And 'leaning on God' isn't always easy when you need a real person to be there, but He DOES love you!!!
I will be praying for you and for the situation(s) you are finding yourself in – sounds like you are facing some intense drama! May you feel His presence and love holding you tight!
with love,
Barb, Prescott Valley, AZ, 50s, married
I would have to say rejection and pride. I believe that I'm afraid I'm not worthy of love. As a teenager I convinced myself that it was merely a matter of control. If I could be prettier, funnier or more clever I could get people to love. Even now, there's still a mixture of pride and perfectionism in my life.
I believe that mine are both rejection and pride. I'm new to the discussion group, so for starters I'll just give a quick response. I'm so nervous even as I'm typing, because I've never done anything like this..although I must say I feel deeply privaledged to have the oppurtunity to take part in this community. As a result of my top two roots of insecurity it's been very difficult lately for me to open myself up to a community like this. I mean genuinely open myself up. I've been saved for about four to five years now, and I would say that out of about three of those years, Jesus has been the Love of my Life! For the past two years however, I've been going to a new church do to deciding that my first church wasn't right for me. Whether I was wrong for leaving or not I'm still not sure, but I do know that I need to be involved with a community in Christ. As of now I just go in and out of church probably never missed.
Any way, Thanks for allowing me to share. I'm excited. I'll confess I read the book already, but am willing to go through it again. I've referred back a few times already.
1) Almost all of the roots of insecurity mentioned in the chapters resonated with me, but the two that really hit home: personal disposition and pride. I am a shy, introverted, tenderhearted person, and sometimes, I think, that is misunderstood. My own parents and siblings called me "snob," "stuck-up" and "too sensitive" during my growing up years. Ouch. I've definitely come out of my shell as I've gotten older, but I'm still a very tender person (My mom and two friends once made me cry at a Build-a-Bear by talking about all the stuffed animals who needed good homes. And that was only a couple of years ago!), and I've occasionally been called stuck up or snobbish as an adult. I know that I'm not, but it worries me that others might think that of me! Second: pride. Oh, do I have an ego, and if anyone threatens it, wow, do I become defensive! Last year, I decided to change careers and am now in nursing school. Having been the "smart kid" from kindergarten through grad school, I am daily having to put aside my pride and admit that I don't know! I'm not the smartest kid in the class anymore, and in clinicals, I am always asking for help. I have been made aware of how proud I am like never before, and it's not fun! If you want to learn humility, go to nursing school!
2) What is God showing me through this journey of owning up to my insecurities and going back to the roots of it all? He is healing me. My favorite name for God is "Rapha" – Healer. Life can really beat us up and tear us down, but He takes our wounds upon Himself, and we get the healing (Isaiah 53:3). As I've worked in the hospital during these past months of school, I have thought so much about Jesus' love for sick people when he lived on earth. I keep reading the stories of Jesus' healings in the Bible, newly aware of his compassion and love for the hurting, broken, and sick. I believe he continues to have that same love for us, wounded by life and sick with insecurity (and other things, physical and emotional). He loves me worries, warts, and all; healing is on its way!
I have never participated in a group like this before, but I love it! It is a wee bit scary for shy me, but I have been hugely blessed these past weeks by all of you amazing women. Thank you for sharing yourselves!
Michelle in TN; 30s and single
Hello Sweet Sisters,
1. Rejection & Instability in the Home. HUGE
2. Wow, I feel like I see and understand my family members around me better. I can also see how I am passing on insecurity to my oldest son. (As far as rejection goes…lots of unspoken feelings, harsh words..trying too hard to change him) I can see how experiences from my past still affect my self image today…I had no idea that's what those roots looked like! Truthfully, I should re-read chapter 5 again. I have so many notes to review and take to heart. Change also affects me (military kid and wife) I'm glad God brought us here to Texas with my mother-in-law while Darrin is in Iraq. I want to go to the "next level of character". I am thankful for Phil 1:6.
Rachele ~ nearly 38 3/5!!! ~ FW, TX ~ Married
1) My roots are showing and they are labeled Significant Loss and Rejection. I was 11 when my mom went home to be with the Lord and 24 when my dad left this earth. The major significance in the loss of my father was due to not knowing his eternal rest. I knew my mom's but had to go through the toughest times in a little girl's life without her loving guideance.
My Rejection had it roots grounded in my marriage. For 16 of our 18 years I have been faced with varying forms of rejection from him, one who had been abandoned and rejected. For heaven's sake it is all he ever knew. God has given me HIS perspective but it has been difficult and trying. Of late, this rejection has attracted more into my life who have rejected me, felt like they were after my very life, and I have been leaping from broom tree to broom tree and cave to cave. But God continues even today to assure me HE IS THERE!
GOD IS THERE!
In the heights and the darkest of nights,
God is there!
In the depths of the sea when all in you longs to flee,
God is there!
In the heart of the broken, when wrong words have been spoken,
God is there!
In the brightness of the day when you still can't find your way,
God is there!
In the pits, In the caves, when tossed about by the waves,
God is there!
In the chaos & despair, when it seems that no one cares,
God is there!
In the busyness, in the peace, when no dew is left on the fleece,
God is there!
In the rocks, On the shore, when you are sure you can take no more,
God is there!
He was always there and remain forever and unchanged!
God is there!
Rachele Posey 2/27/2010
Herein lies my insight: This poem came to me during the Feminar in Longview, TX as Janet White was speaking. I have lived under a proverbial broom tree (1 Kings 19) for nearly two years. I have stood at the edge of my driveway begging for the Lord to just take me home. I have sat on the floor in my kitchen wishing and wishing that God would bring me home. It's not my time and the work He has started is not finished and has just barely begun. God sat with me on that cold hard floor, He has written His word on my heart when I felt I could take no more. He has held up my arms when I felt that I could tread no more waves! He has been the light in my darkest nights among the darkest caves. He has molded me and shaped me, swaddled me and bathed me, came for me and saved me! He has always been there!
I pray everyone sees what I saw in 1 Kings 19: God told Elijah to get up and go back to anoint others. God told him that he would be with him and there was work yet to be done. Elijah was not alone, neither am I, neither are YOU! God is THERE! HE IS HERE! I am NOT rejected or alone!!! The insight is truth, the most beautiful truth this gal has ever seen!
Abiding Still, Chel
Casey
Ky
30's
Married
I know my insecurity came from extremely unstable home. I felt like I never measured up in any situation. I never had a cheering section to tell me I had done well.
My other was the fact that I grew up pretty thin and was often told I looked Anorexic…which I was not. I can put away a Big Mac like nobody's business. So while my best friend and my husband tell me I have a super model body and face…I see something quite different.
Chapter 5 was so profound for me. I did realize that I have issues with women even now. This is something that started as early as relation ship issues with women in my family and the way the treated. I never felt love or valued with them. I deal with that same thing with women now.
My newest insecurity is marrying into a family that truly seems perfect. (2nd marriage) They all get along perfectly and the kids are all succesful…(age 30's) and none of them are divorced or any of that. I am divorced after a 7 year marriage ended in numerous infidelity's and I always feel like I carry that stigma of divorced woman. I honored God's commands through it and know I did all I could through His power. I still can't shake that feeling.
Thank you Beth for reminding us to respect and love one another; making this a no intimidation zone!
1. My two primary roots are rejection & significant loss. I was given up for adoption and have struggled with these emotions all my life. God gave me the most loving christian parents and I am gratefull for this.
2. I gained this insigh when I was very young (I'm a church girl, we either lived, literally, at the church, across the street from the church or very near the church);
Rom. 8:15
For you have not received a spirit of fear and slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry Abba! Father!
So it wasn't the "adoption" (the act) I struggled with but it was the emotional feelings that have been most painful.
I'm currently taking the Breaking Free bible study and this book works out nicely along side it!!
1. The two primary roots of insecurity I struggle with: Wow, i have huge roots in nearly every category listed but guess the bulk of my struggle with insecurity lie in ‘Instability in the home’ and ‘rejection’. A great part of my life has been lived in that ‘veritable madhouse’, wrapped in thick layers of rejection from primary relationships that by any measure should have been safe and secure.
2. Insights I gained about the roots of insecurity: Y’all, I don’t know about you, but I just bawled myself silly as I read the last page in chapter 5. What I sense God showing me thus far is how fully aware He is of the multitude of brutal, scary and life changing roots I am dealing with. By others peoples observations I am a walking miracle, but due to my insecurity I walk with a limp. I believe God’s deepest desire is to see me walk…gosh run in complete healing! A running miracle of what a life surrendered to His love can do. So I press on, with great expectation – Glory!
I could identify with all of the root causes of insecurity. But it was not until I go to the end of chapter 6 that I realized that all of the previous roots did not resonate with me as well as pride did. For me, most of the other roots are things in the past, and God has healed them. Once in a while I may be reminded of them, but they hold no power over me. Pride as a mention was the biggest insight. The second insight was related to culture. I realize that on my twenties I felt the message was “you are beautiful but too young to know anything”; on my thirties I received some freedom but at a cost. I am now “old enough to know things, but too old to still be beautiful”.
I just finished the chapter this morning… I know that God needs to be the my source of security (not culture and not my pride).And I am waiting on him to tell me more about it… 🙂
A heartfelt thank you for the encouragement to comment.
None of the roots of insecurity were deeply resonating with me until I got to the last one…PRIDE. And then I was certain. You were dead on when you said, "pride talks us out of forgiving and steers us away from risking." And sadly, "low self-esteem and pride coexist" in this heart.
But wonderfully I sense that God is plowing deep within me. I am "his prized possession" (James 1:18) and he has called me to live abudantly, effectively, powerfully, and pricelessly, so that he alone may be glorified.
Learning to look up before looking in and praying that I will live life on purpose for Him alone.
Amy,30s,married – Gibsonville, NC
1. I think my first root of insecurity is rejection…my parents got divorced when I was two and although I don't remember the divorce I have always felt that I never measured up to my dad and that he was choosing a "different better" life without us. I think my second root of insecurity is Pride…I have been a perfectionist all my life..now that I am a parent I just want to be a good mom and do everything right and as you said having children has brought out every insecurity that I have.
2. I think God is trying to tell that I am ok and loved just the way I am…I know that is what he wants me to learn…I just need to remember it everyday 🙂
Carrie
married
St. Cloud, FL
1. A Significant Loss – I lost my mother to leukemia when I was 4 yrs old, which also resulted in an unstable home.
2. Rejection – I felt rejected by my father & stepmother, left home at age 17 (before graduating h.s.); later rejected by an unfaithful husband.
The insight I learned is that my past does not define me. I have come to realize that everything I have gone through has made me who I am today. My emptiness & my longing to be loved & accepted are what finally drove me to the arms of God at age 40 and I thank God every day for "whatever it takes"!
Linda
Sinton,TX
50's
happily married
Single
44 y.o.
1) Primary root is instability in the home and personal disposition (melancholy temperment).
2) I grew up with a hypercritical parent with double standards and very strict/overprotective. I have felt abandoned at times with this parent and rejected. Pride in the form of perfectionism has really made it hard for me to form relationships; especially with men.
I know God can help me overcome these obstacles; but I don't know how to let him. I keep getting in the way. So I ebb and flow through insecurity most of the time. I am grateful for this book and this blog. Thank you Beth. Thank you for your obedience to God allowing him to shine through you.
I can't believe I forgot my 'info' again! I'll do better next week!
My original post was February 25, 2010 3:46 PM.
Bobbie
50's
Married
College Station, TX
Message in a fortune cookie:
You appeal to a small group of confused people.
My PFP is popularity…this made me laugh.
Quote taken from Barbara Johnson book – "Mama Get the Hammer Daddy's Got a Fly on His Head".