Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
HIS Child 
1)Rejection and many dramatic changes.
2)I have panic attacks where I feel "the need" to be rebellious against myself, even harmful. Today was one of those days. I drank 5 sodas, ate a bag of CPT. Crunch and watched a movie with lots foul stuff. This is the more moderate version for sure. This sense of panic has led me to run away several times, cheat on my husband and many more destructive behaviors. After reading about PRIDE I sense perhaps it's a cry for attention or a sense of feeling special. The last paragraph of Chapter 6 gives me hope and a new mission. When I start to feel this way to stop "God forgive me, Self get over it" and just rest in Christ. I know He is faithful to give us victory in this too.
Feeling hopeful
Jessica
almost 30
Ft. Drum, NY
1)
a. Instability in the Home
b. Rejection by a parent
Jan
Birmingham, AL
50's
married
Courtney
Indianapolis, IN
30's and married
This is the first time I am posting probably b/c I was insecure about whether I had anything valuable to say or not.
While I related to much of Ch 5, Chapter 6 hit me square in the eyes. I constantly worry about how I look. I have a rock star husband who never says a cross word so this insecurity is totally on me. Logically I know that I am fit, at a normal size/ weight but somehow it is never enough. I struggled with an eating disorder for years and while the desire to starve myself is no longer a problem, body image is.
Further your list of what pride can cause (p 102) hits too close to home. I always want to be the best but not be viewed as competitive. For example when I am doing crafts or a project at a ladies function I couldn't possibly make it just like the sample. Mine has to be different/better. Is that sick or what. I cannot stand the idea of someone not liking me and I felt far too much pride in being voted the friendliest in my high school class. I know this is rooted in pride. I know the truth of scripture and I am persuaded that He is all that I need. The problem is the day to day of walking this out. Not buying into the deception that I am fed by culture.
It is a constant dependance on Christ to show me these lies for what they are. I am so thankful that God lets me get up time and time again when I mess it up and that when I am trying to be perfect and fail he provides perfect love and perfect grace.
1. Definitely major life change and loss. I moved when I was 10. Moved from a very small town (k-12 in one building) to the capital city of another state. Up to that point all of my extended family had lived within a forty mile radius and all attended the same church. It took me years to adjust and then many more years to work through hurt of it all.
2. I worked through a lot of this as I did Breaking Free (3 times – smile), but this time I got the insight of control. I never connected my need to either be in control or be prepared for whatever's coming with the major change/loss. Seems so obvious now.
Re-reading chapters 5 & 6, things were pinging and zinging my soul.
Narrowing it down to two;
1. Insecurity in the home. My parent's separated when I was eigth and finally divorced by the time I was ten. My mom physically spiraled and being the oldest of three girls I became this young adult overnight. Very unhealthy and missed a childhood. Many bitter years and untold poor choices. I truly smile at the miracle the Lord has worked in my life.
2. Ugh, PRIDE. Covering for all the rejection, and insecurity I felt because my daddy left me, us.
Beth I have walked with him for 11 years. I was desperate for a new life and you have been a part of mentoring and teaching for the last ten years. I will never forget completing A Heart Like His and then seeing you in Las Vegas. You walked behind me to seek out a mom and her precious daughters. I remember seeing the passion for Jesus in your eyes and I knew that you had what I desperately needed.
Thank you for loving all us siesta's well.
Celeste
CA
40's
Married
1. I believe my 2 deepest roots of insecurity are abuse from alcoholic dad and pride. Weird that those two go hand in hand. I never wanted anyone to know the first so I put on this big show to hide it from everyone.
2. I really gained an insight to the pride issue. I believe God was using it to call me to Him. It's funny, kind of, the whole year I was memorizing scriptures and depending so closely on God and his help, it seemed pride was not that big of an issue. But, now since it is not something I am being accountable, it is easier to be prideful and take credit where it is not due.
1) I felt like the instability in the home and rejection were my primary roots of insecurity.
2) Your words on pg 80 hit me between the eyes! "God uses change to chage US. He doesn't use it to destroy us or to distact us but to coax us to the next level of character, experience, compassion, and destiny".
I highlighted the paragraph and put a star next to it. I beg Him to make me more like Him and wonder why things happen in my life. Huge "DUH" moment there!!!!
Melana
Sheridan Wyoming
50's
married
1) For me the first root of insecurity was/is “Instability in the Home.” I grew up in a very secure home. It is the past and current struggles with my husband that makes me feel very insecure. The second one is not usually a source but it is rearing its ugly head at this moment and that is “Dramatic Change.” Nothing in my life seems secure at this moment. Big changes in my work. Changes in my husband’s job. My husband and I are finally going to counseling. My husband is experiencing unknown health issues. The kids have all been sick repeatedly since January.
2) The Lord has been working in my heart in a big way. I am realizing who I am in Him and can be confident of His personal love for me. Psalms 94:19 NASB “When my anxious thoughts multiply within me, Thy consolations delight my soul.” The Scripture is chocked full of His consolations!
–michele
Houston, TX
Married
40's
Bonnie
Williamsburg, VA
40's
Married
1) My top two are Instability in the Home and Rejection.
2)All of the areas hit home. What really spoke to me is that God knows it is scary to be us and that He provided away to freedom through His Son, Jesus Christ and that all of our hardship will be finished. We have hope to keep running the race and pressing towards the mark. I got caught up in our culture's biggest temptation – Perfectionism and Man's Approval and have had to press into God's word and learn His truth for my life. The hardships have almost cost me my life but through God's grace and love he has carried me through those awful times and is bringing restoration. I so deeply desire to look up so I can look in. I want to walk the path He wants me to go and to let go and Let God have control of my life. I still have to strive for excellence and not perfectionism. I want to so much do it right but have to learn to let the Holy Spirit work through me and get out of the way. To be still, wait and listen for the Lord is so hard for me to do. I pray that God will guide me,show me how to be obedient and to love the way He loves.
30's and married
1. PRIDE. I have had some big hurts in my life. But this is something God keeps showing me is tied to everything. And now, by way of Beth, He is showing me so much insecurity comes out of it also.
2. Insight. I absolutely think that if there is something that I am good at or an area that I am "gifted" in, I should do it better than anyone else. And feel completely insecure if I am not. It has robbed me of much, especially in marriage. I have been married 15 years and I don't let my husband fully know me because he might know that I am not perfect.
Sarah; 26; Single; Port St. Joe, FL
Better late than never right?
Oh – you prayed for God to do His thing…and did He ever. At least in this heart.
1) I don't know that I would say that this question is easy, but in a sense it is. It's the two roots that caused the tears to stream down my face. One of them almost caused me to camp out in chapter 5 – Rejection. It brought to mind a very painful rejection (by a "sister in Christ" non-the-less) that I remember vividly. It was on my first youth trip, and honestly thinking back, it hurt so deep that I'm surprised I ever went on another trip. I pressed on and God and I battled through some deep mud in those few pages dealing with Rejection. Then you got me again with Pride in chapter 6.
2) I don't think that I had really ever thought about the direct impact that Rejection has on so much in my life. Oh the grasp it has had on my life – for so very long! The list on page 73 – it's me. Completely. The woman on page 76 who gives her heart away before she even has a relationship – I've done that! God was speaking so deeply to me that there is so much healing that is needed. The rejection that took only minutes has impacted me for years, and will not heal completely over night. But God says "I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God."
I must say, these by far have been the most difficult chapters yet. God is faithful. He did His thing, and He will continue until I stand secure before Him.
My two main roots of insecurity are instability in the home and personal limitations. My step-father abused me mentally on a day to day basis, sometimes physically and sexually as well. I grew up believing his lies and to this day feel shameful. I limit myself personally by never wanting to fail therefore I never try anything. I am always afraid of doing something wrong.
But Praise the Lord, He is revealing His word and is working on me from the inside.
Estella
Married
30's
Chattanooga, TN
Julie
TX
single
30's
1)Pride and Loss of Innocence due to years of sexual abuse
2)God's really speaking to me about being addicted to dread because of a history of unwelcomed changes being a breeding ground for insecurities (Pg.79). I don't want to live my life waiting for the next bad thing to happen to me like it's just waiting around the corner for me to get back up on my feet. I want to live a life of victory through Christ. I am more than a conqueror!
My biggest roots of insecurity are limitations and disposition.
I've had a physical disability all of my life. I am so blessed that it didn't negatively affect my home life. But I have always been painfully aware of the world's view of it or at least my perceived view of what the world thought. My perfectionism stems from feeling like the world was watching so I couldn't mess up. I have a habit of holding myself to standards my parents admit they wouldn't hold me to. Personal Disposition is another root. I'm a naturally deep thinker and introvert. Because of this its easy for me to overthink a situation to the point of being insecure about it.
I excited that God is beginning to show me how to deal with the personality and experiences He has given me.
Beth S.
Zapote, Costa Rica
Single 20's
1. One of the greatest roots of insecurity in my life has been the fear of constant dramatic change. Being in a family with a father who was wonderful in every way when sober, but cruel, vicious, and angry when drunk made for a very insecure childhood. For years I could not believe good things were ahead for the fear that the bad would slap me down to reality. All through my years as a young wife and mother I struggled with this root and it robbed me of so much joy. As a "mature" woman (53 tomorrow), I struggle with not being young, beautiful or thin since these attributes are the most highly prized by our culture.
2. One insight I gained from these two chapters is that many times I project my insecurities on my children. In doing this I have caused no end of misunderstandings and trouble.
Cherri, almost 53:)
Married to a saint
California
1)It was painfully obvious that my two primary roots of insecurity are a heightened sensitivity and pride, even though I could unfortunately relate to many of the other roots. When I got to those two, I realized that they exacerbated the others, and it shed great light on why my healing was and continues to be so slow from the things that happened related to those other roots. I felt like underlining everything in those sections!
2) I sense God giving me the freedom to just own up to some of these things, acknowledge they've had profound effects on my life, and move on from them. As I drag them from darkness into light, I pray they will no longer have the same power over me that they have previously had.
Rachel
28
Hamilton, MA
Married
1)Instability in the home.
2)Personal disposition.
The insight i gained was in one of the letters someone wrote. " Insecurity makes us settle. Insecurity makes us distracted. Insecurity robs you of your confidence in Christ. Insecurity makes us put our gifts on a shelf…Its done those very things. And right now i dont know what to do to change it. I do know i am tired of it.
The other insight is the one of last lines in the chapter. "It is in you to be secure" Your right because the holy spirit lives in me. If i could just grasp that in daily living wouldnt things change?
Laura, Michigan
40's single
Kristin
Lavaca, AR
30's
Married
1)Significant loss (my dad leaving us, divorcing my mom, when I was 8)this I believe has played into my personal disposition. (I guess, I'm sure no doctor)
2)Media exploitation and in this I mean like blogs, facebook, etc…I was on FB for a short while but it only brought me down for some reason. I also read many blogs that left me feeling worthless. God thankfully helped me to realize that I didn't have to go there everyday. I went to blog rehab and no longer read those blogs!
God made me very sensitive for a reason. I'm not to all things but to some and I believe it is for a purpose but maybe don't see it yet. I don't have to be on FB, have a immaculate home that is decorated to perfection, a talent to brag about, but I'm still trying to tell myself this. I love the book, Beth, and it has opened my eyes to so many things. Thank you for putting yourself out there!I think my hubby would love your hubby. He may even like to date him! 🙂
Hello Siestas! (I have never said that before…I just love it!) I have been reading the book, but as I wrote earlier last week, I have not yet posted my answers…a combination of lack of security and lack of time..and I almost caved to the insecurity today…I was so afraid that I would be the only one to post so late. It did my heart good to see other women who posted today as well…thank you ladies for helping boost my security! (Smile)
To answer the questions…well, I could write a book myself, but I will try to be brief. Actually, I think rather than answer the questions, I will just share what God revealed to me. As I was reading chapter 5, regarding the sense of insecurity coming from instability in the home….I could mark that one with a big ole' check mark. My parents divorced when I was very young, but I spent the majority of my teenage and early adult years searching SO HARD for someone to love me…someone to fill the void of my dad…someone I could take care of and who would think I was a princess…you can imagine the road that that took me down, which only deepened my insecurity and the longing in my heart.
Then, you pegged me again with rejection. It took me so long (I was actually in my first job after college) to recognize rejection and it was a staggering blow. While in high school, I had always tried to be the pleaser among my friends…I felt a sense of false security through popularity and acceptance, but when I started my first teaching job, there was a group of ladies that seemed to be the real "in" group…and they rejected me flat out. They had dinners and get togethers…none of which I was invited to. It devastated me. I can remember going to my mom and asking her when I would ever get old enough that rejection wouldn't hurt….and, in her wisdom, she replied, "never". It is how I am made…the way my all-knowing, all-loving Heavenly Father wired me…and I am thankful for that. But, to realize rejection and what it does to your sense of security, at any age, is mind boggling….
And then when you touch on disposition, I thought to myself "Preach on, girl, preach on!" I carry my feelings around right on the edge of my shoulder….like you, my HIGHS are HUGE and my LOWS are beyond devastating…but also like you, I love being sensitive….and again, if God likes it on me, then I am good with that..
Finally (whew, aren't you glad I used that word?!) when I think about what you said on page 92, that "the mark of real security is the ability to be around anyone, regardless of how attractive or intelligent, and still maintain personal confidence and contentment" I came to full recognition of what I needed to ask God for specifically through this study….I need a transformed view, not just of myself, but of HIM…so I can fully take him at his word…and in such a situation, I can have that confidence and contentment…not through my own doing, but through HIM in ME!!!! Because, let me tell you, right now, I could NEVER do that…and NEVER, EVER could I even hope to on my own!
Thank you for your ministry, for your life…the admiration I have for your courage in sharing yourself with us is more than I can express. I love this book and I love the ability to share with others.
Abundantly Blessed,
Michelle
31
Married
Clanton, AL
For me the two primary roots of insecurity are pride and dramatic change. Those descriptions really hit home for me, especially pride and darn it if I wasn't reading it on an airplane and trying to hide my tears (there's that pride again!) But boy, God has been dealing with me on that!
And I really do sense him speaking to me to let go. I know that I hold on to control way to much, which is why change is really hard for me. I want to know what to expect and though I've never equated that with security I realize that my feeling like I need to be in control has created a false sense of security in me. I feel like if I'm in control, if I know what to expect, then I'll be okay. But that means I'm trying to be in charge-and not allowing God to be God. I'm realizing afresh that I don't need to be in control. I don't need to be perfect, even by my own standards. My soul can rest in God alone, in how he made me and how he draws me to himself with such passion and also such tenderness.
This has been a great reminder for me, I'm so excited to see what he will continue to do!
Rita
Colorado Springs, CO
50's Married
1. I think my two primary roots of evil are Instability in the Home (home of origin and then two marriages ending in divorce); and Significant Loss/Loss of Innocence due to abuse. Your notes were especially helpful on Paul's words 'children are supposed to talk, think, and reason as childern' . . . but when they are forced to grow up too quickly, they lose something that no one can give back. so true!!
2. My biggest insights came in the areas of dramatic change impacts and personal disposition. I highlighted your words from pg. 79-80: "Our hearts often translate sudden and dramatic change as either instability or a form of loss. Sometimes it hits as both. . . . God uses change to chnge us. . . to coax us to the next level of character, experience, compassion and destiny (BECAUSE-emphasis mine) He is thoroughly committed to finishing the masterpiece He started in us. (Phil. 1:6) What a blessing to know and believe that He created me. . . junky messy life situations and all and knew all along that He would be redeeming me into His masterpiece IF ONLY I WILL LET HIM!
Regarding personal disposition, i truly am very tenderhearted and had never even considered that my personal sensitivity may be something that contributed to my insecurities. It really was a blessing to read that and to see the words: "God KNOWS it's scary to be us." BLESS YOU, Beth . . . and THANK YOU, GOD!!!
Each chapter is a bit like going to the denist and having a root canal done….
Dramatic Change would be my first and one that put me right into the pit.Rape, pregnancy, abortion. Still working on through and this happened 31 years ago. Making peace with myself and feeling the tug of God to open up a bit more. My parents advised me that this would never be spoken of and it has not. I can only thank God that He is always going to love me.
Pride…did not even look to that one until tonight and it jumped right off the pages to slap me silly.
God is pulling so much of this out of me that I am feeling a bit rung out but am seeing the amazing grace of Him. Psalm 139 has been my rock for the past 4+ years. I am so touched to read the openess of those of you going through this study. You inspire me to become all that God has in store for me.
Thank you to all!
Cindy
40's
Married
Wyoming
1.Instability in home. The addicted to dread comment was so real, I understood it completely but never had it explained to me that way but that's exactly how I grew up. Don't hope or expect much because happiness don't last and if it(meaning something BAD) can happen it's going to, yuck, its took God and a loving positive faith filled husband to offset this and combat it most of my adult life,,,,until God began to heal me through the truth of His Word, planted into my life! The orphaned comment resonated with me. 2. Pride/Ego highlighted many truths to take in and meditate on….God bless you for writing this book, my "self" so needed this.
For a long time now I knew I could have used counseling but praise the Lord you having written this book and it seems to be all about my life. God has been the reason for any new growth from these past insecurities but reading this book and going on this journey has given me new hope that when the "default" key is pressed I don't always default back to the faulty part of myself, its the healthy God part that is overtaking the old nature! To God be the Glory! The more in God I grow the more I realize of my old nature and how deeply rooted it is in my life, I am in the middle of the study of Daniel and I see traces of this SLI in this biblestudy. Amazing God, thanking Him daily for prompting you to write this book.
Lisa
40's
Hickory NC
Married
Stacy, 45
married
Mims, FL
1) Before reading, I would have said instability, as I grew up with an alcoholic father who was emotionally detached and critical. Yet, he did provide financial stability. Then, without a shadow of doubt, I knew the deepest root for me–REJECTION! I have always struggled with the need for attention, and probably because of my neediness, rejection has occurred numerous times within my life. I have always given my heart away, even before relationships, and found it crushed each and every time. My intense fear of emotional abandonment came, I believe, from my father's rejection and emotional distance. Then, in trying to find that man who would love me, I stepped in and out of countless bad dating relationships in college–where I learned and repeated in my head, "You are not worthy of being loved." In adulthood, I have continued to suffer tremendous loss in relationships with friends. I feel like it is a stronghold I will have permanently. Even after "Breaking Free" and "Getting out of the Pit," and "Loving Well," I feel I've learned and grown, yet the feelings and thoughts remain deep within my soul. My second root really surprised me–Pride. I never, in a million years, would've said I had an issue with pride, because I am sweet-natured, humble and insecure, so how could I possibly have a deep root of pride? I do. I discovered that in some of the pride statements, "I'm not gifted; not first choice; not the favorite; not top priority; not special; not worthy, and it hurts my pride." I've felt all of the above regularly.
2) I am in need of true healing. I think the insight I gained was recognition that there has been a pattern of rejection in my life, and that I may have some responsibility in causing it to happen. I think that God is trying to speak to me about the pride issue. You can't change what you don't acknowledge, and I never saw myself as prideful, so I couldn't change what I didn't see. I have been hurt and not forgiven. I have looked for God in man. I have been fixated on self-discovery–trying to grow and become a better person for so long that it's possible my pride won't let my wounds heal. That's a hard realization to make!
Lonita
Manitoba, Canada
30's and married
1. After reading about all the possible roots of insecurity I could in one way or another identify with them all but the two major would have to have been rejection and pride. I can identify with a lot of the examples and characteristics of rejection. I'm about to go out on a limb here and say that of late I feel like I've been rejected by God. I know, I KNOW that is impossible but you know how you start believing a lie and once it is there it is really hard to shake. I often feel I frustrate him so much that he is just plain tired of dealing with me and has given up. Again I know it is not true but there is still a part of me that believes it. Pathetic! The second major root that I deal with is pride. It rears it's ugly head all over the place! I'm sensitive by nature and also prideful so when my ego gets hurt it goes straight to my heart – bad combination!
2. In never would have thought of pride as a root of insecurity so that is a new insight for me and I really sensed that God was telling me that this has lots to do with where I am in life right now.
1) My primary roots I feel are a significant loss at age 10. That is when my grandmother died and she was my mother figure. The second one is rejection and abandonment.
2) The insight I got reading these chapters is that the roots of insecurity can only be healed by God. We are powerless on our own to overcome them. Isaiah 41:9-10 spoke to me and brought great comfort. "I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God."
My primary roots of insecurity would have to be: significant loss and personal disposition. My emotions tend to run crazy. Example: I can't stand to see a person eating all by themselves, especially an elderly person. It just breaks my heart. I want to go sit down and talk to them and be their best friend.
One thing that really stuck with me after I finished reading this week was your daughter's quote "He knows it's scary to be us."
Lindsay
20 single
Mobile, Al
1. being diagnosed with crohn's disease at age 11…nothing like a "disease" to make a pre-teen realized they are different
2. significant loss through a traumatic situation
My take away:
Christ died so that I could LIVE…so why am I satisfied with just surviving day to day…running from one insecurity to the next? Why am I so consumed with fear when I already know the final outcome??
I've been a captive so long to these insecurities that I no longer realize how much they hold me back. What if I really started living in the freedom Christ died to give me?? How dangerous of a woman could I be for the Kingdom if I realized who I am in the eyes of God???
Kathy 50's married
My first root of insecurity was an unstable home with an alcoholic parent and a mother with mental problems. The second is rejection. God is showing me that pride is a problem with insecurity.. I need to get my mind off me and on him… thanking him constantly helps me do that and changes my attitude and doesn't make me crazy worrying about things I can't control…
My biggest roots:
1. Instability in the Home (that led to significant loss through my parent's divorce)
2. Personal Disposition
I think the personal disposition thing was the biggest revelation (and relief!) for me. I already knew my pride was twisted up with my insecurity (actually wrote about that in my book cover journal entry! God was already opening that can of worms!) and I guess I knew that my dad leaving my mom and me and my siblings when I was 4 made a huge impact on my security (though I may not have fully realized how much). But recognizing that some of my insecurity comes from having a sensitive, compassionate disposition makes me feel a little bit better. : )
I am so profoundly grateful we're all doing this together. If you weren't going through this on the blog, I don't think I would have bought the book. But I wanted to follow along… and God knew I NEEDED to. Praise Him for His faithfulness. Can't wait for what's next!!!
Oops!
Melissa
Fresno, CA
30's
My Dear Beth,
After buying the book and hugging your neck in Nashville I was ecstatic to join the journey until I read the first assignment! You want me to write a prayer on the inside cover of my book describing the present season of my life and why I've chosen to read a book like this, well that just about put my insecurity over the edge. All sorts of thoughts paralyzed me! What if I don't pray about ALL my insecurities, what if I write the wrong thing, what kind of season am I really in, do I have to write my prayer in ink? So needless to say this is my first post. Thank you so much for your encouragement!
1. My primary root of my insecurity is my personal disposition. I am EXTREMELY sensitive! I am like you in that my joys are huge and so are my sorrows.
I'm not really sure how to categorize my second root of insecurity. Maybe rejection or my perception of rejection crossed with culture. It didn't hit me until I started reading this book that I think many of my insecurities started when my mother entered me in pageants. Being a girly girl, I always watched the Miss America pageant and dreamed of wearing a crown. Well my mother started entering me in pageants at age 9. Please understand, my mother is a precious woman, I know in my heart she had no idea what it was doing to me. Many pageants claim to judge the girls based on poise, talent and the ability to interview well. I even took written academic tests when I entered some pageants. But PLEASE, we all know that looks are a big part of pageants. Anyway, I usually made it to the top 5, but rarely won. Now I realize since I was 9 years old, I've constantly compared myself to others. Never pretty enough, talented enough or SMART enough!
I'm a peacemaker and a people pleaser. I want people to like me. I constantly worry about making the "right" decision. My husband gave me back some security but he passed away. I know my husband shouldn't have been my source of security. After reading page 9, Keith's comment," You can't put all your trust in me! I can't take the pressure! I'll fail you!" I feel so guilty because I'm afraid I put too much pressure on my sweet husband. I'm in a season where I think I should be handling the loss of my husband better. I should be further down the road of healing (it's been over two years).
Insights: I'm going to have to stop handing people the kind of power only God should wield over me.
It's God that heals. Time only tells.
I absolutely love, love, love what sweet Melissa said, "Life is brutal, man. He knows it's scary to us." WOW, I can't tell you how that touched my heart! It made me bawl my eyes out. I found such love and comfort from those words. To think that God knows and understands how scary life is to me right now. I'm just soooo thankful He loves me that much!!!
Tammy
Springfield, TN
49
Single
1. My first root of insecurity is Instablity in the home & my second is Rejection. My childhood started out good, then was bad got worse and praise God He has performed miracles in my life & even with those who once hurt me.
2. The insight I got was all the way through this book!! But with these chapters I would say…All of the roots take away from the real security that Jesus has paid for all of us to have and to have freely. Our culture & our pride do a good number on us and can really blind us to who God says we are and not what anybody else says. Like the old hymn says…Jesus paid it all, all to Him I owe, sin had left a crimson stain, He washed it white as snow. 🙂 Praise You Father!
Okay it took me awhile but I am all caught up with the homework & reading! 🙂 God bless you and thank you Beth for writing this book! God is so good!
Lori
34
married, 14 years next wk!
Neosho, Missouri
1. My first primary root of my struggle with insecurity is personal disposition. Ugh. I kept reading the different root causes and nothing resounded with me until this one, and then everything you said stood off the page to me like a sore thumb! I have always taken things harder and deeper to heart than most others and been sensitive and tenderhearted. Ex: When I was in kindergarten, I would listen to the story of The Ugly Duckling on the record player every single morning before school. It upset me so much that they would hurt his feelings, I would cry everyday! My mom finally made me stop listening to it. Like you, I want to hang onto my heart, and my patients surely appreciate their nurse being sensitive and tender hearted. I don't want to be chronically insecure, but I'm thankful for the disposition God gave me.
My second one is culture/media exploitation. Watching women who haven't aged in 20 years when I'm just now starting to really notice wrinkles and loss in elasticity in my face/neck, has made me somewhat insecure. I didn't realize how much so, though, until you talked about it. 🙁
2. God REALLY spoke to me in these last two chapters. He's opened my eyes to my biggest insecurities and I see how insecure and miserable I have been for so long. I'm ready to let Him heal me and help me to let go and change my thoughts where need be.
Missy
42
Single
Sumter, SC
As I read the chapters, it became painfully clear to me that one of the most significant roots of insecurity in me is that when I was a child my brother touched me inappropriately. He told me that he would give me his bicycle if I would let him, and I did. The only person I've ever told is my husband. I have forgiven him, and he has even asked me for forgiveness many years later, but the effects on our relationship and therefore my relationships with other family members have been significant, although subtle. I don't know what to do with this new revelation (that this incident is still affecting me), if indeed it is from God. At the moment, it just makes my heart feel heavy. Praying for the Lord to speak to me.
The second source of my insecurity is pride. Ugly pride. I am going to fight that tooth and nail.
The good news is that God is bigger than my past or my pride!
Beth, I'm so thankful that you encouraged those of us who are late to the party to post! My primary roots of are:
1. Instability in the home and 2. The way I'm wired
By the time I was 18 I had been to 3 elementary schools, 3 jr high schools, 1 high school and my mother was going through her 3rd divorce. Lots of moving, loss and difficult transitions.
I internalize my insecurity all the time. I try to be perfect as I strive to break the legacy of divorce for my son and be a great wife, daughter, follower of Christ and worker. I have such a fear of failure that I endure a lot before I speak up. Not good or sustainable! So very grateful for a study on this. It's so timely. It's also hard to break these behaviors that have followed me for a number of years. Thank you.
Marlys
30's, Married
Oregon
1. The two primary roots of my insecurity are pride and fear of rejection.
2. I feel God is working on me to just let go and to let Him be my everything. To run to Him when I am shaken. To not hold back trying to avoid being hurt, but to take the risk of giving my all knowing that God will be there with me.
Emily
Topeka, KS
20's
Single
Melissa
30's
Married, Spokane Wa
1) Pride – I am a perfectionist, and I am on that roller coaster that Dr. Winter talked about.
Rejection – I really do fear rejection in relationships. I distance myself from people as a result of being hurt in the past.
2) The insight that I gained this week can be summed up by quoting you on page 104. "Pride lives on the defensive against anyone and anything that tries to subtract from its self-sustained worth. Confidence, on the other hand, is driven by the certainty of God-given identity and the conviction that nothing can take that identity away."
In other words, while pride is man/self-driven, confidence is God-given.
Good stuff!
My root of insecurity comes from
Instability in the home and Personal Disposition
I grew up with two of those your grandmother called "mean as a snake". My dad was the worst but my mother was close behind. I was physically and verbally abused. I never did anything right. We all walked on egg shells afraid to move. They fought with each other. My father cheated on my mother all the time. He was gone every night. He road around town and all the neighborhood knew it. He even brought her into the home and was caught by me. I have been hit with everything from fists, rubber hoses, boards and belts. What ever was close at hand. I was called stupid, dumb and I would never amount to anything and a few other choice words I can never repeat here.
In all it made me very emotional, my feeling are hurt easy. I can cry at a drop of the hat. Marley and me sent me into therapy. There are certain things I can not watch, I will have nightmares over it or sit and cry about it.
I know God is still at work in my life. Alot of healing has come for me through Breaking Free and Believing God. I still have some work to do and I know God will heal all my hurts and I am trusting Him fully. He has shown me so much about myself and how much He loves me and that I am a lovable person.
Rebecca
Fort Collins
50s
1 – A Significant Loss. Losing a brother at age 15 has played a huge roll in life. Insecurity seems like an odd outcome for this major loss. Yet, I have seen so much turmoil because of it.
2 – Rejection – Always wanting to be accepted. Loss of love,no husband or children, jobs that have failed. Needing to feel that love and security.
Feel God is speaking to me regarding pride. Also, to truly LET Him be LORD of my life – just like I am!
Kathryn
single
50's
Arizona
My roots of insecurity stem from pride and rejection.
Sorry, but I just have to be anonymous now. Having poured my heart out in the past two assignments, I can’t believe I was so naïve to think that we were here in the privacy of Siestas. And my boldness was empowered by meeting many of you and going through this together. But when I discovered by a comment that a guy was reading through this, well, I was shocked and immediately wanted to remove all my comments that had my picture and bio attached to them. Then I was shocked that I was shocked. This is the open internet. I talked with my sister who is also a Siesta and she said there were probably many men reading, just not admitting it. What? What? Well, now I can only post anonymous. Maybe someday we’ll have a private password to enter a comments section, but for now, I just can’t bare my soul to these incredibly personal questions not knowing who the audience is. Sorry, I just can’t!
Two primary struggles:
1. Growing up attending the same elementary school k-6th grade, I was very popular and all my childhood friends knew I was a Christian. The children’s program at my church rocked, and sometimes my public school friends would even ask if they could go with my family it was so much fun. I was always picked first in sports games, always invited to everyone’s parties. When I was starting 7th grade, we very unexpectedly moved clear across town into another public school district. As if starting 7th grade isn’t hard enough, I was teased because I had a Christian fish on my book covers. People started to think I was a religious freak and I’d hear whispers in the hallway as I got awkward stares. I had no one to eat lunch with or do anything with for that matter. This continued into high school and I realized it sucked a lot of confidence out of me and replaced it with a lot of insecurity.
2. The second struggle was falling for a guy who wouldn’t stay with me because I wouldn’t sleep with him. I had become bulimic to get skinny and became a cheerleader in high school. I felt like now that I was skinny and popular, I’d get my confidence back from ruthless 7th grade. That’s when the star quarterback noticed me. We dated, although I knew I shouldn’t since he didn’t go to church regularly, but I was completely infatuated with him. My self-esteem plummeted when I refused to sleep with him and he broke up with me. Here I was a popular, pretty and a skinny cheerleader, I was voted prettiest girl in my senior year. Yet I didn’t think I was worth much at all. It was the, “Why doesn’t he love me for me???”
Insight I gained: Any time I feel insecurity creeping up, I remind myself of the people who love and support me. I don’t dwell on the times I was thought an odd-ball Christian. And my amazing husband is a reminder of God’s love for me because we waited for our honeymoon night, both virgins in our late 20s, and it was as though God was saying, “See, this is what I wanted for you.” I don’t deal with any of that pain anymore! Praise the Lord!!!
Oh, where's my mind…
40s
Louisiana
1) My first would be rejection I feel completely stupid writing that. I know everyone deals with this, when I read the I'm not's on p 73 I felt my heart sink that is what plays in my mind over and over and over. As much as I love my parents and do not want to speak badly about them, my mom had a lot to do with the way I feel.
2) I did not realize the extent that rejection or our culture really affected me. I just figured that it is part of life and if I pretend it does not affect me then that is the best I can hope for. I keep telling myself to suck it up and don't let anyone know what gets to you. I now am hoping I can live without such insecurity and not just hiding it.
Christy
Springfield, MO
20's
Married
1) Pride, I want to be in control of these Dramatic Changes that hold me under. To do things well and not be concered about being looked over or compared.
Rejection.
2)I would have never thought about Personal Disposition as being a root of insecurity.I can easily see that I could make that an excuse, but the more I thought about it the more I thought about the freedom that comes when I realize that this is how I was created and God is O.K. with me pouring out my heart to Him as I learn to trust Him.
These chapters were challenging to dive into and truthfully evaluate the 'why' at the bottom of the matter.
30's married, Ak
1) I had a really hard time figuring this out, since I think I have almost all of them, all twisted and intertwined together into a huge mess! I think one though is definitely the personal disposition you talked about. I smiled when I read what you said about feeling sorry for a smashed toad on the road and it reminded me of when I was a little girl and had tons of stuffed animals and some were my favorite, but I made sure they each got to spend a night in bed with me cause I didn't want to hurt any of their feelings. I kept telling myself how ridiculous that was. They don't have any feelings, but I couldn't help it. I just felt bad if I favored one over the others! Is that sad oversensitivity or what?! Also I had a lot of instability, even occasional abuse in my home. Like I said, pretty much all of the others as well. I don't know if I'll ever get it all sorted out!
2) Obviously, I haven't healed from my past as much as I'd like to believe, or I wouldn't even need this book!
1) Rejection and Personal Limitations are my two primary roots of insecurity.
2) God used the message of the book to show me that I’ve gone through several difficult situations. I’ve probably experienced each root as they have deeply penetrated my life. Yet there was one that was poison to my soul, which was being rejected by my closest friend. I never looked at rejection that way. (Thanks, Beth!) I thought I had come out of that pit I was pushed in, and knew God had brushed me off and cleaned me up. I just never realized how much it had changed me. I disconnected from relationships. Ironically, God has used a serious illness (breast cancer) to reconnect me to women. He is healing my body, but more importantly my heart, my mind, and restoring my soul. He has had a lot of work to do in me, and thankfully isn’t done yet.
I love how He works!
Traci, 40's, Married – Corona, CA
Amy
Washington, D.C.
Single
20s
1)The first primary root of insecurity would be culture. I have compared myself to other women ever since my primary false negative took flight (beauty; weight) almost 17 years ago. College was worse: ever since then I feel like I lost most of my 20s to insecurity. You said, "No one walks away from a snare without a limp." I feel like my legs were broken. My heart wants to fulfill the purpose God has for me.My biggest is fear is that my insecurities will get in the way. My mom has told me for years that God won't use me when I allow these issues to keep conquering over my life. It's true and I want to be freed. I'm very tenderhearted and a lot of times it's been the last thread to standing in confidence. My 2nd primary root in struggling with insecurity is pride. It hurts to even write it. I've never wanted to have pride, but in realizing I have been screaming "Notice me!" forever I now know how much of it I do have. The scripture (Psalm139: 1-6,13-17)hit my heart deeply. I want these two areas rooted out of me so I can be filled with purpose.I cried when I read the quotes from Richard Winter. I've given much happiness to the fact I'm a perfectionist. How could I have been blind to see that was the cause of my pride? I was going over a project with my supervisor and I told him I was getting so involved with the project that I was probably over-analyzing it. Then (pridefully) I told him it was my nature to do so;I am a perfectionist. He quickly stopped me from talking any further and said, "Now listen, don't mistake perfectionism for excellence. Perfectionism is just another word for fear." It's true: I feared making a mistake, and instead of taking a risk I backed away. Jesus, I am so sorry for being prideful.
2) I definetely sensed that God is trying to teach me the right way to be humble (even though I thought I was practicing it all along). I have allowed my culture to dictate how I feel about myself for far too long. After reading these two chapters I feel like I'm a complete mess. However, I know that I am digging these roots out and throwing them away. I gained so much insight from all of these roots of insecurity. From personal disposition He showed me how my being tenderhearted is good but can cause me to be very hard on myself…making the insecurity worse. Dramatic change came with an opposite effect: for me, it is the lack of dramatic change. You said, Beth, in the book, "how will we ever change if everything around use stays the same?" I'm going to get VERY vulnerable and just say what is in my heart and I know needs to come out. I have holed myself up in my apartment for months. I stopped working out and I haven't made any friends since moving to D.C. It's killing me on the inside. We are made for relationships and the lack of it has caused me to be depressed and question if I'm really called to live here or not. I have completed 8 years of schooling and gained 3 degrees, all in the area of government. My insecurities have reached so far that I come home from my work and I am alone. I feel it all over…and I hate it. I like having my own place and I enjoy my independency, but having this much alone time is not healthy. I know it…and I've recently made a move by joining a women's Bible study at my church. They just happen to be studying Esther. 🙂 I want to be a world changer for Christ, I want to enjoy friendships and be secure with myself. I want to go on a first date. I'll be 27 in 19 days and I've never been asked out…talk about insecure! These roots that you talked about have helped me gain insight into my own insecurity. I've realized that it hasn't been just life coming at me…I've been the cause of the effects as well. Jesus, help me change. Help me dig out all the insecurities (at their roots!) and open the doors to your purpose for me so that I may be a servant of all.
1. My 2 primary roots of are personal disposition & pride. Personal disposition was an obvious choice for my quiet, too sensitive nature – it is a little harder to confess to so much pride – "we don't feel special & that hurts our pride" and "we feel bad about ourselves because we are not able to perform as well, or appear as good as we really thing we can. We believe we are better than others but we keep discovering embarrassing flaws."
2. I'm not sure yet about my insights. I just know that many times I have settled for comfort when I really need healing and freedom. I am praying & trusting in the love and bigness of my Savior for true redemption.
1)Definitely rejection and pride. My mind is reeling now as I go through the process of separation and possible divorce. How can my husband of 17 yrs.,father of our two teenage daughters, just walk away and want to be totally independent and free of me, DONE? A Christ follower at that…I'm hurt and crushed,confused, but honestly, I have never known and clung to the Lord like this in my life. My pride raises it's ugly head when I think God is on my side because I am pursuing reconciliation and being obedient. It is His grace that is allowing me to even go through this without using a 2×4 over his head.Pride tells me that because I have owned my stuff,him owning his would open his eyes and see the "new freed me."
2)I kind of answered this in #1, but want to add this:owning my pride problem, my contribution to the demise of my marriage has been a relief. "every time I do/have, I sense the glorious God-given release that follows repentance, and I wonder what took me so long. I don't feel shamed. I feel freed." God has begun to give me the desire to see my husband FREE…because FREEDOM has never felt sooo good.I know too, to experience freedom, I must forgive my husband for what he has done and for the effects of his sin in my life and my girls. This is between God and me, for my sake.
I wish my comment wasn't so serious and I had something encouraging to say…perhaps as more security comes and the storm begins to calm. He will, because He always does, bring redemption.
Julia
Whidbey Island,WA
40's
separated