Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
Anonymous 
Thank you ladies for making this a safe place to share. I have to admit it became my goal (at least partially) to be so witty that I had Beth just slappin' her knee,and so profound that Amanda and Melissa were shaking their heads at my use of syntax (whatever in the world that means). Now isn't that just pitiful? Lord, help me! So, now hang on while I bore you to tears 🙂 jk
May I say a sincere "I'm so sorry" for all the heartbreaking stories we've heard. I know one of my roots is rejection–from my own parents. And I've spent plenty of time cryin' in my soup over that. But I'm very humbled by the tremendous hurts that way too many of you have had to suffer. I may be overwhelmed, but rest assured our God Most High is NOT! Of course, it comes as no shocker that my other main root is Pride.
Has God been revealing Himself? I'm so glad you asked: as of last night the Lord opened a door for me to do a mini book club time with my almost 20yr old daughter. She opened up like a flower to spring showers. Only God operates that well. He has my praise, and you, Beth, have my thanks 🙂
Kathy B
Hendersonville, TN
40's
married
1. My two primary roots of struggle with insecurity are, a significant loss (so much wrapped up in that) and pride.
2. I thank God for the insight I am gaining into the ugly world of pride and how much it affects me. I would have never considered myself a prideful person until reading this book. And boy the Lord is working me, it hurts! I feel as though I am being scrubbed, and disinfected…but at the same time it feels so good! I am one of those who loves James 1:2-4, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds…" I think in the case of my insecurities I could change the word trials, to truths. I am working so hard to let go of my perfectionism, always trying to look like I have it together and my family has it together, I could go on and on but I am tired and I am working so hard to let it go and accept myself for what I am, a beloved child of God who messes up and that's okay. I have to say chapter 6 was eye opening, soul renewing and so needed in my life. Thank you Lord for the work you are doing, the truths you are showing me and the healing that is taking place. I love you Father, I cannot put it all into words….amazing!
Sherrie
Spokane WA
30's
Married
KEW – can't believe how many comments and so fast…. Insecurity must be a big honking hole right in the center of our womanhood – how do we help the girls around us – our daughters and granddaughters –
1. My top two roots are instability at home and threat of sudden and dramatic change. Those two led to my coping patterns of control, perfectionism and over-achieving.
2. The insight I gained was that it was always a THREAT of dramatic change – an imagined WHAT IF. Since my parents were living at the poverty level and had gone thru the Depression, the threat had real roots. My father was chronically ill and threaten to die. My mother was unhappy in the marriage and often threaten to divorce him. So my childhood was permeated with the fear that "No one will take care of me." It doesn't matter that neither of those things ever happen in my childhood – the constant threat was enough. Still now there are THREATS and WHAT IFS that Satan can jump on that make me crazy with fear and insecurity. The truth of it is, that none of those imagined threats match my present reality and my eternal reality in Christ.
Swall Meadows, CA
60's
Married
My main struggle with insecurity boils down to the root of rejection. I have had several instances in my life where I have trusted people and they have ultimately, after a time, broken off the friendship. It has left me wondering 'what is wrong with me that once someone get's to know me they stop being friends?'
The other root would probably have to be Physical Limitations. I have been struggling with mysterious health problems for 15 months now. It has greatly limited what I can do. Because I don't feel well, when I am at church (where I see the most people) I spend a lot of time sitting.(It's hard for me to stand). Although a lot of the people know about my health issues, I still often wonder what are they really thinking when they are looking at me.
Insecurity with ourselves does indeed show itself as a form of pride in my life and in yours too! I am very insecure about how I look but that ultimately shows that I am discontent with how my Creator made me.
What a great book this has been so far. I can't wait to read more!
-Rachel 18, single,
Jacksonville, FL
The TWO primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are pride and personal disposition. Pride is a definite, but it was hard to decide between culture and personal disposition for the 2nd. I chose personal disposition because of what you said about taking things harder and deeper to heart . . . that would be me!
The insight that I gained about the roots of insecurity came mostly from pages 195 and 196 and I highlighted practically the entire quote from Richard Winter's "Perfecting Ourselves to Death." I knew I had pride issues, but whoa, those statements really grabbed me.
I think . . . no, I'm sure God wants me to confess this and get on with it. I love the last sentence in Chapter 6: A clear heart and a clean path are still only one sincere confession away.
Side note: I did not type this in Word and edit, edit, edit this time. Did it all right here. Breaking free!!!! Whoo hoo!!!!
Dianne
Hartselle, AL
50's
Married
Janie
Iowa
50's
Married
As I read, the thought kept repeating that this study together is truly God's breath of fresh air as we spring clean our "inner closets." There are just some things that have been kept in storage way too long. The original ideas were wrong to begin with. It is time to air it out, sweep it clean, and drag out the pressure washer if need be. God and I are on a mission to get the junk out. It's not pretty and it certainly is painful and filled with regret. Somehow, I believe this is where He wants me– humbled, and wondering how I could have been so wrong. . .so long. Well, imagine I'm not the only one.
Yes, Beth, you can teach an ol' dog new tricks. . .well nothing fancy, but I just might be more useful to God.
1. Pride/perfectionism and rejection. Messages from another generation that were simply not true and certainly not God centered. People pleasing will not make me secure. So much pressure that the "people" are right.
2. The awareness of how sneaky and sinister these strong roots grow from tiny, insignificant tendrils. More importantly, the awareness of how I must become aware of each area and how I must draw the line and not pass along to my teen. Face on the floor. . .God and I will be having some discussions this week. Thanks Beth for the wake up call.
Wow where to begin… first off I feel like a big gaping open mass of raw nerves and anything and everything around me is dancing upon them. I know this is just how the enemy wants me to feel so I will give up and quit. But I am not going to quit. I am so dang sensitive that my two just are asorbated by my sensitivity.
Rejection and Instability in the home. At the root of chronic insecurity is often the primal fear that no one will take car of ME! At the age of 2, I remembered at a counseling session that I so wanted my mothers attention, but she was to busy with my baby brother and told me she didn't have time to deal with me. Shift in our relationship started then. At the age of 12 she told me that if I didn't straighten up that one of us would have to leave and it wasn't going to be her… Can you say I spent the rest of my life trying to live up to her expectations? At the age of 36 she again justified saying what she said at age 12 and then again at age 46 at yet another counseling session… So… I have always looked for someone to mother me in the way I have longed to be mothered. Most of my friends have been women and always older.
2. Rejection… huge ….wanting attention so much willing to do almost anything not to be rejected by parents, friends, boyfriend, husbands…etc… wanting to be wanted has put a death grip on two very dear relationships that I can't no matter what I try to do seem to get back and they were both older women, so there goes back to the mother figure rejection yet again. Rejection had me doing the crazyiest and stupidest (if that is even a word) things that any sane woman in her right mind would not do and stay in a marriage that after the first indescretion should have had me running… but I wanted him to want me and begged him to stay… ugghh this is ugly and I feel so heavy. I only wanted to be loved.. Do you know what I mean??? and now I am single and praying that my God will not bring me a man until I have healed so completly in HIM that I can receive the kind of love that Abba wants me to have. Until then I can try really hard to rest in HIS arms.
Insecurity runs deep… and they are tangled so with so many that you may think you have it together in one area, only to find out that you really don't and that being sensitive is just a fertile breeding ground for that insecurity weed.
Loving you for helping us walk to him for healing… thanks Beth
Lichelle
Austin 40's
single
I am a first time writer. I believe rejection is my primary source of insecurity.
That one along with pride. I look forward to studying this book with you all:)
My roots are:
1. instability in home-I had a loving mother and a distant father. He loved me but never really verbalized it or went out of his way to show it. My parents' marriage has never been great and that caused great insecurity.
2. perfectionism-I would have never pegged this on my own but when you brought this up in the book it hit be like a ton of bricks… This has been a HUGE cause of insecurity for me. Unrealistic expectations that I hold on to have set me up for insecurity when I don't measure up to myself…how absurd!!
Reading the book has also shed light on just how much God has already redeemed so much of what I've struggled with. It is SO COOL to be able to reflect on ways He has delivered me from strongholds and freed me to serve and love.
Amanda
30
West Texas
Sabrina
Lincoln NE
Married
50’s
Although I can see myself in so many of the roots the two I have chosen as most significant to me are instability in the home and rejection. Growing up, my mother was an alcoholic. My father was in the military so we moved frequently. My mother’s way of coping with the military life style was to drink. My father was uninvolved in the day to day process of raising my sister and me. I always felt a huge responsibility for my younger sister. I have no memory of my mother ever telling me that she loved me. My parents and I had a tenuous relationship and I was forced to get a job right out of high school and shortly thereafter I married, knowing I was not welcome to live at home any longer. My husband of almost 35 years and I have had a rocky relationship with his family. I won’t go into details but to this day he and I both feel rejected by his parents. We have tried to make things right but we both feel that we will never measure up to whatever expectations they have for us.
The biggest insight I received was when Beth said “God knows exactly what happened and what a toll it took. He knows the number it played on your mind. Let Him bring you peace. Let Him tell you you’re worth wanting, loving, even liking, pursuing, fighting for, and yes, beloved, keeping.” I’d never thought of it this way before, that God knows the number it played on my mind. What a comforting thought to know that He really gets it.
Debbie
30
Indianapolis, IN
Single
1. Rejection is by far the biggest root of my insecurity. I have been rejected in so many different circumstances that I know that is by far main cause of my self-doubt. I think the 2nd biggest root for me would be personal disposition (with our culture close behind).
2. The fact that my life is not to be "me focused" but rather "God focused" is something that keeps coming through to me. If I focused on Him and not myself I would be less apt to be concerned with how others view me.
1)The root of rejection…a middle school girl that I thought was a close friend told me to "get lost" and not hang with her anymore.
2)The root of pride showing itself in perfectionism. Reading about this root gave me the answer for the second question. I had no idea pride would be a form of insecurity and boy was I convicted reading the quotes from Dr Winter because I identified with most of it. I have asked for forgiveness for pride many times but this enlightened me to the extent of my problem. I have work to do in that area and I'm looking forward to what else you will share in the book on how to deal with the insecurities that plague us.
Susan
50's
Married
Lawrenceville GA
These comments are precious. Mama Beth, I don't know how you do it. I'm praying over these sweet ladies, and especially the ones who commented for the first time. Thank You Lord for this ministry 🙂
1. My dad's physical illness when I was young and his death in my early 20's.
2. Rejection from someone close, but after reading this book, I think to some extent, it was my perception of being rejected in this relationship.
There is not enough space to list how God is working on me through this book. I would like to say its all good….but some of it is dang hard. Yes, I know, hard can be good. I am praying the full measure of GOD. I want to get all He wants to teach me, even the hard stuff. I am also amazed at how He is cordinating this book reading with my bible study….Thank YOU LORD.
I forgot:
PRIDE
TN
30's
married
@Anonymous -mentioned rejection from a father and asked if anyone else struggles with this.
I do struggle with it, and find that my experience is exactly where i don't believe enough that God really is a loving father who would not ever reject me or just change his mind about me…Learning to see HIM as a Father that is so much better than I can imagine..is hard. but also very worth it and beautiful. You are not alone!
Shaminder
30's
Maried
Toronto,ON
My major roots of insecurity are the death of my father when I just turned 5 & rejection.
As a result of growing up with no father-figure & no siblings, I grew up thinking that I was different, unwanted & unworthy of being loved. My extended family was rather harsh & showed little or no feelings of love towards me. I grew up being insecure thinking that my mom would also be snatched away from me without warning.My best friends were either expats or missionaries & the rest of the crowd didn't befriend me easily.
I love that God not only loves me, he takes pleasure in me. His love towards me is so special & over the years I've come to give Him the place of Father in my heart. I've cried through these chapters as He's breathed His truth into me. His love for me is sometimes too awesome to fathom.
I am very sensitive soul who grew up in a home with a tender hearted mother and fear inducing,withdrawn father. Looking back, I know he loved us the best way he knew how based on how we was raised, but as a little girl I did everything to avoid him. Thankfully, God has healed our relationship and I am just beginning to feel secure around him. I believe this is just one of the roots of my insecurity. I believe the other comes growing up with a brother who had deep emotional problems and a sister who had some issues as well. I kept my feelings and concerns to myself because I didn't want to place any further burden on my mom and dad. They wouldn't often comment on how sweet and easy I was and I didn't want to upset their view of me. I am chronic people pleaser and am so worried about disappointing anyone.
I love this book. It is like someone has looked into my heart and put my deepest fears on the page. I am sick and tired of being insecure, and by God's grace I am ready to be free of this bondage. I am clothed with dignity and strength!
(A funny side note: as I was writing this comment my husband walked in and asked what I was doing. He got a little too close, and I said "don't read it!" He asked why not and I told him "because I'm insecure!" we both got a good laugh out of that)
Melissa
Chicago, IL
married
30s
1. It was very hard for me to narrow this down to two. This chapter hit me hard and I found myself checking off every single root on the list. The two most
prominent I guess would be:
Instability at Home: in the areas where it talks about parents fighting, divorce of my parents at the age of 2. I experienced all forms of abuse verbal, physical and sexual all at the hands of family members.
A Significant Loss: having been sexually abused I lost my innocence at the young age of 2. Not only was I sexually abused but was forced to watch porn and graphic images.
2. I found comfort in your words when you said “look at it this way: those of us who share this background can get rest assured that we didn’t conjure up our insecurities out of thin air”. Chapter 5 was incredibly hard for me to read. I was sitting at church while my husband was at worship band practice. There I was reading my Beth Moore book bawling my eyes out. I bet they were wondering what on earth I was reading! Each root struck me deep in my heart. There are some roots that I thought I had dealt with but when I started crying reading the book I knew there was still much more healing that needs to go on. God is doing an amazing work in my heart. Being a child of abuse and then facing so much rejection over the years He is teaching me to love and to learn to love I must first learn to love myself and learn to love Him more than anything. Its my biggest hearts desire to love him. Being married I feel like I can’t express love to my husband. He knows I love him but I don’t know how to show him. I’m praying this book will help me to open up my heart more, heal it, and then I will be able to express love to others.
Amanda Taylor
Age 28
Richmond,VA
Married 5 years
The two primary roots of my insecurity come from the loss of my Father when he died when I was 11 and with me not knowing where he is spending eternity. Secondly, the culture of the Church I was raised in… It was very legalistic and rules based and I grew up feeling that I had to wear a mask and not show who I truly am or I would never be accepted… I did not get out of that environment until about 4 years ago and I still have a hard time trusting other women with who I really am and being secure in who I am am what I have to offer. I appear very confident and capable and am usually the one with the listening ear, but rarely am secure enough to trust other women my heart.
Devanee
late 30's
Married
Ulysses
1. Two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are rejection and instability in the home. I had a dad who didn't want me (my mom didn't believe in leaving him so we were together 18 years and I knew he didn't want me) He didn't want to take care of me so he quit working and my mom had to make the living for the family. And I had an uncle who molested me and there were adults in my life that knew he had done it to many women in our family and they didn't protect me from him. (They even knew he was doing it to me and still didn't do anything.) I really do have issues with not being protected. pg 65 "At the root of chronic insecurity is often the primal fear that no one will take care of us. Every single thing that underscores that fear is like fertilizer in the soil."
2. I am very thankful that my mom told me when I was probably in Junior High that I could accept God as my earthly father as well as my heavenly father. In doing that I have felt great relief and peace. I know God will take care of me and he loves me very very much!!! He has blessed me with a great husband that loves me and takes care of me. God is truly awesome!!!
Well, I am going to come out of hiding and say my first root of insecurity was the instability in our home and the 2nd would be rejection. Rejection is probably very much entertwined with fear of abandonment.
Julie Springfield, MO
40
married
My main roots of insecurity come from –
feeling like I could never "be" the person that my dad wanted me to be. I couldn't measure up!(I realize now that my Dad's insecurities led him to parent these insecurities in me.)The second is significant loss – my Godly, compassionate, wise, God's-word-loving-and-living Mom died when I was 18.
The sad thing is I always tried to measure up to my Dad's standards – grades, scholarships, obedient, Christian College, finished college, began graduate school, etc.. but whatever the standard he set, once I met the standard, he raised the bar and then I was back at the bottom again – it was never "enough".
Now I am a pastor's wife. He is a Godly-God's-word-loving, passionate, compassionate, strong, driven-pastor. (I am madly in love with him after almost 19 years of marriage). Even after being raised in the church and having my own father in church leadership for years, I am SHOCKED at the hurt and betrayal that we have experienced at the hands of God's people in the church. These hurts have always led me back to the insecurities of "What did I do wrong? What didn't I do that I should have done? How did I fail these people and the Lord that they would treat me this way? I must've done something to deserve this!"
I realize that these "feelings" are rooted in the inesecurities of my past and I want to stand and live and think in the truth of God's Word.
"Whatever things are TRUE, Noble, honorable….etc… think on these things!"
Jasdeep Sihra
Age: 17
Single
Toronto, ON
This is my first time to ever post an answer on the blog 🙂 I found the two chapters very gripping because I felt like whatever was put down on those very pages was so true. I think my two roots of insecurity are personal lmitations and our culture. I am constantly comparing myself to other people in school (yes, I'm in high school!), like, whenever I get a test back, I always belittle myself when I see other people have scored more than me. Whenever I can't do something, I feel like a total failure 🙁 Furthermore, I'm always comparing myself to women on the front pages of magazines. I look at a magazine and go,"Hmm, is Taylor Swift thiner than me?". Even when some random girl walks onto the bus, I always whisper in my Mum's ear,"Seriously, her thighs are bigger than mine, right?". 🙁
But, felt God speaking to me through the pages. I felt like He was telling me look into myself, and see me the way I am, not the was Fashion TV would judge me. I also felt that he was telling me to be myself, and that I need to do things to the best of my abilities, not to the standards of the insanley smart Asian girl that sits beside me in Physics class.
Woah, I'v actually written so much 🙂 But it was nice sharing this with you guys, it took a weight off my chest 🙂
I weeped when I read the section on unwelcome changes can be a breeding ground for insecurity. This is so me after several crisis in my life including living with a compulsive gambler, husband with several health issues including cancer. I do find myself developing into my own false prophet. I strive to be free of this on a daily basis.
Rita
Rejection created my insecurity. I was quiet as a child and not with the popular crowd.
I wept when reading the section on
Dramatic change. This has been a huge factor in recent years. Living with husband who is a compulsive gambler (now gamble free for a number of years) plus husband has had heartattach, cancer and severely burned resulting in him being hospitilized for several weeks. I do live my life with constant expectation that something bad is going to happen.
1) I started writing out my homework answers tonight and thought that my two BIGGEST roots were(I have been exposed to all 8 roots, so it took some narrowing down here):
a) significant loss – my brother died tragically when I was 18 and I experienced the loss of innocence by a church member when I was in high school and
b) rejection – my first husband cheated on me multiple times with people we both worked with and then he confided to me that he had an STD and didn't know if he passed it on or not (Praise God that he didn't).
My darling husband walked into the room during this exercise and I asked him which generic areas he thought were responsible for my insecurities and he said "instability in the home is the biggest root by far". You see, he knows how hard my dad was to live with, how dad used to call me fat, how bitter every single person in my family is because of the way my dad treated them, how mean dad would get when we didn't conform to his ideas or plans. The list goes on and on. It was really eye opening to hear someone else's perspective. It made me think about things that had been hidden for a long time.
2) The statements that jumped off the pages at me this week were:
a) "Insecurity from the way we've coped and not healed". How many of us are just getting by when what we really need is healing???
b) "We wrestle with insecurity because we wrestle with pride." I know that pride is an issue in my life but I always saw it as the effect and not the cause. I really heard God repeating that word to me this week: pride, pride, pride.
I was encouraged by the statement "A clear heart and a clean path are still only one sincere confession away".
I would have to say that my top two roots are:
1)Health, because two and a half years ago I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis at the age of 21. It rocked my world, and changed everything. All of a sudden I was no longer able to do some of the things I loved to do, and some of them I still can't.
2)Rejection. I am so scared that my current friends will dump me back at square one. I had a group of friends do that to me my sophomore year of college. It tore me to pieces and sent me flying into a pit that took me a full year to get out of.
And to answer the second question, well I have to first admit that I have already read all but the last chapter, and do not have the book in front of me to verify exactly where this came from so I hope its not jumping ahead…but I definitely enjoyed when you talked about God using change to change us. I can verify that statement is accurate just by my two insecurity answers. Those two circumstances changed me greatly, and I now lean on God for strength everyday, because sometimes He's all I've got.
Paige
Northern Indiana
20's
single
Lancaster,CA
single 49
I am one of your 100 new post,
My two area's are Dramatic Change, and Rejection. I have been helping take care of my mom every day for about 10 years after work, she recently went to be with the Lord and now I am trying to find myself as I defined myself as a caretaker and so God is showing me to define myself in him
I think my primary roots of insecurity are sensitivity and rejection (especially the fear of rejection). Melissa's statement, "He knows it's scary to be us" hit me right on. I am so thankful that He does know. And more than that, He cares.
I really resonated with your statement about how "we end up licking our wounds to the point that we can't heal". I do get fixated on every loss, every wrong word, every action. Instead of looking up, I look in. I know that God wants me to look to Him in humility. He is my rock and my deliverer. To Him I will look.
Regina
40's
married
Stephanie T
Macclenny, FL
Married
30's
Honestly, there wasnt a single root I didnt somehow relate too, but the 2 prominent roots would have to be Loss and Pride.
To me Pride is tricky, because being hypersensitive (which Beth described to a T in the book) is a predisposition that I allow to feed into pride. I hope that made sense. Im naturally super high strung and super sensitive about anything, any word that is spoken to me I take personally and try to figure out the hidden meaning or jab of why someone tells me things. Someone could talk to me about Prostate cancer and I will have myself talked into that person sending me a message about SOMETHING that is wrong with me. Being sensitive like that feeds into pride simply in the fact that hello, everything is NOT about me!! The second part of pride with me, is I feel that I must APPEAR to be put-together at all times even when Im drowning. I also desire desperately want to be liked, to be special, to be the best. I DESIRE these things, I IN NO WAY feel that I am them though. I value myself ZEROOOOOOOOOOOO.. At the same time, Im so dang ate up with myself that Im waiting for Beth to pick my comment to put into her next post. Oh Dear Lord, Please put up with me a little longer so that we can get this taken care of!!!
Major Loss created a Dramatic Change in my life. I lost my mom and brother to a car accident when I was 23 and had not yet experienced major life events. There is honestly no way to describe what it feels like to have a child and not have your mother there with you. Being a mom will bring every insecurity out of you and more, and not having my mom, the single person who knew me best on this planet to guide me to help me to encourage me magnifies those insecurities ten fold. I felt and still feel completely on my own when it comes to my kids, it creates anxious insecurity beyond belief. It is very hard for me to be with friends whose mothers are MAJOR sources of help to them and not ache for that. Yet another way to feel completely insecure.
Im also going to add that I am thankful that Beth said it was time to eliminate some things that make us feel insecure.. GOOD BYE FACEBOOK@@@@@@@@@@@
Beth, thank you for chapter 5. I already knew, because I am going through some good counseling, that severe instability in the home is my primary root of insecurity – my mother controlled us with the silent treatment, sometimes for days. So love was earned, and even then it was a warped love. She told us when we were 10 that if abortions were legal, she would have had them.
But, Beth, the thing in chapter 5 that has been such a comfort to me, was the section on personal disposition. When you described yourself – the toad in the road, the people saying good by at the airport, and elderly people living alone – I have had those exact same feelings in the exact same situations. I feel sorry for men at the grocery store when they look into their wallets and see that they don't have enough money. It just rips at my heart, and I've always thought I was weird. It is such a help to realize that God made me sensitive, and that that contributes to insecurity.
I haven't answered questions till today, but I had to thank you for being so honest with us in yours books, bible studies and videos. My husband says that you and I are like 2 peas in a pod when I read him excerpts from your writings. I don't feel like I'm alone in my thoughts and feelings when I read your stuff, and for that, I am so grateful to God for putting you in this place of teaching us. Thank you for your obedience even when it's hard. XO
So. California
Married
50 (not + yet!)
My roots of insecurity come from (1) instability in our home due to alcoholism, sexual abuse and depression; (2) personal disposition. After reading Chapter 6, I can easily add media and pride into the mix. Yikes! But God is BIG – so much bigger than me and my insecurities, and I sense Him inviting me out of my insecurity and into His unwavering, secure, deep, unfailing love. It is time.
First Time Blogger-
Toni
Cottonwood
40's & Married
I wanted to say to Anonymous who wrote about church people being sources of insecurity that you made total sense.
Many times church folk are pious and self-righteous. However, you are no longer the bus kid trying to fit in, you are a woman of God. Which makes you beautiful and strong. I pray that as you work thru this God will direct you to a church filled with loving people who are REAL. Churches are filled with a bunch of imperfect people. There isnt going to be a single church that doesnt have SOME form of the people that hurt you so many years ago.
Beyond that, your relationship with God has nothing to do with your church attendance. Church is a place to enhance that relationship, worship, grow and Serve HIM.
Maybe God allowed those things to happen to you so that when you are HEALED and ready, you can seek out those children and teens that are going thru what you did and make them feel welcomed and loved with transparency and joy.
My heart hurts for you and I believe that God will protect you and guard you and lead you if you will let him.
Sincerely,
Stephanie
20's, single, Indiana
1. The sections on rejection and pride are very obviously huge roots in my life. Everything on the pages jumped out to me when I read them.
2. God revealed this week just how much my struggles with rejection and pride effect my relationships with friends. I am terrified of rejection and I find myself interpreting 80% reciprocation with 100% rejection often. My pride wants to be a "the" not just another "a".
"Then instead of looking for ourselves in God, we look once more for God in man, and just when we think we've found someone who can hold us high enough and long enough to assuage our fear of forgottenness, we get dropped."
I have been so desperately clinging to anyone who will make me feel like something… and I always walk away feeling empty because they weren't made to fulfill me. God is supposed to do that! I know this in my head, I wish i could grasp hold in my heart. Living in a perpetual state of rejection and wounded pride is tiring… and painful.
Sarah
Single
Colorado Springs, CO
30's
Lord have mercy! I have just written ALL over the pages in these two chapters….I have cried more tears in these two chapters.
1. 2 Primary roots: Rejection and Dramatic Change. I tend to base decisions off of fear, get myself in trouble way too often.
2. Insight that I feel God is showing me is that HE loves me. I don't really grasp this. I can say it and have heard this my whole life, but, I don't realy know it in my heart. I want to know him, truly, intimately, passionately and completely. I had to put the book down and just sob after reading page 104, top paragraph, when we look for God in others we WILL GET DROPPED EVERYTIME!!!!!! How many times have I turned to a relationship or a job or even my daughter to fill the void? Trust God FIRST….my pride gets in my way all too often.
I wrote a prayer at the end of Ch 6 confessing my pride and how selfish I am. I dated it and I want to continue to come back to this section on a regular basis and repeat my prayer so that I can DIE to my flesh.
First, a shout out to…
-tickledpink4u
-joyce
-Tori/The Knights
…I so appreciate your posts in this issue.
To Sister Lynn, You are adored.
——-
1. Instability in the Home: Interestingly enough, though my dad was the alcoholic, he showed me a tremendous amount of love. It was my mom’s non-nurturing parenting that made me feel pretty much invisible. Being “defenseless and unprotected” resonates big time with me.
2. Significant Loss: Loss of childhood due to a negligent parent, loss of childhood innocence due to some inappropriate circumstances, loss of my brother to cancer.
Insights:
-The “savage beast” of PRIDE. I’ve read a lot of posts here. I feel a little more SECURE knowing I’m not alone on the pride issue; thanks ladies! It’s that nagging struggle to better myself…then beating myself up…"Self, get over yourself!"
-“Confidence is driven by the CERTAINTY of God given identity…”
-“Humility is a crucial component in true security. It calms the savage beast of pride.”
I am overjoyed that we, ladies, are on this journey together. I'm falling in love with this group. Praise Him, truly praise Him for his continued beautiful work through Beth & LPM.
I heart you all!
1. I didn't see myself in any of the roots until I got to the area of Pride. I wouldn't have considered myself a very prideful person but I see now that my drive to be seen as someone who is the "best" at something is pride!
2. I wrote in the column that "I am looking for something to be great instead of looking to God who has made me great in his likeness. It's my beauty in God that will give me confidence and not anything I accomplish or obtain recognition for." I am a perfectionist at heart even though I've been able to mask a lot of it over the years.
Here's to freedom, girls!!! I see God working in our lives already.
P.S. I just want to ask for your forgiveness Beth because I have harbored a lot of bitterness (read "insecurity rearing its ugly head") toward you for being so great and having so many people look up to you. I even wrote you a letter hoping to meet you for a day to get to know you better, and took it personally that I wasn't good enough for you to hang out with. How insecure am I??? You are awesome and I praise the Lord for all His work you have accomplished! Thanks, Mama Siesta!
Heather
Pottstown, PA
20's
Divorced/Engaged
First, I wanted to thank you, Beth, for being open and vulnerable in Ch. 5 about past abuses. I was sexually abused when I was 12 by my grandfather. I would have never linked that to a part of my insecurity without your book. God Bless!
1) My 2 roots of insecurity are personal disposition and rejection. I am VERY tender hearted and take things too personally and to heart way too often. I also lost my best friend due to my divorce. She couldn't accept it and I felt disowned. I felt like something was wrong with me and wondered if I'd be able to have any close girlfriends again. Who would want to be friends with someone who is,dare I say, "divorced"?
2)My heart and mind has definitely been opened after reading these 2 chapters. I learned that I'm not crazy for being insecure nor the only one dealing with this stuff. I realized there's a reason/"root" for all this and that's comforting. This insecurity stuff just didn't appear out of nowhere!
To be honest, I have been struggling with putting a finger on what exactly I am insecure about. Do I think that I am perfect? Absolutely not. However, I understand my faults and my short comings and either accept them or work to improve. Is that being insecure?
My weight, for example. I would love to lose 15 pounds (20 actually, but my husband says that's too much – God love him). But it's not because I want to fit some perfect image, it's because I know that I'm better than this. The whole reason I need to lose the weight is because I have not exercised the way I should or watched my diet as closely as I should. Is that still insecure or is that facing the truth? Are they the same?
My other struggle is that I am, by trade, a professional writer. I steeped away from the traditional realm of my craft a few years ago when I decided that I could not perform to the level I expected of myself and have the type of family life that I wanted. I knew that one or the other would suffer so I chose family (thanks 9/11 for opening my eyes). I would very much like to return but have lost the one person who pushed me more than anyone and who was able to get me to rise to the level that I never knew that I was capable of reaching. Without hearing those words of encouragement, and yes, sometimes admonishment, I am unsure if I will be able to return. It is sort of like having a personal trainer – you think you are doing all your body can physically muster, but when you have someone beside you pushing you harder you work harder. I suppose it's also like having someone like you, Beth. I feel like I grasp the concepts of my faith and then you come along with some crazy Bible study and show me that there is so much more.
After writing this out, I now see that my insecurity is not having full faith in myself to achieve. I need someone to push me and I need that person to be God.
Ugh! I posted without giving my information.
Kelly
Virginia
40s
Married
Kristi
Lewisville, TX
late 20s
married
Nothing liked being slapped in the face first thing in the morning!! I had one section left this morning-the pride section. I almost came on and posted a comment anyway a couple days ago because I had already picked out my 2 prominent roots of insecurity, and I definitely don't consider myself someone that struggles with pride. But, let me tell you, THAT idea was prideful! So, now that truth has just hit me between the eyes, I will say that my two most prominent roots are pride and rejection.
The insight I have gained? The discussion on how perfectionism can be a form of pride and a veil for insecurity could have been written about me! I am going to start praying fervently for those walls to break down. Doing things well, efficiently, and effectively is great and a good use of my gifts from the Lord–but I need to release the pride involved! In a BIG way-that has to go NOW!
Another insight was really more of a reiteration of what I knew in my head to be true-that I need to teach the deepest parts of me to ignore the influence of culture! It does nothing but wound and tear down. It screams so loud it's nearly impossible to avoid, but I need to allow my Heavenly Prince to build a wall around the part of my soul that wants to listen so that He can love on me and build me up as only He can!!!
The two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are:
1) Dramatic Change
2) tie between our culture & pride (need for significance)
Even though I know that "Confidence is driven by the certainty of God-given identity and the conviction that nothing can take that identity away."… I need to constantly remind myself of this. I love it when you said the moment we notice pride in our life, we need to say "God, forgive me. Self, get over it." So true!!
Kelly
Waynesville, OH
Married 24 years
40's
1. This is hard for me. I'm not exactly sure what the major roots of my insecurity are. It could be instability in the home – just the moving many times, I always always struggled to feel like I fit in with people, make friends, etc. Or maybe that would be in the "dramatic change" category? I do know for sure, that ONE of mine is "personal limitations." While I joke about cursing my personality, there is a bit of truth to that, I think. On the personality tests I am 110% melancholy. Just reading those characteristics is enough to depress anyone. And, ha, I do struggle with depression! LOL!
2. I think God is confirming to me that there is more than one reason for my insecurities. I can't just blame my parents. 🙂 I can't blame God, either. And, I think I have a tendency to do that. I know God made me this way…but I wonder why. I wonder what He could have possibly been thinking. I need to be reminded that there is always a reason. I need to be reminded that there is a purpose – even in the difficult. I have learned that time and time again, but this is one area where I struggle to really believe it. I need to be reminded that He can use me. Even me. Because He is God. And He is bigger than any of my insecurities. I have to choose to dwell on HIM and not on me and my weakness. It's a battle…but I must continue to fight it and not give up!
Candace
East TN
33yrs
1. Rejection: My mom had some health issues when I was little. This kept her from showing affection for me. I understand that now but for years I did feel rejected. I can only remember one time she hugged me. God did make me aware of it early in my Christian life;(I was saved at 33)and how I needed to be in women's Bible study. After reading about it in this book I can see I'm still affected by it.
2. Pride: I knew this was going to be in this book! It seems that every one of my insecurities is rooted in this one! I came face to face with it in "Breaking Free". But I still struggle; about the time I think I have a handle on it…it rears its ugly head.
Thanks Beth for giving permission to be transparent on this blog.
Janice
50's
Ohio
K
50's
married
1) The two primary roots of my stuggles are Person Disposition and Personal Limitations. I could relate to others as well but these two really described things in my life.
2) Melissa's words at the end of Chapter 5 meant so much "He (God) knows it's scary to be us". Also the paragraph on page 63 that speaks about during our times of frustrations and feelings that nobody gets it..God gets it better than we do. I am very critical of myself and not an outgoing person so just knowing that God understands what I am feeling (not that my feelings are right all the time) is a comfort to me.
1. The primary sources of insecurity stem from a combo of instability in home/significant loss/dramatic change all accurring in my first 13 years of life.
2. Pride really smacked me upside the head. With all that went on in my early life, I figured I could not count on anyone and therefore sealed myself off thinking the only one I could count on was myself. Believing the lie that perfectionism will gain the acceptance, admiration, security that I was looking for. They didn't work out so well for me. I love Beth's quote and have written it on a card as a reminder, "That's nothing but PRIDE. God forgive me. Self, get over it."
Nise', Michigan
49 – married
I am posting for the first time about the book. I'm catching up after a late start getting my hands on the book.
I had to read Ch. 5 twice… and cried all the way through it. I sailed through the first 4 chapters wondering if I really needed this book after all. Then I was slammed by Ch. 5. I would say that instability and rejection are my roots. In 12 years of school, we moved NINE times! In 5th grade (a very tough age) I attended THREE different schools. It was brutal. In 8th grade (an even tougher age), we had been in the same place for almost 3 years… a record… and I was finally feeling like I had "arrived" and life was good… then we moved!In addition, throughout all of my growing up, my father called me "ugly" instead of ever calling me by my name. I grew up thinking, "I can be smart, but I can never be beautiful."
Throughout this reading, the Lord impressed upon me that He was there, watching, loving and hurting for me the whole time. Praise HIM that I surrendered my life to Him when I was 29.
Thank you for this! Blessings!
Terri
Married, 40's, NC
I know we've only been in this discussion group only a few weeks; but it has been such a blessing so far.
1. I'm understanding now why I have so many random thoughts and do so my random things. Insecurity. I think it began early in my childhood. My brother and I were always gone with our parents to our family home in Va. (four hours away from our home in NC). We were constantly around people who were loud and drank and acting strange. I thought it was normal until I hit my early teens and discovered that not everyone parents drank and argued all the time. It's funny what you grow accustom to.
2. I was molested at any early age by a neighbor and I new that had something to do with a lot of the choices I made. The ironic thing is was there was a Baptist church directly in front of our house. I always wondered what went on in that church. Who the people were, did they sing, did I know any of them. My aunt took me once to that church and that was the only time. Later on as a teen, a girlfriend and I went for a while and I didn't go again until I was an adult.
I said all of that to say this, God is always pulling at us to come to him; no matter where we are. We just have to stop and listen to what He is saying. God puts people in our paths to guide us to Him. Many people say I'm so gald I found God; He was never lost. We are. He is always there.
Thank you again for this journey, this blessing. I believe God is working with every woman reading this book.
Have a blessed week.
1. I did have a father with a physical illness – He had a stroke when I was five years old. He lived for another 15 years and we were so blessed to have him. But we lived knowing it could happen again and he died when I was 19.
2. I'm in my 60s, very happily married now for 44 years but I'm insecure about the future years. If I'm the one left alone, will I be able to cope with it? Here I am insecure about something that may not even happen! I want to have a peace about this and enjoy these precious years and not be concerned about the future. I know God will be with me whatever comes but it is hard to convince my heart of this.
married
63
Mississippi