Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
tiggerdaisy 
1. My two roots of insecurity are rejection and pride. This is actually really eye opening to me, because as a child I always felt rejected by my parents (different love language, but thats another book/author) and now I see patterns through out my life with rejection.
2. I really haven't felt like God has spoken to me in this book yet except for seeing the rejection root throughout my life.
Kristi
OKC
Married
30's
My two pointed roots of insecurity:
1. instability in the home –parents' difficult marriage/my poor physical health/financial pressures
which led to . . .
2. perfectionism/need to control/i.e. PRIDE — which has been a huge obstacle in my freedom in Christ.
Question 2
What I've seen over the years, and what is so true — "our culture has done us no greater injustice than training us to avoid taking responsibility for our own issues." (p. 107)
Wow! no more blame game; get rid of the shame and embarrassment, and run to Jesus! Repent, be restored; experience the forgiveness that is already there.
I have to say that the portion on physical limitations was such an encouragement to me. I have several limitations (heart issues, neuropathy, and a severed vocal cord so I can't speak well) but have experienced Jesus as my life and my source of strength. God has used me to be an encourager, teacher, mentor, and I love what He has done to redeem me, set me free to serve women.
He is wonderful!
Beverly
Stayton, OR
married
52 yrs old
1. My roots of insecurity come from rejection and personal disposition. I was rejected by someone I loved a lot while I was in high school. Because of his rejection, I didn't think that anyone would care/love me. I'm also a very sensitive person, so I always over analyze what I say or do and what others say or do. Have a good memory doesn't help this at all!
2. I also gleaned a lot about the part of chapter 4 that deals with pride. I think that spiritually this is where I struggle a lot. God has dealt with this in the past with me, but I continually struggle.
Jennifer
30's
married
Angola, IN
I'm a newbie to the "So Long Insecurity" postings! I'm so excited to be leading a small group of women (12 to be exact) at our church through this book along with the blog community. I'm amazed at how many ladies in our group have NEVER had an opporunity to open up this way and allow God to permeate their soul! Each week incredible stories come and amazing transformation is taking place. I'm praying it becomes more than just reading. Our mantra is
INFORMATION +
APPLICATION =
TRANSFORMATION!
Let's not just be about information.
Growing,
Sara
Hi Siesta Mama,
Let me say this first. Your book is reading mail I didn't know had been sent to me. Mail I didn't know I had even written to myself, much less stored in the recesses of my soul. Lots of mail that needs to be sacrificed and burned on God's Holy Altar.
Question 1: Pride and rejection
Question 2: I think my roots stem from sexual abuse at the hands of at least three different men (all of whom should have been protectors, not violators) and two different teenage guys beginning when I was around 5ish. There was also alcohol, verbal, emotional and some physical abuse in my home. My dad cheated on my mom one too many times, which led to divorce.
When I met the Lord at 19, He gave me a backbone to stand up for myself–that was a huge victory, especially since I really didn't know the root cause of my insecurity.
Through my now husband, I've learned just how powerful God's Word and healing can be (not to mention a certain Bible teacher named Beth Moore! wink!). I'm on my way, Siesta Mama, I'm on my way. And it's only to God's great glory that I can say that.
I'm getting a lot out of this book and the discussions surrounding it, both of which are truly God things.
Prayers and blessings,
Rebecca
Pam
Austin, TX
60's married
Primary roots are pride and a significant loss. My grandmother was a very significant person in my early life. My sister was born with many health issues that required my parent's attention and I spent a majority of my childhood years living with my grandparents. My grandmother died of cancer when I was 8. She was like the light of the whole family and when she was gone there was a radical change in relationships and activities. I realized through reading Chapter 5 that I finally could identify that feeling of losing something that nobody could give back. It prompted me to begin a journal of my memories with her. I can tell that a healing has started just from identifying and acknowledging it. Thank you.
My 2 primary roots of insecurity are my personal dispostion (and, yes, that was a relief to know that it is an "acceptable" reason for insecurity) and the constant feeling that I don't measure up to the standards put out there in our culture. God is showing me, through this book and the current circumstances in my life, that I am secure in Him, and I need to be secure in my cleft of the Rock and trust Him to do as He promised, as the Psalmist says in 138:8: to work out His plans for my life. And, for crying out loud, when I take my eyes off of myself for a minute and look around at all of the need around me in the world and how richly I have been blessed in comparison…honestly, what right do I possibly have to feel insecure??!!
Deborah
Married
40's
Clearwater, FL
1. Instability in the Home & Rejection
2. What insight ummm- I suppose my childhood and how I never fully felt loved by my Father, therefore I went looking for it in all the wrong places. Also I have caught myself wishing I was younger and I am only 38. I was wistfully looking at 20 yr olds and feeling jealous that they get to 'start' their lives while I look back with dissapointment.
Andrea
Lancaster, PA
30's
Married
SD CA
49
Married
Pt.2 of my entry.
Insights.
I Cheat myself of the "now' because I am waiting for something to change at any moment. I find myself at this point initially after every one of my moves to a new state/country. At times it has taken me over a year to move forward from the 'waiting' mode.
Also, regarding pride. Yes, I am desperate for significance. I continually remind myself that my identity is only in Christ. Pride also cheats us from intimacy. Getting myself out of the way is a daily chore, but well worth the rewards. Praise God that 'in the radiance of His greatness we are made great.
My roots of insecurity are rejection and instability in the home.
Sandra
40's
Knoxville, TN
Single
1. I've never looked at myself this way until recently, but I'm starting to realize my 1st root of insecurity is "significant loss." The inability to have children has caused me to feel worthless (good for nothing). Instead of looking to God for other blessings, I've been stuck in the "what all I lost out on."
The 2nd one is "personal disposition" I'm extra sensitive about everything. I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, but worry that people view me as giving away too much information.
2. Beth, God has been speaking to me since I opened the 1st page of this book. I had my future planned by my standards and not God's. I need to embrace the change and step into new territory knowing that He will make my path straight. Oh, praise God!
Salina, Hindman, KY. Married, 30's
Rejection and Personal Limitations are the 2 primary roots of insecurity for me. The major insight into both of these roots is that they may in fact have been "perceived", though the results of insecurity run deep. These seem to be bound in words. Words of critical parents that did not build me up or encourage me ("clumsy" and "klutz") but led me to believe I was limited in many ways. So, I have spent an inordinate amount of my life's energy trying to "do it right" to be "good enough" to gain confidence and seek approval. The few times I feel "successful" and have gained approval from others…well, there's the PRIDE root exposed!
The "scars left on the soul" – the insecurities that result from the way I've tried to cope rather than be healed.
God says, "It's time to HEAL, Precious One. Let's get to work."
I say, "May it be so, Lord, Jesus, may it be so."
1. Loss/Change. I hadn't thought about this in relation to insecurity until having to answer this question. My best friend (since toddlerhood) was our pastor's daughter, and they moved to another state when I was in 5th grade. I hadn't realized how much of my security was rolled up into always having her around until she left. We did everything together. After she left, I had trouble adjusting — nightmares, finding a new group of friends to fit in with, being bullied by kids that would never have dared before, etc.
2. Beth's comments about pride being a root of insecurity were eye-opening. "We will never feel better about ourselves by feeling worse about others. Superiority can't give birth to security." I see pride manifesting itself in comparisons, as well as judgements. Neither of which make me happy. These are the things that I hate most in others, probably because I hate them most in me. God is definitely speaking to me in this area.
I think the two main roots of my insecurity are rejection and personal disposition.
I may not have experienced it outright, but, more perceived. I have always wanted to be liked and put all my focus on one "friend" and when that person has other obligations, I feel hurt and rejected. God has been showing me this for a while now and I am glad you wrote about this in your book.
As for the personal disposition, my mom tells me I have been rooting for the underdog since she can remember and I want to fix everything for everybody. My heart is also very tender, like yours, and I understand where you are coming from in that area. I am having to learn that I cannot, but it does not always stop me from wanting to try.
As I said above, I feel God has been trying to teach me that I am relying on others for my security instead of Him. Thank you for re-iterating what He is saying.
Sharon
Henderson, TX
late 40's
Married
1. Loss/Change. I hadn't thought about this in relation to insecurity until having to answer this question. My best friend (since toddlerhood) was our pastor's daughter, and they moved to another state when I was in 5th grade. I hadn't realized how much of my security was rolled up into always having her around until she left. We did everything together. After she left, I had trouble adjusting — nightmares, finding a new group of friends to fit in with, being bullied by kids that would never have dared before, etc.
2. Beth's comments about pride being a root of insecurity were eye-opening. "We will never feel better about ourselves by feeling worse about others. Superiority can't give birth to security." I see pride manifesting itself in comparisons, as well as judgements. Neither of which make me happy. These are the things that I hate most in others, probably because I hate them most in me. God is definitely speaking to me in this area.
Thank you for making this a no intimidation zone!!
1. I like your description of the roots of insecurity being an underground tangled mass, it is hard to sort out. My primary root of insecurity has to be my super sensitivity, oh how I wish I weren't so sensitive that I build walls up to protect myself & try to be perfect in ALL I do..thus the pride section slapped me right between my eyes!! Another root from very young was the fear that no one is there to take care of me. I was a latchkey kid at 6yrs old, with my 8yr old brother, in the early 60's, we were told to stay OUT of the house. I remember hearing & feeeling the disapproval of the neighboring moms.
2. Currently in a struggling marriage, I am redoing your study Believing God. I am striving to actively believe that God is working all things out for my good, that He does want, love, like, pursue,& fight for me. AND that He will heal me as I seek Him & apply His truth and not this world's or the enemy's truth. Thank you so much for writing this book..love to all at LPM & the ladies on this blog.
Barbara
CA
50'2
married
This is my first time posting a comment, although I have been a blessed follower of your site for a while.
Sara
Colorado
Married
30's
1)My two primary roots of insecurity are our culture and PRIDE. I remember being a young girl and never feeling like I was thin enough or pretty enough to measure up to society's expectations.
2. God was totally speaking to me about pride. I have always known it was an issue of mine, but I never equated pride to insecurity. The examples that Beth gave in her book sounded like thoughts right out of my mind. I pray that God continues to speak to me about this and reveal more truth to me.
Thank you for your ministry!!!
How many of us women started this book with the mind set of " I really don't feel insecure about much of anything" but are now finding that we do have insecurities? That does not make you a "drama queen" for lack of better words. No matter how small lets own them, give them to God and get to what God really has in store for us. This is a realization I am coming to after reading through chapter 5. Can't wait to peel back even more filthy layers.
1) significant loss–1st child died as a baby and fear of significant loss of the child I had who is living.
2) pride in the form of perfectionism
Boone, NC
40's
married w/ a teenager in the house!
Kara
Aurora, Il
30s
Married
1. My roots of insecurity are Personal Disposition and Culture (with small doses of many others!).
2. I am an extrovert, so relationships mean so much to me. When my friends starting in middle school made fun of the way I looked (from their own insercurities, I am sure!) and my faith…this led me along the path of insecurity. I think if God did not make PEOPLE so important to me, then I would not struggle with the heart idols of reputation, etc. I think God is always telling me to only care about Him and who He designed me to be. But I really struggle with this. I want people to like me!
And I think what chapter 6 really showed me is that my PRIDE is really getting in the way of my growth. I think I can change myself, when really is is God who can change me.
My two roots of insecurity: Instability in the home — feeling like no one would take care of me; and rejection (my mother preferred my sister). I am gaining tremendous insight. Thank you, Beth, for putting my inner-most feelings to words. I am so relieved to finally name the monster for what it is, and am now ready to put the thing to rest in Jesus' name!
Cathy, married, 40s
Houston
okay, i know you said not to get off on this but i just have to comment on your black socks/white leg visual encounter! i laughed so hard reading this and it reminded me of my husband's neighbor..MOWS THE LAWN in those super short dolphin shorts (yes, the ones with the side slits completely up to the waste), WITH white legs, black socks and loafers. every weekend. to this day. TOTAL MYSTERY.
Jennifer
Colorado Springs, CO
Married
40's
I don't think I can name just two–I could relate to so many. I realize I need to get to the bottom of it and get healed.
P-R-I-D-E is my number one root of insecurity, and it prevents me from dealing with my other root, instability in the home as a child. I lived with a verbally and physically abusive father who eventually left my mother for another woman…which sounds so awful when I actually see it in writing, but I FEEL like am so much more debilitated by that PRIDE thing!! God spoke to me about this enduring struggle as I read your pages…I have attempted to "OWN" this issue previously with limited success. He reminded me again that I must allow Him to loose it from me! "He is the reason we are here," you wrote…PURPOSE WITHOUT PRIDE. I love it! Now I need to get it!! I can only love and trust Him even more when I hear you say, "God has what you need, and you'll never wear Him out." All glory to Him!!
Alrighty, as one of the 100 newbies..here I go. 🙂
1) The two most impactful roots are "rejection" and "personal disposition". By nature I am shy and reserved. It takes me awhile to warm up to someone. While I'm not as shy as I once was, it's still and intricate part of who I am. Oh and rejection… I was teased (actually taunted) on the playground. There was one boy who seemed to have it out for me. His words were a knife. He was a couple of years older than me so I had a break from him when he went to middle school. I'll never forget my 1st day of 6th grade when he hurled his name for me across the yard. MANY years later, and I can still feel the sting.
2) I think the insight I got was a reminder of God patiently tapping me on the shoulder. That, "remember what I've been trying to show you" tap. That "you can go around this mountain again, but I'd really like it if you would just rest, dig your heals in and let Me help you" tap. So, as "comfortable" as the insecurity is, I guess it's time I pay attention to that tap and let Him do what He's been wanting to do for so long.
Suzy
Murfreesboro, TN
Single
30s
OOPS!
Janet
Lenoir, NC
30s
Married
1) Wow! These two chapters were really in depth and I had to go over them more than once to get it down to two primary roots. I think they are significant loss(which to me was the same as dramatic change) and pride/perfectionism. I lost my fiancé 4 years ago in a shooting, six weeks before we were to be married. Talk about dramatic change!! God has helped me overcome a lot of things that are a direct result from that but sometimes I am still scared to fully commit to a relationship because I fear I will lose that person too. I went through a season of not really wanting to trust God because I felt He let me down. Thank goodness I got over that!! I know that God does everything for a reason and looking back I can see all of the awesome things that God has done for me and others through this. Every once in a while this fear creeps back up, but I have to remember that God has my best interest at heart ( Jer 29:11). My other root, pride/perfectionism, is something that I didn’t really consider an insecurity but after reading I see where it is. “Excessive high personal standards and an exaggerated emphasis on precision, order and organization, which suggests an aspiration to be better than others” explained me to a tee! I actually was called an overachiever (OA) and I loved it!! I just liked to organize things and having order, never realizing what it could escalate to! This is something I am going to have to give to God so it doesn’t get out of control!!
2)God has shown me many things that “we” need to work on. “God uses change to change us” really spoke to me. I want to be more secure and not let the perfectionism or control get in the way of my relationships. I need to let God take control and let Him lead me where He wants me to go. I also have realized that others are insecure, just like me, and it has helped me understand where those people are coming from, instead of going on the defense. Hopefully God can help use me to reach those people and I can form better relationships with them.
Heather F/Beaumont, TX/29/Single
Traci
Rock Springs, MT
Late 30s, married
1)The first is rejection (more likely "perceived" rejection). I was 22 months younger than my sister who I felt I could never live up to: athletic, smart, tall, assertive, basketball scholarship, salutatorian… you get the picture. It didn't help that she unmercifully teased me. I always felt like she pleased my parents more than I ever could, no matter how hard I tried (still feel that way occasionally). Currently I think my root of insecurity is pride: I'm so concerned about how things look on the outside–that I have to measure-up as a mom, wife, housekeeper, step-mom, daughter, cook, "ranch-woman"–which has a whole other set of expectations–, gardener, and Christian. It is exhausting when I think about it!
2) The whole issue of pride is something God has been working on in me. I guess I never realized my desire to "appear" together was so rooted in pride. Sometimes I find it hard to do my best for the Lord with the proper motive, because somehow "self aggrandizing" rears its ugly head. I'm more aware of it and have been asking God to help me have pure motives.
1)First root is significant loss. My parents divorced at age 2 yet I maintained a great relationship with my father. Then in my early teen years- hard to say exactly what happened- but we became estranged. In that critical, awkward time of life I lost my father's presence in my life- and the ramifications of that led me down to the depths of some deep deep pits before I allowed God to pull me out of them.
2) This one smacked me right up side the head. Pride. The statement that says "We believe we are better than others, but we keep discovering embarrassing flaws" felt like a punch to my gut. And then when the lists described all the "the"s a prideful person wants to be- and says "it never ends, because big egos insist on our being a "the", not just an "a". We're that desperate for significance". I felt like Beth was spilling out the innermost thoughts I never share with anyone.
God is opening my eyes so widely already to areas of insecurity I did not even know existed. It kinda makes my stomach hurt, but I know I'm going to come out on the other side of this restored!
Kari
St. Louis
20s
married
AmyJo
30s
Married
Wildwood, MO
1) Personal Disposition: I am extremely sensitive, which I realize can be a positive (as it relates to being compassionate toward others) or a negative (when I misinterpret something my husband does)
Pride: I have never thought of myself as a prideful person, but given the examples and definitions in the book, I realize that I don't like to be wrong (not that anyone ever does) and I have extremely high personal standards that I impose on others, especially my husband.
2) I sense that God is making me aware of these through this study so that I can make some changes in my life that will have a great impact on my marriage and other relationships with family and friends. And it is not lost on me that the two roots that affect me most are also the ONLY two that I have some control over. Here is my prayer that God will nudge me – or bop me over the head – the next time my oversensitivity or pride show themselves – and that my dear Siestas will gently – or blatantly – bring them to my attention when they see them in my daily life!!
1.) My two biggest roots of insecurity are instability in the home (which somehow feels awful to admit) and pride/perfectionism.
2.) As I read through chapter 5, I made a list of each root and underneath them listed the events, circumstances or emotions that came to mind for each root. There were a couple that didn't have very many or any, but then there were the few that had a lot. Since I'm a list maker and naturally process things best by writing, it helped me to see those emotions and events written out on paper. A paper I do not plan to keep, but somehow to symbolically give it over to the Lord. I'm not sure how or when yet.
I just finished reading chapter 6, so it's still fresh and not completely soaked in, but the thing that probably strikes me as insightful (about insecurity and my own heart) is that I don't think I ever thought pride to be a root cause of insecurity until the last few weeks and confirmed by this chapter. Maybe I did to some degree, but I certainly haven't seen the "glaring connection" between the two until recently. And I need to! I totally have to own up to this one like you wrote, and at the same time, wouldn't that just be a subtle yet powerful scheme of the enemy to lead us onto think pride wasn't a cause of my biggest hangup?? That's just pride plain and simple.
I have no idea if I'm making any sense as I write this, but I literally grunted out loud when I read Winter's quote because that is me, through and through.
Over the last couple of weeks as I've felt neck-deep in the murky mire of insecurity in so many arenas of life, the Lord has laid one thing consistently on my heart: keep your eyes on Jesus.
I'm tempted to wait until my husband gets home for me to read this comment to him, asking him if it makes sense and isn't off somehow, but here's a step to freedom: I'm gonna hit submit! 🙂
Love to you all!
Mandy said
1)Instability in the home-as a child I grew up with a mentally ill dad(I loved him though!)which caused major financial challenges.
2)Significant loss-I brough this one on myself_how I needed love so badly I was pregnant by the time I turned 13.All I knew was this baby had to go,I felt so threatened by it,so I had my first abortion.I was pregnant again at age 16 and had my second abortion.I know His forgiveness and will see them in heaven(a boy and a girl)but I struggle with such feelings of loss and insignificance at time that can be overwhelming.
God showed me something about pride though that I never realized before.I never thought that I battled it but now I see that pride is what I do to make me feel more secure.Pride is what I do when I look inside myself instead of looking to GOD. GOd is going to have to get me out of this mess because I feel like I have opened up a can of worms!
Beth,
Thank you for the motivation to post on your site. It took me 2 years to decide to join facebook after many of my friends thought that I did not want to participate in recent technology. My first post on any blog was when I sent my name, age, and where I was from on roll call for this group. I feel like God is working through you to bring me into a closer relationship with him. I am finding that your studies and now this journey are giving me the motivation to stay on track and plugged in with an astounding number of woman facing some of the same issues/milestones that I am.
To answer your questions for wk 3:
1. Instability in the home growing up. I observed my parents' dysfunctional relationship of back and forth emotional abuse without many kind words to each other or any displays of affection, at least with each other. What I took out of my childhood was not to count on any man for any type of support, and it has affected who I am today and my relationship with my husband.
2. Personal disposition as I am also very sensitive and often feel that I would like to do XYZ, but there is someone better or more qualified. I really related to that one on page 52 "Oh Lord, please send someone else to do it". I know God has a plan for me to fulfill here on this earth and I feel like I am missing my calling, or maybe ignoring the signs because I am too insecure to accept responsibility for what I am being called to do.
I cannot wait to continue this study and participate in the Simulcast to become more secure in every aspect of my life. Your book has really opened my eyes to so many more insecurities that I was even aware of and that God is the key to overcoming all of them. God is a miracle worker and I am hoping for nothing less 🙂
P.S. I only previewed this 5 times
stephanie
married 34
hamilton, ohio
I think the two areas leading to insecurities are pride and dramatic change.
The dramatic change was my precious boy being born very sick with many resulting developmental challenges. I have realized that I am very insecure about my ability to parent well because my son does not respond, and has not developed, in the typical fashion. I also am very sensitive when people evaluate or give suggestions regarding my parenting.
The biggest thing God is showing me has to do with the discussion of pride in Chapter 6. I have some work to do with God in that area–and am greatly humbled–and rightly so.
Meredith
Trabuco Canyon, CA
30s
married
I can't pin point which two roots are getting me the most. I know some of it is disposition. I can't trace back to anyone one event or situation that has scared me though. there are little things, that I think cumulatively add up to rejection and maybe instability in the home.
I am almost always in need of validation and reassurance which makes me think that there may be more there in the rejection category than I want to realize, but I'm just not finding a glaring big ticket item.
oh well. God is still speaking and I am writing in ALL the margins of this book. I can't stop responding to you Beth and to God. No one is EVER going to get to read my copy of this book. I have to keep an extra with me at all times just so I can share it with other people.
Mary
Connecticut
50's Married
My roots of insecurity are Instability in the home growing up which created an environment of chaos and uncertainty. Then rejection crept in as I still struggle to know that I'm worth loving and keeping….but pride and perfectionism goes in for the kill!
Lord God, never take your eyes off of me!
1) A very critical, self-centered mother who was very concerned about appearances (can't blame her too much–her mother was the same way)
2) Introduction to pornography at a much-too-young age.
Thank you for shining the spotlight on pride. I definitely see that as the BIG root and hope to confess that more often.
Tammie
Cleveland, MS
50
Married
My 2 primary roots are signficant loss and pride.
Oh how God has spoken! Beth, what you have said about pride…oh how I needed this. God has shone His light in a very dark place in my heart. "Pride lives on the defensive against anyone and anything that tries to subtract from its self-sustained worth." Hard, Beth, this is really hard…I've read practically everything you have ever written with great joy, but this…this is hard and I wonder if I'm up to it. I'm glad you're here my friend, it helps to know you're here.
My first root of insecurity has to be instability – I grew up in a home with a father who became an alcoholic about the time I was 8 (that was also a significant loss, in that he wasn't the same loving, active father he'd always been), and a bi-polar mother who got progressively worse as the marriage progressed. My adult life became a rollercoaster, too, so I still live with insecurity on a daily basis, although the relationship area is excellent now. (If we could only get the financial situation straightened out…)
The section on pride really got to me. God has dealt with my pride on many levels, and just when I think I have none left, more of it rears an ugly head.
Beth, I've never experienced the emotion I'm feeling as I read this book. I can only absorb a few pages at a time because I dissolve into tears. Thank you for writing this book – it's so obvious it comes from the depths of your soul. I thank God for using you in such a mighty, mighty way.
Faith, 30's
Married, Murfreesboro, TN
1) My two biggest roots of insecurity are Rejection (or fear of it) and Pride. I am a perfectionist that longs for people to see me as "good" but I can never seem to be "good enough".
2) I feel that God has been working in me over the past year or so to TRUST in His absolute crazy love for me. I know that believing that He created me exactly the way that He meant to and that He has a plan for me is a key to living this life in an abundant, God-honoring way. I so long to fulfill the purposes He has for me, and I know that He will help me to do this, despite all of my shortcomings!
Katie
40
California
Wow, as I read all these comments I feel overwhelmed. My question is (and hopefully this will become clearer as the study continues) how do we deal with all this? Life happens. Bad things happen. There is no way to completely prevent heartache. I felt bad about my own perceived rejections, but as I read these comments I'm becoming increasingly aware of how I have rejected and hurt others. Some people are recalling rejection from friends that happened when they were young children. I look at my kids and think: "Are their fates being sealed right now? Are they contributing to the problematic insecurity of others?" Is there a way to deal with this?
I left a comment last night but didn't see it posted so not sure I did it right or just wasn't able to find it.
What a timely book for me. I listened to it over the weekend and then purchased a hard copy which just was delivered today. I like the cover because I've always liked your hair Beth and now I can show to my hairdreser. I have an older picture of your hair too in my hairstyle folder. Anyway . .
My insecurity comes from rejection and betrayal. My first husband asked for a divorce after 13 years of marriage and I found out then that he had been involved with a girl half his age at the time. That was devastating. I never thought he would do something like that even though we both had been unhappy in our marriage for so long.
I am remarried now to a wonderful Christian man who I adore. I was crushed when I found out he had looked at pornography a few times since we met and after we were married. I now feel like I'm not enough for him. He assures me that he loves me and thinks I'm beautiful and he didn't realize that it would hurt me so much. We went once to a counselor about it and he has read different articles on the subject and now understands the impact it had on me. I don't think he's looked at it again. So, glad about that.
After all of that, I read a book a few years back that I wish I hadn't read. It was a book written to help women better understand men. Well, I learned more than I wanted to know and now have a hard time going out with husband or watching movies without worrying what he is thinking about the women dressed provacatively all around us or on the screen. We have tried to find safe places to go dancing these days but the way many of the women dress these days, I just feel uncomfortable now around that. Also, watching tv and movies now is stressful with all the steamy scenes. Maybe it's time to stop watching those too. Maybe God is convicting us to change what we let our eyes see. I don't want us to go off to some ranch though as Beth mentioned in the book. I would rather be able to make peace with all of this and not worry anymore about what my husband might be thinking when around attractive women. I want to believe him when he says he isn't struggling with his thought life anymore.
At this point, I know prayer is the answer. Only God can heal the wound and provide the security I need. My husband can't give me that but God can. Thanks Beth for an awesome book and the prayers and suggestions that you have provided for those of us that are tired of suffering this way.
Jennifer, 46, Married
1. I would say that my two main roots would be rejection and culture.
2. I was so relieved to read the section about disposition! Finally, I wasn't feeling guilty for being sensitive or quiet – it's just how I was wired!
I once had a former employer announce me to a crowd as the "Staff's Token Introvert." It crushed me. I so desire to display the gentle and quiet spirit that the Lord favors (1 Peter 3:4), but it is so difficult when the world portrays that as a character flaw! I have had great insecurities with dealing with people because of my quiet nature – how refreshing to have new insight that I was made that way on purpose…
Katie
Frisco, TX
30 Married
*Long time stalker, first time commenter. 🙂
My two primary roots of insecurity involve pride and instability in the home. I realize how much moving around through my growing up years really affected me. I didn't have a lot of stability being in a military family and I always have this fear of loss. Losing friends over and over was really hard for me. I never thought about pride being a root of insecurity but it seems so obvious now. I am a perfectionist and I am seeing the root of my sin in that. I have been praying for about a year and a half for God to show me the roots of my issues with worry, fear and control. He has been good to show me things but slowly. Doing this book along with Breaking Free right now would have been way too much for me a year ago. I am so thankful for the work He is doing in me. It can be overwhelming some days to see these things but I realize I can't move forward until He breaks these chains. His mercy is good. I feel his love for me and I know he is preparing me though this season for something bigger.
Thank you so much for these studies. I have been a Christian all my life but haven't had this kind of growth ever. Through Esther, Stepping up, and now Breaking Free it is so amazing to me to see my faith grow and realize I am becoming someone different. I thought I would never be able to kick my anxiety issues (I thought it was jus the way I was and I would have to live that way) but through his mercies I am starting to have hope. I never want to be in that pit again.
Kristin
36
University Place,
WA
Married
Beth, PLEASE tell me you're going to turn this into a video-driven bible study! I am reading this book and it is something I just want to share with all of the women in my church. SUCH good stuff!
Anyway, the two roots of insecurity with which I most identify are rejection and personal disposition. In my teen years, I felt rejected by boys, intimidated by cliques, compared to my more attractive younger sister, etc. In my first marriage, I felt rejected by my husband, an unmotivated man who would rather do his own thing that be home with me…who would rather watch scrambled porn than come to bed with me. I think, looking back, he felt bad about himself, which made it easier to criticize me. (I am presently married to the world's sweetest man, thank you, Jesus!) As for sensitivity…I am someone who can find a way to be offended by anything. Although I am getting better about this, there are times when I can twist whatever is said to make myself feel bad…to make something innocent a personal attack on me. What in the heck???
I did see a lot of myself in the pride section, too. The thing about longing to be a "the" instead of an "a" has been true of me. I felt relieved to hear Beth say that we are all desperate for significance but that our Creator can assign us more significance than we can handle. Hallelujah!
Lisa
Bothell, WA
40
Happily Married
1. My two primary roots of insecurity are dramatic change (we moved every 2 or 3 years growing up) and personal disposition.
2. Even though I didn't list this root in my top two, pride is a very close third. I do recognize many thoughts as prideful and then I get upset at myself because I'm such a perfectionist! From now on, I'll be saying (loud), "That's nothing but pride. God, forgive me. Self, get over it." Get. Over. It.
Patsy
40 Something!
Married 29 yr's ("Submission Ministry")
Jackson, NJ
Chapter 5 & 6:
1. My Two primary roots are "Chronic": "Instability in the Home": as experienced growing up with two parents fighting enough to leave emotional as well as physical wounds. The physical wounds however were unintentional; I once was in the crossfire of a flying ketchup bottle requiring a trip to the ER and several sutures to close the gap on my head. My father was a functioning alcoholic for the most part until later in my teens when it consumed him causing the ripple effects that resulted in much pain & disappointments. "Personal Limitation's": a young girl in second grade I remember having to go to weekly sign language classes due to hearing loss that was growing worse, I felt completely indifferent and ostracized when being pulled from the classroom to be bused to the public school where the class was offered. Praise God my problem resolved ("healed") within 1-2 years later… Presently I like most women suffer from the classic "selective hearing loss."
2. Insight to insecurity that was revealed to me has to do with the fact that these experiences do not define who I am or where I'm going! I also choose to remember to good times of love, joy, peace and the security of knowing my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends who supported the positive growth in my life are roots firmly established. Oh yes to deal with pride, I will own this one too! My experience however different reveals God is seeking my life continually to surrender to Him so He can complete the work He began clearing the pathways ahead by weeding out the bad roots. "Each Heart knows its own bitterness." (Proverbs 14:10)
My Prayer:
Lord, May we be less tolerant to painful circumstances in our lives and keep our hearts sensitive so we never lose sight of you loving healing & cleansing power to make us whole."
1. Rejection and Pride
2. The way I feel about myself – my insecurities impacts my relationship/reactions with my husband more than I thought. It is not his responsibility to make me secure about me. Yes, some of the things he has done make me feel more insecure. But I was insecure before I met him. I need to work on me – and be more secure with myself.
I was also hit with the Pride/perfectionism realization – Expecting get everything done the "right way" is not possible. And being the best at all I do is not possible. I can certainly explain that to my kids when they do not win or are not the best at something but do not accept it for myself! I can see that I try to reflect that I have my life all together but the reality is I'm a mess!
Niki
30's
Overland Park, KS
1) My parents had a difficult marriage. They loved and were devoted to each other, but Dad suffered from depression. He used my mom as a scapegoat for all his own insecurities..everything was her fault. I was put in the middle..a think the word is "triangle." So, the home was filled with lots of instability that caused me to grow deep roots of insecurity.
Rejection would be the 2nd reason. God has already done significant healing in this area, but still raises its ugly head sometimes.
I want to to know "release" from the insecurities that I live with and trust that He is bringing me out of captivity one moment, hour, and day at a time. By His grace, the work will be completed in full very soon! 🙂
God bless you and your team. You have no idea how your ministry has been used of God in the past year to set me free and bring me back my life.
Married, 51, Northwest Ohio
1) I think almost all of these root causes apply to me!! But the two that stand out are a) instability in the home (for more reasons then I care to ever rehash!) and the big one b) PRIDE – although the REASON for my pride was sometimes not my own fault, like my home life, other root causes and childhood sexual abuse, pride has been the result of most of all of this…I craved attention, I wanted to be important I wanted to be loved so my life became all about me. I have realized over the last years that although some of it wasn't my fault, some was and either way, it needs to be dealt with. Such a relief to be able to say that!
God is using this book to point specifically towards things that I need to pray about, I keep a notebook handy as I read so that when He brings things to mind, I can jot them down.
I most definitely want to feel secure again, and am looking forward to the next chapters!
By the way, can I ask if there are any other insecure CANADIANS out there???
Beth, we can't WAIT to see you next Friday in Toronto…woo hoo!!!
Married
30's
Pickering, ON CANADA