Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
tcal 
1. Personal Disposition and Pride I think are the two roots I struggle with most.
2. I think i am struggling with acceptance. I am trying to see myself as God sees me but I can't seem to grasp it. I listened to a CD series by Robert Morris and he spoke about receiving God's love, His grace. I feel like yelling at myself and asking why is that so hard for me to do? Why am I being so hard-headed?
Nicki
Washburn, ME
married
33
Becky, 31, married, Littleton, CO
(This is my first post)
1) My 2 biggest roots: REJECION – from various people in various perceived ways. PRIDE – ugh, itʻs embarrassing just to admit it!
2) Godʻs been speaking to me about how my understanding of Christianity and of the character of God is super influenced by some negative aspects of American culture. I feel like Iʻm acquiring a new filter while reading this book, learning to raise my baby boy, and studying the bible this year.
p. 92 "…the mark of real security is the ability to be around anyone, regardless of how attractive or intelligent, and still maintain a personal confidence and contentment…" Thatʻs what I want, Lord!
Darcy
Florida
Married, late 30s
1) Significant Loss – losing my father in high school put this already insecure girl into a tailspin of bad decisions for a few years as I gave up my hope in God and looked for security in all sorts of other places…thus leading to root #2(&3) Rejection and Pride. I realized reading these chapters how many decisions I've made out of insecurity in repsonse to rejection and needing to prove myself (PRIDE)!
2) I think God is just trying to get me to realize how deep those roots run and how insecurity has affected every part of my life even from a young girl and continues to until today. I am reminded by HIM that He loves me and chose me and has compassion on me. Isaiah 54:10
40's
single (divorced)
My root of insecurity stems from "Instability in the home"….Even though my dad supported his family and provided for us, he was very mean and abusive to my mother and to me and my siblings. He criticized everything about me, i.e. my looks, weight, school, etc…and he also insulted my intelligence and how he thought women were worthless. Because of that, I never did well in school which resorted to kids teasing me and giving me a hard time. I never went to college because I was told I wasn't college material. I married a man who treated me the exact way my father did—thankfully, I got out of it!
I have serious trust issues with men and I don't care to ever get involved in another relationship again. Years before I was married, I was dumped by a boyfriend after I found out I was pregnant. He never had anything to do with me or his own child who is now an adult!
I raised my child building her up, taking her to church, telling her she is beautiful (I still do) and that she can do anything she wants in life. She loves the Lord and is on her way to a bright future! I am so proud of her!
I guess I can say that God is still working in my life and He is not done with me yet.
I am just loving, loving, loving this book Beth!! Thank you do much! I can't wait to do the simulcast at our local church! You are so awesome
One primary roots of insecurity for me is personal disposition, because I am extremely tenderhearted. Sometimes I call it a gift, at other times a curse. I feel EVERYTHING! Last week, my sister's best friend died tragically. I felt her pain to the depths of my soul. I could hardly function for two days nor could I sleep. Feeling that deeply is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is definitley exhausting, and can become paralyzing.
Another root of insecurity, much to my dismay, is pride. I'm a perfectionist. UGH! I underlined so much in this section. I'm working on this and am glad to see perfectionism for what it really is…PRIDE.
I sense God beginning to free me from trying to be everything to everybody all the time. My personal disposition and my pride can come together into a crippling cocktail that drives me to fill the spot in others' hearts that only God can fill. Also, I sense him releasing the pressure and exhaustion of perfectionism. I can't wait to leave this behind!
Julie
30's
Married
Huddleston
1. It was really hard to choose the two most profound roots of my struggle with insecurity b/c i literally connected with every single one. but after some reflection i think the greatest two would be 1) instability in the home and 2) rejection. the "rejection" one really surprised me but i find much of my insecurity stemming from a sense of not being wanted or approved of.. even peircing memories in childhood from important adults in my life saying brutal things about not approving of me. i never would have thought this was part of where it all began.
2. GOODNESS. so much to say here on my overall reflections. my head has been spinning all week as God has tenderly led me back through painful memories and experiences. its been an emotional week, almost too much to know how to work through?? But on top of all the difficult outside influences, the most disconcerting realization has been the role of my own PRIDE. that chapter was hard for me! to really see it how it actually is.. how much i am driven by (and exhausted from) perfectionism and then to see what is really underneath that perfectionism.. plain old pride. Its so deceiving because perfectionism renames itself "persuing excellence" or "good stewardship". but really its a striving to be perfect in and of myself, in my own effort. ugghh.. how disgusting. i'm a total mess of low self-esteem and pride. i really get how Paul could cry out, who will free me from this body of death!?!
anyway.. just some thoughts.
martha
asheville, NC
20s
Okay…so I have been avoiding this post like the plague…not sure what my hang up has been or if it's Satan just wanting to hold me securely in my insecurity!
1. My first root of insecurity is "Instability in the Home". This resonated with me on SO SO SO many levels. I was sexually abused as a child, my father was an alcholic who quit his job when I was 13 years old and my mother was often too busy working trying to make ends meet to really tend to our emotional needs. I think I often felt very much alone and uncared for as a child. My second root of insecurity is Rejection. I grew up clinging to every man I could find to see if he would think I was pretty enough, or smart enough, or worthy enough. I see now how I suffocated anyone who would get close enough and I often felt out of control.
2. My major insights this week were that I still hold a major amount of shame for all the things of my past. I look back at the way I acted and instead of letting myself be wholely forgiven I find myself still stressing over how someone may remember me. This is something that God has been bringing front and center a lot for me lately. That I need to let myself be completely washed in the blood and forgiven of all of the humiliating things I have done for the sake of getting affection and feeling loved.
Sweet girls- I love you so much. There is no one on this green earth that I would rather journey through this with than all of you. I am so thankful for each and every one of you.
In Him,
Andrea
Moorhead, MN
20's
Married
Married
Early 30's
1. rejection-getting teased by girls in school.
culture-I feel okay about myself, but my husband expects me to at least try to look like a model.
2. Learning to not contribute to my kids insecurity.
1. The biggest root of insecurity for me is rejection. I was rejected by my husband when he chose another woman. The other root is a significant loss as a child.
2. It is so great to realize that I'm not along going through these things. And – what a realization that God WANTS ME!! He wants to fight for me and save me. Wow!
20's, single
SC
The 2 roots of insecurity I've struggled most with are rejection and dramatic change. I've struggled with feeling rejected for as long as i can remember thanks to having to wear glasses in the 5th grade to a lovely bout of acne in jr. high!
What God really spoke to me about was about Pride. I was too prideful to see I had any! After reading that section, I immediatly began to ask God to forgive me of it. Also, it was what your daughter said, "He knows its scary to be us". I forget sometimes that God sees and feels what I'm going through. He's an awesome God and He's here for us always!
1) Pride and Significant Loss I will catch myself being prideful and a fall always follows. Well, to tell you the truth, it is after the fall I realize it was me being prideful. I don’t know why I do that? I’m 100% sure insecurity is why. My significant loss is when I had an abortion at 18. I held this secret in for over 13 years until a couple of years ago I spoke about it and went to a Christian counselor about it. My husband did not know of it. I was too ashamed, too scared to know what he would think of me. Would he change his mind about who he thought I was. Would he still love me? I couldn’t forgive myself. I didn’t think the Lord could forgive me either. If anything ever went wrong I would say, “I guess I deserved that for what I did.” I denied myself the luxury of even thinking of EVER having children. I was already a horrible mother, how could I have more? For years right after the abortion I thought of countless ways to kill myself. I’m not sure how close I really came, but I thank the Lord He pulled me through that darkness. I didn’t realize how much impact it had and how much it held onto my life until I started to let it go. It helped shape everything about me including my built up insecurities. Today, now, I know for a fact that I am forgiven for what I did. It took a long time to realize that, but the insecurities it left are still hanging around. By the way, when my husband found out at a doctors appointment for a lump in my breast, his love didn’t skip a beat. I had never realized that all of those years ago, neither did the Lord’s.
2) I’m hoping the Lord helps reveal all of my insecurities since I know my pride can hide them.
Amanda
Wilmington, NC (ocean side)
30's and loving it
Happily Married
Sue
52
OKC
Divorced
The two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity seem to be instability at home and rejection.
I always thought I had a stable home environment but after reading and thinking about it….maybe not so much. After suffering a major nervous breakdown, my father passed away when I was 17, my grandfather tried to sexually abuse me, my mother was always fearful, and on and on. So I’m thinking instability at home was a major factor in my insecurity issues because I definitely felt, and struggle with even now, that I am unprotected and have to take care of myself.
And rejection….man oh man….what can I say??? “I do not want you!” became something I expected to hear because I did hear it so often…through words and behavior from people very close to me. And then later, from those not so close. Also, “we’re only as valuable as we are sensual” became part of my belief system as I thought that’s all I had to offer. And as I’ve started getting older….I have been terrified of becoming absolutely unwanted.
I have sensed God telling me that He is my all in all! He is my Protector, Defender and He loves ME just ‘cause!!! He will NEVER leave me or forsake me!
No one and nothing will or can ever convince me otherwise! His Word is indeed His love letter to me.
I do have to say a little something about pride….oh my gosh!!! I was completely taken by surprise when I saw so much of myself while reading that section. Can I say I underlined almost every sentence???!!!! I was stunned and very humbled. Thank you Father!!! Now I feel absolutely free! Thank you Beth for being obedient to God’s leading in the writing of this wonderful book. I want every woman to know God’s love for them is absolute and non-negotiable!
1) My roots of insecurity come from instability in the home. We were "a good Christian family", at church Sunday and Wednesday. My dad sexually abused me and my siblings. My brother told my mom when he was 12, I was 6. She prayed with my dad and brother and thought it would be done. It was another 6 years before he gained the courage to tell my aunt and uncle and then I was questioned. I struggle a lot with feeling like I can't depend on anyone, like no one will take care of me, specifically, no one will protect me. Which would make my second root of insecurity a significant loss from the loss of innocence in my childhood.
2) I sense God using a lot of different ways to urge me toward forgiveness of my mother. And also to view myself through God's loving father eyes instead of viewing God through my earthly fathers faults. It's kind of a crazy journey right now.
Kristy
Houston
30 married with kids
(I can't bear to type 30's when I am just in the brink of the beginning!)
1) This is an easy on to answer, how about watching my dad pound on my mom for her weekly beating and having my innocence stolen from me way to early and never having the guts to tell my parents because of fear.
2) For the sake of my daughters I have to overcome insecurity. So that the generation of women following me do not have to hurdle this hill.
Heidi
Midland, TX
40s
Single
1. First primary root of my insecurity is instability in the home/rejection. My older brother started drinking and getting in trouble in 7th grade and I was the invisible "good" one. I never really felt like anything going on with me mattered much to anyone. Except, of course, at church….where my Mother worked as a Deaconess….and we were expected to be perfect on the outside.
Second root is significant loss. My ex-husband had an affair while I was pregnant. He was in the military and oddly enough when I gave birth, he was in the U.S and I was in Germany. He called me when my son was 6 days old and told me he was in love with someone else. While the loss of the marriage was huge…the loss of dreams for my son having an entact family has been life altering. 13 years later I still cry as I write this. I have continually struggled with feeling those same rejection feelings from my Mother but now from God because I prayed for Him to fix it all and He didn't. While I try to get my head to overrule my heart on this issue, I still feel like God's plans for me to prosper and give me hope are just not as BIG of plans He has for other people. Isn't that crazy.
2. Most things in my life tend to take the hardest routes. I don't really seem to catch many breaks. I have been struggling to be excited for my boyfriend of 4 years as he received a huge financial gift out of the blue. Just one more good thing that happens to other people and not me. But then a thought "came" to me…his money problems have been an obstacle to our moving forward with marriage. So "maybe" this was God's way of blessing me and not really him. It's still a maybe but a maybe is better than what I've had in a long time.
1. The TWO primary roots of my struggle with insecurity would be rejection and personal limitations.
2. Insight I gained about the roots of insecurity was definitely about pride. I never really thought pride and insecurity went together. But after reading chapter 6 the lord spoke to me about being prideful.
Carol
50s
Reedsburg, WI
Never thought of pride as being insecurity by after reading chapter 6 I see that is my major cause of insecurity – the second would be the media – everything that is out there, in front of us, telling us we don't meet the standard.
"Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved (loves)us." Rom 8:37. Praise the Lord! He mades me secure. He is my security.
1. My two primary roots of struggle with insecurity would be Personal Disposition-Hypersensitive and Pride.
2. The insight I gained about the roots of insecurity and what I felt that God was trying to speak to me in a specific way was "Let God validate your challenges. Somewhere along the way, we've been made to believe that these things aren't that big of a deal, but actually they are."
"Insecurity can result from a broken attachment of any kind, even one that seems relatively minor to others. If it translated as something huge to your heart, it is huge to God on your behalf."
Cindy
53 years old
Lake City, FL
Can I just tell you how much I LOVED/ needed these two chapters?
1. Pride and Change; Pride because I always have the hardest time letting people help me. I put up crazy walls because I don't think people are worthy of really REALLY knowing me just because I have been let down by so many people. I am so proud that I have come to a place where I don't need anything or anyone I'm just secure in myself- I know, how annoying am I?
Change becuase when I was around or 9 my dad's real estate business crashed and it has literally just been bad financially sense then. We have been in and out of so many houses sense then that I even count. After high school I just straight up left the Country for a year and now I'm living all the way across the country from my family. My life has just been CONSTANT change and I have yet to feel like I have a secure place to call home because my parents a little sister are actually moving again next month.
2. I know for a fact that both of my deep roots of insecurity come from my childhood and the fact that my parents really couldn't help me all the time so I had to learn to help myself and adapt to constant change and never really feeling like a had a place to call my home. ( Ohh how I love my entire family though and we made every place we stayed in a temporary comedy house) That insecurity somehow turned me into a proud person and many other things..
I can't believe I'm posting this on the actual internet hahaha
Tricia
30's
Married
IL
1. My two primary roots of insecurity would be pride/perfectionism and personal disposition.
2. "Perfectionism is insecurity in art form. It never looks prettier and never acts deadlier" stood out to me. I want things to be perfect – the perfectly clean house, the perfect children, and for people to think I've got it all together. I didn't really think of that as pride. I just thought that was my personality. My eyes are wide open now. May the Lord help me to be who he made me to be. And may I no longer be concerned with what others think me.
Sorry for the late post!
Jennifer
Ocala, Fl
20's
Married
1) My two primary roots: Instability in the home and our culture.
2) I feel God speaking to me about the instability in my home. My parents divorce and their subsequent choices was not my fault. I have the choice to have a loving stable home for my family and with His help and grace that will happen!
Kristin
Married
29
1. My 2 primary roots of insecurity are instability in the home. My parents were always arguing and I think as a young child I truly did not know what the mood of the home would be from day to day. I also always wondered if maybe one day they'd get a divorce. Things have calmed down, thankfully, and they are still together…going on 34 years! I think my 2nd is my personal disposition. Sometimes, I think I was just flat out born like this, but then I remind myself that whether or not this is in my flesh, God did not make me like this and does not want me to remain like this! (Thanks, Beth, for the reminder.)
2. I really like how you focused on the whole culture thing and brought up the points about our grandparents not dealing with all of this pressure to look a certain way. We have so many images to compare ourselves with on a daily basis, and like you said so wisely, we tend to think that is the norm and we are the one of the pathetic few who just don't match up. It seems so obvious to me now, but boy that was one of those lies that really had a hold on me.
God is continuing to show me that this is not His desire for me to remain in this insecure state. I have to get my eyes off of myself, in order to fulfill the great plans He has for my life.
1) I grew up with parents who loved me if I was skinny and didn't (or rejected me openly) when I was chubby (which was more often)
2) The culture plays right into that and I am forever trying to get thin (which I'm not far from)for the next encounter with my mom, or sister, or church retreat (full of cute, skinny women).
What I realize as I read, is that I, too am getting really ticked off and just about sick of it. Ready for healing!!
My struggle with insecurity comes from rejection and personal limitations. Stems from school days when I wasn't in the popular group and was not picked to be on teams. The personal limitations comes basically from the same source, not being very athletic, I wasn't picked to be on teams.
The insight came from reading about pride. Reading about all the ways that hurts our pride. I believe God showed me that I may have a struggle in some regards to pride, even though I don't consider my self prideful. Its either pride or the rejection or maybe both.
Meme
Virginia Beach, VA
50's
Single
I guess the root of my insecurity is being raised by a mother that later on would be diagnosed with many mental illnesses. She hid it well while I was young and the criticism and abuse caused me to feel inadequate and useless. The second root was my mother married an abusive individual that beat her on a daily basis and my brother and I hid in closets when my dad came home. No one in the family knew and thought we were the perfect family. I always felt it was my fault.I developed self-abusive behaviors and I really do not understand except for the grace of our dear Lord that I survived. I do remember the day when I prayed for God to send someone who would love me unconditionally, protect me and build me up. I received that gift through my husband I met the very next day at College. I know you probably do not believe this but it happened. He has protected me and always made me feel special and every day I thank God for saving me but I still have insecurities I can't explain and that do not go away.
Married, 50's and happily saying thank you in the midst of the insecurites. Thanks Beth
So I'm a little late – OOPS!
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
Wow! Pride with new insight! I always considered it jealousy – I didn't get the promotion… I wasn't selected to be a majorette… I always want the last word… I'm always right, even when I'm wrong, I'm right… why did they give that beautiful office to HER… I could do that better than…
you get the idea! I have to say the second root is tied in and has to do with what I always figured was a loving family, but dysfunctional – SHEESH! My Mom '"wore the pants," as I have always said, but not too terribly long before my Mother's death, and a good while before his own, my brother and I had the first of several one-on-one, heart-to-heart talks as ADULTS – how enlightening! He merely saw my Mom as the strong one, and my Dad as a wimp. Now I took a bit of offense to this in my heart, since I was Daddy's girl, and we were very close (not to mention we shared a love for music that my Mom merely saw as competition for my Dad's attention, but I digress…) The one thing that he said that I will never forget, nor had I thought of it before, he believed that Mom had experienced some sort of untreated breakdown. It certainly explained much to me. You see, I never quite measured up, in my Mother's eyes – she CONSTANTLY compared me to Chad (that's my bro's name…) I can still hear these words "You brother would NEVER have done…" [whatever it was that I had done – I was the devil-child, which she said on numerous occasions. I remember the Mother's Day card I made for her when I was about 7 or 8 or so, and I signed it "your little devil," and I couldn't understand it at all when she got so furious with me! But again, I digress…]
She always made me feel like I was the WORST child on the planet – my mistakes were the most disappointing, the most offensive, etc. By the time I reached college, I realized that I would just never please her, and that was that! I can remember doing things for her to surprise her (washing dishes, vacuuming, dusting, etc.), and the first words out of her mouth were always about what I had overlooked, what I had missed, I had done it wrong, etc., etc., etc. I just never could measure up. I'm still striving… but they're all gone now – who am I trying to please now? It should be God, but is it?
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
Another "SHAZAM!!!" moment! The whole concept that we are exposed to so much more "competition" that our predecessor ladies were – never thought about it! The double-standard for men is irritating, and unfair – it bothers me more than I am willing to obsess over, though! [the whole scenario about the man who cheated on his wife, and then the justification being that SHE had aged – that takes some xhutzpah, I'm thinkin'! I wonder if his mirror forgot to point out HIS bulging paunch, possible bald head, lack of butt, etc!] 😉 I'm thankful that God put John in my life, and I'm thrilled that I'm married to him! I'm older than him by 7 years, and although I fretted over that fact when I first realized it, I know he loves me, and it goes deeper than skin-deep! [& I love his "thinning spot" too!) =]
SMOOCHIES!
ML, married, 40-something, Ellicott City, MD
Kim
Salem, OR
20s
Married
I feel like my first root of insecurity is from a significant loss. When I was around 13, I lost four grandparents in the span of about a year. I developed an extreme fear of getting sick, because it seemed like everyone who got sick died. I especially became terrified of cancer and I still struggle with thinking I have it with any symptom I think I have.
I think my second root is rejection. Growing up I was really shy and never had a boyfriend until I was 25 (which, now I'm so thankful that my husband is my first and only love!) but it caused me to feel that I wasn't worthy of being cared for and that there was something wrong with me.
1. My deepest root of insecurity comes from rejection of various kinds. My parents divorced when I was young. I never got a birthday card, present, phone calls of any kind from my dad. In fact, I didn't know where he was for a long time. Because of the divorce and my mom having to care for 5 kids, we were poor. It was embarassing to not have much. I became totally responsible to purchase everything for myself by age 12. I never had any one 'take care of me'.
2. God is showing me that it is Ok not to be perfect. I don't have to prove to anyone that I am a worthwhile person or that I am 'worthy' to be used by Him. He will never leave me or forsake me.
It is so true that low self-esteem and pride can exsist in the same heart.
Pat
Valley Center, Ks
40's
Married
Allison
Eau Claire, WI
30's (late)
married
#1 two primary roots of insecurity
dramatic change and pride
#2 I am beginning to see that the dramatic changes in my life combined with my personal disposition/tenderness and pride have led me to melt into these panic attacks. I KNOW that God is bigger than these things! With Him I am headed straight toward security!! Praise Jesus!
1. My first root of insecurity is significant loss. My dad died 3 days before my 2nd birthday. My mom died when I was 25. My 2nd would be between pride and loss of innocence. Beth you are so right that loss of innocence is huge!
2. I had several things that really struck me. For instance when you said that if you've had significant loss look no further for the root of your insecurity. God speaking directly!
I want to share one thing that came out in group discussion on Sunday night was several of us said when we hurt over something we label that as "weakness". Instead of healing it we just want to get over it.
Pam
Dublin, VA
Married
30's
1) My primary (and there are MANY) root of insecurity comes from childhood sexual abuse by two different people. Abuse which began before the age of 5. I didn't know Christ as my savior until the age of 38 and I worked extremely hard to disprove His existence up to that point. After all, how could there be a God if he allowed such horible things to happen? I was never taken to church (I thank God for that now otherwise I believe I would have been even more messed up!) I learned early on that people are not trustworty and have spent my life self protecting, self sufficient and self directed. The result of all that self was disasterous to say the least. I am still not a part of a "church family" not because people aren't nice, they simply aren't trustworthy. I look good on the outside, I have a well refined act. I don't know if I will ever be "normal" if I will ever be like them, and no matter how good it looks on the outside it's terrifed every step of the way!
2) Rejection – ABSOLUTELY! My mother left me when I was 5. She left me behind with my father and took my sister. Then my father moved out when I was 17, (that was a great and horrible day)leaving me behind to deal with my destroyed, alcoholic mother and three younger sisters.
I do have to PRAISE GOD! He has been faithful to deliver me from many of the effects of my past. It's not a sad story any more, He has used it all for His Glory!
2. God is confirming to me again that he will restore the places long devastated for generations.
Tammy
Cleveland, TN
Married
48
My 2 roots would be dramatic change and pride. I've always thought that I love adventure and change, but I've learned from being away from home, from my family, and from my closest girlfriends, that the change I sought was rather a passion for adventure. I know I'm where I need to be for a reason, but I've learned through the last 5 years that I prefer security and stability. I do find security in sameness, as you said, and my security is easily threatened by anything unknown yet suddenly unavoidable.
Pride is the biggest and baddest root that I found though! Whether it be being the center of attention or craving approval through hard work, I fight to be a "the" instead of an "a". Pride drives me, makes me work harder, and pushes me when nothing else will. Interesting that it actually drives us in the opposite direction than we hoped. Looking at James 4:6- I NEVER want to have opposition with the Lord because of my own stupid pride.
Blaire
Topeka, KS
30s
Married
1. Pride and instability in the home
2. God made me want to search for significance, but He wants me to find that purpose in Him. Pride has made me look to others for that instead.
1) root comes from instability at home
2) sexual abuse
I am addicted to dread… Pessimistic to the nth degree. I can see bad even in something Great.
De'Dee
40's
KS
Married
1. My biggest areas of instability are: instability in the home and rejection. My parents divorced when I was eight and my heart just split in two. My dad has been physically ill all my life and many times over the years I thought he was going to die. I never had the strong dad I could lean on. Then after the divorce my mom went a bit wild and men and her job became more important to her than her children. I feel like I live the words on pg. 73 everyday. I'm not worth much. But I am reading this book to let this go and allow God to heal those hurts.
2. One thing that stood out to me the most was the pride in my life. In order to make up for all the junk I wrote in the above answer I've tried to be as perfect as I can be on the outside. My best at whatever I was trying to do. Unfortunately I never measured up to what I felt was best so I always felt bad about myself.
Ladies- thank you all so much for your honesty and openness in your answers. It helps me not feel so alone out here.
Jodi
Married, 30's
Paradise, CA
Julie, 32, Married in Lonview, WA
1) My first insecurity is personal dispositon. I have a very tender heart and do take things harder and deeper to heart then probably most others would.
2)The second is Pride that leads to perfectionism. When I read Richard Winter's description on perfectionism it was almost scary. It was the best definition of myself and complex thought process I have ever read. On the other hand it was also empowering, once I can identify something about myself it's hold over me is lessened.
3)God has spoke to my heart multiple times already in this book, but when I read the portion on personal disposition I just started to cry(the good, cleansing kind), finally knowing that there's not something significantly wrong with me. It's just the way God made me was huge and simple at the same time. And the callouses on my tender heart have been removed and now the wounds I so carefully guarded all my life can start to truely heal.
Thank you again Beth for writing this book, I have so needed and longed for this kind of healing. God bless you.
My first root of insecurity I would say stems from my hearing loss which I've had since childhood. Not hearing people's conversations made me feel left out and isolated – even to this day.
My second root of insecurity is not feeling like I'm good enough, pretty enough or "together enough" as others – especially other women. This insecurity has been rearing it's ugly head more recently as I have reconnected with several old friends from high school 35+ years ago via Facebook. Just looking at their photos and reading their comments with each other stirs up in me insecurity that I felt in H.S. – making me feel intimidated, not "as good enough" or pretty or fun (personality-wise). The big difference is that now I am a Christian and wasn't then – so why do I still have this awful insecurity towards these – unsaved – women NOW? It really shows me that I really have to allow God to help me deal with this! I think the timing of your book-release and reconnecting with these FB friends is something God may have planned to highlight it to me. Right now I feel somewhat defeated and faith-less that I will overcome this deep-rooted insecurity and continue to allow it to "paralyze" me with fears and self-rejection. It gets to the point where I avoid certain situations – like going a class reunion – because I don't want to feel like a "wallflower" and a bundle of insecurity around these people. Please pray for me about this – I want to believe that God can and will set me free from this. I so desire the FREEDOM that God promises in His Word.
Maine – single and 50s
Joining new at Week 3, Hello. Caught the book on NYTimes Bestseller list and ordered it immediately! Now I'm playing catch-up. Week 3:
1) Significant loss early which led to an unstable home AND our culture as well as the corporate culture where I worked.
2) God continues to bless me with the insights He has given Beth. This book is a continuation of the blessings from the Daniel and Esther studies. My anxious little girl inside ALWAYS let's me know when I am getting overwhelmed by situations or by the over-stimulation from this bright neon culture. As I read Chapters 5 and 6, I felt my little girl inside relaxing, similar to how she settles down when I pray, sing praises, and study God's truth. Amen
I am so happy I found you all, Siestas. Many blessings to each of you and THANK YOU, Beth.
1. Pride and Dramatic Change. In the "change" area..I moved in the 4th grade from a BIG school ot a SMALL school. Mulit-classrooms and everything. Talk about those kids being tight. It wasn't often a new student rolled in. I was very insecure about how to fit in, what I needed to do, to get involved and to be liked. To be honest, I still some of those people now, and still feel that same way. Pride-as much as I don't want to believe it, this is almost the the main root of my insecurity.
2. pg. 106…Our culture has done us no greater injustice than training us to avoid taking responsibility for our issues.
Erica
30's & married
KS
Wow! I didn't realize how insecure am I until I got into chapters 5 & 6. But this is good. Unless you recognize something, you can't deal with it. The two causes that most affect my insecurity are: disfunctional home life (when I was growing up & my married life, including raising my own daughters) & PRIDE! I did not realize that I was prideful until I read the examples given in chapter 6. WHat a wake-up call! This is a great book to help sort through the past in order to make the future better. Thanks Beth for helping your sisters one more time.
Ok I am new and you want to know How insecure I am I wrote something on this blog and than I deleted it after I had posted it…..Now my friends would laugh at this BECAUSE THEY WOULD THINK I AM SO SECURE.
I am going to be free of these insecurities soon cause I believe God wants me to be free. maybe, just maybe these 20 lbs that I always have to loose (cause I gain and loose them all the time)will be gone for good cause I want to be secure in my Lord.
Thank you Beth and I love you to.
ps I promise I will not remove this blog again
1. Personal Disposition and Pride
2. These chapters were very powerful. Most of my life I have had a very different view of insecurity. I am now starting to see it differently and hope to allow God to begin freeing me from it! I had never thought of it as being something that holds me/us captive. I now see all of the powerful roots and I know that God is speaking to me, especially about the PRIDE part. Sometimes I lie to myself and say that I don't have a pride issue like the rest of the world. The funny part is that my PRIDE is talking to me then! I do need to get over myself and look to the Lord more often. Thank you for this insightful journey. I can't wait to read more!
PS – Sorry my comment is late!
Mary Helen
Dallas, TX
20's
Married
I think my primary roots are wanting to be accepted and significant loss. In the past two years I have lost in aunt, uncle and two cousins, but I think losing my grandmother at the age of 13 left me feeling alone and scared. When she was a live was the only time I remember being loved and safe. After she passed away it was me against the world with no one to help me. My mother had her own issues and wasnt there for me or my sister. My real father denied me before I was born. Then I gave my life to the Lord and He turned my life around.
God has shown me that even when I was young, he was taking care of me. Even before I knew Him, He was loving me and guiding me. And the reason I never fit in anywhere, was because of my choice in the company I was keeping. He knew that my purpose would not be fulfilled if I continued in a relationship with people who were not living for Him. My real father denied me before I was born and I always thought if my own father didnt love me, why would anyone else. It wasnt till I heard Bishop T.D. Jakes say "God thought you were so special, He had to raise you Himself". That made me realize that I deserved better than a womanizing, drug dealing father. Where would I be if my earthly father had raised me? I have kept those words close to my heart and when I forget, God always finds a way to remind me. Isn't He Great!?
Beth, thank you for writing this book. The questions are hard but they help peel that layer of our issues and insecurities a little at a time. I know that at the end I will be a new person because of what God has put in your heart for this book. Keep doing what your doing. Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU!!!
Amy
GA
Married
30
1) I believe the two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are rejection and pride.
2) Through reading this chapters I had time to reflect back on my childhood and how blessed I was. I grew up in a very stable home surrounded by a God-loving family and friends. I guess my insecurity started in high school when I dated a verbally abusive guy and continued on from there. After college, I met a wonderful, loving guy who became my husband. About a year later I found out he had an addiction that he confessed to me. It tore my world apart and made me feel ultimate rejection. It fueled my insecurity beyond belief. BUT, God brought us through it and forgiveness has taken place. I love him with all my heart! I still feel like I struggle with rejection though and wanting to find my security in my husband. I know that it needs to come through Christ and Him alone. I have to pray each day to trust Him and what His Word says. I'm loving this book and so thankful that I can find freedom through my Savior.
Melinda
KCMO
30s, Married with children
1. My roots are rejection, and personal disposition.
2. a. that the roots go deeper than I want to dig.
b. That my tender heart has been hardened and I need to let go of my pride and stubbornness so that God can soften my heart again.
There's so much more I could share, but I'm still processing it.
I should change my name to "Late Again"
Than you for the prayer at the post Beth because the Lord answered that prayer for me this week and It was a gut wrenching emotional roller-coaster of a week at that. At the end of it all I had cried so much that I had headaches everyday and one eye was twitching. He showed me by allowing certain things to happen this past week what my most prominent insecurities are. When it was all said and done yesterday, He gave me peace and understanding with the awareness of what they are and His answer to me regarding them.
First though I have to add to which biblical figure I can relate to because of what the Lord showed me this week. My figure is Saul and here is a quote from your book that slapped me this week
"Insecurity lives in constant terror of loss"
My two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity,although I think there might be more, are;
1) Instability at home. I come from a broken home due to alcoholism with my dad and emotional, verbal and physical abuse by my mom. I stopped feeling loved around 12 years old. because I became aware of the marital strife in my home. I lived in fear of my father leaving because he protected my brother and I from my mothers violent outbursts,in spite of his drinking. My sister was 18 months old at that time so she was safe for a few more years but she paid a price too. Between ages 13 to 15 it was bad but they tried to hang on. At 15 I came to the realization he wasn't going to be around to protect us. It made me very fearful and rebellious. I reacted by drinking, frsh mouthed and cutting myself for attention. Then one day my mom hit me in public and someone reported her and I was removed from my home to a foster home. I lost my home my parents, my brother and sister.
2) Significant Loss, is the other however, not the same way as instability at home but rather in the form of my being replaced. I guess you could say a loss of status in my relationships with people I'm close to. A situation arose at home over the past two weeks where I saw and felt this happening. It created jealously,anger, hurt feelings and the vein imaginations were just crazy and it made me feel crazy.
Issue number (2) Is what the Lord and I have been dealing with this past week even though it has been going on for two weeks this week seemed to be the pinnacle point. I believe now it was a purposed plan on His part and that he allowed it to take place and run the course that it did because he was teaching me and showing me something. I'm telling you I felt trial by fire this week. Finally after two weeks of craziness I felt the Lord speak to my heart and mind. He told me stop worrying about other people and keep your eyes on me, trust me, you are irreplaceable to me, I will never leave you, I love you and I am preparing you for something.I felt no condemnation or feelings of failure from Him. I felt humble yet victorious.Then I just cried my twitching eyes out until I had another headache. Then He gave me such peace and he took all the anger, resentments,jealously and hurt I had towards the people I have been struggling with. I know the Lord knows how hard it is for us to seperate our spiritual being from our emotional fleshly self. I know he is trying to teach me how to remove the self part and replace it with Him.
I looked back at last weeks answers and after this weeks trials my answers last week were foretelling. I see a pieces of a puzzle coming together. Thank You Jesus for the victory, I love you too.
Ginny
Schenectady NY
50's
Never Married
Denise
Albuquerque, NM
50's
Married
1. Multiple violations as a baby, young girl and young woman by many people, including family members.
Devalued as a person almost daily (under the excuse of love).
2. Jesus showed me I apologize when it's not my fault–almost as if apologizing for being alive. Rejection: from family, from protection as a child, through ridicule and dismissal of thoughts and ideas as of having no value. Mt. 18:6 "but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea." Due to the years of physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse, I experienced complete nervous breakdowns, which resulted in catatonia and electroconvulsive shock treatments, which leave you with no memory of why you feel guilty or dirty, but don't remove the guilt or dirty feeling. Only the saving grace of my Lord Jesus has delivered me from utter destruction. He is and always will be my redeemer–the true lover of my soul. Only through His never-ending healing presence am I His forever singer of hope. The path is not easy, but God's word is true–He purposes to give me a hope and a future. I receive that by faith, even as I do my on-going healing. My story is not unique, but I am because my Maker is My God–even the Living Bread of Heaven. Perhaps I have said too much, or not enough, all I know is I leave the results with Him. Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, My Lord and My Redeemer.
Sorry I forgot to add that loss of innocence is another category rejection another and dramatic change. All of these I can trace back to results or a better word might be consequences of the primary two.
Ginny
kerri
kansas city, mo
28
married
1. roots of insecurity. there are 3. ego is painfully the strongest one. painfully yet wonderfully diagnosed. i love feeling truth pierce my heart. i love recognizing the flaw in me. is that crazy? i love it because i feel like this invisible man JESUS really exists and he's taking care of me. he's leading me to freedom by exposing the wound. ego. gross. so true though. my disposition is intense. my mother always called me her "most" child. i was the most of everything, good and bad. fortunately, Jesus has been redeeming me from the bad parts bit by bit and harnessing the good in better ways. and thirdly, the culture part kicked me right in my gut. media has ripped me to shreds and i have given it ample room to hurt me. i don't take the blame for the assault on me. i take the blame for letting it and being a part of it!! seriously.