Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
Anonymous 
Ok so I read the whole book and then gave it to a friend as a present. I plan on going to the bookstore today to purchase another one as I need to look back and reflect. I can name the biggest root of insecurity for me from that chapter..and that is FEAR! Fear of everything from physical harm, to whether or not I offend someone, to fear of not being beautiful all of the time. Fear of not being in control..the list can go on, but it will not because God has literally taken all fear from me. Amazing how I am free to engage in conversation, free to write this, free to now say absolutely NO to domestic violence (come what may in Jesus name). Just last week I was put to the test. Due to no more fear, I passed with an A. Glory to you Almighty God. And thank you Beth for not allowing your insecurities to keep you from writing this book. I love you guys.
withholding name at this time
Florida Girl 40
1.) I would definitely say my roots are rejection and pride. During my ninth grade year my mom had an affair on my stepdad. Years went by and I sought for her attention, but felt rejected. At the time she was consumed with being in a relationship with a man so I felt like my sisters and I we're pushed to the side. I felt alone and unloved. I really do believe my insecurities come from this situation because during high school I was willing to give my self up for men because I wanted to feel wanted. I wanted someone to love me so bad that I even gave up my virginity. Even though I am married now to an amazing guy I still struggle with the feeling of being wanted 99% of the time. And that brings me to my next insecurity: PRIDE..I didn't know this was my root till I started reading this book. Due to the fact that I'm insecure I have become very sensitive. I want to feel worthy so bad that if my ego is hindered in any way it feels like the end of the world. Like Beth said, "we have no greater burden in all of life than our own inflated egos." I want to get to the place where I am humble and know that nothing can take away my identity in Christ. He is where I find my value!!
2.)I think through these roots God has opened up my eyes and my heart to the reasons and past experiences I've had that have led me to my insecurity. I was talking to my husband one night, and was telling him that I never thought that a situation from my past would give me an insecurity that would still affect me years later. Wow! I felt like God was telling me through the understanding of these roots- that I'm free! Just because something has happened to me in my past, it shouldn't hold me back from becoming all that I can be for my God! Lately, when something has nicked my pride I feel God moving through me to get past it and not let it affect my day. And that's so exciting….
1. My first root of insecurity definitely comes from being adopted. It was never a secret – my parents told it as a bedtime story. But every year on my birthday I'd be sent to my room to say a special prayer for my "other mother." I always felt like I was being punished or something. And I also always felt inferior to my older sister (adopted as well) for some reason or other. I overheard my mom refer to her as their #1 daughter one time to the nuns when I was around 5 or 6 and I thought that meant better when really they were just talking about age. I felt so silly when I got older and realized what that meant. All those years I thought they loved her more! She and I have always been against each other in a bizarre sibling rivalry way. She would go out of her way to tell me how stupid, etc. I was. And I was so sweet and gullible, I'd believe her. And it just got more intense the older we got.
2. I've gained the insight that insecurity is the enemy's best tool to keep us from experiencing the joy God intends for us. I've been going through a huge spiritual transformation on many levels lately and it's true, the closer we become to God and acccepting that we are truly made in his image, the more the enemy flips it into high gear and focuses on trying to find ways to beat us down even more intensely. I have felt his horrible presence each and every day the past few weeks and now that I can recognize what it is and what he's trying to do to me, I am taking great pleasure in telling Satan, no more, you have no power and I'm not giving it to you. God made me lovely and there is nothing you can do to make me see myself any other way any more. Now that's a mighty huge work being done to me and through me and praise God for all of it!!
Christine
40s/married
Cornelius, NC
Anne Lamott, whom I love, has said she feels like "the piece of **** around whom the world revolved." I think that sums up insecurity perfectly: the bone-deep fear coupled with the raging narcissism to make up for it.
When I first read that I thought wow, I am not the only one.
Roots of Insecurity: 1) Dramatic change has definitely impacted insecurity in my life. I was bused the first year integration began in Nashville back in the 60's. Almost all my friends switched to private schools, and my 5th, 6th, and 7th grade years were spent in a school clear across town in a totally different culture. Along came college, my choice to attend a Christian college where I knew no one (except a sister who had mega issues from childhood who worked there)and was 4 hours from home. Five years later I married my college sweetheart. I moved to a new town and took a job that I was way too highly trained to be doing while he attended law school for 3 years.(They said they figured I would move when he finished school and did not want to put me in a managerial position I was degreed for,) and moved 5 times in 7 years, none of which were near to my family. We had two boys and then TWIN PREEMIE boys, probably the biggest change of all. This huge change wound up changing family relationships in just a short tme.
2)Rejection- yep, attending college and being rejected by my big sis(passive-aggressively, probably w/out realizing the extent and intent of it.) I allowed her actions to hurt me deeply, I stuffed most of the pain (hello eating disorder) and so began many years of feeling even more rejected by even my own family that stemmed from this sis to sis relationship. I have healed immensely from these roots but they are not completely gone.
Insight gained? That perception of rejection does not equal rejection……especially hard when your primary love language is quality time! Yes, when I have not received this from my hubs(98% of our 25 years together and a workaholic perfectionist,) friends, or parents and siblings, my stinking thinking perceives that as rejection.
On a good note, I have come so far, your book is helping me tons. I will not lose my confidence, I will be RICHLY rewarded, I need to persevere, when I have done the will of my Father, I WILL receive ALL He has promised!!! I love Him more than ever!!
Eva
Knoxville
40's
married
The biggest root of insecurity comes from my loss of innocence, and instability in the home. I was raised by parents who married extremely young, and although they are still married, my sibling and I endured their ups and downs right there with them.
I have been insecure about every inch of my body just like every female, having had lipo at the age 22 on a size 4 body – it's completely evident and safe to say I've been "that" insecure girl. Ridiculous! However while that battle was obvious to the human eye, I noticed the biggest battle is internally – the enemy has me constatnly questioning my intelligence. Just as you said low self-esteem and pride can coexist in the same heart, when the battle is internal, I have to allow God to balance this out for me. In the pursuit for knowledge, I have to be careful to not let it flare, and I also have to remind myself I'm not an idiot. Sounds silly, huh?
I've realized these past 6 months or so since I've broke free from my past that God will balance all these areas out if we allow him to do so. God has already brought me so far, and insecurity will just be one more thing that is under my feet. Amen!
LeAnn
Texas
Single
20s
1. Being in my 30's I'm starting to discover that my biggest insecurity comes from my dad leaving our home when I was 12. I visually saw him walk out the door, and he never turned around and said good-bye.
2. The unstability in our home after my dad left. Very poor, me and my brothers and sister were the only kids in our private, Christian school whose parents were divorced.
I feel that God is starting to bring some of my deep rooted hurt and pain to the surface. I struggle with my male relationships, and feel like I will never be married again or that no man will love me unconditionally. God is showing me that He is enough, and all I need.
Stacey
Fredericksburg
Single
32
Tammy, 46
Married
Mount Pleasant TX
1. My first root of insecurity would have to be Rejection. I was married for 21 years and then went through a divorce because my husband at the time, rejected me for other women. It has taken a toll on me and affects the way I respond to my new husband's comments(which are always good)on my appearance. Since the divorce, I have thought I was not worth wanting, loving, liking, fighting for or most of all, KEEPING. Because I am an emotional eater,I thought I was eating to make myself feel better but it only did the opposite. I am overweight which adds to my insecurity.
1b. The second root would be loss. Just the loss of a marriage after 21 years was significant enough but during the years that we were struggling in our marriage, our eldest son, who was 16 at the time, was in a snow skiing accident that left him a parapelegic. The loss of seeing my eldest walk, run and play was a huge loss. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful he is alive, but it was still a huge loss. I can still remember the day he walked out of the house, on spring break, headed to the mountains to snow ski.
2. A major insite would be that rejection mentality is a major root of insecurity! WOW!
But God…He's faithful. He has chosen me, that's right, ME and He has not rejected me and never will. I am HIS prized possession. Thank you Lord, for this insight. Thank you, Beth for the book about my life! 😉
Beth, I'll post later but I thought I was the only one who re-read a zillion times before I submit so I wouldnt sound 'un-intelligent', LOL. Thank you for the no Intimidation Zone!
Week Two, I had pre-determined that I was NOT going to read anyone elses comments until I submitted mine…I needed to be secure in what I was saying and feeling versus comparing, and trying to sound like others…
Love You,
Shareese, 32
Married in Maryland
Missed spelled!! Are you kidding me? God has such a sense of humor and is putting me to the test pretty darn quick. We better mean what we say. I am laughing with Him.
Oh Beth My dear Siesta Mama,
You hit the nail on the head it is so amazing how God works through us!! I have prayed that prayer everyday this week that we would use our Blog board for encouragement and support and not for crippling/criticizing our fellow siestas. I have been troubled in my spirit since last week reading some of our blogs and praise the Lord for being obedient to pray that we would be united not divided.
Matthew 18:20 "For where two or three are come together in my name, there I am with them."
I pray we all treat each other with respect and dignity and allow each other to be honest and let this blog be our safe place to confront our insecurity together.I am going to be a bold woman and not even proof read this now take that for security 🙂
Beth have fun blowing up snakes you brave woman heehee (p.s it's not the gun that scares me it's those blessed snakes haha that is one insecurity I care not to lose)
Much Love
Lori
30's
Presque Isle ME
I'll be Back to answer the ?'s
Actually too insecure to tell you my real source of insecurity. There's only one. Should I drop out?
thanks for that post. i got a chuckle especially about the part of worrying about misspelled words b/c i recently wrote a post on my personal blog with the title "Ode to my Sweatheart"…sweatheart. oops! teehee….obviously supposed to be sweetheart. my mom called to tell me about it and i just had to laugh at myself. maybe that will be his new nickname!
Amber T.
St. Louis, MO
married
30s
My roots of insecurity would be rejection and personality. The part of the book on rejection hurt the most deeply — not feeling up to snuff in many areas: talent, beauty, popularity, etc. And I'm sensitive. So wounded pride hurts all the more deeply.
God is reminding me that perfectionism isn't my friend. That combination of pride mixed with insecurity is deadly and self-protection makes me miss out. When I remember that He alone gives me worth, I feel so confident. It's when I forget that and fill my mind with what this world offers that I feel lacking in so many ways.
I need to spend more time with Him. I love Him. I love you all for listening.
Oops, forgot (again!). :0)
Marlo
32
Married
Indiana
1) Rejection…first "serious" boyfriend when 15. Everyone knew he was a pompous jerk, even me, but I was flattered by the attention, at first. When I finally got tired of him getting me in trouble with my parents, controlling my social life, and discovered he was actually having sex with another girl, I finally had the sense and strength to break up with him. He promptly started spreading rumors about me, wrote nasty comments on my student council election posters all over school, etc. Even though I fell in love with my eventual husband shortly after that, who loved me in spite of knowing all about this guy, it still creeps into my mind all these years later!
2) PRIDE…..ouch! From early childhood I've prided myself on being smart, nice, and even as a young mom, "having it all together." So much so that I didn't want people to know how much I struggled to keep it all up. Then when I do mess up, I start doubting whether I am all those things all over again. I have definitely started the process of knowing that, LITERALLY,
"but for the grace of God" I could be or do ANYTHING!!
I sense God continuing to work on the pride issue in my life; even though it is better than it used to be, I still have a long way to go. It is definitely a DAILY submission!
My two primary roots of insecurity are being super sensitive and prideful at the same time which manifests itself with an inordinate need to be approved, be liked, and faultless. My whole life has been spent striving to be better. I’ve lied; I’ve compromised my convictions and found myself doing things I never dreamt possible. Generally my reactions bounce between trying to fade into the background and trying to be the center of attention. Even though I long for a friend, I draw closer and closer to home, so that I don’t have to put myself “out there” with other women. Until I read these chapters, I’ve spent my life thinking my insecurity was based on family, rejection and lack of degree. God is speaking so strongly to me, I can almost audibly hear Him calling me.
Caron
Michigan
50’s
I believe my roots of insecurity come from 1) every single time I felt I had a friend, along would come someone else and off the two of them would go and that friend never looked back; they were gone forever. This started in Kindergarten and went all the way through high school. As an adult I have had very, very few friends that were close enough that we talked on the phone and even less that we ever got together/went anywhere together. 2) I was most recently in a 5 year relationship, and everytime things seemed to be going marvelously, he would suddenly stop all communication, and sure enough he was with someone else…(always the same woman). It got to where I was too afraid to be happy, as I knew that as soon as I was, he would leave again. It has taken me nearly FIVE MORE YEARS to achieve any level of healing in this area, but I FEEL IT NOW, God is actively healing me of my insecurities and fears. God is FOR SURE doing something huge in my life. No doubt at all.
I believe some of my insecurity comes from having one parent who was so distant they were practically not ever there, and the other parent was often a rage-aholic. My first husband was like the unavailable parent, my second husband was like the raging one. Now I have been divorced close to two decades……… and now God has healed me to where I am finally attracted to a man of Godly character!!!! Halleluiah!
Morning Beth. Be careful out there! Thanks as usual for the laugh about the white legs and black socks. What a mental picture!
1. My biggest primary root of insecurity comes from an unstable home life. Father left when I was young and we never knew how we were going to survive. God provided loving people who saw us through. The second I would say is pride. Because of my upbringing I was determined to make life better for my kids. However I saw better as having more. This is not always what is best. I then dumped a new set of insecurities on my daughters! We are working through them now with God at the helm. Praise His Holy Name.
2. I can really relate to the cultural aspect of our insecurity. God has been working with me on this aspect for a while in my own ministry. This is something that plagues our women. I continue to pray that Christian women will not believe all the lies that are flooding our media, that we will stay in His word so that we have ammunition to fight back.
Lawan
Lawton, OK
Married, 50s
Karen-44 yrs. old-married…
I have to tell you something before I read ch. 5-6.
God is AMAZING. I am finishing up "Get Out of That Pit" and also watching your archived sermons online.
I asked God, "Okay IF I need to know WHY I am in this pit/these pits then could You please show me because I really don't know."
My pits are related to my insecurity. Being in a pit makes me insecure. Those false securities got me in them to begin with. So, it is SOOO totally cool to RIGHT NOW be reading the roots of insecurity because I believe God is unwrapping those WHY's to my pitdwelling insecurities!
Thank you, Beth, for your transparency. If you couldn't put it all out there, you wouldn't be nearly as vital in your ministry to the rest of us!! Someday I'll give you a BIG HUG even if it is in Heaven!
Heaven forbid you miss the rattler with your first shot! My granny used to chop rattlesnakes in two with a hoe. Now that's a woman of valor! I'd say take a hoe for back up. What's carrying one more thing when you're dealing with rattlers? Plus, it would make quite the picture. You could even paint it pink.
I learned that if a snake bites you, they won't unclench their jaw themselves – you have to grab their face with your hands and pry them off. And, to keep from being poisoned to death, you have to have someone suck the venom out. Now if that isn't some motivation! I'm either very gullible or you need to grab yourself a fine and dandy little pink hoe… or a few more shells.
So, what do I do if I don't have the book, can't afford the book, but still want so desperately to be free from this disturbing and ridiculous stronghold of insecurity? Not the place for me? Yes, totally, can you tell, definitely insecure about busting up a party of the elite book owners that actually know how to answer these questions! 🙂 Anyway, if all else fails, I'm gleaning comfort and hope just knowing how many dang people deal with this. God is on the move. He is revealing precious things to me by HIS WORD ALONE, and that is priceless. He is faithful. So anyway, thanks for being here. All of you.
I know it's not what you asked, but all of my roots are tangled up together feeding the massive oak tree of insecurity that came toppling over me this past year. Instability in the home, parent's mental illness, childhood illness that left me with a facial deformity that was corrected with several surgeries during my teens and twenties, rejection (dad left for new family, and kids can be pretty cruel to facial deformity), loss (family devastated by divorce, innocence at the hands of not one but two sexual abusers). God has been speaking to me (very loudly, and often during one or another Beth Moore study) about how I got to this point in my life, and that I am not living the life He planned for me. This has been a dramatic year of sin, repentance, redemption and reorientation in regard to the perspective on my life's experience. It has been very hard, but I am secure in my faith that through all of those things, He has been making me. He has been shaping me. I've had these experiences for His reasons, and I believe this study has been put before me in order to help me trample over the insecurities that have kept me low until now, so that I can, holding on to His hands, climb to the heights He has prepared for me.
Thanks so much for your voice in the wilderness.
Knoxville, TN
married, 43
1) Instability in the Home is definitely the first source of my insecurity–my dad was an alcoholic and my mom was hospitalized twice for depression.
I think Rejection runs a close second–and I see why my desperate need to be safe with someone set me up for a lot of it!
2) I underlined a lot in the section about being addicted to dread. That "glass half empty" pessimism never trusts that the good will last–the disaster we "deserve" is always right around the corner…
Marilyn
Kirkwood, MO
Married
50s
1)My two biggest roots of insecurity are rejection and instability in the home. And I think the two are tied together. My dad left when I was three and stayed around for the obligatory Saturday visits, but never was involved in my life or knew anything that mattered to me. He was very selfish. This led to the rejection part.
I fell in love at 16 with the boy I thought was the most perfect boy in the world (at the time.) Of course, he made me feel things I'd never felt and was the first one who I felt really loved me as I was. Fast forward 3 years later to him bluntly and callously leaving me. What made it all worse was, I had planned to save myself for marriage, but gave him my virginity, and it was immediately after this that he just walked away. I was so crushed that I went into the worst tailspin of my life that lasted a good 6 or 7 years. And then add the shame over events that happened in those 6 or 7 years and I was so in bondage that I couldn't see past myself and how unworthy I felt. I completely related when you said, "I know no other way to say it. Taken badly enough, rejection can muster up some temporary insanity," and, "No matter the source, the shout transaltes into the language of the soul as one jolting message: I do not want you! Here's the even trickier part: nothing elicits quicker concurrence on our part than feeling rejected." I told myself for years that I was not wanted, loved, needed, or worthy. Thank you, Jesus, that you didn't agree!
2)I think, if anything, this book so far has been a confirmation of things Christ has been telling me over the past several years. I'm getting a lot of "head knowledge" that I'm a new creation, I am forgiven, I am beautiful to Him, but it hasn't sunk all the way into my heart yet. I'm hoping that by the end of this book, that is what will occur!
Oh, oops! Christine Sweet here, age 30 and married!!!
1. I would have to say a)personal disposition, and b)pride as the two primary roots of my struggle. My personality type is 1/2 choleric and 1/2 sanguine. I tell my friends that means that I want to tell them what to do AND I want them to like it!! Fortunately for me, that is often a winning combination!! Unfortunately, you can imagine how pride rears its ugly head when things go awry!
2. In addition to dealing with my own insecurity, these chapters also have given me insight for ministering to others. Because I don't feel I have a PROFOUND sense of insecurity (the intensity of the pronouns in the definition were overwhelming to me), I don't always empathize with others and can definitely be insensitive when I need to be more compassionate. God is speaking to me that we each have a story, our own story, and that many circumstances have formed us into the women we have become. He wants me to be aware of that for myself and for the women to whom and with whom I minister. One thing that Beth said in January at our Siesta Celebration was to stop and take a message in before thinking about passing it along to others. That really hit me. I want to take the message of this book and apply it as God would have me to in my own life so that I am better equipped to pass the message along.
Georgine
Austin, TX
Married
50's
Last week I said that I most identified with Moses because he wasn't eloquent of speech. I have felt that way my entire life.
I sent an email to my pastor last week about something that I felt like God had shown me. Would you believe that he printed it off and read it to the entire church? And then our pastor's wife asked me to speak at a meeting next month. I know that God is wanting to strip me of this insecurity of speaking to others. He will help me to do it.
Tricia
Illinois
30's
Married
Warmest greetings Spiritual Mom Beth:)
There is so much in these chs that I was struck by, heavy stuff, hard stuff, but I'm glad I read it. What the Lord led you to write at the end of Ch 5 was very powerful to read, reminded me of Rev. Very much looking forward to it too, Siesta Mama:) The two prim roots for me are instability and rejection; some of the others seemed to offshoot from those two. The more I thought about it, the more "insight" came to me…I was thinking that w/ my instability and perceived and real rejection growing up by parental figures, there came disappointment. Then I came to the conclusion that only God never truly disappoints us, BUT, that does not mean we shouldn't trust anyone. We can trust some, and pray for them, and have them pray for us. Our everything is God though, not people. Then scriptural ref came to mind like He never changes, and He's promised to never leave me nor forsake me, and His love for me-I'm never separated from it! I have a VERY LOVING Heavenly Father, and I'm def accepted in the Beloved. If I'm His, then I'm accepted…God's thoughts:) I know now why I needed to memorize that verse on stability last yr much more than I realized it then.
Whom have I besides You, Lord? There is none I desire besides You. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.
Blessings, ((HUGS)), Love in Him,
katiegfromtennessee
katie
20's
married
Knoxville, TN
My first insecurity comes from my father passing away before I was born. I was raised by my stepfather, who was a good man but I never felt that I measured up to my little brother (his son). My second root would be from high school and trying to compete with the popular girls! I was not particularly pretty then and I thought I was fat (looking back I see that I was pretty and I was NOT fat at all)!
I have reconnected with people from high school on facebook and God has really used them to show me that we are all alike in our insecurities (even though they are different). He is slowly bringing me the confidence to be out there and put myself out there even though the risk of being hurt is still lurking behind every smiling face.
1. Definitely Rejection is my number one root of insecurity. I grew up feeling never good enough in the eyes of my father and carried that right into my marriage. When my husband left, it grounded that root even deeper! The other biggie for me is perfectionism and pride. I inherited this perfectionist trait from my dad, and it is a blessing and a curse at the same time. While I am extremely efficient, I never feel like I can get it all done in the right way….make sense? I feel as if I'm failing at most things in my life, although most people would look at me and my life and think that I'm the most secure person around…inside I'm always second guessing myself.
2. I truly feel that God is speaking to me through this book and telling me to just LET IT GO – to get out of His way and that He's got me covered. The more I read the stronger this feeling becomes. I have come up against several issues during the past couple of weeks that I have handled so much better than I would have if I had kept mulling over them, and just did what I know God wanted me to do. I am eternally grateful for not only this book, but for all the studies that you have written and the way that they have connected to me and brought me closer to God.
1) I'm going to cheat on the first one a little by combining a couple into one. The first root would have to do with my childhood in that my home wasn't very secure. My parents fought like cats and dogs and would go months without talking with each other. I remember asking my mom as a child, why she didn't divorce my dad. Also, I felt rejected by my mom. She's an undiagnosed narssisistic and she was much more important than I ever was. She even refused to go to an awards assembly where I was receiving my first award in school for reading, because she had to wash her hair that night.
The second root would be personal disposition. I am a very sensitive person. I've also been told that from the age of 6 months through 18 months I would scream at the top of my lungs whenwever my parents would take me out of the house. I would be just fine once I came home. Now can you say insecurity there?
2)God has also shown me that pride is a big part of my life. I would have denied it before reading the book. He has done a good job keeping me in check with that issue since.
Tamara
30's
Highlands Ranch, CO
Married
Hi Beth – thanks for coaxing all of us fearful posters out of hiding! I'm another of your 100 new posters. I have always thought like Marsha said, that my thoughts are too simple and unimportant compared to all these other awesome comments.
I just found this book study on your blog a few days ago, so haven't even bought the book…but oh how I need it right now in my life! I love God's perfect timing. Can't wait to go buy the book this weekend and get caught up.
Becky
40 (ooh, I'm still not used to using that new number!)
Ohio
Rejection is one of the primary roots of insecurity about which God has been speaking to me the most. Primarily, because of my lifelong response of "disconnecting." It has manifested in different ways. I believe that God is currently putting His finger on it, because I have seen my insecurity heightened while observing similar experiences of rejection in my adult children. Yipes! This has been painful. Like going through it all over again. I do see the urgency in understanding this as I do not want to subtly encourage my children to disconnect. God is able to give us genuine GRACE for difficult situations that make us feel "left out." I need to give my children the time and space to process their experiences and discover God's voice and His touch in the middle of it. In other words, I need to keep my hands off of their journey, stop projecting my insecurity and wait for teachable moments, if and when God decides to use me. IN THE MEANTIME, I'm asking God to make me quick to repent when I'm tempted to deal with feelings of rejection by disconnecting and to have the humility, instead, to walk in His grace and give His grace.
I feel so much better now. I have not seen my post and I don't know if this one will show up either. So this is a test. I haven't been able to figure out this new modern blog thing yet. Please have patient. I have actually been participating the whole time but I haven't seen any of what I thought I had posted. I'll repost this way if I see this..I pray it works this time.
Dawn, 51 years old
Married, Clinton PA
1) I did grow up in a home with mental illness and alcoholism but with a strong mother who kept a very stable home life for us. It is hard to put into words but there is nothing about my childhood that brings up bad memories…if anything wonderful memories so I am not sure where these insecurities come from but I can tell you this…..the feeling of not being pretty enough, smart enough, talented enough goes back to the grade school and middle school years and the onslought of media attention (I did quit reading In Style many years ago, Miss Beth, for the reasons you mentioned — just brutal berating of myself with each issue) to the young, restless, rich and perfect has certainly fed and egged on these feelings.
2)I think the first and primary root of all of our insecurities is the enemy himself. We live in a fallen and broken world and he knows that if he cripples us with feeling worthless and prideful, he cripples a child of God who was created with a purpose (Eph. 2:10). God is speaking so loudly thru His Words in Ps. 139 that you quoted for us…..it makes me ashamed that I don't look to His Word FIRST, when feeling insecure, but I often end up reading an issue of Oprah in line at Wal-Mart with a blaring headline on "liking yourself". What in the world is up with that???
Have fun at the ranch! Talk to you next week 🙂
xoxo
20-25
single
Louisiana
1.Instability in the Home is a primary root of my my struggle with insecurity. I was raised with an emotional abusive father that sometimes hit my mom. He also never showed the kind of affection that father should show his daughter. He could never keep a job so we were continuously moving all the time. More than one time he failed to keep us a home, and that left living with his friends or either of my parent's mom. My mom is mentally unstable was suicidal when I was real young. I remember being the only five year old that knew how to dial 911 when momma looked real sick. She also during my teenage years abandon our family. Only recently have I started healing from all this. Rejection is the second as child forced to grow at a young age I never could relate to other kids around my own age. (and that is still true to this day) So pegged "strange" from a young age I was also bullied, and rejected by school girls and girls older than me. I stopped trying so long ago living up to our culture standards of what I should be as I could never see myself accept as culture standard even if I match everything they did.
2. I gain an insight that if the matter was small or huge it is all equally important to becoming such insecure woman. From the first time I fell and scrapped my knee to becoming homeless, forcing us to live with a preacher for a couple of months it all lead to me right here to where God wants to heal me. The fact that he is going to show me a warm love, or tough love he is always going to be there to love me. He is always going to be there to comfort me when I am sad. He loves me matter how I measure up to the rest of culture today because God made the way I am for a reason. A fun, crazy, bold, "strange, crazy" hyper, youthful, young lady. I also learned that I don't need to be the best at everything to get attention. I don't have to boastful to get attention that being humble will lead to joyful friendships as being prideful will only get me temporary happiness.
Thank you! What a gift your book and all these women are> I cannot put into words how thankful and touched I am. I thank you for the quick rebuke from you and the Lord regarding misspellings. I am one who commented on worrying about my spelling…thinking it was funny I realize the truth now that it was/is an inseurity! Not only are we becoming more secure in this process, but we are also subject to the Refiner's fire. The Truth will set us free! Amen and thank you again, all of you. You are all a gift from God, what a blessing!
Sherrie
Leslie
Morristown,TN
59 and married
I will respond to the questions later, but just wanted to comment about your trip to cactus country. You mentioned earlier that you take your shotgun and often walk with an ipod. I immediately had a red flag in my mind. Honey child, God put rattlers on those snakes for a reason—we all want you to be safe, so consider losing the ipod when you are in rattlesnake land. Thanks for all you do.
Nichole
Nashville, TN
30's & single
My insecurity stems from instability in the home and my physical appearance. I grew up in an abusive environment and was often teased about how I looked.
I have learned that everyone has a story and everyone processes it differently. Just as you said in Prov 14:10, "Each heart knows its own bitterness." Everyone copes in different ways and no burden is greater than another.
Wendy
39
Married with children
1. INSTABILITY IN THE HOME: My dad was an alcoholic and things were always tense on Fridays because we knew he'd be coming home from work drunk and we were never sure what was walking through the door. Happy dad, silly dad, emotional dad, or nasty dad. Most of the time it was nasty dad. He would yell and yell at my mom and verbally abuse her and my sister and I got to watch and hear all of it. I grew up fearful of my dad but desperate for his love. To further the instability, I listened to my mom tell my sister and I countless times that as soon as we were old enough, she would leave him. Please don't get me wrong here, I love my dad. He is the product of alcoholism in his home growing up and he did not have it easy. His behaviour is due to his brokeness coupled with the unfortunate result of drinking too much. It doesn't excuse his behaviour but it does explain it.
REJECTION DUE TO PERSONAL LIMITATIONS: I was a homely looking child to say the least. I was cross-eyed by the age of 3 and was forced to wear glasses. Not just regular glasses, COKE-BOTTLE glasses! My eyes were so magnified someone in high school called me garfield. Now add to the glasses a girl who fell when she was two and knocked out her two front teeth. So here I am in school with coke-bottle glasses and no front teeth (for 7 years!)plus my mom dressed me funny! Add to the mix going to a french school where all the kids considered me to be english. In Quebec, this can be an issue. So I was a complete freak! I was made fun of and picked on daily resulting in my becoming tough on the outside but a crying mess on the inside. And that was just the beginning. My rejection carried into junior high and high school. Still wearing glasses, still being made fun of. That's when I started looking for acceptance and love in all the wrong places becoming more and more promiscuous. But that's a whole other can of worms… I've had a life-time of rejections…and a lifetime of insecurities. It's time that I leave them all at the feet of Jesus.
2. Boy was chapter 6 a big revelation to me! Although my childhood and a lot of my adulthood has been plagued with insecurities, what I suffered should not define who am I now. I would never have equated all my fears with PRIDE. But Beth is bang on! Now I know what to go to God with. I don't need to pray for Him to take away my insecurities, I need to pray that he humbles me. Pride is what is holding me captive to my past. Pride! Who'd have thought?
Thank you Beth for posting this morning about some of us being afraid to make comments. That's me! Thanks to all the ladies who have responded the same way. I pray for God to do a BIG work in us 🙂
Beth have a wonderful time with your man. Thank you for speaking to my heart 🙂
Karen
Cottonwood, CA
married 40 years
57 years young
1. Our culture has sent my insecurity through the roof! I didn't have TV growing up and I had no idea we didn't have money even though we didn't have any. TV and magazines have made me feel so insecure about how I look for so long and I am making a conscious effort not to watch anything or read anything that makes me feel negative about ME!
Rejection- I have never really had to feel it because I don't let it happen to me. If I feel like a relationship is headed down hill I break it off first in order to not feel so much pain and to be honest I don't think I have really let anyone in my life enough to hurt me that way because I am so afraid of being rejected. Its not a good way to live, I am doing your Wising Up study and what hit home was that guarding and protecting your heart isn't hardening it, its knowing or allowing yourself to feel certain things! Thanks so much for all you do Beth!
Ashley
Gainesville, GA
20s
single
Beth,
thank you so much for the book, God is opening my eyes to some painful things, but I am healing in the process and love the journey.
Terry
Missouri
1) My 2 roots of insecurities are growing up in a disfunctional family(gone through 2 divcorces as a child)leaving the massive feeling of rejection.
2) Going through so much rejection as a child I never kept friends very long because I had the thought in my head, I will hurt you before you hurt me,because that is all I knew was people leave when they don't want to fight for what they have and it showed me the easy way out. Made me feel not worthy of love or friendship.I have been struggling lately with friendships that I thought I had already got healed from this but oviously God is going deeper with me.Scared yet totally excited for what is on the other side.
Cassie
20's
happily in love with my hubby
Joyce
Cyril, Ok
It is hard to explain, but my Mother has something to do with some of the ways I grew up feeling about myself. I am not blaming her, but she contributed to how I feel. Her dad was verbal abusive and had some other abuse problems. Alot of his negative ways seem to affect how my mother treated me. For instance, I felt I was not ever good enough, I was never smart enough, I felt I did not have any freedom to grow up like other kids and felt very lonely at times. I did love my mother and she was a good Christian.
The second thing I think is I felt trapped. I did not know how to change and I was a very shy, quite person.
I feel God is speaking to me about the unwillingness to let weakness, feelings and fear override faith. Another words,
let Go and Let God just take all my false truths I have heard over the years and trust Him. Also, the inadequate, awkward kid inside me is now grewing into a God-confident woman. All my insecuries and doubts about myself over the years I can hand them over to God, so He can make me into the person He wants me to be.
Thank you, Lord. I am so sorry for not trusting you more. Forgive me for You alone can help me change. God I desperately need you help. I cannot do this alone. Your love has no limit.
Thank you, that Beth has cared enough to write this book, so I can see how much more I need to depend on You everyday.
in Christ, Joyce
P.S. Can I let my dog outside now_He sits there staring at me, like I need to get a Life. ha
Mama Beth,
My mom gave me this book for Valentine's Day and I thought it would be a good boost to help me out of the rut I'm in for not finishing Breaking Free. I hit week 7 and got stuck and put it on the shelf.
So when I received SLI, I thought, 'no. I'm going to finish what I started FIRST, then I'll read the book.' Now that I've read some of these preciously transparent comments by my dear Siestas, I think I need to do what I felt was my first impression which was to use the 2 together to help me out of the rut and go higher with God and break free.
I feel like I'm in the car and slingin' mud right now. But at least my foot is on the gas and I'm tryin'. I know the Holy Spirit will give me the push I need!
Thank you and thank you.
Heather G
Charlotte NC
PS-I LOVE the post about the 'secure and nonsecure' pop-up blocker, hilarious!
I think I am afraid God won't come through…but will it kill me if he does not. Trust God. Easier said then done. But I love Him anyway!
1) personal disposition–personal sensitivity….super sensitive to criticism or comments still! I really think that after all these years that God is pointing this out and that HE has better things planned for me that to wollow in self pity when my feelings are hurt.
2)PRIDE–ugh–whether it is with me my husband or children i can say–THAT's NOTHING BUT PRIDE. GOD FORGIVE ME. self get over it!!!
God is showing me what has been right in front of me for soo long and i refused to see it.
Beth, thank you for being so real and sharing with us.
hugs
Okay.. still no book…:( but I am going to my local bookstore this afternoon and buy another one.. will just give away one to my daughter when I get the other one….am already so far behind!! Beth, you and Keith have a great trip and watch out for those snakes!!
lots of love,
Martha in MS