Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
Karen 
Mindy
Oakdale, CA
30's
Single
Since I have to narrow it to two (I identified somewhat with ALL of them), I would have to say that INSTABILITY IN THE HOME and REJECTION are my two primary roots of insecurity.
My parents divorced when I was 12 and everyone knew that it was coming (and long overdue). I did not have one of those, 'Wow-I-thought-their-marriage-was-perfect' shockers. Instead, it was a home filled with anger and frustration, denial and manipulation. I remember thinking of the divorce as a relief and acting as if we were all better off (I was determined not to become a divorce 'statistic' – I had heard all about what divorce can do to a family). As an adult, I have come to identify this as a survival instinct for the tug-of-war that consumed my life the years following their divorce.
The rejection root of my insecurity stems from an experience in junior high school (I experienced rejection multiple times, but this one was by FAR the most devastating). I have only recently (in the last 10 years or so) come to understand the depth of pain caused by this experience and how vastly it has affected my life. I have spent a lot of time and energy trying to counteract this experience, only to sabotage my life in the process. "Oh, what a tangled web we weave, when first we practise to deceive!"
Insights were definitely flying as I read the section on PRIDE! I have always felt like a walking contradiction between being highly self conscious and overly egotistical. Unfortunately, I have been rewarded for my pursuit of perfection (I call these, 'positive rewards for negative behavior') and look forward to the day when I am free from the chains of insecurity and can walk in the freedom that God has offered me!
Lori
Mapleville, RI
50's
Married
1. The first root of insecurity that spoke to me was the Instability in the home. I grew up in a home with a mom who had mental health issues. It was definately a period of uncertainty in our lives. You never knew what you would be waking up to or coming home to. My dad was on the road a lot as a salesman. I do think there were times when we wondered who would protect us? My dad always tried to do the best he could under the circumstances. I have forgiven my Mom for her actions, knowing that these things were beyond her control. Accepting Christ as my Savior has also opened the door of forgiveness into my life. I have always been afraid that this mental illness would affect me or my children. I still pray and give Praise to the Lord that this has not proven to be true.
A big Ouch on the second root of my insecurity! This one is a huge surprise to me!!!! P-R-I-D-E! Ouch, it even hurts to say it. Until I read it in black and white, I would never have thought it. It was all me! I even read it to my husband and said "Is this not Me!!!" It is, it is!!!!
2. The insight I derived from this reading is definately the Pride issue. I re-read the chapter 3 times, and am about to read it a fourth! God has been doing a work of REVEALING in me. I prayed that the Lord would "reveal" to me what holds me back in being successful in my quest for weight loss, insecurity, and other issues. WOW! He has been telling me, in more ways than one, that it is NOT ALL ABOUT ME!!! Well who would have thought it!!! IT IS ABOUT HIM!!!! There has been too many incidences lately that have happened in my life to mention, let me just say he is speaking so loudly to me that I honestly wish I were deaf! Sometimes you get what you ask for and it is not pretty.
I related specifically to your statement about the madness the trait of Pride can cause. This was all me. I try to be the "most" something at all times. It is exhausting, and truly why do I want to be noticed anyhow? Ouch!!!
What truly spoke to my heart was Psalm 139. I am owning my Pride issues and turning them over to the greatest Overcomer, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Thank you Lord for this revealing.
1. The 2 most impactful roots of insecurity in my life would have to be personal disposition (tenderhearted/sensitive/overactive conscience) and instability in the home that lead to me having way too much responsibility at a very young age (4yrs and up)
2. Truthfully, I think I am still processing. I've been aware of the events these chapters brought to mind, but don't think I have ever linked them to my insecurity before. It makes so much sense.
I have experienced, in this past week, a relational crisis with a family member. It is interesting to see God speaking to me through these chapters and how they relate to how I have responded to this 'crisis of family'.
More and more I am seeing that my reading this book at this time is not an accident.
God bless you Beth for obeying God's nudges to write what He lays on your heart.
Karen
47
Married
Small town, Saskatchewan
p.s. –& pride: too big not to mention
Karen
47
Married
Small town,Saskatchewan
Terry
Washington, IL
51
Married
Also one of your 100+ new posters
My first root is probably pride/perfectionism. I have never had a great self-esteem but have learned that insecurity is just another way to be full of myself. I don't connect deeply with other people because it is so uncomfortable for me to be transparent. I keep myself closely guarded, even from people I feel secure with…wouldn't want them to know I'm not perfect :o)
I think the other might be personal disposition. I am by nature pretty timid and fearful. This fearful, worry-filled nature was modeled to me by several family members. I LOVED Melissa's observation that "He knows it's scary to be us." He knows and cares and that is comforting.
One of the things that most resonated with me is the statement that "God has entrusted each of us…with a brief measure of time on this planet, and each season is meant to be lived abundantly, effectively, powerfully, and pricelessly." I let fear and insecurity stop me from doing so many things and from experiencing the abundance and power I was made to live. I am truly anxious to get past this and get on with living free of fear and insecurity!
1) First and foremost- PRIDE. I like how the book said "we get fixated on every self-gain or loss…" It was a great relief to me to find out that this is a root of insecurity- it all makes sense now! Pride is the slow-dying snare to my soul that God has been working on since I was 20!
And secondly- disposition. My sensitive nature causes me to value the opinions of others more than the truth God says about me in His word. My disposition also hinders me from making decisions.
2) I feel free because I can see there is a reason I am so insecure and there is something I can do about it. My battle begins in my thougt life- I have to start changing the way I think and stop those thoughts before they turn into actions!
Beth- I have loved this book- especially these two chapters this week. I am a long time reader of the blog, but this is my first post about the book!
Becky, Charlotte NC, married, 38
Two roots of insecurity: Rejection and personal disposition.
The insight that has resonated with me is that because of my rejection, I often reject the idea that God loves and cares about me because He WANTS to. In my insecure mind, at times, I believe it's because He has to. After all, He created me so He's stuck. The lies that we believe when we let insecurity take root and grow.
Beth, your statement that our goal should be to reach (and teach) the next generation how to survive this culture we live in with our security intact. Oh what a wonderful legacy to leave to have the next generation be secure men and women in God and themselves.
Delores
50's
Married
Shiloh
Stacy, Cincinnati, OH, 40's and married
1- rejection and criticism, being put down by my mom a lot. always called the brat and my sister is the sweet one
2- I am learning to talk to my heavenly father more. And to listen to him. The more I turn to him in the insecurities the less they seem to last.
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity?
Oh how I wish the two primary roots of my insecurity were out of the chapter of roots mostly out of my control. I am so convicted that my two primary roots are of my own doing: influences of our culture and my own pride. Lord, have mercy. Lead me to your truth and allow it to sink in deep.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it?
Pg. 98 “First, we need to recognize when we’re overloading ourselves on media hype and back off when we sense it tripping our insecurity switch. Let’s learn how to put something down or turn something off when it’s just too much or makes a lie too believable. We also need to make sure we’re deliberately exposing ourselves to materials that edify the human soul rather than erode it.”
As much as it pains me to admit it, I do get caught up in television shows that I have no business watching and do nothing at all to edify my soul. Last night, I gathered with some neighborhood girls to watch the finale of The Bachelor. Although this show is on principle against everything I believe, I find myself being swept into the dangerous messages and stereotypes the show promotes. Ugh. I am so ashamed. I have realized that I have bought into the lie of our culture and my pride has kept me there.
Kendall
Simpsonville, SC
30's
Married
Heather
W. Lafayette, IN
30's
Married
1. Instability in the Home, Rejection (from a parent)
2. I can certainly see how these things have caused roots of insecurity in my heart from an early age and also how Dramatic Change (my husband has been transferred to four different cities with his job in the past 9 years) has caused a profound sense of loss and insecurity in my life, especially with regard to making and sustaining new friendships.
Julie, 62
Married
1)My roots of insecurity come from sexual abuse compounded by the sudden death of my abuser – all this as 8-10 year old and hugely repressed until around 55.
2) "Insecurity results from the way we have coped rather than healed." By God's grace, I decided to be a 'good Christian girl' with strong doses of indepedance which nurtured pride – the kind of pride which has kept my heart from healing – from real intimacy with God and my husband both whom I love very much.
So I am after true humility and the hope of – "He'll move it out of the way (my confessed pride) so we can deal with the roots of insecurity we didn't plant."
Sure glad you are praying.
1. For me, I think my root of insecurity comes from Rejection and Pride (though dysfunctional home fits in there too). At the age of 6, I witnessed my mom make an "attempt" of suicide, which set up huge rejection issues. This pattern has played out in several relationships and friendships over the year. Pride raises its ugly head as well.
2. I gained many insights on how various insecurities have worked together to mess up my life. Insights God has been teaching me is that I do not have to live by the rules of my past. I can allow Him to heal things that happened that I did not understand. Awareness of my behavior patterns is the first step to stopping the cycle.
Shannon
Raleigh, NC
30s
Married
I'm one of those who hasn't posted yet because with my heavy work schedule I've had trouble getting caught up to everyone. I've been reading, just not where everyone else is. I did want to post though to share something with you. This past week I was traveling alot for work, which I do not normally do. So, I took my book to try to get caught up. I now know why there was mention in an earlier week about removing the book cover! On planes these days it is like being in a sardine can. I was slightly self-conscious (okay, very self-conscious) to be reading a book with the word INSECURITY on both the back and front cover! No matter how I turned it someone next to me could clearly see what I was reading! Of course, on one of the flights I found myself seated next to a co-worker from a previous job many years ago. After she commented that she had always admired me because I seemed so confident it was time for reading on the place and I pulled out my book. The look on her face as she tried to pretend she was not looking over at what I was reading was priceless!
I believe my root comes from having a critical, strict and abusive mother. My mom still denies (she is 75) that she ever did anything abusive to me or my siblings. She is still very critical and can quickly make me feel insecure as a mother and person.
My favorite part of these 2 chapters is under Personal Limitations, page 83, the last full paragraph where it states "His disability was actually his freedom". Beth is talking about her dear friend Lee Sizemore. I am also doing the study Esther and this week talks about going to Lee's funeral services. I never met Lee but what a great inspiration he is. My son, Grant, has Down Syndrome and the phrase "His disabilty was actually his freedom" fits my son perfectly. I often find my self in amazement that even though Grant is labeled "Disabled" or "Special Needs" his faith in God is unshakable and he attempts and usually succeeds at anything he sets his mind to even when tons of people tell him you can't, you can't, you can't. He shows them he can. He gets his security from his faith that God is always and will always take care of him.
Charlene
49
Married
Colorado
1. PRIDE and not following the social norms. Most people my age are married and have a family. That didn't happen for me, my biggest regret, and the reason that makes me feel insecure the quickest.
2. Same thing He always says trust Me. My ways are better than your ways.
Lisa
Bethany,OK
40's
Single
Jeanie
Sparta, TN
39
Married
1. My two primary roots of insecurity I believe are: Instability at home and personal disposition. My intability at home was that there is a 6 year difference between me and my next sibling. I always felt like I didn't belong anywhere. I felt insignificant and left out. I had no close friends growing up. We lived in the country so there was nobody around to fill that void.
My personal disposition is that I enternalize everything. When you described how you felt about seeing other people hurting is absolutely me. If I hear of something horrible happening I can't help but think how it must have been for that person. I know that God made me this way for a reason but I don't believe that I should obsess about other people's situations. It doesn't seem healthy.
Rose
30's, single
Dallas, TX
1. Two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are rejection and pride.
2. The thought that has really resonated with me is that perfectionists are embarassed to be caught slipping up, because in pride we really see ourselves as superior. So often I'm just covering, covering, covering, desperately hoping no one saw me mess up because I'm so insecure about how I'll be judged as less than perfect.
1) My first root of insecurity is based in rejection. It has overpowered me in this life. First, my dad "replaced" me and my baby sister with 2 "new" daughters when he left my mom and moved in with the other woman. (Yes, those were his words.) Second, my first husband left me for a man when I was 5 mos pregnant with our first child. (Yes, I said MAN.) (And, tell me, how on earth do you compete with that?)
2) I'm still trying to figure out what insights I've gained. I already knew rejection was a big factor. I've also endured several types of abuse. (Don't want to go into that one.) I'm on the road to recovery now after 20 years of treatable depression. Perhaps God is just reminding me of where He's brought me from?!
Kristi
Philadelphia
40's
married
1-significant loss of innocence due to abuse which then led to 2- instability in the home. Issues were not dealt w/correctly so nothing else felt right. Due to blocking it out of my memory until the past few years "I'm sorry" constantly came out of mouth and I did not know why.
2-For so long I have focused on people's opinion of me. God's opinion is the only one that matters. I am His child and special. He is the only one to correct those wrongs in my past and He is on my side. I need to stay focused on what He sees and let the rest go. . .so long insecurity. . .I am staying focused on my Master!!!
Jackie
Married
almost 40
Little Rock, AR
Tammie, 40's, Married, Columbia, MD
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
Gonna have to go with PRIDE as the big one here, followed by "perceived" Rejection running in a very close second.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
All of the roots are SO linked together and even blend one to the other. Despite the strongest ones shouting out at me as being major roots, I can see where each one has blended into me at one time or another.
It is SO WONDERFUL though that God has created me to need significance and the only place that I can truly find it and any security is in HIM. Praise His Holy Name that He is standing right here beside me whispering to my heart that it doesn't matter what anyone else says or does – He thinks I am worthy of love, so much so that He died in order that I might have it. WOW. All I can say in conclusion is – Father, keep me running to you!
I believe the primary roots of my insecurity are significant loss and rejection. As I have read through the book, God has been showing me how many of my insecurities are directly linked to wounds I suffered as a small child. It is clear to me how Satan has used these pasts hurts to lie to me as well. Praise God for revealing the truth to me and setting me free from so much.
Tammy
Lusby, MD
Married
40's
1. I believe my first root of insecurity comes from not knowing the true God as a young child and having a father who made himself the "god" of our family. He pressed into our hearts and minds that the lives of his children were about pleasing him. It took me so many years to wrap my head around the truth that my Perfect Parent, my Heavenly Father is the One I need to please. My second root of insecurity stems from abuse from emotional and physical abuse from my older half-siblings. I wanted so badly for them to love me. For them to like me. I just wanted to be "one" of them instead of the child from new marriage.
God is changing my view of myself, my place in His world, and my view of others as superior to me. He is showing me how important it is to see the issues of my heart against the backdrop of His truth.
1. I believe the 2 primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are dramatic change and personal disposition. I think my personal disposition has been greatly impacted by the changes in my life. I was heavily involved in a major change at work several years ago, and basically lost my life to 12 to 14 hour days, 7 days a week. I just now feel that I am starting to get some of my life back.
2.Some of the insights I gained from these chapters include – "…a history of unwelcomed changes can be a breeding ground for insecurity, because it invites you to become addicted to dread." – I definitely know that feeling. Also, "The truth is, God uses change to change us." really speaks to me. I feel that I am on the verge of a major change in my life that God is leading me to, but I'm fearful that my insecurities will keep me from taking a much needed step. And lastly, "Perfectionism is perhaps our culture's biggest temptation." explains a great deal as well.
I think my two primary roots of insecurity are rejection and and personal disposition. I think that God is helping me to slowly realize that even if this world rejects me or if it feels like they are rejecting me, HE will never leave me nor reject me. I am His and He loves me like no other.
1) The two that stick out to me the most is my weight and having people like me. Physically, I feel like if I had my weight under control, I would feel more secure and if I just could give up thinking and trying to make people like me that I could do better emotionally!
2) Even before this book, God has been teaching me to face my insecurity. That even though I am over-weight I force myself into situations where I could be the center of attention or I quickly repent of judging someone. And when faced with the possibility that someone doesn't like me, I am learning to pray and realize that this person is God's business, not mine. For example, I help with a bible study, and I fear that people may not like what we are doing, (this particular time we are doing this book!:D )and not ever come back! But, He is showing me to just be consistent. People will then know what to expect and always know that I am there, along with Him! And, sometimes being over-weight makes you more approachable and people feel more comfortable around you. I would much rather be like that!
Discovering that my insecurity is rooted in the instability in my home as a child. An alcoholic father and an overly critical mother made for a childhood of fear and constant discouragement.
Gloria
Jax, FL
40s
1) molestation as a child
2) instability at home. My mom was always angry and upset with my Dad and older sister. She was always going to leave us. When she threw her fits, my Dad would send me to calm her down. I felt such a heavy burden to keep her alive and staying with us.
I've dealt with those issues over the years with counseling, but it seems God really wants me to address the affirming how inferior I am. I realized I really don't know what humility looks like. I also need to understand the role perfectionism plays in my life.
1) I identified with the root of personal disposition. I am, by nature, very introverted (although I long to be more sociable!) and have let that really hold me back. I feel things so deeply that I assume everyone else does, also…so I look for hidden meanings and assume personal attacks very easily. I could understand every example you mentioned in that section! The second would probably be rejection. I had a couple of really good friends in high school, but was never part of the in-crowd. I didn't date much, and to a romantic, fairy-tale dreaming girl, that was very crushing.
2)The section about pride, where you talked about the desire to be noticed being answered by God's lavish love and attention for us, really spoke to me. I burst into tears when I read that b/c I had been feeling so condemned for feeling that way. Along came those sentences, and I just felt a weight lift off of my shoulders and joy grip my heart. The thing is, I was raised in the church, always been a believer…I know most of these things already, but I had lost touch or never really sincerely believed it about myself. I think God was also revealing that I still hold on to a lot of past feelings of rejection…even though I'm so happy now (married to an amazing man of faith, blessed with three beautiful boys), sometimes I still feel like that 13 year old who didn't make the cheer-leading squad and who had to invite a friend to prom because no one had asked her (he ended up becoming my husband, though…so God knew what He was doing!). This fear of rejection holds me back from being confident and from being myself. I could feel Him walking me through that list of rejections and finally being able to understand some of them and to accept the rest.
Rindie
Texas
20's
Married
Insecurity is rooted in me because since childhood I had to depend on what little strength and knowledge I had to love myself out of my own way of knowing since I was not shown how to love myself or love how God created me.
I was not shown healthy love. I was abused, then told to forgive, then abused, then told to forgive, then abused, then told to forgive…
All the while, I was never really searching for love..love from others or finding love for my own talents, attractions, etc. How do you know what you're missing if you've never really possessed it or truly experienced it in the first place?
But…praise God. Praise Him for His miracles today.
Something in me knew I had to face eternity one day, and I wanted truth as to what that would be like. Through God's word, at the age of 22, I literally read a couple of lines in Mark, and I could feel my heart breaking. I felt such TRUE love for the first time in my life somehow, someway. The chapter in Mark did not speak of God's love…something about the scripture just poured in me as truth and light in my dark soul.
That night, I did not know how to pray, but I knew I needed God's forgiveness more than anything. I asked Him to forgive, to forgive me for not seeking Him sooner.
That night, a miracle happened and I woke up and I felt on fire. I felt that something had crushed my heart, and I could feel this enormous amount of warm love pouring into my soul and into the furthest corners of where I had never been loved like I should have.
And that's what saved my soul…it took a miracle from God almighty to literally make me feel His touch, and who knows, what if I only experienced a fragment of His love? I cannot imagine what his Holy Presence in Heaven will feel like..such righteousness, such unstained beauty..oh blessed children of God, I understand His beauty of wanting to dry every tear from our eyes (as it says in Revelations).
While studying this chapter and writing in my journal, I went to LPM 2/14 blog, and guess what God reminded me about:
Solomon 8:1-7
For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy as severe as Sheol.
Its flames are flames of fire,
An almighty [unlimited power] flame.
Floods are not able to extinguish love,nor can rivers sweep it away.
I feel God reminded me of that experience I had with Him because on so many occasions, the enemy tries to make me think I made it up and that I never felt God's powerful touch in that way.
But as always, the chances of me thinking about my redemption and finding the scripture about an almighty flame of love is not coincidental…it's God, it's God's unlimited flame that touched me, and He affirmed it today to remind me that I did experience true love with Him, and I still will.
You see, the way I take it is this: God was livid..pretty angry that I was a child who longed for peace and love so much, but did not know how to even ask Him because I was never really shown that love was real. He allowed me to feel His touch curing and saving my heart. My innocence taken, my peace destroyed, my heart broken…how can one just want to love God when life has been such hell? When one does not know love or where to begin to look for it?
Jesus will seek out the lamb that is lost…He did that for me. It took a miracle to save my soul.
I have been reading some of the comments on here for a while, but have never posted before. But, chapter six of the book really spoke to me. From chapter 5, I would have to say dramatic change (moved when I was in Kindergarten, 1st grade, again in 2nd, and in 3rd, leaving my only sister behind this time as she was older and got married) thus causing me to have some real issues with making friends, and maybe rejection, divorce after 22 years of marriage. The one that really jumped at me though was pride. I struggle with pride vs. self confidence. Every time I even start to feel like I did something well, I feel like, "Oh, you shouldn't feel that way. It's prideful. Now, you are going to mess up." I would like to hear a lot more about pride versus confidence.
oops, forgot my info for my earlier comment:
Deana
30
Houston, TX
Single
1)Roots: Trauma of early puberty (10 year old in a grown up body) and criticism/perceived rejection by my father. I grew up believing that no man would ever find me desirable for anything except my body. I grew to believe that no man would willingly commit to a relationship with me. I have spent most of my adult life proving that to be true. Then spent the rest trying to cover up the lies. God has, in the last few years, shown me how MUCH He wants me,loves me, has pursued and fought for me. I trust Him now desire to please only Him.
2)Insight: I have a new understanding how dysfunctional my family was and how flawed I have believed myself to be. Any criticism from others or myself imperfection has reinforced that truth. God is showing me how precious I am to Him and that it really is OK to be human and that He can still use me! What a privilege! How I love Him!
Mickey
Minnesota
Single
50s
1) Instability in the Home (including divorce and abuse)
and Loss of Innocence
2) Insights…
A. Even though someone may appear to me to be very secure in all areas of their life, they still struggle with insecurity in areas that may not be apparent to me.
B. Even though someone struggles with insecurity, it can look very different than my insecurity.
C. How I respond to my insecurity affects my relationship with others… and how they respond to their insecurity affects their relationship with me.
D. My personal disposition predisposes me to insecurity. "In other words, the more tenderhearted we are, the more vulnerable to insecurity we'll likely be."
Sheri
Portland, Oregon
40s
Married
I'm a newbie to blogging so I hope I'm doing this right.
These chapters resonnated with me. My childhood was a difficult, abusive one and the hurt and pain I felt runs very deep. Sadly, the abuse touched the core of my being and helped mold me into who I eventually became. I am so thankful for Beth and this study . I am also currently in the Breaking Free bible study, which along with this study has given me much-needed help, love, support and wisdom. With God's strength and wisdom, I believe I grow stronger everyday and hope to turn into the marvelous child God knows that I am. Thank you all so much for sharing and also for you ministry, Beth. God is touching many lives through you.
Luna, Divorced, Glen Elyn, IL
Yep-I'm new-First Post
Instability and Rejection-My biological father left when I was 4. He would call & tell me he would pick me up and never show up. I would wait and wait on my front step-watching every passing car. I would be afraid to go inside (even to the restroom) for fear I would miss him somehow. If your own parent doesn't want you, who else would for heavens sake? Major insecurity with my wonderful husband stems from this. God is telling me to PUT HIM FIRST-HE never fails-seek HIS attention and approval-HE ALWAYS SHOWS UP!
My book took a little longer than expected to arrive so I got a late start and have been frantically playing catch up… thus the late response. I've fought with insecurity for over twenty years, but thought it was a fight that I'd pretty much won a few years back. I was so sure of it that I almost didn't get the book — and then I thought, well, it won't hurt to make sure it's completely rooted out. Oops… good thing I got it. Cause I'm discovering some deeply hidden roots that need to come out! On to the questions —
1) Identifying the root of my insecurity is easy. I've known it since it started. I was a happy emotionally healthy kid with a good life, and then the 8th grade happened. Two years of absolute torment from all my classmates and not a friend in the world transformed a normal little girl into a teenager suffering from severely low self-esteem, depression, generalized anxiety, and in particular, extreme social anxiety. (I've found written prayers from college years saying "Please God, if someone speaks to me today, please help me say hi." That severe.) It took me almost 20 years to "fully overcome" (I thought) the effects that two years had on me, and apparently there is still a bit of residual junk in there that I didn't even recognize until I started reading. It's time for it to go too. 🙂 I guess that falls under your heading of "Rejection."
2) "Rejection has a nasty way of making the healthy people we're hoping to attract hightail it like a scared rabbit the opposite direction." Story of my life. That of course just adds more rejection which results in more insecurity which made me even more a mess after each such relationship than I was when I entered it. Time to put an end to that vicious cycle once and for all.
Thanks.
Rebecca, WV
1. My 2 main roots are probably PRIDE and REJECTION. And yes, they are very intertwined. My rejection resulted in a huge puff of pride… I AM wanted, I AM desirable….. and then it was a race to prove my point.
2. Not even one hour ago, my husband and I got into an argument…. and I started it… and it was about a major insecurity of mine. I was venting, he tried to contribute suggestions… and then I got defensive and bit his head off. HELLO, PRIDE!!
Jen
20's
Houston, Texas
Married
1) Anyone with a "good" job.. esp. people who never went to college, yet get the high ranking jobs..I have 125 college hours, no i never graduated from college, but it still should have counted for something.. but it didn't..always ended up with the jobs no body else would do. The one thing that I would like to do is get some kind of degree..just to feel like i accomplished something in this life..( all of this is brought on by the "sowing and reaping" concept that I knew about even back in the day, but let it happen anyway)
2) To allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasures we have, there in His glorious reflections.
We'll also see the treasure we ARE. And the beauty pf the LORD our God will be upon us
i think the 1) answer came out much whiner than when i wrote it!
Delilah
Berryville, AR
married
40
I really enjoyed these 2 chapters. My top 2 would be rejection and PRIDE. To my amazement Pride was my huge root of insecurity. The fear of being embarrassed,made to look bad. I have made so many stupid decisions because of Pride.
Marita
40's
married
Maricopa,AZ
I think the biggest root of insecurity in my life is family instability. My parents rarely seem to get along and my dad drinks too much. We don't talk at all with one half of my extended family, and rarely talk to the other half. I have never really felt like I was a part of my own family. The other root that affects me tremendously is dramatic change. My best friend was diagnosed with Leukemia in 8th grade and just recently relapsed for the 3rd time. My life has drastically changed through this whole thing and it really hit me when it said this can be breeding ground for insecurity because we become addicted to dread. It is so true!
I know that God is working a tremendous amount in me through this book. I can sense so many changes coming about me, I cant even begin to describe. But, this week, the biggest insight I gained was the idea of humility. We find our lives when we give them up to something greater. I came to the realization that if I fully submit to God and trust completely in Him, none of the roots of insecurity will affect me.
Aundi
Gig Harbor, WA
19 and single
Roots for me:
a: Rejection – in gradeschool I changed schools, always having been a shy book worm did not lend itself to making new friends. I was Girl on the outside, teased for having oily hair, and several memorable times of friend abandonment as girls often do during school years all left their mark. I can see myself becoming more secure all the time, and every time I think I have "arrived" I learn how far God has to take me!
b: Significant loss – Loss of innocence that lead to the quest to fill the void inside with people's affection in unhealthy ways. Let's just leave it at that for a blog!
2) God is showing me how deeply I have been wounded, and that He does indeed want to heal me! He is opening my eyes to the real pain and infection that must be dealt with rather than just glossed over or ignored.
Praise God for leading us all on this journey towards freedom! And Blessings to all you Siesta's who have joined in the posting, this is awesome 🙂
Bridget in Phoenix, AZ
Married, Late 30's
Q 1) This week’s assignment has my head spinning. My two primary roots of insecurity are interwoven. They are family instability caused by physical and mental abuse and rejection. My father rationalized his awful upbringing away by thinking that a parent can not be kind or friendly to their children. I only remember one or two heart felt hugs from my Dad growing up. And even though I was a relatively good kid (I was too afraid not to be good), I was always a subject of his ire. My whole life now even into my late thirties, I think no one likes me – – -how can they as even my Dad does not like me. (I realize that is one of the devil’s lies but sometimes it feels so true).
I even sit in a group of friends weekly in a Christian accountability group, and feel the least liked.
I praise you God that I was spared from what my father went through as a child – my grandfather killed my grandmother, and was almost pure evil, but my childhood was still tough. You may not see the wounds but much of my psyche is still black and blue. I praise you God for helping me see that I am good through your Word, but I still have a long way to go.
Q2), My pride is so very wounded, and I need healing. And I am going to keep asking, seeking, knocking, and remembering to hold on unswervingly to the hope I profess, for he who promised is faithful.
Anita
Singleish
36, Mansfield, TX
Jenifer
Lincoln, CA
Married
20's (and expecting)
Two roots of insecurity for me are rejection (more specifically never feeling totally accepted within my family and friends for who I was with my imperfections) and the culture and media today. It's just so hard not to compare myself to the images that surround me.
Insecurity cheats God out of glory He deserves and keeps us from being true servants to Him.
"God has entrusted each of us with a brief measure of time on this planet, and each season is meant to be lived abundantly, effectively, powerfully, and pricessly." We can't live like this when we are consumed by our insecurities. That is becoming more and more clear to me.
With my baby girl on the way, I feel like God is helping me to understand just how crippling I've allowed insecurity to be in my own life (and break free from that), so that as she grows up, I can help her to realize that her beauty and worth come from God alone, not people, the media, or our culture.
Rejection and Personal Disposition – I believe these to be the two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity. Being the victim of child abuse is definitely wrapped up in these.
I sensed God speaking to me about pride, and in essence the severe insecurity that I have derived from putting hopes in other people when all of my hope should be placed in God and in His estimation of me. I came face to face with the reality that I have indeed looked for God in man. This chapter gave me insight into my God-given identity and that nothing or no one can take that away.
I think rejection would be it. I had my daughter at 15 years old and after the initial shock my family was very loving and supportive but that didn't cover up the response from school and so called friends and my daughters biological father. I have always been young looking and when I became a Nana in my 30's someone would ask how old I was and I felt the insecurity's building I would want to lie and say I was older. I felt like they were adding it up in their heads and knew how old I was when I had her. I have worked hard to keep pushing on. I graduated, have a good paying job, a great husband of 25 years and a wonderful son and daughter. I thank God for the decision I made. My daughter is a fabulous mom of my three beautiful grandchildren I am so proud of her. I have noticed when I start feeling insecure I have anger issues and God has been working with me on that. Helping me find ways to vent. I am also understanding of other woman just from reading the book.
Angela
Ohio
Married
45
I know for more than 100% that the primary root cause is my personal disposition. My other root cause is a combination of my perceived personal limitations with some family instability. However, this family instability comes from aunts and uncles not my parents. When I was younger my uncle committed suicide in our basement, an aunt shot herself in the head, another aunt was a chronic alcoholic and drug user. I became worried that I would be “crazy” just like them. I’m a very sensitive person who is actually emotionally healthy, but I do have personal limitations with my emotional health. I have to “work” to stay emotionally healthy and to me it seems like most other people do not have to do this constant “work”.
The insight I gained this week was an additional insight to a previous blog question. I realized I was more confident when I lived down south and attributed it to the way southerners, for me anyways, seemed to readily give verbal affirmation. However, I discovered it was also because I was away from my family and childhood friends. I was in a bubble, so to say, where I didn’t have to worry what others, my past related others, thought of me as they were not directly around. Now, I have 2 sets of family (as I am married) and find it a struggle being confident about what my in-laws think of me as well as the approval of my family and friends. The main theme God has been showing me is that I need to worry more about where I stand with God than Men!
Michelle
30’s, MI
Married with a one year old
Never participated on a blog before
The two biggest sources by far are pride and personal disposition. But I think a smaller source, dramatic change started it all. As a child we moved away from my best friend. For two years I had really close friends. Then we moved again. I have never realized it before, but I can trace the beginnings of my insecure feelings to that year. Prior I don't remember a single insecure feeling. After, I've felt insecure and like an outsider since, but I don't know that anyone would have guessed from the outside. I've been a homecoming queen, class officer, and yes, even the dreaded head cheerleader. I was valedictorian, but I was afraid to raise my hand in class for fear of being wrong. I had friends, but other people had "best friends" or a group of best friends. Others had boyfriends, but no on ever asked me out. At our reunion, I joked with a male friend about never having any dates. He responded, "Everybody was scared to ask you out. We all knew you were out of our league." I laughed it off, but as warped as it sounds, I almost took pride in that comment. However, I would have had a much better life experience if I had been a little less "perfect" and had some friends I felt close enough to be myself with or made it known that I was interested in certain gentlemen (would never have dared let on for fear of rejection!). I am not as much of a perfectionist as I once was, but I still see it in myself every day. Winters' quote described me to a tee – perfectionists seem very insecure, doubting their actions, fearing mistakes and rejection, at the same time, they have excessively high personal standards and an exaggerated emphasis on precision, order and organization, which suggests an aspiration to be better than others. Perfectionists' black-and-white thinking takes them on a roller coaster between feeling horribly inadequate and bad about themselves, and then, when things are going well, feeling proud to be so good. Even today I can feel horribly inadequate at work in the morning, and the most indispensable employee ever in the afternoon.
My personal disposition only amplifies the effects of my pride/insecurity combination even more. Oh Beth you are a girl after my own heart when it comes to toads or turtles in the road. And I can no longer watch My Dog Skip or Old Yeller – they affect me for days. In fact I can't even watch the comedies based on inept characters (Chris Farley, Jim Carrey, etc) because it hurts my heart. It's physically painful for me to see the characters hurt or embarrassed. Isn't that silly? Translate that sensitivity into my own pride issues and ooh, I am a mess.
And finally, did anyone note the percentage of ladies listing instability at home as their top issue? Family dynamics in America have changed over the years, and the media and society have done everything to convince us that having a traditional family is not that important. Yes, there are valid reasons for divorce, and economic reasons for moms working outside the home (I'm one of those working moms), and single parents often have no choice. However, I don't know if we truly realize the effect that situations have on our children. In addition to flat out abuse, I noticed comments here about not feeling wanted by step parents, feeling "in the way" in parents' new marriages, not feeling stable between different homes, not feeling as important as parents' work, not feeling worthy of parents' time, and the list goes on. Real or perceived, did the parents realize these feelings? My insight is that in addition to curing our own insecurities, we need to make doubly sure we aren't fostering some of those same insecurities in the next generation.
Kris in Alabama
30s and married
1)I think one root comes from parents, mostly my Mom, did not ever say they loved me. They seemed to have been like you said they did, but could some how not show it. I can not in all the years at home remember them saying they loved me.
That might have caused a root of rejection.?
I am pretty sure the younger years still effect me today. Even when I thought I had this mostly dealt with HA. It all comes to light that I don't.
Right now I am going through chemo. I lost a breast, and have no hair. !! what a time for this book. So looks fit in there too.
Now I loved my parents and we grew up on a farm 6 kids. Never mistreated well fed etc. But there seemed to be a lot of what would people think of this or that. We went to church, was in different things at school.I am sure they loved us all but just never said it or got a hug etc.
God has reminded me lots that he loves me and I am learning that more and more. Lost my husband 9 years ago and the Lord has taken such good care of me I am totaly dependent on him.I could not survive without him.Praise you Jesus
Pam
Campbellsburg In.
Single (Widow)
50's
Kali
Glenwood, Australia (by Sydney)
20s
Single
1. Instability in the home & Personal Disposition
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
I learned that the root of insecurity are often tangled together and are not things that grow independently. I think God was trying to tell me that my roots are more tangled and deep than I had originally anticipated. I felt like someone was saying, “Yes, I understand why you have these things – and they do have a reason for being there, but you’ve got to take control over them and break them so that you’re not wallerin’ in them for the rest of your life.” So that is what I am going to do!!
This is my first response to the discussion group, chapters 5 & 6 – WOW OUCH OH…where to begin, (1) I grew up, like many people with a dis-functional family (divorce-alcohol-drugs-abuse, etc.). Needless to say I've battled insecurities all my life, most of the time with the face of a fighter (hides insecurity well), (2) I'm a breast cancer survivor & while I KNOW that the Lord specifically chose me to do His work through breast cancer (in me and through me) & I totally believe that I am completely healed of cancer (in Him). On 01/01/10 I made a commitment to stop having a victim's heart, by that I mean to stop living like I'm waiting for the C bomb (or some other disease) to drop again on me or someone I love, and (3) I'm a hypersensitive FREAK and through life often wondered if I was just a freak because I'm so sensitive (more so than most people) I'll be jumping up and down with emotion while everyone around me are looking at me like I'm crazy. After ch 5 I now know that I've "coped" (pretty good with the Lord's help, but "coped just the same) instead of healed". WOW…If I could stop there…but then ch 6….(1) our culture HOW TRUE, and (2) PRIDE…EEEK….(fortunately the Lord worked a lot of that out of me when I lost all of my hair and gained weight from chemo treatments), but I now see how my controlling and perfecting attitudes are ways that I've compensated for feelings of low self-esteem. Gosh…I need more work than I thought. (smile) Michelle