Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
Anonymous 
Each and every time I post anywhere I am aware of the potential for misspellings or typos and I cringe. It's all about insurity and perfectionism. Your opening comments were hitting the target smack dab in the center Beth.
Perfect timing.
Good Shot!
"Dramatic change" was definitely a root for me. I grew up moving all over with a military father who was often not around. This also added to instability in our home. I had (and still struggle with) a need for stability–for something and someone in my life who would not change. To the praise of the Father, I know I have that in Him. But so often, when I found myself on the verge of something changing I was scared to death. I held onto unhealthy relationships and the thought of loss was more than I could bear. When I married my husband, we moved 6 times in the first 3 years of marriage. I finally decided that God wanted to shake my need for stability right out of me, because the fact is, ONLY He will never change. I am also doing the Esther Bible study right now, and the lessons on fear and God reversing our destiny have hit my heart in a big way. Because of the change and instability I have faced, I have been able to minister to many who find themselves in similar situations. I am a long way from totally living out my security, but all of the instability in my life has solidified my belief that God has, is and always will be my security.
1. Without a doubt, the death of my father when I was 8 years old is a major contributing factor toward my insecurity. The loss of his affection and mere presence was devastating and as the years went on, not having a father figure in my life left me ignorant of many things a woman in this world just generally needs to know about men. Major insecurity in the area of who men are and how they tick has been a problem for me– always. (Maybe that’s why God gave me all daughters!)
Rejection would be a more current reason for my feelings of insecurity as a woman. An almost broken marriage two years ago has left some debris in its wake. Through the grace of God, we have been reconciled, but those feelings about rejection just keep bubbling up sometimes, and I pray that God will enable those feelings to be erased just as He has made it possible for me to forgive.
2. I really believe that God lets us choose how we are going to deal with the feelings we experience as the “fallout” from life-altering experiences. Through His grace, we have the power to conquer them but, first we must recognize them. Thank you, Beth, for helping us to open our eyes.
I also believe that Satan can use them as a means to establishing a stronghold in our lives, and we must not let him have the victory!
Margie
60’s
Married
I forgot-
Emily
Oklahoma City
20s
Married
My top two roots of insecurity would be 1) rejection and 2)pride. The second one really caught me off guard because I knew I had lots of other issues before, but my eyes have been opened up to the ugly pride disguised in subtle ways. I am the poster child for "perfectionism is insecurity as an art form"
God has been softly callng me to love the me He made me to be, rather than all the other versions of me I have tried (and keep trying) to be. In the Breaking Free study I am in the middle of, one of the first few weeks you talk about knowing God and believing Him. I am on my journey to get to know Him better, but also believe Him in who he says he is so that I can really believe I am who He says I am. It's nothing like the insignificant, and sometimes worthless person I feel like much of the time.
Enjoy your time out in the middle of nowhere with your man. May you enjoy many quiet, sweet moments with the Lord.
Pride and Rejection (Much of it perceived).
The perceived rejection was not so much rejection as that other MORE URGENT needs (like a siblings critical illness) took priority over mine at the time. I'm one of those sensitive knee-jerk girls who takes a gentle rebuke (like you need to stay at school more rather than coming home every weekend) and turns it to a life changing attitude (like only going home Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Spring Break. Then after getting out on my own, only coming home to visit on a major holiday and NEVER just for a weekend trip). I need to realize I'm not the center of the universe.
Elaine
Katy
50's
married
Thank you Beth, for ever so gently saying what needed to be said. I have read your blog for years but didn't comment for the same insecure reasons as many. Like one of your other bloggers posted, I am a simple woman with simple thoughts, but I do love the fellowship of this community. I vow to not let the enemy win in keeping me from saying what's on my heart and mind and becoming active in sharing how God is working in my life. Bless you, Beth!
Tori
Covington, GA
20s, Married
1) I believe the first root would be the instability in the home. My parents divorced when I was 2 and my mom raised me pretty much on here own. I had to see my dad every other night for dinner and every other weekend and did not really want to. Not that he was bad or anything, I just had no idea what to say to him or how to talk to him. Thank God we have an amazing relationship now, but it was extremely difficult when I was growing up. Everything had to go through my mom to talk to him (because I did not really know how or what to say to him and as I got older and did not want to go see him, it became even harder). I am thankful for the "things" I had but I did not have what all the other kids had around me and as a child you become very insecure and I think that has stuck with me. The second root may fall under personal disposition. I am not perfect by any means (obviously I am reading this book for starters) but I have a huge heart and want to save everyone and every animal, etc. This puts me in the category of getting my heart crushed all too often. I tend to be that friend who is always there day or night who will help you out no matter what… take off work if need be, etc. but if that is ever needed for me, no one is there for me. I have had a couple recent friends that I have discovered are like this and it just pains me that (a) it seems that I always tend to be attracted to people like this and (b) makes me think what is wrong with me? what did I do? how come I can be such a good listener/ friend/ etc. and it just seems that they cannot return the friendship? (Keep in mind I am not saying I am the perfect friend, I am by no means and the only friend I have like this is my husband which is awesome, but sometimes you just need a girlfriend!)
2) I see great insight here. Not that I can promise overnight changes, but I am so pumped to start working on them! I have prayed and prayed and been up the past couple nights while reading the two chapters and God has just been speaking to me in some situations currently in my life and in the previously mentioned "friendships" He has said let them be… it is not worth the frustration, anguish and high maintenance nature… like on pg.99 at the bottom basically how it states …"As you become more and more secure, you will discover with great satisfaction how much more you can handle and, at the same time, come to recognize what you should not have to handle at all." Amen … right there it is… I had the realization that I should not have to deal with this… thus, I am choosing not to and to focus on way more important things!
I was so reserved and ashamed of myself all through school due to my (over) weight the fact that I was very unpopular and never had many friends. This was and is a huge insecurity. I would always think people were talking about me (they may or may not have been) and I am much better about it now, but it is still deep down in there somewhere. I would love to nip it in the bud (where did that expression even come from) and make it go away! I think that was extremely random, but there it is! I am so thrilled to see how God is working in all of us and am so thankful that He lead Beth to my life!
Mama Beth,
I finished the book and I feel like a big open wound. All this recognizing and hashing it out about kills me but I am so ready for the delivery, come Lord Jesus!!
1. Instability in the home is my giant #1. My parents divorced when I was 7, the same year they held me back in school because of the days I missed from either sleeping through class after a long night of listening to my parents fight or being kept out for one reason or another. My father received custody of my sister and I. Both of our parents soon remarried and while my relationship with my step parents is pretty good now, those early days were incredibly hard. My stepmom brought a lot of her own baggage to the table (which I couldn't have recognized at such a young age). The day we went shopping for dresses to wear in their wedding my stepmom asked me if I could please suck my stomach in. That was the first of many attacks on my size. Meanwhile, my mom and I had a relationship that got worse with every passing every-other-weekend visit. I think the divorce is also where I lost my innocence. I had to grow up at such a young age.
"I believe every adult still needs to be loved like a child. … But here's the good news: you can indeed look for that kinda love from God, and He will always love you like the perfect father does his child." Let it be Lord, let it be!!!
What is God teaching me about these roots of insecurity? They are how I have defined everything I deem good. I look at my past, what I hated most, and I make idols out of the exact opposite. When my first child was born, I created this image of everything my mother wasn't and I worshipped her in all her breast-feeding, cuddling, dependable, selfless perfection. That is until God crushed her to bit and pieces when breastfeeding wouldn't work, my son had a condition that required therapy and my hormones went off the chart crazy. Even after that much appreciated experience with my precious Savior, I still do it. I find new ways to make idols out of who I am not going to be and every time they fail me. Im desperate to get out of this cycle. If not for me, for my sweet two-year-old daughter who deserves so much better than this! I worry so that with all of my insecurity in relationships with mothers, that I am going to put pressure on her to fill that deep, aching void in my life in attempt to be the mother to her I never had.
Question 1: 1. Instability in the home. 2. Rejection. No death or divorce, but major dysfunction. Page 68 “If you’ve lived your life looking for someone to take care of you but always end up taking care of everyone else, your search is over. God has what you need, and you’ll never wear him out.”
My mother was the youngest of 10 children. She wasn’t able to attend High School because an older sister got the money to go to ‘Beauty School’. As the oldest of 4 I felt like I didn’t matter because the younger siblings came first. I was told I was too sensitive/emotional and felt I had to be responsible for way more than I was capable of…of course with this came a lot of failure and then rejection by my mother. I became a people pleasing, caretaking woman just to feel secure. God has helped me with this and have to say I feel more secure at 62 than I have in my life.
Question 2: Page 104 “Confidence on the other hand, is driven by the certainty of God-given identity and the conviction that nothing can take that identity away.
Okay, I really hate to do this here, but I don't know what else to do!
My sister pre-ordered your book for me so it would be shipped on the release date. I still don't have it, and I live just north of Atlanta!
She sent an email to the website she ordered it from, but has gotten no response. She has already paid for the book.
Can someone please contact me with an email or phone number or something so we can actually reach someone? I signed up to do this discussion with ya'll and I'm dying here! 🙂
She ordered it from the CCN website: http://www.ccn.tv/bethmoore2010/
Thanks,
Michelle Smith
prov31ladynt at windstream dot net
Missouri, age 39
I think the two main roots of insecurity for me are:
1) Rejection
2) Significant Loss
Both stem from divorce. Rejection by husband who said he wanted a beautiful wife. It will take a miracle of God for me to fully recover from that statement. I hate that I have let it hurt me over and over and over. Why can't I just let it go?
I also realized that divorce brings significant loss because it is the death of a lifelong dream — to have a "normal" godly family. I tried to walk with God, and I still ended up divorced. I don't know if I'll ever completely understand it this side of heaven.
Beth, I confess I started getting a bit worries all through chapter five. None of them really 'fit' if you know what I mean. Yes, there has been some loss, some rejection,some of it painful and traumatizing enough to earn a permanent spot in my memory. I found myself recklessly analyzing every memory I could scrape up from my early years in hopes of finding something that rang true.
And then I got to the last part of chapter six. PRIDE!!! I should have felt pricked or uncomfortable by being confronted with my own ego and foolishness, but all I felt was relief, and even joy. It's as if God was holding up a big sign that said TA-DA!!!! I'm crying and laughing at the same time when I consider how much time I've lost and the opportunities I have let pass because I was too afraid to TRY. All those times I've let my fears talk me out of doing or saying something I wanted with all my heart; it makes me angry to know that all that was stopping me was me!
God blessed me with a wonderful childhood, great parents and siblings; no reason to be emotionally hobbled by insecurity, yet it was there. But enough is enough. I know that it won't go away over night, but with God's help surely I will conquer.
I praise God for you girls and your ministry to countless women.
PS. Ps. 139 has been dogging my steps all week! In private study, at church, small group, listening to you and other teachers online…it was everywhere, even my memory verse for this week came from there! Now I know why 🙂
I am KNOWN by God and loved so much.
What a mighty God we serve
Rebekah
Yuma, AZ
29
Married
I guess I would say instability in the home and rejection. I grew up with a dad that really never wanted to be a dad. I happened before my parents were married so always felt a bit of the reason for their divorce 13 years later. Fill in the blanks with some verbal and emotional abuse…and alcohol, and you get instability in the home and feelings of rejection. I am praying that God is going to do amazing things in me as I journey through the muck of my past and how it is affecting my present. I just know He wants me to stop worrying about what others think and be confident that He who began a good work…WILL be faithful to complete it 🙂
I love you Beth…for writing this book…for speaking His words into my heart and most of all for pointing me to the author of it all.
love~Traci, Minnesota
42 ~ married
I feel the need to add that out of some of my worst experiences, even as a child with divorce and being held back in school, so much good has come from those things. I can see God's hand all over those rough years and I know that some of the beautiful things in my life now were birthed from the awful then. It is the stuff from those days that still follows me and eats at my insecurity that needs God's saving grace right now.
The two primary roots of insecurity that really impacted me was, "Instability in the Home" and "Dramatic Change"
When I was about ten my parents marriage when through a very rough patch. It really shook my world, no longer did anything feel solid. Now that I've gotten older I see how this has effected my personality. This chapter really helped to drive the point home the amount of insecurity that has crept from this root. Dramatic Change is a big one for me as well because we moved about every 3-4 years when I was growing up and the older I was the harder the adjustment became. By the time I was in high school I would just surrender to my feelings of insecurity and want to hide and try not to become involved in anything. And now that I'm older and I face bigger battles that same root festers and I just want to surrendor. Only now I feel like God is pushing me to such a place were I won't be satisfied with just giving up and giving in any longer. I didn't like that at first. Actually I through a royal hissy fit in prayer time. They ugly cry face, the snot rags, the makeup down the face and the cry of please make this all stop. But now I'm thankful that he is bringing me to such a place where I can not be conplasant any longer! Thank GOD!!
I really believe that He is speaking to me about my insecurity. It's kind of like a flash light that he shines on a little area a moment at a time. Sometimes is a nasty response from myself that makes me go, hmmmm I can't believe I just acted like that. And then sometimes it is how I handle a simple situation that I just doubt who I am and what God would have me to do because I might actually have to stand up for myself and speak truth and I realize I am a child of God and have courage. That I do have a good head on my shoulders (only because of God) and I'm special and I'm smart and it is okay to take a stand. And then I have to wonder how on earth I got to such a place that I didn't believe that God made each of us special and that included me.
Phew…. I'll stop typing now :O) Loving this book study and loving loving how God is using it to change my life. And I love reading other womans comments. It truly encourages me!
i've not read the chapters, yet. i will. i can tell you that one root of my insecurity at this moment is the very real possiblity of losing my momma to pancreatic cancer. she is, at this very moment, with her oncologist in houston. he is telling her the extent of the cancer and the course of treatment that we will be facing. i say WE…and i mean WE…i may be 10 hours away, but this will very much be a WE process. i'm the baby…there's just me and my sister…and this is hard. my momma needs me. and the prospect of losing her causes an imense amount of insecurity in my world.
My deepest root of insecurity is rejection. My grandmother lived with us growing up and often told me that she loved my older sister more than she loved me.
The second would be personal disposition – I am just a big scaredy cat! I am afraid of everything and thus insecure about much.
I have realized that there are very few people that I say "I Love You" to and it is because I fear their rejection. God has worked so hard teaching me that I AM LOVED sometimes it is easy to believe and know this and sometimes i simply have to will myself to believe. The Lord is working on helping me open my heart and trust more so that I can be an expression of His love to more people.
*I wrote this e mail to a siesta today and thought that is answered both of these questions so I am copying and pasting it here.
The more I read Beth's book, the more I realize that pride is a huge source of my insecurities…but the irony of that is just ridiculous…how can I have low self esteem and yet be prideful? This comment struck me dead in my tracks and I am Guilty with a capital G.
"We will never feel better about ourselves by becoming more consumed with ourselves. Superiority can't give birth to security. Neither by the way can the relentless pursuit of of perfection." And later on, "Perfectionists' black and white thinking takes them on a roller coaster between feeling horribly inadequate and bad about themselves, and then, when things are going well, feeling proud to me so good. Low self esteem and pride coexist in the same heart." Ouch, ouch, ouch! That is me!
Combine that with my sensitive disposition, and no wonder I am such a mess!! The enemy is at me today giving me a feeling that I will never get myself out of this messiness…I know that He can, but I don't believe that I have it in me…just feeling sick of it I guess…getting down to the truth is not pretty. I mean just today I am in a total funk because I have gained 5 pounds and it affects every facet of my life. I am sick of being worried about it. Sick seems to be my word of the day!
I did find this scripture encouraging and am not sure that I have ever seen it before, or maybe it is just speaking to me in a new way~
"Don't be mislead, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession." James 1 16-18
One thing that I am sure of is that I have totally undersestimated how life changing memorizing scripture can be. (And I have been inserting my name into it as well, which really personalizes it.) Both studies are speaking to me about this. (I am also doing Lysa Terkeurst's study "Becoming more that a good bible study girl") I mean, duh, I knew it, but I have finally gotten to the place where I HAVE to do this.
Thank you Beth for this book and to all of the others whose comments have made me feel like I am not the only one who struggles~
1. – I realized that I have a disposition towards insecurity. I also held onto rejections that were so old, and didn't matter anymore except that I was holding on to them.
2. The way GOd has spoken to me: ( our story) – My husband has a brother with a closed head injury. He does not follow regular social boundaries, adn often times we have to help him set them (ie., he will show up at our house late at night, or after we have told him it is not a good time. etc.). I really feel like God has impressed on me that we have to be careful not to make him feel rejected in the way we help set those boundaries with him, because his other family members DO reject him, and it is so painful to watch.
Not only have I realized that I am insecure ( I knew this), I am being alerted to ways I can not feed that in others.
Gulley
married
San Antonio
Forgot to add my signature to my comment~
Denise
40's
Married
Louisa Va
Sheryl
PA
49 and Married
1) My first root of insecurity is dramatic change. I don't think I have had any more of my share of dramatic change than others do in life, but often for me, the changes seem to have happened all at once. You know, the "when it rains it pours" kind of thing. I totally dread any kind of change – even the seasons! When life is good, I wish to freeze time, because I dread the bad things that might happen. I have even gone through times when I was afraid to answer the telephone because it might be bad news.
It is very painful to admit that my 2nd root of insecurity is pride in the form of perfectionism. I have very high standards for myself and others, but I have never admitted that I want to be better than others.
2) God is showing me so much about myself. I see how my fear of change and perfectionism are related. When bad things happen, life isn't perfect, and I have a hard time with that. The pride issue has been tough. I wasn't expecting to have to confess that pride has robbed me of relationships, happiness, and success. I really need to repent of this and find the true humility from God that will help me live securely. Beth said, "Pride is the result of mistaking of the eternal for the temporal." Wow! That was huge for me. I need to start "looking up" to "look in." May God forgive me and help me to remove this root from my life. "Create in me a clean heart, O Lord, my God, and renew a right spirit within me!"
Sorry that I'm so late jumping on board. The first book I ordered never arrived, so I had to order another. I'll catch up as quickly as I can!
First, Beth, thank you for a safe place for me to be myself in this "no intimidation zone". I've read this blog almost from day 1, but have very rarely commented, feeling that what I had to share didn't measure up. Here at least I can lay down the burden of perfectionism.
As for the roots of my insecurity, most of it stems from a childhood loss. My dad died when I was 6. And I think that somehow morphed into a fear of rejection. I'm such a people pleaser that I'll do almost anything to have friends like me.
The other is personal disposition. Like you, I tend to be hyper-sensitive. I'm frequently told that I wear my heart on my sleeves.
What most resonated with me? "God has entrusted each of us … with a brief measure of time on this planet, and each season is meant to be lived abundantly, effectively, powerfully, and pricelessly."
I've read enough of this book already to admit I'm scared at the prospect of delving through all the layers to finally find healing for all my deep-rooted insecurities. But I think I'm finally more scared not to, and to continue living with self-sabotage. I want to have the confidence to live with my God-given identity! I can't wait to work through this journey with my siestas!
Linda
Red River, NM
40's
Single
I am a pastor's wife, and I struggle with insecurity when it comes to our congregation. It is so difficult to find a good friend whom I can trust to simply be myself.I am so busy but so lonely. I have the Lord and a wonderful husband, but not one good girlfriend after 8 years here. Sometimes I wonder…is it me??
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
The two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are REJECTION and Personal Disposition. Stemming from my childhood I never handled rejection well. As an athlete not making the team, I would cry my eyes out and my parents only comfort was that I didn't need that team anyway. When I had my first break up ever – – that feeling of rejection was awful and I got the same response from my parents. I was so afraid of failure or being imperfect even to this day that I can't handle failure and rejection very well. When I got laid off from work or when my boyfriends or husbands cheated on me, I felt so rejected that somehow I wasn't (fill in the blank) enough. Personal disposition is definitely me. I am very hypersensitive floating from emotion to emotion so quickly that not many people can keep up with me. I have cried so many times at church because I'm happy – – I have to wear waterproof mascara. The other day, some squirrels were fighting and running across the street. I tried to avoid them but ran over one of them and felt so bad that day.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
I've learned that the roots of insecurity are found in anyone and anybody I meet could have had those same experiences. I definitely know of individuals who have had difficult family upbringing or dramatic loss or change in their lives as well as a root of their insecurities. I also see some things as a catalyst for positive change. I understand my hypersensitivity and love that about myself because I know that I have compassion and that with discipline and teaching I can use that compassion towards positive ventures and activities for my spiritual growth and to assist others.
Trish
First-timer
40's as of two weeks ago!!
1. Instability in the home-Years of unfaithfulness by my father prompted my mom to call it quits and took my little sister with her. My older sister and I grew up with my immoral father and I drank, took drugs and went from boy to boy trying to soothe my broken and now over-sexualized heart. So at 17, because of my deeds no one wanted me. I went from house to house finding a place to live and places to work to "get by".
2. Significant Loss – My older sister, who tried her best to be my mom and struggled with the same environment we had with my dad, killed herself two years ago. She gave up. OH Lord, I know why. It has been really hard these past couple of years.
BUT be of good cheer! The Lord has had me in His hands all of this time. Now He is gently and lovingly, but whoa, working hard on me to make Him my One and only security! Reading all of the words in Chapter 7 has made me so uncomfortable inside and I wanted to stop right there, but I hear Him saying "sound familiar?" And as long as I am Secure and Significant to Him….that's all that matters. I praise Him and thank Him for NEVER giving up on me when everyone else had. Thanks Beth for digging deep, helping me Believe God, and sparking the desire to Be Free in Christ Jesus alone. HE is all I want! I certainly don't deserve it, but He has blessed me with my awesome MAN and three kiddos to raise. The last 10 years have been the best of my life and He alone is to be praised. I pray He will use His work in my life to help others not feel alone or like church goin outcasts because of their pasts.
Thank you so much for your ministry and being faithful to His calling on your life.
Oh Beth, I just got my book yesterday. I'm so stinkin' excited!!! Pattie in North Dakota, where it's still cold…
1. My two primary roots would Rejection, (I have no self-esteem or self-confidence) and Personal Disposition! My 'emotional nerve endings' are definitely exposed like live wires. I wear my emotions on my sleeves!
2. I feel that my insecurities have caused me to be a people-pleaser. I love people and truly believe that each one of us has a tremendous story to tell, but in my past I made several big life decisions to please my MIL, that I truly regret now. I wish I would have had the courage to stand my ground and beliefs. Fortunately, I have the most wonderful gift in my Man–he's awesome. Because of those decisions, a jealousy has reared it's ugly head regarding my MIL. I've asked God to remove this jealousy from my heart and help me move forward.
Thank you, Beth for this study! I love that we can feel secure in sharing our lives here. Praying for all our group as we march on through the rest of this book!! And for goodness sake, take an extra shell or two in your pocket!! Enjoy your time in your little corner of the world!
Though I risk being long-winded, I'm going to be secure and not worry about how long my post looks today :O)
I've decided to go for it and admit my biggest root of insecurity – though I am extremely aware that to most of you this may be insane. Culture is my #1. I feel that any minute I am going to surpass being useful on this planet. I'm 28 and feel as if I am too old to really make a difference in the world. I'm killing myself trying to learn as much as I can about life and God because I'm so aware of time and it just ticking away. And, even though God is blessing me and I know He is training me up in the way I should go, and I know He is the reason I have the hunger to know more and do more, I feel this driving force telling me to get it together before I turn 30 or I won't have a shot at doing anything of worth with my life.
I know it isn't true. I know developing and working for God is a life long journey. I sense it in my bones He has a plan. And, all the people I look to as mentors are really succeeding in their lives after 40, but my relationships with them are all one-sided. I get what is possible, but I have no one affirming in me that I am on track in life you know? Therefore, it really is a struggle to fight the lies of my culture that being young, beautiful and successful is the standard. Yeah, I'm working on my education b/c that is what God has told me to do, but I'm not married, I don't have kids – so am I behind in this game of life?
This last year has brought change though. I agree with Beth, sometimes we just have to take a break from it all and focus – that really has helped me. God has been working to help me deal with the other top insecurity, change. I am that person who grew up in a stable home for the most part, even though I moved more than an army brat. I was in at least 12 schools K-12 so change is my middle name. But, I'll save that story for another day.
For me, life has changed. And, it really has changed for the better. I really am starting to feel more secure and I look forward to what I will learn in the weeks to come. I look forward to this feeling increasing.
I'm praying for you peeps,
April, 28, single, CT
Okay…I am already behind finishing up ch. 3. so I haven't posted-wasn't gonna post this time but -thanks Beth you encouraged to me …well to not be insecure about being behind!!!!! I've allowed to many other insecurities to get in my way to even have to time to read.
Oh yeah,
Jennifer
40
OKC
Buying books is not in our budget right now, so I am (im)patiently waiting for my library to get this book in (they have ordered it at my request) so I haven't read any of it but the free online excerpt. That alone was enough to convince me I NEED to read it.
Today, I read the quotes Lindsey posted (9:11 a.m.) and started to cry… Oh, my, I guess I have some more healing to do. Thank you, Beth, and all commenters for sharing so openly. Can't wait to get started on the book soon.
That "Dude" might have been my husband! Did he have flipflops on too? We all warn him that he will drive all the dogs crazy! Does he listen … no he does not!!!
Just checked … he is at the office! Whew! It is stinkin' cold here! Thought he might have gotten tired of it and headed south!: )
But seriously~
I have had a huge battle with fear my whole entire life! I conquer one fear and another raises it's ugly head. I am insecure mind you but I think the root of my shakable spirit stems from fear. I am on to it now … and that really helps!
Have a great time, Beth!
: }
Cheri
1. Instability in the home (I've always jokingly said that my family put the Funk in dysfunctional)
2. Pride…lately I've begun to realize that I am so "full of myself" but yet SO insecure and I thought those were complete contradictions. Now I know that pride and insecurity belong together!
I had to stop and re-read the part about how we spend our lives screaming "Someone notice me!" You pointed out that He made us that way so that we would seek Him! It gave me goose bumps all over!
P.S. I decided to comment BEFORE looking at all of the other comments because I will want to comment then I will look at all the comments on here and feel like I don't "get it"…ugh I just realized I used the word comment 100 times in one sentence!
Thank you for doing this Beth!
Janice
44
Tumwater, WA
The roots to my insecurities can all be summed up in BELIEVING LIES. I've believed lies about God (He likes someone else more than me), I've believed lies about my past (I have to be perfect, or appear to others that way because I've got to overcome all the baggage I bring) and I've believed lies about other people. (they must think _________ about me).I tend to be a "people pleaser", so everyone will like me.(not everyone will!) AND I'm a minister's wife so I need to be "perfect"…..bear up under the scrutiny.
So, the insight the Lord gave me was this: whether or not I look good enough, weigh the right amount, dress the appropriate way, wear my hair the most flattering way, graciously open my home to members of the congregation or parent my children acceptably, HE LOVES ME.HE ALWAYS HAS. Even when I was at my most self destructive.
And I need to get a grip.
Pride and unbelief.
Huh, maybe I need to go back and do "Breaking Free" again.
(YIKES, did I just admit this stuff openly? No intimidation, right?)
Oh Ladies! I have missed you and am a little behind… but if anyone is interested here are the thoughts that have been rolling around in my head the last two weeks…
Week 1:
The part of the definition that most made me go “Ugh” was that the insecure person is actually self-centered. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh…. Ugh-ly! How true. The more we feed our insecurities the spiral down into self-centeredness pulls us further and further away from Christ-centeredness.
I was thinking of this like a cycle. Since we can’t do graphics on posts, think of these two diagrams as circles each feeding the other:
Self-centeredness =Insecurity = Self-consciousness
Christ-centeredness = Security = Self-evaluative
It is Christ-centeredness that gives us the freedom and security to be honest with ourselves about our sin. That honest self-evaluation opens the door for us to be transformed toward Christ-likenes.
I pray we close these books transformed from self-centered to Christ-centered. It is after all in that Christ-centeredness that we will find our real security!
Week 2- Oh, jeeze… my PFP! I have to agree with one of the ladies who said “It depends on which group of people I am with.” UGH! I am doing another study right now of Timothy Keller’s latest book: Counterfeit Gods (topic of modern day idolatry), it too is amazing— and funnily enough, quite applicable to insecurity! It occurred to me that our insecurities feed our idols. Those False Gods— the “It” thing we think : “If I just had it…” (Fill in the blank- a better body, a more romantic life, a better job, a more secure financial situation, more creativity…) "then I would be ok… more secure- for sure"! Nope… the insecurity feeds our self-centeredness, and our idolatry of longing for these things leads us exactly as Beth says… TO ACTING STUPIDLY!
We don't need "it!"
We need HIM!
Picking up week 3 questions and hoping I can catch up!I love you Siestas!!!
Amby
Lake Stevens, Wa
37yrs old
married & spoiled!
The two primary roots I most related to are instability in the home and pride. Like so many other sisters out there I discovered the idea that you can have both low self-esteem & pride..CRAZY! God really is speaking to me to STOP affirming how inferior I am!
Instablility in the home for me stems from being born of parents that were 12(mom) and 14(dad) and being raised mostly by my parents (trying the best they could while going to school, being a kid etc…)and my wonderful grandma who was busy raising 6 kids of her own plus many other "foster kids" who needed guidance. FEW that was a mouthful! I was exposed to many unhealthy situations until about the age of 6 when my parents moved out, grew up(somewhat) & got married. I know that my childhood is partly the result of my insecurities. I was not raised in a christian home BTW. I do believe with all my heart that God planned my existance.
To conclude, I definately hear God saying it's up to me to change the way I react to all things, and that it's up to me to forgive the past experiences so that I can grow in security. PSALM 139:1-6, 13-17 in chapter 6 is a fresh reminder of how much God loves each and everyone of us! AMEN
1. a. Instability in the home. I would have liked to be able to depend more upon my parents. b. Rejection. I remember always having a hollow feeling because I was not good enough… for anything.
2. The explanations make such sense, almost like math equations. I am reminded that He has redeemed me, in so many ways, on so many levels. He has given me such confidence that I never has as a child or young adult. H is still teaching me unconditional love, to recieve and to give.
Karlys
La Place, LA
50's
My roots of insecurity go deep, and I've spent the last year in pretty intensive counseling for depression. God has done such a work in my life, and has healed so much of me that was broken, but I can't begin to narrow down the roots of my insecurity to two.
However, I really want to answer question 2 even though I had not intended to "officially" participate.
I am at least 100 lbs overweight and have been since shortly after I married my husband at age 22 (I'll be 40 this year). My counselor and I decided it was finally time for me to deal with it, and so I have joined WW for the first time in my life. I started trying to stay within the guidelines, but it was like I just couldn't make myself! Finally, in an act of desperation, I found myself on my knees, asking God what in the world was keeping me from even making the effort to get healthy. The answer came the next morning as I was reading your book.
I was at the end of chapter 6 and started reading about perfectionism. Oh Beth! It was like you were describing me in every detail! But what opened my eyes in such a profound way was the PRIDE at the root of my perfectionism. I realized that in my PRIDE, I thought I was somehow better than all those (ahem) "fat people" who were having to follow the system. Somehow, I was different. I thought I was going to lose weight just because I decided to finally lose it – forget the work. Once I saw that, I was finally able to confess the underlying sin and start saying "Yes, Sir" to God. The change was immediate and dramatic. This isn't going to be easy, but that's okay. I'm just so relieved by the confession and forgiveness.
Dearest Beth,
I read your entire book in one day as I could not put it down and am now reading it again slowly with the rest of you. I just wanted to tell you that thanks to God dealing with my insecurites – I thought I had met the man of my dreams but he turned out to be controlling and verbally abusive. There was a time I would have taken that and did. No more! Nobody gets to trash this treasure!
Love ya Beth, watch out for those rattlesnakes! (Grin)
Kitty, Atlanta, 55
After reading Chapter 5, I think, because of several failed relationships, the root of my insecurity is "I'm on my own. No one will take care of me." AAArrrggghhh. I think I have put too much pressure on any human relationship. God is speaking to me through, and I am memorizing His word, "Even when you are old, I will be the same. Even when your hair has turned gray, I will take care of you. I made you and will take care of you. I will carry you and save you." Is 46:4 His Word will overcome insecurity!!!!
Holly
Colorado
41
Married
I was surprised to learn what my two primary roots of insecurity are. I would say Instability in the Home and Pride!
I always pictured my family growing up as the "perfect Christian home". I always felt loved, but it was dysfunctional. My Mom was/is very insecure and always worried about what other people thought. She always painted a pretty picture, never really sharing her heart with anyone. My brother turned from God in college and has decided to live a very destructive life. My Mom literally told me and my sister that we were to tell no one, this was to be a family secret. She begged me in tears not to tell my husband while we were dating. She actually told me his family was too perfect. I felt she did not think I was worthy of his love? Which was crazy because she was worried about choices my brother was making and not me – his sin not mine. We still deal with this all today, 20 some years later. I carried this shame and often felt I wasn't worthy, but my faith was strong and God showed me I was worthy.
My family still relates this way today and recently I've become disillusioned by it. realizing for the first time that my view of my family growing up was the pretty picture I was taught to paint and not reality. I'm so glad God has used this bible study to help me in this area. God is so good…all the time!
Does someone respond to the women who need a book? I've seen a couple of those and figure that you, Beth, are taking care of them 'cause you do that oh so well. Or should we respond to help?
Beth and Siestas, I hope I did not offend anyone in my comment last week when I wrote OUR in all caps- it is just that so many were putting "out" instead of "our", and it just changed the whole meaning of what we are after. I didn't want anyone to miss out. That is the schoolteacher in me, maybe… anyhow, you all have so much to teach me!
Love,
Fran
I have read the chapters, answered the questions, read the responses but have not posted "live." I am following along closely though. Roots of insecurity–several. Rejection and feel inferior to anyone/everyone. Struggled my whole life for numerous reasons. I am truly hoping the Lord will help me through this, it has really stirred some things up in me! I want to be healed, whole, and set free! Thank you Beth for creating a safe zone
I'm a first timer today contributing to your site. I went looking for it after completing our Esther Study last week. I would say I struggled with insecurity mostly in my younger years from instability in the home and also from dramatic change. One of my parents was very domineering and we uprooted and moved 5000 miles away from all our friends and family when I was almost 14. I accepted the Lord as my savior when I was only 5 years old and thank Him for His companionship over many lonely years. I married at the age of 17 but God graciously gave me a godly husband with lots of humor. He drove me crazy for quiet awhile but by God's great mercy and grace we will celebrate our 33rd wedding anniversary tomorrow. A person knows when their spouse really is wearing off on them when in their spouses absence they throw out the same pun their spouse would have used had they been there! I'm not a confronter and really had insecurities about leading the last Bible Study on Esther without my sidekick, Jan to co-lead with me. She was going to lead the same one at a different time. I was so worried that someone would really get off track and talk negatively about someone and I wouldn't know how to handle it. God was so gracious and I never had to face it. What a wonderful group of gals. Some had never been in a Bible Study before. A few of them expressed what some have blogged on here, about feeling like they are so new in the faith or that they don't have all the spiritual insights that others have. I praise God for their tender hearts to grow and they have NO IDEA how much it means to us seasoned gals to watch them light up with realizations and insights about what God is speaking to them about. It encourages everyone around them. Well enough said, except, Beth PLEASE come back to Alaska to speak. (some of us are heading down to Anchorage for the simulcast in April, though.) I can make you and your man a mean Alaskan Seafood Chowder! he-he
I got so tickled at myself in the hair salon today reading SLI…Oh, the irony! 🙂
This week a situation occurred with my husband that would have sent me over the top..through reading the book I learned this was due to my insecurity…I have been praying for God to help me become a more secure person…so God gave me my first pop quiz…and guess what…I didn't react the usual way …didn't even get upset..PRAISE GOD!!!..thank you God for being faithful and delivering us from our insecurities
My two primary roots of insecurity are Significant loss and rejection. My father passed away when I was 10 years old. The other insecurity issue is rejection. I am so afraid of rejection I keep people at a distance and if I do get close, I fear they will eventually reject me.
God hit me smack-dab in the head while reading this book and simultaneous doing my regular morning study which happens to be–"Living Beyond Yourself the Fruit of the Spirit" by our own Beth Moore–I saw myself as God actually sees me. As a secure person doing his will. I have hope for what I will be and this causes me to want to presevere and not give up my confidence in Christ. I am so in awe that God loves me so much to meet me right where I am and show himself to me.
Sabrina
married
40's
1. I'm pretty positive amongst all my roots, which I match a lot of them, my insecurity comes from the instability in my home and significant loss. My father was an alcoholic and there was never a stable feeling. We moved a lot because of it. And then with the significant loss, I lost my daughter at 3 months old to SIDS and then my husband to a car wreck all before I was 21 years old. I always have expected the worst because I was basically tired of the shock. I didn't want to be surprised anymore so I have always thought of the worst in any situation.
2. Just bringing this all to my attention I think is God's way of showing me my strength's. I have always hated people feeling sorry for me and I used to lie and tell people I was divorced, mainly because I didn't want them to pity me. I do believe that I wouldn't be the person I am today without these experiences. I am blessed with more children and a loving husband once again. This shows that God does make all things new again!
Wendy
30's
Celina, TX
married
Please count me in as one of your new 100 who have never commented before. I have lurked around for some time now, did the Summer Siesta Bible Study with friends at my house, and now have one friend reading the new book with me! We are amazed at how much we women have in common in this area. It is so great to know that we have THE hope. Can't wait to read some more!