Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
Barbara35 
1) The roots of my insecurity are a combination of rejection and disposition. I have a mother who never wanted kids who was coerced by a husband who would one day leave her. Add the rejection of several friendships and relationships as a kid (and even two big ones over the last 6 months) and I live in constant fear of rejection.
I laughed out loud at your description of your (Beth's) disposition! Then I cried. I've never been told it was ok to be sensitive. My disposition has always been ridiculed and after reading chapter 5 I was excited to know I wasn't the only really sensitive person out there 🙂
2) I'm seeing how rejection has taken a toll on mind and how it bends and warps EVERYTHING I perceive. I feel so messed up and I have tried getting fixed through school and even church activity, but I always end up feeling EVEN MORE rejected, unwanted and unseen. God showed me that my sense of insecurity goes down DEEEEEP. I now realize that only He can uproot this sense of rejection and that I've never even asked Him to. I also realized He can/will help me work with my sensitive nature rather than against it.
Lori
Married
New Mexico
1. That God knows our emotions and insecurities and that He has enough security for both of us.
2. It is holding me back from truly living. God made me to be better than that.
3. Recent trigger is the women at Bible study. They all know each other and hug and laugh and seem so happy. I feel like an outsider, not accepted, not able to be part of the group. I'm polite and smile and still remain always on the outside because I don't feel that I'm good enough to be accepted. It crushes me though I would never let that show.
4. Dignity, the self feeling of being worthy and 'OK'.
I need to revise my previous statement. I have re-read these chapters and I am convinced that most of my problems stem from Pride. I could hedge around and make excuses, but that is what it comes down to and it terrifies me. I know my Lord doesn't want me to have a prideful heart but I don't have what it takes to kill it. I need to beg God every morning to crucify my pride.
dangit, I keep forgetting to self identify
Deirdre
40
married
My two my main roots are rejection and instabilty in the home. I am now able to associate my fear of people to never being able to please my mom. I have one brother and two sisters. I feel like we were always in competition with each other. We don't have a close relationship. There was this game called hide and go seek. My brother would get me alone and fondle me;Skin and on skin. I was teased for being overweight and constantly ridculed. Imagine being branded with no worth and feeling no value. Which would later lead to poor decisions in choosing a mate.
I know he is speaking to me in the area of pride. I am dumbfounded how a person can have low/no self-esteem and be prideful. I have been called standoffish, which I don't have a problem with that. I don't naturally trust people because I've been hurt alot. When I looked up standoffish and I say superior as a related word. I hit the floor. I don't think I am superior to anyone. If anything it is the other way around. Needless to say God is working on me in this area.
Lyida, OKC,OK; 21 and single.
1.) Being lied to by my first, serious boyfriend and then having to break up with him.
2.) My insecurities go way back before I started dating this guy; my relationship with him only brought it to a head. But I know more than anything, God brought this guy into my life to help me see my insecurities and to find my meaning in Jesus Christ and not a guy.
1. The two primary roots
(personally I call them branches the root in my humble opinion is bitterness)
Rejection
Personal Limitations
2.How very deep it is in me, rejection and personal limitations. How very much it has colored my world and has been the filter to gage whether I am loved or not. That it is based on my ability as well as how talented I am. As I grew up, I was very shy and very much a stammerer. It was difficult to feel loved because my Mom was distant in being a loving, hands on Mom. I was always fighting for attention from her and being a middle child that didn't help either. So, I felt rejected. Just a few days ago, I was speaking to a friend about my situation with God. I wanted to pray and we did. In the middle of the prayer and talking she began to feel the grief of God for me, she began to weep expressing how much He loves me. This penetrable grief she was expressing shocked me that God felt that grief over me.
Carrie
30's
Married
Princeton, MN
1. Two primary roots? Well, I have three:
Rejection (perceived)
Pride/Perfectionism
Personal Dispostion
2. I had never thought about personal disposition being a root of my insecurity. I like being tenderhearted and really feeling things, but I am definately ready to give up the insecurity. I've had enough of it to make me sick (literally).
Always a work in progress…
Married
50's
PA
(1) The two primary roots of insecurity that I struggle(d) with are: (A) Instability in the Home (Physical, Emotional, and Verbal Abuse), and (B) Personal Disposition (ET…Especially Tender-hearted).
(2) To tell you the truth, Beth, my heart lept when I read that having a tender and sensitive heart was not a character flaw. Harsh words and mean-spirited, judgemental comments crush(ed) my spirit. Tears, broken sadness or pulling away most often were met with "you are too____". I, too, 'feel' with passionate intensity; and, yes, it makes me feel alive!
God is whispering quietly to my wounded heart. He is showing me gentle love through His Word, and telling me that He indeed sees me and that I matter to Him. Thank you, Father.
I'm catching up and am a little slow posting my answers:
1) The root of my insecurities are Rejection and Pride. Isn't that a receipe for disaster?! Early in my twenties, I was smitten with a boy and was rejected. I adored him. I respected and look up to him. He loved the Lord. His leadership in my spiritual life was very strong. I placed him on the highest pedestal. Dangerous! When I lost him, I hit rock bottom in my faith and my self-esteem. It's a very long and ugly story. But, as I grew out of the pain–I continued to walk with Christ. However, I took on a "I don't need anyone" attitude. Again, quite dangerous.
I totally realte to the Pride and Perfectionism. (page 105) It has been many years…since the loss of this relationship. I am Blessed! God has given me, much: A husband, who adores me. Children, precious children. A position to serve Him, in the ministry. God is good, all the time. I am thankful for this book and this blog. God is definantly speaking to me. May I turn loose of the pride and not take it back. Thank you, Thank you for this book.
Marci
Arkansas
Married
30s
I know it's late, but I've been a little behind and I promised God and myself that I was going to do this… late or not… so here they are…
Q1: After Reading these 2 Chapters. What do you believe to be the 2 primary roots of your struggle with insecurity?
A1: Probably for me I would have to say the top 2 are the Culture and Rejection. Oh my. I found that I am a lot more insecure in ways that I may have masked for so long that I didn't even realize that it was insecurity anymore. I think that being Rejected several times as a teen and even some in college I see how it has affected me now. And I feel the Culture has had a huge impact on my insecurity and feeling like I have "worth" in others eyes. I know it's a lot deeper but this is the start to some amazing healing 🙂 Thanks from the bottom of my heart.
Q2: What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it?
A2: I most definitely feel like God is speaking to me, opening wounds that needed opened, over and over I can hear Him telling me that I am good enough to Him… I am worthy to be his child. I feel I have so far to go, but I am happy to be on my way.
I'm late, but I realized that I was enjoying the book so much that I was reading too fast and wasn't absorbing the message. I have started back at the beginning with a journal and pen in hand hoping and expecting God to do amazing things!
Roots of insecurity:
1) Instability in the home.
My father had already had multiple affairs by the time I was 3 and it was obvious to me as a 3 year old that my Daddy was "gone" with someone again. We had a hard time financially as well since my mom couldn't rely on him for money. He returned as usual and I spent a large part of my younger years trying to learn to be comfortable around him since I felt like I didn't know him.
2) Personal disposition. "Some people take things harder and deeper to heart than others" That's me for sure! I believe for this reason the instability that was in my home affected me far more than it did my sister.
3. PRIDE
Insight gained:
I was sitting in the OBGYN office for my annual visit reading the book, got to the last page of Chapter 5 and it was all I could do not to absolutely break down right then and there. "He knows it's scary to be us" I have said that statement over and over to myself since then. For some reason that simple statement is so healing to me. It speaks of validation, of understanding, and acceptance. In finding my roots of insecurity I feel validated, like I can finally put those puzzle pieces together and I'm thankful He doesn't discount my roots and harshly judge my actions.
Country Fried
Oh He loves you girl! Thank you so much for sharing your story. Give Him a chance and He will not disappoint.
You are loved by Him and His Son, and by us girls here in Siestaville. HUGS
1. Instability in the home and rejection. I don't think i have ever REALLY been rejected (maybe some by my father) but i have always had a very real, very deeply-rooted fear of it. I always broke up with boyfriends first to make sure I wasn't the one rejected. Personal disposition is one for me too…i cry about everything, am very tender-hearted, and tend to get hurt more easily because of that.
2. I was moved by the second paragraph on page 66 about your fear being confirmed when no one stops abuse, even if they are oblivious. I hadn't ever really thought about that before. Any time I think about my childhood abuse, I only think about the physical aspect of what it cost me, and self-blame for not speaking up and making it stop. I have never thought ill of my parents for not knowing or stopping it….but I definitely walked away feeling that no one is going to save me. I am still pondering the sentence from page 85 that says insecurity results from how we've coped rather than how we've healed. that is some powerful stuff. i think all i ever do is cope.
oops…sorry I forgot to add the end stuff.
Kristi
30s
married
Nashville
I am leaving a comment really late for this one
Two roots that I seem to struggle with are culture and pride. Those are the biggest. The culture part of mine isn't necessarily what I see on TV or Magazines it is what our small town deems necessary to be "it". There is a feeling of needing to be perfect. We used to always joke in high school that we would be glad to leave so that we didn't have to wear our prom dress to wal-mart. I think the next one is pride because my feelings get hurt over stupid things like when I can't get in touch with anyone or when someone won't call me back I get this very irrational thought in my head that it was planned or something…there is that whole making you crazy thing you mentioned!
2. I feel that some of these roots are so intertwined that it is hard to distinguish one from another at times. I felt like I had a hard time figuring out what "category" my insecurities fit in and then as I would think about it I would think well the reason I am like this is this which was caused from this and etc. I think some insecurities cause so many others that you have to dig really deeply to find the underlying root of the whole problem! ***stepping down off of my soapbox**
Mary Katherine
Married
20's
won't tell my town since I mentioned it in my comment.
So I'm really behind but I'm still moving forward! Sorry for the length of this post. But I do hope God uses it in the lives of others. I'm so blessed by the authenticity of so many of the women here!
California
Married
30's
1)• Instability in the home coupled with the major change of moving at the height of that instability. I don’t think I ever really understood how much those two things really are a root of my insecurity. Dad’s abuse of alcohol & insconsistent behavior was confusing & obviously unstable for our family. Then the move that I believe Dad hoped would fix everything…everything is better in CA right? And finally the divorce that put the stamp on the root of my insecurity. I really relate to the statement Beth makes about my “primal fear that no one will take care of us.” Then I’ve spent most of my life trying to find “someone who will take care of (me)” or “who will not disappoint (me).” Wow – that hits the nail on the head. It makes so many of my mistakes make a bit of sense…not an excuse…but I think truly understanding the root of why I made those choices helps to heal me that much more. The changes occurred one after the other which just compounded the impact – Grandma Martin’s death, move to CA from OH, divorce, Mom’s boyfriend moving in then out, Marv, then Steve.
• Rejection is something I at the very least strongly perceived as a child, in adolescence & in to adulthood from my dad. I possibly even perceived this from my mom when she was so distracted by dealing with her own pain. I certainly felt rejected by my Dad who I didn’t feel really wanted a relationship with me during the divorce. I saw him practically disown my brother (several times in life) and thought he could just as easily do that to me. He made no arrangement to make me see him after the divorce but left that up to us (an 11 and 14 yr old). He was very confused about the direction of his pain & anger & wrote me letters & said things that were so inappropriate to say to your child. Inappropriate because he spoke to me in an adult way & tried to process his feelings about the divorce with me, a young child. I can clearly see how this (perceived) rejection then brought up more (perceived) rejection in my marriage & in friendships.
2)• P-R-I-D-E…it hurts to even type it. I don’t think I’ve ever really understood what Pride was & that it was a sin in my life. Even after reading the chapter I’m a bit puzzled by it. I’ve always felt so down on myself that I didn’t really get “Pride.” But after reading the section on pride I can clearly (but gently) hear the Lord saying that it’s a sin in my life! I see so much of myself in this sentence…”Perfectionists’ black-and-white thinking takes them on a roller coaster between feeling horribly inadequate and bad about themselves, and then, when things are going well, feeling proud to be so good. Low self-esteem and pride coexist in the same heart.” I am absolutely “desperate for significance” but I’m even more desperate today to let God transform me in to someone who has true humility in my heart….finding my life when I lose it to something much larger. He is the reason I am here! He is my significance! Lord, forgive me for my pride. Self, get over it!
Beth, I am sorry to be so late every week. I started late and I am desperately trying to catch up. I just finished Week 3 and plan on finishing Week 4 tomorrow so I can be caught up. (note: I found out that perfectionists often procrastinate because they can't do it perfectly.)
1. TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity – Our culture and Pride.
2. Insight from God about the roots of insecurity – Now I know what is wrong with me and God is perfectly capable of taking care of me. Perfectionism is the biggest and I had never related insecurity with pride and perfectionism. Thank you God this wonderful insight and thank you for Beth and her ability to communicate so well. I knew perfectionism could be a curse but I had no idea how much so. If I stop trying to perfect there is a tremendous weight lifted off of me. I loved the whole section on pride and perfectionist. I have dealt with this stuff my whole life. I have been begging God to speak to me and help me find peace and joy. Guess what, He is speaking to me so clearly. THANK YOU GOD FOR ALWAYS LOVING ME. Thank you Beth for this ABSOLUTELY AMAZING BOOK. I actually feel like there is hope for me.
In a previous comment, I mentioned my stepson. But I have a 5 year old little girl as well. I see how my mom passed on some of these issues to me and I want it to stop with me. I do not want to teach my daughter to be insecure. I AM PRAISING GOD TODAY THAT HE IS HELPING ME NOT TO DO THAT.
I know God has saved my soul and I know he can help my relationship will all the people around me, including a stepson (which I believe is the most challenging).
THANK YOU LORD FOR DIRECTING MY PATHS THIS DIRECTION.
Robin
30s
VA
Married
1. My most impactful roots of insecurity have to do with instability in the home (abuse, alcoholism, mental illness) and personal disposition (being sensitive).
2. The things that jumped out for me in the chapter was, "looking for God in man rather than man in God" and the tragic results of that. And the part about licking our wounds so that they don't heal.
Sheila
Ashburnham, MA
40's
Single
Michele
Liverpool, NY
40
single
By far the biggest root for me was instability in the home during childhood when I was abused by my father.
The only person I was close to and felt safe with was my grandmother, and when she died during my senior year of college, it sent me into deep depression with suicidal tendencies for many years. I remember the biggest thing on my mind when she died was why didn't she take me with her. I felt completely abandoned. I eventually submerged myself in alcohol and drugs.
The statement on p66 resonated – that I'm on my own, no one will take care of me, and anyone I trust will only hurt me. I still battle those feelings today.
I identified with the whole pride section as well. Without solid self-worth or confidence, I try to find my value in accomplishments.
I want approval of those I esteem. I have it even with you, MamaBeth, I want to be known by you.
It is exhausting is trying to do God's job – trying to meet my own needs and protect myself from getting hurt – two impossible tasks.
What God has been trying to teach me lately is not to focus on the hurt, but to remember that He is always with us through the hurt. And that he will provide all we need.
Sometimes I just have to claim those truths out loud as the tears stream down my face. The internal conflict gushes out as my mind says, "Trust God," while my emotions are racked with paralyzing fear.
1) Two primary Roots
a)Instability in the home right along with Significant Loss. I think these two go together for me! My mom was divorced and married 3 times before I was 12. Talking about instability!! But I also experienced great loss in that…not just the loss of people but the loss of stability, safety and security. Simply put I lost my right to be a child. I had to grow up too fast and take care of myself because no one else could or would do it. My world was in constant chaos!
b) rejection-goes right along with the previous point but also has another dagger that is thrown in as well…my husband had an affair. This just added to the insecurity that started as a child. I was never able to love because of fear. Don't get me wrong I KNOW HE WAS WRONG!!! I KNOW HE HAD A CHOICE TO DO WHAT HE DID. But I also know I drove him away by protecting myself.
2)What is God showing me in this?
The one line in these chapters that keeps coming to mind is these are insecuitites that results from the way weve coped rather than healed. I have coped by withdrawing, protacting myself and not allowing myself to love or be loved. It hurts too much. I am on a journey a letting those barriers down but IT IS HARD!!! I am so sick of protecting myself but I am so scared to let go!!
Forget info…again…sorry….
Kristi
Knoxville, TN
30's
married
1.) Significant Loss and Personal Limitations (I won't bore you with the details)
2.)God has already been dealing with me on the insight of these causes of my insecurity this summer. So this just confirmed all I dealt with then.
Pam
40s
Lakeland,Fl
Just playing catch up on the last few chapters…
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity?
Rejection (I'm totally afraid of rejection–I want people to like me) and what I perceive to be my personal limitations (especially verbal communication…"Who has made man's mouth?…Go therefore, and I will be with your mouth, and teach you what you should speak"–God to Moses)
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it?
I LOVE that you spoke about pride's role in insecurity. I started reading a book on seeing yourself as God sees you by another Christian author, but got a bit frustrated because I sensed I had a messed up issue with pride, and the book spoke nothing of it… only of thinking very little of yourself… often Satan tricks me into thinking so much of myself (I came from a family that taught us to make only the "best" choices, and be the "best" in all we do…) that it hurts me and those nearest me so much! I despise this struggle and want it gone!
1)My first root is instability in the home. My mom had me at 17, was married and divorced four times by time I was 18. Won't go into details…but I saw lots of things I shouldn't have seen and we were constantly moving.
My second root is probably from broken attachments…dads coming and going due to divorce, and then my own stupid choices of men due to my insecurity and wanting someone to take care of me…I tend to make a huge fool of myself around men…I think all this added to even more insecurity.
2)I felt that God was really trying to talk to me about my pride. In trying to become more secure over the years, (and I am way better…mostly due to my God-loving husband who has helped me draw closer to Him) I have gone to the over-prideful (is that a word?) side of feeling like I am "worthy" of others' respect and get angry when I don't get it. I need to find the balance of being confident and secure, but only needing God's attention.
Tanya
Sierra Vista, AZ
married, 30s
Jennifer
Vevay, IN
30's
Married
1) Number one has to be: Pride. Kinda hard to wrap my mind around that one, but there it is.
Number two: Significant Loss
2) I've always known I had some issues with jealousy, but I don't think I ever pinpointed it to pride. I was raised to have pride in myself. Not to be arrogant, but to do the best I could in everything I did. This hit me right between the eyes:
"we feel bad about ourselves because we are not able to perform as well, or appear as good, as we really think we can. We believe we are better than others, but we keep discovering embarrassing flaws."
I don't know that I've ever spent much time consciously thinking I was better than someone else, but I think it must be floating around in the back of my mind somewhere because this is me to a T. Kind of nauseating to come face to face with that. I always told myself I was just trying to do my best (the way I was raised) and was disappointed when I didn't do as well as I thought I could. But the truth is, I get embarrassed when I mess up because I don't like to look bad in front of others. I'm not saying anyone does or should set out to make a fool of themselves, but I know good and well that my issue goes beyond simple embarrassment over a mistake. I obsess over my failures, even the tiny ones.
Oh Lord, please forgive me and help me to overcome this ugly part of my nature!
Debbie
Sterling Heights, Michigan
53
Married
Beth, I can so relate to your gun story. I remember the look on my young daughters faces when my cousin took us on an "old" cemetary with a pistol in one hand and a hoe in the other. They both were for "snakes".
1. My two struggles with insecurity:
A. Instability in the home – My father was an alcoholic. We were always walking on eggshells. Never knew when he was going to blow next. Never had friends over; we were too embarrassed. etc.
B. Rejection – From teachers in elementary, guys in junior high school, always the last one picked to be on any team sport, etc.
C. I have to also add in Personal Disposition. I really am blessed and have all life has to offer. But sometimes, I can't even stand to be around myself with my "insecurity" issue. I am so "tenderhearted" I cry at commercials, and advertisements for tv shows.
2. What is God speaking to me about? P R I D E !!! Just like the last post. I was raised to do my best. Failure was not an option. After all, What would the neighbors think? What would the family think? etc, etc. I didn't realize that perfection was tied to pride. I am trusting God for a deep sense of humility coupled with GOD Confidence to bring me through this insecurity issue. I loved your: "That's nothing but pride. God, forgive me. Self, get over it."
Molly
Boston, MA
20's
Married
1. The biggie for me is pride. Secondly, my personal characteristics of sensitivity, lots of thinking (I don't know what the heck to call that trait!) and ambition.
2. Beth, God spoke through you to me and rocked my world with this chapter. My hardened heart was softened and my eyes were opened to see an accurate picture of myself. I realized that I am a perfectionist full of arrogance and pride disguised as insecurity. I say this not defeated, but freed. I saw myself clearly as a person who wanted to be better than others (because she believed she was). I am in this desperate search for significance, greatness. Thankfully this God-given desire can be satisfied more than I ever thought possible. "In the greatness of HIS radiance, we are made great". My prayer (and I ask for yours if you're reading, siestas) is that I would come to believe with my WHOLE self that this is true: that I am great because I am in Christ, who is great. Not because of anything I can accomplish. Honestly, I am struggling to let go.
Chelsey; 32 Married
Cedar Rapids, IA
1. I would say that Rejection and Personal Disposition are my top two. As a young girl I grew up with a weight problem and although it didn’t stop me from being involved in Show Choir and the High School Dance Team, was still very aware of if how different I was from all the other girls and feared rejection because of it. I remember picking a guy to dance with or date based on how ‘big’ they were because I thought they would be more likely to date a ‘big’ girl. I also stayed away from sports because I felt so out of my league with all the other ‘fit’ people. So, now I am 32 years old and have dieted my whole life. In fact, I used to look back on my life and think…”I had 1 year of my life where I really felt good about my body” know I am understanding my fear of food, rejection and my body image and have stopped dieting and asked God to help me make good, healthy decision. I have changed my focus on food to focus on God.
Personal Disposition hit me in that I feel for everything and everyone. I cry at commercials, anything with children, and others’ pain. But I too love to feel and I never want that to go away. I think that because my husband is such an opposite that can give me some insecurity in our relationship from time to time. I do think that he sees it as weak but he doesn’t make a big deal over it either. However, if I were to ‘feel’ more in the professional world there is more of a judgment made and you are labeled weak or the stereotypical ‘women and emotions’ are tagged with you.
2. Like I said above God is working in me when it comes to my life-long issues with rejection. But the portion on Pride was absolutely a wake-up call. I’ve never thought about praying about it thought. So, I really feel that my pride gets in the way of so much. Even to the point that I think about what people think of me when I walk in a room at a wedding, work event, etc. I do have high personal standard and I take pride in how I look, my mom always taught me that. But I think in my twenties it was more of a ‘dress to impress’ to the highest degree. But the pride issue comes in with solos in choir, marriages, parenting, basically anything where I am comparing myself to anyone else…but I’m beginning to realize that as long as I am playing my roles in life according to God’s will, that’s all the attention I need. I just want to do what he wills.
Now that I am fighting my insecurities to read this book…I can actually answer the questions.
1. Rejection and Personal Disposition.
– I deal with rejection SO much, because its like what you said,
" What we know seems better than what we don't know."
Its easier to expect rejection and have it happen then it is to live everyday waiting to see if someone will reject me.
I believe it definitely stems from instability at home. My mother tried her best to try to be there for me through her illness while my father worked and partied. But she was in a lot of pain, and I think that whenever she would try to help me with anykind of school work she would lose patience with me quickly, and I would be left in tears. So I think it really starts there. And then it goes into feeling not acceptable by social standards in school. I always felt if I got picked to do something it was under obligation…I KNOW talk about insecurity!
Something to add to the personal disposition; I wish Mary Poppins raised me sometimes, I mean my parents were always telling me how much I wasn't good enough to do something, My mom would actually come out and tell me, " Well, it just takes you a lot longer to do things then most people. You just aren't as smart as they are."
I don't know where my mom thought this was something helpful, but clearly it wasn't!
2. Well, Pride is definitely one that I didn't really see as an issue until recently,and actually God has been showing me. I have this issue with either having too much pride or being so humble I am face flat on the ground. I don't know balance. But what I have learned to deal with this, as I've read on is that everything is in seasons. So we should take them in seasons. Everytime I use " I" or " me" I think about it for a second and wonder if its something worth thinking.
(Beth it took me a long while to really get myself to really start reading this, its taken me almost 2 weeks to finish chapter 5-6, so Praise God:)!!!
Ahh..I forgot my info:)
Angie
29yrs old,
Savannah, GA
Pam
Suffolk UK
60s
Married
My first root of insecurity was from unstable home. I believe I was fostered out twice, once for 6 months when 9 months old,(for medical reasons) and once when I was 3, and therefore rejection has also been a biggie for me. My mother had a stroke at aged 39, and I was 11 & she spent 3mths in hospital. We didn't know if she'd recover as the odds were 50/50.I'd never had any grandparents (in my lifetime) or aunties, only 1 uncle who abused me. I was a very lonely girl, because I was never shown affection from my parents and thought they didn't love me. BUT because a dear lady took me to Sunday School I knew the Lord from a young age. My mother went on to suffer from Manic Depression. I was never praised for anything and my father was a perfectionist, and I never knew when I had done something that displeased him. All in all an unhappy childhood, and I suffered much grief for what I'd missed, but I know I am now healed. As I've grown older, I'm sure my parents did the best that they could for us with the resources that they had and I've totally forgiven them.
2 The pride issue resonated and I did go on to get into unwise and immoral relationships myself in order to feel wanted and significant.
I agree with Beth, that with my personality, both my joys and my sorrows are huge, but I have learnt not to dwell on the negatives, but to get up and get on with life – Praise be to God!
Thank you so much Beth for allowing us to work through these issues again in order to walk in the freedom Christ means for us.
It's such a privilege and a joy!
Dawn
married
late 30's
Cleveland, Ohio
1. My two primary roots of insecurity: Wow, I think mine are all so intertwined I couldn't just pick two. I would say the first is a mixture of rejection, loss and change from chapter 5: due to losses of several friendships/relationships in my old church that has shunned me and my family for the past ten years, even my own flesh and blood sister is there and will not speak to me or my other family members. The second is an intertwining of culture and pride from chapter 6: I try to avoid the culture's expectations of me but still they come to me (very loudly) through my husband, I love him but he often asks me to measure up to the culture's standards around us and I struggle with that so much; and pride, I know I struggle with it, as we all do, it is certainly a constant part of all our lives, as Beth said.
2.As for insight into my insecurities/roots: I see that my insecurity will lessen as I allow God to deal with my hurts and my pride. Jesus, have your way in me!
Q1 – Pride is #1 – raised as a Buddhist, I can do all things. If he can do it… I can do it better in heels. If she can do it… I can do it with a smile.
#2 is Rejection. Fear of not being worth. I am not worthy because I am not trying.
Q2 The Lord is speaking to me regarding Perfection. Never thought I'd consider myself a perfectionist. But the Lord is speaking to me… there is nothing that I can do to prevent or promote anything in my life. He opens and seals all doors. He brings all things to pass. He blesses me but best of all He disciplines me and redeems me and yet never expecting perfection from me.
Beth, thank you for verbalizing the words we lack to know. The Word is so good.
Erica
Van Buren, MO
32
Married
1) I think my first root of insecurity is rejection. Even out of all the fun and great memories of my school years, the ones where I was embarrassed or rejected still stand out the most. I remember trying to "be cool" and fit in with other kids and one time I had one of these "cool kids" laugh at me and push me down the stairs one day, and continue laughing. Why that memory stands out so much among all the good ones I don't know, my school years were 98% fantastic memories. My second root of insecurity is dramatic change. I was absolutely blindsided by a diagnosis of breast cancer a year and a half ago at the age of 30. Come to find out, I had been misdiagnosed and actually developed breast cancer at 29. I have no family history of any type of cancer, I am a runner, I eat healthy…I had no risk factors for breast cancer except that I'm a woman. Even though I clung tight to the Lord, burying my face in His robe until my storm had passed, it still led to dramatic change in our house. My husband and I have 3 children ( 14, 12, 6) and it was as if our lives had taken a complete off-road detour. Instead of focusing on what we were going to do on the weekend, it was living through tests and surgeries, then chemo, and radition, along with a targeted drug treatment all for over a year. Believe it or not, though, I can't say the overall effect was negative. I am so thankful for my diagnosis because it made our family refocus our lives. Our priorities became clear and our faith deepened to a level where we had never been before as a family. I know God worked through my diagnosis and used it for good and for His glory. So I'm thankful for this certain impact:-)
2)I have been shocked by how much God has revealed to me about insecurity. I bought the book because I L-O-V-E love Beth and everything she does is so annointed by God, not necessarily because I felt insecure. But He has revealed to me areas of my life that I didn't realize were touched by insecurity…things I didn't even identify with insecurity. I am believing God for may-jah blessings through this book!
oh my, I see there are already over a 1000 comments. But I'm jumping in. As this started to get tough, I was tempted to stop just I never finished "Believing God" and intentionally steered clear of digging into "Breaking Free."
Though I have fallen behind, I have decided to keep the commitment to see this study through to completion. I trust God I will be a better person when finished.
1. I believe my two primary roots are rejection and personal disposition.
2. The insight I gained is it alright to avoid situations that make me uncomfortable until I can handle it. The paragraph on page 99 about Hooters and me and my man fighting when around certain people was as if you stepped right into my life and knew what was going on right now. I cant handle the situation right now and because i'm prone to being very sensitive, my man tells me not to be so sensitive. But no matter as much as I try, i'm still very sensitive. that's why I think it is one of the primary roots.
Thank you for this. I'll plugging along and determined to catch up or finish.
Blessings,
Shonda
El Paso
age 42
Married
Two Primary Roots of Insecurity:
1. Rejection(constantly left out by an older sister and brother during my growing up years – they've since apologized, but I've carried this with me into adulthood, nonetheless)
2. Pride(not allowing others to know how their actions had wounded me; pretending that I don't care)
I so badly want to be a "THE" not just an "a", but I am simply an "a" in the world's eyes.
I want to TRULY believe and live as though I believe that God can assign more significance to me that I can handle.
Paula K
Muskegon, Michigan
Married
40's
1. My root of insecurity is pride. I think this is what I leaned on when I felt rejected by my peers in early teenage years.
2. Page 105: "Although perfectionists seem very insecure… at the same time they have excessively high personal standards and an exaggerated emphasis on precision, order and organization, which suggests an aspiration to be BETTER THAN OTHERS." God was definitely speaking to me through that closing part.
Becca
Salem, Oregon
20's
Married
1) Although I DID experience a Significant loss when my father passed away at the age of 36-when I was nine years old-I actually don't feel like that has been a major contributing factor to my insecurities, rather I look at that time as a time I developed an extremely strong relationship with my Mother and time when I truly gained (because I had to) my independence. Instead I feel like rejection and our culture are the primary roots of my insecurities. I believe the feelings of rejection began for me, in Elementary school when I belonged to a group of 4 other girlfriends who each week would do everything (i.e. Classwork, play on the playground, etc) with one other person. I was the, the majority of the time, the 5th girl that was left alone to fend for herself. These feelings continued on through middle school (which like for many-were terribly awkward years) as boys CONSTANTLY made fun of everything about me–my 6th grade year has honestly scared me for life. I made lifestyle changes in 6th grade (like NEVER wearing my ear in a ponytail in public because my ears stick out) that I still follow today. I felt like I was constantly being rejected by my peers.
The other primary root of my insecurity I feel is our culture. Looking at magazines, watching TV, and watching my friends accumulate worldly possessions makes me feel like I always need more-more to keep up with what society says makes us successful (material things)
2) So–Remember when I mentioned rejection as one of my primary roots-God revealed to me through Beth that oftentimes I PERCEIVED I was being rejected even when I wasn't. The girls I thought were rejecting me in fourth and fifth grades probably felt rejected every time it was THEIR week to fend for themselves too! I probably perceived I was left out more than anyone else-when in actuality I'm sure I wasn't. He also revealed to me that because I so often want to be the ONLY friend someone has-I feel like I'm being rejected when that friend chooses someone else over me. AGAIN, my perception is wrong-they love me just as much as they love that other friend-they just have to divide up their time when it fits both of their schedules-just like I have to do with all my other friends. I felt God nudging me saying "Get over it Girl!"
What was revealed to me pertaining to out culture through Beth is that it is up to ME to change the way I react to media influence and quit buying into everything I see. Also that I MUST stop affirming and reaffirming to myself how inferior I am. I also learned I need to put individuals on the B-list that over and over make me feel small and stupid! I am fearfully and wonderfully made-God didn't screw up when He made me!
Better late then never?
1. I would definitely say “Rejection” or my perception of rejection. I found out at a young age how mean girls can be and I was ousted out of a friendship between 2 other girls in a very cruel way. I have since been insecure with all my relationships feeling like sooner or later they will not like me too and find someone better. So I am constantly comparing myself with others.
I would also say “Our Culture” is a HUGE part of my insecurities. I have let the media in all its forms creep so far into my life and shape my view of almost everything that the bar has been set so high it will never be achieved. I have set myself and everyone in my life up for failure.
God really spoke to me about “deliberately exposing myself to materials that edify the human soul rather than erode it.” I need to really take note of what Im letting in my head even if it seems innocent. “I need to learn what I can handle and what I can’t”…. I need “to start looking for ways in which I set myself up for failure” and others too. I need to change the way I think!! Lord help me!!
Erin
Glendale, CALIFORNIA
32
Happily Married
Our first root of insecurity would be instability in the home because when you're a child that is what you grow up in and that is all you know. Our second insecurity would be rejection. Everyone is rejected at some point in their life whether it be: not getting the job you want, the person you want, or even the shoes you want.
2) The insight we gained was in the bible verse Psalm 139: 1-6, 13-17. Insecurities are not God because He knew us before and He is omnipresent.
Kelly Jo 30 single Albany Ky
Amanda 20 married Albany Ky
Sara 20 single Albany Ky
Ashley 20 single Albany Ky
Karen 50 married Albany Ky
Rejection-friends seem to grow away from me before I grew away from them. I am single. They are married.Husbands,children and life just got in the way. Most people I know do not want to invite a single person to do things unless they are single also.They would prefer to have a married friend along. I have learned to go and do things by myself and to join groups by myself.
Personal limitations- some I have put on myself and some are reasonable because of my background. I would love to skydive but due to 2 close family members who had detached retinas I don't think that would be a good idea. Growing up I had alway taken medication and I wanted to go on a sleepover. My mother said you don't want them to know you take medication. In other words she didn't want then to know. To me it was a fact of life and no big deal until she made it one. I didn't get to go on the sleep over.
I need to work on going from pride to confidence. Some times at work I would just tell myself the I need to get over myself when someone upset me.I need to be confident in my work but not proud of it. I work with children at church. One thing I don't understand is why some adults will listen to adult teachers in a group setting but not to children's Bible study teachers. They both teach the same truth. This is their decision whether or not to listen.I let this effect me more than I should and it is something that I cannot control.I need to get let go and over this.
1)My roots of insecurity comes from my parents. My mother was a mentally ill, drug abuser and my father lived in a different state. He knew about her illness and never took me away from her. Sometimes im able to let it go and then sometimes i dig down deep and it hurts. Neither one of my parents protected me.
2)The lord is working on me i hope. I hope i can feel and hear his words. i know i feel a certain calm when i ask him to put his arms around me and just tell me that IM ENOUGH.
Paula
Ontario, Canada
33
1) First Root would be Instability in the Home, Our home was in a constant state of upheaval for as far back as I can remember. Parents eventually divorced and I lived with my mom who continued on with other relationships and married two more times. My mom was abusive and I don't think I've ever said that out loud. I think my second would probably be personal disposition. I remember once rescuing a mouse from the cat. I felt so bad for the poor little thing. I put it in a Hamster Cage, sadly it didn't work out to well. My mom put the cat in the cage with the mouse. Kinda funny now i suppose but I cried for that poor little thing.
There's so many things I've really felt God showing me. There's a relationship in my life right now that is a mess, I've pretty much done everything I can to make it right. When I read about God telling you to cease trying to fix something that insists on staying broken that totally resonated with me. I'd been asking God specifically what to do and I think just letting it be is the answer.
Thank you for allowing this discussion and writing this book. I'm eternally grateful and looking forward to seing victory.
Paula
Ontario, Canada
33
1) First Root would be Instability in the Home, Our home was in a constant state of upheaval for as far back as I can remember. Parents eventually divorced and I lived with my mom who continued on with other relationships and married two more times. My mom was abusive and I don't think I've ever said that out loud. I think my second would probably be personal disposition. I remember once rescuing a mouse from the cat. I felt so bad for the poor little thing. I put it in a Hamster Cage, sadly it didn't work out to well. My mom put the cat in the cage with the mouse. Kinda funny now i suppose but I cried for that poor little thing.
There's so many things I've really felt God showing me. There's a relationship in my life right now that is a mess, I've pretty much done everything I can to make it right. When I read about God telling you to cease trying to fix something that insists on staying broken that totally resonated with me. I'd been asking God specifically what to do and I think just letting it be is the answer.
Thank you for allowing this discussion and writing this book. I'm eternally grateful and looking forward to seing victory.
Loribeth
Houston/Cypress, TX
18
Single
1) Although it's hard to pinpoint exactly, I'd have to say my biggest roots of insecurity are a significant loss and rejection. My older brother took his own life about 3 years ago, and we were the closest out of everyone in my family. He struggled with depression, but I still tend to wonder if I can ever help other people or be an asset to someone's life, since apparently I wasn't enough for him. Rejection… it kind of overlaps with my brother's death, but I've also experienced a lot of rejection from my dad and friends over the years. I can never be good enough.
2) I can just see where all of my insecurities are coming from, and it's so refreshing to know it's not just inevitable. There is hope. I have God on my side, and He is more than willing to help. He DESIRES that I come out of my pit of insecurity. I now understand my insecurity, which makes it that much easier to combat. Sometimes you just don't even know what you're fighting, and that was me.
Well, better late than never….I've enjoyed reading everyone else's comments so much that I have neglected to leave enough time to post my own answers. 🙂
My two major roots are most likely my sensitivity and pride.
I was so sensitive as a child that I think at a very young age I decided to try to be invisible. My parents struggled in every way and made it clear that life would be alot easier for them if we children didn't exist. I felt very bad that I had been born and wished I hadn't been so that my parents wouldn't be burdened with me. I tried never to need anything or want anything. I never asked them for anything…help tying my shoes, lunch $, clothes…I grew up to be a martyr/doormat. Now, my own grown children help me to see that it's ok for me to want things and need things…that it's OK to take care of myself. I really think I was just hoping all my life that I would die so my parents' life would be easier…and I lived that way. (apathetically)
PRIDE: The description of someone who can be prideful and yet think they are worthless describes me. I need to read Richard Winter's book. I think I was trying to be perfect to somehow make my parents' life easier and be less of a burden to them. When I made a mistake or failed at anything I was very hard on myself (and so was my dad). I created high expectations all built on what I thought would be ideal with the hope that my parents would somehow be made happy by it. But I failed to ever achieve it. I became a mother at a young age…the very thing that "ruined" my parents' life. I struggled to find any joy in motherhood. I realize now, I fell for that lie totally (children are a burden that you are stuck with and being a mother is a useless waste that will just rob you of what you otherwise could've had in life):( I lived to survive only…if you can call that living. I was a Christian, but living a defeated existence.
But, God is good and PERSISTENT!
He has brought me out of so many pits and… well, is working on getting me to believe Him (I have big trust issues)…more and more. He has been revealing my insecurities/fears for years, but only He knows the perfect timing for healing to take place…I'm counting on it being very soon!!!
40's and growing!
"Then again, if every single root we've discussed so far is under your family tree, girlfriend, you are already a living, breathing miracle."
I AM A MIRACLE! I am not sure I can stand to type the rest of it out right now…but I can tell you that one line was a wall breaker for me! I am a miracle. Wow. Thanks for reminding me or maybe telling me something I have never heard before in all of my life. Bless you.
Whew! Crazy whirl-wind few weeks – but I'm catching up!! I need this!!!
1. Rejection and Loss, absolutely. Rejection is my key “issue”, I believe. I’ve been aware of this for some time, but honestly am not sure what to do with it. I’ve been rejected by grandparents, a parent, and a husband. Those are just the “major” ones, of course I’ve been rejected by friends, employers, etc, but those don’t impact me as much as the first listed. As far as a significant loss, I was widowed at the age of 20. With a 4-month-old baby. That was 5 years ago. It’s been quite a journey.
2. Through reading these chapters, God really opened my eyes to sources of insecurity that I wasn’t aware of. I am well-aware of things that have happened in my late teens and twenties that have had a negative affect on my security, but I don’t often look back to my childhood for the sources. This wall of insecurity in my life is similar to a brick wall – a lot of small pieces went in to build the monster that stands before me today. Between moves, loss of family structure, the rejection of people who were supposed to love and encourage me, the building started right away. Beth, God truly spoke to me through your explanation of your sensitive heart. I am ultrasensitive, and that has always, ALWAYS been thrown against me. Certain family members have belittled me because of my sensitive nature from the time I was a small child. I’m beginning to see that it is how I’m made and it is a GOOD quality, not my downfall. Wow.
sorry…
Anna
20's
Single
DFW, Texas