Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
letters2jesus 
1) Instability in the Home – Not a dysfunctional home in the traditional sense. But I grew up in a home where there were high expectations to exceed and perform. Even though I know my parents loved me, they had difficulty expressing their love both verbally and physically. I was always striving to meet their approval and attempting to secure their love.
Pride – That I should struggle with perfectionism should be no surprise. The statement by Richard Winter on page 105 fits me to a “T”.
2) As I pondered your question, I really sensed that I have begun to carry these perfectionist characteristics into my relationship with Jesus. I became a follower of Christ in my early 30’s and felt so free. But I’m recognizing I’m starting to gauge my spirituality on man-made standards-a list of the perfect Christian do’s and don’ts. I can never be good enough and that is exactly why Jesus died for me. It is Jesus who makes me perfect by His loving sacrifice. I have to learn to take the focus off myself (the pride thing) and rely on God’s Word and the Holy Spirit to lead me in the life He so desires for me – a life of freedom, love, peace, compassion, forgiveness, and grace. “It is for freedom that Christ has set me free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1
Kim
40’s, married
Kim
Springfield, IL
30's headed to 40's
Married
1. Instability in the home and Pride (rejection and personal disposition are right behind)
2. I don't think I ever put together that my instability in my home was a root cause of my insecurity. I didn't get that until I read your segment on this cause…my mom was sick for at least half of my life when I was growing up…I do have deep fear issues too. Also, once again Pride and Insecurity didn't seem to go together, but after reading your chapter I so see the link between them…
WOW…
30's and married
1. My two most prominent roots are Instability in the Home and PRIDE! I am just now coming to grips with the abuse I grew up with (physical & emotional – it was all normal to me) and thus am just now ripping some very deeply-rooted scabs off some big, big wounds. I always felt an unexplained distance between me and the Lord AND me and my husband, but I never connected the dots until I read about the gender connection in this chapter. My other root, PRIDE, ended up being much deeper and larger than I would have expected. I suppose that's the nature of pride though – to not admit just how selfish one truly is.
2. My favorite revelation from this week was your statement about addiction and moderation. You said that sometimes moderation can be harder than giving something up altogether? AMEN! I have been addicted to Facebook, and although it's not as dangerous of an addiction as drugs, alcohol, etc., it has certainly robbed me of my time (with the Lord, family, responsibilities) and (transparency coming…) has even served as a forum for emotional adultery. I'm disgusted with myself as I finally admit the latter. I haven't been on in a while, and I am pretty sure God is leading me to walk away from it altogether because moderation has been much more difficult for me than quitting altogether. And my family, my husband, my Jesus deserve much better than my Facebook leftovers!
Okay, so I am also a first-time poster and have decided to make myself go back and answer this particular set of questions, rather than begin with week 4, because I need to name my insecurities so that I can get the most out of our study. What would be more pathetic than going through the motions but not actually growing from a study that is supposed to rid me of insecurities???
So, the biggest root of insecurity for me is what Beth refers to as "A Significant Loss." My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was 4 years old and died when I was 7. Ever since then, I have been so afraid. I would try to prepare myself for every possible thing that could ever go wrong, so that I wouldn't be caught off guard again. I guess the second, followed closely behind, was the fear of rejection. I think, for me, these two roots of insecurity are intertwined in the loss of my Mom. I mean, your Mom is supposed to love you and teach you how to become a woman, and she is supposed to stay with you long enough to do all of this. Even though my Dad remarried a woman who is now a beloved Mom to me, it has been hard to get past that old fear.
My Mom was 34 when she died. I just turned 35 three months ago, and I can honestly say that I was not entirely convinced all these years that I would make it to the ripe old age of 35. It was like I always had this time-bomb ticking in the background, and I was never truly sure that I would survive without some "thing" getting me.
I have had some pretty serious health challenges as well, but am finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. It seems that finding this study when I did was providential. There were some things that I was simply not ready to face until I was ready, and now I feel ready. Is that silly, or what?
What I am learning is that no matter how together other girls/women may seem on the outside, and no matter how much I think that they must have the perfect life, we are all struggling here in a fallen world and with imperfect bodies and all the baggage that comes from being human. Some of the women who looked the most perfect and put together on the outside, who had all the right connections and all the right clothes, have basically self-destructed. It reminded me of the line that Beth wrote about how if we knew how much the "it girl" was suffering inside, we might or might not feel sorry for her, but we sure as heck wouldn't waste any more time being jealous of her or of wanting to be like her. Wow, have I realized that my perception of other women was WAY off base when I thought they had everything together.
Thanks for the chance to post and get involved in the conversation. Now I can move on with Week 4.
1)My primary roots of insecurity are rejection and personal disposition.
2)The insight I gain from the roots of insecurity would be that I really need to moderate my intake of the media. The images I take in on a daily basics can trigger insecurity, making me feel I can never be pretty, smart, or thin enough. I can't let the world show me what is acceptable because I will never measure up. I need to look the Lord only for validation.
Angie, 29, married, West Olive MI
Pride and a sensitive spirit are my roots of insecurity. I had inklings of being prideful, but until today, I never realized how much pride has permeated every aspect of my life. And yet I can have such low self esteem and low self confidence while thinking so much of myself.
I was recently very hurt through a work situation. Tonight I realized I was in the wrong, but as my wrong was pointed out to me, my pride was wounded. I can be overly sensitive about the most random things, but I'm really sensitive about being wrong or being told I'm wrong. So it seems the pride & sensitive spirit are so closely tied together in my life.
My roots of insecurity are rejection and rejection and then rejection….with a heavy dollop of pride on top of that!! I was born to very young parents who were forced to get married because of me. They fought every day, divorce was never an option, and everyday I blamed myself for their anger. My mom was severely OCD and nothing we did was ever good enough for her. EVER! My dad was an angry and fretful worrier who always talked about gloom and doom. There was so little happiness in our house. We were never loved on or encouraged. Even though I made straight A's all through school, I never once heard good job. When I grew up and got married and had my own kids, my mom thought she was too young to be a grandmother ( I waited till I was 26) so she went out of town the week my first was born. My heart aches to feel accepted by them, I long for it everyday.
My 2 primary roots are probable Instability of the home and rejection.
The insight I gained would be that God heals me not time. In time I learned to tuck away wounds better and deeper. From the begining God has been there by my side through all my hurts and rejection one after another. It took years before I realized that, before I heard Him, before I felt His love for me. He has shown me the pain in my past, is just that my past. It is still apart of me. I live with it but I am also living with Him. I bring my concerns, my fears my victorys to Him. He gives me strength He loves me and He is my healer.
Rosie of Tacoma
50
Crystal
Anderson,SC
30's
Married
1. The 2 primary roots of my struggle with insecurity would be the fear of being unloved, because my mother did not say this or demonstrate love through hugs and kisses after age 4 or 5. The other primary root of insecurity was 2 major losses in a year. My Dad died my Sr. year in college (suddenly) and my grandma within a year after. This left me with the fear that i will wake up one day all alone in the world with noone to love me.
2. God has shown me that I was in fact very much loved. Although my Mom did not say so she showed her love to me by being there every day and taking care of me. Some people do not know how to express love. God has also told me that i will never be all alone and unloved. God will always meet my needs!
1. Roots: Pride and rejection
2. I had such a revelation while reading these chapters: I experienced rejection socially when I was a child/teenager and, as a result, two other areas became very important to me- achieving academically, and my church family and involvement/position in church. I have put a lot of security and pride in those areas and, having recently moved countries I am now in a new church and a new job and I am finding the security and pride battle has intensified. I really sense God is using these situations to humble me and sort out where my security lies, I just need to be obedient- easier said than done 🙂
Nancy
London, England
20's
Married
1~ I remember being in a Sunday school class…maybe when I was 5 or 6 and it was my birthday. We were all sitting in a big circle and everyone was pretending to make me a birthday cake. The teacher asked me what kind of cake I wanted and I said "strawberry". Then she asked me what type of frosting and I said "chocolate". I remember so clearly her face looking as if I had just said something horrible…clearly she did not agree with my culinary choices. I remember so vividly (thanks to this book) the feeling of embarrassment as I sat there with a circle of eyes on me knowing that my "choice" wasn't good enough. I truly believe that, along with my personal disposition, set me up for a lifetime of trying to please people no matter what the cost.
2~ I believe God is trying to teach me so much. AS a Kindergarten teacher and mother of 3, I know He is reminding me to be so very aware of how my words and facial expressions can affect a child…look what a disapproving look did to me! I also believe that God is doing something wonderful in the lives of both my husband and myself. I have no idea where He's leading, but we are following. I truly believe this book and realizing and getting over my insecurities are yet another part of the journey He has us on! I am excited to see what else He has in store as I continue on this part of my Walk with Him!
Sally
Newnan, GA
30's
married and blessed!
1) my First root of insecurity is rejection. I am single, and didn't accept Christ until 1/2 through college. Since then the number of actual "second dates" I have gone out with on one hand. I tend to think what's wrong with me, and I do feel it screams out of every pore. I do have to agree with Melissa's comment about her friend, yeah it's ALL about the rejection thing, even if you know it's not the ONE. Yet, I see it as God shining a light on it and getting in the dirt to help me dig this one out with me.
My second root is intertwined, you mentioned, "our hearts often translate sudden and dramatic change as either instability of a form of loss. Sometimes it hits us as both." – This is sooo me!!! I accepted this job in SC because i knew this is where God was leading me. HOWEVER, i did so without knowing a soul, and leaving my church family which had nurtured me and helped me grow, to my group of peers and small group girls. To which i have found a church that is wonderful and teachings, however, haven't found that peer group to connect with, and it's been 4 years. That's been hard. Yet again, thru the SMT and these blogs, i have been able to meet and share with amazing women!!!
2)Just the revelation that these really are roots i haven't dealt with fully enough to rip out the base of them. They have somehow become so intertwined in my heart they are deep and I didn't want to touch b/c they are gonna hurt like fire pulling them out. I have allowed my life to become dictated by what these roots say about me, and not what Christ has said. That I am worthy, and worth pursuing, and worthy of Love – His! This has been one journey i can say i want to look back on to bust up that old road, but let God come thru and pave up the cracks. NOT ME!!
Ps. 31:12 says, I have become like broken pottery, yet vs. 14 states… BUT I TRUST in YOU, O LORD!!!
He is the Master potter, i Lay it all on the wheel to be regrafted in.
Thank you Mrs. Beth for the honesty of shooting from the hip on this one, we are all Killin' us some rattlers!!!
Holly
Williamston, SC
36 – Single
Well finally here are my answers to these questions. Sorry they are late. Life has been a little crazy busy around this house. All good things though.
1. Rejection-I was always made fun of in school and I don't mean in a fun sort of way. I mean the mean kind. It got so bad one time I broke out in hives. I have always been a bit shy and I just want to belong. Makes me cry to even type that. Anyway, I when was going into third grade and I was having a birthday party and no one showed up. One girl was sick and the others forgot. While I have gotten over that, it still played a part. Also some issue of feeling rejected by my extended family growing up. And yes, add boys to the list. Oh, I could go on but I will spare you all the details. The other root is pride.
2. Lately I have been really struggling with insecurity and fear. No real reason for that to be the case but alas it is. I thought I had attain a good measure of victory over the fear thing and some over the insecurity thing. While I knew I had a long way to go on the later I did not realize just how far. I have just got to say it's a good thing I have a great hubby who always gets me pointed in the right direction,& seeks to encourage me. Because frankly I just get so sick of myself regarding all this stuff. That is exactly where I think God wants me. What I mean is that I would get so sick of letting insecurity rule my life and to remember what it is like to be in that place where fear reigns (because I NEVER want to go back to that place) so that I will allow God to completely transform and renew me. That I would lean on Him, and trust Him completely. Knowing I have a part too. My part is to work hard at keeping every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, to trust God completely, to believe what He says about me to be true, to use the tools He has given me to combat the thing and not be lazy. To allow Him to heal and not to discount the need to do so. And final to be willing to allow Him to remove the root.
Kim
Thatcher, AZ
Married
50
So I think I have narrowed my two primary roots of insecurity. Significant Loss and Dramatic Change, however, mine occured later in life. When I was 31 I lost my mom to her battle against a brain cancer. My 4 children at that time were all under the age of 5. The fall of that year I sent my oldest to kindergarten. Fast Forward 5 years… and my Dad's Parkinson's and Diabetes takes a huge turn for the worse and once again I find myself in the caregiver position…During this time my siblings and I discover that my dad has an addiction that we were unaware of, which made me question my entire childhood and my parent's marriage. I also entered the work force full time. I had lost one or two other significant relationships earlier in life that continued to affect my ability to be vulnerable and take risks.
I am not sure what exactly God has in store for me, but I am longing to find out! I want security in him alone.
Tricia
PA -39
Sandi
39
Marion, NC
Married
My two roots are rejection and personal disposition. I am the youngest of three girls and growing up I could never get anything I did right according to my middle sister's standards. I would always think, "maybe when I graduate from high schoolor college or get married she will accept me and think I'm really cool. But it never happenned.
As for personal dispostiion, I just tend to be very tenderhearted and sensitive and take every thing personally. I really want to overcome that.
The insight I have recieved is that I can be healed of a life time of insecurity even if I work on it until the day I die, I am going to be a secure person through Christ!
First root – Instability in the home. My father was an alcoholic and as Beth wrote on page 64 – an alcoholic parent stirs up an environment of chaos and uncertainty. Sure does! I never connected this to insecurity – connected this to my depression.
Second root – Dramatic Change. When my daughter was 2 she was diagnosed with cancer. When my son was 16, he told us he is gay. Once again these changes added to my depression and fears and worries but never did I think I was insecure! But at Beth says on page 79 – "But a history of unwelcome changes can be a breeding ground of insecurity, because it invites you to become addicted to dread." True that!
Which brings me to question 2 and the insight I gained. Like a lot of the posts this week, I never connected pride as a root of insecurity. Pride – I have to own it! I never thought is was insecure until this book came along – too proud I guess. Page 105 says "We will never feel better about ourselves by becoming more consumed with ourselves." That's pride? That's Insecurity? That's Me! Interesting. Now What? Must keep reading…
Forgot to sign my name to that blog entry.
Shelly
married
50's
Albuquerque, NM
1.
Alcoholic home
Fear of rejection
2.
I knew these and it was very painful to go back down these roads again in reading the chapters. I guess I have healed a lot, but am in need of more.
I am behind but didn't want to jump to the next week until I completed this one
Roots:
1. Instability in the Home would be 1st one. Followed closely by rejection all apart of one thing I think. My Mother was manic depressive, off every once in awhile for shock treatments. Come home and be lethargic for awhile and then start up again. Spent many a night with radio playing in my ears to avoid hearing the arguing between Mom and Dad. Dad I don't think loved my Mom (not really) he stuck it out with her but felt forced to marry her. My mother was married before and had a child die on her 3rd birthday, divorced and met my Dad- she became pregnant with me and Dad didn't want me (a fact I didn't know until he passed away and found a letter from my Mother to him) he always told me Mom didn't want me and went to Tx to get an abortion. Well somehow they got married but Dad was resentful I think even though he did love us kids – . Mom ruined holidays with her blow ups and Dad would leave and Mom would freak and force my brother Randy to try to find him – later on my brother Randy had drug problems and has been in jail. (He now lives with me and doing OK) My brother Ron was quiet – he was the LOVED one! We are all a mess in our own ways! God has pulled us all together IN HIM – PTL so we have that common bond now. I got myself pregnant and married – I did the ultimate betrayal and had an affair – left my husband and my two kids behind – tried to take the kids but gave up and went back to Bill and when it didn't work (I was very selfish) I left. Of course Bill let me know that I was trash and kept me from the kids as much as possible. Very limited time with them until they got old enough to contact me. I have a relationship with the oldest but not so much the youngest – it hurts so much I can barely function sometimes.
I think God deals with my quilt and shame but I take it back because I live everyday knowing what I gave up – and I can't blame my Mom and Dad for that. Rejections from everywhere – growing up in school – never had a best friend – still don't, one thing I pray for. I have friends just not that go to girlfriend. My second marriage he left me for someone else – put me in my place!! Felt I deserved that. Jumped from boyfriend to boyfriend (trying to convert) UGG! Never worked always left – date raped by the last one – of course I deserved that too because I was toying with him (we would have relations) then I would say no. I was a Christian then and really knew it was all wrong but once I had gone that far I had to try and make it work. Of course after that broke up what did I do – not go to God and repent I went on a cruise ship and had a one night stand with a worker – Left my church. Stayed close to my youngest brother Ron – he was my best friend. He got married had two kids, which I babysat for and loved – somehow felt God was giving me a chance to be apart of childrens lives again – WELL my brother decided to move his family to Seattle – can't describe the pain when they left.
My kids are not Christians and I have a hard time not blaming myself. I am overweight and hate it but not willing to do anything. I haven't had a date in 17yrs too afraid. I wonder why God doesn't let me "feel" him- seems like rejection to me. I hear so many have felt his presence or touched by him. I can't say I have felt that. But he did lead me to good church.
SO I am looking forward to continuing this process –
1. My two primary roots of insecurity are a significant loss and rejection. My first root being a significant loss has never occured to me before because no one physically died. However, emotionally I think my mom died inside when we moved from Illinois to Texas being 750 miles away from family and friends; all she knew for the first 32 years of her life because dad had to be transferred to New Jersey or Texarkana, TX to keep his job. He chose Texarkana. I believe our entire family knows God has blessed our family beyond measure for my dad and moms decision to move us here. But, I feel mom has never truly been able to work through the feelings she's experienced over the past 31 years we've lived in Texas. I believe emotionally she couldn't be there for me as needy as I was because of her own history of childhood abuse and loss of connectedness to family and friends so far away. I put up emotional walls around many if not all my relationships because it is what was learned or what I perceived in my growing up years. My dad and mom were and are incredible parents. I just can't imagine going through leaving and moving so far away in the prime of your life when you have so many connections in a town and community. My second root of insecurity is rejection. I've been rejected in many areas and relationships in my life. The one that has taken a toll on me more than all other combined is a decision my husband made last year that has put our marriage in a tail spin.
2. Yes, I've had significant insight into the roots of insecurity. I believe God has opened my eyes in many areas to where I must work through these roots, dig them up, and deal with them with Him as well as my Godly counselor. I sense God is speaking to me by letting me know there is hope in all these areas. I must face them now that I know what they are and clean them out of my history closet so I may become who God has desired and desires me to be for the rest of my life. For far too long I've sat in the "mullie grubs" knowing I can't do things. It is time I step up to the plate, hang on to God's Word and His promises, and rid myself of so much filthy lies from satan himself. I HATE satan and want him gone. God has delivered me from the spirit of rejection, an unloving spirit, as well as the spirit of fear. I'm not as fearful as I once was but I must continue to dig with God as my guide to stand firm on His foundation of truth.
oops forgot my info.
Shellye
Queen City, TX
married
41 years old
Jennifer
Mpls, MN
30's
married
1) my two primary roots are personal limitations. I have had ADHD since I was a child that made learning a challenge in it self but I also had a learning disability in math so severe that in second grade I couldn't remember how to write the number two from day to day. That in elementary school will leave you feeling less than.
and 2 like Beth I am very sensitive and Personal disposition is a big factor. I cry at the drop of a hat and feel bad for animals that have been hit by cars.
2) I hope that God will show me that I'm not alone in these things and strengthen me over the course of reading the book. I have found the verse that Beth has used to help me and can hear God reassuring me.
I am beyond all that,I am strong in my Faith in Christ, Thanks to Beth's Bible Studies and Jesus Christ. I am reading the book because I love all of Beth's Studies and I still have a problem with my weight and food, So I know I am still fighting some sort of insecurity still. But here goes- My parents fighting over money just outside my bedroom door late at night caused me to have an ulcer at sweet 16. We moved, whenever my Dad changed his job, within the county of Los Angeles.
So I went to 10 different schools before I got to High School.
Before I was a Christian I made poor choices in husbands. Since my parents fought so much, I wanted to get out and all my boyfriend was shipped off to boot camp and then my next boyfriend was drafted too. So I married a man older than me that was discharged from the medical corp. for mental illness. Boy was I naive about mental illness. I did have a great councelor at the VA who got me on my feet. So then divorce and married again with child to an even older man. Looking for security. When that preditor left me for a family member, I turned to Jesus and he guided me to another great christian councelor who got me strong and secure. Having Christ in my life made all the difference. I now think back on those times and thank the first person who gave me a Bible, Bette (one of God's messengers. Second, Pastor Ernie , who led the Bible Study on Paul, where I gave my life to the Lord. I have to thank another one of God's messengers, Ed , he got me thru the second divorce and helped me forgive my family member and my exhusband for their betrayal. But, God used it for good. God directed me to return to College and serving him in teaching. Last I have to thank my church for offering Beth Moore Studies, those lessons made me even stronger in my faith and I continue to keep in the word and look forward to being even stronger in my struggle with food and discipline. Bless you Beth and love those grandchildren, they grow up too fast. Love that man of your and his wild outdoors, but take care of your back.
Lichelle
Austin 40's
single
March 1, 2010 4:36 PM
I know exactly how you feel siesta…right down to what you allowed in order to try to keep your husband, which i will now join you in thanking God for releasing you from him. God has taught me the painful (only cause I made Him teach me field-trip-style) that no one and nothing can fit in that space He has made in my heart and life just for Himself alone. Nothing was ever enough. Granted, I could and have tried to place things there, but they all fell so miserably short…it's like an eclipse…the moon is just the right size and at the perfect distance from the earth compared to the sun to where they "look" like the same size during an eclipse right? But in reality, the Earth is about 4X the diameter of the Moon, and the Sun is about 100X the diameter of the Earth. Which makes the moon to sun ratio a difference of 400…but the man to God ratio is more like 4000000000000000000000 in my opinion. Anyway, Beloved, God will take care of You. His plan is perfect, He promises. You just have to allow Him His space*wink*.
1. The TWO primary roots of my struggle of insecuirty are Rejection and dramatic change.
2.I am so thankful for the timeliness of this study. I believe the Lord has used this to aid me in avoiding some not so pretty reactions on a recent situation. My initial emotions were rejection and pride, and as I took these thoughts and feelings to the Lord, I realized the bigger picture, and allowed the Holy Spirit to take on the Spiritual Battle, not me.
Kim
Knoxville, Tenn.
Married
30
1) Root cause:
Most of the root causes applied to my environment. The main two were: Instability in the Home and A Significant Loss. What bugs me is that most of the things that life threw me has been dealt with, through godly counseling, God’s Word and Breaking Free. So why am I still having to deal with this? Sigh.
2) Insight gained:
One of the root causes caught me by surprise. I read it the first time and just discounted it as not applying to me. However, when I reread it the Lord started showing me how accurate it is. I wouldn’t have thought that my Personal Disposition was an issue.
So what struck me about it? Several things. The paragraph that said, “My joys are huge, and so are my sorrows. If I’m mad, I’m really mad, and if I’m despondent, I wonder how on earth I’ll go on. Then I get up, pour some coffee, and move on to the next emotion and forget how depressed I was an hour ago.” Your comment about “your nerve endings being like exposed live wires” also resonated with me. But the thing that struck me most of all was the last sentence in this paragraph: “God gave me this tender heart, and though I want to give up my chronic insecurity, I really do want to hang on to my heart. I like to feel. When I don’t feel something, it’s like being dead.” The last sentence describes me to a T.
I want to feel, but for goodness sake I’d like to have some control over those feelings. Grin
I realize I discounted it because I thought, "Well that sounds kind of like me, but not as much as her." :o) Silly, huh?
(Lord, help me STOP COMPARING myself to others.)
Love you, my brave Siesta Sisters!
Anna/Sullivan/39/married
Beth,
Playing a little catch up here. I wasn't going to post for this week, as I was so late getting to it…. but after all your encouragement, I couldn't "not" post, though I didn't last week.
1. my two roots from chapter 5 were rejection, and personal disposition.
2. Insight: I wrote on the bottom of page 84, after I underlined what you wrote… "I like to feel. When I don't feel something, it's like being dead."
I am not there yet, because for so long I have shut down my heart, because I feel so deeply, that when I get rejected it hurts even more, so I would rather not feel at all. What I wrote at the bottom of the page – "I never liked to feel as much until healing started and until I have started to realize God intended empathy as a gift, not a curse."
That's the truth. As I have realized that God has given me such a feeling heart for specific reason, I can allow myself to feel. It's ok. I am not defective for crying and bawling my way through the movie, "My Dog Skip" either! 🙂
The whole thing you wrote about insecurity resulting from the way we have coped rather than healed…. wow. That hit a chord with me. I have done so much coping and so little living. So little relying on God. I have relied on myself, and thus pride and perfectionism have come into the picture so much for me. To talk about my problems is a double issue for me. Am I not talking about them, out of pride and not wanting to be found out, or am I talking about them to get attention in some sort of reverse form of pride? Does that make sense?
I have lived way too much of my life on the slippery slope of self-loathing. I have been living there recently. The attacks have stepped up. I find myself hating how I look, and asking God how long it will be till my husband gets as sick of me as I am of me. And why isn't God sick of me yet. the whole culture thing has really gotten to me, and until this most recent chapter, I didn't even realize how much… God is trying to wake me up, if I will only listen to His "alarm clock" ringing!
Thank you for this book and for the discussion group,
Heather
Mosinee, WI
Married
30s
1. Pride and Pride, oh and did I mention, Pride. I was beginning to think that I did not have reason for insecurity while reading these chapters and then BAM! Last but definately not least Beth talks about Pride.
2. Even though the rest of the roots of insecurity wasn't my specific root, I could relate to them and could see othes in them. By the end, it was so much more clear (that coupled with some personal expericences with people this week) the verse Beth quoted from Proverbs, 'Each heart knows its own bitterness'. Our common enemy, the devil, is having a field day keeping Christian women isolated from one another by keeping us focused on our insecurities. We can have huge victory when we trust what scripture tells us about not forsaking gathering together to encourage one another. I came away from our monthly women's ministry fellowship Friday night feeling very blessed and encouraged that I am not alone and my burden become lighter and I became stronger, but it took a few moments of being vulnerable with others by sharing some of my negative feelings about myself (it is all pride!) and later someone else sharing with me privately a REAL issue they have that causes a great deal of JUSTIFIED insecurity and there she was, completely out of her comfort zone, depending on Jesus, being blessed and being a blessing. Under instability in the home, Beth said 'we must exercise the courage to cry out for help, seek the support we need and learn to create open and honest dialogue'. This applies to all of us, in all circumstances! This is what the Body of Christ is commanded to do and I will be the first to admit that MY PRIDE keeps me from being obedient in this area, thus missing out on a promised LIFE source-love, encouragement, prayer and the opportunity to turn my issues into a source of ministry to someone else. Lord, help us to love one another deeply, just as you love us. Help us to trust YOU to allow YOU to love and help us through Your hands and feet and heart of the church. Help us to check PRIDE at the door so we can be free to receive JOY.
Desiree
47, Married
Mechanicsville, VA
Sarah
Marshfield,MO
30's Single
first time poster
1. I feel like the two roots of my struggle would be mainly personal disposition and dramatic change. I feel like I have been insecure as long as I can remember and then moving to a new school right before 6th grade added to that insecurity.
2. I believe there have been events all throughout my life that have contributed to my insecurity: dramatic change, rejection, loss. It seems they may have taken place at times when I was developing a better security and confidence. What I have been thinking lately is about a quote I recently saw about how it's not as important what happens to you as how you react to it. God seems to be telling me I need to pay more attention to how I react to things and not just let them happen to me.
On another note, your section on personal limitations made me think of my beautiful 13 year old daughter. She was born with a skin disorder that is very physically noticeable as well as limitating in that she cannot sweat. She would love to be involved in sports and has tried over the years, but not been able to keep up doing any so far. Right now she is going out for tract and struggling every other day with the workouts (when they are inside she gets overheated and sick). If she would get her head or part of her shirt wet with a spray bottle it would help, but she doesn't want to stand out that way. I underlined the sentence on page 83 that says "You can let your limitations make you either insecure or unstoppable." and wrote her name beside it. I think I am going to write it on her bedroom wall. I know she can do all she wants to do, if she will take care of herself and not worry about what other people are thinking. My prayer is that she will not let her 13 year old version of pride keep her from eperiencing her life to the fullest.
Pride and ego….aye.
It has been such a struggle for me. I want to be right and win. Sometimes, it just eats me up, when life brings injustice…
I forget sometimes who I am representing–Jesus. I so want to be a good representative. I want His nod of approval above anyone else's or even being "right."
1. Rejection and Dramatic Change were my two primary roots of insecurity all wrapped up with a bow of Pride!
2. I saw how insecurity can come in different forms over the course of your life! During my early years I has some Instability in the Home with parental drinking and angry behaviors! But as I have grown up and gone through my own changes I have seen the most damaging to me has become Rejection…where I have been afraid of being rejected by everyone (friends, co-workers, etc.) and most recently I am struggling with Dramatic Change. It seems that the different phases of my life have each brought their own challenges with insecurity and have given it more chances to take hold of my life. When I read page 80 where it says "It's a miserable trap of self-inflicted insecurity. You can cheat yourself of ever enjoying the terrific season you're experiencing because you're waiting any moment for it to change – and always for the worse. When we become psychologically dependent upon crisis, it actually becomes our life motivator, and if we don't have a present crisis, we'll learn to create one." I realized that this was me! Right there in the book…this was me! Described perfectly. In June of 2007, my family moved to TN from my beloved CA for numerous reasons…and I have never fully moved with them…if that makes any sense. I am waiting for any opportunity to move back…beyond rational thought or what might be best for my children! I have also been living what I think is a double life in my mind…wanting and daydreaming about being there and not really being present here. And over the last year our business has not done well with this recession and I now have to return to work and am blaming the place I live for our situation! Making a crisis! All of this I have realized has contributed in one way or another for some serious weight loss and many sleepless nights.
This book could NOT possibly have come at a more important time in my life! I truly believe God has me at a crossroads!
Donna
Franklin, TN
Just turned 40
Married with twin 7-year-old boys
I was off enjoying a weekend with my wonderful daughter (she lives in Houston and attends your Tuesday night Bible study) so am a tad late answering this one.
1. My first one I never thought about having such an impact until I read it in your book was instability in the home. Loss seems to be right there with it, feeling like you are on your own. No one is there to take care of you, so by golly you better get it together and take care of yourself. When I first felt God's love and overwhelming support of me, it changed me dramatically. Maybe I couldn't depend on my Mom or Dad, but God proved over and over again that I could depend on Him, literally not just spiritually.
2. The next one is pride. I know I have no idea how invasive this is or how it clouds all I do. May God forgive me and help me to SEE!
I was deeply moved by some of the sections that I read. The Lord has already helped me to not be so consumed with the world's image of perfection, and many other areas you mentioned-it helps getting older-I guess we are forced to deal with it. The Lord has helped me to let so much of my insecurity go and the freedom and feeling of peace is quite indescribable. He is still speaking to my heart saying there is much more to let go of, so I am reading this book and looking forward to more…
Denise
Deming, NM
50's
married
Late again, but I'm determined to respond to each week's questions so I can really make the most of the opportunity. Thank you for providing it to us Beth!
1. Rejection.
A young man who said he loved me and wanted to marry me stole my heart after college. We had been best friends, and became much more–even though I knew that was wrong. After a few years of dating I realized we weren't going to marry and ended the relationship. I never considered it rejection b/c I did the "breaking up". But the break up came b/c he was rejecting me in his way. I was "not worth keeping".
This part of the book spoke straight to my heart and had me in tears. I was a text book case of making seriously stupid choices after that relationship ended, but never connected them to that rejection.
My dear husband (of 10 years) and I have never really discussed that relationship. I spilled my guts to him last night about the pain of that rejection and I truly think it helped him to understand some of my nutty responses to him.
2. Pride
All of my sin boils down to this mess of a problem.
2. I guess I sort of addressed the insights in my answer above. I saw with total clarity how my internalization of that rejection caused some immediate foolish choices that reinforced the rejection. But realizing it still impacts my behavior today was amazing. It's been nearly 20 years! I was so much more fun and happy-go-lucky before all that. God please set me free!!!! And thanks for showing me!
Late as always but determined to complete this and participate since I was so against it at first 🙂
1) Personal disposition (I am definitely one of those super sensitive tender-hearted girls) and pride (try so hard for others to like me. Low self-esteem is a form of pride also)
2) “He knows it’s scary to be us”! I LOVE how He knows!! It sorta makes you feel less alone. When I look back on my heartbreaks, even the ones I feel silly about now, most spurred by feelings of rejection, it’s so great to know that He knows it’s not easy. It may never make sense but He knows. When we take things way too personal and our hearts break in two, He knows. When we are trying so hard to be the best at something and our Pride is soaring and then crashes to the ground when we are once again rejected or ignored, He understands. When self-loathing sets in and all you can see are the horrible things about yourself and you actually mumble the awful words “I hate myself”, He cries with you and still thinks you’re beautiful and wonderful. And the best thing is that He is still there, with arms open, to show us mercy and tenderness and remind us that Jesus died for us and there is no greater significance than to be a child of God! Thanks for reminding me that He’s been there all along, He’s still there now, and He understands.
Tanya
30's
Single
Charleston, SC
Molly
Single, never married
40's
Camarillo, CA
Quite late getting to the table for Week Three, but I've just finished this reading assignment.
1. Two of the roots of my insecurity are instability in my home and significant loss. I wept when reading this chapter because although I'm well aware of my past I've always felt like I should just be able to get over it. Come on, it's more common to come from a broken home than not these days. And my parents didn't hate each other and I "adjusted well". Sure, I adjusted because I had to find a way to survive and food became the relationship I could depend on. God has done tremendous work in my life for which I'm grateful. Yet it's been 30 years since my family fell apart and I'm still working through the consequences.
I so want to be done with that and to let God heal me and continue to transform me. Too much time has been wasted and that breaks my heart.
1. My root of insecurity comes from growing up being emotionally and verbally abused. I tend to be extra sensitive- God created me to have LOTS of emotions. Our home was unstable, my parents divorced, and everyone was so focused on my mom (who had an affair) that my feelings were never validated. I'm even totally paranoid that my mom will find this and figure out it's me that wrote it and be angry with me… i hate it.
2. I know that I don't handle transitions well – but I think I fear change. It seems like any change in my past has been drastic and bad and so I do live in dread and have (GULP) maybe been a culprit in my own insecurity, but self-inflicting it upon myself!
I would just like to say that I have been an emotional wreck and I have yet to finish watching the video Beth posted – but my husband is sick of my emotional roller coaster (ME TOO!) and I find myself lashing out and I KNOW it's insecurity. I hate this and want freedom – I really have DEEP issues here and am in counseling too … but what do we say to our husbands who are like…"what is happening to you?"
Good morning Beth. I have not posted in past weeks but have been reading. I'm enjoying the study.
I have many insecurities and posting messages ranks right in there with those insecurities. I ask myself, what if I say the wrong thing, what if everyone reads my comment and laughs? Well I realize that is the dumbest thing that I could possibly think of.
Trying to make time to read has been very difficult. I'm not going to give the many excuses that I could possibly come up with to explain why, I will just say that I don't make the time to read. I may not catch up and it may take me a little longer to complete this study, but I will complete it.
I have discovered that I have always let rejection and failure control my life and bring to the surface, my insecurities.
Every time that I have attempted something or applied for a job and have failed, I have always let insecurity take over my life. I ask myself, what is wrong with me? I hold a Master's Degree in business and I can't even get a job.
Well, as I have let God become the first focus in my life and I think more about God's plan and not my agenda, I am beginning to let go of some of those insecurities. Now I ask God, "Is this part of your plan?" There is still a part of me that is trying to write my own agenda and sometimes I just don't understand.
In my life I have found that women can be the source of another of my many insecurities. Face it, women can be caddy and just plain cruel sometimes. They criticize what people wear, how their house looks, etc. That part of my insecurity I still have to work on.
I may, or may not, have really answered your questions, but I am posting today.
Cheryl
My two primary roots of insecurity would be personal disposition and pride/perfectionism.
God is speaking to me about perfectionism. I had never looked at perfectionism as pride…wow…I'm a mess. "That's nothing but pride. God forgive me. Self get over it."
MaryBeth
Hallsville, TX
54
married
Lucinda
Watsontown, PA
30's, married
1. Primary roots of insecurity: Instability in the home and rejection
2. God is showing me areas in which I am hurting my children because of my own insecurity and fears.
My 'roots' would be rejection and pride. I started to put rejection and instability in the home, but I feel like I've got to own this more than blame instead of blaming it on someone else, and that's what I would be doing if I didn't admit my fault in the area of pride. My childhood wasn't ideal, but I wasn't abused and I know I'm loved even though I'm not the favorite. I learned in a Nancy Leigh Demoss Bible study several years ago, that my humble little self has some serious pride issues. Not because I'm prideful in the way you would think of pride…but because I care way too much what other's think of me.
I sense that God is telling me He Loves Me! And I can forget what others think of me and if I'm able to do that I'll like myself more and others probably will too. I want to say 'so long sensitivity' because my insecurity has made me too sensitive. I'm too old to worry with this mess any longer, it seems so trivial. I'm really glad I found this book and blog.
Marie, VA
30 Something
Marrie w/Children
I just want to clarify something I put in my post. I said "this mess seems so trivial and I'm tired of it" or something to that effect. I just want to be sure everyone understands I'm talking about MY mess. My stuff seems trivial in light of what I've read from some of you. Not trying to belittle anyones insecurity but my own 🙂 Insecurity it very REAL and I can't wait to be free from it…I can feel it…it's coming!! FREEDOM!
forgot to subcribe to comments
1) Pick 2?. I could relate to them all, but the 2 strongest are the instability in the home on so many levels and rejection by my biological mother and those who did not believe what happened.
2) It is eye opening that some areas in my life that I always thought were just there because they are, are actually insecurity areas. One sentence that you stated, 'At the root of chronic insecurity is often the primal fear that no one will take care of us' rang very true for me. I have had to literally take care of myself from a young age and that wall (fear) is still present today. I have prayed many times for healing of my illness, but I know that I am getting stronger in my faith and have realized that the significant healing comes when I embrace this season and let my Father take care of me, His way.
Nesha
30's
Married
Mechanicsville, VA
Joanie
30's
Single
Kearney, NE
1. My two primary roots of my struggle with insecurity are Instability in the home and rejection. I could have listed every single one of the roots, but these two stand out the most above most of the others.
2. To be honest, this chapter I had to read three times. The first time, I got half way through and put the book down…it was too hard to read. But then, a few days later, I picked it up again and started rereading it. I never realized all those roots were roots to insecurity. I finally had something to look back upon and realize "wow…so this is where my insecurities are coming from". It has helped make sense of why I am so insecure and always have been since I was 8 or 9 years old.
I think this has been the hardest book I have ever committed to read. It has stirred alot of emotion in me and alot of memories. But I desire to lay all of them at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to wrap me ijn His eternally loving arms and walk through this insecurity journey with me. He knows how insecrure I am feeling and He knows how each of the roots of ins3ecurity has affected me over the years.
I sense God has told me that He wants me to continue reading this book and doing the homework and posting the blogs. I believe He has chosen this book and you, Beth, to help me work through and experience healing and freedom in my insecurities. I also sense God telling me that He wants to do a work in this area before He entrusts me with some of the desires of my heart.
So I commit to let God do His work in me. This is so hard for me to work on, but I know God will be glorified in it.
God bless and comfort and encourage all of you who are reading this work and committed to the homework blogs!! He will bless this work!
1. Rejection is one that I have had to deal with over and over –thought I had dealt with it and then it appears again. Every relationship I have had until my husband, there has been some form of unfaithfulness. As I said, I've thought that I have dealt with this issue in my past, but then insecurities will rise up and although my husband has never hurt me I walk in fear of being rejected again. I've come a very long way, but I would love to root out anything that that time period in my life left behind.
Pride–UGH!!! I hate pride and it is my number one thing I deal with right now! I have had one reoccurring struggle in my new job the past year and a half and over and over again I tell myself this is a pride issue that I need to get over. At least I can recognize it right? 🙂 I am in a constant needing to hear how the Lord feels about me and not needing to hear it from human beings.
2. Over and over again I hear the voice of my Bridegroom and I hear Him rejoice over me. I came to know the Lord when I was 21 and immediately was in ministry to teenage girls. I'm now 30, still in ministry to girls and love how the Lord uses it to do things in my own heart. Just when you think you've dealt with all your "stuff" he wants to pull back another layer of the onion..which produces even more tears. I am grateful for this…for I just want to be found in His image.
Kristin
Kennesaw, GA
married
30
Another of the 100 first time posters here.
It is incredible to me that I am so insecure that just the action of typing this post is making my heart race and palms sweat.
Well, I will continue on anyway.
1) My first root of insecurity comes from growing up poor. We actually lived in a trailer house that I was very proud of until I realized what the words "trailer trash" actually meant.
2) I distinctly remember an experience in Junior High where I knew the answer to a tough problem in math class and none of my "friends" would listen to me.
The lesson I took to heart was that I truly must be stupid and probably all the other things kids (including my brothers) said about me were true.
Oh and my prom date stood me up.
I pray that God would use this study so ferociously to defeat the demon of insecurity that the devil won't even know what hit him.
Connie
Charles City IA
40's
married
1. Rejection is one that I have had to deal with over and over –thought I had dealt with it and then it appears again. Every relationship I have had until my husband, there has been some form of unfaithfulness. As I said, I've thought that I have dealt with this issue in my past, but then insecurities will rise up and although my husband has never hurt me I walk in fear of being rejected again. I've come a very long way, but I would love to root out anything that that time period in my life left behind.
Pride–UGH!!! I hate pride and it is my number one thing I deal with right now! I have had one reoccurring struggle in my new job the past year and a half and over and over again I tell myself this is a pride issue that I need to get over. At least I can recognize it right? 🙂 I am in a constant needing to hear how the Lord feels about me and not needing to hear it from human beings.
2. Over and over again I hear the voice of my Bridegroom and I hear Him rejoice over me. I came to know the Lord when I was 21 and immediately was in ministry to teenage girls. I'm now 30, still in ministry to girls and love how the Lord uses it to do things in my own heart. Just when you think you've dealt with all your "stuff" he wants to pull back another layer of the onion..which produces even more tears. I am grateful for this…for I just want to be found in His image.
Kristin
Kennesaw, GA
married
30
1. Two major roots of insecurity for me are Rejection and Culture.
2. I believe God was showing me how I've bought into pop culture, hook, line and sinker in the past and how it is still effecting me today. Even though my eyes have be opened to the effect I still find myself getting sucked in because we have been indoctrinated to it. It's insidious.
After reading Chapter 6 I was reminded of a quote by Vicky Courtney from her book Your Girl. She writes "Three decades after it began, the Sexual Revolution that promised women independence and empowerment has instead, robbed women and girls of their dignity and self-worth."
Katie
48
Single/Divorced
Dallas, TX
1. change and pride
2. I didn't think that I had that much of a pride problem before reading this. I realized that I do want to be a "the" and not an "a." Instead of trying to be the best at something them letting depression take over when I can't, I'm just going to focus on letting God improve me.
My roots of insecurity come from instability in the home (no one to REALLY take care of me and my brother and protect us from harm) and from significant loss.
There was a lot of abuse in my childhood home, by the 'father fiigure' in the home, mostly physical and sexual in nature.
Sadly, part of the abuse lead to the death of my brother, he was 16 and I was 14. At this time my mother was subjected to abduction and carbon monoxide poisoning by this man and has had physchological and memory problems ever since.
God is telling me that I can use my life experiences to help others, to stop the cycle of abuse in ensuring that learn how to communicate with my darling kids His way. He is telling me He loves me dearly and my life is as it is and I can use it for good through Him! (And I am excited to be finally in such a period of joy in my life becasue of how he is touching me!)
Nicky
38 Married