Hey, Girls!
I am sitting in the passenger seat of my man’s blue Ford truck with a bird dog’s head on my shoulder heading west to cactus country for a few days. Do you remember that place I told you about where I have to hike with a shotgun because of all the rattlesnakes? Yep, that’s where we’re headed. I don’t think I told you that Keith only lets me have one shotgun shell (thanks, Adrienne!) per walk so I only get to run into one snake at a time. For those of you who have been around for a while and are wondering, yes, we have Star, our Border Collie with us, too. She’s too busy looking out the window trying to herd the traffic to snuggle with me though. It would be tough to type with both on them on top of me anyway.
I’ve been thinking about you every single day. I have no idea how many of your comments I’ve read. Tons. Because we get the whole week to finish the assignments, I can read a certain amount almost every single day. I’m getting to keep up even better than I’d hoped. I really thought this would be a neat experience but you have surpassed my expectation in your answers and insights. The transparency is so incredibly refreshing. So many wonderful things have hit me in the last two weeks as we’ve gone through the first four chapters together. There’s one eye-opening and troubling thing I want to talk to you about before we proceed to our assignments. I’ve been touched by how many of you (thankfully) confessed that you even feel insecure about your comments and about whether or not the other women participating will think you’ve said something lame. Others mentioned being scared they’d misspell a word. As we seek freedom from God, let’s not let the enemy mess with us that way. Let’s not give over one inch of extra ground to the very issue we’re trying to escape.
What do you say we make this discussion stream a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE? What do you say we make a conscious choice not to compete with one another? Not to judge one another? Not to try to measure up to one another or feel less or more than the other? We have to put up with all that trash almost everywhere else a group of women meets up. We can make up our minds not to have to put up with that here. We are smart women. We can determine to share our struggles, challenges, and victories over insecurity without feeling insecure about them. Talk about double indemnity! In Jesus’ Name, let’s make up our minds to treat one another with respect but not give a rip about trying to keep up or compete. Even while we’re on our journey to freedom, let’s make this community a microcosm of what we hope, when it’s behind us, to find and to become. I can’t think of a better place for us to practice making up our minds not to let circumstances or people draw out our insecurities.
I esteem you highly and find you so entirely interesting. What I’ve learned from you already can’t be overstated. I have become increasingly certain over the last two weeks that God is up to something BIG among us. Bigger than I first thought. In fact, I can tell you this. There’s no way we came up with this. God is pursuing us. He’s setting us up to get sick and tired of our insecurity and to do anything we must in order to find wholeness in Him. Let’s not stop Him in any way.
Oops, I got distracted for a minute. We just stopped at a Valero’s near Llano, Texas, for a bathroom break and Star started barking her head off at a man minding his own business and walking into the store. “What on earth is the matter with you?” I asked. (To Star, of course. Not the man.) Then I saw what he was wearing. Short shorts with winter white legs and black socks. I think Star is terrified by black socks against bright legs. Somebody tell me why that dude didn’t feel insecure. Not really. Don’t get off on that. But admit it. It’s a mystery.
OK, so let’s get to this week’s assignments. We’ve reached a very important point in our journey. We’re about to dig up eight deep roots of insecurity. No, we’re not looking for excuses but a little understanding can go a mighty long way. Haven’t you ever wondered why it dogs you so? You may be about to find out. This week I’d like for you to give special attention to Chapters FIVE and SIX. Here are the two questions I want you to answer here on the blog:
1. After reading these two chapters, what do you believe to be the TWO primary roots of your struggle with insecurity? Keep in mind that more may apply but try to lock in on two that you believe to be most impactful.
2. What, if any, insight did you gain about the roots of insecurity and did you sense that God was trying to speak to you in any specific way through it? (This answer does not need to be limited to the two roots you identified in the previous response.)
These may sound like simple questions but I promise you we will have some interesting reading this week. Go to it, Girlfriends! I can’t wait to hear from you. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to make your comment. By the way, a number of you have asked if women can jump in late with us. Absolutely! Any time. Everybody’s welcome.
Here’s a special challenge this week: Let’s still hear from all of you who’ve been commenting over the last two weeks but let’s ALSO hear from at least one hundred of you who have never posted before. Remember, this is a NO INTIMIDATION ZONE. Get in there and learn how to make a comment and if you find it posted later and see that you misspelled a word, who cares? This journey will mean ten times more to you if you get all the way into it. Come on in and participate. This is a really cool group of women.
Come, Lord Jesus, and minister to us. Open our eyes. Open our hearts. Grant us signs of great freedom and healing even this week as we discover where our insecurities may be coming from. We know, Lord, that no flesh and blood can bring us what we need. If we come out of this with liberty, all glory will go to You alone. I love You, Father. Do Your Thing.
malyourpal 
Malorie
20's
Atlanta, GA
I think my main root of insecurity is tied to personal disposition, followed by rejection. I have always been a shy person, who clams up and gets a nervous stomach in big social situations. There have been times when I have gotten physically sick at just the thought of going to a big party with people I don't know in attendance, and I am most definitely dreading my quickly approaching 10yr High School reunion. (I have to be there. I have to plan it! I was the vice president of my senior class…what was I thinking??) What is so strange about it all, though, is that I am an actor and dancer and LOVE to perform. I have done theatre for over 10 years and get a thrill and sense of purpose from the stage and performing in front of large audiences. That being said, people always assume that I should have the exact opposite personality type than the one I actually possess. I am most definitely an introvert. I think being a performer, going to auditions and getting "rejected" often (as is part of the business), in combination with my parents advice to always be humble and let others speak your praises, has made me a person who worries a little too much about what others think of me. It has definitely carried over from my professional life into my personal life. On first impression I have heard it said that people think me to be snobby or rude, b/c I would barely say a word to them… but really I didn't say much b/c I was scared of talking to them. What if I say something stupid? Stumble on my words? What if they ask my opinion on a subject I have no idea about? ..and so on, and so on… Over the past couple of years God has began to show me that it is not what others think of me that matters, but His opinion of me is worth far more. I have loved going through this book and weeding out all my insecurities. I cannot wait to see the woman I have yet to become. We are each uniquely made. An INtroverted performer is just one of His many designs.
One other thought from Chapter 4- I read this quote to my husband and he thought it was one of the most profound things he has ever heard and I agree! From pg 49 “”Jealousy is always the result of a perceived threat. And threat always places a 911 call to insecurity.” We had a long and wonderful discussion about it- including admitting times in the past when we each had actually been envious of the other’s successes, and how that bread insecurity in ourselves and created some unhealthy interactions in our marriage at those times. WOW… it was beautiful and it made me love my man even more!
Oh Boy… I need to write this out too…
God I pray you allow YOUR truth to eclipse every false positive and let my eyes open to the treasure that I have and there in His glorious reflection see the treasure that I am. I pray you allow your truth to eclipse every false positive of each of my sisters, here, and let their eyes open to the treasure they have and there in you glorious reflection see the treasures they are. I claim this in the name of Jesus, AMEN!
1. Rejection and Personal disposition. This stems from a marriage at 18 that lasted 3 years. I have now been happily married for 25 to a wonderful man of God and Pastor. But I still feel the reprecussions of the failed marriage and rejection that I felt which leaves me dealing with an attitude of defensivesness as a protection to my inner self.
2. it is hard to begin to see yourself in the "real light" and recognize areas of insecurity that I never would have labeled as such. Very eye-opening and painful at times.
Beth Herring
married
47
Oak Grove, La
Susan W
30
Lexington KY
Married to the best with one son
1. Root of insecurity.
My roots of insecurity are my pride and I was putting my husband and our son above my LORD. My pride is as big as any mountain that He made. While reading this book and partisipating in the Believing God Bible Study I have realized that I was putting my husband and our son ahead of my LORD. When you put a human on the throne he or she will fall off. It's not if they fall off but when they fall off because that place is reserved for God alone. My hubby is wonderful and didn't really even do anything wrong, I just got my pride hit. When I realized what I was doing a shot of terror flooded my body and soul. Even though I now know what my sins are it's really hard to change. I have the best husband in the world and together we have had 12 years of ministry together. He is such a wonderful man that I had put him on the throne instead of my Savior. My hubby and I have talked about this and he is praying with me and for me daily to help my pride and putting God above all. I don't think I would have ever realized that I was doing this if not for your book. Thank God that He made it clear to me so that I could put my priorities back in the right line.
Real quick , because I haven't done my reading yet. I wanted to tell you about my insecurity of the past couple of days. I have a sinus infection that has caused my cheek and half of lip and under eye to swell. I had to go out in public today and since my eye is black I was very insecure as to what everyone thought! I was horrified
Greetings!
Warning … this has nothing to do with the questions for this week! WHY? … the very reason I am writing this. I received my book, read most of it and am now reading each week according to the assignments. As I have always done, I underline! And, oh my goodness! Am I underlining! I am so happy that I live in an Inn alone because I have spent so much time shouting "Thank You Jesus!" (If you listen carefully, I am certain that I can be heard across the country!)
Beth, I have always enjoyed your honesty, stories, humor and seeking after God's Truth in your various studies. There is no doubt that this book is another glorious tool to help "set the captives free!" I am so grateful for HIS healing and that He desires complete and total healing … for ALL.
I find that my assignment answers have turned into journal entries (pages upon pages! … thus, the reason I am not answering the questions here), filled with a grateful heart, shouts, some tears, compassion, honesty, laughter and lots of TRUTH! Yea God!
Thank you and Blessings!
Tracy
Franklin, NC
60
Single
http://bit.ly/cCeWg2
http://fm.thevillagechurch.net/blog/theology/?p=356&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=Feed2tweet+Auto-Tweet
Have no idea if I copied those links correctly. I just read a great blog from The Village Church which is rather apropos to the insecurity discussion. Don't necessarily mean to share it as a community wide blog, but thought the directors of this blog might be interested in reading it.
1. Personal Disposition
I remember being 20 yrs old and one of my bosses reprimanding me for an error I made. I was so embarassed and felt stupid- it was such a minor thing too. As she was telling me how I need to be more careful, I could feel the tears welling up inside me. I tried so hard to hold them back, but couldn't. When she saw me crying, she continued to tell me that if I wanted to make it in the "real world", I had better "toughen up". I left humiliated, but more frustrated at myself for crying in front of her and being so sensitive.
2. PRIDE & perfectionism
God sure did get a hold of me during this chapter. About 10 yrs ago, I was in a place of brokenness (for about 2 years), and while at a college retreat, God really got through to me and began the healing process that left me forever changed. The root- insecurity. Since then I've been involved in full time ministry and women's small groups. A frequent phrase that comes out of my mouth when I communicate with women is: "I used to struggle with insecurity."
As I read this chapter I began to see pride all over me. Being a perfectionist is something I've said about myself for years, but I never saw how it's so closely related to insecurity and pride. Wow.
I am insecure and I have some work to do!
1) I think a major root for me is rejection. Many of my childhood memories are of being ridiculed and rejected by "friends" and family. I have spent my life being an overachiever trying to please in order to be accepted. This causes a major struggle in my role as a pastor's wife because of course, you cannot please everyone (although I would if I could!).
2) Would you call shyness a personal disposition? Either I am shy because I am insecure or my insecurity magnifies my natural bent toward being shy. Again, not a great trait to have if you are a pastor's wife. I struggle with how I think people perceive me. Do they understand that I am who I am, or do they consider me standoffish and unfriendly? How I long to be delivered from all these fears!
Jayne
40's
married
NC
1) I think a major root for me is rejection. Many of my childhood memories are of being ridiculed and rejected by "friends" and family. I have spent my life being an overachiever trying to please in order to be accepted. This causes a major struggle in my role as a pastor's wife because of course, you cannot please everyone (although I would if I could!).
2) Would you call shyness a personal disposition? Either I am shy because I am insecure or my insecurity magnifies my natural bent toward being shy. Again, not a great trait to have if you are a pastor's wife. I struggle with how I think people perceive me. Do they understand that I am who I am, or do they consider me standoffish and unfriendly? How I long to be delivered from all these fears!
Jayne
40's
married
NC
One of the roots of insecurity was the loss of my father when I was ten years old. In addition, he was an alcoholic in the years before he died. So add them together, you have some pretty fertile ground for insecurity to grow. Your words "veritable madhouse" was reflective of my growing up. What I sense God is up to as I read and begin to process the principles from the book is this: I am a "perfect mess" and "pridefully insecure" but I have a Heavenly Father who loves this "perfect mess" and desires wholeness and healing for me. I battle daily the challenge to believe and receive truth into my spirit and let God love me, mess and all. Thanks, Beth. This is a powerful tool for change in this 50ish married Siesta from San Diego. Pam
I commented earlier but forgot to put my info.
20's
Charleston, SC
Married
My first root of insecurity was my parents inability to discern and meet each other's emotional needs, and their children's as well. So there was a lot of anger as needs weren't met.
The second root of insecurity was as I entered school, I carried with me all of my family's dysfunction, and felt quite rejected by my peers.
Loved all the insights into media exploitation! Why do I covet what is not humanly possible?????
Sally
50's
married
Cincinnati
1) I think my two roots of insecurity are from personal disposition and pride. Culture plays a huge part, too, however. I didn't realize how truly prideful I was until I read this book. And it's ALL because of the nastiness of insecurity. Wow.
2) I think the Lord is trying to reveal to me all that I've held back because of my insecurity and because of things that I spent way too much time worrying about that didn't even matter. A ministry that I am a part of at my school is such a temptation for me to feel insecure. I am surrounded my amazing people who are using their gifts and serving the Lord faithfully. It is so hard for me to not think that I am inadequate compared to them. I'm ready to shed this junk for good and live the fulfilling life my Father has in store for me. I have been given the gift of singing, and I think maybe this study will finally aid in helping me break the chains and finally do what I'm called to do!
Houston, TX (current city- college station)
20's
Single
1. It was hard for me to choose just two, because the roots of my insecurity are intertwined. One of the main ones is definitely rejection. I grew up in a loving family with a wonderful extended family (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) but often felt (and sadly, still do) the sting of rejection from "friends". As a child/teen, I was very shy and my shyness was often mistaken for aloofness by other girls. As a newlywed, I was rejected by my mother in law, a painful situation which resulted in years of family conflict. Through God's grace, after many years, our relationship is much better, but the pain of rejection lingers deep inside and has affected other relationships. I'm very tenderhearted (didn't realize this was closely related to insecurity until I read the book!), so that trait really magnified the rejection as well as the second root: loss/change. During the sad years in which my mother in law was so hard, we also welcomed our children into our family and had several miscarriages – BIG changes and losses there. Again, God's grace was sufficient and not only saw us through but we have been blessed time and again to have opportunities to minister to others who have experienced the loss of precious babies through miscarriage. My husband also lost his job – twice – during those years when we were a young family. We often felt that we were in a deep hole from which we could not dig out during the early years of our marriage! God saw us through and taught us through it all.
2.Insecurity is an issue that God and I have been working on for quite a while now; He's been speaking to my heart on this subject long before the book came out …. I'm anxious to see what He'll do with me! Psalm 139 is such a comfort to me…I loved that it was in this chapter. One thing He's shown me over and over is that if we can live beyond ourselves, the waves of insecurity will come over us less and less. The more we think of HIM the less we think of ourselves.
Michelle
44 on Tuesday!!
married
Okeechobee, FL
OK, I was unable to post my assignment last week and was VERY insecure about missing the boat on that, but after I read the first several paragraphs of Beth's blog this evening — I felt FREE to post my response a week late.
Thank you Beth for that. I was beginning to feel 'stupid' or nervous about my comments — wondering what others would think. I had begged and asked a few of my family to join me on this book/study blog and when I began to respond, I found myself wondering what they would think. So, therefore, your posting today — freed me up! Praise God.
Now — to last week's assignment.
1. My False Positive
I would feel secure if I knew my husband of 22 + years loved me. You see, part of that is that right now — he has expressed that he doesn't. Well, he cares for me but there is no being 'in love' in those feelings. So, right now, I judge everything against that. "Oh, at least your husband loves you — etc.". Etc. And this 'earthquake' in my life started about 2 years ago — but before that, it also would of been my weight. If I was only thinner — etc. etc.
However, Praise God — already there is healing happening and I KNOW that I KNOW I am blessed, accepted, adopted, choosen, redeemed, and forgiven — and I am beloved in my Daddy's arms. God is my hero – and I believe that some day, my husband will realize that he does love me and be able to express it. For now, I am thankful, we are working on it, I am thankful for God'y cousel, and, I am thankful for God's active word that sustains me and I am so thankful for these books and bible studies that keep me learning TRUTH!
2. Who do I connect with?
Well, because of the present 'earthquake' in my life, I connected to Sarai as I felt I was not doing something — that is why my husband has fallen out of love with me. Then I can see how Leah and I connect, because now he has VOICDED his feelings and I can so see and hear her in my speech and in my actions. But now, I would say I connect with Paul, I am so trying to fight the good fight and be used, but I fall backwards and let those flesh patterns and hurts take over and then I must apologize. However, I had to just laugh when I read the scripture verse on page, 56, "I have made a food of myself, but you drove me to it." It is a part of 2 Corn 12.11.
Do you know how many times I wrote a note of "I am sorry dear, but . . " I love our Lord, and how he can use laughter in this situation to bless me.
Thank you for reading — whomever you are.
Now — to read chapters 5 and 6 and do my homework. Praise God.
Michelle
hi…I was reading my book in the bathroom (sorry!), and wondering about my biggest insecurity, and when I came out, I TRIPPED ON MY BATHROOM SCALE!
Ha…love it when God makes it so easy!
Also, I can help but tell you that the word verification that I have to type in to post this notification is the word "flably". God and I have a similar sense of humor….
My primaries are home instablity and rejection…abusive older brother…resentful, insensitive mom…adulterous dad, divorce, by 8yrs.old overweight with glasses, VERY small southern town…no friends…always chosen last, the subject of endless mean jokes,etc.
Lifelong insight: God loves me. God is faithful to me. God loves me too much to leave me where I am. Jesus is my only best friend.
Lu, married, 49, NC
20s
Single
1. The two most prominent roots that the Lord showed me was a significant loss, and rejection. Odd thing is that my significant loss was not a death, but rather a loss of a relationship. Normally I would be ok if I had closure, but one day we were talking acting like the best of friends and the next he had moved on never calling, talking and was avoiding me. When I approached him to ask whether I had done something, he responded with no, and it was him not me, it wasn't long after until he had a new someone. It hurt so much, that I truly began to believe that I was unlovable, not attractive, it made me feel very confused and extremely insecure in my relationships.
That whole relationship ties in with the rejection part as well. To quote the book, I felt exactly what Ms. Beth writes: "I'm not worth wanting, I'm not worth loving, I'm not even worth liking, I'm not worth pursuing, I'm not worth fighting for, I'm not worth keeping, I'm not worth hiring, I'm not even worth noticing."
When I read those words, I could identify so strongly with each one, I'll be honest it's painful.
It's no accident that God brought this book into being. I've known I've been paralyzed for too long with my insecurity, but never knew what to do. Well, God in His great wisdom and mercy has given me my answer in the form of this book.
He is starting to renew my mind,so now instead of saying "I'm not worth wanting" He is beginning to replace that with "You ARE worth wanting, I want you. You ARE worth loving, I love you. You ARE worth even liking, I like you. You ARE worth pursuing, I'm pursuing you. You ARE worth fighting for, I'm fighting for you now. You ARE worth keeping, I'm keeping you forever. You ARE worth hiring, I'm hiring you into service to me. You ARE worth noticing, I notice every hour, minute, and second of your day."
Praise the Lord! He is renewing, reedeming, and transforming!
1. Rejection and Dramatic Change
2. Rejection: What spoke to me so strongly was that God knows exactly what happned and what a toll it took. The rejection I endured really took a toll and as time went on the people around me just seemed to not care too much about how I was anymore. It had become old news. Not that they didn't care, I think people just move on when you don't. I often look back and think about the fact that God was the only one that really knew how hurt I was. AND, He was the one that completely healed me and drug me out of that pit. He miraculously restored my marriage, but He alone knows the toll that it still takes on me at times.
Dramatic Change: We recently moved from the small town that I had fallen in love with. We lived there 10 years and I loved everything about it. We now live in a much bigger city and a very uncwelcoming neighborhood. What spoke to me was that change is not always bad. "God uses change to change us" and boy did He. He has made me much more dependant on Him. He removed my sources of stability (friends, church, neighborhood)to Him being my only source. When we move I had just given birth 3 weeks before and he was quarantined because of prematurity. We had to stay in the house until April or May. He was born February 1. The Lord led me to the Scripture that says He places us in the places that He wants us to be so that we will seek Him and find Him. He did exactly that. Praise Him!!!
Keysha, 38
Roanoke, VA
Married
My root of insecurity comes from:
1) being raised in a non-christian religion where god is seen as bad and weak and satan is powerful and one to be feared. Although I was raised in "that" religion I do not believe in it BUT it has shaped the way I view your god. I was taught that I was "Satan's child" and therefore your god would never love me. SO even though I may appear a confident, successful woman on the outside, my insecurity on the inside keeps me from asking questions and learning about your god. I SO desperately want to believe what I read on this blog about a loving god, but I know that even if that is true that I will never be loved by your god because of the religion I was raised in.
2} I don't sense your god, because I know he doesn't know who I am. That is not his fault, it's just the way it is. It was harder when I was younger to accept that this loving god you hear about will never love me, but as I have gotten older I am ok with it. I have learned to love myself and learned to share love through taking care of others in my nursing career.
But I am thankful that this blog community is accepting of everyone no matter their background! Love the Siestas!
Country Fried
30s
Lubbock
OK, comment #2. Because I have not finished this book yet, there is still insecurity.
Sorry about the typos — need to do the preview first and then SEND it. Sorry.
Oh I just read every entry – Praise God that you all have spoken and I pray for all of us who read and did not post — that they will begin to seek their promised land!!
To Tommy said, who posted on 2/25 at 11:01 am. Your post was heartbreaking yet — you were so positive. Whoa. I prayed that your new husband who just love on you today — and your son — I put your name on my prayer list. My heart just felt for you. I also felt and realized that so many people are hurting — hang in there — Sunday is coming!
To Anonymous said . . Who posted at 2/25 at 1:49pm you too are in my prayers. God bless you.
And good night!
Kristy
Woodstock, GA
30's
married 9 years
1- My two top insecurity roots are intertwined, as you alluded to in your book that most are….instability in the home and dramatic change. My dad built homes and we moved about once a year from the time I was 13 years old or so until I moved to college. That, plus little spiritual leadership seem to be a recipe for instability and insecurity and looking in the wrong places for both.
2- And I quote, "But a history of unwelcomed changes can be a breeding ground for insecurity, because it invites you to become addicted to dread." I can SO RELATE to that statement.
Also, "Insecurity results from the way we've coped rather than healed." Wow…good one to think on.
And a quick recommendation for anyone just starting to read the book: Keep a notecard or something with you and write down each scripture passage and look it up, write it down and meditate on it. They are all so very useful!
Michelle,
Watauga, Tx
Married
Months from 40
1. Two Roots: Rejection, Instability at home
2. As I read about the problems I have with Insecurity…Two things surfaced. I HIDE BECAUSE I DON'T FEEL SAFE. Since the day I took my first breath the story has been told of how my mother nearly died having me. I grew up believing I was bad because my mother told everyone who would listen that I was her problem child. Most of my life my father was busy showing us he loved us by working hard for his family. But that left without words of love and his time with us. I find myself receiving rejection when my love language needs are not met. This in a sweet time of prayer w/ a coworker God told me "Safety is not circumstantial. You are always safe with ME."
One brick down in my wall. Until next time…
Anna
age 30-ish
married
Texas
No Intimidation Zone! How refreshing. Why do we as women devour one another? No one understand a woman better than another woman- yet we are often very eager to scratch the scab off an attempting to heal wound of a sister. I promise to scratch no scabs. (I'm a nurse- I forget that some tummies really turn with such talk, so I apologize if I just made someone sick.)
1. My 2 primary roots of insecurity: instability in the home & personal disposition. My mother was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive to me and my sister. If you've ever seen the movie "Mommy Dearest"- that's what I'm talking about- only she wasn't an alcholic- it was mental illness. I cried the first time I saw the movie. It was like watching my childhood all over again. My mom and I have had many conversations about my childhood. She takes medication, has found Christ and seeks to follow him daily. I've forgiven her and love her. But the fact is- my childhood has played a huge part on how I feel about myself and my place in other's lives. My second primary root of insecurity is personal disposition. All my life, I've been called "hypersensitive" I am very tender hearted. Things hit me personally and hard. And I like what you said about loosing our chronic insecurity but maintaining the tender heart God gave us! I like my tender heart ( I hope it's okay to say that so boldly…but I do) and I think my tender heart serves God, or He wouldn't have given it to me, right? I love to feel- and I feel all my emotions with my whole body.
2.I think the greatest insight Ive had about my insecurity roots was the part that said the gender of our abuser is typically the gender we struggle having insecurity issues with. Well now, that puts a lot of things into perspective.
God's precious finger prints are all over this book and He is whipering to me in every chapter! This is just one example where I felt like I could hear him say, "…that's why, Anna."
…there are some grammatical errors in my previous post that I noticed as I re-read…and I am FINE with it! Whoo- Hoo!
1. I found my insecurities by naming my fears and when I named my fears I found PRIDE was the root. Fear of not being perfect; fear of not being pretty, poised and well put together. And other than pride, I suppose instability in my childhood home might have something to do with my insecurities. When I was 13 my 18 year old brother was killed in a car accident right in front of our church; when I was 16 my Daddy died of a massive coronary. My Mother was never the same after that and spiritually and emotionally I lost my Mother too. And that is only the beginning of the story of the instabilities in my childhood home influencing me yet today.
2. BUT GOD is more and more letting me know He is ABLE and WILLING to deliver me and He is delivering me – step by step, day by day!
Love you so much, Beth and so grateful to share this journey with you.
Kathie
Satsuma, Alabama
Married
58
I want to personally learn more about this mysteries thing called Insecurity! Wow! I never thought of myself as insecure until I became a grandmother and had to learn to share my grandchild with another set of grandparents. How do I size up? How am I special to this special little someone?
God tells me that I am special and that everything about me is unique. So why don't I believe that with my whole heart?
I want to discover the freedom of being in love with ME and letting God show me the way. Hallaluia!!!
Jennifer
54
married
Wow, I am both excited and nervous about the next few chapters since I am not reading ahead. As I read this new post I could feel God telling me to stay focused on the goal and path ahead. I have been ill off and on the past 6 weeks and with this have felt the enemy at every turn trying to get me off track, lost in the wilderness BUT God desires my willingness, obedience, and trust daily just to be His child and be loved by Him. Even when I blow it He is there to pick me up and continue to guide me. So nice to know along the way are thousands of wonderful struggling women who desire to finish this journey with grace and His power to change not only our lives but break the chains and strongholds in our families, marriages, and those around us who love us also. May we find support in each other as we all lean on Him!! HUGS!!!
This is a test…I have tried to leave comments before but it keeps messing up…computers don't help my insecurities!
1. Pride/Cultural – not being best/pretty/etc. Not my mom's fault at all (she has never said anything demeaning–helped me have great self-esteem) but I grew up reading seventeen/teen magazines and hearing people in school talk can skew your way of thinking.
2. (sorta) dramatic change – pretty much after high school I lost many of my friends I grew up with. I think it has hurt me in opening up to other women.
I am not sure exactly what God has been doing in my life, but I have become more disciplined with reading my Bible and it refocuses my thoughts.
Katrina
23
East of Houston, Tx
Married 7 months on Monday
Dear Beth
Someone sent this to me and I thought it should go to our community of siestas.
A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of
adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.
" Don't forget your Sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'
'Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women… your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too. 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'
What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'
But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about.
As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.
After more than 50 years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:
THIS SAYS IT ALL:
Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT………
Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.
When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the
valley's end.
Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you…Or come in and carry you out.
Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunties, nieces, cousins, and extended family, all bless our life!
The world wouldn't be the same without women, and
neither would I. When we began this adventure called
womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or
sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other.
So to all sisters and especially to the sister from Ontario, Canada we do need each other. Especially to get through "insecurity"
50's
married
Ontario, Canada
MY WORD VERIFICATION SAYS PORMOS. oooops…REBECCA
I was hesitant to start this venture because I have so much on my plate right now. But as I read the blogs I'm so intrigued as to what all the siestas are reading!! It's just killing me!! Therefore, I'm jumping in full force..I just can't stand it anymore! I'm purchasing the book tomorrow after work and will catch up. Thankfully, I'm a fast reader and look forward to joining in your discussion group.
Single
30's
Texas
I'm a first-time poster!
1.) I am a twin and was constantly compared to my sister (my body type/weight especially) my entire life-tremendous root of insecurity
2.) I feel a huge change is coming and God wants to set me free from insecurity completely. Since feeling God speak to me about this I've been attacked with even more attemps from Satan trying to keep me in bondage. I'm praying through it.
Blessings to God for using you to bring light to such a desperate topic in our world that isn't talked about nearly enough!
To some degree I could see all of the roots of insecurity talked about in myself, but to answer the question – the two primary roots of insecurity in my life are rejection and pride. I've dealt with more rejection than lasting friendships in my life and so I continually think I'm going to be rejected again. I also try to just get through things on my own (probably to some degree because I expect to be rejected) rather than ask others to walk with me. I take pride in doing it myself – and doing it perfectly by myself.
I happened to be reading chapter 6 and the part about perfectionism being pride during lunch at work after I had spent the entire morning trying to perfect a financial report so that it looked "just right". I wanted it to be perfect when I passed it out at the meeting, when in reality, most people wouldn't even notice. God used that to start to show me that sometimes my best if good enough – it doesn't always have to be perfect.
God also reminded me that my tendency to be sensitive isn't always a bad thing and I need to allow it to be, rather than try to build a tougher wall around it.
Lisa
Peachtree City, GA
40's
1. Two primary sources of insecurity: Rejection & Instability
in the home.
2. God rescued me about 11 yrs ago from my MAJOR insecurities.Insecurities that had cost me so much! He showed me then that He was the One and Only
Sure thing & He was my El Shaddai,
My All Sufficient One! That's when I fell deeply in love with Him, even though I'd known Him since I was 9, this was different. Once He delivered me from that bondage, I never wanted to return to that terrible place. I still have triggers, LIES, that satan uses at times to make me feel unworthy of love, but now I'm working on the triggers!!!God delivered me from the BIG stuff! I trust Him to deliver me from the smaller stuff, as well. I want to be totally FREE!!! No more believing the lies
of the enemy!!
1. My insecurity has roots in Instablity in the home and Significant loss.
Two things I loved that I read in this book.
pg 61
Life is rough. It's also beautiful, but if we can't get some respite from its cruelty, we will never have the healthy vision to savior its tender beauty.
Oh how I believe this to be true. Life is rough but oh is it ever so beautiful too…
And on page 63
Psalm 14:10
Each heart knows its own bitterness.
And that is my insight from God… it doesn't matter what anyone else gets or knows or understands…He knows. I know, I really know that God knows every single big and little and terrifying and good thing about me and details of my life. He cares and He loves me for the bible tells me so.
Michelle
Woodstock, VT
40's
married
Just received my book today and have cracked it open to the the acknowledgements and about to sit down and do some reading. I will have to go back and catch up on the "discussion" but I am game. I am so excited about what God is going to do. I do know some of my insecurities come from feeling like I never measure up, especially to my mother in law and their expectations of me etc. That is just one area off the top of my head. So as I begin the journey y'all started 3 weeks ago I am looking forward to the discovery process. I am also going to blog about it on my own blog as I go through the process.
Hate to say this but one of the roots of my insecurity is church people, judgemental, critical church people. I was a kid who went to church alone because my family did not go, and I loved the Lord and so walked from the time I was about 10 years old. I have been ostracized (no telling how to spell that) and discussed and judged and been the "project" for many a do gooder church lady who wanted to do something nice as long as I did not become friends with her kids. There are others too but this came up to my mind first so it must be pretty strong in my life. Shalom
Hate to say this but one of the roots of my insecurity is church people, judgemental, critical church people. I was a kid who went to church alone because my family did not go, and I loved the Lord and so walked from the time I was about 10 years old. I have been ostracized (no telling how to spell that) and discussed and judged and been the "project" for many a do gooder church lady who wanted to do something nice as long as I did not become friends with her kids. There are others too but this came up to my mind first so it must be pretty strong in my life. Shalom
this may or may not be spiritual, but I feel it is my duty to tell you to get thyself to Isaack's in Junction for a burger and onion rings. Trust me.
Rejection and personal dispostion are the two roots of my insecurity.
I see in black and white the picture of perfectionism and pride. I struggle with feelings of unworthiness and that makes me feel the need to be perfect.
Just this week, through an amazing counselor, God made Himself so real and loving to me. I was ready to give up hope on an issue, and He showed my that He is Hope and all the Power I need.
Linda
50s
married
Bend, OR
It was fun for me to see tv ads for the book during "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" on both Monday and Tuesday nights. He often talks in monologues of his own insecurity and jokes of buying everything shown during commercials on his show. Wonder if he's reading the book now?! Hope he learns a lot. LOL
~Lynnette in Houston
I was a really late bloomer. I only got my first bra when I was 14because my sisters felt sorry for me. It was a 28AA and I had to pad it with flattened cotton balls so the fabric wouldn't wrinkle. All my pals from childhood passed me by and kept going. I was just left in the dust. This was the same time that the media (magazines and TV) started to be so focused on appearance. I did not fit in at all. So, I was rejected.
I know that I have a huge pride problem, but this is how it comes out: I hate to apologize. It is the worst thing in the world for me to say "I'm sorry". Not for little stuff like "I'm sorry I stepped on your foot", but "I'm sorry I treated you like that" or, "I'm sorry that I let you down". So my fix is perfectionism. I work very, very hard at being perfect in relationships so that I will not have to apologize for anything. I'm still not sure what to make of all that, but I'm sure that insecurity has a lot to do with it.
susie
47
married
(Ok, I know you have asked us to write SHORT comments and mine were just REALLY long so I deleted and am trying again one last time-sorry!!)
1) Instability in the home and Rejection;
Parents divorced when I was 5. Mom had severe depression and slept a lot. Dad carried most of the responsibility was often distant and irritable. This left me feeling just how you described in Ch 5, I plotted my course out of a smoldering sense of worthlessness. I am slowly letting God deal with it. My parents and I have a better relationship now, by Gods grace. But the wounds are not healed the damage has been done. Isaiah 41:9-10
2) This journey is definitely painful. I got to chapter 8 and stopped. I am now going back through with this community. It is hard having to rehash all the memories that I am embarrassed/ashamed of. I want so badly for God to heal my insecurities. Through the book I have realized that pride is a HUGE factor that I never would have recognized. Like you mentioned in Ch 6 I have to stop licking my wounds and feeding my insecurities and pride. The Lord is dealing with me and I know that He intends to make me whole in Him.
( Oh man, I forgot to add my info-really feelin' insecure NOW-could I be anymore annoying!!:) )
Suzi
28
Married
Austin, Texas
I just want to say, Beth, that I love this book. It has helped me enormously so far. Just in being able to pinpoint my insecurities and spot them as they come up is a huge step in itself. I never realized as much as I do now how much my insecurities dominate my life. I do believe that God wants to see his daughters break free from this awful habit we have of being insecure, afraid, intimidated, worrisome, self-absorbed, and so on and so on.
I'm beginning to become a master of spotting and naming my insecurities as they emerge throughout the day… and I'm ready to grab each one up and drop it into the trash can like an old newspaper. 🙂 That's what I want my insecurities to be: old news.
Ivy.
21.
way south Georgia.
single.
1. For me one of the primary roots would have to be growing up that no one really understood what it was like for me…having a special needs sister. It was hard, I didn't understand it sometimes and people certainly didn't understand the reason I felt the way I did. Not that i was neglected, but it was a different kind of love my parents showed her..and it makes sense now. but when you are 10, it just doesn't. My biggest fear is being the only one following God's will. Seems silly, right?! I still don't understand it. But I am trusting I will figure it out. Going to college, choosing majors…my best friends definately just chose the easy way out and highest paying. I didn't and its hard.
2.God is doing some incredible things. This is my second time through the book:) and He is working, working, working. He illuminates stuff in my heart that I never knew was there. I think the root of mine is probably fear of failure.
The other day I got a test back in religion…I told my classmates I probably failed it even though I knew I did my best and studied and understood it. I said this just so I didn't look dumb if I did end up doing badly. I got it back and made the highest grade. and felt ashamed I was too insecure to admit that I knew my stuff!
KR-new to blogging: in 50's/married
root of insecurity-My personality has always reflected worry and fear. Even as a child, I never felt good enough. As an adult, the only thing I felt really good about was that my husband and I raised our children well and in the Christian faith. They accepted Christ as children. It devastates us that years later, our young adult children seem to have lost interest in Christ and their faith. It makes us question if we were good parents & if we did enough to encourage our children to seek God with all their heart.
Sandy; Reedsburg, WI; Single; 40s
Beth and Friends,
This is my first post. I have not read the prior 206, so lets just say 99 to go… Last weekend I read chapters 2 and 3. I was wondering to myself and asking God how this is going to apply to me.
Well, God answered Sunday night when my sister called indicating that I had wronged her. I took the chewying out she provided, indicated I was sorry, that it was not intentional and took action to correct the problem. I also asked for her forgiveness. She was not ready to forgive me. I was asking for God's guidance during this whole conversation.
After I hung up, boy, insecurity hit me in the face hard and fast. I spent the next hour trying to figure out if I could have handled this better, said something different and feeling very insecurity. I also wondered if 1)this would cause a family fissure, 2)can face her again, and 3)will she ever forgive me. I turned to God for comfort so I could sleep that night.
I began to think, maybe I should give up this study because I was not sure I wanted to have my eyes opened to any more "hidden" insecurities.
Well, I have just finished chapter 4 and will be going on to 5 and 6. I must say, I am taking a brave step but knowing God is walking with me is a comfort.
Let's keep digging : )