So Long Insecurity Discussion from LPV on Vimeo.
Hey, Girls! How are you sweet things? You newbies well surpassed the 100 mark on our last post. Way to go! Now, keep it up! God willing, we’re walking another week closer to waving a happy good-bye to insecurity. “KB” posted a comment last night saying, “Did anybody see Jessica Simpson on Oprah and could you believe how much it sounded like what we’re studying??” Yes, I saw it and I thought exactly the same thing. (She was talking about how she was chastised in Hollywood and the tabloids for being a full size 4.) It was this whole beauty around the world thing and it occurred to me that our female insecurity epidemic obviously isn’t limited to the West.
I read countless responses to the questions raised in Week Three and held a number of your stories close to my heart. Some of you may have been shocked by what others in our community have endured but I’ve been in women’s ministry way too long to anticipate less. The common ground does not, however, diminish our compassion. We can’t let it. It still hurts to tell. And hurts to read. Epidemic insecurity needs to lose its mystery for us to find our liberty. As you can see, many of us earned the right to this battle but those of us who know Christ possess an infinitely greater right. In Him, we have the right to be free and whole.
We have the God-given right to be secure.
In many ways, we qualify as a microcosm of almost any community of women you could find in this culture. You just can’t make it into adulthood on Planet Earth without getting pretty beat up somewhere along the way. Look at it like this: the enemy of our souls wanted more out of those hits than he got or we wouldn’t be here trudging this path toward wholeness together. Many of you are marvels. Others are pure miracles. Praise God, there is healing for all of us. AND, praise God, there is also meaning.
If you’re able, please watch the video greeting I included in this post. It’s a rough cut if you’ll ever see one and very impromptu (I decided to do it that morning while I was putting on my mascara, thinking about you). But it comes to you with much love and desire to see you free in Christ. I want you to get the best possible benefit out of this journey. God is so able and so willing. Hang with it here. We are taking the turn toward solutions in a very short time. We’ve got one whopper of a chapter to read before then, however. Your reading assignment this week will be CHAPTERS SEVEN AND EIGHT. Chapter Eight will be a welcome relief and will introduce one of the major components in the acquisition of soul-deep security. But let’s talk about Chapter Seven first.
You’ve heard of the house that Jack built. Chapter Seven is the chapter that YOU built. This blog community (that we regulars around here call Siestaville) makes its mark in multiple places over the course of the book but this chapter is entirely your input. Those of you who were with us a little over a year ago will perhaps remember it well. I threw out a question – Has insecurity ever made a fool of you? – and, boy, did I get some answers. Some of you more tenderhearted sisters will be sorely tempted to skip or skim over this chapter because it’s hard to read at times but, unless you’re hyper-sensitive or feeling too pathetic already (we’ve got to break out of that), try to read the whole thing. Get started post haste because it’s the lengthiest chapter in the book. It’s meant to hammer a point till you’re practically screaming:
THAT’S IT! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE TOLL INSECURITY TAKES. I’M WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DUMP IT.
As long as you come to that conclusion, you don’t have to read the whole chapter if it’s above your threshold. I hope most of you will read every page of it but, if you’re having a really rough week, you can have a hall pass on the long version. Just flip through various section headings and read the ones that resonate most. And always read the wrap-up of any chapter. In an ideal world, all we’d ever need is positive motivation. The truth is, sometimes a little negative motivation mixed into the positive is exactly what it takes to shake us up enough to deal. In Chapter Seven, you’re going to get a glimpse of what happens when insecurity deals with us instead of us dealing with our insecurity. Hopefully the point will be made and we can move on. Then we can dive our scalded souls into some healing waters in the coming chapters. I promise relief is coming. We will still have plenty of issues to grapple with in future chapters but new responses will begin to shape up shortly and fresh God-given strength is on its way. We are not wimps, Girls. Let’s rise up.
OK, here are your questions for this week. Since I’m giving you four this time around you’re welcome, if you prefer, to pick two of them to answer in your comment:
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
2. (If you’re choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity. (We’re not looking for right answers. We’re looking for YOUR answers. Don’t copy off your fellow sojourners’ papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don’t get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
You guys are doing a fabulous job with this. I am so proud of you for sticking with it! Your extra effort will not be in vain. May God meet you in these pages.
You are loved here!
GCDDOI 
So, I have just started Chapter 8 and already this morning I had a situation where my insecurity reared its ugly head….I think….
My question is, how do you know when it is your insecurity rising up or when it is insight into something that is really going on? And how do you find out without appearing super psycho and insecure?
Does asking this question make me even more insecure?
Denise
Augusta, GA
40's
Single
Now is so the time for me to deal w/ my insecurities.
a. My insecurities have led me to be a "poser". In my heart of hearts I want nothing to get in the way of my being authentic before others and my God.
b. My insecurities have caused me to reject myself, the healthy love of others, and even more so the love that my Father so freely to lavish on me.
c. My insecurities have kept me form being willing to do what I know God has wanted me to do far too many times.
Question 3:
Friday was my day!I am going to be attending a training which required another person to arrange the flight. Well here it was 4 days before departure and I didn't know if I had a seat on a plane or not. I tried to call this person several ties throughtout the day – unable to reach her of course. INSECURITY hit big time. I had already been abandoned at the terminal and it wasn't even Tuesday! What did I do? Basically, I called someone and "tattled." Her response: "It's going to be ok. E'mail this person (now why didn't I think of that), she will call you back within 10 minutes, they really want you at this training. Well, my sisters, I did the email trick and it worked. I did have a flight booked, I hadn't been abandoned. Such wasted energy.
Paula
60's
Married
Iowa
#2
A. It makes me feel like I am not
trusting God.
B. I feel like I am carrying a
heavy load on the inside but
no one is aware of it.
C. Satan's lies are too often in
my thoughts. I claim God's
Word often to have him flee.
#4
Dignity to me means having it all together—being in control.
Heather
32 Lexington, KY
2. Top 3 Reasons to deal with insecurity:
A. Tired of living enslaved to the lies of the enemy in so many areas of my life: relationship with Jesus, marriage, parenting, friendships…
B. Want my kids to have a secure mother as a role model.
C. Ready for some joy, health, and freedom!
Recent Trigger:
Misunderstanding between me and my husband and yes it did get a rise!
1. Mainly the whole concept that insecurity making me a fool resinated with me. My feelings of foolishness can be a huge obstacle to getting over something. "I can't believe I am feeling/doing/reacting this……again". I have a vivid memory from 12-14 years ago when Beth Moore came to Richmond and a group from our church went and my insecurities were raging and it caused me to be very sullen and withdrawn right in the middle of a group (I try never to do that in public, I will hibernate in the privacy in my home). My humiliation is still felt when I think of my foolish behavior because to top it off I am the pastor's wife! I have since learned what the trigger was/sometimes still is and am working on it having gained much victory already.
2. A. to love and be loved by my grandchildren, family and friends
B. to glorify God and be consistently fruitful
C. to overcome and defeat the enemy and the foothold he has had in my life-freedom!
3. We are going on a cruise the end of May and the trigger has been mainly that I haven't achieved the weightloss goal I have had for this trip and the focus on my outward appearance, causing me to feel like a failure, comparing myself to others. It has been robbing my joy and my husbands joy from our 30 year dream vacation. So yes, I would say it has gotten a rise out of me but it may be the thing that is propelling me to confront the root of my insecurties head on!
4. Even before this chapter, the Lord brought Proverbs 31:25 to my attention and it really caused me to pause (maybe because I am so insecure about what I am going to wear on the cruise). I truly want to be clothed with strength and dignity. The rest of the verse in The Message says 'she will smlle at tomorrow' which is something I also truly desire-to be content, full of joy, peace basicaly the Fruit of the Spirit. Dignity to me means a gentle and quiet spirit and confidence flowing out of a heart having recieved forgiveness in full and forgiving wholeheartedly.
BTW, I cannot wait until you come to Richmond, VA the end of August. I am such a different woman than I was the last time you were here and even more so after the journey through the wilderness of insecurity to the promised land of strength and dignity!
Lucinda
Watsontown, PA
30's married
2. a. I am tired of allowing insecurity to get the best of me.
b. For my daughters sake
c. To finally be freed from the bondage of insecurity and respond differently when triggers happen.
4. I haven't really thought about dignity before. I thank God that he has given me dignity and that I am worthy of respect and that I am valued. I am going to choose to believe it.
1. I sheepishly shook my head and grinned at some of these stories….because I had done some of the same silliest things. I also felt sick thinking back on some of more serious things I had done to feel secure. Fool, I was….but hopefully not much longer!
2. a)My insecurity has affected personal friendships long enough!
b)I want to my two children to observe a secure person in Christ, not someone who is a slave to what others think.
c) Insecurity has been an idol at times in my life. I want to live and make decisions based on what Jesus thinks of me and no one else!
3. Dignity means honor, an undeserved gift from Jesus that should be worn with humility and sincerity.
Beth
30s
married
TN
Leanne
Mississippi
20's
married
1) The part that hit home the most to me – I just can't believe how many issues we as women face. We are not alone – even if we think we are.
2) A. For my marriage
B. For my family and friendships
C. For me, my Christian walk, my health
3)This past Sunday in Sunday School I was looking around the room and thinking how pretty all the other ladies were and how they seem to have it all together. I was comparing myself instead of paying attention to the lesson. I was insecure for no reason.
4)Dignity to me is having self-respect.
I am so thankful for you Beth!
Here is my first post of answers to any of the weekly assignments 🙂
2. Top three reasons to deal with my insecurities are…
a) so that I can be the woman God sees in me (how I want this!)
b) so that I can have healthy, genuine, female friendships in my life
c) so that I live (really LIVE), all of my days here on earth with the ability to get beyond myself and be a brilliant light to a lost world around me
4. What does dignity mean to me?
For me to walk in dignity means that I realize that I am worthy of respect because God Himself gave it to me. I am clothed in it! I have my faults, failures, insecurities, and hang-ups, but I am still created in His image. I am VALUED and LOVED by God Himself! This is huge to me!
I want to walk clothed in strength and dignity!
I just love you Beth! So very, very thankful for all that you do to shine Christ!
Holly
41
Colorado
Married
What hit home with me the most from chapter 7 was that Insecurity can make you act like an idiot in female friendships. This is the area I feel most insecure.
Top 3 reasons why I need to deal with insecurity.
A) To be all God wants me to be!
B) For my teenage children
C) To enjoy all God's blessings with happiness, joy and dignity!
Dignity means to me to feel worthy and to be happy and joyful in the life I'm living for God! An example of dignity is my husbands Grandma Ruby. She is now with Jesus. As a young wife about 18 years ago I got to spend time alone with Grandma Ruby and witness a secure woman with such dignity. She told me her life story about her Dad dying at a young age, then losing her husband and raising two children on her own. She got a job at the local hardware store and rode her bike there each day. She took in her ill mother and cared for her until she died. Then took in her mentally ill sister who was a ward of the state and had her live with her until her death. I sat their as a young wife grieving for all her loss and difficult times until she looked me in the eyes with such joy and said with sincerity, "My life is bed of roses"! Wow! She had so much love for Jesus! I remember thinking I wanted to have her spirit by the time I was her age, now I want that now!
Good morning Mama Beth,
I have finally caught up on my reading and have given some thoughts to this week's questions. This was quite an eye opening week for me.
1. The part that hit home for me in chap. 7 was the part about gaining a few pounds and feeling self conscious. This is hard for me to write. I have always been thin and I got used to people telling me that I needn't worry about my weight cause it seemed I never put any on. I am now in my mid forties and well weight does not come off quite so easy. I have gained a few pounds on my small frame and it has thrown me for a loop. I am so used to not thinking about it and now I find myself focusing on it and thinking how everyone else must think I am putting on the weight. Talk about insecure. I have never dealt with this before so it is way out of my comfort zone.
2. My top 3 reasons
A. freedom
B. see myself as a beautiful daughter of God the way he sees me
C. For my two granddaughters.
3. My most recent trigger was this past weekend when I went to try on some jeans at a store and they didn't fit. It reminded me I am bit curvy and there are a few poiunds on me. It was depressing but bless my man He said you know they don't make clothes the way they used to so remember that maybe that brand is not meant for you. I wanted to kiss and hug his neck right then and there…but being in a store I wasn't sure how he would handle it.
4. Dignity to me means honor and respect.
Thank you Mama Beth for the video I needed encouragement to keep going. You are such a blessing to my heart and I love how real you are to us siestas.
Tammy S.
Howells NE
Married
44
Christine
age 30
Married
Uh yeah, first of all, that video message was OF THE LORD. Seriously ministered to my heart. My favorite part was, "Don't make me get up from this chair!"
1. What hit home the most? Where you talked about jealousy of our friends and the fear that they'll like each other better than me. Definitely a deep rooted fear is that I'm not interesting, funny, wonderful, etc. I am at the place now where I'm not even sure what my true personality is, like I've just adopted a conglomeration of others' personalities. So I feel like a fraud and fearful of finding the real me because what if I'm not awesome. 🙂
2. This is where I get mad. This is where you'll find me on my rampage against this thing and how it has affected others. Top 3 reasons to deal:
A) I'm just so tired of clamming up, putting on airs, and feeling altogether INFERIOR and DISCONTENT with myself.
B) I've put my husband in a no-win situation for far too long. He has been expected to fill me and affirm me in ways he was simply not created to. Furthermore, when he does do it, it's never right. Wrong tone, wrong words, not enough convincing inflection in his voice, or too much inflection so it's seems contrived. UGHHHHH! He can't win. And he loves me, and thinks I'm beautiful and interesting and funny and smart, etc. so I truly have nothing to be insecure about with him.
C) In some ways, this one is my driving force, or at least the most poignant. This is the one that get my heart and stomach in knots. A month ago, our gracious God revealed to my husband and me that our 3.5 year old daughter is being plagued by the same generational stronghold. Not surprising I guess. But that was it for me. I had put my personal journey on temporary hold and my heart was pursuing other aspects of my relationship with God. And as I look back I see it as all a part of God's precious plan. I had developed a passion, love and direction for prayer so that I was able to tackle this issue in my daughter with a little know-how, or at least the know-how to find out how. 🙂
3. Just a few days ago, my 3.5 daughter, my 1.5 year old son and I went to the airport, "Welcome Home" signs in hand ready to see our man after 5 days of being away. The scene was perfect, both kids standing with their signs calling, "Daddy!" "Dada!" attracting many onlookers. I was so proud to be their Mommy. So "Daddy" walks through the doorway and the kids go nuts, he picks up our Jersey, spinning her around, picks Zion up spinning him around, soooo much excitement and energy. Then he looks up at me and says, "Hi hon!" Uhhhhhhh, excuse me "Hi, hon?" Do you see that I'm wearing high heel boots and pearls and look AWESOME for you? Uhhhhh… anyway, as I went to grab my coat our Lord Jesus reminded me that I am filled with HIS love and it satisfied. It did. It truly and completely satisfied me. You see, if my husband was disinterested in me that would be hard, but he's not, he's totally into me, loves me completely.
4. I know this isn't answering the question, but you said in the book that you stopped dead in your tracks on the word dignity from Prov 31. I stopped at strength. Because that's what I feel like I lack. But yes, also dignity, for sure. I've lost it a many a time! And here's where it hit me. "You are worthy of respect." Because I've never felt I've amassed anything much to be respected for.
So thanks. Thanks so much for this.
Renee 52 Married Colorado Springs
Was tough for me reading all the insecurities! I found SOMETHING of me in most of them. Isn't that frightening??!!! It was for me! But, I LOVED Chapter 8. I WILL clothe myself in Christ AND I WILL BEAT THIS THROUGH CHRIST!!!! I PROMISED my Bible Study (Book Study) Coordinator yesterday at church, I WILL GO TO CLASS MONDAY NIGHT!!! That is a step for me, as I am even scared to go to class!!
Anyway,
1. What resonated? What didn't, would be easier. I am so keyed up being with friends/strangers – I say stupid stuff. With my daughter (during her teenage years) I would get out of control and blow things up. Scared my weight problem will send my husband away. Husband says I am pessimist I say realist. Insecurities make me look at things with a twist.
Confines me — scared to go places by myself. Can't receive compliments!!! And more!!!
2. Why is it time to deal with this? a. Tired of being afraid and chained b. I want to be who and what God wants me to be. c. Want to feel His Strength and Dignity
3. Dignity to me is wrapped up in self-worth
4. What is my most recent trigger of insecurity? Fear to go to SLI class each Monday!
Beth,
I have just started reading "So Long Insecurity" and I just can't wait to pick it back up! Thank you for being YOU! Your honesty and openness about yourself and your own insecurities really touchs my heart. I know this book is going to help me with insecurites I don't even know I have! Never stop writing!!!! Wanda
Lorrie
41
Lewiston, NY
Top three reasons:
a) So I can be a better and more secure mother to my middle school daughter.
b) So I can be a better wife to my husband
c) I am tired of losing out on all God has to offer me in this lifetime due to fear of what may never come to be.
3) Last week I heard of two birthday parties my daughter was not invited to and even though she handled it just fine I did not. I moaned and groaned to my husband and anyone else who would listen wondering the whole time what was wrong with my kid. Can you believe that? It was all my insecurities coming out for sure. I felt like I had been the one not invited and it was up to me to figure out what my daughter's problem was that no one would want her at their part. Ridiculous.
Dignity to me means being comfortable in how God made you and carrying yourself knowing he is by your side. You may not always make the right decisions but when you screw up you own it and get on with it.
Tina
37
Brevard, NC
Married
2. Top 3 Reasons
A. I am limiting God
B. My husband deserves a wife that is Whole.
C. God's Masterpiece has been hidden for too long!
4. dignity – the value and worth we have simply because we are made in God's image.
nnnnn
testing…
Suzanne
20's
Knoxville, TN
Single, In a Relationship
1. The part about being insecure about weight issues. Sometimes I think I look great at the size I am. Other times I am deeply ashamed that I am heavier than I was several years ago.
2.
a) I am tired of sinking into insecurity and despair so frequently.
b) I have begun to realize how loved I am as a child of God. God doesn't make junk. I need to learn and love and accept myself as Christ loves and accepts me.
c) I experienced such freedom and liberty but doing Breaking Free. I want to be set even further free by kicking this bad friend of insecurity to the curb.
3. One of my friends made a comment recently that I've been working on my dissertation a long time. I felt insecure and wondered if she was criticizing me for not having it finished yet. I told myself to calm down and didn't get riled up about it.
4. To me, dignity means to claim my God give strength, worth, and respect back in a culture that continually tries to take it away.
Can I first say that these questions are raw. They cut to the heart of my problems and I'm hoping that as we move through the book the wounds will close and I will feel healing!
1. A couple of things in Ch 7 stood out to me…the first one was that insecurity makes you a fool and it makes us put our gifts on a shelf to gather demonic dust. I realized I am wasting away when I let my insecurity get the best of me…I'm not allowing God to work through me and utilize me to my fullest potential! The one that really got me was where you said God knows that life hurts! As I write this I am struggling with the worst financial time my husband and I have had in 17 years of marriage. There is irony here because every other aspect of our life is fine, health, our boys, family, marriage, etc. I am taking comfort in minute by minute prayer and knowing that God will provide for us…but it is hard…and for some strange reason it just helped to know that God knows this life is hard and it hurts sometimes!
2.
A. Well…I need this! I am very insecure in some areas and are realizing that's no way to live!
B. I don't want to pass my insecurities and how I deal/or don't deal with them onto my children! (Boys learn from their momma's too!)
C. I am tired of feeling defeated in some areas of my life and I'm seeing insecurity plays a large (if not the main) role in that!
3. I noticed recently that I was using a glass of wine while cooking dinner as a crutch to dealing with the financial issues in my life right now. When I took the recycling back and realized just how many wine bottles were there I knew there was a problem. A big problem. (In my former life I was Catholic and decided I needed to follow Lent this year and give up the wine! That and reading this book have been the two best things this Lent season!)
4. Dignity means that I am worthy of respect. Regardless of whether someone agrees with me or likes me or "approves of me" I am always worthy of respect.
Donna
Franklin, TN
Just turned 40
Married with twin 7-year-old boys
1. What hit home with me the most, by reading all these stories? Well, I guess what hit me the most is how much insecurity ROBS us of the life that God means for us to have. For me personally, I think insecurity has robbed me of relationships with other women, most of all. I'm still wondering how in the world to get all these yucky, insecure thoughts OUT of my head so I will have the confidence to talk to other women and actually reach out to build relationships. I know, one step at a time…at least I'm beginning to figure out the root of the problem: insecurity. There are so many times that I don't go to an event because I'm afraid I won't know anyone, even at my own church. There are so many phone calls I haven't made. There are so many playdates that I haven't made or accepted. Ugggg. But, enough of that dwelling on the past, right?!?! 🙂
2.
A) see above – insecurity has robbed me of relationships with other women
B) my children – I really, really don't want my girls learning insecurity from me!
C) my marriage – I think that insecurity has robbed me of just being at peace with where our marriage is and being thankful for where God has us.
3. When I think about most of my insecure moments, they are usually group settings, especially with other women involved – like Tuesday morning Bible study, church, small group, play groups from years ago, field trips.
4. Dignity is taking on new meaning for me, after reading Chapter 8. For me to have dignity, that means I will find my complete security, confidence and hope in Christ. I will not be a worrier – mostly about what others think of me, but I will look at what the "main thing" should be – to give glory to God in all that I do.
Candace
33yrs
East TN
1) In Ch7, the section on being overcontrolling or out of control as a mom is me. I am always second guessing myself and am so determined not to be my mother, that I know I make a fool out of myself with my boys. Great eye opener for me to just be me and enjoy motherhood; it is not a to-do or not-to-do list.
2)A. I am raising two sons in this generation and I want them to be confident and secure in who they are by example from me.
B. To feel like I have something to offer to others, to my life, and to feel that I finally matter.
C. I am sick to death the toll that insecurity takes, so time to dump it.
3) My youngest son joined a travel soccer team this spring and the other kids/parents have been together since the fall season and so I have been insecure around them being the newcomers. A friend of my son also joined that team so we know them and we sit together as we haven't had a warm welcome from some of the other parents. The rise is mostly internal than external.
4) Dignity to me is having a positive self value and worth. Being able to look at myself the way that God sees me and loves me for and to claim that back into my possession.
Nesha
30's
Married
Mechanicsville, VA
1. So many of the stories in the book made my heart ache for the people who had shared them. Two of them really reminded me of myself. The pastor’s wife who wrote that she tends to be stand-offish because she is afraid others won’t like her or get to know her. I so relate! I tend to hide myself and stay uninvolved because I’m worried others will find me annoying or boring or awkward. I’m great at making excuses (“I’m so busy right now”) to avoid social interaction. The other story that really connected with me was the one about lying about reading a certain book or seeing a movie, etc. Recently, I’ve become aware that I, too, do that, much to my embarrassment. As I reflected on last week’s assignment, I realized that I am a very proud person. I hate to admit that I don’t know or that I’m out of the loop.
2.
A. I want my life to be lived based on freedom and not fear, on truth and not lies. I allow fear and doubt and the lies of the enemy hold me back from taking risks and chasing my dreams.
B. Insecurity is exhausting and draining. Life is tough — I need all the energy I can get!
C. I love, love, love all the ladies who have daughters and want to be models of security and Christ-like confidence for them! I am so thankful for you! I don’t have any daughters, but I do have younger female friends and have served as a small-group leader for the high school girls at church. I don’t want any of them to imitate my insecurities! My influence on them may not be as long or as intimate as a mother-daughter relationship, but I want to make every interaction and every moment with them a positive one that shows them how a flawed, sometimes fearful woman finds strength, hope, joy, and security in her Lord.
Woopsies! I forgot:
Michelle in TN
30s and single
1) The part of chapter 7 that resonated most with me was, "Insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions." My husband hasn't cheated on me, but I've had such awful relationships with men before him that I sometimes imagine he's cheating. Rejection from my past makes me start playing out ugly scenarios in my mind that are not there. It affects me often.
2) 3 reasons it's time to deal with my insecurity:
a. It affects my relationship with my husband
b. It makes me angry at life sometimes and I am not a pleasant person to be around.
c. I'm just plain worn out from it. I'm tired of it even being a factor in my everyday life when I am a saved, beautiful, new creation through my Savior!
3. A recent trigger of insecurity:
I completely related to a few of the triggers you put down. I hate when a pretty woman passes by when I'm with my husband. If it's hard for me not to notice she's pretty, then I'm sure it's very difficult for him, even though I don't see him looking, I am constantly checking to see whether he is. Poor guy… he doesn't have a chance if I can't get over this!
4) To me, having dignity means that I am worthy of high esteem and respect. And not just knowing this in my head, but taking it completely to heart and reminding myself at all times that this is the way that Christ sees me.
You're speaking to me, Beth! 🙂
Jennifer
Sun City, AZ
30's
Married
Okey dokey, here we go:
Question 2. My top 3 reasons:
A. Because whenever the Lord brings something to the surface in me that has previously stayed buried most of the time, I believe He's giving the opportunity to grow in Him. Regardless of the discomfort, God has repeatedly proven that this process is worth the pain.
B. Because two teenage daughters are learning from my example. Look at all we've already put up with for their benefit. Is God really asking too much?
C. Any chance to take back some of my God-given gifts that the enemy has tried to steal is worth some serious effort.
3. Recent trigger: does the word stepmother bother anyone else? When my dad acknowledged that she was unkind to me, his excuse was that,"she's just real insecure." How ironic. Those closest to me see the cracks in my armor when she's around.
4. Dignity: seeing myself with the value and affirmation God Himself crowns me with. I'm a verbal affirmation junkie so the verse in this chapter was deelicious!
Recall Beth saying, "This is why the land of the Free IS the home of the BRAVE."
I feel like I just turned in a homework assignment I'd been putting off 🙂 Starbucks, anyone?
Kathy B
H'ville, TN
40's
married
1) After the build up I was expecting to identify more with Ch.7 instead I felt more discouraged that while some I could resonate with a little,I began to fear that in my own insecurities I was alone or that they aren't REALLY insecurities after all.
My greatest struggle has been dealing with 'unknown'health issues and trusting that God IS really caring when it seems that He's more out to get me and my family. I see His hand working miracles for others so I am confident He is able.
One of my greatest, long standing insecurities has been driving.
I know all the benifits and it's made me a fool on more occasions than I could possible count but the fears paralize me all the same.
2)(reasons in no particular order)
A)my 5 yr.old daughter who wants to be everybody's friend and who feels left out that she doesn't have an allery to anything!(PTL)
B)because my son with learning and social difficulties needs me to have confidence to help him that he CAN overcome with joy!
C)Because my mind has been the enemies playground far too long!! I could be the woman CS Lewis wrote about in that Srewtape letters excerpt!!(thank you ladies for all the verses posted over the weekend they've been a glimmor of light on my weekend blackened by drama,sickness,deffered hopes, not related to the book, just life and church)
Ch 8 was great. Love the connection with 'woman of valor' and Gideon!! with sick kids home I think I'll read it again today.
Note to Beth:
it's so bazzar to be in real time with you. I've been thru many studies with you but being from Ak. we get stuff after the fact- ie.- 18mo ago at my church we did the retreat in a box when you announced the pregnancy of Jackson, This fall I helped facilitate Esther where your grandson was a baby. And here I see you have 2 cute grandbabies! 🙂
Thanks for being so transperent to even write this book. It came at a time when I was looking for what to do next and I believe God nudged me because Im SO not one to spill stuff on the internet but it helps to get it out in the light in a safe place to deal with it.
Thanks for posting Pic's of you out on the ranch! Love your hunting look!!! (I live in rainboots) :))
Diane
married
ak
Kerry
30s
Married
Monument, CO
1. In chapter 7, the area that hit home with me the most was the section on pg. 115. Actually, it was a phrase that whipped me back to that feeling of insecurity and immediately made me feel the sting of its pain yet again. “Go back to work because they would be better off without you.” Ugh! That killed me to read. I was so insecure about raising my kids. My mom was my daycare provider while I worked full time for quite a few years while my oldest was young. If my mom and I were together, she would always choose my mom over me. I always felt that I was a better employee than I was a mom. OUCH!
2A. It steals my joy.
2B. It doesn’t allow me to live an abundant life.
2C. It makes me miserable!
3. The most recent trigger for me was reading what some of these women wrote. It brought up feelings in me that I haven’t dealt with in a long time. I had to process through some of these feelings with my husband to get me back on track. (We’ve been through a long road of recovery from sexual addiction/sexual anorexia.) So, needless to say, that becomes a breeding ground for insecurity. So, yes, it got a rise out of me for a few hours until I was able to process through it with someone else.
Dear Washington Baby:
When I wonder if God is alerting me to something He desires me to respond to, I ask Him to make that clear. If, on the other hand, I'm allowing myself to waste precious time and energy on needless worry,
I desperately need to know that too. You could say I have a genetic tendency towards paranoia so the enemy has previously gotten some mileage out of this one. But, Praise God, we don't have to put up with that! Ask Him to clarify things for you. He wants you to have victory.
And, No, this question does not make you more insecure. 🙂
Kathy B
H'ville, TN
Top 3 reasons why it's time to deal with my insecurity:
a) I am tired of settling for less than God intended for me
b) I am tired of my vision being veiled
c) I am tired of being robbed by insecurity
What does dignity mean to me? It means that I am worthy, honored and highly esteemed in God's eyes. I love what Beth said about God putting dignity on our heads, around our minds… that is where I need it most! I am clothed with strength and dignity by God… Believe it! Claim it!
Kelly
Waynesville, OH
Married 24 years
46
Kim
Iowa
40's
Married 22 years
1. For the longest time I felt like I was the only person in my small, very conservative, very religious community that didn't have it all together. Everyone appears to be perfect. My insecurity rages here. It was almost shocking to me to discover how many women there are out there who feel EXACTLY like I do. Many of the stories in this chapter felt like my own stories.
2.
A. Because my insecurity gets in the way of fulfilling God's purpose for my life.
B. Because my insecurity severly limits my relationships with people–including my own family.
C. Because I feel like it damages my credibility as a witness for Christ (I feel like no one can take me seriously as a Christian b/c my insecurity leads me to act in such un-Christian-like ways sometimes).
3. Recently my husband and I were having a conversation and right in the middle of it, he got up and went into another room for a couple of minutes. I was immediately hurt by it b/c I began to feel like he didn't want to listen to what I had to say…like it wasn't important enough for him to waste his time and attention on. I got peevish and refused to talk to him for several hours after that incident b/c of my insecurity.
4. Dignity = feeling worthy of basic respect from others— feeling like I matter.
I still need to finish chapter 8 – but I just finished watching the video and am so compelled to write this — I feel SO cared for. In fact, I almost feel silly that I feel so cared for through a video, but am quite convinced that the enemy would want me to believe that…so I am going to let myself feel cared for in this moment. That through the words Beth spoke, God is saying to me — "Jen, it's time…the enemy has had a hold on this area long enough." I read ALL of chapter 7 (wish I hadn't almost – but then again, I'm in full-time ministry and I think it's good for me to be aware of all areas that people deal with insecurity in) but at the end of that time of reading chapter 7 – I felt like such a LOSER. I thought I was for sure going to be the demise of my marriage (both my husband and I have parents who are divorced and they divorced because our mothers had affairs) and then I was also convinced that I was already ruining my children's lives as they watch my insecurities being played out (they are just 3 and 2). Boy does the enemy have a field day with me!!! I AM SICK OF IT. I HATE THIS – I have the power of God living in me and I tend to start tapping in to that source. Pray for me sisters – I need help!
Jen
30's
married
A. I'm tired of being insecure.
B. I'm tired of worrying I don't measure up.
C. I'm tired of Satan thinking he has the upper hand.
D. I want to live free as the woman I am!
My recent trigger was Valentine's day, a husband and a visit that just didn't seem quite right. This lead to him saying he's not happy and he needs a marital break. Yes, this all got a rise out of me. But you know what? I'm believing God for deliverance. I'm trusting on His word that the covenant we made before Him will not be broken. (And alot of other promises He makes which is why I loved the follow up post you did with the scripture references. Pefect.)
Cathy
B'ham, AL
Married
40's
40, married in Louisiana
1. Realizing that insecurity has caused me to hide parts (maybe all at times) of who I am; in place of being myself, I become a chameleon of sorts, changing my demeanor, clothing, viewpoints, voice, etc. to blend in.
2A. I want to feel comfortable in my skin and not be afraid to be myself.
2B. I want to live God's purpose for me and stop hiding behind fear.
2C. Stop feeling angry and competitve with people, because I feel 'lesser than'
4. Dignity, to me, is feeling respected in spite of our faults.
Jennifer
MPls, MN
30's
Married
1)It was so reassuring and refreshing to know that I am not the only one to do some of the things in Chapt.7. I had to laugh when I read about the person who wouldn't walk by a group of people because they "might " be talking about her. How many times have I done that.
2) reasons for dealing with my insecurities
a) just really sick and tired of felling insecure around others
b) I would like to enjoy other people I met without wondering what they think about me and being suspicious about them( kind of sounds bad,I know)
c) I want to have a more secure feeling about how my husband feels (because I know who I am in Christ and know what has been given and don't need it always get it from my husband, does that make any sense.)
3)a recent trigger I've had is when I noticed a female who I didn't recognize as a friend on my husbands facebook page. I did get a small rise and felt a little insecure, even though deep down it was nothing.
4)dignity means that I don't have to worry about what others think or say. I really like the part in the chapter( underlined it) where Beth wrote:"If we knew who we are and what God has conferred upon us, what everybody else thought would grow less and less significant" and also "It's got to be something we know. Something we emphatically claim." I AM CLAIMING IT!
Thank you Beth for all you have done and do!
I haven't read the chapters yet. I am working to get my hands on the book.
But, I wanted to comment anyway.
At first, I didn't want to write this because it may be too real and too much for some to read. But then again, maybe it is just what someone needs to hear.
Top 3 reasons to deal with my insecurities:
1) I will not let Satan convince me that I am so worthless that suicide is the answer.
2) I will not let my children learn to deal with their insecurity demons the way I have in the past – by ignoring or bowing down to them.
3) It is time to start living this abundant life Jesus promised me.
mid 40s
married
I've been reading these comments and I'm just so honored to be a part of this whole thing. Thank you AGAIN, Beth!
Hey Siestas, go grab a copy of Kirk Franklin's song "Brighter Day" and turn it up! That day is coming and we will be secure!
Blessings to you all!
Amy
GA
30
Married
1) The part that hit home most for me was the category, "Insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions." And the statement that, "Insecurity also causes us to accept things as normal that aren't."
2) Top 3 Reasons:
A) Because I'm sick of thinking silly thoughts about my husband and what he must think of me!
B) Because I'm TIRED of constantly comparing myself to other women for so many different things!
C) Because I want to be FREE from insecurity and find my identity completely in CHRIST!
3) I just went through a horrible experience last week – was 12 weeks pregnant and lost the baby (had to have a D&C). A couple days after, I caught myself thinking, "Oh my, I gotta get these extra 5 lbs off immediately!" Then I scolded myself and couldn't believe I was already thinking about my weight. How ridiculous. I can see that insecurity still has a good hold on me. Not for long though!
4) Dignity means having respect for myself. Being confident in who God made me to be!
Dawn
51, Married
Clinton, PA
2) 3 reasons it is time to deal:
a. to be a better example to my 24 year old daughter
b. to be a better witness to my friends and co-workers outside of Christ. It certainly doesn't say much to them of my walk with Him if I am forever belittling myself or comparing myself or saying "I can't".
c. I am weary of insecurity holding me back from achieving all that I can KNOWING that I can bless others immeasurably with resources obtained by moving ranks within my company but although I quote Phil. 4:13, I don't always live it.
4) Dignity means I am one who knows who I am in Christ, and chooses to act in ways consistent with my high calling as a child of God.
Question #2.
a) I must deal not being secure in my salvation. This creeps up too often for me to keep ignoring. As long as I try to deal with it by just doing more to get God's approval, I fall into despair of insecurity. This insecurity has to be repaired or else none of the other ones, which are comical in comparison, will ever be healed.
b) I took my therapy dog to a nursing home this week. Seeing the elderly people there really made me realize how few years there really are left. Do I want to end up this way in a wheelchair, in a more isolated place than I'm already in because I don't want to be a fool any more?
c) Also, my husband is suffering because of my insecurities. I don't want to go anywhere or even go to church! I believe I'm saved, but have no unity with Christ because I don't believe I am who He says I am.
Q#3. Insecurities about employment recently were triggered when I returned to work after 12 years. It is really a beautiful job in a greenhouse. But, my perceived in adequacies of remembering (mentalpause) are there and I'm so insecure that I don't want to return to work tomorrow. The manager doesn't look at me when she talks to me, so I perceive she doesn't like me. Then, I'm prepared to deal with her insecurities and mine all wrapped into one! I feel anxious and must get this under control.
4. Dignity means the fruit of the Spirit, especially the last one — self-control.
married
late 30's
Gypsum, Colorado
3 reasons why to deal with my insecurities….
I had to ask my friend what she thought first before I could respond (I am a nut)
A. My first children's book was just published and the thought of marketing and talking to people makes me have pit sweat.
B. I have two girls and we are a tight trio and I want them to be secure women. So they need to learn from a mom who is secure. I am pretty sure they can tell when I am faking it. God help me!
C. God has a plan for me and I do not want my insecurities to get in the way.
Recent trigger:
If I think too much about my day I will usually find something that I did that made me look like a fool. Typically I think it is funny and laugh it off. But sometimes, when I get caught off guard and someone looks at me with a look that cuts me down, I crumble inside. I don't even have to know the person. Anyway that happened the other day when I ran into a table at the gym and some workout dude gave me the worst look. At 5'11" he made me feel really small. I mean really, why should I care, but I do.
1. The part of chapter 7 that hit home with me the most was under the sub-title: Insecurity can talk us into things we don’t want to do. It was when a lady was talking about her past abuse and how it “…led me to be a closed off and distant woman who could not see her value & beauty & worth at all.”
2. My 3 most prevalent reasons were:
A. My depression had me trapped in a deep, dark hole.
B. My self-worth is non-existent
C. My marriage was falling apart.
3. My most recent trigger was this past weekend when I
had to go clothes shopping due to my weight gain and the possibility of having to return to work (been on FMLA for 4 months). Right there are 2 examples but the one that triggered me was the actual trying on of the clothes. It in itself caused self-hatred, shame, disappointment, and anger at my self.
4. Dignity to me means being able to walk with your head held high at any time and any place(figuratively and physically). Dignity is being totally secure with all aspects of yourself, in and out.
1) So many things jumped off of the page at me while reading chapter 7. The one that hit home most at this point in my life is insecurity as a robber. I have been longing for close Christian friends, but realize now that part of the reason for not having that right now is my own insecurities. I held back, sabotaged, and then pouted that nobody likes me!
2)A.I want to be a better wife and mother. All I've ever wanted is exactly what I have right now, and I catch myself becoming distracted by my failings and insecurities to the point where I'm not being the best I can be to my family.
B. I'm tired of being stuck where I am…tired of feeling like I will never change and that my circumstances will never change (I'll never fit in, never find friends, never be pretty enough/smart enough/eloquent enough/outgoing enough).
C.I know God has more to do with me! I used to be so active in church and as a believer, but I've allowed my insecurities to hold me back from finding a new church home in our new town, from reaching out to those I feel called to reach out to, to find the purpose He has for this season of my life.
3)This is a silly example, but shows how silly insecurity makes me. I have been saving up bags of Starbucks coffee b/c they have a coupon on the side for a free tall brewed coffee. Well, I never used them b/c I thought, "What if the barista thinks I'm cheap, what if the code doesn't work and I look stupid, what if the people behind me get mad that I'm using a coupon and holding up the line, what if…?" How silly! Well I'm happy to report, I drove through the line last week, used my coupon, and made it out with my free coffee with no incidents!
4)Dignity means, like you said, worthy of honor and respect. It's hard to apply that in real terms in my life…I think partly b/c of my age. I finally feel like I'm coming into my own as a woman, wife, mother of 3, child of God. I know that the Bible says we have dignity as a Christian, but just b/c I have it doesn't mean I have always recognized it. To me it means being able to (or perhaps given permission to) gratefully look at all that God has done and is doing for me, all that He has blessed me with and and know that I have a responsibility to manage, care for, and grow it.
Rindie
Texas
20's
married
Devanee
Late 30’s
Married
Ulysses
1.Two things really hit home for me in Chapter 7. First was on page 128 where a Siesta was talking about insecurity over our men. Then the second was at the bottom of page 141 when our Siesta was talking about holding hands with her father and thinking Look, look everybody! This is my daddy! As I have said in previous posts my Mom had me 15 years after having my brother and then I have a sister two years older than my brother (or 17 years older than me). So I was not a planned child. My father didn’t want me but I do remember sitting in his lap and loving it. I am thinking that my insecurity with my man (on page 128)is because of my rejection from my father.
2.The top three reasons I think it is time to deal with my insecurities is:
A.My insecurities pull me down. Life will be so much happier and freeing without it.
B.I will be able to let my past go once and for all.
C.I feel like I will sense my Father God’s love so much more.
3.A recent trigger of insecurity for me has been the fact than my husband has been really distant lately and it did get a reaction from me.
4.To me dignity means knowing that I am a child of God, co-heir with Jesus, loved by my Father, protected by my Father, I will have the inheritance of all of God’s children. Dignity/Honor/self-respect
I am clothed in strength and dignity!
Mary Lisa
Glenwood, MN
40s – Married
1. I have made SUCH a fool of myself with the men in my life. I was SO guilty of digging through their things. Thank goodness I am over that little part, at least.
2. (1) I want to live in the freedom Christ has set for me.
(2) I don't want my insecurities to plague my children.
(3) I am just sick to death of dealing with them.
3. Two other women and I met at the same play group. They wrote about getting together for a private play date on their facebook walls and I felt left out. Yes, it got to me.
4. Dignity means knowing I am the King's daughter and acting like it in spite of how I feel.
Oh wow. Concerning #2, I realized even before I knew you were releasing this book which I'm so thankful for that security in Christ was and is absolutely necessary to grow in my faith and continue this walk. I am so tired of being tossed to and fro. TIRED! It's exhausting. For example and also concerning #3. I'm a single mother, 27 years old. I raise my daughter very close to the input of my parents (grandparents) who raised me. Our beliefs differ in some areas, I try to raise my daughter around the truth as much as I can, she's 7. One day, in a very passive way I expressed to my daughter that something my grandparents said to her concerning superstition wasn't true. My grandpa was offended and reacted as if I was rude or disrespectful. It hurt me so bad, I second guessed myself over and over. I tried so hard, not to offend them, so hard. In the past I would have tried to convince them for hours, that I meant nothing by it, but this time, I let it go a little bit sooner. No body had to tell me atleast. It hurt, but I let it go, and left it to God.
Vicky
27
New York
1. The parts that hit close to home in Chapter 7 for me where: Insecurities can turn us into posers.
Whenever I'm around men who I do not know personally I am so overly aware of EVERYTHING I do or say that I don't even resemble the "real" me at all. The crazy thing is that deep down I really do believe that I have a lot to offer someone I just have a tough time being myself and it drives me crazy. (I've been single for 15 years which I think makes it worse!)
2. Based on my journey so far, why is it important to deal with this now? I just want to be the best me that I can be and I know that my insecurity is holding me back from a lot of things. I really do believe that I have a lot to offer and I just lack the security to offer it.
Janice
44
Single
Tumwater, WA
1. The part that hit home for me the most was- Insecurity can keep us from accepting compliments and, far worse, accepting love. I have bought into the lie that I am not worthy of anything good…therefore I am not worthy of compliments and still have the hardest time accepting them gracefully and I am certainly not worthy of love. This is slowly and gradually changing for me…praise God!
2. A) I want freedom from the things that hold me back from being the wife and mother God calls me to be.
B) I want to be a strong example for my girls of what being a secure woman of God looks like.
C) I want to be able to look in the mirror and love and celebrate who I am.
3. I recently received a text from my husband’s ex-wife and she clearly wanted to fight, and normally in my insecurity I would have been raging by the time my first response was sent. But this time…I apologized for hurting her feelings and told her what I want for her and the kids. They have always had a highly dysfunctional relationship and by the end she was agreeing with what I was saying. But for the first time in years I was able to be honest without the desire to wound her. That was HUGE for me!
4. Dignity means that I am worthy of the love and respect that I have long turned away. I am worthy of being able to look in the mirror and smile at God’s creation of me, instead of what should be different or how many pounds I need to lose. I am worthy, because I was created by and for the God most High! Amen!
Andrea
Moorhead, MN
20s
Married
To "amybhill" who posted on 3/6/10 at 6:15pm. I just wanted to say I really enjoyed reading your answer to question 1. I AM TOTALLY THE SAME!! I had these thoughts coming home from work today about the mom of kids I watch. I felt like she was mad at me or I did something to upset her, yet she just walked in the door from work! Anyway, thank you for being so open and honest. Allow the Holy Spirit to work in you (and me!) =)
Heather
Pottstown, PA
20's
Divorced/Engaged
I haven't had much of a chance in the last week to read. Most of my time is spent with my elderly dad as we try to palliate him at home. I sit down and read some of your comments when I get a few moments to myself. Thank you for providing what seems like a safe web of sisterly support. When decisions are difficult and strength is hard to come by I now lay down every decision and insecurity before God and ask for guidance. This is the only way I can get thru this without constantly second guessing myself