So Long Insecurity Discussion from LPV on Vimeo.
Hey, Girls! How are you sweet things? You newbies well surpassed the 100 mark on our last post. Way to go! Now, keep it up! God willing, we’re walking another week closer to waving a happy good-bye to insecurity. “KB” posted a comment last night saying, “Did anybody see Jessica Simpson on Oprah and could you believe how much it sounded like what we’re studying??” Yes, I saw it and I thought exactly the same thing. (She was talking about how she was chastised in Hollywood and the tabloids for being a full size 4.) It was this whole beauty around the world thing and it occurred to me that our female insecurity epidemic obviously isn’t limited to the West.
I read countless responses to the questions raised in Week Three and held a number of your stories close to my heart. Some of you may have been shocked by what others in our community have endured but I’ve been in women’s ministry way too long to anticipate less. The common ground does not, however, diminish our compassion. We can’t let it. It still hurts to tell. And hurts to read. Epidemic insecurity needs to lose its mystery for us to find our liberty. As you can see, many of us earned the right to this battle but those of us who know Christ possess an infinitely greater right. In Him, we have the right to be free and whole.
We have the God-given right to be secure.
In many ways, we qualify as a microcosm of almost any community of women you could find in this culture. You just can’t make it into adulthood on Planet Earth without getting pretty beat up somewhere along the way. Look at it like this: the enemy of our souls wanted more out of those hits than he got or we wouldn’t be here trudging this path toward wholeness together. Many of you are marvels. Others are pure miracles. Praise God, there is healing for all of us. AND, praise God, there is also meaning.
If you’re able, please watch the video greeting I included in this post. It’s a rough cut if you’ll ever see one and very impromptu (I decided to do it that morning while I was putting on my mascara, thinking about you). But it comes to you with much love and desire to see you free in Christ. I want you to get the best possible benefit out of this journey. God is so able and so willing. Hang with it here. We are taking the turn toward solutions in a very short time. We’ve got one whopper of a chapter to read before then, however. Your reading assignment this week will be CHAPTERS SEVEN AND EIGHT. Chapter Eight will be a welcome relief and will introduce one of the major components in the acquisition of soul-deep security. But let’s talk about Chapter Seven first.
You’ve heard of the house that Jack built. Chapter Seven is the chapter that YOU built. This blog community (that we regulars around here call Siestaville) makes its mark in multiple places over the course of the book but this chapter is entirely your input. Those of you who were with us a little over a year ago will perhaps remember it well. I threw out a question – Has insecurity ever made a fool of you? – and, boy, did I get some answers. Some of you more tenderhearted sisters will be sorely tempted to skip or skim over this chapter because it’s hard to read at times but, unless you’re hyper-sensitive or feeling too pathetic already (we’ve got to break out of that), try to read the whole thing. Get started post haste because it’s the lengthiest chapter in the book. It’s meant to hammer a point till you’re practically screaming:
THAT’S IT! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE TOLL INSECURITY TAKES. I’M WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DUMP IT.
As long as you come to that conclusion, you don’t have to read the whole chapter if it’s above your threshold. I hope most of you will read every page of it but, if you’re having a really rough week, you can have a hall pass on the long version. Just flip through various section headings and read the ones that resonate most. And always read the wrap-up of any chapter. In an ideal world, all we’d ever need is positive motivation. The truth is, sometimes a little negative motivation mixed into the positive is exactly what it takes to shake us up enough to deal. In Chapter Seven, you’re going to get a glimpse of what happens when insecurity deals with us instead of us dealing with our insecurity. Hopefully the point will be made and we can move on. Then we can dive our scalded souls into some healing waters in the coming chapters. I promise relief is coming. We will still have plenty of issues to grapple with in future chapters but new responses will begin to shape up shortly and fresh God-given strength is on its way. We are not wimps, Girls. Let’s rise up.
OK, here are your questions for this week. Since I’m giving you four this time around you’re welcome, if you prefer, to pick two of them to answer in your comment:
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
2. (If you’re choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity. (We’re not looking for right answers. We’re looking for YOUR answers. Don’t copy off your fellow sojourners’ papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don’t get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
You guys are doing a fabulous job with this. I am so proud of you for sticking with it! Your extra effort will not be in vain. May God meet you in these pages.
You are loved here!
Anonymous 
LOVED the video message!
1) insecurity about looks–weight and haircuts…not being popular at school hurt feelings especially family…..
2) a)Jesus deserves all of me…..He will never leave me or forsake me
b)my husband and boys love me unconditionally
c) ME
3)I always want to be a part (in the middle) of what is going on because i wasnt when i was younger…..that leads me to say and do some stupid things sometimes
then i get really quiet and withdraw
4) Dignity is being worth something and no matter how the insecurity makes us feel in the world we are very worthyour ABBA father š
2.A. To be obedient to God.
B. To know Him more as I see His strength in my weaknesses.
C. Because I don't want to miss out on anything He has for me.
4. Dignity–God sees me as a person of worth. Others may not see me this way or give me dignity, but it is mine because I am a child of God. And as for this Siesta, I'm believing God!
Seattle, WA
40's
Married
First I'd like to make a brief comment about Saturday's assignment. Reading all of the scriptures was wonderful. It all reminded me of the 5 Statement Pledge of Faith from 'Believing God':
1.God is who He says He is.
2.God can do what He says He can do.
3.I am who God says I am.
4.I can do all things through Christ.
5.God's Word is alive and active in me.
Wk.4
1. The following are a few of the ways Ch.7 hit home. Insecurity can:
-make me overcommunicate when I'm not understood
-confine
-make me settle; make me panic
-make me feel like I'm not good enough
-keep me from living the full abundant life God intended = missing opportunities and special memories
2.A. I see insecurity in my 21 yr. old daughter and occassionally in my 19yr.old son. I so desperately want them to experience healing,freedom – security. I pray that if they see a difference in me that they would be open and willing to embark on their own honest journey to security. It breaks my heart to see them struggle with this same ugly thing.
2.B. I am tired of being robbed; missing out; not living.
4. Dignity is to be able to hold my head up; to not be ashamed of who I am; to be capable, lovable, likeable.
p.159 – to be "worthy of respect …high esteem."
pp159-160 -"not…something we feel. It's got to be something we know. Something we emphatically claim."
P.158 "Pride is dignity's counterfeit." really got the gears in my head humming. A loaded and great sentence!
Karen
47
married
small town, Saskatchewan
1. The story about the woman who followed her man to the bathroom in the restaurant because she was so out of control. While I can say that I haven't reacted that strongly to a situation in a long time…man, it took me back to some pretty desperate memories.
2a. Sick and tired of worrying about every potential trigger that may or may not trigger me and trying to control situations. Exhausting.
2b. Would really like to get to a place where everything isn't filtered through the "how does this affect me?" screen. Ick.
2c. I've got some big things to do on the other side of this junk. God says so.
3. My mother-in-law can trigger me more than anyone I know. The other day she left me a message telling me to stop using Aluminum because it may be linked to Alzheimers. I know she means well, but I found myself obsessing over whether or not I was poisoning my family even though I don't know how!!! So stupid.
4. Dignity could mean the thing that makes it so I don't want to lock myself in the bedroom and hide until the coast is clear. That even though a situation isn't comfortable or heck, someone might not be 100% happy with me…that I'd stay instead of hiding.
Nichole
Marion, Iowa
37…almost 38
#2.
A. It interferes in my relationships with family because when I feel slighted or put down by something someone said or didnāt say or did or didnāt do, I either withdraw emotionally or make remarks that I later regret.
B. I feel like I could be a better witness if I werenāt so worried that what I say or write will sound stupid. Sometimes when I do share something Iāve written and nobody comments on it I think I should never have shared it.
C. I am tired of always comparing myself with others and being jealous/envious, or discouraged, because Iām not as pretty, thin, smart, gifted, funnyā¦.. It keeps me from reaching out and making new friends or getting involved in activities.
#3.
A. This past Sunday was the first relatively warm Sunday weāve had so I decided to wear a black and lime green skirt and lime green Ā¾ length sleeve sweater to church. I debated about wearing it because maybe it was too spring-like, but decided it would be OK. At church when we did the āgreet your neighbor,ā the lady behind me said, āYou look like spring.ā Immediately I thought, āOh no, I shouldnāt have worn thisā and was afraid everyone in church was thinking that I was dressed āout of season.ā I wanted to sit down and wrap my coat around myself. (She probably meant it as a compliment; Iām sure it was not meant as criticism or negative.)
B. Being around my 4-year-old grandsons (technically my step-grandsons) when their other grandmothers were also there. I was so worried that they would like them more than me and ignore me. I am jealous of the time they spend with their ārealā grandmothers, and since they live 2 hours from them and 5 hours from me, they get to spend a lot more time with them.
C. Facebook ā if one of my sisters comments on another of my sistersā wall posts or pictures, or writes on their wall, and not on mine, I immediately think they like her more than me (could also be nieces, cousins, or any mutual friends). Or if they say something that could be considered critical to/about me. My niece made a (very beautifully decorated) cake for a family birthday party and my sister put pictures on FB, and āeveryoneā wrote comments about how pretty it was and how talented she is. I recently made a cake for my grandsonsā birthday, which took me half a day and I thought it turned out pretty well; I posted pictures and only 2 people commented (none of my sisters or nieces).
Sorry it's so long; that is why it is my first time posting.
Linda
Johnstown PA
50's; married
1] a. Over communicating, over communicating and over communicating. I can recall so many times making a fool out of myself by over communicating. I now see how insecure I wasā¦ and the overflow of that was over communicating āIām sorryā etc. Even things that were NOT my fault!
2] a. Tired of comparing myself with others
b. Iām sick of wondering why certain things trigger such deep feeling of [gasp] insecurity! For so long Iāve questioned why things made me uncomfortable, or why I have responded negatively for no specific, known reason.
c. I want to live in freedom!!
3] I was in a group of very creative peopleā¦ and so many people had ideas. I had an idea, but then started asking myself if it was good enough to shareā¦ would people think itās stupidā¦ and ultimately would it get rejected? I immediately began recognizing the trigger of insecurityā¦ and began sorting through it.
4.Dignity means to me: Worthy of respect.
Zarah
Atlanta, GA
25
single
To Rebecca who posted on March 8th, at 7:23….
You rock girlfriend!!!! What you did takes such courage!!! Hold your head up high and remember that you are a precious child of the living King!!!! Please know that out here in this great big world is someone who you've touched and will be praying for you!!!!
Robyn
40's married
Queen Creek Az
1. a. I am not alone in this!!!!
b. "Jealousy of friends liking each other better is always a product of insecurity." I have always wanted to feel like I was someone's "best" friend….and beings I have not had a "best friend" since HS, you can imagine how often my insecurities have flared over this one.
2. my tween daughter, my desire to be used highly by God, my desire to not let satan have any "wins" in my life
3. Before reading the book, I had a trigger that sent me into a 2 1/2 month wreck. Since reading the book, a couple weeks ago I experienced a trigger and I caught myself almost instantly and told myself I refused to go there. I have security because of Christ and I do not need to find security from man. YEAH – a victory!!
4. Dignity – the ability to handle situations, even the ugly ones, in a manner that is worthy of respect
30's
SD
Married
How will we know if we are overcoming…. does it require being put in a trigger situation and seeing how we respond??
I have already read the book. I couldn't stop myself. But now I am going back and reading all my highlights and notes and really taking the chapters in.
2. Three reasons I need to deal with my insecurity:
a- I don't want to vomit my emotions all over my family just because I think I have not met an expectation they never had of me.
b. I am tired of walking into a room and not knowing who to talk to or what to say or worse, they are thinking " Please don't let her talk to me." (my thoughts, not theirs)
c. I am tired of making Jesus look like a liar.
3. My most recent insecure episode was just last Sunday. Our small group decided to go to a family camp day and enjoy our (hopefully) last weekend of skiing and tubing. I took my three sons alone as my husband was working the weekend. While there, I could not shake the feeling that my 3 year old was being so obstinate. He was a little demanding, but my feeling of everyone thinking I was an out of control mother would get out of my mind. Then while we were eating, the other women were all talking, I was feeling that "I just don't belong with them." I sat for a long time but finally I just had to leave. These are beautiful loving sisters-in-Christ who pray for me and whom I pray for, and yet, I let this lie overtake me.
4.Dignity to me is knowing I am not God, that I am not perfect, that I am a work in progress, and yet, inspite of all of that, the Creator of the Universe has given His Son so I can walk free of shame and condemnation.
Beth, I have laughed (the snort laugh) at your story about the paper shorts! I am SO GLAD I was home when I read this part of your book, because I could NOT control the laugh. Don't you hate it when doctors in the name of medicene put us in these most embarrasing moments. So glad you shared this –gave me a much needed laugh for the day as within a 12 hour span I have heard of 3 deaths – one, being my son in law's grandmother, so thanks, I needed this today. Love you so much!!! Renee Colorado Springs
Casi
31
Married
Woodway, Texas
First time commenting because I got my book late and am catching up. š
Top 3 reasons to deal with my insecurities…
A. I'm a role model for my 10-year-old daughter and I refuse not to do everything in my power to keep her from picking up my triggers/habits/responses
B. I firmly believe conquering my insecurity will help me to further my walk with God. I've grown a LOT in the past few years but feel this will be a turning point.
C. I've just had it up to HERE with the insecurity and anxiety. I want to be the person and fulfill the destiny my God had ordained for me. Period.
Recent trigger and response…
Unfortunately, my lack of security has many times caused me to tell little white lies because I was simply too insecure to tell the truth. And it's usually not about anything of any consequence to anyone but myself.
Case in point – earlier this week, my boss asked me a question. She would not have cared either way I answered it but, all of the sudden, I was overcome with anxiety and just said what I thought she'd want to hear. About something totally inconsequential.
The good news is that I immediately recognized it as such, rebuked Satan for trying to derail my attempts at breaking free of insecurity, confessed to the Lord (and asked him to help me not to "wear it"…just to accept it for what it was and move on) and righted the wrong.
To be quite frank, I feel like Satan is all over me right now but also feel the Lord's peace at the same time. I recently finished Breaking Free and then immediately began reading this book and doing Believing God for the second time. The spiritual warfare I experienced while doing BF was of the likes I'd never seen before but PRAISE GOD I made it through.
And I will make it through this process as well. No questions. Just have to hang with Him. š
P.S. Chapter 7 made me feel so much better – I'm not the only one who's done some incredibly dumb things because of insecurity. Hallelujah for some community!
Tami in Tyler, TX
39 and married
#1. "I always knew he {in my case, she} loved me, but I never felt he {she} loved me." "ā¦Nothing I did satisfied [my mother]. I was a straight-A student, never got into trouble, and yet I could do nothing right in her eyes." I find myself trying to fix with me and my daughter what isn't broken because of how I grew up.
#2. A. Although I have been freed from much regarding my insecurities, I do not want to pass on to my daughter all the things that were messed up in me. I want to leave her a legacy of security and confidence about who she is in Christ Jesus.
B. I want to model for my son the kind of woman he should seek as a young man – a woman clothed with strength and dignity.
C. Insecurity, no matter what it is about, gets in the way. For me, and for this season of life, I've learned it's my pride in doing things "right" and as a result, a legalistic attitude about far too much. I want to shake, once and for all, the legalism I learned growing up. I think much of that attitude is rooted in pride and insecurity.
#3. My husband asking me if I think I have what it takes to homeschool our children. I haven't even gotten started formally yet. Initially it broke me down and I wonder why I'm so fragile sometimes.
#4. Dignity means I am worthy of honor and respect because I was bought with a price. If God saw enough in me to redeem me from myself, then I am clothed in the dignity he gave me. I'm forgiven. I am dignified.
I listened to Beth's video and read her post before divi g into chapters 7&8. (God's grace). I have reflected a lot as I've read. I can not really pinpoint one manor issue that had me arrive at my insecurity as it is. I had small things along the way that i allowed to speak louder to me than God's voice of truth. I guess what stuck out to me the most was that insecurity can give off the wrong impression. My college roomate will tell you day one of our meeting that she found me to be a snob. I will tell you ot was insecurity ruling my life. Who knew? I have carried it for so long. I am very quite where I am not comfortable…ie insecure! Well look out, because I just read that God gave me a Crown of Dignity!
2. Top 3 reasons to deal with it:
a. I've wasted too much time living out a life that others want for me
b. I am ready to be the woman that God created me to be
c. It is a chain weighing me down. It controls my life. It is time to put God in total control!
3. Recent trigger- an opportunity to mentor a woman in faith. Before I've felt unworthy, unqualified, unprepared. Through wise counsel, study and prayer, I said "yes". Being available to God has been a blessing!
4. Dignity to mr is respecting myself for who God created me to be based on His word and Truth.
1. I guess I identified most with the one about the over-controlling mom, p 114. It took me a really long time to realize that it wasnāt my job to raise perfect kids.
But I also identified a lot with the one about insecurity veiling our vision as to just how blessed we are, p 123. I wasnāt adopted, but I was so consumed with self-defensiveness, rebellion, and insecurity that I didnāt realize until the SECOND time I did my life's time-line for Believing God (a couple of years after the first time) that I could see that I indeed had had a very blessed childhood.
2. Top Three Reasons itās time to deal with my insecurities:
A. It is hindering my relationship with God
B. It is hindering my relationships with family members
C. It is hindering my ability to move forward in ministry.
Patty
50's
Married
Kingwood, TX
2. It's time for me to deal with this insecurity because
A. I know what Christ thinks of me and I am tired of not living like it sometimes
B. I NEED relationships with other women- and I am too often held back from them because of my insecurities
C. I have a 4 year old daughter who looks to me for how to be a woman- and I am determined to show her a secure Christ following woman if it kills me!
3. Without fail a trigger for me is another woman who has similar gifts as me- arguably more gifted than me. Recently met with a woman who leads worship who is looking to come work at my church- I am currently one of the worship leaders- I was so tempted to compare myself to her, and probably did in some ways- but determined with myself that I was gifted, and she was gifted, and glory to God we were both using those gifts for the kingdom!
Kari
St. Louis
20s
married
I most connected with the entry about the "buck teeth". I have two crooked front teeth. I would love to have them fixed, but as a stay at home mom, the budget can be tight. I feel like I overcompensate in other areas…always trying to fix my hair and make-up before I leave my house. Maybe if I have it together everywhere else, no one will notice my teeth.
My top 3 reasons for getting a handle on my insecurity today…
1. So I can enjoy life more.
2. So I can enjoy my ministry more. (standing in front of others makes me self-conscious)
3. So I will not pass on my insecurity to my two precious daughters…ages 4 and 10 months. I want them to live securely in who they are in Christ.
The Season I am in & how I chose to read your book (week 1)
Few years ago I read your book
.."Get out of that Pit" a girlfriend loaned me…wow I am OUT OF THAT PIT… great outline of types of pits…changed me..
End of Feb local church just held one of your studies "ANOINTED TRANSFORMED & REDEEMED" with Pricilla, you & Kay.. with this in mind moving myself 'past the devastation' (pg 64) trying to be relived & released 'thus far' …
I went to visit K. HAGIN JR who was in Ft Lauderdale where I went up for anointing….
Coupled with My Monday nite BSF biblestudy on JOHN teaching on Holy Spirit..
AND My Wednesday nite group starting your REVELATIONS Bible study (for next 11 weeks)
You mentioned a fresh wave of humility & inadequacy for studying such a powerful subject similar to this subject you have taken on…
then I stumbled (was lead) to hear of the new wave of touching next generation with the Holy SPirit when my husband couldnt find the remote & 700 Club did a piece on Empowerment 21…which I signed up for
.. &then FINALLY I felt lead to sign up to help my church advertise for your 'INSECURITY TELECAST' April 24 ..
my sister & I are offering any of our ticketholders an invite to a LUNCHPOD of fellowship (for 90 min) in my sisters house (her house is close to the church & I dont cook)
In Conclusion…
today I got sent home from working all nite on call & am now finished with Chptr 1 & 2
My prayer..
The Lord is calling me to not continue to let the prince of this world open wounds & not heal on the inside but is using His Word, the Holy Spirit &a great caring Witness/teacher like you for direction to know my place in the world.. you using all your creative ways ways to touch us with every technological tool of the 21st Century .. Blogging.. Telecasts… so much energy… & dedication.. your so cool…
My prayer is to not listen to all my 'emotional predators' as you call them (pg26) picking on my profound sense of self doubt..
and my prayer is to join in with you Beth, to help loose my female genders struggle being held in bondage by Satan stifling our much needed gifts of love & caring with in the world today
I remember learning in Social studies that we are THE LARGEST group of MINORITIES even though WE ARE HALF THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE (title of a book I read in school)
looking Far above powers & principalities with you..
Sharlet
Loxahatchee, Florida
50's
married
Sarah – 40 Married
BC, Canada
Chapter 7 wow! hit home in many areas, see I'm not the only one to do things I regretted. Insecurity makes fools out of everyone. What stood out huge was my insecurities in my female relationships. When they are failing trying so hard to hang on to anything, but please don't leave me. It's pathetic I look at relationships I have lost and how much of a friend where these people. Sometimes it's not healthy so it's good to walk away. But why don't I and why do I hang on for dear life and make a total fool out of myself. I guess that's insecurity. š
Top 3 reasons why it's time to deal with my insecurity:
A. I have been a fool many times and my behavior is nutty and I just hurt myself over and over again.
B. Insecurity makes me look like I'm unstable.
C. So tried of being in the same bondage it's time for healing. It's exhausting!!!!!
3. I got a big rise out of my recent bout of insecurity. I embarrassed myself so much that people I was close to just bailed on me, the pastor of my old church finally told me to find another church and just move on.(back to my last statement it looks like I'm unstable)
4. Dignity means to me knowing that no matter what happens God is in control of my life. It means respect for ourselves and that healing is around the corner. AMEN!!!!
1. The part that probably hit home the most with me was that "Insecurity can make us give an entirely wrong impression." I so related with the woman who comes across as standoffish and snobby. I never mean to seem that way, but I know that's what people have thought of me before because I am so quiet at times. The thing is, sometimes I'm quiet because that's just my personality; but sometimes it's because I am insecure around others.
2. Top 3 Reasons to Deal with Insecurity
A. It negatively affects at least one big area in my marriage.
B. It negatively affects my friendships.
C. I just don't like feeling this way, and I don't want to be like my mother!
3. Recent Trigger: The other day I posted a brief and simple comment on my Facebook page about wishing my husband would have a better work schedule. Two people in my group of friends from church responded negatively to me and said that I should be more positive. It really flew all over me and hurt my feelings that if they couldn't say something supportive, they shouldn't have said anything at all. It made me very insecure because then I wondered if everyone else looked at me as a complainer, and the comment wasn't even negative in my opinion! It was just a statement.
4. To me, dignity means being respected and feeling like I am worth "something."
Alicia
Rome, Ga
29
Married for 7 years
1. Weight issues and avoiding serving/doing because of what people may see/say.
2. Top 3 reasons to deal with my insecurities:
a. To fully be the person God created me to be
b. To be the example for my 26-year old daughter, to do the hard work instead of hiding even when it is very painful
c. As someone in a leadership position, to leave a legacy for the women coming behind us.
3. My recent trigger was saying something silly and agonizing over whether it was intrepeted as stupid. I realized about 1/2 hr into my fretting that this was insecurity and let it go.
4.To know that I am worthy of respect…including my own. I need to be believe what I don't feel.
Delores
Married
50's
Shiloh
Kara
30s
Aurora, Il
Married
#2. Why its time I dealt with my insecurites…
A. I'm tired
B. I can be so judgemental of others and I don't want to be that kind of person.
C. God did not design me to be so wrapped up in myself. I want to be "wrapped" up in others.
#3. My insecurity was recently triggered when someone told me that a group of women from our church don't like me…in fact, think I'm stuck up amongst other words. Just hurt my heart. I am a pastor's wife and I do not want my ministry to affect people that way. EVEN though I'm sure they feel that way due to their own insecurities. The Lord planned for this to happen while I was reading this book. Really forced me to get to the root of why this threw me into a tailspin for the week. So, yes, it got a rise out of me.
karen
35
married
1. The part on pg 122. About thinking so little of ourselves that we end up not calling a wrong a wrong.
2. a. To not get robbed of the things God has planned for me and my family.
b. to have lasting friendships. i have always kept everyone just far enough away so that my mess underneath is not exposed. I have tons of 'friends' but I make most of them cleanly disposible.
c. for my first reaction to be bold, decisive and confident.
3.Writing this all down – in a public forum – it pains me so much. This book has dug up some roots that I compartmentalized and rationalized for most of my life. Some things I have never voiced out loud to anyone but God.
I have made myself do this whether it is read or not. I want to get every drop out of this book and this experience so that by the last page I AM FREE FROM INSECURITY. I can't wait for that praise session š
4. Diginity – accepting the Grace so freely given to me in a way that God intends me to and to show that grace to others to complete the circle.
I think the best reason for me to get rid of my insecurity is my need to really trust God with my life and give up the fears I have for what he wants to do with me. I've always struggled with the "what ifs" . . . what if part of God's plan for me includes taking my husband and/or children away . . . what if God's plan for me includes sending me to some Third World country for three years . . . etc.? Well, the second "what if" did happen more than 8 years ago and guess what – I survived and am stronger for those experiences. You'd think I'd have learned by now that he will get me through whatever! This book has shown me that I've still got work to do on that front.
Also, I'm learning that I need to be excited by what God has in store for me, not frightened. It seems to be a daily struggle, but I'm consciously making the effort now.
The other day, I had a shot to my pride and was aware of my need to rise above instead of sinking into despair, thanks to this book. I work part-time as a cashier at a grocery store. As a mother of three school-aged kids this is perfect for my schedule, but hard on my ego. I have a college degree, I'm smart, yet I check out groceries for 16-20 hours a week. When one of my managers, who is roughly 15 years younger than me, replied to me in a condescending tone, I checked myself and did my best to stifle my feelings of low self worth. By giving thanks to God for the opportunity to have a job, connect with customers on a daily basis and be home for my kids in the afternoon, I am stuffing down that ego and pride that says my self worth can be defined by a little thing like a job. (Boy do I sound condescending right there – ouch! Much work to do!)
I'm zooming through this book and am really enjoying it. Thanks Beth- God is truly using you!
Marjorie, 38
Married with 3 kids
Virginia
Elena
33
St. Paul, MN
It's so fun to see that much of your spirit comes from your grandmother.
In answer to your questions:
1. I most personally relate to acting like an idiot in female friendships. I won't limit it to females. I can just be an idiot in friendship. It seems like it is always so easy to overreact and then make terrible choices that lead to a complete and utter wreck of a circumstance. I'm learning to give things time, thought, and prayer before reacting to a situation.
2. The reasons I need to nip insecurity are
a) To benefit my children so as not to create the same insecurities in them.
b) To have stronger relationships with the people who mean the most to me.
c) Happiness.
3. I think that my most recent battle with insecurity is tied to two other women who are battling their own insecurities. We all make assumptions about what is going on and feel beat up by it. Dialogue is a must! We're learning that.
4. Dignity means being a light for Jesus by living life confidently, bravely, and with a purpose.
Lisa 40's Married Edinburg,TX
1. Insecurity weighs heavily in weight issues. I've been struggling with my weight off and on for years now. I was set free at one point and slid right back into this pit when my life got turned upside down. I know better but haven't been relying on God for this issue.
2. a) It's time for me to get back to being the woman God designed me to be. Not who I think I see in the mirror.
b) I have let the world tell me who I am, not who the Word of God tells me I am.
c) So I can know my real purpose and destiny I've been holding back from.
3. At a baby shower last weekend my friend, a professional photographer, was taking pictures and I kept asking her to delete ones of me, or show me what I looked like. I'm so self conscious of my weight.
4. Dignity means remembering that God loves me, He made me the way I am, and He has a plan for me. I can tell everyone else that for them, but have a hard time believing it for myself.
Thanks again for another eye opening week Beth!
Lisa
Thank you SO much for your encouragement Beth! I just want you to know that I am LOVING this book study and learning so much!!
Here are my answers this week:
1. I think that the thing that impressed me the most from Chapter 7 was the fact that so many women have battled insecurity! It was astounding to see how the enemy can work to deceive and destroy. It made me angry! I want women of all ages to have freedom in Jesus Christ!! I was also struck with a sense of, "I've been there," in some of these writings. Oh, how insecurity can wreak havoc. I am sick and tired of the enemy making me and others feel this way!
2. My top three reasons why it's time to deal with my insecurity:
a) I am sick and tired of the enemy working me over in this area of my life!
b) I want to believe that I am who God says I am.
c) I want to help other women to have victory and healing in this area of their lives.
3. I laughed when I thought about this answer. The last trigger recently that I remember was when I met someone I really admire and said something stupid! It was actually when I met BETH MOORE at a book signing last month! (haha!) I had anticipated this moment for so long and I was sooo ecstatic that I blubbered all over her and myself! I can't even remember what I said. (Nothing that I had planned.) I was talking so fast and trying to tell her so much in such a few brief moments! I know I must have sounded so stupid. My sweet husband had driven me all the way down to Tennessee for a Valentine's gift to meet her. We both laughed all the way home at how "silly" I acted. You would have thought I was a little girl! I felt so stupid and thought, "I can't imagine how goofy she thought I was. . . how stupid!"
4. I absolutely LOVED Chapter 8. I looked up the meaning of dignity in Webster's dictionary. It said,
"The quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed." To me, after reading this chapter, dignity means a crown of honor that Jesus Christ has placed upon my head deeming me worthy of respect and high esteem. Thank you LORD!
Elisabeth, 40
Illinois
Married š
Change that, my most recent trigger is RE-viewing instead of PRE-viewing my post. Now I'm seeing all the typos and omitted words!! YIKES. Gotta laugh……..(^=
And, yes, I PREVIEWED this message. *giggle*
Michelle
Wisconsin
40's
Married
1) Insecure weighs heavily in weight issues. I am currently in the process of "giving back" the weight that I "lost" 10 years ago. It is something that has been all consuming, every waking hour and every day of my life since age 10-11. God brought me back here to teach me the lessons I did not learn the 1st time around. I wrote a letter to my Dad about how his unkind comment about my weight has plagued my life. I had the privilege of reading it to him. I knew God was preparing me to do this. I did this in October. Boy, did I know that He was up to something big. Then the book!!!
2)
A. It has confined me for my whole life. A stumbling block in my marriage, parenting, friendships, etc. It literally is a ball and chain around my neck that needs to go.
B. I want to be secure in who I am in Christ. Not needing any approval from anyone but Him. To see myself the way He see me not what my
C. I want to be to my husband all he wants and needs from me finally!!!
Stacy
40's, Cincinnati, OH
Married
2a- tired of believing all the lies
b- getting tired and afraid to be honest and worry what others would say
c- freedom
4- I believe dignity is God in my life living and believing who I am in Him, and whatever I do, confident of His love for me
1. What hit home with me most about chapter 7- I am not unique! With so many godly women sharing many of the same feelings and experiences with me, I do not feel so isolated, awkward, and different.This helps to encourage me that WE can overcome this battle of insecurity!
2. It is time to deal with my insecurity because:
a. I want God's best for me! I want the abundant life.
b. I want to be as healthy as possible in my relationships as a mother, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, and one day, grandmother.
c. I want to reach a place of self-confidence where I no longer second-guess myself; I want to feel confident enough to blaze ANY new trail!!
3. Recent trigger: reacting to a blanket general accusation by my boss to the faculty by assuming he is speaking to me personally when I absolutely was not to whom he was referring! This happens often and I am so ready to give this one up!
4. Dignity means being able to see myself through God's eyes rather than through my own or any other person's.
Fran
Gulf Shores, AL
50's
single
I am a bit late in adding a comment, but just read the chapter about making a fool of yourself. Boy, have I been making a fool of myself lately. I am ashamed to even post this, but I am acting foolish over a married man I have been involved with for 2 years (but trying to break off). I MUST stop. PLEASE pray for me to rid myself of this addiction to this man.
Nancy
Late 30s
single
Lex, Ky
1. The insecurity can make you act like an idiot in female relationsips. My response to your blog question last year was so similar to the one you used, it was like I was hearing myself speak. Also, the part about talking us into doing things we don't even want to do..that was so me in high school and college.
2. Top 3 reasons
A. When a relationship blowup happened with the 3rd person, I realized I was the common factor.
B. The experiences are getting worse with time/age
C. Desiring a better future.
3. Getting forced/short emails from a friend has triggered in me the desire to over communicate. Was able to handle it differently
4. Dignity to me means walking with God's security as the root within us.
Praise Jesus for putting this book on Beth's heart to write! When I came to chapter 8 and saw the Scripture from Prov. 31 I was so thrilled! I have been memorizing it and in the back of my mind I kept saying…"How can I be clothed with dignity?" I have thought that I could never have dignity. I just can't put into words how I feel about this. In Christ I can have diginity!
a. I need to know the difference in pride and dignity.
b. I want to learn how to not join others in their insecurity.(I have discovered I do this while reading chapter 7…could this be co-dependency?)
c.I want so badly to be free of insecurity so I can help other women and girls; especially to reach them for Christ
Janice
50's
married
Ohio
Amby
Lake Stevens, Wa
37 yrs
married & utterly loved!
several of the letters in chapter 7 hit home for me & it was a breath of fresh air of sorts to know other women have had similar hurts in their lives. I loved the point that "we need to let GOD shovel us out of insecurity, because without Him, were stuck." How grateful I am to know God as my personal savior & feel at peace to give it ALL over to HIM!
My top 3 reasons to deal with my insecurity:
A) because I am tired of letting the past control my future & my destiny w/ God
B) My marriage and all relationships cannot truly be healthy until I do!
C)So I can set a good example for my teenage daughter & son(yes I believe he has insecurities too!)
A recent trigger of insecurity was at the Dr.s office for my annual physical yesterday. I have been on track recently with my health, exercise & diet and was soooo disapointed/ashamed/angry after stepping on the Dr's scale to record my weight! Boy did I learn that my home scale lies to me! Sadly I let it bother me all afternoon & even went so far as to eat a few extra meals throughout the afternoon to consol myself!! Ha sooo NOT funny but true! This insecurity even goes so far to affect how desirable I feel to my husband at night when we climb into bed! Well enough of that, I must continue on with the book & remind myself with God's help that I am capable of change!
1. Well, so many of those scenarios I am familiar with or have been healed through, but the girlfriend insecurities are most painful. I compare myself to "the girls" and feel very inadequate in the physical sense. I am attractive but somewhat overweight………not huge, but am always self-conscious of my wardrobe, makeup, hairstyle, etc. It filters down then to my relationship with my husband……..he accepts me but I dont.
2. a. for a better marital relationship
b. to be all God would have me to be, God-conscious instead of self-conscious
c. because I am very tired and weary of the insecurities I live with
3. Dignity: seeing myself with the same grace, strength, beauty that God sees me: having His eyes, not my own. Accepting me, my gifts, my portion as God has given to me, being confident in Him, not me.
Aurora
46
Happily Married
Palm Coast, Fl
2) Reasons I'm ready to release my insecurities
a) I want to radiate the joy I've known and experienced previously.
b) I want to pursue my purpose with passion.
c) I want to be an authentic and fruitful follower.
4) Dignity is self respect expressed with emotional self control.
Katie
48
Single/Divorced
Dallas, TX
1. The stories of the women who went psycho on their boyfriends. hit home with me. Good to know I am not alone.
2. Three reasons to get secure now:
A. So that I don't end up on the evening news! (kidding)
B. Because I have a daughter that I need to set an example for.
C. Because I need to be reasonably comfortable with ageing.
3. No triggers lately but I am sure it is just a matter of time. Or perhaps I am healing.
4. Dignity means being worthy of respect and esteem. I means having self-esteem and poise.
1. Chapter 7: I loved the comment on page 141 that said: " Insecurity makes us settle, distracted, robs our confidence in our rich inheritance, makes us put our gift on the shelf, disturbs our sleep & derails our life." Amen!!
Insecurity is not what God wants for my life.
2. Top reasons its time to deal with it:
a. So I can quit feeling inferior and feel that I have something to contribute to others.
b. So I can live the life God wants me to live: a life of victory.
c. Because I am SICK OF IT!!!
3. ?? – No trigger that I can think of right now.
4. Dignity is to be worthy of respect, and I have it because He gave it to me. I just have to wrap my mind around that fact.
(1) I can relate to several stories, the ones the most are That insecurity can confine me.Doing things I don't want to.To keep me from well expressing myself. How it robs us.
(2)I choose to deal with my insecurity. (A) I want to be free of the tricks of the enemy.(B) I want to be all God made me to be so I can honor Him better.(C) Free to be me.
3) trigger
You know I am more insecure with people I don't know or just meet. At work when we get new people seen to avoid them so I dont' have to talk to them. We have a lot of new temps of late. š
4)After reading chaper 8 dignity to me means that I can be clothed in it and have strength. And it is my God given right.
I really have never thought much about dignity and glad to know that it is mine to have. I am learning learning !!
Pam
Campbellsburg, In
50's
single (widow)
1. What hit home with me was that insecurity can be a relentless robber. Insecurity has kept me from doing things that I really wanted to do such as traveling alone to the scripture memory celebration in Houston… just talked myself right out of that.
2.
a)tired of being depressed
b)tired of being afraid to make changes
c)relationships are suffering greatly
4. Dignity is a quiet confidence; a sense of value; worthy of respect.
Diana
North Attleboro, MA
60's
married
Crystal
Way Up North, WI
Late 40's
Married
1. Insecurity and the Mom Thing: It's surprising any first born children make it out without being insane-especially daughters! Enough said! Also Insecurity Can Veil Our Vision, etc.: As an 'unplanned' child my insecurity definitely made me feel like I was not good enough, not wanted, could not win, and did not deserve anything. Awesome phrase, Beth, it will set me free: He loved me and I was placed where He wanted me. YES!
2. A) To help me gain the confidence to 'put myself out there' – be myself, peaceful in my own skin.
B) To show my children they do not have to hold back anything in life – try everything!
C) To be secure in my walk with God and comfortable with sharing it.
3. At the first meeting of a new bible study group I cracked many jokes that eased some nervous moments, the study is on JOY and we all left Joyful and I got many compliments that my sense of humor was awesome. On my ride home, Satan sat in the passenger seat telling me I was disrespectful to God (I call him Dude sometimes!) and to the group. It got a brief rise out of me but I slept good BUT the very next morning I emailed the leader with my insecurity … she praised me up and down and I did let it go.
4. God is so GRAND – I received a daily devotional from Proverbs 31 entitled "Becoming a Women of Dignity' which I got my information from. Dignity to me is a 'self controlled woman making deliberate choices about what she says and does based on her' beliefs … someone who 'exhibits grace under all kinds of challenges'. A woman who 'knows who she is in Christ and chooses to act in ways consistent with her high calling as a child of God'. No pressure there!
Grace and Dignity to All!
The part of chapter 7 that hit home is the list of insecure actions that were listed on page 102. Seemed like someone was watching my daily activities!
Top reasons to deal with insecurity:
a) I'm tired of regretting things from the past
b) I'm tired of doing what I think others want me to do.
c) I'm tired of being concerned about what others think about me and my family members.
This is a great book, can't wait to get to the end (of insecurity).
I already posted answers to this week…but after the day I've had…I'm really struggling! Years ago I had an emotional affair with a man who came into my workplace. I was desperate, lonely, needy…and so guilty! I confessed to my husband, my heavenly Father and we've worked hard to where we are! God is faithful! I keep telling myself that, especially today
My boss/co-worker confided in me today that her husband is having an "emotional thing" (his words) with a girl at his work. I have great compassion for her, and I have been praying for them. It's just that "it" has all come back like a huge flood over me!
Please pray for me that I will, with God get victory over this!
Thank you!!
Barbara
Single
50
NC
As I live and breath, this has been one of the toughest journeys I've ever had to take, but the MOST needed. The enemy knew how much I needed this and I still haven't received my pre-ordered book (hehe), but never fear, I bought the audio book and am listening along. This journey was WAY to important to wait for the book. (BTW it's "in the mail" š ) I've got to "DO THE THANG!!! In Jesus' Name!!!
Chapter 7 opened my eyes to things that has gotten me to this point and all I can say is "Praise God!!!" for Chapter 8.
The 3 reasons I need to get over insecurity are:
1. I am so sick and tired of being defeated in whatever situation.
2. I have 2 nieces that I love so much and I WILL NOT pass this on to them. In Jesus' Name!!
3. I am Jesus' Beloved Ragamuffin and I need to start believing like I'm a child of the MOST HIGH God!!!
A recent trigger had to do with a relationship that had slowly ended and my "feeling" of low self-worth, etc. And I just hauled and said "NO", in the name of Jesus. Jesus is quite fond of me and the Best is Yet to Come!!!!!
Dignity means treating yourself w/ respect, the way the Lord wants you to. Not to let others measure your worth and value. To know WHOSE you are and that's all that matters.
Thank you so much Beth!!
Kim
45
Recently Separated
North Carolina
First of all- where did you get a copy of the DVD of my life to write the first several chaps of this book? š
#1 – trigger was accepting compliments and feeling loved.
I most always feel that if people are complimenting me they are just trying to be nice, really don't mean it, being fake. Or mostly I just feel like I have so deceived them into thinking that about me, so then really I must be the one being fake. I think if they really knew me they wouldn't say or feel that about me. Some of that comes from an unhealthly relationship with my husband (he has left our marriage for another woman). Some of it comes from past traumas that were covered in Chap. 5.
Main reasons I am reading this book now and want to get rid of this bad friend called insecurity:
a) I want to finally be the woman that God has created me to be. I want to truly once and for all hear His voice above all the others that have hurt for so long.
b) I want to show my 3 young daughters that there is a real life out there that has nothing to do with what the world tells us. That the only way to go is with Christ. That they can avoid so much pain in their lives if they truly listen to, follow and obey Him.
c) Because I want to stop allowing my self-worth to be based on what man (humankind) says about me or thinks about me. People hurt eachother, let eachother down; but Christ never does. I want to be the person that Christ wants me to be and if that means I have some not so wonderful experiences or reactions from people in this world that is okay. I don't belong here anyway. I've got a home with a King when my time here is done.
This so far I can tell will be a tough journey, but I am willing and resigned to the fact that I will close this book a secure person in Christ. I have got a new life ahead of me, starting over at 45. The thing is God knew this day was coming so even though I am suprised by it, He is not.
I have not read Chap. 8 yet so I will not comment on that question.
Thanks for the book Beth. Thanks also for the blog. Most of all thank you for following God's calling in your life.
Debbie
30
Indianapolis, IN
single
1. Insecurity giving us the wrong impression was the example that hit home with me.
2.
a. I'm missing out on too many things in life because I'm too insecure to try them.
b. My insecurity is affecting my relationships.
c. I've let Satan use insecurity to hinder me too many times.
3. A co-worker did a good job on a project and I became insecure about my own job performance.
4. Diginity to me is equal to self worth. If I have diginity I will believe that I'm worth something.
The part of chapter 7 that hits home to me is that we are all insecure about something. No one is exempt, including me š
Reasons to deal with my insecurity
A. I am who God says I am (for my relationship with Christ)
B. For my relationship with my husband
C. For my children, that they WILL NOT inherit any of my insecurities
Sue, NC
34years old, wife and mother of 3 little girls š
Tammie, Married, 40's, Columbia, MD
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
Making an idiot of myself in female relationships. Let's just say that the communication and jealousy stories in that section resonated with me. Another big one was the weight issue and not doing certain things because of how I would be "seen".
2. Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with your insecurity.
A. I am so tired of feeling left out of life.
B. I want to REALLY believe who God says I am.
C. I don't want the nasty one getting one more minute of my life.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
Recently I nearly fell into the "lower communication level must have something do do with me" insecurity issue. If I didn't know my friend's heart, and how busy her life was compared to what it had been previously, I might have went off the deep end on that one. Turns out that her phone was eating her emails…technology. Wow, am I ever glad that I didn't fall for that one again.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
To me dignity means self-respect, self-esteem and being worthy.
Linda from Chicago, 40's, single
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
The discussions regarding relationships. The relationships that Iāve had with men have not been all that great. I got involved in the relationships mostly because I was thrilled that someone was paying attention to me. I didnāt see that they were not the right people for me to be involved with. I have a very hard time trusting, and I think it is because Iām afraid of getting hurt again. Even in my friendships, Iām often worried about whether or not someone likes me. If I think that someone doesnāt like me, I worry over why they donāt like me, what did I do or say to make them not like me.
2. (If you're choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with your insecurity. (We're not looking for right answers. We're looking for YOUR answers. Don't copy off your fellow sojourners' papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don't get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.
A. At work, Iām often viewed as an expert, but I donāt really feel like an expert. I guess I want to believe about myself what other people seem to believe about me.
B. I want to be able to trust more easily.
C. God wants me to be secure.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
Probably one of my main triggers is when I feel like I am being questioned at work. I tend to go on the defensive. Iām trying not to take things so personally, but it is not always easy.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
Dignity to me means behaving in such a way that you show that you respect yourself, and you also have the respect of others.