So Long Insecurity Discussion from LPV on Vimeo.
Hey, Girls! How are you sweet things? You newbies well surpassed the 100 mark on our last post. Way to go! Now, keep it up! God willing, we’re walking another week closer to waving a happy good-bye to insecurity. “KB” posted a comment last night saying, “Did anybody see Jessica Simpson on Oprah and could you believe how much it sounded like what we’re studying??” Yes, I saw it and I thought exactly the same thing. (She was talking about how she was chastised in Hollywood and the tabloids for being a full size 4.) It was this whole beauty around the world thing and it occurred to me that our female insecurity epidemic obviously isn’t limited to the West.
I read countless responses to the questions raised in Week Three and held a number of your stories close to my heart. Some of you may have been shocked by what others in our community have endured but I’ve been in women’s ministry way too long to anticipate less. The common ground does not, however, diminish our compassion. We can’t let it. It still hurts to tell. And hurts to read. Epidemic insecurity needs to lose its mystery for us to find our liberty. As you can see, many of us earned the right to this battle but those of us who know Christ possess an infinitely greater right. In Him, we have the right to be free and whole.
We have the God-given right to be secure.
In many ways, we qualify as a microcosm of almost any community of women you could find in this culture. You just can’t make it into adulthood on Planet Earth without getting pretty beat up somewhere along the way. Look at it like this: the enemy of our souls wanted more out of those hits than he got or we wouldn’t be here trudging this path toward wholeness together. Many of you are marvels. Others are pure miracles. Praise God, there is healing for all of us. AND, praise God, there is also meaning.
If you’re able, please watch the video greeting I included in this post. It’s a rough cut if you’ll ever see one and very impromptu (I decided to do it that morning while I was putting on my mascara, thinking about you). But it comes to you with much love and desire to see you free in Christ. I want you to get the best possible benefit out of this journey. God is so able and so willing. Hang with it here. We are taking the turn toward solutions in a very short time. We’ve got one whopper of a chapter to read before then, however. Your reading assignment this week will be CHAPTERS SEVEN AND EIGHT. Chapter Eight will be a welcome relief and will introduce one of the major components in the acquisition of soul-deep security. But let’s talk about Chapter Seven first.
You’ve heard of the house that Jack built. Chapter Seven is the chapter that YOU built. This blog community (that we regulars around here call Siestaville) makes its mark in multiple places over the course of the book but this chapter is entirely your input. Those of you who were with us a little over a year ago will perhaps remember it well. I threw out a question – Has insecurity ever made a fool of you? – and, boy, did I get some answers. Some of you more tenderhearted sisters will be sorely tempted to skip or skim over this chapter because it’s hard to read at times but, unless you’re hyper-sensitive or feeling too pathetic already (we’ve got to break out of that), try to read the whole thing. Get started post haste because it’s the lengthiest chapter in the book. It’s meant to hammer a point till you’re practically screaming:
THAT’S IT! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE TOLL INSECURITY TAKES. I’M WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DUMP IT.
As long as you come to that conclusion, you don’t have to read the whole chapter if it’s above your threshold. I hope most of you will read every page of it but, if you’re having a really rough week, you can have a hall pass on the long version. Just flip through various section headings and read the ones that resonate most. And always read the wrap-up of any chapter. In an ideal world, all we’d ever need is positive motivation. The truth is, sometimes a little negative motivation mixed into the positive is exactly what it takes to shake us up enough to deal. In Chapter Seven, you’re going to get a glimpse of what happens when insecurity deals with us instead of us dealing with our insecurity. Hopefully the point will be made and we can move on. Then we can dive our scalded souls into some healing waters in the coming chapters. I promise relief is coming. We will still have plenty of issues to grapple with in future chapters but new responses will begin to shape up shortly and fresh God-given strength is on its way. We are not wimps, Girls. Let’s rise up.
OK, here are your questions for this week. Since I’m giving you four this time around you’re welcome, if you prefer, to pick two of them to answer in your comment:
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
2. (If you’re choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity. (We’re not looking for right answers. We’re looking for YOUR answers. Don’t copy off your fellow sojourners’ papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don’t get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
You guys are doing a fabulous job with this. I am so proud of you for sticking with it! Your extra effort will not be in vain. May God meet you in these pages.
You are loved here!
BreadBags to PieTins 
I still can't believe that we partnered with you on this book, and that you used something I wrote (I'm not saying which page).
I'm very far behind in the assignments, but just wanted to say
I love you, Mama
Thanks for the encouragement Beth.
Well done! May we who are indwelled by the Holy Spirit allow Him to fill us daily as we seek to live in freedom and deliverance! Oh, you are so right…we must be purposeful and actively seeking the Truth in the Word! Lord, help us DO it! Can't wait to read on!!!
Wendy
39
Ile Bizard, Quebec
2. Top 3 reasons to deal with my insecurities…
a) So that I can finally see myself as an equal to everyone around me.
b) So I can finally feel like I have something special to offer others.
c) So I can finally buy a fiction book rather than a self-help book (ex: on parenting, on insecurity, on marriage etc.) and enjoy it without feeling guilty that I could be doing something more productive with my time.
3. Last week I went out with 3 of my "secular" friends for coffee. They are all successful career women (I am a stay-at-home mom). I sat there most of the time just listening to them talk and feeling like I had nothing to offer to the conversation. But for the first time in a LONG time I was O.K. with it. They all talked and I was deffinitly the 3rd wheel but I left there feeling like who cares that I'm "not one of them", I'm going home to a husband and children who are looking forward to having me back from my evening out. I'm going home to a happy family unit. I have something at home that I would not trade for all the money or success in the world! It was a little liberating! And it felt awesome!
4. Dignity to me means being able to look at myself in the mirror and being proud of who I see. Being able to accept my flaws and still love myself.
I cannot tell you how much I needed to hear that I wasn't the only one feeling stomped and battered by life all over again. I know it has to hurt to heal sometimes and I've just been holding on for dear life these few weeks. Being someone who's natural defenses either rationalize offenses away or block them from memory, I have just been reliving one heartache after another. All the while I've been reminding myself that this is the dark before the dawn, but yesterday I completely lost sight of that fact. Thank you so much for addressing this and for adding chapter 8 this week, I know I need it!
Marlo
32, Married
Indiana
1. Chapter Seven was so eye-opening! I'm not alone!! The part that hit home with me most was insecurity being a robber. I have turned down various opportunities to do (or at least try) some things in life, but my insecurity kept me from taking part. Arrrgh! I identified with other parts too, but that's probably the most frustrating part of insecurtiy for me.
2. It's time to deal with insecurity because
first of all, I'm 32, and I hopefully still have lots of this life in front of me, and I'm tired of missing opportunities because of fear of not measuring up.
Second of all, I now have a daughter. That really changed things for me. I have two boys, bless them, that I want to be secure men, but I feel more pressure to get myself together for my 16 month-old Anna Beth who will be watching me to see what it means to be a Woman of Valor.
Finally, I want to be a testimony of God's grace, and I could do that so much better if I'm completely secure in Him. I want to be able to say, "God was pleased to make me this way, and I'm pleased too."
3. My most recent trigger was at an event at my brother's church. He had purchased tickets for us to see comedian Tim Hawkins, and they included dinner beforehand at the church. With strangers. First of all, I didn't know what to wear (thankfully, I felt okay with my choice. Whew!) 🙂 But then I sat at a table with 3 other couples I didn't know and just felt insecure. I was afraid I'd say the wrong thing, be too quiet, too obnoxious, etc. And I was sitting beside some sweet girl who has a doctorate in something-or-other, while I stay at home and read Moo, Baa, La, La, La (which I love and is where I want to be), but I just felt . . . . less than. And I found myself comparing myself (and competing inwardly) with them for the first half of the dinner instead of just focusing on them and loosening up. It took me about 30 – 45 minutes to start asking questions and really putting their interests first instead of just withdrawing.
4. To me having dignity means to remember who I am in Christ, while remembering that God made others as worthy of respect as well. So I'm putting on my crown today and taking possession of what I know, I know, I know!!
Beth, you are so much fun! I loved your quote from your grandmother,"Come on over heeya." (I had no idea how to spell that phonetically). Just last night my husband's twin aunts celebrated their 83rd BD. We were reminiscing over their dad–my husband's granddad–and how he used to use that exact same "expression" to shew rowdy kids out of the house. He would say,"Get on outa heeya!" He was from the border area of TN and Alabama. Don't worry. I'll post answers later. I just felt like a visit 🙂
Appreciated the pep talk, too.
Heal on, Jesus. Heal on.
What part of Chapter 7 hit home? Insecurity can cause a mom to be overcontrolling or just generally out of control. This statement opened my eyes to the truth that this is me – out in public I HATE being embarrassed by my kids – yet it seems to happen frequently! And it makes me crazy!
2.List your own personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with your insecurity.
a. For my children's sake
b. For ministry's sake
c. For my own sake!
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
Just yesterday I had a friend over to learn about the homeschooling curriculum I use. For the first hour the children were "angels" then it all went awry! They began running in circles around the room and when I told them to stop they ignored me. Rather than making a fool of myself right there, I just tried to ignore it and usher her out the door. Once the door was closed I was angry but not out of control. They are kids and had done so well for the first hour. They embarrassed me but I'm learning to humbly accept that they are not going to be perfect. (They did get a time out for it though :-)!)
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
Humble and confident that the Lord is in control. Despite chaos swirling around me with the children – I know that I am raising the children to be arrows (Psalm 127) that one day I will launch out into the world to make a deadly blow to the enemy. I will continue to pray over my children daily and trust God with their lives.
Courtney, age 34
Canton, Ohio
I blog at http://www.womenlivingwell-courtney.blogspot.com
Nicole
20's
Married
MN
The top 3 reasons why it's time for me to deal with my insecurity:
A. I have girls! There's no way I want to pass any of my insecurities onto them! I'd hate for them to grow up and ever have insecurity be one of the things they learned from me!
B. It's unhealthy for my marriage. Because my father left when I was little and I've had other major disappointments from men in my life I've struggled with feeling insecure with my husband & it must make him feel so helpless at times because he never knows how I'm going to react! How I react in any given situation isn't predictable, it's totally based on how secure(or not) I'm feeling that day!
C. For ME! Insecurity really drains a person & it transfers over to my relationship with God. It's hard not to feel like God sees me the way I see myself.
The last thing I can remember that really triggered my insecurity was
when I got a new outfit on clearance(a matching velour track suit, lol) and I thought it was cute! Sure the pants and the shirt matched perfectly and it did sort of remind me of something a grandma would wear but it was comfortable!! Well, my husband came home and saw me and laughed and said, "My grandma used to wear those suits all the time!". At first I didn't really think anything of it but when my brother in law and sister in law came over that night and my husband and brother in law were laughing at me about it(in good fun, to them at least!) I started feeling really insecure and it's been weeks and yet I still bring it up to dh and make him feel bad for laughing at me over something I laughed at myself over! Stupid!
Hi ladies!! I just bought the book, I will try to catch up but it is sooo good I don't want to rush thru!
I am sick to death of being insecure!
With ya in South Dakota 🙂
The Holy Spirit has laid this on my heart after watching the video. I have felt "raw" many times in my life. This is taken from Beth in "Breaking Free."
"If our liberty in Christ is going to be a reality in life, we are going to have to learn to walk in the freedom of Christ, independent of everyone else we know."
For me this has been so freeing; it means independent of what others want to throw at us, whatever bad memories Satan wants to use to hinder our walk to keep us from being effective – we are free independent of everyone and everything. I now mentally rehearse "I'm in Christ", "I'm in Christ", I'm in Christ".
I did not mean to cut in. I just loved the video. It is like Beth holds our face and looks straight into our eyes and reminds us "Siestas, you can be free." It really meant a lot to me this morning and I hope it helps others who may feel "raw".
Hey…I cant get the video to work?!! 🙁
Dearest Siesta Mama,
Thanks for the great video and I love your shirt. 🙂 Are you really prepared for the length of the comments you are going to get on these questions? They are some good questions and I'll try to answer.
1) I related to almost all of the stories in one way or another. But since I'm dealing mostly with friendship insecurities, those stories hit home the most for now. I have acted like an idiot and sent emails that I wish I could delete. I've felt tormented over the thought that friends were getting together without me and they were bonding and growing closer while I sat at home feeling miserable.
2)
a)I realize that it is an idol for me because when I act that way, I am putting those girls first in my heart and not God. So it can be more than an insecurity and knowing how God feels about idols, makes me want to get rid of it all the more.
b)I'm tired of comparing myself to others and coming up short. Tired of waiting around for my husband to validate me and only getting a compliment here and there. Then I cling to those compliments like they are treasures. I'm thinking idol here again!
c)Tired of having a perfectly good day be ruined by an insecure moment that throws me into emotional turmoil. That's no way to live.
3)A recent trigger for me was having a friend call to ask me to watch her kids while she and her husband went to a concert with other friends. I had this concert on my calendar for weeks and have been wanting to go, but hadn't decided for sure yet. She sounded desperate to get some child care and I told her I would do it. But instead of letting it get to me, I just confessed to her that I will be feeling jealous that she's having such a good time. And just confessing that really made a difference. It felt like a small battle was won and I wasn't left feeling bad about it. Plus, I knew I was helping a friend out and felt good about that.
Thanks for doing this, Mama Beth. You are just precious and I love you so. 😀 Have a wonderful Jesus-filled day!
1. Chapter 7: Although the specifics may have been different, I could relate to just about every comment in one form or another at one point or another in life.
2.It's time because
A. God created me to be someone, and doggone it, I'm ready to start living her out!
B. The enemy has had this stuff for too long, and I'm sick of it
C. I HAVE DAUGHTERS WHO ARE WATCHING ME.
3. Ha! Just yesterday (I wish it was like, last month, but NO, yesterday)I encountered a sister who I felt was pushing me to do some things I'm simply not able to do right now. As a minister's wife I get alot of "suggestions" about things I could/should do. And I made a complete idiot out of myself in front of my husband (I'm safe there, I know, but still…)ranting and raving over this. My "people pleaser" side – you know, the part of you that thinks if you say 'no' people won't like you anymore – reared her insecure head.
4. For me, dignity simply means Jesus. He covers me, He loves me, He cherishes me and He values me. I'm a princess! And as a princess, some things are simply beneath my dignity! I'm not talking about serving people or even srubbing toilets, I'm talking about giving in to the lies the enemy keeps trying to feed me. I don't have to dig through the trash with him anymore. I'm clean. I'm loved.
Beth, thank you again. This is so freeing.
Becky
Owasso OK
40's
married
20's – Married – Florida
1. What part of Ch. 7 hit home with you the most and why?
No one certain part, all of them. I am just shocked that SO MANY (I’d beg to say more of us than less of us) women battle insecurity. This was both refreshing and frustrating to me. Refreshing that I am not alone, but frustrating that we’ve let insecurities damage everything from our relationships to our DIGNITY (ch 8)!!! I think we could all find some scenarios in that chapter that were relatable!
2. 3 reasons time to deal with my insecurities:
a.I am tired of insecurity coming between me and those I love.
b.I feel like I have an “opened eye” to what insecurity looks like and I am sick at how it has rooted its ugly self in the lives of so many women that I love. It’s time, for myself, that I break it and shake it…then hopefully help some of those I love do the same.
c.I do not want insecurity to get in the way of what God might be calling/leading me to do. I don’t want the voice of insecurity to compete with the voice of my God any longer. He is louder and I am changing! (ex: I have been feeling led to start a women’s bible study at our church. I kept feeling His urge, but then I’d also think, “what if no one comes? Or “what if they see I am organizing it and don’t come because of that? Or “what if they ask me something I don’t know? Or…. You get the idea… I was so worried that no one would sign up, which my insecure self would take as a sign they didn’t like ME that I almost had myself talked out of doing it. But God is louder and I kept feeling His urge, so I prayed and prayed and prayed and said, “ok, Lord, but YOU have to do it.” It hit me that I was putting so much focus on MYSELF. (which could totally be another book! Ha… but I was just sick of how selfish my insecurity was making me. Selfish in my relationships with others as well as with God… It’s REALLY not all about me. ANYWAY, within the week I talked with our pastor about starting the study and it was in the bulletin the next Sunday! We’ve got over 20 women in the group!!! We’re in our 3rd week of Esther and I know it is not a coincidence that in those first few weeks of videos and homework “Insecurity” is addressed.
3.The triggers. I long ago diagnosed myself as being “insecure”… however, I never looked deeper into WHY I was, or WHAT made my insecurities flare. Just that simple title, “trigger” made my own flash so clearly in my mind. Now that I have labeled my own triggers, I have been seeing them so vividly lately, and am praising God that He’s making them clear and helping me deal with them. I feel like because I am aware of it, I’m getting way better of it NOT getting a rise out of me. ( I’ve got lots of examples, but this is comment is already a book length long…)
If this book was for no one else, it was for ME! Thank you!!!!
2. A. Peri
B. meno
C. pause
Dignity to me is wholeness in the fullest sense of the word—living fully, loving fully, and realzing that a full life involves the people in our orbit more than the projects we stack up
Bertie
Married
50's Houston
Thank you for the video Siesta Mamma! It was such an encouragement.I am having such a hard time just getting through the [i]assigned[/i] chapters becuase I feel so raw! But I have learned that when my sweet Abba takes me to that place it is not to leave me there beaten and bloody but to bring sweet healing. That doesn't make it any easier though! I am getting through it, but it is kicking and screaming! So I really needed that sweet encouragement today. God bless you tons!
Thanks Beth for the video, I have been feeling so "raw" and "opened" I had seriously thought about stopping as I started chapter 7. The pain from the past is so deep, that I have been physically sick reliving it. However, I know moving on without "dealing" has not helped me over the last 30 years. I am so ready for the "beating up on myself" and trying so hard "to please everyone" to stop. I am also ready, oh so ready to stop believing the devil's lies about "how" God loves me. With that said, onward I go, to once and for all give up this insecurity. I want to be free!
Cindy
Married
50's
Barbados
That was such a great word in the video. I think we rush through our spiritual food like we rush through a meal at a fast food restaurant. We needed that advice to slow down and let God do the work in us that He wants to do! Thank you!
1. All of Chapter 7 hit home with me! Each of those testimonies could have been my very own! My insecurities have made a fool of me way too many times to even begin to list them but, suffice it to say, I was each of those women!! Ouch!
2. My top three is more like a top 10 but the most important reasons I need to deal with my insecurities now are:
My Daughter who is three!! I DO NOT want to be a model of insecurity for her!
Next would be for ME so I can have the carefree, loving relationship with not only the people around me but, most importantly, with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!!
Lastly, to be so secure in my relationship with Christ that I can share Him with others and use my journey as a prime example of how having Jesus in your life CAN and WILL change you for the better!!
3. WOW, a recent trigger is still very raw in my life still because it happened over the weekend when I witnessed my husband (who was drunk) hit on other women in front of me! I wanted to hide in a dark corner and die! He ignored me the entire night and I do not drink so I remember it all even if he does not! In fact, I am crying as I type this because the emotion I feel is so very raw and fresh in my mind!! His actions hit the bulls eye of my heart dead center and now I cannot get it out of my mind so much to the point that I have panic attacks daily because of it!
Did it get a rise out of me? You bet!! I was angry and I let him know it in no uncertain terms!! I was mean to him! NO, I was hateful to him in front of total strangers!
4. To me dignity is being able to handle a BAD situation with grace and poise so that when you look back you can say that you were composed and that the situation DID NOT get the best of you.
Jo
Mattoon, IL
40's
Married
Dear Beth,
Such a timely "talkin' to." I'll come back later to do my assignment but a thought crossed my mind during the chat & I wonder if other Siestas can relate to this one? Because we Siestas adore the many in-depth Bible studies you've written, I wonder if our tendency (I know mine is) is to rush out and start the next study because well…they're just plain good.
I've decided to pull back the reigns & go at a much slower pace & I wasn't quite sure why but your video put voice to the "why." For example, I finished 'Breaking Free' a couple weeks ago & have since started 'LBY' & now reading 'SLI' at the same time. All good stuff but if I'm not careful, the truths may be quickly forgotten because I'm trying to learn so much at the same time.
I decided while reading SLI, to put 'LBY' on hold and in my leisure, I'm reviewing 'Breaking Free' so I make sure I've…"Broken Free!" Like you said, we (I), need to take action & let the Word of God sink in so we not only believe it but we SAY IT, USE IT, CLAIM VICTORY WITH IT.
Thanks for loving us so,
Rockin' My Freedom (scripture by scripture)
30's/Single
Orange County, CA
I'm so happy that I can finally join in – the ONLY bookstore in my small town sold out quickly and then had an order of TWO arriving a week ago Tuesday. My dear mother sent me a copy via Amazon and I've just completed chapter 1 – already resonating and I WILL catch up this week.
Thank you!
thanks for the encouragement, i was debating on coming back..and honestly i laid my book down after that comment..i know she didn't mean it to hurt anyone..thats just how ruthless this enemy is, and why i am determined to break free from this hold of insecurity.
lots of reading to do to catch up, back after i get on my face..and read some more..
This is my first time commenting.
This has been the most difficult season of my life.
I wouldn't have ever called myself insecure…but I do now.
I could have written at least one of the stories in chapter 7 word for word.
My struggle this season has been with my husband's addiction to pornography but my eyes are open to the fact that this season and every other season the depth of the struggles all have this "root" of insecurity in them.
I wonder if I'm really posting this comment anonymously to protect my husband…or if it is my insecurity …again.
I'm ready for healing. Not only for myself but for the glory of His name.
Jennifer
36
married, Ohio
1. When I read the caption, "Insecurity can make you look like an idiot in female relationships" I said aloud, "Yes… hooray I'm not alone!" I have one friend I am very insecure with. Don't ask me what happens to me when I'm around her, but I start stuttering, tripping, spill my pop, feel like I'm saying all the wrong things – just looking like an idiot! When I am insecure, I do act like an idiot, and I hate that. (Though I see this in me around men and women alike when I am insecure)
2. A) I want to model security for my children.
B) I am tired of the idiot hold insecurity has on me. When I am insecure, I act like one. (I stutter, feel like all I say is dumb, etc)
C) I don't want insecurity to hold me back from operating in the fullest to who God has created and called me to be.
3. I am looking to reenter the workforce after staying home for 11 years to raise my children, and I thought if I called my old boss she'd be glad to hear from me and welcome me back. Instead she was cold, indifferent, and did not offer me to return. I am sad to say it did trigger insecurity and I battled with rejection and questioned myself…
4. Dignity means worthy of respect and high esteem; something God gave to me… That was revelutionary to me. I have dignity because God crowned me with it.
what happened? I was all fired up and then we made a trip to see my daughter across the country and I stopped reading the book, to busy, to tired ???
Now I am so far behind and feeling so down. I am a painter and couldn't even get through the first painting startup without wanting to cry…this is happening to often lately.
What do I do, motor through all the chapters and try to catch up…I don't don't know? Tomorrow is my birthday and I don't even want to celebrate. I need prayer!
Good Morning dear Sister in Christ and thank you for the video addition. ( I just skimmed my answers, my goodness I was "long winded", please feel free to delete such a long rambling post. I promise I will NOT be INSECURE if this post is toooo long to post- it was a great exercise to answer the questions).
1. Most of the chapter hit home. Insecurity gnaws at most parts of my life. I have more strength and dignity in some areas more than others. I am "worn out" trying to hold up the image of a strong dignified image as my life reveals yet one more wounded area that may destroy me financially. My personal "resources" are depleted and the reality of my husband's woundedness and insecurity are exposed and I have to take a look at his "weak spots" as I deal with my insecurities . Very interesting that I married someone I thought would take care of the insecure part of my life- but it appears I chose someone with a greater depth of insecurity than I experience- he just had a more well developed "mask"-
2. Reasons to complete dealing with insecurity
-My efforts have failed and quoting your book " I feel overexposed, FOOLISH and I have lost my dignity – this is probably not apparent to the outside world
-I am old and worn out and feel like I have "missed" my life and that I may be paying the price for my choices and do not know if God will do the "impossible" for my family members and me- this journey started over 12 years ago.
-I would like to know God's purpose and direction in my life and to experience the abundant life that Jesus came to give us.
3. Triggers:
a. Loneliness
b. Financial insecurity which has not been resolved for over 4 years-I have no confidence in my husband and the reality it brutal
c. Hopelessness
d. Overeating
e. Aging and comparing myself to
attractive women who appear to have good marriages, financial security,fulfilling lives
f. Young adult children's struggles
g. Lack of confidence in my husband and realizing I got myself into a marriage with someone who cannot love and share due to a deep woundedness that I overlooked
h. Realizing the abundant life has been stolen from my lineage and what it will take for God to clean out the woundedness- how much more pain will I experience in the healing process? Will God allow me to witness the healing and experience an abundant life in the "land of the living"?
4. Dignity: For me, it is to move forward without a "victim" mentality, blessing and forgiving all who have harmed me and forgiving myself where I have "missed the mark" and to continue to ask my God to give me a hope and a future- To experience myself and my life as the person God designed me to be in this brief life. I pray to witness my children free and released from the negative ego driven generational issues (false idols) and engaging in life as God designed for them.
Jenilee
20's
Single
2. Top 3 reasons to deal with insecurity.
A. My anxiety over recent circumstances is taking over and my health is starting to be affected. I'm exhausted.
B. Preventing true healing and moving on.
C. So I can live out the plans God has for me…ones to prosper me and not to harm me.
3. Recent triggers: loss of relationship, feelings of rejection.
3)This week, I was offered the opportunity to work with a personal trainer to help me get in shape. I am significantly overweight, and should be thrilled by this FREE offer, but instead, I got really emotional and obstinate and everything inside of me rebelled against the idea. As I drove to the grocery store with my new shopping list last night, I was mulling over my very strange response. Why in the world would I not want to shed the very unhealthy weight I carry? Suddenly I realized, it's like a shield for me. It "protects" me. When people ignore me, men don't ask me out, or family members are critical of me, I can quickly point to obesity rather than examine any other part of me that might be unattractive. It's my own fault, my own choice, something I control. BUT, the further I walk through this journey out of insecurity, the more I recognize,
2a) I do not have to lug this particular "shield" around any more.
2b) I don't need it to "protect" me. It hasn't done a very good job anyway.
2c) I don't need it to define me. My weight really isn't who I am.
4) Dignity is the opportunity to walk confidently through life, not buoyed by anything other than my secure identity in my beautiful Savior and his all-consuming love for me.
Nicci
Waterloo, Belgium
34, married, mother of 3
1. Many things resonated with me from my past, but in my current life: "Insecurity can cause a mom to be overcontrolling or just generally out of control". Though none of the examples fit my life exactly, that line above defines the type of mother I have been most of the last 7 years I've been a mother.
2. Top 3 Reasons:
A. I'm helping to raise 3 children (2 of them girls) and finding that I don't have the convictions to stand up for what I believe in and be truly authentic in every situation. I can be authentic when I know I'm surrounded by Christians, but I find myself editing my speech and almost performing when I am unsure of the beliefs of others I'm around. Not only do I feel like a fake, but I'm teaching my children that I am not the same person depending on the life situation. Though I say to them that they should not worry about what certain people think or how people might view them, I do not live my life like that and they will learn by what I do, not what I say.
B. I've become so much more aware of my thought life over the last few years. I can spend so much time in my thought life living out some fantasy or pretense that I often find that I don't know what the truth is anymore. My thought life is not authentic and I am realizing that it flows over into my "real" life. I'm not secure with who I really am or what really goes on in my life, so I have created another life in my mind. I want to get rid of those lies and use my thought life for "whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy". (From Phil 4:8
C. For the last 3 years I have lived outside of my home country with languages I don't speak and the anxiety I've felt over living every day life here, come from my insecurity. I feel anxious when I'm at the grocery store and I might be asked a question by someone that I don't understand, I am afraid to even attempt to speak a language I've just begun to learn because I don't want to look foolish, and I'm afraid of just being who I am because I don't want to appear like the sterotypical American…I'm afraid of what people might be thinking and it is maddening that I have spent so much time living like this!
4. To me dignity is being so secure in God's love that His spirit is visible in me as I live my life.
Beth, I forgot to list one of my greatest areas of insecurity. It is when it appears God is "holding out" or is not answering my heart felt prayers. Thank you, 60's, married
WOW I loved the video…I havent been able to participate in the So Long Insecurity Bible study cause I havent recieved my book yet. I should be getting it today and I just might read chapters 1-8 so that way I can get caught up…I am not sure though honestly cause I want the Lord to lead me on what he wants me to read first. I have 5 of your books Beth being delivered anyday now and I have been looking forward to them for weeks. Thank you so much for the work you do and the way you write. Your books make me laugh, cry and really come to grips with stuff I have been not wanting to deal with. Thank you so much…….
I couldn't wait. I completed the book. As with Breaking Free, I'll have to read it again! Thank you. Walking in dignity will require me to make better choices, and I hold that thought in my mind every day now to be "a woman of strength and dignity." Already have tickets for Atlanta's meeting on this subject. Thank you for coming. This is not a "once in for all" subject for me, but a daily "study" to walk in strength, dignity, and better choices as I refuse to allow insecurity to be such a bad friend! Thank you, Beth, again.
Beth et al~
You just gave me my memory verse for next week (James 1:25). Thanks!
1)I could relate to several stories I'm afraid but the comment "we need to let God shovel us out of insecurity, because without Him, we're stuck" really hit home with me. We are indeed at a turning point here in this studu, I know I am. I have been stuck from advancing further with Him because of these insecurity issues.
2) A. I'm stuck. Simply put. Adversity of various forms has embittered my heart. Though I claim forgiveness, when I see these people, my heart and stomach still knotts up. I want it gone!
B. I want to be fully used by God. I want a pure and holy heart. I want to walk along side Him daily, minute-by-minute, believing Him, not just believing in Him. I want to be a women of His Word.
C. For my family (husband and 6 girls) and for my minstries (women's and youth). If my security is in God, they will see that, they will be inspired by that, they will learn from that-I have to overcome these insecurities. I guess in other words, I want to overcome satan so badly on this one I am getting "fightin mad" about it!
3. When my minstry partner attacked me personally (and had the nerve to identify that I had insecurities) I immediately went into my shell. I had the smarts to quickly turned to God and He was there and He has helped me journey through those "emotions" and in the end, though I may have lost this partner as a cherish and dear friend, I am so so glad it happened. The growth I am experiencing is good and I am seeing God's plan in this. It seems to have been a very good thing after all. I just want to be in the right place-His will for my life.
4)I loved this chapter. Another professor I have worked closely with at the college I teach at was being honored for her many years of teaching. We were asked to write something about her and I choose Proverbs 31:10 and the character word "noble". My letter was chosen to be read at the event and this chapter reminded me of my thoughts in that letter. A nobel women is worth honoring (dignity), she is strong, she is respected (dignity). I have that verse on my bathroom wall to remind me daily of what I want to become…not out of selfish gain but of eternal significance….nobel in Him, strong in Him, respected by Him.I want God to find favor in me and my life=dignity. Satan wants me to believe that my past will never allow me to have dignity (strength, honor, respect) but I refuse to be sold out to his way of thinking. I choose to believe God can give me back the dignity He intented for each of us to have in Him.
Believing Him~Pamela
46
Married, blended family
Missouri
1. Insecurity can confine us:I want so much to connect to other women and make new friendships. I have always been shy and I have let it get to the point where I play out whole scenes in my head of how I would be rejected if I tried to reach out and make new friends. I even talk myself out of calling friends I have had for years, thinking "well, I guess if they wanted to talk to me they would cal me…" As a result I have isolated myself to the point of depression. Insecurity has confined me.
2. a) I am sick and tired of being lonly and feeling sorry for myself, especially when I am the only one who can do anything about it.
b) The enemy is laughing his head off at the lies I have believed that have gotten me to this place.
c) I don't want to pass on my irrational fears and insecurities to my kids. I couldn't stand that.
married
age 34
Well, I read your book Saturday and have not been following the blogs. But, I thoroughly enjoyed it and have said to myself several times this week "I am secure, and no matter what you say or do, my security does not belong to you." Speaking to myself quietly or outloud has been the difference maker for me.
I can answer #3, and although this is very hard for me to share, as it brings up past shame, here goes:
#3: A trigger for me would have to be my dad. Both of my parents are alcoholics, and they love me dearly. I hate the alcoholic side of them. If I need something, I cannot call them, because I know what they will be doing. One night a bit ago, I needed to get a hold of them. Angry and frustrated, I called them at the bar, something I do not normally do. After talking abit, my dad is crying at this point, and he once again repeated what he told me in high school: "I do not want to give up my friends." Hurts a lot to hear that. I want to hear "I love you daughter, and I would give up this drink to rebuild a relationship with you." But that is not how it is.
Thankfully, my security is not in my mother or father. I will do my best to be a biblical daughter, and it hurts to see them live like that, but my security is in God and God alone. Something I sure hope they understand someday.
1. "Insecurity explodes w/rejection and can twist our perceptions." The people I have loved have all, one by one, abandoned me, always choosing someone else. I am okay with not being someone else's first choice, or with someone have others in their life, but to be totally forgotten is horrible.
2.a) I believe I am in the beginning stages of the biggest human love relationship of my life, and I want to be as emotionally healthy as possible for this.
b) I want to model for my new granddaughter God's ultimate best that I can be.
c) I am middle-aged and if I am not going to be free to be who God created me to be at this stage in life, when in the world would I be able to???
4. worthy of respect, not scrambling around begging for emotional crumbs; to avoid making someone a priority when all I am to them is an "option".
Dear "Anonymous" at 9:06, you are so loved here! Don't stop! There is plenty of time to catch up! Remember, you have all week for this post and who even cares if you are two weeks late commenting on it?? I still read the late ones coming in on the previous posts and lots of sisters are doing it that way. No legalism here.
All said, chapters of regular books don't take nearly as long to read as chapters of in-depth Bible studies. Your reading really could go pretty fast if you determined with everything in you to set aside the time. Would you let your Siesta Mama give you an assignment and offer you some accountability? Why don't you set aside two hours of reading over the next 24 hours? Can you find that space anywhere? (Tonight if possible so this defeat will be completely off of you for your birthday?)
It won't take you any longer than that to get caught up on the reading and you can just jump in with us here and forego the previous weeks of comments. The enemy is trying to discourage you because he doesn't want this long term stronghold broken off of your family line. Do not let him win. Believe God over every memory and competing emotion. And don't let your own flesh – like mine has often done – get you in a compulsive cycle. Sometimes when we're in a rut, all we need is for someone else to offer us a hand and help us stand up. I gladly do that today, dear sister. We pray you have the best birthday tomorrow and sense the victory coming.
God loves you so deeply. Spend every minute of tomorrow, in the words of John 15, abiding in that love.
I love your top 3 reasons, ladies! Those are some mighty strong motivations! SO WORTH THE WORK! Stay with it. God is with you, Mighty Warriors.
Beth,
Answers later but after watching the video, I had to comment. My previous comments have indicated that I don't deal with a PROFOUND insecurity, although I am aware of the areas of my life in which I am insecure. However, I had to tell you that in the beginning of the video, when you said you needed to address a comment that a siesta had made, I thought, "oh, no, did I say something?!" I guess I'm dealing with more than I realized. 🙂 I wonder how many other siestas had that thought. Also, I am participating in the Living Beyond Yourself Bible study and yesterday was the Week 9 video in which you discuss letting God bind up our wounds and bring healing to our broken places. I was convicted that I needed to get to some serious time with God and ask him to reveal to me what wounds I might have (and be unaware of) so that He could bind them up. Then, this morning you mention God enlightening us so that He can clean out the wounds and heal them. When I hear a message twice, I KNOW I need to listen up!! Thanks for delivering the message.
Georgine
Austin, TX
50's
married
I haven't read the chapters, yet, but I just had to get on and post this. I realized something, this morning, while watching the video and I think it resonates with one of our questions for this week.
For the past couple of nights, I have had a couple of nightmares. Ones that hit on something about which I am insecure. And then, I had a incident, yesterday, that pounded the issue in further.
While I was watching Beth's video this morning and thinking of so many of you, Siestas, going through the journey together, I think God shot a little lightbulb into my sleepy little brain.
Satan DOES NOT want us to "deal" with our insecurities! We need to pray, pray, PRAY for each other. Don't let anything he tries discourage you from reading or sharing or letting God change you. I won't, either, and we'll ask God to help us be aware when satan attempts to 'put one over on us' and keep us from growing more like Jesus. We are gonna do some battle for each other and I am gonna start praying for each of us.
Love Y'all!
I haven't read the chapters, yet, but I just had to get on and post this. I realized something, this morning, while watching the video and I think it resonates with one of our questions for this week.
For the past couple of nights, I have had a couple of nightmares. Ones that hit on something about which I am insecure. And then, I had a incident, yesterday, that pounded the issue in further.
While I was watching Beth's video this morning and thinking of so many of you, Siestas, going through the journey together, I think God shot a little lightbulb into my sleepy little brain.
Satan DOES NOT want us to "deal" with our insecurities! We need to pray, pray, PRAY for each other. Don't let anything he tries discourage you from reading or sharing or letting God change you. I won't, either, and we'll ask God to help us be aware when satan attempts to 'put one over on us' and keep us from growing more like Jesus. We are gonna do some battle for each other and I am gonna start praying for each of us.
Love Y'all!
the video really spoke to me and i just ordered the book. can't wait to catch up and join the discussion. i can't thank you enough for addressing this issue, and at a time that i really need it.
I'll have to come back later to answer but just wanted to say that I think I approached this all wrong. I am not sure exactly what I was thinking but maybe it was something along the lines of "this will be fun, this will be good, I'm sure I need this, I'm going to enjoy this". I think I failed to appreciate the depth of this issue within myself.
Here's sort of a picture of the way I'm feeling about my approach to this – it's like I just strolled into the convenience store for a pack of gum without realizing I was walking into an armed robbery. Now here I stand, I'm a little stunned because I really didn't know what I was walking into. But I can't turn back and run out, I've seen too much.
I'm certainly not comparing you to an armed robber – it's the situation and my mindset in my approach to this – ok so there's probably many other word pictures I could have chosen but this is just how I am feeling at the moment and you get what I'm saying, right? don't you?
I get the "feeling raw" though. I haven't finished the book, in fact I'm a little behind on this because I'm still standing by the door saying "but…I just wanted a pack of gum…that one right there…can I just get it and…."
My top 3 reasons for dealing with my insecurities:
A. I'm ready to be the real "me".
B. I lead other women and I want to be worth following. I want them to see Jesus, not my glaring insecurities.
C. Amanda, Jackie, Melia and Brianna (my daughters and granddaughters). I want them to be women who find their security in Jesus.
1. A piece of all of the stories~ each insecurity developed into a blindspot with realtionships..i missed out on so much.
2.
a. Generational insecurites~my daughters(and son) need to have a life filled with grace and mercy.
b. Fellowshipping~friends deserve to be able to be themselves with us.
c. Wholeness, Peace and Joy in all my relationships.
3. Triggers happen with lots of situations~ work, homeschool, church, neighbors. It always comes down to the point that I'm somewhere in my thinking that is insecure and distrustful. God has been patient with me, I'm here and aware.
4. Dignity~ seeing ourselves through God's eyes.
1. I struck me again how depraved insecurity can make us.
2a. I am tired of feeling worthless.
2b. I am tired of having my feelings hurt so easily, but I don't want to be insensitive.
2c. I want to live the abundant, victorious life, focused on HIM.
3. Yesterday was my birthday. My own father did not even call me. Surprisingly, even though I noticed, I am not hurt, angry, or even bothered. I am still being reminded by my Heavenly Father that I am loved.
4. Respect. Dignity has nothing to do with pride. It is class while having nothing to do with money.
Thank you for your continued leadership. You and your ministry are a blessing to me.
Karlys
58
La Place, LA
You can tell today is my first time posting!
Marcie
43
Summerville,SC (Yay, Seacoast Church!)
And..All Siestas: I'm praying for you and our journey together through Insecurites.
To: Jo from Mattoon: I'm with ya siesta! Find me, I got something for in Mattoon!(lots of my God-Family there!)
1. That I need to learn a different response when I'm tempted to panic and overcommunicate w/people! And the part about insecurity causing us to accept the abnormal as normal.
2. A) So that I will not be tempted to settle for less than God's best in any area, especially the man I marry.
B) Because it's exhausting and defeating to stay in insecurity.
C) Because I believe God can do so much more with me if I genuinely believe what He says about me.
3. The most recent "trigger" I can remember was being introduced to someone with the biting phrase, "She's the quiet one," which I always perceive negatively — like, "She's the unfriendly or invisible or insignificant one." I immediately felt like the person I was meeting didn't like me, and just wanted to disappear at that moment, but did my best to be friendly and kind while everyone was around. I almost cried when I got back to my office, though, which was an overreaction, as she probably meant nothing negative by that statement. But yes, that is a trigger for me.
4. To me, dignity means being respected, and having a sense of real value and purpose. For whatever reason, when I hear the word, I picture royalty… which is fitting, I think, as we are daughters of the King!
1. Insecurity can confine us.
I can relate to the not wanting to come out of the office story. I'm introverted to a fault and have avoided many the social contact because of insecurities. And boy does that get confining and lonely. This leads me to #3…
3. Unfortunately I do go out of my way to avoid contact with people when I'm feeling insecure. Such was the case at church last Sunday when a couple I hadn't seen in YEARS was visiting. As much as it would've been nice to reconnect with them my insecurities were trumping that situation. God then gave me a little nudge, reminding me of what He's been teaching me through this book. To make a long story shorter, I pressed on, MADE myself approach them. It was SO HARD, but ended up having the most fun, awesome, God honored conversation with these people I had at first tried to avoid! I did it! He did it in me, actually. It very well could have been a life changing conversation and to think I almost missed it! Praise Him!
2. A. He's been preparing me for something HUGE and my insecurities can NOT get in the way of His purpose being fulfilled in me.
B. I'm simply sick and tired of dealing with these same insecurities over and over and over again. I'm done! Up and over this mountain and all done going round and round and round it!
C.This is not who God made me to be! After ALL He's done for me, how in the world can I continue to let my insecurities get the best of me? I need to claim my dignity for HIM..a gift to HIM!
This is one of those times when it's so hard to express my heart in words. It may not make sense but God knows what I mean!!
(I just wrote that and am now laughing at myself. Albeit true, it was surely written out of insecurity. Yep, there's still work to be done!)
Love you all!
Kelli
A. I am sick of being jealous and competitive with others. I want to experience the freedom to do something good, even if it's not great or better than anyone else.
B. I am more than sick of living in fear and shame. I want to know rest and peace, regardless of performance.
C. I am even "sicker" than that of just plain defeat and not being the woman of courage and confidence God has made me to be. I want to find complete satisfaction in pleasing God, rather than myself or anyone else.
What strikes me most about the concept of dignity is that I am CLOTHED with it. My failure to measure up to my own expectations makes me feel naked and ashamed. Knowing that I am clothed gives me the confidence to live God's word, counting it as true in my life. I read that faith is not believing in spite of evidence, but obeying in spite of consequence. Knowing I am clothed with dignity and security, I feel greater freedom to be obedient. I hope for the opportunity to live it out.