So Long Insecurity Discussion from LPV on Vimeo.
Hey, Girls! How are you sweet things? You newbies well surpassed the 100 mark on our last post. Way to go! Now, keep it up! God willing, we’re walking another week closer to waving a happy good-bye to insecurity. “KB” posted a comment last night saying, “Did anybody see Jessica Simpson on Oprah and could you believe how much it sounded like what we’re studying??” Yes, I saw it and I thought exactly the same thing. (She was talking about how she was chastised in Hollywood and the tabloids for being a full size 4.) It was this whole beauty around the world thing and it occurred to me that our female insecurity epidemic obviously isn’t limited to the West.
I read countless responses to the questions raised in Week Three and held a number of your stories close to my heart. Some of you may have been shocked by what others in our community have endured but I’ve been in women’s ministry way too long to anticipate less. The common ground does not, however, diminish our compassion. We can’t let it. It still hurts to tell. And hurts to read. Epidemic insecurity needs to lose its mystery for us to find our liberty. As you can see, many of us earned the right to this battle but those of us who know Christ possess an infinitely greater right. In Him, we have the right to be free and whole.
We have the God-given right to be secure.
In many ways, we qualify as a microcosm of almost any community of women you could find in this culture. You just can’t make it into adulthood on Planet Earth without getting pretty beat up somewhere along the way. Look at it like this: the enemy of our souls wanted more out of those hits than he got or we wouldn’t be here trudging this path toward wholeness together. Many of you are marvels. Others are pure miracles. Praise God, there is healing for all of us. AND, praise God, there is also meaning.
If you’re able, please watch the video greeting I included in this post. It’s a rough cut if you’ll ever see one and very impromptu (I decided to do it that morning while I was putting on my mascara, thinking about you). But it comes to you with much love and desire to see you free in Christ. I want you to get the best possible benefit out of this journey. God is so able and so willing. Hang with it here. We are taking the turn toward solutions in a very short time. We’ve got one whopper of a chapter to read before then, however. Your reading assignment this week will be CHAPTERS SEVEN AND EIGHT. Chapter Eight will be a welcome relief and will introduce one of the major components in the acquisition of soul-deep security. But let’s talk about Chapter Seven first.
You’ve heard of the house that Jack built. Chapter Seven is the chapter that YOU built. This blog community (that we regulars around here call Siestaville) makes its mark in multiple places over the course of the book but this chapter is entirely your input. Those of you who were with us a little over a year ago will perhaps remember it well. I threw out a question – Has insecurity ever made a fool of you? – and, boy, did I get some answers. Some of you more tenderhearted sisters will be sorely tempted to skip or skim over this chapter because it’s hard to read at times but, unless you’re hyper-sensitive or feeling too pathetic already (we’ve got to break out of that), try to read the whole thing. Get started post haste because it’s the lengthiest chapter in the book. It’s meant to hammer a point till you’re practically screaming:
THAT’S IT! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE TOLL INSECURITY TAKES. I’M WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DUMP IT.
As long as you come to that conclusion, you don’t have to read the whole chapter if it’s above your threshold. I hope most of you will read every page of it but, if you’re having a really rough week, you can have a hall pass on the long version. Just flip through various section headings and read the ones that resonate most. And always read the wrap-up of any chapter. In an ideal world, all we’d ever need is positive motivation. The truth is, sometimes a little negative motivation mixed into the positive is exactly what it takes to shake us up enough to deal. In Chapter Seven, you’re going to get a glimpse of what happens when insecurity deals with us instead of us dealing with our insecurity. Hopefully the point will be made and we can move on. Then we can dive our scalded souls into some healing waters in the coming chapters. I promise relief is coming. We will still have plenty of issues to grapple with in future chapters but new responses will begin to shape up shortly and fresh God-given strength is on its way. We are not wimps, Girls. Let’s rise up.
OK, here are your questions for this week. Since I’m giving you four this time around you’re welcome, if you prefer, to pick two of them to answer in your comment:
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
2. (If you’re choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity. (We’re not looking for right answers. We’re looking for YOUR answers. Don’t copy off your fellow sojourners’ papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don’t get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
You guys are doing a fabulous job with this. I am so proud of you for sticking with it! Your extra effort will not be in vain. May God meet you in these pages.
You are loved here!
Anonymous in Toronto 
Beth, thank you for letting us catch up with our answers. This study is opening my eyes and mind in ways I can't explain! I'm behind b/c I was in Colorado with our son and DIL for the birth of their first child, but kept up with reading SLI.
1. I laughed when I read 'We gnaw on a relationship like a dog on a bone'. That's exactly what I do, whether it's a relationship or something else. But why is it that my biggest insecurity–my weight–doesn't get gnawed on! I feel very selfconscious around other women, (thin or overweight), men (whether it's my husband or a stranger) I think I hide behind myself! I do love people and being around them, but in this frustrating cycle that I'm in, I feel so embarassed with my weight.
2. My top 3 reasons I'm ready to face these insecurities:
a. I feel that I'm allowing my size and appearance to get in the way of what God created me to be.
b. I'm tired of giving in to my negative attitude! I've seen the effects of a positive attitude and I like it much better!
c. I want the strength and dignity that God has given me and to shine like the light he created in me.
3. After our new granddaughter was born I offered to stay as long as our son & DIL needed me to help out. The day after she was born he said that I didn't need to stay, they wanted to get on their own schedule as soon as they could. That HURT!! (Insecurity 101!) I was determined that I wouldn't let him know that my feelings were hurt, so I avoided the subject. The night they brought the baby home, my husband & I had cooked dinner for them and her family. Later that night my son & I were the only ones up and he said, "Mom, we decided that we do want you to stay, we need more help than we tho't we would." I felt needed, praising God for that change of heart!
Dignity is being able to accept who I am, but working to be who God created me to be!
Loving you for Loving Him!
Bobbie
50's
married
College Station
For the first time in my life I am coming to the realization that I have been insecure my whole life. If you let it (satan) get hold of you, it completely destroys and consumes you. Utlimately for me it lead down a road filled with some extremely bad choices. But praise God he never let go of me and pursued me until I came home. Thank you for this book and for coming to Toronto to let us know it is definitely time for something new!!!!
1. Insecurity keeps me from accepting compliments and love. I rarely say thank you when I get a compliment. Usually I make a factual comment about what the complimenter is referring to instead. "You look really cute today."
"I just got these new pants."
2. Top three reasons why I need to deal with my insecurity….
a)Because at almost 50 years of age, it's not so cute anymore. 🙂
b)Because God says so.
c)Because I'm not much good to Him as I am.
3. A recent trigger of insecurity happened just today and it did get a pretty good rise out of me. I was feeling self-conscious about my appearance since I hadn't slept well last night. About midday, I was goofing with a few women in the lunch room and because I wasn't on my game, I felt insecure about my conversation with them. Later, I wondered briefly if they were talking about me when I left.
4. To me, dignity means I conduct myself in a worthy manner despite my circumstances (whether I'm on the ball or not).
Sheila
40's
Single
MA
1)most of chapter 7 hit home with me in one way or another. I cried through the whole chapter. I felt so sad for all of us and so sad for myself and what insecurities have caused us. my husband would call my choices – choices of someone who is pathetic. Thats what i feel like. Im so emberrassed and ashamed of all of my past decisions surrounding my insecurities. My husband is the type of guy that likes to inquire about everything in my past. It used to be all the time. his questiions still come up sometime and i just cringe. My insides hurt, i want to lie because i dont want him to look at me like that. i dont want him to say that i was pathetic for doing that. There was a time in our relationship that i had lied to him about some things in my past. I knew his thoughts about other girls that have made some of the same mistakes and i didnt want him to view me as the same way or hurt my feelings after i had told him the truth. I later was honest with him about the things but now it has caused him to have no faith in me. I would never hurt him. I love my husband with my whole being. my insecurities caused me to be afraid of him. i was afraid to be honest. Even though these things were before him. I was afraid he wouldnt love me because of them. Insecurities have caused such pain and suffering in my life. i look at all the things im ashamed of, all the pain it has caused me. EVERY STINKING BIT OF IT WAS BECAUSE IAM AN INSECURE WOMAN. Just looking for acceptance, someone to tell me that im pretty, someone to tell me that im smart, someone to tell me that they love me regardless of where i came from and what rediculous decisions that ive made. im still afraid that my husband thinks of me as that "pathetic" girl who has mad a lot of stupid decisions and one day he will ask himself how he could love someone like me. What if he secretly thinks of me like that now?
2)my top three reasons to get better are:
a. my daughter. Iam sure i have already caused so much damage in her little heart. i know i have projected my own insecurities onto her. Iam so afraid for her now and i cant go back and undo. Im trying to rebuild her and show her now at the age of 12.
b. My husband – but i will say that it has crossed my mind, what if he only loves me like this. What if because of his own insecurities he only loves me as an insecure woman. It will be great if they made a book for him too. He has his own set of issues. lol Does that sound controlling?
c. ME – i want to let go. I want to love me. Im sick and tired of insecurities beating me up all the time. Im sick of the lies it tells me. IAM CLOTHED WITH STRENGTH AND DIGNITY!!!!!!
3)Well, let me just tell you that AS i was doing this blog and reading my book. It was time for my husband to be getting off of work. i always stress to my husband how important it is to always be consistent. So, he usually follows through with that and most of the time does a pretty good job. It started to get late and he hadnt called me from the car like he usually does. So i started to worry but i didnt want to call because sometimes he gets a little insecure when i call and check on him. He thinks that i may be "up" to something. i dont know why. Im very consistent in my actions and have never given him any reason to think that i would EVER,EVER be "up" to no good. Well, i started to worry (given he has never, ever given me any reason to worry – other than the fact that he is a GORGEOUS, hunk of a man – and my brother has always informed me that a man is only as faithful as his options) ugh. Anyway, i called – no answer. I sat for a couple of seconds, I called again – no answer. I ended up calling his phone back to back until he walked in the door. By that time i was shaky and my stomach was icky. His phone was in his pocket and he had the music on in his car. So I stink at being Secure. lol I was so mad at myself.
Demi
31
married
kentucky
Jennifer
Vevay, IN
30's
Married
1)It has to be the bit about how insecurity robs us. I have sacrificed so much to my insecurity. I moved away from my childhood home in my late teens after the unexpected death of my mother. I still have family and friends there, but I don't go back because I'm so insecure about how I now look. (Years of struggle with deep depression led me to gain a lot of weight and now that the depression in under control, I'm fighting to regain my physical health.) Every time I think about going back for a visit, I practically break out into a cold sweat. I'm allowing insecurity to rob me of relationships with friends and family that I really need and want.
2) A) I'm sick of not doing things I want, or even need to do because I'm so worried about what others will think of me.
B) I frequently allow God's Spirit within me to be stifled because I can't stop worrying about how I'll look or what others will think. (Seeing a pattern here?)
C) I want to help encourage and support my husband and the best way to do that is to be secure within myself.
3) I was recently asked to attend a function at a friend's church. It was a Ladies' Tea, and turned out to be a little more formal than I expected. I wasn't really terribly under-dressed, but my insecurity suggested that I was. I chose not to let it keep me from enjoying myself and taking part in the lovely fellowship of friends.
4) Dignity to me is being able to stand firm even in the face of our own inadequacies, whether they are real or imagined.
Talk about feeling like an idiot…can't tell you how many times my brothers, sister, and I heard that word as we were growing up. And yes, unfortunately, we believed it.
And even until very recently, whether it was what I said or did, afterwards, I spent gobs of time analyzing, criticizing, correcting, wishing I could change it, wondering what the other people were thinking of what I said (when they probably didn't remember)
And the embarrassment when an attack of insecurity hit and a stupid comment was made because of it!! How about being so insecure that during a conversation, a case of chattering teeth hits right in the middle of it?!!! YIKES!!
And how about when you feel like an idiot because you just cannot get yourself to say "no" to someone even though you know you will regret it later! UGH!!
So, it's time to deal with these (and lots of other) insecurities because:
A. I want my relationship with the LORD to be
mature, intimate and free!!!
B. I want to feel satisfied in my relationships
C. I want to feel and know that I am more mature than my teenaged daughters!
3. A recent trigger was a conversation in which I felt like I had been put on the spot; it almost brought on the teeth chattering…can't even begin to say how mortifying this is…but, I was able to stop it before any actual chattering happened. There's that pride of thinking I have to know the answer to every question asked of me.
4. Dignity to me is a quiet confidence…it is what a daughter receives from the faithful, unaltering, unconditional, encouraging, assuring, embrace of a loving father…earthly and /or heavenly.
40's and growing
1. The insecurity causing me to over-communicate. Especially via email. A bad thing. I write, and write. Then hit send. Then re-read and write again. And again. Also rejection causing my insecurity to explode, and the twisting of perceptions I experience… wondering what I did wrong, how I can fix it, etc (also resulting in either shutting down, or over communicating to cover up the shutting down, or trying to make some peace). I have done these things in various situations. It has been very uncomfortable in looking at these scenarios from these dear women and seeing myself there- and wanting out!
2. a)it has caused me countless hours of lost sleep.
b) it has crippled relationships and blown them to smithereens in many cases.
c) it cripples my relationship with God, because I end up not trusting Him to protect me, or treat me well… I get suspicious of God, and others.
3. I have realized I am very insecure in a job at our church I know God placed me in. When I get communication from people who want me to work in my administrative position, I find myself wanting to call my friend who had the job before me, who is very gifted administratively, and get her advice. I keep thinking, how can I possibly measure up. I got recent emails on tasks I was to do, and managed not to freak out too badly, even when I made a mistake, and got through the situation with much less heart ache and over-communication than I would have normally!! Praise God!!!
4. What does dignity mean to me? That I am worthy of respect. It is a God given dignity, not something I have earned or worked for (in terms of pride and superiority because of my "works") I am worthy of respect. That really resonated with me, because I has so struggled with a sense of worth…. yet I am worthy of respect. I can't seem to get that phrase out of my head.
Thank you so much for this Beth!
Heather
Mosinee, WI
Married
30's
Week 4 (Part 2)
3. Just last night I really noticed my first noticeable trigger and it was regarding a friend running into another friend frequently and now the possibility of them doing things together. Immediately, I felt my jealousy rearing its ugly head saying….. “They are going to like each other better than they like me and I’ll be out!!” Immediately, I just started praying that God would give me strength & the power not to dwell on this. He did thankfully!! I didn’t even go home and vent to my husband …. one step forward!
4. Dignity to me is being proud of who God made me & showing the world that I find my worth in Christ alone!!
Erin
Glendale, CALIFORNIA
32
Happily Married
Some of the things that hit me in Chapter 7 were:
dental issues during early teens, hard to accept compliments,
apologizing to my husband when he is the one who has said or done something hurtful
Pg 141 insecurity “has kept me from so many things: it also makes us “settle…makes us distracted… robs our confidence…disturbs our sleep…derails our life”
3 Reasons to get insecurity under control:
(A) Insecurity rules my life and makes me into a person that is not the “real me” and I am sick of it.
(B) Insecurity is exhausting.
(C) I want to see that my children are not controlled by insecurity.
A recent trigger:
In a professional setting, someone else’s presentation was awesome, right before I gave mine. I pretty much blew it off because I stayed within the time limit and she went over, WAY over the allotted time.
Texas 60's married
A recent even has made me realize that I truly need to deal with insecurity and what makes me most insecure.
My husband has bipolar disorder and has been unemployed for 6 months. A couple weeks ago, we had a large fight. I can't even remember what started it. At some point, he asked if I wanted a divorce. I said yes. So he packed up all his stuff and left. Of course, he left all of his stuff here in the boxes. I tried very hard to feel sad about his leaving, but I couldn't. I was hurt too badly. He would rather go sleep in a tent at a campsite when it is still too cold to be camping them work out these issues.
He called a couple hours after he left and said he couldn't start a fire because he didn't have any lighter fluid. He was a US Marine. He can probably start a fire with one stick. I told him to just come on home.
Here is what I realized. I am too insecure with myself to think that he would want me. His action, to me, prove that he doesn't want me. It isn't that he doesn't want me, he just doesn't want who I really am. He wants me if I am the way HE wants me to be. Again, my insecurity talking. He was too insecure to tell me he was sorry or he was wrong, so he made up an excuse to come home.
This marriage is hard to fight for, but I know that God fights for me, likes me for who I am, and also fights for my marriage. I don't need to look to my family who would rather see me without him. I don't need to look to my friends who are truly divided on the subject. I do need to look to God. God gave me this man for a reason so I will fight for my marriage. I will fight for him to become a believer. I will fight for his mental health. I will see him, and ME, as God sees us.
I want to be who God says I am — period!
1. the part that hit home with me the most is "insecurity can make us give an entirely wrong impression."
2. It's time to deal with my insecurity because:
a. I'm tired of Satan using it to hold me back
b. I'm tired of being a slave to it
c. I'm ready to be free to be who God created me to be!
3. A daily struggle to keep myself focused on the plan God has for me and who He created me to be instead of comparing myself to others.
Tammy
Indianapolis
Married, 40's
Stacy, 45
married,
Florida
1. I've behaved foolishly in countless situations throughout my life. Each of these can be linked to my insecurity. I pray that healing and peace will be the transformation I experience. The quote that touched me the most was, "Insecurity makes us settle, robs our confidence and derails our life." Why? I've lived this. I've settled, because I didn't see myself as worthy of better. I've lacked joy in life as a result.
2. I have two top reasons I should deal with my insecurity.
A. I need to break the cycle. It has been a constant part of my existence. I've gone around and around the same mountains for such a long time that I'm exhausted and broken by them all. I've responded in the same ways with no evidence that all of my work at personal and spiritual growth has made any significant difference, because the insecurity has not only continued, but it has gotten worse! Which leads me to the second reason…
B. I need full healing and peace. It is only with God that I can experience relief from this issue which has attacked me for most of my life.
3. My biggest trigger is to beg for acceptance/comfort/love. I have done that most of my life. I have caused my feelings of being overexposed, foolish and without dignity by opening my heart too completely, sharing my brokenness and then feeling worse as a result. Recently, I've been living with the fear of losing everything. From the expected loss of my husband's job in the space program to the new attacks from state legislators on mine, as a public school teacher. As my level of anxiety increased, my neediness to reach out became more of a burden–specifically to my pastors. I followed by usual pattern of pouring my heart out (in writing)–looking for that constant reassurance, support and comfort. When the extent of my brokenness was revealed, I felt like they became much more distant. (It should be noted that I've always had emotional abandonment issues, because of my dad.) I was left feeling alone. I wanted them to be my "father figures"–to protect me from all of the emotional pain I was feeling, but I was clearly expecting too much of them. I was expecting them to heal me, and they couldn't. I didn't mean to be such a burden to them! I was just in such pain that I was grasping for that support. I should've looked up. I now know that, and I am embarrassed/ashamed by my actions. I let them see the emotional wreck I am.
4. Dignity means being treated with respect…both from others and from yourself. Since I've not respected myself, others have not shown me the respect either. I've taught people how to treat me.
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
I feel like both being a controlling mother and wanting to always be good enough were points that spoke to me the most. Also accepting love in the words instead of actions I receive.
2. Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with your insecurity.
A. Because I think that is holds me back from feeling %100 like I belong.
B. Because I am lost and confused on how to feel about a lot of things in my life and I think a lot of it has to do because I am insecure in so many different areas of my life. Whether or not they are small or large they are stumbling blocks in my way.
C.I desire to find my self-worth in what God thinks of me and not secretly wish it were found in people (friends and family) here on earth.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you. There were 2 that were mentioned that brought back memories for me. 1. An offhanded comment from a person who has a teeny stentch of superiority about him/her. (It happened at church and really made me self conscience of myself the rest of the day, it also brought out a negative reaction, I didn't share it with her, but I did with my hubby. I found myself feeing angry and hurt all at once). And 2. Reconciling with a friend, and nothing ever bothered her. (I think I hold on to way more or let to much affect my thoughts and feelings toward a person)
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you? to be a woman of Honor that the praise would only go to the Lord, and that it would never bother me if it did.
Beth,
thanks for pulling things out of me that I didn't know even needed to be addressed. Thank you for explaining things in a way that I can understand. And thank you for having a place like this where I can not only pull things out of me for others but also that I can be encouraged by my fellow sisters responses as well.
oops…
Miranda
Married
20's
Colorado Springs… sorry I forgot to add it.
Molly
Boston, MA
20's
Married
1. Insecurity 1) makes me blind to my blessings, 2) turns gifted people into my competition, 3) creates weight issues 4) makes me overcompensate, 5) keeps me from accepting compliments 6) EXPLODES WITH REJECTION = 7) security robs me.
2. It's time to deal with my insecurity so:
A. I can focus more on OTHERS, especially my husband. Insecurity makes me so selfish.
B. I don't waste the precious time God has given me to do his will.
C. To enjoy life. To have the joy and peace god wants for his own.
3. Stress about school (music performance) and the thought that I "need to strive for perfection OR ELSE…" I caught this one! No I don't need to be perfect, God will use me exactly how I am 🙂
4. Dignity is the rare combination of humility and the confidence that we deserve respect and honor.
Paula
33
Ontario, Canada
1. I related most to Insecurity confining us and being a relentless Robber.
So many times I've held back my gifts and worried about what people would think of me. Trust and Security Issues have robbed me of friendships I've desperatly needed. Insecurity has created lonliness and isolation.
2. a) I don't want my husband constantly having to compensate for my insecurity. (Even though he seems happy enough to do so) It shouldn't be.
b) I don't want to project my insecurities onto my kids. I already catch myself doing that. Life's hard enough.
c)I'm sick of tired of being to afraid to step out and be who he created me to be.
3.Last Weekend I was with a group of friends and my sister in law informed me that she had been discussing an issue concerning me and another sister in law with my inlaws. They had decided that I was the problem. I wanted to run for cover. It was totally untrue and yet I totally let it get under my skin. Luckily I was able to pull myself together and didn't make a total fool of myself.
4. Dignity is seeing myself how he see's me. I'll get there.
1. Chapter 7 had a few things that I could relate to: Make myself an idiot with female friendships.
I am Saul as I said in the beginning, I have this thing in the back of my mind that says " Nothing gold will ever stay"- meaning not that the person will die, just that they will eventually walk out of my life. Because of that thought process, I have had constant struggle in keeping friendships. People get tired of trying to convince me that they love me, because I am ALWAYS questioning if they really care. Luckily, I have learned this more so from the siesta community how that it is more a trigger on my end then something real on the other. (Thank you to the siestas that have been part of that process with me.)
2.
A. Because it affects who I am for God, I can't very well be an example of Christ for others to learn from if I myself are more insecure then they are!
B. Because God doesn't view me the way I view myself.
C. Because I am meant to live a good life, and my insecurity is keeping me from living it!
3. " You met someone you really admire, and said something stupid."
I think I have done this MORE times than I can count; I TRY to be different from other people when I meet people who are well-known or whatever, but always seem to end up feeling like a bigger nerd.
4. Dignity means someone who has had a life full of rainbows. Some colors harder to bear then others but in the end, God made even the hardest colors to deal with shine beautifully, through the heart to dealt with it. Life is about being full of color.
Sorry, yet again I forget.
Angie
29 yrs
Georgia
Demi-
I just wanted you to know I am praying for you. I know what it is like to have someone inquire about the past, and not let it go. Be strong, and listen to God's voice, listen to Him tell you that the past was the past and today is today. And although people around us mean well, I'm learning if someone says something negative about someone, they aren't going to help the situation, just make us think and analyze everything deeper.
I think sometimes a lot of the reason we can't let go of our past, is because some people still are forcing us to live in it.
" His mercies are new every morning."
He doesn't want us to girl.
He wants us to be happy there is a brand new day:)
I am so thankful for you and this book. It has spoken to me in ways I may never be able to articulate. Here's my answers to this week's questions:
(1) I'm so relieved that there are other women battling the same insecurity issues I am. I cannot tell you what that means. I always thought I was the only one thinking these things. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has lied and said I've seen or heard things I haven't just so I won't feel like a fool. Lying in general. Been there, done that. UGH.
(2A) I'm sick of feeling unworthy, stupid or worthless.
(B) I don't want my daughter to fight this same battle. I want her to have the tools to be victorious over these issues.
(C) I want to experience confidence in who I am in Christ as a wife, mom and friend
What dignity means to me: Respect and relationships. Not only do I feel I have dignity when I'm treated with respect, but when someone gets to know me or acknowledges my presence, not just glances over me and dismisses me like I'm not even there.
Amber
30s
Single
Fort Collins, CO
2. My top 3 reasons why it’s time to deal with my insecurity:
a. My insecurity is negatively impacting my relationships. My insecurity has tended to drive people out of my life and I don’t want that any more.
b. My insecurity is holding me back from where I believe God is calling me in my career. I’m tired of being scared of rejection and tired of that fear holding me back.
c. Because God said so! It’s time for victory! It’s time to press on into abundant life that God has for all of his children. It’s time to stop being defeated by the past and live according to God’s promises. Beat it Satan! For goodness sakes I’m sick of this!
3. A recent trigger of insecurity happened 1 week ago at the small group I lead for women my age. One of the ladies announced that there was an issue that needed to be discussed immediately, one that she couldn’t ignore any longer: the group needed to take a break because of my life being too busy to lead a group right now. Did it get a rise out of me? Yes and it still is 1 week later. Her words still get to me and they hurt. I love leading this group and I believe God has called me to it. Yes, we all lead busy lives but that doesn’t mean that we need to just call it quits. That’s exactly what Satan wants us to do is give up on Bible study and community. Why wasn’t I more secure in knowing what I can and can’t handle as far as my workload? Why wasn’t I secure in God’s leading for the group? Why wasn’t I secure in knowing I am doing the best I can and the power of the Holy Spirit equips me? It still bothers me because it was a subtle and then direct attack on her perception of my lack of leadership. It does help to know from the other ladies in the group that they think I’m doing a good job. But, there’s more insecurity… too concerned about what others think of me and needing their approval. Lord, deliver me; deliver us.
4. To me, dignity means humble confidence. Not prideful, secure and confident.
*this is the 3rd time I've tried to post…it keeps getting completely erased*
Married, 30's, San Antonio, TX
1.What part of Ch7 hit home with you and why?Insecrutiy has made a fool out of me many times. Honestly I identified with so many of the stories. My notes say, "yep, been there, me often, childhood, yep been there". My #1 was the header on Pg114 Insecurity can cause a mom to be overcontrolling or just generally out of control. Being a 2nd wife, having children who are adopted, and now living with my mother-in-law while my husband is in Iraq often provokes issues with control and insecurity. I identified strongly with Pg118 "Hate grew in my heart. I tried my best to get it all under control, to be in charge and make things just the way I wanted them to be. Do you know how tiring that is?" Yes, I do.
2.Why is it time to deal with insecurity?
A)I'm tired of being made a fool of.
B)I'm hurting the people I want to love.
C)I just want to be free – It is for freedom that Christ died.
3.Recent Trigger? This is not family related, but boy did I feel insecure. My boys & I were at a hotel swimming pool. I don't like to get my hair wet because I have a very high forhead and extreamly thin hair. I'm sure I look scary! We had the pool to ourselves and I was praying no one would come in. They did. A family of four entered. I announced to my boys that we had ten minutes left. (foolishness) I felt exposed and wanted to hide. I did try to remember that I was clothed with strength and dignity. I smiled as bodly as I could. After we got back to the room I looked in the mirror and saw my EYES! The new mascara I bought had left the biggest blackest circles around each eye! It was comical. You better believe I wanted to fix my hair and makeup the next morning just in case we ran into them at the free breakfast! I resisted the urge to go all out. We did bump into them. And the mom smiled the same sweet smile she had the night before and the kids all chatted and wanted to swap phone numbers. The whole thing sent me spiraling back though. Until then I was really improving. I had introduced my self to people at church that I had sat next to for forever and had begun looking at people in the eye where ever we went. It's amazing what you see when you do that.
4.Dignity means knowing I have value – that I am truly Worthy of Love.
Always a work in progress…
Married
50's
PA
The two primary roots of insecurity that I struggle with are: Instability in the home (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual abuse) and ET – Especially Tenderhearted.
To tell you the truth, Beth, my heart lept when I read that having a tender and sensitive heart was not a character flaw. Harsh words and mean-spirited, judgemental comments crush(ed)my spirit. Tears, broken sadness and withdrawing were, most often, met with, "You are too_____".
I, too, "feel" with passionate intensity; and, yes, it makes me feel(dare I say it) alive.
God is quietly whispering to my wounded, yet healing, heart. He is showing gentle love to me through His Word. He does indeed see me and I matter very much to Him. I matter to Him (did I say that with enough conviction?) Thank you, Father.
I learned that I am not defective or damaged goods. I learned that there are legitimate reasons that I struggle with my sense of worth. He has come that I might have life to the fullest. Thank you, Father, for continuing to push through my insecurities.
Always a work in progress…
Married
50's
PA
***Attention comment moderators! This is not to be published please.. Please remove my just written comments as I have already posted them in week 3 where they belonged. Sorry for the oops! Thank you for fixing it. God Bless!
Heather
Tallahassee, FL
30's
married
The part of Chapter 7 that hit home to me most was the making a fool out of you by making a liar out of you. I also connected with chasing down a man and competition with your giftedness. But the lying hit home the most b/c out of all things this is one I don't readily recognize in myself until it's too late and I've been made a fool.
Top 3 reasons why it's time to deal with my insecurity:
1. A waste of precious time worrying and trying to be different b/c of my insecurities.
2. I'm tired of settling.
3. I'm tired of playing the fool.
A recent trigger of insecurity was when my husband came home and said my boss was sold on us moving. While it doesn't matter at all what my boss thinks our future should be — it is in God's hands — he (my boss) totally didn't fight for me. I called him on it and in the process looked like a fool. : (
Dignity to me means being able to hold my head high – not out of pride or selfish ambition – but out of knowing and having confidence and security in my relationship with Christ. Not fearing — but knowing He has my back and living like I'm worth it to Him.
Rachel
Athens, GA
20's
single
1) Insecurity STINKS!! It turns us into people we aren't or don't want to be and holds us back from who God made us to be.
2) My top reasons why it's time to deal with my insecurities
– I'm tired of pretending everything is ok
– I'm around younger girls (church, sisters, niece) who need an example of a free, secure daughter of Christ
– I don't want my future daughters (Lord willing) to live like me
3) My recent trigger of insecurity is actually kind of pathetic : )
I went camping with my sisters and due to a water-main break we had to drive to the nearest bathroom. One morning I woke up early and drove myself (the sisters were still sleeping–trying to be considerate). I returned about 15 min later to find my sisters sitting on the picnic table waiting on me so that they could go get ready for the day. They made it very clear that I took way too long getting ready and that I should have waited on them…I must admit I did sit there a minute internally fuming, but then I just purposed that I would not let it affect me…and that I wouldn't say ANYTHING to my sisters when they returned.
4) I really had to ponder this answer. Dignity can be defined differently to each person. Dignity to me means knowing who I am in Christ and not letting anyone or any situation change that–I am beautiful and have nothing to fear.
Always a work in progress…
Married
50's
PA
The story that hit home with me from Chapter 7 is how insecurity has talked me into doing things that are/were embarrassing in my relationships. Why? Fear of rejection and loss of the relationship.
A. Insecurity has not served me well. I am stuck and I want to move towards wellness.
B. Insecurity has isolated me, even from God at times (at least it felt that way) I want to move towards His Light and freedom.
C. I want my soul to be at rest, to have peace, to feel loved. I am weary from striving and feeling less than…
A recent trigger was writing a kind, loving, well thought-out email to someone dear to me only to receive a one line response and continued silence. Things only seem to stay smooth in this relationship with "100%" agreement with everything. Yes, it got to me. It hurts. Not feeling the love, but God and I are working it out together.
To me, dignity means worthy of respect and honor, one of noble character, and it is God-given.
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
Every part. The story that I related to the most closely was the pastor's wife on page 130. I am so used to hearing that people thought I was a snob until they got to know me, or think I am a snob because they never made the effort to, that I have ceased wanting to get to know any one. No, that's wrong, I do want to know them. I have ceased wanting to make the effort to let them get to know me.
2. Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with your insecurity.
A. I have lost years of ministry available to me because of my lack of security.
B. I can't afford to shrink back into my shell while my daughters are learning to be women. I will never forgive myself if they learn to be insecure like their mother.
C. I can't afford to make any more stupid, life-changing decisions, based on what I am afraid of.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
I haven't noticed this used much as an example, maybe it's more a guy thing. But one of my major insecurities is looking stupid. I am intelligent, and I DON'T like that being disproved. Well, I'm a nurse, and this week, I sent a male patient into the wrong exam room where a female was redressing after her exam. Thank you GOD, she was already clothed by the time he opened her door. But it was my fault, and I have been beating my studid self up over it ever since.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
Holding my head high because I know whose I am.
Stephanie
39
Louisville, KY
First time jumping in and catching up!
It's time:
a) to stop 'jumping through' ridiculous hoops to 'prove': I am loved, or to prove my love to the person holding the hoop!
b)to start feeling comfortable in the skin God gave me!
c)to stop caring about what other people think and starting caring about what God thinks!
DIGNITY: knowing I am fully and completely loved by Him-and have no need to 'lower' myself to do endless tasks physically or mentally, to 'earn' someone's love—one/ones who is/are incapable of loving me fully and completely anyway!!!
1. In Chapter 7, the part about insecurity that hit home with me the most was that it makes a liar out of you. This is so hard to admit to everyone out there and I am in tears as I type this. I remember starting the habit of lying clear back as a ten year old. As a young child and as an adult I lied for two reasons: to get attention of the adults in my life and also I lied to others to make myself and my life look and seem better than it really was.
I praise God that He has helped me overcome this horrible sin, but it was very hard to work through. He has redeemed me from the huge and dark pit of lying. Praise God for His mercy and forgiveness and grace and love and redemption!!!
There are many other things that stood out to me in Chapter 7 too. I just know that insecurity has been devastating to me and because of my insecurity, it has also had a devastating affect on some of my dearest friends.
And if I could repeat the quote on P. 143, it was so profound to me and I reread it daily as a reminder that I am now SECURE in Chirst alone. The quote, " God knows we're insecure. But we do not need to be. And He will not leave well enough alone. He has enough security for both of us, and for those of us who call Christ Savior. He slipped His own secure Spirit within our simple jars of clay. It is in you to be secure 'dear one'."
2. The top three reasons why it is time for me to deal with my insecurity:
A. It is getting in the way of my walk and fellowship with God.
B. God has led me into some leadership roles in ministry and Bible Study and I don't want insecurities to keep me from doing whatever God wants to do through me.
C. I ha felt insecure since I was 8 or 9, so enough is enough. SO LONG INSECURITY!!!
3. Insecurity triggers happen for me throughout the day every day, but one of the most consistent ones that I face on a weekly basis is "will I look and dress nicely enough compared to the other women at church". It did not get the best of me this week, I went to church. But there have been many Sundays when I don't feel like I have anything nice enough to wear or I feel so overweight and ugly that I don't want anyone to look at me or I don't think they will want to look at me; therefore I end up staying home.
But I have been telling myself weight and "prettiness" and clothes do not matter. What matters is that I am going to worship God and learn more about Him, and to fellowship with other brothers and sisters in Christ.
I am determined not to let satan get the best of me in this area anymore!
4. Dignity is God-given worthiness placed in us that declares that we have value and honor and respect.
Dignity is knowing that God has made me worthy of being showed respect and honor by others.
Dignity is living my life so that God is glorified, and living it in such a manner that causes other to "see" God at work in me.
1. A lot of them made me cringe. Definitely where insecurity can make you act like an idiot in female relationships/friendships. Also, early in my relaionship with my husband insecurity got me in competition with ex-girl friends. My husband kept a few as friends even after we were married and I struggled with that. Also with girls that his friends started to date seriously and marry (we were really young when we met and I was friends with his friends before they met their spouses.)
2. A) To have better relationships with women.
B) To be a better wife/support for my husband.
C) MOST IMPORTANT: To have my eyes on God always and not care what people say or do to me.
To not spend anymore precious time here on earth thanking/worrying about anything but what God's plan is for my life!!!!!!!
3. Our tax accountant (a woman who is tough) who does our company's/personal tax returns was very demeaning to me, as usual, this week. I also am an accountant and do all our personal/extended family/still some company stuff and am now also a stay at home mom. I know women like her and have worked with a lot of them – you never know why they are so crabby but this time when my hurt pride kicked in (I know my stuff! How dare she treat me like a child who knows nothing!) I let it slide a little more and got her what she needed – ignored the little comments AND didn't complain to my husband – "Nah,nah,nah…she works for us! Why is she such a ______!" Oh my gosh my heart full of pride urps up right into my mouth every time!!!! I know I still thought it, but I didn't act on it and I DID forget about it – until now, I guess. Small steps and with God's help in time – big results!
Katie
Evergreen, CO
40s
Married
2. A) For the sake of my beautiful 1-year-old daughter, who is watching me!
B) Because I am tired of fear, which relates to my insecurity, constantly robbing me of abundant life
C) It is holding me back from moving forward with God's leading in my life
3. A recent trigger- some comments from my well-meaning mother and husband about what else I should be doing to get more clients in my brand new counseling practice. I really felt inadequate and unsuccessful, and cried- almost all day. Again, fear of inadequacy and failure robbed me of my peace and calm.
Kristi
Montana
30's
married
Angie, 29, married
West Olive, MI
Top 3 reasons:
a)I have been stressed & miserable trying to find security in work, my accomplishments & others
b)my pride is out of control, and is one of the biggest roots of my insecurity
c)insecurity has made a fool of me! Daily, weekly, sometimes hourly. . .
Recent trigger:
I was at a girl's weekend where I was the only one without kids. Everyone else was scrapbooking cute pictures of their kids and telling stories about life at home. I very much want to start a family, but its just not time yet. And, feeling insecure because I was the odd one out, I started to speak poorly of my amazing husband, just to have some attention for myself. I even knew that I would struggle with insecurity during this weekend. And I brought my book, but kept it hidden in my bag. . . I became rather frusterated and a bit discouraged that even knowing insecurity would be a problem, I still gave in! Yes, insecurity made a fool of me, and I said things I cannot take back.
Better late than never! I just keep on keeping on! Can't wait for the simulcast, just one month away!!
1. The quote on page 141 hit home the most for me in chapter 7 (although it was all very moving). "Insecurity makes us settle. Insecurity makes us distracted. Insecurity robs our confidence in our rich inheritance from God. Insecurity makes us put our gifts on a shelf to gather demonic dust. Insecurity disturbs our sleep. Insecurity derails our life."
2.a.So I can be all God has planned for me to be and accomplish, may I be found faithful!
b.So I can teach my daughter and her friends by example and by my words how to be a secure woman of God.
c.So I can be a better wife.
3.A recent trigger for me? Too many of those resonate with me to pick just one. I think I worry too much of what others "think" or even say to, or about me and then it rolls around in my mind so endlessly at times.
4. Chapter 8 is awesome by the way!!! Just love the verse and the descriptions. I can visualize it so well by the way that verse was described by Beth. I will easily remember it! Thanks!
Dignity: makes me think of a walk or demeanor with confidence and without shame or care of anyone else s opinion.
Dawn
age late 30's
married
Cleveland, Ohio
3)I deal with triggers everyday. Last night my husband came in around 9 PM. I had an idea of where he was because I heard him telling his Dad that he would see him tomorrow afternoon. That's how our communication "works" these days. I asked him "what have you been doing?" and the answer in a smart tone was "what does it look like I've been doing?". He's so unhappy and there's nothing that I do or say that changes that. I can't take that as a personal attack of who I am. I just can't anymore.
4) Dignity is strength in knowing who I am and what I stand for as God's child.
Still catching up after getting my book late…
2. Top three reasons whit it is time to deal with my insecurity:
A. Time to shift my security from self to Christ, forever and ever, Amen.
B. Christ REALLY did come to set me free.
C. For my daughters and granddaughters.
4. Dignity means to be worthy of respect and is given by God. But what really spoke to me is what dignity is not–pride is dignity's counterfeit.
Terri
Grand Rapids, MI
50s, married
2. My top three reasons for dealing with this now?
Wow. Where to even start?
A. I'm done lugging this junk around. It's too heavy, too time consuming, too everything.
B. I have two daughters (13, 5) and I want to be the best example of how to be a Godly woman that I can possibly be.
C. I've put my husband through enough. It'll be one less crazy he has to deal with.
4. Dignity is something I am still working on. "Worthy of respect" and "worthy of self esteem" are not usually two phrases I would use to describe myself.
Ranelle
30s
Ohio
married
Debbie
53
Sterling Heights, Michigan
Married
1. Two parts of Chapter 7 hit home with me.
B. Insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions.
I have always felt like I didn't belong anywhere on this earth. I always felt different (not in a good way). I might have "invited" others to reject me because of the way I saw myself. I have since learned that I am different. God made me different and I need to be who God says I am.
B. Insecurity can keep you from expressing yourself.
I would always hide "who I was" and became who people thought I should be. I realized that I did this because maybe I wouldn't like the real me either. I now want to be the woman GOD created me to be.
2. Three reasons why its time to deal with my insecurity.
A. So I can be the person God wants me to be.
B. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired.
C. I want to spend the next 50 years of my life more contented with who I am than I did in the first 50 years.
3. A recent trigger of insecurity. I can't think of a recent trigger, but I can tell you: It always gets a rise out of me. I immediately regret what I said, what I did, what I thought. I tell myself I have got to stop reacting to the insecurity and to have a plan to recognize it welling up inside me. I'm still working on the plan.
4. Dignity – I have this saying: You are who you are when no one else is looking. It's those little things; integreity, personal responsiblity, morals, values, walking the talk, etc. It's having my spiritual compass pointing NORTH. A sense of God Confidence tempered with God given humilty.
Kimberly
32
Pleasant View, TN
Married with kids
1) The part of Ch. 7 that hit home with me the most was about men and about being a stepmom. There have been times in my life when I have started to become slightly crazy when I can't get in touch with my man, with thoughts ranging anywhere from he must be having an affair to he's dead in a ditch on the side of the road, so I must call continuously until he answers as things just spiral more out of control in my mind. I also am so scared of losing him at times any conflict can start down a path of very uncharacteristic reactions from me. As for being a stepmom, I have always been very shy and sometimes am not able to be as free and funloving with my stepdaughter as I am with my son because I am scared she will think I'm "crazy" or something.
2a) I need to be secure enough to step out in faith on whatever God wants me to in order to fulfill my God-given purpose in life.
2b) It is time for my relationship with my husband to improve.
2c) It is time for my relationship with my stepdaughter to improve.
3) Recently in an argument my husband left the house to cool off. Normally this sends me begging him not to leave or calling him incessantly until he returns. This time I was able to remind myself to continue to handle things calmly and without worry or fear because he would return soon as he always does. He did and the rest of the night was very loving.
4) Dignity is believing in what God would consider "right", standing up for it, and carrying yourself in that manner.
1. What hit home for me in Ch7 was at the end of the chapter:
God knows the resilience with which He made us and the innate capacity within each one of us to be restored. Remade. He knows we are capable of loving even when we feel unloved because He loves us enough to cover those who don’t. He knows we are not nearly as fragile as we think we are, but we will act like who we believe ourselves to be. He knows we have the capacity to be astoundingly extraordinary, and not just in spite of where we’ve been, but because of it.
This really encouraged me because the thought of actually getting victory over insecurity makes me feel helpless and paralyzed, like it is too good to be true. Like it is just who I am and it can't be fixed.
2. Three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity:
A. To stop gnawing on disastrous relationships like a bone, and to stop talking myself out of great ones.
B. To stop accepting as normal something that isn’t
C. To live in the light as He is in the light – able to see how blessed I am.
3. Recent trigger of insecurity: Talk about recent! As I was typing this comment (specifically answer #1), a woman who I used to think was my friend called me out of the blue after giving me the cold shoulder for 18 months. She mentioned that she is still upset. It really stirred me up, but then I started reading what I was typing. What divine timing that just as she called I was typing that I am not nearly as fragile as I think I am. I had to pause a moment and ask myself if I believed it was true and if so, act accordingly. Thanks, Dear Father!!
1. Insecurity can keep us from accepting compliments and, far worse, from accepting love.
I have a very hard time to accept compliments, and it's been like that since I was a little girl. I never thought someone would really, really love me. Thank God, He did not give up on me, He tells me every single day how much He loves me!
2. I'm so sick of feeling "sick". As soon as I'm a bit stressed, my stomach acts up, and it's especially bad if I feel insecure, or if I've overcompensated, and later I realize how stupid/crazy I've acted, and sure enough my stomach confirms it.
3. Just today a colleague complemented me on my outfit, and I just acted so silly, it's so embarrassing.
4. Dignity means to me restoration. God has restored the broken place in my heart and has given me dignity.
1. what part of ch 7 hit home most:
insecurity.. “veil our vision and blind us to how blessed we are” “can confine us” “can make us give an entirely wrong impression” “can keep us from accepting compliments and LOVE” “explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions”
all of this because my main coping mechanism throughout life has been to withdrawl. to hide who i am. too afraid to talk in front of people because of the fear of what they will think; that they will see me for i thought i was: ugly, worthless, of no value. so i put up soo many walls and made (still do) many assumptions about people entirely based on my insecure view of myself. for example: i daily speak this to myself “my husband will always ultimately reject me, he is just putting on a particularly good show right now, he doesn’t really love me”
ha! this is UNBELIEVABLE, the power that i have given lies. i yearn to be saved from this.
2.top 3 reasons why to deal with my insecurity:
A. the false assumptions i continually hold against my husband–they are ruining the trust and unity in our marriage.
B. the occasional silence i feel before God and the doubting nature that keeps me silenced.
C. i despise the feeling of being trapped by what others think of me. it is a form of being paralyzed instead of actively being a part of building God’s kingdom.
3. recent trigger of insecurity:
this past weekend. constantly talking myself out of the truth that my husband enjoys spending time with me. I blow up at him for false realities that only exist in my head….yuck.
4. my meaning of dignity:
this was hard, because this word is not is the vocab bank that i usually associate with myself! but-i think of honored. beautiful, inside and out. possessing lasting value. worth. chosen by someone. wanted. SECURE.
Still playing catch-up!!! So sorry!!! I am not dropping out, I NEED this, and it’s changing me, I can feel it!
1. I saw myself all OVER this chapter!! Insecurity has made such a fool of me, and I carry the shame everywhere, because in many areas I’m reminded of it Every. Single. Day. It’s frustrating, and it’s way too heavy a load to keep lugging around
2. A. It’s TIME. I’ve let this disease hold me back for so much of my life. I’ve missed out on GOOD, GODLY things because of this crippling problem. I’m sick and tired of it.
B. I have a daughter. She’s coming up on her 6th birthday. She is learning from me how she is to live, think, dress, act, react, speak, etc.
C. I want to do some good for God. I want it so desperately. And I can’t if I don’t let go of my grip of insecurity so that I can step into what He has for me.
3. I just returned from my Wednesday night small group Bible study. I am an overweight 25-year-old woman who was widowed at the age of 20. Every. Single. Person. in my small group is thin and happily married (or so they share, I don’t know what goes on behind closed doors). I know that their lives are not as perfect as it seems they must be, but dang it, it’s a struggle to go back every week and feel so inadequate. Tonight was not as bad as nights in the past, though, so maybe I’m making progress!!
4. Being able to hold my head up with confidence. All of my life I’ve longed to be “worth it” to someone. That phrase has gone through my head for over 10 years now. “Why am I not worth it?” But dignity means, to me at least, that I AM worth it. That I am worthy of respect, of love.
Dawn K.
Married
30’s
Hamilton, NJ
Hi all!
3 reasons it is time to kick insecurity to the curb:
A. I’m tired of allowing insecurity to rule my life. The only Ruler I want is Jesus!
B. Insecurity makes me an inconsistent parent, questioning my decisions and the values I am trying to teach to my children. And I have so many little eyes watching me, I want to be the strong, confident, and dignified woman that they need as a mom.
C. Insecurity is keeping me from fulfilling my destiny. God has called me to write, but when I sit down to work on a fiction novel or anything else, I am insecure and feel others have already said what I want to say so much better than I have or that what I write is horrible. But the compulsion to write is growing stronger and I know that I will regret not writing at the end of my life if I do not do it.
Dignity-this is a great word and so hard to define! The first thing that came to mind is an analysis of 1 Peter 3:4 done by Rick Renner in his book Sparkling Gems from the Greek. I Peter 3:4 talks about “the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
Rick’s came up with a definition from the Greek words “meek” and “quiet”. Those with a meek and quiet spirit are so strong in spirit (because they are confident in being daughters of the King, so close to Him that they trust Him completely) that they are able to refrain from outbursts of anger and able to become a calming force in difficult situations (instead of going to pieces or making the situation worse).
The way this type of woman comports herself is my definition of dignity.
There are a couple women I know that when I first met them, I thought, “Wow, that woman is ugly.” But as I got to know them they became more and more beautiful because I saw their meek and quiet spirit. In fact, one of the women had her daughter murdered by her daughter’s husband in front of her grandchildren. Watching her comportment through the funeral and through the taking on of her grandchildren inspired me. In fact, I’m going to call her today and let her know how much she means to me!
Juley/Spicewood, TX/Married/30’s~
Ch. 7: Needing desperately to learn a different response when tempted to panic and overcommunicate with people.
reasons:
A) Because I have the privelage and great responsibility of raising three beautiful children who deserve and need me to be secure
B) Because I have a wonderful patient husband who deserves and needs and would love for me to be secure
C) Because the enemy has robbed enough from me – and I want to please the Lord. For Him to be glorified and pleased that I fought this good fight, and finished this race – and realized and received what he died to give to me
Recent trigger: Constantly reacting to others motives, actions, words. The Lord is helping my response. I saw a sign in a restaurant once that said “life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it.” I heard a story about a donkey that had fallen in a pit and was wailing and crying so the farmer decided to just cover him up with dirt. The first shovel-fulls more wailing. Then shovel-fulls were met with silence. The farmer realized that each time another mound of dirt was heaped on his back, the donkey was shaking it off and stepping up. Eventually, he hopped out of the pit! So, maybe I am taking something wrong, or maybe it is legitimate rudeness, but these days I’m choosing to shrug it off and smile, donkey! God is helping me see how He sees me (no, I don’t think He thinks I’m a donkey), and if others don’t feel the same way that is their problem, and their loss.
Dignity: Undeserved but still mine to “walk” in. Acting like who the Lord says that I am (not snobby), just victorious and free! Wear it, Siesta! – My Father paid a HUGE price for my outfit – wouldn’t it break His heart if I never wore it or even “tried” it on?
Jordan says if we don’t deal with them now, then they just keep getting worse. Brittany says She is emotionally exhausted and sick and tired of dealing with them. Karen says that when we allow insecurities to rule us than we are not allowing Jesus to be the Master of our life. Kelly Jo says that we are not truly ourselves because we are not true.
Dignity is being clothed with the Lord Jesus Christ and we must be clothed with Him everyday. We need to realize that Jesus is our strength and our covering.
1. I underlined, stared and circled the story under “Insecurity can make us give an entirely wrong impression”. While I’m not a pastor’s wife I can completely relate to every word in her story. I’m half tempted to go back to the blog post and find that comment and say ‘me too, me too’ and let her know that I’m interested in hearing what she has to say.
2.
A. Insecurity is messing with my head and anything that messes with my thoughts messes with my relationship with Christ!
B. Insecurity is impacting my relationships with others. It is impacting my relationship with others to the point that I don’t have friendships with some individuals because I’m so insecure.
C. It is time to stop the perfection!!!! There have been so many signs in my life recently that I need to stop focusing on being perfect. This book, co-workers, family, friends, it is time to stop reaching for perfection and instead lean on God’s direction.
1. A lot of ch. 7 hit home with me, but especially insecurity can make a liar out of you. I remember being too shy/insecure to tell the truth for the first time in the 2nd grade, and I still sometimes struggle with it. I’ve always hated this about myself, but I’ve never known how to change it. I am sick of it.
2. a. I am the walking mess/train wreck that you referred to in the book. I don’t want to be this person any more.
b. It will take a miracle of God to save my marriage at this point, and most of the damage is due to my insecurity.
c. I have a new baby son, and I want to be a strong, dignified, secure (and hopefully still married) mama for him.
3. Ha! Just trying to decide whether or not to put my name and city on this post made me want to do my usual routine of hiding anything unpleasant about myself. But I am committing to change, so here goes:
Whitney
20s
Married
West Chester, OH
Blaine-23-Married-Houston
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
The parts about lying and getting caught and continuing to do it. I wasn’t a popular child growing up, so when my family moved to a different (smaller) town, I made up a childhood story to tell my new friends, at my new school. I did the same thing in college. How would they know? It didn’t matter. He knew. My “white” lies would pile up. They would continuously catch me when I ran across someone bold enough to call me out on it. It was the source of many ruined friendships and other relationships and I still cringe when I think about it.
2. Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity.
A. I am SO TIRED of that wound-up, tight-as-a-knot feeling in my gut when insecurity rears its ugly head. I’m silly enough to think I could probably survive the memories of when insecurity has made me look like a fool, but man, that initial feeling when it’s being turned on is enough to make me want to throw in the towel!
B. I want to be a woman who shines the light of the Lord in all that I am and all that I do. The Lord is not insecure, our God is not one bit “confused” on who He is or what He will do. I don’t want to be a silly woman that my insecurity turns me into!
C. I am ready to improve the facets of my life that insecurity has held me back from loving, indulging, and praising Christ about! I’m ready to move on and meet things head first that normally would have consumed me with fear!
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
In my job, there is one particular time of the year that we work non-stop and it’s basically at work 24/7 for an extended amount of time. As you can imagine, tempers run short and so does sleep. There were many times that people around me would suggest or make comments that could have set me reeling because of my pride or my supposed “position” within the company wouldn’t allow. Or an inadequate or ridiculous request would set me on edge. But Abba Father kept impressing upon me to give my emotions and responses over to Him and it made all the difference.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
Dignity means the God-given right to hold my head high because I am a chosen, beloved daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Dignity means that I don’t have to be ashamed if I am in His light. Dignity means that my esteem comes from Him and Him alone.