So Long Insecurity Discussion from LPV on Vimeo.
Hey, Girls! How are you sweet things? You newbies well surpassed the 100 mark on our last post. Way to go! Now, keep it up! God willing, we’re walking another week closer to waving a happy good-bye to insecurity. “KB” posted a comment last night saying, “Did anybody see Jessica Simpson on Oprah and could you believe how much it sounded like what we’re studying??” Yes, I saw it and I thought exactly the same thing. (She was talking about how she was chastised in Hollywood and the tabloids for being a full size 4.) It was this whole beauty around the world thing and it occurred to me that our female insecurity epidemic obviously isn’t limited to the West.
I read countless responses to the questions raised in Week Three and held a number of your stories close to my heart. Some of you may have been shocked by what others in our community have endured but I’ve been in women’s ministry way too long to anticipate less. The common ground does not, however, diminish our compassion. We can’t let it. It still hurts to tell. And hurts to read. Epidemic insecurity needs to lose its mystery for us to find our liberty. As you can see, many of us earned the right to this battle but those of us who know Christ possess an infinitely greater right. In Him, we have the right to be free and whole.
We have the God-given right to be secure.
In many ways, we qualify as a microcosm of almost any community of women you could find in this culture. You just can’t make it into adulthood on Planet Earth without getting pretty beat up somewhere along the way. Look at it like this: the enemy of our souls wanted more out of those hits than he got or we wouldn’t be here trudging this path toward wholeness together. Many of you are marvels. Others are pure miracles. Praise God, there is healing for all of us. AND, praise God, there is also meaning.
If you’re able, please watch the video greeting I included in this post. It’s a rough cut if you’ll ever see one and very impromptu (I decided to do it that morning while I was putting on my mascara, thinking about you). But it comes to you with much love and desire to see you free in Christ. I want you to get the best possible benefit out of this journey. God is so able and so willing. Hang with it here. We are taking the turn toward solutions in a very short time. We’ve got one whopper of a chapter to read before then, however. Your reading assignment this week will be CHAPTERS SEVEN AND EIGHT. Chapter Eight will be a welcome relief and will introduce one of the major components in the acquisition of soul-deep security. But let’s talk about Chapter Seven first.
You’ve heard of the house that Jack built. Chapter Seven is the chapter that YOU built. This blog community (that we regulars around here call Siestaville) makes its mark in multiple places over the course of the book but this chapter is entirely your input. Those of you who were with us a little over a year ago will perhaps remember it well. I threw out a question – Has insecurity ever made a fool of you? – and, boy, did I get some answers. Some of you more tenderhearted sisters will be sorely tempted to skip or skim over this chapter because it’s hard to read at times but, unless you’re hyper-sensitive or feeling too pathetic already (we’ve got to break out of that), try to read the whole thing. Get started post haste because it’s the lengthiest chapter in the book. It’s meant to hammer a point till you’re practically screaming:
THAT’S IT! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE TOLL INSECURITY TAKES. I’M WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DUMP IT.
As long as you come to that conclusion, you don’t have to read the whole chapter if it’s above your threshold. I hope most of you will read every page of it but, if you’re having a really rough week, you can have a hall pass on the long version. Just flip through various section headings and read the ones that resonate most. And always read the wrap-up of any chapter. In an ideal world, all we’d ever need is positive motivation. The truth is, sometimes a little negative motivation mixed into the positive is exactly what it takes to shake us up enough to deal. In Chapter Seven, you’re going to get a glimpse of what happens when insecurity deals with us instead of us dealing with our insecurity. Hopefully the point will be made and we can move on. Then we can dive our scalded souls into some healing waters in the coming chapters. I promise relief is coming. We will still have plenty of issues to grapple with in future chapters but new responses will begin to shape up shortly and fresh God-given strength is on its way. We are not wimps, Girls. Let’s rise up.
OK, here are your questions for this week. Since I’m giving you four this time around you’re welcome, if you prefer, to pick two of them to answer in your comment:
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
2. (If you’re choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity. (We’re not looking for right answers. We’re looking for YOUR answers. Don’t copy off your fellow sojourners’ papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don’t get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
You guys are doing a fabulous job with this. I am so proud of you for sticking with it! Your extra effort will not be in vain. May God meet you in these pages.
You are loved here!
Anonymous 
I for got to put this at the end of my comment.
sharon
married 40
clinton ny 13323
1. A general resonating theme for me in Chp 7 is fearful obsession: over communication-āare you mad at me?ā for everything plus jealousy & doing stupid things with men.
2.Top 3 reasons:
a. At almost 57, Iām āso tiredā of people pleasing so I wonāt be rejected ā when there really isnāt any pleasing everyone! I want the ādesperateā neon sign turned OFF & have Godās strength & dignity exuding instead.
b. I want to finally have healthy relationships with the people in my life, esp my new spouse, my grown children & potential grand children.
c. I want to know God on a deeper level ā if He created this āneed to be noticedā in me, then I want to bask & live victoriously (& humbly somehow) in that space with HIM!
3. I had an example I was going to use – but I had a tiny victory. Then I had another exp with a bigger victory: it almost got a rise but I started repeating verses ā even tho I wasnāt sure how it could help & I obsessed a little over implications of the perceived negative/rejecting behavior of the other person, in between verses. I think it seems to boil down to whether or not I really believe God has my back! AND how I am really supposed to deal with these little situations. After I let slip one sly 'jokeā and was rewarded with the response of affirmation I was hoping for, I left to go on errands as planned. Listening to Christian music on the drive lifted my spirits and I donāt know if it was his affirmation, or God working on my spirit, but I didnāt obssess at all while I was running errands. When I returned home, the whole atmosphere was different, so I was glad I hadnāt really āaddressedā my concerns of perceived rejection before I left! A small victory!
4. Dignity: in the exp. above, I had also prayed for āstrength & dignityā. It was a struggle but I wanted to retain my dignity ā not grovel & whine for love, acceptance, & proof of desirability. It was a struggle to believe it would be ok not to address it but I kept thinking that I wanted to retain my dignity. I guess dignity, to me, means not attacking, not acting like a fool, not begging for attention. And to treat others with respect: āthinking the best of themā & the situation instead of thinking the worst.
I've been listening to Beth's Monday online lessons (Wising up), some of it relates to this! š And I just want to say that in "Get out of that pit", Beth's comment about how God doesn't always instanteously work a miracle for her, gave me hope: the fact that He wants us to search for Him, so He can develop a relationship with us – that is just awesome to me!
(I have used my name before but need to remain anonymous this time) Married, 50's
Jeanie
Sparta, TN
39
Married
1. The parts in Chapter 7 that spoke to me most were the ones that spoke of insecurity holding you back from fulfilling your God intended destiny.
2. a)I want to be able to do what God has called me to do.
b)Life is to short to live like this!!!
c)I want to break this chain of insecurity so my daughter is not paralized like I have been.
1.The part that hit home for me in Ch 7 was when Beth said we need to learn a different response when we are tempted to over communicate. Been there, done that.
2. A. Iām tired of beating myself up and being so hard on myself
B. I want to truly believe that God loves me despite my shortcomings
C. I want to heal emotionally
3.My recent trigger is that our family is traveling over Memorial Day weekend to attend a nieceās wedding. I feel so insecure about seeing people I havenāt seen in a long time, worrying about the way I look, my weight, what Iāll wearā¦
4.Dignity means that I am worthy ā¦of love and respectā¦I am actually worthy of Godās love
1. The part that most resonated with me was on the last two pages when you talked about God's delight in us, His knowing that we "are not nearly as fragile as we think we are, but that we will act like who we believe ourselves to be." So often I choose to believe Satan's lies about myself over God's truth!
My three top reason's to deal with my insecurity:
1. To be able to walk daily with God, just to talk with Him, to feel that joy everyday and not feel like I don't deserve it! I need it too much to give it up!
2. To be able to share with friends who don't know the Lord honestly and to not feel hesitant when I tell them that Christ strengthens us, loves us, and will never leaves us!!
3. To just finally, finally trust Him, to trust that He loves me! And to let this spill out for others to see, that they would know that He will and can do this for anyone!
19, university student
MontrƩal, Canada
I am one of your newbies and this is my first go-round with commenting on your book.
1.) There were several things that resonated with me from chapter 7, but allowing insecurity to be a relentless robber was the one that stopped me cold. I am sick of my insecurities(plural because I suffer from more than one of a chronic nature)making me settle for a life that is less than that which God created me for.
2.) A. I do not want to look back on my life full of regret as I consider all the what-if's and missed opportunities because I was too insecure to step out of my comfort zone and risk being vulnerable or looking foolish or suffering rejection. I am 45 years old and it is past time for this to end and for me to really start living as a daughter of the King.
B. I grew up with what I now recognize as an insecure perfectionist mother who was raised in a home where even graduating as class valedictorian was not enough to satisfy her own controlling parents.I now have a 14 year old daughter of my own. I choose with Jesus' help to break the generational chain of insecurity so that she can be free from its crippling bonds.
3.) I think that I have held so much of myself back in reserve from others because of my insecurity, even my husband at times. I put up this facade of what I think others expect me to be and to be honest I have grown weary of the act. I also think that there are more than a few cracks because it has grown impossible to keep this up. I have missed out on friendships because that meant having to let someone get close enough to see the real me.
4.) I am still trying to wrap my head around what God-given dignity would look like in my life. I think that a part of it is realizing that it is okay to be who He created me to be and to let others in on that. No longer clothing myself in false pride that claims to have it all together, but instead wearing the robes that He fashioned for me.
Lindsay
Bangor, Maine
25
Married
1. Friendship insecurities (I don't like feeling left out) and insecurity giving the wrong impression. As a leader in women's ministry, I still have to force myself to go talk to someone new, get to know other women, etc. I sometimes find myself worrying about what I should say if the other woman is shy, what they're thinking and if they like me, feeling insecure if they're stunninly gorgeous, etc. Unfortunately, I know I can tend to come off as a snob because of it.
2. A. As stated before, I'm a leader in women's ministry, but I often feel inadequate, too young, etc. to be leading such amazing women. BUT God called me to it, and I need to get over my intimidation!
B. I want to help other women grow spiritually — fall completely head over heels in love with Christ. I can't do this as effectively if I'm struggling with insecurities.
C. My marriage. While I'm not overly jealous, I do feel insecure whenever I think about how men are wired, and that my husband will inevitably notice other attractue women (even though he is extremely faithful, looks away, and fights temptation).
3. I have a friend who can come off as overly confident and a little too bold at times. She sometimes makes semi-rude comments "with a teeny stench of superiority", and even though I don't freak out or show my annoyance, her comments still bother me.
Also, if my husband does admit to temptation with something visual, I unfortunately tend to go into "lawyer mode" (as he calls it) and mercilessly interrogate him.
4. Humble, gentle confidence. It's not brazen or prideful, but it's not a "woe-is-me" false humility, either. You know who you are in Christ — nothing without Him, yet entirely loved and enchanted by the Creator of the universe. Wow!
Evelyn
48
Palmdale, CA
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
The mom of the 16 year old daughter (mine is 22) 'I don't want her to go down the road I did, sleeping with a guy just to feel loved and accepted' – Not only did I do this (repeatedly), but afterwards I never felt anything remotely resembling love and acceptance – and certainly not an ounce of self-respect.
2. Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with your insecurity.
a)it's right at the beginning of chapter 7: Because I'm slowly (finally!) realizing what it has cost me to NOT deal with it.
b)I'm tired of insecurity being the 'relentless robber' on pages 140-141.
c)because I believe that 'stifling' my insecurity has resulted in self-destructive AND innappropriate behavior through most of my life
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
My husband appeared distracted (and this was only for a few days!) so I binged on some See's candy – amazingly didn't help resolve a thing and only ended up feeling sick!
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
That each day I'm able to live a little bit more of the life He has for me instead of the one where I try to please everyone else or be someone else.
I have no idea if my comment just posted…it kept saying my word verification was incorrect. So it's either posted three times or not at all. (Sorry!)
Tricia
50's
Married
Palmdale, California
Top 3 reasons it's time:
1. I want to truely believe and understand that we are all equal. No one is perfect.
2. I no longer want trigger that cause me to react.
3. I want to be the person the Lord intends me to be.
My most recent trigger of insecurity occured at my mother in laws Sunday afternoon. We go to church in the morning and then stop by to visit with Mom and have lunch with her. We were joking around after lunch and when my husband asked what was so funny I said " I'm laughing at what mom said." She said "How dare you laugh at me". I knew she was only kidding, but my always wanting to please others got in the way for a moment and I had to remind myself not to get worried. I didn't react thank goodness.
a. I am sick of believing the lies of satan.
b. I am tired/exhausted from placing blame on those who have wronged me.
C. I want my daughters to see a godly view of how to handle hurts.
Charity
married
37 as of today
Georgia
1. After reading chapter 7 I sat back and actually meditated on all the recent times I can now remember that my own insecurities made me act foolish. The part that resonated with me, was at the time they were happening, I was very good at reframing it "to make myself the free agent." PRIDE stepped right in to clean that mess up! I also realized how much of a vicious cycle it is..insecurity leads to foolishness which leads to shame which leads back to insecurity. Man I want to dump this thing!
2. Reasons to dump it: it makes me so mad! I now realize it has been holding me back with God and his ability to take me to the next place in our journey.
3. Chapter 8 was a real eye-opener. Although so obvious now…I didn't get it then. Insecurity does cause you to lose your dignity…and then your enemy is quick to pounce. He will at that moment undermine what God's word says about how He feels about you and then you're not sure if you believe it either. God's timing was so perfect with this chapter..I read it and then he put me in the exact situation that always triggers my insecurities to see if I could keep my dignity. As you say Beth, I asked myself, "What would a woman do in this situation who has God-given dignity..and I acted it out even though my insides were in knots." But afterward, I felt free and God said, "Now do it again!".
4. Dignity means to me not being controlled by fear..fear of rejection. Why? Because when I put dignity on that day, it really did feel like a covering that was protecting me and the behavior of other people could not penetrate it. I know it will take practice, but I'm looking to move that cloak around my heart. Thank you Beth…more than you know.
2.Top three reasons to deal with insecurity –
A. It is costing me to much spiritually, emotionally and physically.
B. For my daughters sake. So I can help them deal with their insecurities which are already showing up at 13 and 9.
C. So the love of Christ can show more clearly through me without all that insecurity I have around others.
4. Dignity to me is self-respect which flows from the knowledge that I am made in the image of God.
I think the specifics can be different for each person.
Loved Chapter 8. God's word is alive and active!
Cathy
Rhinebeck,NY
40's
Married
Dearest Siestas,
I am writing for prayer. I have done foolish things that could very well come back to haunt and bring self-inflicted humiliation. The Lord knows of what I am referring.
Beth Moore I have to say you have been a big part of my determination and courage along with these other ladies to be what God has called me to be.
I am under the influence of my daily reading of Psalms and Proverbs, āDavid: 90 Days with a Heart like Hisā, Esther: itās tough being a womanā , āThink Inside the Book: learning to live according to Godās Wordā, and āSo Long Insecurity: youāve been a bad friend to meā. I tell you this not to impress you but to impress upon you that God is doing a work in my life and I know that He is moving me to come out of the closet. My Christianity can no longer be hidden and kept to myself. Yet, with this determination I have the enemy bringing fear before me of outing me of the things I confessed and forsook. Beth, I appreciate more than any thing Esther and your video series! The one where you took your greatest fear and dwindled it down with āand then whatā questions and I have come to the conclusionā¦my soul is at rest and nothing can disrupt this rest; I am redeemed.
My prayer is if should God allow any of those, āand the whatāsā that I be prepared in such away that my tortoise personality does not kick in and that the soldier in Chris would step up to the plate fully armored against the attacks that would normally send me into a tail spin! And that I having done all to standā¦stand!
My Lord and Savoir knows the depth of concern I have over this and have watched me weep with the resolveā¦ āIf I perish, I perishā.
I truly find camaraderie here in Siestaville and cherish the encouragement sent me through email. God will reward you openly for that which you have done in secret for him!
Love, Deborah
Mary
60's
Married
Cincinnati, Ohio
1. Rejection – it's so painfull & causes us to do anything for acceptance.
2. Top reasons to deal with insecurity:
a. Satan is the author of insecurity.
b. God wants us to be secure in Him.
c. If we're a blubbering mess of insecurity, we're unable to do the work of the Lord.
3. I was having difficulty loading pictures on the computer. I immediately told myself I'm so stupid – I just can't do anything.
4. Dignity means being honorable and wothy of respect.
Married
50's
The reasons I need to deal with insecuity:
A) It is too big of a part of my life.
B) I have lived with it as a part of my life for far too long.
c) God is not happy with it being a part of my life.
What does dignity mean to you?
It means I matter to God and He is proud of me as the individual He has formed.
1) After reading chapter 7 and seeing myself in so many of the stories it hit me that our insecurities are heartbreaking and cause us to act so desperately.
2) a. Tired of letting my insecurities cause me to act out of desperation.
b. Tired of insecurity restricting my relationship with Christ and the tasks God has called me to do.
c. Tired of insecurity coming between me and friendships ā both old and new.
4) After reading chapter 8, dignity to me means Iām covered with Godās love and acceptance no matter what. I am His. I am worthy of respect!
Kim
40ās, married
South Dakota
thank you for sharing all the wisdoms and experiences in your book. As I work thru the book it is helping to step by step release me from an un-Godly relationship (this is the first time I've acknowledged that)
Pam
39
Married
North Carolina
First, let me say that this is one powerhouse of a book! I think it should be required reading for every woman! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Beth, for making yourself available and open to tackle such a subject! I truly believe many women will be changed by applying the truths you have given us in this book. I, for one, will be forever changed! I have already read the book from cover to cover and am now repeating as you assign the chapters praying that it will continue to sink in deeper and deeper each time I read it.
I would like to also say that I have felt empowered after reading through the whole book. I believe I have been given tools with which to battle my own insecurity.
I am choosing to deal with my insecurity because
a) I'm tired of living this way
b) I've never really understood how to deal with the problem, but now believe I have the tools and can be successful if I apply what I've learned
c) Through my journey I hope to encourage and help other women along the way
Chapter 8 is truly my favorite chapter in the book. Pointing out Proverbs 31:25 has made the biggest difference for me. I immediately wrote "She is clothed with strength and dignity" on a pink index card and taped it to my bathroom mirror. I find myself repeating it often praying it will transfer from my lips and brain to my heart. Dignity means "worth" to me. I am, after all, the King's daughter and HE clothes me with "strength and dignity"!
Thanks, Beth, loving this book!
Heather
W. Lafayette, IN
30's
Married
1. What part of Ch 7 hit home with you most and why?
Insecurity weighs heavily in weight issues.
Insecurity can make us give an entirely wrong impression.
Insecurity can be a relentless robber.
I related to a story under each of those three headings, but the thing that hit home most for me was the first sentence on the last page of Ch 7. (p143) where Beth wrote: "He knows we are not nearly as fragile as we think we are, but we will act like who we believe ourselves to be." WHOA! I could chew on that for a year, but applied to previous three areas where insecurity "gets me," it is such an eye-opener. I am insecure in those areas because I believe myself to be too shy or too fill-in-the-blank. How I need God's truth to transcend my beliefs about myself.
2. Personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with my insecurity:
A. Insecurity makes me miserable when I give in to it.
B. I deeply desire to live free of any kind of bondage or deception.
C. I don't want to pass insecurity onto my children and allow my calling to be unfulfilled over something like this.
Betty
Married
50's
Richmond, VA
1. The fact that insecurity can be (in my case is/was) a relentless robber really hit home with me. Always afraid to fail and risk losing the "secure", "outgoing" false impression, I would simply lower my expectations and settle for "safe." Insecurity kept me from trying things (sports, especially), from going to college after high school – instead I got married! (and later divorced.) Insecurity confined me.
Lying is/was a major link to my insecurity. I remember lying about stuff from as far back as 1st grade!
2. 3 top reasons it's time to deal with insecurities:
a.) I do not want to remain "stuck" in this pattern. It is NOT of God. (It's time to grow up!)
b.) I want healthy relationships – with husband, family members and friends. (I want to be real)
c.) Insecurities manifest in harmful, destructive behaviors. (It's time to be free, to be healed.)
3. A recent trigger – my reaction/response…??
4. Dignity means I am worthy – of respect, of love. I am a daughter of the King. I am precious to Him, my Lord & Savior, Jesus Christ. He has crowned me with dignity – I can hold my head high.
Oh chapter 7… the part that resonated the most with me was "insecurity explodes w/rejection". My dad left our family for another woman when I was 18. I married a man much like my father when I was 23, he cheated on me repeatedly, but I took him back over and over. Eventually, when I realized this was an unending pattern we divorced. Now I am remarried to a wonderful christian man, but I can revisit every single emotional fear of being LEFT if my husband doesn't call me when he is running late, or any other litany of innocent occurrences. I want to be OVER that reaction.
Top 3 reasons to deal w/my insecurities
1. I want my daughter to be a secure young woman when she grows up.
2.So that I can serve God with my life, and not hold back out of fear of rejection, or pride.
3.I want to enjoy who God made me to be!
Janet
41
West Linn, OR
Sue Graves
52, Divorced
OKC
1. The part (?) of Chapter 7 that hit home with me the most is:
The incredibly tremendous costs of insecurity
Makes me settle
Distracts me
And, that God knows me and Jesus is NOT ashamed to call me sister!
2.The top reasons it's time to kick insecurity to the curb:
A. I am Tired of crying.
B. I am Tired of feeling like a complete, weak idiot.
C. I am Tired of seeing myself as deserving of the consequences that occur (again and again and again) as a result of reacting to insecurity ā wasting time
3. The most recent trigger occurred a couple of days ago when my man was not answering my phone calls or texts for an entire day. And yes it did get a rise out of me BUT not nearly as lingering or as intense.
4. Dignity = Being worthy of Respect. Remembering: Pride is dignityās counterfeit.
1. Just like a lot of the women have commented, I related to a number of stories in chapter 7. However, the one that really spoke to me was how insecurity can be a relentless robber, particularly these lines:
Insecurity makes us settle. Insecurity makes us distracted.
Insecurity robs our confidence in our rich inheritance
from God. Insecurity makes us put our gifts on a shelf
to gather demonic dust. Insecurity disturbs our sleep.
Insecurity derails our life.
I feel that insecurity has been making me settle for as long as I can remember. Starting in high school when I never would audition for a part in the school plays because you had to sing a solo to try out, to college when I wasted my years there desperately clinging to the wrong guy and not getting as involved on campus as I would have liked, to now, when I have let insecurity make my world very small. I feel ashamed because God has been so generous in His gifts He has bestowed on me, and I am letting insecurity keep me from using them in any way whatsoever. When I personify insecurity as a ārobberā, as a BEING that is actively stealing from me, I get angry and want to take action! I am determined to stop it from stealing anything more from me.
2. (A) I am ready to stop just being alive and start living, and living fully and abundantly
(B) I am sure I passed some of my insecurities down to my two college-aged daughters because I did not deal with them when the girls were growing up, and I want to be a better role model for my 11-year old daughter, who has just begun middle school, a potential mine field for creating insecurity!
(C) I want to be able to get involved in āgiving backā, in helping my fellow manā/woman, and I do not want insecurity stand in the way of my doing that.
3 .A recent time that insecurity reared its ugly head was last weekā¦I have always felt pretty secure in my decorating style. I try to surround myself with things that I love, and somehow it has always worked, at least for me. Recently I redecorated our family room and insecurity almost PARALYZED me and made it almost impossible for me to make decisions for fear that I would make a āmistakeā and have it not ālook goodā (who was I trying to impress, anyway?). Anyway, project got finished and looks great. So I bought something new to hang on the wall and hung it in the back of the wet barā¦my husband LOOKED STRAIGHT AT IT and did not say anything, so I decided he must not like it and took it back! Later he asked where it had gone and said that he liked it! The bottom line was that I liked it and should have kept it and not worried about what anyone else thought! Crazy.
4. To me dignity means to look the same on the outside as the inside, and for both of those to reflect Godās glory. When this happens, no matter what situation you find yourself in, you can feel secure that you are doing the right (although maybe not the easy) thing.
Sheila
Atlanta
40's
Married
Darcy
late 30's
married
Florida
1) I most identify with insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions because I saw myself the most in those stories.
2) I want to deal with my insecurity:
a) Because I no longer want to live in that tortuous place that allows me to make terrible decisions and be miserable.
b) Because I am tired of insecurity keeping me from God's plan for my life and having His Best at all times.
c) Because it is just time to have some of those empty places healed and be clothed in strength and dignity as a daughter of God.
To Thelma from 3/5/10 1:07 pm
You said ")…to say thank you for obeying the King of Kings because today yet another woman was freed from part of insecurity and to top it off…..I was given back my heart song."
I had to just say – thank YOU for pouring out your heart so beautifully. I feel the same way about Beth – about obeying God. How awesome that we are all learning to obey God through her obedience. And to use that expression heart song was excellent. I lost my heart song when my first husband hated the music of my choice. Instead of just telling him to deal with it, I shut it off. I did not sing in the car, while doing housework, I just shut it off. After Jesus came back into my life at the age of 35, I couldn't NOT sing. I had forgotten how much I loved to sing. Bless your heart Thelma – keep on talking. I love reading your posts.
Rene
40's
Married
Claremore OK
Penny
age: 43
Owensboro, Kentucky
This is my first post. I have been trying to catch up so that I could join in. I am responding to only two questions.
#2
a) I want to deal with this insecurity now because I have two daughters that I must lead into adulthood. I don't want to be the wrong example for them. I fear I may already have passed some of my insecurities to them. (I pray they seek God's help to correct that)
b) I am tired of hiding from my true self. I have lost my self confidence and long to have it back.
c) I want those on my mission field to see me proudly wearing the Cloak of Christ and see that Christians can be cool, confident and charismatic and not always the sad, subterranean and somber person they might see in me now.
# 4
My most recent trigger was the pornographic pictures that were on my husband's iphone this morning. Someone had sent him a message and it kept going off, he was asleep and didn't hear it. I picked it up to silence it and was smacked in the face by my insecurity and my head filled with doubts.
2. For me the three main reasons that it is time for me to deal with insecurity are as follows:
A. Itās time for me to move on for my family.
Now that Iām a mom, I want to be as healthy as I possibly can so my son can have a healthy, Godly influence in me. Also, my husband is a wonderful, Godly man who has patiently helped bring me through a lot of my insecurity issues. Itās about time he has a break.
B. Itās time for me to move on for my friends and acquaintances.
Before I stayed home with my son, I taught at a public high school (a shout out to Curtis Jonesās high school alma mater, Willard) for four years. In the time I was there, I was able to come to terms with a lot of my insecurities from my teen years because I saw them walking around with a choke hold on so many of my students. God used that time for me to be a living testimony to them and help them see that God does bring good things out of difficult circumstances. Now my husband and I work with the middle school class at our church. After getting this far in the book, Iāve felt an even greater burden to have a heart-to-heart with my girls there about finding security in God instead of looking for it everywhere else. After reading chapters 7-8, I sat down and wrote out a part of my story from my teen years. It wasnāt tragic or anything, but as I wrote, my goal was to show how wounded by insecurity I was at that point in my life. I donāt usually have a problem writing about my past, but this time it hurt. I was able to see how messed up I was in a way I had never allowed myself to view it before. This was a good thing because it allowed me to move on to the last reason for me to deal with insecurity.
C. Itās time for me to move on for myself and my relationship with God.
Iāve allowed insecurity to leave some pretty painful wounds in my life. I knew I had issues with it before I wrote about my past, really big issues! Once I laid it all out there for myself to see in print, with the intent to share it with my precious middle school girls, I felt sickened by how much I blocked my access to Christ at that point in my life. God and I have been communicating a lot since then, and I am so grateful that He has helped me to let go of more than I thought I was still carrying around. Heās given me a new level of joy and vision to help these girls and as many other people as I possibly can along the way.
4. Thanks so much for the chapter on being clothed with dignity. I had always missed the symbolism from Prov. 31, too, so I appreciated the insight. It helped me go ahead and start writing out what I had discussed in the last question because I knew I no longer needed to be ashamed. God has made me something new and beautiful, and because of the dignity that He has given me, I can allow Him to use me to help others do the same.
Just realized that it was not at all…somtimes technology isn't my friend. Trying again…
Can I just tell you how much I love it when you (Beth) particiapte in the comments too? What a privledge for us to have you walk this journey with us!
I have been sitting with my laptop for hours reading ALL the comments and my battery is almost dead and my bedtime is so long past! But I'm bound and determined to post and finish.
(This is my first participation post)
1. I was struct with the comment on page 130 with the pastors wife who was afraid of small talk, and also the comment on page 124 how insecurity can confine us, and finally on page 140-141 the relentless robber. (I'm in deep)
2.
a)Tired of settling in life and being/feeling stuck
b)Tired of making myself crazy for guessing what everyone might be thinking
c)Ready to move forward with God
3. Recent trigger…We own a business and have high school and college aged (girl) employees… it's amazing to me how my insecurities can surface with the slightest of looks or comments from them. I often want to run out of our store and hide. Isn't that silly…we own the store!
4. Hardest one for me to answer. I've lived so long without it it's hard to know what it means to me. I'll continue to ponder this one and iron it out.
I do have a question if that's at all possible here? The few times in my life where I've tried (and I do mean tried) to stand up for myself with what I've needed or wanted and because it's not in sync with my "quiet" nature it's taken as me being offensive when that wasn't the intent.
How do you stand up for yourself with dignity and leave the insecurity behind when it backfires and seems hurt or offend somone else?
Sometimes it seems easier to be the quiet/insecure one getting walked on instead of the one who voices an opinion and gets in trouble for it.
Thanks for the shared journey… I really need this!
Deborah
32 – Married (three boys)
Washington
Sylvia
Florida
50's
Happily Married
1.)Insecurity can confine us. Because of my control issues, I think that's why I don't fly in airplanes. I really have anxiety attacks with even just the thought of flying. I know planes are safe, I know the odds of crashing are quite small, and I can see that with as many planes flying each day as there are–the likelihood of the one I'm on being bombed is almost nil; but I still have anxiety attacks anytime I have to get on one. Instead I will drive or take a train although I REALLY want to fly and get to my destination quickly.
2.)a)I know I can't be in control at all times. God is omniscient and not me!
b.) I want to be in control (isn't this in direct opposition to a?) of my emotions so that I will quit having anxiety attacks.
c.) I want to be more effective in the Kingdom than I am now.
3.)the recent trigger- my very good friend not calling me or inviting me over anymore. At first I started rehashing in my mind the last few times we were together and trying to figure out what I may have done wrong. Then I reminded myself that she promised to tell me if I ever offend her and I have to trust that she will.
4.) Dignity means to be able to hold my head high after any situation knowing my integrity is still intact no matter what occurred or who is at fault.
1. "Insecurity can make you panic and act like freaks" describes me a few times when I have felt insecure in my marriage.
2. My top three reasons are –
A. I want to be strong and secure so I can be a better role model for my teenage daughter.
B. I don't want to waste anymore time being insecure.
C. I want to love myself more.
3. A recent trigger of insecurity was being asked for the millionth time if I have found a job yet … I was laid off 8 months ago.
4. To me dignity means standing up straight, smiling and meeting my criticism, conflict or challenge with confidence!
50's, married, Yuba City, CA
1. In as much that I had personally suffered from every point that can cause insecurity, I have to say I could, unfortunately, relate to most of what was written in Ch. 7 – but this summed it up: "Insecurity derails our life" and the part that grieves my heart the most is and an answer to the next one is "Insecurity can cause a mama…!"
2. It's time to deal with this:
A. I am tired of not living in what God has for me! (thinking – I have disqualified myself because I have gained so much weight…and and and…)
B. I am tired of watching the enemy of my soul have victory.
(when is enough enough? – now is enough!)
C. I am watching my sin of insecurity affect and be passed down to – my daughters, the love of my life.
4. I LOVED your example of dignity! When I used to have speak in front of an audience, doing a retreat or teaching – I would physically get sick. (I loved the learning and transformation in my own life and I loved seeing God bless the women afterwards – it was just the getting up in front that nearly killed me)
So I would visualize and pray for Jesus to be standing in front of me – like a giant life size cutout poster only alive! – and pray that the women would only see Jesus and not me!
I have prayed this for other things but never thought to apply it to "being clothed in dignity" but I will now!
MK
Gig Harbor
50's
And to think I let an opportunity to say thank you and give you my love at the SSMT – just cause I was too insecure! Well, thank you and I love you!
PS – #3 – Writing answers to this blog is a trigger but I hit the send button!
MK
Thank you Beth for sharing your life and love with others! I want to see this thing through and stand daily in the law of liberty.
What resonated with me most in chapter 7 is that insecurity affected us women in different areas but the end result is always the same-to destroy our effectiveness for Christ and to make us feel utterly hopeless and useless.
My own personal top 3 reasons why it's time to get rid of the beast of insecurity is A-it has affected my walk with Christ so much that I listen to it more than I listen to HIM and I end up waalking in doubt instead of faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ. B-It comes between me and my husband in the area of finances. C-I don's speak out like I should at times because of insecurity.
Dignity to me means-lovable,
Mandy-40's Rocky Point NC married
1. That insecurity can make me a poser! Ouch. How often have I pretended to know something I don't… Reading the Word this morning I was heartbroken to also identify with Peter when his insecurity caused him to disown Jesus. How many times have I kept my mouth shut and not shared what I believe about Christ because of my insecurity??? Help me Jesus!!!!! I'm so, so sorry…
2. A So I can live in the freedom and peace God has for me.
B. So I can teach my 9 yr old DD how to live SECURE.
C. Insecurity has robbed me of too much and holds me back in ministry.
3. Spending a weekend with a friend who is strong in parenting in the areas I'm weak in… and my kids being sick (which means I have to maybe deal with Dr's and feeling like a bad mom or thinking others think I'm a bad mom.) YES they triggered my insecurities. BUT praise God I realized it and spent time discussing it with my Holy Spirit Counselor and God showed me what was at the root of both of those issues. Hallelujah!
4. Dignity = standing under the crown of worth Jesus places on my head. (Did you know that the word "valor" is the Spanish word for "value"? š My value in Christ is my source of strength!)
Thank you for assigning ch. 8 this week as well. I'm feeling so encouraged!!! : )
38, Married, Augusta, GA
**First Time I have responded other than roll call day. I did not get my book until 2 weeks into it and I have been catching up.
1. WOW! Although I did not exactly relate to any of the stories in particular from chapter 7, reading them brought a flood of my own embarrassing stories to mind and boy did those shameful feelings come right back along with them.
2.
(1)I did not realize until getting into this just how much insecurity plays a role in my life. I am embarrassed to say it is almost an all consuming emotion for me in one form or another.
(2)It has been a very difficult year for myself and our family. As a result I am suffering from depression. I have not been to the doctor to be ofically labeled but trust me I know. God has used these first 8 chapters to show me some triggers that I can now use to help control where my emotions take me.
(3) FREEDOM
3.We had to go to a family birthday party and right now my weight is a big issue for me. Normally I would have spent the entire party worried about what others thought of me and being miserable.This time I DID NOT!!! I got dressed up, I allowed God to remind me that I was beautiful in his eyes, and I walked into that party with confidence. I Had a great time!
4. Dignity to me means being confident in yourself and in the way that you behave.
Melanie
28, married
Dallas,TX
2. Top 3 reasons to deal with my insecurities:
a)So I can stop taking things so personal,and getting defensive when people are just telling me their thoughts
b)To be a strong example for my son
c)To have relationships with people close to me that are deep and real, not fake because I am trying to hide my insecurities
3. I hadn't heard from a dear friend in a while and after about a week(which is like 10 years of being apart from this specific friend) I got to thinking that I did something wrong. Of course once she called, she laughed at me for thinking that! Luckily we are reading this book together, so we tagged a insecurity of mine together!!
4. Dignity to me means that I can look at anyone(even gorgeous movie stars) and know that I am special in my own way as myself. And that I can stand tall and be happy about that.
Chapter 7
1. I am a recovering chronic "overcommunicating, controlling nutcase." Rudyard Kipling said that the female of the species can "vivisect one nerve until it is raw." Yep, that was me. The pattern I had gotten into was very unhealthy for myself and my family…poor things. However, over the past three years through Bible study (one of those being Breaking Free) and prayer, I have watched this become less and less true of me. Praise His Great Name! It rears its ugly head from time to time, but it doesn't take me long to realize that I really don't want to go there any longer.
2. Why is time to deal with insecurities?
A. For my daughters and granddaughters
B. If don't want to be a victim any longer to unhealthy cycles of insecurity
C. I want to love where I am at this time in my life…to feel content with aging and the good things that come with it.
Chapter 8
The latest trigger:
Last night I was finishing up Chapter 8 in bed while my husband slept next to me. I put the book on the bedside table, turned out my lamp and then as I snuggled next to my husband, my foot touched his and he moved it away! I said, "Don't worry, I won't touch you anymore!" And I moved away from him. Ok, the man was sound, SOUND asleep…He couldn't even respond coherently to my weird comment. But as soon as I said those words, a smile crossed my face because I realized right then was the latest time insecurity triggered a bizarre response. So I snuggled up to my guy and fell right to sleep.
Cherri, 53
Lancaster, Ca
Amber
Castle Rock, CO
30's Married
1. The whole chapter spoke to me. I was encouraged to know that I'm not alone and I also realized how deep this issue is in my life. It has really saturated all areas of my life.
2.Top 3 reasons why it's time to deal with my insecurity:
a. I want to have relationships…I am constantly isolating myself because I fear no one will want to know me.
b. I have 2 daughters and I need to be a secure model for them.
c. I know I am missing out on so much God has for me due to this and I am sick of it.
3. I recently volunteered for something and it required some training and a phone conference. I had completed the training and scheduled the phone call but failed to prepare myself properly for it. I am always a perfectionist and I knew immediately that the call was not going to go well. I wanted to hang up so bad but I just prayed and God got me through it. After it was over I realized that it was a wonderful experience because I wasn't perfect and it was okay. Praise God!
4. Dignity to me is really living and receiving the forgiveness and life that Jesus died to give me.
I want to thank you siesta mama for your certainly helpful comment to me personally. I took your advice and made the time and read all the material up to chap. 8. I especially cried when it reminded me of my painful past, I try not to dwell on it anymore, but now I see that is why I am still so insecure. But just to let you know, I did have a fine birthday with my family and some friends.
Now for my answers: #2. A: I can't even talk to my mother for fear of her "words". She seems to know just where to stick the knife. B: I've included hiding from lots of other people over the last few years. Depression started this cycle. I was healed from depression but am still living this way. C: The stress has made me physically ill now too!
#4. Dignity means I can walk into any room and not cringe. It means I can smile and make friends. I can invite people over for a visit. (all of which I can't often do yet)
Susan
Chilliwack, Canada
60's
married
2. A) because I want to live this life for Jesus able and ready to do what He calls me to do.
B) for my grandkids that I will be able to not let insecurity hold me back.
C) It is just time to change
3. Recent trigger was with my husband, at first I did fine then he thought some others would get a good laugh out of it, well that sent me in to tears, so it did get a rise out of me.
Linda
married,50s
Bartelso, IL
p.s. I can't remember my google account username or password so I am sending my statements anonymously
susan
chilliwack
60's
married
1. I guess what hit me the most throughout this chapter was how insecurity keeps us confined and doesnāt let us realize or reach our full potential. For me Iāve let insecurity dictate how I act or what I say or where I go. Being so worried about what people are thinking about me, or saying about me all the time is so incredibly tiring and so not worth it.
2.A.) I want to be the person God wants me to be
B.) Be able to have the fullest relationships with the people in my life
C.) Relief from the burden insecurity places on my shoulders each and every day, and freedom from worries/doubts
3.Just recently, I was doing my hair in the bathroom, when my very honest sister came in and we started talking. She proceeded to tell me that my hair looked really good and she was glad I had gotten it cut. I was so glad to hear that because what girl doesnāt like to hear that her hair looks good. But then, she just had to finish by saying my hair had been looking kind of ādeadā before. My insecurities about my physical appearance started bubbling up again. I was still thinking about the comment later that day, and even asked my other family members what they thought. Oh gosh, it is definitely a process getting over insecurity, but I am in it to end it š
4.Dignity means having God-given confidence in the person he has made you to be. To me it means exactly what the book said āworthy of respect, worthy of high esteem.ā
Abi
Arvada, CO
19
Single
1. For me there were several parts in chapter 7 that hit home. But, my #1 would be insecurity can make you act like an idiot in female relationships. I identified with this section because I have been a a codependent relationship with another female that turned to physical. I had not idea how quickly things could happen like that. I was so insecure about me and even my marriage that I turned to her for my security. Thanks be to God by HIS mercy and grace I am no longer there and happily married, continuing to grow in my security.
2. My Top 3
a. To stop allowing my insecurity to hold me back from where God is wanting me to be in my life.
b. To be an example of a secure woman in the eyes of my children and husband.
c. To be able to minister to other women struggling with insecurity,
Tonya
40's
Married
Searcy, AR
This week will be short and sweet as I am playing catch-up and I don't even play CATCH very well!!
1. The floods of memories from every category that came back to my aching mind. I repress things so much that many times the obvious escapes me. I can't decide if that is a gift from God or a coping mechanism He would like for me to put down!
2. (A) I've waited too long as it is!! I've "watched" life instead of living it for fear of being judged. It's true. I've gotten in my own way for WAY too long! I have some personal goals I want to accomplish and they will never happen with me sitting on the sidelines fearing what someone is going say I look like doing them or if I fail trying.
(B) I don't want to pass this own to my children. Granted they are sons and this study is geared toward women, they still suffer from it at times in certain areas. Also, I am forevering telling them, "LORD willing you will be married and you need to understand what it means to BE a woman". I want their marriage to start off on a much stronger footing than my own did!!
(C) I want to finish well. And while I'm breathing, there's still time.
3. Insecurity about my spouse's faithfulness. We are a marriage that is recovering from infideity. And let me just tell you……if I thought I was insecure about a great many things about myself BEFORE this news the list went off the charts AFTER.
4. A calm reassurance and demeanor that can't exactly be explained. It comes from within, from knowing and being true to yourself.
1. The entry about being a poser hit me hardest. WOW. I could have written that woman's entry! When she talked about how she walks away from conversations with people "kicking herself" because she should have been secure and who she really is – THAT hit home for me! I struggle so much with trying to please and impress people. I end up putting on a show that only I believe.
2. Why it's time to deal:
A. I'm tired of walking into church and feeling both invisible and judged.
B. I hate feeling like I cannot have a NORMAL conversation with people. That I have nothing to offer and that I'm too boring. I either stand there awkwardly or babble obnoxiously, over – sharing to embarrassment.
C. I want to be worthy to be liked, to be pursued by a man and enjoy and be enjoyed by friends.
3. My most recent trigger was Saturday. My best friend went to LA with another friend. Though she asked me first (work obligations kept me from going), seeing pictures of their fabulous time triggered my insecurity. "Maybe she likes her better. If I had gone we wouldn't have as much fun because I'm not as cool." So yes, it got a rise out of me š
4. To me, dignity means believing I'm worthy: PERIOD. I don't have to feel inferior or less or not enough. That God crowned me with worthiness.
Latoya
20s
single
Virgina
1. Thing that most resonated with me about chapter 7 was all the unhealthy ways I act or react because of insecurity. Something that is as much true today as it was as a kid. It may look more exceptable or mature but unhealthy all the same. When I think about how I have quizzed my kids or back peddled because someone did not agree with me, and taking the blame for whatever problem may have happened I just cringe. Even here in my insecurity I want to explain further for fear the someone will think the wrong thing.
2a. I am so sick of this whole issue and the control it has on my life. I am sick and tired of always seconded guessing myself and not allowing myself to be who God made me to be.
b. I want to live in the land of the living. I let insecurity stop me from doing so many thing and from trying new things.
C. I want to live in the security that I am worth something in God sight and not dismiss it because I don't see the worth in myself. I'll never forget LPL in S.A. as long as I live. When you told us that we were God's inheritance. I just keep asking God why would you want me, why choose me, I have nothing that I doing really well, I feel so second class. I cried for the better part of the weekend. Well that day God awakened something in me and I am determined. I don't ask those questions of God very often any more, I know that God start the process of dealing with this issue that night. But, it is still a struggle.
3.Subjecting loved ones to excruciating interrogations would be the most recent one. We developed a dress code for the women on the worship team, so being the pastor's wife and the fact that the worship leader is a single male it fell to me to tell the girl about it. After I asked every member of my family, who was there, how they thought it went. (I even asked my friend on the team.) When I asked my middle daughter she said that was the only question she was going to answer. It was the only one I was going to ask. Which was a huge relief to her. So I guess you could say I only took part of the bait.
4. Dignity means to me that I can be who God made me with apology.
Kim
Thatcher, Az
50
Married
I always forget to put name, age etc so Iām doing it at the top this time
Deirdre
40 years old
Married
#1. I think the ātriggerā I related to the most was the inability to accept compliments. I react to other triggers too, but the hurt look on my poor husbandās face when he tells me Iām beautiful and my face crumples and I practically scream āLIARā at himā¦oh Beth it just kills me. I finally asked him to not say that Iām beautiful, but instead to just tell me that he loves me. Iām so overweight I simply can not believe that he likes to look at me.
#2. My top three reasons for doing this book now? Well see #1 above. My poor hubby. I love him and he deserves better in me than he is getting right now. That would be reason A. Reason B is that I am shredding my witness to my co-workers with my lack of dignity and my insecure insanity. It has to stop. Reason C is that I donāt want to pass this junk on to my baby girl. She is 18 months old so I have a chance to BE different in time for her to learn about real, God given security.
#3. one of my almost daily triggers is the tone of my momās voice when she tells me how to do something with my daughter. She means well, but I go up in flames every time.
#4. Dignity means to me ā a quiet assurance of un-diminishable worth.
1. Feeling threatened by someone who comes on the scene whether at work, church, home that they show me up even though I feel I'm good at what I do. I believe it was called the "queen bee mentality" in the book and how it can make you mean-spirited.
2. Top 3 reasons
A. Does not honor God.
B. Negative impact on relationships.
C. Hinders my spiritual growth and the fulfilment of God's plan for me.
3. Trigger: Poured out my heart in a lengthy email and when I didn't get quick response I thought how foolish it most likely was to that person and started thinking how I could apologize in another email.
4. Dignity is honor and respect that is ours to claim.
Susan
50's
Married
Lawrenceville GA
Jen
33
L.A. (CA)
Thank you so much for this study!
2.
A. I see that my insecurity consistently wants to build a wall between my boyfriend and me and I am tired of that. I want to live above my insecurities and life circumstances rather than being tossed back and forth by them. :/
B. I hate the stress and anxiety that is bred by insecurity.
C. Iām tired of holding back in friendships/relationships/opportunities because Iām afraid!
4. When I think of the word, ādignityā, I immediately think of a confident, kind, and open woman who is secure and gracious. I think one of the things that has struck me about insecurity is how it stifles me from extending myself too much to others. Itās as if I think by acknowledging another womanās beauty or success, I will subtract from my own worth. (donāt know if that makes sense?) I want to be secure enough in Christ that I can truly and deeply love people. And good grief, enjoy this life that I've been given!