So Long Insecurity Discussion from LPV on Vimeo.
Hey, Girls! How are you sweet things? You newbies well surpassed the 100 mark on our last post. Way to go! Now, keep it up! God willing, we’re walking another week closer to waving a happy good-bye to insecurity. “KB” posted a comment last night saying, “Did anybody see Jessica Simpson on Oprah and could you believe how much it sounded like what we’re studying??” Yes, I saw it and I thought exactly the same thing. (She was talking about how she was chastised in Hollywood and the tabloids for being a full size 4.) It was this whole beauty around the world thing and it occurred to me that our female insecurity epidemic obviously isn’t limited to the West.
I read countless responses to the questions raised in Week Three and held a number of your stories close to my heart. Some of you may have been shocked by what others in our community have endured but I’ve been in women’s ministry way too long to anticipate less. The common ground does not, however, diminish our compassion. We can’t let it. It still hurts to tell. And hurts to read. Epidemic insecurity needs to lose its mystery for us to find our liberty. As you can see, many of us earned the right to this battle but those of us who know Christ possess an infinitely greater right. In Him, we have the right to be free and whole.
We have the God-given right to be secure.
In many ways, we qualify as a microcosm of almost any community of women you could find in this culture. You just can’t make it into adulthood on Planet Earth without getting pretty beat up somewhere along the way. Look at it like this: the enemy of our souls wanted more out of those hits than he got or we wouldn’t be here trudging this path toward wholeness together. Many of you are marvels. Others are pure miracles. Praise God, there is healing for all of us. AND, praise God, there is also meaning.
If you’re able, please watch the video greeting I included in this post. It’s a rough cut if you’ll ever see one and very impromptu (I decided to do it that morning while I was putting on my mascara, thinking about you). But it comes to you with much love and desire to see you free in Christ. I want you to get the best possible benefit out of this journey. God is so able and so willing. Hang with it here. We are taking the turn toward solutions in a very short time. We’ve got one whopper of a chapter to read before then, however. Your reading assignment this week will be CHAPTERS SEVEN AND EIGHT. Chapter Eight will be a welcome relief and will introduce one of the major components in the acquisition of soul-deep security. But let’s talk about Chapter Seven first.
You’ve heard of the house that Jack built. Chapter Seven is the chapter that YOU built. This blog community (that we regulars around here call Siestaville) makes its mark in multiple places over the course of the book but this chapter is entirely your input. Those of you who were with us a little over a year ago will perhaps remember it well. I threw out a question – Has insecurity ever made a fool of you? – and, boy, did I get some answers. Some of you more tenderhearted sisters will be sorely tempted to skip or skim over this chapter because it’s hard to read at times but, unless you’re hyper-sensitive or feeling too pathetic already (we’ve got to break out of that), try to read the whole thing. Get started post haste because it’s the lengthiest chapter in the book. It’s meant to hammer a point till you’re practically screaming:
THAT’S IT! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE TOLL INSECURITY TAKES. I’M WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DUMP IT.
As long as you come to that conclusion, you don’t have to read the whole chapter if it’s above your threshold. I hope most of you will read every page of it but, if you’re having a really rough week, you can have a hall pass on the long version. Just flip through various section headings and read the ones that resonate most. And always read the wrap-up of any chapter. In an ideal world, all we’d ever need is positive motivation. The truth is, sometimes a little negative motivation mixed into the positive is exactly what it takes to shake us up enough to deal. In Chapter Seven, you’re going to get a glimpse of what happens when insecurity deals with us instead of us dealing with our insecurity. Hopefully the point will be made and we can move on. Then we can dive our scalded souls into some healing waters in the coming chapters. I promise relief is coming. We will still have plenty of issues to grapple with in future chapters but new responses will begin to shape up shortly and fresh God-given strength is on its way. We are not wimps, Girls. Let’s rise up.
OK, here are your questions for this week. Since I’m giving you four this time around you’re welcome, if you prefer, to pick two of them to answer in your comment:
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
2. (If you’re choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity. (We’re not looking for right answers. We’re looking for YOUR answers. Don’t copy off your fellow sojourners’ papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don’t get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
You guys are doing a fabulous job with this. I am so proud of you for sticking with it! Your extra effort will not be in vain. May God meet you in these pages.
You are loved here!
tula – houston, tx – 30 – single
1- INSECURITY CAN TALK US INTO DOING THINGS WE DON’T EVEN WANT TO DO. i overcommunicate with people when i’m neck deep in insecurity. and although i feel foolish in that very moment, i still do it! what the heck! i must remember that no one is endeared by HYSTERIA. and it is certainly better to stay quiet & be thought a fool than to speak rashly & remove all doubt…i need to keep this in the forefront of my mind the next time i’m having an insecure panic fit.
also, it’s in me to be secure! it’s in my grasp & it leaves me in awe to think that i haven’t reached out to grab hold of it until now. how ridiculous is that?!
2-
A. i’m tired of having entering into relationships already setting myself up to be rejected.
B. i’m tired of insecurity making a big ole fool out of me…it’s so humiliating. seriously.
C. i’m tired of looking for my security in other humans. i want so badly to embrace & hold tight to my God-given security & be healed of my chronic insecurity…the time is now!
3- i was forced to be in the presence of someone who is a ‘perceived threat’ to me. i totally FAILED because i almost immediately withdrew from the conversation & became defensive, cold & punishing. it was an ugly depiction of me & i succeeded in making others in the room uncomfortable. ew! i despise that i’m capable of this.
4- dignity is to be claimed by me. i have to just know this & not rely on my feelings. and to posses dignity is to be worthy of respect….i’m worthy of respect.
#2. A. So that I can show my daughters what a secure woman is. B. Insecurity is exhausting. C. I am tired of allowing my insecurities to hold me back from living life.
#3. My husband had made a wonderful dinner. He had perfectly grilled steaks, baked potato, and grilled squash. He asked me to bake some brownies. Just the day before I had made two pans of brownies that turned out perfect but they were for a dinner we were going to and he never got one. So he wanted these brownies! I messed them up though and cooked them at 425 instead of 325. Halfway through dinner I smelled them burning quickly took them out and as long as you only at the middle section they weren’t too bad HA! He was annoyed though and started saying how I messed up the one thing I had to do for dinner. All I had to do was cook a pan of brownies and I couldn’t get it right. Any other time I would have started crying and gone to our bedroom and been devestated. I didn’t this time though. I took a second to realize that I made a simple mistake and burning brownies does not make me worthless. I kindly let him know that I was just trying to balance out dinner since last time we had steaks he had over cooked them. It wouldn’t be right to have a meal without something wrong. We laughed and that was that.
#4. Dignity to me means being secure in who I am, even though it is probably different from anyone else. I can hold my head high because I am who Christ made me to be. I am not perfect, I am full of faults but I am a child of God and that is enough.
1. There was a comment from a pastor’s wife that I could have written – that she is uncomfortable making small talk, and doesn’t believe that anyone would be interested in hearing what she has to say or getting to know her anyway. After I have a conversation with someone that I don’t know very well, or someone I’m trying to impress, I always pick back through the conversation in my mind later to identify all of the “stupid” things I said.
2. Top 3 reasons – this is kind of funny, because when I first started reading the book, I didn’t think of myself as “insecure”, but then I started thinking about it, and I couldn’t think of any part of my life where I don’t feel insecure.
A. I’m exhausted from doing things like I mentioned in #1 – reliving things I have done in the past that were painful or embarrassing.
B. I don’t want to pass on my insecurities to my sons.
C. I can’t be the woman God intended if I’m all wrapped up in myself.
Margaret
Age 48
Married
Kingsport, TN
Eau Claire, WI
30’s (late)
married
2. It is time to deal with my insecurities because they are
A. Stealing my life and joy
B. I have children who are watching me
C. The only other option is to become a hermit?!?!
3. A trigger for me is being with people. I just get UNREASONABLY nervous and insecure. Then I get all flushed red and blotchy, then I am miserable.
The last two times I have had to get together with someone, I prayed and prayed beforehand. The Lord’s presence was with me. He was my strength. I still felt a rush of panic, but it passed and I was able to see that I CAN have a positive interaction with friends without going nutso!
katie, 20’s, wewak PNG, single
my top 3 reasons it’s time to deal:
a. i’m not showing Christ in me by reacting this way
b. it pushes people away and hinders relationships
c. i’m sick and tired of the SAME thing, the same sickening feeling in every relationship when i start doubting their acceptance/care for me… it’s inevitable and always just a matter of time! i hate it!
describe a recent trigger?
so many to choose from… the pain/rejection/instability in my mom’s life rocks me. my own life is in the air having just arrived in the states again from papua new guinea… where do i fit?? where do i live? what are my days about now? and then there’s the lovely “guy” situation, and yes, it’s getting to me. why am i again, not worth going for? :S
beth, i love how you said the whole thing about being completely clothed. so covered by God in a cloak of strength and worthy of respect because He crowned me with it.
so what does dignity mean to me?
God placed respect on my head. worthy. beautiful & prized in His eyes. His stamp of approval is on my forehead and i need to live like i’m wearing it!
Marla
35, single
ATL, GA
First post and just finished chapter 7 and excited about Saturday!
1. Sabotaging a relationship that is good in fear of losing it.
2. Reasons I no longer want to be insecure:
a. It’s exhausting and I’m tired of it.
b. I don’t want to lose my current relationship with a good, Christian man because of my insecurity.
c. God did not create me this way and I want to be the woman He created.
40’s, married, disabled with helper dog, hehehe
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
-giving wrong impression – b/c i am not naturally chatty in a group
-overcompensating – trying to make people comfortable with my disability and sometimes not being myself
2. (If you’re choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity. (We’re not looking for right answers. We’re looking for YOUR answers. Don’t copy off your fellow sojourners’ papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don’t get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.
a.to be better able to minister – be transparent when appropriate
b. foster stronger relationships
c. know and live like i really believe God is who he says He is
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
talking to a girlfriend – socially feeling insecure and realizing she may feel the same way
Hi there! I know I’m super late in doing this…but, I believe God’s timing is perfect for me!! I am so sick of allowing insecurity to rule my life….I believe God intends for us all to walk in abundant life and that is exactly what I intend to do!! I’ve been keeping a journal with the answers to all of the discussion questions, rather than posting them. I just had to pop on here and tell you how inspiring that video was for me! I have 3 daughters: 12, 10 and almost 3. I’ll be darned if the enemy is going to riddle them with insecurity. I loved the idea of sharing with them these truths that I’m learning. I want this to stick and I want Godly security to be what is passed down from generation to generation!!
I love you so much, Beth. I’ve been through so many of your Bible Studies, I feel like you know me as well! 🙂
Thank you for humbly walking in you God-given giftings! You are beautiful…inside and out!
Kelly
Married 15 years
30’s
Marina, CA
1. Insecurity can turn a gifted person into the competition.
Insecurity is a relentless robber. The description midway down on page 141 was pivotal.
2. a) the ride up and down (confident/insecure) too hard
b) It is keeping me from completing what God has for me to do in this time and place.
c) My kids. I want my boys to see and know that a woman secure in Christ Jesus is beautiful and worth the wait. Worth the courting and worth the marrying. That she will be a good wife and friend to them and a good mama to their babies.
3. This very week at a wedding. I am overweight and trying to find something to wear that did not enhance that at all was very hard. Worrying what other family memebers would say. Comments about that. Did it work? A little…but I caught it and knew what it was.
4. Dignity- knowing who I am according to God’s word. According to Christ’s definition of who I am. Knowing that no one can take that from me-regardless of what they do (good or bad). I can be confident of my gifts and delight in other’s instead of being threatened or intimidated by them. Being able to hold my head up, not high in pride, but not low in shame, and face this life head on.
2. a) I have so much more I could be doing for the kingdom of God, but insecurity is hindering that
b) I’m tired of going through the same cycles over and over again and not getting anywhere. I’m tired of falling for the same tricks.
c) I want to be an encouragement to others, but I don’t feel like I can if I keep falling into the same ruts.
4. Dignity means that my opinion is worth being heard. My thoughts and the things I’m going through are not insignificant. My issues and my decisions are worth respecting. I am worthy of respect.
This book has been SO amazing! I have never really been one to think that I was insecure about who I am, but I knew there was somethings that I was insecure about just because of certain circumstances in my life and just being a female. I just recently returned from a missions trip to Italy. My team and I were there for about a month. I came back to the states so on fire for God; It was INCREDIBLE!!! But Satan was there to try and tear that down as soon as I got back. A few days after I arrived back home, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said it was because he wanted to do really well in school, and he felt he couldn’t do that with a girlfriend. I know it was for the best to not be with him anymore, because his life was not where it should be with Christ; but we are girls and you all know it still hurts nevertheless. Well I had started struggling with some insecurity about that, and I went to visit a friend and we both ended up buying this book. It was definitely something that God brought to me in my time of need. Today was a true test of what I had learned though, becuase I am a student worker at the University I am attending. And on my way to work today, I passed my now ex-boyfriend, and I instantly became upset. It took me a little bit to calm down and remember what I had just finished reading! It was amazing just to see how God took that way, and let me know that I doing the right thing. It still hurts, but I know God has a better plan for me and I just don’t know what it is yet.
Thank you so much!
I’m still here! Running about a year late with this, but by the grace of God … I am still here.
The part of chapter 7 which hit home was the part that had me look at what fear is driving my insecurity. I was as honest and as raw as I could be with myself to be able to dig deep and find out what that root was. And boy did I hit pay dirt! It felt like I was finally seeing this ugliness of insecurity for what it really is . . . FEAR!
I NEED to deal with my insecurity because:
A – I am so sick of it governing my every thought, decision and almost my every move.
B- It is interfering with the plans which I know God has for me in all areas of my life. I simply can not focus or function like this.
C – I am SO ready to be free.
I am so insecure that my close friends will one day just up and decide they don’t like me or will not want to be my friends anymore. Recently, not hearing from a close friend after making numerous attempts to get in touch with her caused me to go into a full blown panic. I feel like such a fool at those times.
To me dignity means to live life in such a way that although things around me are not always stable and steadfast; I am. I recently told a girlfriend of mine that living with insecurity is like living life standing on one leg…anything and everything that comes my way just unsteadies me. Living with dignity is living with both feet firmly planted and being unmoveable; of course with God being my anchor of grace.
Hello Beth!
I am new to the blog. I just received my book last Friday and have been reading steadily since. A bit like the woman you spoke of in the video, but I’m about 2/3 through. I’ve had a few big insecurity moments recently, and I have some events coming up I’m feeling anxious about. I thought I needed to finish the book to be “cured” before anything else happens! I’m only half-joking. But now I plan to start the book over and trail behind the group with your earlier blog posts and assignments, but soak up every detail the Lord wants me to learn. It just hit me tonight — this is life changing. I now realize just how huge the insecurity issue has been in my life, but also just how free life could be without it — wow. And that it really, truly doesn’t have to be this way. Not moving forward is not an option anymore. And it’s too important a process to rush.
Thank you so much for the book, your wonderful studies, and all that you share! You give me the courage to pray for God to shine the light into those dark areas that need exposure, so I can be a light for Him. And, as a sister in blondness, you keep me laughing even in the midst of profound teaching and difficult discoveries.
Teri
Los Angeles
I am currently reading So Long, Insecurity and I feel “free” already in some areas that I have been dealing with in my insecurity.
I grew up in a large family in a small town outside of Shreveport, LA. Dad was an oilfield worker. Mom was a grocery store worker.
There were 8 of us total, in our family.Did not have much growing up, but they always made sure we had food, clothes basically the necessities we needed at the time.
They were alcoholics, however, and it wasn’t until the 3 younger children (me included) starting seeing the effects of their drinking. So many nights, we would wonder if we would be woke up from sleep, to screaming, yelling, cursing and bloodshed. I used to hide in our bathroom at night alot; crying my eyes out; wondering why were they doing this to us – and to themselves???
Insecurity followed me up into my grown up years and even today I am still dealing with the effects of the younger years at home.
We were always looked at as the family who “lived across the tracks” so to speak. We did not live in a very well house; no inside bathroom – no running water, etc. However, we managed to stay clean and did what we had to do in our everyday lives.
Beth, I want you to know that this book has been an eye-opener for me and I am anxious every day to be able to read your words of wisdom that God has placed on your heart; to help us who are struggling with this in our lives. I have been through two marriages; both ended in divorce with adultery.
God has spoken to me through you; in ways that my heart, mind and soul never realized what effect insecurity can have on you and the domino effect it has as well.
I am praying the prayers that you have in your book and for some reason or another (I’m sure I know what it is) my soul TODAY (6/27/11) feels at peace…..
I know that I can break this chain of insecurities in so many areas that you included in your book; BUT I also know that it will be GOD working through me and assuring me, and loving me, and letting me know – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that HE LOVES ME! Even though I was never really close to my dad (he passed away in 1975) because when I was old enough to start remembering things – it was the fighting, arguing, drinking, etc – we never talked or had a relationship as daughter/dad. My mom quit drinking over 20 years ago (praise God!). Her and dad got a divorce in the early 70s. She remarried in 1997 to a wonderful, Godly man who loved all of us and I was closer to him as being my father than my own biological father.
Anyway, in short; I feel at peace in my soul, which I have not had in a long, long, time. I always thought it was because of the divorces, and my bad choices I have made, or made in my adult years. I have come to realize that – through your book – it began back in my childhood years as well….
I am praying to God with a different “feeling” and outlook than I did before. I am soooo excited somewhat, what He has in store for my life (at my age-58) here on earth.
Like I mentioned before, my whole demeanor today; after I woke seems different…It is freeing and peaceful, and I do feel loved by God even more.
I want to thank you Beth; from the bottom of my heart for your love of Jesus and your dedication to Him as He uses you as a “tool” to reach His loved ones, through His word and promises!
I know there will still be some “back slides” to come; however, I know NOW how I can deal with them, and to be keenly aware of the evil one in all aspects of my continuing growth in God’s plans for me.
Blessings to you!
Patti