So Long Insecurity Week Four!

So Long Insecurity Discussion from LPV on Vimeo.

Hey, Girls! How are you sweet things? You newbies well surpassed the 100 mark on our last post. Way to go! Now, keep it up! God willing, we’re walking another week closer to waving a happy good-bye to insecurity. “KB” posted a comment last night saying, “Did anybody see Jessica Simpson on Oprah and could you believe how much it sounded like what we’re studying??” Yes, I saw it and I thought exactly the same thing. (She was talking about how she was chastised in Hollywood and the tabloids for being a full size 4.) It was this whole beauty around the world thing and it occurred to me that our female insecurity epidemic obviously isn’t limited to the West.

I read countless responses to the questions raised in Week Three and held a number of your stories close to my heart. Some of you may have been shocked by what others in our community have endured but I’ve been in women’s ministry way too long to anticipate less. The common ground does not, however, diminish our compassion. We can’t let it. It still hurts to tell. And hurts to read. Epidemic insecurity needs to lose its mystery for us to find our liberty. As you can see, many of us earned the right to this battle but those of us who know Christ possess an infinitely greater right. In Him, we have the right to be free and whole.

We have the God-given right to be secure.

In many ways, we qualify as a microcosm of almost any community of women you could find in this culture. You just can’t make it into adulthood on Planet Earth without getting pretty beat up somewhere along the way. Look at it like this: the enemy of our souls wanted more out of those hits than he got or we wouldn’t be here trudging this path toward wholeness together. Many of you are marvels. Others are pure miracles. Praise God, there is healing for all of us. AND, praise God, there is also meaning.

If you’re able, please watch the video greeting I included in this post. It’s a rough cut if you’ll ever see one and very impromptu (I decided to do it that morning while I was putting on my mascara, thinking about you). But it comes to you with much love and desire to see you free in Christ. I want you to get the best possible benefit out of this journey. God is so able and so willing. Hang with it here. We are taking the turn toward solutions in a very short time. We’ve got one whopper of a chapter to read before then, however. Your reading assignment this week will be CHAPTERS SEVEN AND EIGHT. Chapter Eight will be a welcome relief and will introduce one of the major components in the acquisition of soul-deep security. But let’s talk about Chapter Seven first.

You’ve heard of the house that Jack built. Chapter Seven is the chapter that YOU built. This blog community (that we regulars around here call Siestaville) makes its mark in multiple places over the course of the book but this chapter is entirely your input. Those of you who were with us a little over a year ago will perhaps remember it well. I threw out a question – Has insecurity ever made a fool of you? – and, boy, did I get some answers. Some of you more tenderhearted sisters will be sorely tempted to skip or skim over this chapter because it’s hard to read at times but, unless you’re hyper-sensitive or feeling too pathetic already (we’ve got to break out of that), try to read the whole thing. Get started post haste because it’s the lengthiest chapter in the book. It’s meant to hammer a point till you’re practically screaming:

THAT’S IT! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE TOLL INSECURITY TAKES. I’M WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DUMP IT.

As long as you come to that conclusion, you don’t have to read the whole chapter if it’s above your threshold. I hope most of you will read every page of it but, if you’re having a really rough week, you can have a hall pass on the long version. Just flip through various section headings and read the ones that resonate most. And always read the wrap-up of any chapter. In an ideal world, all we’d ever need is positive motivation. The truth is, sometimes a little negative motivation mixed into the positive is exactly what it takes to shake us up enough to deal. In Chapter Seven, you’re going to get a glimpse of what happens when insecurity deals with us instead of us dealing with our insecurity. Hopefully the point will be made and we can move on. Then we can dive our scalded souls into some healing waters in the coming chapters. I promise relief is coming. We will still have plenty of issues to grapple with in future chapters but new responses will begin to shape up shortly and fresh God-given strength is on its way. We are not wimps, Girls. Let’s rise up.

OK, here are your questions for this week. Since I’m giving you four this time around you’re welcome, if you prefer, to pick two of them to answer in your comment:
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?

2. (If you’re choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity. (We’re not looking for right answers. We’re looking for YOUR answers. Don’t copy off your fellow sojourners’ papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don’t get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.

3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.

4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?

You guys are doing a fabulous job with this. I am so proud of you for sticking with it! Your extra effort will not be in vain. May God meet you in these pages.

You are loved here!

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865 Responses to “So Long Insecurity Week Four!”

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Comments:

  1. 51
    bridget610 says:

    Hi Y'all – I just wanted to chime in a quick note to all the stay at home moms that may feel intimidated by "career" women – can I just share with you from the other side of the aisle that I often feel left out in the mom discussions (though God's working on that!). And one of my dearest prayers is that one day I'll be blessed to stay at home with a child – so tell that 'ole devil to take a hike when he tempts you to ever think of the CAREER of child raising as less than working outside the home. I know our culture may not give the honor to moms, but God sure does!! And your children will rise up and call you blessed when they are grown and realize what an immense gift you have given them!!
    Love to all of you Siestas!
    Bridget in Phoneix AZ

  2. 52
    Anonymous says:

    I want to expose Satan's lies about insecurity for:

    1. My older daughter
    2. My younger daughter
    3. My future daughter-in-law (whose mom might be reading this post ; )

    The Lord has helped ME through some of these issues as I've raised my daughters (now teens). When I told a crying 6th grader, "That girl probably didn't mean to be unkind; she just wasn't thinking," I knew that the advice applied to me as an adult. (The realization that I was taking things too personally.)

    It's wonderful how God uses mothers and daughters and Siestas to teach us His Truth?

  3. 53
    Lori says:

    Wow…Okay!

    1.) I felt like I could have written the section the woman wrote about becoming so depressed after having her first child. That was ten years ago for me and after nearly three years, I finally got help. Praise God my 10-year-old daughter seems to be unscathed. She is a precious little girl who adores Jesus!!!

    2.) a- I have two little girls and it is my job to train to train them to be confident in Christ. THey both have recently, at separate occasions, told me they want to grow up to be just like me. OH NO!!!! LORD HELP ME!!!!
    b – I believe God wants to use me to make a difference in the lives of others, and I need to get beyond some of this insecurity junk in order to get my ego out of the way to make room for His spirit.
    c – because it's a lie and I just HATE lies.

    3.) I've been working out at the gym for nearly three months with a goal to lose some jiggle off my backside. Yesterday I put on some jeans and they were too tight. UGGH!!!! I felt like crying over a bag of powdered donuts!

    4.) Dignity means to mean that I can keep my head held high because I am covered in Christ. We are co-heirs, for Heaven's sake! That's just too much! It's certainly too much to be worrying about whether or not I have cellulite on my bum!

    Lori
    38
    Married
    Helena, Montana

    4.)

  4. 54
    Carole Hanbury says:

    I'm behind a week because I misplaced my book..no judging, right? :0) I just finished chapter 5 and it kicked my fanny! I realized that rejection is huge for me…I think I've "known" it was huge but didn't know how much it mattered to me. Then I heard something on TV that was a bit helpful…someone said that rejection is God's protection. It's true. The person that I was rejected by that hurts me the most was someone that really shouldn't have been in my life and as I look back, was a really bad influence!

  5. 55
    Anonymous says:

    1. What hit home the most was that insecurity has robbed me of trying new things, initiating friendships, going out of my comfort zone and robbing me of confidence. I have tried hard to overcome it, but now I see it in my teenage stepdaughters and don't know how to encourage them to go for it and not settle, or be afraid to try things.

    2. I need to deal with my insecurities because it is affecting my ability to:
    a) be a confident parent
    b) be a secure, supportive spouse
    c) be used by God

    3. Boy has my insecurity been triggered this week! I have been the brunt of my stepdaughter's anger over her mom's death for a few years. This week we found evidence of many hateful words about me that she had been texting to friends and it devastated me to read them. My husband doesn't understand why I am upset about having a bad reputation with a group of teenagers. What he doesn't get is that I've spent my whole life bending over backwards trying to make sure everyone likes me. Teenagers or not, my reputation has been dragged through the mud by my stepdaughter, who cares nothing for my feelings (except to know that she has control over them), and has no remorse or desire to change. At least this has opened my husband's eyes to the attacks that I endure, and has prompted us to seek counseling for both my stepdaughter and myself. I don't want Satan to sow a seed of bitterness in our family. I know God will use it for his glory someday, and will heal all wounds, but the day to day struggle is hard to bear.

    4. I so much needed the reminder that dignity means being worthy of respect and high esteem, not because I derive it from others, but because God gave it to me. I am made in his image and crowned with dignity. I am esteemed by God!

    Thank you, Beth, for writing this book just for me at just the right time when God knew that I would need to hear it. Not only am I coming to terms with my own insecurities, I am able to better understand the insecurities my stepdaughters are experiencing and will hopefully be able to help them through it as well.

    42
    married
    Maine

  6. 56
    Becky says:

    Beth-
    Whoooa! did I need that video clip. Maaaan! I'll admit I've been strugglin'. Seriously sweetie, I did need to here those words of encouragement. I've been in a battle and I'm wondering if insecurity is at the root of it. hummmm
    I'll chekc back in later with my homework. just wanted to let you know you helped me today.
    Beth…thanks again.

  7. 57
    ellen says:

    Ellen
    20's
    Colorado Springs
    Married

    1. The story that stuck from chapter 7 was the one where the women would try up to three different bathrooms to find an empty one before she peed. Sheesh! I've been there too! It made me finally realize how pathetic my insecurity can make me act.

    2. Why I am on this journey:

    A. I am tired of being obsessed with how other people think of me. It robs me from really serving them.

    B. A lot of my husband's sweet words are reminding me that I have dignity and don't need to worry so much what other people think. Lord bless him. If he's willing to be a vessel and tell me it's time to let my insecurities go, it's time!

    C. So many of my friends deal with massive insecurities too. (Like Beth said, I wouldn't want to hang out with secure people because they make me feel more insecure. Ha!) I hope that my journey on this road will be contagious and that they will see God wants to heal them too.

  8. 58
    Heather Bug says:

    There were two parts that hit home with me in Chapter 7. One is that insecurity can confine us. My insecurity stops me from doing things I know I need to do many times. I remember when I was in college, I would drop any class that I may have to give a speech in. Needless to say, I didn’t graduate until I was 32! The other is insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions: Wow, this rings so true! I was always somewhat insecure about my body but when my ex-husband cheated on me, that insecurity intensified greatly! Suddenly, my body seemed all wrong….legs not big enough, waist too wide, breasts too saggy and not big enough, etc. There’s nothing like rejection that will get that insecurity stirred up!

    The three reasons I need to deal with my insecurity are:
    1. To step out there and do what I know God is calling me to do. There are so many times when God opens a door, but I’m too insecure to walk through.
    2. I have a daughter and lots of girl nieces and I want to be a good role model.
    3. I want to be FREE!!!!!!

    A recent trigger in my life actually happened at a leader’s meeting at church. I was co-leading the Esther Bible study last fall. I was pretty nervous about this because it was a little out of my comfort zone (the whole speaking in front of groups thing again) but I was wanting to obey God so I agreed to do it. I was SO nervous about going to the leader’s kick off party, because I was worried I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to or sit with (should someone like this be co-leading a Bible study? ☺). Well, I get to the meeting and see a friend and immediately go talk to her. After a few seconds, she walked off to talk to someone else and I was standing there alone and felt like a fish out of water. I felt this overwhelming insecurity. I went to the bathroom and sobbed in the stall. It was crazy!!! I KNEW, though, that Satan was trying to stop me from doing what I was supposed to do. I recognized it immediately. I composed myself and went back out there and 2 of my sweet friends had saved me a seat. ☺ God is so loving!

    LOVED, LOVED, LOVED Chapter 8!!! So encouraging!!!
    God has crowned me with strength and dignity!!! This siesta believes it!

  9. 59
    Sister Lynn says:

    Sister Lynn
    Clyde MO

    1. Insecurity in female friendships hit home – this isn't my biggest insecurity but it is the one that I have done the most idiotic things.

    2. A. Because of a new job where I am helping to train in the new nuns – and I need to be healthy to teach them to be healthy.
    B. I am tired of relying on others for my sense of self-worth.
    C. In my mind I know that I am secure in Christ – I want to know it in my heart too.
    3. We had to do a reflective art project for class and I was really insecure about my work compared to others. It did get me for a little while but I was able to overcome it.
    4. Dignity is living in God's truth. Knowing and BELIEVING who I am in HIS eyes.

  10. 60
    Anonymous says:

    1. I think what has hit home with me is how insecurity has shaped so many lives and dictated how women behave. I am appalled as I look back over the things I did and did not do because of my insecurities. I have been robbed of so much.

    2. What are my three top reasons for dealing with insecurity now?
    A. I don't want another day to pass where insecurity rules over me.
    B. I don't want to see insecurity rule over the lives of my daughter, nieces, and granddaughter.
    C. I want to be the woman God created me to be. I want to be free.

    3. I was spiritually attacked one evening because of something my husband said. It was an innocent enough remark but I instantly took it to heart and became defensive. Ordinarily, I would have bantered right back and we both would have had a laugh. Instead, I went to my bedroom and began to enter into a downward spiral of negative emotions and defeated thoughts. Right before I fell off the edge completely, I had a thought I know was from the Lord: I was in a battle for my security and peace of mind. I took authority over the situation in Jesus' name and felt the oppressive attack lift from me. I know the enemy attacked me because of reading this book. He does not want me to be free of insecurities and self doubt, but through Christ I am free and will continue to be free. I praise you, Jesus!

    4. Dignity to me is being able to hold my head up high and walk forth because of all the Lord has done for me. I am loved by my Heavenly Father. I am a child of God! The past is covered in the blood of Christ and all the mistakes and sins are forgiven. The burden is lifted and I am free. He has given me dignity.

  11. 61
    Amy Storms says:

    My top three reasons:
    a. I have two young daughters. (Okay, tearing up already…)
    b. I'm not fulfilling all of God's purposes for me by living in insecurity. He has so much more out there for me to do and be!
    c. My husband's ministry will flourish when I'm not anxious all the time.

    Amy Storms
    Santa Clarita, CA
    33 – married

  12. 62
    Anonymous says:

    Oops. I forgot to leave my name and such…

    Tammy
    Lusby, MD
    40's
    Married

  13. 63
    Anonymous says:

    Dear Anonymous at 7:59:

    I usually can't get the video to play on the LPM blog page, but if you click on the link just below the video box – on the words "So Long Insecurity" – it will redirect you to the Vimeo page, and I can usually get it to play there.

    Be blessed!

  14. 64
    partialemptynester says:

    Robin
    40's
    married
    Texas

    2. As a secure woman of God, I am a joyful, building up and encouraging prayer warrior. Therefore:

    A. When I begin to feel insecure, all joy is quenched and I think only of myself!

    B. When I begin to feel insecure, I'm unable to build up and encourage others, in fact, I do the exact opposite!

    C. When I begin to feel insecure, I am no longer able to be the person God created me to be in the situation at hand, so I become a useless warrior in the Kingdom of the Lord (and in essence, then, taken out of the game until I can be in better position for God to be glorified).

    3. I felt the rise coming out of me yesterday when I read the e-news at my daughter's school yesterday…she was being honored but instead of my seeing the honor, I saw that they'd mistook which grade she is in…she's small and constantly being mistaken for younger than she is. It just upset me so much that I wanted to call the school and tell them to change the wording in the article (but I didn't)…how silly that I couldn't just enjoy the honor and not worry about the mistake, which no one else, including my daughter, even seemed to notice.

    4. Dignity means being worthy of respect: respecting myself as a daughter in the kingdom of the Lord and respecting others for having been created by my Father in Heaven, regardless of whether they've accepted His Son as their Savior…I LOVED being taught that from God's Word (Ps. 8:5), that we are ALL worthy of respect, regardless of lifestyle choices!!!!

  15. 65
    Leah @ Point Ministries says:

    1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?

    The "insecurity can talk us into doing things we don't even want to do". OMGosh…does this ever resonate….not resonate it hits me over the blonde head on my shoulders and knocks me clean out. I found myself in sexual situations with way too many men in my 20s. In fact I really didn't even think sex was all that great. Just looking for security and love. Disgusting!

    3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.

    Recent trigger: MIDLIFE and the effects of gravity on my body. Heavens above, just when I had walked past the whole focus on my body/anorexia thing; here comes all the changes that occur to the body in midlife. Round 2!! Fortunately I got through this much quicker than i did with the initial battle with anorexia in my 20's.

    4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?

    Dignity means being able to hold my head up; look in the mirror and know that even if no one else is proud of me, God is and He loves me wildly. This is what my life verse, Psalm 3:3 is all about. He is the lifter of my head!!

    Leah
    Blairsville, GA
    40's
    Married

  16. 66
    Anonymous says:

    Oh-my-goodness!! I just about had a cow when I heard what your grandmother used to say to you, "Come over hereya!"!! I used to hear that same thing from my great-grandmother from Arkansas(and have told my children about it recently!) and boy did it bring back memories..not only that, but I see more of the life you came from! If you came from roots anywhere close to one of my parents side of the family (not saying which one!)no wonder you are always going on about being a such a miracle! Truly you are!!
    After thinking back, it just made me so very grateful for the Lord's protection and situations where He rescued me from harm…there was definitely harm done, but it could have been much worse.
    I am so excited about your book and all the hope within. I love you so much Beth! Thank you for your precious heart that loves–God's sweet Spirit, that you let shine. I feel like, more than ever, I can identify so well with where you have come from and am so very delighted at the way the Lord has rescued you from your bondage because of your obedience and God's amazing grace. What a tremendous example you are and praise God I am so thrilled you have been delivered!! God is well on His way to delivering me too..already has in MANY ways..may I be faithful to follow Him and live and believe His Word..James 1:22-25! Hallelujah!!
    Sheryle

  17. 67
    Anonymous says:

    Beth, Thanks for the video and your encouragement…we need to persevere.
    first time commenting on SLI

    1)Chapter 7- Can relate to several examples…especially being stuck in places because of my response to insecurity and turning into an out of control mother when my trigger was hit. This was all like a slap in the face…. we need to grab ahold of some Jesus healing here!
    2) A- 3 teenaged daughters…I desire them to find their security in Jesus.
    B- God is lighting a step in a new path for me and I'm too insecure to step out and walk on it. I desire to walk in the strength and confidence He has clothed me in.
    C- I am sick and tired of succumbing to triggers….then I have to circle back for damage control. I desire to be wholy (holy) filled with Him and die to selfish pride.

    3) I'm having some problems with the transition into parenting a college student. On my daughter's last 2 (whoops…make that 3) visits home, her off-hand comments to me about my parenting resulted in over reactions on my part(could we spell trigger here?). My raised voice caused her tears:(

    4)Dignity- the quality of being WORTHY of esteem or respect.

    My dear Lord Jesus, please help me take to heart that your death has made me worthy in the sight of our Abba -father. The Father that created me and laid on my head a crown of dignity to go with my clothes of strength. Amen.

    married 25 years
    51
    PA

  18. 68
    Bumble Bees and Sunshine says:

    Dear Beth,
    I am so glad you did a video. Oh did it speak to my heart. I must confess, and this is embarrasing, but I can only read a bit of the book at a time. It stirs something in me that I can't continue for quite some time so I am waaay behind. My first name should be "Insecurity". My whole life has been filled with it. I can't even open the bible over the last few weeks because something inside of me is shouting louder than "The Word". I am tied up in knots and wonder constantly why I have a stomach ache. I've tried reading everyone's comments, but then I feel the life sucked right out of me. It is like the computer is killing me. Do you know what I mean? To tell you how insecure I am I purchased the book and the CD so maybe listening to you will help better.
    I can't wait for Thursdays to roll around so I get to visit with you. Take care

  19. 69
    The Coleman Family says:

    2)
    A) GOD told me to start dealing with it. HE put in me the strong desire and I was literally saying, "THAT'S IT! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE TOLL INSECURITY TAKES. I'M WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DUMP IT," before I even purchased the book. Fortunatly, I only had to wait a few weeks before receiving the book. God's timing is perfect!

    B) It wasn't doing GOD any good.

    C) It wasn't doing ME any good.

    These aren't cop out answers. I've lived with this my whole life. I'd accepted that it was just who I was and just this year God made it very clear to me that it wasn't doing either of us any good. Before this I had a feeling that God had big plans for me and the insecurity was just getting in the way of His plans. I can't wait to see what God has for me next. God has been so good to me to have healed me of the insecurity. I credit the direction God gave of Beth to this.

    3) My recent trigger that would have normally set off huge insecurity was that my husband went out of town on a trip for his work. Normally that would have had me really ticked off at him and would hardly talk with him when he called. I'm so OK with it this week. No anger, no resentment and we've had some wonderful conversations on the phone.

    Tamara
    Highlands Ranch, CO
    30's
    Married

  20. 70
    Anonymous says:

    That is so interesting you brought up Jessica Simpson. I did not watch the show but pulled it up online to see what she had to say. All I could think of is she needs a copy of your book! After reading the interview I just sat there and prayed for her.

  21. 71
    April says:

    I just finished Chapter 6 this morning and can not wait to get into this weeks assignment but I just had to say . . . YAAAAY For a video from Beth this morning!!!! I just really, really needed that this morning – thank you Beth!

    April, 29
    Williamson, GA
    Married

  22. 72
    Anonymous says:

    I am looking for a breakthrough because I feel like I am literally battling this thing… maybe instead of just allowing it to dwell.

    Yesterday seemed better, like I was making progress. Today, I am so emotional and in tears. I feel like I am the "three steps back".

    I'm a SAHM. Feel like I'm not great at that, not sure if I should get a job, heck if I even COULD get a job, that I don't clean house well enough, take care of finances well enough, etc. etc.

    For the questions…

    1. Not being able to make small talk, seeming shy and feeling like I have nothing to contribute to a conversation.

    2. Why its time to deal…
    A. To keep my 2 girls from following in my footsteps. My oldest (14) already battles a very low self-esteem and I feel that I've done a huge injustice to her by being insecure and passing it down.

    B. Because its keeping me from doing what God wants me to do. Not exactly sure what that is, but I'm sure its more than I'm doing now.

    Looking forward to the Victory.

  23. 73
    MMMom says:

    I am not ready to answer my questions just yet, haven't read chapter 8, still digesting chapter 7. What a relief in a way to know I wasn't the only one acting out of insecurity in such a desperate crazy way! After a particular season I would feel so alone thinking I was the only who ever reacted so poorly. I have had a taste of way too many of the situations listed.

    Thank you Siestas for sharing your innermost with us, so we all may be healed.

    Sharon
    San Antonio
    40's
    married

  24. 74
    Anonymous says:

    I wanted to go through this book with you, but I am teaching and getting my master's degree right now which leaves little time for any other reading. I spend a lot of time traveling to school and to classes, so I purchased the book on CD's. I started listening last night. Beth, I cannot believe you took the time to actually narrate the CD's! You amaze and humble me. Siestas, if you don't feel like you have time to "read" the book – get it on CD's. They are so well done! Thanks, Beth Moore!

  25. 75
    dora says:

    Dora
    25, married
    Missouri

    I just wanted to share this real fast i have pushed down my insecurity and scheduled a meeting to start a relay for life team. For one time in my life im going to be a leader and not a follower. Please pray for me this is a huge step for me and i am very nervous.
    I love you all.

  26. 76
    NC Retiredlady says:

    Retiredlady
    60
    NC

    The part of chapter 7 on Pride was very eyeopening to me. I was shocked at some of the things I do or think being related to pride. The part of perfectionist is me all over. I pray with all my heart the rest of the book shows me how to get over that and self and the other parts of my insecurity. Beth God has blessed you with a very special talent of helping women like me. I have gained from every lesson I've done with your guidance. PTL

  27. 77
    slightly befuddled says:

    I praise God that he made my trigger pride and not something more painful. As a result I find, looking back, that even if I was plenty insecure about something, I was also too proud to do anything truly demeaning or foolish. I guess it was God's way of preserving me and I thank him for it, even as I ask him to deal with said pride.

    Two things resonated with me through the stories, the first was lying. When I think back on the countless times, even recently, that I have told a little white lie to cover for my feeling insufficient I blush (or I would if I could). The second thing is feeling robbed of opportunity, especially to minister, because of the feeling of not measuring up or being liked enough to do it well.
    I blamed it on being shy for years before realizing that it was a stronghold that needed tearing down.
    I still struggle with it, but God is gaining ground slowly.

    Top 3 reasons…
    A, I'm tired of being consumed by worry over what people think of me or might be saying behind my back about me, and acting distant and cold in anticipation of being disliked.

    B, I desperately want God to be able to use me in ministry to his glory instead of feeling so fearful.

    C, I want my future children to have the best possible role model for security in Christ and in this world that they could hope for.

    Ch.8
    My latest trigger was actually yesterday. My sister called to wish me happy birthday and left a voicemail. In it she also mentioned that there was no need for me to call her back, that she was just wishing me a happy day. Immediately my brain rattled off any number of reasons why she wouldn't want to talk to me. Had I done or said something to hurt her? Was she mad at me? So silly, but I confess it still bothers me a bit. I'll call her today and I know everything will be just fine and I will have had no reason to be insecure.

    2, Dignity to me is the freedom to be in any company, doing any task and know full well that I am a person worthy of respect and affection. To know that God loves me and made me a specific way and that I DO have something to offer other people!

    It's funny and sad, ever since starting this series I notice insecurity everywhere! on tv, in others…everyone just trying to survive with as little damage as possible. Makes me want to give them a copy of the book and demand that they read it!
    Thanks mama beth.

  28. 78
    Anonymous says:

    Beth,

    The part of Chapter 7 that resonated most with me was the story I wrote. There it is. And it still hurts a ton. Seeing it there shows me just how insecure I really am. I'm almost afraid to flip through the book for seeing it again, like a horrible or scary picture you want to avoid. I have this strange fear that the next time I look my name will be under it and that every person that reads your book will know it was me. And I'll be devastated.

    I don't know how in the world you have courage to share so much of your own life with people all over the world. It can only be obedience and compassion. Is that true? I would've said security, but you've already told us you have long dealt with insecurity.

    So today I too am feeling raw. I wish the story would go away in every conceivable way. Unless it really does make a difference.

  29. 79
    LuAnn in Iowa says:

    I have been asked very lovingly and gently by a friend who loves me and knows me well if I have made security an idol in my life. I began to think about it and I believe that she may be correct. My childhood was pretty insecure and I began to make plans and contingency plans for every situation and I do mean every. From what if the pants I plan to wear don't fit right in the morning to what will I do if my husband dies and I'm left a widow. It's exhausting. While I don't think that security is the problem it's what I'm using to draw my security from that is the problem. If I could learn to TRUST God and His plan for my life how freeing that could be. I'm excited to learn how to do that. Thank you so much for allowing God to use you in this way.
    Woo – Hoo come on freedom!!

  30. 80
    2Belles2Beaux4me says:

    Top 3 reasons top deal with it:
    a. My mind is going crazy because of insecurity
    b. I'm putting a lot of pressure on my man.
    c. I focus way too much on being like someone else.

    Blessings!

  31. 81
    The Mills Gang says:

    I haven't read Chapters 7 and 8 yet but I just watched the video. I must say that I loved it. It really spoke to my heart and motivated me. I love seeing your passion. It's very uplifting and encouraging. I think you should do more videos!!
    I am getting a lot out of your book and love how the Lord speaks to me while I'm reading it. I'm learning a great deal about myself. Thanks again.
    **Girl, love those highlights! They look fantastic! 🙂

  32. 82
    Leslie Lauren says:

    I love you so much!! I hope I can say this without you taking it the wrong way, Miss Beth. There have been times that I have felt pushed to "rush" through your studies, either because videos have to be returned to the person they were borrowed from, or because a church group wanted to stick to a specific schedule, but I gotta tell ya. I get the MOST out of your studies when I am able to go at my own pace and let God show me in every day life each point that He is trying to make to me. It took me over a year to get through Breaking Free on my own, but I will never regret or forget it because with each new section that I did, God showed up big time in a way that only He could, to show me what steps needed to be taken for me to finally BREAK FREE. Something that big can't come out of an 8 week journey. At least not for the bondage I was carrying. I think the same will be true of this insecurity book. Some women may need to go even SLOWER than the pace we are going in order to get the full effects of everything that needs to be learned, relearned and essentially "reprogrammed," so that we kick this bad girl to the curb! (bad girl=insecurity)

    After all that being said, Miss Beth, how the heck do you get your hair so high??? Do you use mousse or hairspray or root lifter or what? I can't for the life of me figure out how to do what you do to your hair, but I sure wish I knew, because mine likes to sit flatter than a pancake. I have tried umpteen times with a big round brush and hair spray in front of the mirror, but end up looking pretty hideous (if I do say so myself). Help!!

  33. 83
    the4leegirls says:

    I have to be honest here. I have not posted yet because I did the same thing the girl did you were speaking to. I read the entire book…in one sitting. BIG MISTAKE. Not enough time to process and not enough time to let God speak or work. I felt shaken to the core and scared, not healed. O.K. I am starting over. I will go slow and follow the instructions this time.
    Humbled,
    Allison Lee

  34. 84
    Heather says:

    Newbie here 🙂 What is it with our relationships with our sister-in-laws? Brings out the worst insecurities in some of us. So glad to read I am not the only one.

    #1 Insecurity can make you act like an idiot in female friendships. the why leads to #4 ~ I have a very dear friend that was my maid of honor. She is also very good friends with my sister-in-law. I, on the other hand am not friends with my sister-in-law. I don't dislike her we just don't have a relationship. With all that being said there are issues with this friendship. I often question why I stay friends with the one when I don't have the relationship with the other. Often I have been excluded from activities where the two are involved which is has been hurtful. I am not sure why I am not better friends with my sister-in-law, other than the root being my insecurity. I wondering now if it is my insecurity that has caused so much of this hurt I feel. At times I know I have voiced this hurt to the dear friend and am embarrassed that my insecurity has led us to some heated discussions. Bless her heart she is still my friend.

    Back to #2

    1. I am a mother of three and need to have my dignity for my two girls(and boy) to see what it is like to be secure in Christ.

    2. Able to focus on my time on worship and His will for my life without ME getting in the way.

    3. Have better relationships with people.

    Thanks for writing this book I feel like not only will I get my dignity back, but I can help my girls ages 7 and 5 keep their dignity.

  35. 85
    elawhorn says:

    1. the part "insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions" because I have lived most of my life as a people pleaser. I have compromised my Christian values just to be accepted or to avoid confrontation. Why? My deep insecurity rearing its ugly head.

    2. a) God cannot use me fully until I get rid of this friend.
    b) I hate what even a small dose of insecurity does to my thoughts, words, actions, and, most of all, my walk with Him. It's the mountain I am tired of marching around time after time after time.
    c) Dealing with it will enable me to become a better wife, mom, sister, and friend.

    3. Just last week at a parents' track meeting at school where I did not know anyone in the room. My hubs and I were not getting along and walked in and out feeling horribly insecure. Inside, it got a rise out of me because I was beating myself up with negativity. Outside, it did not get a rise because I began a conversation with someone and "pretended" to be secure!

    Eva
    40's
    Knoxville,TN

  36. 86
    Rhonda says:

    I'm giddy!
    Just reading your post and watching the short video has produced a feeling of expectation : ) I can feel the long, long, long, long journey coming to an end. The climb is almost over……….I can feel the ocean breezes………the end of the trail is in sight and I just want to run ahead at a fast clip to be free!

    Just had to share. Now I'll head into chapters 7/8, anticipating the end to come….which is really a fresh beginning…..a new foundation…….Whahoo!!

    Love ya : )

  37. 87
    Terri says:

    Terri
    30's
    Married
    Senoia, Georgia

    1. You know there is not one part of Chapter 7 that hit home with me, the whole chapter did. It is so sad to read about other's experiences when insecurity made them out to be a fool. It has made me pinpoint a few times when I have been a fool.

    2. A. I am so tired of feeling so unworthy and unloved. I know my God loves me and has grace sufficient enough for me to be me! I am his child and I need to begin living that way.
    B. I have a 12 year old daughter who I want to be confident in who she is. I don't want her to see my insecurity drag me down and then she follows in my footsteps. I want her to be secure right now.
    C. If I deal with my insecurity now, I believe God will be able to use me more through my church to fulfill His purposes and plans.

    4. Dignity to me is how I carry myself. It is how I react to my family in situations. Dignity is respect.

    Beth, thank you so much for doing the Bible study with us! I just love ya!

  38. 88
    Debbie says:

    Wow God! I was just starting chp 8trying to anyway. I didn't realize till after I watched your video how vulnerable I was feeling. I was stuck and depressed I might add. Now hope, that I don't have to stay here. I can move on and have the security that I know I have in Christ. Thank you Beth for being so sensitive to the Holy Spirit in writing this book and to the continued journey.

    Debbie
    49 married
    California

  39. 89
    Melinda says:

    I watched the Oprah thing last night, too, and wondered if others in Siestaville were watching – it coincided perfectly with this study. Not just a coincidence, I"m sure. All of it was sad, but I was SO torn up over that French model with anorexia. To look at her, so literally hollow, eaten alive by the lie. It broke my heart, made my tender heart weep. And it made me so angry. Not just for her, but for all of us who are being robbed of life, both physical and spiritual. I think that's what it takes – I think we have to get really, really angry. We have to take a long hard look at what we are allowing the lie to take from us. We simply have to stop believing it. Jesus help us…

  40. 90
    Kathy W says:

    Kathy W
    48
    Mansfield, TX
    married

    1) Insecurity causes a mom to be over-controlling/out of control…There was a point when all 4 of my kids were in elementary and middle schools, doing multiple activities, when we rarely had a civil word between us or a meaningful conversation because I was so insecure about what others would think if they were not involved in enough activities, we were late, I didn't send the right snack for the game, I wasn't involved in their schools enough, on and on, and on. I got a grip on it for a while, by quitting my job and staying home again for a few years, but so wish I had those years back to do over!!
    3) Recent trigger-a comment by my husband about another woman's appearance. I didn't register a verbal/obvious reaction; sort of tried to shrug it off, but was definitely doing the "what does she have that I don't" thing in my head. In my husband's defense, he actually makes these comments because he is comparing me favorably to someone else, but I usually don't see it and even argue with him about it sometimes!! Actually the latest trigger was just logging in here…I had just been putting "40's" for age, but after reading Chapter 8, it didn't even bother me to put 48!! So, making progress!! PTL!
    4) Dignity means worthy of respect and love because of who I am in Christ. Not necessarily always feeling it, but knowing it!!

  41. 91
    Jina says:

    Beth,

    This doesn't go along with your post so please feel free not to publish this one, but I just had to tell you!

    I homeschool our kids and we have been studying ancient history this year through a curriculum that integrates Biblical history with the traditional history. I have loved it!

    Today we were studying the history of Judah during the time of the Assyrian empire and transitioning to the Babylonian empire. Can you guess what my kids heard about? Sorry for the rhetorical question, but they just got a HUGE lesson from scripture with applications I drew in from the updated Breaking Free.

    The beautiful part was as the end of the lesson drew near, my 4 children (ages 8,10,11,13) had received a weighty Word from God on pride. I did too. We prayed together at the end and I openly rebuked pride in me and prayed that God would break off pride as generations before me have struggled as well. They each prayed that God would replace their pride with the power of the Holy Spirit to have greater control in their lives. I prayed over my kids that they would walk as Hezekiah did before pride influenced his life. I prayed they would walk humbly before their God and be a generation that He receives glory through their tenacity, faithfulness and humility.

    This wasn't the first time they have had a lesson from the pages of your Bible studies, but it was so precious I had to share.

    Have a blessed day Beth! Thank you, once again!

    Jina

  42. 92
    Anonymous says:

    (did not get the message saying my post was being reviewed, so it must not have gone through. trying again, sorry if it turns out to be a double post)
    Can't wait to see your video, our internet filters at the school where I work blocked it, and my internet at home was down this morning. The filters also block about 3/4 of your pictures and I can only see a few from each set.
    I hope I can get my answers typed quickly, because when my job as school nurse interrupts me frequently and it takes me several hours to finish, my posts sometimes never appear. I wonder if there is a connection.
    1.Two parts of chapter 7 really rang a bell – the woman at the drive through and the preacher's wife who appeared to be a snob because she was too insecure to speak to people in case they did not like her, since I don't even smile at people sometimes for that reason. My drive through problem is not the sound of my voice, it's just the fear of looking foolish ordering. I cannot speak Starbucks language, so I will never go there unless someone has specifically told me what I need to order and I have memorized it. I have done this exactly one time. I have worked for the same school 10 years and gotten a cafeteria meal one time in all that time because I do not know how staff orders theirs or how the other "snack lines" work and would feel too foolish asking, especially after 10 years.
    2.Reasons to deal with my insecurity
    A.So I can enjoy myself in situations that scare me
    B.Because pride is a sin, and since I now recognize it in myself, I must "go and sin no more"
    C.Quote from page 151 "I don't have to live this way anymore". Well all right then, let's just change.
    3.Recent trigger – really wanted to get lunch in the cafeteria for once, especially since husband wouldn't be home for supper, so I wasn't cooking at home tonight and wanted a full meal at lunch, not the sandwich I brought. Almost chickened out yet again, but instead, I hitched up my dignity and went for it, thanks to this book. God was merciful and sent another faculty member in there just before me, so I was able to jump in behind her and just copy her. The cafeteria ladies were in shock to see me and even said so!
    4.Looked up the definition of dignity on the internet and factmonster.com caught my eye – "bearing, conduct or speech indicative of self respect. worthiness" – love it.

    texas
    50's
    married

  43. 93
    Donna says:

    Hi. I finished the book too but am reading every chapter over again and slower to really get it thru my head and understand. The problem is even though I love it and think it is great I have felt very oppressed and down. I am in a funk and can't get a grip onto the core yet..I think it is either God having me go deep or Satan using my insecurtity…my thoughts, I will answer questions later. 🙂

  44. 94
    Kate says:

    Kate
    22
    Georgia

    Hey Beth! Thank you so much for that video. I also have read through the whole book, but I have been rereading and following along with your questions each week. In response to your video, I have two things to say:

    1. I am getting married in 8 months, and I can't explain how much your book has been a blessing to my relationship with my man! His name is also Keith, so when I read your stories about you and YOUR Keith, I literally feel like you are speaking straight to me. Even though I have been a Christian for years, I still find myself placing so much of my security in Keith… but he can't handle it!! You have opened my eyes to the fact that I can never place so much pressure on him and expect him to meet all my needs all the time. I don't know who is more thankful for this book- him or me. 🙂 I know for a fact that we will have a much healthier marriage and I will be a much more secure wife because of this book. (By the way, I think our men would get along. There isn't any place that MY Keith would rather be than in a deer stand.)

    2. You are completely right when you say that working with younger girls can help battle insecurity. I lead a Bible study of amazing 9-12th grade girls, and the time I spend with them truly helps me divert my focus from myself and my flaws because I am so focused on them. I always tell them that they are more of a blessing to me than I am to them. I encourage other women to do the same thing. Working with younger women does wonders… in your life and theirs!

    Thanks again, Beth! Much love to you all, Siestas!

  45. 95
    Kim says:

    Thank you so much for the video. I think I finished the book so quickly, I didn't absorb much of the healing implications because I was still licking the wounds that had been opened. Last night I went back and read chapter eight because I am so ready to REALLY beat this. I can't tell you how many times I've stopped doing things Satan's way but never started doing them God's way. Between the reading last night and your video this afternoon, I am so encouraged. Thank you, Mama Beth, for taking the time:)

    2. Top 3 reasons to move on:
    a. my little girl
    b. because Jesus has done so many good things in my life, transformed so much ugly into beauty and to think I would give Him everything but this? No, I want evidence of His fingerprints down to the deepest, ugliest root of insecurity in my life and I want His precious grace to be my strength.
    c. I'm sick of feeling unsure, I want to be confident because I know it would have a ripple effect in every single relationship I maintain

    3. last week I told some one I love very much how much she meant to me and her response was, well, odd and left me feeling really unsure and insecure.

    4. Dignity to me is seeing myself through God's lens and not the worlds. It is believing I am who HE says I am so thoroughly and completely that my confidence is unshakeable.
    "If we knew who we were and what God has conferred upon us, what everybody else thought of us would grow less and less significant."

  46. 96
    Jagette says:

    I am glad everyone is getting to take part in this. I guess my insecurity is I haven't gotten my book yet. It got lost and am waiting for the replacement to arrive and am missing keeping up with all of you.

    Jagette
    North Carolina
    Single

  47. 97
    Paaj40 says:

    1) I think the issue that hit home most with me was the very first issue. Acting like an Idiot around your friends. While in college I had a falling out with a group of friends, basically because I wouldn't give them space. Then instead of giving them space, I kept writing them and trying to talk to them, making a huge fool of myself.

    2)Top 3 reasons to deal with Insecurity for me…

    a)Because most time I don't feel like I'm worthy to be in a relationship, whether that's a friendship or a romantic relationship.

    b) because I'm sick and tired of not feeling adequate because I don't look like a supermodel.

    c)It's simply time to get off my butt, stop feeling sorry for myself and make a change to walk in the glorious healing of our Savior!

    3)I think one of my recent triggers is that I don't hear from my friends after I leave them comments or send them messages on a certain social networking site and instead of realizing that they have lives and will most likely respond eventually, I get frustrated and think our friendship is fading. This bugs me to no end, because I can get so worked up over nothing!

    4)Dignity means to me healing and hope, and I am so glad God has already given it to us!

    PS. Beth I just wanted to let you know I was at Passion 2010 and really enjoyed both your main session talk and your breakout session! The 4 no's to get a yes have already helped me several times!

    Paige
    20's
    single
    Northern Indiana

  48. 98
    Anonymous says:

    1. After reading chapter 7, I just wanted to scoop all those Siestas into my arms and hug them! I had no idea that on this large of a scale are women dealing with all these awful insecurities. I just love all you Siestas for your bravery and honesty. You are such a blessing to me!

    2. I’m not as insecure as I used to be, especially after doing the Inheritance Bible study years ago in Colorado Springs, but it will rear it’s head and I’ll think, “What was that?” This book has challenged me to conquer that last tiny bit!!! I didn’t think it was a big deal anymore, but now that our sweet Mama Beth is asking this question, I am forced to deal with the fact that even those few instances need to be gone!!!
    A) I will be starting a family with my husband and don’t want to pass on an ounce of insecurity.
    B) I realize now that even small doses belittles who I am in God’s eyes.
    C) To be insecure in any instance seems to place a distance in how close to God I can get.

    3. I did have a dose of insecurity when I thought about signing up for facebook just LAST WEEK! I saw that so many people from my childhood and high school were already on and how many “friends” they had and some of the women were incredibly successful. I gave up a very successful career so my husband could have his (he has to move with the job), and for a moment I felt this awful surge of worthlessness. I realized that facebook would be really bad for me. And Beth’s book confirms it! I can be in a room full of women and feel just fine and confident and truly enjoy getting to know each one. But if I am home alone and online seeing how popular women are on their blogs and facebook pages, for some reason I have this feeling that there’s no way mine would be successful and it’s like 7th grade all over again!!! I even find myself checking to see how many times someone has clicked on my bio and feel lame that it is so much lower than others who are in the thousands. If I get a surge of clicks, I feel so happy, that 7th grade popularity! So, need to stay away from that medium, it’s just not good for me. Thank you Lord for showing me that!

  49. 99
    Becky says:

    OH Thank you Becky from Owasso OK.
    thank you for your words; 'I don't have to dig through the trash with him anymore, I'm clean, I'm loved"
    The evil on has had me digin' through the trash with him lately.
    Thank you siesta.

  50. 100
    kirsten says:

    First I will say that most of the examples in Ch. 7 were on some level familiar. I have let my insecurity go as far as me changing who I was to the point of wondering if I even knew anymore
    2. Top 3 reasons to deal with my insecurities:
    ..1.. I believe that I am who God says I am..His child that He loves, so being a fidgety and insecure parson doesn't line up with that thinking
    ..2..My insecurity tears away at my whole family's security. It radiated out of me and gets in the way of what God has for me and my family
    ..3.. I have two little girls who I want more than anything to grow up clothed in dignity.. Secure enough to not let themselves be in situations that I have let myself be in.. Secure enough in God's love to not search for it under every rock

    4. Dignity means to stop hanging my head in shame over sins that God has forgiven. To truly wear a crown that He has placed on my head

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So Long Insecurity Week Four!

So Long Insecurity Discussion from LPV on Vimeo.

Hey, Girls! How are you sweet things? You newbies well surpassed the 100 mark on our last post. Way to go! Now, keep it up! God willing, we’re walking another week closer to waving a happy good-bye to insecurity. “KB” posted a comment last night saying, “Did anybody see Jessica Simpson on Oprah and could you believe how much it sounded like what we’re studying??” Yes, I saw it and I thought exactly the same thing. (She was talking about how she was chastised in Hollywood and the tabloids for being a full size 4.) It was this whole beauty around the world thing and it occurred to me that our female insecurity epidemic obviously isn’t limited to the West.

I read countless responses to the questions raised in Week Three and held a number of your stories close to my heart. Some of you may have been shocked by what others in our community have endured but I’ve been in women’s ministry way too long to anticipate less. The common ground does not, however, diminish our compassion. We can’t let it. It still hurts to tell. And hurts to read. Epidemic insecurity needs to lose its mystery for us to find our liberty. As you can see, many of us earned the right to this battle but those of us who know Christ possess an infinitely greater right. In Him, we have the right to be free and whole.

We have the God-given right to be secure.

In many ways, we qualify as a microcosm of almost any community of women you could find in this culture. You just can’t make it into adulthood on Planet Earth without getting pretty beat up somewhere along the way. Look at it like this: the enemy of our souls wanted more out of those hits than he got or we wouldn’t be here trudging this path toward wholeness together. Many of you are marvels. Others are pure miracles. Praise God, there is healing for all of us. AND, praise God, there is also meaning.

If you’re able, please watch the video greeting I included in this post. It’s a rough cut if you’ll ever see one and very impromptu (I decided to do it that morning while I was putting on my mascara, thinking about you). But it comes to you with much love and desire to see you free in Christ. I want you to get the best possible benefit out of this journey. God is so able and so willing. Hang with it here. We are taking the turn toward solutions in a very short time. We’ve got one whopper of a chapter to read before then, however. Your reading assignment this week will be CHAPTERS SEVEN AND EIGHT. Chapter Eight will be a welcome relief and will introduce one of the major components in the acquisition of soul-deep security. But let’s talk about Chapter Seven first.

You’ve heard of the house that Jack built. Chapter Seven is the chapter that YOU built. This blog community (that we regulars around here call Siestaville) makes its mark in multiple places over the course of the book but this chapter is entirely your input. Those of you who were with us a little over a year ago will perhaps remember it well. I threw out a question – Has insecurity ever made a fool of you? – and, boy, did I get some answers. Some of you more tenderhearted sisters will be sorely tempted to skip or skim over this chapter because it’s hard to read at times but, unless you’re hyper-sensitive or feeling too pathetic already (we’ve got to break out of that), try to read the whole thing. Get started post haste because it’s the lengthiest chapter in the book. It’s meant to hammer a point till you’re practically screaming:

THAT’S IT! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE TOLL INSECURITY TAKES. I’M WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DUMP IT.

As long as you come to that conclusion, you don’t have to read the whole chapter if it’s above your threshold. I hope most of you will read every page of it but, if you’re having a really rough week, you can have a hall pass on the long version. Just flip through various section headings and read the ones that resonate most. And always read the wrap-up of any chapter. In an ideal world, all we’d ever need is positive motivation. The truth is, sometimes a little negative motivation mixed into the positive is exactly what it takes to shake us up enough to deal. In Chapter Seven, you’re going to get a glimpse of what happens when insecurity deals with us instead of us dealing with our insecurity. Hopefully the point will be made and we can move on. Then we can dive our scalded souls into some healing waters in the coming chapters. I promise relief is coming. We will still have plenty of issues to grapple with in future chapters but new responses will begin to shape up shortly and fresh God-given strength is on its way. We are not wimps, Girls. Let’s rise up.

OK, here are your questions for this week. Since I’m giving you four this time around you’re welcome, if you prefer, to pick two of them to answer in your comment:
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?

2. (If you’re choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity. (We’re not looking for right answers. We’re looking for YOUR answers. Don’t copy off your fellow sojourners’ papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don’t get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.

3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.

4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?

You guys are doing a fabulous job with this. I am so proud of you for sticking with it! Your extra effort will not be in vain. May God meet you in these pages.

You are loved here!

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  1. 101
    Anonymous says:

    I want to expose Satan's lies about insecurity for:

    1. My older daughter
    2. My younger daughter
    3. My future daughter-in-law (whose mom might be reading this post ; )

    The Lord has helped ME through some of these issues as I've raised my daughters (now teens). When I told a crying 6th grader, "That girl probably didn't mean to be unkind; she just wasn't thinking," I knew that the advice applied to me as an adult. (The realization that I was taking things too personally.)

    It's wonderful how God uses mothers and daughters and Siestas to teach us His Truth?

  2. 102
    Lori says:

    Wow…Okay!

    1.) I felt like I could have written the section the woman wrote about becoming so depressed after having her first child. That was ten years ago for me and after nearly three years, I finally got help. Praise God my 10-year-old daughter seems to be unscathed. She is a precious little girl who adores Jesus!!!

    2.) a- I have two little girls and it is my job to train to train them to be confident in Christ. THey both have recently, at separate occasions, told me they want to grow up to be just like me. OH NO!!!! LORD HELP ME!!!!
    b – I believe God wants to use me to make a difference in the lives of others, and I need to get beyond some of this insecurity junk in order to get my ego out of the way to make room for His spirit.
    c – because it's a lie and I just HATE lies.

    3.) I've been working out at the gym for nearly three months with a goal to lose some jiggle off my backside. Yesterday I put on some jeans and they were too tight. UGGH!!!! I felt like crying over a bag of powdered donuts!

    4.) Dignity means to mean that I can keep my head held high because I am covered in Christ. We are co-heirs, for Heaven's sake! That's just too much! It's certainly too much to be worrying about whether or not I have cellulite on my bum!

    Lori
    38
    Married
    Helena, Montana

    4.)

  3. 103
    Carole Hanbury says:

    I'm behind a week because I misplaced my book..no judging, right? :0) I just finished chapter 5 and it kicked my fanny! I realized that rejection is huge for me…I think I've "known" it was huge but didn't know how much it mattered to me. Then I heard something on TV that was a bit helpful…someone said that rejection is God's protection. It's true. The person that I was rejected by that hurts me the most was someone that really shouldn't have been in my life and as I look back, was a really bad influence!

  4. 104
    Anonymous says:

    1. What hit home the most was that insecurity has robbed me of trying new things, initiating friendships, going out of my comfort zone and robbing me of confidence. I have tried hard to overcome it, but now I see it in my teenage stepdaughters and don't know how to encourage them to go for it and not settle, or be afraid to try things.

    2. I need to deal with my insecurities because it is affecting my ability to:
    a) be a confident parent
    b) be a secure, supportive spouse
    c) be used by God

    3. Boy has my insecurity been triggered this week! I have been the brunt of my stepdaughter's anger over her mom's death for a few years. This week we found evidence of many hateful words about me that she had been texting to friends and it devastated me to read them. My husband doesn't understand why I am upset about having a bad reputation with a group of teenagers. What he doesn't get is that I've spent my whole life bending over backwards trying to make sure everyone likes me. Teenagers or not, my reputation has been dragged through the mud by my stepdaughter, who cares nothing for my feelings (except to know that she has control over them), and has no remorse or desire to change. At least this has opened my husband's eyes to the attacks that I endure, and has prompted us to seek counseling for both my stepdaughter and myself. I don't want Satan to sow a seed of bitterness in our family. I know God will use it for his glory someday, and will heal all wounds, but the day to day struggle is hard to bear.

    4. I so much needed the reminder that dignity means being worthy of respect and high esteem, not because I derive it from others, but because God gave it to me. I am made in his image and crowned with dignity. I am esteemed by God!

    Thank you, Beth, for writing this book just for me at just the right time when God knew that I would need to hear it. Not only am I coming to terms with my own insecurities, I am able to better understand the insecurities my stepdaughters are experiencing and will hopefully be able to help them through it as well.

    42
    married
    Maine

  5. 105
    Becky says:

    Beth-
    Whoooa! did I need that video clip. Maaaan! I'll admit I've been strugglin'. Seriously sweetie, I did need to here those words of encouragement. I've been in a battle and I'm wondering if insecurity is at the root of it. hummmm
    I'll chekc back in later with my homework. just wanted to let you know you helped me today.
    Beth…thanks again.

  6. 106
    ellen says:

    Ellen
    20's
    Colorado Springs
    Married

    1. The story that stuck from chapter 7 was the one where the women would try up to three different bathrooms to find an empty one before she peed. Sheesh! I've been there too! It made me finally realize how pathetic my insecurity can make me act.

    2. Why I am on this journey:

    A. I am tired of being obsessed with how other people think of me. It robs me from really serving them.

    B. A lot of my husband's sweet words are reminding me that I have dignity and don't need to worry so much what other people think. Lord bless him. If he's willing to be a vessel and tell me it's time to let my insecurities go, it's time!

    C. So many of my friends deal with massive insecurities too. (Like Beth said, I wouldn't want to hang out with secure people because they make me feel more insecure. Ha!) I hope that my journey on this road will be contagious and that they will see God wants to heal them too.

  7. 107
    Heather Bug says:

    There were two parts that hit home with me in Chapter 7. One is that insecurity can confine us. My insecurity stops me from doing things I know I need to do many times. I remember when I was in college, I would drop any class that I may have to give a speech in. Needless to say, I didn’t graduate until I was 32! The other is insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions: Wow, this rings so true! I was always somewhat insecure about my body but when my ex-husband cheated on me, that insecurity intensified greatly! Suddenly, my body seemed all wrong….legs not big enough, waist too wide, breasts too saggy and not big enough, etc. There’s nothing like rejection that will get that insecurity stirred up!

    The three reasons I need to deal with my insecurity are:
    1. To step out there and do what I know God is calling me to do. There are so many times when God opens a door, but I’m too insecure to walk through.
    2. I have a daughter and lots of girl nieces and I want to be a good role model.
    3. I want to be FREE!!!!!!

    A recent trigger in my life actually happened at a leader’s meeting at church. I was co-leading the Esther Bible study last fall. I was pretty nervous about this because it was a little out of my comfort zone (the whole speaking in front of groups thing again) but I was wanting to obey God so I agreed to do it. I was SO nervous about going to the leader’s kick off party, because I was worried I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to or sit with (should someone like this be co-leading a Bible study? ☺). Well, I get to the meeting and see a friend and immediately go talk to her. After a few seconds, she walked off to talk to someone else and I was standing there alone and felt like a fish out of water. I felt this overwhelming insecurity. I went to the bathroom and sobbed in the stall. It was crazy!!! I KNEW, though, that Satan was trying to stop me from doing what I was supposed to do. I recognized it immediately. I composed myself and went back out there and 2 of my sweet friends had saved me a seat. ☺ God is so loving!

    LOVED, LOVED, LOVED Chapter 8!!! So encouraging!!!
    God has crowned me with strength and dignity!!! This siesta believes it!

  8. 108
    Sister Lynn says:

    Sister Lynn
    Clyde MO

    1. Insecurity in female friendships hit home – this isn't my biggest insecurity but it is the one that I have done the most idiotic things.

    2. A. Because of a new job where I am helping to train in the new nuns – and I need to be healthy to teach them to be healthy.
    B. I am tired of relying on others for my sense of self-worth.
    C. In my mind I know that I am secure in Christ – I want to know it in my heart too.
    3. We had to do a reflective art project for class and I was really insecure about my work compared to others. It did get me for a little while but I was able to overcome it.
    4. Dignity is living in God's truth. Knowing and BELIEVING who I am in HIS eyes.

  9. 109
    Anonymous says:

    1. I think what has hit home with me is how insecurity has shaped so many lives and dictated how women behave. I am appalled as I look back over the things I did and did not do because of my insecurities. I have been robbed of so much.

    2. What are my three top reasons for dealing with insecurity now?
    A. I don't want another day to pass where insecurity rules over me.
    B. I don't want to see insecurity rule over the lives of my daughter, nieces, and granddaughter.
    C. I want to be the woman God created me to be. I want to be free.

    3. I was spiritually attacked one evening because of something my husband said. It was an innocent enough remark but I instantly took it to heart and became defensive. Ordinarily, I would have bantered right back and we both would have had a laugh. Instead, I went to my bedroom and began to enter into a downward spiral of negative emotions and defeated thoughts. Right before I fell off the edge completely, I had a thought I know was from the Lord: I was in a battle for my security and peace of mind. I took authority over the situation in Jesus' name and felt the oppressive attack lift from me. I know the enemy attacked me because of reading this book. He does not want me to be free of insecurities and self doubt, but through Christ I am free and will continue to be free. I praise you, Jesus!

    4. Dignity to me is being able to hold my head up high and walk forth because of all the Lord has done for me. I am loved by my Heavenly Father. I am a child of God! The past is covered in the blood of Christ and all the mistakes and sins are forgiven. The burden is lifted and I am free. He has given me dignity.

  10. 110
    Amy Storms says:

    My top three reasons:
    a. I have two young daughters. (Okay, tearing up already…)
    b. I'm not fulfilling all of God's purposes for me by living in insecurity. He has so much more out there for me to do and be!
    c. My husband's ministry will flourish when I'm not anxious all the time.

    Amy Storms
    Santa Clarita, CA
    33 – married

  11. 111
    Anonymous says:

    Oops. I forgot to leave my name and such…

    Tammy
    Lusby, MD
    40's
    Married

  12. 112
    Anonymous says:

    Dear Anonymous at 7:59:

    I usually can't get the video to play on the LPM blog page, but if you click on the link just below the video box – on the words "So Long Insecurity" – it will redirect you to the Vimeo page, and I can usually get it to play there.

    Be blessed!

  13. 113
    partialemptynester says:

    Robin
    40's
    married
    Texas

    2. As a secure woman of God, I am a joyful, building up and encouraging prayer warrior. Therefore:

    A. When I begin to feel insecure, all joy is quenched and I think only of myself!

    B. When I begin to feel insecure, I'm unable to build up and encourage others, in fact, I do the exact opposite!

    C. When I begin to feel insecure, I am no longer able to be the person God created me to be in the situation at hand, so I become a useless warrior in the Kingdom of the Lord (and in essence, then, taken out of the game until I can be in better position for God to be glorified).

    3. I felt the rise coming out of me yesterday when I read the e-news at my daughter's school yesterday…she was being honored but instead of my seeing the honor, I saw that they'd mistook which grade she is in…she's small and constantly being mistaken for younger than she is. It just upset me so much that I wanted to call the school and tell them to change the wording in the article (but I didn't)…how silly that I couldn't just enjoy the honor and not worry about the mistake, which no one else, including my daughter, even seemed to notice.

    4. Dignity means being worthy of respect: respecting myself as a daughter in the kingdom of the Lord and respecting others for having been created by my Father in Heaven, regardless of whether they've accepted His Son as their Savior…I LOVED being taught that from God's Word (Ps. 8:5), that we are ALL worthy of respect, regardless of lifestyle choices!!!!

  14. 114
    Leah @ Point Ministries says:

    1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?

    The "insecurity can talk us into doing things we don't even want to do". OMGosh…does this ever resonate….not resonate it hits me over the blonde head on my shoulders and knocks me clean out. I found myself in sexual situations with way too many men in my 20s. In fact I really didn't even think sex was all that great. Just looking for security and love. Disgusting!

    3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.

    Recent trigger: MIDLIFE and the effects of gravity on my body. Heavens above, just when I had walked past the whole focus on my body/anorexia thing; here comes all the changes that occur to the body in midlife. Round 2!! Fortunately I got through this much quicker than i did with the initial battle with anorexia in my 20's.

    4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?

    Dignity means being able to hold my head up; look in the mirror and know that even if no one else is proud of me, God is and He loves me wildly. This is what my life verse, Psalm 3:3 is all about. He is the lifter of my head!!

    Leah
    Blairsville, GA
    40's
    Married

  15. 115
    Anonymous says:

    Oh-my-goodness!! I just about had a cow when I heard what your grandmother used to say to you, "Come over hereya!"!! I used to hear that same thing from my great-grandmother from Arkansas(and have told my children about it recently!) and boy did it bring back memories..not only that, but I see more of the life you came from! If you came from roots anywhere close to one of my parents side of the family (not saying which one!)no wonder you are always going on about being a such a miracle! Truly you are!!
    After thinking back, it just made me so very grateful for the Lord's protection and situations where He rescued me from harm…there was definitely harm done, but it could have been much worse.
    I am so excited about your book and all the hope within. I love you so much Beth! Thank you for your precious heart that loves–God's sweet Spirit, that you let shine. I feel like, more than ever, I can identify so well with where you have come from and am so very delighted at the way the Lord has rescued you from your bondage because of your obedience and God's amazing grace. What a tremendous example you are and praise God I am so thrilled you have been delivered!! God is well on His way to delivering me too..already has in MANY ways..may I be faithful to follow Him and live and believe His Word..James 1:22-25! Hallelujah!!
    Sheryle

  16. 116
    Anonymous says:

    Beth, Thanks for the video and your encouragement…we need to persevere.
    first time commenting on SLI

    1)Chapter 7- Can relate to several examples…especially being stuck in places because of my response to insecurity and turning into an out of control mother when my trigger was hit. This was all like a slap in the face…. we need to grab ahold of some Jesus healing here!
    2) A- 3 teenaged daughters…I desire them to find their security in Jesus.
    B- God is lighting a step in a new path for me and I'm too insecure to step out and walk on it. I desire to walk in the strength and confidence He has clothed me in.
    C- I am sick and tired of succumbing to triggers….then I have to circle back for damage control. I desire to be wholy (holy) filled with Him and die to selfish pride.

    3) I'm having some problems with the transition into parenting a college student. On my daughter's last 2 (whoops…make that 3) visits home, her off-hand comments to me about my parenting resulted in over reactions on my part(could we spell trigger here?). My raised voice caused her tears:(

    4)Dignity- the quality of being WORTHY of esteem or respect.

    My dear Lord Jesus, please help me take to heart that your death has made me worthy in the sight of our Abba -father. The Father that created me and laid on my head a crown of dignity to go with my clothes of strength. Amen.

    married 25 years
    51
    PA

  17. 117
    Bumble Bees and Sunshine says:

    Dear Beth,
    I am so glad you did a video. Oh did it speak to my heart. I must confess, and this is embarrasing, but I can only read a bit of the book at a time. It stirs something in me that I can't continue for quite some time so I am waaay behind. My first name should be "Insecurity". My whole life has been filled with it. I can't even open the bible over the last few weeks because something inside of me is shouting louder than "The Word". I am tied up in knots and wonder constantly why I have a stomach ache. I've tried reading everyone's comments, but then I feel the life sucked right out of me. It is like the computer is killing me. Do you know what I mean? To tell you how insecure I am I purchased the book and the CD so maybe listening to you will help better.
    I can't wait for Thursdays to roll around so I get to visit with you. Take care

  18. 118
    The Coleman Family says:

    2)
    A) GOD told me to start dealing with it. HE put in me the strong desire and I was literally saying, "THAT'S IT! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE TOLL INSECURITY TAKES. I'M WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DUMP IT," before I even purchased the book. Fortunatly, I only had to wait a few weeks before receiving the book. God's timing is perfect!

    B) It wasn't doing GOD any good.

    C) It wasn't doing ME any good.

    These aren't cop out answers. I've lived with this my whole life. I'd accepted that it was just who I was and just this year God made it very clear to me that it wasn't doing either of us any good. Before this I had a feeling that God had big plans for me and the insecurity was just getting in the way of His plans. I can't wait to see what God has for me next. God has been so good to me to have healed me of the insecurity. I credit the direction God gave of Beth to this.

    3) My recent trigger that would have normally set off huge insecurity was that my husband went out of town on a trip for his work. Normally that would have had me really ticked off at him and would hardly talk with him when he called. I'm so OK with it this week. No anger, no resentment and we've had some wonderful conversations on the phone.

    Tamara
    Highlands Ranch, CO
    30's
    Married

  19. 119
    Anonymous says:

    That is so interesting you brought up Jessica Simpson. I did not watch the show but pulled it up online to see what she had to say. All I could think of is she needs a copy of your book! After reading the interview I just sat there and prayed for her.

  20. 120
    April says:

    I just finished Chapter 6 this morning and can not wait to get into this weeks assignment but I just had to say . . . YAAAAY For a video from Beth this morning!!!! I just really, really needed that this morning – thank you Beth!

    April, 29
    Williamson, GA
    Married

  21. 121
    Anonymous says:

    I am looking for a breakthrough because I feel like I am literally battling this thing… maybe instead of just allowing it to dwell.

    Yesterday seemed better, like I was making progress. Today, I am so emotional and in tears. I feel like I am the "three steps back".

    I'm a SAHM. Feel like I'm not great at that, not sure if I should get a job, heck if I even COULD get a job, that I don't clean house well enough, take care of finances well enough, etc. etc.

    For the questions…

    1. Not being able to make small talk, seeming shy and feeling like I have nothing to contribute to a conversation.

    2. Why its time to deal…
    A. To keep my 2 girls from following in my footsteps. My oldest (14) already battles a very low self-esteem and I feel that I've done a huge injustice to her by being insecure and passing it down.

    B. Because its keeping me from doing what God wants me to do. Not exactly sure what that is, but I'm sure its more than I'm doing now.

    Looking forward to the Victory.

  22. 122
    MMMom says:

    I am not ready to answer my questions just yet, haven't read chapter 8, still digesting chapter 7. What a relief in a way to know I wasn't the only one acting out of insecurity in such a desperate crazy way! After a particular season I would feel so alone thinking I was the only who ever reacted so poorly. I have had a taste of way too many of the situations listed.

    Thank you Siestas for sharing your innermost with us, so we all may be healed.

    Sharon
    San Antonio
    40's
    married

  23. 123
    Anonymous says:

    I wanted to go through this book with you, but I am teaching and getting my master's degree right now which leaves little time for any other reading. I spend a lot of time traveling to school and to classes, so I purchased the book on CD's. I started listening last night. Beth, I cannot believe you took the time to actually narrate the CD's! You amaze and humble me. Siestas, if you don't feel like you have time to "read" the book – get it on CD's. They are so well done! Thanks, Beth Moore!

  24. 124
    dora says:

    Dora
    25, married
    Missouri

    I just wanted to share this real fast i have pushed down my insecurity and scheduled a meeting to start a relay for life team. For one time in my life im going to be a leader and not a follower. Please pray for me this is a huge step for me and i am very nervous.
    I love you all.

  25. 125
    NC Retiredlady says:

    Retiredlady
    60
    NC

    The part of chapter 7 on Pride was very eyeopening to me. I was shocked at some of the things I do or think being related to pride. The part of perfectionist is me all over. I pray with all my heart the rest of the book shows me how to get over that and self and the other parts of my insecurity. Beth God has blessed you with a very special talent of helping women like me. I have gained from every lesson I've done with your guidance. PTL

  26. 126
    slightly befuddled says:

    I praise God that he made my trigger pride and not something more painful. As a result I find, looking back, that even if I was plenty insecure about something, I was also too proud to do anything truly demeaning or foolish. I guess it was God's way of preserving me and I thank him for it, even as I ask him to deal with said pride.

    Two things resonated with me through the stories, the first was lying. When I think back on the countless times, even recently, that I have told a little white lie to cover for my feeling insufficient I blush (or I would if I could). The second thing is feeling robbed of opportunity, especially to minister, because of the feeling of not measuring up or being liked enough to do it well.
    I blamed it on being shy for years before realizing that it was a stronghold that needed tearing down.
    I still struggle with it, but God is gaining ground slowly.

    Top 3 reasons…
    A, I'm tired of being consumed by worry over what people think of me or might be saying behind my back about me, and acting distant and cold in anticipation of being disliked.

    B, I desperately want God to be able to use me in ministry to his glory instead of feeling so fearful.

    C, I want my future children to have the best possible role model for security in Christ and in this world that they could hope for.

    Ch.8
    My latest trigger was actually yesterday. My sister called to wish me happy birthday and left a voicemail. In it she also mentioned that there was no need for me to call her back, that she was just wishing me a happy day. Immediately my brain rattled off any number of reasons why she wouldn't want to talk to me. Had I done or said something to hurt her? Was she mad at me? So silly, but I confess it still bothers me a bit. I'll call her today and I know everything will be just fine and I will have had no reason to be insecure.

    2, Dignity to me is the freedom to be in any company, doing any task and know full well that I am a person worthy of respect and affection. To know that God loves me and made me a specific way and that I DO have something to offer other people!

    It's funny and sad, ever since starting this series I notice insecurity everywhere! on tv, in others…everyone just trying to survive with as little damage as possible. Makes me want to give them a copy of the book and demand that they read it!
    Thanks mama beth.

  27. 127
    Anonymous says:

    Beth,

    The part of Chapter 7 that resonated most with me was the story I wrote. There it is. And it still hurts a ton. Seeing it there shows me just how insecure I really am. I'm almost afraid to flip through the book for seeing it again, like a horrible or scary picture you want to avoid. I have this strange fear that the next time I look my name will be under it and that every person that reads your book will know it was me. And I'll be devastated.

    I don't know how in the world you have courage to share so much of your own life with people all over the world. It can only be obedience and compassion. Is that true? I would've said security, but you've already told us you have long dealt with insecurity.

    So today I too am feeling raw. I wish the story would go away in every conceivable way. Unless it really does make a difference.

  28. 128
    LuAnn in Iowa says:

    I have been asked very lovingly and gently by a friend who loves me and knows me well if I have made security an idol in my life. I began to think about it and I believe that she may be correct. My childhood was pretty insecure and I began to make plans and contingency plans for every situation and I do mean every. From what if the pants I plan to wear don't fit right in the morning to what will I do if my husband dies and I'm left a widow. It's exhausting. While I don't think that security is the problem it's what I'm using to draw my security from that is the problem. If I could learn to TRUST God and His plan for my life how freeing that could be. I'm excited to learn how to do that. Thank you so much for allowing God to use you in this way.
    Woo – Hoo come on freedom!!

  29. 129
    2Belles2Beaux4me says:

    Top 3 reasons top deal with it:
    a. My mind is going crazy because of insecurity
    b. I'm putting a lot of pressure on my man.
    c. I focus way too much on being like someone else.

    Blessings!

  30. 130
    The Mills Gang says:

    I haven't read Chapters 7 and 8 yet but I just watched the video. I must say that I loved it. It really spoke to my heart and motivated me. I love seeing your passion. It's very uplifting and encouraging. I think you should do more videos!!
    I am getting a lot out of your book and love how the Lord speaks to me while I'm reading it. I'm learning a great deal about myself. Thanks again.
    **Girl, love those highlights! They look fantastic! 🙂

  31. 131
    Leslie Lauren says:

    I love you so much!! I hope I can say this without you taking it the wrong way, Miss Beth. There have been times that I have felt pushed to "rush" through your studies, either because videos have to be returned to the person they were borrowed from, or because a church group wanted to stick to a specific schedule, but I gotta tell ya. I get the MOST out of your studies when I am able to go at my own pace and let God show me in every day life each point that He is trying to make to me. It took me over a year to get through Breaking Free on my own, but I will never regret or forget it because with each new section that I did, God showed up big time in a way that only He could, to show me what steps needed to be taken for me to finally BREAK FREE. Something that big can't come out of an 8 week journey. At least not for the bondage I was carrying. I think the same will be true of this insecurity book. Some women may need to go even SLOWER than the pace we are going in order to get the full effects of everything that needs to be learned, relearned and essentially "reprogrammed," so that we kick this bad girl to the curb! (bad girl=insecurity)

    After all that being said, Miss Beth, how the heck do you get your hair so high??? Do you use mousse or hairspray or root lifter or what? I can't for the life of me figure out how to do what you do to your hair, but I sure wish I knew, because mine likes to sit flatter than a pancake. I have tried umpteen times with a big round brush and hair spray in front of the mirror, but end up looking pretty hideous (if I do say so myself). Help!!

  32. 132
    the4leegirls says:

    I have to be honest here. I have not posted yet because I did the same thing the girl did you were speaking to. I read the entire book…in one sitting. BIG MISTAKE. Not enough time to process and not enough time to let God speak or work. I felt shaken to the core and scared, not healed. O.K. I am starting over. I will go slow and follow the instructions this time.
    Humbled,
    Allison Lee

  33. 133
    Heather says:

    Newbie here 🙂 What is it with our relationships with our sister-in-laws? Brings out the worst insecurities in some of us. So glad to read I am not the only one.

    #1 Insecurity can make you act like an idiot in female friendships. the why leads to #4 ~ I have a very dear friend that was my maid of honor. She is also very good friends with my sister-in-law. I, on the other hand am not friends with my sister-in-law. I don't dislike her we just don't have a relationship. With all that being said there are issues with this friendship. I often question why I stay friends with the one when I don't have the relationship with the other. Often I have been excluded from activities where the two are involved which is has been hurtful. I am not sure why I am not better friends with my sister-in-law, other than the root being my insecurity. I wondering now if it is my insecurity that has caused so much of this hurt I feel. At times I know I have voiced this hurt to the dear friend and am embarrassed that my insecurity has led us to some heated discussions. Bless her heart she is still my friend.

    Back to #2

    1. I am a mother of three and need to have my dignity for my two girls(and boy) to see what it is like to be secure in Christ.

    2. Able to focus on my time on worship and His will for my life without ME getting in the way.

    3. Have better relationships with people.

    Thanks for writing this book I feel like not only will I get my dignity back, but I can help my girls ages 7 and 5 keep their dignity.

  34. 134
    elawhorn says:

    1. the part "insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions" because I have lived most of my life as a people pleaser. I have compromised my Christian values just to be accepted or to avoid confrontation. Why? My deep insecurity rearing its ugly head.

    2. a) God cannot use me fully until I get rid of this friend.
    b) I hate what even a small dose of insecurity does to my thoughts, words, actions, and, most of all, my walk with Him. It's the mountain I am tired of marching around time after time after time.
    c) Dealing with it will enable me to become a better wife, mom, sister, and friend.

    3. Just last week at a parents' track meeting at school where I did not know anyone in the room. My hubs and I were not getting along and walked in and out feeling horribly insecure. Inside, it got a rise out of me because I was beating myself up with negativity. Outside, it did not get a rise because I began a conversation with someone and "pretended" to be secure!

    Eva
    40's
    Knoxville,TN

  35. 135
    Rhonda says:

    I'm giddy!
    Just reading your post and watching the short video has produced a feeling of expectation : ) I can feel the long, long, long, long journey coming to an end. The climb is almost over……….I can feel the ocean breezes………the end of the trail is in sight and I just want to run ahead at a fast clip to be free!

    Just had to share. Now I'll head into chapters 7/8, anticipating the end to come….which is really a fresh beginning…..a new foundation…….Whahoo!!

    Love ya : )

  36. 136
    Terri says:

    Terri
    30's
    Married
    Senoia, Georgia

    1. You know there is not one part of Chapter 7 that hit home with me, the whole chapter did. It is so sad to read about other's experiences when insecurity made them out to be a fool. It has made me pinpoint a few times when I have been a fool.

    2. A. I am so tired of feeling so unworthy and unloved. I know my God loves me and has grace sufficient enough for me to be me! I am his child and I need to begin living that way.
    B. I have a 12 year old daughter who I want to be confident in who she is. I don't want her to see my insecurity drag me down and then she follows in my footsteps. I want her to be secure right now.
    C. If I deal with my insecurity now, I believe God will be able to use me more through my church to fulfill His purposes and plans.

    4. Dignity to me is how I carry myself. It is how I react to my family in situations. Dignity is respect.

    Beth, thank you so much for doing the Bible study with us! I just love ya!

  37. 137
    Debbie says:

    Wow God! I was just starting chp 8trying to anyway. I didn't realize till after I watched your video how vulnerable I was feeling. I was stuck and depressed I might add. Now hope, that I don't have to stay here. I can move on and have the security that I know I have in Christ. Thank you Beth for being so sensitive to the Holy Spirit in writing this book and to the continued journey.

    Debbie
    49 married
    California

  38. 138
    Melinda says:

    I watched the Oprah thing last night, too, and wondered if others in Siestaville were watching – it coincided perfectly with this study. Not just a coincidence, I"m sure. All of it was sad, but I was SO torn up over that French model with anorexia. To look at her, so literally hollow, eaten alive by the lie. It broke my heart, made my tender heart weep. And it made me so angry. Not just for her, but for all of us who are being robbed of life, both physical and spiritual. I think that's what it takes – I think we have to get really, really angry. We have to take a long hard look at what we are allowing the lie to take from us. We simply have to stop believing it. Jesus help us…

  39. 139
    Kathy W says:

    Kathy W
    48
    Mansfield, TX
    married

    1) Insecurity causes a mom to be over-controlling/out of control…There was a point when all 4 of my kids were in elementary and middle schools, doing multiple activities, when we rarely had a civil word between us or a meaningful conversation because I was so insecure about what others would think if they were not involved in enough activities, we were late, I didn't send the right snack for the game, I wasn't involved in their schools enough, on and on, and on. I got a grip on it for a while, by quitting my job and staying home again for a few years, but so wish I had those years back to do over!!
    3) Recent trigger-a comment by my husband about another woman's appearance. I didn't register a verbal/obvious reaction; sort of tried to shrug it off, but was definitely doing the "what does she have that I don't" thing in my head. In my husband's defense, he actually makes these comments because he is comparing me favorably to someone else, but I usually don't see it and even argue with him about it sometimes!! Actually the latest trigger was just logging in here…I had just been putting "40's" for age, but after reading Chapter 8, it didn't even bother me to put 48!! So, making progress!! PTL!
    4) Dignity means worthy of respect and love because of who I am in Christ. Not necessarily always feeling it, but knowing it!!

  40. 140
    Jina says:

    Beth,

    This doesn't go along with your post so please feel free not to publish this one, but I just had to tell you!

    I homeschool our kids and we have been studying ancient history this year through a curriculum that integrates Biblical history with the traditional history. I have loved it!

    Today we were studying the history of Judah during the time of the Assyrian empire and transitioning to the Babylonian empire. Can you guess what my kids heard about? Sorry for the rhetorical question, but they just got a HUGE lesson from scripture with applications I drew in from the updated Breaking Free.

    The beautiful part was as the end of the lesson drew near, my 4 children (ages 8,10,11,13) had received a weighty Word from God on pride. I did too. We prayed together at the end and I openly rebuked pride in me and prayed that God would break off pride as generations before me have struggled as well. They each prayed that God would replace their pride with the power of the Holy Spirit to have greater control in their lives. I prayed over my kids that they would walk as Hezekiah did before pride influenced his life. I prayed they would walk humbly before their God and be a generation that He receives glory through their tenacity, faithfulness and humility.

    This wasn't the first time they have had a lesson from the pages of your Bible studies, but it was so precious I had to share.

    Have a blessed day Beth! Thank you, once again!

    Jina

  41. 141
    Anonymous says:

    (did not get the message saying my post was being reviewed, so it must not have gone through. trying again, sorry if it turns out to be a double post)
    Can't wait to see your video, our internet filters at the school where I work blocked it, and my internet at home was down this morning. The filters also block about 3/4 of your pictures and I can only see a few from each set.
    I hope I can get my answers typed quickly, because when my job as school nurse interrupts me frequently and it takes me several hours to finish, my posts sometimes never appear. I wonder if there is a connection.
    1.Two parts of chapter 7 really rang a bell – the woman at the drive through and the preacher's wife who appeared to be a snob because she was too insecure to speak to people in case they did not like her, since I don't even smile at people sometimes for that reason. My drive through problem is not the sound of my voice, it's just the fear of looking foolish ordering. I cannot speak Starbucks language, so I will never go there unless someone has specifically told me what I need to order and I have memorized it. I have done this exactly one time. I have worked for the same school 10 years and gotten a cafeteria meal one time in all that time because I do not know how staff orders theirs or how the other "snack lines" work and would feel too foolish asking, especially after 10 years.
    2.Reasons to deal with my insecurity
    A.So I can enjoy myself in situations that scare me
    B.Because pride is a sin, and since I now recognize it in myself, I must "go and sin no more"
    C.Quote from page 151 "I don't have to live this way anymore". Well all right then, let's just change.
    3.Recent trigger – really wanted to get lunch in the cafeteria for once, especially since husband wouldn't be home for supper, so I wasn't cooking at home tonight and wanted a full meal at lunch, not the sandwich I brought. Almost chickened out yet again, but instead, I hitched up my dignity and went for it, thanks to this book. God was merciful and sent another faculty member in there just before me, so I was able to jump in behind her and just copy her. The cafeteria ladies were in shock to see me and even said so!
    4.Looked up the definition of dignity on the internet and factmonster.com caught my eye – "bearing, conduct or speech indicative of self respect. worthiness" – love it.

    texas
    50's
    married

  42. 142
    Donna says:

    Hi. I finished the book too but am reading every chapter over again and slower to really get it thru my head and understand. The problem is even though I love it and think it is great I have felt very oppressed and down. I am in a funk and can't get a grip onto the core yet..I think it is either God having me go deep or Satan using my insecurtity…my thoughts, I will answer questions later. 🙂

  43. 143
    Kate says:

    Kate
    22
    Georgia

    Hey Beth! Thank you so much for that video. I also have read through the whole book, but I have been rereading and following along with your questions each week. In response to your video, I have two things to say:

    1. I am getting married in 8 months, and I can't explain how much your book has been a blessing to my relationship with my man! His name is also Keith, so when I read your stories about you and YOUR Keith, I literally feel like you are speaking straight to me. Even though I have been a Christian for years, I still find myself placing so much of my security in Keith… but he can't handle it!! You have opened my eyes to the fact that I can never place so much pressure on him and expect him to meet all my needs all the time. I don't know who is more thankful for this book- him or me. 🙂 I know for a fact that we will have a much healthier marriage and I will be a much more secure wife because of this book. (By the way, I think our men would get along. There isn't any place that MY Keith would rather be than in a deer stand.)

    2. You are completely right when you say that working with younger girls can help battle insecurity. I lead a Bible study of amazing 9-12th grade girls, and the time I spend with them truly helps me divert my focus from myself and my flaws because I am so focused on them. I always tell them that they are more of a blessing to me than I am to them. I encourage other women to do the same thing. Working with younger women does wonders… in your life and theirs!

    Thanks again, Beth! Much love to you all, Siestas!

  44. 144
    Kim says:

    Thank you so much for the video. I think I finished the book so quickly, I didn't absorb much of the healing implications because I was still licking the wounds that had been opened. Last night I went back and read chapter eight because I am so ready to REALLY beat this. I can't tell you how many times I've stopped doing things Satan's way but never started doing them God's way. Between the reading last night and your video this afternoon, I am so encouraged. Thank you, Mama Beth, for taking the time:)

    2. Top 3 reasons to move on:
    a. my little girl
    b. because Jesus has done so many good things in my life, transformed so much ugly into beauty and to think I would give Him everything but this? No, I want evidence of His fingerprints down to the deepest, ugliest root of insecurity in my life and I want His precious grace to be my strength.
    c. I'm sick of feeling unsure, I want to be confident because I know it would have a ripple effect in every single relationship I maintain

    3. last week I told some one I love very much how much she meant to me and her response was, well, odd and left me feeling really unsure and insecure.

    4. Dignity to me is seeing myself through God's lens and not the worlds. It is believing I am who HE says I am so thoroughly and completely that my confidence is unshakeable.
    "If we knew who we were and what God has conferred upon us, what everybody else thought of us would grow less and less significant."

  45. 145
    Jagette says:

    I am glad everyone is getting to take part in this. I guess my insecurity is I haven't gotten my book yet. It got lost and am waiting for the replacement to arrive and am missing keeping up with all of you.

    Jagette
    North Carolina
    Single

  46. 146
    Paaj40 says:

    1) I think the issue that hit home most with me was the very first issue. Acting like an Idiot around your friends. While in college I had a falling out with a group of friends, basically because I wouldn't give them space. Then instead of giving them space, I kept writing them and trying to talk to them, making a huge fool of myself.

    2)Top 3 reasons to deal with Insecurity for me…

    a)Because most time I don't feel like I'm worthy to be in a relationship, whether that's a friendship or a romantic relationship.

    b) because I'm sick and tired of not feeling adequate because I don't look like a supermodel.

    c)It's simply time to get off my butt, stop feeling sorry for myself and make a change to walk in the glorious healing of our Savior!

    3)I think one of my recent triggers is that I don't hear from my friends after I leave them comments or send them messages on a certain social networking site and instead of realizing that they have lives and will most likely respond eventually, I get frustrated and think our friendship is fading. This bugs me to no end, because I can get so worked up over nothing!

    4)Dignity means to me healing and hope, and I am so glad God has already given it to us!

    PS. Beth I just wanted to let you know I was at Passion 2010 and really enjoyed both your main session talk and your breakout session! The 4 no's to get a yes have already helped me several times!

    Paige
    20's
    single
    Northern Indiana

  47. 147
    Anonymous says:

    1. After reading chapter 7, I just wanted to scoop all those Siestas into my arms and hug them! I had no idea that on this large of a scale are women dealing with all these awful insecurities. I just love all you Siestas for your bravery and honesty. You are such a blessing to me!

    2. I’m not as insecure as I used to be, especially after doing the Inheritance Bible study years ago in Colorado Springs, but it will rear it’s head and I’ll think, “What was that?” This book has challenged me to conquer that last tiny bit!!! I didn’t think it was a big deal anymore, but now that our sweet Mama Beth is asking this question, I am forced to deal with the fact that even those few instances need to be gone!!!
    A) I will be starting a family with my husband and don’t want to pass on an ounce of insecurity.
    B) I realize now that even small doses belittles who I am in God’s eyes.
    C) To be insecure in any instance seems to place a distance in how close to God I can get.

    3. I did have a dose of insecurity when I thought about signing up for facebook just LAST WEEK! I saw that so many people from my childhood and high school were already on and how many “friends” they had and some of the women were incredibly successful. I gave up a very successful career so my husband could have his (he has to move with the job), and for a moment I felt this awful surge of worthlessness. I realized that facebook would be really bad for me. And Beth’s book confirms it! I can be in a room full of women and feel just fine and confident and truly enjoy getting to know each one. But if I am home alone and online seeing how popular women are on their blogs and facebook pages, for some reason I have this feeling that there’s no way mine would be successful and it’s like 7th grade all over again!!! I even find myself checking to see how many times someone has clicked on my bio and feel lame that it is so much lower than others who are in the thousands. If I get a surge of clicks, I feel so happy, that 7th grade popularity! So, need to stay away from that medium, it’s just not good for me. Thank you Lord for showing me that!

  48. 148
    Becky says:

    OH Thank you Becky from Owasso OK.
    thank you for your words; 'I don't have to dig through the trash with him anymore, I'm clean, I'm loved"
    The evil on has had me digin' through the trash with him lately.
    Thank you siesta.

  49. 149
    kirsten says:

    First I will say that most of the examples in Ch. 7 were on some level familiar. I have let my insecurity go as far as me changing who I was to the point of wondering if I even knew anymore
    2. Top 3 reasons to deal with my insecurities:
    ..1.. I believe that I am who God says I am..His child that He loves, so being a fidgety and insecure parson doesn't line up with that thinking
    ..2..My insecurity tears away at my whole family's security. It radiated out of me and gets in the way of what God has for me and my family
    ..3.. I have two little girls who I want more than anything to grow up clothed in dignity.. Secure enough to not let themselves be in situations that I have let myself be in.. Secure enough in God's love to not search for it under every rock

    4. Dignity means to stop hanging my head in shame over sins that God has forgiven. To truly wear a crown that He has placed on my head

  50. 150
    Maryellen says:

    I have to confess that I was just a peeping tom here on this topic. I was not at all that insecure…yeah right! LOL! I am running out right now and buying it. The question about what made me sick and tiered of this state of insecurity got me to he heart of it all. I know that I know that I know God called me to do something and no matter the amount of rejection, I am going to do what I know He told me to do. So chapter 8 here I come! Thanks!

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