So Long Insecurity Discussion from LPV on Vimeo.
Hey, Girls! How are you sweet things? You newbies well surpassed the 100 mark on our last post. Way to go! Now, keep it up! God willing, we’re walking another week closer to waving a happy good-bye to insecurity. “KB” posted a comment last night saying, “Did anybody see Jessica Simpson on Oprah and could you believe how much it sounded like what we’re studying??” Yes, I saw it and I thought exactly the same thing. (She was talking about how she was chastised in Hollywood and the tabloids for being a full size 4.) It was this whole beauty around the world thing and it occurred to me that our female insecurity epidemic obviously isn’t limited to the West.
I read countless responses to the questions raised in Week Three and held a number of your stories close to my heart. Some of you may have been shocked by what others in our community have endured but I’ve been in women’s ministry way too long to anticipate less. The common ground does not, however, diminish our compassion. We can’t let it. It still hurts to tell. And hurts to read. Epidemic insecurity needs to lose its mystery for us to find our liberty. As you can see, many of us earned the right to this battle but those of us who know Christ possess an infinitely greater right. In Him, we have the right to be free and whole.
We have the God-given right to be secure.
In many ways, we qualify as a microcosm of almost any community of women you could find in this culture. You just can’t make it into adulthood on Planet Earth without getting pretty beat up somewhere along the way. Look at it like this: the enemy of our souls wanted more out of those hits than he got or we wouldn’t be here trudging this path toward wholeness together. Many of you are marvels. Others are pure miracles. Praise God, there is healing for all of us. AND, praise God, there is also meaning.
If you’re able, please watch the video greeting I included in this post. It’s a rough cut if you’ll ever see one and very impromptu (I decided to do it that morning while I was putting on my mascara, thinking about you). But it comes to you with much love and desire to see you free in Christ. I want you to get the best possible benefit out of this journey. God is so able and so willing. Hang with it here. We are taking the turn toward solutions in a very short time. We’ve got one whopper of a chapter to read before then, however. Your reading assignment this week will be CHAPTERS SEVEN AND EIGHT. Chapter Eight will be a welcome relief and will introduce one of the major components in the acquisition of soul-deep security. But let’s talk about Chapter Seven first.
You’ve heard of the house that Jack built. Chapter Seven is the chapter that YOU built. This blog community (that we regulars around here call Siestaville) makes its mark in multiple places over the course of the book but this chapter is entirely your input. Those of you who were with us a little over a year ago will perhaps remember it well. I threw out a question – Has insecurity ever made a fool of you? – and, boy, did I get some answers. Some of you more tenderhearted sisters will be sorely tempted to skip or skim over this chapter because it’s hard to read at times but, unless you’re hyper-sensitive or feeling too pathetic already (we’ve got to break out of that), try to read the whole thing. Get started post haste because it’s the lengthiest chapter in the book. It’s meant to hammer a point till you’re practically screaming:
THAT’S IT! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF THE TOLL INSECURITY TAKES. I’M WILLING TO DO WHAT IT TAKES TO DUMP IT.
As long as you come to that conclusion, you don’t have to read the whole chapter if it’s above your threshold. I hope most of you will read every page of it but, if you’re having a really rough week, you can have a hall pass on the long version. Just flip through various section headings and read the ones that resonate most. And always read the wrap-up of any chapter. In an ideal world, all we’d ever need is positive motivation. The truth is, sometimes a little negative motivation mixed into the positive is exactly what it takes to shake us up enough to deal. In Chapter Seven, you’re going to get a glimpse of what happens when insecurity deals with us instead of us dealing with our insecurity. Hopefully the point will be made and we can move on. Then we can dive our scalded souls into some healing waters in the coming chapters. I promise relief is coming. We will still have plenty of issues to grapple with in future chapters but new responses will begin to shape up shortly and fresh God-given strength is on its way. We are not wimps, Girls. Let’s rise up.
OK, here are your questions for this week. Since I’m giving you four this time around you’re welcome, if you prefer, to pick two of them to answer in your comment:
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
2. (If you’re choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it’s time to deal with your insecurity. (We’re not looking for right answers. We’re looking for YOUR answers. Don’t copy off your fellow sojourners’ papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don’t get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
You guys are doing a fabulous job with this. I am so proud of you for sticking with it! Your extra effort will not be in vain. May God meet you in these pages.
You are loved here!
Kit 
this is a little bit off topic, but on topic…but it probably belongs somewhere in an earlier post.
I just really came face-to-face with it tonight, though and realized it.
One of my biggest insecurities deals with this ( but I don't know how to really say it..)::
When friends get upset with me or angry with me, I always walk away feeling like it's my fault..even if I did nothing wrong, I feel like the whole deal is my fault.
When I'm hurting and just upset about it, I feel like I can't talk to anyone because I shouldn't be upset. I shouldn't be hurting, even if a friend really wronged me or wrongly accused me of something. I don't want to be a complainer. I think I heard enough of that growing up…and I don't want absolutely everything to be a problem. I have an incredible life. God has provided for me in so many ways…but sometimes I do hurt. Sometimes things are painful, but I feel so insecure talking about it because I feel like people are going to think that something always has to be wrong with me.
1. The part of Chapter 7 that hit home with me had to do with lying – I started lying in high school for attention and just now realized the root of that was insecurity. Some serious soul-searching time is needed with my Lord to get to the root of why and get it out of my life.
2. Three reasons why it is time to deal with my insecurity:
a.so that I will be more transparent and vulnerable, not encased in a fortress of my own doing.
b. so that my relationship with God, my family and others will be healthier,wholesome and not based on falsehood.
c. so that I can walk in the light, see things for what they are in His eyes and not be deceived by my own emotions or thoughts.
3. A recent trigger of insecurity occurred when people at work were talking about a certain news show I had not seen and I was so tempted to pretend I did, but thankfully, just kept my mouth shut and listened.
4. Dignity to me means someone who knows her own worth, who stands tall, who is aware of her own strengths and weaknesses and doesn't let the weaknesses defeat her. It is a woman who is gracious, kind, willing to stoop to help others and also willing to trust again in hard circumstances, to keep on loving when all others would have given up – to look to the Lord for her provision and as her sustenance.
ok ladies here I go i've been here all along but Not shared my SLI with you yet rejection is a big one for me:)
1. I see alittle of myself in most of chapter 7. The number one is Being a idiot in a female relationship. Mama Beth you reminded me what our father said the truth will set you free. I'm so ready for freedom from this. Some where down my road of my life.I started believing the enemy I believed that I was born attracted to woman that was just who I was. I knew God as my personal saver, But yet I let the enemy lead me down the wrong road almost killed me. I cried out to god in pain and angry I could not understand, How he the maker could make me this way ( Cause I know that he said it is wrong, I tried to find a loop hole )I was asked to going to a church that allow the same sex relationshp and said it was ok. My Sweet holy spirt that I had not heard in a long time screamed stay away you know what it right. That was my turning point and I am not living that Life style anymore. But a fight I have to fight daily, sometime hourly, But I keep telling myself ,If the devil is after you this bad you must going to be doing some great work for your father when all said and done
2.a That I want to have freedom from bondage. To walk freely with God and know that I am forgiven. and learn to forgive myself
b.Rest,Let me explain this one… most my Life as been filled with something bad. Abuse, lost my earthly dad at 16 , Drugs you name it I probably used it , 10 years ago stood and held my sister at 2:00am as her home burned to the ground with her 8 year old daughter inside. I know that God took her before she know what was happening, Did I say drugs, Stayed high from 12 to 26. I have had no true rest I guess peace is a better word. You know the kind that God can only give that is what I want.
C. I really Love God, and he has watched over me so many times. I should not be alive to write this. out of a group of 6 friends I grew up with. I am one of the only 2 that is not dead or serving time. I want to be able to smile and laugh and Mean it. To have a normal Life If there is such a thing. The devil tells me daily that I can never have a normal female friendship cause they would never trust me. and That no Godly man would every want me after what all I have done. I want to know how not to believe this.
4. Dignity to me is to beable to hold my head up High in front of christian with out feeling like the black sheep as my grandmother would say.
So Mama Beth and Sisters if you are reading this It took all that I had to be open like this never have I done this in my 34 years here. But Never have I had true freedom or any dignity around other christian. This is why I desided to jump in with both feet cause I so much want and need to find the roots to my insecurity… I am Broken and afraid of the unknown ( my choice's Mostly) but Thank you God for letting me know that in my weakness is when he can do his work.
rebecca
tennessee
30's
After a long weekend away, I am catching up on some of the most recent posts (I so wish I could read more!) Tse Family, I just wanted to say I hear you in regards to blogs being a trigger. I will be praying for you!
In the spirit of honesty, I wanted to share something I think the Lord has been sweet enough to reveal to me. After this posted last week I was really left questioning why I have been so bowled over by this issue of insecurity. When I posted Thursday, I thought it must have been because I had to think through a lot of childhood events that are unpleasant and places I'd prefer not visit and it was just taking me a while to get over going back there. But I don't think that is it at all. It occurred to me that I picked up this book with the intent of doing a "fun" bible study with Mama Beth and the Siestas. I had NO idea what I was in for.
When I did Breaking Free years ago, I walked into it knowing that I had some serious baggage to deal with, I was prepared to take it on, and praise the Lord, that study gave me the tools.
This was totally different. I knew I had an insecurity or two (oh my heavens, yes, I know how utterly ridiculous that sounds!) to deal with but really I was doing this because I had some free time in my schedule and I was excited to doing something with this community. This book knocked my on my behind. I had no idea the depth and breadth of my insecurity. I feel like the Lord invited me to rake leaves with Him, something I thought we would be able to do together and I wouldn't get to dirty and there would be plenty of time to make my lunch date afterward. And then He said, "No, no, no, my sweet Kimberly (only Jesus and my husband call me that), we are cutting down that oak tree over there, pulling up the stump and we aren't stopping until every last root is removed. Better cancel your lunch plans."
Whoa, did I come dressed for the wrong occasion.
But, as usual, the Lord has been so sweet in making this personal and intentional with me. I think He'd have had it no other way. He wanted me to be caught off guard. I mean, this siesta knew she had some "p"ride, but discovering it is more like a serious PA-RIIIDE issue has been rough. Suddenly I was/am hyper aware of all my insecurities, and I'll be honest in saying it has stung…a lot. I mean some of the things that I thought defined me as a secure person are the very things I am realizing are at the root of my worst insecurities. Am I making a lick of sense to anyone but myself?
I guess my point is this, I think this healing for me is going to come a little slower. Even though I am experiencing some very real and exciting victories over things I didn't even realize a few weeks ago I needed victory over, I'm also still adjusting to the truth of it all – that I am not nearly as secure as I thought I was.
I write this because I sincerely hope encourages someone else who might have been half as goofy as I am and decided a book titled, "So Long Insecurity" would be a fun read….what the heck?!
And also to tell you, Mama Beth, that I hope you know how incredibly grateful I am for this book. I might come across as stuck in a rut, but I think that is just my deer in the headlights look. I mean, this is some heavy stuff and I wasn't prepared. I'm finally starting to wrap my brain around it all and take it for the enemy it is. But I had to see it for what it was (which I think I am still doing) before I could start the fight.
Bless you, sweet siestas! I will be praying for you all in this journey against the one who robs us of our God-given dignity.
Okay. I've gotten a little behind on the reading (in seminary) but have finally caught up. This is actually my first time posting but have enjoyed the journey.
I feel very secure in most areas of my life except (oddly enough) my value in ministry. I have come to the realization that pride has driven me to think that my performance in ministry is contingent on God's love for me. I want God to love me in an extraordinary way and that ought to be evidenced in an extraordinary gifting. Pride is driving me to compare myself with everyone else at seminary. And yes I am making an absolute fool of myself. Every assignment given is a trigger for me. It was like a light bulb going off in my mind. I know that God gifts people not for their own worth and dignity but for the good of the body. I just didn't realize that was my problem – the root of my insecurity. My worth and dignity are not wrapped up in my gifting.
Okay, I know that I didn't answer two questions but I'm not going to let that trigger my insecurity.
To March 5, 2010 2:40 AM Siesta!
Thank you for sharing so much and so long and in detail. I needed to hear every word of that!
🙂
Tracey
40's
Germantown, Maryland
1. The realization that insecurities can veil our vision and blind us to our blessings-specifically the example that was shared of a woman who had been adopted thinking something had to be wrong with her. We have a 6 1/2year old daughter that we adopted from China when she was 10 months old. I don't want her to be harboring any insecurities as a result of this.
2. a- I want to be a shining example for my daughter and the other young girls I encounter in my life.
b- I believe that the issues in our marriage that aren't as I'd like to see them most definitely stem from my insecurities. And it's high time that changed!!
c- Insecurities have robbed me of the life God has for me and I don't want to miss out any longer.
3. About two months ago I saw my ex-husband on Facebook. Over a decade has passed since our divorce, so I sent him a message. I overanalyzed his response and felt the need to explain myself. Once again I sent a message. You can probably guess what happened next. I did, I sent yet another message to clarify myself. He ended up blocking me, which lead me to feel rejected all over again. This incident did show me that the feeling of "not being good enough" is a trigger for my insecurity.
4. To me dignity means having value and worthiness. Feeling comfortable with who I am-frailities and all.
The Journey Continues ~
I am really taking in the book you wrote Beth.
When I received the book in the mail, I read it in one night. Then, I kept remembering certain comments and quotes but couldn't recall which chapter, so, I started reading it as a study and I have gotten so much more out of HIS words, Your words, Siesta words, Man words, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for having the courage to write this book. I am having the courage to share my heart and thoughts with you and the Siesta Community, your daughters Amanda & Melissa and LPM.
answers
1. The gut wrenching pains of our insecurities and how we hold onto them.
2.
A. To seek God
B. To hear God
C. To trust God
3. Two things happened this past week to trigger my insecurity.
(It has been a difficult few months attending 5 funerals~ one was a suicide of a beautiful young brilliant woman, lots of travel,helping others with budgeting,renovating/remodeling a home,and doing for others) My only rest has been the comfort of the LPM blog and visiting with my husband and a couple of my trusted Siestas.
Okay, I am being TOTALLY HONEST HERE!!!!!
A.I was left off the scripture comments over the weekend and envious that another Siesta was mentioned and not me. Then it made me emotional that I gave up the Siesta trip to spend it with family. I wanted to see you and the girls face to face and still Insecure that all the other Siestas have photos with you and I don't.
ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC!!!
I usually could care less about that kind of thing. What is this emotional insecurity all about???
I think I need some sleep!!
B. A family member told me that I wasn't giving her enough regard & attention. She said I was putting other women over her. I left with shoulders down and tears streaming knowing that I am doing the best I can. I allowed Insecurity to take effect when I KNOW that I am doing what I need to be doing!
4. Dignity = A Holy Temple in the Lord.
Majesty WORSHIP HIS MAJESTY!!!!
With "HEAVEN BOUND" blessings,
Kim
Age 40's
California
I haven't posted since the first week and I am behind in my reading. I got a little overwhelmed with my biggest insecurity-not feeling good enough. So I put the book down and tried to forget that big hurt. This weekend I went to our church's womens retreat. On the last day, one of the scriptures was Heb. 12: 2-3, but the part that hit me the hardest was the end that says "Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." It overwhelmed me because I am weary and I have lost heart. I sobbed and sobbed and my friend held me, and then she went to get the speaker(who is also a counselor at our church). She came to me, held me and prayed with me. Then she asked Jesus to reveal my pain-and it was not being good enough and it goes all the way back when I was 5 and had to be tested(just to see what I know) and I stressed over it. And I lied about being able to tie my shoes, because I didn't want anyone to be let down. And realizing that gave me peace. So I have written all the questions down and will get to them. For right now I am just standing in amazement that I am good enough for God-He told me so.
Heather
40's
married
NE
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
Insecurity can make us give an entirely wrong impression. . . I see that often in how I choose to react- when I react to how I am treated by others.
2. (If you're choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with your insecurity. (We're not looking for right answers. We're looking for YOUR answers. Don't copy off your fellow sojourners' papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don't get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.
A. I'm tired of it.
B. I'm tired of Satan having the control
C. I'm ready for a new me that relies on Christ! 🙂
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you. The tone and language at a recent provider meeting. I went to my office and cried. . . so, again, Satan won.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
My dignity comes from Christ alone. . .and Satan is always on the prowl to steal it. . .Satan needs to take step back from this gal! 🙂
single, 30
Kate
20's
Baker City
Single
1. The one that hit home with me the most was talking about insecurity weighing me down heavily in appearance issues. For me if I am having a bad hair day or "fat day" or just feeling awful about my appearance I am insecure in not only how I look, but also in how I act around and relate to others.
2. a) I am bone-weary of Satan attacking me with insecurity
b) Insecurity is hindering my relationship with Jesus.
c) Insecurity is keeping me from enjoying the family and friendships the Lord has blessed me with.
3. Last week my professor asked to speak to me privately and then walked a long ways down the hallway. I was wondering what I had done wrong and my heart was pounding and my hands were suddenly clammy. It turns out I was being nominated for an award, but I could barely focus on that because I was insecure and still thinking I had done something wrong.
4. Dignity: a place of honor, respect, recognition, strength, a secure individual, confidence, and a high self-esteem
2a) Bottom line – TIME. I've wasted so much of it dealing with insecurity. My life is too full to be giving any more time to something so unworthy.
2b) My son – I want him to marry a secure woman, and he needs to know firsthand what that looks like. I've already seen in his tender little life some insecurities that make me want to bawl my eyes out. He is too young to be befriending this heinous "friend." It needs to stop with me!
2c) Freedom and family. This will be the epilogue of Breaking Free for me. I've come to realize that my husband chose me as a mate because I embodied something to him that he didn't have in his female family members growing up…security. Granted, the security he saw was my relationship with Christ, and while that's a wonder in itself, it obviously wasn't the end-all for me because I've still faced insecurities after years of being a God's girl. Time to let go and let God!
3) I'm truly embarrassed to share this story, but it's a Judgement Free Zone so here it goes. We went to Disney this past weekend, and while standing in line a group of teenage boys started loudly proclaiming who all was "hot" in the ride line. These were baby-faced boys, not much older than 15 I'd say. Definitely not anyone I'd be remotely attracted to and not anyone I'd want attracted to ME. But something about hearing them call out, "She's hot! Hey, she's really hot right there!" started up that little voice inside my head…
"Remember when you used to be 'hot'?" Almost as soon as it came, I got a small smile on my face because I was fortunate enough to see exactly what was happening AS it was happening. I turned to my husband and said in a goofy voice, "Don't worry baby, they ain't talkin 'bout me!" and without skipping a beat he replied, "Bummer! I thought they were talking about me!" I laughed like a hyena. The ridiculousness of it hit me like a ton of bricks, and we laughed all the way onto the ride!!
4) Dignity to me is plain and simple – it is being worthy of respect. It is knowing that one day you will not be regretting your thoughts or feelings towards yourself, or regretting the way you might have responded in a situation.
Love you Beth, Amanda and Meliss…and as a side note, our study group has had some AMAZING revelations within itself. The other girls haven't commented here, but I can assure you that we are all learning and growing together in wonderful ways. God is good all the time!! <3
Leslie
Late 20's
Married <3
2. Top three reasons why it’s time to deal with my insecurities:
a. God has healed so much in me but as I’m reading and remembering things from my past, I realize there is more that I haven’t dealt with. I’ve stuffed my emotions down for so long and I’m ready for the next step in the healing process.
b. I have a 14 year old daughter who I desperately want to help her not fall into the insecurity trap but I’m not sure how to help her. I’m still figuring it out myself!
c. I want to be all that God wants me to be. I don’t want anything to hinder my walk, especially my insecurities.
3. A recent incident that triggered insecurity – One of my best friends asked me to lunch. My first thought was, she wants to dump me as a friend. This did happen once before, ugly story, get hurt deeply. But instead of freaking out about it, I just told myself she just wants to catch up since we haven’t spent much time together lately. She did want to discuss something, but she did want to end the friendship. I was so relieved. And glad I hadn’t got myself all worked up for nothing!
4. To me dignity means that others respect me and that I respect myself.
I can so identify with many who have stated the book has left them "raw". I too have felt so exposed, and yet I know that when God uncovers things it's so He can bring healing. And I'm finally ready for the healing. Thank you Beth for the book and for being a mighty instrument of our Lord.
Molly
43 Single, never married
California
1. I resonated with how insecurity can mess up female friendships, particularly the part about having two separate friends who then become friends. I've experienced this many times over and though I've gotten a bit better at dealing with it, I hate that I can't just celebrate the new or renewed friendships because I'm not sure of my place. (Oh my golly, this is hard to look at. I should just keep tissues near the computer these days.) Also, being extremely overweight since childhood has wreaked havoc in my life and produced heaps of insecurity and vice verse insecurity has added heaps of pounds to my body.
2. It's time for me to deal with this because …
a. I want to live in the freedom Christ died for and have my life count for His kingdom and His glory rather than have it all wrapped up in my issues.
b. I want to know that the only opinion that really matters is my that of my Father. It will free up others in my life, as well as myself.
c. Being insecure because of my weight wastes time and energy that could be used for better purposes. It puts far too much focus (even if it's just in my head) on myself and that's just wrong.
d. I'm not pursuing things in my life because of my insecurity and therefore I haven't found out if God has a better blessing out there for me.
3. Just today there was a completely ordinary situation at work and at first I felt insecure wondering where my co-workers were and if they were together. Then I decided to just let it go and went on about my day because no matter where they were or who they were with it had no consequence on me or my day.
4. Just re-read part of chapter 4 and am was blessed to read about God putting dignity on our head to protect our mind. There's freedom in knowing that He gives it to us … a crown of sorts (and I'm quite fond of sparkles) and that I simply have to walk in it … upright and secure because I'm a daughter of the KING!
Thank you, Lord for your truth and the hope we have in you.
Beth, your video was just what the Dr. ordered. Dr. God. Sometimes I have to go back and read a whole chapter over again. I need to study the book like I did in college to really absorb and live it. Your writing is so good, I love your sense of humor. Your visualization is great. In my head is my coat with the sleaves of power and dignity, I hold my tail up and get to reading. Now you have that visual of looking up, past the trees to God. Boy, do you know how to hit the nail on the head. Go girl, in whatever your working on now. You always amaze me on your energy. Praise the Lord for creating your sweet heart and brilliant mind.
I usually sign in with my name, but with this weeks questions, I felt too vunerable and like I am sharing too much…
Beth, thanks so much for doing a video this week. Loved seeing your face and body language as you talked to us.
1. There were several categories in Ch.7 that I truly identified with, but the two that hit home the most were the comments about weight issues- that is such an issue for me as well. And insecurity talking us into things we don’t want to do. I’ve done things physically with my boyfriend that I never dreamed I would do, and he’s never given me any indication that he would leave if I didn’t do them, but I feel like I need to. I feel like if I don’t give him that, he’ll turn to other ways like porn to get satisfied.
2.My 3 reasons:
A. So I can stop driving my boyfriend crazy with clinginess.
B. To help me develop better, stronger, healthier friendships.
C. So I can become the person that I know is deep inside me, but has always been scared to come out.
3.Recent trigger: My boyfriend not returning a text. It’s so weird how something so little can make me so frustrated and scared that he doesn’t love me anymore more. Ridiculous! And this comes a couple days before he leaves his entire life to move to my city, and I’m too insecure to even accept that someone could love me enough to do that for me.
20s
single
Megan
29
San Diego
Yay! My first comment. How silly, I'm actually a little nervous. 🙂
2. Top three reasons to deal with my insecurities…
A.) I want to guide my daughter to grow up being secure and fully aware that she is clothed with strength and dignity.
B.) Insecurity makes me critical of others. I hate that feeling.
C.) Feeling insecure is just plain annoying. When I catch myself feeling insecure it drives me crazy.
4. I loved chapter 8! When Beth was talking about dignity, I kept getting a picture in my mind of the children in The Chronicles of Narnia. To the world, they were just regular children, but in Narnia they were kings and queens. They were clothed in royal robes and wore crowns on their heads. For some reason, that mental image really made an impact on me.
My top 3 reasons are: A) I absolutely can't live in torment anymore; B) I am destroying my relationships; and C) I am destroying my relationships.
Like too many others, I was also sexually abused as a child by members of my own family. I was not strong enough to stop it until I was 14 so, needless to say, I remember everything too well. I feel ruined in every possible way. But 6 months ago, I engaged in battle and I'm determined to win! This book has been incredibly encouraging and uplifting. My insecurities are triggered every time I see an attractive woman at the store, on magazine covers, at the gym, etc. It doesn't get the same rise out of me as it did before. I used to get jealous and start obsessing about my body, but now I just feel angry at our society. I do not envy the "cover girls" that are here today and gone tomorrow; who might never prove to be more than just a pretty face; and who can't even eat a cookie without being punished! I'm sorry, but I like cookies… 🙂
1. I can honestly say that this book describes me more than I am comfortable with. Although, I can say that I am relieved in so many ways too. I am not happy that there are so many women out there who feel as insecure as I do. I am relieved that I am not alone. So many of the stories made me have that all too familiar sick feeling in my stomach. That "cringe" of remembrance. And I am completely guilty of "getting my game on". That knowing that I am better than this. That I know better than that. Knowing that I am a child of Christ and that I am redeemed and forgiven.
2. A. I need to deal with my insecurity for my walk with Christ. To walk in the joy, forgiveness, and dignity that He has planned for me. To do less is to not give Him the glory that He deserves.
B. I need to deal with my insecurity for my family. To be the wife, mother, daughter, friend that I was made to be.
C. I need to deal with my insecurity for the sake of my daughter. Lord only knows that I can't bear to let her go through her life with these doubts and insecurities. If I can learn it and help her through it, maybe she can be spared of the 43 years of being an emotional wreck inside, yet in many ways appearing to have it all together.
3. Recent trigger: Yesterday… spoke with a friend on the phone. We now live in different cities. She is a nurse and I spoke to her about a recent health issue that I am facing. I was scared. She was very helpful. Yet, I had this nagging feeling that she thought maybe I was overreacting. Maybe that she didn't want to talk to me about it. I hung up the phone thinking I should have prayed instead, to the One who does have all of the answers. Had the "cringe" feeling.
4. dignity- feeling worthy, being able to handle whatever comes my way; in a way that will honor God and those I love
40's
married
1. Insecurity can be a relentless robber. When the most significant man in your life (daddy) choses to leave it shakes you to your core, and left untended brings about a string of disasterous choices in life.
2. A) So tired
B) So disgusted
c) Knowing that I can diligently
and must work this thing out.
3. I have been really wounded by some things going on in my marriage. Because of this book, I chose to go after it and lay it all out. I chose vulnerability and the outcome was wonderful.
4. I have been crowned with dignity by my King and I will chose to receive it and wear it well.
Celeste
Laguna Niguel, Ca
40's
Married
Sarah
Colorado Springs, CO
Single
30's
Choosing two questions to answer:
#2: Top 3 reasons to deal with my insecurity:
A- I want to know that I know that I know GOD loves me first and foremost!!! I want this so deep in my heart and soul.
B- My 5 yr old daughter.
C- No settling. Not ever again. Not in relationships, jobs, friendships, etc…only God's best from here on out. I'd rather remain single or unemployed or lonley with GOD then take the sloppy seconds I've had the past 35yrs from the devil.
#3: Recent Trigger? Oh why yes. I have officially turned into the facebook staulker! Right before christmas a man at church asked me out. Oh, being single the past 4 yrs I was more than ready for a date. Lets just wrap it up to we are so not compatible. Ok. move on. Well, I can't. I seem to have to check fb 50+ times a day to see if he has any new friends or a new status so that I can find out what he's up too. I don't even really like him….UGH! yes this gets a rise out of me in the worst way. I just want to scream. how foolish is this? Funny. Sad. God's got me and praise HIM that I can read his word and get comfort. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord……
RAHS
WA
40's
married
1)I MUST deal with this because:
* I'm not getting any younger
* I want to be a testimony of the Lord's strength
2)This week I was in an airport with my 17 yr old daughter on our way home. We had been up since 3 a.m. and I didn't have a stitch of makeup on or my hair fixed. I spotted a woman waiting to board the same plane, who I knew from our local tennis club.We used to be the same ranking but then I improved and we didn't see each other much because we weren't playing in the same league. She's a very nice gal. I had some health problems arise (spine).Two surgeries later,I had to give it up entirely. She had a hip replacement about the same time. Her surgery was successful.I know from other sources that she still plays.I had to do a double take because she has lost so much weight. She was never really heavy before but WOW,she looked great. I wanted to avoid her asking me when I would return to tennis but I also wanted to avoid her seeing how much weight I've gained. I told my daughter to cover for me as we boarded and I was seated at the window seat across the aisle from her. IRONY…I've got your book in my lap (with a beautiful fabric cover on it-wouldn't want anyone to know what I'm reading). I'm joking with my daughter about this irony, which, in hindsight screams unhealthy! I nearly got a charlie horse in my neck as I looked out the window the entire flight. This woman's success bothered me so much, she literally became a pain in my neck! Upon disembarking, I had my daughter nearly fall into the seats across the aisle so I could bee line it for the terminal. I had my daughter get the luggage. Is this sick or what?
3)Dignity is being so secure in the Lord that NOTHING can make you feel inferior.
Lord, my brain knows what you want for me. Help it travel to my heart and live it out.
Marci
Single
30s
1. Chapter 7 made me realize that I'm not alone in this fight.
2. Top 3 to reasons to deal.
a. I can finally answer God's call on my life without fear.
b. My two nieces who look up to me.
c. Healthier personal and professional relationships
3. A recent trigger for me was a perceived rejection by a guy I was dating. He is a great guy that I met at my church and I let my insecurities get the best of me. When I felt like he was pulling away from me I broke up with him over a text message…I don't even know why. I actually loved the guy, but I felt I couldn't risk the rejection, so I broke his heart before he could mine. I actually broke both of ours in the process. Strange behavior, almost out of body like I had no control over what I was doing…almost manic. Now I have to avoid him at church because I'm embarrassed.
Thank you for writing this book Beth. I bought it halfheartedly with low expectations,(it's not you, it's me) but I got goose bumps at least 5 times while reading Chapter 8 and am going to sleep tonight with a heart filled with hope. Your book, God's love and my perseverance will help me change this behavior! I'm ready.
The story about "look, look, this is my daddy!" resonated most with me. My parents divorce (it was really a good thing that gave my children a sweet Papa as a result) and not having a father figure in my life has really been a source of hurt. Even though, I think I have dealt with iut and moved on, stories like this bring tears to nmy eyes.
I need to deal with my insecurities once and for all to A-not pass them to my children and know how to nurture them to be secure; B-to strengthen my marriage and help it become what God intends it to be; and C-to be able to allow God to work through me to accomplish His purposes.
What is dignity? To be worthy of respect. To be worthy of high esteem. We are crowned with glory and honor by God!
30s
married
Macon, GA
1. Two parts of chapter 7 resonated most with me. First, the woman who wrote, "Insecurity makes us settle…Insecurity robs our confidence in our rich inheritance from God…" and the second part that resonated with me is where you wrote, "He knows we are capable of loving even when we feel unloved because He loves us enough to cover those who don't. He knows we are not nearly as fragile as we think we are, but we will act like who we believe ourselves to be."
I am tired of acting like who I believe myself to be and I am tired of believing myself to be something less than what God says I am.
2. Top 3 reasons to deal with my insecurities:
A) I am TIRED of accepting all blame/responsibility in situations in my life, relationships, etc. due to my crippling belief that I am always the problem.
B) I want to live a life of maximum impact and insecurity paralyzes me at the very worst and temporarily derails me at the very least. The pattern of continual self-doubt and insecurity has had me at a stalemate for over a year now with regard to a writing ministry.
C) I am tired of living a self-focused life. Insecurity makes me go inward in a defensive/self-protective mode. Instead, I want to live with my value and worth unshakably rooted in the King so that I may focus on living boldly for Him.
3) Last night, a friend sent out a text for help with her kids as her husband was out of town and she was sick. I had not felt well all day, and quite frankly have been exhausted. At first, I offered to bring dinner but said I didn't think I could help with the kids. I knew in my head that I can't respond to every need. But, I was so worried about her being upset with me and I had so much self-doubt and guilt about my decision that I couldn't see clearly. As my husband frequently tells me, I made a mountain out of a molehill. So, after two hours of stressing out about it, I went to help. But even then I didn't have a cheerful heart about it, which furthered my distress. A lot of times insecurity is behind the reason I can't say no without being guilt-ridden. Even now I don't know what the right thing to do was in that situation.
4)Dignity to me means that I can REST in the knowledge that I am a daughter of the King. It means that I can REJOICE in my identity instead of always apologizing for it. It means that I no longer allow others opinions, my successes or failures, or my own self-opinion to define my value or worth. It means I live as a woman of strength, rather than a mere sheepish existence. I think it also means that I stop striving to justify my worth to myself and others and instead live free from the ceaseless striving to please others.
Good Morning Beth……it's early-5:25 a.m. and I've been awake for an hour. When the spinning starts there's nothing else to do but get up! This week's assignment came right on time……in God's time. I believe He gave me this study to learn because He knew what was coming and it was a doozy. How insecure can a mother be when her daughter tells her (albeit in fear and anger) that she is sorry every day that I am her mother? My heart breaks for her. I have put her in Jesus' hands……there is nothing I can do for her right now. What your book gave me was the strength and dignity not to make a fool of myself and try to get her to change her mind-to beg her not to be angry with me-to get angry at her and fight back-to rip myself apart to see if I really am the cause or the trigger to her unhappiness. None of the above is true and to give any of these behaviors power is to give Satan his due. I WILL NOT GO DOWN THAT ROAD ANY LONGER. Through the strength of the Holy Spirit I know I am the best mom, mother-in-law and grandma I can be. I am not blowing my own horn here-I have been in recovery for 12 years and have made a living amends to my daughter every day. I have been by her side through a miserable divorce (hers), have been a built in baby sitter (and happy to have that roll), love my new son-in-law and help out in any way I am able all the time. I am disabled (fused cervical spine) so am somewhat limited but ready and willing to lend a hand. Life is pretty darn good for all of us but even being given everything she wants, my child is still suffering badly from insecurity……and wanted nothing to do with this study. Like I said-I give her to God. I hope this answered the first questions in this week's homework assignment.
What does dignity mean to me? Page 159 in SLI….Absorb this:you are worthy of respect. We have the right to dignity because God Himself gave it to us. If we knew how we were and what God has conferred upon us, what everybody else thought of us would grow less and less signifigant. SLI page 160- She is clothed with strength and dignity. Believe it, sister.
Thank you Beth-you are supporting me through a rough time.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Amen
Chapter Seven- as I looked over it again…realizing the number of things, emotions, sins I am more vulnerable to when I am insecure. But the TRUTH that all of the statements said CAN…Insecurity CAN do this or that…the great truth is that it doesn't have to. Praise the LORD! Which leads to my three reasons:
A. It is just time, God is saying it, I'm believing it.
B. I truly believe there are things God wants to do in my life and my insecurity is stifling it or worse preventing it.
C. It is messing up relationships- I'm experiencing it, and don't want to any more. Satan will not hold a victory here.
Chapter 8- To me Dignity means the courage to live as the woman God has called and designed me to be. To draw strength from the Lord to do it- because it is there for me.
I also loved the line that dignity was put around our head not our hands. "He wrapped it as a crown right around our minds, just where we need it most" This is soo true.
And, I wanted to say that I've been so encouraged by the honest sharing around this issue- I think so often, that many of your words are exactly how I feel, how I act often- we must remember we are not alone and that we are not the only person who deals with this. And praise the LORD, we are committed to working this out with the LORD and that we can share in each others victories as God heals our hearts and minds.
2.
A.
B.
& C. My insecurities and inhibitions hide behind them wonderful gifts and talents I'm too afraid to share.
Anita, 50ish, married, Canada
This is my very first blog ever. Here goes.
It took this long to gain the courage as well as the smarts to put it on computer.
Question 1:
Page 141 where one woman describes how insecurity robs us. I just settle with whatever. I'm constantly distracted and I know that I can claim more confidence in my inheritance from God. I praise Him for two precious girlfriends who kept me from laying my gift of song on the shelf time and time again. Singing His praises has saved me countless times from wallowing in a pool of despair.
Question 2:
It's time to deal with my insecurities because,
a) I'm over 50 and I need to be a role model to my adult children and my grandchildren.
b) I'm tired of making a fool of myself.
c) I need freedom and security is mine to obtain from God. He wants me to have it.
Cindy
50's
married
1. How I could (unfortunately) relate to most of the stories.
2. Top 3 reasons:
A. It's time to get my mind off of myself and to live in a way that honors God.
B. I facilitate a women's bible study and want to set a good example of victorious living.
C. I have daughters and grand-daughters and don't want to pass down the insecure mindset.
3. Describe a recent trigger…
Watching tv and being bombarded by Victoria's Secret images. I decided not to go there (again) and rest in the fact that I am beautiful in my Savior's eyes and that is of much more worth than fading physical beauty.
4. What does dignity mean to you?
I no longer carry the burden of past mistakes. I am washed clean and can hold my head up high because I am a child of God.
Thank you for the encouragement, Siesta Mama! 🙂
1) So many things, but I would guess pg 124 when it talks about insecurity talking us into doing something we don't even want to do. Years ago, I almost made the worst decision of all because of my insecurity. I had choses to look to a person instead of my Savior for my self-worth and when that (very unhealthy) relationship started going south, I felt totally out of control. Praise the Lord, He rescued me from myself!
2) a. My insecurity is feeding into a negative body/self image that I need to turn from and towards the biblical view of my worth in Christ.
b. My insecurity has put a wall up in my heart that stops me from even thinking about relationships (I'm single) – even though in my heart I want to be married.
c. My insecurity is stifling what God wants to do in my life (but praise Him, through this book and other things, He's breaking through and starting to break down the barriers!)
3) Recent trigger was just 2 days ago. After 8.5 years of a particular hairstyle (no, I do NOT like change!) I decided to get it cut (6+ inches) and colored. This was significant because I'm so insecure about my physical appearance that my hair was the only thing I really semi-liked. Taking a chance and putting that in jeopardy but getting it cut and styled totally different was a huge step for me. I know that might sound silly to some people that I'm talking about hair, but it was a big hurdle of insecurity for me!
4) Dignity means basking in the comfort and power of knowing and claiming the worth that Christ places on me–His Son died for me because He loves me enough to consider me worth saving. If being redeemed by the God of the universe doesn't give us dignity, nothing will! We must see ourselves as He does–sinners, but sinners worth His Son's precious blood to rescue!
Sarah, 30's
single, Dallas, TX
three reasons:
a. for my children – so they ( 2 b, 1 g) have an example of a mom who is whole
b. for my marriage – so it can be what God intended it to be ( at least in the half I have control over!!)
c.for myself – so I can be free to be who God created me to be
Dignity to me means to be of value.
Because of my background, when a male (any male, even my son) speaks harshly, yells, etc – I feel totally exposed and feel shamed and that I must be in the wrong. It has taken me YEARS to understand that dynamic and realize that their bad behavior belongs to them and does not define me. Dignity means that I can see that and respond out of wholeness, not brokenness.
WIll go with anonymous – feel a little exposed revealing that!!
1) What part of chap.7 hit home the most? "In order to avoid having to deal with the fact that we've been violated, sometimes we will reframe a situation…"(pg.122) I was raped by a doctor I worked for in 1989. In the following 20 years, believing I had had an affair with the man, I suffered severe periods of depression/anxiety/insomnia and made several suicide attempts. (My poor husband has surely suffered, too.) Not until last Nov., when I faced the actual truth, did I start to heal. 20 years!! I spent 20 years being depressed b/c of insecurity???
2) Top 3 reasons why it's time?
A) Now that I'm healing, I so want to go someplace with God, but something has to happen to make me want to leave where I am now. (pg.12) I am too comfortable/falsely secure in the way things are now. (pg.25)
B) My insecurities are "snuffing the Spirit" and my gifts are gathering "demonic dust." (pgs.15, 141) Before the rape, I was a church pianist. Can you guess? I haven't played in over 17 years. I also quit singing in the choir. Also quit teaching S.S. And so forth and so on…
C) In this new phase of my life, discovering healing and restoration, God is burdening my heart for women, especially women who are hurting. Well, I need to be secure enough to step out of my comfort zone, don't I?!
3) A recent trigger? Last Thanksgiving Eve service at church, we were asked to gather in groups of 4-6 to pray together for something specific (don't even remember what). Now, this is always outside my comfort zone already. Well! The couple in front of us didn't even turn around! They made no effort to join my husband and I, nor did they even pray themselves. Well, I went into such a state! I was hurt, annoyed, offended, embarrassed, and angry. "What's the matter? Aren't we good enough to pray with?" I was so bent out of shape that when my dear husband asked if we could just pray together, I couldn't. (Missed out on that rare opportunity.) I went on about this for days until a friend told me that couple was probably insecure about praying in groups TOO!
4) Dignity to me means "a calm self-possession and self-respect" (Webster's) and being able to walk around unashamed of who I am. After all, I am a Child of the King!!!
Kristi
Philadelphia
40's
married
I blog on "http://lucym.christianblogsites.com/blog" It's called "Living Free" and I just write about my journey living with and after depression. Would love to have someone join me! (And yes, I'm so insecure that I don't use my real name on that blog site!)
Jeanine, 45
Athens, NY
Married
1. The part of Ch. 7 that hit home with me was "Insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions." So much of my life has been affected by twisted perceptions. It seems that whenever rejection is part of the equation, I would turn to pride (to lift myself up) or to self-loathing (to tear myself down). Either way it's twisted!
2.Personal top 3 reasons to deal with insecurity:
A) God said it's time
B) It is for freedom that Christ set us free
C) There are precious ones who follow.
3. A recent trigger of insecurity came when I received (via a phone call) "offhanded comments from a person who had (more than) a tiny stench of superiority about her." Yes, unfortunately, it did get a rise out of me. Here's the important part of the story. Fortunately, God lovingly shined some light on what I did right and what I did wrong (via Scripture). Therefore, I apologized to this person for my actions. Then I got another earful about how bad I hurt her feelings (never an apology from her). This time I just kept my mouth shut, except to say I was sorry again. When Sunday came around and I knew I would be seeing her, I was nervous and definitely feeling insecure. God buoyed my strength with a "spot on" devotion. Then, while getting ready to go, the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, "Let Me be your Sanctuary." So, I listened to the song, "Sanctuary", by Phil Stacey. It was still resonating in my heart as I had to enter the church. Even though I felt like all eyes were on me, He was truly; my Sanctuary!
4. Dignity means to me – FREEDOM!
To be who He created me to be.
Denese
Married
50
Lakewood, NJ
1. This hit home with me: Insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions.
Why: Shared a copy of a book I felt very passionate about with a Christian friend, warning her that it was controversial in Christian circles but well worth reading. God had used the book to minister to me in a profound way, but it contained some erroneous teachings.
Soon after she emailed me that she was uncomfortable reading it and attached a scathing criticism of the book from a Christian leader. I was literally in a tailspin over this. I felt personally rejected because I had felt so strongly about the book, and she behaved as if it was "dangerous and/or subversive". It made me feel as if I was guilty of something terrible for having liked it so much! (I will add that we had recently left the church this friend was still attending…so I'm sure this book issue just added fuel to the already blazing emotional bonfire.) After much journaling, deliberation and prayer I emailed her the publisher's response to the scathing review hoping to provide a more balanced perspective. This little episode consumed me for well over a week and still makes the adrenaline surge when I think about it!
2. Top Three:
A. I hate that at times I feel like a captive to it. I want to be free!
B. My insecurities cause me to focus on things that are not important to the detriment of what is important.
C. At times my insecurity causes me to act in ways that are not reflective of who I really am. When I focus on the truth of God, I become that person because I am (in Christ) that person. I know it because I've seen it (seen Him) in myself and felt the confidence that comes when I am at rest in Him.
3. Dignity means not having to apologize to anyone/everyone for every way I am (or what I do is) less than perfect. It means I can be thankful that God made me as I am, knowing that He lovingly created me as His own work of art, one in whom He delights and through whose imperfections He reveals His wonderful grace and mercy.
"Strength and dignity are Denese's clothing and her position is strong and secure…" Proverbs 31:25 Amplified Version
Three cheers to all my fellow sojourners!!! God is transforming us…one moment and one choice at a time! <3
Cheri
62, married
Oregon
2. Top three reason to deal with my insecurity:
a. So that I do not shrink back from opportunities God gives me.
b. For freedom's sake and therefore my sake.
c. For God's sake and Christ's sake…that their sacrifices for me are not in vain.
Define dignity:
I used to think it was dependent upon my circumstances, how others treated me or what others thought of me whenever I thought I'd failed.
Dignity is not based on my feelings.
Dignity is not based on what man thinks of me.
Dignity is a state of being because of my position IN CHRIST!
I'm COVERED!
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
Insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions.
After almost sixteen years of being married to an alcoholic, I began an online relationship with a woman in New Zealand, which lasted almost two years. This relationship became very consuming. Thoughts of her consumed everything I did. It also became very expensive, in long distance phone bills and by the time all was said and done I had transferred over $1000 into her checking account. Later on I found a woman here and was involved with her for almost two years. Beth I have your book Praying God’s Word, and there is a section in it where you speak about homosexuality and how it is not love it is control. After leaving that life of sin I have to agree with you 100% it is most definitely a sin which CONTROLS you and everything you do. I am so grateful that God has delivered and set me free from it!!! Praise the Lord! This is a very big step for me in posting this.
2. (If you're choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with your insecurity. (We're not looking for right answers. We're looking for YOUR answers. Don't copy off your fellow sojourners' papers on this one. Grin.) So that you don't get your numbers confused here, list your 3 reasons under A.B.&C.
A. Would have to be rejection.
B. PRIDE.
C. An unhealthy relationship with my mother.
All three of these have led to unhealthy relationships with women, whether moral or immoral. I am SICK and TIRED of struggling with putting God first in my life because of this.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
Dignity means respect to me.
Cindy Childers
Newton Tony, England
30's
Question 1 & 3 (this answer applies to both): The part that hit home the most was the part about insecurity being a relentless robber (pg 141). Beth, it felt like you and I were literally having a conversation about what is going on in my life. I have been struggling with making a decision about joining an area of service within my church because I've been petrified I wouldn't be good at it. I know in my heart the LORD has asked me and is showing me little by little my giftings but I have just been so scared to step up! This weekend I did join the music team at church and it was the most life-altering thing I've done for Him in YEARS!! When we are weak (humbled) – HE IS STRONG!!!! He came through in a BIG and powerful way this weekend 🙂
Question 2:
A)I think my insecurity is inhibiting me from stepping up and serving God FULLY.
B)I think my insecurity has put up walls between me and my husband. I need to fully 'let go' and be my full self with him.
C) I think insecurity makes me buy more, shop more, think about myself more and as a result I am not having enough time to do what the LORD commanded me to do, "To love my neighbor as myself". I love serving others and doing things for others but I've realized through this book that I have enjoyed a bit too much (Uggh, it hurts to confess)doing so much for me. (Hebrews 12:2)"Let us fix out eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…" Thank you Beth for teaching us about liberty in Christ. I truly had a "Set Free" moment this weekend. 🙂
Robyn
40's
Queen Creek Az
2) A. I'm almost 42 and sick to death of the same triggers tripping me up!!!
B. I believe the Lord is leading me into a more visible area of ministry.
C. …can I just say I'm just ready to get past all this gunk….I'll say it again….I'm almost 42 and I'm sick to death of the same triggers tripping me up!!!
3) I believe one of my areas of insecurity is my perception of being left out of the loop. I'm a small group leader for Jr Hi girls at my church!! Just love it!! I was recently asked to be part of a leadership team within that ministry….Great!!! However, one week later, information was out that I had no idea about. Learning this info after others, who were not part of the leadership team, tripped me into insecurities I seemingly continuously deal with!!
You echoed my sentiments in Ch 8 …trying to stifle it!! I keep saying to myself "I'm an adult. I just need to get over it!"
Girlfriend, I'm so ready for this!!!!!!!
I wanted to say I loved the scripture over the weekend, Joshua 1 is a favorite-my 8 year old son, with paralyzing fear issues, has it memorized and it is our battle cry.
1. in so many of the examples I could see small pieces of myself, some of them I feel like I could have written.
2. a.I know responding out of insecurity is not how God (or I!) desire to live.
b. I don't want to miss God given opportunities (or fun for pete's sake!) b/c of my insecurities. It makes me sad to realize what I've missed, but motivated to move up and out!
c.I've got a little girl who mimics me, she's my little disciple and I want to lead her by example first, words second.
3. having my dutch students (learning english) correct my dutch- it can take me to a place of shame- but I didn't give in to it this week …progress.
4. Dignity- being a woman of God given (not world given) value! Precious in his sight and that's what matters.
3 reasons
A.We are starting the adoption process this year. I'd like to pass on consistency in character and faith which I have not yet mastered.
B.I never knew how much insecurity rules my life.I really believed I was just crazy. I thought depression and impulsive insanity were just part of who I was because of how I was raised or not raised. Beth revealed the enemy and I am ready to do battle. It's nice to know I'm not crazy;that in and of itself made me feel insecure.
C. My beloved husband who has not known what to do with me all week. He has suffered along side me having no idea how to help me. He worries alot about me and I'd like us both to come full circle of trusting God.
Recent triggers..loss of a dear friend, this book actually has caused me to relive lots of rejections I've faced just in the last 4 1/2yrs. The last straw was at PWOC and remembering rejections I faced when I first arrived at FT.Drum. Boy what a trap..I've been depressed and cried so much until yeaterday when I started Chapter 8. God told me I wasn't crazy but had an enemy and it was time to say goodbye to insecurity as a companion and start battling it. I'm ready for some victory.
jessica
almost 30
ft. drum, ny
married
Heather, 30s, Married Fullerton, California
This is my first comment as I'm just joining the group. So here we go:
1. A lot of Ch. 7 hit home for me. The ones that stood out the most are weight issues- I just had baby #2 in August and I want to get extra weight off ASAP but it's taking much longer (maybe I have too high expectations). It doesn't help to see my friends lose their weight quickly or celebrities lose their weight over night (of course they can afford trainers, right?). The others are doing things we don't want to do, accepting compliments, & twisting impressions.
2. My 3 reasons are: a. for my family I do not want to scar them from something I couldn't take care of by choice, b. so I can move forward and not hold myself back from what God needs me to do, c. so that I can deal with extended family issues.
3. Recent triggers: 1. Being a parent can bring a ton of insecurity. Am I doing the right thing? Should I be doing this or that? Comparing myself to other moms, etc. 2. Getting the extra baby weight off- seeing other people and not being able to fit into some of my old clothes is a daily reminder that the weight has got to go. I mentally beat myself up over it which only hinders the process.
4. Diginity means having honor that is given to us by our creator.
1. What part of Chapter 7 hit home with you most and why?
The desperation of wanting someone to love me, so I went looking. I can't really remember ever being affirmed at home, in our home. Yes, once in awhile when my Mom would be with other women and I would over hear. So consequently, I looked for love in ALL the wrong places.
2. (If you're choosing only two, please include this one.) Based on your journey so far in chapters 1-8, list your own personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with your insecurity.
a. Time to think of myself like God thinks and sees me.
b. When I do this, then He and I have the victory over what Satan tried to destroy….me. Security comes from Christ.
c. Joy to continue to flow in and over me as well as God's love, the right kind of love.
3. Based on Chapter 8, briefly describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
Being a step-mom; and it didn't get a rise out of me, those are few and far between…victories. 😉 Setting healthy boundaries.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
What others think of me becomes less and less and what God thinks of me becomes more and more. Healthy balance!
Yolanda
Married
40's
Ulysses, KS.
Boy does God sure love me and have a plan for me. I started this book because my sister is doing it in TX and I wanted to be closer to her. Just a few weeks in I lost my best friend who decided I wasn't worth being friends with. Two of my friends found out they were pregnant. Looking around church this Sunday children were everywhere with their daddy's. We are moving in two months to CA with no idea when or to what sort of housing if we'll have housing. God is awesome,that this book came at this time in my life was by design for sure. I have no doubts God loves me. By the way, thanks Beth.
Jessica
Ft. Drum
mariied almost 30
1. Insecurity over weight resonates with me the most–there are so many small things I won't "let" myself do because I'm heavy. For years, I was normal weight, and so these new self-imposed restrictions are especially sad for me.
2.
a. I'm tired of waking up at night reliving ridiculous slights, failures, or embarrassments.
b. I'm tired of retaking the same ground over and over again.
c. I'm tired of living the last 40 years in the shadow of my first 20 years–the good years definitely have outweighed the bad, but why do the bad years rule me now?
3. I recently brought my mother a copy of a book I'd helped edit so she could read it and see what I do. It was a Christian book. She returned it the next week and when I asked her if she'd read it, she made a noncommittal comment. She made it clear she didn't want to talk about it, so I dropped it. But it hurt inside.
4. Dignity means humbly living in God's loving estimate of me.
Marilyn
Married, 59
St. Louis MO
1. What part of Chapt 7 resonated with me most: That insecurity explodes with rejection and can twist our perceptions. P. 132. Both stories about women whose husbands left them for other women. I feel like the rejections I have experienced throughout my life have caused me to always perceive it is going to happen again and that I am not loved or wanted. So I perceive the actions of those close to me through that dark glass and see rejection of me in so many of their actions. In truth, those actions may not be about rejecting ME, but those people being focused on their own issues without a thought about me in particular.
2. List your own personal top three reasons why it's time to deal with your insecurity.
a. My life is at a standstill because of my insecurities. Literally, I am unable to move forward and am treading water, growing so tired.
b. Time is moving forward, with or without me. I am running out of time.
c. I want to have the abundant life and be doing what God intended for me to do with my life rather than be as miserable and lonely as I have been.
3. Describe a recent trigger of insecurity and whether or not it got a rise out of you.
Most recent insecurity trigger would be husband dropped our dog off to me Monday morning at 8:30am and I have not had a call or a text or anything from him since to ask how he is doing or how I am doing or even to text me “hi …. You are not forgotten”. Yes it hurts me deeply and makes me feel more insecure.
4. Also based on Chapter 8, what does dignity mean to you?
Dignity is treating yourself and others as worthy of respect and high esteem.
2. A. I am in a new stage im my life. I sent my youngest to college last fall and one of our older children got married. I need to get rid of this insecurity I have carried around most of my life. I don't want to be an insecure Grandma someday.
B. I am tired of how much insecurity affects my marriage. I want to have a wonderful healthy marriage.
C. I want so desparately to be used of God.
4. I read chapter 8 while on a plane going home. The verse Proverbs 31:25 just became so alive for me. I have read Proverbs 31 so many times, but somehow failed to see this verse. As I sat on the plane and began to just think on being clothed with strengh and dignity, I felt as if the Father just wrapped a shawl around my shoulders and told me I was worthy of respect. Now I can still remember the touch of that shawl on my shoulders. I have dignity because I am God's daughter, not because what I do, how I look, etc.
Thank you to those women who posted the wonderful verses last weekend. I came back from out of town to see all those Monday morning. They were such a blessing to me.. Love you all!!
Evelyn
Married
40's
Texas
Robin
Cleveland, TN
married
50's
1. Insecurity can veil our vision & blind us to how blessed we are.
God has given me so much and taught me to love him more that I can imagine. But I still look at others and see the knowledge of his word that they have and I wonder why can't I be like them? I get so blinded to what God has given me and the knowledge he has given me.
2. a) God has a path for me, until I rid myself of my insecurities I won't move down my path.
b) I'm tired of feeling I'm never good enough to fit in with the fellowship of God.
c) I'm my own worse enemy, it's time I believe in myself.
3. During session 7 of The Inheritance Beth talked about the Fruits of the Spirit and how we all have them and it is up to us to find them. I have struggled for years with this and I know it is something I have, but I can't seem to know what it is. During group discussions someone asked us what our Fruit was. Everyone else had an answer as to what theirs was, I just said I'm a work in progress. Did it get a rise – you bet – I just wanted to hide and not come back to class.
4. Dignity is to respect ourselves and honor what God has taught us. To like who we are as a gift from God for we are created in the image of God.
Tammy
47
Mount Pleasant Tx
1. There were numerous parts of Chapter 7 that spoke to me but the main one was that insecurity keeps me from accepting compliments and love from my husband! Beth, are you the fly on my wall listening to our conversations? That is so me, (but not any more because I have found my security in the Lord).
Ok, I thought I was the only one that had insecurities about peeing in public! What is it about that that makes us insecure? I am laughing while I type this!
a) I am just tired of being insecure and spending lots of time and money to try and make myself secure!
b)I want to get back into ministry and feel I need to deal with this insecurity first
c)God said it was time!
3. My office went through a round of layoffs. When that insecurity raised its ugly head at that time, I reminded myself that I was clothed in strength and dignity. I also got a text message from a friend that told me "whatever circumstances God has us in, He has also provided the resources to stand"-Hudson Taylor. Peace came, peace that passes all understanding. Thank you, Lord.
4. Dignity means I can look at a situation that use to cause me insecurity and now have peace in knowing I have overcome that obsticle.
So much of Chapter 7 could have been written by me. I have done some crazy things being insecure. Except I don't know if they were crazy as much as a means of self preservation. When I found out my husband was having an affair with a friend of mine, I would drive by where she lived and worked seeing if he was there. Several times I caught him there. His affair(s) have caused much of my insecurity feeling as though I am not pretty enough, small enough, etc, you get the picture.
2. Top 3 reason it times to deal
A. It is making me physically sick.
B. I AM better than this!
C. It is consuming too much of my precious time.
3. Recent trigger–I introduced several of my friends to some other friends and now they have hit it off and do not include me, Did it get a rise out of me?? Of course, that is why I am writing this.
4. Dignity–respect, knowing that you can hold your head high.
Thank you Beth for all you do for women everywhere!!
married
50's
Missouri