Hey, Girls! I have absolutely LOVED your discussions in Week One! I am so happy about the decision to take a full week for your responses because the comments come in at a slow enough pace for AJ and me to read a ton of them. You are such an interesting and diverse group.
There were so many comments that made me think, a few that made me want to cry, and several that made me laugh my head off. I have to mention two that brought a smile to my face because I had anticipated this very challenge and discussed it at some length with my friends at Tyndale House. Both of the responses that made me grin came from the question about the last time you faced our gender’s massive insecurity struggle. One of you said you confronted it when you immediately had to pull the book jacket off so no one would see that you were reading a book on insecurity. The other one said something similar but with even more detail. You described getting the book that very day, taking it with you to work to begin reading over your supper break, spreading your stuff out on the table in the break room, then covering the name of the book so no one would think you were insecure. I loved it.
BY ALL MEANS, pull that book jacket off if you need to! It’s what’s inside the book that matters. I’ll tell you why I begged to have the word “insecurity” in the title even though the question came to the table, “Will insecure women be secure enough to get a book with insecurity in the title?” My feeling – then theirs – was that it was worth the chance. If we’d just named it something like “Hello Security,” women would not have known outright that it dealt with healing from INsecurity. Big difference. We can talk about security all day long but we will never find ourselves in that beautiful place without letting God deal with our insecurity.
As I wrestled with how it should be titled, I became certain, I pray through the direction of the Holy Spirit, that the key word had to be in it. It had to be blatant. That moment’s resonance with that distasteful word insecurity might make a woman like me stop and think…then gather the courage to slap that thing on the counter and take it home with her. I am convinced that, if someone else had written it and I’d been in the emotional turmoil of last year, I would have seen that word, looked both ways in that Walmart or that bookstore, and, when the coast was clear, I would have run to the check out counter – then to the car – as fast as I could. And I probably would have read the first chapter in the car with tears rolling down my cheeks. That’s how desperate I was.
Anyway, the first real step toward healing is admitting we’ve got a problem. So, you see? The fact that we were secure enough to get a book on insecurity means that all 6700+ of us are on our way to healing! High five right here, Girls. God is proud of us.
OK, so let’s get to our discussions for Week Two. Read or thoroughly review CHAPTERS THREE and FOUR then answer the questions that follow this paragraph. Remember to add your basic bio information every time you comment: First name, age decade, married or single, city, state. If at any time, your answer is too vulnerable for you to want to identify yourself, just go with age decade and married or single status. Those facts themselves bring insight to your answers.
1. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own “Prominent False Positive”?
2. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three? (I want us to see this restated in our comments hundreds of times so it breaks into our belief systems. It is critical to our journey. SO, I don’t care how many times you’ve seen it written on this post, write it again for yourself. That’s your mama talking.)
3. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/her) resonated with you most and why?
That’s it for this week! I can’t wait to see your answers. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to answer your questions.
I care so much, Ladies. You are a tremendous inspiration to me. May Christ meet you in your tasks and concerns today. He loves you lavishly.
PS. I had to hop back on here and mention another comment that I just saw under last Thursday’s post. In fact, I’m going to flat-out cut and paste it. I thought it was so funny in terms of the two earlier ones I mentioned to you about some of us feeling a tad insecure about reading an insecurity book in public. Dig this one:
One of our sisters wrote…
Well, I ordered my book online and really thought it should be in/getting close to last Thursday when we were supposed to start. I went up to the receptionist and to see if I had received any packages and then said, “sure wish my book would come in.” Receptionist had a funny look on her face and pointed to a package on her desk. She said she didn’t know whose it was as it came in the day before with just company name and not an individual. She said, “I asked every woman in this office if it was theirs. I didn’t even think to ask you….you would be the last person…” Well, it was mine and at first I said, “I’m not insecure” but later walked back up there and said, “[the woman’s name], I do have some insecurities but guarantee you when I am done, I’ll be set free from them.” She looked at me like I was crazy. Oh well.
Bless your heart, Sister! We love you, we’re feeling your pain, and we’re all cringing and laughing with you (you just might as well go ahead and think it’s funny). Honestly, that’s just like something that would happen to me. You are all so refreshing to me. Let’s stay the course in Jesus’ great Name.
creative gal 
Quick question:
Do we need to read all the blogs before we comment? I really want to and have made it through the first 200 comments being incredibly blessed and encouraged by some brutal honesty. I want to be a conscientious blogger, so am asking your advice.
Kathy B
Hendersonville, TN
40's
married
Thanks 🙂
Janice
Houston
50's
single
1. False positive – WEIGHT (everything would be "all better" if I were at the right weight, wouldn't it?)
2. Challenge – Letting the healthy, utterly whole and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our emotions. And – for God's truth to totally eclipse our false positives.
3. I can relate with so many. First to my mind would be Moses * are you sure I'm the one to speak – after all…there are those that are way more eloquent. Use me Lord in spite of myself!!!!
Single
Southeastern USA
My prominent false positive…I struggle with being a sensitive person…if you cry, I cry…if I get mad…I cry….if I am scared…I cry and I have always viewed this as a weakness…If I could just talk to my boss without getting emotional…without tears….if I could just not cry at commercials…If I could just NOT CRY….
I am also insecure about being 39 and still single. I think I have hidden from love but yet it is what I desire most. I want a husband, I want to be a wife, I want to have a family of my own. I hold back and I don't join in things where I might have to be asked or explain why I am not married yet….things I wouldn't back away from if I were married, if I did have children…and the whole…hmmm, is she gay?? COME ON!! I just want a marriage, but I am not willing to settle for anything than God's best…I don't want to settle for an attachment….I want the WHOLE MEGILLAH…..my family growing up and still….leaves little to be desired…how I wish to change that with my own family.
It would all be ok if I were married and not crying.
1. My false positive is popularity. I had to think back a long way to think of someone who seemed secure and to have it all together. Someone in middle school of all places. She was so pretty and sweet and everyone loved her, everyone. A very close second is beauty/thinness.
2. The challenge: To let the true me in Christ have victory over the lies of Satan.
3. Leah- oh, to truly be loved.
Ti-Leigh
Soon to be 40s
Married
Orlando, FL
I feel like my prominent false positive is like a rubberband ball.(Or maybe I feel like a rubberband ball, I don't know). I think being beautiful is probably the root false positive, but it has morphed from that to a loving husband, kids, and now if only I could _______, then my husband would like me more, or I would be a better mom. Sorry that was a long answer.
2. The challenge is: To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3. The biblical character I most relate to is Paul. I have the same ability to belittle and boast about myself as he does.
Loving the book!
Joan
40s
Portage, MI
Married
Sunday, February 21, 2010
So Long Insecurity, Week 2
1. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own "Prominent False Positive"?
". . . you're married to the most fabulous man in the world." Prominent False Positive: A great man would make me secure.
2. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three? (I want us to see this restated in our comments hundreds of times so it breaks into our belief systems. It is critical to our journey. SO, I don't care how many times you've seen it written on this post, write it again for yourself. That's your mama talking.)
"To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us!"
3. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/her) resonated with you most and why?
Paul. Paul struggles with many of my own person insecurities. . .and through this teaches us how to strive to be more Christ's Like.
Greenville NC
Single
30.
Brooke
Macon, GA
almost 30s
Married 🙂
My most prominent false positive is my weight. I'm not even particularly overweight but I am constantly seeing (and working towards and beating myself up about not reaching) a number on the scale that I just KNOW will be the key to EVERYTHING falling into place for me.
The Challenge: To let the healthy, utterly secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
I most identify with Sarai. How often have I made rash decision (based on my insecurities) thinking it would give me what I wanted only to be stuck with lasting consequences?!?! Far too often, I'm afraid.
Vicki
Fort Wayne, IN
50s
Married
My most prominent false positive is body image/weight gain. I am always self-conscious of my body compared to that of other women I am in the presence of.
I most relate to Saul because the fear of losing someone I love constantly grips me. Several events of loss or near loss of my loved ones has caused me to let fear about loss consume me.
1) False positive: If I were to be able to buy jeans (or anything)that fit the length of my legs!! I am short and still overweight. Both of these play on me a ton. (notice that pun!)
2) The challenge is to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction and relationship.
3) Paul resonated most with me. I am very capable. Yet, my insecurity rages at times. I think I fear I won't be good enough therefore, I make sure I'm not. Man that sounds sick.
Jan
single
50's
Kansas
To Michelle in TN, 30's and single
I could not help but notice how similar our posts were. Although I am in my late 40's and married, our lives have taken similar paths. I too lost a lot of weight and thought that would make me happy. While I didn't feel miserable, the scale would define me. If I was up 2/10 of a pound my whole day and outlook was miserable.
God brought me back to this place by allowing health issues and MEDS to regain the weight. It resonated with me that you feel it is a lose-lose situation. While I am no where near where I need to be (weight wise), I am confident that the same God that helped me lose the weight the 1st time will do it again. There is no one that can convince me otherwise. Remember, He is faithful and does not change, only we do.
I want to encourage you in the Lord to ask Him what He is trying to teach you through this trial. He will show you. In James 1 it tells us to "consider it pure joy when you face trials of many kinds…" For me it is to see myself they way He sees me & to love myself the way I am. I want to learn it now because I NEVER want to be back here again.
With Christ's love,
Michelle
Waukesha, WI
40's
Married
Elaine
Katy
50's
married.
False Positive: You are loved by every one. And you excel in everything you try. I just want to be unconditionally accepted and valued just for who I am. Warts and all. Not rejected for any reason.
Challenge: to let God's unconditional acception override my need for human approval.
Most resonate characters: Sarai and Hagar. My 2 yr. old sister died before I was born. I was the replacement child. Was always afraid of being left behind. They might decide to leave me like they left my sister at this ominous place 500 miles away from home if I did something wrong. Incredible pressure to live up to the memories of a "perfect, dead 2 year old".
As a 4 year old, my pregnant mother said, "You know, after the baby get's here, you won't come first anymore." My "acceptedness" was very short lived. No matter how good I was, my critically ill younger sister, always got the attention.
I had to Keep reading and got into rejection in Chap 5. I'm so raw right now, only God will get me through the rest of this book. I say this as I sit here eating chocolate chip cookies, drinking real coke, watching numerous ebay items and the Olympics. Anything to not think about it. And yes I did Breaking Free. Guess I need to repeat it.
Guess my therapist will earn her keep this week.
Kitty
Atlanta, GA
55
Separated
Prominent False Positive: I actually do not KNOW what would make me secure…..a successful relationship?
My challenge is to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthen vessel until it drives my every emotion, reaction, and relationship. I related most to Hagar, for a third party has entered my marital relationship, and somebody's gonna get thrown out!!!
1. My prominent False Positive is the approval of others. A very exhausting thing to pursue, because it manifests itself in so many different ways – my looks, what I say, my interior decorating style, my cooking, etc…
2. Our challenge is to allow Jesus to replace our diseased, insecure souls with one that is made completely whole and healthy through His love and increasing security!
3. Saul – "Insecurity lives in constant terror of loss." Not fear – TERROR. I am completely and utterly terrified that my Husband will leave me, that he will find someone prettier, younger, etc. and say "So long, Jenn – You're just not good enough anymore." And most of all, I'm terrified of allowing these insecurities to contribute to a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just had to share a praise from today regarding insecurity! While in church this morning we were singing praises to God. We don't always stand during every song and it was during one of the songs that everyone was seated while singing and the spirit was moving within me and I wanted so badly just to stand and sing praises to my King, at first I hesitated but then I just stood up and blocked that voice in my head that was screaming, "they are looking at you, sit down." For the first time in years I felt free to worship the way I wanted and could have cared less what others were thinking!
Sorry! Forgot my stats!
Jenn from Frisco, TX
30's and married
Stacie, 40's, Divorced, Memphis TN
My false positive is weight. If I were thin, I would be better at everything. I had to bowl in a bowl athon as a fund raiser for work just yesterday. After a horrible showing, I caught myself saying "Next year I will do better because I am going to lose weight". Guess what, I was a bad bowler before I gained all this weight.LOL.
Challenge: "To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
The Biblical figure in chapter 4 – Paul – I continuously feel the need to tell people that I am just as good at whatever as anyone else. Scarily, I can clearly see the Saul side of me in my past and sometimes even in my present. I am also my own worst enemy being driven by insecurities instead of the truth of God's word.
36, married, no kids
1. My false postive is being thin. I think if I was thin my husband would love me more, I would be better at my job, I would be more confident and people would like me better.
2.To let the healthy, utterly whole and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3. Probably Leah because I feel like what my husband really wants is a thin wife and I don't seem to be able to stick with it long enought to get and stay thin. It makes me convinced he will eventually get tired of it and leave me. And then that makes me mad at him even though he hasn't actually done anything and I get very irritable. Which will probably drive him away for sure.
Prominent false positive I am currently recovering from: a husband’s LOVE, a great marriage, is what I need! (My poor husband! No pressure, huh?) It is Christ in me- the Savior- the ONE who always loves me perfectly despite my imperfections who is my all in all.
pg 35 “You and I are going to have to come to a place where we stop handing people the kind of power only God should wield over us. Change will not come easy. Old habits die hard. But we can make the radical decision to rewire our security systems.”
It is completely unfair to expect others the be “God” to us. They just can’t do it. No wonder we are disappointed with our view in their mirrors! Christ alone gives us an accurate picture of who we are and his love for us despite it all!
Rachel & Leah- I grew up watching a dad NOT love my mom, for the most part., and I determined it would be different for me. Little did I know that I was growing a rich, rich, environment for insecurities in my future marriage LONG before I met my husband. (And thanks to Disney and the Brady Bunch, movies, magazines, etc. unrealistic expectations of my future Prince)
Reality is a much better place to live. Now my husband (and I) can just be a people, whew!
Rhonda-39, married, New Castle, CO
just sent post w/out above info!! oops!
Prominent false positive I am currently recovering from: a husband’s LOVE, a great marriage, is what I need! (My poor husband! No pressure, huh?) It is Christ in me- the Savior- the ONE who always loves me perfectly despite my imperfections who is my all in all.
pg 35 “You and I are going to have to come to a place where we stop handing people the kind of power only God should wield over us. Change will not come easy. Old habits die hard. But we can make the radical decision to rewire our security systems.”
It is completely unfair to expect others the be “God” to us. They just can’t do it. No wonder we are disappointed with our view in their mirrors! Christ alone gives us an accurate picture of who we are and his love for us despite it all!
Rachel & Leah- I grew up watching a dad NOT love my mom, for the most part., and I determined it would be different for me. Little did I know that I was growing a rich, rich, environment for insecurities in my future marriage LONG before I met my husband. (And thanks to Disney and the Brady Bunch, movies, magazines, etc. unrealistic expectations of my future Prince)
Reality is a much better place to live. Now my husband (and I) can just be a people, whew!
Michelle
thirty and married in Texas
also the proud owner of a naked (coverless) copy of the book.
1. The one thing: success. not necessarily financial success but just being really good at something.
2. The challenge: let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthly vessels until it drives out every emotion, reaction and relationship.
3.And the award goes to: Rachel and Leah. I am constantly having to keep jealousy in check!
single again, 55, Georgia
Prominent false + is being married–to a godly man
The challenge: To let the healthy , utterly whole, completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessles until it drives our every emotion,reaction and relationship
Biblical character: woman at the well, not 5 husbands but 5 partners which is just as insecure
Hi mama Beth,
I must say you have sure got me thinking and let me tell you it has not been easy to really see I am not as secure as I think.
1. My PFP is my weight. For most of my life I have been thin. I have always been able to eat what I want and not worry about it. So now being in my mid forties, that seems to have changed. I have gained about 10 pounds on my very small frame. Most people would not say I am overweight but my clothes say otherwise. This is new ground for me. To be honest I don't know how to deal with it. My dear hubby can lose several pounds and I can't seem to lose one. I exercise and have changed my eating habits and still doesn't seem I have baeen able to make progress toward my goal. Talk about making me insecure. I am thinking ok everything must think I am not thin but have put some pounds on in the butt…YIKES!!!! So I am trying to come to grips with this…and let me say this is a season of life I am not liking.
2. our challenge: To let the healthy, utterly whole and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3. I would have to say I resound with Moses. God has never ceased to amaze at how faithful he is to me and the wonders he has done in my life, but still I find myself going are you sure you want me Lord? I have to question everytime..you would think I would get it through my head.
thanks for loving us so much and taking us on this journey.
Tammy S.
Howells, NE
mid 40's
married
LaDonna
New Jersey
40's
Married
1) As I listened to the audiobook, I related to so many of the examples and wondered how I would choose just one. I have struggled with my appearance, felt rejection on many levels, felt un-inteligent, and unuseful.
However, after ,much reflection I believe my strongest false positive is lack of organization.
Now at first metion, that doesn't sound like a big deal. However I'm not interested in people thinking I'm organized. I AGONIZE OVER WHAT LACK OF ORGANIZATION HAS COST ME!
Eg. When I was first married I was in an unhealthy church that prevented me from having any ministry because I couldn't keep my house clean. They felt that my lack of ability to clean my house reflected a lack of spirituality on my part.
As time went on this carried over into my marriage. Even though my husband never complained, I struggled to believe he actually loved me if the house wasn't clean. So often I would just sob thinking if I could just get my act together he would love me. In reality he loved me all along, but I couldn't recognize it.
Another example is that I want so badly to be the best mom I can and yet I get notes from my kids teachers saying they are not doing their homework, I feel like if I was just more organized I would be more on top of helping them get their homework done.
Another example: After 16 years of being a "stay at home mom" it became necessary for me to go to work. God answered my prayers for a job that gave me the flexibility to choose my hours to some extent so I can be home when my children are. However, in the morning when I should be getting out the door, I get distracted with other things, and the end result is I'm not home when the kids get home. Then I beat myself up all over again, because I want so bad to be there when they get home.
The list goes on and on.
2)Our challenge is to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us.
3) Rachael. She tried to find her value in the worlds standards instead of recognizing that her husband truely loved her and seeing what a blessing that was from God.
K, 43
married
Rockwall, Texas
My most prominent false-positive is beauty. Unfortunately, I allow this to often be the barometer for my security (or lack thereof). I put the burden of how I feel about myself on my husband…on his response/show of affection toward me. It's unfair to both of us and creates an unhealthy tension in our relationship. He loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. I know this. But because much of my security is wrapped up in him expressing this, if he doesn't verbalize it or "make much of me", I often don't feel secure. It's hard to admit, but oh so true!
My goal is to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthen vessel until it drives my every emotion, reaction, and relationship. I need and desire God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let my eyes spring open to the treasure I have. And in that glorious reflection, I will also see the treasure I am. And the beauty of the Lord my God will be upon me!
I resonated the most with Saul this week. I spend a fair amount of my time, not only hiding in my baggage, but lugging it around with me. I'm SO weary of it! The thing is…I don't want to do it anymore!
I'm committed to the work of turning these unhealthy tendencies around! Yipppeee!!!
So I have to just give everyone quick laugh!:) I logged on to read the precious comments of our fellow sisters hearts, and of course, reread my own…because I HAD to make sure it sounded "right"! Guess what…I wanted to edit it, because I was insecure about the way I worded it. How is that for silliness!! No..I didn't change it…and yes…I am a work in progress, of our mighty and wonderful God!
Laurie
50
New York
1. Prestige & financial security
2. The challenge: To let the healthy, right-thinking, healthy, secure part of me more and more overtake me until it drives all of my emotions, reactions and relationships.
3. I can relate best to Paul, specifically your description, “He was a complex mound of clay just like the rest of us, belittling and boasting in himself in a dizzying psychological zigzag.” I see a balanced, right view of myself… every time I fly by going from one extreme to the other.
Denise
Deming, NM
50's
Married
My false positive lately would be better sense of humor and that I would always know what to say. I listen amazed to some of the people around me that seem to speak so eloquently and with this wonderful sense of humor and I must admit I have prayed and asked God for this more than once.
2. I am going to let the healthy, utterly whole and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthen vessel until it drives out every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When I allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let my eyes spring open to the treasure I have in His glorious reflection, I'll also see the treasure I am. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us.
This is so hard to believe and accept, that I am a treasure in His eyes even though I know the word says we are.
I relate the most to Moses, sent by God to do something he felt inadequate and very insecure about and I am sure I would have asked for someone to go with me too. It's funny that I never thought about Moses as insecure until now but it fits doesn't it. Also awesome to remember how the Lord used him so mightily. Give me hope!
Tammy
50's
married
Cedar Rapids, Iowa
1)
Most prominent false positive:If people just liked/loved me more I'd be secure
2)
Father God, let the healthy, utterly whole, completely secure part of me increasingly take over this earthly body [and mind] until it drives my every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
I'm so thankful Beth asked us to all write this here, because this thick head needed to hear it a few hundred times to realize this needs to be my daily prayer. I need to ask God to allow this belief to seep into every part of me. I need to ask Him to allow it to have the same emotional effect on me as everything in my life that caused my insecurities in the first place.
3)
I relate to Moses.. inadequate ..not good enough..don't know enough… surely someone else is more qualified…the list could go on.
Becky
40's, Married
Chattanooga, TN
1. My false positive: I have always thought that if I was a certain size (tiny) and a certain weight (skinny), I would be secure. When I see a woman that fits that profile, I do feel a threat somehow. To ward off that threat, there have been many times I have walked into a room and looked around to make sure there was someone in the room bigger than I was. There was even a time in my life when I would ask my sister when a woman would walk by "Do I look larger or smaller than she?" And her answer had to be "Of course, you are MUCH smaller than she is!" Ridiculous, I know. Especially since I have never been grossly overweight in my entire life.
2. Our challenge: To let the healthy, utterly whole and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our (not out) every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3. I identify the most with Leah. I have done some very idiotic things as a result of putting my happiness in the hands of a man.
Tammy
50's
Married
Gadsden, AL
My prominent false positive is beauty. Followed closely by popularity and power. If I could just lose those last ten pounds. If I were as sweet and nice as her. I would be accepted if people knew I had talents and skills. I never knew there was so much to my insecurities!
My challenge is to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthen vessel until it drives my every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
I identified most with Moses because I usually react the same way when God first calls me to do something. I also identified with Paul because as Beth wrote "God used him in spite of himself."
Cheryl, Mt. Holly NC, 40's, Married:
1) My false positive, the most prominent thing that makes me feel secure is feeling independent – whether in being able to take care of myself financially or otherwise. Nothing freaks me out more than feeling that something (or someone) else has control over me.
2) Our challenge is to allow the unhindered growth of Christ in us. To allow the Spirit to consume our entire being, displacing all that is our sinful nature. No room will be left for insecurity or fear.
3) When Beth spoke of Saul, specifically about him hiding among the baggage, I had to chuckle a bit. That's me. She quotes, "Insecurity's expertise is hiding its victim in some baggage." Ha! How many times have I felt so over-my-head or like such a failure that I just wanted to crawl up into the tiniest place I could find and stay there. A few times, I have. No one knew where I was, but my sweet Saviour always found me there and comforted me.
Beth
Everett, WA
Married
50's
My prominent false positive is definitely the area of size.
The Challenge in Chapter 3 states,
" To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthly vessels until it drives out every emotion, reaction and relationship." I think that boils down to more of Jesus, less of my insecurities.
It is always good to look at the scriptures to find once again that the people were just like us. I think Paul is the one I identify most with. Intelligence and the ego that can go with it definitely can get in God's way.
Oh, suck. (I'm actually feeling extremely insecure about writing the word "suck" on a Christian blog…I mean afterall, 'Will people think I have a potty mouth?!'). Ok now for my real reason for posting: I was just reading my book, and of course highlighting key points that I want to remember and come back to later. Subconsciencely, as I've been reading through this whole book I've thought, "I need to make sure
I don't highlight too much… Afterall, surely I'll lend it to someone else to read at some point. I can't have them thinking that the whole book has a yellow backdrop." Or that they'll think "out of all things she could highlight, why in the world would she highlight THIS?!". Welp, so long insecurity…I might as well highlight the whole book.. 🙂
Pam
Lakeland, FL
40s Married
1.Talent,beauty,&personality.
3.God is certainly speaking to me today! Dr.Charles Stanley spoke on brokenness this AM on TV and Moses' story of brokenness spoke volumes to me. Then I read chapter 4 tonight and there Moses was again. Like Moses, it has taken me so long to believe God can use me. I've even said to Him to use someone else, yet He is still, to this day, calling me. I am finally answering!
Thank you Lord for not giving up on me and putting me on the shelf!
Kristin from Oklahoma
20's & single
1) For my prominent false positive, I would say appearance. Like most women, I think, I tend to find myself believing that if I only looked more like this or that, I would be fine. For me, however, I think this goes to a much deeper level. I find that I tend to seek security in the approval of people – If I could only keep their attention, have everyone like me, make them laugh, have them think that I am good at this or that, or that I'm attractive. I feel "secure" when people approve of me, whether that be because of my looks, my personality, my abilities, or whatever.
2) His strength is made PERFECT in our weakness! Our challenge is to let the healthy, utterly WHOLE, and completely secure part of us increasingly OVERTAKE our earthen vessels until it DRIVES OUT our *every* emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3) I've challenged myself to read through the Bible in a year this year, so a lot of these stories that were discussed I actually have just read not too long ago. And I, too, have been making notes about the ridiculous ways some of these women have acted. I was particularly drawn to the story of Jacob/Leah/Rachel. I noticed when I read through it how every time Leah bore Jacob a son, she so desperately hoped that would be enough to get and keep his attention… but it never was. Finally, after so many times of this, it says that when she gave birth she said, "This time I will praise the Lord." And I thought, that's it! We are always going to come up short, always going to feel empty and insecure inside if our goal is the approval of other people. Leah FINALLY got it – "THIS TIME I will praise the Lord," because His approval is all that matters. So, I related to Leah's story the best, because I too struggle with seeking the approval of others to find my security.. which obviously never works out the way we think it will.
1) My "Prominent False Positive(s)" would be:
a) If I loose (and keep off my weight) I would be secure.
b) If I had the "perfect" marriage I would be secure.
2) To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3) I resonated most with Moses–never feeling smart enough or confident enough in myself when talking to others.
North Carolina
40's
Married
Lanaya, Jacksonville, FL
Married 10 years
30 years old.
1. Wow, very telling chapter. Prominent False Positive for me would be perfect boy and able to dress to show it off (I get jealous of good looking girls who don't mind being immodest. I want to dress that way!!! Or girls who just have the perfect tan, perfect breasts, hair, makeup ~ I just look her up and down and try to figure out what I can do to look like her.)
2. Challenge: To let the healthy and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3. I think Saul resonated most with me. I just have to fight off jealousy at times of other women who are prettier than I am if they're moving into my circle of relationships. Or women whose kids are better looking/ better behaved.
PJ
Atlanta, GA
30's
Married
Prominent false positive – I had a huge "aha" moment with this. I have always thought to myself if I could only be 10-20 pounds lighter. Always. It doesn't matter if I am in the best shape. And I definitely look at other women who are thin and think how they must feel so great about themselves.
I identify most with Moses. I don't feel qualified at times. When I feel God calling me to bigger things I get worried and think He should send someone else. I want to stay safe at home in my comfort zone. It really hit home when I read "Heaven knows how many people never fulfill their destinies simply because of their own insecurites." I don't want to miss the destiny God has planned out for me because of my own insecurity!
My name is Chris, I will be 50 in June, I'm married, and I live in Princeton, MA.
Beth, I can't join this book group because it would be one more to-do on a list that's already unmanageable (I am learning – at almost 50 – how to set limits on my time 🙂 But I did want to write to thank you for this book. I started to read it because my church is going to do your simulcast in April and I wanted to invite a couple of non-Christian friends and wanted to get an idea of what they would be hearing – here's some insecurity for you – so I wouldn't make them mad at me if the message was "too" Christian. I hope you are going to address that issue in your book, because that is the insecurity I would most like to bust. Caring what other people think about my love of Jesus. I'm so ashamed of that one, but I do see progress, so I'm encouraged that some day I will be free to love Him with unabashed abandon!
Wow, I didn't expect to go there. That just poured out of my heart, unexpectedly….this kind of stuff keeps happening while I'm reading your book. You are reaching places in me I wasn't even aware of.
This book is so profound. At times I am reading something and a tear will roll down my cheek. At other times I will hit a sentence and have to read it and re-read it – sometimes a few times. Okay, sometimes a DOZEN times. At other times I just close the book with too many thoughts in my head and heart to even realize what they are. I will just sit there, quietly, until I feel like I'm ready to join the world again.
Last night I read your last paragraph in Chapter 6, about culture trying to relieve us of the whole concept of personal sin/responsibility and how that has hijacked our healing. It was one of those moments I have described above. So enlightening, so revealing, so man-I-never-thought-of-it-that-way!
So, even though I wasn't reading this book specifically for me, God is now using this book specifically for me. And I was telling my 24-year old daughter – who believes in God but isn't really walking with him (she's been sucked in by the culture) – about the book and she asked if she could read it next. She's not even a reader! Oh Beth, thank you again and again. Thank you for following God's leading in your life and as a result having such an impact for His kingdom.
Your sister-in-Christ, Chris
Shannon
Independence, MO
40's
Married
My most prominent false positive is financial security. I have actually been jealous of a complete stranger in a vehicle next to me a stop light! I can feel that woman saying to herself, that poor girl in her cheap car.
I look at the woman and am jealous because she has a nice car so therefore she must have a perfect life. She probably doesn't have to work, she probably has a great husband who takes care of her, she probably has time to do the things she wants. She is beautiful because she has time to take care of herself. All of this at a stoplight about a person I have never met or will most likey ever see again.
I identify most with Saul. In the past, I would tend to set myself up to make myself feel insecure. I would put the person who threatened my security front and center in my life and then complain about them. I'm happy to say I have move past this sort of behavior and learned from my mistakes but I can certainly empathize with Saul.
The Challenge:Allow God's truth to eclipse my false positives and allow myself to see the treasure I have, then I will see in God's reflection the treasure I am.
Christine, 41
married in TX
In addition to reading this book with all these great women, I'm also doing the revised Breaking Free with a great group of women at my church. It's funny how God works and reinforces what I need to work on! The homework I just finished was Week 6, Day 3 "To Be Beautiful." I think I need to park in that chapter for another day or two.
1) My most prominent false positives – being skinny AND beautiful. I've gained some weight after having 3 kids (need to lose about 35 pounds), and now that I've passed 40, well…. Beauty IS fleeting! However, I still feel the need to try to grasp it.
2) "In Him is no darkness at all. …Let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us."
3) Rachel's story resonated most with me. -first from years of infertility, and more recently from my husband's unfaithfulness. Although God is restoring my marriage! Praise His holy name!
Kathryn Stoker
Aurora, CO
30's
Single
1)Umm, gotta say, as I read through all the false positives I silently whispered to myself "yes it would, yes it would, yes it would…". Then I thought "if I had ALL these, I'd be unstoppable! I really can't pick one, because many times every day one (or more) of these goes through my head.
2) Our challenge is "to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction and relationship."
3)Probably Saul because I understand that feeling when someone comes and there is a keen awareness that you are going to train up leadership to fill your shoes. Or, the feeling when another superstar hits the floor and compitition eats at your gut because you "were" the best.
Ashley
Kansas
Nearly 30's
Single
Prominent false positive: a husband
Callenge at the end of Ch 3:
To let the healthy utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction and relationship.
Bible Character I most relate to:
Sarai/Sarah because she knows what God has promised but she tries to go ahead and do things her way instead of waiting on God and messes the whole thing up.
Barb, 50s, married, Prescott Valley, AZ
After posting on Friday, it hit me [kinda dense sometimes!] that my PFP is really more like "enough attention" or "if [they] would treat me equal to or cherished me as much as …" (can I make that one?). I fell apart thinking that I’m really just a “Leah” – always 2nd best – she never had the hope of Jacob's love…[sob] 'poor me'! That led to worrying about a potential upcoming situation that I know will test me & this possible new 'security' greatly, which morphed into how God won't really have time for me in heaven either (with everyone else there)! I finally started repeating some memory verses. Then I felt an unexpected peace, the hopelessness wasn’t so potent, & I had the impression that if I’m “secure in His love” – still learning what that really means – I won't need as much time/attention from Him, & then I had a glimpse of how that could apply to my fear of rejection in the possible upcoming situation! Praise the Lord! Hallelujah! Thank you Beth for teaching how to use the Word!!!
And while tearfully explaining to my son (31), how I wish I hadn't exposed him and his sister to the negative influence of my insecurity – he interrupted, "you mean like you're doing right now?" Ouch! Then he suggested, "maybe it's time for you to start liking yourself, Mom!” OH!
(sorry for posting 2x, maybe this answers week 3)
Shannon
Greeley, CO
30's
Married
1. If my home was beautifully furnished, decorated and in perfect order. I long for beauty, order and peace. I know for this to really happen it has to flow out of what the Lord does on the inside of me. My mind is far too easily distracted with schemes of how I can create for myself what I long for, when in reality I know only my heavenly Father can create the beauty, order and peace I seek.
2. Jesus, You are who You say You are. Your ways are right, Your words are true and Your timing is perfect. You are determined to form Your likeness in me, to transform my thoughts, feelings and actions that have been based on twisted lies and half-truths into thoughts, feelings and actions that grow from eternal truth and bear eternal fruit. You will accomplish Your plans for my life.
3. I crack myself up sometimes. Without a doubt it is Moses – specifically the statement, "Heaven knows how many people never fulfill their destinies simply because of their own insecurities." That's how I ended up on this blog in the first place. This past November the Lord very clearly brought several things together and has clearly called me to do a bible study online in a blog format. At first I was very excited because all these things that have been pieces of a puzzle just sitting on a table came together and formed a clear picture. But the thought of opening my heart for all the world to see stopped me cold. I am a terribly private person. This is a putting my toe in the water experience to participate in this discussion. I think it's funny that I couldn't think of an encounter with insecurity when that's exactly what led me to this blog in the first place.
Robin
Cleveland,TN
50's
Married
1. I need 2 please, Financial Security-I live in a flood zone and my house can't swim. If I had the funds I could raise my house and relax and enjoy the rain God sends our way. But instead anytime flooding rains are mentioned – even on vacation we watch the weather channel – I start to worry and pray. I must put my dad in an nursing home and I would like to know that I have the funds to be able to care for him in his last years. Also my shape – yes I have curves, just not in the right places. So I wear clothes to hide the extra curves, Beth my potato sacks are my friends and large sweaters can be too.
2. To let the healthy, utterly whole and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives every emotion, reaction & relationship. And with God's help it will happen!
3. Moses, for God appeared to him in an burning bush and spoke to him, and yet he let his insecurities keep him from trusting God and following what God told him to do. God has touched my life and moved me to where I am learning so much and yet my insecurities keep me from steping out to do his will without a large push from him. His patience and love is so abundant.
Sherri
Perryville, MO
41
Single
My most prominent false positive is that I need to be in a relationship to be happy.
The challenge is to let God's truth overcome the false positives in our lives so that His glorious life for us can occur.
I can relate to Leah who tried everything to feel loved.
Lee, 60, happily married 38 years, PA
As I read thru all the false positives you listed, none seemed to apply so I prayed and listened and ask your question: “people who don’t know you really well would never be able to imagine that you struggle with insecurity. After all….‘ I believe that God revealed to me that my false positive would be “After all you have such a close relationship with the Lord” I have struggled for years with knowing the Lord really cares for me. This is my huge false positive that if I could just ‘feel” closer to Him. This is so hard for me to admit publicly.
My challenge: To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthen vessel until it drives my every emotion, reaction and relationship. When I allow God’s truth to eclipse every false positive and let my eyes spring open to the treasure I HAVE, there in His glorious reflection we’ll also see the treasure I am. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us.
3. Leah resonates most with me. I think I look at other women who seem to be so loved by the Lord and think “why can’t I have that kind of relationship with Him?” I don’t want to be jealous of others, I want to be so happy for them but in the back of my mind is always the question, “why doesn’t He love me like that’.
Heather
30's
Married
Little Rock, AR.
1. My prominent false positive is financial security for the rest of my life.
2. Challenge: To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us.
3. The Biblical figure that resonated the most with me was Moses. If God told me to go speak to people, I would absolutely freak out!!! I think for me fear really gets in the way of me doing things. Joyce Meyer says, "Do it afraid" and I really try to do that but it's not always easy.
Kansas City
40s
Married
1. Well, definitely appearance/weight, as this is
something that my husband picks on. But my big one is the fact that I don't have a close friend… the kind, Beth, that you described in your online Proverbs study called Wising Up. No one I can just pick up the phone and call any time I need someone.
2. To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthly vessels until it drives out every emotion, reaction and relationship.