Hey, Girls! I have absolutely LOVED your discussions in Week One! I am so happy about the decision to take a full week for your responses because the comments come in at a slow enough pace for AJ and me to read a ton of them. You are such an interesting and diverse group.
There were so many comments that made me think, a few that made me want to cry, and several that made me laugh my head off. I have to mention two that brought a smile to my face because I had anticipated this very challenge and discussed it at some length with my friends at Tyndale House. Both of the responses that made me grin came from the question about the last time you faced our gender’s massive insecurity struggle. One of you said you confronted it when you immediately had to pull the book jacket off so no one would see that you were reading a book on insecurity. The other one said something similar but with even more detail. You described getting the book that very day, taking it with you to work to begin reading over your supper break, spreading your stuff out on the table in the break room, then covering the name of the book so no one would think you were insecure. I loved it.
BY ALL MEANS, pull that book jacket off if you need to! It’s what’s inside the book that matters. I’ll tell you why I begged to have the word “insecurity” in the title even though the question came to the table, “Will insecure women be secure enough to get a book with insecurity in the title?” My feeling – then theirs – was that it was worth the chance. If we’d just named it something like “Hello Security,” women would not have known outright that it dealt with healing from INsecurity. Big difference. We can talk about security all day long but we will never find ourselves in that beautiful place without letting God deal with our insecurity.
As I wrestled with how it should be titled, I became certain, I pray through the direction of the Holy Spirit, that the key word had to be in it. It had to be blatant. That moment’s resonance with that distasteful word insecurity might make a woman like me stop and think…then gather the courage to slap that thing on the counter and take it home with her. I am convinced that, if someone else had written it and I’d been in the emotional turmoil of last year, I would have seen that word, looked both ways in that Walmart or that bookstore, and, when the coast was clear, I would have run to the check out counter – then to the car – as fast as I could. And I probably would have read the first chapter in the car with tears rolling down my cheeks. That’s how desperate I was.
Anyway, the first real step toward healing is admitting we’ve got a problem. So, you see? The fact that we were secure enough to get a book on insecurity means that all 6700+ of us are on our way to healing! High five right here, Girls. God is proud of us.
OK, so let’s get to our discussions for Week Two. Read or thoroughly review CHAPTERS THREE and FOUR then answer the questions that follow this paragraph. Remember to add your basic bio information every time you comment: First name, age decade, married or single, city, state. If at any time, your answer is too vulnerable for you to want to identify yourself, just go with age decade and married or single status. Those facts themselves bring insight to your answers.
1. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own “Prominent False Positive”?
2. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three? (I want us to see this restated in our comments hundreds of times so it breaks into our belief systems. It is critical to our journey. SO, I don’t care how many times you’ve seen it written on this post, write it again for yourself. That’s your mama talking.)
3. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/her) resonated with you most and why?
That’s it for this week! I can’t wait to see your answers. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to answer your questions.
I care so much, Ladies. You are a tremendous inspiration to me. May Christ meet you in your tasks and concerns today. He loves you lavishly.
PS. I had to hop back on here and mention another comment that I just saw under last Thursday’s post. In fact, I’m going to flat-out cut and paste it. I thought it was so funny in terms of the two earlier ones I mentioned to you about some of us feeling a tad insecure about reading an insecurity book in public. Dig this one:
One of our sisters wrote…
Well, I ordered my book online and really thought it should be in/getting close to last Thursday when we were supposed to start. I went up to the receptionist and to see if I had received any packages and then said, “sure wish my book would come in.” Receptionist had a funny look on her face and pointed to a package on her desk. She said she didn’t know whose it was as it came in the day before with just company name and not an individual. She said, “I asked every woman in this office if it was theirs. I didn’t even think to ask you….you would be the last person…” Well, it was mine and at first I said, “I’m not insecure” but later walked back up there and said, “[the woman’s name], I do have some insecurities but guarantee you when I am done, I’ll be set free from them.” She looked at me like I was crazy. Oh well.
Bless your heart, Sister! We love you, we’re feeling your pain, and we’re all cringing and laughing with you (you just might as well go ahead and think it’s funny). Honestly, that’s just like something that would happen to me. You are all so refreshing to me. Let’s stay the course in Jesus’ great Name.
Sandie
Manhattan, KS
60's
married
My most prominent false positive is: if I could just lose those 20-25 extra pounds I would be secure.
katie, wewak PNG, 20's, single
prominent false security? the first lightning bolt thought was "a godly man to want to marry me". and i think that blends into relationship for me. i'm sure i could come up with something… better, but that might be a big one!
the challenge: to let CHRIST dwell in us RICHLY… to let Him swallow up our humanity and weakness in His glory and strength so that our thoughts are HIS thoughts, our attitudes, actions, responses, are HIS. we HAVE the beautiful mind of Christ, let's let it loose.
Juley ~ 30’s
Spicewood, Texas
Married
Prominent false positive: weight
Challenge: No Darkness at all ~ being so filled with thruth so that there is no doubt about the treasure we have, and the treasure we are!
Biblical figure: two really struck me…Saul for the jealousy factor, and Paul for not feeling as good as others who hadn’t done so much wrong.
Faith
29
Mckinney, TX
Married
My most prominent false positive(s): Beauty/youth and financial security. I don’t like the thought of gaining weight, and I always feel so blah when I do gain weight- I sound vain- always concerned about what I look like and how I compare to other moms my age who are physically fit, etc.
I identify most with either Moses because I can be reluctant to obey and believe and do what God is constantly telling me to do or promising me yet I’ll keep worrying… or Saul because I fight feelings of jealousy and constantly comparing myself to others- what they have whether tangible things or character trait. “It is the fear that (the people we’re jealous of) have something we don’t that makes us most insecure.”
1. My prominent false positive is definitely my weight. I have been overweight most of my life, with little glimpses of what it looks like to be “skinny”. And I still find myself believing the lie that if I just shed some weight all my insecurities would just “shed” away with them.
2. The Challenge “To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction and relationship” AMEN!
3. I think I resonated the most with Saul. Although I can almost resonate in some way with anyone who is insecure! But I have the same left out feeling it seems Saul got. When someone else gets praised for something I thought I was good at, or have just done, I say “what about me?”. I even try to bring up old stories so people can tell me how great I am! It was a glimpse of hope though when you said “The fact that the inspiration fo the Holy Spirit on the pages of Scripture is not dampened by the insercurities of those God chose to pen it” That is so encouraging! God can work miracles in my insecurity!!
Tiffany, Denver, CO. 22 and married
Margaret
Kingsport, TN
40’s
Married
1. I think my primary false positive is popularity. In my adult life, I have not had a close friend to hang around with and do “girl stuff” (I have two boys – three if you count my husband), and I’m always so envious when I see and hear about people who have a friendship like that. Also, if I think someone doesn’t like me, it bothers me for days.
2. The challenge – “to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives out every emotion, reaction, and relationship.”
3. I identify most with Paul – I try to convince myself that I possess the knowledge and skill to do what I do, but I really feel very inept and inadequate, convinced that there’s someone around the corner who will expose me as a fraud.
1. My False Positive would be that if I were skinny and beautiful I could be loved more.
2.” To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthly vessels until it drives out every emotion, reaction and relationship.”
3. Leah – I wish that my husband would just love me for me and not who he thinks I should be or look like.
30’s
O’Fallon, MO
Week 2
1. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own “Prominent False Positive”?
Losing weight, hands down!!! Even when I was skinny (of course i didn’t appreciate it then) I didn’t think I was the right size. So maybe it isn’t size it is looks. But right now it is my weight.
2. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three?
Challenge = allowing our secure self completely take over the parts that are insecure, and to see myself for the full treasure that I am in Christ.
3. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/
her) resonated with you most and why?
Rachel-because of the emotions that I have gone through trying to get pregnant. It is hard. Not being able to give Eric what he wants and knowing that it is all me, then wondering why God isn’t answering my prayers.
tula – houston, tx – 30 – single
1- my false positive: a great man would make me secure. it’s tough being single at the age of 30….almost all of my friends are either married with children or engaged. i imagined my life different at this point, but God has a different plans for me & i’m having to learn how to trust His plan for me.
2- the challenge is this: to let the healthy, whole, & SECURE part of me overtake me & drive my every emotion, reaction & relationship.
3- Hagar resonated with me the most because i struggle with feeling threatened often & especially when a new person enters the picture suddenly. i fear the thought of being replaced & abandoned. & unfortunately, i move in jealously, mistreat others, & shut down almost immediately.
Valerie
20s
Single
Bismarck, ND
1. For most of my life it’s been that I need “One best friend” (not God), but right now it’s needing a guy.
2. to let the healthy, whole, & SECURE part of me overtake me & drive my every emotion, reaction & relationship.
3. I think Moses really did. (other than I’m female, not male). But I like to say to God, “I can’t do this” and then he says “But with me, you can”. And then we fight. You can imagine who wins. I once read a book called “If you want to walk on water you have to get out of the boat” by John Ortberg. Anyway, I’ve never been one to step out of the boat, I feel God “kicks” me out of the boat. And of course I feel like I’m sinking, but I’m not. If he didn’t kick me out, I’d never do it, and he knows it.
1. This one was a little hard for me, but I think it all boils down to “If I was successful, my life would be perfect.” I want to have money and a great job and a wonderful husband and kids and all the “right” things. But it all stems from my desire to be successful … and unfortunately, most of the time my definition of success is based on the world’s view of success rather than on God’s.
2. To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When we allow God’s truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we’ll also see the treasure we are.
3. How encouraging to see some of these heroes of the faith in a new light! I identify with Moses. It seems that God has total faith in Him, but he has no faith in himself. Even when God gives Moses exactly what he needs, he still questions and wonders and doubts. I do that same thing.
Brooke – 20s – Married – Alabama
Emily
Battle Creek,MI
34
Married 10 years
As someone who is joining late, I just wanted to say that posting is almost not really necessary because I feel like I’m in the book already! While it was actually another person, I have found myself watching Beth in some of her DVD’s and thinking the exact same thing: “How could she be insecure? She’s TINY.” Yep. At least I know this book is for me, if I hadn’t realized it before.
I’ve actually found myself staring at other women for an uncomfortably long time because I’m jealous of their waist, their narrow hips, etc. Of course, I’ve also done the sporatic dieting and exercise to achieve that security. A decade ago, I had a breast reduction. It was medically justified, removing 5 pounds of tissue that still makes me bigger than average in some circles. Of course, I thought this would be the solution. Big shock–once the source of your focus is gone, you aren’t healed–it’s transferred to something else. And the enemy had a field day with this one (and I jumped right in)–I started knowing how wide my hips were. Only good for birthing, my friends would chide. Six years ago my husband and I found out that conceiving children would be extremely difficult. So two insecurities merged…I now had birthing hips that were wide and useless. Been brought through a lot, have lovingly adopted two babies. So, now back on the body image. Looking for God to work!
40’s, married, paralyzed since age 18, no children.
On the surface my view is that i handle life well, have gotten my worth through being disabled and ‘succeeding’ to a degree, instead of just worth through him and his word. I haven’t been honest with myself about my insecurities surrounding who i am, my body and its issues, my friends, or lack of friends, my personality giftings, my selfishness, my self worth. I am surprised that I don’t think it’d be better if I wasn’t disabled. the thought is a bit twisted. my insecurity makes me think i would make poor choices given more freedom in my body. Yuk. At least I could fix my own hair just how i want it. lol. I’ve managed to build coping barriers in dealing with stuff – so i haven’t known it’s there. Just finished the new breaking free so it’s all a work in progress, but hurts sometimes and seems so stinking self-focused. I want to escape to talk to someone about their issues, never ministering to the fullest because of my own issues.
Not sure who in the examples I relate to most. Still pondering the first question.
Lyndsey Newton, thirties, married, Henrietta, Texas
What tends to be my most prominent false positive?
I can’t pick one–but several…
1. being overweight
2. Credentials
3. Marriage
4. Wanting to become a parent…
Thank you for leaving these open for so long. In the beginning I just couldn’t even start the book out of fear–I took the cover off fearful to take it to work knowing that people would see what I was reading. Then I just put it off so long….and life happened….I just want to get as much done as I can before the simulcast this weekend.
My prominent false positive is (drum roll please)…feeling like I have total emotional security with my husband. I am starting to realize just how wrapped up I am in this desire of mine, how much it dictates many of my thoughts and actions. It appears that I have put all of my eggs in this one basket – a basket that has a huge hole in it! It’s crazy, I know. My husband could never (no matter how great a guy he may be) completely heal me emotionally or make me feel complete. In my head I know this, but my heart entirely craves it. The more I realize how much I am hinging my thoughts and actions on his behavior, I am beginning to see just how codependent I really am- and how I am setting myself up for a huge let down just about every single time. I know he loves me, but he is human and broken. In essence, I have made my husband my God. What a HUGE responsibility for that poor man! What a sabotaging belief for my marriage! And what a smack in the face to God. Help!!!
I know only my God can heal me and fill me up in the way I yearn for, but I just don’t know how to shift my desires on to Him instead. I am really hoping you (Beth) are going to show me some pointers in the chapters to come.
I declare my challenge to be that the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me (JESUS) would increasingly overtake me, in every thought, emotion, reaction, and relationship I have. (Sigh.)
I most related with Sarai. Coming to terms with how jealous I can be (even if I keep it all locked up in my head) and how much I need to feel in control of things, I think I just might be a bit crazy. Sarai seemed to go back and forth between understanding God’s plan for her family and waiting patiently, to freaking out and losing faith – and making terrible decisions as a result. Sounds way too familiar. I almost always want to do the right thing and sometimes I can have faith and peace in God’s plan, being patient and hopeful. Other times, I allow circumstances to cloud my vision and I become desperate and afraid. Then my desire to do the right thing becomes a feeble attempt to control and manipulate the circumstances to make me feel more secure. I am convinced that nothing good can come of making decisions based on fear, yet I think I do it all the time. Wow. All I can say is, wow.
Sara
Sunny CA
30’s
Married
Hi Sara, Just wanted to tell you how much my post would have been like yours. Identical really. Its been 2 years since you posted this and Im praying these thoughts are way long gone 🙂 I am starting the book now, 11/16/12!
1. Right now, money, becasue things are really tight.
2.”To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction and relationship”.
3.Saul…the part about both admiring and despising the person who makes us insecure. That one stung a bit.
30’s
NC
I will attempt to make this post a tad more comprehensible; my reply to the first week was honest but jumbled.
Isolating and identifying a single false positive is impossible. There are so many “things” that run through my mind, so many what ifs and if only’s… in the end, it boils down to… I am so afraid that when it’s all said and done, I will always be invisible, unworthy of notice and love, beneath a failure… a nonentity.
Leah and I are soul sisters, I have such compassion for her and a total understanding… I have been there, done that and did it again… Desperate for love and “knowing” that I would never get it, I did anything and I mean anything to forge a chain between myself and the object of my obsession. I would impale myself on a dual edged sword, attaching myself to someone who could not give me what I so desperately needed, all the while knowing that rejection would be the end result. I would be devastated by the rejection but in a twisted perverse way it was familiar and comfortable, rejection was a confirmation of my deepest seeded beliefs, that I was unlovable and worthless.
1. If I had the money and a great relationship is my false positive.
2.”To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction and relationship”.
3. I identify with Sarah…. I tend to want to help God if He’s not moving on my time. I have gotten crazy, make bad decisions, and jeolousy that is mostly in my mind, which caused problems in my relationship. My fiance & I decided to step back from the relationship so we both can work on some things, which is the right thing to do; however, it feels like rejection, even when he says it isn’t. Thanks for this book Beth.
Lindsey; Kentucky; 20’s; single
Funny how when I read chapter three for the first time I made a note beside the part about false positives asking “what’s mine?”. Even as I re-read it tonight I hit that section and still questioned what mine is (other than the VERY glaring one of thinking being in a relationship will solve all my problems). However, as I read through again for a third time and asked God to show me, I think I’ve realized a little more about myself. I want to be interesting. Sometimes I feel so plain and boring. It’s funny as I sit and think through that how easily examples of how I try to make myself more interesting flood into my mind. I imitate others in their ability to tell a good story, make a quick witted joke, or be sarcastic. I have honestly never thought about the fact that that is insecurity raring it’s ugly head before this moment.
I’m really glad we were asked to each write the challenge. I enjoyed reading every one’s response and specific way they worded it for themselves. To allow God, who has no darkness in Him, to fill me and then consequently ooze out of me. For Him to be so present in my life that there is literally no room for the junk that I insist on filling it with. To finally trust God to be the ONLY one who can bring true security, daily.
I think I connect most with Sarai or Saul. For some reason I am reminded of myself when I think about them setting themselves up for insecurity. Not sure exactly what about that speaks to me, but I’m thinkin’ God is surely fixin’ to show me.
Can’t wait to keep reading!
Great insight on the false positive. Might have to think about that one myself…
S/39/Houston
Again, I know I’m about a year late but here goes anyway.
My false positive? Hmmm?! I have been pondering this for the last two days and I truly still feel lost. The only things that comes to mind is the security and confidence I see in other women (not men) but WOMEN! How do they do it?! As sad as this sounds, when I see a secure and confident women I always . . . ALWAYS think to myself, “They must be faking.” The other thing that may be my false positive could be being married. This one is kinda tough since I honestly don’t feel the need to be married but I feel like I “should” be married. Heaven help me, I feel insecure just saying these two things.
Okay, the challenge: I declare that the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me (which honestly, I don’t think I have one right now) would increasingly overtake me, in every THOUGHT, EMOTION, REACTION and RELATIONSHIP I have.
Which character was scared witless and wanted to go hide and spent all day crying about woe is me? Oh, yeah! ALL OF THEM! I get utterly scared to death when I get question about my current status. I want to run and hide! You see I am on the cusp of receiving my PhD. I shouldn’t be here but yet I am. If I had to pick I would have to say Saul. I feel like a coward in a crown.
Lucy, So happy to hear from you. There are lots of others just now getting SLI and getting involved on the Blog. May the Lord speak!
Christy, late 30’s, married, PA
1.) My false positive is intelligence/wisdom/discernment
2.) Challenge: “Let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, & relationship.
3.) MOSES. God has performed MIRACLES in front of me and yet I feel inadequate & unable to commit to speaking for Him.
This facility does not provide the statement for the period F.Y. 2006-07.
Laurie, Gibsonville, NC, 30’s, Single
Week 2
1. My “Prominent False Positives” are…If I made more money and had a great relationship with a man who produces ” fruit of the spirit,” I’d have my hearts desire. If my body looked more like a Victoria Secret model, I would be a secure person, who would be easier for a man to love me for the person I am. So, I guess image would be one, too!
2. To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthen vessel until it drives my every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When I allow God’s truth to eclipse every false positive and let my eyes spring open to the treasures I have, there in His glorious reflection I’ll also see the treasure I am, in Christ Jesus! Wa-hoooo! 🙂
3. Sarai, Nothing makes a woman battle insecurity more than feeling like she can’t give her guy what he wants. Understanding how jealous I am…Ugh!
I know I am three years late on this study but I SO need it. Expecting a huge change to take place in my life, through this study and Christ!!
22
Cape Town,South Africa
Single
1.False positives: popularity :i have always wanted to be popular because wen i was in primary i was called the dweeb and beauty and a great christian man
2.”To let the healthy utterly whole and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion,reaction and relationship” AMEN AMEN!!!
3. Moses: sometimes reluctant or scared when God wants to use me i think that i cant talk properly so i delay doing something sumtimes
Paul : because i sumtimes feel not good enough as other fellow christians because they did not do sum of the really bad stuff i did before i was born again
It’s going to be ending of mine day, however before end
I am reading this impressive post to increase my know-how.