Hey, Girls! I have absolutely LOVED your discussions in Week One! I am so happy about the decision to take a full week for your responses because the comments come in at a slow enough pace for AJ and me to read a ton of them. You are such an interesting and diverse group.
There were so many comments that made me think, a few that made me want to cry, and several that made me laugh my head off. I have to mention two that brought a smile to my face because I had anticipated this very challenge and discussed it at some length with my friends at Tyndale House. Both of the responses that made me grin came from the question about the last time you faced our gender’s massive insecurity struggle. One of you said you confronted it when you immediately had to pull the book jacket off so no one would see that you were reading a book on insecurity. The other one said something similar but with even more detail. You described getting the book that very day, taking it with you to work to begin reading over your supper break, spreading your stuff out on the table in the break room, then covering the name of the book so no one would think you were insecure. I loved it.
BY ALL MEANS, pull that book jacket off if you need to! It’s what’s inside the book that matters. I’ll tell you why I begged to have the word “insecurity” in the title even though the question came to the table, “Will insecure women be secure enough to get a book with insecurity in the title?” My feeling – then theirs – was that it was worth the chance. If we’d just named it something like “Hello Security,” women would not have known outright that it dealt with healing from INsecurity. Big difference. We can talk about security all day long but we will never find ourselves in that beautiful place without letting God deal with our insecurity.
As I wrestled with how it should be titled, I became certain, I pray through the direction of the Holy Spirit, that the key word had to be in it. It had to be blatant. That moment’s resonance with that distasteful word insecurity might make a woman like me stop and think…then gather the courage to slap that thing on the counter and take it home with her. I am convinced that, if someone else had written it and I’d been in the emotional turmoil of last year, I would have seen that word, looked both ways in that Walmart or that bookstore, and, when the coast was clear, I would have run to the check out counter – then to the car – as fast as I could. And I probably would have read the first chapter in the car with tears rolling down my cheeks. That’s how desperate I was.
Anyway, the first real step toward healing is admitting we’ve got a problem. So, you see? The fact that we were secure enough to get a book on insecurity means that all 6700+ of us are on our way to healing! High five right here, Girls. God is proud of us.
OK, so let’s get to our discussions for Week Two. Read or thoroughly review CHAPTERS THREE and FOUR then answer the questions that follow this paragraph. Remember to add your basic bio information every time you comment: First name, age decade, married or single, city, state. If at any time, your answer is too vulnerable for you to want to identify yourself, just go with age decade and married or single status. Those facts themselves bring insight to your answers.
1. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own “Prominent False Positive”?
2. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three? (I want us to see this restated in our comments hundreds of times so it breaks into our belief systems. It is critical to our journey. SO, I don’t care how many times you’ve seen it written on this post, write it again for yourself. That’s your mama talking.)
3. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/her) resonated with you most and why?
That’s it for this week! I can’t wait to see your answers. Remember, you have until next Thursday morning to answer your questions.
I care so much, Ladies. You are a tremendous inspiration to me. May Christ meet you in your tasks and concerns today. He loves you lavishly.
PS. I had to hop back on here and mention another comment that I just saw under last Thursday’s post. In fact, I’m going to flat-out cut and paste it. I thought it was so funny in terms of the two earlier ones I mentioned to you about some of us feeling a tad insecure about reading an insecurity book in public. Dig this one:
One of our sisters wrote…
Well, I ordered my book online and really thought it should be in/getting close to last Thursday when we were supposed to start. I went up to the receptionist and to see if I had received any packages and then said, “sure wish my book would come in.” Receptionist had a funny look on her face and pointed to a package on her desk. She said she didn’t know whose it was as it came in the day before with just company name and not an individual. She said, “I asked every woman in this office if it was theirs. I didn’t even think to ask you….you would be the last person…” Well, it was mine and at first I said, “I’m not insecure” but later walked back up there and said, “[the woman’s name], I do have some insecurities but guarantee you when I am done, I’ll be set free from them.” She looked at me like I was crazy. Oh well.
Bless your heart, Sister! We love you, we’re feeling your pain, and we’re all cringing and laughing with you (you just might as well go ahead and think it’s funny). Honestly, that’s just like something that would happen to me. You are all so refreshing to me. Let’s stay the course in Jesus’ great Name.
Kelly S. 
Oops – forgot:
Linda
Sinton, TX
50's
Married
Heather
Pottstown, PA
20's
Divorced/Engaged (to someone different!)
Okay, so first I have a confession to make. When writing my demographic information for Roll Call and Week One, I did not write that I was divorced, only that I was engaged. I felt insecure about what the other women would think…how silly! So now I feel secure enough to write the "whole truth".
1. My most prominent false positive would have to be my looks. I would love to lose 15 pounds and get rid of these stretch marks and "cottage cheese" around my thighs. I haven't even had children yet for crying out loud! And b/c I'm insecure, I just wanted to clarify that those stretch marks and "cottage cheese" are God's gift to me…..I haven't been totally overweight, then lost a ton of pounds causing the stretch marks, nor have I ever been pregnant. Ugh!
2. Challenge: "To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship".
3. I'd have to go with Sarai and Hagar. Even though I've never been in their situation, I certainly can understand their feelings towards each other after Hagar conceived. I am the jealous type, especially when it comes to other women and my man! I know, something I need to work on. Sometimes I feel that my fiancee could do better and that he's crazy for picking me!
Yvonne
Louisville, KY
40's
Married
The questions really made me think. Been mulling over them since Thursday. I would have to say my most prominent false positive woudl be weight or looks to be more general and status (what others have that I don't).
The challenge: to allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasures we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are.
I identify with all of them some degree or another. However, I identify most closely with Saul. He was so afraid of losing what he had and so jealous of those that were more highly esteemed (mostly David) than he. I too have a deep fear of losing what I have and find myself jealous of what others have or can do.
It's been difficult trying to come up with a prominent false positive. I have so many things that I am insecure about. Seems like I am easily intimidated (made to feel insecure) by many different personalities or "types" of people. I guess what most of them have in common is their self-confidence (security). So can my pfp be "if I were only more secure" then I'd be secure? Seems hopeless.
Challenge: to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When we allow god's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us (Psalm 90:17).
Sarai & Saul because of their fears.
Tammy
Indianapolis, IN
40's
Married
Betty B.
53
Atlanta, MO
Single
As long as I can remember my false positive has been, "if I were skinny" snuggled right next to the fear that anyone might know that I was insecure about it. I have been driven to cover up my insecurity and have over compensated by working too much, but have been reasonably successful and secure in my career. I felt pretty successful at keeping my insecurities stuffed into the deepest parts of my heart, and looking like I was totally together.
I look back and see how God started preparing my heart for the message of this book the beginning of last year. Events led me to be able to accept for myself the same amazing grace and mercy I believed in so much for others, inspite of my past. On the heels of this revelation came Queen Esther's message of destiny and "for such a time as this". God locked onto my heart with "The Heart of Our Desires" simulcast in the fall. You talk about upsetting my secure little fruit basket. As I look at the things I believe that God has been preparing me to, "let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthen vessel until it drives my every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When I allow God's truth to eclispe every false positive and let my eyes spring open to the treasure I have, there in His glorious reflection I'll also see the treasure I am. And the beauty of the Lord my God will be upon me." (I had to make that personal for my heart, soul and mind.) Thanks…
Kelly
30's/married
Rogersville, TN
1.thinness/weight/appearance
I never thought of financial security until it was in jeopardy…so that too.
2.To let the Jesus in us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our everything.
3.PAUL…"He was a complex mound of clay just like the rest of us, belittling and boasting in himself in a dizzying psychological zigzag". That sums up my week. I have not made the best personal choices this week, even though that was my focus of prayer last week. Lord, help me be unwilling to let my weaknesses override my faith. Thank you Jesus, Amen
Psalm 119.176
beth
lakeland, fl
50's
married
1. prominent false positive–acceptance, not being abandoned.
2. my challenge–"to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me overtake my earthen vessel until it drives my every emotion, reaction, and relationship." From I Thes. 5:23–May the Spirit of Christ Who dwells in the innermost part of me take authority over my soul–the seat of my emotions, and my body–my fleshly desires and appetites."
3. Hagar–in my abandonment, I have come to know and experience my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ as Emmanuel, God with us, and El Shaddai, all-sufficient for every need I have.
Susan
Lexington, KY
31
Married to the best hubby ever!
one son 21 mths
I have had a really hard season with the LORD the last year and I couldn't pinpoint what He was wanting me to be willing to let Him fix. I knew something was hurting my soul but couldn't figure it out. My husband is a minister and we help people figure this stuff out all of the time and I couldn't help myself. So frustrating! If asked if I was an insecure person I would have said no until I read the book. I finished the whole thing in a week and a half because it spoke to me so directly. Thank you Beth for allowing the LORD to work through you, I felt as though some of your thoughts were directed to me. I am so thankful that you share your God given talent with us.
My most prominent false positive is that I am jeaolus concerning my husband. We have been married for 12 years and I have never been like this before. I know he would never do anything to bring hurt to me or our family but for some reason the last year I have been jealous of him. Such a weird thing for me to feel like this since it came from no where. My biggest fear has always been living life without him but I never thought about him leaving me. Satan started after our son was a few months old bringing me worry about my husband leaving me for someone else. I knew and still know that this isn't going to happen but satan keep feeding me this and I would take the bait everytime. Makes me mad at myself to think about it now. This is something that I have been working on since reading your book. I am the miracle that you talked about. I can honestly say that whenever satan puts those thoughts in my head I answer with a stern I TRUST GOD! Your personal story has helped me so much in that area. It has made such a difference in our relationship (not that we were not happy before but this has releived so much stress). I pray daily for you and your family (trust me I know what it's like being used as teaching illustrations!) The LORD has blessed you and your family and through you all He has blessed so many others.
Amber
Castle Rock, CO
30's
Married
1. My prominent false positive is being accepted or feeling as if I belong. I would say it falls under popularity except I don't really need or want everyone to like me but a couple would be nice.
2. Challenge- To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes springs open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious relection we'll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us.
3. I identify most with Moses because I tend to always feel unworthy of doing anything. I am one of those people who don't fulfill their destinies because of my insecurities and I want that to stop. I know there is so much more God intends for my life and I'm ready to start living it.
Flo
Missouri
50's
Married
Hey, I have an idea. Instead of telling each other and God how big our insecurities are, let us tell our insecurities how big our God is!!!!!!! Good bye, insecurities, my God is a million plus times bigger than you!!!! Girls, I am loosed!!!!
Marilyn
married
50's
Indiana
1. After all….you have a great personality and you are so funny. Everyone loves you. Prominent false positive: a good personality and sense of humor does NOT always make you loved (or even liked for that matter.) I have met some pretty tough cookies where I work. Even if I try my hardest to be friendly and nice or say something to make them smile, they will look at me and curse you to my face.
2. To let the healthy, utterly whole and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction and relationship. When we allow God's truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we'll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us.(Psalm 90:17,NKJV)
3. I would have to say probably the woman at the well…..thinking that I would never be good enough or pure enough for Him. That my past would keep me from ever be used by God.
1. My prominent false positives are: If I were thin, then… and if I were married, then…
2. To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthen vessel until it drives my every emotion, reaction, and relationship. Help me, Lord!
3. Sarai & Hagar: ."..desperation opens the door of insecurity with the gentility of a wrecking ball" (ouch). "We naturally despise people whose company we are forced to share if we feel largely threatened by them."
Leah & Rachel: "Nothing like thinking God doesn't like you as well as He likes someone else to make you a smidge insecure." "The kind of insecurity that makes us reluctant to believe and obey God not only leads us into sin, it also ends up dragging a few other people into it with us."
Saul: "Insecurity lives in constant terror of loss."
– Why do I identify with these areas of insecurity? As a single and corporate exec, I've allowed my job to become a place where I derive a lot of my value and significance. I don't have a husband or kids to invest in, so I invest a lot into my job. And so, anyone or anything that makes me feel like I'm not as good or talented or important brings out ugly insecurity in me. I love how you said about Saul: "He didn't quite get that God alone was in charge of his destiny and the only One who could jar that crown off his head" (or in my case, removed me from the corner office).
Father, help me to walk in the beauty of Your security so that that beauty is what people will see, Lord, and then that you would be greatly glorified in my life!!
Gretchen
40's
single
Thousand Oaks, CA
Okay- here goes- I have thought about this way too long! I think this trait is somehow linked to my false positive!
1.I agree with the 20 something lawyer that said her false positives differ with the group she is in. Right now, my most prominent one is thinking "if I could just be financially secure and retire (from this job of 35 years), then I would be more secure and do all the things I have always wanted to do".
2.Our challenge:
" To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthly vessels until it drives OUR every emotion, reaction and relationship."
3. I so relate to Paul- my flesh very often gets in the way of how I truly want to think, talk, act, be. I am so, so thankful that God has a way of working through me and with me in spite of this.
Love to you all-
Fran
Gulf Shores, AL
Single again
50's
Blaire
30s
Married
Topeka, KS
1. Prominent false positive = popularity and prestige are so closely intertwined for me. I am jealous of people who appear to be confident, and who other people are drawn to, listen to and respect. Why do I want to be the favorite so badly?
2. Our challenge is "to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship."
3. Leah and Rachel – I can't IMAGINE sharing my husband with my sister!
But I'm also struck by Moses's insecurity. God appeared to Moses, spoke to him, and used him to do a miracle, yet he still was paralyzed by his lack of trust in God, and detrimental focus on himself.
Dena
Illinois
30's
Married
Thank you for writing this book. Barnes and Noble recommended this book to me through email. I am a book lover and avid reader so I get email from them all the time. From the moment I read the title I couldn't stop thinking about the book. It nagged at me for two days before I went out and finally purchased it. Obviously it wasn't just a recommendation from B&N. Then while I was chatting at bible study (we're doing your Daniel study) I found out there is a blog and a simulcast I could join. I felt I had to join and see how it affected other women. I laughed out loud when you commented about the book jacket. The first thing I did was take it off. I thought, wow, do I need this. I'm being transformed and loving it. I'm so tired of my insecurity. It affects all my relationships. I'm the middle child of three girls, so I have baggage. It's time to loose those knots that bind me.
I have many false positives, but the most prominent is being smart,capable and talented. I don't like it when I mess up, forget something or do something wrong. I have a problem with perfectionism. HUGE!
I identify most with Leah because I can feel her pain. I understand her anger and jealousy. I too know the feeling of wanting to best my sister(s) in the one way I can. I was not the favorite child.
I am really loving this book because I am ready to be healed and repair relationships. Thank you God for Beth, the title, the words and leading me to buy it. I may put that cover back on and carry it with pride!
1) Prominent False Positive – good health and some $ would make me secure
2) Challenge – To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my body until it drives my every emotion reaction and relationship.
3) Moses resonated with me. O Lord, please send someone else to do it – I'm not capable and am tired and going back to bed!
Shelly
Albuquerque
50's
married
P.S. To Susan in Tx – I too would like to lose those 10 lbs. and have less wrinkles, but I'd like SMALLER boobs. O girls, we do have issues with our girls!
Wendy
Ile Bizard, Quebec, Canada
39
Married
Not sure if I have a prominent false positive…they all feel prominent. I often, and I mean OFTEN, feel like I'm not pretty enough, not thin enough, not a good enough wife, not a good enough mother, not a good enough friend, daughter, sister… I always feel like I could be a better_________ fill in the blank and chances are it will be what I feel I could be better at. The truth is however, at this moment in time, that I have a husband who loves me, great kids, dear friends, a better relationship with my family than I've had in years. I have it all yet I still have all the insecurities which have been so deeply rooted in me, starting way back in my childhood and which have grown over the years, that I can't shake them…yet. But the good news is that I'm working on it and I won't give up until I'm free from those chains which have been holding me captive.
I guess I could identify most with Saul in the sense that I feel inferior a lot of the time and wish I could be more like "her" or "her" or "her".
The Challenge in Chapter 3 states,
" To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthly vessels until it drives out every emotion, reaction and relationship."
Okay, so I loved to read that I wasn't the only one leary to buy about insecurity, and I was buying the electronic version! That told myself that I needed it more than I wanted to admit! 🙂
I read ahead, and will say that I believe this book is life changing for me! As I turned in my sleep one night I found myself saying, "She is clothed with dignity and strenght! She is clothed with dignity and strength!"
Thanks Beth for being willing to share your journey and in turn help me be free of this! It's sure helping! 🙂 Pamela
P
OR
30's
single
Liz
Atlanta, Georgia
30's
married
1) My prominent false positive is my looks. I feel like if I could take care of this problem area or that one I would be perfectly happy with myself and fully confident! Ironically, a few years ago I didn't have any of those problem areas and I was not confident at all then either. So…….hmm.
2)Our challenge is to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship. (I hope I have a healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part! Will you tell us where to find that part Beth?)
3) I identify most with Moses. Moses didn't feel like he was good enough to do what God told him to do. He didn't believe God's ability to work through him. That is me!! I'm too insecure to believe I would be of any use to God. Why would He want to use me? There are so many people that can do this or that better then me!! Don't misunderstand me, I do try to do what is required, but I do it with a constant fear of failure! I am utterly amazed when someone thinks I have done something well!
Tammy, 38
Married, GA
I am getting a late start on commenting but I think I'm ready now. So please forgive me for going through answers for chapters 1 through 4.
1: Last time came face to face with gender struggle: Shopping always brings in the struggle as I look for clothes that will make me look my best. Also it is a daily struggle to feel I am meeting the requirements for "supermom." Guess what? I'm not!!
2. What part of definition of insecurity resonated most with me: Self-doubt and uncertainty of self-worth. I find myself getting depressed if I have not had someone speak words of affirmation to me. I place way too much value of other people's opinion of me.
3. My Prominent False Positives: Sorry but there are 2 – Financial Security and youthful appearance. I find that I often think if we had the financial means for me to not work outside the home I could be a better wife, mother, volunteer, etc.
Additional thought from chapter 3 was from p. 33 you wrote: "We all fear that we aren't who we are pretending to be. The more careful we are about what we're projecting, the more driven we tend to be by fear." WOW! Hit me right between the eyes as this is exactly what I'm dealing with right now. I want to be who God wants me to be not how I think everyone else wants me to be. Talk about feeling so insecure that you feel you have to be someone else. It is an exhausting way to live.
4. Biblical figure I most identify with was the lady at the well. I see it is different that so many other responders on here but I am so guilty in getting my worth from how I think I'm viewed by other men. The more attention I get the better. The lady at the well couldn't find happiness and contentment from all of her many husbands and I know I won't from men's attention.
Becky
Owasso, OK
40's
Married
My false positive is my size. I used to be really thin, but since I've given up running (uh, my own "golden calf") the weight is coming back on. I'm not OVER-weight, just not the size 2 I used to be. Now when I see other women who are small, or even other women out running, I get antsy. But to be honest, when I was a size 2, I was very unhealthy mentally/spiritually. It WAS exhausting to keep up.
The challenge? To let the very HEALTHY, SECURE, WHOLE JESUS who dwells within us overtake us, so HE will drive out the very unhealthy, very insecure emotions that threaten to engulf us.
And finally, the statement about Rachel got to me the most: "Nothing like thinking God doesn't like you as well as He likes someone else to make you a smidge insecure." And it's simply too painful for me to even go into….let's just say this thing has dogged me for a long time.
Thank you, again, Beth. This is speaking right to me.
Mary Ellen
Hollywood, FL
50s
Married
Hi Beth, Amanda, Melissa, thank you for your good work.
I am loving this study, Beth, and have recommended it to people who give me a stare in return that says, "Who me? You are recommending this to me? You THINK I am insecure? Hmmm,..and you are..?"
My answers:
1. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own "Prominent False Positive"?
If I were only taller, had made the right decisions years ago, had more focus in career training, a more developed background in specific skills and talents, then I would not feel insecure, be happy and unsuccessful.
2. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three? (I want us to see this restated in our comments hundreds of times so it breaks into our belief systems. It is critical to our journey. SO, I don't care how many times you've seen it written on this post, write it again for yourself. That's your mama talking.)
To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction and relationship. When we allow God’s truth to eclipse every false positive and let our eyes spring open to the treasure we have, there in His glorious reflection we’ll also see the treasure we are. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us (Psalm 90:17)
3. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/her) resonated with you most and why?
Moses has always been an example of confidence to me until seeing him in the light of his inconsistent responses to God. He obeyed God, but whined back to Him. I whine and struggle to obey. I want to do good. Moses wanted to do good, correct a bad, so much that he thought killing an Egyptian was the solution (which is not to be compared to the goofs I have made, but they were still wrong). He thought he could do everything (sounds like a perfectionist attitude) until his father-in-law brought his mind around. I think I can do everything (high expectations) and mostly refused to believe when it is lovingly pointed out to me by others (unlike Moses). The comparison doesn’t stop there, but I will before I get carried away.
God bless you all.
Before I answer question one, I have to say that one statement that totally jumped off the page at me from Chapter 3 was this: "You and I are going to have to come to a place where we stop handing people the kind of power only God should wield over us."
I know that a lot of my insecurity is based on wanting people to like me – at whatever cost. In essence, I am handing over control of my life to people who don't deserve it – really, why let someone who doesn't like me or want to be with me have control over my emotions and self-worth? What does it matter what he/she thinks of me? He/she will go on with her day totally unaware of the havoc they have created in my world – I however, will go through my day painfully aware of my own shortcomings and find myself spiraling downward at an alarming rate.
So, while I was going to say that my prominent false positive is wishing I were thin because then my life would be perfect, I guess what it really is, is approval/affirmation/acceptance.
2. The challenge is to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship. WHEN WE ALLOW GOD'S TRUTH TO ECLIPSE EVERY FALSE POSITIVE AND LET OUR EYES SPRING OPEN TO THE TREASURE WE HAVE, THERE IN HIS GLORIOUS REFLECTION WE'LL ALSO SEE THE TREASURE THAT WE ARE.
3. I have to choose two Biblical characters, because on any given day, I am a lot like one or the other and sometimes both at the same time –
Leah – because she just so desperately wanted to be loved and accepted, just the way she was.
Paul – because I have areas of my life in which I am completely confident in my God-given talents and abilities, but then there are so many others in which I am just completely down on myself. A complex mixture of pride and self-loathing indeed.
40
Massachusetts
married
I have been struggling with insecurity my whole life and for what reasons I do not know. I definitely started way to early concentrating on boys and let my self worth be determined by boys and men as far back as I can remember. I had a wonderful Godly father that was so good to my mother, myself and my sisters.
My biggest problem is with other women….my first husband looked constantly at other women in front of me ( and in other ways that finally ended in our divorce ) I never felt good enough , pretty enough or thin enough for him. ( I weighed 98 pounds when we married)
I have 2 awesome adult children now and am remarried to a wonderful husband that only has eyes for me! For the past 5 years I have totally distanced myself from a sister in Christ because I made up in my head that my husband secretly wanted this friend of mine! This has tormented me for years and I am still struggling with all of this. My poor husband has been accused of so many things that he has never done and that I dreamed up on to let it drive me to snoop on her and be obsessed with her, her career and her family. Thanks Beth for this book and the chapter on how we start diving into more information than we need to know! I have had to ask my husband for forgiveness and for all that I have put him through. He has been so sweet and forgiving and I think he would like to shake your hand personally for finally helping me work through all of this. It is not over but better and with this book by my side , I have a new HOPE that I have never had before!
Sandy
Winkler,MB Canada
40ish
Married
Week 3-Financial stability would make me more secure. May God take my insecurities and bind them so that He can replace them with His love, peace, and contentment in every situation.
Week 4-You might as well change my name to Moses because I know that I try to convince myself that I am not capable. What a crazy thought when I know in my heart that God can do what he says he can do.
Most prominent false positives:
I try and make myself feel secure with my intelligence/self-sufficiency.
I imagine that being chosen by a good, Godly man and marrying him and thereby getting someone who "has" (yes, not really, but in my mind it works this way) to stay with me would bring me security.
Challenge: To walk in truth and to have faith and believe what the Lord says to me and about me is true. To become so sure of this that the insecurity and fear is crowded about my security and faith.
Scarily enough, I resonated with Saul. I've always thought that I would also be so jealous of David after that song, and I also fear losing attention, love, friendship to others who are "better" than I am. It's poison, but that's the ugly truth.
Single
40's (barely–and what insecurity prompts the adding of that every time??)
O'Fallon, MO
My prominent false positive is thinking of can find security in others' acceptance.
The challenge is to let the healthy, utterly whole & completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
I can identify most with Saul because I fear loss – loss of relationships.
Teressa
Winfield, AL
43
Single (widow)
My false positive is my weight. I am short and have put on weight as I get older, middle 50's and it consumes me to try and lose but I do not lose.
I love reading all the posts. I did not even think about what people would think when I carry around a book on Insecurity. All I thought was, it is a Beth Moore book who would not want to read it……
now that I've read the posts I'm thinking maybe I better take the cover off…. I will say no more
lovin' the discussion!
married
middle 50's
midwest woman
Nancy
Lex, Ky
late 30s
single
1. I would have to say that my most prominent false positive is "popularity would make me secure." At least, I am guessing that must be it, since relationship issues, particularly not being liked, or troubles with friends brings out some of my greatest insecurities.
2. "To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship."
3. I would say that I related most to the section about Saul and David. The statements that insecure people are always afraid that something or someboy is going to be taken from them and it is the fear that they have something we don't that makes us most insecure resonated most, as I have struggled with my own self-worth and have clung to outside sources for value. (Which makes the fear of losing those things even worse!)
Tina
Mason, OH
30's
Married
1. I think my false positive is seeing someone who has health(including LOOKING healthy), family/friends, and financial security. Someone with those things can't possibly be insecure, right? You wanted one thing…and I've got a list!
2. Our challenge: To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3. I was surprised at the biblical character, but it was the statement after Saul…"Insecurity lives in constant terror of loss. Insecure people are always afraid that something or somebody is going to be taken from them."
That's my life…that's why being a blog lurker with a bunch of women is so much easier for me than having women friends. It's my experience that girls aren't nice and will leave me eventually. And so the statement about fearing loss defines the relationships I allow myself to experience. It defines my fear of losing my health, my weight/looks(40 just keeps getting closer and closer!), my children, and on a really bad day, my husband. I think I was in a bit of denial about my level of insecurity before starting this book. I knew I struggled with fear, but realizing that fear was rooted in insecurity…that's a bit of a revelation. I'm intrigued as to what God has next for me…could it possibly be a life without paralyzing and heart stopping fear? I pray that it is.
Dodie
Lawton, OK
50's
happily married
Prominent false positive….weight issues…but it goes into everything else! "If I was 1/2 my size, with a flat stomache I would have lots of energy, be beautiful, more disciplined, a good conversationalist, have a beautiful big home, with no problems at all!"
Why does this COMPARISON game always lead to the what ifs? Instead I need to be thankful that I have a wonderful husband, a modest sized home that is very attractive to live in with him, adult children & grandchildren, friends a growing relationship with Jesus!
Jodi
30's
Married
Charlotte, NC
1. A fully devoted, faithful husband would make me secure. Definitely a false positive. My husband has not always been devoted and faithful – but he is now. And I still struggle with my massive bouts of freakish misery.
2. To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3. I resonated most with the statements about the apostle Paul. I've always had difficulty with him – his personality irks me (probably because he strikes me as a know-it-all and you just can't have two know-it-alls in the same room… it doesn't work). But the idea that he had insecurities and God used him so incredibly in spite of himself is something that I want to see happen in my own life. I want, desperately, to be used by God. I have no idea what that even looks like for my life… but I want to get over this stuff so that I don't get in the way. The fact that God didn't allow Paul to get in the way of accomplishing God's purpose is comforting to me.
Beth, thank you so much for what you wrote to Candace about feeling no pressure to finish the book in the midst of battling depression. Thank you on her behalf, and for me as well. My friends and I are still finishing the Me, Myself and Lies study from last summer, and although I can't speak for them, for me it was just too spot on to take at the time amid a huge battle with anxiety, something close to if not outright depression, and deep feelings of failure and insecurity. Reading your post to Candance felt like soothing water to my soul in light of all that. Thank you.
Candace, three little one in three years is no small thing! I imagine in the midst of the blessing of little ones you must be absolutely exhausted. "He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 41:10. I pray you will feel Jesus carrying you close to His heart and gently and lovingly leading you as you walk through this difficult time, and as you care for those precious little ones.
Charlotte, 56 and single in S.C.
My most prominent false positive is definitely financial security.
I think I identify with Paul, only because I sincerely HOPE THAT GOD USES ME IN SPITE OF MYSELF. Maybe you call that hopeful identification since I usually feel that I must not be listening correctly because I must be in the wrong place.
The challenge at the end of Ch. 3 is to let God's truth eclipse every false positive so that our whole and secure parts increasingly overtake our earthen vessels. AMEN.
Sharen
Flowery Branch, GA
50's
Single
My most prominent false positive is financial security and believing that I am alright and secure as long as the money in the checking/savings account is there.
The challenge stated at the end of chapter 3 in my own words is to let God, represented by our whole and secure self, take over our insecure self.
I related most to Moses because instead of looking at how God had trusted him and was using him, he looked at his weaknesses.
Y'all (to quote some sweet southern ladies I've grown to love), the word verification word I had to type to post my comment was "SYCHO!" And believe it or not, it stung my heart to read it.
But… Nuh uh!! I am who God says I am. I am clothed with strength and dignity. I'M. BELIEVING. GOD!
(oh, get this: my next word to type is "putruba"… and I first read it as "purturba" — and yes, I am getting very perturbed at all of Satan's lies and all of the times I've believed him. And I am saying to this mountain: MOVE IT!)
of course "putruba" could be those outer parts of my legs I'm always tempted to be self conscious of, but I'm not even going to go there right now. I'm too mad. 🙂
Tami
40s
married
DS, LA
1. Prominent False Positive: If I had better skin and better muscle tone I would have more self confidence. Just typing it out makes me embarrassed because it's so shallow!
2. Challenge: To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3. I relate most to Moses. I often feel inadequate and inarticulate, but I have so much to say about what God is doing in my life! I hinder myself with self-doubt.
I really want to remember this statement from Chapter 4, "The kind of insecurity that makes us reluctant to believe and obey God not only leads us into sin, it also ends up dragging a few other people into it with us."
1.) My prominent false positive: Beauty would make me secure. I didn’t know I struggled with this as much, until I started thinking about what I associate most with security. There are many times when I say to one of my friends, “You are so pretty.” And little did I know that this points straight to my insecurities.
2.) Challenge in Chapter three: To let the unhealthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3.) I related to Moses the most. Especially when he told God, “I am slow of speech and tongue…O Lord, please send someone else to do it.”- This reminded me of me. There is several times when I feel like God is calling me to do something, but I feel not worthy of or not capable of doing such a thing. It causes me to shrink back and not follow God’s obedience, just like Moses did. Oh, how I want to get past this!!!
Mary Ann
50's
Divorced
North Stonington, CT
I really have two prominent false positive they are: professional success and staying youthful in appearance. When I just read these two my heart sickened because to others I have both. Maybe that is why the biblical character that I relate to most is Leah/Rachel and their intense jealousy. This is a struggle that I have had most of my life, no matter how much I have had (monetarily), or how successful I became I was never satisfied and always jealous of others.
The challenge: "To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives out every emotion, reaction, and relationship." I am a new Christian and am discovering that God is truly the only One who can help me to accomplish this, wish I had learned this in my 20's.
1. False Positives – my biggest two would be being thin/beautiful, and prestige/being admired.
2. To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthly vessel until it drives my every emotion, reaction, and relationship!
3. I related most to Moses, with the feeling that although I've heard from God and know He desires to use me, I still feel inadequate and uncertain.
P.S. I read through Chapter 5 this morning — AMAZING. Loving this study!
~Lindsey
Jenks, OK
20's, Single
Kendal
North Wilkesboro, NC
40
Married
1. Based on Chapter Three, what tends to be your own "Prominent False Positive"?
I’ve always believed money would make me secure. For so long I believed that being thin would make me secure. Until I found myself with anorexia. I have spent years rebounding from the discovery that I had been chasing a lie.
2. What is the challenge stated at the very end of Chapter Three?
To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives out every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3. Based on Chapter Four, what Biblical figure (or statement about him/her) resonated with you most and why?
Sarai resonated with me the most. She felt like she didn’t measure up so she took matters into her own hand. I too struggle to rest and trust and wait.
60s, married
weight, attractiveness, financial, children's mental and physical well being
To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthen vessel until it drives my emotions, reactions and relationships.
I identify with a part of each character.
A statement from Chapter 1 really resonated with me, especially about something that happened at church on Wednesday night. Today I am asking myself why am I drawing my security from a person who is oblivious to the weight I put into her estimation of me? I was hurt by something that happened, that I can see now really meant nothing. I can't believe I have obsessed about this for days, now I can truly let this go. Thank you Beth for this book, I also need to remember that something has to happen to make me leave where I am. That something is stirring in me now. This book has made me realize how insecure I really am. Up until now I think I have been in denial about this. I am now learning that the years I spent being a perfectionist & in toxic relationships was rooted in insecurity.
Now on to Chapters 3 & 4. I believe that I have 2 false positives, one comes from being overweight. If I could just lose weight everything would be better. I hate to confess that the other one is having a bigger house. If we had a bigger house, we could host family gatherings, house church, etc.
Challenge # 2– I need to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of me increasingly overtake my earthly vessel until it drives my every emotion, reaction, and relationship. When I allow God's truth to eclipse my every false positive and let my eyes spring open to the treasure I have, there in His glorious reflection I will also see the treasure that I am. And the beauty of the Lord our God will be upon us. (Psalm 90: 17, NKJV).
Challenge 3 —I can identify with Sarai & Hagar because I let a very foolish decision send me into an insecurity about my looks & weight that I could really do without. I did not end a relationship with a man that should have ended way before it did and as a result I was assaulted & have now put on about 60 extra pounds, falsely thinking that no other man would ever look at me or assault me. Now I know the assault was all about power & control and not about how I look, but now I have all this extra weight that is affecting my health. I can also identify with Paul because I sometimes feel that I am not good enough because of the wrong done in my past.
I am looking forward to the rest of the book so that these feelings can be gone, once & forever. Thanks for letting me go on so long, these things needed to be voiced by me.
Marilyn
Kirkwood, MO
50s
Married
1. My most prominent false positive tends to be "if only I were thin," but the funny thing is, I was thin for 40 years and I was much more insecure then than I am now, so go figure!
2. Our challenge is to let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3. Speaking of Moses, "Heaven knows how many people never fulfill their destinies simply because of their own insecurities." I wonder what I might do if I didn't have that voice in my head telling me it's hopeless even to try.
Karen
40's
separated
MN
My prominent false positive would be knowledge — if I know what's planned or likely to happen, then I'll be secure. But you know — it's never quite secure.
The challenge: To let the healthy, utterly whole (in Christ) and completely secure part of us (I see this as our spirit — connection to God) increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
I most identified with Moses — reluctant to believe and obey God's call in spite of the many ways God has displayed His awesome power.
1. My prominant false positive is prestige/popularity. Also losing just 5 more pounds and toning a bit.
2.challenge: to let the healthy utterly whole and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion reaction and relationship!
3. I relate most with Moses– not being secure enough to fulfill my God given destiny
audra
AR
20s
married
Cindy
30’s
Divorced
Okc, ok
1. In trying to identify my pfp I tried to look at the people in my life that I perceive as secure and what I think they have. I initially thought it would be appearance, marriage, or financial security. But the more I thought of these people, the one thing most of them have in common would be a secure relationship with God.
2. The Challenge in Chapter 3 states,
"To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthly vessels until it drives out every emotion, reaction and relationship."
Jeanie
Sparta, TN
39
Married
1. My most prominent false positive (so many to choose from) is weight. It seems like to me that my false positives are things that I am not or do not have.
2. Our challenge: To let the healthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overtake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3. The Biblical figure that resonates with me most is Moses. I struggle with self dought more than anything.
I must be clueless, because i bought your book, now i'm almost done, and just realized you were going through it here. I could NOT need this MORE. OH MY.
Oh yeah.
Ellen
nashville, tn
30 yrs old
Married!
We are about to move, for the fourth time in 7 years of marriage, (no family or friends nearby at any point) with two young kiddos. I have been gushing forth insecurity for the past 6 months.
My most prominent false positive is that lots of friends would make me secure.
Do you know how hard it is to make good, special friends when you keep moving away!? And it's the thing I am most insecure about? What is God trying to do to me?!
I'm thinking I identify with Saul. I don't like thinking people are better than me.
oh, and the challenge is to allow God's Truth make the lie of our false positive very evident.
Yay. i don't say this often, but i am fairly certain that you wrote this book just for ME right now.
i'll see you in April in ATL!
Single
40's
1. My most prominant false positive
would be if I were married I would be a complete person.Throughout the years, all of my close friends have been happily married. At first, I thought OK God, you want me to see something in these Godly couples that will help me out when I get married. I can do that!I've watch, waited and prayed for years. And yes, begging and pleading was not beneath me!In the process, I have become very bitter,not towards my friends, but towards God.Is that sick or what? For the last year,I have basically cut myself off from every relationship I've ever had…always making excuses when things come up. I guess the good that has come from this is trying to spend more time with the Lord!
2.Challenge: To let the unhealthy, utterly whole, and completely secure part of us increasingly overatake our earthen vessels until it drives our every emotion, reaction, and relationship.
3.Moses was the biblical figure that resonated most with me. Many,many times the Lord would place it heavy on my heart to go and pray with someone. Fear would arise in me and I would say, Lord, please,please send someone else to do it.