Hey, Darling Things. Let me blurt out from the beginning that you guys are so dear to me. I genuinely love this community with a heart full to the brim. Your comments to Sunday’s post drew me in, made me smile, and some of them made me laugh out loud. Per the question, how far was I from the little farm house when the rancher saw me and reported me in certain peril to my man, several miles. Keith and I are still amused by it but we are thankful for such good neighbors. Just when we think we’ve gotten a little more normal, something reminds him and me that we are caricatures that could be fodder for the weirdest sitcom on network television. Shiver. I’m just picturing my character’s hair. And the size of her Bible. And, eewwww, the accent. And picture the double barrel shotgun in Keith’s character’s hand. But, if they show him without a shirt, cry foul because that’s not my man. Never, I do mean NEVER would my man go without a shirt outside the shower. Nor does he respect a grown man that does. (Unless he’s in his swim trunks and those better come nearly to the man’s knees.) He also gives the stink eye to a grown man that wears his shirt open two buttons. That’s not cool to Keith. And if the man has on a gold chained necklace, you best keep him out of Keith’s path all together. OK, Lord, have mercy. How do I get off on all this stuff? It’s y’all that bring this out in me.
Here’s the reason why I’m posting today. I’m looking to my favorite community for insight regarding this weekend’s event and maybe, if any of it pertains, for insight toward the taping for James in May. (Much more on that later because I really, really want to enlist your prayers.) These are my two questions and please notice that they pertain to two different groups among you.
1. To anyone in our blog community: This one’s wide open. Have you ever experienced a painful breakage in a close relationship you had with another believer? I’m especially talking about relationships that you believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ but something happened that resulted in a fissure. If so, WITHOUT DIVULGING ANYTHING THAT WOULD IDENTIFY YOUR PERSON, what happened? And here’s a really important part of it: did the relationship mend or did you go your separate ways? Please stick to one meaty paragraph because I want to read every single entry. If it’s too long, I’ll have to skip it. Remember, no names or pieces of information that people can track. We never want to dishonor anyone on this blog. So that I can differentiate between answers to this question and those to the next, please start your comment with the word “Relationship.”
2. Limited just to the people attending this weekend’s LPL in Little Rock, Arkansas: I’d love to already have a few of your stories in mind for this weekend. In a compact paragraph, would you please tell me your first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now? Please keep in mind that I could very well share it with the entire group as an example of the kinds of things we’re dealing with in our audience so your comment will act as your permission. Please, please don’t leave a comment I can’t share or I could end up getting it confused with the others and telling it by accident. Remember, you are entrusting your personal information to Blonder Than She Pays To Be. Also don’t make stuff up as a trick so you can get a kick out of it when I tell it. Yes, people do stuff like that on blogs and it’s totally lame. Don’t do it here. So that I can differentiate between this answer and the ones to the previous question, please start your comment with the word “Little Rock.” If you are also answering question 1, please do it in a separate comment. This will help me immensely as I peruse the survey.
You guys are rock stars to me. Thank you so much. May all of this information and everything else that happens on this blog ultimately bring greater fame to the powerful, healing, saving Name of Jesus Christ.
Our Lord.
And Savior.
Dear Beth, I have been so blessed by your book which led me on to Breaking Free at a local church. After the first session I was doing my homework at home on a beautiful New Zealand day in February 2011 and cried out to our Lord to reveal what was holding me back and what I was a slave to. The issue of not being good enough surfaced – I had thought I had dealt with this and I immediately got a firm command to get down on the floor arms outstretched. I did this and proceeded to sob and ask Jesus to deliver me from this burden of not feeling good enough. It was very cleansing sobbing on the floor. Next I felt a strong command to go down to our local beach and immerse myself in the sea totally. This was a challenge as I hate putting my head under and I had just washed my hair so I wanted to get some mileage out of it! I obediently put on my togs, grabbed a towel and took off for the beach. I parked the car half way along the beach and proceeded to walk in a direct path to the sea but something beautiful stopped me in my tracks – someone that morning had made a huge (1 1/2 foot wide) heart made of shells! I felt that God was reassuring me of his love for me. I then immersed myself totally in the water and had a beautiful time basking in God’s beauty.
I am 54 and for too long I have allowed the enemy of my soul to steal from me – yes I played a part. I didn’t realise how much I was devaluing myself in the process. With God’s help I am standing firm and not allowing myself to be burdened again by the yoke of slavery.
Thank you Beth and Godbless,
Andrea Round.
PS: I believe my lack of self worth stemmed from a post traumatic stress disorder – at 13 I saw my beloved dad die suddenly from a heart attack. I never asserted myself in the following years and became a people pleaser to be loved. I set myself up to fail by not sleeping before every single exam right through to the end of my four year Zoology Degree. I endured panic attacks. Because my mum (who I loved dearly but had a critial tongue at times) had to work hard to support the family I have felt the burden of guilt by being mostly an at home mum for my dear husband and three lovely (healthy assertive) daughters.
Relationship. I was so blessed with a spiritual sister I had met at Bible study. For over 10 years, we laughed tons, prayed a lot, shared insights as well as important life events (I was her maid of honor, and she and her husband asked me to be in the hospital room with her as she delivered her first child [I guess her husband was too squeamish]). Then we had a disagreement ā nothing that seemed like a big deal, in fact, the offense was against me. I shared my side ā she shared hers. I apologized for my part in it, and she said while she acknowledged her wrong, she couldnāt apologize nor could she talk about it. She said sheād let me know when she was ready to talk again. Six months passed. In the meantime, I had sent a couple ājust checking in to see how youāre doingā e-mails, but finally realized I wouldnāt be hearing from her again. I never understood what happened. During this time I had loads of conversations with the Lord seeking His help to learn and understand, and also help to not get bitter. That was four years ago and weāve never spoken since, and while Iām still baffled, I feel a peace that God knows much more than I do and that thatās enough.
Relationship: Extremely painful. Someone who was a close friend in ministry believed something said about me that wasn’t true, and the friendship ended, causing much pain and confusion..resulting in my leaving that ministry. I felt betrayed, and totally did not understand. I continually cried out to God with this through long days and used my husband as a safe sounding board to help me think through things. Although I forgave this person (people) from the start, the pain of feeling so betrayed didn’t go away for a few years. The Lord finally helped me resolve it by bringing me to the point of realizing that I didn’t understand everything. I felt like the one person and others were wrong, but that they were still Godly and I loved them. They had made a mistake (in my estimation), just like I make mistakes. The pain began to abate, and although we are no longer close, I can run into these people and feel genuine affection and interest in them and their lives. I remember the pain of this, but no longer experience it. The Lord held me and nurtured me and taught me so much during this time. I am thankful! I am free!
RELATIONSHIP,
Growing up in church I had a beautiful mentor my Sunday School teacher. He was a rock to so many of us teenagers and when it came time to go to college, I even looked at the school he had gone to 50 years earlier and ended up going there. The entire time at University he and I penpalled. He was my only true source of Christian encouragement for four very rebellious years. He wrote the most eloquent letters so full of life and love for Jesus and encouragement for this wayward girl. I looked desperately for each letter about once a month feeling that it was my only source keeping me close to Christ. (I had grown up in the church my whole life). After University, we continued to write but a little less often but every time I went to my hometown I would always went to his now, Adult- Couples Sunday School class. His teaching was amazing and always left me wanting to be closer with my heavenly Father. I just thought wow, his faith is so strong and he’s SO smart. One day after I have met the man I was going to marry I brought my husband with me to his Sunday school class. I was so excited. The meeting of two very special people. However, I could not believe what happened that one hour. After I left I was just speechless and looked at my husband and broke down crying. You see, the message my beloved Sunday school teacher had taught that day in his late 70s was not one of Christ is Lord, the One and Only Son of God, who died upon the cross for our sins, but rather….”I think God is doing a new thing….I think God may have other ways for us to go to Heaven….and on and on.” My husband didn’t have to say a word. Here was the man, this amazing teacher who had shaped my faith… and he no longer believed. It tore me to the core. Amazingly, my loving and gracious Lord never let go and my teacher’s choice in unbelieving has not caused me to doubt one bit. Oh thank you Jesus. However, our friendship as my mentor has never been the same and I continue to pray for Him to remain faithful to the one true God.
Relationship –
I had a close friendship (and probably considered this woman my Titus 2 mentor) with one of the leaders of our church Women’s Ministry. We even offered to have her stay with us when she was evicted (the owner was going to demolish the house and sell the land, which had a really high market value). She lived with our family for 7 months. At the time, I thought she was so insightful, encouraging, and most of all a godly, good influence in my life. Not long into her moving into our home did our relationship fall apart. When I’d try to discuss housekeeping issues, like dish washing or grocery shopping she would stay away from our house for days at a time only coming home to sleep or change clothes. She became very critical of our church and eventually left the women’s ministry, church and our house without so much as an explanation. She literally cut us off completely. Changed cell phone number, quit her receptionist job, and left the church without speaking to a pastor. Our children were devastated – I was too, but they showed it and expressed it more than I did.
After a while, my husband and I slowly started sharing our story and experiences with this woman (she was 30 years older than us) with other church members. We then found out that she had shown the same behavior towards many other women in the church, of forming a close friendship then cutting them off, changing phone number and never speaking to again. The only common thread in all our stories is that whenever conflict occurred this was the woman’s reaction to it. I emailed her and asked her about dealing with conflict the way the bible lays out for us to, and she never replied.
This was 2.5 years ago, my children asked about her the other day, wanting to invite her over for dinner. I became very bitter and untrusting towards people in church and am finally going through healing and handing my pain over to God. I feel that this experience has allowed Satan to get a foothold in my life. Please pray for me. Thank you!
Relationship
Dear Beth,
My husband and I reached out to a hurting family in our neighborhood that needed to find Jesus…and it was awesome! God got a hold of them and they started taking their boys to church…really beautiful to watch the Lord answer our prayers and see them transform! That same year, the husband of this couple was deployed to Iraq…I was there to support my friend and her children. One of the boys was having a really hard time coping with his Father’s absence..and unfortunately my friend was not coping well with all of the combined stress…long story short, I had to confront her because her son was being abused/mistreated…it was so hard because I was so committed to helping this family–especially for the time being with her husband gone–She did not receive the intervention well, but it had to happen for her child’s sake. i don’t regret stepping in to protect the little boy…Now, several years later, we do still have minimal contact…but never the same. She regarded me as a mentor, and it was hard to have to interupt our relationship on many levels–but the abuse had to be addressed. I know that the Lord has done a lot of work in her since then and I pray that someday she will fully see why I had to do what I did. That was a tough one for me, but God really stretched me and I know that ultimately what I did was right–hard but right. God is good and is a restorer of broken walls! Amen to that!
Little Rock – Elizabeth, late 20’s, married mom of 4 (age 6 and under!) – Finding who I am in God and what I believe in the midst of religion and pop culture. I never understood the concept of grace until I just a few years ago. I am struggling with how to teach it to my children and show each of them how precious they are to God. I want them to grow up without shame and guilt following them every step of the way through life. I want to find my own way to being grace-filled after growing up thinking following rules was the way to heaven. Oh, and I am trying to learn to like running so I can lose those last stinkin’ 20 pounds of baby weight! (But I guess I should give myself some grace in that, too, huh?!?)
Relationship:
My roommate was beyond a friend, she was a sister whose family took me in when i was thousands of miles from my own. For seven years, we lived through joy and tragedy, as well as prayed, praised, and served God together. In the past year, God has taken my life in a new direction that caused me to move out, yet still close enough to see each other often. However, she felt I was betraying her, and the sparks flew. I tried everything I could to mend the hurts, and prayed that God would help. I truly feel like I have been obedient to His instruction, but this friend who was once a spiritual leader now responds in the least Christ-like way I can imagine. I lost my best friend and sister, no matter how hard I tried to reconcile. Perhaps she’ll forgive me and there will be a restored friendship in the future, but for now…. I just try to replace heartbrokeness with the peace that comes through prayer and trust in God….
I made friends quickly with a lady I was fortunate enough to get to work with. We were fast friends and I was amazed and blessed by her testimony. I fell into a trap of enabling her and being manipulated by her lies. She soon began sliding into old habits and cutting herself off from loving friends. We were all heartbroken to have to sever the business relationship, and she severed the friendship. I love her and pray for her often, but I know I cannot entertain a relationship so steeped in codependency. We see each other from time to time and I do my best to love on her as much as she will allow. The relationship is still broken, but I pray it can be mended in a healthy way this side of heaven.
RELATIONSHIP: Until recently I had a much-beloved long-distance Bible accountability partner with a commitment to email daily about what we were reading. It was a wonderful exchange, peppered with tidbits from our personal lives and prayers for each other. We both told each other how encouraging and life-giving we found the emails.But then, unknown to me until later, she had an emotional crisis unrelated to me, and she suddenly dropped out of contact. I tried to get in touch with her multiple times and ways, even worrying that she was in the hospital, begging her just to tell me she was okay and saying it was ok if she didn’t want to do Bible reading together anymore, just let me know, but she never responded. Finally I heard from her husband, who forced her to respond to me. She sent me a forced non-apology implying that I was depending too much on her, but inviting me to start up reading together again. I said yes, and told her that I forgave her, but asked her to tell me the next time she needed to stop. I never heard from her again. I heard she has even changed her email address. It plunged me into deep depression as I could not understand why she would do this (I wasn’t stalking her or sending constant emails). She even knew that I suffered a miscarriage during this time too, but didn’t send a word of comfort or acknowledgement. I now realize it had nothing to do with me, but was her way of coping with her crisis — I heard from others to whom she had done the same thing. Finally, I got closure by writing her an email telling her how much she had hurt me, and that I forgave her, but that reconciliation was two way, and so the ball was in her court. I still haven’t heard from her. I’m sad she couldn’t come to me with her crisis, as I really loved her and I would have been there for her, and also sad that things ended up this way. But I feel I’ve truly forgiven her, wish her well, and have peace in my heart now. I still hope some day it will be a two-way peace.
Relationship: This is from the perspective of being the one who caused the fracture outright. I met this gal the first time I went to a church all by myself. We seemed to connect instantly. We went to Bible Studies, Prayer Meetings and Social get togethers. I was insanely jealous of her, though. I could see the Lord moving in her life. To me, it was like a competition of who was more spiritual. Not on her part but on mine-Her walk was genuine. Instead of really seeking him, I just let it anger me. I wanted to get the same things from God but going about it in an unholy way, I guess is the best way to put it. Believe it or not, I really cared for her and I knew she really cared for me. I had this other problem, too. I lied about alot of things. One day, all of this just came bursting from me. I said some mean ugly things to her. With my words I hit the target like a well aimed arrow. I was instantly filled with sorrow. I will never forget the look of pain in her eyes. I tried to aplogize to her. Once those words were out there, I couldn’t take them back. I have regretted it ever since. I realize what I could have had with her. I realize how much I could have gleaned from her walk with the Lord. I would not say we have reconciled. I have been able to reconnect with her. Our contact is very superficial.
LITTLE ROCK – I am so bummed that I will have to miss this LPL. I have over 20 cousins who will join you in Little Rock this weekend, the Cole family. I am a tax accountant, stuck at home. I wish blessings and a Word from Him to all of you!
Relationship – God gave me a mentor for 8 years. Our relationship began through my separation and divorce. She was a spiritual mother to me and cared for my children. I really had her on a pedestal and was devastated when I began to realized some truths concerning her that God had sheltered me from. God put something in my heart to speak to her about and, through much inner termoil, I obeyed Him. I was afraid of her rejection. She was very upset with me and refused to have a relationship with me from that day. I still love her dearly and it took some time to reconcile the “thing” in my mind with God. I didn’t want to “talk” to anyone about her, but I finally got so desperate I cried out to God for someone I could trust, and He provided someone who gave me Godly counsel. I know that we needed to separate because I had become more dependent on her than on God.
Relationship:
I was the womens minstry leaderat my former church for 10 years. It was a large and vibrant ministry. I developed many deep and meaningful friendships. Two years ago after praying for one year, my husband and I felt God was calling us to move to another church home and leave the one we had been at for 15 years. This was for many reasons, but the most pressing was our 15 year old son who needed a stronger youth group. When we left, ( peacefully) one of my good friends felt abnadoned and was furious with me for leaving my ministry position and the church. She broke our fellowship and has still not forgiven me. She felt I took away the women’s ministry she depended on and believes a commitment to a church body is for life–like a marriage. It has been heartbreaking, and atempts on my end to reconcile have not been successful….. but I do understand her hurts and why she has reacted this way. Praying for His healing in her life.
~Laura
Relationship.
My friend and I went to the same church, raised our babies together, vacationed as families together and led a mission trip for our jr high/high schoolers. It came to my attention that the minister was involved in misconduct, sexual and otherwise, with teenage boys. The UCC was involved, and 12 ministers across the state (many with PhD’s) took a look at both sides and determined he would lose his ministerial license if he did not complete a psychological evaluation and sexual ethics classes, etc. He chose not to do what they required, and still is behind the pulpit today. My friend sided with the minister throughout this process, even after receiving the “proof” she required of me and that I provided. This betrayal was huge. However, we are still “friendly”. Our children remain close friends, now in their late teens. This, I believe is a testiment to the truth that we can forgive, but not remain in the same type of relationship.
Relationships:
I’ve experienced devestating hurt from Christian lady friends in my early 30’s. I came in to a new church and started making friends one-by-one. They were all excepting of me and seemed to really enjoy doing things together. I started a women’s ministry in the church and God bonded my heart together with one particular lady more than the rest. This caused jealousy and lots of horrible things to ensue. I spent seven years in and out of the pit, but through the power of God, His Word, and your teachings, God has brought me out of that pit and restored my friendships with those ladies. We are starting the women’s ministry back and focusing on His plan and not our own.
Relationship – For several years, I have had a very close relationship with one of my girlfriends… this relationship was was an answer to a very specific prayer and one I will forever be thankful for. Even our husbands are friends, which is especially nice! The releationship has been tested and tried – surviving through the thickest and thinnest of events… (and by thinnest, I mean thinnest!)That being said, we have found ourselves drifting apart from the extreeme closeness we had. The friendship is still there, but not near to the degree of dependance as it had been. I feel that God has had me step back, allowing for each of us to develop more a dependance on Him, as well as being able to meet new friends. Initially this “seperation” (a shock of a change from how things used to be) made things slighly awkward (more so for those looking on the outside in), but now, I think it’s an understanding on both parts. I learned that when all of your eggs are in one basket, how can you influence others? Balance is key… and I’ve found it by following Christ’s guidance
Relationship – A best friend from high school came back into my life after 25 years. She just showed up at my church one morning. We had been estranged from a high school experience due to my feeling betrayed over a confidence that was told to others by her. For 25 years I worked on forgiving the offense, I finally had and there she was at church. We had a wonderful friendship for the last 2 years and all of a sudden she won’t answer my texts or calls. I had no idea why, I still don’t even though I’ve asked. She says I said something to her she didn’t like. I have been so sure that God brought her back in my life I just don’t understand if I should continue to try and be friends or just let it go.
We have very dear friends for 17 years. They are godparents to one of our children and before they had grandchildren, we vacationed together, and had dinner together at least weekly. During a difficult time in our marriage, they were the ones to sit us down and get us to hear each other and move forward into healing a deep rift. We had rented their vacation home for 14 years and when reservation time rolled around, we learned they were booked and had no room for us. Our family memories were all tied up in that little house, and it hurt us deeply that they hadn’t told us they were giving our weeks away. We had minimal contact for a year, and then hearts were open to talking about what had happened. I believe all of us moved from a place of wanting to be in the right, to a place of acceptance and love. Last year, my husband battled cancer successfully and they were right by our side with love, support and care. And at the end of it, they offered their little vacation home for us to have a respite from the battle. And the healing continued.
Relationship.
My husband and I left family and friends to lead a youth ministry 800 miles away from everything we knew. Soon after we arrived at our new home, we became very close to another young couple in the congregation. We would often spend time together with them and their family. About 3 years from our first Sunday, God called us to another congregation 30 min away. After hearing the news, I sat down with the young lady I considered a very close friend. During our conversation, she let me know that she was very hurt by our decision. She didn’t understand why we would leave them. Needless to say, we never recovered. She and I taught together, which made for very long days. I still see her from time to time, but there is no relationship anymore. I long for the friendship we once shared.
Little Rock-
I am the mother of 3 precious preteen and teen children and my biggest challenge right now is running the race of life while sitting at the feet of Christ. A week goes by and I look back and say “wow, did that week make an eternal difference?”.
Relationship – I became close friends with some new members of our Church, her family and mine would do many things together, however there was a huge strain when at a church event she (the wife) got angry with my husband and called him a VERY unChristian name. Although she said she was sorry, she never did apologize to my husband and what a shame this situation turned out to be. We became friends quick and then all of a sudden gone! It sadden me because her husband was really starting to come a long way in his walk, my husband was really there for him and because of what was said put a HUGE strain. I forgave her but they stopped coming to Church. I actually feel bad that they no longer attend our Church and her husband and mine dont have that friendship that I feel really uplifted her husband. I do pray though that they do not give up on finding a church home that fits them. I remember one thing you said in one of your teachings was “watch for those very quick friendships where they want to know everything” that is what this one was like, but I thought it was a bond, I didn’t realize what it was and how sad that is. All in all forgiveness is the answer though.
(let me clarify, she said she was sorry in an email to others that were at the Event, but never to my husband himself) Bible says – Go to your brother – she never did not, she went to others, but never him and he would have and does forgive her.
Relationship.
My husband was asked to transition in as the next pastor of a church. We came to the church, did all we were asked to do, worked hard and waited. The pastor transitioning out appeared to get get cold feet at leaving (which had been his own initial decision)and started ‘manipulating’. It is so hard to see someone you had loved and respected appear so fleshly. The church forced the issue meaning telling him to step on as he had planned and instated my husband as pastor. My husband works hard, is loved by his congregation, and is truly a humble Godly man. The former pastor remains in the area, as does his grown children. Many times we bump into lies, and criticisms started with them. It’s so hard to not grow bitter. Someone who had been a mentor has ‘betrayed’ us. It gives me occasion to over and over and over again take my grief to God and beg for His help in the matter. It gives me occasion to over and over and over again see how easily I must crush the heart of God with my choices of sin. So thankful for God’s grace and know that we are to forgive 70 x 7. Wow. Easy to say, not always easy to do.
Relationship – As clearly as God’s hand has been on anything in my life, He brought me into a friendship with another woman at my church. He used her powerfully in a particular season of my life in breaking a spiritual stronghold. He called each of us past our comfort-level of “trust” and He used her presence powerfully at that time. To this day, I am still sure that His signature was on all of that. Afterward, I began to notice she struggled with pride – alot of it. Once I’d processed it with God I asked Him to release me from the relationship and I clearly heard Him say I was released. Later, I reconnected when she had a time of need, and then regretted it after a few months. God taught me that He wasn’t just giving me permission to break the relationship, He was requiring it. It hurt her, especially, but we met and talked about it around 2years later and she acknowledged God had confirmed for her that He ordained our parting. I believe He’d brought us together for a spiritual season but we should have let it go after that. I learned alot from my this about trusting God for even how long I am to stay connected to a person.
A few years ago, I was befriended by a very Godly lady. I loved her…she was fun to be with, encouraging, and sweet as apple pie. I cherished the time we spent together with our kids watching movies, playing outside and cooking dinner together. I loved seeing her number pop up on my cell phone and we were together nearly every day. THEN, one day I was at her house, she started comparing me to her other “best” friend…in front of me AND the other lady. I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as I had to sit and listen to her do this in front of us. She made it clear to me that day that the more I did for her, the better she would like me. Needless to say I pulled away. We’re still friendly acquaintances, but that’s about it. God has since, blessed me with some great Godly women. They filled the gap in my life that was left by the other toxic friendship. For all of this, I am thankful. It was a great lesson to be learned.
I’m a long-time reader and contributor to Siestaville, but because I have real-life friends who also read this blog, I feel strongly that I need to make this response anonymous.
Most moms will agree that when something hurts your child, it stings doubly. Many years ago a new family moved into our neighborhood and the mom and I instantly bonded, with children the same age. Three years later, they “dumped” us and became close to another mom and child in the neighborhood. It was so painful for my child to watch out the window as the others rode bikes, went places, etc without our being invited; painful for me to be excluded from the moms. They are Christians – this was a difficult season. The family has since moved away but when passing their old house, I still have to work on forgiving. We are courteous facebook friends now but nothing more. Makes me sad.
Relationship
I’m not sure how to say this without details! I studied the Word in a small group along with a friend who had everything in common with me. We liked the same books, we studied similar subjects in formal education, we had the same hobbies and we loved the Lord! She was diagnosed with a serious illness and I was able to walk through it with her. Our small group was undergoing some changes as people moved on and it came to my attention that my friend was expressing discontent with me to new members of the group. I was then diagnosed with a serious illness and my friend ended all contact. Two years later, I heard that my friend was again dealing with her illness, so I contacted her with a note. The end story: I am currently walking with her in her last days. There’s a lot of details I could add, but the core of the story is that our relationship is based on the love of Christ alone. We’ve laughed at death together and rejoiced that we have life because Jesus is the Son of God.
Relationship: My husband and I had a friendship with an older couple in our church. We had them over for all our kids birthdays, graduations,weddings,and she helped me plan a baby shower for my first grandchild. The lady and I talked all the time~~she was always there for me. Four years ago, we had a church split. The man was very upset with my husband, they didn’t agree on what had happened. This couple left our church and the man never spoke to my husband again. I received an email from the lady about a month later wanting to know why she hadn’t heard from me. I told her it was a two way street and I was glad she contacted me. We talked and made plans to see each other. Fast forward two months, her husband was arrested. I called her the next day, knowing that if it had been me, she would have been there for me. She told me she would call me back after things had settled down. She never did. I emailed her and sent her cards of encouragement for over a year, but never heard back. To this day, I am very sad when I think about her.
Relationship: I work for a church that I also attend. Another member also began working for the church shortly after I did. We were really good friends, and she was so much fun to work with. Ideas would just bounce off of each of us, and we had so much fun developing those ideas into something the church could use to reach others. We began the Women’s Bible Study here together (A Woman’s Heart, God’s Dwelling Place was our first!) We both have strong personalities, and eventually something I did (unintentionally) hurt her feelings and fractured our friendship. She quit her job and changed churches, but there’s a back story and not all of that was because of our disagreement. We “patched up” the break. But things are not the same. We still genuinely love and care about each other, but we don’t create together. And I miss that.
Relationship– I met my friend at a Christian university. She was part of the leadership on my dorm floor and we became good friends. For six years, we were close friends. We went shopping together, studied together, slept over each other’s homes, pretty much did everything together. We were the kind of friends that could call or text each other anytime of day or night to pray for something and knew it was done. Then, a couple years ago, b/c I was struggling with some deep issues, I went to counseling. Long story short, she met with my counselor and my counselor broke confidentiality and shared some information with her that she wasn’t equipped to handle. That very same day, with no warning, she told me that she could no longer be friends with me and that I could no longer contact her in any way. I have not heard from her or seen her since, and though I have forgiven her, my heart still grieves the loss.
Relationship – For 9 years the relationship with my parents and my two brothers has been severed. I was raised in a christian home. Because of the “side of the story” the Christian people in our town are choosing to listen to and side with, myself and my husband and our daughters have been chased, ignored, mistreated and lied about. It’s so confusing to know how to handle this especially since it’s my family.
Relationship: We have been friends for several years, work together, saw each other nearly every day. It was a mentoring relationship too – I’m older than dirt and she is younger with a sweet family. We both had been through very stressful times at home and work and a discussion got out of hand and we both said things we regret (at leasst I do. We didn’t talk, other than what was necessary, for a while. I think we both missed the closeness of our friendship and little by little our relationship has healed. I hope we have both learned that even in close friendships there are boundries that should be honored – I know I have learned that lesson.
My man sounds so much like your man when it comes to men in public with no shirt, grown men wearing shirts unbuttoned two buttons, and men wearing gold chains. š
Relationship:
Yes, oh yes…..
I had a close friend at my church – we both loved the Lord, our families and each other. Our sons were best friends, and when my daughter was born I named her after my friend.
Our church went through a difficult time and had a split over some doctrinal differences. We tried not to let the differences influence our relationship but we were on opposite sides of the camp.
Our family ended up leaving the church and attending another, where we became solidly grounded. It was one of the most difficult decisions we ever had to make. My friend and I voved we would still remain close and would keep in touch, but it was too painful in the beginning.
Then she and her family moved out of the area for about 5 years.
Well, lo and behold, my son and her daughter – now in their late teens – started playing in a worship band together, comprised of kids from many churches in town. Wouldn’t you know it – they started dating and 2 years ago they were married!!!
God has brought our families back together in a way we NEVER would have imagined!!
My friend & I see one another often, and are both looking forward to having “mutual” grandchildren!!!
God is the Great Healer and Restorer of broken things, including relationships!
I had a wonderful relationship with a wonderful Christian woman. Something happened between us and it was devastating…to both of us. She asked forgiveness and I assured her that I forgave her. Sadly, I was still really angry with her. I acted like everything was okay, and really I thought that I was okay. This lasted for about a year. Then God brought me back to it and let me see myself like he saw me. I was still really angry inside. I went back to her and apologized and asked her forgiveness. (After asking God for forgiveness, of course!) And she forgave me. We are still very close friends and I am very grateful for her friendship and her forgiveness.
Relationship – My experience went beyond a one on one relationship with an individual. In my mid twenties we were faced with an incident in our church with one particular family. They had taken another families child on vacation with them and someone that visited them while they were there brought an alcoholic beverage with them. When the mother of the child who was vacationing with them found this out she felt the family had exposed her child to something that she did not approve of. This escalated and caused a stir of emotions and of course discussions within the church. The family got up one morning prior to a church service and apologized to the church for any wrong doing and announced that they would be leaving the church. At this time they proceeded to leave and a good number of church attendees clapped their hands upon their departure. I was so stunned, shocked, and most of all hurt at this kind of action. I could not believe that I had attended church with these people for about 10 years. My family also left the church as I could not find it within me at the time to be able to fellowship with these people. I have moved on and am serving in another church where I feel the Lord has tremendously blessed me and my family.
RELATIONSHIP
I’ve had this happen twice.
First, my friend asked me for advice on a situation she was going through with her son. I gave her my opinion, but that wasn’t what she wanted to hear. She got very angry and refused to speak to me for months, despite my repeated apologies and begging for forgiveness. We did finally reconcile, but we are not close anymore (at least we’re on speaking terms now though).
Second, a very close friend was/is going through a hard time with her family and she was taking her anger and frustrations out on me (we work together). I tried to take it for as long as I could because I knew it wasn’t really about me, but her hateful and mean words still hurt. I prayed so hard that God would open her eyes to her behavior because I did not want to have a confrontation with her. Eventually I just had to pull away and distance myself from her because I would go home so upset in the evenings and then I was taking my frustrations out on my family. This really angered her and she confronted me. I took what she had to say, apologized for the times that I had tried to defend myself against her attacks and told her how her ugly words had made me feel. Since we have to work together, I thought it was important to repair the relationship, but to be honest I’m still more reserved around her. I guess I still don’t trust her completely. I’m really looking forward to summer break when we don’t have to be around each other all day everyday because I still find myself tensing up when I’m around her for an extended period of time.
Relationship
I know that you guys didn’t want to have the details of who I separated with, but to not reveal it, I feel, would be to discredit God. So here is the cliff notes’ version:
God is so good. Growing up my Mom and I had a rocky relationship (hindsight). Regardless, she was one of my best friends as a teen and young adult. My parents are divorcd and both have remarried. My Mom married a man that very few people in the family would agree with. He was a crack addict and spent the majority of his life in and out of jail and prision. I’m a cop’s wife; it just didn’t mesh well for us. So, our relationship died. We’ve spent the last four years hardly speaking to one antoher (you can count the number of times we talked in those years on one hand- a far cry from the daily conversation we used to have). And, Beth, in those years God has used the books and studies He published through you to show me where I was being strangled by strongholds that had developed in my life in direct relationship to the issues I was having with my Mom (So Long Insecurity got the ball rolling). And over the past year he has been delicately releasing the chains of bondage, one by one. With in the last month, just mere weeks before Easter, God has started bringing this dead relationship back to life. Though there is still alot of healing to be done, but currently there are no hard feelings and I’m not an emotional wreck any more after I talk to my Mom. The afternoon that we spent together recently (the first in around 3 years) was the best time I’ve had in a long time. God has given me more than double for my trouble. Oh, and my stepdad, he’s been freed of the bondage of his addiction and was just ordained a minister in the last few weeks. š God is so good to me. So much better than I deserve. Praise God! If anyone reading this has doubts that God can heal a broken relationship, let them have ears to hear (and eyes to read): God specializes in bringing things back from the dead (first example: Himself). If He can do it for me, He will do it for you.
RELATIONSHIP: There was an older, 50-something man in our church. He was creative and knowledgeable and interesting. I could sit under his teaching for hours, his knowledge of the Bible was amazing! I worked with him on writing several plays and dramas for our church, an all around “teddy bear” of a guy. He wrote his own songs and played in our church band. You can imagine my shock when he was arrested and convicted of molesting his 5-year-old granddaughter. I felt like the rock I had been standing on was suddenly pushed from underneath me. There was NEVER a moment of inappropriateness, I never second-guessed his intentions, for years now I’ve been over every encounter I had with him and nothing would make me believe this was really his heart. I would be a lot easier to forgive if he had killed somebody…but this? How am I to forgive this? And so, it stands. He is in prison for at least the next few years. I have made no contact with him because of the bitterness and regret I harbor. His letters from prison to our church in general sound more like he’s on a mission trip than in prison for a crime he committed. I don’t think he’s remorseful and I don’t believe I can ever have a relationship with him again. More over, I have a new distance between myself and other people in my church, I have trust issues since this has happened. I have learned, however, to trust GOD first and GOD only and never base your beliefs, opinions, etc. on ANY person. People will dissapoint you, our Heavenly Father will not.
Realtionship. Oopsie!
RELATIONSHIP –
A few years ago I was had a close friendship with another lady in our church. Our children were around the same ago, so we did several activities together. She had several “issues” with a lot of others in our church and would confide in me and ask for advice. I can remember a couple of times when we prayed together about her problems with certain people and we exchanged scripture cards for encouragement. Every few months the certain person she was upset with would change and we would go through the whole process again. Each time I would support her, love her, and stand up for her in front of others.
And then it happened to me. We had a disagreement on a church policy and I became her target. I should have seen it coming. After trying to talk to her and not getting anywhere, I went to our pastor for advice. He told me that some relationships just aren’t able to be mended, and that it was ok for me to “divorce” this friend. (He had dealt with many of her issues in the past as well.) It was hard and painful, but she and I have parted ways and I know it was for the best.
Relationship:
I read through many of the responses and was deeply touched. Seems there is nothing as hard to get over as a severed relationship. I am still recovering from relationship breaks in a church the Lord led me out of four years ago. Though I knew God was clearly pushing me out the door, and had been for some time, because of what was being done and taught–what ensued have been some of the most gruelling years of my life. Now I know that God needed to get me out into the desert to deal with my deep rooted wrong attitudes and sins. Healing is coming in the form of ‘waves of forgiveness,’ as He helps me release what I consider to be huge injustices against me… as I become ever more conscious of the desperate state of my own heart apart from Him.
Relationship – When I was a teenager I had a very close friend. We went to to the same church and went on several mission trips together. Then as we got out of high school I guess her insecuities got to her. She began to sleep around and had several children by several men(some of whom did drugs). She even at one point was prostituting herself. At first I tried to help her see that wasn’t what God wanted for her but eventually I had to break contact with her and it broke my heart. We didn’t have any comunication for about 15 years and then recently,she sent me a friend request on facebook. I accepted. I am leaving it to God to take it from there.
relationship:
My brother is a Christian as am I. We were raised by a dedicated believer mother and a independent-thinking, hardworking cowboy/rancher father. He witnessed mothers life change and liked the woman she became. He sought the LORD and found HIM.
The ranch was left to my brother and myself. A year ago after ten years of praying and seeking the LORD”s direction I sold my portion. {all kinds of HIS hand on the sale}{My brother was offered the portion at a greatly reduced price, he refused}He had been using the land and buildings free of charge for those ten years.
I am single and have no heirs. My brother has disowned me remarking to my cousin that {he} will never speak to me again as long as I am alive.
I am crushed but no broken. I know God can reconcile us if that is the plan. Til then, I work to keep Satan’s mental/emotional torment attempts at bay.
LITTLE ROCK
Connie Hopkins, married, age 50 from Denton, Texas:
My biggest concern/ challenge that is facing me right now is that my mother is battling stage 4 Colon Cancer and it isn’t going well for her. She has endured a lot in her life, growing up in Germany during WW2 and raising me as a single Mom but she has prevailed. I have learned strength, grace and dignity from her, how can I possibly say good bye to this woman who means so much to me?
Relationship: Yes, I experienced this and it was like a death to me. I tend to feel I’m the cause for things (when I’m in my flesh) and so it rocked my world. She was a former friend, ministry worker & neighbor of mine. For years as friends she would go through periods of giving me the silent treatment for no apparent reason. She couldn’t be happy for me when God blessed me. She was jealous of my other relationships & just co-dependent in general. I had coffee w/ a mutual friend & she didn’t speak to me after that. I felt the hand of the Lord on my shoulder telling me not to run after her to “work things out”. To let it go. Then He led me through a word study on the Biblical word for “friend”. I realized she was not a friend to me. When I didn’t run after her to find out what was wrong this time, her silent treatment lasted four years. To say I struggled through does not do it justice. But God was there, as He always is. He taught me treasures in the darkness that I wouldn’t trade for any lie in the light. I am stronger today b/c of it. I left my heart open should she want to be friends again, with many cautions though I must add. We’ve been able to become acquaintances again & our children hang out together again (she pulled her kids away from mine as well during the four years). We don’t talk often, but at least we can talk again and for that I am grateful. I know one day God will fully redeem the relationship in Heaven, so for now I am thankful and satisfied for the redemption we have here.
LITTLE ROCK – Judy Baggett, 62, Married, Irving, Texas
Biggest challenge: At this stage of my life my biggest challenge is dealing with elderly parents, who because of their health issue are acting like 4 years children. The roles have been reversed and it is extremely challenging to be the parent to your parents. Love them both with my whole heart and are praying for them that God’s love will surround and protect them during this difficult stage of their lives.
Looking forward to some time away this weekend and to receiving a “word” from God through your teaching. Thank you for your faithfulness.
Judy Baggett GG2002
Relationship – Satan is the master of division, especially within the Body of Christ. Five or Six years ago a heart-friend and her family made the decision to leave our small church. Between gossip, imagination and defensiveness our relationship just disintegrated. Then the anger set in and boy can that be energizing! š We live in a small community so total isolation is impossible but we each made every effort to avoid one another for the next two or three years (even though our children went to the same Christian school). I realized the depths of my bitterness, fear and STUPIDITY when I saw her in a local store and actually hid in another aisle so she wouldn’t see me. At that point I took this hurt to a dear friend and counselor who shared Jesus’ words, “Father, forgive them(her) for they(she) know(s) not what they(she) do(did)”. This broke the chains for me and shortly after that, during a crisis point in her life, this woman called me to ask if we could meet and talk. It was a bit awkward at first, but God was at work and today, three years later, we are once again heart-sisters! God is AMAZING!!! Forgiveness is key!
Relationship. My dear sister-in-Christ and I became close 16 years ago, while we were both expecting babies. After the boys were born we hung out together all the time, sharing our deepest thoughts and feelings and encouraging each other in the Lord. About 5 years later she started getting cold towards me. At first I thought I must be imagining it, but when I realized it was real I asked her about it but she brushed it off. She started being mean; so much so that our husbands and friends noticed. They prayed for us and I prayed and I asked her about it again but she wouldnāt tell me, and the breach widened. She tried to turn our friends against me, and put me down publicly at every opportunity. I actually became afraid of seeing her, and I grieved for the friendship we had lost. Eventually I cornered her and she admitted angrily that I wasnāt there for her when her dad died. I asked her forgiveness for not being supportive enough. It didnāt mend the breach, but I continued to pray for her and to treat her with love. About a year ago something began to change. I think that God is working in her heart because she has recently softened towards me. Iāve responded with love, and Iām continuing to pray for a full healing of the relationship. God is faithful, and Iām very hopeful!
Relationship-
My Mom passed away when I was seven from breast cancer. My Dad re-married when I was twelve to a woman who had two daughters of her own. I was very close with the one who was closer to my age. We shared many spiritual experiences together, told each other everything, slept in the same bed because we’d fall asleep talking late in to the night. She really started rebelling in high school when she started dating this one guy.I knew she was having sex with him and I told her mom, (my step-mom) because I was scared for her, I didn’t want her to get pregnant and I knew she would later regret it. She did get pregnant and had an abortion in high school. My step-mother took her to get one. I know she forgave me and understood why I told, but something changed after that. Maybe I did the right thing by telling, maybe it was wrong. I went off to college and got married. She took a little longer to find her special someone and then married also. She was never able to get pregnant with her husband’s child. She did some things that were really hurtful to me and I determined to forgive even though she didn’t apologize. We really were never close again after that. I really struggled with what happened to us after we had been so close before. I understand people going their separate ways who aren’t sharing the bond of Christ, but this didn’t make sense to me. Why would our relationship not endure through some hard stuff? I think, sadly, certain relationships (even Christian) were only meant to last for a certain period of time.