Siesta Survey for Your Mama’s Insight

Hey, Darling Things. Let me blurt out from the beginning that you guys are so dear to me. I genuinely love this community with a heart full to the brim. Your comments to Sunday’s post drew me in, made me smile, and some of them made me laugh out loud. Per the question, how far was I from the little farm house when the rancher saw me and reported me in certain peril to my man, several miles. Keith and I are still amused by it but we are thankful for such good neighbors. Just when we think we’ve gotten a little more normal, something reminds him and me that we are caricatures that could be fodder for the weirdest sitcom on network television. Shiver. I’m just picturing my character’s hair. And the size of her Bible. And, eewwww, the accent. And picture the double barrel shotgun in Keith’s character’s hand. But, if they show him without a shirt, cry foul because that’s not my man. Never, I do mean NEVER would my man go without a shirt outside the shower. Nor does he respect a grown man that does. (Unless he’s in his swim trunks and those better come nearly to the man’s knees.) He also gives the stink eye to a grown man that wears his shirt open two buttons. That’s not cool to Keith. And if the man has on a gold chained necklace, you best keep him out of Keith’s path all together. OK, Lord, have mercy. How do I get off on all this stuff? It’s y’all that bring this out in me.

Here’s the reason why I’m posting today. I’m looking to my favorite community for insight regarding this weekend’s event and maybe, if any of it pertains, for insight toward the taping for James in May. (Much more on that later because I really, really want to enlist your prayers.) These are my two questions and please notice that they pertain to two different groups among you.

1. To anyone in our blog community: This one’s wide open. Have you ever experienced a painful breakage in a close relationship you had with another believer? I’m especially talking about relationships that you believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ but something happened that resulted in a fissure. If so, WITHOUT DIVULGING ANYTHING THAT WOULD IDENTIFY YOUR PERSON, what happened? And here’s a really important part of it: did the relationship mend or did you go your separate ways? Please stick to one meaty paragraph because I want to read every single entry. If it’s too long, I’ll have to skip it. Remember, no names or pieces of information that people can track. We never want to dishonor anyone on this blog. So that I can differentiate between answers to this question and those to the next, please start your comment with the word “Relationship.”

2. Limited just to the people attending this weekend’s LPL in Little Rock, Arkansas: I’d love to already have a few of your stories in mind for this weekend. In a compact paragraph, would you please tell me your first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now? Please keep in mind that I could very well share it with the entire group as an example of the kinds of things we’re dealing with in our audience so your comment will act as your permission. Please, please don’t leave a comment I can’t share or I could end up getting it confused with the others and telling it by accident. Remember, you are entrusting your personal information to Blonder Than She Pays To Be. Also don’t make stuff up as a trick so you can get a kick out of it when I tell it. Yes, people do stuff like that on blogs and it’s totally lame. Don’t do it here. So that I can differentiate between this answer and the ones to the previous question, please start your comment with the word “Little Rock.” If you are also answering question 1, please do it in a separate comment. This will help me immensely as I peruse the survey.

You guys are rock stars to me. Thank you so much. May all of this information and everything else that happens on this blog ultimately bring greater fame to the powerful, healing, saving Name of Jesus Christ.

Our Lord.

And Savior.



994 Responses to “Siesta Survey for Your Mama’s Insight”

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  1. 51
    Meredith Sloan says:

    “Relationship” Yes very painful breakage in a relationship with a family member. At one time we were very close friends. The Lord brought us together through marriage of relatives, but we chose to be best buds. Over time the “family feud” took a toll on our relationship. We were not the ones directly involved in the feud, but we were greatly affected. The family members have not reconciled so therefore, neither have we. There is a huge hole in my heart where she is concerned. I miss her dearly and pray God will one day restore our relationship. Also pray the source of this problem will be resolved…only God can do that!

  2. 52
    Annette Greenwood says:

    Beth, I had a long term relationship with a dear sister in the Lord for ten years and then it all changed. I had a complete change in my life and because of that I could no longer be the friend, companion, etc she needed so we parted ways. I still love her dearly but we have no contact at all……….a season that ended.

  3. 53

    Relationship – My husband and I had a dear friend from our church who became a big part of our life. He was slightly younger and unmarried and felt called to be a pastor. It was amazing spending time as we grew together – small group and just sharing meals and fun times. Then he had a season where he ran from God which coincided with my father in law passing away and our friend remained distant and it hurt us. But when he came back from his dance with rebellion we were there. Then several months back he made a complete break from our church and us. We’re heartbroken but continue to pray for him and hope that God brings him back into the fold.

  4. 54
    Diane Bailey says:

    So hard…My husband and I were teaching a young adults Sunday School Class. He and a good friend of mine at that time ( or I thought she was), who was in the class, had an affair together. It Ended in Divorce despite years of counseling. Once he began having affairs he couldn’t seem to stop. We have two children together. It took some time, but I was able to forgive ( though it was never asked for), and pray for them and thier salvation, instead of praying for a mac truck.
    One day I did a 3 day fast for the first time, and about 3 weeks later I received a call from my ex-husband, asking for me to forgive him. He had gone to church for the first time in many years and it hit him so hard what he had done. But the part that was bringing him to the greatest brokeness, was the rememberance that Christ had died for him. We are kind to each other when we see each other in the children’s lives now. That is all God…all God.

  5. 55
    Jennifer says:

    Relationships. Beth I wrote a little piece on Forgiveness today on my personal website. And it fits into the category of Christian Friendships and a painful wake up call.This relationship was not romantic in nature. So, if that is what you were looking for then… my write-up does not fit the description.

    Writers such as yourself are super inspiring to me! So it is taking some courage for me to even share anything I have written even for enjoyment with you! If and when you read my piece on Forgiveness; read it for content and forgive or try to over look my very beginner efforts and lack of technique at writing!

    It is entitled How I “Really” Learned To Forgive

  6. 56
    Kelli says:

    My dearest high school friend and I went away to college together. We did all the girly things that seniors going away to college together do- planned and decorated our room, went early for Freshman orientation, talked and dreamed about the friends we would make etc. We got there and I fell absolutely in love with our small, Baptist college new home. We made fabulous new friends on our floor in the dorm, we rushed “tribes” (this colleges equivalent to sororities) together, and even within 2 weeks of being on campus I met my man that I married 3 years later and have been married to for almost 16 years. And in all of that something happened to our friendship and I honestly still don’t know what. She started pulling away from me and others, began talking about me behind my back and completely slammed everything about my man. As much as I attempted to reach out to her etc etc she absolutely would not let me in. Over the next 3 months I watched this dear sister in Christ become a different person and a week before the first semester of college ended, I came back to our dorm to find her parents there, packing up her stuff and moving her home to attend a different college. Sadly, many years later we have not exactly reconciled. We occasionally run into each other when we are both at home (very rarely) and we speak on the surface but it’s never been the same. I think about the situation a lot and pray about how I can use it to teach my (soon to be 4) girls about relationships with women. The best I can come up with is that she was jealous of my budding romance with my one day husband but it’s still hard for me to understand how that made her turn away the way she did. I loved this dear friend, through high school we prayed, studied the Word together, but something happened when we got out there on our own. Scary to me…

  7. 57
    kathypinkbicyclearkansas says:

    Little Rock

    Kathy late 40’s single

    The company I work for is for sale and it scares me to death!!! I know God will take care of me but……how…..when….what……

  8. 58
    Karen Kunte says:

    Yes, just last year. We had some issues at our Church. The other person thought I told some things to “the other side” which I didn’t as I was trying to remain “neutral” in the whole thing. Heard from her once in an email after I emailed her but she didn’t desire to keep the relationship. They have since moved.

  9. 59
    Fonda says:

    Relationship: Several years ago I began a friendship with a fellow church member. When we sat down to share our stories for the first time, they were eerily parallel though we grew up nearly 500 miles apart. As the friendship grew, we served alongside one another in ministry and she became like a member of our family. (I was married with children and she was single.) Due to codependancy on both our parts, the relationship soon became unhealthy and overwhelming. It was serious enough that it took counseling sessions with our pastor and a break of all ties to begin the healing process. Though we went our separate ways, we both remained open to the Lord’s discipline and healing in our own lives and were able to renew our friendship on His terms after approximately a year. Neither of us ever stopped praying about the situation and we each acknowledged our parts. Six years have passed, and though we both still wear the scars of our wounding, we can honestly say that we love and respect one another…and we know that the Lord worked this all together for both of our good. In fact, though we now live nearly 1,000 miles apart, we talk several times a month and meet at least once a year for a girl’s weekend.

  10. 60
    Paula says:

    At age 15, best friend, church split. Tried to reconnect a couple of times as adults but her disapproval of my departure from her denomination means we had to go separate ways. I love and miss her. My motto, We all have to get along in the New Jerusalem. Best to start working on it now.

  11. 61
    Jean says:

    Relationship: My very close friend in Christ and I had a falling out over something that happened because of our work relationship. It was one of the most hurtful and painful things that had ever happened to me because she didn’t support me at all during this time. She in fact totally avoided me because she did not want to jeopardize her place in the company. I learned so much from this experience about the love of God. The Lord led me to call her and to mend the relationship and tell her how much I loved her and how sorry I was that the enemy had gotten between us. She never said that she was sorry for what happened to me, but indicated that she would still like to be friends. We still talk occasionally but the real closeness we shared has gone. I’m not sure, but I think that the Lord allowed this to happen because we were so co-dependent on each other. I have become so much stronger since we are now not spending so much time together and I have developed other close relationships with women in my church that are much healthier. I think most of all I learned that I must always forgive like Jesus forgave me and always let love reign in my heart.

  12. 62
    Tiffany Morse says:

    A sweet friend that YES INDEED I did feel the Lord weaved us together by his great design had a huge hiccup several years back she betrayed my confidence to buy the business I was walking forward in buying. It was done in a way that was a huge betrayal, I went home sick and betrayed and pursued the Lord and His healing..He brought such a sweet healing to our friendship through honest confession and laying down dreams for the other person. Here recently though the friendship became about what she needed and how I didn’t ever measure up..I have sought the Lord on this one and how could this be mended and I cannot walk forward in a relationship where my sweet friend cannot see beyond her own needs and expectations. The HUGE betrayal is a display of Gods amazing forgiveness and restoration, the latter just brings hurt and sadness with no reconciliation, I adore her and realize that I cannot make her happy. I pray the Lord brings a friend that will love her as deeply as I do that will be for her what she needs.

  13. 63
    loving life says:

    Relationship: Broken after 24 years of trusting that this person was godly. This was a friend that held me during the hardest times, forgave me …extending grace to me, and was a major part in helping me build confidence in my self esteem. But yes… a fissure…an open wound came between us. We parted ways. Yes…the wound may heal over time but the scar will forever be ugly. My heart cries and bleeds everyday.

  14. 64
    ANONYMOUS says:


    Oh Beth – My heart is actually beating faster as I just evoke the memory of this hurt – it’s been about a year, but the pain is still so fresh. We both attended the same church and our Pastor left under difficult circumstances. (Nothing immoral mind you, just “issues.” Actually if it had been a clear violation, she and I would have probably not “taken sides,” you know?) Her family left the church. My family stayed and supported the church. We tried to remain friends and agreed to just not talk about it – but when everything revolves around your church – IT WAS NOT POSSIBLE. I have never been so hurt in my life. My husband is in leadership and I have tried not to take it personally but it is awful. AND WE ARE BOTH BELIEVERS. I’ve written her so many letters in my mind… The last time we talked I said “you know I love you, don’t you?” She told me she did. I told her we were just casualties of war…shrapnel to be cast aside while the devil just laughs. We’ve gone separate ways and our husbands will never be the same… But ONE day – we will be together forever and God will wipe away ever tear. I’ve cried enough down here – that’s for sure. I LOVE YOU TO PIECES!

  15. 65
    Sally Denton says:

    This is one that I really struggle with so I am eager to hear comments. I have taken my presence from relationships and as far as I know (only God knows my true heart) I thought I had forgiven but the relationship was causing nothing but strife even though I had searched and searched for years to reconcile. Yet Christian would say I was Biblically correct and some would say I had not forgiven. HELP.

  16. 66
    Cheryl says:

    Relationship – a wonderful relationship between 2 families who love the Lord, painfully scarred due to us divulging information to them about their daughter —given in love, but not received in love…have tried to reconcile, but to no avail.

  17. 67
    Jennifer Howard says:

    Relationship – I met a friend in MOPS, we served together, had kids same ages, and clicked. We played together, and I felt like I found my soul mate. We quickly became best friends, and she watered my heart. After a few years, she pulled back a little, then told me she needed to spend some time with her family. I thought this was a short term thing, and understood, but it was a permanent break. It broke my heart. I never knew what I did, or didn’t do. To this day, I come to tears if I think of her and our broken relationship. I still question if I should go back and see if there is something I did, but I know it will never be the same, it’s gone. I just pray she’ll forgive me for whatever it was.

  18. 68
    Church Lady says:

    Relationship. A few years ago a very, very dear sister in Christ and I grew apart. We worked together and spent loads of time together. We where very close. I am still not sure what happened. She just started to distance herself from me. I feel that it had something to do with another lady that was a friend of ours. This lady was lost. People tended to be jelous of her. I became close friends with her as well. I was trying to help her come to Christ. I am still not sure if my friend might have been jelous of the relationship that I had with her. Life has moved us all to different places now. The friend that I was very close to and I still talk from time to time. We have never gained that closeness back though.
    Why do us women tend to get defensive about other women getting close to our friends?

  19. 69
    Julie says:

    Little Rock – Julie 45-50 married
    Fear is my biggest challenge. My husband has not had steady work in 4 years and I know God’s promises are for me but I live in fear and doubt that He will not provide because I do not deserve it.

  20. 70
    Michele says:


    I have had this happen a couple of times, in the past, (for very different reasons, though). I have been very good friends with this person for years, since being children, and we just seemed to drift further and further. The drifting seemed to happen at such a small amount at a time that I really didn’t notice. I can’t even tell you what started it. But, it became different ideals of life and how to live it, hurtful words and mistrust. So, so sad. I am still trying to be there when this person needs me, or to contact them once in a while, but the relationship is pretty much broken and gone. Just so, so sad. You almost feel like someone has died.

  21. 71
    Becky says:

    This is something I’m currently going through with someone who has been a mentor to me for the past 10 years. She encouraged me to be more involved in church life, served as a huge recommendation for my current position working for a church, and my overall Christian walk. Because of some unfortunate circumstances in her life, she started lashing out at those closest to her and I was caught in the midst. After many ugly words were sent via email to my supervisor and others at my church, I don’t know if our relationship can be repaired. Honestly, it has really spoiled my view of mentoring because I would never have been hurt so terribly if she wasn’t my mentor. I have also thought about leaving my church and starting fresh, but through the help of some other wonderful women I have remained in my congregation and am working through a lot of the issues she has caused.

    In other news, James is my favorite book of the Bible and I am so excited for the James Study!

  22. 72
    Courtney says:

    Relationship: Actually I am sort of going through one right now. We have been friends for over seven years and have had an awesome relationship. Over the past year we have had different point of views on somethings and have slowly drifted away, especially when I went over seas last year to the Philippines on a mission trip. She in a sense felt like my life was moving along further than hers. Once I returned we still hung out and things, but then she started hanging out with different “people” in our town (small town where everybody knows everybody) and was settling and compromising her beliefs. One thing led to another and she started dating someone new and about four weeks later she found out she was pregnant. She is continuing to live in the situation and sin and it is hard for me to know the difference in accepting it, becasue it is what it is and “celebrating” it which she thinks everyone should. Don’t get me wrong I have accepted that this child has a place on this earth and that God has a wonderful plan for it’s life, I just will not be able to accept the situation for what it is. I love her and care for her and I will love the child, I will not love the situation or the sin that is involved or continues to be involved with it. Since she has found out that she is expecting things have gotten more distance and it is one of those things where we thought we would be going through this life side be side and enjoying these moments together as friends and watching what God had in store. That is not the case and I am trying my best to be all I can be considering the circumstances. My heart hurts for the christian women in this world who are settling. We have to resolve to stand up against the evil one and not give in. God is still soveriegn and all knowing and all I can do is look up into the beautiful sky and tell my Savior ” I trust in you no matter what or where or when or who, you are my everything and I trust in you!”
    I know that God is going to pour out His blessing this weekend and show up in a mighty and powerful way!! Blessings to you, can’t wait until you come to Florida again!!

  23. 73
    Melanie says:

    Relationship. My best friend is someone who I trusted almost more than anyone in the world. Over the course of a year I found out she had been lying to me about several things; it was devastating. I let her know how hurt I was, that I sincerely did love her, but that I couldn’t have a good relationship with her unless she was honest and wanted the same thing. I prayed like crazy about it. Over many many months she eventually told me that she had been rebelling and running from the Lord and she knew it was wrong and she asked me to pray for her to return to the Lord. A month or so after that we both decided we wanted to reconcile, but we knew we could only do so by the grace and power of the Lord. We decided to mutually forgive each other for ways we felt we had been wronged and focus on having a better relationship in the future, one day at a time, all in the Lord w/tons of prayer. We’re still working on it, but be both believe it is going to be (& already is) an amazing testament to the power of Jesus to heal and RESTORE!

  24. 74
    Kari McClain says:


    The most recent relationship that I can think of happened about 2 years ago. I unfortunately went through a divorce during the Spring of ’09 and I had a “good friend” who took me out to dinner. We had a good time and I shared my heart with her and where I was at with my marriage and the divorce. She then told me that when she had been praying for me that she felt like the Lord told her that she was to be my best friend. Well shortly after that I got a new job as a waitress and had to do training and worked a lot of evenings so are schedules never worked at that moment in time to meet. Well shortly thereafter she never would talk with me or respond to my texts and she even went so far as to unfriend me from facebook. Now I know that that is not the end of the world but I took it that maybe she was not really supposed to be my friend and that she had used that line just so she could be nosy and get info for the fodder, when things didn’t go the way that she wanted them to she just walked away. To this day I just sadly shake my head.

  25. 75
    Laura Belle says:

    Relationship – I am a pastor’s wife. We had a couple who became very close friends from the moment they joined our church until they left. They were very active, supportive and we were very involved in each other’s lives and families. Toward the end, suddenly or so it seemed, they began telling us our theology was wrong, our church was wrong and the only reason they stayed in our church was to support/protect us. (and they say they had always believed this way.) That was a shock to us! When they left the church, they wanted to continue being buddy-buddy with us, but the very foundation that built our relationship was gone! We had not changed our belief system nor had our church. We parted ways amicably and still love one another, but it could not continue as it once was. We do miss them and grieve over the situation. It had been a friendship for over 10 years.
    Thanks for listening!

  26. 76
    Melody says:


    I have been friends with three of my friends since highschool (going on 15 years). We’ve traveled together, celebrated birthdays and holidays together . . . basically have done life together. Even when we were apart for four years for college and military commitments, we never lost that bond that allowed us to always pick back up right where we’d left off the last time. But when my life took a turn towards the devastating loss of my brother a couple of years ago I began to feel like I was only a part of our group at our monthly dinners. I spoke to them about needing their support more times than I can remember, but no amount of talking (and crying) ever “fixed” anything for very long. Immediately following the loss of my brother I realized that they would never be the friends I wanted them to be and I would always be the “outsider”. I tried speaking with them again, but nothing changed. In fact, I felt more and more abandoned by those who knew me the best at the time when I needed the most (only one actually remembered my birthday and bothered to contact me through means other than Facebook that first year). I began to feel I was the only fighting for me to stay in these friendships and I didn’t have the strength for that fight when I was fighting to get out of bed every morning. So I stopped talking to them or responding to anything they had to say. I know I didn’t handle it the best way possible, but I handled it the best way I could with the amount of strength I had left. During the year of me not speaking to them I was able to release the anger and disappointment I felt towards them and their actions towards me. We have reconnected and are working on re-building our friendships. I know they will never be the same, nor will these friendships be the way they were 5 years ago, but we are able to have fun and laugh with one another again.

  27. 77
    Karen says:


    She was my best friend, and I had the privilege of seeing her come to Christ. That was one of the greatest experiences of my life. We were like sisters, and I have so much to be grateful for in the experience of calling her my friend. She was the person that most taught me I was creative and encouraged my creative bent. I owe much of who I am today to her. I moved away because of my husband’s job, and I think the move caused her to draw away. I was never really sure what happened, she just quit calling or returning my phone calls and no longer seem interested in having a long distance friendship. I truly believe the move was hard on her, I just wish I could still count her among my close friends. I’m counting on heaven to renew our friendship.

  28. 78
    FloridaLizzie says:


    There are relationships that I look back on as toxic, but I didn’t realize it at the time. There are people that deceived me. But mostly, I have had very good Christian friendships. I think the saddest breakage for me was with a pastor’s wife. I just loved her and enjoyed getting together for lunch, and sharing our hearts. She is a dear, but the church was kind of a place where we healed in a transition time. My husband and I loved her and her husband, but the church became so elderly after some big changes that we couldn’t invite someone from work who was a seeker or a new believer. And my husband just felt he wasn’t doing well spiritually there. I didn’t want to leave the church at first, but God changed my heart, to realize my husband’s growth and life were more important than not rocking the boat. I can bloom wherever planted. When we told the pastor and his wife we were moving on, the pastor took it well, but she was so hurt. I had hoped we could remain friends, but it did not work out. I have friends in many churches, so I never dreamed it would devastate this pastor’s wife so much. I have avoided getting to know the pastor’s wife in our current church because I feel so terrible that our leaving brought pain to my last pastor’s wife.

  29. 79
    Joyce Watson says:


    Relationship_This is probably the hardest part of being a Christian is relationships with friends and family, especially when I love them dearly. I’ve actually cried and lost sleep over these matters, sometimes I blame myself for something I said or did wrong.
    One relationship I wanted to mend was with my sister. She is four years younger than I am and she went through a divorce not too long ago. She has two girls and a boy.

    When we were growing up I thought I had to protect her from the neighborhood bullies. When she got alittle bit older, I wanted so much to play with her, but she didn’t want me around. So, often I played by myself. When she was a teen-ager, she was so very beautiful, smart and outgoing. I never had a chance to really be close to her like some sisters are, but I always thought how fun it would be. She went off to college and she became a Physical Therapist. My mother loved her probably more than me, but that doesn’t matter. My mother had issues with her dad also, which she kept secret and never told us about, but she was very protective of me and my sister. After my mother passed away, my sister seem like a different person. I had stayed home and took care of things with my dad for a while. Later, I married, had twin boys and a good marriage_by the grace of God.
    Over the years I sent my sister cards, Christmas gifts, and acknowledged her in a positive way. When I visited back home during Christmas time, I apologized for anything I had said or done to hurt her in any way. Nothing seem to matter, she left our visit early. I finally, had to give up and never contacted her for over a year and a half_just prayed for her and the family. I was tired of trying, trying to have a relationship with someone who didn’t want a relationship with me or my family. It hurt like everything to give up. I cried when I found out she was getting divorced and I couldn’t be there to help her. It hurt like everything. I just prayed for God to help me. I depended on God to help me through.

    Little Rock__Just a few days ago, my sister wrote me on my facebook. She told me she loved me and was proud to have me as her sister. I hope she truly meant those words. I wrote back and told her I loved her also. I have to forgive her and go on. It’s hard sometimes. Maybe, God is working through all this and this will bring us closer together.
    Since all this_I have learned that God will give me the friends He wants me to have. God will give me what I need, whether it in relationships or other needs. It has been a long process and sometimes, I still have to work through and pray about relationships with family.

    • 79.1
      Joyce Watson says:

      The truth is I do not have any family members I am close to and I know many of you do. I wish I could say I did have family that I could share with, and that we loved each other and cared about each other. I would love to share the things of Christ together. For years, I felt hurt and rejected by family members I loved_that is why I have to trust God with my feelings and everything else.
      But, I do have my present family…a Christian husband and two boys that love the Lord. I can praise God for Him.

  30. 80
    Anonymous for a reason says:

    Relationships – Hey Beth – I’m not going to post under the name I normally do, but let’s just say I’m a siesta who posts almost all the time. A number of years ago a relationship with a dear friend – who was on our church’s staff (she was in charge of women’s ministries) and with whom I’d worked closely, took a decided turn. I ended up doing a teaching for the women at our church and – I don’t know how to say this other than to just say it: me functioning in my gifting absolutely threw her off track. The teaching I gave was well received – and it just threw her. She went into a week long depression, wanted to quit her job and stop attending that particular church. It was so weird and sad and hard. As her friend, I tried coming alongside her and affirming who she was and how she was gifted (as did so many others). Over the next two years I was asked to do a couple more large group teachings to the women at our church in retreat settings. Again, both years, she had the very same reaction (which she interestingly would share with me later) – wherein she wanted to immediately leave the retreat and resign her job as women’s minister. Again, each time a number of us would gather round and affirm her (what I now see was very enabling on our parts). The story goes on and – to truly tell it would be a lot “meatier” than you probably wanted – but suffice it to say we, along with hundreds of others, over the years ended up leaving (hundreds came – it’s a church that constantly experiences huge turnover). I knew there were unresolved issues between us. I kept asking myself: “Find out what pleases the Lord.” I know He’s pleased when the brethren work hard to make relationships function with grace – even when, or especially when, there have been deep fissures and profound pain. I approached her about getting together and just getting caught up. That happened about a year ago. We met for breakfast and had a good time of catching up – then were able to go deeper and speak to the pain that had been between us. I think we both heard each other and were able to affirm we are both “for” the good work God is doing in each of our lives. And then, again, we recently shared a meal and got caught back up. I think God is pleased with this (I know I am). I so hate brokenness between people – though one thing I had to acknowledge is that some people really only have burned bridges behind them. They don’t know how – or won’t (not sure which) to let relationships move and breathe and grow and change. If I choose to engage in a close friendship (or ministry relationship) with someone who has this track record – I can know it’s probably what will eventually happen with me. It’s wisdom to keep my eyes open and pay attention to the people I choose to go shoulder to shoulder with. I’ve learned this the hard way – but I’ve learned it. (I do have to say – and I’m crying while I say this – it hurt to watch your video with Tammie last week b/c I so would have loved to have a supportive, releasing, older sister to have helped foster and encourage the gift of teaching in me back when this all happened. Thank you so much for encouraging God’s gift in Tammie – and I’m sure in so many others. During that season of my life my marriage was in significant trauma (serious abuse – which the Lord blessedly, miraculously healed) – but it became exhaustive in the extreme to have to navigate an abusive marriage and an incredibly insecure and jealous ministry leader. My husband is no longer abusive. And my friend has worked hard to address her issues. I’m proud of them both but it made those years so hard, heavy and tricky).

    I’m going to go warm up now. Thanks for listening, Beth. And thanks for asking.

    • 80.1
      Beth says:

      Thank you for telling me, Sweet Thing.

    • 80.2
      Joyce Watson says:

      I was in charge of the Women’s Ministry at one time, when a younger lady stepped into our church whom everyone loved plus she had three sweet young girls who could sing beautifully. It came to the point, where I ask the ladies if they would like her to be the new leader and so I stepped down from that position. It was hard and it took me a while to get through the hurt, but I decided that the Lord had wanted her to be in charge_even thou I enjoyed it.
      Later, this family left after about a year and half, then went to another church. Now, I am back leading women again and asking other women to help do things and get them involved with me. I having been praying for God to show me the right way to do things.

  31. 81
    Sonja Simmons says:

    Several years ago I had a great friendship with a Sunday School teacher who had a rather large class and continually complained about not being able to minister to them. At that time I was asked to start a new class with a young couple and I asked two ladies from her class to be a part of it. My friend became very upset with me and it has affected my relationship with her, in that our friendship has never been the same since. We get along but are not close.

  32. 82
    Relationship says:

    I don’t know if you would call it painful or feeling used. The friend I thought I could depend on until I could not do something for her that I did many times, which is babysit. We attended church together and did lots of other activities other than church stuff. Then the one day I said no, I could feel the coldness. We since have gone our separate ways. It is sad but deep down I think if we needed each other in a troubled time, our relationship would mend.

  33. 83
    Karen says:

    Almost two years ago I broke up with my best girl-friend of over a decade. We are both believers. Besides my husband, I let this woman get closer to me than I’ve ever let anyone else. I absolutely know that God put her in my life, but now I realize that it was for just a season and not for the rest of our lives. We helped each other through some really rough times and then we parted, on bad terms, probably forever. I caught her in a lie and then when I confronted her about it (we had a very truthful relationship and this lie shocked me), she turned vicious. She just wasn’t the person I always thought that she was. This has been one of the hardest losses I’ve ever faced. I really do grieve her like she actually died. It has helped me immensely that God has let me know that I made the right decision. I also feel led to stay completely away from her. We are not good for each other anymore. I just keep remembering that God loves me and He loves her too, so neither one of us has had to face this loss alone.

  34. 84
    Marie says:

    Relationship: One of the most difficult experiences of my life was the break-up of our very beloved church body. During that time I lost a very close friend. It seemed so wrong to me that we in the body of Christ could have broken relationships. I prayed about this for several years. Last year I began to see some thawing in our relationship–what joy! In 2011 my dear friend said to me “life is too short to hold grudges.” Our relationship is different than what it was at its best, but I believe we are both at peace now. I am so grateful to God–truly it was only His power that could mend the hurt we felt.

    Blessings on you dear Beth!

  35. 85
    Shannon says:

    Relationship – I had a relationship end with a dear friend that I felt a deep connection with almost the minute I met her. Our backgrounds, personalities, and ways of thinking were very different but our souls were instantly knit together in a way I had never experienced before. We met at church and both had toddlers and spent lots and lots of time together. She had come from a twisted name-it-and-claim-it background and had experienced the miraculous healing of her twin babies that she had been counseled to abort. This was our first experience at a charismatic church. I had never really heard of the Holy Spirit before coming there. My husband and I were both relatively new Christians that had just left a non-denominational church that died where the pastor would often make jokes about Baptists and “Charismaniacs.” I was hungry for truth and also had a strong sense that there was more to Christianity than I had seen. Here I was at a new church hearing about the Holy Spirit and I told God I wanted everything He had for me. He came on me with mighty power – deliverance, gifting, revelation. It was very exciting but there were other things being taught there that didn’t seem right to me. I dug into scripture like never before with wisdom and understanding from the Holy Spirit. I couldn’t believe the pastor had actually prayed for me to receive such a gift because he was very manipulative with the word of God. My dear friend was horrified that I questioned some of the teaching and methodology that was being practiced. I thought surely we could look at scripture and talk about these things reasonably. The pastor tried to wear us down with a 5 hour “talk.” The conclusion was that I just needed to trust his 30 years of experience as to why what he taught didn’t exactly line up with scripture. My dear friend’s husband was there for the “talk” since we were close and that was the end of it. It was heartbreaking. We were stuck like glue for a year then it was over.

  36. 86
    Linda says:

    About 10 years ago the Lord very clearly and amazingly brought me and a very godly woman 40+ years older than me together in friendship over the story of her late husband’s short but miraculous, faith-filled life, beautifully documented in a scrapbook she showed me. Over a series of points of unquestionable direction and leading by the Lord, we began working together to research final details and record the story in a book format – just for the love of the story and knowing God’s hand was all over it and in bringing us together. I was always dumbfounded by the Lord’s timing – because I met her the day before my second son was born, with a husband working full time and in school at night. It meant that the project on my end was marked by fits and starts. Unfortunately, one of her loved ones was anxious for the project to progress, and, spurred by a comment my friend made, wrote me a very hurtful letter to that end. The letter seemed to negate and disregard all the time and effort and heart I – and my whole family! – had dedicated to the book over the course of several years. My friend was so saddened when she learned of the letter and how it broke my heart (partly because it came in during a personal season of exhaustion and chastisement, so I was ripe for wounding). She immediately and sincerely apologized – and quoted the verse on “a brother offended….” I was determined to forgive and not hold onto the offense at all. But something was wounded that day in each of us that hasn’t fully recovered. Perhaps, instead, it brought something/s to light in each of us. I still haven’t finished the book. I pray about it often. I still absolutely love the story and would love for it to be shared – God’s glory is all over it. I also prayed about our friendship quite often in the first year or two after the letter, but I haven’t reached out to her since we brought some closure to the hurt. It’s still a painful situation when I think of it. And I do pray for God’s sweet, complete healing and restoration on all sides. I also continue to pray about finishing the book. I pray it will be His will, and that I will be given clear marching orders and “strength to build” by the Holy Spirit if it is His will; and if so, that it will be flooded with the Holy Spirit’s presence and power on every page – to the praise of His glorious grace.

  37. 87
    Amy says:


    My biggest challenge right now is not having my quiet time, or spending time in prayer, or even walking the walk. I’ve got that stuff pretty down pat, ’cause I know where I’d be without it. My biggest challenge is loving someone who doesn’t deserve it. Showing trust when it has not been earned. Honoring someone who is not worthy. I know that sounds pretty harsh, almost mean for a “Christian” woman to say, but it’s the truth. This is a daily battle for me because this is someone in my own household! I am desperate for God to save and change him. In the mean time, He’s busy changing me.

  38. 88
    Lisa says:

    One of my very closest friends was living in a very bad marriage and enduring abuses. “Church” friends kept telling her that “God hates divorce” and she had to make her marriage work. I was her one main friend who told her the I believed God wanted better for her and loved her more than to be in this dangerous situation. She ran away from church and hid from everyone, in a state of depression I believe, she was “sticking it out”. Eventually she escaped this situation and moved away to her family’s area. Today we are back to being close again, and even though we can’t see each other much, our hearts are so deeply attached we catch up often. By the way she is Finally in a great marriage with a man who adores and cherishes her they way she should be loved!

  39. 89
    Teresa S. says:

    Relationship. A woman who was my mentor and that I loved dearly stopped talking to me after I married my husband. It was extremely hurtful. She thought that my husband and I were gossiping about her parents, ministry and theological beliefs. We sat down and talked about what was going on and I reassured her that I didn’t say anything, however she did not believe me. Later on through time, she found out it was not us, however the distance that had grown between us has never fully gone away. I still really miss the time that we had spent together. We talk and see each other occasionally but not the way it was.

  40. 90
    Amber P says:

    Relationship:I was in the midst of post-partum depression. Through a friend I found out the pastor’s wife and the church secretary were writing emails back and forth trying to figure out what secret sin I had in my life that would make God punish me with depression. The emails were horrible.I was read the emails 1 hour before Wednesday night service. The pastor’s wife came up to me after service, wrapped her arms around me and told me she was praying for me. We are no longer friends. I see her, I am nice to her but completely lost respect. I told her I knew about it but she didn’t apologize. God used that to teach me a valuable lesson now that I myself am a Pastor’s wife.

  41. 91
    Melinda says:

    RELATIONSHIP: Yes, it has been just one year that my best friend and I are no longer friends. It all started with a misunderstanding between our husbands. When we tried to get together to discuss it, we were met with a stone wall. When I met with my friend separately (apart from our husbands) to attempt reconciliation, I was told “not to go there”. I couldn’t continue with our friendship with this wall around us. Several letters then passed between us and then my husband told me to let it go. I grieved for months….many tears, anger and now acceptance. It’s been hard – but my relationship with the Lord has grown. He truly is my best friend. And I know He will bring me another friend at some point in the future.

    • 91.1
      Sheryl says:

      I am so sorry for you and I know how you feel, because we had a similar thing happen in our lives. My best friend’s husband betrayed our family and my friend cut off all contact with me. She believed her husband instead of the truth, and she even wrote me a letter telling me I was a liar and filled with Satan! It was so hurtful and unbelievable. But God is so good. I see now what a toxic friendship I was in, and God got me out. I am healthier and happier now. God has blessed me with a new friend – my childhood best friend with whom I recently re-connected. She is now my sister in Christ and our relationship has a deepness that is better than when we were younger. He will provide for you too, I just know it.

  42. 92
    DeeDee says:

    *Little Rock*

    My name is DeeDee. I am married with a 3 yr old and one one the way, due in October. My husband and I both attend seminary and are getting our Masters of Divinity. My biggest struggle is not being able to have the ministry, or take the work load I did before I had kids. The switch from my ministry being more public to being focused more at home has been difficult. I feel like a loser because I feel like I can’t handle it all!!! (Keep in mind I just had a Greek exegesis paper due, and four other papers due in the past week, I just feel like crying!)

    See you this weekend!!!

  43. 93

    Relationship. My painful breakage did not happen with just one person, it happened with an entire body of believers. It was the church body that I had been attending and involved in since 6th grade. Was the church pianist, involved in youth group, college group. Due to a sin on my part, I was “disciplined” by the pastor. Because there was another party involved with me who was NOT disciplined for the same sin, I chose to leave that church body. I lost contact with MANY friends and a church that contributed greatly to my spiritual journey. I have never returned and the relationship was never mended.

  44. 94
    Lisa says:

    RELATIONSHIP: I had prayed long and hard for the Lord to send me a genuine Christian friend. We were in a Precept Bible study together and shared an interest in antiques. I still don’t know exactly what happened between us, except to say that I never knew precisely where I stood with her. In retrospect, I can see that the relationship was performance based. I was expected to give way more that I should have been expected to give. An example would be when I gave one of her sons what I thought was a very generous wedding gift but she apparently did not think so and coolness set in. At first I was hurt and disillusioned, but then God opened my eyes to certain things. Another precious woman shared how she too was dropped by this person and had absolutely no clue as to why?? What happened…well, when you go to someone and ask if you have somehow offended them and they deny it what can you do but move on. I grew up with a mother who is a perfectionist and loves in a very conditional way so there was a lot of similarities. I was a “people pleaser” for many years and perhaps God was using all this to finally break me free from the bondage of being a man pleaser. I still have so much to learn about living in GRACE.

  45. 95
    Karri says:


    About ten years ago, when I was a teenager, my longtime church family split into two factions. A few elders of the church were behaving in a very non-scriptural way, and when a few of the other elders and church members brought this to their attention in a loving manner, things got ugly in a hurry. I’ve never seen a group of men I respected more act so power hungry and angry that they had been “questioned”- despite the fact that they had been questioned by loving folks with scripture to support their concerns. While this doesn’t reflect one particular relationship falling apart, I did, at this tender age, lose trust in a large group of people who “split off” and chose to engage in name-calling and fighting in the church. I lost many friends in the church who I had close relationships with for years prior- whether I was their babysitter, nursery class teacher or just plain ole friend-the splitting of the church literally caused these people to turn their backs on each other and act as if no previous relationship existed. It was heartbreaking! Ten years on, the relationships have not been restored to their fullest. I have seen some of my old friends from time to time and while it took a bit of “faking it” for me to hand out hugs instead of feel bitter, God finally softened my heart so that I can treat them with love and respect. While I am still skeptical and more discerning about them as individuals (and propensity to turn their back on you in a hurry!), I wouldn’t dare shun them because of a decade-old mistake, no matter how large or painful it was. Broken relationships with Christians are the most painful- they are the people in your life you feel safe with, and most open to be vulnerable around. When that bridge is burned, it is tougher than most to rebuild. You expect others of the world to hurt you, but you always expect Christians not to. That is a silly, silly idea since Christians are just as susceptible as the rest of the world! Perhaps that is why forgiving a Christian friend, while it should be easier, is harder to do.

  46. 96
    Karen says:


    The relationship that I wil speak of was of the most precious kind. This woman and her husband were instrumental in my coming to know Christ, and she had mentored and prayed me through pregnancy, divorce and had stood by my side at my second wedding. Our lives had taken us to separate ends of the country, but we maintained a close relationship with weekly phone calls, and visits when possible. One day in a phone conversation we were disagreeing about God’s role in events in our lives. I had come to know Him as Soveriegn over all of my life, even the most hurtful times, and she was having a hard time agreeing that He KNOWS exactly what will happen in our lives, and could never have anything to do with something that hurt us. We had rarely argued over anything in Scripture, and what she was saying was really troubling me…anyway, in the middle of one of her sentences, my cell phone died. I desparately tried to call her back, but she would not answer. I left messages, but she would not return my call. I was devastated. I couldn’t understand what I had done to offend her so much that she would not even talk about it. I prayed, and prayed, and talked to my pastor…finally, I accepted that she had been a friend for a season, but not a lifetime. About 4 years later, we took a short vacation to the city where she lived. I had tried to get a phone number for her through the internet, but had come up dry. While we were there, I was on my facebook page, and had a friend request from one of her sons. I quickly responded, and asked him if he would share a phone number with me. He did, and I called. it was very strange, but we met for dinner, and I learned all that she had been going through at the time of our conversation before. She told me she had been furious with me, but now realized that I had been speaking a Truth she did not want to hear. The Lord reconciled us to one another, and I know that the time we were apart was for both of us to grow. I needed to stop depending on her, and start depending on Christ, and she had a few kinks of her own to work through. I love her dearly, and know she will be at my “Sister Reunion” in heaven =).

  47. 97
    Amber P says:

    Little Rock: Understanding God’s love for me. There are times when I still question His goodness. It breaks my heart to type those words. I feel like such a failure because of it.

    • 97.1
      Beth says:

      Darling Amber, you come right on ahead this weekend. This I can tell you. God doesn’t doubt you even when you doubt Him. Come just like you are and let Him trade in those old feelings of failure for victory. He loves you so much.

  48. 98
    MT says:

    I had a very close family relationship drastically change about a year and a half ago. It has not been an easy experience. Things were said that clearly showed this individual did not have my best interests at heart and things that were so terrible that my husband will never have the same relationship with this individual and their spouse again. My husband and I both love my mother dearly and do not want to cause her any grief by seeing her family members at odds. Because of this fact we have not completely ended the relationship, but the intimacy we once shared is gone. This is really difficult for me. I went through a rough time initially and finally realized that I was mourning the loss of this friendship. I’m still struggling with the new path of our relationship. I’m an incredibly open person. If you talk to me on a regular basis, you know all about me. Sometimes too much! 🙂 I just don’t feel comfortable sharing intimate details of my life with this individual any more, which makes even basic conversations challenging for me. My husband and I do our best to rise above the drama and not let their words and judgments impact relationships with the rest of our family and family activities. It is hard. Really, really hard. I am learning that just sharing the same faith doesn’t necessarily make a perfect relationship. It is reality for me right now, but not really a concept I want to accept. I do know that if there was not a family element to this relationship, it would have completely ended.

  49. 99
    Melissa says:

    In college, I met and became friends with someone who played a huge role in my life. I was drawn to her commitment to Christ, her strong values and work ethic. I admired her and grew to respect her as our friendship blossomed. We became kindred spirits – laughing, praying, growing, working, learning – “doing life together,” so to speak. She was my “dorm mother” and became very much a mentor. Two years later, as I was leaving for summer break, she confessed out of the blue, “I can’t be me with you; I can’t be real with you. I don’t know what it is. Maybe in the fall we can figure it out.” As you can imagine, I was dumbfounded.

    As I always had, I continued to seek God for wisdom and guidance and confided in family members. I never received any answers from this friend. I graduated and went on with my life and heard from this “friend” from time to time, keeping in touch with the big events in life. Though broken, there was still some communication. Eventually, she had married and to my dismay I received an email informing me that her husband demanded we no longer have any contact. She stated she didn’t want this but had to abide by it.

    My heart was broken. I prayed for God to remove these memories and let me move on but memories and reminders always surfaced. When they did, I would pray for her. That was the best way I knew how to deal with the pain and try to heal. Two years later, the Lord nudged my heart in such a way and revealed some information to me about this friend – such that I reached out to her in an email just to see what might happen on her end. I kicked myself for sending that email – until I heard back from her. She said she had divorced recently and the Lord brought me to mind and laid me on her heart to contact but when she tried months earlier – she was blocked from my email. I forgot that I had blocked her out of my hurt and confusion. Oddly, the Lord had nudged both of us to reach out to the other.

    But now – we do not talk. I have stopped opening up to her because the 3 or 4 emails she sends me each year are short paragraphs explaining how sorry she is she hasn’t written and how busy she has been and to please forgive her for not being in touch. I know she has been through a lot – but her emails take me back to that day in college where I was so blindsighted by her. There have never been any answers. I am trying to move on. I think confronting her would only add to the tangles. I miss the kindred spirit and dear Sister in Christ I once knew.

  50. 100
    Debbie Kilgallin says:

    Relationship. It’s funny you should ask. I’ve been grieving over the loss of two close relationships lately, both lost over the same thing. Two beautiful Christian women came to me at different times with different issues, both asking me if I would be an accountability person to them. These relationships grew during the course of this specific bond, until I felt compelled to confront them in an area where their walk was not being consistent with their declared faith. Both times, my friends chose to break relationship with me rather than do the hard thing to which Scripture was calling them. Both have remained on a course that is counter to Biblical directives and both have chosen separation from me as a friend. My heart is broken.

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