Hey, Darling Things. Let me blurt out from the beginning that you guys are so dear to me. I genuinely love this community with a heart full to the brim. Your comments to Sunday’s post drew me in, made me smile, and some of them made me laugh out loud. Per the question, how far was I from the little farm house when the rancher saw me and reported me in certain peril to my man, several miles. Keith and I are still amused by it but we are thankful for such good neighbors. Just when we think we’ve gotten a little more normal, something reminds him and me that we are caricatures that could be fodder for the weirdest sitcom on network television. Shiver. I’m just picturing my character’s hair. And the size of her Bible. And, eewwww, the accent. And picture the double barrel shotgun in Keith’s character’s hand. But, if they show him without a shirt, cry foul because that’s not my man. Never, I do mean NEVER would my man go without a shirt outside the shower. Nor does he respect a grown man that does. (Unless he’s in his swim trunks and those better come nearly to the man’s knees.) He also gives the stink eye to a grown man that wears his shirt open two buttons. That’s not cool to Keith. And if the man has on a gold chained necklace, you best keep him out of Keith’s path all together. OK, Lord, have mercy. How do I get off on all this stuff? It’s y’all that bring this out in me.
Here’s the reason why I’m posting today. I’m looking to my favorite community for insight regarding this weekend’s event and maybe, if any of it pertains, for insight toward the taping for James in May. (Much more on that later because I really, really want to enlist your prayers.) These are my two questions and please notice that they pertain to two different groups among you.
1. To anyone in our blog community: This one’s wide open. Have you ever experienced a painful breakage in a close relationship you had with another believer? I’m especially talking about relationships that you believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ but something happened that resulted in a fissure. If so, WITHOUT DIVULGING ANYTHING THAT WOULD IDENTIFY YOUR PERSON, what happened? And here’s a really important part of it: did the relationship mend or did you go your separate ways? Please stick to one meaty paragraph because I want to read every single entry. If it’s too long, I’ll have to skip it. Remember, no names or pieces of information that people can track. We never want to dishonor anyone on this blog. So that I can differentiate between answers to this question and those to the next, please start your comment with the word “Relationship.”
2. Limited just to the people attending this weekend’s LPL in Little Rock, Arkansas: I’d love to already have a few of your stories in mind for this weekend. In a compact paragraph, would you please tell me your first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now? Please keep in mind that I could very well share it with the entire group as an example of the kinds of things we’re dealing with in our audience so your comment will act as your permission. Please, please don’t leave a comment I can’t share or I could end up getting it confused with the others and telling it by accident. Remember, you are entrusting your personal information to Blonder Than She Pays To Be. Also don’t make stuff up as a trick so you can get a kick out of it when I tell it. Yes, people do stuff like that on blogs and it’s totally lame. Don’t do it here. So that I can differentiate between this answer and the ones to the previous question, please start your comment with the word “Little Rock.” If you are also answering question 1, please do it in a separate comment. This will help me immensely as I peruse the survey.
You guys are rock stars to me. Thank you so much. May all of this information and everything else that happens on this blog ultimately bring greater fame to the powerful, healing, saving Name of Jesus Christ.
Our Lord.
And Savior.
Little Rock, Debbie early 50s, my mother died last June, she had been sick all my life and she was finally out of her pain and home with Jesus. However I had no idea what this would cause in my life. I miss her so very much. My daddy is still not doing well after her death and he supports my brother on his social security, my daughter and her 3 children live me. They are 7, 5, & 2 and the 5 year have stomach and behavior problems that we have been working on a year he is going to Children’s Hospital in Little Rock now. The 2 year has been in & out of the hospital for the past several month. My other daughter loved my mama more than me due to childhood sexual abuse by her father that I knew nothing about until after we left him. She has 3 children one of them is a special girl 6 years old and the abilities of 3 month old who also goes to Children’s. She thinks I love her sister more and has very little to do with me now. My father and brother look to me for support and help. I have to take care of mama’s things and she didn’t do anything with her parents things so I have that. I know that God is the only reason I have made it through the years but right now I feel my faith is small. Between working and taking care of everybody I am very tired. I am looking forward to this weekend so that God can speak to me through you to give me the wisdom and strenght and love to continue this walk with Him.
RELATIONSHIP
The situation that I went through was a very tough one…I became very close to an woman a few years older than I am. We started out sparking a friendship then we got into a discipleship relationship. Not far into that, I moved back home (about 2 hours away)..after this, our friendship grew immensely through that (short) distance. We mainly talked through text messaging and occasional phone calls. This brings up the issue of technology being in some ways, a false form of relationship.. We got very close and talked about everything. The formal discipleship side of the friendship fizzled away but our sisterhood/friendship grew deeper. Eventually we lost all sense of boundaries and told each other about everything. This isn’t always a bad thing, but the problem came when sin was allowed in. She ended up telling me about so much that I ended up feeling responsible, and burdened, by her problems. She was asking my permission and seeking my approval for many things, including things that were sinful. On my side of the situation, I ended up feeling angry that all she did was complain and brag..and I wanted so desperately for her to “care” about me as much as I “cared” about her. I would try to talk to her about my problems and I felt that she brushed them off and always brought it back to herself. Stripped bare, I think that we both had idolatry going on. We were going to each other for approval and guidance to an extent that should have been only to our Lord. We both ended up being selfish and not caring about God or each other. We ended up not talking for a long time (a mutual decision) but the Lord has now mended our friendship! We talk every so often..with boundaries unspoken but definitely there. I can’t speak for her, but the Lord showed me through this experience that HE is our Lord or He isn’t. We either go to Him for our value, acceptance, guidance, etc. or we make an idol out of someone else. It is so easy to do!
Very good insight! Thanks for sharing that, it helps me to understand why friendships, even between Christians, can go so wrong. I have been in that situation and I think you are exactly right… it is a form of idolatry.
Relationship: one wounded relationship that yet remains to be seen if it will reconciled. My mom-in-law passed away 4 month ago, and I tried to help with a huge task in the process of settling the estate, etc. My task was somehow taken as “my project”(by my sis-in-law) rather than what I meant it to be-simply huge help with a huge task. After several passive-aggressive cruel comments she made concerning me, I confronted her in an e-mail. She apologized, however, she justified her actions and never truly owned them or acted the least bit remorseful. I have forgiven her, yet I have set up some boundaries for the future when family is together. Until she respects those boundaries and ceases her former conduct towards me, I will do my best to live in harmony with her, however, for now, my heart has no desire to reconcile to the level of close relationship we once shared. I allowed her behavior to create marital strife, and now realize how the enemy truly attacks when we are at our weakest emotionally and physically. I felt so much better for confronting her(in the right way and right words I think) and my hubs actually respects me a bit for it I think! To not confront and allow bitterness to fester inside was far worse than confronting and much easier to forgive her through the email as I prayed about it and just left the outcome to Him.
Relationship. I had a good Christian friend for 10 years…the kind I thought would last for a lifetime. About 6 years ago I had to break off the friendship. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. She was a very angry person, judgemental toward others, and lacked compassion. Over time it became more and more unbearable to be around her. We tried many times to communicate concerning these issues, but she only wanted me to take responsibility for MY shortcomings. She was only looking to blame, not heal. I think I did all that I could to salvage the relationship, but I just couldn’t fight it any longer. Her bad attitude was dragging me down and destroying who I was and wanted to be. It was very damaging. In order to move ahead and be what God wanted me to be, I was led to end the friendship. I have fully forgiven her and myself…as I could not be the kind of friend she needed. We both went our separate ways. Looking back I wish I could have been more open in my communication with her. I should have spoken up more and prayed for her more than I did.
Relationship – I recently had a relationship end, we are both women, I am the younger of the two, we both love the Lord but the relationship is and always has been unhealthy. I have spent hours with my Jesus on this issue of the heart, I have watched Him gently mature my attitude of forgiveness. I have learned that forgiveness does not mean a relationship is the outcome. However, I have learned that my Jesus has asked me to honor this women, respect her, support her in prayer and keep my comments stemmed from my heart between Him and I – which is harder than it sounds at time. My heart is still healing and my Jesus is still gentle. I have watched Him restore my heart and my confidence in Him as I let this relationship go. It is a relationship I have had since birth so His grace and compassion has overwhelmed me. It has been a LONG process, an intimate process, a life changing, self changing process. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Relationship
After I became a wife and mama my husband and I had the priviledge of best friending a Godly husband and wife.We had kids the same age, lived in the same rural community, had the same values…it was fantastic!My BFF and I talked on the phone everyday for hours, prayed for people together, took meals to each other and muddled through new parenthood side by side. And then…the wives joined a home Bible study/prayer group of mamas. While there she began sharing things, about her marriage, with the group that utterly astounded me. I was upset that she would share such personal things with a group and not with me (her BFF). I felt(sinfully) hurt. I grew judgemental. In addition, the group in which the info was shared leaked it and it became small town fodder. After which BFF’s husband decided he was called to teach children’s sunday school. I was(sinfully) seething that after all the exploded indiscretion in the community that he should be allowed to teach children.Our friends, my husband and I and our pastor met. Bff’s husband told us that those things were in the past and that God had dealt with him. We all prayed together and asked God and each other’s forgiveness.Our friendship disintegrated after the meeting.I think I was still harboring some unforgiveness. Later, I went to her again, asking her forgiveness.I truly believe that neither of us harbor ANY unforgiveness and honestly I miss her a lot. However we no longer have a friendship,it is an aquantaince relationship.In addition, a while later I learned that the same sin in their marriage existed in my own. And while I trusted in God alone to restore my marriage,I needed my friend there beside me to remind me of God’s faithfulness. I have learned so much about my God and my sinful nature through this whole ordeal and now I am on the other side but my tears still burn hot for the expense of a precious friendship that I’m sure will never be the same.
Relationship:
I can’t even get into the story, Beth, because it’s as complex as complex gets.
So… it involved a really tough, wild period of time with my mentally ill autistic teen in which none of the available options were helpful and we were working on more… a couple of families with whom we’d formed a close study and fellowship group ( I treasured those women)… presumptive, uninformed judgments of what was going on in our very complex situation (they’re completely unexperienced with the world we live in with this particular child’s needs)… a decision to stage an extremely misguided grandiose “intervention” upon us, without even trying to gain real knowledge about the special needs world particulars or discussing things with us first, interacting with us in the days prior casually, as if nothing was going on… lying to us about the purpose of the meeting and the source of secretive phone calls conducted to coordinate a multi-pronged attack on us… accusing us and insinuating of all sorts of horrible, untrue things, and demanding their prescribed course of action for our child and family (one which was not even available to us!)… and refusing to accept the truth, despite available corroboration from the professionals we were working with.
We tried a reconciliation meeting, but they insisted they’d done nothing wrong. After that, even “how are you” felt like a loaded, evaluation-oriented question to me, and their unchecked evaluations clearly felt dangerous to me. Only one of those families remains in our congregation now, and a couple of years later, I cannot bring myself to even small talk. Everything feels unsafe and judgmental with them.
RELATIONSHIP:
I have a friend whom I met in Bible College 9 yrs ago. She lives in WA & I in CA & school was in Oregon. We’ve remained extremely close all these years. We’ve always had the kind of relationship that involved texting throughout the day. In fact, I was head-deep in pits and she introduced me to u. And Breaking Free got me out. Then I dd Believing God and taught it to HER & it pulled HER out of some. Things were good. And then this past fall she started being non-responsive. When I asked why she told me she was starting to date a man and was busy hanging out with him. She continued to explain that she was very happy with him & wanted me to know she didn’t want to be close with me anymore. She said she had a lovely family & friends where she is & doesn’t want to put time into keeping a close long-distance friendship. She said she didn’t need me in her life. 2 months later she married this guy. She’s texted out of the blue a few times, but has not made an effort to call or have a friendship anymore. I’m not sure she will ever understand how shattered my heart is & how hard it is to be single and to have your friendships mean so much. I still love her. I converse when she texts. I have to lay it at His feet & move on. I least I met you because of herHe knew!
RELATIONSHIP–I had a very dear friend that recently stopped speaking to me, well speaking to everyone close to her. We met through our sons about 10 years ago when they became buddies through our church’s mothers day out program. We babysat for each other, shopped and lunched together, laughed, cried and saw each other through the day to day of young motherhood. She was there for me during a health crisis involving my baby daughter and cried with me when my father died. A few months ago she reconnected with and old boyfriend on facebook and an all too familiar story with a heartbreaking end unfolded. She left her husband, ripped her family apart and started a new life without all of us. It still brings tears to my eyes because I miss her so much. I just don’t understand how this could happen to a believer, a daughter of Christ but sadly it does sometimes because we are vulnerable to sin–all of us. I won’t be the same without my friend. I pray one day she will be a part of my life again.
LITTLE ROCK
Mid 30s, married, lots of kiddos! :o)
For me it a new season of ministry. Being obedient to answer the call He’s placed on my life. I feel like God is wanting to plant something new in me. But He’s plowing up all of the hard places in my heart to prepare me. And He’s asking me to go WAY outside my comfort zone!! In a way I feel like I’m at a crossroads. To say “yes” to Him whatever the cost, or to say “no” and stay here in my comfort zone. I know what my answer is, but I’m scared to death!!!
Relatonship: I had a very close relationship with a good friend from church, probably the closest friend I’ve had in my life. We talked or e-mailed each other almost daily, had coffee almost twice a month, went out to dinner with our husbands, or had each other over. Our husbands were both pastors, and we shared the ups and downs of ministry together. We traveled to a couple of Christian conferences for women together. She inspired me to be a better Christian, and put up with my sins and shortcomings. When I felt she suddenly wasn’t responding to e-mails, I asked her why. She claimed busyness, but told me later she was very, very hurt that I had confronted her that way. Things slowly declined from there. I would e-mail, but get no return. It seemed that she was always busy when I would invite her for coffee. I was going through a very difficult time in my life, and I think in retrospect that I whined too much! Our lives changed and my husband left the ministry, so maybe we didn’t have anything in common anymore. Whatever the reason, the closeness just went away. I’ve come to believe God was calling me to rely fully on Him — and Him alone — through all we were going through, even this friendship. We just had coffee the other day, and it was (almost) like nothing had ever changed. But I know it has. I’m sad it’s not the same, but I’ve drawn closer to my “Friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
Relationship: I had a childhood friend whom I loved like a sister, but as we grew up, we grew apart. It came to the point that the friendship grew toxic. Her words and actions were formed purposely to cause harm to me and other women around her. She put people down rather than lifting them up, she gossiped, she made other women the butt of her jokes, if we were going through a hard time, she seemed almost gleeful about it, when something good happened to us, she downplayed it or acted like she could care less. As a fellow Christian, it was confusing and hurtful. I suspected that her behavior was a result of a serious insecurity issue, but attempts to get to the root of the problem went nowhere. I had no choice but to cut her out of my life. Recently, I found myself asking if I did the right thing. She was, after all, a sister in Christ. God’s answer was immediate and unmistakable: I was to stay away from anyone who purposely caused me harm, even if they were fellow Christians. It’s God’s business to deal with the people that hurt us, we are only called to forgive them.
Little Rock – Freddia, 55 to 60 age group, married. My concern is that for the last two and half years have been dealing with Chron’s disease and have not been responding to the various treatments. At the present time am having some success with the treatment; but, still have good and bad days. Has been hard to deal with knowing that God can does heal but has not happen in my case yet, have not given up hope. Thankful caring and loving husband,family, friends, and church family have helped me make it through.
Relationship-
Two people I am very close to & love dearly have stopped all contact with me. In both cases they are victims of seduction and are now not living for the Lord. They have isolated themselves from me and others. Although different situations both have fallen into a pit of wordly passions that are tearing their family to pieces. I long for their restoration with the Lord so deeply it hurts. Hoping someday I can just put my arms around them both again.
Desparately, Desparately, Desparately praying for both.
Relationship: When my husband and I were starting our family years ago, we moved to a small town in Arkansas. The babies were young and it took about a year for us to really get involved in the church that we joined. I soon became very involved and spent time at the church at least 4 days a week. I became close to a woman that was 10 years my senior but we were constantly together or on the phone. She had become like a sister. After living there for 6 years, my husband was transferred back to our home state. After we moved, this friend would not return calls and rarely made any contact. I even drove back there to attend a Living Proof weekend with our old group. (We attended 4 Living Proofs together!) She acted as if nothing was wrong and like we had just been aquaintances. When I talked to any of our common friends about it, they had no clue as to why and would just say she must be busy. To this day, I don’t know what happened. However, one of the friends from our old group and I have remained “close”. We have both lived in 2 more states since that time but keep in touch with prayer concerns and praises.
“Little Rock” My name is Angie Herring, married to Jason for 19 yrs with 3 children; Jack 8, Laiken 12, and Bethanne 18 (my senior, sniff, sniff). I’ll be in Little Rock with my sweet girls and it will be Laiken’s very first women’s conference! So excited and expecting wonderful things!! My heaviest prayer burden is my 12 yr old daughter. She’s been diagnosed with progressive scoliosis and is about to begin treatment in a backbrace 23 hrs a day for as long as she is growing. A heavy load for a 12 yr old girl 🙁 fearful…and TRUSTING!
“Relationship”-Several years ago we had a severe split in our church and some people chose to leave our church. 2 of my dearest friends came down on the opposite side of the issue from me and left the church. These were women who I had served with on 3 mission trips to New Orleans, in Women’s Ministry, and on the church council. They were very instrumental in bringing my walk with the Lord to a stronger and more personal level, not to mention my growth as a person. Things were ugly and there were hurt feelings and anger. I was devastated to lose their friendship. About 6 months later, I reached out to each of them with just a simple card telling them how much I missed them. What grace and mercy the Lord showed to all of us! We have reunited for several lunch dates and things were not weird or uncomfortable at all! We do not see each other often, but I know that we are all still bound together by our love for Christ and for each other.
Relationship. Yes, I have had a situation that ended what I had considered a wonderful friendship and ministry partnership. However, that was years ago, there are absolutely no emotions about it at all for many years now, and I would welcome her with open arms like no time had passed should I ever see her again.
It breaks my heart that people cannot simply treat one another with integrity and the same level of respect that they would want for themselves. It breaks my heart that any relationship goes sour for any reason.
Sharoni
…giving voice to those with none…
“RELATIONSHIP” My husband and I have been in the ministry 40 yrs. We had started a church plant. Financially the church had not been able to pay our health ins. and sometimes our pay check was late. We had 2 children who had 5 surgeries within a 2 yr. time span. Our giving at church was not through a tithe but our tithe was given and was used to buy materials, supplies, food and other things needed for ministry we kept records of this giving which was presented, but was accused of this not being right as a leader and giving must come through the church. One of the men in leadership is now in prison and the other which has been the hardest to understand was a man who I cleaned his home watched his children and worked at his business for 9 yrs. at min. wage. I loved his family dearly and writing this makes my heart cry! What happened? This was 13 yrs. ago. The Lord has brought healing to my heart, but at times still aches and is hard to understand. In Dec. I spoke at the church they now attend and the Lord lead me to talk to his wife and give her a big hug. Why is it we are so quick to make judgements without seeing the persons heart through God’s eyes. Being a pastors wife at times is so lonely and hard. To know God’s GRACE in my own life keeps me keeping on.
Relationship
My situation may be very unique in that it has happened due to mental illness. But none the less, I didn’t want to think that didn’t qualify me. It is a pain like none other. Her whole life she has walked with The Lord, and the two of us had such a special bond and friendship. (Sharing the womb together was how we started this life out!) Through the past several years things started to become strange, and there was a growing hostility towards me( and others)…that was not understood. I could go on forever here, but then you wouldn’t read it! In Fresno Beth, when you talked about your sisters testimony, i was sobbing….. My sis no longer speaks to me. The sorrow from the breakage of this relationship had been a constant companion in my life, but because of it I have begun memorizing scriptures on your memory team…..and so His word now is becoming victorious as my constant companion.
I suffered my first unmendable relationship with my spouse who found it better to not be true to me and lie all the way through counseling until I finally had no choice other than to file for divorce.(this was in agreeance with pastor, etc.)It was a painful loss, but when my mentor, my “big sister”,took the back door that was the final blow. I, like Cassie probably “encroached” into her space without knowing. She was the one who taught me the word,explained His words,and radiated His love when she spoke of Jesus. Then one day, things began to unravel.It has left me devastated and in a place to not trust another living human soul.It doesnt seem to be mendable unless God choses to. I have no idea what I have done and it has left a raw infected place in my heart that oozes with hurt and infection.I feel used just as my husband used me and I don’t know if I have ever felt as unloved, rejected and tossed into the trash as I have with this. I pray for her daily(as you suggested in So Long Insecurity)and His love to cover her, provide for her and protect her, but also pray for redeeming love between us as she has the gift of teaching. She can open your mind and eyes to His glory like you Beth. Betrayal in any form is an awful thing.It is a violation of your very soul and can destroy to your last breath. I cry out to our Lord as He has promised to be close to the broken hearted and crushed in spirit. As David said, My heart fails me, but am trying to believe and hold on to the words of Paul, For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that IS TO BE reavealed to us(praise God).one day there will ne no more heartache for any of us siestas and that will be a beautiful day because our Jesus unlike others will NEVER leave us, forsake us, toss us aside, cheat on us, or be threatened by accidental encroachment on his territory. Instead He will say, come to Me, I have been waitin,come…welcome home and I cant wait to bury my head in my Fathers chest.
Relationships – It has been 5 + / – years since the leadership of the church I attended was in sin and My family departed on terrible, hurtful terms (it wasn’t just my family that it affected…the church basically totally unraveled over a period of years….I consider myself blessed that I was involved enough to recognize the trouble on the offset). The hurt runs deep within and the betrayal was huge – We have been comfortable in a new church home for about 3 years when about 5 weeks ago one of the “old” elders and their family showed up…. huge surprise. I never realized the depth of “real” forgiveness until now, this fresh work that God is doing in my heart. I certainly am not looking to be best friends, yet I am looking to be completely forgiving because that is exactly what God wants me to do……Totally beyond my own strength…Real forgiveness is a GOD thing, but it’s still HARD !
RELATIONSHIP:
YES. Completely devastating. Over the course of a year a guy (we are both middle aged) and I were very close friends. We had an uncanny number of things in common (things that it seems most church folk we know do not). He would be so delighted to see me and come running right over to me, lots of eye contact. We mutually took interest in each others’ lives and families, prayed for each other, etc. We were friends. He enrolled in things when he found out I was involved. He invited me to a function, but before that happened, he had a very emotional reaction to someone asking if he and I were involved. And he LEFT. And now a year later he will not even speak to me. He at the time said he was sorry for hurting me, but I can’t see that he did anything wrong. Or that I did either and believe me I have prayed about it. We shared our love for scripture and evangelism so many times, I honestly felt like God was smiling when we visited. I felt pure and clean and happy and free, in a way I hadn’t experienced. Nothing was ever discussed between us about being anything more, it wasn’t like that. But I lost one of my very best friends and I truly believe that hurt will always be there no matter what. But I have turned that pain and loss over to God and asked him to be glorified in it, and that he accomplish all that he possibly can through it. To God be the glory.
Little Rock
Single (widowed), mid-50s. Have a generally blessed life – am able to volunteer most of my time, but very stressed this week with a more than full schedule (after a wonderful beach week with girlfriends last week!). Today, my Volvo died and had to be towed into the dealer ($800 and it will have a new fuel pump tomorrow). Then the CPA called and gave me the tax news, which wasn’t pretty. Calling friends to give me rides to and from UAMS where I am onsite as on-call chaplain tonight. Why do I let this “little stuff” of life make me so anxious? I’m so much happier than when I worked for corporate America (I am doing a temporary consulting job for a few months, which has complicated my schedule a bit more), because I am doing what I love. But I still get stressed out and forget that God has it (and me!) under control.
If I could just learn to trust…. my Volvo dealer just called back and said since my car was only 2,800 miles out of warranty, corporate Volvo had agreed to fully cover the parts and labor for the new fuel pump!! I still won’t have it until tomorrow, but it will be free! Thanks be to God!
Relationship ~ I have lost two best, best, kindred spirit, closer than a brother girlfriends. One was 13 years later than the first, and both were due to these sweet women choosing adultery. The first time it happened I carried so much guilt, believing that if I could have just figured out the “perfect” thing to do or say to her the outcome would have looked differently. 13 years later, though the soul break of it was still the same-almost unbearable, I prayed that God would allow our friendship to survive the carnage some how. However what was consistent is when both of these amazing women turned from God, that also meant the people surrounding that relationship. They had no interest in holding on to part of the package. They both ran as far and as fast as they could get and both blamed everyone but themselves. It is a trail for the heart that I wish no one ever had to face but it is one doable with grace and sufficiency from God, especially the days I really really wanted to act like a middle-schooler and rally by gossip the class/city to pass her a nasty note of dis-ownership. God forbid… yet I found Him in the valley.
God’s fresh anointing on you for this weekend Miss Beth, we love you too!!!
Love Tink
This one is on relationships.
When I first fell in love with Christ, I had a Bible teacher that I grew close to. She saw my no-holds-barred love and delight for Christ and all I was learning on a daily basis. She encouraged me. But over the course of time, she became extremely critical of me over little petty stuff, and when I would tell her what I was learning or doing, she would sort of sternly like she was correcting me repeat those same things I was telling her; it got to be where it seemed she did not trust the Holy Spirit to work in my life, and she would ask me to help her with events and I found that she was not kind to others who were helping, she would over-correct them. I grew to thinking she was tremendously prideful, but I loved her and felt she had accomplished so much in the name of Christ, and that I should just pray for her and love her. She was married at the time I knew her, and one day I was meeting with her to discuss a ministry thing and she started talking about this divorced man, and closed her eyes and started repeating his name over and over like she was fantasizing about him; it totally freaked me out, and I started distancing myself. Within a few months, her husband had left her and was seeking a divorce and within 6 months she was with the guy she was mooning about and they married. I knew no one would ever believe me if I told them, as she was very powerful in our area, and so I just prayed for her and kept my distance. She started weeding out all the people from her life that questioned her. I didn’t think I had put her on a pedestal but maybe I did, I don’t know. All I know is it hurt, that she treated me like I was so much “less than”, and that as a leader she thought she should not live by the rules God ordained…. the ONE person I tried to talk to about it, just to ask if they thought I was not thinking about it, accused me of being jealous. So I gave up, eventually finding another community. But now I really watch people, and try to be more discerning before I try to deepen any friendships.
Relationships
When I first got saved over 20 years ago, a friend emerged from with in the congregation to mentor me. We became very close and became like best friends. There were Sunday dinners, church meetings, conferences, praying, vacations, etc. that we did together. When I left that church,and went to another, everything fell apart. She became snappy and cool in presence. Her children behaved hateful in their conversation and she never defended me or rebuked them. I stopped seeing her and have never been close to her since. It was a painful time and confusing.
Little Rock
Oh, how I want to be there! I want, I want, I want! But, this very week I am playing modern day Ruth to my “Naomi” who just had total knee replacement, my husband’s grandmother died unexpectedly so he is flying out today for the services, one child threw up all Monday night, and my baby girl started running a 102 fever last night. When my hubby returns on friday, he will then be “on call” (physician) all weekend. So it’s me. All me. And I am feeling very tapped out. Dried up. I’m the nurturer and I am in some desperate need of nurturing myself, or at the very least – a nap!
I have to keep reminding myself that God is the only one who can fill me up, but I look for relief in so many other things! I catch myself thinking that if my husband would be more thankful, or if I could take a vacation or heck, eat that whole bag of cadbury eggs, then it would be better. I would find some relief from the daily grind….but that’s never true now is it? I need Jesus.
Relationship — I used to serve with a gal in our church. We came to be close sisters in Christ, particularly when she revealed her marriage was in trouble. I spent hours in prayer with her and over her, did Bible studies with her, and just loved on her. Several months before her divorce, it became apparent that she was seeking attention individually from some male members of our congregation, some of whom were married. She found ways to get them alone and often spilled out her woes to them. I had no choice but to confront her in a very loving way, telling her I was concerned that the male friends she had might become more than that and that she could call me anytime day or night if she felt that was happening. She assured me she was not interested in a man. A month or so later, a male (not married, thank heavens) church member’s car was parked outside her home over several nights. Unfortunately, it turned out they were living together, and she left our church. She told anyone that would listen that their relationship was never sexual; he only parked his car there. But when her divorce became final, they got engaged, and announced her pregnancy on Facebook shortly after the wedding. The math, sorry to say, revealed her claims of a non-sexual relationship prior to marriage to be a lie. She still maintains that she and her new husband are blessed by God. Our relationship was severed really when I had confronted her prior to the affair. She suddenly stopped calling or asking for prayer. It saddens me that they continue to live in denial about their sin, and that her children were exposed to that example. I would be among the first to welcome her back if there was genuine repentance. But since everything is “legitimate” now, she doesn’t seem to feel any conviction. I continue to pray for her, and especially for her kids.
Beth off subject but your Mpls event is sold out and I don’t have a ticket!!! Not sure how I missed it seeing as I have been to every one within a 5 hour drive. I will drive the 4 hours to this if you can get me a ticket. I will work the event if needed. Desperate to be there!!! Love you and the new breaking free.
Relationship:
I suffered the loss of a very dear Christian friend about 10 years due to her being in an adulterous affair with our Pastor. After confronting them both and being told that I had a sick mind I expressed my concerns to another Godly friend who went with me to confront and was once again told I was sick. After much prayer, I was ready to bring it before the church yet the day on which I planned to do so the Pastor’s wife found out the truth and she was the one that brought it before the church. After the affair being made public I went to my friend but because she was unrepentant I had to love her from a distance and over the years our friendship is no longer a friendship.
Little Rock, Fran, age 36, My biggest struggle is feeling “invisible. As a mom of 3 (ages 9, 7 and 3) I struggle with trying to unselfishly meet my children’s needs yet have an identity of my own. My husband has fairly recently started his own business (vet practice) and our marriage has not been a priority over the last few years. I know in my mind I should be content in Christ alone but don’t feel it in my heart quite often (I ask myself “Can God see me? Can my God take care of me?)
Praying for you, Fran.
Relationship
We were swooped up and driven back to Christ with a group of belivers who soon became close friends to us. After some time though, we felt like they were leading us astray as far as basic Biblical docterine. After much prayer and study on our own, we decided to part ways with their “institution” and go to where we felt God wanted us to be. Some time later, very few of the friendships remain and none are as close as before. Losing a “friend” is tough, but raising our children in Truth, and growing our own faith is priceless…so I can’t say I regret our decision.
Little Rock, Fran age 36, four girls are coming from Memphis to Beth Moore! We are celebrating my friend’s 40th BIRTHDAY!! (don’t you feel honored ?)….Her name is Cindy Reid…..we would love love love to meet Beth Moore :)…..
Relationship
Last year a very dear friend and I parted ways. Ours was a close friendship. We went to church together, our sons are the same age, our husbands played golf together and coached our sons’ little league team. We were “true blues”. Our friendship ended after I confronted her about a hurtful incident between our husbands. Only seconds after I suggested she have her husband call mine, a flood of hurtful things came spewing out of her mouth. Obviously, things she had been stewing about for a long time. I cried more than I’ve ever cried in my life. A few days later, I called her and we talked about things but our relationship has never been the same (and neither has my life). I am uncomfortable when I run into her and I must admit I still haven’t completely gotten over the hurtful things she said. We no longer go to the same church and I still grieve almost daily over the relationship. In fact, the churning in the pit of my stomach as I write this reminds me that I am still not over it.
Relationship – I have a very close friend who has become upset with me and I’m not sure why. She had made some hurtful remarks (very carefully worded so as not to be blatently offensive)and I had come to the point where I decided it wasn’t worth the pain anymore, so I began to withdraw from her. Recently, He reminded me how I’m suppose to keep ALL my relationships free from hurt, including my own…and that meant going to her and telling her my hurt. One of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do! It brought out emotion that I’d never expressed to her (which she deserved to have) and in turn brought an openness and closeness we’ve never experienced before. The conflict turned out to be a blessing.
Relationship.
I became a Christian in high school through our FCA chapter. I was 16 on fire for God, and jumped at any chance to absorb more about the Bible. One of my coaches was one of the leaders in our huddle. We attended the same church. He offered to help me study the Bible using study guides and I took him up on it. He was a single man and I wish someone would have pointed out that no matter how well-intentioned this was, 1 on 1 discipleship with the opposite sex is a bad idea. We became good friends and he taught me alot about the Christian life. After I went off to college, his life crumbled (not due to me). He ended up marrying one of his students, moved away, had a baby with her, divorced, and moved back to the area I was attending college. We had remained in contact because I didn’t want to be yet another person that shunned him. I wanted to be a friend that would help him find his way back to redemption through Christ. We hung out for a couple years, I would babysit his child, it was fun. But, one night things just went down a really bad path and we ended up sleeping together. While I was just as much a part of that decision, I felt betrayed and used…here was the guy that mentored me, gave me a knowledge foundation for my faith, and now had abused the trust I had in him for his physical pleasure. Our friendship never recovered and while we’ve run into each other on occasion, it’s been very awkward. That relationship is so tough to wade through because it hit both ends of good/bad spectrum. It’s hard to not have him as a part of my testimony, and yet I wish sometimes I’d be able to forget.
A fellow believer and co-worker, someone with whom I worked for several years and enjoyed tremendously, sabatoged and betrayed me to get ahead. The short of the long is that she set me up for failure in a very aggressive and political environment. I was “laid off” and she got my job. I trusted her. I supported her. She talked to me about her faith. I learned that after I was gone, she spoke disrespectfully of me and my work throughout the company. Since then she has done the same thing to someone else and moved up another rung.
LITTLE ROCK,
Ginger, age 37
wife of 19 years, mom to our married 18 year old daughter & our 16 year old son.
Transitions & Trust are my primary concerns.
Friday (April 15) is my last day at my current job that I’ve been at for 12 years. These people are just as much family as my blood relatives and it hurts to leave, but I know God is leading me down a new path…a new journey. I guess my challenge is how to transition between the two and just trusting God that in this economic time of uncertainty…He still has my back. Also, my husband returns to work next week after being deployed to Afghanistan for a year…we are still trying to settle into our new normal with him home. Jesus give me patience!
Relationship- My husband and I are 24 and 25 and we had just moved to Cincinnati. We had another couple that we had been friends with in our previous town who were returning from missions and looking to get their feet on the ground and figure out what God had for them next. After much prayer, we felt God guiding us to open our newly purchased home and let them live with us for a few months and help support them while they figured out what was next. We loved these two a lot and were excited about living in community and growing. It ended so terribly. We gave and gave and they took and took. There was so much disrespect and conflict that they were not willing to work out with us that we eventually had to ask them to move out quickly for the sake of our own marriage and the conflict it was causing in our own lives. After much effort to talk again once we have given everything some time we all went separate ways. We still are in contact but share nothing of closeness or friendship. Over a year later I still grieve for the friendship that was and could have been. I longed for God directed reconciliation but had to surrender my efforts to the Lord and forgive and move on.
“Relationship”
I think because I’ve never had a grandma, an aunt, a sister, an available mom, or even a girl cousin with whom I can have a close relationship, when I became a believer, I thought I would easily have that “bosom friendship” (as Anne of Green Gables says) in a Christian woman. I crave that community, that intimacy. I hate to think I’ve been too needy and have expected too much, but in honesty, that’s probably the crux of my worst heartbreak. I thought we’d be friends forever–we shared life and talked and laughed. Then she broke away, and she wouldn’t talk about it. She wouldn’t tell me why. I was growing in my faith and had expressed a desire to share our lives in Christ too, like praying with each other or talking about what we’re learning from the Lord or being in a small group together. (We went to the same church, and her husband was our small group leader.) I am only guessing she didn’t want that. Her rejection made me doubt God’s love for me. He took me through a time in His Word where He pointed out each time He says His love is UNFAILING. It’s been 7 years. Although I forgive her and I’ve tried to be kind when I see her out, I recently found out she dislikes me so much she is warning others about me. I’ve begged God to tell me what the warning could be. God showed me 2 Tim. 3: 3-5. So I will stay away from her, but I will love her and bless her, only with His grace for His glory. And even though I get lonely as a stay-at-home mom/homeschooler, I will focus on and find joy in my deepening relationship with my Jesus. Maybe in heaven I will know that community and intimacy with others.
RELATIONSHIP: I had a dear friend God provided for a season and as soon as the season was over she no longer spoke to me. I wondered if something happened but then later realized this was just for that time. Only as God would do she has reappeared in my life and we are reconnecting our friendship and staring a bible study together for encouragement and growth. I was able just last week to let her know for that time our friendship was something very special to me. It was nice having a resolution to that time and I think God is allowing me to learn to open up no matter how uncomfortable it is for me.
LITTLE ROCK: Jackie, 40s, married. As this is a new season in my life setting some new boundaries w/kids, work, church and to be more forgiving and available for my husband more than my girlfriends.
Oops sorry: LITTLE ROCK: Jackie, 40s, married. As this is a new season in my life setting some new boundaries w/kids, work, church and to be more forgiving and available for my husband more than my girlfriends.
RELATIONSHIPS:
First of all I’m the wife of a pastor and church planter…. outside of Christ we are about relationships. I’ve had many relationships were I feel as you have said…”punked”. Two ladies in particular I have tried to be open and honest and tell them even some ways that would sharpen them,(more like Christ). They happen to become friends with myself pretty quickly (hindsight is b/c they wanted in leadership) The short story is that with one lady, I feel I opened up, was vulnerable, and trusted and then her reasoning for cutting off the relationship and not talking to me was she was going through a lot, so we went our separate ways, and with my husbands advice I tried to repair my heart. Lady number two (8 years younger than me) I had poured 4 years of teaching her, spending time with her and sharing the tough moments. I even cut off other relationships b/c I though they were being unreasonable…and then when it came down to it, she couldn’t be leader over a ministry and she said I was not a friend to her. This is a very short version of the pains in 2 relationships that I thought I could trust…..but when it came down to it they didn’t care about the kind of Christ wanted us to have. Now I pray for them, especially when the hurt rises up again.
relationship – in college, i went through a rebellious time and completely turned away from the Lord – a year later, i came running back and quickly found a church to get plugged into. i became involved with the youth group, and started meeting witih a lady in the church. after several months, i began dating a young man in the church but because of my past sins and my openness about it, rumors started and came between me and my mentor and me and my friends. i soon left the guy and church and have not been back. rumors kill – i was so wounded by it, it took years to even consider joining another church and i still am not able to fully trust people with my testimony
Relationship- I was extremely close friends with a woman for a long time. She had stopped attending church because she believed she wasn’t treated well during a family issue. Her faith seemed amazingly strong to me when I first met her. She told me of her hours daily in prayer/etc/etc. As time went on, she told me that she was more spiritually mature than I, implied that I knew little or nothing about things Biblical and in general became very derogatory toward me. At some point in the relationship, she had a very costly amount of dental work done. The dentist had been very upfront about the outcome and the cost. I personally believed that the end result was awesome. She never did approve of that outcome and began to rant and rave about “that horrible dentist” and that she’d ruin his business by word of mouth.
One day she, another woman and myself went to a local amusement park. On the way back from it her teeth came up (this was about 3 years after the work had been done) and she said “he can go straight to hell.” I was so in shock that I couldn’t immediately speak.
When we left each other and got into our own cars, I called her and told her how disturbing that was. I told her that I personally had been forgiven for far greater sins by God himself and that we are called to forgiveness. I told her that she was going to have to let this go, forgive even though no one but her believed her teeth didn’t look good. I told her that I knew that her bitterness and unforgiveness was purely unBiblical.
After that, she didn’t seem to want to talk to me much. In the distance created, I came to realize several things. One was that she was never satisfied with anything, there was always a problem, always someone else’s fault. She was very difficult to be around in that she was constantly making derogatory statements and asserting her spiritual “superiority” which was more imagined probably than anything else. She wasn’t and isn’t a happy person for many reasons that she refuses to seek therapy for. She is a victim of sexual abuse. She is still in a pit so deep that she can’t find much light.
While I understand all that about her, I also know that the Bible says “as much as you can be on good terms with all people.” It does not tell us to allow someone else to abuse us because they have issues that need to be addressed. She was detrimental to my spirit.
Since that “breakup” I’ve spoken with her a couple times and it’s exhausting. It leaves me worn out, slightly down and takes a little while to recover. I didn’t realize that until the time apart happened.
I pray for her regularly. She is missing out on so much in life. Mainly she’s missing out on knowing just how gracious and loving our Heavenly Father is when we allow Him to heal us of our pasts.
Relationship: My former prayer partner, who is without doubt a godly woman, was instrumental in having my husband (then the pastor of our church) fired. She is now the pastor of that church. I have forgiven all involved and regularly pray for her ministry, but I still have so many questions about why this happened. I have broken off all contact with her at my husband’s request. He has since left the Christian faith.
RELATIONSHIP
Painful breakage in a Christian friendship: Is it possible to break, mend, break, mend, etc? One of my girl friends and I are like this. I love my friend dearly but our relationship goes well for a while, then rocky for a while. Back and Forth!
Sometimes I want to give up, but I know it is a Christ-woven friendship and that the devil is fighting to seperate and break us!
Little Rock After 14 year in fulltime ministry with my husband I mean fulltime 24/7 ministering to 45-60 males with drug addictions. My precious grandson became hooked on meth the demonic drug and killed his girlfriend at present we are awaiting trial. It has been the most devasting season of my life. I had prayed so hard for him and just couldn’t understand why God couldn’t have prevented it, and still don’t understand but trusting God to see us this tragic event.
LITTLE ROCK
Victoria, 25 years old, Married
My Biggest Challenge (Currently)
Letting go of pride and perfectionism 🙁