Siesta Survey for Your Mama’s Insight

Hey, Darling Things. Let me blurt out from the beginning that you guys are so dear to me. I genuinely love this community with a heart full to the brim. Your comments to Sunday’s post drew me in, made me smile, and some of them made me laugh out loud. Per the question, how far was I from the little farm house when the rancher saw me and reported me in certain peril to my man, several miles. Keith and I are still amused by it but we are thankful for such good neighbors. Just when we think we’ve gotten a little more normal, something reminds him and me that we are caricatures that could be fodder for the weirdest sitcom on network television. Shiver. I’m just picturing my character’s hair. And the size of her Bible. And, eewwww, the accent. And picture the double barrel shotgun in Keith’s character’s hand. But, if they show him without a shirt, cry foul because that’s not my man. Never, I do mean NEVER would my man go without a shirt outside the shower. Nor does he respect a grown man that does. (Unless he’s in his swim trunks and those better come nearly to the man’s knees.) He also gives the stink eye to a grown man that wears his shirt open two buttons. That’s not cool to Keith. And if the man has on a gold chained necklace, you best keep him out of Keith’s path all together. OK, Lord, have mercy. How do I get off on all this stuff? It’s y’all that bring this out in me.

Here’s the reason why I’m posting today. I’m looking to my favorite community for insight regarding this weekend’s event and maybe, if any of it pertains, for insight toward the taping for James in May. (Much more on that later because I really, really want to enlist your prayers.) These are my two questions and please notice that they pertain to two different groups among you.

1. To anyone in our blog community: This one’s wide open. Have you ever experienced a painful breakage in a close relationship you had with another believer? I’m especially talking about relationships that you believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ but something happened that resulted in a fissure. If so, WITHOUT DIVULGING ANYTHING THAT WOULD IDENTIFY YOUR PERSON, what happened? And here’s a really important part of it: did the relationship mend or did you go your separate ways? Please stick to one meaty paragraph because I want to read every single entry. If it’s too long, I’ll have to skip it. Remember, no names or pieces of information that people can track. We never want to dishonor anyone on this blog. So that I can differentiate between answers to this question and those to the next, please start your comment with the word “Relationship.”

2. Limited just to the people attending this weekend’s LPL in Little Rock, Arkansas: I’d love to already have a few of your stories in mind for this weekend. In a compact paragraph, would you please tell me your first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now? Please keep in mind that I could very well share it with the entire group as an example of the kinds of things we’re dealing with in our audience so your comment will act as your permission. Please, please don’t leave a comment I can’t share or I could end up getting it confused with the others and telling it by accident. Remember, you are entrusting your personal information to Blonder Than She Pays To Be. Also don’t make stuff up as a trick so you can get a kick out of it when I tell it. Yes, people do stuff like that on blogs and it’s totally lame. Don’t do it here. So that I can differentiate between this answer and the ones to the previous question, please start your comment with the word “Little Rock.” If you are also answering question 1, please do it in a separate comment. This will help me immensely as I peruse the survey.

You guys are rock stars to me. Thank you so much. May all of this information and everything else that happens on this blog ultimately bring greater fame to the powerful, healing, saving Name of Jesus Christ.

Our Lord.

And Savior.



994 Responses to “Siesta Survey for Your Mama’s Insight”

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  1. 601
    Jane from SC says:

    RELATIONSHIP – I have had 2 – One was with a girl I worked with but once I got married (she was divorced) and then got pregnant (she had had an abortion), she blew up at me one night and said I had everything she wanted! After my child was born we drifted apart – that was 25 years ago. She did marry again several years later but never had children. A few months ago my husband told me she approached him about having an affair with her! Boy was I blind!! The other was a person in my family. To this day I do not know what I did to her but she just would jab a knife in my back and hurt me with words not directly but whenever I was around her would say things to intentionally hurt me. After 6 months of this and praying about it, God directed me to write her a letter and just pour my heart out to her. I wrote a 4 page letter, kept it for about 3 months and then finally sent it to her. She has never mentioned it and I still pray every day for the situation. It is better but not the same as before I did whatever. She is a very vengeful person and a leader (big time) in her church! I have done everything I know to do so it is now in her hands and most importantly God’s. How she can serve and stand before her congregation every Sunday, knowing she has treated someone this way – well she is a better person than I.

  2. 602
    Vikki Oliver says:


    Dear Beth… first let me say that I am in awe of you… you are the MOST amazing woman I have ever seen!

    Back in 2001, the week before Christmas my now ex-husband came home and packed his things and walked out of my life, having met another woman on the Internet. We had been together for twenty- seven years, and two months after he left should have been our twenty- fifth wedding anniversary. During our years together we were each others best friend… we never fought and we did everything together. He also never wanted me to work, so when he cut the ties that bind, I was lost. For months I would sit at night with a Pepsi in one hand and a bottle of sleeping pills in the other. Thank God I never found the courage to do it. Life has been a struggle, and I feel like I have been frozen in time. I have become somewhat agoraphobic in that I never go out of the house unless I absoutely have to. I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M HERE!? There have been many tears shed lately over this question, and there is so much more to this story than you asked for in this paragraph. I just finished your Bible study on the Book of Revelation with a group of wonderful ladies from a Lutheran church in my area. Getting me out of the house to go and immerse myself in a group of strangers took an act of God, but I gotta tell you, I sat and stared at you and listened with my mouth hanging open! I would have given anything to have been in that audience! I’ve never experienced anyone like you! You are SO filled with the Spirit of God! Anyway, I came to the website today to buy the Bible study you did so that I can watch it again, and by the grace of God found this blog. I’ve been drawn to share this piece of my story, which I would never do under normal circumstances, so thanks for listening. Don’t ever stop doing what you do!

  3. 603
    Naomi says:


    I’m the oldest of nine children and grew up in a very close knit godly Christ-centered home. When I was about 18 years old my Dad turned away from the Lord and started serving himself rather than the Lord our God. He grew wise in his own eyes and full of pride and self-righteousness. As his focus got further away from the Lord he become much like a cult leader and ended up x-communicating me from my whole family. For several years I had no relationship with any of my 8 siblings or my parents and most of extended family. By the grace and miracle of God, He set me free from this terrible bondage (not without many deep emotional wounds and sin struggles of my own) and I’ve been living in freedom for the past 10 years (Breaking Free and A Woman’s Heart, God’s Dwelling Place radically affected my life!). God has done so many miracles in my own life and in the past one year He has started to break free my siblings! I’m overjoyed to have renewed relationships with all four of my sisters and one of my brothers! To this day I don’t have relationship with my parents or three of my brothers. I’m believing God to continue to do what only He can do – miracles! Glory to my Abba Father!

  4. 604
    Susan says:

    Little Rock
    I struggle with chronic depression and am a Food Addict. I used to weigh 300 pounds-now I weigh 120 pounds less. The miracle began while taking the Esther study and I didn’t even know I was at a pivotal moment in my destiny. I have gained back 10 pounds and am in a war.
    Beth, dear one, you have helped me learn about the spiritual dynamite duo of prayer and Biblical Truth. This is my spiritual chemo to make it one more day every day. This weekend I look forward to a mega-dose.
    I know Arkansas can wear you out. Please remember that you are clothed in strength and dignity. You are loved by many and GOD.

  5. 605
    mel says:

    Little Rock
    My best friend is coming with me. She has a dear friend who has a disease that causes intense, unrelenting pain. The woman is a christian and pleads to die and be in heaven. My friend and the woman are questioning their God and faith b/c He doesn’t seem to provide relief. Please provide hope this weekend. Please don’t share this specifically but offer hope for difficult situations besides just endure to the end (in this situation the end does not appear to be near). Thanks so much!

  6. 606
    Momma Foster says:


    Unfortunately, yes. My roommate in college for 2 years. Close sisters in the Lord. Went through everything together, thick and thin. After college, I got married and she got in a painful relationship that ended with her walking away from the Lord altogether and beginning to pursue relationships with other women. Now she and I hardly talk. We have tried, but we just don’t have much to say. I don’t really (at all) know who she is anymore. And she doesn’t know how to relate to me anymore. It is painful.

  7. 607
    Allison C. Lee says:


    When we, both belivers and active followers of Christ, did not keep eachothers secerets. Girlfriends should keep secerets. I call it backstabbing of the worst kind. Both of us guilty…friendship over. Still not friends. Not proud of it…UGGGH

  8. 608
    Catherine says:


    A friend and sister in Christ that I’d known for 8 years was a successful professional. She was a mentor to me in her professional capacity, and lead me to my new church home where I returned my wayward sinful self to back Jesus. She had a profound impact on my faith in Jesus Christ, and was a powerful witness to many. She decided she was tired of waiting, after 44 years, for the husband she’d long prayed for. She told me that she intended to give her long-guarded virginity to a particular man that she hoped might be “the one”. I was heart-broken, prayed fervently and asked her to seek the Lord – if this was His will, she didn’t have to give herself up! She gave in, the man exited stage right, and Jesus took the blame. My counsel didn’t sit well with her – she didn’t appreciate my “speaking the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15). She was mad at me and madder still at our Father in Heaven for abandoning her. I haven’t spoken to her now in 8 years. I think of her often, and pray for her. I miss her smile and laugh.

  9. 609
    Sara says:

    Relationship – We have been on and off friends since we were in highschool. I swore she was my sister, we had so many similarities and God as the common bond. Well eventually we both got married and ended up both moving to the same state. We hit it off again, just like we always did and everything was great! Then things just got wierd. I could never pinpoint what would happen to us, but she got wierd and I stopped pursuing. We both moved to the same state again 7 years later and our husbands ran into each other and we all went out. I was nervous about seeing her again after all the in and outs we had been through. But when I saw her again, the first thing she said to me was the she had grown alot in the past few years and that she realized her own insecurities had played a part in the ending of our friendship. She said her mind would get the best of her and she would think I was talking about her behind her back. No wonder I was always confused, she was listening to lies I had no idea existed. We are today working out our friendship and I can truly say, she is like my soul mate. I love this sister! Always have. We have made a pact to open ourselves up and work things out when they come up. Not just walk away. We realize all relationships require work and we are both willing to do it this time.

  10. 610
    Momma Foster says:

    Edit to previous post

    After posting, I realized that could have been too specific. You could change it to just a friend instead of “my roommate in college.” Obviously, please don’t post this edited comment. Thanks!

  11. 611
    Susan says:

    Most of my negative experiences with fellow Jesus followers have been resolved, however, there are a few times when relationships have gone south and stayed that way. These were very painful and confusing. Twice I grieved a long time and was very tempted to isolate. I came to realize that that was what evil wanted me to do. I refuse to cooperate with evil. I think part of it for my husband and I was that we were trying to love the most unlovable without clear direction from the Lord to do so in these specific instances and in these few cases it came back to bite us. I believe we did what we “thought” we should do instead of waiting on the Lord to direct our paths. We have learned that we can love from a distance when called to and allow others to be very unhappy with us. We also know that we could be following the Spirit’s lead and still end up with a terrible relational mess. Thy will be done Lord! It’s a relief to be clearer about the Truth that Jesus is the Saviour and not us nor the church. God is the only one who really knows what he’s doing!

  12. 612
    Tarah says:

    relationship – I experienced a fissure in a dear friendship once. We’d been friends before I got married and had kids, but as I began to have children…..I felt judged by her as a mother and woman, and couldn’t seem to get over it. Issues just kept stacking up, and I was convinced she thought I was less than her in every area, and I resented it. I distanced myself. Then one day, as I was ranting to myself about all of her ‘wrongs’….I felt the Lord speak very clearly to me that I was guilty of the same things I accused her of. I was being every bit as judgmental and unloving. Plus, was I SURE she was really thinking all these negative things? Or were they my own insecure projections? And even if she was…..why did it matter so much what she thought? Wasn’t it His opinion that really mattered? Who was I performing for? God told me that He would be glad to fill me up and reassure me of His love and approval…..and then I could be free to love and appreciate my friend with all of her wonderful gifts. She had basically been an idol to me, as I measured myself against her, and then when my idol failed to reassure me of my worth…..I got angry. I confessed my sin and apologized to my friend for my insecurity and the coldness that had come from my bondage. I began to experience freedom again in the relationship…..our friendship is now stronger than ever. I have learned to appreciate how God has made all of us different, and to be happy about the gifts he has given to someone else, rather than threatened by them.

  13. 613
    Angela says:

    I have a dear, Christian friend that I’ve been living life with for 10 years. Recently, we had a heart to heart regarding raising our children. This turned in to her telling me that my standards are “way up here” and I’m drawn to people who want to go “way up here” and she can’t be that person. She said she feels sorry for my daughter because of my “standards”. That they might be too hard for her to reach. I realize (going through BFree) that I can’t change my passion and pursuit of Christ to accommodate her. (just watched session 5) It is worth whatever it costs to break free from a relationship that might hold me back from becoming all that Christ wants for me and living wholeheartedly for His purpose. It’s hard though – and I’d be lying if I didn’t say I feel guilty – like a spiritual holier than thou.

  14. 614
    Heather says:

    Little Rock- Heather, 41, Married,

    I’ll actually be taking off early on the 15th from my job as a tax professional- at least the deadline is actually the 18th this year!- for a quick break to LR. It has been a rough several years- kinda like being squished through a grater repeatedly. I pictured my life much different by this time than it has been. I will be married 25 years in June, and have somehow survived that,HA!, and our two daughters who have had very different ideas about life than what we had taught them, which has left me covered with many scars. This last year has really put me through a crisis of faith- but even in the darkest times, I could not get away from God. It’s been the hardest thing I have ever had to endure- facing that God sometimes answers -No- and has different plans and purposes that only He can see. Being able to say, finally, whether He saves me from this distress or not, He is still my God. It still hurts and I still struggle, but I cling to the hope that my God will, at some point, work it all out for my good and that He loves me still.

    This has also been my first year at memorizing Siesta Scriptures, and it has been a tremendous help, although, I will admit there have been times I didn’t want to say my verses because of the emotional turmoil I was in, but my last two have been a lifeline in the darkness – Micah 7:8- “Rejoice not against me, O my enemy! When I fall, I shall arise; when I sit in darkness, the Lord shall be a light to me.” and Psalm 18:28- “For You cause my lamp to be lighted and to shine; the Lord my God illumines my darkness.”

    Looking forward to a great time in LR!

  15. 615
    Shelly says:

    One of my dearest girlfriends and I let go of our relationship a few years back. Up until that time we had grown close because of our love for the Lord, attending Bible studies together, taking vacations together, worshiping together, raising kids together. We joked about one day living in a nursing home together when we got really old! Things began to change when she began attending a new church that preached that speaking in tongues was evidence of a deep and mature Christian walk. She began suggesting to me that if I did not speak in tongues or witness/take part in other manifestations of the Spirit as she and her other friends did, there was something missing or wrong with my walk of faith, something lacking. I was hurt. I received counsel from my church that God gives different gifts to different individuals, and not to be comparing my walk with that of someone else’s. My friend and I agreed to disagree on this issue, parted amicably, going our separate ways. I still miss her so much at times, but I think we both felt at the time that God was taking us in differing directions.

  16. 616
    Hope Hardy says:


    My best friend and I had been together since high school. When my husband and I had our two daughters back to back, we made a decision not to let our kids dictate our lives. I realize not everyone shares this position. When my best friend had a baby, it was basically the end of the friendship. They quit coming for dinner because of the baby’s schedule, but they somehow managed to find time to stay out at college football games all night. They didn’t have time for us, but there was plenty of time for tailgating. I guess what hurt the most was the lie that “Gosh, we’re just so busy with the baby now” yet they still found time to do whatever they wanted. Another friend confronted her and she totally missed the point and just got upset. Nothing got solved. I decided to just let it go and not say anything. Clearly it wouldn’t solve anything. I have learned to look for friendship elsewhere, although, I still talk to her if she calls or wants to get together. She used to be one of those people I would have counted on for anything, but I wouldn’t anymore.

  17. 617
    Deborah J. says:

    Relationship –

    She was a subordinate who worked for me. And a Christian with whom I discussed and shared my faith. She was a great support. And then she experienced a number of issues which, over time, became an increasingly large problem in her performance and in our work group. I counseled her repeatedly…in a work aspect and as a Christian friend. She did not change or improve. It ultimately came to the point that, for the good of the company, I was forced to terminate her. I have had the unfortunate experience in my line of work of terminating many people over the years. This was absolutely the hardest ever in over 25 years. She still refused to acknowledge the problems. She has communicated with me several times over the following years. I came to the point…only with Christ’s help…that I was able to forgive her for the anguish and heartache she had caused me as her employer, friend, and fellow Christian. However, I have not felt led to accept her attempts to renew the relationship. Not out of bitterness…but out of the realization that certain people are brought into our lives for certain seasons and certain reasons…and I do not feel that God is prompting me to reopen that door.

  18. 618
    Sallie says:

    I can think back to moving to our current town. I met with two ladies for Bible study/accountability. I can remeber sharing that I struggled with anger. The two ladies were closer to one another than with me, and they brushed me off. I can remember that hurting me so bad because I felt I had reached out for help to women I thought I could trust. One in particular had been a friend for a while (since before our move) and my eyes began to be opened to the fact that this person didn’t have my interest at heart. I was hurt for a long time by this and have had a hard time being real with other “christian” women. I read on-line about true Godly women relationships and I so long for this.

  19. 619
    Sallie says:

    I can think back to moving to our current town. I met with two ladies for Bible study/accountability. I can remeber sharing that I struggled with anger. The two ladies were closer to one another than with me, and they brushed me off. I can remember that hurting me so bad because I felt I had reached out for help to women I thought I could trust. One in particular had been a friend for a while (since before our move) and my eyes began to be opened to the fact that this person didn’t have my interest at heart. I was hurt for a long time by this and have had a hard time being real with other “christian” women. I read on-line about true Godly women relationships and I so long for this.

  20. 620
    Hannah says:

    Relationship – This hits home! When my husband and I were first married, God landed us in a church full of older people. Being the “cool young couple”, we started serving with the youth and soon found ourselves in an Experiencing God study with the other youth sponsors (parents of the teens). Although there was a huge age difference, we experienced the “koinonia” that Blackaby talks about. The prayer times and growth that we experienced were like nothing I’ve experienced, before or since. The group was truly family and we walked alongside each other through the death of parents and even the stillbirth of our own child. Long story short, God slowly moved my husband and I out of the close circle of this group. Although hurt at the time, we now see it as powerful protection from the assault of Satan. While we were moving to an outer circle and replaced by others, members of the group began having issues with substance abuse and became unfaithful in their marriages, with one another. Yes, it was a total split with those making the horrible decisions. The other members of the group we still hold dear, although the relationship will never be as it once was. I will always treasure the time we had with this group. We have longed for the closeness again, but I also realize that maybe that time was something special God had in mind for us at that particular time when we needed to grow and find “chosen family” in a town where none of our blood family lived. The experience has changed us greatly…while we initially fought the urge to build walls, I now realize the necessary boundaries I need to place between myself and men I work with in ministry. I also am careful to view pastors and ministry leaders as sinners saved by grace (like myself) and try to keep them off the pedestals I so want to put them on. Thanks for asking this question…seeing how God has worked through this awful situation makes me stand even more in awe of Him!

  21. 621
    Janet Volpe says:

    Some years ago I was working at a local church as Director of Religious Education. I have a master in Religious Educatio degree from a respected Seminary. I loved the work and thought a had a good, solid relationship with the pastor. I later discovered that several ladies in the church did not like anything I was trying to do. They wanted everything to be just like it was when they were children. They went to the pastor and he agreed with them. He told me they were changing everything back to the old way. I told him that since he was pastor he could do that but that I could no longer work for that church. He took huge offense and blackballed me. I could not find another position and as a result we lost our home. The whole thing still breaks my heart. I have really tried to forgive. I have made the choice to forgive. The problem is trying to forget. I don’t want all the memories crowding in on me. I really want to work in ministry again but it does not seem to be available to me. Pray for me please. I just want to follow the Lord’s will in this and all of my life.

  22. 622
    Anne says:

    Several years ago my group of friends (met while attending a Bible college) did not agree with a choice that I made- they thought it was outside God’s will. I was praying through the decision and didn’t feel God was leading me in a different direction. They pretty much cut me off. It was really painful for me. They didn’t try to sit down and talk things through, and I was too hurt to approach them.

  23. 623
    Jennifer says:

    Little Rock

    Hi Beth! I am 26 years old and married. My biggest challenge right now is to maintain focus on God’s goodness and righteousness as my husband and I have been trying to become pregnant for close to a year now. It has been a daily struggle to fight bitterness and a feeling of brokeness, but I try to remind myself that that is the enemy feeding me these things and that God is in control and his purpose will ultimatly be fulfilled.

  24. 624
    Julie says:

    Little Rock
    35 years old, married, 1 child-8 year old son
    I am in expectation from God this weekend to move significantly in 2 specific areas of my life that are prisons for me. (After all, he “breaks apart bronze gates and cuts apart iron bars”Psalm 107:16) One is a stronghold in my marriage–a lie– I believed before my marriage began over 10 years ago. The second is irrational fear over my child.(I have lost 2 children tragically) I just finished the Who Will U Trust? video and God used it mightly(cd2&3)I am asking for unutterable liberty, inexpressible freedom, and unspeakable joy. I am fasting from now until Friday for God to provide a “perfect” word to you for us, for me! I am so excitied!Sorry if its too long.

  25. 625
    Gayla says:

    Relationship…Oh sadly yes I’ve had a few relationships with other believers that I thought would ultimately honor Him and be light in this dark world but ended up almost tearing my heart out! My husband is a pastor and I am still tempted to be guarded with those we shepherd for fear of sharing too much of myself with them only to have them betray our family simply because my husband felt the Lord leading him to preach something they didn’t like! And I’ll almost never do women’s ministry again because of how I was treated over decorations or entertainment at events our church did! It hurts so much more when it’s fellow believers who are so hateful over things that aren’t essential! I’ve learned to expect faithfulness and wholeness from God alone, and praise Him, I’ve learned to love ministry in spite of mean people!
    Little Rock…I’m a 41 year old pastor’s wife originally from Arkansas now serving in Kansas City after having served also in Atlanta, Cincinnati, and Arkadelphia! Right now is a sweet time of ministry after some recent years of pain over ugly church members. I’m finding joy in ministry again! Just finished leading a group of 70 women through Esther study last night. Meeting my best friend from Atlanta in LR to celebrate a friendship that survived some tough church politics but is such a blessing! I’ve been praying for you as you return home because I know, for me at least, going home is a mixed bage of emotions!

  26. 626
    Caroline says:

    From age twenty to forty seven. A woman who was like my sister. A strong believer who cried with me, prayed with me and supported me. That was the relationship I just ended. It still makes my throat go tight as I write this. We were birth and bonded in so many tragedies in our lives. Our wounds glues us. When my wounds started healing, she could not accept the changes. Everytime I got off the phone for two years, I was so heavy hearted. I tried talking with her, praying with her trying to steer her towards a different time in our life. To no avail. When it breaks your heart, and you feel nothing but respect and love. when you have fought for the relationship then you know its time to move on. As Beth says about pits. We were the main decoration in each others pits, and she did not no how to set up new surroundings in a place of freedom.

    It still hurts and I want to run back when I feel a struggle coming on. Yet, I know I will be pulled back into the misery pit. This is a Godly woman who I pray for .I miss her. I see her in so much. I have had to leave so many things behind on a journey of healing from addictions, sexual abuse and so forth. I never thought I would have to leave my companion through most of the journey. I still have a open heart, but I cannot stay in a place of bitterness. It hurts when you feel real joy, not the circumstantial joy in your life and such loss at the same time.

  27. 627
    Beth says:


    I had a break with my best friend, a Christian, two years ago and it completely broke me. What broke us up? The same thing that happens in many, many close Christian friendships: the inability to speak the truth in love. Something was bothering her about me, and she wasn’t comfortable talking about it, so she just started to distance herself from me. I asked her about it several times, and each time, she denied anything was wrong. Her silence nearly suffocated me.

    I spent countless hours trying to figure it out, reading, praying, researching about female friendships, and studying God’s word for comfort. The rejection and pain were excruciating. It felt like a death, only worse. There she was–at my school, my church, my prayer group, and at community functions– as distant as could be, but acting like everything was fine. It took a huge toll on me as I struggled to deal with the rejection. I had to figure out how to reinvent myself in terms of friendship and community, because I was no longer comfortable attending anything where she was and “faking it.” Without authenticity, my soul just droops.

    Then, last summer, a mutual friend of ours finally told me the truth, and it set me free. She had been on a boating excursion with my best friend, and got to discussing what happened between the two of us. Apparently, my best friend had grown weary of my “depth and intensity.” She wanted “lighter” friendships and had met a woman at her kids new school that she was spending a lot of time with. It hurt me to hear the words, but it was such a gift. It freed me from trying to figure out what I had done wrong. I stopped seeking healing from the situation, and instead sought healing for my soul. (Your “Beautiful Mind” DVDs were invaluable.) Why Beth, WHY can’t we tell each other the truth??

    It has been a long and painful journey of letting go, but God is using this for his glory and to grow me. Two years in I can tell you that I am a changed woman. I now speak regularly on this topic to women (I am a Christian Speaker) to encourage them to speak the truth in love and to be sources of healing to women instead of hurting them. A song by Christy Nockles (one of your favorites) says it best. In her song “By Our Love” she states:

    “Sisters, we were made for kindness
    We can pierce the darkness
    As He shines through us
    We will come reaching
    With a song of healing
    And they will know us by our love.”

    Thank you Beth for letting me share this with you and for loving women with your truth and grace. -Love you girl!!!! -Beth

  28. 628
    Amber says:

    Little Rock

    I am in my early thirties and am struggling with a couple of challenges right now. I am married and the mother of two boys, four and five years old, who are in pre-school. I feel very blessed to have my small (hopefully growing) family. But I am also a high school teacher, and anyone who is in education right now knows how increasingly demanding this profession is. When my kids were younger, I struggled with the fact that I had to work. It was easier on us financially to work, and my husband insisted on it. Now, I would like to have another child, but my husband is not as enthusiastic about it, and I know how much guilt I would have leaving my baby in someone else’s care. I really love and feel called to be a full-time mother, but my husband doesn’t support my decision to be a stay-at-home mom.
    The other challenge I face is coping with losing my mother. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s officially when I was 27, but her symptoms began while I was in college. Though she is still here in body and spirit, who she was has all but disappeared. I am so busy working and taking care of my own family that I don’t get out to my dad’s house to see my parents like I should. They only live 15 minutes away. Taking care of my children’s needs and my mother’s needs (when the opportunity presents itself) is something I’ve been learning to deal with. But it’s a lot of pressure when I have so much going on in my own day-to-day life. At the same time I feel so glad that I can help when the need arises. There is such a mixture of emotions in raising your kids while also trying to help take care of a parent. These are two big ones for me right now.

  29. 629
    Kelley says:

    Little Rock – age 43; married; biggest challenge – God has removed me from my comfort zone and opened the door to a ministry that includes single mothers and children. Some of whom are struggling with drug addictions and just no raising with any sort of Christian values at all. All are in desperate need of just the necessities of life, most of all a relationship with Jesus. God has great compassion on these dear women and children and He’s calling me to be His hands and feet and hugs and kisses and it’s the greatest challenge of my life thus far.

  30. 630
    Melanie says:


    My friend and I were originally drawn together out of our mutual faith in Christ even in spite of our very different personalities. We became the best of friends and were bridesmaids in each others’ weddings. After a few years, marital trouble in her life led to separation, divorce and an emotional spiral that lasted several years. During this time, I tried to be a friend and be there for her as much as she would let me and prayed for her constantly. It was the hardest thing watching one of my very best friends go thru such pain and making potentially dangerous choices. Living out of state now, I wrote her a letter trying to reach out to her, telling her what I worried for her and trying to convince her to come back to the Lord. In retrospect, perhaps I was trying to do the Holy Spirit’s job but regardless, she was offended and hurt by it and didn’t speak to me for a very long time. During one of my visits back, I contacted her and asked if she’d like to have lunch. She agreed and we talked about the letter. By this time, her life was stabilizing and she told me that in spite of how “off-base” she thought my letter was, she knew my heart and that it came from a good place. Today, both of us married, each with two beautiful children and all living for the Lord, we remain close friends who, in spite of living so far apart and our continued but appreciated differences, can pick up where we left off as if no time has passed. All to the glory of God!


  31. 631
    Sarah M says:

    #1 – She turned her back from God to date a guy who was not a believer. She eventually got involved with drugs & alcohol and has yet to turn back to God. I’ve definitely left the door open if she needs me, but obviously we’re not as close as we were.
    #2 – She’s one who depends on God, only when she needs Him. She treats me the same way. While I still consider her a friend, I struggle with allowing myself to risk the hurt of loss when I’m not needed anymore. I’m guilty of keeping her out of arms reach for that reason. (Now I’m convicted. Perhaps its time for some mending of my own.)

  32. 632
    Ruth says:

    I had a mentor growing up that was like family to my parents and I. She fell in love with a married man who decided to divorce his wife to be with her. She sought out my mom for advice. My mom encouraged her to stop dating him while he was separated from his wife and said she could not condone the relationship. My mentor did not appreciate this advice and cut off contact with my mother and with me though she never had a conversation with me about why she was cutting ties. I was just dropped like a hot rock after years of friendship. She married him that year. I was extremely disappointed in her and hurt. Years later she contacted me and apologized. I had worked through the process of forgiving her in my heart previous to her contact and was able to share that with her. However, I did indicate that I was not able to pick-up right where we left off. I set boundaries on the closeness of our friendship, facebook, christmas cards, etc… because though I care for her friendship the trust had been broken. Through initial conversations I felt that she was expecting me to be vulnerable with her and share my life without being willing to be vulnerable and transparent herself.

  33. 633
    nikki says:

    I had a wonderful Christian friend for many years. She was told some slanderous information regarding me, and my family and decided to believe it without asking us about it. I went to her home and told her the truth. She said she didn’t believe me, she believed the slander. That was years ago (8) and she still doesn’t talk to me. I would love for this to be mended but I have done everything I possibly could and it has done no good.

  34. 634
    Janice says:

    Little Rock.
    Janice, 52 (I can’t believe that!), preparing for my only daughter’s Marriage to the best young Mexican man living in Queretaro, Mexico! My heart is so full of emotions. My daughter has applied for a fiance visa to get him here and his appointment at the Consulate to grant that visa is Wednesday, April 2oth! The Lord’s hand has been on this young couple since they met. It has been a story to behold to see His grace and hand move to bring them together! May they be able to share with their children and grand-children of the power and presence of our King! Amen!

  35. 635
    Beth says:

    Oh, Kathy! I don’t know which one it is! I’m so sorry! You may be able to delete from your side.

  36. 636
    Christi says:

    Relationship: I had a very fun friend who I met at church. We are and were both believers. She was scheduled to have a surgery on a cyst. We have a wonderful friend in common, also a believer, who I told about the upcoming surgery so we could plan meals, assistance and company for our single friend. When the friend having surgery learned that I had discussed the surgery with our other friend (whom I thought was even closer to her than me,) she became very angry and upset, saying that she didn’t know if she could ever be able to trust me again. It still doesn’t make sense to me today(after much thought, prayer and review.) Our relationship was and is very akward and never was the same after that. I did apologize because I obviously had hurt her feelings, but we did go our separate ways. Sad.

  37. 637
    Ginnie says:

    Relationship: Something I’m currently struggling with in a relationship is that a close friend of mine has recently lost her husband (back in November). Prior to his death the three of us (me being single) were very close. We would do dinner, movies, vacations, etc. together along with my kids. There were times throughout the years that my friend would be out of town and she would call to say that her husband was tired of eating alone and would I (along with my kids) go to dinner with him and I would. There were even times that I would run by her house to pick something up and he’d be the only one home or he would run by my house to pick something up for her. We had a relationship that was comfortable and I never had any interest in her husband at all. While she was out of town one week and he was doing some flooring work at their home he asked me to stop by to see what he had accomplished. It wasn’t out of the ordinary and I thought very little of it until that very night he made a pass at me that was clearly a pass. I was angry and let him know very quickly that I wasn’t interested and as far as I was concerned I didn’t care if I ever saw him again. I talked with my pastor about how I should handle it and he advised me to tell her, but after much prayer I just felt that if I told her I would be blamed and my name would be smeared. I have never told her and now he is deceased. The part I struggle with is that each time I hear her talk about how loving and faithful he was I cringe. Yet I don’t want to destroy her beautiful memory of him.

  38. 638
    Carol says:

    Relationship – It was the lady who brought me to church and introduced me to the concept of a personal relationship with Jesus. After approx. 2 yrs. of friendship 2 things happened. 1. She sensed that God was telling her that she was only to bring me to Christ and move on. 2. I developed friendships with other Christians and she didn`t “trust” one of them.I think she was judging my now best friend’s life without knowing all the details of her past. Thus the friendship ended….maybe it never was a friendship though…just another “notch” on her Christian belt.

  39. 639
    karen lipford says:

    any tickets to LPL in LR this weekend? i just need 2 i would take 1.

  40. 640

    Relationship. My husband and I had another couple that we were friends with and lets just say that I think mostly, we just spent way too much time together. Me and the wife of the other couple have almost total opposite personalities that seemed to clash often, although we were usually able to overlook it and enjoy each other anyway. But then we moved into the apartment next door to them (not on purpose, really. It just worked out that way.) and they could hear us through those thin walls twenty four-seven and we them. We were always going over to their apartment and they ours and we went to the same church, hung out with the same people and everything. The personality difference between me and her became very obvious very quickly and we started to get on each others nerves. I have a very laid back personality that says to clutter, “Oh, well, it will get done when it gets done,” while she is kind of a neat-freak, totally organized person. I just go with the flow! My kids love it, but they’re used to it. They say I’m loads of fun, but the chaos of my home drove her crazy and the totally over-organized (in my opinion) way her home was drove me crazy! We started making little jabs at each other all the time. (I know, horrible sin. I’ve since repented and so has she, and it was a long time ago, so leave me alone.) Finally, our husbands said enough is enough and they got us together to talk out our issues (with them present so we didn’t poke each others eyes out, of course!) We made our peace with each other, but I decided I needed to not spend time with her for a while. I thought it might be permanent I didn’t know. My pastor didn’t understand and said I was in sin, to not be her friend, but I needed to back away. I did and eventually we moved, not out of the town, but to a bigger apartment (we’d had a second child by this time.) Now they have moved out of the state for seminary and we do talk now, occasionally. I’d say we’re friends again, but not as close as we once were. I don’t know if we ever will be again, but you never know.

  41. 641
    Kim says:

    relationship: my best friend from childhood, roommates in college, my kids called her “auntie”. Last year, she asked me to never contact her again, that the Lord was leading her in a new season and her relationship with me was at an end. Things have been strained the last two years because I saw her drifting a little – she had a new job and what started out as reaching out to the lost in her new place of employ turned into party pictures on facebook – and when I asked her about it, she withdrew and accused me of believing the worst about her and not trusting her. Things were never the same again. She left the church we both grew up in, she changed all her friends and wanting to honor her request to leave her alone, I have not contacted her again. I pray for her often and did send her one last note that I will always pray for her – that the door will always be open if she ever wants relationship again. It’s very sad! God has been very gracious with new and lovely friends in my life but there is something so sweet about the old friends and I miss her.

  42. 642
    Michelle says:

    We had grown up together — fifth grade through high school — she was treated like family as was I in her home, when she decided to just rejected me. No reasons given, no grand fall-out between us. It was extremely hurtful (I think my Mom held onto the hurt longer than I did). After a few years of hoping things would change, I just knew that I had to move on. It definitely impacted my future relationships — I was much more hesitant to trust a new friend. Fifteen years later, we connected on Facebook — just a “Hey how are you” type interaction. Then she emailed me and apologized for the way she had treated me — that she knew what she was doing when she did it — and she knew it was wrong. It had bothered her for years. With tears, I immediately wrote back that she had been forgiven long ago and I was grateful that we could connect and catch up on life. I now happily remember all the fun we had growing up! God has showed me his faithfulness, yet again.

  43. 643
    Barbie says:

    Little Rock..I lost my husband in a tragic plane crash here in Alaska last August. Two of his friends parrished along with him.
    When I received the phone call I was watching your bible study “Ester”. I have had many challenges throughout this whole tragedy and I can honestly say…”Its tough being a woman” BUT God has been my Light in all the darkness!Thank you Beth!

    • 643.1
      Sandi says:

      Oh Barbie, that breaks my heart….I’m praying. I know there are no words when you lose your best friend.

  44. 644
    Lisa says:

    I am going through something not fun right now. A dear sister in the Lord, who brought me into ministry, we were best friends, we could easily pass hours talking and think only 1/2 a hour had gone by. We’d talk until 1 am thinking it was just 9pm. I am putting on an event at church but she is over me for this. It has gotten so ugly now we’ve had to have couples counceling with the pastor! I try to accomadate all her demands, she nit picks, the pastor says let me run with it, she wants to discuss (I use the term loosely-more like dictate) every little detail. I am sticking with it for the girls but she wants to cancell the whole event if I don’t “comply.” I put on a happy face and act as if nothing has happened but she won’t talk to me except for short kurt phrases but then will send me lengthy emails in how I fall short of what she expects from me for the event.

  45. 645
    Susan says:

    I had a best friend for 30years. We raised our families together and our husbands were good friends. We shared many difficulties with our children and families together. She is a truly good person who loves to serve and lead people to the Lord. But I really needed her 2 years ago as our young daughter went through cancer treatment. There was concern for our situation, but she didn’t seem to be able to grasp the seriousness of what we were going through, that I couldn’t be there for her the way I had in the past. That this time I needed her to be there for me. I’ve forgiven her, but our relationship will never be the same. At the most devastating time in our lives she was not there. At the same time though other friends really stepped up their game and helped us cope. Praise God. He provided just what and who we needed.

  46. 646
    joni johnson says:

    A terrible breakup in a church. First the attacks were against the minister who befriended us and finally left. Then my husband was elected as elder and I was watched. I said a personal remark and it was relayed to the wife of our interim pastor who then accused me of being bi-polar. He went so far as to confront personal friends to see what meds. I took. He then sent an email to my husband to warn him I might harm myself. You can imagine we left the church with no reconciliation and we have left church entirely. The LORD has used us greatly in a ministry in a nursing home. We are waiting on the Lord to direct us to a different church body.

  47. 647
    Carol from MA says:

    Question 1

    Yes – two friendships. One was with a friend that I shared a hobby with. I didn’t realize how controlling the friendship was until it was awkward to remove myself. No details about the control issues but they were there. When I didn’t play along as she wanted and expressed my differing desires, our friendship ended. Playing along would have compromised my faith. The other friendship was more casual but it involved a threesome and my friend was threatened. I felt like I was back in elementary school, being obviously excluded from outings. (On vacation to same Christian camp – our three husbands went off golfing and the other two wives went shopping with no invitation to join them.) Ouch. It still hurts some 20 years later. To add insult to injury, it happened two years in a row. I kept wondering what was wrong with me. But I am so thankful for the real friendships I do have and I treasure them.

  48. 648
    Carola says:

    Relationship- My husband and I were closest of friends with a couple. They mentored us as young marrieds, shared farn life w/ us. We loved them to pieces. Grew is the Lord. Moved away, came back, were staying w/ them while we looked for a house. We saw a situation that concerned us deeply because it seemed like it had the potential for disaster and compromise with them relationally/spiritually. When we shared our concern with them it destroyed the relationship. It’s been 25 years and I still ache for the loss of the friendship.
    To a lesser degree I lost a relationship about 7 years ago. I was in a group of women and a question was asked about my friend. Because I was on pain meds I answered w/o thinking. It wounded her. I’ve never been able to make ammends despite asking forgiveness. I’m forgiven by the Lord in both cases but I ache for the loss of relationship.

  49. 649
    Kelli says:

    I was friends with a girl in high school, and while neither of us were perfect, we would finish eachother’s sentences and we knew what the other was thinking in a way that made me feel like we had a special relationship. The problem, as I saw it, was that our mom’s also became friends (we went to the same church). So if I confided in my friend, she would confide in her mom, and then her mom would confide in my mom…, and then I would get in trouble. Did I learn to just keep my mouth shut…, nope. Did I stop doing things that I would get in trouble for? Not for years, my parents were beyond strict, and so I didn’t grasp God’s love for a while. So eventually I let go of our friendship. Now I am 40, and I still get updates from my mom about how my former friend it. I have 4 children, she is pregnant with her 4th. I few years ago, I wrote her a letter asking if she wanted to start communicating again. She said yes, so I thought we should start off by my explaining why I pulled away to begin with, and she never wrote back. So I feel rejected. Rejected by someone who knows things about me that no one else knows.

  50. 650
    anonymous4 says:

    Dated a guy for about a year. After serious prayer and some not too lovely discoveries about the guy, made the decision to end the relationship. Our mutual friend (my closest one at the time) chose to throw their support behind the guy and not me. I wasn’t willing to expose the guy at the risk just to justify my actions, so I held my tongue and endured. We’re on speaking terms, but the closeness is definitely not there anymore. It’s been a couple of years and I wish I could say I’m over it, but I still have moments where I have to dialogue with God and get some venom out. I did what He led me to do and if I had to lose a friendship over it, then so be it. I hate it, but I love Him more.

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