Hey, Darling Things. Let me blurt out from the beginning that you guys are so dear to me. I genuinely love this community with a heart full to the brim. Your comments to Sunday’s post drew me in, made me smile, and some of them made me laugh out loud. Per the question, how far was I from the little farm house when the rancher saw me and reported me in certain peril to my man, several miles. Keith and I are still amused by it but we are thankful for such good neighbors. Just when we think we’ve gotten a little more normal, something reminds him and me that we are caricatures that could be fodder for the weirdest sitcom on network television. Shiver. I’m just picturing my character’s hair. And the size of her Bible. And, eewwww, the accent. And picture the double barrel shotgun in Keith’s character’s hand. But, if they show him without a shirt, cry foul because that’s not my man. Never, I do mean NEVER would my man go without a shirt outside the shower. Nor does he respect a grown man that does. (Unless he’s in his swim trunks and those better come nearly to the man’s knees.) He also gives the stink eye to a grown man that wears his shirt open two buttons. That’s not cool to Keith. And if the man has on a gold chained necklace, you best keep him out of Keith’s path all together. OK, Lord, have mercy. How do I get off on all this stuff? It’s y’all that bring this out in me.
Here’s the reason why I’m posting today. I’m looking to my favorite community for insight regarding this weekend’s event and maybe, if any of it pertains, for insight toward the taping for James in May. (Much more on that later because I really, really want to enlist your prayers.) These are my two questions and please notice that they pertain to two different groups among you.
1. To anyone in our blog community: This one’s wide open. Have you ever experienced a painful breakage in a close relationship you had with another believer? I’m especially talking about relationships that you believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ but something happened that resulted in a fissure. If so, WITHOUT DIVULGING ANYTHING THAT WOULD IDENTIFY YOUR PERSON, what happened? And here’s a really important part of it: did the relationship mend or did you go your separate ways? Please stick to one meaty paragraph because I want to read every single entry. If it’s too long, I’ll have to skip it. Remember, no names or pieces of information that people can track. We never want to dishonor anyone on this blog. So that I can differentiate between answers to this question and those to the next, please start your comment with the word “Relationship.”
2. Limited just to the people attending this weekend’s LPL in Little Rock, Arkansas: I’d love to already have a few of your stories in mind for this weekend. In a compact paragraph, would you please tell me your first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now? Please keep in mind that I could very well share it with the entire group as an example of the kinds of things we’re dealing with in our audience so your comment will act as your permission. Please, please don’t leave a comment I can’t share or I could end up getting it confused with the others and telling it by accident. Remember, you are entrusting your personal information to Blonder Than She Pays To Be. Also don’t make stuff up as a trick so you can get a kick out of it when I tell it. Yes, people do stuff like that on blogs and it’s totally lame. Don’t do it here. So that I can differentiate between this answer and the ones to the previous question, please start your comment with the word “Little Rock.” If you are also answering question 1, please do it in a separate comment. This will help me immensely as I peruse the survey.
You guys are rock stars to me. Thank you so much. May all of this information and everything else that happens on this blog ultimately bring greater fame to the powerful, healing, saving Name of Jesus Christ.
Our Lord.
And Savior.
relationship-
had a fairly close friendship with a fun lady at our church for over 5 years. our sons were friends. one day about 2 years ago, just out of the blue, she was VERY rude to me. we were walking toward each other in the church hallway and i said “hey” and was stopping to talk and she rolled her eyes and just kept right on walking. i’m sure my chin dropped to the floor. i had no idea that anything was wrong. for weeks i wanted to call her up and talk but i was afraid she would tell me nothing was wrong and ignore it. her husband, a deacon at the time, starting being rude to my husband and it just kept going. to this day i still have no idea what happened. they are cordial to us now but we’ll never be close again. this is the first time i have ever ‘lost’ a friendship. it made me sad at first but now i guess i just ignore it.
Relationship
Well, at least I know I am not alone in this heartbreak! Probably the most devastating thing I have experienced thus far in my life has been the loss of closeness in a friendship I was certain had been provided and knit together by God. The Scripture conveying that a cord of three strands is not quickly broken would bring me to tears every time because it sure looked like it was completely severed. While we continued to have a working relationship in the church, there was a LONG span that was just plain HARD with awkward distance between us. Slowly over the years there has been healing and restoration, and although part of me can still grieve the loss of that closer connection, I can also see the good things God has been bringing and continues to work in both of us.
Relationship: I was working part-time for our church in adult ministries. I was a mother of one son, with another on the way. I was desperate for a girl friend. You know the kind you share everything with, call all the time, and just do life together? All of my dearest friends lived out of state. Well the children’s minister and I seem to hit it off. We discovered we had been at the same university and our children were close in age. I noticed that she gossiped a lot, but desperation won out. Rumors were started about the youth minister, lines drawn and relationships ended. We remained friends through a new youth minister and new head pastor. Then things began to change. She was constantly stirring up drama and trouble, but her lies and character began to catch up with her. I finally realized that as her friend I had not been the type of person I wanted to be and I was most certainly not where I should have been with my relationship with Christ. She left the church under questionable circumstances and left her ministry in shambles. We finally confronted each other on the phone, but the relationship was never repaired. I lost respect for her, the church, and also myself. It was a very hard lesson to learn, and it took years for me to forgive her, though she never asked for forgiveness. I was also very careful as I began to choose new friends and I am very aware of gossipers now and how much damage gossip can do to a church.
RELATIONSHIP
I experience a broken friendship with a dear friend when I shared my concern about the relationship she was currently in. It was a very painful season of very little to no fellowship. I would often question what I did becasue I hated to see our relationship hurting, but I really felt I said what God wanted me to say and so I tried my best to pray and be at peace about it. Later the Lord did mend our relationship and we are blessed with a beautiful friendship once more, but it was rocky getting there. I still think about how I could have handled aspects of that painful season differently, what I could have done better, but I try not to dwell on the past too much and just seek God’s wisdom for future relationships.
little rock
first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now
karen
38
married
marriage/weight
i feel they go hand in hand. if my husband hadn’t been addicted to porn i would have never felt ugly and fat at the age of 25 and 125 lbs. i’ve hated myself for years even though i NOW know, at 38 and 228 lbs, that the problem wasn’t ME it was him. i just can’t go back and i’m miserable with him and with myself.
Relationship
The break occurred when we left the church we had been at for over a decade. The vision and leadership of the church was changing in a manner my husband and I could no longer align ourselves with. I mourned the changes as they occurred and mourn the loss of my church family even now. We were very close to the pastoral leadership team, and the break had it’s hurtful moments, on both sides. I would say with one couple, yes, the relationship is healing, guarded, but healing. Will it ever be what it was? I don’t think so, and I am not sure it ever should be. However, with another couple, the wound is still very large, on my part at least. On the surface, I can fake it. I can be polite if we see each other and I can be “friends” on social media without actually interacting. So, I am clearly a long way from healed. Honestly, I am not sure I want it healed. The very thought of restoration makes me fearful of being hurt again, and I do not want to open myself up for that. I go between wanting it restored and to asking the Lord to make me not even care anymore. Believe me, I have prayed both ways. Like, as recent as yesterday……
LITTLE ROCK!!!
First off, let me just tell you how excited I am about this weekend! I thank God for you and the ministry He has given you. š
I’m a single momma in my mid twenties, my biggest challenge right now is that I’m struggling to find the right direction for my life. I was raised in church, graduated from a strict Bible College. I speak fluent Christian-ese and I love God. I’ve made so many mistakes though and everytime I seem to recover and take 3 steps forward something happens and I end up taking 2 back. My heart is genuine, I want to do right and I want to raise a godly son, I want to marry the right man and live a life sincerely serving Christ and depending on Him for my security but I just can’t seem to get there. I’m tired of all of this, I don’t want to settle in life, I want to live to the fullest and I want to truly love people and follow Christ. I’m independent by nature though and so prone to wander, despite myself though I’m ready to surrender my whole heart. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me this weekend!
Little Rock: Laura, 40’s, married. My biggest challenge right now is living my faith out in every day moments with my three boys and my husband. They know where I stand as to my beliefs and my faith. We go to church and they go to a Christian school. But my temper has a way of getting the best of me and it usually erupts on them. I say things that I should not say and use words I should never use. My expressions of anger never make me feel better and they always make me feel like a failure as a wife, mother and follower of Christ. And they always get the best of me, even when I promise to try harder. I worry they see me as a huge hypocrite. The mother that teaches Sunday school but cusses in front of her kids. That is my ongoing struggle here in Little Rock.
Cannot wait to hear what God has to say through you this weekend. My mother and I are looking forward to it immensely and I will be praying for you the rest of the week and for those that will be in attendance.
Relationship – A good friendship of mine ended after my friend admitted I was not meeting her expectations – a real source of hurt in our friendship. They were unrealistic – both she & I knew it. We talked about it. But she couldn’t let them go/ I couldn’t meet them & decided the friendship wasn’t healthy any longer. It was heartbreaking, honestly. In the end, though, it was best for both of us.
Relationship: I have experienced a difficult friendship breakup. Our children were friends and had been raised together since they were infants in church nursery. We were even neighbors for awhile. Our families got together and had great fun on the weekends. We grilled out together and watched ballgames together. Fun, Fun times. She and I prayed together, attended bible studies together, and worked Vacation Bible Schools. She, out of the blue, had an affair, left her husband, and married the other man. WOW! You talk about being caught off guard. I decided it was time to end the relationship and go our separate ways. I still hold many precious memories of those days. When we see each other in the grocery store or around town we give genuine hugs. I miss those times but do not won’t to go back there again. She has never admitted that she did anything wrong. Sad.
RELATIONSHIP: We are a cord of three and thought we were all equal but one of us (not me!) saw herself as the leader and when she made unilateral decisions regarding our Bible study, we were stunned and hurt and ready to throw her to the wolves. God spoke to my heart about how important reconciliation among believers is, especially best friends, and I arranged a breakfast meeting where we would confront her in love. Jesus was all over it! Through tears and apologies and a new understanding of our Sister, we walked away stronger and more committed to one another than ever before. Praise God!!!!!
Little Rock: my name is Brooke. I’m 25 and married. My biggest challenge is having a strong personal relationship with God and with having a strong Christian based relationship with my husband. It wasn’t our focus when we were dating and I’m hoping it’s not too late. Lots of prayers are appreciate and I can’t wait to come to LPL this weekend.
Little Rock
KaRetha
40’s
Married
My biggest concern or challenge right now is trying to stay healthy enough to “keep on keeping on”. I’ve worked outside the home most all of my life and I’m finding it becoming more difficult to hold down a job and still take care of my family and home afterwards. God has been so good in blessing me with children and grandchildren and I want them (my grandchildren) to know Jesus and see Him in me. He’s allowed me the privilege to see my children accept Him as savior and that’s what I want for others around us. After surviving cancer treatment, I’m just not the same physically and I get very tired more easily. My husband tells me it’s my age and just accept it. I just find that hard to swallow because “I can (or want to) do all things through Christ who strengthens me”.
P.S. I’m so looking forward to this weekend. We’re travelling in from Louisiana to “be on the mountain top” after a very busy week of an Easter drama at church. Thank you Beth for being one of my favorite Bible teachers and allowing God to use you as someone we look forward to being with (or at least hearing and reading).
Relationship: The girl that led me to the Lord was one I know God sent personally to me because we had so much in common even to our parents coming from the same town in Italy. We had a falling out which was very hurtful and lasted for years but God brought us back into one another’s life and now our bond is stronger than ever. We know God wants us to be sisters in Christ in this life.
Verse #8
“For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”
Romans 10:13
Relationship. I was involved in a very close friendship and I did something to hurt my friend. Over the years, I have begged, cried, gotten down on my knees begging for her forgiveness. She told me she “had” to forgive me because she was a Christian but she spewed it out of her mouth with such hatefulness. For YEARS satan taunted me that she didn’t and wouldn’t ever truly forgive me. So I couldn’t forgive myself. I punished myself more than anyone. I finally was able to let it go, realizing I may never truly receive her forgiveness, but I received Christ’s forgiveness. I’ve done all I can to rectify the situation and now it belongs to God.
Relationship
A Christian sister that I had become very close to, started falling into sin. For a time, I was silent, but prayed about it. The sin escalated, and she began to slip away from the truth, and her relationship with the Lord was slipping. I prayed, and I went to her and gently and lovingly talked to her about the things that she was doing, used the Word to back it up and did my best to restore her. But she became angry, and exploded in a rage at me. we parted ways, and I continued to pray, she stopped coming to church, and went headlong into sin. 3 years later, she is slowly coming back, but is still caught up in the same sin. I do talk to her and encourage her, but I am careful with the relationship, keeping a safe boundary in our relationship (not a wall, but a boundary). As a side note, I remember feeling that I should have addressed the issue sooner, because after a time, she probably felt that I had condoned it. I felt like I looked the other way. The scripture…”Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” Proverbs 27:6 I felt like I had lacked love for her, because I did not do the hard thing by trying to restore her early on. I felt like God had addressed the issue with me because of my lack of going to her sooner.
Relationships: Back in the early 80’s a very dear friend gave me a baby shower and even loaned me her Moses Basket. I was young, spoiled and self-centered and basically pitched a hissy fit over something completely stupid! After giving birth, I had post partum depression and shut this friend out of my life. No one knew much about post partum depression then and I was soooo insecure about my abilities as a mother that I didn’t want to be near her because she was already an excellent mother! We went our separate ways and I have regretted it for 30 yrs. Guess i could blame it on my immaturity, but the fact is i was wrong…plain and simple.
Relationship:
We were Jonathan and David, Timothy and Paul. Until God got hold of me and showed me that my relationship had been one of Idolatry, I sought the approval of this woman over God. He knows my heart. I would cry to Him “Lord give me a like David, make me a woman after your own heart” God called me to a place of solitude for about a year. In that year He taught me how to listen to only Him. Unfortunately the dynamic I had with this woman was one of Mother/daughter, and we both fell into an unhealthy role. We are in the process of restoration, but it is very difficult and I honestly don’t know what the future holds for us at this point. The Lord has brought me so far past who I was in that relationship, that I don’t know what it will look like. AT this point I’m very unsure and clinging to him and His word.
Relationship:
The person who introduced me to Jesus Christ was also my “true love” – you know that first, real love. In a nutshell, it didn’t work and we parted ways, rather horribly. It was hard on both of us…and even our families. Years past with silence. Then, a mutual friend of ours died and an olive branch of sorts was extended, cautiously. Nothing came of it. Finally, after much prayer (I believe on both of our parts), God granted an opportunity for reconciliation. And how sweet it was to express regret, get closure, forgive, extend love and well wishes and move on in a healthy, Christ-like love. Beautiful. All I can say is…ONLY God. (I’m sure you know what I mean.) Praise His holy name! Miracles, I tell ya! Miracles!
Please overlook my errors. I was so busy pouring out my heart that I didn’t catch the mistakes. Uh…oh well. I have learned to laugh and chalk it up. š
Tootles,
Kim
Relationship:
Yes, I have/had a relationship with my Pastor’s wife. She was my counselor when I needed help. You see I believed that my husband did not love me. Eventually he admitted it, and other stuff was revealed. She works at my husband’s school. They both teach. She knew him, she saw him on a day to day basis and had been praying for him for over a year, as she could tell, that rebellion had set in. His whole countance had changed. Anyway, almost a year ago, I got a phone call from the husband of the other woman . .yes, my fears . .my shock. . .I was not going crazy, he was having an affair. It was a long one – over a period of almost 7 years. My Pastor and his wife, (my now friend and counselor) began and wanted to counsel us. It started. It did not start well. After about 3 sessions separately . . a falling out occured. They had gotten to the part of the counsel where she felt if he did not repent, the counsel could not continue. In the meantime, she was counseling me as well, by myself. When she counseled him, it was both she and her husband, our Pastor. I did not know this, but my husband had asked to have his membership withdrawn. I heard about it a month or so later. We did separate and shortly after they finished or halted the counsel with him, a suggestion was made to me. It was my choice, and I prayed about it, but my husband believes I was ‘used’ as a pawn and in my desperate state to do whatever my Counselor said, I went before the church body and asked for prayer. My husband’s parents were at my side, our kids were there, and many friends gathered to pray for my man – however, in the middle of the beautiful prayer time,a name was mentioned by his father and of course, it got back to my husband. (the name of the other family involved) Small town – and the FIRE began.
I knew that if I was going to save ‘any’ part of this marriage — and it was not ‘me’ saving it, but God, I realize that — I had to distance myself from my friend – my Counselor. As my husband felt she betrayed him and betrayed his confidences.
God provided new counsel. I do still sent a text here or there to my dear sweet friend. I have joined another church, by myself. My husband is still ‘running’ from God. It has almost been a year. He did move back home, but we are NOT out of the woods. God has done a miracle in my life and much of the pain is ‘gone’. But, my heart is still broken as he does not love me, but I know he does not love our Lord right now, nor himself. Our children, Age 20 and 16 .. love the Lord, and are hurting and I know that I know my former Pastor and his wife continue to love and pray for us and I am believing in God. He was/is a good man who did a bad thing. God has reminded me to be still and wait. It will be one year since that fateful phone call, I don’t regret one thing. I am anxious to see a total restoration.
But our relationship = I pray that one day my husband will repent and forgive her/them and we will all worship Jesus again, and not have this hurt.
Michelle
I had to end a relationship with a loving mentor in order to discover my true self. I became codependent on her as a spiritual voice in my life, and I needed to discover the real me. It was very painful, and we still have not reconciled because I hurt her too badly in my need to find freedom. I’ve had a fear of mentoring relationships ever since.
RELATIONSHIP: Years ago, I moved to a new town/church, and met another woman who had also just moved there. We shared passion and gifting for the same thing, and it seemed like a real “for such a time as this” partnership in ministry. In less than two years, when I had to lessen my commitment (due to my growing family), a big ole mess happened! Misunderstandings, old hurts flaring up to create new hurts. I tried talking to her a couple times, and she agreed to meeting with a mediator, but the wall was never removed. According to her, we “worked it out,” but the friendship was severed, which to me, did not mean it was “worked out.” We still go to church together, years later, but have not worked together, and while my husband and I still pray for a TRUE reconciliation (meaning renewed relationship… not peaceful interaction), we have not seen it yet.
Relationship: A very important person in my life & I are at odds. I am right in the middle of this, so I don’t know if we are going to make it through this. I am desperately clinging to the Lord for his guidance. It is not one specific big thing that caused this, just a whole lot of little things. Also, we have drifted apart, become two different people. I look at this person & think, how could this happen??? I can’t believe it. It’s so difficult & painful. It is my prayer & belief that the Lord will heal & reconcile this relationship.
P.S. I need to add Beth, that I learned from this situation that I should have addressed the free advice w/ her early on. Letting it go on for so long, gave her the freedom to assume that I always wanted and appreciated what she had to share. It’s been a hard, but good lesson.
RELATIONSHIP:
Going to college, I decided to room with my best friend from high school. We were transitioning from a Christian high school to a Christian college, and though everyone advised against rooming with your best friend, we thought we could beat the odds. Guess we were wrong! I think it was a lot of little things that began to eat away at our friendship…just typical roommate things. In the end, though, she had a very unhealthy co-dependent relationship with another girl on our hall. They would consistently be really touchy-feely, tuck each other into bed at night, cuddle, etc. Because her sister was living a homosexual lifestyle, I became very concerned and approached my Resident Director about it. Though it was many years ago and I don’t remember all of the details, I remember that her mom found out about it and called me to thank me for being concerned. She was genuinely thankful. My roommate, however…. not so much. I believe there was one big “explosive” confrontation, and things were never the same. We tried to heal our relationship the following year. Both of us did, but it just was too difficult to overcome everything that had happened.
Relationship:
I was engaged to a man who was a Christian for 16 years. I moved my entire family, quit my job and gave away everything to be with this man. Soon after arriving thousands of miles to his hometown, I found out that he had betrayed with me women online and a woman in his hometown. I was devastated to say the least. What did he think he was doing? This was my life. I packed up and moved back to my hometown to start my life all over again. That was about four years ago. Betrayal is so ugly and can leave you raw. But,I was determined not to let the enemy keep my down. After over a year of prayer counseling and time, I have healed the scar that he left in my heart.
Relationship – Happening to me at this very moment. Alas, if you only knew the details of my story, you would know why the Lord had you ask this question. I can’t tell the jest of the story on here as its too fresh and I wouldn’t want it to be identified by her or anyone else, but I can relay the emotion of it. I would readily share the bigger part of it in a less social environment. I am mostly speechless and on a roller coaster of self doubt/self confindence/and competely trusting the Lord. Confusion doesn’t begin to describe it. I could easily walk away, write her off, but mostly I feel sorry for her. She’s pretty much got herself in a mess and doesn’t even realize it. I’m quite certain that a recent surgery and the following estrogen treatments are playing a part, but how do you tell that to someone that doesn’t want to believe that? So I haven’t. Ugh. Then my mind goes back down the path of ‘friends come and go, but the Lord will never leave you or forsake you.’ Will it mend? Not sure. Once trust has been broken, it takes so long to rebuild. And is it God’s way of clearing a path? Sigh. So much to think about. Chilling that you brought it up.
Little Rock: Lori, early 40’s, married: biggest thing I’m dealing with now is that I’ve gone back to work (outside the home) F/T for first time in over 12 years (when my first child was born). How do I juggle household demands, children’s schedules, church activities, exercise (Grr!), my quiet time w/the Lord, AND time w/my honey?!? Seriously, I’m sooo ready for Jesus to return (BUT loving my family & my job in the process!!). š
Relationship-My friend and I were the bestest of friends. We done everything together even before we started our Christian walk together. We were close, our kids and husbands were close. Anyway we started going to church together well after a few years at the same church people change and we each thought the other new more about the right kind of faith walk the other should have. Needless to say I ended up finding another church; which I absolutely adore. I still love my friend and will do anything for her. She recently called me to help her pray for her daughter. So I think we mended our relationship, we just don’t spend as much time together. But we are still there for each other.
Little Rock, late 30s, married: My biggest struggle right now is in trusting God. I am sad to even type it, but it’s true. My husband and I took a huge leap of faith, which we had prayed fervently about and God seemed to move in a huge way with wide open doors, but once we walked through now everything seems to be falling apart. You start to second guess yourself, whether you heard God correctly, is there sin holding us back…and so on. There are so many unanswered questions and it’s been really hard to even get myself to pray lately. I feel like an Israelite complaining about the manna and looking back at Egypt. I certainly don’t want to do anything that will keep us trapped in this desert. I just have to walk around singing old hymns to quiet my mind… “Only trust Him, Only trust Him, Only trust Him now.”
Relationship: For several years, my best friend was a woman who I truly believed to be chasing after God’s heart, and we called each other sisters. We lived together, prayed together, laughed together, studied the Bible together, exercised together, and more. She was a bridesmaid in my wedding, and a month later (I had moved across the country by that time), she told me she’d decided more than a year ago that our friendship wasn’t worth investing in and she never wanted to hear from me again. I asked what I’d done to hurt her, and she said she couldn’t think of anything. I asked if we could talk and try to work through this, and she said she didn’t want to. I asked why she had never brought up these feelings since we’d lived together during all of that time and why she was in my wedding, and she didn’t have an answer. This is still fairly recent and brings tears to my eyes on a daily basis, but I think we are now walking separate ways and am very doubtful that our friendship/sisterhood will ever be restored.
Relationship
I was called to women’s ministry on the way home from a Living Proof Live Conference in 2004. Beyond a shadow of a doubt God called me to start a Women’s Bible Study and I did immediately upon my return. This Bible Study flourished to God’s glory over the next 4 years. A woman who supported me from the beginning, encouraged me through it all never had a bad word to say about me or my family, took it upon herself to call for our minister’s resignation. Only one week before our congregation had met and agreed to set aside some differences that had been brewing over several months. The minister is a family member of mine. Needless to say this caused quite a fissure in our relationship and that of the congregation. Sadly, the congregation then split and so did my relationship with the woman.
Relationship:
I have had my share of parting of ways.
And my share of mended ones.
I’ve just learned not to take personally the ones no longer in my life.
People are as temporary as the moments we spend
with them.
I have also been able to say that everyone of those
relationships, I had something to learn.
Not everyone is meant to be more than an acquaintance
And that’s been the biggest revelation for me.
So I don’t look at the ones I have let go as something
devastating, because God moved them on.
We have to “fit” the plan God has for us.
People just aren’t as important to me as they used to be.
I’m sure hurt has a little to do with it, but we all are responsible
for our own words and actions. I know I wasn’t always wrong,
But I wasn’t always right either.
So that’s what I have to say. Too many in life to
be more specific then that:) love y’all!
xoxo
Angie
Last August the LORD made it abundantly clear to my husband and I (and our two small children) that He was closing a chapter in our lives and moving us in a new and very different direction as full-time missionaries in Africa. If you know me, you know that I love the LORD with all my heart and I love and support my husband and his gifting….but you also know that I’m not a very adventurous, outdoorsy kind of girl. Africa seems to be a very BIG step in a very uncontrollable environment for a girl like me. My mom, who has belonged to Jesus since before the time I was born and raised me to know and love Him as well, was the quickest one to point that out to me. She stood dead center in the way of that calling and spoke words of doubt and fear into my heart. She was so angry that I would “choose against my own family” that she even threatened to call off a long awaited trip to Disney World with our two precious children. I believe her response was rooted in fear….fear of distance and time that would be lost, not just between us, but her grandkids as well. Fear can drive a person do do some pretty crazy things…that’s for sure, and having been in that place numerous times myself, I have chosen to forgive her for that. As time has gone on, my mom has gotten to see glimpses through our family blog of my heart for Africa and the way that the Lord has worked in me to prepare me for this big adventure. She’s been able to admit to me recently that she believes without a doubt that God hasn’t just called us to this, but that we were made to do this. I’m praising Him for that!
Little Rock
Married, in early 40’s stay at home mom with 2 kiddos. I’m struggling with the issues associated with being the parent of a teenager. Dating, hormones, texting, irresponsibiltiy. It has kept me on my knees for sure! Beth, I can’t wait til this weekend! God speaks to my soul through you and Travis!
Little Rock.
Jennifer – late 30s – married with two children under 10 years old.
We are dealing with a child’s chronic health issues, my husband’s job change, and estrangement from family members who can’t seem to conduct a relationship with us in a healthy manner.
Relationship.
Hey Beth,
I began a very close friendship with a girl my age (24) after many years of just being acquaintances. I could see her growing very rapidly in her faith, and we would talk for hours, with great honesty and repentance about our life. But then slowly, over a course of a few months, she began to emotionally depend on meā¦in ways (that looking back I couldnāt see because of my immaturity) were very, very unhealthy. In your āQ&A Session for Young Womenā, you talk about that jealous, co-dependent friend who wonāt let you go anywhere or do anything without having an emotional breakdownā¦that was her. It was scary for me, because I just felt like I was being manipulated and used. I just wanted to run away as fast as possible! But I still felt guilty, like I needed to still be spending time with her, because thatās what āa good Christianā would do. But in that session, you told us girls to āstep back.ā To be healthy, even when that other person canāt be. So I took your advice and I havenāt made the effort to spend time with herā¦as a way of protecting myself. Although I believe God is capable of healing all wounds, I must admit, I donāt know if I am ready to reconcile with her. I saw first hand the damage those kinds of relationships can do. š
Amy
Relationship:
Truthfully? I just keep thinking about my PERCEIVED broken relationship with Christ. (perceived being the key word!) Several years back in an attempt to stay pure, I made a huge vow to the Lord that I would never masturbate again. Mmm…. I was “good” for a year and then one day in an absolute defiant moment of utter disobedience and defiance, I sinned. I’ll never forget the absolute shame, turmoil, and despair that overtook me. Going to the internet and looking up “broken vows to God” did not bring any help… just added despair. Satan had a heyday and I wasn’t sure who I was …. Peter or Judas. Thankfully, God made it really clear that I was Peter. (sick to my stomach, sitting under a tree crying out to Him…. ) and by bringing it out into the light in community, I have been able to rest in knowing that I am redeemed, my sins are forgiven, and that there is NO sin that God can’t forgive. It was a process. I know in the grand scheme of things, it may not seem like a big deal to others, but for me. I was crushed…. I had broken a vow to my Jesus…I had given Him my word…. a vow I should never had made… but had. I am so thankful that His blood covers us.
Relationships–this question comes at such a funny time. I was in prayer group with three other women. We shared our lives, did a light study, and prayed. We tried to meet about once a week. I went through an extremely difficult time with my son around Thanksgiving. I shared this with one particular person in the group before the rest and joined with her in prayer. I felt extremely close with her. I was devastated a month later when this women called me for coffee only to spend the time telling me how mean spirited and awful she felt me to be. I was hurt and crushed, but kept with the group because I thought God had brought us together. I made efforts to make peace and move forward. Two weeks ago at group, she was sharing something with us and asking for advice. The three of us gave the same advice, but I shared that honoring her inlaws was something God required of us. After having that comment mocked several times I left. I have broken ties with this person for a while. I have been carrying it to the Lord in prayer daily.
RELATIONSHIP
The broken relationship I am in the midst of is the end of my 18 year marriage. My husband has left me and our 3 girls for another woman. Divorce was not in our vocabulary so I am still stunned at times that this is where my life is. However, God has been so faithful during this time. I am confused why God would allow Christians to divorce. I am still praying for change, reconciliation and restoration. However, it appears to not be coming. It is hard for me to understand how my husband still attends Church, comments on the importance of believing God’s Word, however feels he has a right to do what he is doing since he does not love me anymore. I do know that God will bring beauty from these ashes and I am reminded by Him to wait and be still. Very difficult at times though! Our marriage has not reconciled or restored however, we do get along well. I have had to swallow a lot of pride, because I do not want my girls to have parents that cannot get along or be in the same room together. So after many, many prayers, God has kept my heart open to my husband and I pray for him daily. I am actually worried about him and the road he is on. So in a sense we have a reconciled friendship.
Relationship
This just happened. I have a guy friend. A man who loves Jesus. We both saw our friendship deepening and decided to pursue a relationship together. We have many of the same passions and similar callings, so it seemed very good and I believed I had God’s affirmation to go forward, even though I am in Korea and he is in the States. But over the course of the next month and a half, he was struggling with what to do next. He couldn’t commit to anything and came to the point that he pulled away from me and said he couldn’t do a long distance relationship. I saw the good in him and the man God is calling him to be but I couldn’t see at the time that he wasn’t really pursuing my heart and wasn’t in the place to pursue or commit to me. And as my Abba has said, He’s not gonna give my heart away to just anyone.
Relationship-I had a deep friendship with 2 gals who are both believers. We were all extremely close and sadly through the course of this relationship gossip reared it’s ugly, nasty head. I was, and am, 100% responsible for my sin in this. When all came to a head, the 2 girls decided that I was not to be forgiven and that no reconciliation was ever to happen, regardless f my confession or repentance. It was a much nastier situation than this, but I was forbidden by them to ever speak to them again. It was one of the saddest, most heart breaking experiences of my life. I am so beyond thankful and humbled that even in my darkest hour; my sin, shame and despair, our gracious Lord never casts me out.
Relationship
A very close sister in Christ confided marriage problems to me. She told me she came to me because she knew I would hold her accountable. She admitted that she was bored and struggling with wanting something new in her life. She said she knew she was wrong. I loved and encouraged her, but as time passed she didn’t want accountability. She stopped accepting my calls. She got a divorce. I continue to try to stay in touch, but she is not interested.
I miss her.
A really close Christian friend of mine, one I went to college with and was a bridesmaid in my wedding, ending up marrying a non-believer. I shared with her how I felt when they were dating. She understood my opposition, but we remained really good friends. We talked openly about the situation a lot and why it wouldn’t be a good idea to marry a non-Christian and how that would affect her ministry. When they got engaged I tried to show my support, but there was tension. I attended the wedding but it was weird afterwards and strained between us. We’ve basically lost touch since then– about two years ago. We live pretty far away and our relationship has changed so much that I don’t know how we could go back.
RELATIONSHIPS
I had a very good friend for about 3 years. Both of us strong believers. All of a sudden was pushed away. Never figured out what was going on. Just walked away actually moved away but not because of that. Ask God to help me forgive and He did.
RELATIONSHIP
Some 20 years ago, in the middle of raising our small children, I had a friend at church who was the best friend I had ever had. We were “kindred spirits.” We led bible studies, prayed together, had sleep overs with the whole families….you name it. Long story, but it all really came down to my husband sharing something really deep with her husband and he betrayed that confidence. They shared things about us that were not true with other couples and completely cut us off. I had even walked with her through a very life-threatening disease and very difficult times. That was probably the lowest point of my life…losing that friendship. We went for about a year going to church together and literally not even speaking. Some of the deepest hurt I have ever known. I tried everything I knew to reconcile to no avail. I begged God constantly for that friendship to be restored until I attended a conference at Callaway Gardens in Georgia actually to see you, Beth, speak for the first time. That Friday night God used a lady I never even heard of to speak straight to my heart….He spoke volumes, but the most powerful word was that EVERYTHING that happens to us has to go across God’s “desk” to be approved…like even “Can she lose her best friend?” God says, YES, because she has her above ME!” That shook me to the core! God had me there so specifically for that word that the next morning my son was in an accident and I had to go home before seeing you, Beth! Lots more I could share, but the bottom line lesson learned….HE SHARES HIS GLORY WITH NO ONE!! I have never put another friend on the throne of my heart! They eventually moved far away and we have no contact.
Relationship: I met a woman in bible study who asked me to help her with something. We grew closer & closer went to some retreats together. Both of us talked about our relationship being a gift from God & about being life long prayer partners. We both shared deep hurts & past sinful behavior that we had never spoken to another living soul about. Then she had to return to work part time. She also had/has adult children & grandchildren. We would plan something & other things came up in her life & I was still there patiently waiting. She even commented a few times about my always being available & waiting. One time I went into the hospital with a very low pulse and imbalance in my sodium level; when I got home from the hospital, there was a tearful message about how she was afraid I was going to die. The next week,I
got a phone call and she was angry & hateful, using some of those secret things as clubs to pound me into the ground. She called back again a couple of weeks later tearful & apologetic. I didn’t understand what provoked this roller coaster of emotion. We talked a bit & I tried to maintain the friendship but I was still the one waiting at her beck & call. We were in a small group bible study together & it was well known we were prayer partners, then we weren’t really sitting near each other, talking. Don’t know if anyone ever wondered what happened. Later we were at the same retreat, about 40 people, I happened to fall in my room{I’m sort of known for falling & breaking bones), she came in with one of the leaders to express her concern. I could see it was genuine. I still need to continue to work on forgiveness. I think I my friend & the Lord out of position. I think I had probably developed an unhealthy tie with her. Still to this day, I really have no idea if something I did provoked this or if it was more the stress that she was under at the time. Hope it’s short enough. Barb
The worst break up of a relationship was with my husband of many many years. I never in a million years thought the words “I’m Divorced” would ever come out of my mouth. We were/are both Believers, he was an ordained minister but through a series of circumstances he left the home and we did not reconcile. Through the years there were several instances of deception and betrayal which led to mistrust and great emotional separation to say the least. I forgave but was never able to let myself be vulnerable with him again. I built walls and kept him at arms length. We probably emotionally separated long before we separated physically. We also were not walking with the Lord as we should have. There were disappointments with church and people. We took our eyes off of Jesus. I carry a lot of guilt about the part I played in the destruction of our relationship. We have children and grandchildren and other family members that are affected by this break up. But, the Lord has brought me through this and I can sometimes see why He allowed it to happen. I have learned so much about myself the last few years…not all of it did I really want to know!…..but it has been good for me. I regret the divorce but I do understand a bit more why God allows difficulties in our lives….He uses these things to mold us more into the likeness of Christ. I’m still on the pottery wheel being molded and have a long long way to go!
LITTLE ROCK–Kim,40, married…My biggest challenge right now is adjusting to a new life in a new town and trying to be a supportive minister’s wife and mom to two boys. My husband is a music minister and God called us to move to a new church in East Texas at Christmas time. It’s so hard to meet new people, make new friends, and find my place of service in this new church. I think this move has been much more difficult because God also called us to homeschool our children this year, and we left a great support group and have had a difficult time finding a new support group. Satan knows just where to attack, too, and I seem to fall into his traps so easily. I am going through Breaking Free (again) with a group here and could so relate to a story of yours that we just listened to today about how satan torments you after you finish an event. But then God blessed you with a beautiful sunset! It seems the harder I try, the more satan attacks. I am so looking forward to a fresh word from God this weekend! I’m praying for you and the whole team!