Hey, Darling Things. Let me blurt out from the beginning that you guys are so dear to me. I genuinely love this community with a heart full to the brim. Your comments to Sunday’s post drew me in, made me smile, and some of them made me laugh out loud. Per the question, how far was I from the little farm house when the rancher saw me and reported me in certain peril to my man, several miles. Keith and I are still amused by it but we are thankful for such good neighbors. Just when we think we’ve gotten a little more normal, something reminds him and me that we are caricatures that could be fodder for the weirdest sitcom on network television. Shiver. I’m just picturing my character’s hair. And the size of her Bible. And, eewwww, the accent. And picture the double barrel shotgun in Keith’s character’s hand. But, if they show him without a shirt, cry foul because that’s not my man. Never, I do mean NEVER would my man go without a shirt outside the shower. Nor does he respect a grown man that does. (Unless he’s in his swim trunks and those better come nearly to the man’s knees.) He also gives the stink eye to a grown man that wears his shirt open two buttons. That’s not cool to Keith. And if the man has on a gold chained necklace, you best keep him out of Keith’s path all together. OK, Lord, have mercy. How do I get off on all this stuff? It’s y’all that bring this out in me.
Here’s the reason why I’m posting today. I’m looking to my favorite community for insight regarding this weekend’s event and maybe, if any of it pertains, for insight toward the taping for James in May. (Much more on that later because I really, really want to enlist your prayers.) These are my two questions and please notice that they pertain to two different groups among you.
1. To anyone in our blog community: This one’s wide open. Have you ever experienced a painful breakage in a close relationship you had with another believer? I’m especially talking about relationships that you believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ but something happened that resulted in a fissure. If so, WITHOUT DIVULGING ANYTHING THAT WOULD IDENTIFY YOUR PERSON, what happened? And here’s a really important part of it: did the relationship mend or did you go your separate ways? Please stick to one meaty paragraph because I want to read every single entry. If it’s too long, I’ll have to skip it. Remember, no names or pieces of information that people can track. We never want to dishonor anyone on this blog. So that I can differentiate between answers to this question and those to the next, please start your comment with the word “Relationship.”
2. Limited just to the people attending this weekend’s LPL in Little Rock, Arkansas: I’d love to already have a few of your stories in mind for this weekend. In a compact paragraph, would you please tell me your first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now? Please keep in mind that I could very well share it with the entire group as an example of the kinds of things we’re dealing with in our audience so your comment will act as your permission. Please, please don’t leave a comment I can’t share or I could end up getting it confused with the others and telling it by accident. Remember, you are entrusting your personal information to Blonder Than She Pays To Be. Also don’t make stuff up as a trick so you can get a kick out of it when I tell it. Yes, people do stuff like that on blogs and it’s totally lame. Don’t do it here. So that I can differentiate between this answer and the ones to the previous question, please start your comment with the word “Little Rock.” If you are also answering question 1, please do it in a separate comment. This will help me immensely as I peruse the survey.
You guys are rock stars to me. Thank you so much. May all of this information and everything else that happens on this blog ultimately bring greater fame to the powerful, healing, saving Name of Jesus Christ.
Our Lord.
And Savior.
Relationship:
This is the fourth time I’ve tried to write this. This is a very appropriate time to write this – as the past 10 months I’ve been dealing with a broken friendship. I made my friend an idol – put her above God. She was my mentor and she discipled me. We had become friends when I came to church broken, beaten, and unsaved. She knew so much about scripture and I knew nothing. Over time, I realized what was happening and tried to stop it – but I couldn’t seem to. Last summer, it all came to a head when I was in an accountability group with her and another lady. In the group, I came to realize I would never be like her or the other lady. I really tried to do what they wanted me to do, but it didn’t work. I started rebelling against God spiritually and it hurt her. I caved during the accountability group and fell on my face. I was totally at the end of my rope and I wasn’t sure what to do. I know I put her in a spot where she shouldn’t have been and I have asked for her forgiveness. Our friendship ended. I’m still not sure exactly why, and I don’t think we’ll be reconciled. God certainly deal with me as He should have. But I can say, I never thought I would have a relationship I now have with MY God. He loves me just like He loves others. His Spirit lives in me, like He lives in others. It’s wonderful. Would I go through the past 10 months again? NO!!!! But, I love where I am at with God. He is the love of my life. The pain is still there…
Little Rock Want-a-Be:
Pat,40,single.
I dont know what the weekend will hold. little voice beckons me to little rock even though i’ve no ticket nor real plan whatsoever, just little voice beckons me.
Please keep me and the family and friends of my friend carole in your prayers. her viewing is tonight and her funeral thursday at 11am. carole showed me jesus’ love. and lived this love each day even as cancer ate away at her, she still lived this love each day, and i feel so blessed for having known and been loved by her. thanks for letting me share.
We are so sorry to hear of Carole’s passing, Pat. Our prayers will turn to ones of comfort now for you, and her family.
thank you, 🙂 and please see the scripture verse I have dedicated to my friend carole, as my ssmt#8.
RELATIONSHIP
I have had a relationship struggle with another female in my church body. We used to be best friends, but this female tends to be very sarcastic. After being the bunt of repeated snide remarks I, not one to confront, wrongly began to passively withdraw from the relationship.Everything finally came out and the issue seemed to be resolved, but it didn’t go back to what it used to be. The female continued to bring up the issue even though I felt that it had been resolved.
I then got sick and had health problems for several years. This female then assumed that, because I was not as outgoing as I once was, I was a judging and condemming person. She said some very hurtful things to me. Although that incident has since been resolved, I know that I can never be close friends with her again.
By the number of responses already, this seems unfortunately to be a common occurence. I thought I was in the minority. Reading the posts is breaking my heart…
I would love to know how others cope or handled it and moved on…because frankly I feel lost some days. I want to call her up and talk with her…I want to invite her out to lunch again..I want to go to Deeper Still with her AGAIN!
Wnat do you do when you feel you have done everything you can and still no response from the other person?
God can’t want this for His daughters…and sons…
RELATIONSHIP – My best friend in high school and I were as thick as thieves both in friendship and in Christ. She was actually the one who introduced me to what a PERSONAL relationship with Jesus looked like. We were hardly ever apart and that included even in the ugly. College hit and we veered off the straight and narrow together onto the path of sin quite easily. She was the friend ‘sittin in the jail cell next to me’ instead of the ‘friend bailing me out’ and since that was the case I think we both felt more comfortable in our rebellion. God knew this was not His plan for us, we would surly self-destruct in no time. There was soon a huge division between us due to pride and selfishness causing us to separate as friends……fast forward through two years of separation. God worked on us individually, brought us out of the mud, made us new, called us into submission and then actually allowed us to reconnect as friends and new creations IN HIM. We have a wonderful relationship now and I am so thankful He allowed us to have our friendship back. We both FULLY acknowledge His hand in all of it. Without Him, without our fissure, without our transformations we would have NEVER been fruitful to each other or the Kingdom. I love that he pruned the branches in our lives that did not bear fruit to make way for the ones that did and would! “He has great plans for us’!! Praise Him!!!
After MUCH searching, our family joined a church two years ago that was so wonderful. The fellowship, the preaching, the dear friendships we made. We felt it was a place we could “rest” from the world and we could all develop deep, Godly relationships with other like-minded Christians. We were so close with several families, we even started “match-making” the children together, definitely in jest but we would have rejoiced to be joined together with these other families by marriage as well as our deep love of Christ. However, last year, our pastor unexpectedly resigned, saying there had been a long-standing disagreement with the elders that could not be resolved. As time went on, many other families as well as our own began to experience these same struggles with these men with them “lording” their position. Finally, after months of deep prayer, conversation and many tears, we left the congregation. Sadly, many families we dearly love refused to leave and now will not speak with us, either out of agreement with the elders or apathy over the whole business. We are heartbroken and feel lost and confused about where to worship and place our trust again. I wish there was a way to make it all like it was..without the conflict with our church family!!
Oh rats…forgot to put “relationships” on mine…so sorry!!!
Relationships: This post is AMAZING! I cannot wait for the James Study! You don’t have to post this, but I just wanted to tell you I’m praying for you from Michigan! Would love to see you soon. I need a good dose of your energy and passion!
xoxo
Little Rock…Phyllis…38…married…mother to 3 precious boys 10, 8, and 4…my husband was diagnosed in june of 2007 with stage 4 colon cancer with metastases to his liver…he IS a walking, talking miracle…his doctors constantly tell us that no one with his advanced disease does this well…his cancer has never been cured or gone into remission…he has fought and fought hard for almost 4 years now and he is tired…and I am tired…and now the cancer is not only in his liver, but also his lungs and lymph nodes… he is in constant pain…I am normally an extremely confident and hopeful person, but lately I feel the constant struggle to keep Satan at bay…I become frustrated because of the doubts that I have let him plant in my head because someone must be nurturing these doubts and its me…I find myself late at night awake and wondering how I can live on this earth without my best friend…how will I raise 3 boys without their father…why won’t God just heal him once and for all…and what if I “mess the boys up”??? I feel like I am in a place where I can’t turn it over to Him…and that brings on a whole new emotion…guilt…I have been praying about this weekend and that God will give you just the words He needs me to hear to calm and comfort me and I said this outloud in the teacher’s lounge yesterday…one of my coworkers overheard and just emailed me and told me about your question on here…I can see Him working through this and I pray that He will prepare my heart to accept His message for me this weekend.
I am actually at MD Anderson right now…crazy that I will drive 5 hours home and the 3 more to LR to see you when we are probably currently only minutes apart 🙂
RELATIONSHIP
I’ve not been here in months and THIS is the post that welcomes me back? Crazy. This describes 75 percent of my relationships in the past year and a half. I can’t get into details, but suffice it to say, this has probably been the worst year of my life, and that includes the year I nearly lost my daughter to a fire. Someone very close to me committed a serious sin, and as a result, my family was ostracized (even my CHILDREN), and encouraged to leave our church home of nearly 10 years (not by leadership, who felt that was unbibilical, but by the majority of members). Words cannot begin to describe the heartbreak and mourning that has become routine for me. People I considered family — who I thought would see me through ANYTHING — were unwilling to come alongside a repentant sinner and love them back to wholeness. Instead they threw rocks, not only at him, but at his family and anyone willing to stand alongside him and extend grace. I have sought to reconcile some of those relationships, but my efforts have been rebuffed, or at best dismissed in a courteous, but cold and superficial manner. The result has been a wounded woman, drowning in a sea of insecurity and pain — unable to trust ANYONE other than the Lord Himself. I’m trying to reach out again because I know Christ doesn’t desire for me to live in isolation (and I don’t ENJOY it), but honestly? It’s only out of obedience and each step is excruciatingly hard fought for… many more steps backward than forward… but by the grace of God, I’m TRYING. Mercy. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep.
Little Rock
43, married for 24 years to a minister, mother to a 20 yr old son at the air force academy & a 23 yr old unemployed college graduate daughter, full time ER nurse, & at this very moment my entire kitchen floor has a gaping 8 x 4 ft hole in it down to the dirt. (God bless the plumbers) but I am escaping to Little Rock!! My biggest challenge is knowing where I fit in at church & the “empty nest syndrome”. Since, my children are grown, it seems weird to work with youth, but I dont’ feel valued anywhere else either. & who is my husband again? I’ve never really seen him without looking through our children first. 2 big challenges.. so I end up feeling frustrated and usually doing nothing. Which doesn’t help at all! So VERY ready for this weekend.
I am in my 50’s married to a pastor for 34 years. My kiddos are 29 and 30 and now I have 3 grandchildren (that’s the best blessing ever)…just want to encourage you…the best is yet to come in your walk! I too struggled with Empty Nest and with my place in ministry. My world was literally turned upside down after my kids graduated and left home…I felt like someone had died. Just want to say that God can get you through it! I know it sounds like a cliche but it’s the truth! Glad you are going to Little Rock…me too! Have an open heart…our God is faithful…He knows our pain and discouragement…I know He will minister to you! Oh and I hope the hole in your kitchen gets fixed before you go back home! Been there, done that!
Relationship-my accountability partner and i. I was badly hurt by a man and after that got involved in a relationship with the man who is now my husband.. i didn’t do things right and got pregnant before i was married.. we lost our son at 24 weeks and after that i received an email about how wrong and disappointing i had been. I cut off contact but God has been gently challenging me about judging and forgiveness.. moving in that direction.
Relationship – I had a dear Christian friend and we definitiely had different personality types but always managed to love one another for our diffences, including raising kids with differnt parenting styles. We alson had very diferent life circumstances. She began going through some life changes and even though I was willing to love her through them, She really wanted to break the friendship. (She had done this with a number of other friends) One day she called to scream at me about what terrible parents my husband and I were and we were too blind to see it. This was under the guise of “speaking the truth in love”. (Our child was having great difficulty that proved over 2 yrs. to be a severe mental illness) I tried to explain that attacking parenting was really hitting me in vulnerable place but she kept on and on. I really felt attacked and hurt but God is soo good! It just so happened that I was beginning “Believing God” by myself the next day. That was when it first came out online and I couldn’t convince any other women to do this with me. God let me pour out my heart to him for 2 or 3 days in those God Stop and Faith Journal sections. I sensed that He just let me cry on His sweet lap for awhile and then I felt like He spoke this into my soul, ”
child, You care too much about someone else’s opinion of you above my own. That is not what I think of you. Listening to other’s opinions over mine is called idolatry”. WOW – and yet it was delivered with such loving kindness in a way that is sooo Him. He loved me so through that season and through that study that it remains one of my favs because of that intimate time. The friend, alas, and I have tried to mend the relationship but mostly we steer clear. I still feel like it was more about the lessons God taught me through the split and if He calls me to try AGAIN (many failed attempts) I will obey. Love this blog and am praying for your weekend LPL. Thaks for keeping us all in the Word.
Little Rock-I am a married, 37 year old mother of two. I think one of my biggest concerns right now is how I am such a hypocrite in my walk & life with God. Right now I am not doing a good job of walking the walk & talking the talk. I can “talk the talk” but I’m not doing good at walking the walk. I do not want my 9 year old & 6 year old to see what kind of a hypocrite I can be, when it comes to my faith in God & my relationship with Him right now. I am looking forward to hearing you again & to get myself back on track & focused on my Heavenly Father! I will be bringing my best friend of over 20 years with me. There are so many things that are going on in her life that she definitely needs to hear you, & hear you speak God’s word.
RELATIONSHIP – Last summer, after group prayer time, a Christian friend confronted me about my praying a Scripture “incorrectly.” She said her web research showed that I didn’t pray it with the right meaning. I found web sources that left room for several interpretations, mine among them. But I apologized for mis-using the scripture, told her it was not premeditated, and that I wasn’t trying to mislead — I just prayed what I prayed (and I still believe it was under the guidance of the Holy Spirit and aligned with the whole counsel of God’s word.) We have talked about it, apologized to each other. There is still a hole in our friendship. We don’t know how to fix it, even in Christ. Time doesn’t heal all wounds.
RELATIONSHIP
My very, VERY best friend and I parted ways when she believed our lives no longer had anything in common. I was 20 years old and had grown up with her all through church from the time we were toddlers. We did everything together, for many, many years, and our theme song was even “Friends are friends forever if the Lord is Lord of them.” It was extremely painful, when at 20 years old, I became a single mother, and she decided to end our friendship. I have seen her from time to time out in public, and although we smile and say hello, it is still painful almost 20 years later. Sometimes, even now, something at church will remind me of her, and I get tears in my eyes for the lost friendship.
Relationship:
I have had two friendships that I felt were so blessed by God take an unexpected turn. Once in college, with a friend who was older than me and whom I met on a life changing retreat. We clicked immediately, and she was truly a wonderful friend and a mentor. Things fell apart unexpectedly when I gave her a gift that she didn’t accept – and returned it to me, with some difficult words, criticism, and we never spoke again. My heart was broken.
The second happened last year with a sister in Christ that I felt was placed in my life at a time that I had been praying for a mentor. We talked all the time, prayed together, did Bible study together – she was, at times, closer than my biological sister. A series of events last year took her out of my life, and the interactions we did have were confusing, hurtful, and discouraging. My selfish side would have preferred (honestly) to write her off and move on, but she – in a dramatic series of events – arranged for us to meet and talk. It was uncomfortable, but we came to a place of equal footing and agreed to try to start again. It hasn’t happened yet, but at least the animosity is gone. God is good, and in both situations surrounded me by others who have loved, lifted, and encouraged me. The growing has been painful, but both were life lessons I needed to learn.
relationship: several years ago a very close friend (I’m talking we did everything together) had an affair – out of the blue!! She tested me during that time by asking that I come help her with things at the apartment she shared with her boyfriend. I did. I’ve never in my life felt so compelled by God to hang in there with someone as I did then. I told her she was thumbing her nose at God and to make a long story short – she eventually went back to her husband. Getting there was painful and we spent long hours together, on the phone, studying the Bible together. After she and her husband reconciled it was as though I fell off the planet as far as she was concerned. You know how you can go back over things and figure out what you must have done to offend someone – I couldn’t for the life of me come up with anything. If I could have, I would have apologized and we would have moved on. She wouldn’t talk with me about it, just didn’t want anything to do with me anymore. She eventually got cancer and I saw her just a couple times before she died. As I sat stroking her nearly bald head while she lay in a hospital bed in her living room she said “I really do love you, you know”. Those were the last words she said to me on this earth and I’ve never been able to figure out what happened between us.
Arlet
I think her pain and shame were what was wrong with her.
You reminded her of that sad time in her life where she felt like a failure.
Be blessed in knowing that you had a part in that time to help her make it beck to her husband and family.
Nancy
Relationship – YES! I have experienced the most painful breakage in a close relationship with another believer … my husband. I did believe that our lives were woven together by the bonds of Christ because God said so in marriage. We were both Christians when we married on August 4, 1990. Our divorce was final last Friday, April 8th. I never thought I would ever go through a divorce. I never believed my husband would betray our marriage covenant. I never believed divorce was truly a part of God’s plan. I was married to a wonderful man for seventeen years of our twenty year marriage. Three years ago this month, he decided to go back to college to get his doctorate. I begged him not to until our children graduated college. He wouldn’t hear of it. I’d never felt a pit in my stomach like I did when he told me of his decision. Something at this point “snapped” in him and our picture perfect marriage began spiraling out of control. Two months after his decision to go back to college, he worked for Texas A&M for one month during the summer. I found out this past November 5th, the day he moved out, he had an online “affair” of the heart with a woman who broke it off with him when she realized he was married. Upon his return home, he became a workout fanatic working out two to three hours per day. However, on July 20, 2009, I came upon a note that my husband accidentally left on his laptop that said, “I love your advice..its always good..if I miss you I am going to bed soon..try to get there by 3ish if you can…you truly are my angel..I thank God for you every day…night babe” I didn’t even think about him being the one who wrote the message, so I read it to him. WOW, was I floored after his reaction. My world fell apart with these forty short words. He noticed her the first day of class; they began “making out” sometime February 2009 in a McDonald’s parking lot! We went to every kind of Christian counseling we could find. I sent him to Every Man’s Battle two weeks later, we attended the Every Marriage Restored weekend two months after I found out, we began couple’s counseling with our pastor weekly the day after I found out about his five months plus affair with a woman he met in his college class, God sent me a precious seventy-eight year old woman of God who walked beside me week after week in intensive counseling for eight months, as well as this past summer one year after I found out about his affair we drove two hours one way to a Godly pastor/counselor in Paris, Texas. During all this counseling, I came to find out he “fell” in love with her, but had to “grow” in love with me. She was his soul mate. He never knew what love was until he met this angel sent from God. This was all from a Christian man who attended church all the time from twenty years old until October 2010. He sang solos in the church and duets with our daughter. He taught Sunday School. He’s a high school teacher. He also filled in for music ministers throughout our tiny town/community as well as our church twice for months each time. After fifteen months of intensive counseling, prayer, and reading books, on October 21, 2010 within our counselor’s office God gave me the understanding and peace that my husband was never coming back to me. I am the one who filed for divorce on grounds of adultery. He wanted me to wait to divorce him in two years when our son graduates high school, so he wouldn’t have to pay child support. God has been with me every step of the way. I never knew how God would take care of our children and me. But, of course, God is in control and has dusted us off, set us on HIS firm foundation, and helped me take step after step. The divorce was final last Friday, April 8, 2011.
I feel your pain…been married 19 years and in a similar situation….been separated since Dec. I admire your ability to hold on to the Lord..your faithfulness.
Friend #1 lives in an abusive, toxic relationship with her husband. She and her children are emotionally and verbally abused on daily basis. Abuse goes beyond the immediate family to husband’s extended family. She is aware of what is happening and chooses to live in this. Friend #2 had been there for her for years. Continued to pray and talk with her about the issues, and speak the truth in love. She finally gave up and said she would always love her, but could not support what she was doing. Could not watch her go through this anymore. Too much drama.
Relationship
My childhood friend and I always held each other accountable from day one to today (we are both in our 40’s) Incredible relationship! My friend at one point in her life decided to, out of desperation for attention and love, confide in a male family friend that was kind and attentive. Of course everyone knows where this is going. During this time my friend confided in me and I warned her, prayed with her and threatened her of losing my friendship if she continued down this road (I know a little childish but I too was desperate!) She turned her back and started an affair that she knew in her head and heart was wrong. To her surprise and horror she became pregnant. Me..God was preparing me for this.He gave me the knowledge that she was pregnant before she even told me and because of this I was able to grieve and come before God with my intense broken heart and because of my prepared heart I was able to support her the best way I could. I didn’t except what she did but I was able to love her when everyone left her. To make this long story shorter. God worked incredible miracles, working in her husbands life, the father of the child’s life and his wife. Both couples are back together, both loving this beautiful child with God in the front and center. I have seen God’s grace work right in front of me! My friend and I stuck together and I thank God He got us through!
RELATIONSHIP:
In high school my best friend and I were crazy close, in part because we shared a faith in Christ and spent our time outside of school together doing youth group things. Unfortunately, we had a falling out (over a boy, of course) our senior year and in the end she ended up not moving away to go to college with me. We were supposed to be roommates. We didn’t talk for almost 2 years. Slowly, though, we began talking again and the Lord was so gracious to repair those tears in our relationship. In fact, our relationship was stronger than ever before, with perfect timing. She lost her mother to cancer a couple years ago, and I was able to be there for her. After years of geographic separation, we now live 20 minutes from each other and are as close as sisters. I trust her more than anybody other than my “real” sister, even though she’s the only one of my close friends to ever break my trust. I know that we can get through anything.
I just wanted to come back and mention one more thing about Little Rock. I had so hoped to be able to come, but I have to work this weekend. I was going to make the drive all the way from Chattanooga!
I’m now a foster parent to two teenage girls and one of my huge goals for this year is for them to come to a LPL with me. They would LOVE you and, if you could look into their motherless faces, you would try to take them back to TX with you. They are just that darling. I’ve poured over the schedule but I can’t find one remotely near us. So, I’m looking for cheap flights to one of the other ones. The girls would never forget it. 🙂
Little Rock
Came back here to tell you that my son-in-law attempted suicide on Monday and that I am struggling with, on the one hand wanting to reach out to care for him…and on the other hand to literally smack him repeatedly for what he is putting my daughter through.
life…..dang
Loving you from Texas Moosemama
RELATIONSHIP~
I have been dragged through FOUR heart-shredding “divorces” known as church “splits”. Makes me sick….. the untold damage done within the body of Christ and its testimony in the community. I’m in my 40’s, single and come from a VERY small family, most of whom live very far away. For that reason, the church has had to be my “family” most of my adult life. When the much-needed cohesion and support of a congregation has shattered and split, I’ve come to realize that the body of Christ, in the form of our churches, is indeed NOT a family. Respect and trust are lost, friendships are broken, families that used to include me move on, etc….. I have sobbed myself to sleep so many times over the needless loss of precious relationships. Friends felt they needed to choose sides and chose to not fight for the deep bond in Christ. Sometimes overt rejection, and sometimes they just disappear.
I truly believe that the changes happening in this country will cause the truest priorities to return and the rich, Christian relationships will become necessary again. I know God chose us fallible humans to be His body here on earth….. a stunning thing to ponder. I know He can restore anything….. any division, any betrayal. I just don’t get to see it happen very often.
This comment sounds SO gloomy! It’s a point of much pain. It’s also a reminder that God is NOT like us. He is faithful. Always 🙂
RELATIONSHIPS
My fiance was part of a drawn-out conflict with the church that resulted in him and a number of others leaving. There I was, in the middle of something so bafflingly painful, precisely because I could see the many sides of it all. These people were my best friends, families I had known for years, really part of their families (esp as an older single). But I was marrying this man, and so had to “choose.” Because of the nature of the church leadership, the people who left were essentially shunned. For years when we ran into each other, we women would just hug each other and WEEP, but could not discuss what had happened out of respect for our husbands. Hands down, in a thousand ways I cannot describe in this short format, it was the most agonizing time of my life. Grievous, confusing…
That was nine years ago. In these years, we have not ceased to pray for reconciliation. My husband has written letters asking for such. One by one there have been opportunities fashioned by the Lord for me to have appropriate conversations with these Sisters and even some Brothers in Christ. Some people who wrote angry letters to me (about the perils of marrying a man they disagreed with) have actually sought (and received!!)forgiveness. My closest friendships, the wives of the elders, exist in a strange limbo where we must love from a distance of sorts–even when common community involvement has had us working side by side (plays, choirs, etc). And so I continue to TRUST that the LORD is at work, hoping for the men to come to terms with their conflicts which would allow the women to reunite more fully.
Little Rock
My name is Velva, I will be in Little Rock this weekend with both of my married daughters, Kelli 26, & Kayla 23. We are all soooo excited about this. We had planned to be in Tulsa ( I believe) it was on Dec 5th, about 1 1/2 yrs ago, and every obstacle jumped in the way. My youngest daughter birthed (11-25-09) our first grandchild, and the oldest daughter had drill that weekend. I stayed home to help Kayla with Kolby (now 17 mo old), and we missed the event. My first bible study I did of yours was Esther and it was just what I needed at the time. I begin to ask the girls to come to bible study…but they were way too busy. Life rocked on & I did more of your bible studies. Then Kayla did fruit of the spirit with me when Kolby was a baby ( was the only guy in the class…newborn). Was much needed fruit of the spirit for Kayla in her life through a job obstacle. Then we finally got Kelli involved in the bible studies with us. In a nut shell…each week we look forward to bible study and learning deeper still (if I may)…your passion for God is so catching. Thank you so much for sharing what God has gifted you in your life. I feel like I know you, though I have never met you before, thank you for sharing & pouring your heart, soul, & life into the lives of so many women. I have a deep admiration & respect for you and pray God will use me, give me compassion and continue to change & soften my heart toward those around me…whether I know them or not, I can change lives too..people are watching every move you (& I) make. The choice is up to me to make the right impression or action in a godly manner…so others will want to know my God too. My greatest concern is for the lady who was hosting the Beth Moore/women bible study in our church…she is no longer hosting the studies…she had such a heart for God & compassion for the women, I pray God will take care of her in whatever it is that pulled her away…I have talked to her…she says she is still studying the word, but right now not in church or bible study.
Thank you Beth!!!!!
Velva Reed
Relationship
My very best friend and I about 7 years ago parted ways in a very hard way. She was starting to be different when she took a job outside the home. I noticed she was paying lots of attention to men at her work and they were paying attention to her. She started dressing different (provocatively) and it concerned me. I kept feeling I needed to confront her (not my strong suit by any means) and so I did. One of the hardest things I have EVER done. It went poorly. She put me off and told me I was crazy. Several months went by – we eventually parted. Several years later, after many hard times on her part, she asked for forgiveness and told me she came back to the God – we are closer now than we have ever been! God is GREAT! We came to your Albuquerque weekend in 2009 and we are going to be in your Lubbock, TX weekend too! God RESTORES when you obey!
Relationship
A friend/co-worker got me started going to your women’s bible studies at our church. I used to sit & talk with her so much fun. But the last couple of years she has become very critical & negative at work…so much to the point you come in good mood, say good morning & she has negative word to say about everything in the office. I tried being polite & overlooking comments…they are increasingly worse…I now wear my headphones & listen to praise & worship to drowned out the negative. I pray for God to help me not be judge mental toward her & what ever is bothering her be healed…she is making the whole office uncomfortable. She talks about the bible etc.. in one breath & condemns the office & bosses in the other. I don’t want the negative bringing me down. I have invited the boss/family to church. Our office does need some saving…but our character toward them could be the answer to them getting saved..
Little Rock – My biggest challenge right now is adjusting to being single after a 20½ year marriage ended due to betrayal. My divorce was final last Friday. I am grateful we went through fifteen months of counseling trying every avenue to save our marriage. I know God brought me to the place of understanding my husband was never coming back to me and for our situation I had to file for divorce. I believe all I learned through counseling God has used to help me. It was a HUGE adjustment when my husband moved out, but through the five months it took to be divorced, God helped me adjust and I came out much better than I ever thought I’d be spiritually, physically, and emotionally. I wasn’t expecting to go through a time where I totally didn’t fit in after the divorce was final. I’m sure it is just in my head, but I’m not part of a “we” any more. My kids are from a broken home; something I NEVER believed would happen to our family. I am a single parent. I have to carry the burden without someone to at least throw out ideas to any longer. I’m truly alone, actually, I shouldn’t say that because my family and friends have helped me so much throughout this destruction of my marriage. I don’t attend Sunday School any longer because I’m not married. My class would still accept me but most are married. We don’t have a class for single women nor men my age most start mid-fifties and above. I’ve seriously thought about going to this class anyway to at least meet with other Christian women weekly. I know I must look out after my children and myself. I know God is still in control and He’ll keep us safe in His arms.
Relationship:
Yes, I had a dear friend at church that I truly loved and felt that I could be myself and really “let my hair down”.
Another friend came into the picture and a particular situation came up that caused our new friend to be hurt. I tried to come to the rescue and hopefully help resolve things, but it only made matters worst. After many months of trying to make amends and calling to ask forgiveness, she told me “you are just not the person that I thought you were….there is nothing to apologize for.” The Lord knows how much I cried over the break in our friendship. Over the past year I have tried to reach out to her and she will respond only somewhat. It still breaks my heart, to this day, to know we do not have that close friendship anymore. Sometimes I wonder what more I could have done to promote healing. I have just been having to trust the Lord in this matter. It has been very painful.
RELATIONSHIP – Around my 30th birthday I found myself in The Pit. I did not believe in God, was very insecure, was lacking love in my life, and felt very lost. God sent a new colleague to work with me. I am certain he was literally a God-send. He helped me grow professionally and then he helped bring God and a great church into my life. He brought me to Christ. It was the first time someone had given of their time to build in to me and I relied a lot on him emotionally. I became very emotionally attached to him.
Over 6 months we became good friends and spiritual family. Then his wife forced him to end our friendship as she was not comfortable with it. We were only allowed to have business related contact. It still breaks my heart when I hear him saying “And if you see us at church, don’t even say hello.” Really? Three months later I found out they were moving out of the country for the wife’s job; and three months later they were gone. I tried to make amends with her, but she would not accept it. I have not been allowed to speak to him in 2 years. It has taken almost the entire two years for me to become un-attached, heal, and have peace with it all. …Only to find out a couple weeks ago that they are moving back to town this summer! I am interested to see what God has up his sleeve next!
Praise God I am made new!
RELATIONSHIP
My best friend of 5 years, my sister in the Lord, my prayer partner… a relationship I definitely believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ.
She was simply not honest with me, and I couldn’t trust her. I suspected her of lying to me several times over the years, but the extent of it was gradually exposed / brought to the light a couple of years ago, and then confirmed over and over again. I knew she hid her true self from others and was extremely secretive, but I believed I knew the real her. She was a very good actress and chameleon… good at acting one way around me & someone completely different when she was with another friend. I have discovered she is easily influenced, and when we were really close, we seemed to be SO much alike! In reality, I think we are really opposites in a lot of ways. I had to distance myself because I couldn’t trust her. It hurt deeply. I feel like I have encouraged her honesty and supported her individuality over the years, and would have accepted the real her. We are not close anymore, but when we do communicate, it’s hard because I don’t even know her. We see things completely different. Right now, her closest friends do not know the Lord and she is being greatly influenced by them. Right now, she is following a path that is leading to destruction. I would say we have gone our separate ways. However, I do pray for her. I have forgiven her. I speak the truth in love. I know I am called to love (agape) her. I want to be a true friend to her. But bottom line is… I don’t trust her.
Let me just tell you Ms. Beth from Texas. I don’t care what you write, speak on or share on this blog. Just don’t stop doing it. My love for God had grown sooooo much doing your bible studies and I am amazed He loves me so much. You have helped me understand that.
Somedays all I can say is, “Jesus loves me this I know” and I for a fact know this. I love the way that you never make us feel alone in our feelings. May God bless your life and your service to him.
Love Your Sister in Christ.
Relationship
With a dear friend, we were young moms together. There was an issue at our church that I thought was an elder/leadership decision and she took an opposing view on as a personal crusade. We parted ways because I felt she was not yielding to our church’s authority. We prayed about it together and finally agreed to disagree. It was so painful because she was the “social director” of our young Sunday School class and I was suddenly ostracized. They moved away some months later and I realized we would never speak again until heaven. I still miss her sweet laughter and that was 20 years ago.
Relationship:
No. Praise God.
Little Rock
Julia, 30, Married with 2 kids (Samantha-4 and Jack-1)
I have a couple big concerns right now as most of us do I guess. First, I am struggling with anxiety again since being worry free for almost 2 years, but it is turning my focus back to the Lord where it needs to be so I guess that is really a good thing. I am clinging to Psalm 19:14 to try and turn the “meditation of my heart” from worry to trust in God. Ester was also a great help, learning to follow “What if” with “then God.” Second, I struggle with my time or lack there of as any working mother with young children does. After taking care of the kids needs, feeding the family, cleaning the house, working, and trying to spend quality time with my husband and kids I feel stretched thin. I struggle with not being able to give my friends time and the loss of some friendships b/c of this. Thanks for all you do Beth! This blog is an oasis and I thank God for you!
RELATIONSHIP: My best friend of 15 years struggles with depression/anxiety to a debilitating degree. But she is a Christian and when she lets Christ reign, man! It is a beautiful thing. My husband did not feel comfortable with her ever being a babysitter for our kids, not because he had anything against her personally–he likes her, her husband and family–but he said he had to draw the line at mental illness. He was happy for she and I to keep being friends, just not her being a babysitter. I didn’t really agree about the babysitting thing, but was happy to submit to his choice because, really, I believe in God’s promises concerning marriage and I trust my man. My best friend felt my choosing sides was a betrayal, that the “no babysitting” cut to the core of who she is, and asked to not have any contact for awhile. I honored that and gave her space, but when I finally asked if we could reconcile, her answer was no. Of course this is the short version minus the gore. Then the H.S. told me to forgive her, which was suprisingly easy, and not not defend myself. What? Yes of course I got painted as the bad guy. Or worse, the wife of a tyrant, which is so untrue. Mental illness is just plain awful, Beth. I miss my friend and her family, her kids, everything. But I feel SO free because I knew I did the right thing in trusting my husband’s decision. It is completely weird to have an unhealable rift and yet feel so completely at peace.
Relationship
A friend and I attended church together. We taught Sunday school together. We were friends, the best of sisters in Christ. Then one Sunday morning she walked into a conversation and concern I was having with another sister/friend. She went to 3 other church family members and told them I was gossiping in Sunday school. When I found out I confronted her and I felt like I was being attacked in the worst way. Where did the close friendship go? Where did the sister in Christ get lost in? We parted ways, she left the church and hadn’t heard from her again (approimately 6 months)until the other day I received a message from her asking for forgiveness and apologizing for offending me. We haven’t talked since the incident but the relationship is on the mend. Only God could move in and repair the hearts of those he loves. Praise Him!!
Relationship
My high school best friend ended our relationship about 5 years after graduation. We both were married, hung out together, but she felt my husband was not a good influence on hers so she abuptly ended the relationship. It felt like a death had occurred! After 30 years, she called out of the blue and asked for my forgiveness. She and her husband strayed away from the Lord, were in a bad car accident and not hurt, then renewed their relationship with Him. Praise God! I was floored to hear from her, and it took me a bit to accept what was happening, but accepted it and asked for her forgiveness, too. My maverick husband had grown so much in the Lord and me, too. We now keep in touch and it is such a blessing. Forgiveness is so freeing 🙂 Love you Mama Beth.
Relationship: I had a wonderful friendship with a dear sister in Christ for several years. There was a tragedy that happened to one of our pastors family and they chose not to tell the truth about it and gave a different story. I knew the truth as I was related to them. I told my sister in Christ the truth of that tragedy and she chose not to believe me because she said that pastors would not tell lies to the church. It hurt me to realize that she chose not to believe me so after that our friendship kind of fizzled out.
Relationship –
Five years ago I created a lot of chaos in my life and marriage. My husband and I split up, and were going through a very nasty custody battle. I was in the wrong in the whole situation, no doubt. We were all grieving, all desperately seeking relief from the nightmare, including myself. Even sinners bleed. God eventually whisked my husband, me, and our children to a little farmhouse in the middle of the prairie where we were surrounded by nothing but silence and were able to reconnect and root deep. The relationship that was ruptured and broken, however, was someone who I considered a close friend at the time. She was one of the few people that I had conversations with about our situation. After a few conversations, she told me that she’d listened long enough, and she delivered her unsolicited verdict in the form of a letter. A long, hand-written letter spelling out all the ways I was wrong theologically, morally, etc. It was harsh, unforgiving, hurtful, dogmatic, and sincere. She meant the best, but I was already so wounded by so many others delivering their cruelty through “tough love” and “the name of Jesus,” that I just couldn’t regroup. Even my sin-sick soul was just crying out for someone who could love Jesus AND love me at the same time, without trying to fix me by saying just the right thing to cut the chains of sin. That came in the form of my cousin and life-long, who phoned me to ask questions, actually listen to me, tell me very gently that she disagreed with me, but she still loved me, and left it at that. Her response to me was what eventually carried me back through the church door, because if there was ONE Christian who could live the love of Jesus even to someone who was being unlovable, there might just be more… Praise God for those ONES who are willing to love without verdict or ultimatum!!
RELATIONSHIP: Wish I could say no, but I’m acutally in the midst of a painful breakup with a really close friend at church. I was a mother a little further down the road and supported her through a painful loss. We could pray together, take Beth Moore classes together and hang out with our kids. Then “something” happened, and we had a difference of opinion over education choices for kids and it was over. Sadly she got a few other moms on her side, and I’ve been shunned. I’ve apologized, written a letter asking for forgiveness and given it over to God. No healing. It’s painful to go to Church to worship God and worry that I’ll run into them. I’m really at a loss. I feel like I’ve given it over to God, asked forgiveness and nothing.
Relationship-My precious mother-in-law and our family had a very tough season that God so faithfully restored. 4 years ago, she got mad at our family for something very petty. She would not take an apology and chose to distance herself from my husband and me and our 3 young children. Oh, how my heart ached for my children and how I missed her. But God continued to remind to keep a clear conscience and not let my heart become hardened towards the relationship. We prayed for her, tried to reach out through cards and attempted phone calls. It seemed it was all fruitless. Until April of 2010. God reminded me, a wife of a minister, that we were in the ministry of reconciliation, yet we had a broken relationship in our own life. My husband and I were studying Esther with you, and my heart fell so heavy for my mother in law. Girl, I turned into a present day Esther, shaking at the knees, yet courageous, because my people (my 3 children and husband)needed a table turned in our lives. I picked up that phone, emptied my self, pride, hurts, and hopelessness and God restored that relationship. Completely. I thank him everyday for allowing me to forgive and for restoring a relationship. That is something only HE can do!
relationships
My best friend and I went seperate ways over a conversation about her having lunch with her son and he drank wine. I told her that I would not do that, if my son were to order a drink of anykind while we were having a meal that I would leave the table. My reason was what I heard you say once. If my child drinks it will not be with my permissoin. That is the way I feel and she did not like what I said and our relationship was not the same after that. She was buried almost 2 years ago. If I were to be able to have the same conversation with her today. My response would be the same. I had to take a stand that day and she continued to go the way of the world. I still love and miss her but I had to stand in what I believe in. Did it hurt, you better believe it did. But I love my Jesus and do not want to be a stumbling block to anyone.
Relationship
I have a dear friend whom I have done alot with over the years,our fav activity was going horse back riding with me all over our country side on warm fall afternoons and picking apples to eat from our horses backs! He hubby falsely accused my hubby of doing something my hubby had no knowledge of. Her hubby knows he did wrong but has not appologized and though we go on like nothing has happened it has put a strain on our relationship. Please when you do wrong, acknowledge it to the person you wronged ISO thinking they will get over it! Things are never the same again. Acknowledging you acted wrongly is not a sign of weakness but of great stregnth. Most people feel they are brought down by acknowledging they acted wrongly and nothing is farther from the truth.
RELATIONSHIP:
I had a dear friend and sister in Christ who stopped speaking to me because I spoke some hard truths to her. My friends and I confronted her about what was going on and spoke the truth in love to her and she didn’t want to hear it. She stopped speaking to us, stopped going to church and we didn’t hear from her for over 2 years. Just recently she contacted us through Facebook and asked to meet up and talk. She apologized and we are working on restoring our friendship.
Relationship
You describe exactly the kind of friendship I thought we shared… it was almost “too” close… it fell apart slowly at first with little feelings of resentment, jealousy, judgement, sharp or curt words and eventually a year’s worth of mounting, undiscussed feelings blew up like a volcano erupting with burning, harsh words… the process of stepping out of each others’ lives, the feelings of rejection, judgement, and loss nearly destroyed my self-esteem and confidence and spilled doubt into every area of my life. This painful season has a beautiful part however, it is how God used it to draw me into Him, to seek my answers from Him, my confidence from Him. He gently pruned me, cut away that which was not bearing good fruit, showed me areas of my heart that needed His forgiveness and grace. He is teaching me to stand in His acceptance of me, He is showing and teaching me new patterns, behaviors and ways of communicating ~ what the evil one meant to harm and destroy me with, the Lord is surely using for my good. The relationship is not restored and will never be the same (which is good b/c God has shown me ways in which it was not healthy in the first place) but i believe we are moving toward being at peace with one another. There are still moments in which the old thoughts, patterns, doubts, criticisms haunt my thoughts but each time I fight to bring them to Christ… may He somehow be glorified through this painful season!
Little Rock,
Patty , 49 for 1 more week,
I am so looking forward to this weekend for a respite from a very busy schedule. I have to say that I am in a season of great peace and joy Yes I am busy but so content and in a very good place in my life. A great marriage, grown children that are doing well in their lives ,a beautiful granddaughter , a great job where I can share my faith, a wonderful church family, and a group of prayer sisters that are a gigantic blessing to me. I dont know how long this season will last but I am enjoying it now and trusting God for whatever the future holds.
Little Rock I was sharing with my bible study group tonight (we are doing the “Revelation” study and in lesson 8 it asks on pg 63 “how much has satan played the role of accuser in your life?” And can you see ways the accuser has tried to discredit your testimony? I shared with my ladies that i am in a season of my life that satan has me believing I don’t matter anymore. I am 51 yrs old. Both children are grown and left home. My husband and I have a wonderful marriage. I am a nurse in a NICU which is a very stressful job. All to say on the outside looking in my life looks wonderful! Financially we are comfortable. Our children are happy, responsible adults who love the Lord. So why do I feel so alone? Why do I let satan make me feel this way? I tell myself its not about me. But I feel hopeless, useless and worthless. It’s all I can do to make myself go to church. I want no obligations put on me. Life is a struggle at this time but I refuse to let hm steal my testimony. Thats why I shared this with my ladies and when I saw your post tonight I knew God was leading me to share it with you. I will be attending the conference in Little Rock. Thank you.