Hey, Darling Things. Let me blurt out from the beginning that you guys are so dear to me. I genuinely love this community with a heart full to the brim. Your comments to Sunday’s post drew me in, made me smile, and some of them made me laugh out loud. Per the question, how far was I from the little farm house when the rancher saw me and reported me in certain peril to my man, several miles. Keith and I are still amused by it but we are thankful for such good neighbors. Just when we think we’ve gotten a little more normal, something reminds him and me that we are caricatures that could be fodder for the weirdest sitcom on network television. Shiver. I’m just picturing my character’s hair. And the size of her Bible. And, eewwww, the accent. And picture the double barrel shotgun in Keith’s character’s hand. But, if they show him without a shirt, cry foul because that’s not my man. Never, I do mean NEVER would my man go without a shirt outside the shower. Nor does he respect a grown man that does. (Unless he’s in his swim trunks and those better come nearly to the man’s knees.) He also gives the stink eye to a grown man that wears his shirt open two buttons. That’s not cool to Keith. And if the man has on a gold chained necklace, you best keep him out of Keith’s path all together. OK, Lord, have mercy. How do I get off on all this stuff? It’s y’all that bring this out in me.
Here’s the reason why I’m posting today. I’m looking to my favorite community for insight regarding this weekend’s event and maybe, if any of it pertains, for insight toward the taping for James in May. (Much more on that later because I really, really want to enlist your prayers.) These are my two questions and please notice that they pertain to two different groups among you.
1. To anyone in our blog community: This one’s wide open. Have you ever experienced a painful breakage in a close relationship you had with another believer? I’m especially talking about relationships that you believed at the time to be woven together by the bonds of Christ but something happened that resulted in a fissure. If so, WITHOUT DIVULGING ANYTHING THAT WOULD IDENTIFY YOUR PERSON, what happened? And here’s a really important part of it: did the relationship mend or did you go your separate ways? Please stick to one meaty paragraph because I want to read every single entry. If it’s too long, I’ll have to skip it. Remember, no names or pieces of information that people can track. We never want to dishonor anyone on this blog. So that I can differentiate between answers to this question and those to the next, please start your comment with the word “Relationship.”
2. Limited just to the people attending this weekend’s LPL in Little Rock, Arkansas: I’d love to already have a few of your stories in mind for this weekend. In a compact paragraph, would you please tell me your first name, your general age group, whether you are married or single, and your biggest concern or challenge right now? Please keep in mind that I could very well share it with the entire group as an example of the kinds of things we’re dealing with in our audience so your comment will act as your permission. Please, please don’t leave a comment I can’t share or I could end up getting it confused with the others and telling it by accident. Remember, you are entrusting your personal information to Blonder Than She Pays To Be. Also don’t make stuff up as a trick so you can get a kick out of it when I tell it. Yes, people do stuff like that on blogs and it’s totally lame. Don’t do it here. So that I can differentiate between this answer and the ones to the previous question, please start your comment with the word “Little Rock.” If you are also answering question 1, please do it in a separate comment. This will help me immensely as I peruse the survey.
You guys are rock stars to me. Thank you so much. May all of this information and everything else that happens on this blog ultimately bring greater fame to the powerful, healing, saving Name of Jesus Christ.
Our Lord.
And Savior.
Relationship.
Several years ago, I attended a church that was a 45 minute drive from my home. It was a wonderful church that we had become very involved in. I had joined my first women’s Bible study group and had a been a member of that same small group for over 3 years and we were all very close or so it seemed. It came upon our group that someone felt we should pick a new night and time to meet, just to change things up. For me, the distance was an issue for when I could attend. They never came to my house. It was just too far to drive, I always travelled there. So it came down to 2 meeting times and there was a vote. I had made it clear that I could only continue to attend if it was at one of the certain times, whereas both times worked for everyone else. The opposite time that I could not attend was voted on and chosen as our new meeting date for the group. I was forced to drop out. It was very hurtful and even one of the girls called me crying, saying she should have stepped up and spoken out for me, but she didn’t. I ended up being asked to join another group that was much better for me, gave me new friendships that continue to this day (3 moves, and 2 states later), and helped me to grow deeper in the Lord. The relationship with the other girls in the original group was not completely severed. We continued our friendships, but on a very superficial level.
RELATIONSHIP I work for the pastors of our church. I also consider their wives to be among my best friends. One of the pastors resigned (not his idea) under difficult circumstances. I felt torn between my church, my work, and my friend–and didn’t know how to be a friend in this situation–so I basically didn’t do anything beyond a note of encouragement here or there. This pastor’s wife felt abandoned by me, maybe even betrayed. She unfriended me from Facebook and hasn’t answered any of my notes since then. Looking back, I still don’t know what I could have done differently. Her husband has his own pastorate now and they are doing well. When I do see her, she seems happy to see me, but it’s not the same. I miss her.
Relationship.
I was very close friends with one woman and she was growing very close to God through our frequent God discussions. I could see her growth toward Him and her genuine interest in a more intimate relationship with Him. We had several times where we would just sit and talk about God and growing in relationship with Him. My family went to a get together at her house one evening where I was a little more quiet than usual. Probably something that was either on my mind or had happened before we arrived. A couple of weeks later I received an email from her asking if she had dome something wrong or if she’d done something to hurt my feelings. It was so weird and awkward because nothing had happened between us. Ever since that email encounter things between us have definitely not been what they used to be. I miss her close friendship and our God conversations.
Relationship:
I have had two friendships end. One was with my best friend in high school. We went to school together, church, and many outside activities together as well. Neither of us had ever dated, so we hung out together. When I started dating my future husband, everything changed. She no longer wanted to be around me. She wouldn’t speak, or even look at me at church. To this day, almost 8 years later, she still does not have anything to do with me. Looking back, I see it was an unhealthy relationship.
Friendship #2: I did not realize it at the time, but our relationship was all about her, and what she needed. We almost always talked exclusively about what was going on with her. I supported her as much as I could from 400 miles away. But, when I needed her support, she shut me out. When we went back to visit my husband’s family last year, we had dinner with her and her husband. It was very awkward. We brought some food, and she refused to serve it because she said she did not trust the food we brought. We left that night, and I have not talked to her since. That was a year ago. I would be glad to talk to her, but she has not called, emailed, or texted, or even responded if I have tried to communicate.
Sometimes I wonder why these two friendships ended so badly, but I can see how the Lord has used them to help me discern and cultivate meaningful relationships with those around me.
Relationship. Shortly after we met, my friend told me, “I’ve never felt so close, so quickly to anyone in my entire life. Our relationship has been ordained by God.” She called me her sister and her best friend. She told me she didn’t want to take the place of my deceased brother, but wanted to be the sister I never had. Our relationship was very Christ centered in the beginning – sharing scripture, praying, with a mixture of tears amidst our laughter. She then started telling me more and more how she thought I should handle things in my life, and the prayer time and scripture sharing was rare. She criticized everything, from me crying too much at a funeral to being too involved with standing up for the Lord at school. When I expressed my hurt over this, she became angry and after a couple of emails back and forth told me she no longer wanted to be friends and we haven’t had any contact for several years, per her choice. The lesson, a relationship that is me centered instead of Christ centered, can not whether the storms of life.
Relationship: Yes, I have a sister in Christ who I thought could be close to my twin in many aspects.
I helped her in a junior/senior high group of girls in the classroom & on beach retreats. Her son & my daughter
were junior high age and began to like each other. She very much did not like my child, for what reason I have never understood. She took a “junior high moment” they had, not involving anything first thoughts you might have, & taught her next lesson straight at me & my child.
Between the amazement of incredibilty over this, complete hurt, and lack of Jesus in what I had thought to be the most Godly woman I knew – had my faith walk not been strong – I could have easily left church life.
Relationship – I was brought to Christ 16 years ago by someone who has been my very best friend since then. Having a christian sister is one of Gods greatest gifts. She tired of being single for 20+ years and began a serious relationship with a non-believer. Although he is a very good man, he has no interest in knowing God. Sadly, she’s allowed his life to become hers. Her love of God and desire to serve was one of the most beautiful things about her and now it’s gone. I don’t hear from her as much because I think she knows how I feel about it.
I continue to share my walk with the Lord everyime we speak hoping things will change. She remains in my prayers. I miss her.
Relationship.
My freshman year at college I became fast friends with a girl who lived in my dorm and attended the same Bible study as me. Our friendship was very fun and we seemed to share many of the same interests and views. Her best friend was her then roommate; they had know one another from back home. As the school year started coming to a close, we decided that all three of us would live in a dorm room the next year together. Why colleges even give the option to let three hormonal girls share a room I will never understand. But I was excited to live with these two other Christian girls. Unfortunately almost immediately as we moved in together my friend and I began butting heads over basically anything and everything, but in a very passive aggressive type of way, which I am convinced is one of the most prevalent ways women hurt one another. Her other friend and I became very close though and still live together (now our senior year of college). Anyway, the first girl and I just plain avoided one another after living together. Many of her decisions really bothered me and her treatment of our third roommate. I became convicted this past September that I shouldn’t have such a broken relationship with another believer, and over such immaturity. So I sought counsel with my soon-to-be sister-in-law who advised me to talk with the friend. I invited the friend to breakfast out one morning after prayer and Scripture reading on the topic. I decided to go into the conversation not expecting to get anything in return, but instead to just apologize because I was certain that I had hurt her too in this whole ugly thing. By the end of our time, we had both genuinely apologized, talked a little bit about our differences, shared strikingly similar verses about the situation we had read just the day before, and prayed for each other… all in the middle of a campus dining hall-ha! All that to say, we are surely not best friends or anything now (and never will be; we aren’t made to be best friends), but it is freedom to know that my relationship with another believe has come full circle for His Glory! Praise Jesus.
Relationship:
During my high school years I had a friend who I considered my BEST friend. We were inseparable. We prayed together, took turns attending each other’s churchs and youth groups together, accepted Christ at the same church revival, and attended each other’s baptisms. We talked constantly about who God was and what He meant to us. This was a relationship I thought would last forever, weather any storm or any separation (such as college). Then betrayal, pride, and selfishness entered the relationship. Words were spoken that can never be erased. We went our separate ways. I wish and have prayed that our relationship could be mended but as of now it has not. The strangest part(the part I have yet to figure out) is that we have reconnected several times over the last 20+ years, forgiveness of each other and the hurtful words that were spoken has taken place; but, somehow each time we reconnect something happens that brings back an old hurt or creates a new hurt. It seems we will never be where we were before in high school or will ever be able to forge a new friendship on new ground. I grieve the loss of this friendship. I continue to pray and have faith that God will restore the friendship.
Relationship- This has two parts. My friend “Christain Sista” and I had been friend for 20 years. Now enter friend number 2 who I looked up to as my “spiritual mother”. She was jealous of “Christian Sista” and would tell me lies about her. I just knew that “spiritual mother” was not lying to me after all she was much older than me and why would she lie. My friendship with “Christian Sista” ended. Soon after, I realized that my relationship with “spiritual mother” was NOT HEALTHY at all and that relationship ended too. God was not finished with “Christian Sista” as He brought us back together and we mended our 20 year friendship through Him. This year we will celebrate 30 years of being friends through Christ!!!
Relationship – I am 10 weeks into a break up with the love of my life. He was my rock and the one I knew God wanted me to spend the rest of my life with. He loved me but didn’t know if he could commit to a permanant future with me. We were similar in all the important ways and different in other ways, enough to make life fun and interesting. Who wants boring! The first 6 weeks there was no contact at all. It was so hard. But I bended my knee every morning and evening to cry out to God who loves us both beyond belief. I prayed for strength and blessing – for both of us, individually and collectively. Above all, I want God’s will – even when it hurts in the short term. He reached out after 6 weeks and we have been on a journey of opening up to each other about our fears and desires like never before. This past weekend he told me that I was worth fighting for and he wants a future with me. And that he has healing from his past that needs to happen but he will fight. God is in control of what happens. But I sure am loving sitting back and watching Him go! Thank you Lord Jesus!
Relationship- I have a friend at church that seemed to be a heart tie made in heaven. As we worked together our bond as sisters in Christ seemed so deep and I had and have a great love for her. Somewhere along the way though there as developed a distance in our relationship. I can’t explain it but I feel it. I have not asked her what happened. I guess I should. I pray that this can be overcome.
Relationship: It was a relationship with a friend from highschool. We both became Christians around the same time and enjoyed all the excitement of being so new to the Christian world. It was so awesome to experience it all together and to have someone so close. As we got older, we decided to go to different colleges. It was then that she fell away from the Lord. It was so sad and we grew apart. Mainly, because she was living from place to place and so hard to get a hold of during those years. She has just recently come back in my life and I am praying that she comes back to the Lord.
Little Rock
Kristy, early 40’s, married.
Grief and Loss…in February I lost my Nana who was living with me to bladder cancer. The cancer took her rapidly. This time last year she was in the carribean fishing. Immediately following her death my brother was put in jail after a jury found him guilty of charges that the jury said after trial they knew the other guy was lying but they were tired of fighting amongst themselves and ready to go home so they just gave in! Who does that! He was sentenced to 20 years this last Monday because someone lied. My nephew just got orders for Afghanistan and is devestated about his Dad’s incarceration. He graduated on his Dad’s birthday, we went and supported him but I could feel his loss. My mother in law was put in the hospital the week after my nana passed with congestive heart failure, we spent nine days in the hospital trying to figure out what was happening since we didn’t know she had this condition. The day she got out my mom was put in from passing out and hitting her head and having a post concussive seizure. She is now under 24 hour care and cannot drive or be left alone. My niece didn’t know what to do with her grief regarding my Nana and Brother and attempted suicide, she is now in rehabilitative care. My poor little sister has spent as much time in the hospital as I have and we are tired. Exhausted really and haven’t had time to grieve any of it. My Best friend is bringing me to Little Rock to get me away;) The Lord has met with me on my entire journey, I fully intend to meet with Him in Little Rock. Tried to keep it short Beth…it overwhelmed me a little to write it all down.
“Realtionship”-I was fortunate enough to have an inseperable girlfriend when I was a young girl. She happens to be the pastors daughter so everything we did involved church or God in some way-a very healthy friendship. We were determined to never be seperated as we were “soul sisters”. I hit a difficult point in my life at age 11 after I had endured 4 years of sexual abuse from my brother. I was depressed & attempted suicide. At that time, she pulled back and clung to one of my other girlfriends. They went on to be best friends (and still are) and I was left in the dust to deal with my own pain even though we have exchanged many uncomfortable “Hi’s” since that time. I have never stopped praying for our friendship to be restored. We have since then reconnected as young wives and new mom’s but it’s not the same. I know God has a kindred relationsip to be restored with her. I trust his timing will be good for that glorious time when we will join together once again as “soul sisters” and experience healing.
Relationship:
In college, I had a friend in which we started to spend so much time together, that it became a co-dependent relationship. My heart was wounded and hurt and I would cycle in and out of friendships and try to hold on to them for life. Thankfully, my friend (who is a Christian) came to me to say she thought it wasn’t a healthy friendship.
I was shocked, hurt, angry..but deep down, I knew she was right. I started going to counseling, and it was the beginning of a long process in which the Lord has freed me from co-dependency! But for several months, there was a fissure between my friend and I. But God has restored our friendship to a healthy, whole place, were we can be friends, without me wanting to hold on to her for life. By God’s grace, He has taught me that only Jesus can be the One to meet my needy heart, and heal my broken heart. And He is so sufficient and faithful to do it.
One of the hardest lessons, but greatest lessons of my life.
Relationship: I thought we were close; especially after there was a death in the family I thought for sure we would grow even closer. However, it seemed we grew farther apart. And then the person had a health issue and from then on nothing was the same. There was a misunderstanding and I asked for forgiveness but with no response. I felt like a knife went through my heart and there was bitterness. If it wasn’t for Jesus and His Word I wouldn’t have been able to forgive. We still communicate but very little. I don’t understand and I still grieve over the loss. I know from the depths of my heart that God knows and He is in control. I pray for them and hope there will be healing. Thanks for the opportunity to share Beth.
Relationship
I had a friend that I met when I was really down and out in life and I became very close to this person and could tell her anything and knew that it could be trusted and not spilled out to anybody. Well I started going to there church and went there for a while and we were real good friends and then I knew she had talked to somebody there about some issues in my life that were very personal and only meant for her and apparently she talked to someone and then it got out to someone else and so on. So anyway I left the church for a while about 3yrs and did not keep in contact with her because I was really hurt, well I just started going back to he church and we talk but the friendship will never be what it was and I don’t say a whole lot to her about personal stuff.
I just keep it short and sweet
Thanks Carol
LITTLE RODK—-I am 47. My kids are flying. Just had my first grandbaby. Have one in college–one still at home. God has honed and shaped me over the years. I have fallen (to the bottom) and He raised me up, renewed my mind, redeemed my life. I am ten years out from that journey!! I teach your studies (and others) to women at my church. I have a faithful husband who will take me to Paris in a few weeks to celebrate 25 years of marriage (oh, the things I put him through!!)
My obstacle is that I am so willing to do whatever God calls me to do but feel so paralyzed to do anything. Does that make sense? Every night I go to bed with intercession on my heart for those who are hurting and then I tell the Lord tomorrow I am going get out of myself and love people in your Name—and then I don’t do anything—at least nothing of eternal value. I love God, and I know He loves me. I love the Word, am blessed in so many ways but I am struggling with being a blessing. I have to get over this paralysis. I really wonder if anyone else gets what I am talking about? Finally after half of life, I feel prepared, willing but can’t seem to know where I fit in the greater plan. (By the way, I am not despairing—waiting and trying not to get frustrated with myself.)
Thanks for coming home Beth! We can’t wait to see you!
Relationship.
This is a hard one. I had a childhood friend that carried through the teens, and on into adulthood. We had lots of fun together. Laughed, experienced pregnancies and babies, went on family vacations together, and shared Jesus and the fact that our parents were in ministry and the things that missionary/pastor kids face that others wouldn’t understand. Our kids were best friends too. But there came a serious parting of the ways. She left home and family for five years. When she returned, the trust level had been broken. Thank God she’s back with her family. But I don’t know if we’ll ever have the relationship we once shared.
LITTLE ROCK
My grandmother gave up everything to raise me by herself. She is my hero and my role model and I love her so very much. Now we are slowly and painfully losing her to Alzheimer’s. I struggle with explaining her confusion to my children, who adore her. I struggle with never being able to do enough for her, since I live 3 hours away. I struggle with helplessly watching her drown in fear and pain. But mostly, I struggle with losing more of her every day. I have never known such a profound sense of loss. I miss her SO MUCH.
Sorry, forgot the other stuff. I am 34 and live in Springdale, Arkansas with my husband and three children.
Little Rock: 53 yr., married with empty nest. My big challenge now is how to do it all. I work 5 days a week, husband in ministry (meaning many nights busy), grandchildren fun and responsibilities, and I need to spend time working out and I hurt to have time with my Jesus and there just isn’t time. Embarrassingly my time with His is my 15 minutes (maybe) in the bathroom. I love time with Him and crave it yet with so many demands I just can’t manage it. When I mention it to others they look at me like I’m a nut for wanting time alone with the Lord. Anyway, all other stresses may work out if that one could be solved. I miss time with Him!!! Can’t wait to see you in person and not just a video!! Praying for you!!
RELATIONSHIP: My older sister and I have never been close. She is my polar opposite. She was rebellious as teen & dysfunctional as an adult. She had babies extremely young with no stability in her life. I used to visit her often when the kids were small. I was the one who always called her. Eventually, as I met my husband & got married, I called her less and then stopped, which was pretty much the end of our relationship. I really didn’t think that she cared since she never called me even once. She ended up moving across the country and continued with her dysfunction, but now with adult dysfunctional kids. Recently I tried to reconnect with her thru facebook. Turns out that she was really angry with me “for leaving the family years ago”. I really did not understand what I did 30 yrs ago to hurt her, but I apologized sincerely for anything & everything I had done. Maybe she really relied on me back then for support. I was always the mature one of the siblings. Now that her life is even more desperate, I really am trying to build a relationship with her, but I sense her distrust of me and I think my faith intimidates her. I feel God is nudging me to keep trying. It’s not always what you do that hurt people, it’s also what you don’t do.
Relationship – I have had a strong Christian friendship with a spiritual mentor for over ten years now that was severely fractured last fall by an incident where she gave some advice to a family member (that was asked for) and I got upset over the advice and said some less than loving things to her. This is very uncharacteristic of me and was the first time in our entire relationship that I ever got angry with her. I later apologized, but she didn’t accept my apology. After several months of cold shoulders from her and she would “bite my head off” whenever I tried to initiate conversation, I finally sat down with her and asked why she was always so angry with me. She confessed she’d not forgiven me and had a list of things she was concerned about. I apologized again and showed her that what she thought was happening wasn’t what was meant and that I valued our relationship and was willing to work to keep it. I have prayed for months for God to restore our relationship and I can happily say that we are now back to the close friends in Christ relationship that we’ve built for so many years.
Church hurt is the worst….isn’t it? Some years ago we (my husband and I) were confronted by the elders of the church that I had literally grown up in….it seems that they had heard that we were worshiping to music with musical instruments and they needed to let us know that we were on our way to hell for it. These elders were like family to me, but that day they chose legalism over relationship. Heartbreaking is what it was. The rumors and gossip about me and my family are still running rampant.
Relationship – We were in a church that had female pastors. Because I was Sunday School director we came to know each other as friends and would turn to each other for prayers, thoughts and advice on church related issues. Then my husband took a new job, which required us to have some type of living quarters near it. My husband told one member of the church, who told another, who told the pastor. She announced it the next Sunday from the pulpit with all sorts of distortions, etc. Never once called to check the details with me. I spent weeks clarifying to each friend in the congregation. She never attempted to rectify the situation with the congregation. Took the trust right out of that relationship. We do speak when necessary and she goes on as if all is ok and nothing happened. I have forgiven her, but can’t seem to open that trust door to her.
Relationship. My freshman year in college I had a relationship with a person I thought I had a bond in Christ with. We were best friends for 6 months and then all of a sudden the person basically stopped talking to me. I tried to reconcile and talk it through with them, but they were not interested. We went home for summer break and again our sophmore year, I used everything I had learned at chapel about reconcilation, but still they would not. Finally our senior year I went to this person and told them I was so sorry for everything and anything I had done to hurt them…I asked them if we could reconcile, but I just got a blank stare. I heard from another friend that this person “regretted how they treated me and didn’t want to do that to someone else”, but to my face they never saught forgiveness. This person lost their parents at a young age and so I think some of the issues were as a result of that and ababandoment issues that were never dealt with.
Relationship . . . This is a tale of a broken marriage involving two believers. We were both raised in the church but were living on autopilot instead of being intentional about life. We both had DEEP hurts we didn’t know or understand. We beat each other up horribly (figuratively). We were legally married for 22 years, although relationship broke down in the 15th year. I was in counseling for 7 years in an attempt to learn to trust him again. We have 3 amazing children. It’s been 9 years since we parted. We were both deliberate in trying to set aside hurt and anger to be good parents for our children. God has blessed that choice. He is now married to a sweet woman who loves God and who also has been through a divorce (she has 3 children as well). Please hear me say this . . .IT WILL NEVER BE RIGHT THAT MY CHILDREN’S PARENTS DO NOT LIVE UNDER THE SAME ROOF. I’M NOT ADVOCATING DIVORCE. But God, in His amazing grace, has giving healing. I have a very good relationship with my ex-husband and my children’s step-mother (I prefer to call her their other mother). This past Thanksgiving was a rather odd sight . . . all of us together, six kids, a son-in-law . . . all sitting around the feast recounting what we were thankful for. The enemy got 2 marriages, BUT HE DOES NOT GET US! In my work in the Music Department at a Christian university, I talk to young engaged and married couple every chance I get about what went wrong with my marriage. I so long to help them NOT make the mistakes we made and to keep trust intact. Beth, if you’d like to talk to me more about this I’d be happy to privately share the whole ugly, redemptive story. Many blessings to you in the work you are doing for our master and king. To Him alone be the glory.
Relationship: Yes, we experienced 2 different Christian relationships that we have had to seperate ways with. One was a property investment and the other one was a partner in business of my husband’s. Both relationships caused us deep and serious financial hardships-extreme. We had to sever the relationships. Had to get godly councel from our current Pastor and Elders.We left the church we all attended and moved over to our current blessed church, Crossroads Community. PS. 119:92 from your book Praying God’s Word, was powerful in getting me through both situations: If your law had not been my delight, I would have perished in my affliction. Teach me Your Word during this season of my life like I have never known it before and make this verse my testimony when I emerge from this place. We have nothing to do with our former friends due to their illegal practices in business. We have been through a hard journey of having a forgiving spirit towards them, but we cannot accept them as friends and have left God to deal with them and his perfect judgment.
I am confronts with the consquences of severing ties with a woman who for years was part of an accountability group at my church. She left the church in a highly critical way and recently made it clear that the group was not “a priority.” She was using her infrequent participation to “test us”. After much prayer it was determined to ask her to cut ties with the group. I have some guilt about this, confident it was the wise move for all of us–including her, but I struggle with what seems to be the absence of grace. Asking someone to leave, under any circumstance, is a form of rejection. While I am confident our motives were not filled with malice and the purpose of our group was compromised with her destructive manipulation–I can’t shake the possiblity that maybe we should have persevered for a while longer. Yet, we met as a group yesterday–worked through our accountability scriptures and prayers and were not at all tempted to discuss the person. The time was as it was intended to be–purposed on living out what we know is true in Christ and being honest about our areas where we stumble. It was a time of intentional ministry and for the first time not dilutted with the influence of her hosility. It was confirmation to me that the group is to move forward without this person, however I think the season of guilt was a healthy reality of humility and a call to continue to activly love and serve this woman in other ways.
Relationship – I knew a couple from church and then worked with the wife at a Christian company and later the husband (I served with him on the finance committee at church) joined us. The husband fired a mutual friend (also from church) for no apparent reason. None of the other VPs supported the decision but he had direct control over her so it was left alone. The wife asked me my thoughts one day at lunch and I told her. She was noticeably upset that afternoon and our boss (young) asked her what was wrong and the wife told her. I got written up and put on probation for speaking out of turn — even though she asked me (I thought as a friend and I honestly forgot as a wife)and to my way of thinking was in the wrong just as much as I was. Only God healed our relationship. We went on to work together (closely) for three more years. We were laid off on the same day (best thing that ever happened) and are still distant friends now (my family moved). I’ve since gone to two of her son’s weddings and am about to attend a third.
LITTLE ROCK
45-55ish 🙂
Married
My greatest concern right now is for my adult children. The statistic that states that 95% of children who are reared in Christian homes don’t go to church once they leave home (for college) has been true in our case. It’s heartbreaking for my husband and me as believers who never dreamed it would happen in our family. The same is true for my siblings’ children. Of my parents’ nine grandchildren only one is walking with Christ. This isn’t the legacy we intended for the next generation.
See you in the Rock!
Relationship/s, what I am learning is that God puts us together with sisters and brothers in Christ during specific seasons. I have two friends who have been a part of my life as couple friends as well as girl friends for over 40 years. We have been on the same “spiritual” train for about 14 years. As we have grown older and life has invaded us with new challenges, we have each been drawn to different “side trips” with God. There is a loss when your dear friends and spiritual sojourners are not a part of very significant move of the Lord in your life. However, I have found that God replaces those dear ones with new sojourners who can share with you. However, those life long friends and spiritual sisters can never be replaced and there is a sense of mourning as our paths take different directions.
Relationship – I was in the throws of the beginning of a nasty divorce at the end of 2006, and subsequently went to church for the first time in 2007. I never knew Christ personally, and I asked Him to save this desperate soul in Feb. 2007. My church family was wonderful, and I had a special friendship with the pastor’s wife and family (small church, close relationship) for over 2 years. Toward the end of that time, I discovered that there was serious adultery and infidelity going on that was being kept secret and still ongoing along with financial support from the church going to the mistress. I confronted the pastor about it in love and according to Matt. 18, and was berated and humiliated. We parted ways, and I was very sad.
Oh, and this is my first comment on here. 🙂 I love everything you do for us, Mrs. Beth!!
Welcome, Sweet Thing! We’re so glad you’re here. May Jesus be obvious in this community.
Relationship–God had dealt with me about sharing gossip with a dear friend and then about my listening with eager ears to what she had to say about others. My attempts to tactfully steer our conversations away from gossip and slander didn’t work, and after trying to be more direct about not talking about others she blew up, never to speak to me again. My attempts to reconcile were rejected. The whole thing left me confused and wondering what I should have done differently. Was this God’s will? Still hurts, after all these years.
Relationship- I have experienced three difficult relationship breakups in the past 10 years all with Christian women. I broke off my relationship with my mom because of emotional and spiritual abuse (she would use God against me). Although I have forgiven her, the relationship is non-existent because she is so unhealthy emotionally. The second break-up was with a friend that I go to church with. Once again, I have forgiven her, but there is little chance of a mending. It took me five years to get past the pain. The last one wasn’t a real relationship, but nevertheless very painful. Years ago my mom had people at her church send me hate mail telling me how awful a daughter I was. None of these women knew me. One of those women now goes to my church. I don’t know her real well. I have to see her every week. The pain is unreal right now…lots of anger. But once again the goal is forgiveness. Eventually I will get there.
Relationship: A woman from church asked me to start a morning devotional sharing (via phone) a few years ago. It lasted about a year, sharing how God was speaking to us through scripture and how it related to our life (and family). Although we did not spend time together socially, we opened our hearts to each other. 3 years ago our daughters began a relationship that ended badly. I was hurt by the way my ‘friend’ handled the situation and treated my daughter. By then we had stopped our daily scripture discussions (due to various other reasons). We only see each other at church and it was very stilted as we served together in a ministry. I was very hurt and she seemed like nothing had happened. I backed off from the friendship, asking God to help me be able to forgive and move on. It is usually very easy for me to forgive people, but this situation has been so much more difficult.
Relationship:We met at BSF instant connection for the 10 years there. Lived 30 min away but planned lunches to connect. Went to several Christian conferences together. It was very special godly relationship I valued deeply. She volunteered to be the Publicity person on a conference I co-chaired 4 years ago. Had no idea what I was doing that first time and was disappointed as she didn’t help at all with her position she really wanted and was her college major. I called and no return calls. Several months later she called, we met and she apologized and I accepted. I thought we were back. I have not seen her since. I send cards at Christmas, her birthday and anniversary as always, but do not get any in return. She is a void in my life. She is in my prayers.
Relationship – when I first came back to the Lord in my 20s after years of living a sinful lifestyle, I had a mentor/friend who taught me a lot, and really did help me grow for a season. I actually became dependent on her in a very unhealthy way, and had her on a pedestal of sorts. The closer I got to her, the more I began to see inconsistencies and some “personal holiness issues” and that what I thought she was, might not be. It really rocked my world, and when I tried to address some of it, I was called a legalist and told that God was more disgusted with my attitude than her sin. Needless to say, I withdrew and I do firmly believe that God pulled me away, because the relationship was stunting my growth. It does kind of feel like there’s a loose end just dangling out there, though, and I have wondered if there is more I should do to neatly close it. That whole thing taught me the importance and weight of responsibility a teacher/mentor has and
I do not take it lightly.
relationship. my son and his wife were divorced 2 years ago. i loved my daughter-in-law, and still do, but after heated words with her she cut off all communication. i told her from the beginning of their troubles that i loved her but that he was my son and i would not turn my back on him. i thought she understood, but apparently she didn’t. my mom died after this episode and i never received a card or word from her. this absolutely broke my heart. i pray and believe that God will somehow redeem this situation.
Relationship
I had a close girlfriend who I was very close to, but felt that she was no longer being truthful with me, just saying what I said or what she thought I wanted to hear. We went our separate ways. Still miss her.
RELATIONSHIP – Frienship for me is a daily struggle. It’s what continues to remind me that the only one who can truely satisfy me is Christ. It’s what reminds me that when I am most alone, I’m never alone, Christ is by my side. I have too many stories of broken “sister in Christ friendships” that I can’t even choose one. Some make my heart drop and I have to cry out to the Lord for continued healing and restoration. I have chosen to ask the Lord to protect my heart so that I might not withdraw myself from relationships and give up all together. He continues to remind me that we are called into relationships because that’s what refines us. Relationships cause us to look in the mirror and say “Christ, cleanse me from my sin”. My heart goes out to all of these women with all of these stories but in a way, I feel comforted. I’m not alone in my struggle. Beth, I really hope the Lord gives you a supernatural Word for us who at times feel hopeless in the area of friendship.
LITTLE ROCK: Cyndi, 59, single. After having accepted Christ at an early age and loving Him for all these years, only recently have I realized the freedom that Christ died to give me. I need Christ to continually renew and restore my mind so that I can live victoriously in that freedom. But how do I care for my heart and mind to protect my “new” relationship with God? How do I continue to develop a deepening relationship with Jesus and not just live “religiously?” What insights can you give me, Beth, to help me to “stay” in that place of freedom? I read my Bible daily and pray continually. And I hear Him speaking into my life and see Him at work. I’m just afraid (oops!–more chains) of falling back into old habits of guilt, regret, self-condemnation and “if only’s.” I guess it might all boil down to how do I live in the present with my Savior?
LITTLE ROCK! 🙂 Tracey, 47, happily married w/ 2 college-aged kids.
I heard you ask this question once & it has resurfaced so many times as a reality check in my life: “Do you have the joy of being who you seem?” That is the challenge in this season of life, Beth. Empty nest (during the school year), coming out of church burn-out & longing for church to be more than a calendar-filler & surface stuff. I want my relationship with God to deeply matter when the daily annoyances & especially the tough times come. Do I have the personal relationship with Him to back up what I portray to others… you’ve been on my toes for a long time with that question. 🙂
Relationship. On a mission trip with my church I roomed with a woman and we became fast friends. Normally I guarded myself in relationships because my husband was in a band and everyone wanted to be my friend, but she loved the Lord like me and I thought it was safe. Soon though I was going through a divorce and confided so much in this new found friend and out of my own insecurity, paid for many things she and I did together. Once I divorced my spouse, I started noticing my Christian friend buddying up to another wife in the band my ex husband was in. This woman was not a believer and my friend said she wanted to be a witness to her. My friend started lying about being with the other friend and made excuses to not be with me. I also started hearing some lies my friend had told around town, especially to people at church! When I confronted her with all of this, she broke down in tears saying she knew she was social climbing etc. She denied the lies though, which was my tip off not to continue the friendship. She is still friends with the non believer though and I know is not sharing the gospel with her. My hurt comes from trusting someone who befriended me through my love for Christ. There is more, but I’m keepin it meaty!
Little Rock
-Katelind, in my 20s, just got married on April 2nd, and my biggest challenge right now is how in the world to be a good wife! Trying to balance and juggle ALL of things that wives need to do plus not let my sin nature get in the way plus do all my work for graduate school plus continue to try to move in and live on a budget! whoa! I was once told that marriage is the RIDE of your lifetime!- well i definitely agree!!!
Its easy to let stress bring out the worst in you, and I’ve been praying ALOT to keep that from happening, but i’ll just be honest with you- its HARD!- and i’d be lying to you if I said it hasnt happened once…or twice…or so….
Marriage is also a wonderful thing!! I waited for God’s very best and He gave me the sweetest and most God honoring man I’ve EVER met and I love him SO!
Anyways, thats what is going on in my life right now!
Katelind (pronounced just “katelin”…silent “D” lol)
Relationship:
The day I met her we immediately connected. We really became fast friends. For a few years we grew closer praying together, sharing our difficulties, walking through life together. I had really never had a friend like her. There was a disagreement between my husband, who is a pastor (like an associate pastor), and my friend. It was the most difficult thing for me. After months of akwards situations and moments, we were able to talk about everything. Our relationship really has not been the same. We are still friends. We do still talk and pray for each other, but it’s not the same.
Relationship
I had a close relationship with the mother of two girls I worked with (I was a director of a group they were in). We didn’t really hang out, just the two of us, but we were together SO MUCH and through emails and phone conversations we shared deep and intimate parts of our stories with each other. I considered her one of my dearest friends. We prayed for each other and encouraged each other. At some point, I sensed her pulling back, and then began noticing her cut me out of her life. She declined every invitation I sent her, removed me as a Facebook friend, and basically stopped all contact. What happened remains a mystery to me. For years we were together many times each week, then suddenly–nothing. There has been no reconciliation, for I have no idea what caused her to walk away from the relationship. I have been deeply hurt by it, but continue to love this woman and pray for her and her family every day. I know in my heart that she is truly a Believer, so I know that one day we will be reconciled in heaven. I leave her and our relationship in God’s hands.
Relationship.
The Lord put in my path a woman who I connected with immediately. I saw ‘Jesus’ in her. This woman’s life drew me to the Lord. She was very intrumental in my salvation. I got saved and began my journey with God. Approximately seven years after coming to Christ, I went off the deep end; pursued extra-marital affairs, lying, pretending, etc. I hurt everyone around me; my friend as well. I did avoid her to a certain extent during this rebellious period because I knew that what I was doing was wrong and I very much felt her condemnation. The friendship ended as did my marriage. After I finally let God take hold of my heart and got my life back on track, I contacted this friend several times. I knew I had hurt her AND I knew despite my past sin, God had forgiven me so why couldn’t she?? I felt what I got back was a slap in the face. It was hurtful. There was never any attempt on her part to reach out to me. I concluded that our friendship was only meant to be for a season and that season was over. I still continued to pray for this woman and our reconciliation. Eight years passed before the Lord did finally reconcile us. It’s been an intersting “reunion.” The rest of the story is another topic…it’s amazing what can change in eight years…
Relationship
Does a whole group count? My husband and I served at our church for 10 years…had home group…led women’s and men’s studies…traveled on missions…served in the soup kitchen. When our 4 month old baby had emergency open heart surgery at a hospital 70 miles away—we sat for days and nights…alone. We called our visitation pastor…left a message that we were struggling…never heard a word. I emailed another Pastor….nothing. Thankfully, our precious boy did very well but we never heard from anyone. I can’t put into words the disappointment in the body. Over the next few months we were in and out of the hospital and although we kept people posted—-no one appeared. Sadly, this is a common story amongst families with critically ill children. I am still amazed that three years later—NO ONE has come looking for us. We found another church—and examined ourselves mightily—were we disliked? did we do something wrong? The answers I’ve come to aren’t pretty but they are true. In all of our service and relationship at a massive church—the roots of relationship were not growing deep. No one cared about us in our time of greatest need. I’m sure each group within the body thought that someone else was tending to our broken hearts. As we knelt by our son’s bedside, Jesus was with us mightily—and he wept with us. Not just over the pain of our son—but over the absence
of His people. My heart still hasn’t fully recovered from that terrible feeling that I just didn’t matter. My child didn’t matter. Forgiveness is ongoing but it’s the cynicism that’s really done it’s damage. If we were rich and famous they would have been storming us with casseroles and singing ’round the bedside. Man’s rejection is God’s redirection. I now drive the 70 miles once a month to bring dinner and prayer to the families in the ICU. I try to comfort them with the comfort we ourselves did receive—-from Jesus Himself—–and on the long ride home I am always reminded that what our church missed was the blessed presence of Christ that comes flooding when we serve right in front of us.
Kelly, this brought tears to my eyes. I’m so sorry that the body of Christ wasn’t there to surround you and pray for you. I think it is so beautiful that you return to the ICU to comfort others. May the Lord continue to allow you to be a blesing to others–beauty from pain. Thank you for sharing.